Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Are They REALLY Allergic Though??

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. Laura, what is wrong with you? I'm Brittany. I've been trying to figure out what's in my eye and I've just realised I'm like something's in my eye. I'm pretty sure it's a flake of my croissant. because it was just all over me and we were shuffling it in before the record and I think I have chrysanthi.

Starting point is 00:00:34 Do you want me to come get it out? What, with your tongue? No, with my tongue. No, maybe I've got to... You can't get it with those nails. Do you want me to finger her eyeball on record? Brittany, I would finger your eyeball for you. No, because I'm wondering now if I've actually got the flake out

Starting point is 00:00:49 and the flake left a mark on my eye. You know how sometimes your eye gets scratched and then it feels, yeah, I think I've got a croissant wound. Wow, that was crazy. Croissant debris, it'll get you. Look at you go. You've got to be careful. Croissants are dangerous.

Starting point is 00:01:02 Okay, so guys, if you're just joining us, you will know that we've been on holidays. Clearly things are not back to normal yet, but we actually can't update you on the holiday because technically we haven't had it. So we're recording this just before we went away so that we can, you know, squeeze an extra day out of it. This is our last day before holidays.

Starting point is 00:01:20 and this is technically my last holiday before I have a baby and never have holiday again ever again in my life because you actually never will yeah so that's it so hopefully I had a great time I'll tell you all about it on Wednesday what are you can you tell us what you're doing yeah I'm going what do you think I'm doing going to the holiday house going down to Aladala that's all we do we were talking about it recently Matt and I were like okay so technically I mean we will go for other trips locally but like technically once this baby comes like we're never going to be able to afford to fly anywhere again because like you've got to once your kid turns two you've got to pay for three seats for children so I was like that's it we're never going anywhere we're gonna

Starting point is 00:01:58 stay but maybe you can just leave them at home no why not why is that such a bad thing actually okay like why can't parents have a week to like recover and leave the kids with the grandparents or something is that like shamed not everyone has grandparents who are capable Ellie is super capable I wouldn't leave her with the kids for a week I certainly would never leave her with three kids for a week like i think i could take them you're like hell no you would call the dog sitter and be like sorry can someone please mind laura's children i've got 70 an hour i would leave them at home and let delilah look after my back delilah's got it she's very mature like where is where's poppy brit you're like oh she's fine i'm like she's two which one oh shit there's a third

Starting point is 00:02:38 nah anyway look we will update you on holiday stuff and everything that's been happening but like we said hasn't happened yet so we don't want to make up stories for you i forgot to tell you I saw it again today because I screenshot it, but it got me giggling. Was it Thirsty Hamster? Because let me tell you, that's gone off. No, it wasn't the Thirsty Hamster. Did we get any responses from people that have been Thirsty Hamstering? No. I've had a few people DM me about the Thirsty Hamster. If you don't know what it is, guys, just go back and listen to the first 10 minutes of the last Ask Uncut we did, or it was truly unhinged. It was obvious we hadn't been on holidays yet.

Starting point is 00:03:13 I don't recommend ever trying it at home. A lot of people commented, No one's tried it. I'm yet to find someone who's actually tried it. Slide into my DMs if you have, if you've had a man just plank on top of the car for the good of the nation. I just don't. I think it's some, do you know what I think this is? I don't think it's like a trend or a thing.

Starting point is 00:03:29 I think one sicko's done it once and has written about it and now it's turned into something. Like people aren't doing this. Let's not call people sickos just because they like to have adventurous sexcapades. Anyway, what is your update? Well, I was just going to say it's very small. It's not an update, but I'm on Dancing with the Stars at the moment. Are you? As you guys know. Well, sometimes I forget myself because we recorded it so long ago. I'm like, oh shit, that's right. I'm on Dancing With The Stars. But you know, it's so funny. You

Starting point is 00:03:55 know, when you go to respond to a story or send it to a friend and you accidentally get it sent to you. I don't know if I explained that right. You know how you can go to forward someone else's story to a friend, but sometimes you just forward it to the person. And I remember the most prime example is when you put up a photo of Marley as a little kid Marley May as a little baby Laura and someone respond someone went to send it to their friend and say something about her looking like a turtle or like oh she finally looks cute something rude but they accidentally sent it to you so it was when Marley was two years old I put up a really cute picture of her and somebody replied to the picture very very obviously meant to send it to their friend and she said oh look

Starting point is 00:04:36 I guess her kid finally got cute and I was like she was an odd looking little baby but she was still cute to me god damn it she was cute to everybody I was like thanks for the the cross-eyed that she had when she first came out was the stigmatism that really she was totally cross-eyed but that made her cuter no so I had put up some stories from dancing and I had three responses in my dms from the same person like they'd responded three times and it very evidently wasn't supposed to go to me. The first one said, ew. Just one word, two letters, ew. And I was like, oh, that's unusual. Weird. Next one. Yuck. And I was like, okay, interesting. A couple of minutes later, who even is she? So somebody messaged me, ew, yuck. Who even is she? And I was

Starting point is 00:05:29 like the fact I get that you're trying to send my story to somebody else and I'm ill like you don't like me that's cool but imagine trying to send the same story three times to a friend to comment like that could have been one sentence that could have been one sentence and one comment and I got it and I was like oh was it was it that bad I still think honestly when I see things like that I'm like you're a fan that's a fan she's doing you a favor she's engaged with your content you should be grateful for it but it was also weird because I did go on a little investigation she doesn't follow me so she's obviously that's why she said who is she obviously but she's she's stumbled across my it just it's just weird to me when I see that stuff it makes you wonder how many

Starting point is 00:06:08 people are sending that to other people but I'm like three messages to a friend sending just a random you don't know her she's on a tv show you've sent it to really double down on like ew gross disgusting vomiting in my mouth like like calm down did I tell you I think I've told you this one before, but like cut it out if I have, Keesh. So Matt, because like obviously Matt does really silly videos. And for like the longest time during COVID, like some of those videos got pretty weird, right? Like Matt would be dressing up in my dresses and doing all weird types of things. Anyway, we went to England when we first started dating and Matt used to live over there. So he's got a really great group of friends over there. Really great group of friends. And I met

Starting point is 00:06:47 them all and they're so lovely. And anyway, came back here, COVID hit. He was like, we were doing our funny videos and one of his friends, actually it was the wife of one of his very, very good friends, just sent the video to him and was like, oh my God, this is so cringe. I can't believe he would post this. And then he never heard from her again. He wrote back and was like, oh, thanks for that. And then never, they've never spoken since. It's been five years. So he wrote back and said thanks. That's really shit because it's your private group. Anyway. It's an actual friend. I was going to ask you if you replied to the person who said, yuck, ew, who is she? I just put a hand up.

