Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Bad aunties, nipple play, temptation and he's a cheat

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

Lifers, here we are answering your deep dark and burning questions.On this weeks episode:Should I rekindle a relationship with my toxic aunty because my Dad is desperate for us to have a relationship?Can you still have nipple play when breast feeding?My friends ex could be my penguin..... Do I go there?My brother's friend has been cheating on his girlfriend, she's a legend.... Should I tell her?If you have any questions for next weeks episode slide on into our DM's @lifeuncutpodcast for our enthusiastic but extremely unqualified advice.Don't forget to share the love.... because WE LOVE LOVESee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut and this is our very special thursday episode it is our down and dirty episode it is our quickie and that's where we answer your deep dark and burning questions laura's had a wine i'm i'm a born again drinker guys it doesn't take much to hit the sides but when it does oh your mama's feeling fruity guys if you are new to the podcast i'm britney if you're new to the podcast i'm sorry my name's laura but anyway on this episode what we do is we answer your questions that come in we have chosen i think three maybe we've chosen four i honestly can't remember but we have chosen a couple of questions we are going to give you our enthusiastic very unqualified but extremely heartfelt advice for

each and every question that's asked but before we do i have a few little life updates for you guys give it to me Britt. Where are you at in your life? Okay just quickly number one. Having a lot of phone sex because her boyfriend is very far away. What's phone sex like these days? Well I can't tell you everything. No I have some life updates. Look number one a few weeks ago I told you guys about how I turned up to that event. Really huffed and puffed and burst into the room and the event wasn't on. Do you remember? Yes you went to a yoga event and you were a whole week early. Anyway just as a life update I went today and it was right it was on so that was great for me next update I want to shout out to you guys because I got a bunch of you comment on a whole

multitude of my Instagram posts today saying if Jordan's not going to comment on your posts I will you're a babe love you love this thirst trap like and I was like you know what this is what the community is about you guys are responding to my thirst traps for my boyfriend because he didn't respond and I want to thank you for that so for anyone who doesn't know what Brittany's talking about on the last episode we were commenting about how Brit had put up a thirst trap and Jordan her purely for the boyfriend not for anyone else who is overseas at the moment completely ignored it and so we really love that our community of life uncutters is there to just support us and i also have another thing to say on tuesday's episode i made mention that no one had invited me

to their wedding and i now have two wedding invitations sitting in my car guys i'm really grateful thanks for that i also got a bunch of new wedding invitations okay it's not a competition shut up oh no i'm just maybe we can go together a bunch of new but how many did you get britney How many did you get? Two? I got three. I'm joking. I did it.

Anyway, on that note, let's get into the questions. No, I've got one more thing I want to tell you. I just think you're going to be really thrilled about this. It's an update on Gwyneth Paltrow. I do like Gwyneth. I really love a steamed clam. Gwyneth Paltrow, and I just have to have a laugh. I don't know if you guys have read about this or you've seen it because there are so many

piss takes going around from it. Gwyneth did an interview one or two days ago, basically, and she was talking about her hardest times throughout the pandemic and what it drove her to do the lengths she went to to stay sane no I do remember actually when the pandemic started and we all were in lockdown at the very beginning and one of the most infuriating quotes I had read was actually from Gwyneth Paltrow and she was like use this time get a new hobby write a book exercise be a better version of yourself and I was like hey I'm stuck inside with a toddler trying to survive could you please take your 15 bedroom fucking mansion away and just go like just go away just disappear into the atmosphere

i think it's a touchy subject for laura but what i was living in a tiny two-bedroom apartment with a toddler and a fiancee who sometimes gets on my nerves but i love very very much can you just take a moment to spare a thought for gwyneth please i want to tell you what she's been through okay sorry i'm you know i'm a wine deep guy as i said i'm gonna drink gwyneth gwyneth came out and said the pandemic got so tough that she had to start drinking two drinks a night quote I mean who drinks multiple drinks seven nights a week like it's not healthy and that's crazy I mean I was like okay whoa that's me every night okay first secondly she said things got so bad that she had to quote start eating bread specifically making pasta and eating bread things got so bad ladies

