Life Uncut - 21. SELF SABOTAGE - Are you your own worst enemy?

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

“You’re your own worst enemy”Sound familiar to you?? Have you ever said this to yourself or heard it from someone else? Maybe you’re self sabotaging! Self-sabotage is when you actively or passively take steps to prevent yourself from reaching your goals. Whether that is in relationships, personal life or career.But how do we know and how do we fix it! Hold the line caller! Actually, don’t hold the line, just listen to this episode as we crack it open.Sending you all so much love. If you love this ep or just love us please leave a review, hit subscribe and share the love, because, well, we love love. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and we're so pumped to be back. It's the end of the world, as you know it. Not yet. And I feel relatively anxious and paranoid. Yeah, we had the week off last week, not by choice, well, sort of by choice, I guess. We just made what we thought was a smart decision to not record that week. There was a lot going on, obviously, in the world.

I had a bit of a throat tickle. I didn't want to risk infecting Laura and then Laura taking her home and infecting Marley. Oh, you're so nice, aren't you? Mate, don't start that fucking bullshit. That just took a really severe turn. We haven't seen each other for over almost two weeks now, guys, because the world has gone mad. We're recording this.

We haven't been able to set up sort of our remote recording yet. So we are recording this in the same room. However, we are on vastly separate sides of the room, which kind of makes this even weirder. But you know what? We're here. We're so happy to be back and bringing you this podcast. We are so sorry about last week, but I didn't want to be near Brittany because I didn't want to get the Corona.

This is true. Now, I don't have it, guys. Don't think I have it. But usually we do sit next to each other, like half a meter away, but we do have the option to sit diagonally. So we are solid two meters away. Even if you tried to spit on me, Laura, you couldn't. I don't think.

Don't test me. But you guys were actually so supportive when we, you know, when we put out that we wouldn't be releasing an episode. we did feel really bad because we don't like doing that but you guys were so great so thank you for being so understanding in this time i think everyone's going through such a tough time so it's so nice to see that everybody's coming together and just helping to support everyone maybe everyone was really happy to not have to listen to our voices for two weeks or a week actually i take that back it's only been a week and i don't think so okay onwards and upwards then

no i think they're stoked it truly is a really really hard and difficult time for everyone and And, you know, we came in this morning and Britt was a bit upset and emotional about where things were at in life just in general. And I think that's how I've been feeling completely as well in the last couple of weeks. And I guess the one piece of solace that I feel like I can take from all of this is that we are all in this shit storm together and we're all dealing with varying levels of shit. So we really just want to keep on bringing you this podcast and bringing you this content until the very, very end. and just bring you a little bit of joy and a bit of hope that's not corona related yeah a bit of normalcy to your day it's so true i laura literally and i'm sure you're the same i don't know one person that is not affected not one like there is just no one and there there is something to

take from that that you i can guarantee you listening right now you're going through a really really bloody hard time but just know that everybody is and we will all come out of this on the other end. We might have some battle scars. We might have some wounds, but we'll be here and we will continue on. It is interesting to think about the way the dating world is going to change. And obviously that will even, even the things we talk about in the future, it's going to be different because, you know, we're always talking about relationships and dating, but even that is going to be in a whole nother level, a whole nother ball game. See, about two weeks ago, I was saying that I feel like dick pics were on their way out, but I really think dick pics are

making a comeback oh my god they're going to they're going to 2020 is the year of the dick pic i'm coining that right now let's not remember it about the year of coronavirus it was the year that the dick pics made a resurgence lots of people are changing their bios updating their bios for quarantine and chill instead of netflix and chill which is cute i just find like this whole the whole world of dating the whole world in general like everything has been flipped on its head so like what is that even what does it even mean now like how does one even date maybe maybe it's time to not date maybe it's time for some good old self-reflection and working on yourself i was thinking about this think of all the people that were like in their early stages

of their relationships getting to know each other and now things are just fast-tracked and they're stuck in a house together isolating for god knows how long what a baptism of fire hey oh just asking for trouble and also if you can get through this in a relationship you can get through anything because those girls there's no fake tans there's no eyelashes there's no getting your hair did Britt has come to the podcast studio today, and this is the first time I have ever seen her without any hair extensions. And I said, you know what? The playing field is finally going to be leveled.

Once this coronavirus business is all over, there's going to be no fake tan. There's going to be no hair extensions. And then she's still going to be more attractive than me, but at least we'll be closer. We'll be closer on the pitch. I did cut my hair and I think I'm going to take, I think I'm going to cut my hair quite short. Actually, I'm thinking of the, like a bulb. What do you think?

