Life Uncut - A little older and a little wiser - Best advice straight from the Lifers

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

We have a very special Bonus episode for you guys, its the warm hug we all need right now and we promise this episode will leave you in a better happier headspace than we found you.We have collated the absolute best life advice from our Lifers and packaged up here in one delectable little bonus episode for you.To celebrate The Iconic turning ten years old this episode is all themed around "another year older another year wiser" and hooley dooley the lifers are a wise bunch!A very big thank you to our sponsor THE ICONIC for making this episode possible. To further celebrate their 10th birthday THE ICONIC are having a massive 30% OFF sale, Sale ends 25th October! T&C apply.Shop the sale hereSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Before we get into today's episode, we want to say a huge thank you to our sponsor, which is The Iconic. Now, I know that so many of you love The Iconic just as much as Britt and I do, and it is huge for them. It is their 10th birthday, and to celebrate, they are having their biggest birthday sale ever. You can get 30% off so many of their most loved brands. You can pay for it straight out, or you can use Afterpay in four installments. So go and have a shop, celebrate their birthday, and get 30% off. Now, let's get into the episode. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut and now you guys are probably thinking what the hell are we doing sliding on in to your podcast library, it's not a

Wednesday but it's not a Tuesday or a Thursday but we have a very special little bonus episode for you and that is because it is the Iconics 10th birthday and so to celebrate their birthday we have put together a feel-good bonus episode. Now this bonus episode is all themed around another year older and another year wiser. Now we're older but we're not necessarily wise so this is why we asked you guys for some of your think for yourself. No for real so like we're semi-wise but we needed more. We wanted to get your absolute best life advice. Now maybe this is something you've learned on your own. Maybe this was the best piece of advice anyone had ever told you. We wanted to know it so we've gone through and we've picked out some of our absolutely

favorite pieces of advice including a few pieces of our own and we're just going to throw them all at you and hopefully you can learn something from this and maybe you guys can all find a new piece of advice for yourself. And also I think just at the moment with everything that's been going on in the world. We really want to be creating some content that's a bit of escapism for you. I just so strongly feel that this is an episode that's going to leave you better than where we found you. Which is what we strive to do here at Life Uncut. Could you imagine if you listened to a podcast episode that left you worse off? Okay, Squid Games. Squid Games leaves everyone worse off. Okay, okay. I have something to say about Squid Games quickly. I said I wasn't going to

watch Squid Games because I'm not into violence. It was too much and I just wasn't going to do it to myself. But then you crumbled to peer pressure. No, I actually didn't. I still haven't watched it. But what I'm going to say is in the same, I think in the same episode, I was like, I'm never going to watch Squid Games. It's too much. But I also recommended Peaky Blinders. This is a show that I watched like six seasons of. I had a number of people write to me on my DMs and said, girl, if you can watch Peaky

Blinders, it's like 10 times more violent than Squid Games. So now I'm questioning my decision. If I've already watched something that everyone's telling me is more violent, should I give Squid Games a go? or do I stick to my guns and be the only human in the whole world that's never watched it? I like that you're unpacking this dilemma. Like this is the content you thought to bring to this episode. How about we do a poll on Life Uncut?

Should Brittany watch Squid Games? No one cares, but we care. We are so deeply invested in your Squid Games journey here, Britt. Can I just say before we get into like unpacking all of your life advice, you guys are so wise, so wise. We received hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people who wrote back to that question box and the amount of advice that came in. I was like, Brit, how are we going to reduce this down

to like 10 or 15, keep it snappy, make it a bonus episode. It was so wonderful how many of you took your time to tell us just that one thing that maybe happened in your life or one thing that somebody said that really changed the trajectory of your life or really helped you in a time of need. And it feels so good to be able to put

all of those things together in the one place, in the one episode for anybody who might need a little bit of a warm hug at the moment. But before we get into that, I just wanted to quickly touch on something and I guess ask you something Laura if you guys have listened to yesterday's episode there was the episode with Logan Urie now Logan Urie is a relationship expert she's a dating coach she privately coaches people couples individuals and she also gives her advice to hinge now part of this was she she did something that for us

that she does for her clients and really and people in couples when they're on the fence or They're like, I don't know how I feel about my partner. I don't know if I should break up. Like just a normal therapy session. She says she does something where she says to them, I want you to not overthink it. I want you to think of your partner right now. And if they were a piece of your clothing, what would they be?

