Life Uncut - Are You Guilty Of "Someday Syndrome"?

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

Hey Lifers!Captain Keeshia is filling in for Britt today as she is busy carving up the dance floor at Dancing With The Stars! Laura thought they were going to have a comparable experiences but now she feels gaslit by Britt.If you haven't yet had the chance to listen, you can find our new mini series podcast Cloud here! If you get given a scratchie by someone as a present, is there an expectation if you win that you will split the winnings with the person who has given you the scratchie?Laura shares a story about a family feud that lasted decades. Confessionals are back and... yeah wow. You can continue to send them in to us at life uncut podcast on instagram. How would you feel if you found out that the person you were newly dating had hooked up with an acquaintance of yours within the week that you met? Would you not care at all or would it make you question whether they were 'ready' for a proper commitment? It's a situation that's playing out on Love Is Blind and we asked whether it's different because it's reality TV or if we would react in the same way.Are you guilty of 'Someday Syndrome'?Are you deferring life goals or things that you want in your life to 'someday' down the track?We unpack the excuse trap, the right time and the fear of failure.Laura questions whether deferring goals is always a bad thing or whether it's more about prioritisation and inherent sacrifice. Keeshia questions whether it's the 'goal' or the feeling that the goal brings us that we actually want. You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Keisha, feeling in for Brit today because she is busy carving up the dance moves on the dance floor. Do we still call you Producer Keisha now, or is it Host Keisha? Or do you moonlight between the two? Do you remember that time I told you about I was dating a doctor

and we bought tickets, like plane tickets? And you know how you have to fill in the prefix? Is it prefix? Is that what it's called? Where you do like Mr., Miss, Mrs. And I really didn't like the fact that his seemed cooler than mine. Like you were Miss and he was a doctor and you were Flex. So I actually put it that I was a captain.

I put myself as captain. I was like, surely not a big deal. Turns out it actually is illegal. But that's how I feel now being like I have to choose something to go at the start of my name. I don't think host is it. I would like something cooler, maybe like lady or madam. Madam Keisha. Why is it illegal?

I think fraud. Checks out. But in all seriousness, I mean, whatever you want to call me, whether it's producer, host, cloud podcaster, I do not care. I am so, so, so grateful for everyone who has listened to cloud. it has obviously been something that I've been working on for a couple of months and I've kept my mouth shut about it which might be the biggest surprise of all I've received so many messages from people just sharing their similar experiences and I think I spent a couple of days over the weekend having like what we refer to as a bit of a vulnerability hangover where I was like why I

no one forced me to share that shit that's so deep in my soul you're like that was voluntary caring and I regret it all. I chose to do that. No, it was beautiful Keish, honestly. And if you haven't listened to it yet, so Cloud is a mini series that we dropped last week, hosted by Keisha, hence host Keish, but it was all about ADHD and late diagnosis and Keisha's, the first episode was very much about your experience. And so we dropped that in our feed, but also if you want to go and find it and subscribe to the podcast, you can go and just type in Cloud and find it as well yeah and the reason that we actually wanted to create it was because after my diagnosis which was going coming up to two years ago after that I realized that there was like so much content

about what ADHD was and how to explain it to the people in your life and that's great and a lot of that content exists but for myself personally I realized that there was just a little bit of a gap in the whole like okay so I have this information and what am I supposed to do with it like how am I supposed to use this as something that can make me understand myself better so that my life can be better you know I can feel more inner peace and and so those conversations are the ones that I wanted to have and yeah I just I had the best time creating it how do you feel because I mean this is kind of a byproduct when you put yourself out there with something that's really vulnerable you often like you said you receive hundreds of messages from people who have had similar

experiences that's like such a gift and also it is such a privilege but it's also such a responsibility at the same time because you're across people's most intimate moments and they want to share them with you because they've connected to it but sometimes there's just not enough capacity to personalize getting back to every single person yeah I mean this is probably one of the first times I've experienced it to this extent I've obviously heard you know I've seen you guys experience it and I've heard a lot of our guests experience this kind of thing I think it was like a little bit of a seesaw for me where I felt like I was like oh my gosh I just bared my salt of 50,000 people. And my mum sent me this message being like, I've set the iPad up at

grandma's and we're going to listen together. And I was like, oh, actually, maybe don't do that. It's actually easier for me to think that strangers are listening to it rather than people that I know. It reminds me of the time that my auntie told me that she'd bought the We Love Love book. And then she texts me to say that she didn't like my swearing and she didn't appreciate it. Yeah. She thought you were a bit of a grub. She wrote this book is not for me. and I actually feel ashamed of you. She still read it though. And I was like, fair, go to the chapter on Kings.

It was not her cup of tea. So in that sense, I guess I felt really, I felt very comforted by the amount of people that were like, oh, thank you for putting words to something that I felt or like I felt a real sense of purpose from creating it. And so that was really beautiful. But I haven't experienced it to that magnitude before. So I was a little bit overwhelmed.

The whole weekend, because Britt was doing Dancing with the Stars, right, I had Delilah. And so my whole weekend was walking Delilah to the dog park, coming back being on social media and seeing you know the responses to cloud and doing work for cloud and then going back to the dog park and then coming back and I just felt like I lived this same thing on repeat for the last four days and it has been yeah honestly it's something that has just brought me a tremendous sense of purpose and I'm super grateful to them for that yeah it made me feel a little bit less I guess you know we spoke about this in the episode when you are diagnosed

with something like that and you have these fears about making it a whole personality I was like oh are people going to think, you know, this girl's cried three times on this episode, she's being so dramatic and it's a bit over the top. I felt as though that absolutely could be the case and one of my friends sent me a message saying, don't worry, babe, by the time you got upset, the people who were not into that kind of thing, they would have tuned out anyway. So true.