Yeah. Yeah, do it. Go crazy. I might do it myself. Just shave it. Maybe if you go mad enough over the next few weeks, you can pluck all your eyebrows out as well. Well, I guess for me, the good thing, I'm so grateful,

but working in healthcare, I won't be isolating because I have to go to work. I'll only be isolating if I have been exposed or I get sick or I lose my job, which believe it or not, healthcare workers are losing their job because we don't have the money to pay them, which is nuts because we need all of them we need them more than ever so that is on the cards too but also guys if you're feeling a bit crazy in self-isolation and you are feeling a little bit insane put on a podcast like you can listen to our soothing voices anytime you want but also call your friends just because you're self-isolating does not mean that you have to be alone

try and surround yourself virtually with as many people who you love and who bring you joy as possible because it's a really scary time we are all in this together even if we have to be separate at the moment? I think if you are at home, use this time. Is there anything you wanted to learn or know about? Study something, learn a language, read more, write more. Utilize this time, capitalize on it. I was actually reading an amazing article saying that out of the GFC, the global financial crisis, so many amazing little ventures started in the GFC, for example, like Uber. I love that you said you read an article about this. I saw an Instagram post. how different we are this is when uber started this is when whatsapp started yes it's amazing

though because there i guess there are people sitting inside that finally have the time to work on these ideas and let them sort of develop in their mind well i thought that i was gonna have i had this fantastical idea about what self-isolating was going to be like and i was like you know what i'm gonna have the cleanest house i'm gonna organize the shit out of my pantry it's gonna be like i'm pregnant all over again everything is gonna be spiffy and ready to roll. No, no. It's like I live in a war zone. Marley has just pulled everything out of the cupboards. I don't think Matt's picked up a single thing. We're living on top of each other. I do think that in like 2033, that's when we're going to see the rise of the quarantine. So they're

going to be the Corona baby boomers. It's going to be the same thing in 30 years. They're all going to be baby boomer kids, Corona kids. This is going to happen in twofold. There's going to be all the relationships that end up falling to shit because the people have spent way too much time in isolation with their partners. And then they've realized, actually, I don't really like my partner very much. And then there's going to be the flip side of that, where the only thing that you can possibly do when you've been stuck in isolation with your partner for so goddamn long is to have sex with them. So they'll stop talking. Yeah. In, in nine, 10, 11 months, we're either going to be divorcing or having babies. I hope that I'm on the baby side of that. Matt and I have been saying

that, thank God we are so lazy and didn't start organizing our wedding. And instead we're just going to have a Corona baby and we're going to name it little Roni. Oh my God. No, that always, always too soon. Okay. I feel like we're going to put a poll out and everyone's going to veto baby Rona. Look guys, we do have an amazing episode for you today where we will be talking about self-sabotage. We're going to go into that in a few different levels. It's going to be heavily relationship based, but self-sabotage can happen to you on many levels, career, personal level but laura before we get into self-sabotage the bachelor yeah so there was some pretty hectic news that came out yesterday and that is that they have for the moment ceased

filming on the current season with lockie and i love that you just called that hectic news in what's happening in the world you're like look there was some hectic news last night i didn't know what to do with it now look i i understand that everyone's losing their jobs and the world has gone to a shit show in a handbasket, but have you heard that The Bachelor has stopped filming? Because I feel personally victimised by this. I'm feeling personally victimised that that was what affected you but not the fact that Bachelor in Paradise has been pushed back.

I feel like you have more of a connection to Bachelor in Paradise, a.k.a. me. At least Bachelor in Paradise is still going to air. The filming of Bachelor, it's now totally up in the air. They're saying that it's just on hold because obviously people cannot self-isolate or be within a 1.5 metre distance when they're all making out on their single day.

You cannot physically film The Bachelor. You cannot live in that house and self-isolate. You cannot keep two metres from people because you're in dorm-style rooms, you're sharing bathrooms, and it's pretty impossible. So I understand why they've had to cease production. The question I have is, like, would they keep all the girls together in the mansion and keep everyone still in lockdown?

Because they can't really send everyone home, otherwise then the storyline could be compromised. I mean they can't ride it out forever they can't ride this out for six months if this goes on for six months I think that they're going to see what happens over the next two three weeks in case Australia goes into this temporary lockdown and then they'll reassess but it potentially could be like nothing before and they might just have to cancel it. But also could you imagine like we're all losing our minds being in self-isolation now could you imagine being one of those girls who are in lockdown in like a dorm room probably with people they don't like that much yes with like six other girls or something i don't know

how many people are left at the moment sleeping in bunk beds and no access for an indefinite amount of time at least for us when we were during our filming we knew that it was a three month period max now they're kind of in this limbo phase where they don't know how long they're going to be in there for and i just think that would be so maddening so you know how i was trying to preach that show a few weeks ago love is blind where they get to know each other in the isolation pods. You mean like they're doing their single dates via Zoom? What if there was still a way that they could continue to get to know each other on an individual basis, just to get to know each other. They don't have to go on big dates. They could literally sit across from each

