Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - A Hair Change Is As Good As An Emotional Breakdown

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

Hey Lifers! Big changes have struck the life uncut team and it's got us questioning 'are you okay?'We speak about female hair loss and the changes that happen with hair during and after pregnancy. Vibes for the week:Britt unsubscribes from podcast that paywall their content after they've hooked you inVibe: Brita water filterKeeshia: Netflix stand up. Hannah Berner - We Ride at DawnLaura: Apple TV doco Jacinta Then we get into your questions: TRADIES IN HOUSE Recently we have been having renovations done to our house, meaning lots of trades coming and going. Tradies were literally arriving at our house and not long after were requesting to use the toilet and doing number 2s (with the sound effects). Not just a once off; this was happening everyday of the renos. Am I the only one to think this is not acceptable? My husband was a lot more understanding than I was; maybe because I’m the one who had to clean it!?). Should tradies not ask to use the toilet if they need to do a poo or am I just being very unreasonable!! DOES YOUR PARTNER INTERACT WITH YOU AT THE END OF THE DAY? My boyfriend's default after coming home from work is to be on his phone , watch reels, news, stocks etc. I have told him before to give me attention for a few minutes and just be nice to me so I feel loved. Tonight, Friday night, I'm home from work and looking out onto the balcony as if it's a nice sunset. He comes home, says hi (the door is right across from the balcony ) and sits on the sofa and starts looking at phone. (I was expecting him to walk over to me and give me a hug and kiss). I ask him to come out to the balcony and he says no and continues looking at phone. After a few minutes I ask him to give me some attention (exact words: "babe can you give me some attention?") He throws his phone down and says "stop complaining" and goes into the bedroom and doesn't come out for 45mins. He came out later to the living room and said sorry but he was upset. I asked him to come outside, and he didn't want to. He thinks I'm dramatic and I create a scene ....What do you think? Is it normal to want to be greeted at the end of a work day or am I expecting something that isn’t normal? SIS IN LAW SHOWER WITH MY DAUGHTER My sister in law has showered my daughter with her a couple of times, which I don’t feel comfortable with. My biggest issue is that she never asks if it is okay before doing it. I have mentioned it to my husband but he didn’t really think it was a big deal. How do you bring the conversation up without creating an argument because his family is always on the defence about everything I saw and did. You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and yes. You are not Brittany. What have you done with her? Where is she? Now, I realise this is an audio medium, so you've got no idea what we're talking about.

I had a crisis and I went in to get my hair done, which I always do. I was going to get like a belly-age, some highlights because my hair is very dark. Do you just call it a belly-age? Belly-age. Yeah. Belly-age? Belly-age, yeah. Belly-age.

Belly-age. Potato belly-age. Potato, potato. You know, like my hair is black. Yeah, but you also, you've been consistently very dark now for a while. But prior to that, the Brittany that I know is like one day I'm blonde, one day I'm brunette, one day I'm short, one day I'm long. I've never known anyone to be able to as radically change the length of their hair as what you do as frequently as you do. Yeah. I went through a

phase, like all you guys that have been on the journey with me, it's been a couple of years to be fair, but a couple of years ago I went through a phase where I was not well and I managed that. I managed that by changing my hair consistently. It was long, it was short, it was a bob, it was bleached blonde and then it was black and then it was brown, then it was balayage. If Brittany is drastically changing her hair colour weekly, you know she needs therapy. Well, I was going through a lot, but I feel like for the last couple of years, I've been pretty consistently just dark. And so I went in to think, I was like, okay, how do I want my hair for my wedding? Do I want to stay really dark? Do I want it to be a bit

lighter? So I was like, I've got a year. I'm going to go in and get some highlights and lights, sit in it for a while and see if I vibe it. So I went in and I was like, getting married, like let's try this sat in the chair and I saw all these swatches of you know how they have hair swatches yeah I saw all these swatches and there was one that was like orangey blonde strawberry blondie like you know and I was like oh my god I'm doing it I held it up to my face and I was like do it they were like what they're like this and I was like yeah so now I've got orange blonde red I don't know what I am for balayage and she walked out of redhead but I love it it's great looks great it looks great but I would like to maybe we can sit down and unpack not on what's wrong

because I think that this is the hint this is like the this is the whiff of like the start of something like Britney's act there's actually some internal turmoil going on there's something I did tell you guys last week that I mean not you guys sorry Laura and Keisha I was like I feel like I've been going through some stuff internally and then she comes in with red hair so I was like oh my god it's real it is yeah my my hair is always a reflection of what is happening inside of me But I feel good. I'm loving it. I'm going to stick with it for a while.

