Life Uncut - Age Gaps & When You Just Don't "Feel The Connection" With Your Kid

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

Hey lifers! Last week we accidentally breadcrumbed something but we are so excited to tell you that we now have a youtube channel!!! You can watch our episodes HERE!Please note that for our hard of hearing or deaf friends, you are able to turn on captions in your settings.  Lots happening in our personal lives with pets this week - Britt got into a brawl because Delilah apparently likes digging holes & Laura is adopting a cat. When it comes to age gaps, how much is too much and do gender dynamics matter?We speak about Kristin Cavallari's (37) new boyfriend Mark Estes (24), and why the world seems to be up in arms about their relationship. We unpack the general perceptions of age gaps and our own experiences dating 'up' or 'down' age ranges. Bradley Cooper has spoken out on a podcast saying that when his daughter was initially born, he did not feel a connection with her & it took him months to 'love' her.As outrageous as it might be to hear it, how common is this experience?We speak about how very common this seems to be for both mums and dads with their babies and why this seems to be the case. You can watch us on Youtube If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on InstagramJoin us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. I'm Laura. And she's got the giggles. We love to see it.

You're in a good mood today, Laura. I'm in a... Fuck you. I'm serious. You're in a great mood. I love it. The vibe's high. There's giggles.

I've just been sitting here saying what a terrible mood I'm in. It's Monday, but I'm good. I will get into a better mood. I will survive. I will survive. Hey, hey. I have a few things happening in my life that I'm really excited about, which I just want to get them off my chest before we get any further do i know about these there's actually one of them

is life uncut podcast related we should probably start with that one do we say in sync what i want to say first though before we say it in sync should we say it in sync no i know i was like wow shut me down there okay so if you were listening last week on wednesday's episode we interviewed sarah davidson she's got the podcast seize the yay brilliant episode go and listen to it but if you did and you made it all the way to the end which a lot of you did we breadcrumbed a very exciting announcement which we were going to announce on thursday's ask uncut episode we were like tomorrow stay tuned the biggest thing we're so excited about and then we gaslit the shit out of it we were like oh my god guys tomorrow we have such a big announcement we can't wait to

share it with you we're so excited not gonna want to miss it miss anything and then we forgot to tell you about it it was so exciting that we forgot to tell you i don't know how we let that happen but we apologize profusely for anyone that was hanging on because we did get a lot of dm saying what was the surprise someone goes did i miss the surprise was it hidden in the episode i was like no it wasn't hidden we didn't hide it we just forgot which is terrible because it actually is so exciting and i don't know how we managed to do i think we just got to the end of the week we were tired we really wanted to get to answering your questions laura had to go propagate she had plants waiting for her so she ran out the door boy i have an update on my propagation hang on

one at a time let's just tell them the actual announcement very exciting we've been working on for a very long time we hired jono our brand new employee to help facilitate this which is very exciting he's doing a wonderful job now if you guys love the podcast and you love our little video snippets and you're like oh i wonder what the whole episode looks like i wonder what laura and Brit look like when they are deranged and cackling into a microphone. But I would love to see the visual example of this. Well, now we're very excited to say you can see that

because we have our own YouTube channel. You want to say that? We can't afford special effects, but that is. No, because we hired Jono. Jono. We don't get any special effects. You can go. If you want to watch any of the videos,

the link is youtube.com forward slash at life uncut podcast you could just google life uncut no podcast on youtube it'll come up like that's the link but it's there's not that many life uncut podcasts on youtube no there's one totally but it's only just gone live so if you're googling it on tuesday when this episode comes out you might not find it straight away so you do need to type in at life uncut podcast because if you just type in life uncut it's a circumcision page don't do it please go and hit subscribe follow along so most of the episodes are going to be from start to end some of the ask uncuts we might just splatter around a couple of the questions each some might be longer but generally the Tuesdays and the Wednesdays the interviews are

going to be up there for all to see the reason why we did this as well is so we've had the podcast now for four and a half years and we have so many people who are in the life uncut community who are hard of hearing which you know obviously podcasting kind of seems like it's not it's not congruent with being able to participate in podcasting it's an audio media if you're hard of hearing and it's so isolating for those people when we've done the live shows we've always had Auslan interpreters at our live shows to make them as inclusive as possible but the actual work that goes into creating a YouTube version of podcasts and having all the videos cut down so that you can see how they all how we interact and cutting out me picking my nose and making sure that the video

flicks to brit and brit i don't know doing something inappropriate masturbating sometimes i do that in the middle of the episode so it was really always hard to cut that out you need to go there i thought that's for you it only only takes a couple of minutes no but so lead a horse to water so basically like jonah has to go in and like construct the right cuts for the video and whatnot and then there's a lot of work that goes into these so we so hope that you enjoy them if you love watching youtubes of your podcast you'll be able to get them there the only thing is if you are someone who doesn't watch YouTube and you're not across it don't just go and subscribe to the channel and the reason why we say this is because if you think you're supporting us and then you're

like yes I'm gonna subscribe love the girls love everything they do probably don't love everything we do that was a bit of a stretch but if you go and subscribe and then you never ever watch a video it actually is detrimental to the channel so only subscribe if you're gonna watch the videos and if not and you just want to go on and pop on and see a few of them jump on watch the vids like they're all going to be there the only thing is is we've started it from this year so we don't have like a back catalog because we didn't film everything from all the past episodes and the aim is to also try and get some like day in the life stuff sometimes and some behind the scenes stuff and we want to bring you into our world a little bit more and chaos and in different capacity

