Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT and the annual gang bang championships

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Park yourself up on the couch. It's time for us to get our therapy Thursday Ask Uncut started. Today we are diving into these questions:-Is there post coital text etiquette? -My ex has text me, apologising for the terrible way that he treated me. I think that this is more for him than it is for me. He is married now so I don't know why he is reaching out. Should I respond? What should I say if I do?-My partner has just moved into my place. I'm having trouble adjusting to the change. My stuff isn't where it used to be. Little things like sharing my space and nitty gritty things are pissing me off. How do I help myself?-I'm 24 and I feel as though I'm having a quarter life crisis. I've bought a house with my partner. I'm set up in my career & everything is great. But I feel like I want to throw it all away and get some more 'life experience.' Should I?If you have a question for us to unpack, please slide on into those DMs at @lifeuncutpodcast Share the episode with someone you love because we love love!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is our down and dirty Thursday episode where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. I'm Laura. why did you it sounded like that was so sexy i feel like you're trying to seduce me over the microphone um i look i feel like after two and a half years if you haven't been seduced yet there's probably very little that i can do here well i'm britney and i'm coming in hot with a very sexy very interesting article that i want to tell you about oh i want to ask you a question yes what do you think is the world record for the most number of people a woman has slept with in well it's one day but it was actually happened in seven hours but in one day i guess the record is how many

people have someone slept with in one day wait is this like a guinness world record like have they actually done like a non-stop sexcapade to try and figure out how many men you i mean like okay you could explain a little bit more to me though this is it a full intimate session like is it is it is it to completion i don't know the details i don't know if it's to completion i just know it is it's a legitimate thing it's a legitimate competition it's a world record the most number of people slept with in one day i guess that's a 24 hour period i guess they don't have to finish do they because even if someone doesn't finish it still is sex so okay okay i'm gonna say i am gonna imagine but i'm gonna tell you so that you can try and have a guess i'm gonna

imagine some of them probably were two pumps some of mine have been two pumps too to be honest yeah on a good day okay I'm gonna say 150 that's a lot fucking hell that is no but in yeah that is a lot okay so my guess was 120 okay when I say 150 I'm saying like there's like a line of men lining up to have sex I'm thinking of this as like this is an organized event like a sex-a-thon yes this is an event this is a sex-a-thon there has to have been when I tell you the number you're gonna pick your drop off the ground there is a line of people there must have been a line of people around the block if this was in new york it would go down to the empire state building it would go up the stairs to the top of the empire state building okay so there is a woman named

lisa sparks she's an adult film star this happened during eroticon now i'm guessing eroticon is just like a sex event a sex festival like comic con i guess this was called the third annual world gangbang championships now this i don't even know i don't even know how this is gangbang championships i didn't even know this was a thing so it's called a gangbang championships she managed it was in warsaw poland she managed to bang 919 men in seven hours now can we do that math you'd be so dry that's the least of your worries but if anyone out there is worried about their numbers you don't need to be worried about your number 919 in seven hours so i mean really that have to be one or two pumps right it would like i mean let's do the logistics i'm gonna

quickly do the maths on this wait how many hours was it 7.5 hours non-stop back to back 919 men in 7.5 hours i literally have my because we want to know this is how far my life is from that i'll get out a calculator to calculate this that's where i'm at we want to know what is an hour or what is it a minute i guess um she was having sex with one man every 45 seconds holy smokes okay do you know what i'm impressed i'm not impressed with i'm not even mad i'm impressed i'm not even mad i'm impressed you know what is impressive is the actual organization on the men's behalf to be able to form an orderly line and to be able to be in and out because the transition period here is where you would lose time so she must be saying pump it through

