Life Uncut - 27. Doing it for the swipes

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

Never has there been a more important time to make sure your dating profile is Sparkly, shiny, relevant and most importantly not 5 years old! We chat today about the dos and don'ts when creating an online profile, after all, these days it’s like your CV!Also, for the other half of you, yes we are talking to the long term lovers and friends that are lucky enough (or unlucky enough) to be isolating together, we nut out a few techniques to keep you connected, grounded and coming out the other side in one piece. We hope you’re all doing the best you can right now in isolation and we send you all our love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to Tuesday and welcome to another episode of Life Uncut. i'm britney and i'm laura we're your hosts like we are every week i know funny that it's nice to hear you all again well it's nice for you to hear us all again you're welcome it's nice for us to hear ourselves is what she's trying to say oh gosh it's been a long long week here in isolation how's your week been just groundhog day isn't it do you know what i just read and i'm sure by the morning everyone would have heard this that virgin has just gone into voluntary administration yeah so that happened literally like two hours ago and i guess it's it's so crazy i mean we were told a few weeks ago that there's the potential for all these crazy things to start happening in the world

one of them was that 90 of airlines were going to go bust but i guess deep down you didn't actually think it was ever going to get to that well you kind of think like if if old branson's got himself an island mate sell an island sell your island although i don't think that there's many people out there buying islands right now there are a lot of billionaires in this world out there looking for islands probably but you totally hit the nail on the head there were so many things that we were told very early on like there's a possibility that this could happen but no one actually thinks that these companies that have been such constants and such like normal fixtures of our adult life could even ever go bust no there are no rules and what does that mean for travel

like i have actually read and heard a lot saying that maybe international borders won't even be open until the end of 2021 maybe even 2022 there are a lot of people saying that international travel could be done for the next year you know no one really has the answer for this and I think that's where so much of the fear comes from because there's a lot of conversations about worst case scenarios and I guess I guess at the moment I'm trying to I'm trying to imagine the positives I just hope that there's an airline left when we get to the end of this well the question is does that mean Qantas will have the monopoly and prices will skyrocket or are they going to do the right thing by the general population and cut us a break because we've had a bit of a hard

year straight up guys the hard-hitting questions also straight off the bat Britt how's your week been did you just say straight off the brat I think you did and I'm gonna call you out on it probably try editing that one out oh groundhog day I don't have a lot to report this week in terms of my adventures but I have one thing that I really really need to speak about if any of you follow me on Instagram you'll know that I had a good old chuckle and I also spent 15 hours binge watching this new show on Netflix it's a dating show and I use the term dating very loosely it's a reality dating show which is right up our alley guys we love that and I saw an episode pop up on Netflix and I thought oh just I'll just click on this and see what it is I was hooked hook line

and sinker i was here for this show i have never laura laughed so hard cringed so hard wanted to die so hard i couldn't believe that this show was real okay that says a lot because we were both on the bachelor i've done two reality shows now i can really say this like this comes from a place of knowing deep deep knowing so this show is called too hot to handle it's like a new modern bachelor in paradise and love island now fair play because the people on this show are the most aesthetically good looking people i have ever seen they're ridiculous like they're so good looking it's disgusting but it's almost the show's almost a parody so they have this host aura and she just mocks them the whole time she's like a voiceover host so you don't actually see her she throws

them under the bus she laughs at um how silly they are the dumb things they say it's kind of like the voiceover narration of love island it's that on steroids just to really drive home how excited brit is about this tv series yesterday when we were discussing what we were going to record for today's episode brit goes i've got it there's this show it's too hot to handle there's only there's only eight episodes you could watch them all and i was like we live very different lives i do not have enough time in my day with a child to be able to watch eight episodes but binge watch that in a day guys i watched it till 4 a.m isolation's been good to her isolation has but the the premise to this show is so love island bachelor in paradise mix

but you can't kiss you can't have sex you can't have this physical relationship can you masturbate no nothing no not nothing the idea is all of these men and women they're from around the world so some americans aussies from the uk one from ireland the idea is they're all players sleep around don't take relationships seriously um and they come onto this show and they're supposed to build an emotional connection so there's a hundred thousand dollars prize money but every time they kiss or break the rules they get deducted money so one kiss they lose three grand and the money pool just keeps going down one girl actually gave an australian guy a blow job on there like how much did that cost her I think that was 30 grand like I like that a hundred thousand dollars

that is enough to make most people want an emotional connection but the reason that I loved this show so much it's because it really had me it's like a stir fry of emotions so so it had the laughter and it had the disbelief and it had the anger and it had the cringing um but one reason I want you to watch it Laura and I'm going to recommend it to you guys to all watch is it did actually bring up and highlight a lot of issues that are happening with men and women and dating and one of them is actually gaslighting so quite early on there was this part where this guy was gaslighting this girl so severely it wasn't even an undertone it was the most obvious thing that was happening I was quite in disbelief that the show was actually airing it and the fact that

this like robot host is making a mockery of it as well and highlighting it but I think it's going to be really good for everybody to watch because it's something that I think we need to talk about you know over the next few weeks and it's a really really important issue there's your recommendation too hot to handle we need to come back with some homework done for next week's episode but what about you what have you been up to well guys i've really spiraled down into an isolation pit that i never thought i would get to oh what i purchased something that i'm really ashamed of is it a sex toy no i wouldn't be that ashamed of that i purchased it's actually it's actually disgusting I've turned into the person I promised I never would be oh my god what is it