and we do just want to say this has been in the works a long time and i know laura said you know we're doing this four or five years and we've only just got to YouTube I do want to say it's it's a lot harder than you think and we've always been a really small team we didn't up until that long ago we were still recording at home we only ever had producer Keisha as our extra employee we didn't have the capacity to alone be filming editing YouTubes to be doing all of that because we were just a little tiny team of three and we always wanted to it was always the plan to continue to grow and give you guys the best that we possibly can and it's very exciting that it's taken us a long time but we have gotten here and you guys some of you know some of you don't my sister and

my brother are both hard of hearing they both have hearing aids it is something that is important to us it's just something that we haven't brit is also losing her hearing i am losing my means that soon she'll be able to watch the videos with closed captions i was like guys i need to be on youtube because i don't even know how i'm gonna listen to myself but anyway it's very exciting so please go and even if you are not a youtuber i okay admittedly i'm not a youtuber my partner ben is a youtuber i don't get it sometimes i call him i'm like what are you doing he's like oh i'm just watching youtube and i'm like what do people just do that they do they do they do but i'm not but since i've been trying to get all these videos ready and i've been watching it i get it i'm like

oh this is a lot of fun i get why people are the youtubers so now we're youtubers hashtag I can't YouTube it. I mean, look at Logan. What's his name? Paul. Okay, guys. I was trying to fit in. That's the big announcement.

I hope people aren't disappointed and didn't think it was like. We're giving away free puppies. Or a world tour or something. We've been. No, we don't have anyone over there. Maybe now we do. No one cares. We have YouTube.

Can't wait for our American audience to explode with all the YouTube views. Okay. I got into a fight yesterday. I want to tell you about it quickly because I don't like confrontation. you say this brit but you are the most confrontational non-confrontational person that i know and i say this and i say this with all the love of someone who's known you for as long as i've known you like as someone who feels like i could be related to you you drop confrontation then you go i don't like confrontation you walk out of the room

yeah because i don't like it throw it you'll be like she like punches someone yeah and then she goes she'll uppercut them and then say i don't like confrontation and walk out so that person who wants to return serve goes fuck's sake i also didn't really get into a huge fight it was just like say okay i had a conversation you got me i had a conversation when i with confrontation i don't ever go looking for it this is what i want to say it finds me but it yeah where i mean wherever i am it finds me no i don't go looking for it but if i feel that i'm passionate about something or someone's something's unfair or something's being someone's being bullied or whatever then of course i'm gonna go and say

something or stand up for someone you're a vigilante anyway there was bullying happening yesterday okay at the dog park at the dog beach and the person being bullied was Delilah Delilah was having a great time there were probably 30 to 40 dogs so I was on the rocks watching kids running around dogs everywhere if you go to this beach you know it's a dog beach so you know you're going there with dogs right and the beach isn't that big it's quite small you've probably seen it on my Instagram stories if you follow me I go there all the time anyway so there are these two little kids in about four or five meters in front of me and they've been like digging holes in the water they're probably like five and four I don't know they're old enough to be running around

by themselves right and Delilah goes running up to them next to them and these kids are on their hands and knees and like pushing the sand up underneath them like a dog and so Delilah goes up next to them and she also starts to do that like a dog oh she's a dog like she's acting very and then these kids three to four times punched her pushed her kicked her because they were like don't dig my hole and I was like oi and I called out to them but firstly I was like oi don't touch my dog yeah but secondly if you do that to the wrong dog that dog is going to turn around and bite you on the face like if you treat an animal like that and Delilah was sort of like so funny she looked upset she was like mom the kids won't play with me but they were so aggressive these

little kids so I went over there and first of all stopped Delilah but then I said I looked around for the parents no one was around so I bent down and I was like hey guys I was really nice I was like firstly I was like you can't treat an animal like that secondly I will fuck you yeah yeah I'm taking your bucket and spade bitch I was like if you don't know a dog and you punch it it could turn around and bite you on the face so you can't do that and I was being really nice then the dad then I hear this oi and I'm like oh god I look up and the dad walks over and he's like is there a problem I was like well sort of I was actually just trying to tell your kids who punched my dog but if they punch another dog there's a high chance it's going to turn around and bite them

on the face and you know what he said what well she did ruin their hole well she did ruin their hole the debt that they were digging and I was like are you fucking serious you can see where This flight's gone. I'm like, she's digging a hole. She's not ruining a hole. And you're at a dog beach. Shouldn't you be more worried that your kid is like abusing an animal and also animals that they don't know?

Anyway, we had this big brawl. And then I had to leave the beach. Why did you leave the beach? Because she kept digging. She kept going back and digging in the kids' holes. I was like, fuck it. I'll just leave. Anyway, that was my confrontation.

But how ridiculous, right? And I don't even know if I'm looking for validation here. I'm looking for something. so if you want to give it to me you're do you feel i was right right you're right you're right because you're the parent you would never let your kids treat an animal like that but my kids never would my kids would never push or hit or anything like that's part of how your children have been raised to view animals right like that's obviously it's trickled down from the dad if the dad didn't see that as a problem then that's why the kids didn't view it as a problem in the first place

so that's like parenting but also it's just sometimes that's cool that's a parent that's bad parenting but i mean like sometimes you have instances where you'll be at the beach and a dog will just fucking run across your towels across your shit and like you know you're there with your kids and you think okay and i have a dog and i'm like dude put your dog on a lead like if your dog is that lacking in spatial awareness that it's gonna do that that's really annoying and in those instances i'm kind of like i will kick off with the dog owner or someone's dog comes and runs and like steals food off your picnic blanket or something like those instances are so annoying that you'd kick the dog never but what i'm saying what i'm saying is is that you'd never ever raise