Starting point is 00:07:26 It's me. I'm the problem. It's me. Please vote Brittany Hockley. Yeah, I sent her the vote number. I was like, click the link. Well, guys, let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes before answering your questions. Brittany, what is your vibe?

Starting point is 00:07:42 My vibe is nothing new, but I'm sure a lot of people haven't heard of it. It is something that my family and my group of friends have been playing for a very long time. It's a board game. monopoly. No. Have you heard of monopoly? No, I want a vibe. I'm disappointed at how sucked into my phone I can get. And I'm trying to bring back some wholesome interactions with people again, because this got me thinking it was off the back of an article I read about George Clooney and Amal Clooney. And so whenever they have people over to the house, they entertain a lot. There is like a phone basket and you go in and you can't go into their house without putting your phone in.

Starting point is 00:08:16 And it's because they, I guess they get no privacy in their life. They're huge. They want to be able to feel safe to have their conversations knowing that no one has the phone anyway that's not my vibe but it got me thinking about those interactions and I'm bringing back and my sister Sherry and I and Jay we played a couple of weeks ago when I visited them but just the board game Articulate I don't know if you guys haven't played it Articulate is great it's so good so we we got two favorite board games that we've been like playing for years and we've just sort of brought them back Balderdash and Articulate but Articulate if you haven't heard of it it is so much fun it's literally just you team up you've got 30 seconds and you just have to guess one person

Starting point is 00:08:55 describes whatever word it is and the other person has to guess it and you just churn through them but it is so much fun and it's really fun to play with a group of friends like I just think we sometimes needed the reminder to go back and have these wholesome interactions where a you're actually present and b you're using your brain it's like but so that's my you can get it literally Anyway, $25, big W, any game store. Articulate is so great. When we used to live together, Ness and I, Ness, our video editor, for anyone who is new to the pod, Articulate used to get a very good run

Starting point is 00:09:27 in our house. It's great. A couple of wines, play a game of Articulate. Sherry and I are banned from playing in our family because we're so competitive. No, not that. We know each other. We spent our whole life living together. We shared a room our whole life.

Starting point is 00:09:41 We've worked in the same hospital our whole life, lived together. We know each other inside out that it's just not fair. It's like it's – no, we finish. The telepathic communication. Sometimes we say one – people think we're cheating. We'll say one word, not even. We haven't even got a syllable out and we've got the answer and people think we're cheating.

Starting point is 00:09:57 I'm like how – but we just know each other too well so we're not allowed to play together anymore. Do you know what board game is really anticlimactic that I tried to wheel out recently and play with Matt's mum? Scrabble. It's fucking so boring. It's a bit like 70 plus now, isn't it? So slow moving, isn't it?

Starting point is 00:10:10 Anyway, Keish, what's your vibe? So slow moving. That's because you're slow at spelling. unsubscriber scrabble my vibe this week is for anyone who perhaps was not taught handy little things while they were growing up whether that came from your parents or your grandparents and you were just missing there's a couple of gaps in how to do shit around the house i have been using the bunnings warehouse how-to videos extensively i now feel like i've gone from a novice so over the weekend. I painted. I'm building my first house. I'm down a pro. Well, I removed wallpaper

Starting point is 00:10:44 and I was really, I was like, oh, this could be a really big job. I've heard people say it's really challenging, blah, blah, blah. They had like a two minute 30 video on everything that I needed and how to remove it all properly and different. Like if it's on this surface and if it's on that surface, anyway, the videos are short, they're concise. They're obviously made by people who know relatively what they're doing, but it's not too complex. I've also watched ones on how to paint, because I've been painting as well, and how to rip up grass and replant grass. Keisha is now a DIY queen. I mean, you've always kind of been a DIY queen, but now you're like really erring into DIY pro category. Now I'm allowed to do it. Before I had to hide it from

Starting point is 00:11:25 the landlord. Now I'm actually allowed to do things. It looks great. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. I tried very hard. But yeah, they've got some really, really good practical videos. So if there's anything that you're not really sure that here, they've got how to clean tile floors how to install a security camera how to hang a tv how to identify and fix drafts like they've got this whole video series that are only a couple of minutes long to help you she's also like squeezing away into my family you know she's got a crush on my dad I get a message hey just got off the phone from your brother a really great 15 minute chat I was like what your brother she's like he's he's talking me through my reno I'm like what he's the best

Starting point is 00:12:01 he's a painter so I asked him I was like hey um he replied to I'm sorry I think his partner Kim replied to a story that my boyfriend put up of me painting. So in my opinion, they opened the door to ask for unsolicited advice. My boyfriend put up a photo that my brother's wife commented on that told my brother that that opened up the window for conversation. The next thing I was having a 25-minute conversation with Dane. It was very helpful. He helped me with like what types of paints for skirting boards.

Starting point is 00:12:30 It was very good advice. Maybe he could start a series. Can I just say we've gone from the vibe being Bunnings related to being just called Dane. Called Dane Fowl. So in the show notes, I will put Dane's photo. We absolutely will not. But no, my actual vibe is the Bunnings Warehouse how-to video series.

