Life Uncut - Answering your deep dark and burning questions - ASK UNCUT

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

It’s therapy Thursday legends!Ok so something disastrous happened and I don’t know what to do... my boyfriend shaved his beard and SOS I’mNot attracted to him without it!? Am I the worst human? Can I tell him!? I mean I love him, but I don’t want to jump his bones without it!!Anyone have the mother in the law from hell? Don’t know how to deal with? Do you confront her or get a divorce and move to Alaska to live alone? HELP I’m crushing hard on my physio and I’m pretty darn sure he’s flirting back... should I ask him out!? Would that be awkward!? How do I know!? If you love the podcast guys you know the drill! Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friends and share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and if you have joined us for the very first time, well, lucky you. But also, this is our short and sharp episode. This is our Ask Uncut episode where we answer all of your deep, dark and burning questions. Also, if this is your first time, welcome. I feel like I forget sometimes that we do get a lot of new listeners every single week and we don't really ever say hi. We just expect that people have listened to all of the episodes in the past and we keep referring back to them just to really weed people out. Anyway, you have 102 episodes to catch up on. Welcome to the party. I have one little update. We are going to get straight into the episode today

because we've got a couple of screaming kids hanging around the house. Matt is one of them as well oh we got three screaming kids fuck my life I got a really funny update today if you guys listened to Tuesday's episode with Mark Manson we actually got great feedback from that but there was at the end we do suck and sweet at the end my suck was that I accidentally wrote an email to somebody a business email to Sian S-I-A-N and it auto corrected isn't it Sian is S-I-A-N Sian or is it Sian I cannot confirm nor deny I feel like I also don't know how to spell I call, in my head, I read it as Sian. Ah, Sian.

Is she Irish? I don't know. It auto-corrected to Asian. So I wrote, dear Asian. I got an email today from Sian herself. She said, dear Brittany. She's like, I want to let you know that I'm actually a big podcast fan. And she goes, thanks for giving me a chuckle.

And I lost it. I wrote back and I was like, oh my God, you are the Sian that I was talking about. I do feel better knowing that you found this whole thing as funny as I did we've all been there with an accidental autocorrect I mean I told you about the time that I signed off my email with kind regards Laura Byrne and actually it defaulted to kind retards Laura Byrne and we don't even use that word it's not even okay no it's like politically correct there's not even there's so many parts that so I mean for anyone who missed that story I didn't just send this to one person I had just started a new company and I was cc'd into all of my directors there

was 30 people on this email and I wrote kind retards Laura Byrne and then I didn't really stay at that job for very long very surprising but I also sent an email to a customer of mine this is like on Mother's Day last year and she'd bought a special piece it had been custom made it was for her mum and I wrote back to her and I said I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day with your bum. I was not expecting that. She wrote back and said, I'll be hanging out with my mum. My bum will also be there. Anyway, let's get into the episode, guys. We have three quick, sharp questions for you guys today. The first one is, and I'm just going to paraphrase this because it came in weeks ago and now I can't find where it is in our inbox. But basically,

this listener has written in saying ladies i have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half congratulations yes longer than most my relationships he has a full beard normally but recently he decided to shave his face and i cannot tell you how i felt when he shaved it i've realized i'm completely unattracted to my boyfriend oh this one this one hits a couple of spot. I've been there. I've been there. I know this feeling. I dated a guy for several years who had some good meaty facial hair. Like, and I like, like a bit of facial hair. I need it. I love facial hair. Just at least like a three day old bit of facial hair. That's when we're getting good. Anywhere from three days until like three weeks. I'm very, very happy with this. I don't want a

smooth skin face at all. I want to feel some like prickle on my face. Yes. I said my face before you jump in okay a boyfriend several years ago shaved his face for the first time same thing we'd been dating but maybe for like six months and i was like i'm not really sure what i do with this oh wow there was a there was a weak jaw hiding behind that hairline which you can't say like it's so mean did you say that no i didn't say it but you can't even think it you can think it you can have an internal monologue you just don't voice it but also like you would think that after being with someone for X amount of time, six months, a year and a half,

obviously your attraction to someone is not skin deep. You're not just attracted to them aesthetically and what they look like. So for me, I was also very shocked by the fact that I had this visceral reaction to like, holy crap, that's what your face actually looks like. That makes me a very shallow shit person. No, but this is the thing, right? This doesn't make you shallow. This is what I think.