don't you don't dawdle don't you waste time in and out two pumps if you're lucky and on your day zero foreplay but also not only not only zero foreplay it would have been a long line of men standing there with massive erections because you would have to already 45 seconds there's no time to get hard in the act i just have so many questions are they in this line standing with erections naked with erections all with erections are they still wearing a shirt because like if you're only gonna have sex for 45 seconds you don't need to take your top off no you don't the previous world record was 759 and that was the year before at the annual world gangbang championships so she smashed that but we need to spare a thought here for the woman that came second

now she put in the hard yards i would love to know the logistics of how this is happening are they like shut off little rooms and people know the line that they're going in do you have to pre-organize these men to come because you need to know that you need a thousand men at least you need to know that these men are going to be here they're going to be lined up so do you have to find them yourself a thousand men is a lot like that's a lot of people to try and find how would they find like logistically how would they find a thousand men i mean i guess it's an eroticon i guess it's probably a call out maybe there's a mass text maybe everyone like subscribes to a website and it's just like hey who wants to join because it's an annual gangbang people know people

know it's a thing they know that every year this is coming up it's like having an annual bush doof that's what it feels like it's just an annual gangbang i think it's a step up from a bush doof i think it's a bit bigger than that too but i thought for the woman that came second because she did put in the hard yards but she came second by only 21 men so she sexed all day and she didn't take home the championship I feel like if there's ever a loss that's a pretty hard one to take to come in short by 21 men when you think about it it's really when you're in the 900s 10 minutes 10 minutes of sex yep somebody took too long to transition literally oh that's very devastating wow and you know what it's kind of like the guy who stepped on the moon no one remembers the one

who was second no one's gonna remember the second girl oh the poor poor me we're talking about her now but actually we didn't even mention her name there you go because we don't know it irrelevant anyway that was a completely useless bit of information that i thought was very interesting when i read it today but let's get into our question can i say one thing imagine getting a trophy and just leaving that on your mantelpiece and when people come over and you're like oh yeah i won that having the most sex with people in 7.5 hours oh i mean she was stoked like that's what she's worked towards good honor I mean like actually good on you if this is what this is your goal this is your industry you've wanted to get the world record and you did I think that's

something to be proud of that you put that medal on your front door like a plaque like a wreath at Christmas all right I'm getting into the questions now thanks for that inspirational speech Brittany all right question number one and I'm going to kick this one off we're going to talk about some text etiquette Brittany after doing the deed is there any text etiquette should I text the next day? Should I text him? How many days after? For context, this was the very first time that we have slept together after going on two dates. And I had no intention to, but you know what? A girl needs to eat. It's been a while. I went to his, I stayed the night, was all good. And then it's been two days and absolutely nothing. I don't know why, but I'm just feeling like it's up to him to

message first. And I feel like it's probably not coming now. And that's all he wanted from me. ah i have regrets and then there was ha ha ha after it yes 100 girls gotta eat that's the truest thing you said in that in that question a girl's gotta eat there are look there's a lot of sections to this question is there an etiquette not necessarily there's an etiquette if you want there to be there's an etiquette if you like them if you want to see the person again if you and you didn't say this i'm guessing that you do like him because you said you're waiting for a text. It's been two days. You were at his house. You left. For me, I think there is absolutely no reason that you can't text him if you're thinking

about it and you're interested in him. If you enjoyed the night, if you want it to happen again, I think you just send him a text. It's literally, hey, I had a really great time last night. It can be as simple as that. If two full days have gone past and you haven't heard a blip from him, not a double tap on the gram, not a slide into the DM, not a message. This is some tough love and some hard truth, but he's probably not interested in seeing you again. And I don't know you. This is not personal at all. Brittany, you bitch. I know, but I mean, this is a hard truth. It's happened to me in the past. It's happened to everyone. If, and I can't stress this enough, if a guy or anybody, but particularly men, if a guy likes you, you'll know about it.