I was like, thank fuck. Only people who are really like into the, like in the vortex of like ADHD conversation are going to stick through that anyway and then you already found your people. Already found you. Already found the people. Thank you, guys. It's been tremendous and I've absolutely loved it.

But I'm here today not because we're talking about Cloud. We're actually here because Britt is back dancing on the dance floor of Dancing With The Stars and she is killing it. She is so amazing. And, like, I don't know how much we're allowed to say about it at the moment because she kind of doesn't – look, I mean, it's being filmed now, that's what we know, because we've gone to a few of the actual, like, competition nights and it will be released

on air in a couple of months' time. So there's like this massive caveat between when it was filmed and when it's aired. But I went to her show that she had on Thursday night, which I think was like the second or third one. And she was outrageously good. Like she's been talking it down so much and talking about how she can't get this lift and how she's like no good at it. And I felt gaslit by how good she was.

I was like, how dare you lie? Because here I was thinking that maybe we'd have like a comparable experience. I was like, oh, like you'll also kind of suck, but have a good time. No, you didn't suck. I looked like I'd taken drugs and I went out on a dance floor. I looked like I was 19 years old again. The comment from one of the judges was like, you looked like a praying mantis on acid. But no one has ever looked as though they were having a better time than what you did

on that dance floor. It's true. But I also think I looked manic. Like I looked- Mildly. Mildly, but what a good time. You looked like you were having the best manic time of your life. I wish that there was slightly more skill.

But honestly, guys, like when this show comes on, I don't know when it's actually airing, but like she is ridiculously good. Yeah. Wild. I thought she would be because Brit's got that dog in her. She's got that competitive element to her. And she's also very athletic. And I assumed that she wouldn't have taken on Dancing with the Stars unless she thought

she could be all right at it. The other thing, though, about like this is probably one place where Brit and I differ. Like I have like determination in very different things. things that are not active. When it comes to things that are active, I'm always impressed by people who are like, I ran a marathon, or I'm going to do an ultra marathon, or I'm really good at this sport. My mindset is like, I'm tired, so I'm going to stop. If I go for a jog, as soon as my body says, I reckon you should walk, I go, okay. People talk about that feeling of dopamine and endorphins, and they talk about the runner's high. I'm like, how long does it take to get that?

because I haven't experienced it. I'm only doing it because I know that it's good for me and so I'm kind of like, oh, this is the sacrifice. I've never gotten to the place, even when I was like religiously running because I was trying really hard, I never, ever, ever cracked the space where it felt easy. You know how people are like the more you do it, then you just get to a place you could just run and run and run.

I was like, not me. I feel like they're lying. They're lying. It's a cult. Hey, look, I have a question for you and it's something that's come about because there was an article about a family rift off the back of a scratchy. Sounds rogue, but hear me out. If you get given a scratchy by someone as a present,

is there an expectation if you win that you will split the winnings with the person who has given you the scratchy? I think there's a difference between expectation and obligation. I think there is no obligation, but I think there's probably a little bit of an expectation. So the backstory to this is that there's this guy who, it's in the UK, he won quite a, I mean, it's not a huge amount of money, but it's about $50,000 in Australian conversion. $50,000 at Christmas time through, you know, Bad Santa, where you like exchange. So they played Bad Santa. He

got two scratches from his 86 year old grandma. There was about 15 family members at this Christmas party and he won $50,000. He didn't tell his family members straight away because he was like, I reckon they're going to want some of this and I want to keep it for myself. Anyway, it turned out that his brother ended up posting a photo in like a family group chat of him collecting the money. And so that's how they all found out that he actually won money off the back of the scratchy. But now no one from his family is speaking to him because they expected that he split it evenly with all of the family members that were at the party. And I think I have a controversial take on this I think scratchies are the laziest present that you could give someone like it's a bit cheap

like grandma's been a bit cheap there well I mean no like that's effort for Nana she had to get to a news agency but I just think like on average I would say scratchies are a relatively lazy present because 99.999% of times what you were receiving is a piece of paper that will actually get you nothing and it's like 30 seconds of joy right oh suspense let's see and on the 0.0001% chance that you win something, surely, surely that means you get to keep it. And the reason why I wanted to ask you this is because Britt and I had very different opinions on this. We were talking about it yesterday and she was like, if you won money and I gave you a scratchy, I would fucking break up this friendship. And I was like, how much though? Because I might never

need to work again. I guess it depends on how much you win and if you scratch it in front of them. Because if you scratch it in front of them, you've at least got a shot dinner. Like there's Some type of obligation of you have enabled me to have this wealth. But if you're doing it in private, I'd keep that zipped shut. I wouldn't be telling a soul. I mean, there would be signs. We have a bit of like a family urban legend. So my grandparents on my mum's side and my grandparents on my dad's side had a big falling

out, which I've only ever heard my mum's nan, like, so my mum's mum's version of it, right? So I don't know the validity. It's a one-sided story. but basically like when my parents were married both sets of grandparents went in on a lottery ticket and my dad's parents held on to the lottery ticket and my mum's parents didn't write down the numbers but my dad's parents said that this is very confusing I should just use their names but I won't rest in peace everyone sorry they said that they bought additional lottery tickets in

