Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - A Hall Pass Of ... Barney The Dinosaur?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut, I'm Laura. Welcome to Ask Uncut. Also I'm Keisha and I'm so excited to be here and it is a brand new year of Ask Uncut and I just had one of the most, you know those moments when they happen to you and you're like oh, oh I didn't realise I was at this point. I just went into the bathroom. We're in new studios now and they have downlights in those bathrooms that are really fucking confronting.

Starting point is 00:00:34 Downlights are never forgiving. They're never forgiving. They're unkind in change rooms. They're unkind in bathrooms. I've discovered cellulite that I didn't know I had recently. On my knees? Sorry. On the backs of my arms?

Starting point is 00:00:47 Since when? Okay, something really equivalent to that just happened. I just looked in the mirror and I was like, I need to shave my face. I'm worried about the definition that our videos are recorded in. I am so hairy, but it's blonde. But like I must, you know how they say that the five people you spend the most amount of time with, you end up like. Are you blaming me for your hairy face?

Starting point is 00:01:07 No, I'm blaming the dogs. I think I'm becoming a wolf. No, there's no shame. I'll say it here first. We like to de-stigmatize things. I shave my face on occasion. I have one of those. It's just, they have like a lady razor.

Starting point is 00:01:21 makes it feel less confronting than using your leg razor on your face when you say you're a derma plan a derma plan or derma plane I've got one I've got an electric one and it's fantastic I just didn't really I've only ever used it on little bits I'm at now at the point where I'm gonna have to do like like from the cheekbone down all of that needs shaving when did this happen I think that maybe I'm not empathizing no sorry I should say that again I'm not sympathizing with this to the level of which you are shocked because I've been there for so long oh just because you've seen it for so long I was like finally you're realizing I am I remember it was like a big hit for a while that people were doing it because they were like oh it allows for your makeup application

Starting point is 00:02:02 to go on really smoothly and for me it was more so just when my child was old enough to speak and she told me I had a hairy face oh my grab it thank you yeah poppies just holding when when newborn baby's like hold on to your hair poppy's just grabbing my beard she's got a really strong grip anyway ask uncut this is where we it's uh your deepest darkest dilemmas we give our best and most enthusiastic passionate advice that we're not technically qualified for but we've lived some lives no we have lived some lives and as we discovered on the episode the ask uncut i did with matt where someone so gently asked what are your qualifications i'd like to reiterate none we don't have any zero but we do our best we do have qualifications they're just not relevant to what

Starting point is 00:02:46 we do yeah fine arts if you have any questions about van gogh or art history i'm i'm here but i don't think anyone does don't ask me i've forgotten it was 20 years ago cut off his ear right van gogh i think actually it is fucking kill me okay so brit's not here brit is not here she is currently on a plane coming back from italy to join us because we as we talked about on the last episode she's back for a couple of months while we record this show that we're doing and then she will be Bon Voyage once again so in the interim Keisha it's you and me baby but I do have something I wanted to bring up before we get into answering questions it's from the Facebook so we have a Facebook discussion group if you're new to the podcast go join it's where all the

Starting point is 00:03:28 juicy interesting good stuff goes down yeah actually something happened in the Facebook group at the end of last year and I think a lot of people were like oh why did you change this just want to let you know, we didn't. It was an update from Facebook. You can now post with a nickname. So it's like kind of anonymous. We as admins can see who's posting it. But since the nicknames came in, things have gotten like super spicy. I know. This is more like the true definition of girl code. And I read this and I was like, this is what the Laugh Uncut discussion group is all about. Okay. I have a weird post for you all. If there is a girl in here with a boyfriend named Jason or Jackson, who likes to play Warzone with the gamer tag W33D. He had his mic on and my

Starting point is 00:04:09 fiance and I just heard your entire conversation where you confronted him about having nudes sent and how he cheats on everyone. Girl, the way that that man gaslit you was absolutely insane and he was actively playing Warzone at the same time. It was top tier entertainment, but seriously, if you were in here, you are not crazy. It is not in your head and you deserve way better than this absolute idiot run and leave him to mess around with ruby or whatever the fuck her name was i mean flog however good productivity skills if you could have that argument and play a game at the same time i'm somewhat impressed no i read this and i was like we need to find who jason or jackson was if you have been in this potentially i don't know i don't want to get

Starting point is 00:04:52 cancelled in 2026 but look we can give it a red hot shot no look this is already it had 50 comments when I like found this and it had only been posted this morning I think we should find him find her let's save this woman if you are not a life uncut like in the Facebook discussion group there's a very good chance that you might be a listener so now you know you're not at fault you're not at fault and also fuck Ruby whoever it was it is time for vibes and unsubscribes before we get into answering your questions part of me is thrilled that Britt's not here and I don't mean that for any other reason than she has banned me. Brittany has banned me from talking about my deepest passion on this podcast.

Starting point is 00:05:29 It is the only thing that brings me joy in my life at the moment, apart from my children and my family. No, it is. I look forward to it every night. I'm missing an episode at the moment, so I'm like one behind, but I'm going home tonight to watch it, and that is The UK Traders. If you have not watched the new season, oh, it's so good, and I'm so obsessed.

Starting point is 00:05:48 And I do promise that I won't forever vibe the UK traders, but right now there's a new season. Last time it was celebrity traders. This new one is like just normal everyday plebs and it's great. Okay. I have a slight bone to pick with you. And I actually looked at this up yesterday because you have been talking about UK traders every time I've spoken to you in the past five days.