This, oh God, I just love this topic so much because I am going through this currently with my new boyfriend, Jordan. Every time you say my new boyfriend, I'm like, Brittany has a boyfriend. You know what it's like on the extreme. You know, when someone gets engaged, they keep going, my fiance. I just do it with a boyfriend because I've never had one. My boyfriend. This is my boyfriend.

I'm just not used to it. I have a boyfriend. Okay. I have a boyfriend as well. You know what I found out yesterday? It's been two years since Matt proposed to me and we're still not married. He's still my boyfriend. You've got a boyfriend.

You're a fiance. If you don't know what he looks like, go and Google him if you want. But he's a tennis player that has only for some reason, I didn't know this. he only plays with a moustache a big thick dirty moustache like a sanchez moustache his nickname on like the tennis circuit is mario it's like mario kart but when i met him was in his off season so i didn't know him i've never watched a game of tennis i don't follow tennis we went on this date and it was his three month off season so he had this beautiful beard now he's got the most luscious hair you've seen his beard was beautiful and i was like oh my god like he looks

like a hot lumberjack and that's my jam like this looks like a lot of cushioning i can sit on that super attracted to him and now i got no warning that this happened he flew down to do the australian open i flew down to support him and i arrived i flew down a week after him and i arrived and there was someone standing there waiting for me and i was like who's that guy staring at me i didn't know he shaved his beard and had this dirty mo and i was like oh my god i i can't i don't know what to feel about this i don't like it and i told him i just i was really honest i was taken aback at the start I wasn't like whoa what the hell I was like oh you missed a spot I was like oh wow talk me through this no see I disagree I think that as a female we take leeway

in telling men how they shouldn't shouldn't look and I really disagree with it because imagine if he turned around and said hey Brittany I really don't like your blonde hair and you really should do something about that you would be so offended and you would also be like actually do you know what you don't get to tell me how I look how I dress and the way I behave but we do it as women to men way more often I think no see I disagree with you I disagree to disagree your disagreement I'm not saying you can't do this but I think you're entitled to say I love when you do this I love when you look like this he's he's done the same thing to me he met me as a blonde he had he didn't know I had long black hair he hadn't and I showed him a photo and he was like whoa I don't

love it like that like he's like i prefer you like this but that's because how he met me and i'm like oh that's interesting i'll probably still go back to that color one day and he's like oh i just want you to know i like a better blonde i think it's in your delivery so i have said to him look to be honest i'm so attracted to you when you have your beard like it really does something to me like i love it i get a tingle in my lady parts yeah and i get less of that desire there's less tingling when there's a moustache on there. A hundred percent. But it's not me saying you can't do that anymore.

I'm just like, you know I love you. You do you. But this is what turns me on. Okay. And guess what? He's decided not to shave his moustache anymore. However, I'd just like to tell everyone to know this. The reason why Jordan has a moustache when he plays tennis

is because it's his good luck charm. And he's just recently played a very big game without a moustache. How'd he go, Brit? It was his first game yesterday. And for me, he didn't shave it. He left his beard and he lost. I was really hoping he would win because that was going to be me being like, told you so. Okay. We haven't really answered this girl's question. No, we have. No, no, we haven't. We

haven't because the crux of the question is that she's not attracted to him with her shaved face. And I think that there is two parts to this. I think like, yes, one, you're absolutely allowed to have your personal preference on hair. You know, you can voice to your partner in a very positive criticism kind of way. I prefer when you X, Y, Z. Like for example, Matt used to always shave his chest. Like he did not have a follicle of hair on that chest when I met him. There was not one grain to be eaten, not one inside. It was a vast desert land, but now he has a slightly hairier chest because he knows that that's my preference. And of course I think just naturally you want to look good for your partner. And like, you know, if your partner tells you something in

