Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - 25 year old virgin, Bridesmaid drama and I need a break!

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

It’s Thursday Lifers so strap on in for your free therapy session!A 25 year old virgin that that is ready to have sex but is worried he will judge her when he finds out it is her first timeHe’s ghosted me after 2 dates but watches all my stories.... what does this mean? Is this a sign he’s still interested!? I’m a bridesmaid for a good friend and we are having all sorts of problems within the bridal party... but I’m not close enough with the other girl to address it... help!My partner of 8 years has a serious drug problem and in turn has some mental health issues. I want a break or to reassess but I’m not sure how.If you loved the episode guys hit subscribe, 5 stars and leave a sneaky little review to help us grow and please, share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany. And this is our Ask Uncut episode, our quick, our down and dirty, where we answer your burning questions. We love how much you trust us, actually. I'm quite surprised. You guys send us in some really, really deep stuff.

And some not so deep stuff. Yeah, all levels of deepness. Of depth. There's some shallow depth. There's some deep depth. And yeah, look, Brittany's having a good day. Anyway, we have got some cracker questions for you. thank you to everybody who's written in for today's episode but before we get into the episode

we just want to say holy shit oh yeah oh my god guys who's gonna say it laura you can say it britney we woke up this morning um and you would have probably seen on our insta stories because we were so chuffed obviously we shared it we woke up to not only the number one episode for the last two days but the number one podcast in australia um beating the man joe rogan i don't know if you listen to joe rogan laura but i'm obsessed with him so to me it was a big deal who would have thought that your dating life would attract so many ears hey like it attracts the ears but it doesn't attract the men go figure well britney did do a call out last night on the project we've just been pissing ourselves laughing because brit in her four minute interview on the project was like

hey if there's any single men out there slide into my dms she's had some pretty questionable will men slide into her dms today and things are not looking hopeful but i am here and i am going through the list nobody has made the cut yet guys can i just say when you do these interviews so on the project it's all it all just happens on the spot you're not rehearsing it you don't know what's happening so obviously they just said to me so you're still single you're dating and of course i'm just so awkward on the spot that i was like slide on into my dms anyway i was flooded this morning but like they're hysterical none of the suitors so far have actually been serious like none of them have been suitable one might say most of them are under the 27 age bracket that

i've put in place but also in the four minutes that brit was on the project she managed to pitch herself to be the bachelorette and she also asked all of the single eligible men in australia to slide into her dms the chick is thirsty and i am here for it okay hang on she's not thirsty she's single there's a difference didn't pitch myself said i would do it which i would but i would not do paradise pitch um and yeah i mean like why wouldn't i say a slide in i mean i didn't know i didn't think it through i didn't think i didn't i couldn't deal this morning with my dams but i want to say that my favorite one so far was a 19 year old that wrote to me and said i'm a cashier and i'm checking you out oh bless he's got a few years and some mileage left to go i know and i

know i said i would date under 30 but not pushing not when they're at school it's pushing it times are tough babe just really extend out that age and location bracket no but guys we were number one and we just want to say big thank you it's we're only number one because you guys had so much support for us and so much love and you've been there those of you that have been there from the beginning like we love you for i remember have you listened back to our first ever episode laura yeah it sucked it's so funny when we listened back net we were like oh my god how did we put that out we were just like such beginners we didn't know what we were doing we didn't know how to use the podcasting equipment we didn't know how to record look at us now we're still

doing it in my bedroom but at least it sounds a bit better so yeah guys we just wanted to quickly say thank you to everybody who listened to that episode it had some crazy crazy downloads and we know that we also have some new listeners with us now and all we want to say is welcome welcome to the party welcome to the lola coaster all righty let's get into this episode so this episode as you all know this is Ask Uncut where you send in your questions this is your free therapy session Britt and I although we aren't qualified we do our absolute darndest to answer them to the best of our ability. Okay the first one resonated with me it's happened to me I reckon it's happened to every single person. I've been on two dates with this guy that I really liked but he hasn't

contacted me since and I sort of feel like he's ghosted me but I always see him lurking on my Instagram page and I always see him watching my stories. Does this mean he's interested? Should I reach out because I know he's watching. I have strong feelings towards this. I have strong feelings. Tell me. I think that we need to stop romanticizing people looking at our Instagram stories because it does not mean anything more than they're sitting on the couch bored and they're flicking through their stories. I think if a guy can't put in the effort to call you or text you or organize a second date, then them watching your Instagram story, I think you're loading way too much meaning into that and it literally means nothing I mean look okay I'm I'm