Starting point is 00:06:07 And so I thought that you would bring it up on the podcast. I vibed traders last February and you and Brit kind of poo-pooed me. You were like, not that great. The show came to Australia. It flopped, blah, blah, blah. I am really glad that you have changed tunes but we also spoke about the fact that the one I vibed was the US one yes I agree and that's what I was going to bring up as my defense I can't get into the US one it's just really over the top and melodramatic and it's like very very big personalities

Starting point is 00:06:37 and it feels dramatized and dramatic I think I just have a soft spot for English people I like their humor I like their banter I just love it I love everything about it I love all the characters the casting's amazing and Claudia who is the main host I literally feel like this is Groundhog Day it's just great and this season there isn't like obviously all the players are new new challenges and whatnot but there is a player who is in this season her name is Rachel and I think she's brilliant I just really love Fiona best person that has ever been cast on reality tv ever because of course Laura I am watching alongside you and I am up to the last episode but I've also realized what I think I like about the normie one versus a celebrity one. The normie one is more at stake

Starting point is 00:07:21 because they're not rich. Like the celebrity one, they all get, they would probably all get paid more than what the lump sum of money at the end would be anyway. And it goes to charity in the celebrity one. Whereas the normie one, they're like actually playing for the very real money. So there's higher stakes. Yeah. They had this interesting episode just recently where they sat around a table and they're having a dinner and they talked about like what they will spend their money on. And it was almost like they intentionally found every single person who has some trauma. There was this beautiful moment where they were talking about what they would spend the money on if they won. And it makes you feel less like the traders are doing the dirty

Starting point is 00:07:57 work. You know what I mean? Like, anyway, I don't want to go into it too much. It is a fantastic series. This series has stacked up just as good as the last ones. If you're not on it, it's on 10 play. Watch it because the Australian traders is coming out soon. And I deeply hope that it's even half as good as what the UK traders is. I have enough vibes to kind of last me through half of the year because I listen to a lot of things over the break. And one of the things that I also do over the break, I know that a lot of podcasts take kind of the summer period off. So I listened to a lot of audio books as I was painting the house. And one of the favorite ones is the new book by Sally Hepworth. It is called Mad Mabel. You likely, if you are a reader or

Starting point is 00:08:37 you're kind of into books here and there, you've probably seen it all over people's socials because it has been very very popular and I actually listened to this because I have a friend her name is Sophie and she posts about all the books she's she's big reader and she posted like really enjoyed this was a little bit slow to get into but I feel a bit smug because I saw the twist coming quite early on and so of course in me I was like well I'm competitive I want to see if I can find what the twist will be early on as well anyway about I think I was because I listen it comes up with the percentage of the book that you're through. And I was 26% through when I sent her a text and I screenshot it and I sent it to her and I was like, I think this is what the twist

Starting point is 00:09:18 could be. And I ended up being right, which just made me love the book even more. I have a question though. Does that make you love the book more or does it mean that actually the twist is not that hard to figure out and now it's going to ruin it for everyone because they get to 26% and they're like, well, I figured the book out. I don't know if I would have picked up on it had I not have known that there was a twist coming, which kind of actually made it a little bit more fun. Anyway, So the book is about a woman named Mad Mabel or Elsie Mabel Fitzpatrick. She's 81 years old. And this is the first sentence of the blurb.

Starting point is 00:09:45 There are two kinds of people no one ever expects to be murderers, little girls and old ladies. Meet Mad Mabel. So it's a murder mystery style of book. It's about Mabel's history and it flashes between the past and the present and situations where people end up dying around her. and you're kind of left wondering like what happened here and did she do it and it's a fantastic book.

Starting point is 00:10:11 I also felt similar to my friend Sophie where the first third but I also am starting to actually think this is a problem with me with books because our attention spans are getting so cooked that I'm finding myself being like, okay, come on, come on, I get it, I get it, I just want to be in it and I'm actually realising that that's not. That's TikTok. That's fucking TikTok.

Starting point is 00:10:31 I've been ruined. Like if I don't get it in the first minute 30, it's really bad. I think I need to start, you know, reading more fiction and kind of having that delayed gratification in terms of content and stories. But yeah, I loved this Mad Mabel by Sally Hepworth. She's an Australian author. She's very popular. And I think that it would be great to add to your reading list. Let's get into the questions.

Starting point is 00:10:53 We actually have some great questions this week. And we are overshooting our load because I think we have five of them. But let's see how we go. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we essentially do not have sex but he constantly guilts me about it for context I am a sex worker and he spent many years seeing sex workers before we met we have always had an open relationship and I'm okay with not having sex together giving the rest of our relationship is amazing the issue is I don't enjoy having sex with him there is no seduction, no initiation, and it often feels rushed, painful, and disconnected. I've tried

Starting point is 00:11:29 explaining that effort and communication matter, but he becomes defensive and turns it into, but you sleep with your clients, but not with me. Even my clients put more care into my experience than he does. I don't tell him this though. We avoid talking about it because he gets immature and he blames me. How do I handle the guilt and resentment? And is this something that can actually be fixed or am I ignoring a bigger problem oh I really don't like that guilt that he's put on you of but you sleep with your clients and not with me that feels really awful and uncomfortable for me to read I think you know when you said that you don't tell him that he doesn't put much connection and much like forethought I'm sorry I should get the actual words you've said