And then you just have to answer. So I said, she asked me, she's like, what would Jordan be for you? And I said, Jordan would be like my plain white t-shirt and cut off denim shorts. He probably alternates day to day because they're what I'm most comfortable in. that's what I love to wear and it's my every single day clothing so that was the first thing that came to my head so I thought it would be I was like you know what maybe I'll just ask Jordan what what like if I was a piece of clothing what would I be and it didn't go down quite as I would have hoped you're like it's a fucking disaster it was such a disaster and Laura like I don't know

if you've asked Matt yet but I just asked Jordan I was like not for any reason I just thought it would be funny anyway he pretty much like had a meltdown trying to think of anything it was the hardest thing he ever did. I don't think he got the brief properly. So the first thing he wrote back to me was, I wear the same thing every day. And I was like, okay. And he's like, I can't think of anything. I have the same outfit every day. And I'm like, okay, you don't, you don't really understand what I'm saying. I tried to explain it again. And I was like, usually you'd be more of an imagination. Like think of how I make you feel and then think of like a piece of clothing that you'd have. No, it was just so literal. And he's like, he didn't get that it could also be

funny and cute. He was just taking it really seriously. And then after I was like, you know what I was like just say anything anything anything that comes to your mind he goes I've got it and I was like what he's like you're you're one of my socks because you're stinky and I was like okay I don't know if you're joking but that's I still don't think you're getting the brief but we actually call each other stinky as a joke like that's our name to each other we both call each other stinky so eventually I explained it we did get there in the end and he ended up having two proper answers once I told him he couldn't say I was a sock one he said I was a compression shirt because you're supportive or because you're suffocating because I just don't leave him alone

he's like you've got a really big thing with physical touch and you always want to be like around me so he's like I feel like you'd be a compression top the other one he said was I would be like his aftershave because it smells nice and he puts it on every day so they were cute they were the answers I got. But have you asked Matt? I'm going to ask Matt now. I'm going to ask him live on the pod. Matthew Johnson. Okay. Please take a mic. Take a seat. Yes, my darling, you called. Hey, look, sorry to bother you in the middle of whatever you're doing, but I just have a very, very serious, deep, dark, burning question that we need an answer to. And I don't want you to worry, but I also don't want you to overthink it when I ask you. How does that sound? I was

just in the middle of learning a new TikTok dance, but hey, that can wait. It's not a problem at all i'm sorry to interrupt you but my question to you is don't overthink it but if laura was a piece of clothing or a piece of your clothing what would she be and why why is this a topic of conversation on your podcast told you it was a hard question because we had a very insightful episode yesterday the reasoning behind it doesn't matter i just you need to describe if i was going to be a piece of clothing to you yeah what would i be i'm trying right now to envision laura in apparel form and and there's one well there's one image that i can't quite shake and i think this relates back to the time that we first got together i remember looking down at laura's feet

and i was like what are those and they were a pair of black van skate shoes i think like the Black and white ones. The checkered ones. Were they the checkered ones? No, not the checkered one. They're like the old school van sneaker. They're just the cool ones that everyone had because I was cool guys. I think Laura wore the guys version, but she wore like they were really, really big on her feet.

Like she was walking around in these black van slippers almost. So wait, literally the way you're describing me is that I could be cool, but I kind of missed. Like I didn't quite get it right. I picked the cool shoes, but the wrong ones. And I remember thinking to myself, like, how long are these? Because they were an old pair of shoes. Like, they weren't well looked after. And so I thought clearly these shoes have got maybe six to eight months

at the absolute most. I think they're in storage downstairs. Do you still have those shoes? No, I don't have the shoes. I cannot believe that that one item of clothing is what you think I am. Well, yeah, I think you're somebody who – It scarred you so much that I wore those shoes, which you hated. This has been bothering Matt for three years now.

It's like literally in five years, five. Okay, just so you know and understand what this question is. Because you don't seem to get the concept. What am I, as in like what item of clothing do I make you think of as in indicative of how I make you feel in our relationship? Because right now you're calling me a dirty old shoe. It's a metaphor, okay. That could have been cool but isn't cool.

In terms of how you make me feel, I think I'd have to go with I reckon a G-string. We all know how much Matt enjoys wearing women's clothes, so it's no surprise to anyone that he also wears G-strings. What makes me a G-string? Because you're very sexy. This is so – I don't know how I feel. I really feel like we should probably get into the advice giving

on this podcast episode. It's been great having Matthew Johnson back on the podcast. It's because you ride up his butt. Literally. I'm just there, tucked up against his bum hole. I find G-strings very sexy and you make me feel – actually, wait. That doesn't make sense. You make me feel sexy?

When I think of you, I feel sexy thoughts. Stop. Well, thanks for stopping by. All right. Well, that was weird for everybody listening. Sorry about that. Let's get into the advice giving because that was not it. Am I finished?