If you're confused or unsure, chances are he doesn't. He will message you. He will text you. he will call you I'm sorry if you feel really shitty because there's no there's no worse feeling than thinking someone has used you for something but I don't think that you should have regret when you said now I have regret because he hasn't texted me well I mean you're in control of the way that you feel don't let someone else make you feel bad if you really enjoyed that experience and you had a great date and you made the choice you were like hey girl's got to eat enjoy that embrace that you made that decision as an adult and I don't think you need to regret that feeling just because you haven't heard from him so I am a really big believer of trying not to let anyone

else influence your emotions and we have talked about this plenty of times so like we don't subscribe to the whole like oh you can't have sex on a first date or like you've got to wait x amount of times to make the guy want you or the girl want you whatever I think every single relationship is different some people will have sex on a first date and they will end up in great relationships some people will wait a year have sex and it's not very good and then it won't work out do you know what it does it doesn't have there's no one size fits all no right or wrong in any situation there's no right or wrong but one thing I think is a pretty clear indicator of this whole like what's the texting etiquette after having sex with someone I think it comes

down to what was the frequency beforehand so if you when you had been on these two dates prior had you been texting all day had it been like really free-flowing conversation had you been hearing from the guy all the time and then you have sex and then it's radio silence that's a pretty clear indication that he's not interested beyond what he got out of that transaction however if he's kind of been the sort of person who has gone two days here or a day here you guys aren't texting that frequently and it is a much more casual kind of connection that you're forming at the moment there is absolutely no reason why you can't text him first and just also send a text if he says he's not interested if he says he feels different at least there is zero ambiguity but it

didn't just like fade into the nether because you were too frightened to like just reach out and check I don't think we need to be super old school that the men needs to ask the woman out the man needs to text first the man needs to I mean no I was gonna say the man needs to pay and open doors he should open doors open my fucking door he's like open my door bitch but no but I think that if you there is like Laura said there's nothing wrong with just sending a text hey hey I had a really great time what are you doing this weekend that's it if he doesn't write back it's okay okay if you have sex with the guy like let's go back to the dating years if you have sex with the guy and you like him what is the appropriate time frame after having sex to send a text message

I'd probably text him as he opened my bedroom door to leave I'd be like hey let's do this again like literally you walk out the front door and you get into your car and you're like that was fun let's do this again you know like 100% I would text I would almost text straight away I'm not very cool like I don't believe in being cool you know people like play it cool he's like I love you PS hey PS we should do this again and I love you he's like I'm trying to go but I seem to be chained to your bedhead. So I don't just have time. You're like, so we just did a Tuesday episode on codependency. Go listen to that. I think that there's like some weird rules around texting, like, Oh, don't text too soon after a day. You don't want to come out

off as like too keen or too eager. I think you hit an age and that sort of game playing really goes by the wayside. And if it doesn't, it really, really should. I don't think that there's any problem with making it pretty clear that you like someone and that you're interested in them. Of course you don't want to send them five messages back to back you want to say no it's one text one for one text one text wait for a reply and if they don't send that reply in like an appropriate time frame an appropriate time frame frame I would say would be like 12 to 24 hours like sooner the better but if you don't hear from them in 24 hours after having sex and sending a text message I would say that you're pretty low down on the priority list of what they have going on

in their life the reason I do say that just because you haven't heard from him it like part of me says you know what he's not interested but there's always a small part that might just think you know what maybe she's not interested he's like I'll let if she's keen she'll message me too you you don't actually know what goes on in someone's head that's why I think you've got absolutely nothing to lose all you're going to gain by reaching out to this person is some assurance and it takes away the anxiety and the confusion that you are feeling because there's no other there's no worse feeling than sitting there thinking did I do something wrong do they like me do, did I put them off? Are they going to text me? Have they texted me? Have they looked at my