I'm on board with Laura but was that a bit harsh yes I'm on board with Laura and we always get there in the end together but I also think that it doesn't necessarily mean nothing I just don't think you can it could mean something it could mean he's thinking about you it could mean he wants to check up on you just see what you're doing but it comes down to the age old saying if someone wants to see you they'll make the time that is not an age-old saying i've made that up it should be an age-old saying i'm pretty sure somebody said it before you though i think but i'm being serious if a guy wants to see you or contact you he will if he wanted to slide into your dms he would if he wanted to see you again he would message you the fact that he's

looking at your stories could be as insignificant as he just thinks you're hot and wants to look at you he it could be that and this is what I do sometimes I try to avoid people's stories if there's someone if it was that situation like if I'd been on a date with someone it was awkward I don't want them to see I'm looking at their page but you follow them you know how sometimes just flicking through the stories at the top and just defaults to the next one and you're all of a sudden you're on their story you're like abort exit exit but then you're flicking through them more rapidly and you're like damn it um so it could be something as simple as that I think that you need to if you're wondering about this message him just message him and be like hey like you want to catch

up and if he doesn't it just means he's not interested and he's just accidentally lurked your page definitely think take some action ask yourself you know don't sit there wondering it's it's fine for you to make them the first move if you've been only waiting a day or two but I think if a guy has not put in any effort hasn't texted you back has made it pretty clear in all his actions that he's not interested in following up on a date I think don't read into the significance of someone watching your Instagram stories because it is literally the most minimal effort that somebody could ever give you.

And that is not good enough. They could be watching 17,000 chicks Instagram stories right now. They probably are. That's true. They probably are. So that was a bit depressing, but there you go. But like also, don't get me wrong.

We have also said before that sometimes when you're showing interest in someone on Instagram, like when you want to get their attention, you like a couple of photos, you watch their stories, you maybe respond to a story. that is a way to let someone know you're interested but if they're just simply watching a story and there's no other action coming from that it's time to move on but I think we say that as like an intro before you've been on a date if you've been on two dates and then all they're

giving you is a story watch holy crap like the guy's barely breathing like it's nothing like I watch Channing Tatum stories and he doesn't think I'm interested so that doesn't work like that you are interested he just doesn't know you exist that's what I mean okay all right technicality laura question number two i'm in a bridal party with some people i don't know all too well and there's been plenty of drama during the organizing process basically the maid of honor is being really really difficult doesn't seem to have the bride's best interest at heart and isn't interested in spending any money or making any sacrifices at all so that the bride can have her dream wedding now i understand that you shouldn't have to break the bank or turn your

life upside down, but everybody else is willing to put in a little bit more of their time and effort into organizing things. So basically, I don't know what to do. I feel really uncomfortable. I don't want to upset the bride and I don't want to overstep into the maid of honor territory. Help. Okay. I think that this one is going to be pretty common. I already was listening to this and can think of a few friends that this situation has sort of happened to. So I'm pretty happy to dress it. I want to make a comment straight up on this that it is really hard when you're in a bridal party to navigate it to a point where you're trying to do the right thing for everyone and you're trying to be involved in everything but it's really important to remember how expensive

it can be for the bridesmaids. It can if you're paying for hens, wedding dresses, shoes, makeup, going away for events dinners um showers it's a big expense and you don't know everyone's circumstance a spirit sorry when you said showers I thought you just meant paying to have a shower and I was like what do you mean Brittany continue no but I think it's really important to remember especially in this climate at the moment with um COVID and all the financial stress that some people do not have the money to go the full hog and I think that's the first thing I want to I want to address that you can't just say she's not doing enough financially maybe that's the conversation you guys could all have in a group so it's not directed at one person maybe you could

say hey where's everyone at with their idea of money and what should we be doing should we just organize x amount that we're throwing in for her and then we just make sure we only do what's within that capacity. So that's my first step. Yeah, I totally agree. I think that everything in 2020 needs to be approached with a level of sensitivity. And if she isn't financially forking out or she isn't kind of committing, not just, not just financially, but maybe you're saying that she doesn't seem to be going the extra mile with her time either. There could be a lot of stresses in her life that you're not aware of, especially if you're not super close to all the bridesmaids. So be very conscious that this is a time where we need to just be a little bit kinder