your child in a way where they would think that pushing a dog or hurting a dog no matter what that dog is doing is the answer so you please feel validated in the fact that you fought and i can't believe you got shamed into leaving the beach i did i was having a great time it was sunset it was beautiful anyway how dare they okay did you kick the kid obviously no no i love children um just not again that was so unconvincing brit oscillates between talking about frozen embryos and crying on this podcast and then saying i don't want kids she's like i see she's like that and i'm like oh i know what if mine turned out like i feel the same but once again i put it down to bad parenting i was like what else

can you genetically test that embryo for can you confirm or not if there will be a legend because I want good kids only genetically test this child and make sure one that it sleeps through the night isn't an arsehole I did just want to quickly say that actually reminded me I very briefly want to say I read every single message that everybody wrote to me because I was so nice I was very flooded and overwhelmed with responses about me talking about my embryo and fertility journey and I couldn't get back to everybody because they were like overwhelming I don't think I've ever had so many responses and the thing that makes me happy about that is there's that many more of you going through that that maybe now realize that you are so far from being

the only ones going through that like there is such a big community unfortunately of women experiencing that same thing and I realized even more than I realized did you know does that make sense like 100% once the the messages were coming in I was like I knew that this community of people were big but I didn't realize that it was so extreme and people people in the public eye actually quite a few people in the public eye in Australia were messaging me about their experiences that I didn't even know about well that's the thing right and for anyone who doesn't know we're talking about on Tuesday's episode last week Brit spoke about freezing embryos and it has been like an ongoing thing that we've talked about over the last couple of years has been Brit you freezing

your eggs and but something you hadn't shared was that actually you and ben froze embryos as well and why the last egg freezing round was such a big emotional thing for you to go through i honestly the response to that was incredible like you guys are amazing and in the way that you say it brit like i totally understand because i felt the same when i talked about miscarriage on this podcast like you don't ever want there to be other people who go through it but there's something really healing about the fact that you're not alone, but also this community that raises up and puts their hand up and says like, I'm also part of that group that no one ever wants to talk about. And it makes you and everybody else who's doing it feel like, okay, well, I'm not broken. And

there's, you know, other people who are experiencing the same thing that I'm experiencing. And it's really, it's just a really powerful thing as a woman, I think as well to know that you're not defected because your fertility doesn't work in a way that you, as you were growing up thought, oh it's going to be fucking easy because sometimes it's just not and also just just validating that feeling and I wrote this in my caption when I put it on my reel that feeling of I shouldn't be allowed to feel terrible and upset because some women go through it 10 times more than I do and I want to say that the number of people that wrote to me saying some had only gone through something once or going through it now and still felt that way and other women unfortunately had written to

me saying I'm doing my 18th round. So it's so vast and it doesn't matter how many times you go through something, you're allowed to feel that. And I just wanted to say that to anyone that in case it is their first time and they felt like I did where, you know, I did one embryo round and got nothing and I was devastated, but I felt like I wasn't allowed to be because I know so many other women's journeys are so much harder. I totally understand what you're saying, Britt, because there's always people, and I don't know why people want to compete on sadness. They want to compete on trauma. There's people who tell you, well, you didn't have it as bad as they had it, or how dare you talk about this or be a spokesperson for this when, you know, they've experienced X, Y, Z. I

understand it comes from their own personal loss, their own personal trauma, their own feelings of not being able to come to a place of resolution. I mean, there's things that happen in life that you're never going to come to a place of resolution with, but sometimes I see these types of comments, especially on social media and you think why are we competing to be the saddest or to be the most unhappy when really this is just a conversation about how fertility especially and isolated to fertility can affect many people in many different ways and it's just one singular voice that adds to the overall conversation around it yeah and it's all okay all right well this is a bit of a pivot from there but i wanted to tell you something that's very exciting that's happening in my life

tomorrow we actually not we i can't say we because matt's really not included in this at all he's still in vegas i just don't know how this is gonna end i'm taking the girls to go and get a kitten i know and matt is not thrilled but he will be thrilled he will fall in love with this kitten his love will grow for the kitten so what i can say is i am on board with this you know i support this so cute but i support it to the next level so i get a message the other day from laura and it's a video and there's two kittens in there and she's like oh my god i need home she's like i need to pick one i was like fuck that take them both i was like they're so cute how do you pick and what you should tell matt is that they've been together since birth they were found together bonded and

they can't be separated bonded kittens i think that's what you're gonna have to do and take them home how are you supposed to choose one and bring home a whole litter break take them all okay take the whole shelter so this actually came around like really serendipitously and like i kind of love this so you guys if you've been following along for my sort of personal story long enough you would know i have a three-legged dog his name's buster he is an angel he's an angel sent from the heavens he would never dig a hole and get punched by a kid because he can't dig scott one leg he can still do a lot with that leg though oh yeah he does heaps i've seen i've come over he's whipping up a roast sunday roast he does a lot with that leg he has no idea that he's missing

a leg like he's honestly of all the boys in the world he's the goodest boy he's so well behaved he's such an angel dog and he was a rescue so I never intended on getting a I never ever ever thought I was going to get a dog and what happened this one day is off the back of a shitty breakup like my big shitty breakup I talk about all the time I was walking home this one day with a bottle of wine and my housemate at the time told me that my neighbor was also going through a breakup and I barely knew her like I'd met her once just in passing and I was walking home with this bottle of wine and I walked down the street and out the front of her house she was sitting and she had this dog and I kind of looked at my wine and then I looked at her and I was like hey want to drink