Surprisingly, wouldn't have picked you as a redhead, but it looks fucking great. Thank you. But I don't think you will do this for the wedding. No, it's not wedding hair. Yeah. I don't think you'll do it for the wedding because I feel like it's so not a color that you've ever been that that would be a weird thing for you to look back on on your wedding photos and be like, remember that one year I was a redhead?

The funniest thing is to Ben, I said, Ben, because we're on opposite time zones, you know, I wake up and he goes to bed. And so I was going to the hairdresser in the morning and I said, I'm doing like a hair wedding trial because I thought I was doing the blonde and then he calls me in the afternoon he's like what the fuck he's like love it he's like but is this what you want for the wedding also who cares if it is now it makes me want now I'm like have the hair for the wedding I just didn't when you go from black hair to red hair or like whatever it is strawberry blonde at the end I don't know actually it's called autumn blonde which is funny because autumn blonde is like a

really warm kind of thing but anyway whatever it's like a maple leaf yeah thank you Keisha If anyone wants to get this colour, you just have to say it's Brittany's Autumn Blonde. I think it looks great. Thank you. I think your eyes really pop. And I saw this with Brittany Saunders. She went brunette this week. She's having all these revelations about like, is this how things should have been the whole time?

Yeah, she looks great. Maybe you should have been like this the whole time. Wait, what are the revelations? She's gone brunette and she's like, I look better. Okay, so while you're like getting your hair done and she's having revelations about going brown, I've just started using minoxidil because my fucking hair's falling out. What is that? that? Well, if you've got a bald dad, you'll know what it is. Minoxidil is like hair loss stuff.

Oh, like a balding treatment. Yeah. I'm using a balding thing. Yeah. A lot of men are on finasteride, which I'm assuming is kind of similar. It has something to do with blocking testosterone and it stops their hair from falling out. Yes. I'm on a testosterone blocker on my scalp and I keep on making jokes about how I'm going to get a hair transplant in Turkey. So it's coming, guys. My friend does hair transplants in Sydney. I can hook you up. Swipe up, swipe up. No, you have to pay for it. It's not a hookup. I'll just link you so you don't have to go to Turkey.

Can they give me a code and I'll promote it on my Instagram? It's funny. I just want a really fierce hairline. I want none of this receding hairline bullshit. Kids really fucked me up, guys. I think you had thinning hair anyway, didn't you? Oh, tell me how you really felt. Not in a bad way, but like you have thinning.

Not in a good way either. No, but the problem is, no, it's okay, not in a good way. But you have, like me, you don't know because I have extensions. You have thin hair and then when you have hair loss, when you've got thin hair, it's obviously not as well off as someone that had luscious mane that has hair loss. Yes, when you have hair loss, when you have thin hair, some call it balding and that's where I'm at in life.

But I'm okay with it anyway. You're not okay with it? That's why you're taking testosterone. I am now on minoxidil. You're actually not okay. I'm seriously not okay. I will let you know how it's going at the three-month mark because I used that one, that like Vega something or other.

How did you put it on? It didn't fucking work. And this one's a bit more hectic. So I'm doing that before the hair plugs. But is it just a serum? Yeah, it's like an eyedropper. One mil, don't go over it. I think it's really bad for you.

I just Googled. It says it's a medication used for the treatment of high blood pressure. Glad you'll have low blood pressure. That's probably preferable. And pattern hair loss. Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm using it for. So I'm glad you clarified. Kishin just doesn't believe you.

So she's like, I'm just going to Google it. Anyway, look, you have not come here for hair care updates. No, we are. But no, I have more questions about the hair. What do you want from it? Is it a specific spot? Are you trying to bring your hairline forward? Are you trying to make your chest thicker?

All right, everyone. Strap on in. So female hair loss and male hair loss is quite different. So male hair loss, it's receding hairline, so you get bald from the front back. Female pattern hair loss is whatever. It starts from the crown. It starts from your part and you get like dispersed thinness

throughout the whole top of your head. So I have noticed that my hair is getting so – like it got thin after having babies. I lost a heap of hair. It grew back but it didn't grow back anywhere near the same and like I am noticing that each individual strand of hair is getting thinner. It's a thing called minimization. It's how hair loss works, which I mean, it doesn't come from my mom because my mom's side has like thick, luscious hair and my dad was bald by the time he was 20.