Starting point is 00:12:47 I love this because I honestly do believe that if you, I mean, apart from like surgery or something really high level, go to school for that. But for most things in life, there are such thorough tutorials on how to get started, especially for things in like business, not just handy things. But there's so much you can find online that can like step-by-step help you through all the stuff that you think you can't do. And then you get this little sense of like, oh, look at me. The number of times I've got three quarters of a way through a business course online

Starting point is 00:13:13 and I just get bored. I've never finished it, but I've restarted the same one so many times and I'm like, oh, well, boring. What are all these numbers? All right. Well, look, guys, my recommendation, it is a drama slash biopic. It's called Scoop. It came out in 2024 and it's all about the behind the scenes story of how the women at

Starting point is 00:13:33 BBC were the ones who brought that interview that very famous interview of Prince Andrew in 2019 where he spoke about not being able to sweat and everything else all of their links to Jeffrey Epstein off the back of a pat picture that was taken in the park of the two of them together I thought it was a really fascinating story I had no idea that it was the women of BBC who were the ones who absolutely brought that to the forefront who were the ones who who curated the relationship with the royal family and also with the royal family's PR relations in order to bring that to being a possibility. It doesn't have great ratings on Rotten Tomatoes. And I saw that and I was, I think it's like 70 something on Rotten Tomatoes, went into it thinking and expecting

Starting point is 00:14:17 that it wasn't going to be very good as a result of this. But I think if you're interested in media or you're interested in that whole story and how it unfolded, for me, I found it utterly fascinating. I watched it with my mother-in-law, who's a total royalist. And the thing about it is that Prince Andrew did that interview and the royal family were all privy to that interview. And they thought the interview was well done. Their perception of that interview was that actually, you know what? He nailed that. And he did a really great job at at least educating the public on his version of events. And as we know, it was the most damning PR interview that he could have ever done and he was stripped of all his royal titles and the flow and effect from that

Starting point is 00:14:57 but it kind of raises the questions would the punishment been as severe had he never done that interview because if he hadn't done that interview and had just stayed quiet as he had done up until that point he potentially would still have all his royal titles but the backlash from it was just so incredibly severe so it's called Scoop it's on Netflix now and yeah it's about an hour and 20 minutes and I really thoroughly enjoyed it. This is the one that has Gillian Anderson and Billy Piper in it. I've seen it. I absolutely loved this film. It was so good. Billy Piper, unrelated, amazing. She's a bit of an underdog. People don't give her enough credit, I reckon. What was her band she was in? I can't remember. She was in Secret Diary of a Poor Girl too.

Starting point is 00:15:39 But she was a singer. She was a singer before she was an actress and now she's actually a really good actress. Anyway, that sounds great, Laura. Yeah. Okay. Go watch it. Let's get into your questions okay question number one to look or not to look during birth that is the question for a bit of background on mother's day my entire family had a bit of a heated argument about a certain topic and I want your opinion on it the disagreement was about whether the father should have a peep at their child being born during active birth my opinion is that the father should at least have a quick glance at what the woman has to go through to have a child I really don't want to sound insensitive as I know some people can be grossed out. I'm also a nurse so I don't

Starting point is 00:16:18 know if that impacts my opinion as I don't get turned off by these things. I also understand there are certain circumstances where this would not be encouraged by midwives or doctors but in best case scenario with a healthy vaginal birth I'd love to hear what you all have to say. I remember when Matt didn't want to cut the umbilical cord. Matt's really squirt like he's really squeamish he doesn't do well with blood he's not the best person to have by your side during a birthing experience but you know like he makes up for it in other ways but he absolutely by how he nearly missed it getting the chicken sandwich no usually but how he makes like funny content reels when i'm in active labor about things you shouldn't say when your wife's in

Starting point is 00:16:56 labor but i'm actually legitimately like hey matt things you shouldn't do when i'm in labor is make a video so marley this happened with both babies they're like out of me connected by the umbilical cord like still there and like everyone's like ah baby and then the obstetrician hands him the scissors to cut it's like a clamp and then scissors to cut the umbilical cord Matt was like like not even looking and like just waving scissors around I was like dude if I push this kid out of my hoo-ha you can at least look at it to cut the umbilical cord and not accidentally stab it anyway he cut the umbilical cord and it was I'm not kidding you about 15 centimeters long because he was just so squirmish the obstetrician just looked at him and he's like

Starting point is 00:17:40 straight away like looked in like what the fuck was that recut it look my opinion yes I think that they should have a get over it get the fuck over it however I understand that some people might then pass out they might then make it about themselves I think you've just got a passing out to making it about yourself like if you're unconscious if a dude if a dude I guess so selfish is like convulsing on the ground that's what happened with cardiac arrest and you're like you would have a heart attack matt's podcast partner on too dirty dad's ash fainted during the birth of his first kid i think a lot of people would dude my ex fainted when i got a splinter oh i've never seen not well it's not their fault obviously he's got an inversion of blood but like

Starting point is 00:18:24 i got his big splinter ones and i was like oh can you get this splinter out i'll never forget it talk about getting the ick. Can you get this splinter out? And he looked at it and it was really, it wasn't even a splinter. It was like a big chunk of wood in my finger. And then he just looked up at me and I was like, you all right? And then his eyes just rolled back and he just fainted every time he saw blood. So there was no, if I was still with him, which I'm obviously not, there's no way somebody like that could watch a birth. Like you just couldn't, you just couldn't. I think it is, you know, obviously I make lots of jokes. It is definitely dependent on the person and what they can you know if medically you can't stomach it and you're going to pass out

Starting point is 00:19:02 and then it's going to be more of an inconvenience like obviously I understand that there are parameters to it but I do not like it when men use it as an excuse because they don't want to take on the responsibility of looking and I always think of that fucking Robbie Williams quote where it's quite famous where he's like oh it's like watching your favorite pub burn down if that's the reason. That's pretty funny though I don't agree with it but I haven't heard that saying Haven't you? But it is funny. It's like watching – it's like my safe place.