the same drawer and they won but then the dispute came over which ticket was the winning lottery ticket and they didn't share anything with my mum's parents because they said the winning lottery ticket was not the one that they had bought mutually together oh I'd be livid but they had a lovely pool my dad's parents had a really nice pool and a great extension on their house and no longer a friendship with the other people but they had a big falling out over this I can understand why but I I mean I don't know part of me is like yes I'm calling bullshit sorry you didn't have extra tickets I think that they might have I don't think that they were that deceitful like you've got to prove that and show all three and be like see this is the one we

bought these are the additional ones but also did they tell them when they went in on the ticket together that they were also purchasing additional ones no I don't think that that was the case I don't think that they thought that they were going to win and this situation would arise I don't think that anyone goes into these situations thinking I really should figure out the actual logistics of whether or not I win the lotto but here's an urban legend about how yeah this is something happened in my family I'm sorry it was never resolved I'm on the people who didn't get the poolside that should have been split I don't believe for a second that it was an additional lottery ticket I think they were like we could either take 50% of this or we could

just take 100% and end the friendship what's the price what's the number that it would take for you to like forego a friendship do you know what I mean like there has to be a number of if it's going to be a million dollars I probably just don't need that person in my life anymore we've No, because if it's a million dollars, you're going to throw them like a couple of hundred K. If it's an excessive amount of money, you're going to throw them a portion of that. But if it's say you win a hundred K on a scratchy, like you win the jackpot. Yes, it's a lot of money, but it's not a house.

You know, it's not enough for a house deposit. It's not enough like to really set you up financially. I just. Not in Sydney. It might be somewhere. Yeah. I just think we need to rewrite the rules around scratchy giving and lottery ticket giving.

If you win, I don't think that there should be an expectation or an obligation. What was Brit's perspective on this? How did you guys differ? She said she wouldn't. No, Brit's perspective was that you have to share. She was like, it doesn't matter what it is. You've got to share it. Brit reckons that if she got a scratchy from one of us,

she's splitting it evenly amongst the team. I think it's like one of those situations where you. You say one thing but you actually mean another. She just wouldn't tell us. She just would not tell us. But once again. She's just flying first class. As you said, there will be signs.

something that we did the other week on the pod was confessionals and they were so deeply fucked up like deeply deeply fucked up but they were also thoroughly enjoyed by you so we thought we'd bring them back again also this is something obviously that happens on maths and confessionals is something that we used to do on the pod for quite a long time and then somehow along the way the segment just fell by the wayside but from popular demand we're bringing it back we had so many that came in the other week that we now have an absolute bank of outrageously awful confessionals and I know we say that they are anonymous and they are anonymous we will never tell anyone who you are we will never share it with anyone but I want to remind you that you still dm us

so we still know so when you send us things that are totally illegal or you should go to prison for we have a moment where we're like why did they share that with us that's a burden so please keep them hilarious disgusting but bestiality is not okay put it that way that crossed the line that one yeah it really did I think it's quite hard to cross our line because we're pretty crass and like not much can fluff our feathers that one fluffed my feathers and I know some of you are going to be like what are they talking about I don't want to say feathers when talking oh I don't know okay I know we haven't shared that one with you and we actually never will We'll report it to the police.

Okay. I did a poo on the dance floor at the Laneway Festival in 2002. You did a what? A poo on the dance floor. I'd love to know why. There was zero context. Maybe she was in a mosh pit and couldn't get out. And it is hard.

And if you've been in there for a while waiting for your favourite act, needing to go to the toilet sucks. But if you're in that situation, surely people can see you shitting. Whenever the kids go to the toilet outside, I call it a bush poo. This is a doof poo. Just on the dance floor. You know, there's bush doofs. This is a bush doof poo.

It's actually a laneway poo, which fitting. I'm sure a lot of people have done one in a laneway before. Why are all of them about like bowel movements? There's so many about bowel movements. I spit on the toilet paper before I wipe. Why? Why? Do they think it cleans more?

Maybe if it's the bat. I don't want to know. I don't want to unpack that. Look, you know what though? I'm not going to judge you. It's your own body. It's your own spit. You can do what you want with it.

If you want to lube up the toilet. It seems thoroughly unnecessary. I once got super drunk and had sex in the same room as my sister. She got up mid us having sex and turned the lights off. We have never, ever spoken about it. Wait, she turned the lights off? They were having sex with the lights on in the same bedroom as her sister. I know that this is your confessional, but also your sister still remembers,

just FYI, whether you've spoken about it or not. She's scarred. I love how she's in the moment where she knows what's going on. And she's like, I have to keep listening to this. But you know what? I don't have to keep seeing it. I don't have to keep seeing it. I have control over that.

And so I'm going to make myself not have to be able to see this traumatic event. What a deeply tolerant sister, though, to not tell you to stop or go into another room. Yeah, she's a better woman than I. Yeah, I agree. There's no way I'd accept that from a sibling. Or odd, because maybe she was listening in the dark. I use my housemate's electric toothbrush as a vibrator because she pissed me off. That's also illegal.

That's illegal. Is it? It has to be, yeah. It's morally illegal to me. No, that feels like assault. You cannot do that. It's also surely that would be an assault on your bits. Surely she doesn't do it with the bristle end.

Maybe this is what – you know how we've all – Surely she does it with the opposite side, like the plastic side. She can't do it with the bristle side. I just assumed it would be the bristle end. but you know how I've always spoken about how vibrators seem to have like 15 settings more than what they need maybe they got the idea from toothbrushes yeah there's like there's 15 settings in my toothbrush I'm like I just need on or off one of mine goes maybe that's the type of toothbrush this girl had and she was like what this confessional I'm not

going to tell you who it came from but this absolutely shook me to my fucking core if you are a Batch fan, you're going to have to try. Like we've done Batch uncuts on this. We've done Batch recaps. Okay. So that will narrow it down a little bit for you. I have been in a situationship for several years now with the guy who dumped me on The Bachelor. This was from a Bachelorette who was on The Bachelor. I won't tell you which season and she's still dating him years later, but he will not acknowledge their relationship. It's been, I won't tell you the amount of years because you'll be able to check the season, several years.