and gentlemen that she had to start eating carbs in the pandemic and i was like you are wow you are so out of touch that it wasn't even gluten-free bread she ate straight up carb-filled gluten-filled bread could you imagine your life spiraling so out of control that you have a bowl of pasta I have a bowl of pasta for breakfast I'm saying anyway enough about Gwyneth let's get into the episode Laura can you please hit me with the first question yes I certainly can okay number one off the bat is one that I have a lot of feelings about and it's also something that I think I've experienced in my own life throughout my parents divorce when I was 19 I'm now 25 I fell out with my dad's sister who is my auntie due to horrible things she said about my

mum and the accusations that she made up during the court process so I'm assuming from what she's written that the accusations that that her auntie made up about her mum were completely fabricated and then she's gone on to say we have only spoken here and there since the relationship has broken down a hundred percent I've since bought a house I've fallen pregnant and I've had a baby and I've never heard from her once not a congratulations in regards to the birth of my child or my wedding now my dilemma is this my dad is really wanting me to try to mend this relationship she has just now with my child being three months old given my dad a present for my baby boy I'm really torn is it totally okay for me to not have this relationship with her to not acknowledge the

gift I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything in my life from not having a relationship with her but it's my dad who is constantly pushing for me to amend the relationship I feel like I'm in a bit of a moral dilemma with this. Please help. So the question is, does she mend the relationship for her dad or does she just continue with a broken relationship? Look, I'm going to be the first person to say, I don't think that being blood related to somebody means you have to have a really healthy, loving, friendly relationship with them. I don't think just because someone is blood related that that means it's a pass and a ticket to do the wrong thing and say the wrong thing and and that be okay I think in this situation it doesn't sound like

the auntie has made any steps or any initiative of her own to come and mend this relationship with you it sounds like you know three months has gone past and she's like oh I sort of probably want to know what the baby's like it's probably got nothing to do with you so she's reached out to you through your father her brother and I just think that straight away it's a bit of a red flag for me because I think if you really have a problem or you really want to make amends you should be speaking directly to the person you have the problem with I don't think you should be playing Chinese whispers and going through circles to different family members so I think she should have come to approach you long story short for me if you get nothing from the relationship if she

has done nothing to contribute to your life in the last however many months if she was the cause of something quite detrimental to you throughout your parents divorce and made you feel really horrible and feel really low and put you in a bad position I don't think you have to do anything I don't think you have to go and fix this relationship if you absolutely don't want to but you probably do need to explain that to your dad and have a conversation an open conversation with your father because it is going to be important to him he probably wants you to fix it because it is his sister he loves her you're his daughter he loves you he wants a happy family so you need to make that very clear to your father before you make any rash decisions yeah I completely agree with

you Brett but I also think like and what I want to add to this is like families are incredibly complex and I think issues that happen during divorce are incredibly complex as well and there are lots of different parts of this the most important part of this is that you don't have to have a relationship with anyone that you don't want to have a relationship with whether that's your friend or whether that's your family member but you can decide and you can kind of get to a point in your adult life where you go okay maybe I don't get anything out of this relationship but it means a lot to the other person. And if it doesn't affect your mental health, if it doesn't affect your wellbeing, then maybe you do put in some effort, but I'll get into that a little bit

further down the track. The one thing I want to bring up first is you mentioned in the question that your auntie had said some really defamatory things about your mum and some accusations that weren't true. The one thing that I think that you should consider is if your auntie had said some defamatory accusations about your mum is could those accusations and could those defamatory comments have come from your dad originally? And could it be a case where maybe in the heat of the moment, in the hurt and the frustration of divorce, your dad has said some really negative things about your mom and your auntie has repeated that wanting to protect your dad, which is what you would do as a sibling to try and really support and protect the person

that you love in a very, very hard and difficult situation. Maybe you aren't aware of the full spectrum of the conversation that's happened between your dad and your auntie and your mom and everything that's happened here. And I'm not saying that your mom has done anything wrong. I think that she is the innocent victim probably in this entire situation. But the thing that you need to kind of strip back is sit down with your dad, have a conversation with your dad. Why is he so hell bent on restoring the relationship? Why does he want that to be renewed? And why does he want you to be this happy, loving family if it doesn't make any difference to you? And I think you need to sort of voice to him these are the things that have hurt me these are things that my auntie has

done that has really really driven a wedge between us and this is what I would need from her in order to be able to reconcile the relationship I need her to come to the party and apologize for these things and acknowledge that she's done these things that hurt me because with that and maybe with that acknowledgement you guys will be able to repair the relationship but there could be something more at play that you're not aware of or that you haven't been able to fully see the full picture because we do put our parents up on pedestals as well and we do think that they are kind of infallible what I would like to add to that is just one other thing that I want you to consider because look there is this whole idea that we do only get one family and for sure we do