I've purchased a halo light so that I can take photos for Instagram no okay but hear me out you have reached a new low hear me out all right we we live in a very dark apartment and from time to time you know Matt and I we still do some work on social media and like you need good lighting come on Brit back me up here good lighting is important I actually don't think this is funny I think halo I don't have a halo light but I've used them before on shoots and stuff I think they're brilliant so guys if you have a weighted blanket for me to sell or some laser hair removal or maybe you know there's some gummies that are going to grow my hair nice and long I'm the girl hit me up I've got a halo light now guys you're being way too hard on yourself halo lights are actually really

really great this is why I need you in my life for this type of affirmation and moral support I'm just saying that because I want to borrow it. No, you're way too hard on yourself. At the same time, I just never thought I would be someone to own a halo light. And that is what isolation, that is what COVID-19 has done to me, guys. What's your first pick going to be? Oh, God. Hashtag not sponsored.

Hashtag glowy skin. God, shoot me. No, you're actually being too hard on yourself. Okay. So apart from my whole halo light experience, I also have a recommendation, which is, look, it's slightly deeper than too hot to handle but it's it's so good it's only four episodes very good for people who are time poor and have kids it's called unorthodox and it is on netflix i think yeah and i did watch the whole thing in two days follows this hasidic jewish girl and her

relationship in her faith and how she moves to germany and how she tries to escape her past life and set up a new life it's it's it's actually amazing like it's such a good bingeable all encompassing mini series and I highly recommend it and my sister can't stop talking about it and every day she's like have you started it yet well yeah well unorthodox is my that's my recommendation for the week everything else I know that it's actually crazy but we try and think of like what we're going to talk about and bring some uplifting content for you guys but I really feel like this week has been the week for me and I don't I can't speak on your behalf Brit but I feel like this is the week where everything has become very, very repetitive for me. And I've been really struggling

to kind of break out of the isolation, COVID-19, mundane, just groundhog day feeling that I've been having. And then on top of it, I've had raging anxiety because I have my period. So forgive me all. But I think that like, you know, each week we try and bring to this, that we're being like really positive and we're trying to bring content that's outside of what we're all doing every day. But then there does come a point where you're like, oh no, this is the situation that we're in and it is very repetitive and it's hard to constantly be uplifted and constantly try and find something new and I think it's important to acknowledge that that's okay as well like that's very normal and that's where everyone's life is at the moment

I have walked over 200 kilometers this month every single time I call her I see her I text her she's like I'm just out on the wall I'm just out on my doesn't matter actually when you call me you're like hey babe what you doing I'm like just on a little walk you're meant to be staying home girlfriend but this is like Brit's had like one massive long exercise that just never ends she just never ever stops walking I walk on my own most of the time guys so I'm social distancing the only time I'm walking with someone is my sister but for me it's what I do walking and exercise it's when you're stressed when I'm tired when I'm angry when I'm anxious like you said it's everything that's what I do and what I do is I get up in the morning and I put my active

wear on and it stays on all day so if I have a moment that I just feel like I need to get out or I'm upset or I'm stressed. I just do it. I'm just like, quick walk, quick walk. Anyway, clocked up 200K. For anybody who is self-isolating by themselves and has a lot of time on their own, there is the possibility that now after so much time,

you're starting to feel lonely. So it is a really nice way to be able to be like, nope, I'm going to keep myself active. I'm going to keep an active brain. I'm going to like get those good endorphins going. You know, as much as you have walked an obscene amount and I can't even relate, I understand that that works for you.