other. Realistically, you could sit across from each other in a lounge room outside and chat. You could just, I mean, let's wind it back to real love and just get to know each other. But before we get into today's topic, we do have to do what we do every single week. And that is accidentally unfiltered. Every week we put a little call out. We love it when you send us basically it's just your most embarrassing stories my favorite segment brittany have you got one for me today because i have got one for you yes i love when we both have one i do have one okay this is someone that has written in and i just really i just thought this was so funny but she starts off saying okay guys i haven't accidentally unfiltered and it's kind of on par with brit's accidental

selfie original gangster story so i matched with this guy on a dating app and we went to second base by getting each other's number and started texting on WhatsApp. So we're texting back and forth and I had my phone sitting in my lap between texts while I was reading. Then I picked up my phone and saw that I had accidentally sent him a sound clip. The microphone button must have accidentally pushed down when I had my phone on my lap. So I listened back to it. It was just an ambient noise. I wasn't too worried. Bit of rustling and then a massive fart. I can't even read anymore from him or from her she recorded her own you know how you accidentally press the voice memo thing i actually do it all the time she was voiced she actually she looked down and

she was like oh my god i've sent him an accidental voice memo but she was just reading so she was like what could i send so she looked down and she played it and it was just like russell russell russell's rough she farted and sent it to him she recorded her fart and it was on her lap so it was near her butt do you know what with all of this video conferencing that's going on at the moment and everyone working from home and having to get onto zoom and do video conference calls there have been so many stories that have come out where people have accidentally like somebody's walked in the background nude but yesterday matt was showing me this one that's making the traps on facebook at the moment and it was this massive conference video call so there was about 10

different people in the conference video call at one time one person was enlarged and they were talking and then if you look to the left there was this one girl who had picked up her laptop and she'd walked to the bathroom put her laptop down on the ground to go to the toilet but not realizing that the camera was angled right at her midsection so she was doing a oh my god i can't even my eyes are so wide whilst on a video conference call to her boss and her entire team and i saw it with my own goddamn eyes why i don't understand why she did that if you're on a conference call just say hey i'm going to the toilet i think she had thought that she had angled the camera down so that the camera was actually looking at the ground no but it was

fully looking at her whole body was the sound on it was more it was more a tinkle it's more like a water feature than a poo but also the thing that i think is the most alarming part of that story was the fact that somebody from that conference call put that on the internet. Like she didn't put that on the internet herself. Okay, if you're listening and this is you, can you let us know sliding to our DMs if this was you that was recorded on the toilet? So I have an accidentally unfiltered story for you guys today. And this happened to a friend of mine quite a while ago,

but she reminded me of it recently when I was talking about this section of the podcast. Basically, she had recently started dating a guy and everything was going great. He seemed really lovely. she was meeting his friends for the first time and she was down the beach and having a really cute day getting to know everyone and they'd just gone for a swim and she got out of the ocean and her boyfriend was like oh babe you've got a you've got a thread and went to pull her thread that was on her swimmers and pulled out her tampon in front of all of his friends oh no he didn't please no

no it's like everyone's worst nightmare she's like i just cried and went to the bathroom didn't come back out i just cried and moved to alaska i can't even comprehend this actually happening because it seems like it's something that's so unreal do you want to know a story I just thought of it right now it reminded me of this when I was younger oh god no it's not it's not on par but it just reminded me being at the beach and accidentally unfiltered um I used to surf competitively and I was in this little surf comp just like a local like nothing and I used to surf yeah yeah bruh I used to surf in like a surf top and swimmer bottoms which is just what everyone did in summer surf comp i duck dived under this wave of quite a big wave and the lip of the wave

when i went under hit my back and it pulled my pants down my swimmer bottoms off off gone i had no pants on and i came up and i was like this feels funny and i was like oh my god and can you imagine if there's people on the beach watching a surf comp when you duck dive you know what happens when you don't dive you put your ass it was a full anyway i was more so i couldn't duck dive so i kept just going under the waves off the board and people were looking at me being like what's she doing and I was waving into a friend got the chance to tell her what happened she took her swimmer bottoms off from underneath her skirt and like ran out halfway in the water to throw them to me and I put hers on and I kept going the show must go on I don't know what I would prefer

I think I would prefer to be pantsless than to have someone tug my tampon out in front of a group of friends oh these are horrible situations i would rather a million things happen to me before someone pulled my tampon out outdoors in front of five people you don't know men and your new crush i'm sorry but like you win r.i.p my pants it's over it's r.i.p my pants because they floated away oh dear all right guys well enough of our little shitty chatter it's time to get into the proper episode. Oh, you're going to tell us what it is? No, I thought you were going to. It's self-sabotage, guys, and I am here to give you a little intro into what it is in case you didn't really know. It's when we just do something that gets in the way of our intent

or our bigger dreams and goals. When we really want something, but somehow we never seem to be able to accomplish it. Why? Well, somewhere deep in our subconscious, we're fighting against that goal but we aren't sure why and sometimes we don't know we're doing it. This behavior can affect nearly every single aspect of our life. It could be relationships, it could be career or it could be a personal goal such as you trying to lose weight. It's very, very common. It is an incredibly frustrating cycle of behavior that lowers our self-confidence and we just end up getting super bloody stuck in this vicious, vicious cycle. So we are here today to chat a little bit about it, break it down and see if we can get out of it. Well, we kind of got into this conversation