a very positive way, I like it when you do this, usually that's met with a positive reaction. However, I do think that the reason why you're like, I'm not attracted to him with a shade face isn't because you're not actually attracted to him of course you are it's just different and it takes some fucking getting used to anytime matt shaves his face now after not seeing his perfectly shaved face in weeks months years literally it's like whoa you are you are 24 i am dating a 24 year old like me yes it just totally changes not only like the shape of his face but it makes him look so much younger and so it always takes me like a couple of days to readjust and by a couple of days I mean until his facial hairs grow back I honestly think I really

do think you can voice what turns you on or what you're attracted to because what you're saying you're not telling me not attracted to him don't go and say that like that's just nasty he knows that you love him and I hope you don't love him less because he shaved his face but I think it's just in the delivery you just have a conversation you're like this is cute this is nice but I love it when you do this it's like a positive reinforcement positive reinforcement goes a long way and you're just letting your partner know what gets you going because you do want to please each other like Jordan is not if I dye my hair back brown he's not going to break up with me if he has a mustache for the rest of his life I'm not going to love him less do I prefer the

hair yeah but it's not going to change anything and I think like Britt said one it's in delivery but two it's also in like reflecting on how you like things being said to you like how would you react if your partner said to you I want you to dye your hair I want you to wear these clothes or I want you to whatever. You would react pretty poorly to being told what to do and how to act because you have agency and you're in control of your own person and your partner is going to respond in the exact same way. We don't have a right to control the people that we're with. We shouldn't want to and we should love them for exactly who they are and however they show up. No, that's not true. Unless they're arseholes. Yeah, take that back. That's our motto here at

Life Uncut. You should love them for however they look and however they show up because like realistically, we're all going to change over the years. We're going to put on weight. We're going to lose weight our boobs are going to get saggier things down there are not the same after two children let me tell you that people and you know you want your partner to still find you attractive and if there's bits and pieces about you that maybe they prefer it when you have a middle part than a side part all of that's pretty non-offensive and I think facial hair is one of those things that's non-offensive that you can kind of critique compliment them in a very constructive way the other thing you can do is it's again with the positive reinforcement when

he's got his beard and how you like it jump his bones tell him how sexy he is tell him it turns you on and just like have the sex have all the sex and when he doesn't have it never have sex with him don't touch him be like wham dry as the sahara desert right now what's happened what's changed oh it's your face and there isn't a hair follicle in sight not a grain have you lost the plot i have i have all right on to question two guys sorry to anyone who has just joined us for this episode i swear i'm not usually this batty i've had three hours sleep every single night for the past six weeks. We're gonna excuse you. Apologize. Before we get into the next question I'd just like to compliment the size of your breasts that are in my face. They are really

luscious right now and they look great. Thank you. We are recording this episode in my bedroom as we always do and I'm wearing nothing but a bra and some jeans. And they're great. They're really voluminous. I just did a breastfeed and then came straight in here so yeah I'm ready. Okay question number two is a little bit more serious so I'm interested to get your opinion on this Laura because we do get a lot of questions based around this topic. And I'm, I'm not convinced I know how to deal with it yet. Okay. I've been married for four years and we have a two-year-old girl. Since we got married, my mother-in-law has literally turned on me. I always thought we had a good relationship, but looking back, I've realized it was a bit of a show on her side.

I haven't seen her in 18 months now because of her destructive behavior towards me. I have never reacted or spoken back to her when I've been attacked. And yes, I say attack. She's literally the mother-in-law from hell i do complain to my husband about it privately as it really upsets me that i always get singled out at family gatherings the thing is my husband thinks we need to sit down and have an intervention i'm just not sold on this i can see the situation snowballing even further i know i will never get an apology and i feel for my husband being stuck in the middle but her mind is made up about me should i confront her and have this intervention or do you think i just continue to avoid it oh this is such a hard one we have actually you're so right Brett we've