Yeah, it's my thing for sure. but it's at the moment you guys know there's no rules whatever's working for you get it done but i think laura it is time to jump into some proper content accidentally unfiltered it's our segment with our most embarrassing stories you write in we love them we can't get enough of them and do you have one for me laura i do have one this is a very quick one but it copped me right in all the feels that's what he said i'll cop you in the feels in a second oh that was weird that was yeah okay let's get back to what we're talking about it caught me in the feels because I was feeling really anxious this week like I said and so I I read this and I was like I can totally

relate to that so this person's written I went to an interview really really hung over and like you know what it's like when you're really hung over how you feel a little bit anxious oh I know I'm so lonely hold me so I went to an interview really hung over when the interviewer came to meet me and show me to the room she held out her hand guiding the way in my hungover state i stood up and i held her hand both of us were too embarrassed to let go so we walked to the interview room also you know that moment of realization where you're like i wasn't supposed to grab your hand but now we're gonna do it but like i like that they committed to it and then what do you do when you get to the interview room are you like well who let's go this is awkward do you then turn it

into a handshake what do you do i wonder if she got the job i'm gonna say no because it didn't have a follow-up on that i i have a cute little one too this is something that i would actually do so this girl was on a date at a sushi restaurant and she had never been to a sushi restaurant on a date and she said she was starving she had been like eight hours between eating she gets the date she orders 13 sushi rolls thinking that each little piece was a roll so 20 minutes later the staff come out pushing two tables together and bring out 13 huge long rolls like on three different trays of food for her and her date was like hungry but don't you think if you're the date you would have just said food you can't shame

a girl maybe hey that reminds me of a date story i went on a date in bondi with this guy who i met online we went to this bavarian beer garden if you're in bondi you'll know the one i don't know from bondo it's on cable parade oh there you go so oh yes yeah what was he was he english he was a tourist of course he was i would have i've never been there again i never would have gone there but i was like whatever this is that now that i know what restaurant brit's referring to this is restaurant that you would only go to if you were an english backpacker that's it hundy he was brazilian so we're in this restaurant and i ordered a chicken snitty and then i ordered fries on the side and i had a salad too i think i may have had a garlic bread also but that's

irrelevant so the schnitzel comes out and it's to be fair it's the biggest schnitzel i have ever seen you know the ones that take up almost the whole plate like you know what pub schnitzels are like this isn't possibly from a chicken this is from a this is a sheep yeah but i see what you're doing i think this is an emu yeah what it was was not normal so this plate comes out and I was hungry so my eyes lit up and the guy looks at me and he goes oh don't be ridiculous you'll never eat that and then my internal monologue was challenge accepted and I sat there for 25 minutes bye bye bye I nearly felt sick but I ate the whole schnitzel then I ate all of the chips and then I ate the salad and then I washed it down with my drink and I never saw him again

you sure showed him I did how judgmental I hope you didn't give him any of the chips either I hope you were like no sorry I don't have any I need all of these and then I'm gonna get some get the fuck away from my chips pal girl likes to eat my mom's greek guys girl likes to eat don't ever food shame a date men or women well i think we should get into the episode um so i'm here which today we have two topics that we're gonna cover which is a little bit of a different you know we're mixing it up we're keeping it interesting for you guys first off the bat we're going to be talking for the single ladies and that is around curating the perfect online profile now we're all online dating at the moment we're not all are you a lot of people online

dating at the moment and that is the number one way for singles to interact in this current climate so we thought we would put together a little list of like do's and don'ts and ways to better optimize your online dating profile from britney who's a pro and from me who's an ex-pro vip the real mvp's over here guys okay and then also we're going to be doing something which is a little more aimed at our couples who listen to this episode, specifically to the women who listen to this. And that's more about the couples who are now at a point where you guys have been spending so much time together, so much time, but it's not quality time. I know that I'm certainly feeling it at times in my relationship that as much as we spend every single second of the day

together at the moment, there's very few moments that I feel like are quality. And so we just wanted to touch on that because I feel like a lot of couples are in the same boat with this at the moment and to try and think of some ideas and some ways that we can give tips and give ideas around how to create quality time with your partner and yeah we'll get into that later but first online profiles I have been online dating for quite a long time um on every platform that has ever existed I have probably had a profile except for plenty of fish do you know what you say this like it's disappointing that makes you an expert and that's why you're on this it's time to enlist the experts into this conversation that's what that is don't say it like it's

disappointing well no i don't know if it's disappointing i don't know how i feel about it but look the fact is i have done it i've spent a lot of time online dating i have gone on a lot of dates and i actually i'm a big advocate for online dating i think that the stigma that's still attached to it in some way needs to be gone because everyone in the world is on it like the biggest stars in the world have their own online dating brit knows she's seen channing tatum in there and super liked him yeah i did he's single again yeah no even um yeah raya so yeah i've been on raya so and i have seen huge huge hollywood stars on there so guys first and foremost don't be embarrassed to be online dating secondly this is like your cv this is like your resume you have

to put some attention and love into creating your profile because it sounds crazy and it sucks but it's very superficial you unfortunately don't get to know who someone in is as a genuine person you don't get to know who they are inside straight away and they don't get to know who you are all they're going off at the beginning is the way you look and what you've written and the way you've answered your questions but we were talking about this earlier and like and I know that a lot of people who have done online dating and there's constant conversation and struggle with like oh it's it's very superficial however if a guy comes up to you in a bar and asks you out or gives you his number or you find a guy attractive that you've never spoken to before that is all superficial