and a little bit more considerate of other people's situations. Second to that, I honestly think that every single person who's been a bridesmaid would have experienced some level of this because like Britt said, being a bridesmaid is so effing expensive. You end up spending and forking out way more than whatever goes into the budget. As even if you are the most a personality type of budgeting, things always blow over. You always end up spending, you know, paying for the bride or shouting things. It's just what happens in these situations. If you are willing to go a little bit more above and beyond, I do think that there is an opportunity to have a conversation with the maid of honor one-on-one. I think reach out to her and say, I'm a little bit worried about

the time parameters around what's happening now. Like I feel like we don't have anything locked down I really want to make this as special for her as possible which I know you do too so what can we do together in order to make this happen financially what is the amount that you want to spend what's the amount that we want to spend and you can kind of work it out that way but you do at the end of the day have to all be in agreeance or all be on the same page with how much you're okay with spending and if it works out that you're okay with spending more then maybe you shout more money towards something if you want to do something that's more elaborate just because you want to give your friend the the wedding that's you know the wedding of her dreams doesn't

mean that every other bridesmaid in that can afford it I think the best thing to do is just to put a group text just to have a group text with all of you I'm sure you already do I hope you already do literally that way there's no responsibility on just one person you literally all start to say hey guys let's ballpark some ideas and some finances see where everyone's at and go from there and then no one has to feel bad for saying I don't have enough money I can't do this then someone can say I can recommend this if money is tight there's so many amazing things that you can do just with your girlfriends you could have this amazing beautiful picnic like a spread picnic I'm sure the bride it's more important to her to have you guys there in a really loving

environment together than it is to have some big elaborate expensive event I mean I say that that's what I would want I think that was what any bride would want yeah and I think second to that as well like you know like this idea of like stepping on the maid of honor's toes it could also be that the maid of honor needs help like she may actually be really stressed with work she may have way too much on her plate I know that when I was a maid of honor a couple of years ago it was so overwhelming because I just didn't have the time or the capacity to be able to do to do the job justice I don't think and I don't think I realized what a big job it was and so it was really great when the other bridesmaids offered and helped and pitched in and we all did a very even share of

work that meant a lot to me and actually really really helped me so I think that you can offer and bring up that conversation and doesn't need to be seen as like you overstepping the mark or you doing the wrong thing it just shows that you're proactive and you really want to help and be useful and make this a very special day and I think that she would appreciate that so long as there's open communication people are very very receptive and happy to take things on board so long as they don't feel like they're being sidelined they feel like they're being included and that's what's the most important part of this and because some people also and this is me some people aren't great and don't love planning and find it really hard that's me

I find planning anything really really hard it's a good thing that you plan all these episodes then hey yeah no that's fine I don't mean that I mean planning big events and organ that the idea of organizing a wedding like I dread the day my sister gets married oh why do you think Matt and I are still not married yeah I mean we just keep procreating but apart from that we're just like I can't even I can't even fathom planning a wedding it gives me wild anxiety this is why wedding planners exist no so I think I know that if this was if I was in that situation like Laura just said if the bridesmaids reached out to me and said hey let's all pitch in let's delegate some jobs and get it done together I would be like thank the lord like yes absolutely 100% yes

so try that yeah and I and then like like lastly just to tie it all up and I know it's a point I just made but I really do think that communication in all relationships in all aspects of life is always going to be like your best asset so if you are feeling stressed if you are feeling concerned talk to the maid of honor be really open with how you're feeling and and explain that you want to be as absolutely helpful as possible because you want to make this a beautiful day and I think that she would really really appreciate that and not feel like you're stepping on her toes at all anyway such sage advice question number three okay this is on virginity i'm 25 what is that you would never know clearly i have a kid haven't you seen jane the virgin best tv show actually i'm

