Life Uncut - “And then I became deeply hungry to get out of pain.” Mindset and Manifestation with Zoe Marshall

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

Zoe Marshall is a lot of things. A podcaster, a content creator, an ex radio host, a mother of 2 and she’s now an advocate for mindset and manifestation. She’s joining us today to talk through why mindset is so important in our lives and the science behind some practices that have been thought of as a bit 'woo woo'. Zoe also speaks about what led her in a different direction from the successful podcast 'the deep' and how we all process and manage trauma.  We speak about: How ‘manifesting’ has been labelled as only for the privileged Finding purpose in less conventional ways Conscious thought and taking action especially in relationships Reticular activation system Shifting mindset from fear to gratitude It’s the feeling, not the ‘thing’ that you actually want You can find everything from Zoe here Zoe’s course "How to Manifest" - use code LIFEUNCUT for 25% off You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. I'm Laura. Today we're very excited to introduce our guest and a topic that has always been a little bit divisive and a little bit controversial between Laura and myself. I'd love you all to meet Zoe Marshall. Now Zoe is many things. She's a podcaster. She's a content creator. She used to

be one of us. She was an ex-radio host. She's a mother of two, but now she's a really big advocate for mindset and manifestation. She's joining us today to talk through why mindset is so important in our lives and the science behind some of these practices. Some people think they're a bit woo-woo. I personally have been a manifester for a very long time. Laura has. I've gone into a lot of trouble for using the word woo-woo before on this podcast.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got taken down on Instagram for saying because woo-woo, I get it. Has like a negative connotation. Can be taken in an offensive way. Okay. And someone really took it to heart, which was not intended.

Look, you know, social media sometimes likes to be angry. It's true. It's not the hill I would die on, but they chose to. I think someone was more like, you're making it sound like witchcraft or something like that. The term witchcraft was thrown into that review. Do you know witches are in though? Yeah.

White witches. Yeah. I'm all about it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So she's already just turned. I'm that bendy arm.

I do want to say, I mean, I've been across your podcast that you have done for a very long time, The Deep. It is a beautiful, beautiful conversation. And I would say that you delve into and have over the past a lot of trauma, a lot of unpacking the nuts and bolts of what make people tick. And then you've now taken a bit of a shift in what is the content that you're creating and it's called Arise. And we'll get into that. But I want to preface this because when you say Brit, it's been a divisive conversation that we've had around manifestation. That's probably been dramatic. Well, no, you're actually not because

it is a conversation that comes up very often in the Facebook group. As much as Brit says that I'm skeptical about it, I do think I implement it in my life. I absolutely do. And I do think that there are so many wonderful things that have happened in my life that are the byproduct of me being extremely focused, whether you want to call it manifesting or not, but extremely focused and also having all the things that I did, like all my actions that kind of pointed me within that direction. But I also think it comes down to how people talk about it as to whether it's palatable or it sounds woo woo. So the reason why I was really excited to speak to you is we had a really quick chat on radio the other day. And I think you were the first person that in that sort of

very short conversation I was like oh you're talking all the things but you're saying it in a language that doesn't make me feel like I sit on the outside of it oh that's such a what a beautiful compliment because it's a you're welcome thank you because it is a really big topic and it has been marketed to the privileged hundred percent and the white woman that can access everything that hasn't really maybe had a hard time and coming from the deep and having those conversations and my own history with trauma, it felt like you have to meet people where they are and lots of people are not okay. And to be able to access something because you're rich and white makes no sense when the people that truly need access to feeling more ease or feeling more joy

or feeling more safe is accessible with exactly the same tools or maybe not exactly because I don't know what other people are teaching, but I knew that from my rock bottom I was able to full circle have this extraordinary life. So why was I so scared from hiding this? Because there's shame because it's been misunderstood through the media and society. And I just went it's enough, like enough trauma, I guess,

sharing online, enough me carrying vicarious trauma from all of these people because I was not able to put a line between me and, you know, a woman that was sex trafficked as a child or a woman that lost her mother to a mass murder. Like I couldn't not take that into my home with my children, with my sleep. Like I was just so sick. And so the evolution of Arise has come truly because I've learned what it is like through these stories on the deep to have experienced the most horrific things. But I've also come full circle with some tools and techniques and really easy ways to implement a pathway to have a better life. Yeah. Does that make sense? A hundred percent it does. I do. I mean, I really want to get into your rock bottom as bad as that sounds, because I

know that that's the foundation for, you know, what happened with the rest of your life. But before we jump into manifestation and how you got to where you are now, we start with an accidentally unfiltered, an embarrassing story. Let's start at the real bottom. Let's start at the very bottom. Do you have an embarrassing story you want to share with us? There's so many. I don't, I'm not an easily flappable person, but this one, okay. There's two stories that come to mind. Firstly, I've never, ever farted in front of my husband. Thank you. Zoe, this is something that Laura and I also are divisive about. I have always said I will not fart in front of a partner and Laura thinks

that I'm a sociopath because I won't. I don't think you're a sociopath. I just think like. Do you have much oral sex? No. Not as much as what we used to, but I'm lazy. Did you fart back then? Yeah.

Always. We've farted literally since we met. I think Matt farted on The Bachelor on a single date. Like I think we farted before we were expensive. That is disgusting to me. Not me. It took me a bit longer, but, you know, no whole bars now. I also live with my mother-in-law.