that's all we have to go off at the very start like unless you meet someone through friends or like you've got some other connection we are superficially attracted to the way people look or the way people present themselves or the aura that someone has, the energy that they have. I do think that there are ways that you can cultivate that energy on an online profile as well. Like where you have a bio, you have that area to be able to get a small snippet of your personality across. So you know what, if you're a funny bitch, then say something funny in there. If you're witty or sarcastic or a little bit self-deprecating, this is your opportunity to create, even if it's just one line or one little hook, but to create a little snapshot into what

your personality is. So we did do our due diligence as per usual. We did all of our research. We put some polls out. We asked people we knew, men and women. We went from personal experience and we have put a few little things together. And I think first and foremost, what we have found is that people don't want you to list what you are. So in your about me, people don't want you to say funny witty adventurous say something that is funny and witty so they know you're funny and witty instead of just saying this is what I am it also like if I think with that as well if you say I'm funny I'm witty I'm adventurous there's no context to that to allow someone who then matches with you to engage deeper and to ask questions it's like like what kind of funny are you yeah

how how are you adventurous you want to say that you went trekking Everest or like maybe you didn't go that far because that's crazy and not many people have trekked Everest but you want to explain something that you do maybe you like to go bushwalking maybe you love the ocean I don't know but like make it a bit more detailed and actually explore something about what you love write it down because it makes it easier for that person when they match you to be like hey I love the ocean too I love dogs as well every single person in the world likes to travel everyone's bio says travel we're never going to escape that but what you need to differentiate is what kind of traveler are you what kind of travel do you like because there's a big difference between going to Hawaii

sitting in the Hilton sunbaking not leaving your hotel just drinking by the pool and going to hike Machu Picchu and camping in a forest somewhere and there's such a broad landscape of traveling and adventure so I think it's really important to to put that in so that somebody knows what level you are it gives them an opening to chat to you about it it gives them a way to connect with you because maybe they've done something similar. So I think that's really important to just get out what kind of a traveler are you? One of the things that I used to really hate

when I was online dating, and I know that it works in reverse as well, that guys dislike it when girls do it too, is when you use your bio to be really critical of what you want in the other person, instead of using a bio to describe the sort of person that you are, saying I'm only attracted to brunettes,

or if you have in your bio that you want someone who is 6.5. What, like meters away from us because of isolation right now? Exactly. because that's what I want I want a guy who's 6.5 away from me at all times but I think if you're using your bio to be critical about somebody else all that does is reflect badly on yourself it shows that you're not someone who has a fun personality it shows that you have a really

critical personality and I don't think that that's a very attractive thing so I know when I used to see on guys profiles they were like I prefer brunettes even though I am brunette and this maybe this is me being critical in reverse but it would just make me look at that and go like why why are you so superficial why is like why is that so important to you and I would end up swiping past even though I matched the criteria of what they were after I just didn't like that critical aspect of their personality dead set the guys that are like I just want somebody that's like five foot eight has a really good job is really smart is really funny and independent looks after themselves lives out of home has a good income like fuck dude do you have all those things I

bet you you don't this is your opportunity to talk about yourself not for you to like criticize and analyze what you want in somebody else like you can do that but do that after the fact because by putting it out there in your bio you're you're just canceling a whole lot of people that maybe you know what maybe they could be your penguin so laura you wouldn't know this but hinge has this prompt you have to answer these questions and hinge has this prompt that says question that's like if you could choose anyone as a dinner guest who would it be and the guys that say you oh my god put a fork in me hey mate you don't know me from a bar of soap and you can choose anyone do you not get the question you can choose anyone but kind of cute no it's not a little bit cute

also because you means every single person it's not me it's not personal he's trying to be cute i think with something smart or interesting guys this is your chance to like show some personality show who you would actually want to talk i'm surprised you don't like that you're a sucker for red flags no red flags with intelligence preferably not not like a dumb flag blowing in the wind like i want a station your stupid red flag i want a stationary solid flag that knows who he is we all want a solid flag there you are again as well as us saying it's important to say who you are and say what you're interested in it's more important to actually show it in your profile so don't just say i like adventure or fitness or the beach put some photos up that

show that if you love dogs put a photo up with your dog if you're saying you love travel don't put five selfies up put a photo of you somewhere amazing or your favorite place you've ever been yeah okay let's talk about the actual photos aspect because i think we've touched on the bio and like how you can curate your bio to make it something that's a little bit more interesting but in regards to photos that's one of the things that you had said to me brit but also one of the things that matt flagged straight away is if you have five selfies in a row you need to sort your shit out because nobody wants to look at just five selfies that you've taken of yourself it makes and and it's probably not true you're probably not this but it makes you seem like