So I know who I got that gene from. Thanks, Terry Byrne. So yeah, so I started using minoxidil. You've got to do it for three months minimum and then that's when you should start to see hair regrowth and it's basically just to refill it in. So to try and, I don't know whether it's going to reverse it, but hopefully it will try and stop. Maybe that can be my vibe, but not still. Well, I had this discussion yesterday, right? So I have a double crown. Usually you have a crown at the back. It's just the way your hair grows. Think of it like a Rhodesian Ridgeback. You know how a Rhodesian Ridgeback? Pretty so nice. They crown it twice. Yeah. So my hair, it grows out and it grows out into a circle opposite ways. And what that makes it look like is a bald patch

because all my hair grows one way except this patch that goes around in a circle. It kind of just looks like a whirlpool at the back of your head good description good description i couldn't get my thing like a twister yeah it's like a little whirlpool it was a cyclone right at the back of your head speaking about it with the hairdresser yesterday and there's something that maybe you could try too laura maybe we could both go together hair plugs no they put like the serum they put the serum that probably has stuff like what you're talking about but what they do is you know how we all get i say we all lead lights on your face and skin you know that treatment Yeah.

They do lead light. Light therapy. Yeah, but they do it on the hair follicles. And what it does is opens the channels deep down to where the bulb of the hair is, and it opens the channel, and then the serum goes directly to the bulb to grow it. And it's supposed to be, like, phenomenal. Okay, well, sign me up, Scotty. Swipe up, swipe up, 20% off.

Okay. Anyway, look, let's get into answering questions. We've got to get into vibes first, but we already might know what yours is. No, first, vibes and unsubscribes. Brittany, what is your vibe? I have a vibe and an unsubscribe today. Now, I hope I don't offend anyone else in the podcasting community when I say this.

I'm going to do the unsubscribe first. Is it another podcast? It's not. It's something that podcasts do, and I would like to think that we would never do it. So I've been listening to a true crime podcast. I'm not going to say what it is. It's just an overseas one.

It's not even Australian, and it's one story. So it's not every week a different story. It's one story that goes across like 10, 15 episodes. Think about like The Teacher's Pet, for example. I'm a teacher's pet. Prime example. It's a series. So I thought I'd try episode one.

Loved it. So I just kept playing it through all my walks. And I get to episode four when you are hooked. Then all of a sudden it says you need to subscribe and pay for the rest. Entrapment. Yes, because now I'm stinged and I don't know what happened. I'm not going to sign up because I didn't like the fact that they tried to trick me by getting me to the crucial point and then hooking me.

Like I feel like it should have been made more obvious. And that is there's nothing wrong with paying and subscribing for podcasts. That's not what I'm upset about. i'm upset at the trickery i kind of respect it kind of admire it imagine if we were telling a story and hooking you and then to get the isn't that what they do with netflix like week free so you know they give you a week free trial and then if you like it you stay on and if you don't you fuck off i'm not against it i think the reason why is because i think we've been conditioned to expect things for free these days like and i mean we do it we obviously the podcast is free we get

paid through advertising that's how our income works but we don't take any money from subscriptions however some podcasts don't have ads in the same way and they take all their money from subscriptions still had ads no and my less about it then yeah but guys my my anger isn't sorry it's not even anger guys it's not i just didn't like it i just realized when i was listening i would never do it for our podcast that's what i thought a bad user experience it was just not made clear enough if there was a big thing subscription we're going to give you three apps for free then you pay for the end to be honest i probably wouldn't have listened which is why they don't do it yeah i understand. Anyway, that's my rant. Okay. My vibe is I am happy to say I am now a filtered water

girl. It is a water filter. The brand is Brita. Not sponsored. Put a little charcoal filter in it. You fill it with water and it's got like, I don't know, I think it's only a liter. It's not huge. But I never thought I'd tell the difference between filtered water. I'm a tap water girl. But now I feel like I'm fancy. I like my filtered water. Brita likes Brita. Brita likes Brita. Yeah. That's probably why. That's probably why. I have a vibe for this week. It is a Netflix It's a stand-up show by Hannah Berner. It is called We Ride at Dawn. Those who are familiar with Hannah, I've followed her for a while.

She initially was on that show Summer House. It's a reality TV, very big in the US. She's huge in the States. But it's not as big here. I think you can watch it here on Binge, if that's accurate. Anyway, she has a podcast called Giggly Squad. I am a Googler. She does that with Paige DeSorbo.