She farts around the house. Like everyone's farting in our house. No, not for me. It's fine. it's just I cannot fathom I just cannot I just cannot I wasn't raised that way and I just to be a woman and I'm a feminist I believe in equal rights and you should be able to fart if you choose to thank you for me quality of farting think of the women but I just feel like will you see me differently I actually it's we're gonna go all over the shop here but I'm recovering a

metaphobe. Do you know what that is? I have no idea. Has that got anything to do with farting? No. So in a metaphobe is you have an extreme phobia of vomit. You'll have people that come out of the woodworks, listeners here going, that's me, that's me. It's very specific, but also so challenging when you're a parent because you cannot choose when you want to deal or not deal with vomit. I wish we could, but I've just spent the last week dealing with gastro. And let me tell you, it's also, I've got a fear of it now too. Yeah. So in this workshop I did to overcome the vomit, one of the things was releasing control. And the farting thing is a control thing because you want to be perceived as feminine and womanly

and sexy and all of the things. And I had to fart. My homework was to fart in front of my husband. Now to go back full circle. That is so funny. Go back full circle to the most embarrassing moment was being induced with my first child, having fought that induction and that centosinin for 14 hours. Like I need relief. Like I was, there was no drugs. It was a natural birth vibe. And they came in to do the epidural. I was moving so violently that they had to reset the epidural. They said they would paralyze me if I didn't stop. You know, you're convulsing. It's very difficult. Finally, the epidural goes in. It's fucking bliss. Isn't it? When it kicks in, It really is night and day.

I feel like I'm going to get an epidural before I even walk in. I'm not even in labour. I'm like, let's start it. Literally, when my second was due and I was being induced, I wasn't even induced yet and I was like, put the epidural in now. And they're like, we can't do that until you're in established labour. And I was like, why? We all know I'm heading there.

Just get it in. I'm going to be there any second. I was like, I don't want to feel this. But when this epidural kicked in, I was laying there, I was kind of in and out of sleep and there was just this huge and I was like, binge. Disgusting. I'm trying to rest.

And he was like, that was not me. And I was like, well, who? It was me. Well, you just couldn't feel it. I couldn't even feel that I'd farted. But don't you poo anyway in birth? A little bit. Some people do.

I haven't yet. I reckon you have. It makes me feel elite. No, no, no, no. You know if you do. Do you know? You can smell it. No, you cannot.

There's a lot happening. I've been at multiple births now of not my own birth, and let me tell you. Are you like a doula in the making? No, my sister's. My sister, sorry, I've been at both of her births. She's a pooper. I think this is funny that you're most, it just shows the extreme, right? Your most embarrassing story is the farting, whereas Laura's Saturday night.

I'm not embarrassed for you. Okay, but it's fine. Second most embarrassing story was got my period in a beige set of undies, flicked them in the shower to wash later. Didn't realize we had a photo shoot at the house, right? A before shoot. So it's like the house was a shit show. So my middle-aged male photographer went around shooting all the rooms

and then I realised when he'd left the period undies were in the shower and he'd shot them. He fucking shot the period undies. He didn't even like move. I don't even know. Why would he move them? I know. He's not going to move them.

So that it's not in mode living. Like the before photo for Home Beautiful, like I cannot. Do you know what I pictured? I pictured before you finish that, my mind always gets away and I finish a story in my head of what I, It's like choose your ending. I pictured you when you said you flung the period undies in the shower. I thought you were going to say like a big blood clot or something splattered

on the wall and then they shot it. I mean, though, that's an everyday occurrence. It was in the shower, but I was just like he's seen my period undie. I don't even think Ben just seen a period undies. That's probably normal, right? Not too embarrassing. I mean, a period undie is in Vogue Living. It's pretty embarrassing.

Yeah, that's pretty gross. Let's wind this right back. i would like to know because if this has been a big transition for you huge and not from the farting to this conversation but from the deep to arise what was it when you have such a successful podcast such a successful platform doing a specific type of content and then you tell your community okay i'm pivoting to something new people don't like change we've seen that every time instagram makes an update people have a problem with it that was a big change for you what was it and why did you want to make it? Like, why was it so important to you that the content changed?

Yeah. So I did the deep post radio media career. So it was a really important transition for me to be taken seriously, not just be a media personality that reads an autocue or talks funny shit. You know, like I really needed people to know there was something with gravity underneath all of this. So the deep was kind of the thing that I didn't want to be about me. I wanted to showcase and have people who never had the ability to share their stories because sponsors don't like to talk about gang bangs or to talk about, you know, all of these grief and trauma. Most people don't want to be attached to that from a sales perspective. Right. Which we saw in the deep, like it was really hard to get sponsors on that show. It didn't matter how many listeners we had. It was

like, you know, big brands don't want to talk about pedophiles. You know, I get it. I so get it. We feel that here at Life Uncut sometimes too. Like we have some pretty controversial discussions. And it's hard. But it had to be that it didn't matter if I made money or not. It had to be a true service to the wider public that these people deserved to be heard. And so created this thing, it got this massive cult following real quick. And the bigger and the more controversial or unheard of topics that we covered the more traction it would get and I just felt a real duty to the people I was really I have this weird ability that people just feel very comfortable to tell me things no matter if we're lining up a shop or we're at a party like they'll just tell

me and they're like I've never told anybody that's the most often heard thing and so people would come and pitch their stories every single day. And then it was like four years, multiple times a week, starting to get really unwell physically for me was a sign that I couldn't keep doing this. And I had what my therapist likes to call an existential crisis. So dramatic. We love those. Have you both had one? I feel like I have. Yeah, I feel like I've had a few in my life.