Instagram story? Why aren't they liking anything? This is like, you'll do your head in. So send the text. Hey, had a great time. Do you want to catch up on the weekend? He'll either ignore you and ghost you, then fuck him off. He'll either write back and say, hey, had a really great time too. Yeah, Saturday night's great. Bingo, you're in it. Or he'll write back the truth and say, I had a great time too, but I don't think there's anything there. And then again, there's no feeling for regret. Be like, cool, we had a really great night. Let's just leave it at that the only thing I want to say to this is if you do want to reach out to him again like if you're like oh I'd really like to see where this could go I hope that he's still interested but

you know he's kind of really cooled off since the whole sex thing I think if you do reach out and you say hey do you want to hang out again and he's like yes sure let's hang out if he's like come to mine on a Saturday night at 11 p.m it's a pretty it's a pretty yeah it's a pretty clear indication that this relationship is about sex and that's where it has gone to and if that's not what you're after then I think be careful with your heart and don't go and just do hangs and bangs and that sort of stuff because I think that it's kind of hard to get a relationship out of that to go back into the dating world it's not I'm not saying it doesn't happen I'm sure it does happen from time to time but if you genuinely are looking for a relationship if you're wanting to

get to know someone then I think like date and be treated respectfully during that dating not have someone who just goes to you after you have sex and then pops back up when they're feeling a bit horny again yeah a little bit frisky in the sheets okay this is I guess this is sort of on par with that just like a little personal story but it's not in exactly the same context but when I met Jordan at the start we hadn't slept together yet but we're just texting for a couple of days and I didn't notice this but he was apparently always texting me and I would always reply because I don't play it cool I don't do anything like that I was just like you someone's texting me I messaged them back but I'm so busy that again I'm in my day I think Jordan actually

spoke about this in the podcast now that I think about it after about four days of like non-stop texting radio silence he disappeared didn't didn't text me anymore didn't call me there was not no communication so a day and a half went past and I messaged him and I was like hey what are you doing and he was like thank god he's like had you noticed though had you noticed that he hadn't texted you for a day and a half you're like this is weird I didn't notice until the evening on day one because I was just working I didn't know so even I was like oh I haven't heard from him today next day and I was like he'll definitely message me like good night he didn't next day I woke up I was like he'll message me good morning and that that moment of when you roll over and you see

your phone that was empty I was like oh he didn't message me good morning got to lunchtime and I heard nothing I was like something's wrong so I just messaged him and I was like hey what's up he later then told me he's like you he's like I just thought fuck this I have spent four days initiating the conversation calling messaging you he's like you didn't initiate anything you showed no interest so I thought you're not interested you're just being polite and responding to my text so he did this whole pullback radio silence I'll show you business and then I text him but my point is there are men out there that do have these feelings of oh I'm gonna wait for her to message me there's not it's not all the time there's not a lot but it does happen so maybe

he's thinking you have different feelings after sleeping together you just don't know the best thing you can do is just put the question out there, settle any confusion and get on with your day. I 100% agree wholeheartedly. Question number two. Question number two, I feel like this isn't a long one, but I think it's an important one and it's not going to take us a long time to cover it. One of my exes has messaged me recently out of the blue, apologizing for the way he treated me during our relationship our relationship ended seven years ago he's also recently married i feel like this is really inappropriate especially after how much time has passed again seven years should i respond to him i hold nothing against him and i don't want to seem rude by not responding

but i also feel like his apology is more to make himself feel better than for my benefit will i gain anything by engaging in this conversation no no absolutely don't fucking text him i told you this would be a quick one don't text him don't listen to him don't even open the messages again i just think why like if you have come to peace with like a past relationship you know if you've if you've had a really shitty experience where you were treated really badly by someone and you moved on you are in a new relationship you're happy they're in a new relationship they're happy like why start that fight like don't do anything that's going to potentially mess that up because also you don't know if he has actually changed you don't know if

this motivation comes from a different place just because he's got a family and just because he's married doesn't mean that he's all of a sudden a great guy if he cheated maybe he's like you know unhappy in his relationship and he's looking for an outlet or something who really knows but also who cares and if you don't need the apology anymore if you found closure yourself which I think that's what happens for a lot of us, right? You go through bad relationships, you don't get the closure that you need from the person. And so you figure that closure out yourself. You build that closure over years and by building great new relationships with other people. So I just don't think inviting that back into your life could serve any positive purpose. You said that you think that this is more