But this Netflix special, it's about 50-something minutes. It's brand new. It came out last week. If you like Life Uncut, every single topic that she mentions in her stand-up will be for you. Did you just compare us to Hannah Bernal? I mean, I would love to be. I just mean like the types of things that she speaks about.

She makes comedy about topics like dating, dating zaddies. Like she even made one of. What's a zaddy? It's like an older hot guy. Like it's a daddy but older because she married an older man. Isn't that just called a grandpa? Yeah, like also a comedian. But what does the ze stand for?

I don't know. That's what it's called. All right. it's really really funny but it's like specifically good if you like life on car i think you'll really like it is this on netflix or is this on okay yeah netflix so she only filmed a couple she's been talking about it on the podcast for months so it's been kind of exciting if you were a listener to go along the story with them and she's one of those comedians who does really really good impromptu crowd work that to me is such a specific skill because you can't prep that you can't like

rehearse and practice and I also think it shows like such a level of confidence as a comedian that you're able to think on the fly and that you're not frightened of a situation that you don't have control over if you need a bit of a laugh at the moment like if things around the world especially in the US are a bit heavy this is a great escape and I highly recommend it Netflix it's called We Ride at Dawn with Hannah Berner okay my recommendation is also a Netflix but it's a documentary it's called Jacinta now this show well this document it's only one episode It came out in 2020, but Netflix has obviously just picked it up. And so it's going to be in your trending feeds, I would say, for the next week or so.

So it is about a woman. Her name is Jacinta. She is 26 years old and it starts off at main correctional facility where she has been incarcerated for violence, but also it sort of surrounds her heroin addiction and her heroin use. But you find out in the very first five minutes that she is in prison in the same correctional facility as her mum. Now her mum's 46 years old and she also is a heroin addict and has had long term heroin and substance abuse problems. But it follows her life over the next three years. So Jacinta has been in and out of prison since the day she was 16. She's pretty much spent her entire

life in prison, but she also has a 10 year old daughter. And so the documentary is all around her trying to get clean so that she can start and rebuild a relationship with her daughter. I thought it was a really, I mean, it's fucking very sad. It is a real light on intergenerational drug abuse and intergenerational trauma, but also the complexities I think between relationships of children who have parents who are not perfect parents and this want to still maintain a relationship. I really, really loved it. It's one of those documentaries that I think will sit with me for a really long time and you don't leave it feeling good about yourself by any means but you definitely leave it feeling something profound that's for sure so Jacinta

and it is on Netflix amazing question number one recently we've been having renovations done to our house meaning lots of tradies are coming and going tradies were literally arriving at our house and not long after we're requesting to use the toilet and doing number twos with sound effects which was awkward one day it was so loud I had to turn the tv on to drown the symphony out that was happening in the bathroom. Not just a once-off, but this was happening every day of the Renos. Am I the only one to think that it's not acceptable? My husband was a lot more understanding than I was, but maybe that's because he is not the one who's having to clean up the toilet bowl. Should tradies not ask to use the toilet if they need to do a poo or am I being unreasonable?

Spoiler, of course it's happening every day. People need to poo every day. I'm imagining they're arriving on site with their coffee, finishing their coffee and being like, oh fuck it's time yeah probably they start at 7 a.m i'm actually pro a tradie being able to use the bathroom if you have someone come to your house to do work shit they need to go to the toilet you need to let them do a poo if you don't want them in your toilet you have to provide a portaloo you can't just say you're not shitting in here go find your own like go take a dump where in someone's garden no but depends on what the renovations are if they're no it doesn't okay hear me out hear me out if they're extensive renovations and they're going to be on your

property for a long time like maybe they should provide a portal no but that's what i'm saying if you don't come from the business like as in like but if you've just employed one tradie or you said you've got a lot of trades coming you either need to provide them a toilet you can't just ban them or you need to go to the head of the trade and say you need to provide them a toilet because they can't come into my house anymore like you don't have to let them into your house to the toilet if you don't want but I think that's pretty rude like at the end of the day they are an employee right like you have employed them to come to your don't shit to come to your place if they need to go to the toilet imagine Keisha being like I need to go to the

toilet I'm like suck shit you gotta you're not going to the toilet here you gotta go outside well remember we used to because if you're new to the podcast we used to not record in a studio we used to record in our house I would rock up to Brit's house and take a dump every time and I was I'm like, man, take a shit at your own house. Because I had had my coffee. I would get my coffee on the way to your accord. I would get to your house. I felt comfortable around you.