I think I'm in one now. It sets you in a new direction though, doesn't it? It's like your sink or swim moments in life. And she was like, look, when I had mine, I saw my couch as a coffin and I was there for two years. And I was like, holy fuck, I don't have that time. I've got two small kids. How do we fast track this thing? She's like, you don't.

You just have to be in it and go through it. My husband was worried because I sat down with him and I said, listen, I'm not feeling anything. I don't feel happiness. I'm not feeling sadness. I'm not feeling purpose. Are you happy? He's like, I've never been happier.

Like everything I've ever wanted has come true. and I looked around me and everything I had ever wanted was here but I couldn't feel it so he got really worried and he shipped me off to a health retreat and I had this huge breakdown and breakthrough and for a bit of context why I'd become so numb I'd found a breast lump about four months before and they weren't able to biopsy it so I was kind of in this holding pattern to see if it was growing or not. And the house that we had, I had manifested and renovated flooded. So these things that were really hard to navigate and didn't have time to process, I just kind of shoved under the rug and my safety mechanism is to work because money makes me feel safe.

And so spiraling into this existential crisis, I had this moment on this table with this healer. She was amazing though, but her name was Tracy and I really judged that and that's on me. Tracy the healer doesn't yeah you wouldn't have thought of like you know like Shavasana or something but it's Tracy and she just broke me down and I had this huge breakthrough there and that was truly the beginning of the end of the deep and the beginning of a rise I didn't know that but I came home and I I pretty much let go of half my team that worked on the deep and I called in beautiful Jules it's with us today and I was like everything needs to change I'm so deeply unhappy Jules as in your personal manager yeah yeah she's like everything she's too I see she's

she's like everything yeah and I just needed to breathe and find something outside of trauma and I knew that I'd been manifesting behind the scenes for so long but I'd always felt shame around sharing it we're in this industry like you think I'm gonna come out of bloody today show and be like hey because you look crazy you look so like you do and not you now that's what I don't mean you do you're insane I mean if you were to come out and talk about manifesting especially as a female in media you're not taken seriously at all but you sound as though you've kind of like gone a bit bonkers right so I understand the the hesitation but also almost feeling as though you've got to earn your stripes talking about other things that are more respected and have

more value, but also constantly talking about trauma and constantly talking to other people about their trauma carries a huge weight in and of itself. Like there's only so many horrendous stories that you can hear about how life has failed people before you, unless you're a psychopath, before that has an impact on your ability to feel happy or to feel anything in your own life. Right. And I, because I went back into the wisdom and the teachings of co-creation and manifesting whatever you want to call it so much of it is grounded in how you currently feel and so I was going back to all of this work I thought I want to put together a really small workshop on Instagram and see if people relate and we just the way it sold was so crazy I was

like there's something here but when I went back to do the next episode of the deep and record the way that that trauma hit me again in my gut was like this is so out of alignment with what all of this teaching is like if you want joy you need to be feeling joyful and constantly I'm feeling trauma so am I creating and bringing upon more trauma and more angst and more ill will like there was a lot of blurred lines yeah so I really felt like do I have the courage to be the person in Australia to do this because they do it in the UK in the US they don't give a fuck they're like totally it's funny yeah it's funny to hear you say that and i guess i agree with you in a way laura but i don't think i've ever looked at it that when people talk about manifestation and

things like that they seem crazy because i've i have done it for so long you're drinking the kool-aid you're one of us yeah and i've spoken about it on my instagram for so long i'm talking like six seven years ago i was talking about doing the courses i was doing i've never taught it or anything like that but i never knew it had such a weird negative attachment and now we have science, right? Like I have a neuroscientist that is in the course, Joel Pearson, who's a professor from UNSW, that goes, there are all of these modalities, all of these ways our mind, all these tools and techniques that we can use to change neural pathways. So whether you're a skeptic or you're a little bit woo-woo, you can marry these up. Like even if you were the biggest skeptic and

you just took on the mindset principles, you'd change your life. Talk to me about, for anyone who doesn't really understand what is manifesting or they've heard of it but they don't know like okay well what does that mean to you what is it okay so I think firstly I'm just going to say what I think the general population's perspective is without knowing it is wishful thinking yeah think good things good things happen I want a Ferrari or I want a hot dude and I want it now and it'll come but also the reason for that is I mean one of the most popular books that was written you know within the last sort of 10 years The Secret it's been made into a Netflix series or special, whatever it is, that's been very widely viewed. And I think that it oversimplifies the

idea of manifestation where it's like, think of money and money will rain down on you. And I remember reading that and watching that. And that's what made me feel angry because I was like, I also have grown up with things in my childhood that I didn't have control over. And is manifestation then only applicable to the adults in that situation? Because as a child going through that, no amount of thinking good things was going to stop my stepdad, you know? So I guess that's why I kind of, when I very first came in contact with this, I was a little bit almost angry about how simple it made it seem. And then it puts this fault on people who, well, you haven't manifested well enough, or you haven't thought good enough things or, and that was kind of, I guess, why