if there is any way that you can get to a point with your auntie that you can be in the same room as her and it's okay you don't want to tear strips off each other you can be really amicable and have some sort of relatively healthy relationship I think that's important because I'm trying to like picture my family here I have a huge family like with all these relatives and I'm very lucky that we all love each other but we do big family gatherings so like Christmas is a big gathering always and there's everyone's in the same house for three days if your family is like that and there's going to be a lot of social situations and family situations where you're in the same place and there's a lot of people around I think it would be really nice for you to be at a point

where maybe you don't have to go and have a wine out the back and talk for hours but it'll be nice to not have any tension and because your family are going to feel your tension they're going to know you don't like each other and it's just going to be like a snowball effect on the rest of your family so that is just something to keep in mind if you can get to a place where you're like look I don't love what you did but maybe you can speak to your auntie maybe you can say why did you say these things and get to the bottom of it like Laura said but if you can get to a place where like you and I are never going to be best friends but I also love you because you're my honey you've been there for a lot for me as well but you know we'll catch up twice a year Easter and Christmas

and that's it so there's always that to keep in the back of your mind but that's very dependent on your family dynamic yeah and I think the last thing that I want to add to this is like like I said families are super complex and that there are so many different great areas around how you should navigate relationships with your family I think we give a lot of allowance and we do have a lot of leeway for the behavior of our family members like I am sure Brit like the shit that you would put up with from your brothers or your sisters is very different to the stuff that you would put up with from your friends if you knew my brothers oh my god i needed i'm in a middle but that's just it right like we are so much more accepting of bad behavior from

family members than what we are the people who we choose to be friends with and the people who we choose to have in our lives but there does come a point where at the end of the day the most important thing when you get to a certain age is protecting yourself you're now nucleus family which is the family that you have with your husband and with your child and if she is actually someone who you do think is a genuinely toxic person and having a relationship with her it's going to have strain on your mental health it's going to have strain on your well-being that it's not fucking worth it and you don't owe it to anyone not even just because they're a family member to accept or tolerate that poor behavior and if you get nothing from the relationship at

all and you don't feel any guilt or you don't feel like there's any reason why you need to maintain that relationship don't just do it for your dad because you're going to end up resenting that as well all right that's totally enough on that one we're going to question two that's a big one because i feel like i can relate to it massively i feel like i've had those experiences with my extended family that was a very diplomatic way i was so broad i love that all right question two question two ladies i have a bit of a pickle for you about a year ago my ex and i broke up as we just wanted different things i was looking to settle down and he was still wanting to party hard. Well the same thing happened to one of my best friends but switched around. Her boyfriend

wanted to start talking babies and buying houses and settling down whereas she was the one that wasn't ready to settle and she wanted to keep traveling etc. Fast forward to now her ex-boyfriend has recently been messaging me on Instagram and I was friends with him too so it wasn't that weird and I was replying. However now I'm starting to notice that I get really excited when I see his name pop up on my phone and I'm really disappointed if I find out it wasn't him that messaged. I'm thinking this is turning into something. Am I an awful person for talking like this to one of my friend's exes? I can't help but think we're both wanting the same things from a relationship. We want to go the same way. We get along like a house on fire. We have so much

in common. Can I see where it goes or are friend's exes just simply playing off limits? I've never been in this situation before? Oofed. Actually, I wrote oofed. Oh man, you have some massive decisions to make here. And I think that the biggest decision that you have to make is you've got to draw a line in the sand and figure out what's more important to you. Is the potential of this relationship more important to you than your friend? Because I'm going to guarantee that even though their relationship has ended, if you were to pursue something with him, it would cause a humongous wedge between you and your friend. And I know that I feel like you're going to jump in and be like, he could be your soulmate. But what I'm going to say is, and this is what I

preach on all of the episodes is we have multiple partners in this life and you are not your feelings. Feelings can grow. They can manifest. You can create feelings for someone. If you have never felt that spark before for him, just because you want the same things in life, there is a fucking lot of people out there who want to get married have kids and settle down he doesn't have to be your penguin just because he is the most available option right now because i feel like this option is going to be very complicated it's going to come with a lot of heartache and even if brett wants to tell you that he is your soulmate be wary because he might not be i'm coming in hot with a few opinions all right brace yourself everyone the heart wants