because Britt and I were talking about how in past relationships, and I guess in some way, shapes and forms, like Britt, you still sometimes feel like you're doing it in your current relationships and current dating, that we have both experienced different types of self-sabotage. And I think the thing that was really interesting for me about this topic is that self-sabotaging has so many different flavors and so many different colors, and it can impact your life in so many different ways. And sometimes you may not even be fully aware that you're doing it specifically when it comes to relationships. If you find yourself thinking after another failed relationship, like, like, why did that happen again? The same thing over and over and

over. Sometimes if you find yourself in that position, it's really important to start to think maybe it's not necessarily always the other person. Maybe there is something in your behavior that's creating this outcome or creating this situation. And now I'm not saying like, girlfriend, it's your fault. It's probably not. But it is really important to be aware of behavioral characteristics that are self-sabotaging because it just stops you from being able to have the life and the relationships and the love

that you want in the long term. I have learned a lot over the past decade and I can confidently say and I'm happy to talk about it now because I hope that it helps somebody else. I have been the worst self-sabotager in relationships I'm very lucky that in my my personal goals that I set and things that I want to achieve in my life and my career goals every other aspect I'm super motivated I don't let anything get in the way I if there's a hurdle I will jump over it I will sort it out I've never ever had a problem in that sense in my relationships and love and dating I'm the polar opposite I'm the worst self-sabotager you'll

probably ever come across but I never ever knew that until probably the last 12 months when my sister Sherry and my really close friends including Laura I would never ever say that you do such things I am I am a pillar of support in this relationship what are you talking about I'm gonna record you next time what the fuck Brittany you can't see this person again um no but I'm lucky that I've had some people really close to me pointed out and I am also lucky that I've learned so much and I've been through a lot in the last decade that I the old Brittany probably would have gotten really defensive when somebody pointed that out to me and I wouldn't have believed it I would have thought they were just trying to bring me down but now I can I know the people I keep

around me I have a really great small circle supportive circle so when somebody says something to me now that I love and trust I take a step back and I think about what they've said and I try and look at it from an outsider's perspective and far out once I did that I was like what the actual fuck Brittany but also I think that you know it's it's important to keep perspective because criticism when it comes from people who love you that criticism comes because they want the best for you so if you're thinking of what are they actually even talking about right now a really good example of what self-sabotage could be is maybe you start to date somebody and then you find faults that aren't there or you find reasons this can't continue you find reasons

that they're bad for you maybe they're a great guy and you're like oh but he's too nice you end up just kind of like checking out of the relationship before it fully progresses or becomes something even though on paper they seem like a great guy haven't you ever had all your friends be like what are you doing he seems so great he seems perfect for you you're being crazy and you're like didn't you see that floral shirt he wore but then on the other end of the spectrum is the people that are self-sabotaging by by knowingly dating the wrong people so this was me bingo so when we had this conversation brit was talking about her self-sabotage being the fact that she often puts up walls because she fears in some way the commitment or the the being hurt

i would avoid at all costs yeah putting yourself into a situation where somebody has control over your heart and over your feelings. And therefore it's a protection mechanism. Whereas for me, I used to choose men who I knew were bad for me and I knew the relationship wasn't going to go anywhere. I think in retrospect, I quite enjoyed the drama and I quite enjoyed how volatile those relationships were and how they were like really intense and really crazy and then really low and really high. I always chose the same type of guy and this type of man who wasn't going to give me any security. And that was how I sabotaged my relationships because I kept saying, oh, I really want, I really want a committed partner. I really want a long-term relationship. I really want to

have kids. But then I was choosing people who would never, ever, ever going to give that to me. It sounds like you were not ready to be alone and you wanted the attention and the comfort and companionship, but you didn't actually want to settle down yet. I think that's deep down where you were. Otherwise you would have been picking the people that wanted to settle down. You just weren't ready to be on your own. I think that's what I think is interesting about this topic is how, how vastly different people's experiences can be, but it's still making these choices on a day-to-day level that prioritize immediate gratification over what you want long-term. And so, as Laura said, mine was the opposite. I had a really, really toxic relationships about

eight years ago now, and I haven't dated anybody since. And I now know that that's because after that relationship ended, I had made a decision that I wanted to be on my own. I wanted to focus on myself and get myself into a good place. And I just convinced myself that everything I was doing was to better myself. Whereas deep down, and I've learned this now, deep down, I didn't ever want to be in that position again. I didn't want to trust somebody again that was just going to pull wool over my eyes. I deep down thought I never, ever want to feel this pain again. And I never want to feel this loneliness. And I put a wall up and eight, nine years has gone past. There's some big wall. Trump would be proud of that.