you're self-indulgent if you haven't got like a nice photo that somebody else has taken or a photo with a friend or just something that gives other context to your life it seems very self-involved and very like you have nothing else going on except that you take photos of yourself you could be every day do you have a halo light because i've got one for you or it's a gym selfie the ones in the gyms shirtless like sorry if you have five selfies you could be the hottest smartest most amazing person and i'm gonna swipe no on you it's just for me it's my turn off and i know it's the same thing in reverse so ladies for sure it's so fine to have a selfie on there like absolutely but but show who you are you can't put five selfies up absolutely not the research has come

back and it has said that five selfies are a no the other one that I wanted to flag as well which I kind of thought was bizarre but the more that I've thought about it the more I'm like oh yeah this is this is fair Matt's number one thing that he said when I asked him what his deal breakers were when he was online dating he didn't like it if the photos weren't high res you don't want someone who's got like a grainy kind of like badly filtered photo because it makes it seem like they're trying to hide something so I think that's important presentations key ladies make sure you've got some crisp photos happening well let's try and summarize some keys for the photos the really important things that are pretty much non-negotiables you can't have five selfies you can't

have photos with where every single photo is with a male because that or if you do you have to explain it because it leads a lot of men to think that it could be an ex you're not over your ex it leaves them a bit confused about why you're there and your relationship status so that's what that's feedback from the men as well they need to see you physically on your own to think that you are single so if you have a photo where you're standing with other men particularly the same men repetitively he must be your boyfriend that's the feedback we got has to be just choose photos that don't have your best guy friend in every single one it'll save it'll save some questions oh my big one is don't have photos with your kids in it so like I I think it's all for being I'm all

for being honest about having children when you're on online dating and there's like loads and loads of mums who are getting back out there dating and I think that being upfront and honest is amazing but I think for like a safety perspective and also because it's just a bit there's a strange attachment and association when I see a child's face on a dating app I always found that very very jarring so I think just don't post those photos it's not necessary surely there are other photos and nice photos that you have where you're not having a photo with your child that's a big one for me oh like there's so many rules guys who would have thought that online profiles have so many rules attached to them we said it's a damn cv these days so the other one that i think is a

big one is no one wants to play spot the single girl so don't put photos of you with like groups of your friends make sure that you check your photos and make sure that like you have at least one photo preferably the first one where you're on your own because i think if you have every single one where you're with your girlfriends it just makes it difficult and you know like people are not spending time looking through it actually engaging at the very start so like make sure you make it obvious who you are which person in the profile it is that's a big big one I know for me when I see a profile that has five people in the first image but someone on time constraints I don't even swipe into his profile he gets a no because if you can't show me who you are on the

first picture and pique interest and intrigue me then it's a no what was your bio when you with online dating oh my god yeah i still remember my bio was takes life as seriously as the british took brexit addicted to red wine fitness and dogs so if you're a red wine drinking fitness loving dog run at me that's cute i like that one but wait there's more then at the end there was a disclaimer i've been known to eat a family-sized pack of maltesers no family was involved and that was my whole bio but I guess like for me that's who I am I'm silly I eat a lot of chocolate telling them what I like but I tried to make it relatable and not serious so I don't know for me that was mine I was always I'm always down for a bit of sarcasm and a bit of

like I think if you can if you can put something in your bio if you can put something in your description that opens up at the door for some conversation that's better than just hey sup like what you're doing, just something that gives the other person a little silver platter or an olive branch or something that they can reach out and have that connection with you and start a fun and lighthearted conversation, then that's kind of your job. That's what you're supposed to be doing. So try to be a little bit different. Try to throw some fun in there. Try to be lighthearted. State what you want. I think that's important to make it clear that if you're looking for relationship or just fun but you don't have to go all hardcore and say I'm looking for marriage and

kids next week you don't want to scare them but there's a difference to say hey I'm looking for someone to do life with I think that's a great line because it's not as men can get quite scared so it's a bit different to saying hey I'm looking for my partner alternatively if you're just wanting fun and you're just wanting sex and you're wanting hookups say that but just say hey looking to meet people have a bit of fun just make it a bit more light-hearted looking for a good time not a long time no don't say that no i hope you don't i'll be knowing that i know that it can become very repetitive and very disheartening when you're matching with people and then you're not getting a reply and there's this level of frustration that can start to mount when you're

you're feeling like it's groundhog day and you're feeling like you're doing the same thing and it's very easy to get a mentality where you're like well dating apps are shit everyone on dating up to shit no one writes back like and and take that frustration out on the next person so one of the points that we had talked about is like when when guys specifically I mean but I'm sure girls do it as well write in their bio stuff like don't match me if you're not gonna write back any level of aggression doesn't reflect well on you even if it's true even if that is how you feel even if that's the situation that you've been in before even if it is totally relatable which it obviously is don't put it in your bio because it makes you seem angry it makes you seem like you're jilted