for him, his benefit, the apology. It is highly unlikely. I doubt that he is on this personal pilgrimage where he's going back through everyone he's ever hurt and he's like I need to reach out you know I spent a year with a monk and I need to apologize to cleanse myself and clear my guilty conscience like I mean sure there's a small chance maybe he is doing that and he's going back through his life but lol like that's a rom-com movie that's not happening there's nothing to be gained by you responding to him you don't have to feel bad and feel rude for not responding to him it's been seven years you haven't heard from him seven years there's nothing rude about not responding to a married man that you once dated seven years ago that's now apologizing because he treated you

shit like just say that out loud that was a convoluted sentence so you don't say word to word you owe him nothing you owe him absolutely nothing and i think hey if it makes you feel better great just not not to respond but if it makes you feel better saying oh cool he's thinking on me he's sorry great but just take that and move on don't do anything with it and i don't even know if you're in a relationship maybe you are but again if you are how would your partner feel knowing that you started to engage in some sort of conversation with an ex that's married I think the other big thing as well as is like feeling guilty this I can't remember exactly the way that she worded it but it was like I don't want to feel bad or I don't want to be mean or it's like

you're not mean if somebody comes to you with an apology when you've already moved on from it like you don't have to always entertain every conversation that comes your way you know I get it that it's hard when we've had these really deep connections with people and there was a time where they were probably the most important thing in your world so for that to be taken away and then for years later the idea of reconciliation to be tempting I understand that but I do truly think that it doesn't I mean for this very small little bit of positive of closure that you might get out of this I think it could create a lot of unnecessary drama in your life do you know what I would do I would have like responded straight away like when I knew he just sent it if I just opened it

I would have started texting so the dot dot dot comes up that she's typing I would have done that for like 10 minutes like I'm typing something really long I want to delete it and never send anything because it would do his head in for the rest of his life being like what was she gonna write when really you were like not absolutely nothing I would never want him to think that I was thinking about it for that long because in his mind his mind he'd be like oh she was thinking about a really long window reply but then she just couldn't get the words out because she's still so choked up now fuck the torment think of the torment he's going through for the next seven years just send her like a thumbs up like like a like and then the most you double tap it you don't

thumb all right the most it's a double tap you don't actually want to put any other emoji on there i don't reckon yeah but like just don't do it just accept his apology nothing to be gained for you or your potential partner or him could you just be like oh dude what are you talking about so fine sweet no sorry say who's this todd who sorry what i think i remember something wow yeah no sorry i had ptsd oh you gave me chlamydia great anyway question number three let's do this my partner has just moved in with me and I'm really struggling with the change he hasn't done anything wrong but I'm just having trouble adjusting to having somebody else in my space everything in my house has a spot and I now

have things that are replaced in those spots the bathroom cupboard sharing the bed sharing the habits that are opposite to our own for an example squeezing toothpaste from the bottom versus the I feel personally attacked have you listened to my podcast with Jordan toilet paper over versus under yes these are all minor things but how do I manage this change without nitpicking at him when he hasn't overstepped everything he shared but for me is a big adjustment and I don't know how to help me help him help him help me that was convoluted yes he stayed over prior to this move but a few nights here and there versus the real thing are very different what the fuck do I do oh pick your battles girlfriend because if you're having fights over the way he puts toilet paper

on the thingy you guys are fine that's what jumped out at me i'm like if you're over this i'll take mine every day i couldn't tell you what it is i just throw it on the the spoodle thing yeah look somebody's not a spoodle it is definitely not called a spoodle but i throw all the things you could have like the toilet paper holder i don't know but definitely not a fucking spoodle hi guys welcome to life on cart where you come here for life advice look I think this is a hard one because it's you don't want your things that are causing you anxiety or stress or anguish with your partner to be trivialized unfortunately some of these things feel very trivial when you say them out loud and sometimes it's good sometimes when you're