Starting point is 00:12:11 here even my clients put more care into my experience than he does but I don't tell him this I guess the only question I have for you is like could you tell him that could you tell him that you feel as though it is a very transactional experience with him where there isn't much you know I don't know what the foreplay is or what kind of the connection is beforehand you said that it feels rushed painful and disconnected and I wonder if maybe that's because he did have such a long experience sleeping with sex workers beforehand that to him maybe that's what he thinks the actual interaction is you know maybe it is quite transactional in his mind and maybe he doesn't understand that it it should be quite a different experience with you being his partner

Starting point is 00:12:51 yeah I also think I mean you're keeping this information from him to protect his feelings because obviously he's defensive and everything else but you're never going to get to the place that you want to be by trying to protect his ego in this situation and dancing around it and like exactly what you said Keisha that was the biggest thing that came like sprung when you wrote in brackets I don't tell him this I was like why tell him you need to tell him that you feel as though your clients put more effort into the intimacy part of sex than what your own partner does. And that's, what's affecting your want and desire to have sex with him. And I guess the thing is, is him turning it around. And it's, it is such an interesting one. I mean, we have loads

Starting point is 00:13:32 of questions that come in around, around sex and different mismatched libidos and not having sex in the, you know, the same, I guess, like in the way in which you want it to play out with your partner. But the reason why this is interesting is because you are having sex. You just don't want to have it with your partner because he is not able or willing to do it in a way that feels right for you. And then his response to that is to throw what you do for work back into the mix. And I guess, firstly, there is an acceptance obviously from him that he, you know, you're both on the same page. He understands you're a sex worker. There isn't any shame or guilt or anything that's attached to that, which there shouldn't be. But when it comes to what you

Starting point is 00:14:11 do for a living versus how you want things to be in the bedroom, they can be two very different things and I remember when we interviewed Angela White who we've done two episodes with her now she is one of the biggest porn stars in the world like she's such a prolific porn star and we you know of course one of the most interesting questions is is like when you're dating like how do they cope with that do they get jealous etc etc and she really described how when she's in a relationship the sex is so different it's all about connection whereas when she's on a film set it's all about the dramatization of sex she's like there's still a connection there but it's it's a show, you know, of course it is. And so I think it's kind of the same thing that's

Starting point is 00:14:48 happening here, but I would go so far as to say that if this is how you feel, if you're having rushed, painful and disconnected sex, you have to tell him like you owe it to yourself to tell him. And if he doesn't accept that or continues to gaslight you or does take the stance of like, but you have sex with your clients and not me. I think that's a really immature response. And it doesn't seem as though he is willing to fix the problem that he is also contributing to creating i also just don't think there's any emotion that will dry you up and make you not want to have sex anymore than guilt and resent yeah do you know what i mean like if you're badgered or you feel pressured into having sex with your partner or guilted into it like you're not gonna come like

Starting point is 00:15:31 it's also like you're just gonna be like i don't want to be here i'm doing this because i kind of feel as though i have to yeah like out of obligation yeah but we i mean this is something we've spoken about in the past like not only is it one of those things where it's like oh you should never be badgered into of course you shouldn't be badgered into you like it's deeply wrong of your partner to badger you into or to guilt you into having sex like there's so much loaded into that that is just so deeply problematic and the fact that he doesn't care that he's doing it or the fact that he's not prioritizing how you feel in that I think is just like it's him devaluing you in a lot of ways and it is him treating sex as though it's transactional so

Starting point is 00:16:08 whether you're a sex worker or you're not a sex worker whoever you are like if your partner is badgering you and guilting you into having sex like there is a huge problem that's going on there in your relationship yeah and I don't want to like come down too hard on him in one aspect I mean it was pretty hard just beforehand but maybe he actually doesn't have the understanding that that is not how sex is supposed to be do you know what I mean like and I I mean maybe that's a really non-feminist thing to say and maybe he should have gotten there on his own accord but I think for a lot of men particularly if their only experiences previous to being in a relationship have been with sex workers or been through porn or that kind of thing maybe he doesn't actually

Starting point is 00:16:48 understand how important connection is during sex and if he hasn't experienced that you know it's one of those things where I'm like you can't want what you don't know is out there you know I really do think that you actually could tell him that your clients put more effort into you feeling connected to them than what he does. And I think that that might be something where he has to hold a mirror up to himself and kind of have a bit of self-reflection and evaluation of his own behavior rather than just putting it all onto you, as you said, Laura. Yeah, I agree. But I do think the only way to get there is to have what will be a hard conversation. I think you're resisting having that conversation because you are anticipating how it's going to go and you don't want to hurt

Starting point is 00:17:27 his feelings. But your vagina is hurting. It's rushed and painful. So like, yeah, but I think there has to be a meat of conversation. Like there's only so long that you can prioritize someone's hurt and their ego, because it really is wrapped up in ego, this conversation at the end of the day, there's only so much you can prioritize that over your own needs, wants. And if it means that you're having sex that you absolutely hate having, and the only reason why you're doing it is because you feel guilted into it. I think that you're at a point now where the scales tipped like your needs and wants are way more important than his in this conversation yeah and you're a sex worker like that would feel double like work but you're not getting paid for