You're finished. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, the way that I think we should attack this episode is Britt and I, we're both going to give you guys like our one or maybe two who knows hold us back it might be more pieces of advice once we get rolling you never know what happens here well just like the what is the biggest thing that we've either experienced ourselves or we have been told that has made a fundamental change or impact on our lives like the big things the big life advice that's just

been really soul healing and helpful in that time of need and then I think after we have kind of unpacked our big ones we will then start ticking off some of the life advice that came in from you guys and like i said earlier you are such a wealth of wisdom there were so many amazing things that came over across dms but britney i feel like you can kick it off what's your number one thing that you want other people to know i feel like this is such a when you say like what's your number one piece of advice it's like when someone says don't fuck it up man i feel like it's really hard when someone says like what's your number one of anything like even when someone asks me what's your number one piece of food i like crumble the pressure is too much but when i think

once I was watching number one piece of advice one thing I wanted to share was something that my dad told me when I was young and this piece of advice is specifically targeted to women I mean men can use it too but he just told us being little girls and it was just that a you want to grow up and you want to do something in your life that's going to make you happy but it's very important for us to create a life of independence and now he always used this word independence and he always encouraged us to be independent. And what he meant by that is he wanted us to not have to ever depend on anyone, let alone a partner or a man. And this is because he said, when you come to the point of finding love and finding a life partner, you don't want there to be any other

reason that impacts you and your decision. You want to be marrying someone for love. You don't want to have to need them for any other aspect of life. And similarly, and I know that this is negative and heavy but he said if you're in a situation when your relationship it might be a marriage it might be long term you might be living together and you decide it's not for you and you want to leave he's like I never want you to feel like you can't leave because you don't have the resources to leave now this is really heavy advice but I grew up thinking this thinking we have to create a life for ourself where we can rely on ourselves and I don't have to now if anything happened in my life I know that I can turn to myself to rely on and I don't have to be stuck

in any situation I don't want to do. Now, I know that's a heavy one to start with, but that is the thing that I think about when, when you asked me that question, Laura. Well, I don't think it's a heavy one so much as like, it's not like saying that you're going into a relationship expecting doom and gloom. It's talking about setting yourself up for a relationship so that you're not codependent, which we know has so many other, like the issue with codependency and not being able to be self-sufficient or to be able to self-regulate is that you then aren't able to set boundaries you end up accepting such shitty behavior and I think your set of standards that you have for yourself will inevitably be lower because you require somebody else to fulfill

your needs and I don't think that that's heavy advice at all I think that that's like fundamentally 101 when getting into new relationships is being good and being stable on your own so that way if you need to leave you can yeah absolutely so that's my that's my first thing that comes to my head but what's the first thing that comes to your head okay so mine is also relationship related which is no surprise to anybody listening to this my number one thing that when I was trying to there's so many things that have happened in life that I have taken little bits of advice from incredibly wise people who know a lot better than I do mainly me just from Brittany every time Brittany talks and like the wealth of wisdom that the powers of being this is one thing that for me

I wish I had understood this in my early 20s and it would have saved me a lot of heartbreak and I think for anybody getting into new relationships or repeating pattern behavior this is a really big one to be aware of for me it was fall in love with people for who they are not who you think they could be oh that one cut deep but how often is it that we we end up giving ourselves into these relationships and staying for so long because we know the other person can be amazing but they keep on showing up and making the same not the same mistakes but they keep on treating us in the same bad way and because we see the potential in them potential is not real I don't think that you can put all of your eggs into someone's basket who isn't treating you the way

that you deserve to be treated because you hope that they're going to change. Think of how many times, and I know I've said this in the past, but think of how many times you've said, all of you out there listening right now, when something hasn't worked out or you've been seeing someone or dating someone and you say to your friends or you say to yourself, it's just a shame. They had so much potential. That's not potential that they have. That's potential of you wanting to morph them into something that they're not and I really I really resonate with that advice Laura because one thing I've learned is you can't make someone into something else be happy with who they are love them how they are and if you if you're wanting to change every aspect of them and mold

them into something else then it's probably not the right relationship and I think not even not even not wanting to change everything about them but like you know I think if you're in a relationship where your partner they don't tell you the truth they're not honest with you there's confusion there's constantly this feeling of like being invalidated i think hoping that they're going to be better or wishing that there could be the person that you know they can be is just not good enough and i also like this is one little piece of advice that kept coming in and it kept it was this very like recurrent theme throughout the messages and dms that rolled in and it was don't focus so much on what ifs focus on what is sometimes especially when we think of like

relationships or we think of our workplace we can get into the mindset of like if only something if only this one thing changed then I will be happy if only we could make this one thing better then our relationship will be better and sometimes you can stay in a relationship for far past the expiry date hoping that the other person is going to change and yeah because you believe so deeply in their potential not in who they actually are as a person well said Laura thank you thank you very much for coming to the TED talk okay Britt hit me with your next one hit me with my next shot okay my next one is never let Laura sing okay cool uh no my next one is not relationship based because I wanted to try and think of something you know something outside the box

and this is one that I try and live by I think about it all the time and that is it's actually a quote by T.S. Eliot but it is only those who go too far can possibly find out how far one can go so only those that go too far can find out how far one can go and essentially this is just a challenge to yourself knowing that you're capable of more and you're not going to know what you're capable of unless you actually go out there and give it a go and there's a lot of things there's a lot of adversity out there and there are a lot of reasons to be scared and maybe you will fail at things maybe things aren't going to work out but if you don't give it a go you will never know it's an absolute no without trying like you know your answer if you don't go and give something a