I've always had this sort of distance to it. And I love it. And I think that's why I'm most excited to speak to people in your position, because, you know, I have a group of friends that we are kind of in a support loss group and majority of them are mothers that have lost babies and children. And this is a very divisive topic in our group because they say to me, if I manifested hard enough, I could have saved my baby. And that like, it just fills me with so much sadness because one, you cannot manifest for somebody else. You cannot manifest for something else. Like your baby that is in you in utero is still its own being right you can't manifest for that but also I'm so sad that the misunderstanding of this concept has done that to them it's upset so

many people because it's been mistaught and so on that I want to say that I was given the secret by my mom a month before she died is 20 years ago 19 years ago it came out yeah wow dvd we all passed it around that's a long time ago isn't it and I remember watching and there was a part in it about this woman that had cancer and my mum was dying of cancer and this woman was like I got diagnosed and I just watched happy movies and I just didn't have any negative conversations and I avoided stress and no sugar and I look at me I survived and I think she was given the movie because of that like this is a way you can fight you know and I think no one meant harm there but after you watch the film I didn't even get what the secret was after I finished it I was like what

the fuck did they mean what did I just watch what was the secret can they just explain it my mum dies a month later and I'm like okay so you can't just think happy thoughts and then not die of cancer right so we spiral and we'll get to rock bottom in a minute such a fun place to be well the only way is up right fuck but to hear people that have had really difficult times go well what is manifesting for me it is firstly getting honest with what you want so I want a loving partner that is emotionally intelligent to live with and grow with why do you want it do you want it from an egoic perspective because my mom is scared that I'm lonely do you want it because all my friends are getting married where is it coming from right so get honest on that if there

are blocks around no I just want it because everyone's doing it it's not going to happen right we look at that as a separate part when we go no I'm ready and I truly want this we take aligned action so that's the difference between wishful thinking and manifestation okay so what can I do to find a loving partner do I go on the apps do I start to check in with my emotional intelligence? Do I need a bit of therapy? Do I need to get my mind right to be able to be with someone? Am I asking questions like, what do I have to give versus what do I want? So you take the aligned action. Then you start to explore, okay, are there any blocks there might be around? I didn't see my mom and dad have a conducive relationship. My neural pathways

from zero to 14 saw a lot of arguments, a lot of disharmony between male and females. You go in, we've got inner child work, there's tapping, there's all of these modalities in the course that help you kind of break through that. If it's big shit, you might need a therapist. Like we definitely don't say it's all here. There's a lot of trauma work that needs to be done to unpack things. And then after you do the unblocking and you've called it in, you can do the journaling and then just truly be grateful for like where you are currently. I am healthy. All my needs are met. I'm a good person. You can write something I call a pride list, which is all the things that you do daily, which show that you love yourself, nourish yourself, your worth,

you're reflecting on these things. So these are all kind of processes, right? And then we have to trust. And this is where we kind of bring in the woo-woo or the universe or God or mother nature or whatever you want to call it, which is I'm calling in a loving partner. Will you energetically match me and show me opportunities, people, moments, serendipitous It's things that float in and I will be eyes wide open to anything that is presented. Yeah, I find it for me, it's almost like a tool of drive. It's what gives you purpose and what you know you're working towards and fighting for. It's almost like, like you just said, people say, write down what you want.

Once you have some, like a really clear direction on what you want. So maybe is the loving relationship. Like I want someone that treats me so well. like I feel like you would literally have done this I do I have hundreds of notes I was looking before you came in I do all my manifesting in my notes and they all start with dear universe like that's what I always write is how I was taught when I was younger and you say it like you have it so I was taught not to manifest that this is what I want I was taught to write my manifesting like you've got it it's arrived so I was yeah and I've got in my I've got back to 2018 in my notes

on this current phone. Dear universe, thank you for, and then I say what I have. So I have things that are like, thank you for getting my dad through that scary diagnosis. Thank you for presenting me with this man that now loves me and whatever else, right? I write it all and then I made this up myself. But I used to sign off where I was from.

So I used to say, because my letter was to the world, I used to say at the end, thank you, Brittany Hockley, 1 Lenox Street. Because I was like, just to be clear, this has come from me in this suburb. Not another Britney. But that for you gives you certainty that they understand you. You go into the world more consciously.

When you have direction about what you are looking for and what you want, it's almost a way of putting in your boundaries of what you're looking for. So we'll use love in a relationship as an example. You put down that like, thank you for giving me a man that is honest, emotionally available, loves me, whatever else. What it then means is it's in your conscious thought and you're a bit more actively looking for it. You're not sitting down being like, he's going to walk into my house any minute.

And then when you meet people that aren't providing you with what you've already put out that you want, you've put it to the world, you put it to yourself, you put it to your subconscious, you then start to make decisions based on that without even thinking about it. This is called your reticular activation system. So this is a scientific thing that Brittany's just explained. And what happens is when you are laser focused in on a loving relationship, it's like when you're off to buy a red Volkswagen, right? And you know you want it and you start shopping for it.