Starting point is 00:18:03 i gave you a freebie pal be grateful all right question number two is it cheating if they're texting bots is it considered cheating if your significant other is on apps e.g telegram and is messaging bots and that's in quotation marks a friend of mine has been in a relationship for around 10 months and recently found out that her boyfriend had been sending messages to these bots the messages are on the flirtier side the bots send through an image of a woman mostly ai with minimal clothing and her boyfriend would reply with and she's got two flame emojis like fire emojis or looking good etc these bots also comment on his appearance saying he's hot and sexy she has said that it is cheating and she wants to break up with him as he is seeking sexual

Starting point is 00:18:50 validation and attention from these bots sorry i would love your take on this we read this this morning and it sent me into outer space look do i think that this is cheating i don't know if this is cheating to me like i don't know if i caught matt talking to chat gpt to get his rocks off i don't think that i would consider that cheating however i would think he was a bit of a loser this is worse this is more of an infinite i'd rather you fuck someone else because they are a human that has dna and a heartbeat i don't want him to do that no okay let's take it seriously i am we all need to go and touch grass i know there's a loneliness epidemic and i actually But he's not lonely. He has a girlfriend who wants to have a girlfriend.

Starting point is 00:19:46 I understand the loneliness epidemic. I understand that for some people it fills a hole. Like I get that there is connection. There is something that makes them feel as though they have someone to talk to or flirt with or whatever. I understand that. What I don't understand is when you are in a loving relationship with a partner who wants to have sex with you, but your insatiable need for validation is so high that you know you can't do it with an actual human, but you need to scratch that itch by going to an AI platform and speak to imaginary humans that have been created by computers. And it's one thing to get AI photos and be like, oh, that's hot and use that as spank bank material. That's one thing. I actually don't have that much of an issue with that. If

Starting point is 00:20:30 that's what you're into, go for gold. Some AI is very convincing. It's the engaging. It's sending fire flames and telling the AI model how hot she is so that she then writes back. It's the connection or the relationship that starts to build that for me is is bizarre like it's I know what's happening more and more but it is kind of bizarre yeah and also I don't want to take this too dark but I feel like there's there's really only silly or dark places to kind of take this conversation and I've been listening to a lot of podcasts talk about this and talk about you know there's a lot of conversation about the male loneliness epidemic and how basically they're undateable men and you know we've all seen the stuff about Chris Williamson and about Stephen

Starting point is 00:21:11 Bartlett lately like all the red pill in cell chat yes and I'm cautious of not sounding even in that realm but I think that this type of conversation it does kind of border on that I am genuinely worried about the direction that we are going in in terms of our human connection because as someone who does have an insatiable craving for validation as someone who probably could end up in the fields of addiction if I wasn't careful. I really, really do think that we have, we've lost our ability to handle uncomfortable situations and, and not get that instant gratification. And that's what these bots are now providing. They're providing the instant gratification. You can't get rejected by it. You don't have to have difficult conversations.

Starting point is 00:21:56 You don't have to, you know, be accountable for anything. All of the difficult parts of human connection are removed yeah and therefore it's kind of like taking a drug rather than getting dopamine from going out in nature and you know experiencing something good we're getting it so instantly that I really do actually fear we're going to lose our ability to have proper deep human connection and the only way you get there is through experiencing those things with other people well it's also an echo chamber of what you tell it you want you don't have to be accountable for anything there's no accountability you train it in the way that you want it to speak to you or you want it to engage with you so instead of having those conversations

Starting point is 00:22:36 with your partner of like I would love for us to be able to do this in the bedroom or I would love for you to do this with me or whatever it is whatever I don't know fantasy intimacy connection whatever it is that you're seeking instead of having what might feel like a slightly uncomfortable conversation with your partner which ultimately leads to more connection you bypass that because that's awkward. And you're having it with an AI bot instead. I don't consider this cheating myself. I know everyone is going to be so different, but the spectrum for cheating is not black and white. It is gray. Everyone has different levels. If I found out that Matt had downloaded an AI bot program to chat to and to, you know, send messages to, and there was an AI

Starting point is 00:23:17 girl, I wouldn't feel cheated on, but I would be confused and I would definitely be concerned. and I'd want to have a conversation with him around what was he missing so much of that he felt the need to go and seek this out and so I think that that's probably where the conversation lies more so than like I'm leaving you because you cheated on me because you did this like ultimately I think that there can be a conversation around what's missing and it's his response to the what's missing as to whether or not this is something that's solvable if he turns around and says I just fucking like doing it and I'm not going to stop well then yeah and if that's a deal breaker for you, then you leave. Like that's pretty evident. If it's not a deal breaker for

Starting point is 00:23:57 you and there is something that he feels he needs and you're able to meet those needs in a way that doesn't compromise what you need and want for yourself, then I think it's something you can come back from so long as you don't have the ick. But people are outsourcing this stuff all the time. Now, I know we make jokes, but I actually think that this would be way more common than what we would anticipate. I think people engage with AI in a way that streamlines their life, but also makes them feel something, makes them, you know, I think, you know, you can prompt AI to write smutty literature for you. You can prompt AI to do all loads of things. We've seen all the stuff, and this is super dark, but all the stuff that's coming out about Grok at the moment,

Starting point is 00:24:39 like people are using this more and more. And I think it is going to become a far more common part of how people have discussions around cheating and relationships in general. Yeah, I agree. And I don't know if everyone feels this way. I feel like the large majority does. That actually very genuinely concerns me. It makes me really worried. Okay. How would you respond to this? So a friend of mine was in an argument with her partner and they were having a discussion around something that they didn't see eye to eye on, right? He is a big ChatGPT AI user. And you know, with ChatGPT, how you prompt it and you tell it what you want it to say so they'd have having a discussion having a disagreement and then he

Starting point is 00:25:19 copied over a message so wait for it the message was supposed to seem as though it came from him except he'd accidentally left the prompt in at the top which said now write this in a way that I can send to my wife and so it was like a complete chat GPT response to his argument that he had just copied and pasted as a conversation, I would be furious. I'd be like, do not outsource your intellect in this argument because you're losing. We've lost the plot.