angry about something you need to say it out loud and actually be like okay what am I angry about I'm angry that he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle pretty easy solution get to toothpaste I'm sorry that I can't help you with the toilet paper he's probably you have two rolls his can be on the floor, whatever it is, but there's definitely some compromises that you can make small compromises. But the biggest compromise is just becoming accepting of the fact that there is somebody else who's going to be in your space and trying to concentrate on and focus on all the really awesome things that come with living with a partner and not getting bogged down in the little nitty gritty details that piss you off, because that's what's, that's going to make you resentful.

And that's a really shitty way to be. And also on top of that feeling, the last thing that you're partner or you want is to feel like they're walking on eggshells in their own house they don't want to feel like every time they do something it's not good enough and if you're picking out little tiny things every day like I don't like how you do this I don't like how you do that you know you you don't want you don't clean the dishes properly you don't do this properly they're going to get to a point where they feel like they don't do anything good enough for you it is definitely a big adjustment going from living on your own for a long time or for any amount of time to living with someone else especially if you like I'm just thinking about

my apartment now but if you're in a small apartment that doesn't have a lot of room doesn't have a lot of space things can get messy quickly or it's really imperative that things are kept in their place like you said because the apartment is small that's definitely an adjustment but that's just part of life he probably feels just as uncomfortable being in a new space that's not his he's probably tiptoeing around like Laura said worrying about what he's doing the toothpaste thing it's so funny it's a prime example Jordan and I have that exact same problem he just bought me another toothpaste i pushed the toothpaste out from the top it drives him crazy so he bought me a toothpaste and i wasn't allowed to use his i didn't even know that this was a thing that people

fight over how to push the neither why is it for me i'm so easy i'm like i didn't sorry i didn't know that was a thing it drove him insane i pushed the toothpaste out from the top yeah because we're equally as crazy from the middle to the top who the fuck gets it from the end everyone because then it can apparently it consistently comes out wow i know it's pretty life-changing it's really amazing when we learn things and you learn things and we're all learning together here on ask on cart but all you can do is say if for example you're a real clean freak and he's not all you can do is sit down and say this bothers me can we try and keep things in their place you know the apartment's not just not big the house isn't big enough whatever can we just keep things in

their place he's not going to know unless you tell him and vice versa there's probably going to be something that you do that annoys him as well or that's not suited to what he likes or clothes aren't hung the right way or whatever it is the toilet paper I don't reckon he would even notice so maybe just say I really love it this way he's not gonna care but also okay I agree with you I do think that like if there's some things that are really big that you that you need to then have conversations about but I also think there does come a point where some of these things are like a bit too control freakish and that's a really unfair thing to say but it's like you can't control every single thing in your house as to how somebody else wants to live as well

because that's not fair on them and I do I do think that there has to be compromise you can't sit down and have an intervention about toothpaste and toilet paper and where your shoes go and you know you can obviously have a broader conversation around the cleanliness of the house but if you are incredibly particular about certain things depending on the number of certain things it could be unfair it could be an unrealistic request and that you maybe your partner is trying but just being aware that at least if they look like they're trying at least if they're putting an effort in some areas make them feel appreciated for that effort as well because they i mean the last thing anyone wants is to feel like they don't belong in their own home totally and when i say

talk to them about it i literally mean if you were the cling freak and he walks in and takes his jumper off and drops it on the floor walks another two meters kicks your shoes up on the floor there are things you can talk about I don't think you can talk about the toilet paper and the toothpaste and the little things like I think I think the toothpaste sure if it bothers you that much you just buy another another toothpaste don't make a big deal just be like bro drives me crazy here's your own toothpaste that's it or make a joke about it so for me I will just claim the episode of the podcast that Jordan and I talk about my thing is I can't stand it when Matt brushes his teeth in the same room as me I've always I've always hated when somebody brushes their teeth in my like