The brain focuses, hyper focuses on all of those reds. You've never seen one before, but all of a sudden every single person has a red Volkswagen, right? You're seeing sales pop up. You're seeing end of financial, like all of, you're like, oh my God, things are just. You're hyper aware. You're hyper aware. And that is the brain has this ability to make you right. So when you focus in on something that you want it is finding data because we can only take in so much stimulus that makes you right so oh my gosh people are falling in love everywhere oh my gosh she has a really emotionally available husband are they doing therapy like you're just going to be getting so much evidence to make you right so that's a real scientific thing this is a really

i don't know if you guys have ever heard of the it's like a experiment that you can do in yourself where someone tells you to close your eyes and on the count of five you open your eyes and you look around the room and you have to remember everything that's brown in the room you've had this one yes so I mean it's this would be a very tricky room to do it in but I would recommend anyone else going and doing it basically close your eyes look around the room and remember everything that you can that's brown you won't be able to do it now because I'm telling you and then you'll know that you'll know the catchphrase of this but then when you open your eyes what you have to try and recall is actually the things in the room that were green. And the thing is,

is you won't be able to recall anything. You could be sitting in front of a pot plant and you wouldn't have even noticed that that pot plant was green was because our brain only has the capacity to focus on the things that you allow it to. And by that, it will just remove the other things that it deems as unnecessary. But this idea can be used in both positive and negative. And I was just about to say that. Because I think, for example, I hear this a lot with people who are going through infertility struggles and they say, all I see now is people who have babies. And that comes from a place of hurt and it comes from a place of pain and longing, not from a place of like, oh, I can see that other people are enjoying the good things that I want.

So how, when it comes to manifestation, can you ensure that the way that you're viewing something is from bringing in something that's positive rather than viewing it from a place of hurt. Yeah. And I love this. And this is why the practice is so important before times get hard, like doing all of this and getting your muscles really strong because life is going to hit you and blindside you all the time. Right. So two weeks ago, just around the corner, I went into the Marta hospital to have a breast lump removed. We know from this conversation, my mom died. That was from breast cancer. Very activated, very triggered. Right. But where I went was instead of fear, I went into the incredible ability of having access to medical care, to having a

specialist that is going to do surgery on me, to have access to an anesthetist, to have a husband that has the ability to be in the waiting room with me, to shift everything, right? So the friend with the IVF. The fact you have access to IVF is a miracle. And the ability to have, I'm assuming, a loving partner that wants to make a baby with you. What an insanely privileged position to be in love, to have connection to like all of those things. And I know it doesn't take away the longing, but it makes the process to getting the thing so much more easy and flowy. Does that make sense it's like we things happen that are hard all the time I know you're in a really hard position and it's really fucking shit but you have people around you that love each other oh a hundred that

can turn up for each other access to medicines or medical like it's always perspective and I think it's really hard and we are the only one that can do the work on our mindset to reshift the way that we see the world. And no matter how it is, like we have the ability to do that. I mean, I do believe in this, but I would say that I know we mentioned before that it's a privileged thing and we all have the capacity to change our mindset. But the impoverished person living in a slum in India who has no money, no family, no roof over their head, the fact of the matter is they can think as positively as they want and 99.9% their situation is not going to change. And I think it's really important to address that. There are people that are unfortunately

in situations that no matter how positive they think, it's not going to change. You still need to be given in some capacity, the tools to start to implement. Yeah. It's like, you don't know what you don't know. But also I think that many people in third world countries or developing countries would fight. They are so much happier than we are. You know, they haven't even been taught this stuff, but they are so deeply grateful for whatever they get. They're living in a state, even if they're impoverished, they are grateful. This is something that Hugh van Kallenberg has talked about in terms of the imperfects and why he started and this idea of gratefulness. I mean, I know that there is a limit, like there's always going to be people who fall below the ability to

be grateful because their situation is so unbelievably dire. But I think that it's important to address what you did, Britt, because I do think that a lot of people come back to this idea of privilege. And that's where that conversation circles around. But you yourself have talked about being in a place of trauma, of the things that you've experienced in your life. When was it that you feel like mindset was able to have an impact? And when you were able to actually change your mindset and start working on those things, what was happening in your life at the time? Great question. Because I think this is also why it changes my ability to share this versus a privileged beautiful woman that her rock bottom was taking too many drugs you know like

this is I guess where I felt like I had the ability to connect with others so I was an only child mum died really quick within a year I was enmeshed with her I wasn't adult when she died I didn't know how to drive I didn't know how to pay bills she did everything for me how old were you when she passed away? 21, I think. How old am I now? Yeah, 21. Just those early formative adult years. Yeah. And like so close, like we did everything together. During this time, I was very vulnerable and I found myself in a very, very, very, very dangerous relationship. At the same time, when my mum passed, that grief was so difficult for a lot of my family that there was some betrayals that happened where I found myself just insanely alone and with this perpetrator

and he was sexually violent he was physically violent emotionally coercive like the whole kit and caboodle I wasn't allowed to work I had no access to money I was in a court case things were just so horrible and I didn't have like your brain isn't even fully developed totally At that part. Like I didn't even know how to manage. And I'm sure I was the worst version of myself to everybody at that time. But I got to a place of the abuse because the grief was kind of tucked away because I was just surviving in this relationship. I was very scared that he would kill me or I would kill him. Like that was a very real time where it's so toxic and dangerous. and that rage is so out of control that you could slip or he could slip and things could be very

different and I wasn't sure if I was willing to be in this place and for that to happen or if I should just kill myself and that was a consistent thought for some time. Is this because you felt like you couldn't physically see a way out? Yeah. Had you gotten to the situation where you wanted to leave or were you still so manipulated that you didn't even know you wanted to leave? No, I really felt unsafe and I wanted to leave, but I didn't have a bank account. I didn't have a card. All my access to my friendships and family had been pushed so far away. I didn't even know how to, the shame of like how disgusting it was. He had corroded my sense of self so badly. I didn't know if I would ever be able to get a job or make even $10 an hour. Like I had no sense