shot you know it's a failure and I don't want to say failure but you know it's not going to happen if you don't go out there and give it a go so I think we don't know and I think we underestimate ourselves as humans as to just what we are capable of but I think on that as well like you said failure and then you kind of like backflipped on it like not necessarily a failure I don't think failure is a bad thing I think failure is an incredibly essential part of growing and learning success is great like it's amazing to achieve things it's amazing to reach all your goals but that's not where the learning happens like that's not where you kind of become a better person or your life pivots to a new direction like and I know we said this from day dot with this podcast

but like one of the biggest times in a life that can feel like a failure is when something in work doesn't go to plan and maybe you lose a job or when a relationship breaks down like there's real feelings of failure around those two very cataclysmic things that happen in life. But I so fundamentally believe that in relationship breakdowns, in breakups, that's where the biggest growth can happen. So as much as like failure is shitty and you have to work through it, it's a really fundamental thing that gets us on the right path and pushes us to who we're going to be. Yeah. And the reason that I tried to backflip on the word failure then is because I agree with everything you said on failure, but I try to use words that aren't failure. I try to

use, so I don't want to say that relationship failed. I would say that relationship didn't work because I think that we take lessons. We learn something from every single situation and everything that doesn't work. So for me, I just feel like there's a lot of power in words. And the last couple of years I've tried to change the way I look at things. So of course, like if I'm going to say the word fail, I have failed many a times and many things didn't work. But for me I'm starting to use the terminology around it so that I because I feel like the word failure to so many people still has this negative connotation even though we know there's nothing wrong with it but that's just me personally I just like to say hey that didn't work out not hey I failed but you

know what they say never a failure always a lesson love that Gandhi I'm sure it wasn't Gandhi but there you go I was not gone a lot life on cart okay my last one that I'm gonna give to you guys prior give to you guys like it's a present the last one that I'm gonna contribute before we get into unpacking some of the awesome advice that came in from the lifers is your choices matter and you can choose to be happy. You don't have to save your happiness for a later date or a later wait. I really, really love this one. Firstly, it's because I feel like in my twenties, I kind of didn't really realize at the time when I was living it, just how fundamental your choices are in setting your life into the direction that you want to be. A lot of the things that happened to

me in my twenties, I kind of let them happen to me. I wasn't an active participant in making decisions. You know, I, I was too busy trying to hold onto relationships past their expiration date. I was too busy being in jobs that I didn't love and working for somebody else, fulfilling somebody else's dream. And I didn't really realize that like, you need to be a super proactive participant in your own life. The choices that you make are fundamental in where you're going to be in five, 10 years time. There's definitely times in life where I look back now in my thirties and I go, wow, that was a fork in the road. That decision I made was such a huge fork in the road that got me to where I am now. And I can really see these points in time that stand

out. Like I can see the different relationships that broke down. I can see the different career choices I made. And I just think, you know, every choice you make is a culmination into who you are. so try and make the best decisions with the information that you have like don't be scared of big choices don't be scared of big change because that is where so much growth comes from so we picked a bunch of advice from you guys but we tried to also pick advice that still resonated with us I mean there are some funny ones in there that we might read at the end that Laura said I wasn't allowed to include in our main list someone wrote exfoliate exfoliate your nipples if you're pregnant I didn't know that this was a thing so apparently if you're pregnant exfoliate your

nipples each month and it will help you to be able to adjust to having a baby latch and you won't have so much pain amazing advice maybe not going to be life-changing for everyone but amazing amazing advice but this is why it needs to be included because now everyone that listens you didn't know that you just admitted that so now I'm glad you let me put it on the list because now all these these new mamas know to exfoliate their nipple to make the transition easier but no we did try and pick out some advice that actually still resonated with us so I'm going to kick it off do something your future self will thank you for now when you're thinking about whether or not you should do something so sometimes that might be like I am thinking about doing this uni degree

I am thinking about you know I should probably start to save for a house but it feels very daunting because it's such a huge commitment so for someone maybe they're later in life they're studying maybe you're 30 and you're like oh do I really want to go to uni for four years what you need to think about is that time is going to pass regardless of what you do so in four years time you'll either get to that point in your life and you'll have a degree or you'll get to that point in your life and you'll wish oh I wish I went to that degree because I'd be done now so time's going to pass anyway so I think that it's just really imperative that we fill it with things that we actually are wanting to do that fulfill us and that are going to make us happy because

whatever you could be sitting in your apartment for the next four years or you could be going to get your degree, you're going to end up in the same spot of time, but you're going to be in very different places. Oh, that was a deep way to finish. That was a really good sentence. I fucking love this one. And I know when it comes to like careers, I think that this is the most important. It's so hard sometimes to make a career pivot or a career change, especially later in life when you have already maybe done five years or four years or whatever it is of uni. And then you're like, holy shit, I don't even like the job that I'm doing, but I spent so much time studying for this that I kind of just expect I'm going to do it for the rest of my life.