Starting point is 00:19:28 No, but the thing is, is like if that's the reason why you're not looking, then you need to get a grip and like – At least you said favourite pub. Yeah, because there are many. I love Roddy Woo. I love him too. No way. I worked at his concert once.

Starting point is 00:19:41 That was security. And I'm not even lying. The jobs that Brit has had. Yeah. I need a timeline. I think it's – like, I mean, those types of tropes and the jokes, like look you can laugh about it but it is deeply entrenched in misogyny as a woman you don't get the opportunity to not be one affected by childbirth or have the luxury to not look not

Starting point is 00:20:03 feel not anything whether it's coming out the sunroof or you're having a vaginal birth like that's affecting you in ways that are beyond your control that you have to look at whether you're squirmish or not and it's like men get to have the option to choose because they might feel uncomfortable or it might change their opinion or guess what my vagina is uncomfortable yeah I just I just don't have a lot of sympathy and even when you know we make jokes about partners passing out or whatnot I still don't have a lot of sympathy I'm like I do kick them to the side continue on with birth they're making it about them I do only because I worked in a hospital so long I've seen so many family members pass out over different things like some people can't stomach stuff and

Starting point is 00:20:43 I get it and the reason I mean I want to say yes everybody should be having a look and you should be there and supporting it if you can I'm talking about people that are extreme like not people that just don't want to see their pub get ripped apart but I also think the people that say it'll ruin it for me like I don't want to remember it like that I won't ever be able to look at the same guess what it's not the same a watermelon just came out of it like it's changed we've changed I hate I hate that kind of stuff but I just think and you know your partner this is what it comes down to you know your partner if they're not going to faint over like if they're not blood fainters then yes they can have a fucking look they can be there with you and support you but

Starting point is 00:21:23 on that let's unpack that for one second when you say it's changed you've just birthed a watermelon it's not the same absolutely but then we're inferring that a pre-virginal perfect unspoiled vagina is like the preferred version and like yes it might be changed yes there might be things that don't go back to exactly the way but like let me tell you you can have vaginal births and still and still be able to you know have fantastic sex and not be able to tell the difference no but it's I'm saying it's their mind yes exactly and that's the problem is that there's this like psychology that once a woman's had a baby that like it's all oh they've destroyed themselves yeah fucking have it and it's just I like I hate that it adds to that sort of stigma around it for women yeah

Starting point is 00:22:06 but they're like freaking weirdos that are like oh I can't I don't want to watch you breastfeed because I can't look at a breast the same like they should be sexy not a way of life and I know that they're a minority like that is not as common but they exist like those people exist so I don't know you know your partner at the end of the day whilst you might like them to be down there you can't force them down there I think it's a conversation you need to have before you go into birth like how do you feel do you want to have a look it would be really cool I would like you to see that moment and if you think that they're doing it for the right reason like they're very vomity feinty lightheaded don't force them but if they're you think they're just doing it

Starting point is 00:22:42 because they're like can't look at it the same then fuck that yeah and you grab their hair and you push that down there you get that head down there you get it in there do you know what I actually find really reassuring about this though and this is very subjective it's only within my own sort of like friendship network and people that I've spoken to I do think that often men have a perception of how they think it's going to be and they might even have written their own sort of version of narrative of like what childbirth's going to be and oh I don't want to go down there I don't want to look I would say 99.9% of dads that I know that I've spoken to who have had a look have been like wow that was fucking amazing what an absolute miracle like

Starting point is 00:23:24 that was a really cool thing and the dads I'm thinking of in particular are probably people who I would have thought would have been a bit more like oh my pub burnt down but really they were the one that was like hey can I send you the birth video and I was like maybe check with my best friend first before you send me Ben I'd be interested because he was so excited you know I'm interested to see how Ben would go because he isn't actually very good with blood I haven't seen him faint but I've seen him like with needles and injections I've seen him go very pale like he's and he'll say I'm not great with it which is weird like I don't know the psychology behind it because he said he can get tattooed all day like it's not the needle in the pain but it's something

Starting point is 00:24:02 the psychology to do with like maybe you're withdrawing blood or it's like a placenta injection or whatever but I'll be interested I'm not convinced he'll be down there but we'll see all right question number two how do I tell my husband I've been adding tomatoes to his sorry this is so stupid to his dishes hear me out though you'll know why my husband told me when we met that he is allergic to tomatoes, as in he gets IBS from it and he ends up on the toilet. For six years, I have not cooked with tomatoes. Can you imagine how hard that is? No tomato in any dishes. It has been hell. But about four weeks ago, I got ballsy and I started adding tomatoes to things. That is ballsy if someone's allergic. Like to the bolognese. Lol,

Starting point is 00:24:44 she writes. I even blended it so he wouldn't see it. Oh my God, it tasted amazing. God, I'd missed tomatoes it had been so long anyways he didn't run to the toilet afterwards and he said that that was my best bolognese yet obviously because I had fucking tomatoes in it so the last four weeks I have been adding tomatoes to our dinners and hiding it and then he has been completely fine so my issue is this how do I tell him that he's not allergic to tomatoes or do I just never tell him help he will soon be so mad if he finds out what I've done to him I mean first of all I think we need to put a disclaimer in if your partner's allergic to something or things they are don't like secretly try and test it we don't advise that why haven't

Starting point is 00:25:29 you just cooked your meals with tomato for six years six years is a long time to like go without something no because then you got to cook two separate meals like often if you're the one who's cooking you'll just create one dish that is suitable for everyone do you know what I think has happened. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he probably did have reactions to tomatoes. Tomatoes are like a proper IBS trigger. They are in the FODMAP group because of their high fructose. And a lot of people have issues with tomatoes, but you can outgrow that. He might've had that issue, not consumed it for the last six years. And maybe it's changed and he's not having the reactions the same way. Like, I don't think he's lied to you about it.