Several. Babe, you need to get it. He didn't pick you publicly. He's not picking you privately. And he's not picking you now still. Don't pick him. He's fucking not worth it. I saw this and I was like, I need to call you.

We need to have a chat. I'm so intrigued as to who this is. Will you tell me off mic? I'll tell you off mic but also like you guys can. I'm sorry, that's really exclusionary for everyone who's listening. Send in your DMs and tell us who you think it might be because it was saucy, let me tell you. Okay, when I was 12, I loathed my stepmother so much

that I would piss in her shampoo bottles in the shower. You know how people say that, like, if you wee on your feet, it gets through the athlete's foot? I wonder if she had a particularly fungus-free scalp. And then I have a really harmless one. I would break each piece of my mum's pita bread in the freezer whenever I was mad at her when I was young, which is so cute But also, like, it would have been so annoying for your mum.

Imagine getting pita bread out and it's just in pieces. Don't you, like, tear up pita bread anyway? What if you're going to make a pizza with it? Maybe you were doing a chore for her. Yeah. Maybe you were helping out. I, very sweet, very innocent. All right, here's our last one.

Apparently this one isn't. This one's not. I use my thumb to help me poop when I'm constipated by putting it in my vagina and pushing the poo out. Do you know there's a word for this? Why do you know it? manual like disimpaction or something. I don't want to tell you how I know it or why I know it. This went viral a couple of years back on social media and it's called, hold on, let me pull it up. It's called splinting, vaginal splinting. And apparently people use it if they've

got terrible pelvic floors. I have a terrible pelvic floor, but I don't use it. Was it you who wrote this? We'll just see you're accusing each other. Sometimes, sometimes we record content on this podcast and I think, why? What is it that we're talking about? Sometimes I think it's really nice that we've created a space where people feel this safe. And other times I'm like, do we need to, like, tighten the strings? No, we asked for it.

The only people that we can blame are ourselves. But also if you have a confessional, send it in to us. If you haven't accidentally unfiltered, send it in to us at Life Uncut Podcast or you can also send it across DMs, you know, the Instagram. A confessional that some of you might have, which is a situation I would like to talk about now, is the fact that you might have hooked up with someone

like the day before you met your partner and you've never told them. Debatable as to whether that's a confessional or not though. Do you think? Yeah. Because it's actually played out on screens. So I know that I'm the reality TV sycophant at the moment. I have currently been streaming season eight of Love is Blind,

the US version, which is on Netflix. And for anyone who doesn't know, Love is Blind is that show where they put them in the pods and they can't see each other and they talk through a wall and they're meant to build like an emotional connection, fall in love with who each other's personality are rather than what they look like. And also this will include a little bit of a spoiler, but it's not like anything massive. I don't think you'll care if you haven't seen the most recent episodes, but it only came out last Friday. So there's a couple called Lauren and

Dave. So they've gone on the little honeymoon or the little holiday that they do. And they're back in the city that they live in. And Love is Blind is one of these kind of unique reality TV shows now where they're picking people all from the same city. And I think that that's for longevity purposes. You know, it means that they have a bit of a more realistic chance of actually working out as a couple. But what it can create is the fact that these people have dated in these cities leading into the experiment. And so they might be mutual friends with each other, or they might have dated people that each other know in the past. And that's exactly what has happened between dave and lauren so dave has recently found out that two guys that he knows they're kind of like

acquaintance distance friends in the friendship group but he's not close with them that lauren has been with two of them one of them was a serious relationship a couple of years ago and one of them was apparently a casual fling that was never you know as a friends with benefits type relationship is how lauren's described it but apparently she hooked up with him just two days before she went into the love is blind experiment and dave's got some problems with it yeah dave thinks that it means that she could not have possibly been ready to find love and i'm in a very unique situation where i'm sitting across from someone who has gone into an experiment and found love do you think that the proximity of when you were dating someone to when you go into a

reality tv show matters i don't think that this needs to just be about reality tv shows though because like I mean most or a lot of people have had casual relationships or have had sex and then gotten into a relationship you know shortly afterwards and I don't think that celibacy pre-getting into a relationship is an indicator about being intentional about your dating do you know I mean I don't think that those things have to be congruent I have multiple feelings about this in terms of a reality tv sense I think it's a producer tactic to try and frame, someone is not serious about the experiment and it can be twofold. Don't get me wrong. Like there can be people who have very casual relationships prior to going into an experiment

and they get into that situation and then they absolutely give it their all and meet someone who's amazing and it works out. Then there can be examples of people who have actual girlfriends or boyfriends and break up with them to go into the experience. And I don't think that those two scenarios are cut the same. You guys might remember Taylor Demeer and Grant who are from Love Island. I think it might've even been the first season of Love Island. They were the winning couple. And it came out after they, they were like the finals together, apparently in love that Grant had a living girlfriend the whole time. So he had left his girlfriend to go and do the show. And now I'm pretty sure he's back with her. Like he went back to her after they broke up,

which was just a wild bit of entertaining news at the time. But obviously in those instances, you could say, yeah, you absolutely weren't serious about the show or weren't serious about, you know, the finding love element of the show. You were probably very serious about the fame element. But I don't think that it's an indicator in normal life because, you know, you might have sex with someone on a Friday, go on a date with someone on a Saturday and go, oh my God, this person I've gone on a date with is such an emotional connection and match for you. And the only thing that I think might make the person that you've gone on a date with feel a bit weird about it is their ego. Do you know what I mean? Like they didn't know you prior to that. They didn't