Mate, Trump should employ me. What we can take out of that though, is that the reason why people self-sabotage is because they're scared of being hurt. So they're trying to protect themselves. And I do also think that there's another aspect of this, which is self-esteem that comes into play. So when you're not confident in yourself and you don't believe in your level of self-worth, then you're more willing to lower your standards and you're more willing to accept behavior as well that you wouldn't normally accept in a relationship. So it doesn't just prevent you from getting into a relationship, but it also means that you will stay in something that's so beneath you because you

don't think that you're entitled to, or you don't think that you're worth more. Self-worth and self-confidence, they are the two biggest contributors to self-sabotage. Absolutely. When I went into my relationship, I was on top of the world, so confident, so happy. When I came out of that relationship. He had just worn me down, made me feel like I didn't look good enough, what I did wasn't good enough, my job wasn't good enough. He made me feel so small and insecure and that was just a form of control in the relationship. But when I came out of that, I never shook that. So I continued to get on with my life thinking I wasn't good enough and I carried that into the dates that I used to go on. It might be hard for a lot of people to believe this. I

definitely I know I come across as a super confident person but definitely definitely am not and I used to cancel dates before I'd go on them all the time because I thought he's not gonna like me anyway that's what I used to say he hadn't even met me yet I was like he's not gonna like me anyway so I'm just gonna cancel I'm not gonna worry he's I'm not pretty enough I don't look like I do on my online dating all these things that I would convince myself of and I just would cancel the date it's like I'll end it before he ends it yeah by just not even going on it exactly instead of being hurt and instead of putting yourself out there it's easier to just cut the cord it takes that takes that fear of rejection away well then you go on to the next

level which is you start to allow people in so you've gotten past the just pulling the pin before you jump in you allow people in but you start to make up reasons and you start to see things that aren't there and convince yourself that these are all for people not meant for you but again it's just because you're too scared to take that next step so what's an example just you know how girls like he's too nice something's wrong with him Brittany I don't know how anyone would do that guilty are we talking about an example sitting right here yeah I'm super guilty I have been I have a really bad habit of in my past dating people that I know are bad are bad for me and my friends including Laura uh they're always like why are you dating him like please don't see him

again after he said and did this and I would be like whoops sorry I am but that's because I didn't want it to go anywhere you know there's a difference and I'm not encouraging his behavior but I'm self-aware now that it's another form of self-sabotage. So why do we self-sabotage? And we've just touched on a few things, but I think it's important just to sort of group them together and knock through them. The biggest, most important one is lack of self-worth and confidence.

And also like you touched on just before, like self-worth and your self-confidence is something that unfortunately can be taken away from you. Like one really bad experience, one really bad relationship, that can totally rock your foundations and rock your perception of what your next relationship is going to be like. So I think it's really important to be aware that if you're taking your shit and your baggage and all the junk from your past relationship and putting it onto the next person and into

the next relationship, be really mindful that not everyone is the same and not all outcomes are going to be the same. But if you project that constantly onto someone new, you are sort of giving, you're giving it an end date before it's even really had the potential to flourish. The way that you speak to yourself too, the way you speak to yourself every day directly affects the way you project yourself to the world, whether you're aware of that or not. If you're constantly talking to yourself and telling yourself you're not good enough, you'll never be able to achieve that, you don't deserve that, why would anyone pick

you? You're going to take that energy and you're going to actually convince yourself that all of that is true. You're going to take it into the world and the world is going to respond accordingly. So when you're not confident in yourself and you don't believe in your level of self-worth, then you're more willing to lower your standards and you're more willing to accept behavior as well that you wouldn't normally accept in a relationship. So it doesn't just prevent you from getting into a relationship, but it also means that

you will stay in something that's so beneath you. As much as it sounds like a total cliche, but you know, there's a lot to be said for learning to love yourself before you can love anybody else. And if you think of successful people in life, there's something common that they all have, and that is that they believe in themselves. They, of course, they're going to fail like everybody else, but they don't fear failure and they believe in themselves. And they're two such strong characteristics to have.

That's the next thing I actually want to speak about is failure, fear of failure. Well, we've touched on fear of failure in quite a few episodes, I think. And it's like this recurrent theme that we talk about quite a lot, but it's because failure is only failure if that's what you see it as. You can use failure as a tool for your best and most important growth to happen from. Well, to relate that to relationships specifically, it's like, how many times have you said to yourself where you've heard somebody say, it was probably not going to work out anyway, so why am I going to try it?

This is like a very random and off-tangent story. But I remember the very first time I saw Matt, which was before Bachelor. There you go, Daily Mail. You're going to write another article. We didn't know each other before the show, but I saw Matt in the sauna at Icebergs. And I've told this story before, but when I saw him and he was very much making eyes at me, I thought to myself, oh, he can't, that guy's not possibly hitting on me. Cause I didn't think that I would be his type.