Life is too short to do a job that you hate. And I get it. I get that, you know, it's a big commitment to then start a new project that might take you three, four, five, eight more years of study or research or whatever it is to get you to the point where you will feel successful. I am so passionate about people having careers and changing their lives in a way that allows them to move into something that makes them happy life is too long to stay in a job that you fucking hate all right next off the rank all right number two is the way someone treats you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves it is not necessarily a reflection of you okay I love this one for so many reasons one of them is how many times have you sat in a restaurant or I don't know been at the gym or

wherever you've been and you've thought that someone has been talking about you or you've seen someone give you a side eye or something has happened maybe someone in a car has like fucking gotten really angry and you you know you cut them off they've gotten super angry overreacted and you're like what is that person's problem the reality is you don't know what that person's problem is they could have shit their pants who knows always back to the shit with you that's not personal you never know what's going on in somebody else's life and in a perfect world everyone would be nice to each other but just because they're not doesn't mean that that person is necessarily a bad person, they could be having a really fucked up day. Something terrible could

have happened. And we just don't know what's going on in somebody else's life. We don't know what their insecurities are. And I think the way that other people treat us is more a reflection of what is happening in their lives. It's more a reflection of the things that they've been exposed to. Yeah. And this stems back, Laura, to thinking like, and it sounds horrible, but literally no one cares about you as much as you care about yourself. And that's not in a negative way. Like, of course people care about you, but it's like when you're out and about and you're thinking people are definitely staring at you and talking at you, it's probably 99% chance that they're absolutely not. It's more that you are paranoid about something or maybe you're self-conscious

about something. So I think that that's a really nice reminder to just do you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks about you. One thing that actually happened to me on this, and I've shared this story once before, but we've got a lot of new listeners now. So I'm hoping that some of you haven't heard this ages ago when I was breastfeeding Marley still I was at the airport and there was this man who was dressed like he was immaculate looking he was dressed in a suit and there were these three women standing with the man and they were they were looking at me they were looking at me whilst I was breastfeeding Marley and I at the time and this is my own perception of what was going on I thought that they had an issue with me breastfeeding Marley and they were a hundred

percent you know talking about me and there was no ambiguity that they were talking about me but I perceived that they were talking about me in a negative light because I was feeding Marley and I was really upset I was like how dare somebody make me feel uncomfortable in a public place when all I'm trying to do is feed my children you know I just felt really judged and I was really upset and I was speaking to Brit at the same time and I was like oh there's there's these four people who are making a point of me breastfeeding in public and then at the same time which is I mean it's a bloody small world at the same time as she messaged me that I get another message from one of my best friends saying oh my god I'm at the airport right now with my three sisters we're heading on a

holiday and we saw Laura here and my sisters are talking about how beautiful she is and how cute her baby is quickly interrupting the episode to say a very happy birthday to our sponsor which is the iconic who have just turned 10 now the iconic are celebrating their 10th birthday with one of their biggest sales ever and you can get 30% off some of the most loved brands. We're talking brands like Tommy Hilfiger, Adidas, Skinstitute and P Nation. And with Christmas just around the corner, I don't know about you, but I'm always very disorganized. So now is the time to jump on the bandwagon and you can make use of 30% off. You can either pay straight out or you can pay it off with afterpay in four installments. You guys already know that the Iconic is so great if you

want to pick up a new outfit, if you're looking for sportswear or beauty or kids toys or kids clothes but something you might not know is that the iconic also just recently launched the iconic home and they have some of the most awesome homewares and sheets around so you can find everything now in the one place delivered fast join the party and shop 30 off the iconic's 10th birthday sale the sale ends on the 25th of october choose after pay and pay fashionably later now let's get back into the episode okay number three i like this one date to date not to find the one if they're the one it will work out and if not you've had fun now I like this not only because it rhymes but I like it because I think that we put so much stress on finding the one and of course

if you are looking for the one that's the reason you're dating like we're not going to take away from that but I think it's to not convince yourself that there's so much pressure riding on every single date and every if you do that every time you walk away from a date and it didn't work out or every time you stop seeing someone you have to get back online it's so defeating and so deflating you get really down and out you're like I'm never going to meet them everyone's falling in love but if you just go in there with a really happy positive mindset of like I am just going to treat every date the same I'm going to go in and give it my best I'm going to be me I'm going to have an amazing time and if it doesn't work out you can walk away from that

saying hey I actually just had an amazing time instead of putting so much pressure on finding the one so I actually as someone that has dated a lot I really really like this advice but don't also think with that like you can get so caught up in this idea of wanting the other person to like you because you want it to be the one because it's like dating is exhausting no one wants to be on like the dating merry-go-round everyone kind of has an end goal but the problem with having an end goal before you even know who that person is and before you've even actually formed any connection with them is that there's so much pressure on that person to be the one and it's like you try and almost make a triangle fit into a square by doing that yep so for all our single

