Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Blow job etiquette

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Hey Lifers!Producer Keeshia is filling in for Britt while she hangs out with all of the creatures in the jungle! But I'm a celebrity had us thinking about a particular insight into all of our relationships and it's one that will be polarising! Vibes for the week: Laura - Lily Loves range at Target Keeshia - Shakti mat Then we jump into your questions! HE CHEATED EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP My boyfriend (31) and I (28) started dating in June last year, we made it official at the end of July. Since the very beginning we’ve been very happy. We are both super committed to our relationship and each other, we communicate really well and he shows me every day how much he loves me. I truly thought I had found my penguin. However… I just found out he cheated on me 2 times just when our relationship started. He cheated on me with a girl he met back in June. She was away in Europe for a bit so when we started our relationship she wasn’t around but they were still texting. When she was back they met up 2 times and had sex. This was 1 week, and 2 months after we made it official. All of this came out because the girl reached out to me to tell me everything.I confronted him, he felt really guilty and owned his mistakes. He said it absolutely didn’t mean anything. He was lost and scared and he said he could never do that to me now because we are in such a different stage of our relationship. I can see how our relationship has changed in the last 4 months. He says he has changed and did the inner work after the cheating. I think he still needs to work on himself to potentially continue the relationship. And he agrees. My question is how bad are the red flags? I know you can recover from cheating but can you when you started the relationship and fell in love with the person when he was cheating? I think I really want to make this work and give him another chance HOW DO I ASK IF HE'S SLEEPING WITH OTHER PEOPLE I’ve been seeing this guy for a month so far so good - convos, good hobbies align, values align and watching him work out was a beautiful sight. BUT he is going away in two weeks for a 2 month trip with a mate. Usually it would be way too soon to define the relationship but with him going away my question is do I ask are we not sleeping with other people during this time I feel like it’s usually too soon to ask but I also think if he likes me he shouldn’t want to. He has also told me he’s deleted all the apps (which is how we met) Do I have the convo? BLOW JOB ETIQUETTE I was in a 17 year relationship, married with 2 kids. It was a tough time when we separated and I gave myself a year before I started dating again. I hadn't dated a lot before I got married. I have dated a bit now and it has been fun and hard and an emotional roller coaster. But my question is, what is the etiquette when giving a guy a blow job? Should he ask you and/or tell you before he cums in your mouth? I went out with a guy on a few dates and the first time we were intimate together I was quite surprised when I went down on him and a short time later he just came in my mouth without saying anything until after he came he said 'Good girl'. I felt degraded and a bit used to be honest. I usually don't mind this happening but previous guys have always asked or warned me so I can make a choice. What do you think? You can watch us on Youtube If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm producer Keisha, filling in for Brit while she is in the jungle. Hasn't yet eaten a testicle, I'm very sad about it. Devastated.

She's been quiet, she's been reserved. The real Britney's coming. I think she just doesn't want to come in there and just like let it all hang out, you know, that's like week two stuff. Do you feel as though we overshare too much on this podcast? I feel like that's a rhetorical question because the answer to that is so obviously yes, but I'm not mad about it, but the answer is yes. Well, the reason I ask is because last night on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, I think

it was Tristan who brought it up. Essentially, he said he was poo shy and he mentioned that he and his partner would never poo in front of each other. Well, I have an admission. I know I said I was going to watch every single episode, but we're episode three and I didn't watch last night because very good reason I was out for my birthday. So you have to tell me what happened. Tristan essentially ended up asking the entire crew in the jungle like this question of do

you poo in front of your partner? And Ellie Cole brought up that the answer to that question just gives you so much insight into someone's relationship. And I tend to agree. I love that you're asking the deep and hard hitting questions today on Ask Uncut. So early. Is that where we're at now? Do you or do you not?