I didn't think that he would find me attractive. I just didn't, I just did not have the opinion of myself that I would be his type. And so of course I just kind of ignored it and didn't do anything and left it. Had our situation not turned out the way that it did and have we not met on the show, I completely passed up an amazing opportunity to meet someone because I didn't think I was good enough for him. I'm sure that you guys sometimes listen to us and think we sound like we have our shit together. We don't. Don't tell them in full. I know what you're trying to say. Do you know what the thing is? We do seem like we're really confident people and we are in a lot of senses,

but for me, and I have asked people out all the time, I do that, but a big part of me is they're probably going to say no, but there's a bigger part of me, the stronger part of me, an overpowering part of me that says but what if they don't and that is stronger than the fear factor for me so a big part of me knows that it's highly likely I'm not going to get a job they're going to say no but I'm I'm willing to face that rejection because there's a bigger there's a more intense part of me that's like you're never going to know and you're always going to wonder so just go get it no risk no reward baby risk it for the best good oh my gosh I've not heard you say that in so long I know it was my tagline for a while. But I think that this is such a big and important one. And this

is probably the point that I want to drive home is that in order to get what you want in the long term, you really have to sometimes prioritize those long-term goals over instant gratification. And that means, that means making sacrifices. It means, you know, not texting that guy who you know is bad for you just because it makes you feel good and you get a buzz out of it. Or at least if you are going to text that guy you make sure that you are emotionally like you are a vault and you are emotionally steadfast so that if you are getting some flirty banter out of it you know it's just that you're not going to then like allow it to progress into something more where you can be hurt by something i think you really have to like get real with yourself and make some hard

short-term decisions and sacrifices that will allow you to then be happy in the long term yep sacrifice and some self-control it's like if you're on your weight loss journey it's like Brittany coming into the podcast studio and constantly eating sugar. Oh my God. So, so last night in bed, if you saw my Instagram story, I was like eating some Maltesers, but what I didn't show you was that in under five minutes, I ate an entire family size pack of Maltesers to myself in under five minutes. And I do this regularly. I'm proud of you. Yeah. I felt great. This is the thing. Instant gratification felt great for about two seconds. And then an hour later, I was like, what have I done? On a serious note, you want to eat your treats. You want to have

your chocolate bars. It's that instant gratification by just having a little bit of self-control and saying no to these short-term gratifications, no to the snacks, no to the chocolate bar. In a month's time, you're going to notice all the difference. No to the bad boys and the fuck boys. Exactly. So you can take that into any aspect of your life. Once we identify why we're exhibiting these self-sabotaging behaviors we can sort of start to take steps into how we can overcome it how we can rise above this destructive behavior because it is toxic and it is destructive i'm just gonna say that i feel like self-isolation is gonna be your number one winner winner chicken dinner because i think that in order to overcome like cyclical decision

making that i think comes into self-sabotaging is you need to remove yourself from the situation for a while you need to kind of like take some time out and stop this repetitive behavior or repetitive choices that you're making and the fact that we're all in lockdown is a pretty good time to start making some changes well you know what i think is going to be really nice people are going to spend time getting to know each other online they're going to actually have to talk to each other and call each other and skype each other because you don't have another option so people are going to start to give the good guy and the good girl a chance yeah and also i guess like things can't progress so quickly to physical and to sex. And you can't have that like real

chemistry, which clouds your decision-making around things as well. Like I feel like dating over the next couple of weeks, it's going to be a more of a slow burn. One of the things that I found really, really helped me when I was going through this cycle of totally self-sabotaging my own relationships was that I got really clear on what I wanted. And I wrote a list down and I know that some people are super against writing lists for people as in like, this is what I want in a guy. Number one. But for me, it was something that really, really helped. And it wasn't like it was superficial stuff. It was real qualities that I wanted in a partner. So number one, I wanted someone who didn't cheat and who. How do you know that though?

No, but, but I think that, I think that there are definitely men that you meet and they, they, you're like red light. Yeah. Fucking red flag after red flag after red flag. And I was finding that I was dating the same type of guy and they were definitely guys who had a bit of a wayward moral compass and I had I had almost started to accept I was like oh well everyone cheats I think that I got really clear on my on my boundaries I got really clear on what I would accept in a relationship I got really clear on the types of characteristics I wanted the person to have like I wanted them to be family orientated I wanted them to be kind I wanted them to be funny and so I had this it wasn't a huge list but it was like a 10 28 points paper it was a small