I would do a shit in your bathroom and then we would record. It's a lie. You're a sicko because it wasn't the same time of day every time. It's my kink. It doesn't matter what time of day it was. You could turn up at 7, 10, midday, 4. You'd always take a dump the second you walked in. You held it in so that you didn't have to shit in your own house.

because your house used to be my house but it's not anymore it's a house I feel really comfortable in and I'm so familiar with shitting in that bathroom that it just kind of felt like my second home yeah but also your turds stink I know like yours are not normal also in my defense I don't just do one this is too much information for everyone I don't do one a day I'm like a four a day kind of gal I'm in every time I go to the toilet I do a poo I'm sure there's something wrong with me. Look, I have been in this situation before. You may not remember this, but many years ago, we used to have a tradie that would come to our house all the time. And he came this one day after obviously being out and getting blind drunk the night before, because he was

really late. You could tell that he was like, you know, you could tell he'd had a big one the night before and he did the stinkiest post grog bog poo. The whole house was stunk out. And I remember talking about it on the podcast and then he heard and then he confronted us he was offended and then he wouldn't come back to my house the poo tradie yeah the poo tradie but but look i did let him go obviously you have to you have to let them go to the toilet but if they're working for extensive periods of time i think it's on the company that you've employed to provide them a portal if they're doing massive renovations but i call my dad right now and ask him he's a tradie i'm calling my dad hang on let's just see if he answers he might be doing a poo hey pop how are

you hey dad if you go to a job and you need to do a job a poo yeah is it standard for you to be able to use the toilet at the house that you're renovating or is it standard practice that the business has to provide a portal or do you just always go and find like a mcdonald's or a public toilet? Oh, look, it depends really. Most places you go to, if you're doing a renovation, for example, where people are living, 99% of the time people go, you know, mate, if you need to use a toilet, there's one down near the laundry there or whatever, you know? Yeah. If you're on a site, a new construction, they're supposed to put a portal there. What if it is ongoing reno, like the reno is taking two months, for example, but there is only one toilet in the house and the

tradesmen have to walk in and out and in and out to use the toilet that's in the middle of the house? Oh, look, I think if that's the case, you'd probably go to your McDonald's or something. But then it becomes an issue. The client says, how come this has taken so long? We say, well, because you're making us drive 15 minutes every time we want to do a wee. All right. So at the end of the day, you think it should be, if we're going to summarize, you think it should be okay to use the toilet if you have to, if you're trading? Well, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, look, If people go, no, I don't want you in the house, I don't want you. I mean, you're in the house anyway.

Totally. Doing a renovation of some sort. What's it matter as long as the people respect your toilet and look after it and don't leave it in a shitty state or you sneak one while they're out getting the groceries or something. Okay, I'm hanging up now. Thanks, Pop. Love you. Love you too.

Bye. I think the stock standard response should be whether or not you're a tradie, it doesn't matter who you are. If you're using someone's toilet and you leave a skid mark, you use the brush. respect the toilet. Big Tony said respect the toilet. All right, number two, and I have a lot of feels about this one. My sister-in-law has showered with my daughter and she's done this a couple of times now. I do not feel comfortable by this. My biggest issue is that she has never asked if it is okay before doing it. I have mentioned it to my husband, but he doesn't

think that it's a big deal at all. How do you bring up the conversation without creating an argument because his family is always on the defense about everything I say and I do? This is hard because A, I'm not a parent, but B, I don't know, and I don't know if this should matter. I feel like it does. I don't know how old the daughter is. Like, I feel like if it's a small baby, that's a really standard thing. Cause that's how you, you know, like a lot of my relatives shower with a small child because that's easy how you bath them. Right. I think at the end of the day, if you're not comfortable with something with your child, absolutely it is in your power to say whatever you want and put those boundaries on. But again, this is one might be a bit more

skewed to you Laura because I'm not in that situation yeah I feel differently to you Britt and I feel really really strongly about it I think if this makes you feel uncomfortable it would make me feel uncomfortable there is absolutely no reason for anybody at all to shower naked with your child especially to shower naked with your child without asking I mean if my sister without asking if my sister for example was to jump in the shower with Marley or with Lola firstly she wouldn't do it like she absolutely wouldn't do it and that's my sister who I'm closest with in the entire world. She wouldn't. But I would also think that she would ask and say, hey, do you mind if I give Marley a shower or if we jump in together? I just genuinely do not think

that there is ever a reason for another adult to get into the shower naked with my kids. It doesn't exist. My kids are capable enough of showering themselves. And if they're not capable enough of showering themselves, then you can put them in the bath. And I'm not against you washing them. obviously they need to be washed, but you as an adult don't need to be naked standing next to them. That's the issue. It's not the child naked for you, it's that an adult is also naked in there. So you're happy for them to like give them a bath or something like that.