keep everything top line happy light-hearted positive because that is the sort of person that you want to be putting across and that's the sort of person that people want to be dating the last thing that I want to add and I think these are two really important things make your photos current within maybe like the last year 18 months at a stretch but nobody wants to turn up and meet someone and realize that their photos on their profile were from five years ago I know that when I meet somebody I want them to look like their profile I don't want them to see them in their peak eight years ago which like a lot of guys do that and I can only imagine girls do that too so I think it's important to try and keep it current and relevant also I can't stress

this one enough get someone to check your spelling and your grammar on your profile I think it's imperative to be able to have a profile that is literate that has the right punctuation has a sentence that works basically britney's very critical of sentences i say that but that was one of the number one things that came up on everything that i researched were the professional saying get your friend to check your profile spelling and punctuation every time i say unorganized britney goes it's disorganized laura i do not say that aggressively i was like babes disorganized she will find your profile she will hunt you down and she will correct you so make sure you do your spelling checks I do I think spelling is important all right guys well now

that we've covered a little bit of the online dating profiles let's get in to the couple question and that is how do you carve out quality time with your partner when you are in lockdown with your partner and I'm just going to be honest I don't have the answer for you right now because babe you've been more of an answer than I've got been single eight years look we're all in a bit of a pickle aren't we this one's you this advice is coming from you I guess I've been in this situation over the past couple of days and I don't know if other people can relate to this but I'm hoping that it's not just me you know Matt and I we spend so much time together and for the first couple of weeks it was amazing and it still is amazing to be able to

spend that time I love being in his company but I find more and more as the days go on that we are on social media and on our phones. And we're very, very disengaged from having conversations with each other. And we're very engaged in whatever's happening in the outside world, but through our phones. And I know that the reason for this is because we've had all the conversations that there are to have. There's not been any new stimulus in our environment to talk about. There's only so many stupid TikTok videos you can remake. And it was a conversation I was having with another girlfriend of mine who's in a very similar situation in her relationship. And she's, you know, in a committed relationship and she's spent way too much time with her partner

now. And one of the things that she said that really spoke to me was that she was like, we don't go to work anymore. So we don't have any time to miss each other. And everything we do is together. And it got me thinking that I'm sure there are a lot of couples who are in this exact same situation at the moment. I can't agree with that more, but I'm going to relate to this in terms of friends, flatmates, people that are just isolating together. I don't think this is just necessarily relationships i think and i know because we've had a lot of um listeners write in saying that they're having these sorts of issues with their flatmates and their friends so i think it's really important we delve into this um and we are going to just put some little

tips out from friends we've asked what they're doing again we looked up some um some relationship specialists and therapists and we got some advice from them so we are just going to throw out a few things and give you guys hopefully some help and some tips to keep your relationship on track and sort of make you reconnect again get back to where you were before you went into isolation I know last week for example my sister she's been with her partner now for five years and she said it was ridiculous how much screen time they were having they were going a whole day without speaking to each other things like that because they were just same thing they've had their conversation so what they did was they had a screen ban and they put their phones away no tv they got dressed

up like proper dressed up like they were going out on a date and they cooked up this amazing meal together seafood squid and they decorated their lounge room and changed it into pillows fairy lights it was almost like you were going back on a first date like something really special and they just sat with each other and had nothing else to distract them and they just had to talk to each other and she said it was amazing it really got them back to like the excitement and the wanting to speak to each other and realizing that you still love each other and that you're going to get through it the first part of this is acknowledging that you're doing it like acknowledging that you're disengaged because I think sometimes it just creeps up on you in a relationship where

you don't even realize that the time that you spend together isn't quality I honestly think that like you can wake up two three weeks four weeks down the track and be like I don't even feel like we've had a proper conversation I don't feel like we have really connected at all but we've seen each other every day you need to be be very cognizant of the fact that that's where you're at at the moment and then make a very conscious decision that you're going to put some things in place in order to change your behavior so like like you said with your sister have an evening where you put your phones down or bring in the rule that you can't have any phones in your hand past 6 p.m or 7 p.m whatever time that is for you just so that you get a few hours in the

evening where you can both sit with each other and have a conversation one of the things that I really believe is that sometimes you need to have small talk in order to get to the deeper conversations and they come, but you just kind of have to sometimes sit in a little bit of obscurity for a little while before you find a topic again, that you're like, oh, here's something that we've never discussed before. This is new. Like this is a new territory. And I think a way to bring you both back to ground level and connect you again is to ask each other questions about your relationship. So you might've been together five years, 10 years whatever one year ask your partner what's the favorite date we've ever had what's

the funniest thing I've ever done what's the thing you love about me the most little quite little like funny things that they're going to bring you back to realize why you're together and how you fell in love and just to sort of reignite the passion and and the cute little memories that you've shared over the time I think that's really nice and you might actually learn a lot of things that you didn't know that maybe you don't know what your partner loves about you the most or you don't know what his most embarrassing moment was or like a walk down memory lane can be really really nice way to bring you back together another thing as well at that I mean and it's really hard to do because obviously we're meant to be staying home as much as possible but I think