this with me and she invited me in we drank a bottle of wine turned into a couple of bottles wine and Buster was her she was fostering Buster through this rescue organization and she wasn't like a particularly exercisey type person like she would take him for the absolute bare minimum of walks that he needed to go on but he was ripping her apartment apart because he was one year old dog and he was just tight like he was just had too much energy you know and he was ripping a couch apart and I was in my hashtag fitness era like he is the best dog so he tore her he was shredding her apartment but he was he was only one he was a puppy he had so much energy and just wasn't getting enough exercise and so I got a key to her house and I would take him for

walks every day and after a couple of months of doing that he still hadn't been homed and I had so deeply fallen in love with him and this family came this one day to see him they were going to adopt him and you were like no well yeah I was walking him that morning and I was just crying the whole time that I was walking him around Centennial Park and I was bawling my eyes out so I was like it makes me cry now I was like oh my god I'm because you almost could have someone's gonna someone's gonna adopt him today and um they came they saw him they loved him but they decided at the wire that they thought maybe he would have too many vet bills because of having three legs and so I took that opportunity and I adopted him and it just all came like it just was

like the perfect time of my life you know and how it was supposed to happen totally totally and the big thing about busty and this is like sounds I know it sounds so lame but I genuinely mean this people when you get a rescue animal always kind of say to you like oh you're so good you're such a hero oh you rescued an animal especially him because he's got three legs and it's so obvious that he's been through some big traumas in life people always like oh he's such a hero you're such a good person but he so saved me like I was in such a sad and pathetic state in life I was so lonely and he pulled me out of that so I always say like he rescued me just as much as I rescued him oh crap yeah Delilah's from a farm but she also rescued me as much as they do they just do

and anyway so the reason why we're doing it is like it all aligned perfectly this month is pet adoption month if you've been thinking about getting a pet go look at rescues and so I've been wanting to get a cat for ages Matt and I have been fighting about it but he went to Vegas and so I get a cat and that seems perfectly fair I also love that Laura's like Matt always says that I get my way and i'm like yeah because he goes overseas and you do everything you want to do so that when he comes back he doesn't have a choice he's come home and the entire house is full of plants and cats yeah it fucking is so anyway so yeah tomorrow we get to take the girls to go see them i'm so excited very cute and i'm gonna have a little kitten and i'm gonna be a lady

and a cat again you should change your instagram to the lady and a cat lady lady and a lady and a cat lady lady and a cat and a dog and three kids two kids oh jesus christ that was weird Matt's not a child. I want to talk to you guys about something that resonated with me. It's going viral online at the moment. It's all over the news. And when I saw it, I was like, I feel you. I hear you.

I see you. Because I am a cradle snatcher too. Because I cradle snatcher too. Because I am a cougar. Kristen Cavalieri. Now, you might know her from the old school TV show, reality show, Laguna Beach. Do you remember Laguna Beach, Laura? I can't say I've ever watched it, no.

But, I mean, I've seen articles about these people, but nothing. It means nothing to me. A very big American show. It was on MTV, which is like you had to be uber rich when you were a kid to have, like, Foxtel and MTV because they were the page. Right, right, right. I still had a TV where you had to click the channels. You're, like, 50.

You actually are. You're closet 50. You just had a facelift. I have not had a facelift. Sometimes you tell stories and I'm like, bitch, you're actually a 50-year-old. It's not 50, Laura. it's called poor okay sorry we didn't have a flat screen plasma thanks for making me say it neither did we well that doesn't make me 50 just because you don't have foxtel doesn't make you

a tv station that like literally you need to connect up to the roof laura if i tell you no there were four kids we had to take it in turn standing next to the tv with the rabbit ears to get the service anyway kristin cavalieri she's she's got three kids she's 37 she's recently in the last couple of years divorced. And now she's come back out and she's dating. She's gone public with a relationship, which we love, love, beautiful, but she's been slammed for it. Now, the reason she's been slammed for it is because her new love is 24 years old and people have just gone for her at every limb, gone for her neck, taken her out at the legs. Like they are coming for her because they're calling her gross, a cradle snatcher. All the comments on

Instagram, she just put this beautiful post up, right? Her and her boyfriend. And she just goes, he makes me so happy it's it's just a beautiful photo of them they're both genetically blessed humans he doesn't look 24 you know he looks like a big football player right like he's not a footballer but he looks like that he's big he's muscly he's very american chiseled handsome all right brits settle down he's gyrating in a chair he's uh he's because he's actually brits preferred age he's my ex his name is mark estes i might be pronouncing that wrong just um look britney's following who she's following on Instagram and he'll pop up. I slid to the DMs, but apparently it was taken, but she's been slammed. And some of the comments are like, oh, are you taking your

other kid out? You know, you've got four children or you're picking your kid up from school. And I just am not about the narrative around this because I don't understand. I genuinely don't understand why it's a problem. Now the age gap is 13 years. Obviously she's older, 13 years. She's got the three kids she's got the family a lot of people don't understand why a younger guy would want to date an older woman with kids but why is that up to us to narrate their story like why is it up to us to say what 24 year old wants to date an older woman with kids obviously Mark does because he is it's crazy that if this was the other way around no one would blink an eye I think looking at you I mean people are blinking an eye at him now because it's kind of predatory but

I mean, like ultimately a 13 year age gap in the reverse, especially in the world of celebrities, it doesn't even get airtime, a guy dating younger women. And I think it's because this still goes so deeply against societal norms where we've been told that younger men are not interested in older women, that we've been told that as you age, you're undateable, especially a mother of three children. Oh my God. Shock horror. But have you seen her?

She's a babe. She's beautiful. but even, even not like, why does it have to just be based on attractiveness? Like even in this instance, because I looked at the photo, I saw the photo that she posted of the two of them. They look the same age. They don't look like there's this massive age gap. And the comments are things like, Oh, like, is that your grandma? Like, is that your grandson? Is that your kid? It's just so, it's so demeaning and so belittling. And I think it's very unfair. It also is the reason why so many women won't date younger men for fear of the way that people will think.