Well, yeah, I think that sometimes it's necessary. For example, if Marley and Lola are over at their auntie's house at Aunty Kate's house and they've jumped in the pool and all the kids are having a bath together, totally fine. If Kate jumped in the bath with them and was naked. You'd be like, why are you in there? Yeah. Get out.

Don't get me wrong. I trust Kate more than anything. And I trust my sister more than anything. I just can't foresee a reason as to why someone else needs to be naked with my children. That's how I feel. Okay. So now that I've gotten that off the table, the other thing I want to say in this is that I know that you say here, how do I bring this up without creating an argument in my family? You know, because I'm always the one that's on the defense. I don't think it matters in this instance, because for me, there are some things that I think are worthy of people thinking that I'm a bit annoying or I'm hard to please or whatever it is. And my child's safety is one of those things that I'm not going to compromise my boundaries on. So I would simply call them.

It's not accusatory. You're not saying that they did it in a predatory way that you just simply call your sister-in-law and be like, Hey, thank you so much for taking care of the girls on the weekend. I just wanted to say, I would really appreciate it if you just wouldn't shower with them because I'm trying to teach, you know, boundaries around bodies and adults. And so I would really, really appreciate it if you wouldn't do that. If she kicks up a stink and that's an issue for her, that is a fucking massive red flag for me. Her response should simply be, I'm so sorry that that made you uncomfortable. Of course, it's not a big deal. I'll never do that again. Like that's not an argument and you're not being difficult by asking for that.

Also, I want to address one other thing because I think it's important. A lot of people will make allowances because your sister-in-law is a female. And as females, we sometimes view that as less predatory as less of an issue. I'm not saying that that is your sister-in-law, but it is your responsibility as a parent to protect your children, to create boundaries and safe environments for them. And if this is something that has made you deeply feel uncomfortable, you are so in the right by explaining that to them. And just because your husband doesn't agree with you or he doesn't see that there's anything wrong with it, doesn't mean that he's in the right either. That was the only thing I was going to add. You've let your feelings be known to your husband. He

hasn't agreed, but that doesn't invalidate your feelings. He does not have to agree with you for you to be like, cool. I know it doesn't bother you. It bothers me. And that should matter enough. I would just have one more conversation with your husband too, so that he knows what's going on. I know you don't agree. I've been thinking about it. I'm just really uncomfortable. And I think we should say something. Would you prefer to say it? Cause it's his family. Are you happy for me to say it? Because like, I think a lot of divide can come without that conversation. Like that's where a lot of the arguments can come. If he doesn't know you're going to call his sister-in-law and have a chat about that. And then she kicks off and then she goes to him and he says,

why did you call without me? I just think that's a conversation to have with your husband first, because then what you're doing is if anything else kicks off, you're like, look, I have done everything the right way. Like there's no reason for anyone to be coming for me here. We spoke about it. I let you know, I spoke to her about it. I let her know like these issues are now coming from you guys, not from me. I also think that as your husband, he should also be protecting your relationship with your in-laws and so even if he doesn't agree with you if this is something that makes you uncomfortable which I totally understand why it does I would want him to have the conversation like if it was

Matt and this situation was happening in our family even if Matt didn't agree with me I would hope that he would still have that chat with his sister and be like oh look like you know I'm uncomfortable with it and can you not do that again I don't want to put the onus on him to do it but I would hope that he would and if he doesn't then I would hope as though I'm not being made out to be a problem because I've communicated something that I want for my children. But other people would disagree with this, but I want to reiterate, I strongly, strongly and firmly believe that there is absolutely no reason for anybody else except for mum and dad to ever be naked around their children. Like, I just don't think that there is. I think that the majority

of people that would be in this situation, like, I don't know you or your sister-in-law from Byer Soap, like this listener, but I think most people that are doing that would probably be innocently two birds, one stone. I need a shower. The small child needs a shower. My niece needs a shower. We'll just jump in quickly together. But that's me giving the benefit of the doubt to somebody I don't even know. I'm sure there's a lot of people listening now that the boundaries in their family are okay to have a shower with your niece or nephew, and maybe that's fine for you, but I completely understand what you're saying, Laura. But the only thing that's different there, and the only thing that I think is so important, it's okay if you feel differently