of value that I didn't know where to begin. Every time I would leave, the violence would get so much worse. And then the love bombing would, it's just such a, it's such a cycle. Head fuck. How did you break it? Like what happened that changed? There was, I remember where I was, I was on the bathroom floor after one of the assaults. And I don't think anyone ever is really honest about sexual assault in a romantic relationship the degradation and the things that someone would make you do and then putting violence on top of that it's so confusing and you just hate yourself because you have allowed somebody to destroy you and you don't have your mum that was the only person

that would save you and so you don't know how to save yourself. So you just think of different ways that you can die and you're journalling that how would that be and it's just so awful that I got to a place where I thought if I do this, what does that mean? Like who would miss me? What would be there for me afterwards? like but inside burning underneath all of this kind of rubble was this tiny little ember of like

you know when a match is about to go out that was like there's something there is something on the other side of this and I don't know what it is or how it is or how you're going to get there but I remember starting to it was so simple writing a pros and cons list about leaving and then starting to ferry away like five dollar notes, coins, things that he didn't notice and one day I just went and I left everything but I just went with a little bag and I said that I wasn't coming back and I went back again and it took me eight months of that cycle to truly leave but it was a car accident I had leaving his home. I was so distraught. I wasn't focused. I feel so ashamed of saying this. It was wet and I lost control and I was swiveling around in this car and I knew that

I had either a car had to come and hit me to stop or I was really close to an embankment to go over and I just remember like promising that if I survived this it would be different and a car came and it hit me really fast I remember getting out of the wreckage and sitting and people around me and wanting to just get my phone to call him and I'm like this is fucking crazy you're still gonna call him and he comes into the ambulance and he says don't you fucking say anything they'll never believe you don't you fucking say anything and I'm in a neck brace I can't move I'm in a body brace and he says don't you call your dad don't you call anybody I'm the one that's here for you and then when I'm in the whatever it is I don't even know where I am in the hospital

he's like once again no one is here for you it's just me keeping you small and I was just like this is it he's literally gonna fucking kill me like oh I'm gonna kill myself yeah it was just the beginning of the end it was almost like that time you tricked me you told me not to call my dad now you're telling me he's not here because you're making me alone it was like the car accident was the final straw he did the manipulation and he said he was going to release sex tapes to my family and he was going to do all of these things and he recorded me doing all of this stuff and I turned around like for a long time he used we had this little dog he's this little dog against me that was my safety net when my mum died and I loved this dog and he'd call me and say you know

something's wrong with the dog and hook me in and then after I grieved the dog and you've got the dog the sex tape stuff which I didn't even know we had like I didn't know if he was secretly I didn't know what was true and I just I remember I was sitting in the car and I just said to him this says more about you than it does about me do it release whatever you want to the world you've got every single belonging you've got all my mum's she was a single mum worked two jobs he had the little bit of money that I had like there's nothing left nothing for me you've got it all and you want to take my dignity it's gone yeah you've taken it and that was the end he left me alone it was the beginning of like full-blown grief because when you're safe finally you can

finally feel like my mom died holy shit what did I endure with him all of those things was it was like it all came down at once it was so suffocating but within all of that I was so safe and that safety even though I was grieving I was just like oh my god my body my being is so okay and then I became deeply hungry to figure out how to get out of pain because that trauma and the grief was so overwhelming that I had to figure out a way. And I didn't have any money. I didn't have a job. I didn't have a car. I had no anything. So who was it in your life at that point that helped you get back on your feet? Did you have any friends you went to or was he your dad? I moved in with my dad. That wasn't the best place

for me, but it was the first spot. And I became a babysitter. I was like, that's something that I can do. And I went on one of those websites and I started to do that and was making 20 bucks an hour and saved up enough for a little bond and got a little spot. And it was just this real slow process of healing. But it was like everything. I cannot tell you. I still remember that first little studio apartment. It was the greatest sanctuary I've ever had in my life. Also a huge achievement. Like that's, you know, I think for what one person might look at and be like, you live there. Like when you come from something that's so horrific to have that achievement, it's so fulfilling. It makes you feel like, okay, well I can do this and I can

achieve things. And I can make 20 bucks an hour. Totally. I have independence. Yeah. How would you recommend for somebody who is going through the shit at the moment and is in that place in life? How do you recommend people start to implement this and how do they open themselves up to making, whether it's small changes or more aligned thoughts that allow them to bring manifesting into their life? I want to make this so concise and easy, but it is so intricate and detailed, right? So I'm not here to plug the course that I've created. You can do that if you feel called to do that. You can plug, plug, plug. We can, but also I feel like, and I really want, this is really important. If you don't have means or access to afford $149, it was much more

expensive than that. But I was like, it cannot be. But if you can't do a PayPal, if you can't afford that, you have to message me and I will give it to you. Because if there was someone that was in my position back then, today, that didn't have that money and I didn't, because they're splitting the meat into five or they've got kids and they're in a dangerous situation, like DM me and I will always support you. You can have it all, like all of it for free because it's so nuanced, right? So like if you are at rock bottom, I would say the very first thing is to firstly get safe, right? However that looks, if it's with a friend or a family member, therapist, whatever it is, you need to be physically safe because we're trying to get you to neutral, right? If you're in

a really bad spot. I think the simplest part, like a pride list of you acknowledging what you have done today and it can be tiny like you're having a depressive episode but you got out of bed and you showered when you wanted to die that day is a huge win for you you made a piece of toast and you ate it you got outside or write that down and then you simmer on that and you feel it or you write a gratitude note of like I'm in that tiny apartment I'm safe and you really start to what we're doing with the repetitive nature of going back to these lists and these things and feeling them and anchoring in the body is you're creating a neural pathway. And the neural pathways are created from really deeply from zero to 14, but where they're creating them all the time with