Starting point is 00:26:08 I'd be bringing it up I'd tell him because you can't you can't go the next 20 years of your marriage secretly like dosing his food with tomato I I think that it's important to distinguish and now I'm going to take it real sciencey and probably more seriously than I should there's a difference between an allergy and an intolerance right very very different and I think that sometimes we conflate the two and that's what makes people annoyed there's so many people out there who are like I'm allergic to dairy I'm allergic to wheat I'm allergic to gluten unless you are celiac or unless you have like a very severe reaction where you're anaphylactic and end up in hospital you are not allergic you have an intolerance which means that you can have small

Starting point is 00:26:47 amounts of something the more you have of it the more that there is a likelihood that you'll have an adverse reaction and for me specifically I have an intolerance to MSG like a very I'm very sensitive to MSG and I have ended up in hospital because I have had an anaphylactic reaction to it however if I have small amounts I'm okay so if someone was microdosing my food you're still in hospital with it but you're like not gonna stop the MSG I really love Asian food it's my favorite cuisine no but the thing is is like I can have small amounts and I can cope fine my worry for you in this situation is that your partner has an intolerance to tomatoes and yes you might be microdosing him but the poor guy's gonna wake up in a few weeks time be shitting the bed because

Starting point is 00:27:29 you didn't listen to him and he's just used the wrong terminology so I do think that that's a very very plausible situation that's going to occur and like he's going to start having these reactions and not know why so I don't think it's really like necessarily an aha moment I got you you liar but I do think we throw around the terms to willy-nilly these days and people are too quick to be like I can't eat that because you know I'm allergic to it and it's like oh you might you might get the runs for four hours you're fine you know you're not gonna die i think sometimes people say it because it's easier to say to someone so like if someone says hey like what are your dietary requirements sometimes so for me because i have such painful reactions with my ibs

Starting point is 00:28:11 to garlic now it's easier for me to sometimes say to someone oh no garlic i'm allergic like sometimes i'll throw the term away because it's just easier to say like yes i have a severe reaction am I going to die from it no but it's going to make me extremely uncomfortable for a long time I wonder how restaurants respond to this I'd be so interested if you're a cook or a chef or working in a restaurant because when someone says you know I'm allergic to shellfish the way that they have to prepare food is so different to just you know oh I'm intolerant to dairy like they're totally different ways in which they have to prep a kitchen so when everyone's like oh I'm allergic to this I'm allergic to this it just like creates it just becomes a bit of a pain in the ass I would

Starting point is 00:28:48 never do it at a restaurant because that's when i eat it yeah brick goes to an italian restaurant she's like i'm allergic to garlic i go to a garlic restaurant and i'm like no garlic please i reckon i am i talked about this before i have like the most severe reaction i'm fine digestively fine i just fucking stink after garlic i look stink like so bad but like it's like outrageous like for days we know we see you every day yeah i know i love you guys even i'm joking even from last night matt was like did you eat garlic today i was like no i haven't even touched it it's been a week He's like, did you look at garlic today? I secretly micro-dosed Ben's food.

Starting point is 00:29:23 So Ben hates, like detests mushrooms. He will not eat them, which is fine. Like I don't care for them. I cannot have them in my life. He doesn't like the texture mainly. But I really like one of my favorite foods to eat out for an entree is arancini. And I really wanted to get this arancini and I wanted to share it with him. But it was mushroom and like a parmesan or something.

Starting point is 00:29:42 Anyway, I just lied to him and told him it was cheese. He didn't look at the menu. I just ordered it. and he ate it and loved it and then in my head I was like maybe you don't dislike mushrooms so maybe I'm gonna start microdosing his food with mushrooms but you did say that you think it's a texture thing so a lot of people have a bit of a bit of bit yeah a lot of people who have aversions to food it's actually got nothing to do with the flavor it's got to do with the feeling and the texture of that food so like yeah I mean that's how you get kids around trying things that they

Starting point is 00:30:09 think they don't like it's like they're like I hate mushrooms you're like cool you blend them put them in a soup and then you figure out actually they're fine I want to back this woman and support her I once had a boyfriend who was a piece of shit he used to lie about cheating on me all the time and he also turns out lied that he had a lactose intolerance we went basically this we were together for like I don't know six months or something maybe a bit longer but he used to claim that he was completely lactose intolerant and I used to use butter to cook and I just kind of snuck it in at one point he never had a problem when she thought she could get away with killing him she's like I'm gonna put the butter in it was when you found out he was cheating on you wasn't

Starting point is 00:30:41 it you lie about everything you chuck a stick of lure pack in there and off you go let's see you go cheat on me now but no he was always fine and so I was like I knew that he made this up for drama like I knew he just thought it added to his personality I really want to just say this because I know someone is going to come for us in the reviews or the comments or the dms laughers please do not do not follow this woman's advice do not if your partner has told you or someone you're dating has told you that they're allergic just believe them because the negative outcome that could happen is way worse than you being right in this instance you can go and do all guys you can do an allergy test go and do it properly it's like you don't have to it's not one

Starting point is 00:31:22 extreme with the other you don't have to never eat something again or try to kill them with microdosing like you can go and get tested have we answered whether she should tell her husband i said tell him yeah we haven't actually answered the question i think you need to tell him i think But make it a mistake. Be like, oh, my God, I blanked and put tomato in the bolognese last night. I put passata in that. I had no idea that passata was made from tomatoes. I have a much more important question for you.

Starting point is 00:31:51 I would love to know how the fuck you were making bolognese without tomatoes in the first place. That sounds like the worst bolognese. No wonder he loved this one. No, like what was it? Because bolognese is a tomato sauce. That's what I don't get. Wow.

Starting point is 00:32:04 Okay. I raise your question with another question. Okay, this definitely needs to be an aftermath. Tell us how you cooked your bolognese. Next question, not inviting mum's new boyfriend to my wedding. I'm getting married next year. Yay! But I have a bit of a dilemma.