dating people out there I think that is some sound advice you can take on board number four put on your own oxygen mask before helping others you can't help them if you have nothing left in the tank now I know that for some people you can get to a point where you give and you give and you give and it's not selfish to take time out to give a little bit back to yourself to do a bit of recovery to give yourself a bit of self-love and it's so true you can't constantly be that source of love and compassion and support for other people unless there's a little bit left in the tank for yourself I used to be big on this like I used to be such a people pleaser and I used to want to give and I was always the one that was there for everyone I was always the one that wanted to help people and

I still want to help people and I still do but it took me a long time and well basically I had a really I had like a breakdown and I had a big burnout and now in my life I actually know the power of saying no which you know that could be another piece of advice but let's just ball it up into one the power of saying no I mean you did just jump you did just jump ahead to point number nine but that's fine we can bring it we can bring number nine forward we'll bring it in but it's true because I feel like they go hand in hand like if you're not looking after yourself you literally cannot look after anyone else you've got nothing to give anyone else so it took me a long time to get to that and I still I still want to help all my friends I'm still there for my friends

whenever they need me but I know now that I can say you know what I will do that for you and I can but can I do it tomorrow because I'm flat out today like I think it's just little things like that that you can do to keep yourself sane yeah absolutely and this is not saying like be selfish this is not saying you know don't be there to support the people that you love and care about it's just saying that you need to make sure that you are also taking care of yourself and that you have boundaries because you know we can take on so much of other people's emotional labor so much of other people's hurt, so much of other people's problems. And we all have our own problems. We're all living in the same world. It's fucking exhausting. We spoke about it on last episode.

There is so much anxiety in the world now. And sometimes it's hard to be somebody else's support person if you're not in a great place either. So I think make sure that you do take time for yourself. And just like you said, Britt, this whole idea of like, no is a complete sentence. you don't need to explain to people your reasoning behind not wanting to do something or you don't need to explain your boundaries constantly to people not everybody is deserving of knowing everything about your boundaries and why they're in place but they're so important for your own self-preservation I want to bring one in now for the couples because we just did one for the singles so number five and I think this is really really cute I think we all forget this very easily

but this is for when you're in a relationship maybe it's a long term maybe it's still early days when you get home from your day treat your partner like it is your first date for a little while then you can vent to them which I think you can unload on them later but I think this is really nice I think this is nice to come in and still because the early days that you're dating you would never walk in the door when you're just in those early days and unload on someone have a go at them for not packing the dishes you would never start a fight when you walk in the door when you would walk in the door and you would be all over them you would be how is your day you'd have you'd be communicating you'd be kissing them you'd be loving them and there'd be this really beautiful

connection and I think the longer you stay with people the love still grows and the love and respect is still there but I think we forget to do those really little things so I think that's really nice to come in and still have that moment and then you can unpack on each other and then you can unload but I think it's something to keep in mind well it also comes into like not taking a partner for granted and I think that it's just a nice way of being able to show that you don't take them for granted than just walking in the door and being like you are my dumping ground fucking listen to my shitty day totally yeah all right number six and I'm gonna just like package a few of these up together because a lot of advice came in around forgiveness and apologies and you

know repairing relationships but I'm gonna just start with the first one we're gonna start with the first and end with the third who would have thought all right don't underestimate the power of an apology however an apology without change is not an apology it is manipulation and that is so big there is so much loaded in that that if you are in a situation where you have done the wrong thing or the relationship that you're in is damaged apologies go so far like a genuine humble apology explaining your feelings explaining why something happened giving somebody that closure it is so important however we can really use and manipulate apologies to get somebody to do and behave the way that we want you know and I think that every single person here has probably been

in or experienced in a relationship where someone has apologized and then they have gone and done the exact same thing over and over and over so be aware that apologies as powerful as they are they can also be a huge tool that are used to manipulate people well it comes down to the age-old saying of actions speak louder than words so if someone's saying something that's great but if they're not following through with their actions then it's pretty irrelevant isn't it and it means nothing so unless they're going to show you that they're sorry or show you that they've changed otherwise you're not really sorry. So I think there's a lot in that. The flip side of the conversation around an apology is also the conversation around forgiveness. I think, you know, we can talk a

lot about taking ownership for our mistakes, but forgiving somebody for their mistakes goes a really long way as well. And there is this amazing quote from Nelson Mandela who said, as I walked out of the door towards the gate that led to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind I'd still be in prison that is so incredibly powerful in knowing that sometimes in life there are things that we can't control and holding on to that and feeling anger towards that feeling just like you can't get over something that happened in your past holding a grudge nine times out of ten the person that you hold a grudge towards has moved the fuck on and they don't even care anymore so all you're doing is keeping those negative feelings and allowing that to fester and allowing