have connection to you. They didn't have access to you. So why should they feel an entitlement to you prior to meeting you? It makes no sense to me. I completely agree with you. And I'm trying to put myself in this situation, right? And if I put myself in this situation where I'm the person who hooked out with someone two days beforehand, I'm like, it doesn't mean anything. Like, you know, that doesn't change the way that I feel about the person that I'm now with. But if I flip it. It would make you feel weird. And I was to find out that my boyfriend had hooked up with someone two days before. Look, I wouldn't love it. Like I'm not going to kind of stand on my pedestal and be like, I definitely wouldn't break up with him now, but I probably, I think it would

be a bit of an attack on my ego. And I think there would be an extra layer, a pretty thick layer if I knew the people, you know, like if I knew the people and they kind of existed in my circles. and I know that that's ridiculous because it doesn't change anything. I know it doesn't change how you feel about each other or the commitment that you've made to each other, but I think it would make me feel a little bit less special, like a little bit less unique, you know? I mean, in a normal relationship, you're not having these conversations.

You're not like, hey, we've just started dating, but I just wanted to let you know I fucked someone two days ago. Like, you're not going to do that. So they're never going to know anyway. Like, I want to be really careful about what I'm about to say because I definitely don't want the headlines, nor do I in any way want to be disrespectful to Matt. but um I like I was like in a very complicated situation before going into The Bachelor like

I had been dating I had really strong feelings for someone the relationship was an absolute shit show of a mess like I found out that he was cheating on me and he lived overseas it was a whole thing to it and it was not a situation that was ever going to end well anyway but I certainly wasn't over it like I certainly I was we were still in conversation we would still be texting up until when I went into the house but that didn't stop me from getting into the house and being like okay that is closed that door is closed now we are not doing that anymore and whatever is here I'm going to apply myself to but I didn't know what was in there I had no idea what was ahead of me so like whilst I was still living my normal life up until like I was still kind of

in those conversations mind you it wasn't physical because we weren't in the same country but there was definitely like an emotional attachment there and had it been a different situation and had those articles been written it would have been very easy to formulate like Laura's not serious about the this experiment because of xyz and I'm like well clearly I was like we have two children together and now we're married but I think it's really because of that contract they made you saying that it's still going they gave us a bonus if we'd stay together for eight years and here we are I just think I think it's a real producer tactic that's used to make you think that someone is not trustworthy and I definitely don't think that sex should be conflated with how especially

when you have made zero commitment to someone other than the fact that you're going to go and do this weird experiment that you don't know what to expect out of it I don't think that that should be conflated with how much and how trustworthy you are in a relationship unless you had an actual girlfriend that you broke up with that's different i think that this really does make us kind of look back into the values of worthiness purity and like wifey vibes because i think if you flipped the genders here we would kind of be like oh dave's a bit of a playboy you know he was like sleeping with girls leading up to blah blah to be fair though in terms of like a reality tv aspect i do think the narrative is often used against men this is probably the first time that i've

I've heard of it used from a female perspective, but usually it's men who have already proven themselves to not be trustworthy or quite misogynistic. That's when the storylines of the fact that they were like, you know, had girlfriends or were seeing people up until the point because it validates the fact that they don't really care about what they're doing in the show because they have so many other options and they've not been serious about it. I just wonder why I feel as though this one does feel a bit gendered. To me, it kind of seems a little bit as though there's like a bit of a slut shamey element to how they're treating Lauren of kind of like oh we were hooking up with someone like two days before and he's a

part of my friendship group and like now the boys know that you were fucking him you know how embarrassing for me how yeah and especially because they haven't slept together as a couple so I think that there's a massive element of the ego piece for Dave being like okay so you're engaged to me you're not sleeping with me but you're willing to sleep with old mate and have at me nothing like look there are elements where I can understand why his ego is bruised and why he feels uncomfortable about it but he is acting like a bit of a twat and I think I would love to be at the place where I would be like this would not bother me in the slightest I wouldn't give a shit I wouldn't care and I want to be there but the truth is I think I would be a little bit like

my ego would be a little bit damaged if I were to find out that it had happened in the same way in our own relationship. Something that we've been talking about amongst ourselves and it was an article that actually Keisha you came across and you put it into our group chat and it is a I guess a term that's being coined someday syndrome. Now there's a psychologist her name is Sarah Sarkis and she's coined this term after realizing that she was deferring so many of the life goals that she had and things that she wanted in her life to someday down the track something that I think that we can all be very, very guilty of. And the reason why this is, I think, particularly relevant to us and the age group that we're at and the life phase that we're at, it's a really big conversation

that we've been having with Brit, especially recently in terms of like, what is it that we want for our lives and what is it and where do we want to be with our lives? Brit has brought it up a few times on the pod, especially around when is the right time to have kids when you're juggling work career and when might be the right time for her to move overseas to be with Ben and you know I guess I do it as well in my own ways in terms of I keep saying well next year it's not going to be as busy so I'll be able to like have more time for my friendships or for my family and the reason why we all found this someday syndrome or this terminology really interesting is because I think we can all be guilty of kicking these not just life goals but the place that we want our life to

be down the track because we think what it is that we're doing now is the most important thing and we have to get through this next hurdle or the next hustle or the next job milestone in order to be able to deserve that thing that it is that we're wanting in our lives. A big conversation around this is not just the why that we do it, like why is it that so many of us are geared to falling into this someday syndrome trap, but also if we are doing it, how do we get out of it and Is it always a negative thing? Yeah, I think that the whole myth of the right time is something that, you know, we've kind of unpacked a couple of times.