I mean, you guys all know that I don't care. We've spoken about that before. Not that I don't. I'm not going to like physically sit there and be like, hey, honey, come in whilst I do a poo. But like if Matt has to come in and get something, he'll just walk in, open the door, walk straight in, get whatever he needs and walk out. He won't even think about it.

and that doesn't raise arm bells for you like I I'll say get out get out and feign like I'm really offended but I don't actually care I do the obligatory like oh get out and then he does the same to me but if I was to actually stand in there and try and have a chat to him he'd be like get out okay then he'd answer my question do you know I mean he's not he's not holding on to the resentment of the fact that I'll walk in whilst he's doing a poo and vice versa it doesn't touch the sides of what exactly the bowl of the human who knows I just feel like hearing that story makes my small intestine kind of clench like it's sucking it all back in potentially yeah I think I'm in the situation

where my boyfriend and I don't agree on this I'm very much a no no privacy when it's I don't mind a wee that's fine but as soon as it's more than that even if it's like possibly more than that that's a solo experience for me he doesn't feel the same he's more than comfortable to have the door open he doesn't mind telling me about it he talks about it all the time and frankly it grosses me out you guys have only just moved in together so you are on a downward spiral if you're already there you're fucked that's what i'm getting from this like you are really heading in a few weeks time he's going to just be doing it in the middle of the lounge room because there should dog on the lawn literally making eye contact at the same time that would send me to another planet of astral

plane i just i don't know how you reach a happy medium in this situation i feel as though he is gradually wearing me down like he's trying to sand the layers down of me caring about this because when we first moved in together I like kicked off about it and now I don't kick off but I always I'm like come on like have some respect yeah see that's what I mean you feign a bit of like you're like oh stop get out it's not feigning I'm just picking which battles I want to fight yeah like and I do want to fight that battle but I've had to fight it so many times and nothing's change that I'm kind of like well is this worth you know Keisha how dare he disrespect you like that is this the red flag fuck you how dare he not listen to your boundaries okay I mean we've

spoken about oh my god I feel like it's the conversation goes right in circles we've spoken about whether it's okay to fart in front of your partners whatever people are very black and white pooing in front of your partner is a whole other level that I think most people don't achieve but I agree with Ellie Cole it says a lot about your relationship it says a lot about your comfortable you are with someone, if you can just duck into the bathroom, regardless of where they're at in their bathroom experience and go and get something. I don't think that there's many people out there who are intentionally doing it in front of each other. But what I think is that for some people, it's not a limitation of entering a room just to quickly do something. Do you know what I

mean? Like if you're going to quickly go and get something from the bathroom, like if I need deodorant, I'm going to open the door and go in and get it. And Matt will be like, get out. And that's pretty much the extent of it to be honest I think it's really funny to like think about how much our standards change well I've given birth in front of him which means that like you know things have happened that door was already opened okay so you know there's no coming back from that so whatever it's only fair that he does it in front of me too I do think that if these are the types of conversations that they're already having in the jungle on night three this is an indication that people like a group of people who have spent too much time together social media

gets such a bad rap everyone's like we spend too much time on our phones this is what happens when you don't have a phone or a tv to watch okay you start asking each other if you shit in front of each other that's true they're just bored yeah anyway we've spoken about this for too long we have we really have i have an admission to make no one's going to care about this it's not even an admission it's just i want to clear something up okay if you listen to the podcast in think it might have been January it could have even been December it was so long ago and we at some point went down a rabbit hole about this thing on my arm all right your fungi my fun guy that just comes around with me and Britt was like yeah that's a fungal infection three months three

months I've used fungal cream on this thing okay three months the fungal cream did nothing this is the most like defungaled part of anyone's body that's ever existed I'm talking twice a day fungal cream right just to give a bit of a picture because you know this is an audio here it is everybody unless you're joining us on youtube which you can't see this it kind of looks like a little bit of discoloration just in patches like just a couple patches there's a few shades darker which is different to most of the fungal infections because usually they go white don't they they usually go lighter well i mean no some people it goes darker as well i think but like basically there's a there's a fungal infection that people get on their skin which if you spend

a lot of time in the sun or in the ocean or in chlorine pools it's more prevalent and it's called tinea versicola so anyway britney being the medical person that she is she was like that's a fungal thing laura go and get some fungal cream anyway three fucking months and me waiting to get into a dermatologist because the lines for a dermatologist are unreasonably long unreasonably long don't even get me started about psychiatrists so i wild well i went yesterday and i sat down i was like guys like this fungus is just getting bigger and it's been here for so long now and she just looked at me and she was like sweet it's not a fungus what is it it's just pigmentation because I'm getting old so you've been trying to treat it you've been trying to treat something