Starting point is 00:25:51 We've lost the plot. I don't know. I don't know what you do in that instance. Do you say, thanks, chat GPT, I didn't realise I was in an argument with a third party? I didn't realise that you were on my marriage certificate. Sorry, I wasn't aware that you were there in the room with us. Again, I feel like I would get the ick more for that.

Starting point is 00:26:07 I understand that sometimes when you've got a lot of thoughts and you're trying to kind of work through them, yeah, sure, you might put that into an artificial intelligence to try and gather your thoughts and help you get it in a way that's synced and clear. But if you're fucking copying and pasting. You literally asked ChatGP, now write this in a way that I can send to my life. Do you know what it says to me? It actually doesn't. It doesn't scream to me that they don't know how to communicate their point necessarily.

Starting point is 00:26:33 What it screams to me is that they can't be bothered to write a message. like they're like i prioritize efficiency so much i'm not this is beneath me i can't be bothered to have this argument tells me that i'm sexy and hot fire flames fire flame fire flame all right next question i am currently on parental leave twice this week i have made plans to meet different friends for walks and coffees with their babies and when i arrived sorry they're not just walking with their babies can i just clarify that they're going for a walk with their girlfriend and their girlfriends bringing their babies who are also on parental leave thank you for that sorry I just said I'm organized to make you know what I hope that we were recording today I said to Laura

Starting point is 00:27:16 before we actually got on the episode I think your computer's on loud she said thanks Captain Obvious thanks Captain Obvious they're not just walking their babies okay I think you're on loud I noticed that thank you thank you thank you fucking Captain Obvious listen to this twice this week i have made plans to meet different friends for walk and coffees with their babies why are you meeting their baby all right i'm gonna i'm gonna read this from the top for anyone who wanted that to be put concisely i am currently on parental leave twice this week i have made plans to meet different friends for walks and coffees with my friends and their babies and when i arrived their partners

Starting point is 00:28:02 were also there as they are on paternity leave too. I really love their partners and it's great to spend time with them, but I just find it so strange that in both cases, neither of them gave me a heads up. Isn't this just good manners to give someone a heads up if someone else is joining? But since it happened twice with two different people, I'm thinking that maybe I'm the one that's overreacting in this instance. No, I think it's so normal to give the heads up. No, I think it's fine. I think she's overreacting. I would show up with that. Sorry, if I had planned to go for a walk with you and Poppy and I had a baby and all of a sudden Matt was there, I really like Matt.

Starting point is 00:28:40 I love spending time with him, but it would be weird to me that you didn't tell me that he was going to be just because like maybe there was something I wanted to talk to you about that felt a bit more girl girl or like felt a bit more like close relationship that I didn't necessarily want to talk about with Matt. I understand that now that you're saying it, but I wouldn't, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to tell you that Matt was coming. Like if you'd messaged me and said, hey, can we go for a walk and a coffee? Or, hey, what are you doing?

Starting point is 00:29:04 Want to go for a walk and a coffee with the bubs? I would just, yeah, for me, I'm like, by bubs, you mean, hey, this, oh, I don't call him bub. That's so, oh, I hate myself. I would just invite him. I find that so strange. It's like when you call someone and they're in the car and they don't tell you if there's someone else in the car.

Starting point is 00:29:23 Yeah, that's like, I hate that. That's a stitch up. Just tell me because it's really going to change what I talk about and the way I talk about it if it's not a cone of silence so I I want to preface this because I think some people probably think I'm an inconsiderate friend now the reason why I think it's fine is because a walk and a coffee to me is so casual especially if it hasn't been planned as in like if you're not putting it in the calendar and being like oh on Tuesday next week let's meet at 2 p.m we're going to go for a walk and a coffee that has planning preparation to it I wouldn't just assume that

Starting point is 00:29:54 Matt's coming but if it was a casual hey want to go for a walk and get a coffee and we're doing that in like an hour and a half and we're with our babies I am postpartum the parental support of my partner is kind of nice especially if we're all mates if you guys are not mates then I'm not just going to invite Matt to come but in in an instance where it's like you and me Keish yeah I'd be like Matt come you're just as much a friend of Keisha as I am like whatever I don't care hold her baby. I don't so much have a problem with them asking their partners to come. I have a problem with them not giving the heads up. I do think it's a bit strange. If this happened to me twice in a week, I would be equally as weirded out, if not more weirded out than what you are.