about this situation. But it's only okay if the parent of that child has said that it's okay for you to feel differently. If you're out there having willy-nilly showers with your niece or nephew and you haven't asked, you just haven't asked, and you don't know if that parent's okay or not okay, then that's on you that you've made an assumption that you shouldn't have made. That's how I feel about it. And if you say to them, I'm not comfortable and they kick off about it, that is a weird... That's a red flag to me. I think, look, different families will have different standards for what boundaries are and what is and isn't okay. But every single person who is ever having a shower with a child needs to make sure that that parent of that child is

okay with it. That's how I feel. Question number three. My boyfriend's default after coming home from work is to go straight to his phone. He watches Instagram reels, long videos, news, stocks, doesn't matter what it is. He's just on his phone. I have told him before to give me attention for just a few minutes and just be nice to me for a hot second. Then he can go do what he wants. I just want to feel loved. Tonight, Friday night, I'm home from work and I'm looking out onto the balcony and it's a really nice sunset. He comes home, says hi, now the door is right across from the balcony so he's very close, and goes straight to sit on the sofa and start looking at his phone. I was expecting him to walk over to me, give me a hug and a kiss hello, just say,

you know, hey, how was your day? Anyway, I say to him, hey, babe, come out in the balcony. It's a beautiful sunset. He says, no, doesn't even look up from his phone. After a few minutes, I ask him to literally give me attention. They're my words. Can you please give me some attention? He throws his phone down on the carpet and says, stop complaining, and then storms into the bedroom and doesn't come out for 45 minutes. He came out later to the living room and said, sorry, but he was still upset. I asked him to come outside. He still didn't want to. He thinks I'm being dramatic and that I create this big scene over nothing. What do you think? Is it normal to want to be greeted at the end of the day after a big long day of work or am I expecting

something that isn't normal? My God, that question makes me think that your partner is an absolute flog. Like he is a flog. Sorry, that's harsh. He's a flog. No, I think it's pretty rude. It's less than no effort to just say hi and have a kiss. And then, you know, I understand that some people need to debrief from the day. I'm not a get home from a busy work day kind of person that then wants to get into a really big chat with Matt. Like sometimes I also need like a little bit of a buffer to debrief after a work day, but I am absolutely not coming home and ignoring him and giving him zero effort and then gaslighting him and telling him that he's the problem when it's actually my behavior that's made him feel a certain way.

But you also come home to two little kids. I'm assuming that they just live alone and they're coming home just to each other. I, yeah, for me, there's such a level of disrespect in this. I don't think that you're asking for too much by wanting your partner to come home and just validate your existence, you know, at least show you that there's been some sort of like, and I don't even want to like oversell it. It doesn't have to be excitement that they've come home to you. It's just a respect thing.

it's just a mutual showing an interest of how was your day or, you know, how are you or whatever it is. I think the way that you've worded this makes me feel really, really sad for you because the fact that you're asking if this is acceptable or whether you're asking for too much, it makes me think you're not asking for enough. Like what you've come to accept and what you think is normal in a relationship also is not normal. Also, who doesn't want to go out and watch a beautiful sunset with their partner? And even if you don't want to sit there and watch it, like you said, Laura, like to answer your question, is it normal? It's not normal to not greet your partner. Hello. Like, unless you are in a full blown fight where you guys are both taking your time and

you know what it is and everyone's across what's happening and you're not talking for a couple of hours or something, even then it's still strange, but to come home, not make eye contact, not look at you, not say hello, no greeting at all. It's not a normal thing. And for me, it's a real lack of respect and like basic human courtesy, not even in a relationship, but if that was just your flat mate yeah you would say hello yeah it has all the hallmarks for being taken for granted is what it is but I do want to be careful with this because people have different bandwidths when they come home from work like there are some people like I said who do need to decompress that's okay I'm going to put that into a different camp though there's a difference between decompressing and

completely ignoring your partner and invalidating them and not showing a single bit of interest in them but I also want to kind of like link into something we talked about on Tuesday's episode go back and have a listen to that if you haven't. And that is all around shut up moves, right? We talked about shut up rings, which is, if you're not sure what a shut up ring is, a quick definition is someone proposing because they feel as though they've been badgered into it, right? You say that you've had this conversation with your partner many times. You've spoken about how you want him to show some interest in you when he comes home from work at the end of the day. And I would almost say that, well, you've said it, you've made it clear enough times. And now he's at the point