vicinity i can't stand it it makes me feel sick it makes me feel squeamish why i don't know it's just a weird thing i don't like you literally stick your tongue in his mouth but i don't like him brushing his teeth i also hate the smell and like the look of it that it's just like disgusting the smell of what i don't like chewing gum so i don't like the smell of mint like obviously i brush my teeth you have to but like i don't like i just i hate people brushing their teeth and we had to have a conversation about it i was like please never brush your teeth around me because it makes me want to vomit how do you feel when you brush your own teeth fine it's just other people but the smell like it's in your nose and in your mouth it's fine i can handle brushing my

own teeth so is it the thought of there's food coming out of someone else's teeth in their mouth like that's what no no it's the foaminess of the toothpaste in somebody else's mouth that makes me feel sick that's so stupid so that's one thing that we had to compromise on i had to pull mad i think a lot of you just said i was stupid it's like my one thing i had to pull mad aside and i was like this is gonna sound talk yeah this is gonna sound weird please never brush your teeth around me because i fucking hate it and he was like that is sounds exactly as weird as you said it was going to and i was like cool are we good and he never has i mean every so often but it just makes me feel sick can't handle him chewing gum either oh one day i put his mask on after he'd

been chewing gum and i thought i was gonna vomit yeah i mean i just felt sick in my i don't know why i just that makes me feel gross okay okay let's back on track anyway i think that the answer to this is there is a huge amount of compromise that comes when you move in with someone new and the way that you are when you're dating when you're just sort of sleeping over at each other's houses is hugely different to what it's like when you actually move in together when all your stuff's together and you kind of you go from having all this luxurious bedroom cupboard space to everything being halved but understanding and really kind of taking a step back and accepting the fact that compromise works both ways and that you guys have to meet in the middle on so many of these things

because he if he knows that you're annoyed and frustrated by too many small things he's probably going to be feeling just as uncomfortable in the space as well all right we have time for one more question hey girls absolutely love the pod my question is i'm 24 years old i've been with my boyfriend for three years we've recently bought a house together i'm also really lucky to be set up in my career as a physio on the outside it looks like i've got everything together however i have this deeper feeling to almost want to quit life and leave my boyfriend to figure out who I truly am outside of these things I absolutely love him I just feel like I don't really know who I am yet is this a case of the grass is always greener oh I need more context that's all she wrote

I feel like it's very dangerous us giving life advice around this look I think this okay I'm going to put it in context of this year this has been a fucking hard two years for a lot of people and I think a lot of people are feeling disconnected from themselves and disconnected from their life because all the things that we had to look forward to all the things that you know all of the little breaks from the year they're going on really nice holidays they're spending time together going out for dinners so many of the things that make life that little bit extra spicy have been taken away. So I think go a little bit easier on yourself coming to the end of 2021, which we all are. And if you're still feeling this way, once everything really gets

back to normal, once you've gotten through another Christmas and you've gotten through another summer, then having a think, maybe it's time to shake some things up in your life. Does it mean that you need to throw your relationship and your career and everything out the window? Absolutely not and I do think that a lot of people go through these periods where it's like this feeling of being stagnant and this feeling of like I want to bring in some drama and really fuck some shit up to feel alive again I don't think that this is a rare thing to go through but I definitely think tread with caution I am going to say that what you're experiencing now I think is very very normal I've experienced the exact same thing in the past you are 24 you're very young you have

just bought a house which you've said recently that can cause a lot of angst in terms of you're happy and you're stoked but it is a big commitment we looking at a mortgage on paper how many years that is what money that means like that's a really overwhelming and scary thing and I think it can cause some people to feel stuck and like Laura said there are a lot of people this year in particular the last two years let's be real they have lost themselves or they they might want to change direction or they don't know who they are that is something that we can't really tell you what to do but I can tell you it's a normal feeling and I can tell you there are some things that you can do now I had this exact exact same experience I had bought a house with my partner I felt exactly that