I think that we've landed on the fact that for a lot of the massive big life things, there probably won't ever be a right time. You know, there's never going to be a time where you're like, this is the moment that I feel ready. I mean, maybe you are. Maybe that's just like, you know, how I've experienced it. No, but I think the problem with that as well is, is that sometimes, and this is the whole thing, right?

If you're waiting for the perfect time, if you're waiting for that sign to completely drop on your head, there is also the possibility that you're going to miss out on something that you really wanted because you deferred it for so long. And I think, you know, a lot of women of fertility age would probably be thinking that that's what we're referring to with this particular conversation. For me, I think about it in more like more minute goals or more like smaller things or ambitions that I want in my life. And I think reading through this article, the thing that I really connected with that

I'm guilty of was the excuse trap. And it's kind of, you know, have you seen those memes where it's like, oh, adulting is saying, you know, this week was super busy, but don't worry, next week will be better. But you keep saying that for the rest of your existence. And in falling into this like excuse trap, not only do I not think that there's ever going to be a perfect time for anything, but I think that I've been using other things as the reason why I haven't been able to you know seek out particular ambitions or hobbies or like fun things that I've been saying that I want to do I've been saying like oh you know work's just

been so busy it's taken up all of my time or right now we're in this particular phase of life and I don't have the the capacity to kind of focus on this other thing for example one thing that I have always always always wanted to do is learn to speak another language fluently right I've wanted to do that for as long as I can remember. And I started taking French classes in like 2016. It is still a life ambition of mine. I'll do it when I retire. I'm like, when am I going to get the time for that? And I kind of keep going in my head. I'm like, oh, someday, someday I'll want to do that. Another thing is that I think I want to write a book. And so I had this kind of, there's even been times where I've sat down on my laptop on a Google doc and I've started typing. And if

I was to go back and read it, it would probably be the worst thing ever. But I fall into this trap of like starting the things and then not following them through. And I don't know whether that's because I'm actually scared of the fact that I wouldn't be able to achieve it. And so I kind of have it as this idea of like, well, someday I want to do that, but I'm not going to start it right now because I probably won't be able to actually succeed. I think that everyone sits on a sliding scale of this because like we all know that person who talks about their ideas to death and never does fucking anything with them like we've all been really annoying we've all met that person who has a business idea or a goal or a dream or they're gonna get fit or they're gonna do whatever

and they never ever do the thing that they talk about doing or they're like me and they do it a wholeheartedly for three weeks and then they never do it again yeah they hyper fixate on it and then they never go back to it no but like those people exist it could be reduced down to like low motivation or not being able to apply themselves. Like there's many excuses we can make up for that. But then we all know people who have like this inherent drive and they say they're going to do something and they do it. And not to like blow smoke up his ass, but I feel like one of the things I admire most about Matt is that he has always been the type of person that if he says, I'm going to do this, you know, that he's already started the process and the steps towards doing

it. Like he's such a doer. And I find that really attractive in him. But I think that we're all subject to a different kind of like level of this and we all have different drives and ambitions and goal setting and all that sort of stuff but I also think on the flip side to it maybe it comes I mean I think it comes down to a couple of things I think it comes down to the fact that we think that time is infinite like it's really hard to look at your life and go well I've only got 25 years left on this planet or I've only got 30 years left on this planet like we have no idea you how long we're going to live for. And so we always feel as though we have more time. We are not consciously on the day to day aware of our own mortality. It's not. And if we had to think

like that, what a morbid way for us to constantly think, well, I'm only doing this and I'm getting it done productively because I might die in five years time. We're not emotionally geared for that. But I also question whether or not having this someday syndrome is always a bad thing, because I think that we can create goals for ourselves or ideas for ourselves about what we want in our life. And by focusing on something so fundamentally and solely, we discredit all the amazing things that we have right now that we are actually achieving or working towards. And sometimes there has to be an inherent sacrifice because life doesn't take the trajectory that you think it's going to. And I guess we were talking about this earlier. And my example for

that is, is, okay, say that you've always said since you were in your 20s that you wanted to go and live in Europe, right? You want to go and live in Europe. And then you meet someone who's here and you have kids with them and life is just not geared towards being able to just drop everything and go and live in Europe. Maybe you missed your window, but that doesn't mean that your life is shit because you didn't get to do that one thing that you said you were going to do in your 20s. And I think that sometimes we can make these goals and then look at life as though we have not achieved them or with some sort of aspect of regret around it but I think that everything happens in stages and it's about like having gratitude for what you're doing now as well

as being able to go okay well this is what I want for my future I think that's why I've always been a little bit reluctant to be a goal setter because I if I don't set goals I can't be disappointed that's exactly it though if I don't have the goal I can't fail at it and so I also have learned a lot. I mean, I clearly listened to a lot of like the self-help style of podcasting and that kind of thing. And, and one thing that stood out to me, and I can't actually remember where I listened to this. It was likely Mark Manson. I'm not a hundred percent sure though, but I remember learning about the fact that often the goal isn't actually what you want. It's the feeling that is associated with that goal. So let's go back to the ones that I was just talking about. Let's go back to,