Starting point is 00:32:21 My parents split a few years ago, and since then, my mum has had a string of short-term boyfriends. Go, queen. She's now dating someone new and will likely want to bring him to the wedding, as she will want to parade her new man to the rest of the family. That sounds a bit scathing, doesn't it? That sounds like...

Starting point is 00:32:37 There's a bit of something going on between the mother and daughter. Here's the issue. I don't like him. Fair. That's a pretty blatant issue. It's very likely they're not even going to be together by then anyway. Our wedding is very small and intimate, and I really don't want this random in the photos, especially someone who might not be around long term.

Starting point is 00:32:57 Am I being unreasonable if I don't want to invite him or whoever she's dating at the time? Or is it okay to gently set that boundary? I would love to hear your thoughts. I think we've answered this question in many variations over the years it's a really tricky one because of course it's going to come with a drama but in the same instance you don't have to have anyone at your wedding that you don't want there does that mean that your mum is going to react in a great way who knows like I don't know what type of person your mum is I don't know how

Starting point is 00:33:23 she responds to feedback I don't know what scene she will cause she might say of course honey like whatever you want it's your day it's not my day and I'm not going to make it about me she may also be a mother of the generation that makes everything about her so like it's really hard for us to know exactly how this is going to impact you I am getting that from what she said though even the way she said parade her new marriage the term parade and we've spoken about like how much a word can change the structure or the meaning or the feeling of a sentence but the word parade I'm getting the impression there's a bit of disdain there you feel like she will want to make it about her totally which you know in your mum's defense your mum would categorize that as

Starting point is 00:34:02 I'm just happy and living my best life and I'm proud and you see that as me parading I do think that in this instance especially if the divorce is kind of recent or there's some dramas there obviously your dad's gonna be there maybe that was her husband I don't know you know I don't know what the relationship setup was but I do think you can say like mom you know I really just want immediate family I don't know your partner that well and I really want it to be about us and having special time together, not so much it being about the relationships. I just don't want you to be having to spend time with him when I want you to spend time with me and be a big part of my wedding. That could be a way around it. I think that there is an uncomfortable conversation

Starting point is 00:34:43 that's going to happen here when you don't invite him. However, I don't think that you're out of your rights by not inviting him. I think that you're totally within your rights to say that you don't want him to be there. I agree. It gets tricky when it's someone so immediate to you. So like if it's like an auntie or an uncle or a cousin or whatever I feel like it's easier when it's your mum it's different and I think it might be different you say it's like next year so it might be another year's time if he's still around by then it's tricky because that is classified as a long-term relationship that she deems as I guess serious because that's you know well over 12 months I don't know how new new is and I don't know how far away the wedding is so it gets trickier

Starting point is 00:35:25 I would maybe try and wait it out a little bit and see how the relationship goes. Like, do you have a few more months to see, you'll get the impression of if that relationship is probably going to last or not. And you said, maybe it won't. You did also say, or maybe she'll be with someone else by then. That's different. If she's just met someone, absolutely. Like you're like, sorry, like it's family only. I don't know him. He's been around for 10 minutes. Like, I think that that's okay. It's only tricky because it's another year away. I'm getting some underlying issues there and I don't feel like it's going to go down well that conversation that doesn't mean you can't have it and you're not entitled to bring that up like plenty of

Starting point is 00:36:03 people bring those conversations up and they're tough like I had to bring those conversations up with people in my extended family over my wedding and that was hard like I couldn't imagine if I had to have that conversation with my mum or my dad yeah and I think you hit the nail on the head Brit when she says parade her new man around if they've been together for more than a year and a half let's say as an estimate by the time the wedding rolls around it's not really her new man is it? It's just her partner. So I can understand why when that date rolls around, that that will be something that will be a real wedge. Like I said, it's really going to depend on the personality of your parents. And I think we all have a bit of a, I think most of us can kind of look at our

Starting point is 00:36:42 moms or look at our dads and at the age that we are now have a gauge as to how they're going to react based on the way that they have reacted in past situations. Because, you know, parents don't just spontaneously behave differently I don't think surprise us with this like newfound sense of grace or self-awareness they usually are pretty set in their patterned behavior and so I do think that you probably know how your mom's going to react hence why you've written this in because you know it's going to cause a drama you know it's going to be a big deal and you want to know if you're the problem in causing that big deal that's probably the bigger question here and it really just comes down to whether or not like what's going to be the biggest problem is having some

Starting point is 00:37:23 guy there that will be in a few photos going to cause you more distress than the potential family fallout or drama that might happen by not inviting him and that's for you to weigh up also because if it is i mean it's more than that you don't like him it's hard you flat out don't like him right i don't want someone at my wedding that i don't like either but if it's more around the photos we spoke about this in the last couple of weeks on an ask uncut you just do photos without him as well hey guys immediate family only now and then you always have the best of both worlds i totally agree yeah totally agree all right last question it's a bit of a long one but brit you got some skin in the game with this one who moves for long distance love i'm 20 spoiler i wrote this in

Starting point is 00:38:03 i'm 25 now yeah all right no that would be me that would be me hey guys i'm 22 i'm 25 i met the man of my dreams during a two-week Contiki tour. We clicked the moment we met. He genuinely is everything I've ever wanted and more, except he lives in Canada and I'm Australian. I have spent literally my entire life focusing on my academics, sacrificing every family event imaginable to do this. I'm now a junior doctor with an immaculate reputation and planning to specialize in anesthetics, which is very competitive. I don't have a medical license in Canada. To get one, it would be two exams costing $5,000 assuming that is that I passed the first time. Then I don't think I'd have much of a chance getting into anesthetics in a foreign country. He has