what the heart wants no but also it does the heart does want what the heart wants but i do think we have more control over the heart than what we think we do oh i disagree the heart takes over the brain at all costs always totally but we don't always have to listen to it and we shouldn't always listen to it because the heart doesn't always want what's best for us the heart is impulsive it's passionate it is driven by things that aren't necessarily always rational and good for our wellbeing. And I think if you always allow yourself to be heart-driven, which I know is important in a lot of situations, but relationships that are entirely heart-driven can often be very toxic and can often be damaging to other relationships. You have to go into all

relationships with your heart and your head. Yeah, I can completely relate. My heart wants pasta carbonara every night. Do I go and have it? No. Tonight I had a piece of salmon and all I wanted was my bacon pasta. What I think is when I say the heart wants what the heart wants, I'm just saying I feel for you because I've been in positions where I have wanted something so badly in my heart, and I'm talking about a person and a relationship, and it was so wrong for me, every part of me. My brain was like, run the other way.

What are you doing? Swim out to sea. Do anything but be with this person. Drop, stop, and roll. But you don't. You're like, oh, I'll just test the waters. I'll just send a sneaky message. I'll just double tap that one.

I'll save that. Whatever. Because it makes you feel good. It's like dopamine. You get a dopamine hit. You're like, oh, yeah, that's really got me the sides. I will say a few things. we don't know and I do think this matters tremendously is this your best friend of 25

years or is this a friend that you run in the same circles and you sort of know each other because that is a huge difference if this is your best friend of forever like the dumbest thing you will ever do is try a relationship with this person if this is like an acquaintance that runs in your friend's circle they weren't together for that long it wasn't that serious that's a whole nother matter so only you guys listening if you're in this situation or if you've ever been this situation you're the only person that's going to know how long they were together how serious they were and how close your relationship is with her 100% what Laura said is right even if it was in the same friendship circle it's not going to end well for you and that person

doesn't matter your level of friendship there will always be a part that's like I can't believe that girl went and dated my ex like I just can't believe she did it and then she's going to talk about you whether you want it or not she's going to tell your other friends people are going to get their judgy underpants on because that's what people do but I know people that have been in this situation it was very questionable at the time but they went on to have three kids and be married for 10 years they think that they're soulmates and that is why they did it because they were so so sure so you need to be very very sure that this could not just be something cute and fun and great sex you need to be sure that this could be something forever and you are saying

that you're like we want the same things we want to settle down and have kids if you think this guy is your penguin I would dabble I would test it out but I wouldn't I would you have to really really really thoroughly consider this because whether or not you like it it's going to change your life in more ways than one I agree with Brit to like 75 capacity I think I'm not going to run out there and say you need to dabble because I think dabbling ends up you can't just dabble you always end up too deep you dabble too deep with the dick just like just message him and have a chat no but she's already doing that everybody always dabbles too deep until you get yourself into a bit of hot water and that's where the dabbling leads there's so many puns i'm trying

to hold myself back but okay my first thing of this is really sit down and genuinely ask yourself is this just desire driven like is this just impulsive is it desire are you a bit lonely and you've been in a relationship for so long that you're so used to being with someone that you've found someone who wants the same things as you they tick the boxes so maybe it should be them I think have a really fucking honest conversation with yourself and I say this only because I I feel like this is something that I would have done in a past life if I was alone and I had no other romantic interests and someone was paying me attention who wanted the same things as me i would try and make a triangle fit in a cube so if you actually genuinely think like brit says that

he could be your penguin then look maybe sometimes there's other relationships that you have in life like some friendships that you can sacrifice but if you are honestly like i don't know this is hot water stay away from the drama ain't nobody got time for that shit in their life well yeah if keep your life simple and carefree and just go on tinder and have sex with other men who are not with a condom who are not your friends ex-boyfriends no but if it's just because you're like we want the same things he wants to settle I want to settle he wants kids I want kids that's not enough reason there's a billion people in the world that want to settle and have kids too if that's it if you have this deep burning soul crushing connection for sure for sure consider

it but if it's just like oh my god I think that we want to both live in Byron Bay and have kids then it's just not enough like it's not enough to ruin all the potential friendships your relationship with him your relationship with your best friend the relationship with your ex the relationship between this new guy and your ex because obviously you were all friends it's just that was a lot of connections it's just not worth it but trust me and I think this from the way that the question was worded if this was a full fully blown soul connection the question would have been worded differently the fact that it was worded in a way where you were like we want the same things we're on the same page. It could be something great. Makes me think he's not it because you