received so many questions from people in regards to how to navigate relationships with in-laws and with all family members but I think in-laws are a really big one because you can treat your own family members in a very different way to the way that you can treat your partner's mom dad I think because the relationship and the history isn't there you know and you do expect respect from all of them but you can't come back from it the same with your parents-in-law do you mean like you can have a falling out with your mom and you'll be fine the next day. Whereas if you had that same falling out with your mother-in-law, you wouldn't necessarily be fine the next day. Like you just don't have that same relationship all the time. But also I didn't realize until we started this

podcast group and we do get all your guys' emails, I didn't realize how common it was to not have this amazing relationship with your in-laws. It's, we get this question every couple of days. This is a really tricky one. I think that apart from divorcing your husband, the only other thing you can do is sit down and have the conversation now I have tried to think of what I would want to do in this situation your husband is right I think the conversation needs to be had I would want my husband to have the conversation with his mother without me to begin with I would want him to speak to her and say almost like it's not like it's me bringing it up it's almost like the husband can go to his own mother and say look mom I've noticed you know you've singled Sally out a

few times and have you is there something going on that I don't know or has she done something to upset you I just noticed there's a lot of tension there and just make it look like it's an observation on his behalf so he is not attacking his own mother also it's not putting you in the middle straight away because it's not like you have come with the complaint yourself see what she says see what happens and if she comes back with something quite aggressive or if she's really honest and just says she's got an issue then I think you do probably need to all sit down and work out what the issue is where's it stemmed from and what you can do about it to resolve it yeah I totally agree I don't think that sweeping it under the rug is a good idea because all that's going to do is

manifest and says something bigger down the line and like right now you're probably in a situation where it could be salvageable and you could talk through it and work it out and maybe there is something that you have done that you're not aware of that's been taken out of context or it's been taken personally and you know you're maybe your mother-in-law there's something that's happened that's made her behave the way that she's behaved. And in no way am I saying that you're at fault. What I'm saying is, is that maybe she has perceived something that's happened

in a way that wasn't the way you intended, you know? And I think that people can misunderstand each other and misunderstandings that go without speaking and without communication can then manifest into something so much bigger. But I totally agree with what you just said, Britt. I think that once you've committed yourself to somebody else, you live with them,

especially if you have kids with them, that is your nucleus family. and that family needs to be given priority. That's the family that you have to nurture. Do you know what I mean? Because like, that's the family that's going to see you throughout your good old age. And like, as much as your parents are still so important, you are the bridge between those two relationships. Your partner has to sit down with you, understand what your concerns are. And then he has to go and have those conversations with your mom, because it is up to him to be that bridge between the two worlds, especially if he wants you guys

to have a great relationship. There's a massive responsibility on him. And I think often what we find is when there is a like a little bit of tension between people the person who's in the middle goes I don't want to get involved well unfortunately in this instance he does have to get involved and I think it's a conversation that needs to happen before dragging you into it and then if it's not something or there is a reason then yeah sit down have dinner make it casual it doesn't have to be an attack it doesn't have to be an intervention which I think sounds very aggressive and it sounds very formative but you can sit down have a conversation about it and explain to her how it makes you feel and why it upsets you so much and why you want to get back

to a place where you feel like you can have a great relationship with her look i totally get why you don't want to have the conversation and i totally get why probably more of you wants to avoid it and continue on as you are that is what i would want to do in all honesty my personality with conflict and we've done a whole episode on this i will avoid conflict to the death until I know it's going to be extremely detrimental to my life or someone in my life's life and that I riddle me that but the fact for this is as much as you want to avoid it something that Laura just said that I was also going to say it's a really great point there could just be one huge ugly miscommunication and it's festering it could be the most ridiculous thing probably the biggest

fight I've ever had in my existence was with a friend and it was over a miscommunication it was one of us thought something was said that wasn't and someone took it the other way via messages because you know anything can happen via text and we both just thought that something horrendous was happening between us when really as soon as we finally spoke about it we're like oh that's what you meant and that's what you said and it was ridiculous with one adult conversation we could have avoided the whole thing but I get you want to run away I get you want to run for the hills get your husband to have the conversation first feel it out he can report back to you and then you can all decide as adults and a family where to go from there the other part of this as well