just gonna go rogue that's my uh tv recommendation this week i know we don't actually do that any week but this week it's jane the virgin if you haven't seen it brilliant show that's what i'm gonna say thanks I'm 25 and still a virgin I'm 25 and I'm still a virgin it's not for religious reasons or it's not a choice of my own it just hasn't seemed to happen for me yet I dealt with a lot of anxiety growing up especially when I was talking to guys I finally feel like I'm ready to get out there and have fun with my sexuality I just don't know how to tell someone I'm dating that I'm still a virgin I feel like there is just this stigma attached to it and I think that they'll think less of me once I've told them plus I'm worried that we turned off by the fact that I

have no experience so they'll probably think that I'm not that great in bed yet I really hope you guys can give me some advice and help me out on this one I'm in two minds about this bread tell me what you think okay so it doesn't really matter how many sexual partners you have I don't think that that's a conversation that you need to have with someone when you go on a couple of dates like you know or when you decided that you want to get intimate with someone I mean I definitely know prior to being with Matt, I never went on like three dates with someone or four dates with someone. And when I decided I wanted to sleep with them go, so how, how many, how much sex have you had? How many partners have you had? And I think that that applies to whether you're a virgin or

not. I'm sure that I had sex with guys and I have no idea if they were a virgin or weren't a virgin at the time. It's up to you. If you feel like you need to tell them because you need them to be a bit more gentle and accommodating and understanding. Um, it may be that you need things to be slower and more intimate and there may be some expectations that you have around what your first sexual experience is going to be in which case you may need to have that conversation so you might want that first person you have sex with to be someone who you've dated for a little bit longer so you feel comfortable with them however there's definitely other people who lose their virginity on one night stands or on second or third dates and don't have to have the

conversation either so there so that was my question to you brit do you think that she needs to have the conversation or not I agree with everything you just said what I think what I'm thinking and I'm just thinking this as you're talking as well um there's no right or wrong answer first it's so fine to lose your virginity on a one-night stand if that's what you want it's so fine to do it with someone you've dated twice it's so fine to do it with someone you've dated for six months literally there is no way you can go wrong here if you're comfortable with it My advice to you purely, purely because you've said you have anxiety problems and you do get a bit uncomfortable with it, I would think that it would be best for you to maybe do

it with someone you've at least dated a few times so you're comfortable enough to tell them because you might find that, like Laura said, it does need to be a bit slower or a bit more gentle or I think it's important if you suffer that anxiety and it's your first time that it's a really comfortable situation for you and I can't imagine you being comfortable with someone that you haven't discussed it with and you also want to be able to look back on the experience and for it to not be a traumatic experience so therefore you want to go and get on that horse a second time I don't think you need to wait six months or until you're really serious with someone or anything like that I'm not saying that I'm just saying as long as you're

comfortable with somebody it doesn't matter how long you've seen them for maybe you are comfortable enough on a one-night stand to tell them but I think just for for you and your mental health just because of the problems you have listed it'll be really a much nicer experience for you if you will if you're like hey just so you know this is my first time I also want to add you don't have to say that either this is this is just our advice you absolutely don't have to say it but I want to add that I don't think it's a turn off for a guy I don't think he's going to be turned off by my god there are gonna be so many guys who are like stoked yes yeah like come at me yeah so i think that you're putting too much pressure on that and thinking that

the guys are going to react in a way that i don't think they will react i don't think there'll be many guys that will say i'm not going to do it because she's never had sex before i don't think there'll be any guys who are going to say that they're not going to do it because you're inexperienced i think that it'll turn them on yeah men are gross they'll love it so gross like they'll love it they're conquering a territory that's never been conquered before the first man to ever cross this path i honestly think that it's it's only as big a deal as you think it is because to the other person it's really not going to be but i understand why it's a big deal for you and i understand why it's something that you know you've thought about

and and also i guess you know the longer that the longer that you've waited the more that it does become a big deal as well like brit said no guy is going to see it as a turnoff and if you're at the point where you're going to have sex with someone he's going to have a great time regardless yeah trust me he's going to have a great time and if you're a few dates in the guy likes you why you're a few dates in move your hips around a few times you'll be fine sweetheart that's all it takes that is not the right advice that's what Laura does and you know that's on a good day that's not even what I do I just roll over and go to sleep faint a headache hey babe I have a headache I've just given you two pounded on Laura. That's a really bad one. I'm tired. I've got gas.