habits, you're purposely creating neural pathways that are giving you value and self-worth. And from that place you get to neutral and you find ease and joy in the most simple beautiful things and the thing that is the real hook to this right if you're neutral and you're in a position where you want the man and you want the car and you want the house you want all of the things what you will realize when you get there is it is always just the feeling it's not about the car the Porsche or the mansion or the it is purely the feeling of that feeling in the little studio apartment is still the feeling I have in the dream home. It's purely the feeling. So we kind of have to get people back to basics in getting them to feel because you are then attracting more of that

feeling. I mean, it comes back to whether you call it manifesting or not. I mean, the way that you think about yourself also defines the things that you accept in your life. If you think you're worthless, if you don't think that anyone's going to love you, then what you end up accepting for yourself is so much lower. I think about my mum, for example, and she's in a much better space than what she was when she was in her, you know, thirties herself, but she was a single mum. She had three kids. She lived with her parents in Wollongong and she didn't really think that anyone was going to want to be with her. And so then the men that she chose were absolute dropkicks. She didn't feel her own worth. Yeah, because there was no, there's no value. There's

no worth there. So whether you call it manifesting or you call it something else, there is so much to be said about the whole adage of like, you know, I don't want to sound cliche, but it is a little bit the whole like loving yourself. It works in two folds because part of me goes the saying as it is like, love yourself before anyone else can love you. There will be people who love you even when you are at your absolute worst and absolute bottom. You're not unlovable just because you're going through a horrible period of life and you don't love yourself. But if you have no value in yourself, then it's very hard to be able to bring people into your life who are going to bring joy and bring positivity. This is the biggest key. And I would say the biggest block for the majority is

the deservingness. That's what I mean. Yeah. Like it really is. And that's because we are shown like each and every one of us are shown as children, what in inverted commas, the truth is, right? So if you're brought up with a single mum working a hard few jobs and living with the family and growing up with things are hard, you'll either do two things. You'll either go, I'm never having that life, right, which I did, or you'll go, I'm having exactly that because that feels comfortable and safe, even if it isn't. And you have to have a real honest look, especially when it comes to money, right? Lots of people have this money block. if we have come from a scarcity mindset my mom single mom worked two jobs money was always hard wasn't easy you gotta work for the man you gotta struggle times are tough we never make ends meet

it is in my neurological pathways as a child i grow up seeing the world that way the child that has grown up affluent only knows that their needs are met all the time totally until you choose as an adult to reshift your neural pathways. That is a choice. We think that this is all happening to us. Life is not happening to us. We get to change it in any given moment. And that is like the true beauty of it. But you kind of have to like Alice in Wonderland it and like bite the cookie a little bit to be like, I'm going down the rabbit hole. I've got nothing to lose. Let's just see. Build evidence. Yeah. I think to bring it to like, I don't want to say a more surface level, but probably a level now that we hear the most questions come into life uncut about relationships. And I think

of even my manifestation growing up was money and love, the two things. I came from a bit of a scarcity mindset as well. And everyone in my circle now, the conversation is always around relationships, wanting to find that really perfect person. And all I want to say for people at home listening right now, go and write it down, manifest what you want, look for it. But it's so important that you actively work towards it. And when you and I were talking on the radio a couple of weeks ago, Zoe, about manifestation, I went back through, as I said before, I went back through my notes and I found this note that I wrote to the universe back in the end of 2018, start of 2019. And I had written in it about the person that I was going to be with. Thank you for

giving me this beautiful partner that, you know, loves me and gives me everything I need, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I said, my sign off was, I can't thank you enough for B. And I just put the letter B. That is it. And that was years ago. And my fiance now is Ben, obviously, starts with a B. I don't even know what that meant. And I don't know why I said it. And I don't know what it is. And I found that. What I want to say is I found that by dating ridiculously. Like I was looking for that person. I was working towards it. I was setting my standards when I dated someone that I didn't think was right. So when you do want something, you still need to put yourself in the situation to make it happen. It's just that you become more clear

with your intentions when you're on that journey. And I also think that, and I'm not trying to therapize you right now. Yeah. No, give me the therapy. I think throughout your growth, your self-growth and your self-love and your deservingness of this person that you have now attracted the deservingness would have shifted so much and with every kind of frog that you kissed and disappointment there would have been more self-evaluation who am I truly what am I truly willing to give what am I truly willing to meet in the middle like with you know there's so much that had to happen with you for you to be ready for him and for him to be ready for you does that make sense like it wouldn't have worked and in my wedding vows I say I thank God for

meeting you Benji at the exact time in life where we could be accept this life-changing love like it's divine timing your life path had to be exactly as it was but your growth within that you were so willing you were taking the action I'll fucking work it out what was it this time give me the feedback am I too needy am I too much am I too self-centered but I will fucking take it Because I don't want to be that in my marriage, in my partnership. Yeah. Right? Like it's, you did the work as well.

It wasn't just. It's just what I want people to take away from. I feel really passionate about, and I know we've said it so many times, but I really want people to take away the fact that it is not just something you write down and it's not just something you think about. It is something you take active steps towards simultaneously alongside the journaling, alongside everything else. And the honesty with self.