Starting point is 00:38:48 spent 10 years working his way up the hierarchy of a jewelry store company where he is now the top manager. He's moved twice to open new stores for them. Apparently there is very few jewelry suppliers for the stores like the wholesales I assume in Canada and his dad owns one of them and this guy plans to work for his dad eventually. This work opportunity for him sounds like it is potentially a multi-million dollar opportunity. So it's going to be incredibly difficult for either of us to move. It feels like one of us will take a massive step back in our careers that we will never overcome. What should I do? Do we need to give up now? We are both on the same page that we've never had a connection like this before and I truly think he could be my penguin. We've been

Starting point is 00:39:29 spending hours on the phone every day since we met and we want to make it work but how i don't know how to ask for one of us to make the ultimate sacrifice when we are both so career driven who should sacrifice their career to move for long distance love this is so hard but also not hard but it's like i can't even relate no i mean this is my entire life yeah i know i know i read this and i just felt everything that you're feeling and i know how it feels but what i do want to say for me this one's a little bit more obvious there is not one part of me that thinks you should give up your career to go and move and be with him and I say that because not all careers are equal and this is because if you get onto the anesthetics program which you have studied for it's like

Starting point is 00:40:16 another eight years of trying to study do your exams that's if you get on straight away do your residencies become a consultant like that is your whole life you've dedicated and you've even said that. You've said I've, I've dedicated my whole life. You've looked into going, so you are willing to, but if it's going to be detrimental to your career at this point, I would be looking for a different option. Now, I don't want to diminish this guy's career by any means, but from the information you've given me, I just think he has more leniency to come here for a little while. If it's a family business, I'm sure he can talk to his dad in some capacity and say, Hey, I could have met the love of my life like she could be the one you guys need to spend some time together

Starting point is 00:40:59 and figure out if it's even a thing because like we all know a month look I married the guy I met for three days I get that but that very well could have gone down the gurgler and not been something like you do have to put in the time to try and see if it is it I would be going down the track of trying to see if he can make his move to Australia work or if not if he can just travel in between a little bit more because you can't travel anyone that knows what it's like when you are at the stages you are of your study and a doctor you don't get time to just duck over every couple of weeks to Canada it doesn't look like that you barely get a fucking day off so I would be saying can he work around it does he have any leniency with his dad's like it's his family's

Starting point is 00:41:38 business maybe he can come back in a couple of years and you can move back I tried to go and work in Canada my sister and I and it to get the medical license some countries you just go over you pay the fee and you can start working right you'd think medicine is medicine wherever in the world Canada's laws are so hard like there's so many exams you sit it's so expensive that we ended up just going and doing nothing my sister was a bellboy like we just said hey too hard basket was going to work so I totally get it but I don't want to say give up on the relationship either if you do think it is it but I would be so upset for you if you gave up all your hard work to get to this position now without 100% knowing if this is your person. I think I disagree with you slightly

Starting point is 00:42:22 in this because when you say not all careers are built the same, I think what you're saying is that then there's a hierarchy in terms of importance. And I don't think. I don't mean importance. I mean with your ability to travel, like some careers can travel, hers cannot. Totally. But it depends on what the career is that he has and the opportunity he has in where he's worked. He's also spent 10 years working his way up the hierarchy of this jewelry store company where he's now their top manager. That's important to him. And that's something that is of a priority to him that he's communicating. And it's something that he has spent a decade being ambitious and working towards. I think it's unfair to expect that he would give that up just because his is

Starting point is 00:43:02 not in a medical field and yours is. Absolutely. Some have the flexibility to travel. I don't think by the sounds of the way that this question was framed that this man works for his dad he works in a company that his dad owns one of the businesses of with the intention that in the future he will work in his dad's company but you also said he spent 10 years of his life working his way up the hierarchy of a jewelry store company where he's now their top manager I understand why he doesn't want to make that sacrifice either and I guess my feeling towards this is I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone when neither of us are willing to sacrifice, because that's the thing that you have to probably get to the bottom of.

Starting point is 00:43:42 If you can't and you won't, and you're not able to, and he's also saying he can't and he won't, and he's not able to, regardless of whether you think he's able to, regardless of whether you think he should be the one to move, if he's not willing to make those sacrifices or, you know, isn't able to because his career is something that's so important to him, then I kind of am curious as to why you would put all of the time and energy into it. I know like Britt, when we've had these conversations about it being about you, like your career is different. You know, if there's going to be someone who's going to move, it would be you. Of course it would come with sacrifices, but you would still be able to do a lot of the things that

Starting point is 00:44:19 we do here from overseas. I don't know if this is the same situation. And I know that you've said that it's going to cost $5,000 and there's all of these caveats. I do think that very, very big and deep chat should be had it's great to spend you know so much time on the phone talking but figuring out like if it's a possibility between the two of you because I don't think it's fair for any one of us to sit here and say who should sacrifice their career to move long distance because I don't think it's just about career it's sacrificing your family it's sacrificing your stability it's sacrificing your friendship groups it's sacrificing living in a completely different country and the thing is is that in order for this relationship to work one person

Starting point is 00:44:58 has to be willing to make that sacrifice. And it sounds like at the moment, neither of you are. So I don't know whether it is worth the emotional investment, but that's just how I would rather have those conversations upfront and figure out whether it's a possibility because you've made it really clear in your question that that's just simply not a possibility for you. So you're expecting a lot of him. The thing is every relationship, long distance or not, every single relationship has sacrifice. There's no such thing as a relationship without sacrifice. in the day to day, in the parenting, with work, with moves, with everything. There's definitely more sacrifice from somebody in a long distance relationship without doubt. And one of you does

Starting point is 00:45:36 have to be okay to do it. I just don't think in this situation, and I mean, we only know what you've told us. I don't think in this situation, it is the right thing for you to do, to go now, unless you know that it is something solid and real because if you go there and you sit the exams you spend ten to fifteen thousand dollars if you pass them and then you start in a new country your medical training then something goes south and he says you know what not for me you're stuck on a program in another country with people you don't know i'd be trying to spend some more time together whether he can come to you in the interim for a holiday you definitely need to spend more time than two weeks on Contiki. Cause that's, I get why there's chemistry after two weeks in