where when you ask for it or when you do say that this has upset me he's like oh you're so like you're once again with the badgering I would be careful that you're not going into a phase of your relationship that if he does do it when he comes home next and he shows you all this attention or you know he makes a small amount of effort that it's not just a shut up move to prove to you see I do show you attention I think we really have to pay attention to the long-term behavior and I think what you're asking for is literally the bare minimum in a relationship I think it's so baseline. I wouldn't even come home and not greet my dog. You wouldn't come into your house and not even say hello to your dog. This is what he's doing. He's walking in, not a greeting. Like

for me, this is very, very basic. I think the conversation just has to be, I don't want you to misinterpret what I'm asking for. Like I don't want you to come outside and massage my neck and sit with me and debrief for an hour and whatever else. Even if that's what you want, if he's the person that needs to decompress, be like, babe, I just want you to come out and say, hey, how was your day give me a kiss hello like acknowledge me a couple of minutes just to like you know reconnect and then you can go do your thing so maybe you just need to say I don't want so much from you but I need like the base level of respect but if your partner if you have that conversation and he still says you are asking for too much I'm telling you right now you are asking for the

baseline I do think that there's a couple of questions you can ask yourself though has something changed? Like has he always, is this behavior always been standard for him or has he changed his behavior recently and you're feeling more rejected? Has something happened in his work? Like is he super stressed out at work? Are there some big things happening? Has his behavior changed in other ways? I think like look out for those sorts of indicators because that might sort of signify that there's something that you guys can work on and overcome. It might be something that's going on with him rather than it being just that he's pretty shit in relationships or if he's always been like this and this is just his behaviour, I would say that that is way more

of a red flag because I think it's really hard to change that. If he's just like, he thinks it's normal and fine to come home and ignore his partner, I would say that that's more around an attitude as to how he sees you and how he treats you. So I think you have to look at things collectively in a whole when it comes to relationships, not just look at one behaviour and then write it off or write your relationship off because of that one thing. Yeah. And also, I don't know what you mean and it's hard, so I'll give two answers, but you say that he went into his room for 45 minutes then he came out said sorry but he was upset I'm not sure if he's telling you he's upset because he's like sorry I've got a lot going on

I'm upset or if he said sorry but you've really upset me like that's you know so I don't know I don't know which way that was because you haven't been clear but I think if it's the latter and it's the gaslighting like you know I'm sorry but you've really like pissed me off by asking for my attention that's a broader conversation if he did come and he's like you know I'm I am sorry I'm just upset like laura just said i've had a big day it's not you it's at work that's different because then it's like okay babe like i'm here for you but you need to tell me you need to communicate yeah totally like manage my expectations manage my entirely fucking on the floor expectations of you there are no expectations like if this is about him greeting you like yeah i feel really

sad for you because i'm under the impression if you are writing to us to ask if it's normal to not be greeted I'm getting the impression that that isn't what happens in your relationship ever because you haven't said he's changed you said is it normal to greet your partner or not like it makes me feel like it's probably the standard behavior and I do just want to say it's absolutely not normal one thing I think we need to be careful with in relationships especially when things like this start happening is that you can become so acclimatized to a new normal right like I think it's very easy for us to sit here and go oh my god no it's not normal like it's literally the bare minimum of what you should expect in a relationship. But if you have been conditioned

over time that this is normal behavior, it then becomes your normal. And so I would say that as much as we've kind of, you know, gone around on the point of like, it is not normal. I understand why to you, it might feel as though you're asking for too much, or it might feel as though you're pushing him for too many things, but a normal, healthy relationship with someone who is enthusiastically wanting to be in that relationship and isn't treating you as though you're a burden or that you're inconvenient to them or any of those other things, we'll walk home or come home and through the door at the end of the day and validate your existence and say hello and give you a kiss and treat you in a way that makes you look forward to seeing them at the end of a work

day. If you guys have a question for next week's Ask Uncut, slide into the DMs as you always do. It's at Life Uncut Podcast on Instagram. Send us your question and you will go into the list for us to answer it. You're going to the draw. Well, no. You know, we will do our best. We try and get through as many of them as we possibly can. But there's so many that come through.

But send us your spicy ones because they're always fun to unpack. And also we have the YouTube. So if you want to go and watch all the fun unfold in real life, put it on your TV. You can see my boots that everyone hates and pays me out about, but I'm wearing them today. You can see Brittany's welding boots. Goalkeeping boots. Goalkeeping boots. They will be available on YouTube as well.

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