I want to speak a language fluently. What I want to feel is proud of myself for learning something and committing to something and going to a place and being able to have a conversation with someone in a language that isn't my first language. You know, that's the feeling of like feeling proud of myself is actually what I want. For the book thing, I want to feel a sense of accomplishment. I want to feel as though, you know, I was able to produce something that went out into the world and made a bit of an impact. And like, that was a bit of a legacy piece, right? Like it was something that I could go until my last day and say, yeah, but you know, I wrote that book and that's a pretty cool thing to achieve. And I kind of wonder how much of my perception of goals and like this

someday syndrome of the things that I think I want, do I actually just want the validation? Do I just want the feeling that's associated with succeeding at something? And it's just made me wonder like, is it that we don't want to get out of our comfort zone? Is it that we are a bit confused about chasing after these things and maybe there's other things that need to be prioritized instead of it? Or is it that the fact that the goal that we think we want isn't actually what we want at all? Sorry, that's a lot of questions. I was like, I think everyone is going to feel differently about this, but I absolutely do think, and I come back to what we said at the very start, there are some things in life where it will never be the right time for it. It will

never be the right time to maybe feel a hundred percent about having kids or a hundred percent about starting a business and launching a business or, you know, getting out of the procrastination trap because you're scared about choosing the wrong thing or you're scared about failing at something. But on the flip side, I don't think that we can beat ourselves up so much around this idea of just dropping everything to pursue the lofty goals that would like, you know, hashtag make life so happy and blissful because there is an element of struggle to life and I guess when I look at my own life I'm so incredibly privileged like there is no part of me that goes wow I have to get up in the morning and struggle but I work really really hard and I sacrifice

like I said time with my friends I sacrifice time with my relationship I sacrifice exercise I sacrifice relaxation I sacrifice those things to work hard to be in the hustle and it's because that hustle has afforded me luxuries that I know are things that I wanted in my life right whether some people think that's superficial or not like I'm here to kind of explain it on one hand I say and I say it to Matt all the time like okay next year's not going to be as busy like we'll wind this back we'll do this but the reality is in order to do that I'd have to remortgage or sell my house. We have a mortgage to pay. So it's like, that's not an attainable goal because this goal was the priority. And this goal requires me to be in the life phase

that I'm at. So sometimes I think this idea around someday syndrome in particular, when I read the article, I felt depletious because I was like, yes, in an ideal world and to give context. So Sarah wrote this after she was at her mother's deathbed and she was discussing like her big regrets in life and I think that that's a really idyllic time to reflect and be like okay what's the most important thing to me but I also think it's really important to be reasonable with yourself around what is achievable and what is it that you have responsibilities to show up for and when can you just throw out those responsibilities and be like fuck it I'm going to go to Mallorca for the next six years do you know I mean like with everything that you

pursue in life there is an inherent sacrifice that comes along with it and I think we are in a particular time that is probably, you know, again, the dial's turned up in comparison to previous generations where we do crave that instant gratification, right? Well, we're being told that we deserve it. We're being told that it doesn't matter where you come from or what you've experienced in life. Like you deserve to be happy and you deserve to have everything that you've desired. And if you work hard, you will achieve it. And it's just not always the case. Like it's not always the case that if you work hard, you'll achieve the thing that you desired. And there's so many examples of that. I think the whole concept of someday

syndrome and why I think it's an interesting thing to think about how regularly you are kind of doing that someday to things that you want in your life. Like deferring your happiness. I kind of look at this, I guess you could say a seesaw or along a scale might be a better way to say it, where at one end of the scale, you might be in a complete rut and you might need someone to be like, Hey, you've been saying someday about every single thing that you're claiming to want in your life. And you haven't actually been making any of the steps to try and make that happen. And you might need a bit of a kick up the bum right now to get going on one of them. You know, it doesn't have to be all of them, but maybe you need that little ignition to get

yourself started. And then I think the other end of, you know, this seesaw or the scale, however you want to look at it could be that you are focusing so much on one big priority right now, one big goal whether that be family work whether it be I don't know owning a home like that's a 30-year commitment or whatever they tell you at the bank maybe you're prioritizing that so much that your other ambitions have to take a back seat yeah and you have to be okay with that because if you're not happy about that and you're trying to do all of it at the same time you're going to burn yourself out you're going to feel like failure but I think that that's what we live in now there is this expectation to do everything at the same time and all at once like and I kind of think that

we've shot ourselves in the foot with it like there's that very I mean Keisha you just said before but there's this very famous quote from Michelle Obama which is like you like you can have it all but not at the same time I had this really beautiful conversation with Julia Morris she messaged me during when the I'm a celebrity stuff was going on and obviously at that point I was juggling everything with Matt being away but she said I know the struggle well so I see what it takes to live the dream it's just when all the dreams come at once it's very very full-on and it's this idea of like we want to and I don't want to say we want to have it all and it's not possible to but like with trying to achieve everything at one time there is always going

to be some sacrifice and even if all of those things individually are exactly what you wanted and they were all the goals that you desired for your life trying to juggle it all is going to make you feel overwhelmed. And I kind of think that it's okay. And I'm not saying defer the things that are deeply important to you. I'm not saying that you should defer your happiness down the track for things that could have an expiration date, but it's okay to not try and do everything all at once. And if there is a goal that you've set for yourself that you haven't been able to achieve, i.e. learning a language because you're so busy focused on other things, I don't think you can be so hard on yourself i think that we need to have a little bit more flex around this

stuff rather than this approach to life that we should expect the privilege and the right to have it all because we desire it it's time to get into our suck and our sweet our highlight and low light of the week laws what's your heart do we start every time i do this we start on so we start on the lows and we move to the highs you think after four and a half years of producing this podcast and editing it that i would know yeah like i don't pay attention to this shit okay so my suck for the week is it's something I actually talked about a while ago with Lola she started a new daycare this year and it's been a really really hard transition for her but we've been contemplating whether or not we send her to school next year so she's only four now but she turns five in