that to still impact you so the only person who has control over that is you and I think forgiveness goes such a long way to being able to live a happy and fulfilling life now number seven number seven if they wanted to they would and if they like you you'll know and I think so straightforward we speak about this all the time like if someone does want to do something and we speak about it a lot in dating but it's in every aspect of the world but if somebody wants to go on a date with you someone wants to text you if someone wants to take you to dinner if someone wants to ask how you are they will do it no one is too busy to message you so when someone's like oh you know I think he likes me he's just been really busy this week like he probably does care about me

he'll ask you he will find a way much like when you like someone there is nothing that would stop you from contacting that person but this is in every aspect of life this could be friendships or families if someone wants to do something they're absolutely going to do it and if someone likes you you will know and they you know what they say that if you're confused about it chances are it's not what you think if you're confused if that person is interested in you they probably aren't because 99% of us are pretty straightforward shooters and we're definitely going to let you know how we feel I mean it's a hard pill to swallow sometimes but I love how concise this is I'm also going to throw one more piece of advice in there that goes with this that I've just thought

about it if you're confused there is no reason you can't just find out for yourself like I'm a very big advocate of I hate that feeling of not knowing. I hate that feeling of confusion. Just ask the question. Find out the answer and if it's not the answer you want, there's no skin off your back. That way you can put those anxious feelings to bed and you can move on. So go be independent like I said back to my very first point. Be independent. Go after what you want. Find out the answer so you can make a decision on the best way to move forward with your life. All right next one is only worry about what those you respect think of you not those who don't and don't take weight from people's opinions, you wouldn't go to for advice. And this is for all those internet

trolls out there. Oh my God. I was just going to say this. Okay. This was honestly, apart from like my first piece of advice that I gave you guys, this was something that rang so true for me when I was in like the absolute depths of the whole bachelor experience. I remember on the night of the finale, one of the guys who worked in, in the social media team for Warner brothers, he came and he saw me and he was like, look, Laura, I just want to give you some advice tonight. And it was the finale night he's like there are going to be hundreds of thousands of people who are stoked that it's you and matt together at the end and there's going to be a lot of people who aren't and everyone else hates you yeah and everybody else fucking doesn't like you he was like but

the reality is is like the normal people will go and like a photo when you post that photo of you and matt you know at the finale the normal people will like the photo and they'll move on he's like the super invested will write a nice comment and then they'll move on he's like and then you have that group of people who are going to say horrible things he's like but what you need to remember is that these are not people who you would even want to be friends with in the real world and I think sometimes we're so negatively geared we're so quick to look at something that's unkind or is criticizing of us and the first thing that we we think is we take that we take it so personally but if you don't care about what that person thinks or feels about anything else in life if

you don't care about their political views if you don't care about their religious views if you don't really care about what they have to say on any other topic then why do you care about what they have to say about you damn straight because it yeah 100 people but we always remember the things the negative things people say like it's ingrained in us in humans we always remember the shitty stuff and we never forget the millions of nice things or compliments that people give us so that's another thing to keep in mind yeah and i guess we also want to be liked at the end of the day we have such i mean i know that i've been guilty of this in the dating world but like we want to be liked and sometimes we don't even care if we like the other person we still want

them to like us you want to be the one that dumps them always yeah but we all do it but like let's date for one more week so i can dump you please take me back for a week number nine this one is corny as fuck and i didn't write that the listener wrote that corny as fuck always follow your instincts when you know something is off we speak about this all the time you have that animalistic gut instinct for a reason it is your body's way of saying hey there's a red flag something doesn't feel right and I really really think that you should listen to those because the few times that I haven't listened to them in my life I've kicked myself after the fact and I've and I've said to myself why didn't you listen to yourself like you knew this was going to happen you knew deep down

and so I'm trying to take a I'm trying to take a step back now in my life and I actually listen to my gut instinct a lot and my first impressions about someone as well like my first impressions that first feeling that your body gives you generally rings true do you think i don't know about first impressions necessarily i think the first impressions can be pretty misleading not the impression the feeling sorry the first feeling like if you get a feeling with someone haven't you ever it's like when i went on a date and i got drugged on my date i had a feeling at the start of that date that something was off i and i couldn't tell you why because he was really nice he looked very normal we'd had the chat but my feeling was like something wasn't right on the

date and I should have listened to it and I feel like that's my example because obviously people first impressions as a whole you can't really judge someone on that but I'm talking about that intrinsic deep animalistic feeling that your body is shouting at you like don't do this don't go there don't jump there don't date that person oh a hundred percent what you just touched on Britt that is like such a huge thing that has happened which I don't think we've ever spoken about on the podcast so I do think that there's probably more of a conversation that needs to come in relation to that. But like you said, our instincts are our warning signs. It's our body telling us that something is wrong. And I think so often we can ignore those signs because we want something