I know you haven't had that issue I'm not scared no but but you know you have been you even said so for example you were dating Jordan your ex he was seven years younger yeah he was seven years I was about to say my junior but that sounds gross so he was seven years younger but he was and I think this is important he was 25 and I say important because the day that he turned 26 I was like, thank God. But that's what I mean. You said that just before we were getting onto the recording, we were talking through the story. You were like, oh my God, I was so thrilled when he turned 26. Cause that just didn't sound as bad as 25. 26, he's different. 26, he's different. He's 25. Oh, he's 26. He's basically 27. But that's what I mean. Even you, I mean,

he's the same person, regardless of whether it was three days after his birthday or three weeks beforehand, but it's the age that we kind of become fixated on. And I understand when there is an imbalance of power I understand when you're dating down someone who's so young that they haven't they don't have the life skills they don't have agency or choice or you know maybe it's because this person who's the older person is wealthy successful just you know wields a lot more power in multiple facets of life that's when it's totally problematic and he's looking at you Leonardo DiCaprio when you're 49 years old and you're dating girls who are in their early 20s when you're one of the most powerful actors in the world and you're dating models who want to

get into the industry that is a power dynamic that a lot of people now have an issue with but in this instance a woman dating someone who's 13 years younger like fucking let the girl live and i read this really interesting quote which i kind of loved because i know that so many of us would rule out dating younger men and even myself i think i would i mean i'm not really on the market to date anymore but if i was and you've also said if you ever split up with matt you would never date again I know I just don't think I could be bothered but maybe I would anyway I would have always said I wouldn't date younger men but I found this quote really interesting the pool is already so small to find the right person for you why are we making it even smaller men don't and

when you think about that men will date up they'll date down they'll date whatever you know that's right it's so open for them the pool is so wide that they can date whoever they want to yet women are still constricted around okay only date people your age or up to x amount of years older look it does come with a bit a few boundaries this is what I want to say like a few caveats I love to say age is just a number and age gaps don't matter but I don't truly believe that age gaps matter depending on the age so 13 years is different when you're 18 right like when you're you're just in your adult years dating someone 13 years older is more questionable for a multitude of reasons a obviously there's going to be a power imbalance but b you're still finding out who you are and

you're at different stages of life chances are if you're 18 you're not ready to be settling down and having kids whereas if you're in your early to mid 30s you're in a different life phase but at the end of the day that's the number one thing if this guy mark is 24 years old but he's super mature he's in the same place as Kristen is they don't notice the difference in their relationship that's what matters and I remember people saying that about Jordan and myself I was like he's so mature in his life because he's always been traveling around the world by himself he grew up very quickly he's very disciplined I didn't notice a difference but if I was dating somebody else at the exact same age there was just a party boy that didn't want to do anything

I wouldn't be able to date him because we're in different places so it's more about where you are if these two people there's no power imbalance he's living his own life he's doing well he's successful they're two adults that have made a conscious decision to date each other she's not preying on him but even so like my other feeling about that when you say okay it comes down to maturity and life stages and everything else that's the same for any relationship regardless of age gaps like i mean in terms of you being like well you know he might be still a party boy and he might be this and he might be that he might be all those things he might be a party boy and they'll figure that out for themselves in their relationship that still doesn't constitute

an imbalance of power right it just constitutes being at different stages to someone that you've decided to be in a relationship with that shit happens whether you're the same age or not i've dated men who are older than me who have been in a different phase of life there are so many more social stigmas around older women dating younger men usually when we talk about big age gaps and it's an older man with a younger woman we talk about power imbalance but when we talk about an older woman with a younger man, we talk about how weird it is that he could possibly find her attractive. And that I think is so unbelievably superficial. And it really adds to this narrative that as women become older, we become less important. We become obsolete. We become

invisible. We become less attractive. So we put a poll up on Instagram because we know how we feel, but we always love to know if that is the general consensus or not. Let's canvas the nation. Yeah. and the statistics were actually surprising because only 52% of you said you were completely okay and had no problem with an age gap if of course there was no power imbalance in there so just over half and basically the other half 48% of you said you did have a problem if it was like 10 years or older so like 10 to 20 years we put that up like as a group so 48 versus 52 I thought more people would be okay with the age gap but I think it also comes down to the age of the person who's answering that question right so as I've gotten older I have cared about age gaps less

yeah whereas when I was 18 I wouldn't have dated someone who was 35 for example like I just would like that to me sounded crazy whereas now I'm like that age gap to me doesn't sound so big so I think if you're in your teens obviously an age gap is more profound if you're in your 20s a big age gap is more profound. If you're in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and you're dating someone who's 15 years older than you, like if you're 40 and you're dating a guy who's 55, it doesn't feel that big or that crazy. It doesn't even sound that crazy to say. But if you are 20 and you're dating a guy who's 35, that feels like a bigger age gap. And I think in just the way that it sounds. So I definitely don't think that you can clear cut this idea of age gaps and just say, oh, they don't

matter they're irrelevant. Yes, I think they do matter under some circumstances, but sometimes I think we get hung up too much on what society thinks we should do because of what's quote unquote right or normal, not actually what is at the very basis at the best interest of the people who are in that relationship. Also, there are plenty of women that you probably don't even realize in the public eye are in like age gap relationships where they're dating down in age. Courtney Cox for one and her husband, Johnny McDade, there's 12 years difference with them. remember kim kardashian when she dated pete davidson spoiler 13 years difference would not have guessed that pete davidson looks a lot older than what he is he does he has been paralyzed in