February next year which means that she would be going into school at five years old oh so she'd be like youngish well not really a lot of people go then she'd be kind of bang on otherwise she'd be starting school at six because she has her birthday before the day that school starts. So technically she'd be five for the whole year. The only thing is, is like, we're doing it out of convenience, not because I necessarily think that she'll be ready at that time. And so we're now in this bit of a struggle between do we keep her at a daycare where she's like surviving to get through daycare because she's not enjoying it and it's like a new space for her? Or do we send her back to her old daycare where she had the support structures around her and she's like

familiar and everything else and I think for anyone who's got little kids who has had to change daycares and dealt with that whole transition it is so hard and having her waking up at night time or crying about going to school because she doesn't want to and I'm talking like we're six weeks now into this and she still hasn't adjusted I don't know what the right decision is and I kind of I want to make a decision that's like good for us as a family but also like what's right on her and doesn't put so much pressure on this little tiny four-year-old who's just like emotionally not coping at the moment and I guess it would kind of be that juggle of like is this just a little phase where she's not enjoying it will it be different next week

yeah like how like how long do we wait until she's adjusted like how many months and you know we we even had a child psychologist on the pickup and she was like it's partly resilience building and she'll adapt but like no one can tell you are they going to adapt in three months six months or a year and if it takes her a year to adapt to a new preschool she's not going to be equipped to start school do you know what I mean where is the line between resilience building and it's so fine I don't know and I like yeah I I just I hate that she's really really suffering with it at the moment and it's been a constant conversation in our household about what is the right thing to do yeah I met her previous early educators and she loved them and they were so

nice yeah it's been really tricky anyway that and my sweet is is that my husband is home and life is starting starting to resume some normality because it was kind of weird having that home originally because I feel like he was still in like a jungle headspace and like he was a bit kind of like he was a bit in his head about everything coming out of that experience and then just getting thrust straight back into normal family life so I feel like I'm we're coming out of that now and I'm kind of seeing my husband through the beard yeah right I would have assumed that it was just straight back to like before he was there where you were telling him to pick up his socks and like I think I underestimated how much it was going to affect

him I genuinely think I underestimated what that whole five weeks was going to be like for him but he's definitely like readjusting but I think most people come out of the jungle and say that they had an amazing experience and it's like life-changing and everything else and I think he came out thinking it was really really hard so I'm just happy to have him back he does look a little disheveled he needs to shave the beard maybe that will help him actually feel like he's back in normal life is if he gets rid of the the island look he got into bed last night he got into bed yeah he looks like he's from castaway yes he got into bed last night had a shower but hadn't dried his beard properly then kissed me and it was like a wet damp beard and I'm not used

to it. I can't, I can't adjust. Anyway, what is your suck? My suck for this week, it's kind of actually related to cloud. I think that receiving as many messages I did from people who were sharing their similar experiences, it just made me aware of how much so many of us have been feeling like this little weirdo that never quite fit in and that something was always a bit off. And I received a lot and a lot of messages from people saying that they also were misdiagnosed with other things like depression and anxiety. And you know, it wasn't until this much later part of life where they found out that was actually a symptom, not the cause. And which is what I shared about myself on cloud for anyone who hasn't listened. And I think it actually just, it made me feel really

sad. It made me feel sad. And firstly, it made me feel less alone. So thank you for that. It was very validating for me, but it also made me kind of just be like, wow, it's so shit that so many of us have had this same experience, you know? So that was my suck. But my sweet or one of my suites is obviously that cloud is out. I am so glad that, you know, we're sharing it with the world and the next couple of weeks, I think we've got another eight episodes to drop. So that's really exciting. But one of my other suites is related to what we spoke about with someday syndrome. So at the start of the year, I had this real realization. I didn't want to be like a resolutions person, but I very much realized that every goal I have had in the past, probably three

years has really related to work and growing in my career and I realized that I didn't have very many goals or like hobbies that I did for anything other than health like all of my hobbies were related to you're like getting eight hours of perfect sleep yeah which is the best still a hobby still a goal um that I don't achieve very often but even you know different hobbies that I would take up like swimming or whatever that's health related that was because I know that it's good for me physically and mentally and so I was like I feel like I need something I need to try and set myself a goal of something that isn't related to work and isn't related to health and so I downloaded Duolingo again and Laura I'm up to my 59th day streak you're gonna be

fluent in no time I've done it every day I only do it for like a minute 30 it doesn't matter how long do you think you're gonna hyper fixate on this 59 days I've done it every day in French because you know also I kind of cheated because I have a little bit of prior knowledge so I like Like I'm getting the instant gratification of like, ding, you're doing well. Like you got that one right. But I haven't stuck to anything for 59 days in a row other than things that you have to do for like ever.

Well, I am very proud of you. And eventually when you do go to France and you are able to speak fluently and you're sitting there at a cafe having a random conversation. Having a croissant. Having a croissant. S'il vous plaît. You can be like, remember that time we did that episode

all around someday syndrome? Really showed them, didn't I? It's more that I'm like so thrilled with myself for sticking at something for that many days in a row. And now that I've spoken about it publicly, I haven't spoken about it this whole time because I haven't wanted to fail at it. But now I've spoken about it publicly, I've got ego involved. So now you have skin in the game. Now I have to. Now I've got to keep doing it every day.

Well, I can't wait for the 100-day update, which is coming. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. If you've loved the episode, go and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. also if you haven't listened to cloud yet go subscribe the reviews have been so amazing and we've had such brilliant feedback on the podcast in general there is a new episode that is dropping on thursday for that as well and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love We'll be right back.