different, because we want to believe the best in people. Because like going back to that very first point, we want to see the potential in someone and we don't necessarily trust what's happening in our bodies or trust what we're being shown to our faces. So I don't think that this is corny AF I think that this is like fundamental 101 best life advice I love this one now number 10 which is our last one actually we've probably got a few more but I mean what's the last one gonna be okay look we're gonna make some honorable mentions after number 10 there are some that snuck their way in that we can't ignore but bring us home with number 10 number 10 I think is a really special one I think it's something that we can all kind of be victims of from time to time and

that is don't save things for a special occasion because sometimes that special occasion will never come. The queen's never coming. Get your cutlery out. She's never coming to your house for dinner. Do you know what? Burn the important candle. Get your good cutlery out. Drink the good wine. I remember reading this article from Lee Campbell and it stuck with me so much. And it was called Burn the Good Candle. And it was an article that she'd written about her dad who had passed away. and shit happens in our life that we do not have control over bad things happen and I think if you're waiting for a special occasion more often than not that special occasion can come and go past and special occasions are the days that you make special they're the the meaningful moments

that you carve out in your own life so I think waiting for something great to happen truly can mean that you miss out on it altogether so don't I'm like feel teary thinking about this because I just remember reading that article and it really really stuck with me the feelings of just grief and regret that you can have if you're waiting for something great and then it never ever comes because you lose that person that you love or life just throws a spanner that you have no control over so don't save life for the special occasions make the special occasions oh that was it that was a good way to finish that was a really good way to finish but I think before we wrap it up we are going to have we are going to make some honorable mentions they didn't quite

make the cut for one reason or another but I'm going to kick start it with this sound piece of advice. Don't be stingy on your garbage bags. Double bag if you need. It is not worth your rubbish spilling on the floor. And I think another very important one as Baz Luhrmann would not allow us to finish this episode without it. Wear sunscreen. I did not understand how important this piece of advice was when I was younger and now that I am 36 years old I'm battling some good pigmentation and I've had a couple of things cut out of my skin fucking wear sunscreen stop sun baking there's nothing healthy about a tan I cannot I will yell I will yell at you about this guys just wear it it's very important if you go back for a second sniff except that it's most

likely off which is so true if you have to how many times do you like get some chicken out of your fridge and smell it then you go to someone else and you're like can you smell this what do you think it doesn't smell right it's not right don't do it the salmonella is not worth it if You'd go back to your double sniff, throw it in the bin. If it's off, throw it in that double bagged garbage bag. I will never forget the day when Matt came to me and he had milk. And I hate full cream milk for starters anyway. And he was like, hey, babe, try this.

Me, and he said it with like a, hey, try this. As though it was like good. Like I should try it because it tasted good. But he wanted me to try it because he thought maybe it was off. And it was so off. If you have to get someone else to try or smell something, it's 100% off. i think the very last piece of advice that i want to end on i know we said we're going to do 10 we've done like 50 now it is this and i think that this is such a nice one to end on because it kind of

reminds me a little bit of the episode we've just done with sherry and that is when you are 80 you're not going to regret eating that extra piece of apple pie so just go and eat the damn pie and i love this because i think you are not put on this earth to be skinny skinny is not the most important goal it can take up so much brain space it can take up so much energy just enjoy your goddamn life and enjoy a piece of apple pie it's so funny that you said this remind you of like the chat with sherry because this quote is from sherry you didn't know that she's like eat the damn pie you're not gonna regret the pie every time i'm like do you reckon i should have second she's like fuck yeah have the fucking pie just eat the pie

live your life eat the pie you were not put on the earth to be skinny there's so many other more important things than how much you weigh and guys that is it from us this is like i've just loved how cathartic this is and how like a warm hug this episode is for anybody who is needing a little bit of extra positivity in their life that is what this episode was supposed to be and the biggest happy birthday to iconic who is now 10 and doing some crazy sales until the 25th of october as well you can jump on that there were so many of you that actually wrote in with their advice where there's no way we could have got through it all i'm thinking maybe laura and i'm just gonna run this by you now but maybe we do like one day a week like a friday or something

where we drop a piece of advice from the listeners on the gram. Just going to float that out there. Maybe that's something we can do. It could be like a feel-good Friday or something. Oh, I love it. Did you just come with that within you segment? Brittany, Hockley, coming with the goods. I'm coming hot.

That's what happens in lockdown. Honestly, there were so many. Like, guys, we received hundreds and hundreds. And I don't want anybody who is listening to this episode to think that theirs wasn't chosen because their advice wasn't good enough. There honestly was just too many to put in one episode. So maybe in the future, we'll drop another little bonus ep that has some feel-good advice

from the lifers, straight from the lifers' mouth. But thank you so much for listening to the episode. We'll be back tomorrow with Ask Uncut with our normal programming. And if you've loved the episode, go leave a review, jump onto Apple, tell us what you think. And you guys know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love.

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