like before we quickly wrap up is you are married to your husband you're not necessarily married to his family and you can't choose the family that he comes with right and so yeah sure maybe you will have this intervention maybe you will sit down maybe you will have this conversation maybe you just have two personality types that absolutely do not mesh and you are not going to have the relationship that you want to have with her because you're just two very different people that is okay so long as there is absolute mutual respect there so long as she's not saying things about you or treating you away or putting you on blast it is absolutely fine that you don't have the level of closeness and i know that can be disappointing and that in itself can be something

to overcome but it's not necessary what's necessary is that you can still go to family events without feeling like on edge that you're going to end up having a fight or there's going to be some passive aggressiveness so i think that that's where it's important but have the conversation do not do not ignore this that's a terrible fucking idea I reckon we've answered this question well enough right let's go to question number three okay question number three is one I feel like a lot of people have been in this position as well I've been in this position before hey girls please help so I've recently been going to the physio for a shoulder injury the physio I'm seeing is pretty damn cute and I feel like he's been flirting with me we have

really good banter and we've both chatted a lot about our lives I really want to see if he wants to go on a date, but I don't want to make my future visits with him super awkward if I've read the situation wrong. How do I subtly find out if he's interested in going on a date or should I just hope that he makes the first move? Thanks girls. I am such a wuss. I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever ask him ever. I would. I am such a fanny when it comes to stuff like that. I don't think I've really ever asked many guys out on dates. I've literally asked every guy I've ever dated i'm like a go-getter like that but this situation is different whilst i think you need to put your feelers out there for it because i'm really big on if you have feelings then voice

them this is a little bit trickier to navigate because medically you do have a relationship here and he has to honor that patient relationship but my advice would be you could put feelers out in conversation about like if he's got a girlfriend and stuff like you know what are you doing the weekend you can you can find this information out i'm sure you could just stalk his instagram i was about to say i'm sure you've stalked him on the on the gram but the other thing is there's two things you gotta be careful of here one he could just be developing a really good patient physio relationship where he is chatty and he is friendly and and he does have that rapport with you because you're his client and he enjoys treating you he enjoys getting your money and your paycheck at

the end of the day he enjoys your money no but like if you think this is someone that's in the medical industry your word of mouth is everything so if you're going to him and you're having a great experience with him you're going to go and tell other people like he's such a great physio he's got a really good bedside manner he's friendly there is a chance here that he's just been a really friendly person now if you are going to ask him out I 100% think you should do that but I don't think you should do it until literally your last physio session you're not going to have physio forever is my assumption if this is a shoulder injury you're on a program for physio I would wait towards the end you put your feelers out over the next coming sessions you've stalked

his Instagram you've done your due diligence wait until the end and then you can either go hardcore where you're like thank you so much for treating me like I would love to grab a coffee with you or something sometime he'll either shut you down and say I've got a girlfriend or he'll be like that sounds great or you just thank him so much for helping you rehabilitate your shoulder and then you slide into his DM after the fact and be like do you know what I would love to see you again and then that's it I love that this advice comes from you because you are the literal dating queen of 10 years this advice comes from a wealth of experience I would have been like just a fade off into the nether we did have this exact question come in about six months ago except the girl had

already reached out to her physio whilst she was still seeing him like you know for treatments and she had asked him out and he had said I'm sorry I can't breach the patient doctor relationship here which was just a really subtle way of him being like I'm just not that into you but I think I totally agree with what you've just said it's not going to be forever and if he shuts you down when you're only going to see him one or two more times so fine you just don't want to have to go there and then be in that awkward space or have to find a new physio that also sucks even if he does shut you down just take this little bit of knowledge with you we had a girl that accidentally farted in front of her physio and it's not going to be as bad as that but also who cares like once you