Starting point is 00:46:21 Contiki. Like I've been there. I get it. But I would be then having those conversations. Yes. It sounds like you can go. It's not easy. You do have to sit exams and it is a lot of money. I would be asking him to pay half of that as well. Everything's half. Like if you're going to make that sacrifice, but I would also be having bigger conversations about what it would look like for both of you to do it. So write down and chat about what it looks like for you to do it. What has to happen, what has to be in place, what wheels are in motion, what sacrifice there is, will it put your career back? Do the same for him. Maybe, and this is what Ben and I talk about, but maybe there is an opportunity for both. Maybe in some world, he can come here now for a couple of years. And

Starting point is 00:47:02 then when I'm like more locked in my career, we can go over there and then maybe you can be a doctor in Canada. But at the end of the day, if you both come and say, well, I'm not moving and I'm not moving, you either are going to be in a relationship that has no end date, which is no point, if you're not seeing each other and you're not working towards a future, it's okay if you're in long distance, but you're working towards the same thing. But if you guys can't get on the page of what you're even working towards, I would probably be cutting my losses. If you are willing to do that, then the cost of doing that is absolute parity. Like he's, he needs to show the commitment to the sacrifices that are being made as well. I think that when you are doing and

Starting point is 00:47:37 navigating a long distance relationship like this, look, go over there, have a holiday. He can come here for a holiday see if there's actually some sort of stability and reality to it yeah when you're not on contiki is that even going to be like necessarily enough like you know going on a two-week trip i mean it was for you brit is that going to be the case for everyone i don't know some people live with their partner for five years and it's not enough like you don't know you don't know but i think that that part of it's worth a try my only thing though is when you're in a long distance relationship like this big conversations have to happen earlier and the sooner that you can have those big conversations where maybe the answers aren't the answers you

Starting point is 00:48:15 want to hear, but you need to hear them in order to progress or make decisions. I think don't shy away from this conversation you're having with us, have it with him. Like you can have that conversation with him. It's not overbearing. It's not too much because you're both trying to figure out how it could be possible for your life to work. And if he turns around and says, I'd love you to come here for a holiday but I want you to know there's absolutely no possibility that I'm ever going to move to Australia or could ever move to Australia well then you know you know who's going to have to make the sacrifice but I don't think it's fair to assume that he would be the person to do that when he's saying he's spent a decade of his life working towards something

Starting point is 00:48:54 that's clearly really important to him. You know with Ben and I we had that conversation both ways where I said what will it look like if I come to you and what does it look like if you come to him he looked into coming here but you can't just come there's x amount of teams that sign positions for three years and they're in contracts and if there's not a spot for you there's not a spot for you yeah so when I say not all careers are created equal that's what I mean no one's more important in their career like you can't say that but some careers physically are not malleable enough to be able to pick up and take somewhere else the only other thing I want to say and it's like contradictory to everything that I did, I know, but you don't know if he's the man of your dreams after a two

Starting point is 00:49:33 week contiki. And he very well could be, but it's really easy to get caught up in the chemistry and the love and the excitement. And I know you've been speaking every day for an hour, but they are the moments where you are getting the best of somebody. And so I don't want you to get caught up. He might have everything you need on paper, but you just won't know until you spend a bit more time with him I have a very specific to you bit of advice and from what I'm gathering it sounds to me as though you're not yet on the scheme program of anesthetics which is the program that you go on to it's usually about four to five years where you specialize and then you become an anesthetist right I would actually go right now to your supervisor of training or whoever looks

Starting point is 00:50:13 after that particular part of the hospital that you're working at I would have a conversation with them and just float the idea of like do you have any good relationships with anyone in Canada of the place that you actually do want to move to to be with this person and just suss out what their medical programs are like because yes, it will mean that you basically will have to take a one to maybe two year step back because you're going to have to sit these exams,

Starting point is 00:50:37 rebuild those relationships in another country. But Canada has fantastic medicine. It's not like it would be a detrimental move for your career long-term to be training over there and you could get onto a program over there and you could be as happy as Larry. I know people who have gone over and done fellowships over in Canada. The medicine is fantastic.

Starting point is 00:50:57 And, you know, maybe that could be something that you could actually look into. I think it would be better for you to make that decision now before you're on the program, before you're locked in to four years here in Australia. The only thing is, Keish, with that is it's the same thing Britt said. You're then locked into a program there. The relationship doesn't work out. You're stuck there with no family, no friends, no support, no boyfriend, no nothing. And you're the one who made the sacrifice.

Starting point is 00:51:17 I think you would have to make that move knowing that you wouldn't be resentful if you did end up on a program there and things didn't work out. It's hard, but I just don't think she should move. I just don't think she should. Even like, I know you just said Keish, you know, it might be a step back of a couple of years. That's fucking huge as a woman. And I say as a woman, because two years as a woman step back is huge if you have a biological clock and you want to have kids and like another two years onto like eight to 12 years of training is so big. I just would be thinking him very carefully before I made any move and I would be seeing if he can come here for a holiday first let him come here and spend some time together and make your decision unless you have

Starting point is 00:51:56 holidays coming up one of you needs to commit to spending some time together but it's fucking hard man I feel sorry for you falling in love with someone on the other side of the world don't recommend I know I got a husband on there best thing to happen to me but it's not been easy like it has not been easy well guys that is it from us if you have a question for ask uncut slide on into the DMs at Life Uncut Podcast. You can also join the Facebook group, the discussion group, which is Life Uncut Discussion Group.

Starting point is 00:52:21 Super creative. Named that one. Or you can watch us on YouTube. Thanks for being our discussion group. Life Uncut Discussion Group. It's actually the best. I live there. My postcode is the Facebook group.

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Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Are They REALLY Allergic Though??

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