Yeah. So ultimately it's whatever makes you comfortable, but don't overthink what the, what the guy is going to think. Yeah. Don't, don't load it with anxiety around what somebody else is thinking and feeling. Cause you're never going to know what somebody else is thinking and feeling. Just enjoy the experience for what it is. If you feel comfortable to have a conversation about it first, then do that. But you also are not obligated to talk about your sexual experience with anyone. So if you want to keep that to yourself as well, go for it. Absolutely. All right. We've got one more question for you guys. I never know. I never know if you want to do three or four.

I just look at how much time we've been talking for, and then I'm like, throw in another one. But then we've got to go because the Bachelor in Paradise finale is literally happening right now. It's like halfway through. And I'm missing it. I mean, you're not on it anymore, but I still kind of want to watch the ending. Yeah. And my friends are on there. Okay. All right. This is the last question, guys. Help me. My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years. We're 22, but we have been in a pretty dark place for a while.

Girlfriend, that's a long time. What is that math? Forever. She's 22 and they've been together for eight years. He struggles with a cocaine addiction and severe mental health. I have never suffered with any mental health issues and I'm a nurse and I just hate drugs but I have stuck around throughout everything recently I've been feeling like I need a break from this relationship I was trying to figure out how he would react to me wanting a break and I made a joke about it and he said to me if you want a break I'm breaking up with you I believe that this is so manipulative and I just don't know where to go from here wow so this is a pretty heavy one but I have a couple of feelings towards this I I can straight

up answer this this is easy for me go all right guys I've done the math she was 14 Brittany's a smart one guys working on the front line had to get my calculator out this is your obviously only relationship your first relationship and you were together from a young age so I completely understand the love and the feeling of you'll never love anyone again and the feeling of you just want to be there and support this person absolutely and the fact that they are such an integral part of your identity they're part of half of your life basically which is a huge piece of who you are as a person I was pretty much the same thing I was with my partner for eight years from about 15 14 15 so exactly the same I know what you're feeling he didn't

have a drug problem but I remember when the time came and I was like okay I don't think this is for me anymore and I wanted a break and I remember how hard that was so I straight up want to say I feel you but you also have to remember that you are different people now you're finally an adult and finding your identity finding who you are finding what your life path is and you'll be finding that for the next 10 years there's a very strong chance and it sounds like to me that you are just growing in very different directions and that doesn't mean you're if you want to break or you don't think you're right for each other that doesn't mean you're abandoning him it does not mean you're not supporting him it just means you guys are on different paths and

going different directions and you're not giving each other what you need or what you should be getting out of a relationship so I agree but I do think that this is a little bit more complex than just being able to answer it quickly because I think from the question there are two parts to this the part I want to address first is the part where you said that you made a joke about wanting to have a break and his reaction was obviously very defensive and like well if you break if you want to break I'm breaking up with you I don't think it's acceptable to make jokes about wanting to take a break from your partner because it is only going to be met with defensiveness like there's not he's not going to receive that well he's not going to find that funny it's probably

going to put a lot of insecurity into him and how he feels about the relationship so I think if you do genuinely want a break, then you need to sit down and have a really adult conversation about the reasons why you need some time. And then you have to set the parameters around what that break means. As in, do you see other people? Do you not see other people? How long are you thinking you need to go out on your own? Do you still talk? Do you not talk? There are lots of rules around what a break needs to be. I want to jump in there. Agree. But I don't like the way he hands it either. If she said to him, joke or not, that she wants a break, there's obviously something there for him to get so defensive and not even ask why not even say let's talk about it

for him to say well no it's all or nothing I think that's the wrong attitude as well so I think both of them probably haven't handled it correctly but I think her making a joke about it she's dancing around the fact she obviously feels uncomfortable by delivering that news she doesn't want to hurt him so she might have just sort of blurted it out one day but I don't like his reaction to it yeah I agree I don't think I'm not saying that his reaction is right either by any means but I think that when I think that you know like when you do make a joke about something like that like it only sets it up for a defensive reaction and so I kind of like I mean I think that there are so many other issues here before we start nitpicking about the fact that you want to break

like that to me is like I only wanted to address that first because I think that that is the least of the problems like the real problem that you have here is that you're with someone who has a cocaine addiction and who is suffering from some mental health problems which maybe he isn't getting support or help for there is only so much that you can do to help somebody else before they take responsibility and show action and want to help themselves and it is such a complex and incredibly difficult and incredibly all-consuming thing to be in a relationship with somebody who has has all of these problems add drug problems on top of mental health problems that's not to say that you shouldn't stay and be a pillar of support if you want to. But if you have absolutely been