would know the desire to be with that person would be so overwhelming that you would be like, you know what? I have to go with this. But right now you're playing into something that seems unnecessary. And I'm going to say you're playing with fire. It seems super dangerous. Don't bring this drama into your life. There is somebody else out there who is better suited, who doesn't mean that you're going to have to sacrifice a friendship. That's my advice. Okay. I've got another question that's directly i mean just for you really i can't answer this one it's pretty funny i mean i can answer it but not from experience okay lol it's gonna have something to do with childbirth isn't it yes okay lol i can't believe i'm asking this but nipple play whilst breastfeeding

is this a possibility or not because it's my favorite part of sex and it's only just crossed my mind the other day that when breastfeeding it may become difficult you know it might shoot out everywhere does it still work do you have to modify things or should I prepare myself to miss it if I have a kid one day I mean I love the fact that she doesn't even have kids or she's not pregnant she's like if I have a kid one day oh she's not even pregnant she goes if I have a kid one day do I have to miss nipple play whoa this is really a big thing for you this is really interesting to me okay I kind of want to put a call out to other new mums who are still breastfeeding i used to enjoy nipple play sure like i used to enjoy it i think that you enjoy the full

spectrum the full ensemble of whatever sex entails like it's enjoyable since having kids and especially now that i'm exclusively breastfeeding no i absolutely hate matt even trying to touch my boobs anywhere nipple they're a surrounding area the my saggy boobs anything for you think no okay i'll explain this and i think that other moms who listen to this will be able to understand there is this feeling of being touched out and there is this feeling of having a body part that no longer feels like it's yours and maybe not everyone is going to experience this feeling but like my boobs used to feel like a sensual part of me that i used to feel like i had autonomy over i used to feel like i was used it felt like they were you know boobs were like a sexual organ

boobs were sexy and now they're a feeding tool i feel like boobs before you have kids are definitely part of like what is sexy and what you know gets you off but for me since having Lola they became or since having Marley even they became a huge no-go zone because they are oversensitized it fundamentally feels like their purpose has changed and I hate not touching them I hate anyone touching them they don't well I mean when Brittany does it but like no they feel they don't feel sexy anymore. And I don't think that that's going to be the normal for everyone, but I do know for a lot of women who have had children and who are breastfeeding, a lot of my friends, we've had the same conversations, but anytime that Matt tries to touch me in like a romantic way, as in

like, because he's aroused, I can't, I cannot stand it. And it's an instant turnoff for me. So look, I mean, if you're not pregnant and this is just something that you're forecasting for the future, your taste might change. Then you might find something else that gets you off. But there is this thing which a lot of women who are breastfeeding describe and it's this feeling of being touched out so when you have another human that's completely attached to you that's constantly touching you that constantly needs something from you you feel exasperated by somebody else's touch and when your partner tries to be romantic with you you are exhausted by it and I had this really badly with Marley and we actually had a sexologist on the podcast her name

was Juliet Allen and she called it this thing being touched out and it's this idea that like no matter how much you love someone and no matter how much you want to be romantic with them just having any other human touch you when you have been sucked dry literally from a baby all day you just can't stand the feeling of somebody else touching you and it doesn't matter if you love them or not and I experienced it really really badly with Matt especially with my first baby especially with Marley because I was not used to constantly having something touching my skin and that's a very real thing that mothers experience with their first and second and third of however many children you would have then there's me who goes and pays for massages

the last 10 years just so someone would touch me I'm like just she's like where are you sore I'm like no way just touch me generally just love me just hold me no but that's really that is really interesting and that makes so much sense of course but I would like to think and I again put the call out out because you're not at that point yet i would like to think that once the kids are a little bit older and you're not breastfeeding you're back to feeling your normal self that you will then enjoy it again that maybe it's very time sensitive and very situational 100 like as soon as you stop breastfeeding your boobs go back to being normal like it's not like your boot it's not like your boobs stay this oversensitized it's not like your boobs stay in this oversensitized

situation like once you stop breastfeeding everything goes back to normal but when you are breastfeeding and like your sole focus is keeping a little human alive, there is this feeling like, okay, the purpose of boobs has changed. Like my breasts are not here for your play. They are here to feed this small child. And I'm sure there's going to be somebody out there who's got kids who breastfeeds and they feel completely different about their body. But for me, there was a very clear distinction that was drawn in the sand when I had children. but let's actually get a bit more like literally get technical with this because she's saying can you physically do it when you're breastfeeding or is the milk gonna come out the milk will come out