Like you have to be honest. Why do I want it? where is this coming from and ultimately this is the big clincher it has to be coming from a place of service if you want to be loved how loving are you going to be if you want to be successful what are you giving to the world what is your value and that's why this is a funny thing right when I say I will give you this for free it doesn't matter to me if your life is impacted and it changes and you find self-worth or self-love, I don't need your 149 bucks. Does that make sense? This is my now service to the world. This is it. This is the legacy. Yes, we've got to keep the

bills on. Jules needs to get paid. Jules is like, stop giving it away for free. She's like, I gave you a code. So I gave you a code, but I do think, and there also is the value in purchasing it because you turn up for it. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it becomes your You've got to value money, yeah. You've got to value it. It's like when you buy the beautiful, like, you know when we talk about. You invest in it. You invest.

You buy in the fast fashion. You don't give a shit. You trade it like shit. You throw it out. You buy the beautiful dress that you really love. You wear it with pride. You hand wash it. It's like invest in yourself.

You've got to turn up for this work. I'm just purely leading the horse to water. I can't make you drink. Can you talk to me before we do kind of wrap on things? Because I think it's something that's important, something that we've spoken about briefly on the podcast before and I've heard people speak about, but I'm not very familiar with it. this concept of vibrations, whether you radiate at a high vibration or a low vibration and what

that actually means. Yeah. So I think you will feel in everything when you walk into a space, right? And someone meets you in it, you can feel an energy. You either like the person, you don't, they might be off. Like you said today, I'm feeling kind of flat. All these things have been happening. I didn't pick that up from you because you're still vibrating at an energy that is still consistent with your truth, right? Did you put your dildo in your bag still vibrating over there that is a really good way to raise your vibe by the way like quite literally orgasm and self-pleasure we we like to do that but you'll know that when someone when you walk into a space and someone is so intensely overwhelmed angry even if they've got like a tight

smile on you're kind of like oh yeah you're you're rejecting being around them it's a little bit off-putting. It's the same with everything in life. The universe, God, whatever it is, wants your best outcomes, wants you to be your highest self, wants you to be living your end result. But that's such a prime example of when we said energy attracts energy. Exactly what you just said. So you walk in and somebody's not giving it to you, you immediately pull back and you don't give it back. So the universe is meeting you. Your energy is going to get back the same I wake up, so J-Lo does this. I didn't teach her, but I should. Slide into the DMs, J-Lo.

So the best way to start your day, right, is in your alpha state when you're in between consciousness and unconsciousness when you're waking up, right? You know that bit when you're just waking. Cement yourself with some kind of declaration, affirmation mantra of this is going to be a great day. Things work out for me. Everything's easy and effortless, whatever it is. I feel grace ease, whatever, pick one. Cementing yourself in that high vibe, the universe will match your vibe. Even if something shitty happens, like you get bad news or you get a parking ticket, you're like, shit happens, but I am truly attracting everything. Which I also think it comes down to this idea of perspective, right?

It is. You can call it what you want. All the things happen in life and so much of the outcome of that is your perspective to it, is how you are able to move through the shit in life. Because people, you know, and we talk about it all the time, one person might experience the same on-paper trauma as another person, but they will internalise it and deal with it very differently. And one person may be affected by that for the rest of their lives

and another person might move on and be able to be fine. We talk about this a little bit. Recently I had a conversation with a girlfriend around birth trauma and how you can experience something traumatic, but it doesn't have to be a trauma for you. Whereas for some people, it will be a trauma that they then carry on into their next birth and their fears around pregnancy and XYZ.

Or their whole life. Or their whole life. But just because you've experienced something traumatic doesn't mean you were traumatized by it. That's true. But I don't want to go into like toxic positivity. I want to like really end on this. Not trying to wrap me up.

I'm wrapping myself up. No, no, no, like we'll talk forever. But I think this is important. Toxic positivity is rife. it's everywhere on social media and this is not what we're doing if something traumatic has happened like the breast lump happened the breast removal all of that happened the waiting i have to process the feelings you have to express grief and trauma and scream and kick if you are holding in all of the feels you are stagnating and blocking yourself yeah so it's really important

if somebody dies or something awful happens, you don't need to just cry for a day. You could cry for months. You will always have the perspective of gratitude and all of those wonderful things, but you truly need to get that shit out of your body. Like that stuff's toxic. And so we want to really preface that this isn't just like shoveling it away. Like if you felt like you ripped your vagina to your asshole in your birth and it was fucking horrific. You can lean into that trauma. into it and express it maybe do some body work get some like get it somatic get it out of your body and move more into trust and do whatever it takes but like it doesn't have to define you but you have to be able to express Zoe thank you so much for coming in today not only to talk about

your life now but your life before and how you got to where you are now because that is and sounds like an extremely traumatic time that you went through so firstly thank you for sharing that with everyone because I know a lot of people will resonate with that. And it's nice to see that you were at rock bottom and you did fight your way out and climb your way out. And now you're giving back and helping other people. I appreciate that. Honestly, it is worth it. Like my life's pretty fucking amazing. I'm not special. I'm not unique. Anybody is able to do this. So I really appreciate the platform. And you know what? If there is interest, maybe we could hold like a mini workshop for them. We would love that. And if anyone wants more information as well, like

everything as always is all linked in the show notes sorry thank you for coming and sharing and being so open and so vulnerable we deeply appreciate it and i know as i said like i deeply appreciate the way in which you explain it because i think that even if you're someone who doesn't sit within a world where manifesting feels comfortable for you i think that there's so many takeaways from this conversation that people can implement in their own lives yeah well my absolute pleasure what a blessing thank you guys Thank you.