Starting point is 00:30:34 I would be like, have I missed something? Is this now like, are they the type of couple that are like, we complete each other. We are one. We are one. We do everything together. I think that we, we have just cracked the code on this. I think what this is screaming is that some friends are in codependent relationships and others are not you are not and I am I am I just like to do I like my husband to be there in like the most casual of ways like I can do things without him but if he's around how do you feel if I asked Matt to go for a walk and a coffee and didn't invite you if you asked Matt to go for a walk and a coffee and bring the baby and didn't I and he didn't tell me he's bringing you and then I get invited I wouldn't be offended I would think you

Starting point is 00:31:15 were weird I would be like Keish that was a weird shout but it is a weird shout it's also a weird shout not to tell your friend that your partner's coming but I think there's levels to this before we wrap this I think if it was a lunch different if it was a dinner different how do you think she takes it from here a walk is casual I think the casualness makes it okay but do you think that the next time they're planning on catching up if it were me I would be like hey just checking is it just you or are you bringing that ball and chain of yours? Okay, this next one, look, truth be told, I actually didn't want to do this question.

Starting point is 00:31:47 I think it's really immature and I think it's stupid and Laura fought for it. I think it's so funny. I think it is so funny. Okay, bear with me. I love my boyfriend of four years. He's caring, kind and makes me feel so safe. Recently, as you would have heard, Harry Styles is releasing new music.

Starting point is 00:32:02 I was very excited about this as a long-time One Direction and Harry fan and suggested to my boyfriend that we try to get tickets to his upcoming tour. He immediately got upset and said that he would never go to a Harry Styles concert with me again. We went a couple of years ago when Harry was last touring and apparently he was uncomfortable with how excited I got during the concert and from a joke I made about Harry being my hall pass and saying how much I love him.

Starting point is 00:32:30 I don't think I've done anything wrong, but he feels like I was seriously inferring that I want to cheat on him. I think it's quite common to joke about celebrity crushes and I would have no issue with him saying the same about Dua Lipa for example also very attractive I don't even remember this conversation because I don't think it was anything serious I told him that I must have been making a joke about my celebrity hall pass and that obviously I don't actually wish to cheat on him with Harry Styles it really bothers me that this has bothered him for years and he has never once brought it up with me until now it's also hurtful to me that he actually believes that i would cheat on him

Starting point is 00:33:10 even if i was given the chance we're now it's so funny we are now not talking and i think the whole argument is completely ridiculous help what should i do i just want to validate you that it is the most ridiculous argument i feel like this is one of those ones that you're going to look back on if you maintain a relationship with this man and you're gonna be like remember that time that we didn't speak to each other for a week because you were so mad that I said my hall pass was Harry Styles. Years ago. A fictitious man. Like he's, when I say fictitious, he is basically fictitious. He's such a celebrity. He's so far removed from any of our lives. He's basically an AI bot at this point. It's like me saying I want to have sex with Barney and Matt getting

Starting point is 00:33:53 upset. Like to me. The dinosaur? It is bestiality. That's upset for a very different reason. And I I think that that's a valid upset. I want to fuck Peter Pan and Matt not talking to me for a week. Like, it's Harry Styles for fuck's sake. Remember when there was that trend about, like, cartoon characters that we would? I think I said Barney. What was that trend for? I think I have a fetish for Barney.

Starting point is 00:34:19 Is it the purple? What is it about Barney that does it for you? It's the size. It's the scale. He's so friendly. And also soft. He would scale, not a pun. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:29 Look, is this ridiculous? Yes. is this possibly the silliest ask uncut question we've ever had? Possibly. But do I think that it is why all the level of insecurity that your partner is showing? And of course you can be sensitive to his needs. If he feels like he's being disrespected, you can have a conversation around it. But I do think that, that there is a line in terms of how extreme he has taken this and to the level of which he's offended. I would love to know what you actually said. If you said, oh my god harry styles is my hall pass or if you were like do you know what if i got the opportunity

Starting point is 00:35:02 to have sex with harry styles i would and i would cheat on you and you should you know like it's harry fucking styles i okay how do you feel about a hall pass do you think that there would be anyone that toblerone could have sex with and you'd be like i'm not happy about it but fair yeah for me it would be probably more confusing because he is obsessed with arsenal and i feel like he's actually obsessed with both the men's and the women's team but I feel as though his hall passes would probably be of a gender that I didn't expect there's a lot to unpack really loves them uh yes there would be celebrities but I have a kind of I don't know I have a bit of a different take on fidelity than what a lot of other people seem to you know like I sex is not

Starting point is 00:35:48 as precious to me as what I think it is to other people and if there was a celebrity that he really wanted to sleep with it then he was given the opportunity it wouldn't be 100% a no from me do you know okay look it wouldn't be I wouldn't be happy about it I would be very annoyed about it like if I found out Matt had gone had sex with his hall pass I'd be like a few conversations probably should have happened yeah definitely if you found out after the fact I wouldn't leave him if he did but it couldn't be like there couldn't be any like texting afterwards but do you know what i love that you want to know then again i mean look at lily allen's situation so funny what happened there i don't know you were on maternity leave lily allen really you

Starting point is 00:36:33 missed this whole thing oh lily allen's husband cheating on her yes i saw that sorry who i've forgotten the name of and he's actually more famous than her from stranger things yeah david something anyway he's not important he's a cheat my point being hilarious that you think that the celebrity would text Matt afterwards I mean Matt's great but to them he's probably just another Matt the thing is the funnier part about Matt some celebrity hall pass and he's joked about in the past it's Sandra Sully so Sandra that's within arm's reach that's that's the problem that's the problem so like Sandra Sully is within arm's reach no offense Sandra sorry no I meant literal arm's reach she's in Australia she's an Australian celebrity like if it was someone like Angelina