time under the eyes pete i think that's what ages him because he always looks tired yeah i like it though i love him he looks how everyone loves him apparently sexy and haggard he must be so good in bed he's gotta be he he has to be it's he's funny i reckon he's funny hot chicks i reckon he makes them come and they giggle come and laugh at the same time they laugh orgasm olivia wilde and harry styles 10 years i mean that one was pretty well documented on and that was kind of a bit of a weird one yeah and one of the ones that was very controversial at a time and was all over the news was ashton kutcher and demi moore 15 years i mean didn't work out well for them yeah but they were well it did they were together for a long time and then they moved on it's not like he cheated on her

and like things really spiraled out of control yes but it's not like they dated for i mean they were together a very long time and normal people in that are the same age are together that long and cheat on each other so like that had nothing to do with the age I don't know I stand that well something I wanted to talk about which has been doing the rounds online in the last couple of days so Bradley Cooper he used to be my hall pass but also I mean kind of tenuous linkage he also has a big age gap now because he's dating Gigi Hadid okay that yes that's not what we're That is not what we're talking about. We've done the age gaps.

We can unpack. Okay. So basically what he's been in the news about is he was on the Dax Shepard, it's the Dax Shepard Armchair Expert podcast, great podcast. Not as good as Life Uncut, but great. And he was talking about his experience of being a dad. Now everyone is up in arms because he's talking about his daughter Leah and what he had to say was that in the first year of her birth

and the first year of her being in the world, that he didn't have this unwavering sort of feeling of, you know, they talk about this feeling that's going to come over you as a parent, that you're going to be so overcome with love. And he talks about how that was so lacking for him in the first few months of her birth. The way he described it was this. He said, the first eight months, I don't even know if I really loved the kid. That was my experience. I was fascinated by it. And I love taking care of it, which is weird that he keeps calling his child an it, but he does. And then he goes on to say, But would I die if someone came in with a gun?

Well, that's because he said like everyone, all his friends were talking about when the kids were born, they were like, oh, it's his instant love. I would die for it. He was like, I mean, I didn't feel that. I don't know if I would die for it. And people have just come with their pitchforks for him. Well, it's not even that they've come with their pitchforks. A lot of people are sort of saying like, this is an internal monologue.

Why would you need to say this out loud? A lot of people, and I think anytime that someone describes their parenting experience as less than the ideal parenting experience where there's this sacrificial lamb to the joy of parenting, people clutch their pearls at it, right? And so what I took from his interview was that he was saying he didn't have the overwhelming, strong hormonal bond that a lot of people have, but that he grew and fell in love with his daughter over the years. And what he says is that now being a father has made him a better person. He talks about how if he hadn't become a father, he probably could be dead by now in terms of how fast and furiously he was living his life and how she

completely anchored him that's the description he uses about his experience of parenthood but people get so up in arms by this idea that maybe somebody doesn't unwaveringly love their child the second that they come into the earth and I think it's so important this conversation because we've spoken about things like postnatal depression in terms of like a mother's experience And I do think that mothers and questioning this undying love that we're supposed to feel the minute that we give birth to our children, we've definitely had it from a female perspective, but I think a lot of men and a lot of dads don't have that instantaneous love. And then they have to grapple with that feeling of maybe they're an inadequate dad.

Maybe they're not doing a good enough job, or maybe they've missed some sort of dadding gene that they're supposed to have if they're going to be a great father. I think it's great that Bradley Cooper's talking about this because from all accounts, the people that I've spoken to in my life, the males, and I had this exact conversation literally in the last three weeks with a guy said exactly the same thing because they physiologically, they aren't having those hormonal changes. So they haven't gone through that nine months of feeling different things in their bodies. They're seeing their partner do it, but nothing is happening to them. I think it's far more common than not for a man to see this child and say oh okay like

it's mine I'm gonna love it like look how cute it is but they're not having that innate flood like a tsunami of feelings come rushing through their body they haven't had time to bond to get to know to have the same sort of experience that the woman has had well I mean some dads do it's not like this is a blanket rule like some people do some mums do some mums don't I really remember and one of the it was such a good conversation a really good friend of mine who has two children now he was talking about when he had his first little boy and I was pregnant with Marley we went and had breakfast at the time and he said when his wife gave birth he was at the hospital and everything was as they kind of thought it should be there was nothing traumatic about the birth it

was quite a joyful quote-unquote experience and he said he just looked at this baby and then he walked downstairs and the hospital doors opened and he walked outside and he started to cry and he thought to himself like we've ruined our relationship he was like what have we done he had this almost like foreboding feeling of like oh my god that's true that well yeah it was like that wasn't what i expected it to be he was expecting the flood of love to come and the flood of love didn't come and then he was like holy shit what is wrong with me and like i said i think we've we've spoken about women who experienced that, the delayed onset of the feeling of love,

but we don't really speak about dads who talk about that delayed onset. And so by not talking about it and by not giving it airtime, all it does is that dads who do feel like it takes them a while to bond with their children, they feel like they're shit dads and they feel like they're not adequate at what they're doing. And, you know, even if you speak to Matt, Matt will talk about Lola and he will say like, he loves his girls. I know.