it's so important to try and carve out a little bit of time that is your time away from your partner to give you even if it's just a small opportunity but to give you a moment to actually miss your partner so maybe that means you go for a walk or you do some exercise where you are not in the same space with each other or maybe you work from separate rooms of the house but you really allocate some time to be like we are not this is not the same co-working space right now and I mean I even had to do it with Matt recently I was in the bedroom working and we've just become so we've just become so so used to constantly being each other's space that he just kept walking in and out and in and out and out of the bedroom to ask me questions whilst I was working and I

had to be like no like this is you can't come in here anymore you have to stay out of the bedroom because I need to get work done and the constantness of this is driving me crazy yep well the professionals have said that it's really important and if you can even in a small space it's really important to maybe designate an area of the house for everything so this area is the work zone and this area is the chill zone and this area is the workout zone so each little area of your house when you're in that area that's what you're doing so when you're in your work office area you have to treat it like a work office area even though yours is now the bedroom Matt has to understand that for that time that's not his bedroom totally understand that some

people's like living arrangements are one-bedroom studios we understand that some people's living arrangements are one-bedroom apartments like it's it is really challenging to try and live work and relationship all from the same small space but I do think that you have to kind of bring in some sort of boundaries and some discipline into your day in order to be able to like have that just to have that separation so that you're not constantly living on top of each other and getting irritated by every single small little thing that they do it's also important to I think not make assumptions about how your partner or your flatmate or your best friend how they're feeling don't assume you know where they're at mentally and what what they're thinking

about you and what they're thinking and feeling about the situation because assumptions can breed resentment they also make an ass out of you and me it's so imperative just to have open communication in this time and so like you said to matt boy you just can't come in here anymore so they can call him boy but yes no none of us call him boy one of the like one of the most important take-homes from this whole weird wide world that we're trying to navigate together is that no one expects you to have the perfect relationship right now. This environment, this pressure, like this living like this, this puts so much pressure on relationships. It's, it has brought out a lot of anxiety in people and maybe your partner, or maybe you are not the best version of yourselves

right now. And that's okay. And I think it's really important to allow your partner, so long as they're still a good person and they're still treating you right. It's, it's okay to kind of give the relationship a bit of breathing room and be okay with the fact that right now things are not going to be perfect and expecting perfection in this environment is going to put a lot of pressure on your relationship so you know what we're all navigating a very very strange time and and I and I think like just because now is not good necessarily for your relationship doesn't mean that your relationship isn't good and that's a really important thing to remember and to take home because this is all temporary. One other thing that if it's possible would be really great

to do is to establish routine to the best of your ability. So when you guys say, okay, from 8am to 11am, it's just work time. We're going to pretend we're not even together. We're both just going to do our thing. We can't disturb each other. And then every day from 11 to 12, that might be your time for a walk. But the sooner you have a routine of some sorts in your life, the easier your life is going to be to manage easier your expectations are to manage and the better either two of you or the three of you or however many in your house are all going to get along because you know how it works and you know what's expected in your day and in that routine like like we just said is to make sure that you carve out time that is like date night time carve out time that's special

time for you and your partner so that you're not getting to the end of the day and having this monotony of like oh what are we doing tonight same thing as last night let's put on some netflix and not talk to each other, make sure that you are trying to create some time that is special. And even if it just manages one night a week, if you consciously do that, then your relationship won't be forgotten about in all this extra time that you're spending together. It can still be something that is really special. All right, guys, you know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet. And our suck and our sweet is basically just the highlight and the low light of each and every week and even though things don't seem to change very much at the moment

we still have some what's your suck so my suck my suck I do this thing sometimes and it always happens late at night or early in the morning I think that's when I do my most of my thinking and I when somebody from my past or someone in my life pops into my head I like to message them on the spot while I'm thinking of them to tell them I'm thinking of them and checking on them sort of thing so for example it might even be my dad if i if it comes to mind i quickly text him i'm like hey thinking of you love you whatever so that's cute yeah so two nights ago you never text me can i speak to you so like two days ago it was literally like 11 30 at night and i was drifting off to sleep and i was just thinking of this somebody from my past and i hadn't spoken to

in a long time and i was like you know what i've been so slack i'm just gonna shoot her a message picked up my phone wrote to her and said hey i was just thinking of you i i miss you love you lots hopefully i'll talk to you soon sent it but i bloody sent it to the person underneath her who was a guy so it wasn't her it was like the one person under the contacts underneath was he like i miss you too been thinking about you as well pretty much who was no pretty you know what he wrote he goes that wasn't supposed to go to me was it because it was not somebody that i we did not end that well and I was like oh my god I'm so I'm really sorry but like no I don't miss you I don't miss you and I hate you and delete my number and like how are you even in my phone still