like okay so for example here it is this is gonna like weird out people who have not had kids or no one is gonna nothing that we say anymore laura could weird out any of our listeners we have done that so i'm at the 12 week mark with lola and i only exclusively breastfeed her i haven't brought myself to the point where I am pumping. I'm still, it's just baby to boob. That's it. Because I don't really like pumping. I actually hate it. I feel like a bit of a cow and I tried it with Marley and it wasn't for me. So I was like, cool, I'm going to try and just breastfeed Lola exclusively for as long as possible. And then I'll put her onto formula. So every single night I have to sleep with a towel because I leak breast milk onto the bed. And that's what's going to happen

when you have sex so it'll be like one boob just gets to capacity and then as soon as it's at capacity and you're supposed to feed a child if you're asleep your boob just goes like a little wee in the bed and it just lets go and there you go i didn't actually know that i didn't know it was just going to come out in your sleep oh yeah it just dribbles out or like when the baby latches on one side you'll just spray out of the other side and that's like it's called let down like you want to catch that shit because it's gold well there you go so your answer is a looking like i'm like well it's like nothing could shock me and then she's like fucking stop it actually doesn't shock me but it's good contraception for me

i mean okay do we want another question or are you gonna wrap it up at three do you want i'm not hitting with i don't know if you want i'm playing a role all right i've got one more honestly give the girl one wine and she's unstoppable it's been a while guys it really does hit the sides okay i've got one more my brother and i have somewhat mutual friends because he's not that much younger than me his best mate has a beautiful girlfriend she's a fucking awesome human being. And he's been cheating on her. He's cheated on her a few times recently, even though they've just moved in together. I know of two occasions just over a month ago, and I'm not sure if I should tell her if, and when I see her again, which might

not be for a little while, but do you think I should tell her? I don't think it's any of my business, but if I was in her shoes, I would be mortified if this was happening to me. And I wouldn't even give a fuck if the postman told me I would just want to know also if I did say anything to her everyone including my brother who I rent share with would hate my guts is it worth it am I being selfish help this is such a big one I think so many people have been in this situation I straight away will just relate this back to myself because that's all you can do I obviously was in this situation to an extent where i was with this sociopath for a few years he had a double life he was with someone else for six years while he was with me for two years and i found out

about her and she didn't know about me wait guys if you haven't listened to that episode it's episode number three from our first season i feel like you need context to this if you're new to the podcast so yeah long story short he had two girlfriends brit dated a guy who literally was engaged to somebody else for a very long time it's a big episode go listen to it but i was the one that found out and she didn't know and I was like you know what stuff this she deserves to know I'm gonna just tell her so I did tell her I will never forget her saying thank you so much like you didn't have to do this you could have just walked away and brushed your hands of it but she was she was then armed with the information that she could make her own decision whether she went

to him and spoke to him about and they sorted it out or whether she walked away from him which she absolutely did with his credit card love that um where you know like that's at least she was armed with all the information and I know that it's easy like there's a big part of me that thinks that if I was in a blissful what I thought was a blissful relationship there's a big part of me that would love to say like ignorance is bliss don't tell me don't burst my bubble don't ruin it for me but that's probably 49 there's 51 that's 100 um me with that information and let me be able to do what I want with it you're in a tricky situation because your brother's involved there's there's three or four people involved in this. I'm going to have to say, speak to your brother

first. I think that could be an option and be like, you either need to tell him to pull his head in or I'm going to tell her and maybe just see where it goes. But how do you feel if you've seen him doing the dirty behind her back and he's just moved in with her? You would want to know. I know I would want to know. I don't think it's the end of the world. Your brother's not going to hate you forever if you go and tell a girl that his partner's cheating on him it's not like you're dobbing your brother in either so I think it's like morally are you going to be okay with it that's what it's going to come down to are you going to be okay with it are you going to be okay with the repercussions only you know what these people are like only you know what their

reactions are going to be like but if it were me in that situation I would want you to come and tell me yes I 100% agree with everything you just said if it was me in that situation I would want to know however does that mean that you are the one that has to do that hard lifting and if that's going to have a huge impact on your life do you need to be the one to bring that news to the table no but is anyone else going to exactly but you need to sit down and look at your own situation and have a think about how this is going to impact your life and whether or not it is worth it whether or not morally and I know that this is a shit thing to say because I think that there are going to be some people out there who are like no girl code you have to tell her she has a right to know