I hate that we have to preface these conversations with that because you fear that someone might interpret it the wrong way but it took him time to connect with Lola in the way that he'd already connected with Marley and the reason for that is is it's sometimes really hard to connect with a baby that does nothing but scream at you of course like scream at you all day long especially when you already have a two-year-old in the world who's telling you they love you and giving you all this adoration and love the two things don't just instantaneously match up no and I've had friends women say to me of course I love this child but they are not adding one thing to my life not yet like not one positive thing because no they love it but they don't they

love it because it's there they'll look after it but they're like yeah is it bringing me joy right now no because Laura they're going through hours I mean you've experienced this like 12 hours straight of screaming and we're not screaming they're just shitting so people are like yes people like actually like well yeah I love it but is it adding to my life right now no hopefully it does in a year I love the conversation that surrounds parenting and I've heard it had in a couple of different circles but this idea of falling in love with your children as you get to know your children more and more and I think as much as I feel very fortunate that I had the flood of love with Marley and also with Lola but I can definitely say that I have fallen in love with

my children the more that their personalities have come through and the more that they've turn from little blobs into little individual people with their own quirks and personalities and I think that that's what he's describing in this and I kind of hate how the internet instantly gets on the defense and says well how's Leah gonna feel when she's old enough to be able to see that you've said these things about her that you didn't love her and I would hope that him being able to have an honest conversation like this and talk about how much having a child has fundamentally changed him and how he now sees that there's something in the world that's bigger and more important to him that that's a reflection of the relationship that he has with his daughter

and when she's old enough to comprehend that when she was a tiny baby that he didn't connect with her right away she'll also be old enough to comprehend how much he does care for her now I just think sometimes there's such an adverse reaction to speaking honestly about parenting and it shouldn't be the case we interestingly asked you guys your response because we always do that we want to know what our own audience thinks and 40 percent of you said that either you and or your partner had trouble connecting with your child when they were born 40 percent that is a huge amount which is just telling us that it's happening and people aren't talking about it so i think hats off to bradley cooper on top of that it's all anyone's talking about

right is that he said this but no one's talking about the rest of the conversation which is how much he loves his daughter and would do anything for his daughter and the whole idea is how much it changes but we're not talking about that because that's not what media does what media does is grab a headline the worst part to make it look like the worst thing anyone could possibly say and then they just drop that and run well this is exactly what he went on to say after he said would i die for her question mark like you know i don't know at that time when she was you know younger than eight months but then he goes on to say and then all of a sudden it's like no question and i think so many parents experience this feeling of like almost like one day where you

wake up and you're like, oh my God, I could not imagine my life without you. But when you very first came, I was a little bit worried about what I did there for a second. And I don't think that there should be shame or stigma around talking about that. And I certainly don't think that we should view parents who experienced this as though they're doing something wrong by their children by talking about that experience. It doesn't invalidate you as a parent, doesn't make you a bad parent. Obviously, if that's something that is prolonged, you need to go and seek help about it it could be postnatal depression etc etc but it is a really real thing and I think a lot of people like we said feel like they're doing a bad job because they don't have the textbook beautiful

fairy tale experience around birth where they feel the flood of love and we can't constantly be saying men need to open up men need to realize that it's okay to be vulnerable you know men need to be able to express their feelings then said man opens up is vulnerable expresses feelings and then we want to tear him down like you can't have it both ways and maybe it's a different conversation if you didn't finish that sentence with but then all of a sudden it changes and you would do anything for them if that wasn't the end of that sentence then maybe we could be talking about it if he six years later still had these feelings and issues different conversation that's just a deadbeat dad well no it's just a dad that could be really struggling still too and mentally could be in a different

place but that's not what the conversation is the conversation is that real raw honesty of hey when this little crying blob came out I didn't understand it didn't take me long and then I got it and now I realize that obsession like why are we dragging these people for this and I think the only last thing I want to say on this is that for a lot of women you have nine months to mentally prepare because the growing the body changes the hormone changes the nesting the all of that stuff happens to you and as women we often are more invested in that process than what our partners are. I'm not saying that that's the right thing, but often as women who are the birthing mothers, we, we will read the books. We would do the research. We take on that role. And a lot of

times, once again, I'm not saying it's the right thing, but a lot of dads can kind of disassociate themselves from it. They're like, well, she's reading the book, so I don't necessarily have to read the books. And so they're not as invested or feeling the process as it's happening. Yeah, sure. They might've assembled a few cots and moved a few bits of furniture, but their life hasn't changed whereas a pregnant woman's life changes from the time that they get pregnant they have to stop drinking their bodies changing and they're preparing whereas his life doesn't change until that baby's on the outside and sometimes that means that that person has to emotionally catch up and they have to mentally and maturity wise actually catch up to the place where you've

had nine months to reach beforehand all right it is time for accidentally unfiltered your most embarrassing story and this one i mean it's innocent but also it's cute okay this just happened to me i am in year 11 at a boarding house for context which the thing that britain i found most surprising about this is that we have listeners who are in year 11 i fucking love that but then i'm also like i mean i guess it's their sexual awakening maybe like having the big sisters that they never had yeah talking about their labias yeah anyway all right okay this just happened to me i'm in year 11 at a boarding house i have this pajama top on with a really low and wide dip at the back but i accidentally put it on back to front so my boobs were pretty much fully

exposed. But I was like, whatever. My roommate was out and it was just me in my room. So I didn't really think about it. I went to sleep and then I got woken up in the middle of the night by some of you nines who were outside making TikToks literally outside my room. Youth. The fucking youth these days. So I opened the door and I stood square in the doorway and I asked them to be quiet and they just all stared at me with their mouths open. And then I shut the door and they started laughing hysterically being like, oh my fucking God, what did we just see? I was so confused because i'd just woken up then i looked down and realized that both of my boobs were out the thing that jumps out here is i was like oh i know you're young because you're wearing cute