and then I actually messaged my friend that's my suck that's it that's fine your wig has been good that's a good suck yeah well wait to hear my sweet baby all right give me your sweet girlfriend well you know the weather has turned slightly it's a bit chilly here in the old Bondi it's a bit chilly. Brittany's wearing a turtleneck right now. She is. No, I am. I actually love turtlenecks. They're my favorite piece of clothing. I love them. Sure. Go for it. Is it weird that I'm in a turtleneck? No, it's not weird, but it's weird that it's your favorite piece of clothing. I love it. It's a comfort thing. Anyway. I don't like turtlenecks. I feel like I'm being slightly like softly strangled around my neck, like a soft hold. It's a favorite. Oh, there you go. No,

I just love them it's a comfort thing but anyway the weather's turned I pulled out a jacket that I haven't worn in a while because you know I wanted to go for a walk in a jacket put it on went to put my keys in my jacket pocket found $20 this sounds like a made-up story it sounds like one of those stories where you're telling a shit story and then you're like and then I found 50 bucks I know that's the best thing about it it sounds fake but it's not I don't how long that $20 has been in there for I don't know and but you know what the shitty part of that story is no no one's taking cash so now i'm just gonna sit on this newfound glory for however many months until people start to take cash again i just snotted into the microphone i don't know why i

found that so funny but it really was all right my suck my suck what was my suck look this is not it's not a real suck you guys are gonna think that i'm just making up stuff now which i kind of am but because i've had really bad anxiety this week i've been having really bad dreams this week and so I keep on having this dream and I've had it three times this week now in different variations is it me no you're not my worst nightmare don't worry babe you're safe I keep having this dream that I am it's I must be like I'm my age which doesn't make any sense but I'm I'm sitting like my HSC exam or I'm sitting a test and no no one has told me what day the test is on but I know that I haven't studied and know that the test is coming up like it's tomorrow or it's and the

problem is like I'm gonna really go into some some depths with this one yeah yeah I'm here so okay so like I need to sit like my science test I need to sit my maths test I need to sit all the tests but I need to know which day each test is on so that I need I can allocate which one I have to study for first because I only have like three days to get this shit done and then I wake up in a full tizz about the fact that I'm gonna sit my it's weird are you crying I'm 34 years old and i'm dreaming about my hsc school exam and i think that maybe i'm just stressed about having too much work or trying to juggle too many things at one time or the fact that i can't leave my house god knows but there's something that's coming into my sleep it is that's that's just a reflection of

your life right now like you're stressed about your exams and you're not you don't have time to get it done and i think that's probably how you feel just with everything that's going on your life it's chaos guys disaster do you have a suite yes my suite for the week is that we have finally finally started to i know it's not spring but i'm gonna call it spring anyway we've finally started to spring clean our apartment and throw away we just have so much stuff i can't even begin to describe to you it's just stuff that comes out of nowhere and accumulates in bundles all over the house so we've started to slowly clean out and throw away some of the stuff so we are not going to be the bondi hoarders anymore how old are we 34 the decluttering is how sweet i'm gonna marie

condo the shit out of my life yes that's that's I'm very old it was only a few months ago that my suite was like going on four dates in a week last week I was complaining about my back pain so that's not going to come as a surprise to anyone now I'm like what a sad time well guys thank you so much for listening to another episode we love that you listen to them we love bringing them to you every week and if you have a question for our ask uncut episode then head on down to life uncut podcast on either Instagram, or you can join our discussion group on Facebook. There is some very good conversations going on there as well. Guys, we are doing our best to try to bring you topics that fit in with life right now and that are relevant and that you

can relate to, but it is hard because life has been put on pause. So we do want to know what, what do you want to hear? What do you want to know about? What do you want us to talk about? it can be literally anything that is happening any topic any subject we just want to know that we are giving you something that you want to hear about because right now our crazy dating stories are pretty limited until bachelor in paradise starts that's for sure oh yeah hold the line caller it is coming but we just want to be able to bring you guys a little piece of joy like a little bit of content that is not so corona focused just to brighten your day because you know we're all in this together at the moment slide into our dms and tell us and we are going to make it happen

and again if you have a question for ask uncut you know we do that every thursday so slide into the dms with your ask uncut at the top so i know any question can go you can also throw it up on our facebook page we have our facebook group and it's such an amazing little community already so if you are happy to not have your question anonymous and you just want to put it out there and have a chat with the group people are doing that and the feedback people are giving is really really fantastic also please don't forget to send us your accidentally unfiltered because we live for it and guys thank you to everybody who has subscribed thank you to everybody who has left reviews like we say this every week but we read every single one you are amazing and make sure

you share the love because we love love We'll be right back.