Starting point is 00:37:13 Jolie, for example, I'd be like, that's slightly less intimidating to me because she's physically not here. Whereas I'm pretty sure Sandra lives in Sydney, could run into her at the local cafe. Anyway, apart from that, I really, really love this question because I think that he has created a far bigger issue than what this should be. The fact that he has held onto this for years and didn't voice it at the time, I don't think that you can be punished for things retrospectively like this. I think if you behaved in a way that he was upset about, he needed to raise it two years ago or three years ago he obviously didn't maybe at the time you were early dating and he didn't know how you'd react so he pushed it all down but it's unfair to punish someone three years

Starting point is 00:37:53 later for something that you didn't voice at the time that you were upset by and now they actually don't even remember the details of because it's so long past I think that the only fair thing for him to say is is that I don't want to come to that concert with you because it's not my thing if he stops you from going to this concert if he makes it challenging for you if he guilts you if he shames you whatever that is and doesn't let you go that I think that there is a far bigger issue there and to me it's just screams insecurity it screams that he is very very insecure also props to you he thinks that you potentially have a chance with Harry Styles but it screams that he has a sense of insecurity there and maybe it's about a bigger thing maybe he does actually think

Starting point is 00:38:34 that if you had the opportunity you would cheat on him maybe he doesn't feel as secure as what you are in the relationship and so there could be a conversation to have there but the fact that he's had this little tanny and now is not speaking to you screams wildly mature to me the oppositional defiance in me would be getting like a vip meet and greet ticket 100 i would make it as possible as as close to a possibility as it's ever going to really test him poke the bear Okay. One last question. Laura, this is probably more for you than it is for me. Is it selfish to not share my babysitter's deets to my friends? I'm in a big circle of expat friends, all with kids and all with no family around, aka family who would also double

Starting point is 00:39:16 up as babysitters on occasion. My partner and I have recently started to organize some nights out again now that the kids are a little older, they're four and two. Like I said, we've got no immediate family here and only one lady in our daycare office babysitting, which my friend already uses and we tend to do things together within our expat circle. Anyway, I found a lovely girl offering babysitting on Facebook. I organized a meetup to do a vibe check, checked her credentials and we had some mutual friends from home, which I contacted and she checked out. She is great and my kids love her. She has babysat for us twice in the last five months and it's such a relief to know that we have someone that we can rely on. Which leads me to my question. A friend has asked for

Starting point is 00:39:56 my babysitter's details am i the a-hole for not wanting to share them it's so relatable oh okay i think the fact that you've only used her twice in five months means in this instance you probably shouldn't gatekeep like i understand this i deeply understand this when you find a good babysitter my god do you not want to give it to anyone else because god forbid that like that day they are booked when you need them and want them well especially if they are doing things together if it's within your friendship group it's likely that you want a babysitter for something that you're both going to yeah but then i think in those instances you say you literally lay it out and you say i will give you this i will give you sarah's number she's amazing i love her but if

Starting point is 00:40:41 we're doing something together you cannot steal her because i don't have any other help and i think you can say that especially if it's a good friend and you are within this expat group like we have a couple of really really close babysitters who like we just adore and love one of them we have gotten from a friend and we were the assholes we stole her we kept her okay but that's because we could give her more shifts and she needed stability oh you played that card I can give you the stability you need god damn it you provided financial security you gypped them I did you leapfrogged your friends they were treating her like a dust they were treating her casually. They only had her once every so often. She couldn't pay her bills because she

Starting point is 00:41:21 needed more. And I said, I'll be there. I'll be that more. They were the no labels type person. And Laura was like, I'll give you the label. I will commit to you. No, look, I understand. And it is so hard to find people that you trust with your kids, people who you feel confident to be able to go out and actually have a nice time and not worry the entire time who is looking after your children. We have been through some absolute doozies when it comes to babysitting. When we were vetting people a couple of years ago, Matt has told this story on his podcast. So I think it's okay to share now. We trialed someone who lied about being able to drive a car and they ran over a pedestrian. They ran over a pedestrian with us in the car. I thought they nearly hit them.

Starting point is 00:42:10 no they hit them they went over the bonnet it wasn't our fault though okay it wasn't our fault uh it was her fault it's not funny i also and also the person was completely fine okay they were completely fine they got up and they ran away um like a kangaroo like if you accidentally hit a kangaroo in a country street no okay i'll tell you i'll explain to you what actually happened so god i don't know if we have time for this story oh i'm so far in now i don't know what to do time Okay. So we were trialing a babysitter and she came with all the credentials. It was all vetted. Yes. Amazing. One of the jobs that we needed was help dropping the kids off at daycare one day a week, right? So we couldn't, it clashed with recording times and mad at work. So one day a

Starting point is 00:42:56 week she needed to drive the kids to daycare. Part of the prerequisite is that they had to have an Australian driving license. And she was like, yep, I've got my Australian driving license. no problem I've been driving for the past six years so on the very first day that she came and she was doing a shift with us I wasn't here I was actually overseas I was in India at the time and Matt was like I'm gonna go with you whilst you drive the car and I'll show you the way and I just want to see how you drive and make sure and also the kids were little so we really you know we really wanted to vet them very thoroughly and Matt gets in the car and she gets in the driving seat and firstly she fangs out of the driveway like and Matt was like whoa and and she said oh