PowerPoint presentation that I would take on my first date with a clicker no it was like it was like 10 things it was 10 personality traits that I wanted in that person big dick yeah I wanted some big dick energy thank you taking this so seriously Brittany so I wanted I wanted these 10 characteristics and it meant that the next time that I went on a date with a guy and he was displaying personality traits that didn't match up with what I wanted. It made it really easy for me to go, okay, well, I've made this rule for myself and I'm not going to like proceed with this relationship because this guy is not going to give me what I wanted. And it just made me get really black and white. And I kind of needed that because I was in such an ocean of gray at

the time. I'm going to be honest. I, I think there's two types of people in the world. There's the list makers and there's the go to the supermarket with the idea of what you want in your head don't even get a basket try and carry it in your arms and get home and that is me but that was me that was totally me and it wasn't working for me that's the thing like I I was that person I was like oh let's don't be crazy like of course you just you just go off connection you go off feelings you go off but if you're constantly making shitty dating decisions and girlfriend you got to change something I mean I have a list a checklist of some things in my head but I don't I don't know I've I probably haven't prioritized that enough and maybe I will

But one thing I do like about lists is in terms of career and things like that, I like the idea, and I have read a lot of studies on it, of just simply writing down in one list what it is you want to achieve in any aspect, relationships or life, write down one column, what do I want to achieve, the column next to it, what are the hurdles, what are the obstacles that are stopping me from achieving that, next column, what can I do to get there? So three columns, what do you want, what are your hurdles, what can you do to get there? because once it's written down and you see it and you can actually start to put steps in place,

it makes a world of difference. There are other things too. If there is a deep-seated issue, like something that you haven't moved on from or something that you know is holding you back from your past, of course, go and speak to somebody. There are always so many people that will listen to you. You could get professional help. There are call lines, there are friends, but sometimes there is an issue that you need to rewind and figure out before you can move on. Otherwise, it's time to take a little bit of self-care, a little bit of time for yourself to reanalyze what you want in life, where you're going and how you're going to get there. And it's self-isolation time, baby. Maybe this self-isolation time needs to be self-care

time. I think so. There's a different way of looking at this. We don't have to look at this time that we're going to be spending on our own as like, oh, well, life just got put on hold because I don't have a job and I don't have this and I don't have that. It's going to be a really different period of time for a lot of people for quite a while, but this is also a time where you can reconnect with what you want in life and you can do a little bit of soul searching and figure out what it is that you, what changes you want to make when the world goes back to normal so that you can get the guy you want or get the girl you want or get the relationship you want or get the job you want. I really think this is also a bit of a special time that can be used for some

self-development. All of you guys that are going to be talking to some future lovers now, just think of how insane the dating world is going to be once we're all let out again and lining up dates my number one piece of advice is don't make the date for at least two weeks after isolation because girl you need to get a tan you need to get your brows done you need to get your hair done your nails done and also we want to make sure that they're still quarantined right 14 days okay so Don't be too eager. All right, guys. You know that we never, ever, ever, ever, ever finish an episode.

Echo, echo, echo, echo. Without doing our suck and sweet. We're all going stir crazy. We've been trapped inside by ourselves for way too long. But suck and sweet. We do have suck and sweets for the week. Britt, what's your suck? My suck's like it's just that the world's imploding.

I think as everyone has the same suck this week and probably next week and probably for the near distant future, I low-key want them to just throw us in lockdown, do it already, get it over with so we can try and get our life back to normal. Well, mine is that I can't go and do barre anymore. I'm really sad that good old ScoMo decided to tell us that we can't do the barre. No more time for the barre anymore. What shall I do with myself?

Were you doing barre? No, I've never done it in my life. I'm upset that I can't do it if I wanted to. Actually, the funny thing about that was that when he was saying it, when he was saying Bahrain, I was like, I don't know what that is. Matt was the one who was saying, oh, so Bah, like as in exercise Bahrain. I was like, what are you talking about? And it still took me a good five minutes to get on board.

But now I know. Bah's actually brilliant. I love Bah. You would, Brittany. I know. You would. I know. All right.

Finish your suck. Well, that's it. The world imploding, that's my suck. Yeah. It's the end of the world, as you know it. all the hospitals are running out of protective equipment oh let's not get too dark i have to that's my suck i can't pretend it's not um my sweet was that my flatmate surprised me last night because i was a bit down in the dumps like laura said i just had a little cry got everyone's got

their stuff going on i also have my stuff going on and i came home and my flatmate had a copious amount of chocolate for me and like biscuits and stuff and like and she left them not even they were within reach they were on my bed so obviously i was gonna eat them all in one sitting because i have no self-control i like that we've just done a whole episode on self-sabotaging and how we need to like exercise self-control in the short term for long-term gains and you're like fuck that all rules are off when we're self-quarantining well i mean that rule starts today so fine i honestly think all bets are off until this situation changes right now it's all about survival you eat your donuts girlfriend you do whatever you need to do i'm the person that

like has my month's supply of treats and I eat them in the first day of quarantine that's me so I walked in here with a little tear in my eye and Laura said I got you something Brittany and I was like what she goes I got you this chocolate donut and it's filled with Nutella and you zap it and make it warm and it melts and I was like oh my god I love you she's like but I left it at home I'm sorry but if you got me a treat and didn't bring it don't tell me about it anyway who needs enemies hey what's your suck and sweet okay so my suck for this week oh look my suck is the same suck as everyone else it's my same suck as yours like we we've had to shut the shop um which is really really sad uh it it then like as a as a business owner who has

staff that i'm responsible for like i feel really concerned about this whole current climate and you know we want to do our best by our staff but it's just everyone everyone understands the situation and it's freaking horrible. I'm done with the Rona. Give me your sweet then. Make it good because the suck's bad. Okay, my sweet was my birthday and even though – Oh, yeah, 26 again, guys.