beautiful low-rise pajamas like you should see what i go to bed in backless pajamas i just go i go to bed with my tits out same and like the oldest bridget jones undies you've ever seen to be fair i would stand at the doorway and yell at some unionis if they were making tiktoks outside though i don't care if they see my saggy boobs yeah but you're nearly 40 she's only two years older she's in year 11 she's probably making her own she's probably made a tiktok about her titties being out perfect if you guys have embarrassing stories accidentally unfiltered please send them in to instagram life uncut podcast just put accidentally unfiltered whilst we're here send your ask uncuts in as well any questions to life uncut podcast on the instagram

all right it is time for suck and sweep britney what is your throw to me while you figure yours i don't know my suck yet what's your suck my i know my suck go okay laura what's your suck today my suck is that matt is in vegas he's been in vegas now for over a week and i have to listen to him being like oh it's so hard being away from you and the kids and then the social media really is not correlating with the oh it's so hard to be even you and the kids because i'm seeing him having a fucking great time a great time he's over there for the football he looks like he's absolutely loving life and then he's like laura social media is not real life and i'm like shut up matthew it is real life you're in vegas does this mean you get owed now like a girl's holiday

anywhere child free so can we all go somewhere because he was at work so it's not really oh bitch please his work's vegas so we're gonna go do podcast work then in the bahamas sold sorry matt we gotta podcast someone in the bahamas it's yeah i mean yeah that's exactly what it means absolutely okay so that was my suck for the week my sweet for the week is that my mother-in-law moved in which is so cute so ellie has finally officially moved in she's only here with us for a couple of weeks though and then she goes overseas to france for she's like learning how cute is this she's like retired she's 74 72 she'll kill me for that and she's just moved in with us and now she's gonna go and do like two months in france learning how to speak french

doing like a french intensive course good on what a fucking life she's such a boss that's what i want to do when i retire just travel to europe and learn a language i hope she comes back with the man i don't because she's living in my front room i really don't want to be happy in love like yeah but i don't want to bring in over boyfriends like fuck there's already enough bodies in my house well no but maybe she'll move out and actually have a love of her life later in life i think that's beautiful i'm rooting for you ellie ellie is not rooting for anyone she would she would laugh so hard at that because she so until meeting ellie i would have said that you you know if you go through a divorce or whatever at some point in life you want to date again right

like you want to meet someone because like everyone wants companionship when they're older she is the most beautiful example of someone who has prioritized female friendships in her life she has no interest in dating whatsoever and she's so closed off to the idea of finding someone but she's so happy i love that because i think it challenges what most people think is that you need to be if you're alone you're going to be sad and she's alone and she's stoked she's like why would I want to invite someone into my life that's going to mess this shit up anyway she needs to go for a younger man okay I don't want to hear my mother-in-law fucking in the front room I just don't think of the content this is true my suck this week weirdly I just don't didn't really have

standout suck I really punched your dog yeah but I already said that and you always put the rule that like you can't have the same suck that was in it what I will say is I am finding it very hard to balance having any sort of social life and maintaining contact with Ben. And now that sounds ridiculous, but with our time difference, he wakes up and goes to work in the morning, right at like dinner time. So right at 7pm, which means we only speak for that 15 minutes that he goes to work in the morning. So if I do anything with my life, like if I meet a friend for a drink or dinner or literally anything, I don't speak to him that day because I'm not going to say to my friend, excuse me while I go speak to my boyfriend for 20 minutes and then he's completely out of action

they don't get they're not even allowed their phone at work like their training is so intense that they get to they get fined if they're on their phone which is crazy so I barely spoke to him this week because I had a lot of things on at night time and I and it sounds so dumb that like if I go to dinner I don't speak to my boyfriend for an entire day but it's true so I feel like I haven't spoken to him at all in a week hope you're well Ben because I know he listens to and my sweet of the week i had a really nice weekend at the beach and this sounds so simple but after two months in the uk winter i feel like this was probably one of the first whole weekends where i was like the sun was out it was shining i didn't have a lot of plans in the day so i just

went to the beach with delilah it was like the summer i felt like i missed out on so that was it it's such a simple simple beautiful but that's what it's all about yeah the little sucks and the little sweets yeah and a little bitch punch my dog okay anyway that's enough from us anyway guys that is it go and watch the youtube channel if you haven't gone and already like fire it up on your phone and you can watch back on some of the apps maybe if you've missed some of the apps recently go and watch them instead yes and then comment do you like do you like but leave a comment do you like youtube's like comment subscribe and also you can join us on instagram which is life uncut podcast that you know you can find us also on the discussion group life

uncut discussion group we're everywhere guys now we're tiktok and instagram and youtube and youtube and before we actually let you go i do just want to say tomorrow's interview is incredible it's an interview that i was beside myself that we got to do if you have seen American Nightmare which is trending on Netflix right now it is the story well it's been trending for a couple of months in the top 10 it's the story about the real life gone girl Denise Huskins and her partner Aaron where somebody broke into their house in the middle of the night tied him up drugged them kidnapped her and it's the story that followed that about the the police investigation or lack thereof that really had the world hooked this documentary is incredible and I

am devastated because you guys might know last week i was getting sick and so i actually couldn't do this interview so it's brit and keisha but i cannot wait to listen through to it i've already listened through the edited version and she is incredible so we reached out to denise i just shot my shot and i was like i need to speak to this woman and i don't know how this has had like between 40 and 50 million streams so far i don't know how but she has not done an interview since then. We are it. Life Uncut Podcast has basically an exclusive worldwide, which is insanity. And I love speaking to her. It's an amazing episode. She gives a lot of information that you don't get from the Netflix documentary. So please listen to that tomorrow. And if you haven't

seen it, watch it tonight. Go home this afternoon, today, tonight, watch American Nightmare because you're going to get a lot out of this interview tomorrow with Denise. That's it. Don't forget, Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love!