Starting point is 00:43:35 sorry your accelerator's really touchy and he was like it's really not but okay anyway they're then driving down the street if you were used to driving an older car or not power steering or sure at the end of our street is a stop sign flies through the stop sign Matt was like oh my god just letting you know that was a stop sign she was like oh my god I'm so sorry I missed it still thinking about the touchy clutch. Your brakes are so super touchy. And so I just didn't touch it. So your brake is not touchy enough. So where we live, like we lived at the time you had to drive around. If anyone's familiar with Bondi, Tamarama, Bronte, this story will make a lot of sense to you. If you're not just kind of, I'll try and describe it. Along the headland, there is this

Starting point is 00:44:19 like windy road that goes between Tamarama and Bronte. It's like the, it's like a little ocean drive, right? And there is a footpath that runs very closely alongside of the road. There's nothing but road and footpath, right? So a lot of people, there's a lot of joggers that use that footpath. There's a lot of people walking on it. And she was driving along that side of the road, but she was hugging the gutter really close. She was super close to the gutter. And Matt was in the car thinking, oh my God, she's so close to the gutter. She's going to scrape the wheels of the car. And he was like, I don't want to say anything to her again. I've already corrected her. Anyway, as she's driving hugging the gutter a runner decides to overtake someone and instead of

Starting point is 00:44:59 overtaking them on the footpath side he runs down into the gutter and he runs to overtake someone on the footpath and she just collected him because she didn't realize that he had run down into the gutter and so he lucky he was running in the direction of the car he just went apparently and everyone's screaming the kids are screaming Matt's screaming the kids were in the car the kids were like daddy why did she run over that man anyway he got up and he dusted himself off and he was completely fine Matt's hyperventilating on the side of the road the poor girl is bawling her eyes out and he was like I'm so sorry I shouldn't have run onto the road it was my fault don't call the police and matt was like yeah we won't call the police and then he ran away and

Starting point is 00:45:48 he was okay i reckon she got back to the house and had any confusion as to whether she got the job it turns out she'd not driven in australia and she lied i i think that you can tell yeah also keisha can you go back and check the version of that story that matt told on two doting dads It's because the version I have told is the true version and I worry so hard that he said that that person never got hit. They did get hit. They did. And I'm worried.

Starting point is 00:46:19 The truth comes out. Matt was trying to protect his reputation. I don't know. I don't know what he said. We might need to edit this. Anyway. If this has heaps of beeps in it, that's why. Did you feel comfortable sharing her details as a babysitter?

Starting point is 00:46:32 If anyone wants a babysitter, I've got one I can share with you. She's still free. anyway i just want to say i understand i understand why you don't want to share it i understand why you want to get tears actually that has tickled me in ways that it shouldn't have that's so fucking funny but not funny but so funny yeah but it's it's not it's not funny it's not funny we can laugh about it's one of those situations where we can laugh about it now it was two years ago so we've all moved on but at the time i remember it happening so i was in india matt called me and he i was like oh my god how is so and so and he was like not good

Starting point is 00:47:09 and i was like what do you mean i was like she's so nice the kids are gonna love her and he's like she ran over a guy i was like oh oh that's not good it's a hiccup yeah yeah anyway i hope he's doing well now i hope she got some driving lessons she's applied for an australian do we even answer that question I don't know look I mean obviously I don't have a babysitter I've got a dog sitter I do share her details around but she has started to get busier which has been harder for me and I have to be more organized yeah I do think that the way forward is just what I said you can share it with a friend but you do say if we're doing something together please don't steal her and I I do think that people understand that one it's generous to give up a really amazing

Starting point is 00:47:52 but it's a generous thing to do because you've already done the hard work you've already vetted them you've already made sure they've got their license and everything else but you can kind of put that parameter in place and hopefully your friends are not like total they're just like you want to be more organized than your friends when it comes to planning ahead and booking because if it's only been twice in five months I don't think it's worth gatekeeping well I also think it's hard when you you know being an expat and not having any family that would be a level harder that like a lot of people do have help from their family and whether it's because you're from another country or you just don't live close to your family

Starting point is 00:48:24 or maybe your family aren't able to for some reason or they're not willing to look after your children. There's an added layer when you don't have additional help. Maybe what you actually could do is ask the babysitter if they have other friends who do the same thing. You know, like a lot of the time if you are in the business, you kind of know other people in the business who can cover for each other. Like makeup artists do that, for example.

Starting point is 00:48:44 If they're sick, they'll call upon a friend or like a photographer, you know, stuff like that. There's always backup. yeah maybe they have someone that they could also refer on and then you kind of all win right so that would be my only suggestion but I don't think that you're a bad person for kind of wanting I don't think you're an asshole for wanting to keep it to yourself I also love that you asked this because it is a thought that every single mum has or dad has when it comes to offering up a babysitter that's been really good I mostly love that you asked this question because I hadn't

Starting point is 00:49:13 heard the depths of the story of the I actually don't know whether we need to delete that okay I really hope we don't I have deep It's so nice to be back I have such big regrets Oh god guys Anyway look That is it from Ask Uncut

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Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - A Hall Pass Of ... Barney The Dinosaur?

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