Stop, stop. 26 for the seventh time. I know. I'm not that old, am I? 26. Don't you do the maths. I'm actually for the eighth time. Oh, my God.

I am – wow, it's been eight years since my 26th birthday. That just – well, that's my fucking suck right there. That just blew my goddamn mind. No, because that's just like saying, oh, my God, it's been my 34 years since my birth. Wow. Should I edit that out? Fucking hell, probably. Britt has been working real hardcore on the front line, guys.

She is tired. My jokes are bad today. I'm sorry. Bear with me, gang. Oh, it's tough. It's tough times for everyone. Also, there's like very little stimulus happening outside in the world. So we're like just going crazy in a room together.

No, that's sweet. It's good. It was your birthday. It was my birthday. And do you know what, hey, the sweetest part about the birthday is as much as I was completely alone and I spent most of the day, just me and Marley, because Matt had to go out and, you know, forage and hunt for our food, which is like the Hunger Games. Yeah.

Which is literally like the Hunger Games at the moment. So my sweet was the fact that even though I was totally alone, I felt so loved. Everyone, I feel like people are really going out of their way to stay connected, whether it's by phone or by Instagram or by whatever sort of weird virtual screen you do, you're connecting through, maybe you're a TikTok person. I don't know. I'm old, but I really felt like people went above and beyond yesterday to try and connect and to try and make me feel special.

And I think this year, like my birthday felt even more so like my birthday than last year did, which considering the circumstances is weird, but it's also really wonderful as well. I did message Matt in the morning and said, Hey, did you remember it's Laura's birthday? Did you really? He sent me, actually, have you asked him what he sent me? He sent me. A dick pic? Yeah.

Not him. Whoa, not of him. He sent me a dick pic of someone else. Really? Yeah. It's like a funny meme that's going around about healthcare. Oh, wow. I can't wait to see that.

That's so weird. I think we should title this episode, My Fiance Sent Brittany a Dick Pic. I'll show it to you when we turn it off. It's pretty funny. Oh, God. Because I posted a photo of healthcare workers saying like, we come here for you. so you stay away from for us and he sent me there's a meme going around um the internet the interweb and he sent it to me and it's the exact same photo of all the doctors that says

we stay here for you so you stay away for us but one of the doctors has been photoshopped out for this really big black guy naked guy with a really big black penis so matt felt the need to send me that and i was like gee thanks matt he just cares about you he doesn't you're the single friend he knows and he's like you know what brit needs right now no that'll make her feel better but when i opened it i was like oh my god so sweet he sent me something about health care workers because i did i didn't look at the message properly that's very very very mistaken no matt has a disgusting and dirty sense of humor no one really knows that side of him but he is actually extremely inappropriate which is why we get along so well ask him about the video i sent

back and on that note guys thank you for listening we we are so glad and grateful that we're able to bring you this and we will continue to bring you this hopefully remotely next week honestly i just want to say like our heart goes out to every single person who's affected by this we are thinking of you we love you guys it's it's hard and it actually is really challenging for us to try and be positive and bring you uplifting content at the moment because i think we all feel so heavy and so overwhelmed and weighted by what is happening in the world. But we just want you to know that we really do love and appreciate every single one of you.

Thank you to everyone who still continues to send us their Accidentally Unfiltered stories. We die for them. They are so funny. Keep them coming, please. Keep them coming. Let's like really try and band together and put together some content that is funny

and brings a laugh to people, kind of like the bonus episode did. But yeah, guys, so if you have an Accidentally Unfiltered for next week, please slide on into our dms at life uncut podcast make sure you title it accidentally unfiltered so we know it's a funny story and then also we are still recording our ask uncut sections so come at us with your deep dark and dirty questions they might be a little bit different now that we're all in lockdown but keep them coming sliding into that dm guys but make sure when you do slide in

with this one you title it ask uncut so that britney doesn't have a small conniption trying to filter through all the DMs because we get so many of them. It's amazing. And guys, also, while I've got you here, for everyone who has left us a review on Apple iTunes,

thank you so much. We read every single one of them. They're so brilliant. It's actually a sickening addiction of us, of ours now. We read them all. We would really love it if anyone hasn't left a review yet

and you've thought to yourself, oh, I really need to review those girls because they're great and I love them. Please do. Like, we're here waiting. Leave us a review. Hit five stars. and share the love because we love love you fucked it up far out my brain is like a second behind i

feel like my brain turns to nutella delicious like the nutella donut that you said you bought me and left at home We'll be right back.