I was young I was really stuck I didn't know what to do I didn't know if I wanted to be with him anymore because I didn't know who I was without him I was with him since I was 16 like that he was all I knew we stayed together but I went overseas alone and I went overseas for almost a year now I'm not saying that this is for everybody but what you could do is is you could do something without him you say you don't know if he's the right person for you you love him you can figure that out you might just need to take some time to yourself you don't break up you don't do anything you just maybe it's a girl's trip maybe you go away some friends maybe you go away on your own there are definitely things you can do if it's just that you feel like your life

is stagnant you two can go traveling together you can move to a new place together you can rent out your house there are a lot of options you just need to decide which avenue you want to go down but I think my advice from experience is to take some time for yourself maybe you just duck up to Byron for a week maybe you do something local a little trip on your own and just find yourself have some space to think about what it is you really want reflect on the year that was reflect on what you want from the future that's literally the only way I feel like you're going to get any level of clarity in this situation I also think one thing as well is I didn't realize the 24 part which I mean I hate to sound ages and I hate to be like well we're really old so we can give advice

so we are really old no I just think sometimes when you're 24 or when you're younger in your 20s but you're doing things that people traditionally when they're older in their 20s are doing you know they're buying the house thing there's not many 24 year olds who are buying a house it's an incredible achievement for a 24 year old like amazing that you've saved the money and have been able to do that but it also does sometimes feel a little bit self-limiting because as your friends are now like the world's reopening your friends are going out partying they're living a probably a more 24 year old life dating and I do think that there comes a point where you can look at what other people have and it can sort of seem a bit more exciting and a bit more shiny

but we all run a very different race we all live very different experiences and just because one person wants to live it up in their 20s and settle down in their 30s and somebody else chooses to settled down in the 20s doesn't mean that either one of those options is better or worse you've just got to choose what is right for yourself and I'm very very careful with these conversations to ever try and give the impression of like yes you need to go and live up your 20s you need to go and like you know experience life to make good decisions I really genuinely think that you can have such a happy and fulfilled life by settling down early you don't go do anything drastic you know enjoy your relationship enjoy your amazing new house and maybe if you're still feeling this

midway through next year when things have opened up and there's a bit more normality then it might be time to kind of reconsider a few things yeah and just for context when I had this feeling and I decided to go overseas because I wanted to figure out who I was we stayed together I still loved him like you did we stayed together when I came back for probably four or five years like that wasn't a I'm gonna go away find myself and break up with the relationship I saw the best of both worlds I went away found who I was still came back and had a great relationship for a long time until I realized that I'd finally grown the other direction but I just think it's really important especially if you are if your life is so crazy and you are living with your partner and you feel

like you're never coming up for air you said you work in health I can only imagine what that's been like well I know I can't imagine what that's been like because I've worked in health in the pandemic it's been bonkers your last two years like everyone has been insanity I'm a really big believer on just taking a little bit of time for yourself that doesn't have to be you're overseas like i said that could be a four-day little vacay with some friends or alone to a little airbnb just to catch your breath again but i mean good luck i feel like i feel like it's a tricky situation and you're definitely not alone but guys i think that's the one thing like you're definitely not alone i think everybody has felt this feeling and for some people it's transient

it goes away and for other people it's not so if it's persistent in you know in the future then that's when you need to look into it but don't do anything drastic now don't go fuck up your life just to create a bit of drama no absolutely not because the grass is sometimes greener i mean the grass isn't always greener sometimes it is but it's not always it's certainly certainly not always anyway guys that is it for ask uncut if you have any questions for next week's episode slide on into the dms at life uncut podcast you can also send us your accidentally unfiltered which you can also send in to life uncut podcast on instagram but make sure you put ask uncut or accidentally unfiltered at the top so it makes it really easy for us to figure out what is what and

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