finish your course there's a very good chance you're never going to see him again there's plenty of physios wherever you are wherever you live unless you live in the middle of australia plenty of physios that you can go to like take a chance and we do advocate for this whole idea of you need to be proactive in dating the people that you want to date and as much as i say like i suck at asking people out i went on the bachelor so you know i gave it my best shot but if you like someone just fucking grab it by the balls not literally metaphorically and don't sexually assault him And take that responsibility because by asking somebody out, you are choosing the types of people that you want to date instead of just being passive and having people choose you

instead. And I think that's a really important thing for you ending up in a relationship that you want, not just a relationship that was like, oh, that was good enough. You know, a relationship that means you're settling. Additionally. Yes, pretty. In addition to all these really great points, the other thing I want you to remember is it's okay to ask someone out and them to say no.

It's okay to be rejected. if don't be scared of that and I think that's probably a big part of Laura like why you've never wanted to ask people out you have to come to terms with the fact that if somebody says no when you ask them out that it's not personal you don't have to be upset by that because there are billions of people in the world there is absolutely no way that every single person's going to want to date you and that is nothing about who you are it's about compatibility and you don't know what's going on in someone's life you actually don't so if someone says no to you don't take that heart to heart just say okay cool no worries have a great day and walk off like I've been I've

asked people out before and it's gone swimmingly and we've dated I've asked people out before and they've literally said no into my face and I'm like cool have a great day so true like your value is not based on what somebody else wants from you or what somebody else thinks of you or if somebody else wants to date you like if somebody says no it's not a reflection that you're not funny enough or cool enough or sexy enough or whatever it is like it's just a reflection of where they're at in their lives and whether or not they think that they're compatible for you and we're all attracted to different things i mean my person was chained to you but whatever i was gonna say i guarantee you that not even emrata has had every man that she's ever asked out has said yes to her

i guarantee nah they probably have come on she would have been pimply or something in school as well there would have been some reason why a guy would have said no to her i mean i think that will make every single person has experienced rejection every single one you can just mediate this or mitigate this rejection by doing it on your very last appointment yeah or just buy an instagram message faceless take the cow and sway out and just slide on into his dms i actually want a follow-up on this one like whether you put it in the group chat or whether you send us a dm i want to know what you do in this i want to know if you actually ask him out in person i also would love a follow-up on the mother-in-law if you sit down and talk to her or not we had a couple of

follow-ups from the last episode of ask uncut that we did and both had left their partners so did they take our advice well i think one of them had already done it pre and then one of them was like i'm heading to breakup town oh it's miserable anyway on that note thanks for listening guys guys that's another episode for us for ask uncut thanks for tuning in please keep sending your questions in you can send them to our dms on at life uncut podcast on the instagram which is on the interweb but you can also is it on the interweb or is it on your phone do you call it on the interwebs yeah you can get it on yeah dude it's wifi it's internet okay how long have you been a mum for oh you can jump onto our facebook group which is also at life uncut podcast group

and if you want to share your questions there it's not anonymous but like there is such a wealth of knowledge there and there are so many supportive people who will give you their thought their answers and give you a little bit of help as well there are also some great meetup groups happening on the discussion group too and i know there's one that is going to kick start in the eastern beaches of Sydney too. So if you are listening to this and you're living around here and you want to go meet up, jump on there because people are making some really amazing friends in this community. Actually, here's an update. My sister Sherry is moving up north really soon. She's going to Queensland and she's already said that through the Life Uncut podcast group, she's got like a

book club up there and she's already met people through it already. So talk about, I mean like, I don't even know what I'm having for dinner. She's already lined up a book club and she doesn't even know when she's moving that's amazing and we get so many questions that come in which are around like how do you make friends as an adult and we've done full episodes on this and i think if you are in a situation at the moment where you feel like you would love to meet some new people you would love to kind of you know move out of your own friendship circles and and just have some fresh life in your life then maybe joining the group is a great way to start i don't i my circle is literally you i don't know how i can leave it my circle is you and two screaming

children which i have to get back to but anyway guys if you enjoyed the episode please leave a review jump on to apple and you can subscribe there as well and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your friends tell your dog just tell everyone share the love because