drawn to your limits because they're not doing anything to get help for themselves and their behavior is really, really destructive, then you have every right to want a break from that relationship to be able to see clarity and to figure out what you want in your life and whether or not this is something that you want. And it doesn't make you selfish to want to have some time away from that. Absolutely. And I'm sure you're a nurse. I'm sure you have tried to get him help and offered him help because that would be the normal thing you would do for a partner especially when you're someone in health care that is aware of the options available for people for their physical health and for their mental health so I'm I'm going to straight up assume

you've done that like Laura said they do need to want to help themselves and there is only so much you can do and if it's starting to impact on your life and you're not happy by no means do you need to stay in that relationship it doesn't have to end badly it can end with a really mature conversation but I think that's what has to happen there can be no more jokes this is obviously a lot of serious issues in this one so I think you need to have a really really serious sit down conversation let him know that whatever happens you'll be there for him if he if he needs you and and you're happy to support him and help him but it's just that it's destructive for you now and your feelings and where you think you're heading are in a different direction to where you think

he's heading. There is also the possibility that by you leaving that it may prompt him into seeking out help because I think that sometimes when you're in a relationship with someone you can become a crutch for them especially if you've been with them for so long and you've helped to soften this addiction problem and I think that this is so complex because there's mental health issues that are attached to it but the drug taking issues is like that in and of itself and the fact that he hasn't sought out any help for that but you're in a different path you don't need to or want to be around somebody who's doing drugs and he he needs to take some responsibility for that and it's an illness and there is so much help out there but he has to want that for himself

maybe something in his life needs to change to put him into a path of wanting that help I also want to highlight that it's really really common for people in this situation to want to stay out of guilt people are guilted into staying in a situation because they think this person what's going to happen to this person if I leave uh are they going to crumble are they not going to be able to get through life and they're not going to be able to get through their day and all of a sudden you've you've realized a year's gone past two years have gone past you're not happy but you're there because you're just too scared of what will happen to them not even necessarily what will happen to them but also just the guilt of leaving someone who's struggling like the guilt

of being like well through good times and bad times I'm supposed to be here but it can't just always be bad times and you guys you guys are young I can't reiterate that enough that the person you are from 14 to 22 it's it's very different people yeah I think by the sounds of things and like what Britt and I kind of slowly getting to is that you deserve to have a break from this if that's how you're feeling I just think you need to have a really mature conversation around why and the fact that you are really worried about him and you want him to make some changes in his life in order for your relationship to be a healthy relationship I think this is a it's a hard one and it's a bit of a down one to end on but this has been a question that's come

in a lot and we have kind of skirted around ever answering it but I think we should do an actual episode on this and that is the complexities around dating someone with a mental health disorder or with depression or with drug addiction there are very there are many different types of ailments that you know people can struggle with and how that impacts relationships and how that impacts coping mechanisms that is a bloody good topic and we will unpack that but I think that's going to take a little bit of preparation for us because it is something we want to be super sensitive about but yeah guys like we love you writing in your questions and we hope that today's episode has been helpful and insightful and deep and other descriptive words

but we love bringing these episodes if you have any questions for next week episode you know that you can just jump on in slide on in to our dms at life uncut podcast on instagram we also have the facebook group which is freaking great that's growing by the day and it is such an awesome community where people are sharing their stories and there's their stupid memes and i love it so that is also life uncut podcast in the facebook group we also have a great guest coming up it's a she's a sexologist and she's going to be answering some of your steamy questions we've been keeping the sexiest dirtiest questions because we feel too prudish to answer them yeah let's be real that's not what this podcast is for us like we are never going to be that person

or have those discussions openly but who better to do it than a professional a sexologist who lives it and breathes it yes so that is happening very soon so if you have any questions that you really want to aim at a sexologist you can also send those to us just remember when you send in your messages to put ask uncut at the top or if it's an accidentally unfiltered story put accidentally unfiltered at the top of that so that Brittany doesn't have a conniption when she's going through the messages or if it's I can't believe they said that or if it's a sexologist question whatever question you're sending in just give it a title just give it a title because it's the bane of my existence anyway guys thanks so much for listening to

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