and she absolutely has a right to know I don't for one second like I'm not for one second defending this guy's behavior I'm not for one second thinking that she shouldn't be told but what I am saying is is it worth your lifestyle is it worth your current living situation is it worth your friends turning against you I think just consider your own personal situation first because you don't want to put yourself into a situation where you're being ostracized by your friendship group where your brother is getting upset with you and I know that you can have these conversations with him and obviously bring him around but I think like Britt said have those conversations first because you need to protect yourself and your own mental health is extremely important as

well. I was in this situation last year I actually like blocked it from my memory until right now it was so traumatizing. I was the one that sort of brought to the attention that there was somebody in our group whose partner was cheating and had been cheating they were a long-term couple they were living together I didn't even witness it myself but a very reliable source had said to me you know that this is happening this has been happening for over a year and I was like oh and I'm not close with this girl but I'm very close with her friends and I've been in groups with her and I weighed this up for so long to the point that I went and met with the friends not the girl that was being cheated on I met with my friends and I posed it as a life uncut question

I sat there and I said hey can I read you guys a question that came in because I don't know what to do about it and I pretended and I asked them because it was her their friend and I was like would you tell these girls that their friend's being cheated on and they both and in my mind I was like if they say yes I will tell them if they say no I will just forget it they both said absolutely and I was like okay that was a made-up question it's me it's this person this is happening. And what ensued from that was so much drama. I can't even explain. I'm so glad because they broke up. She's happily with someone else now. He was not nice to her at all. So a year down the track, I feel great that I did it. She's happy and everything is happening in her career

and her life. And she's in a really good place. But there was like eight months of emails being bombarded, of DMs, of texts. Please tell me this. Who said this? Why did you say this? He would never have done this. And I was like, whoa, what the hell have I just done? I should have mind my own business. Totally. And that's the problem. The problem is, is that you will end up becoming the mouthpiece for this relationship and you will have to give evidence. It'll be his word against your word. And there is going to be a lot of drama that's going to come your way. And I think if you morally cannot live without saying this and without really going, you know, like this chick is awesome and she doesn't deserve this. And I don't really care what

the fallout is I just think be hyper aware of how severe the fallout could be and I think in an ideal world I am going to say to you absolutely 100% tell her the fucking sisterhood is way more important like I would want to know and I would want my friends or my friends of friends to look out for me and tell me that is the thing you should do that is an ideal world but we all know we don't live in an ideal world and we all know that decisions we make are way more complex really consider what could be the fallout and how you will manage the fallout before you go ahead and do something like that the only other thing that I would say that you could do if if you're in this predicament where you're like I do have to tell her but I'm also worried about the fallout

and this is not foolproof but you can go and speak to her and say look I felt I have weighed this up for a long time and I think it's wrong not to tell you so I want to tell you tell her and then say but I'm going to ask you from the bottom of my heart that you don't bring me into this please don't say that it was me who told you but maybe you can just sit down and have the conversation with him oh he oh she 100 but it'll end i mean you take a very big chance of it end up being him being like you either tell me how you know or you know or it's not gonna happen and she'll say what was sally you know so that's a risk but i'm just saying if you absolutely can't live with yourself and look them in the eye every time you see them then that's an option but

this one's i mean it's so tricky i don't envy you at all yeah and this one is like it's not a black and white question I think lots of people have been in the situation where they've found out that someone that they know has cheated on their partner and usually it comes down to a proximity thing right it comes down to how well you know that partner whether or not you take the risk and you jeopardize any friendships and you tell them like I think this is so common it's just that it's not so common that people jeopardize their friendships in order to have those conversations so think about it consider your options sit down with your brother explain to him how you're feeling and what you want to say and then i think you know from there you can make a decision but

it isn't black and white there will be some drama that this will bring into your life but morally if you feel like that you need to tell her then fucking tell her because people don't deserve to be cheated on i'm gonna put a poll up tomorrow that's great yes okay you know what screw everything we just said we're gonna put a poll on instagram and whatever the poll says is what you should do No, but we will put a poll up. I want to know if you've ever had to tell your friends that their partner's cheating on them, and then I want to know if there was a fallout.

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