for three months and it wasn't even what no wonder it wasn't working well it's not even that it's just that like I just want to set the record straight not that there's anything wrong with having a fungus but I don't have one and I've been telling everyone that I did and that I'm trying to get rid of it and nothing was working and now make it worse well potentially because it is has been getting progressively worse but actually no it's not that this anyone cares talk about oversharing it's a dermatitis thing and then once it heals the hyperpigmentation of it from where it's healed so it's like kind of tiny little abrasions in the skin and then once that has healed it makes the skin darker because it's like a reaction to being traumatized which is what

i am so thanks britney thanks for nothing is what i had to say when the internal stress ends up coming out like external in your body and it just starts breeding all over your arms well i'm glad you're getting that sorted thank you how was your experience at the dermatologist fine also i walked in and it was the most beautiful medical office it had a view of the entire city the harbour bridge all of bondi like i'm talking like a 360 view in this dermatologist office and i was like oh it makes sense now I was like it makes sense we were all in the wrong job three months to get in here and this is what you guys like living in a palace no wonder dermatologists have a little bit of a reputation of being a little bit batty do they yeah I'm so sorry to all the dermatologists

listening to this you also deserve to have that view you study very hard it's kind of there are certain personality traits that different specialties of doctors seem to have like it's a stereotype but the stereotypes exist for a reason a lot of the time my dermatologist absolutely lover a little bit crazy but also this is like cardiothoracic surgeons narcissists yes surgery in particular a little bit of a god complex narcissism kind of element to it sorry to unprofile you all and to all of the dermatologists and cardiothoracic surgeons who listen to this podcast uh apologies also they're not listening to life uncut we are two base but anyway all right guys we're here to answer all your deep your dark and your burning questions today but before we do

that I wanted to remind you guys if you haven't seen it yet yesterday we released an episode with Tones and I and I know I often say like this is one of my favorite episodes but I genuinely think that this episode that we released yesterday is one of the best ones that we have done this year it is possibly one of the best ones we have ever done and the reason for that is because so Tones and I has never she has never ever ever done a long-form interview before she's only ever done like short sporadic interviews with radio and with media where you get like little bite-sized sound grabs talking about her music this is the first time she's ever opened up around what she experienced in her coming to fame how the media treated her the reasons why she has turned her

back on doing any sort of long-form interviews and talking about herself but she also talks so openly about her childhood, why she got into music, her relationships. And it was an incredible interview. Like she had everybody in the room in tears at one point. And I just think for someone who has been so incredibly successful, I mean, Dance Monkey is one of the most downloaded songs on like, I mean, how many billion streams? She was the first female artist to reach three billion streams on Spotify and it's been streamed over 10 billion times now. And this is the thing she says. She's like, okay, so that you understand the magnitude of what Tones and I achieved with Dance Monkey. And she says it in the interview, nobody has ever done that. And I'm talking like

your Taylor Swift's, your Beyonce's, your Ariana Grande's, like some of the biggest celebrities, musical celebrities have not achieved what she achieved with that song. And she talks about like how that's impacted her, how that's like changed the trajectory of her career, but also so much about her vulnerability came from her talking about not looking the way in which society perceives a pop star to look or to behave and how she has been so deeply ridiculed for that throughout her career. Yeah, Laura, you're not alone in saying that. We've got so many comments in the Facebook group, on Instagram, we're getting a lot of messages, people just saying, oh my god, I just loved this chat. She just embodies authenticity. I think she's awesome. I really like this new

version of her that we're getting to see. Also, when she's sort of like, I never really wanted to tell my story before and then she just comes out of the gates telling her entire story we were so blown away but that came off the back of she came to the live shows in melbourne and it was so serendipitous how that all happened like if you guys came to the live show you would know but for anyone who wasn't there in melbourne that night we were supposed to have flex mummy come and be part of the show and very last minute she cancelled due to her own personal reasons because she had things going on and we were like panic stations at that point in time brit and i were like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. We've had it like, how are we going to fill this

space? What are we going to do now? Especially because we've been pre-promoting what the chats were going to be. And then because of a relationship that Mitch Turi has with Tones and I, he sends this text message this one day, and this is like the day before. And he was like, I think I might have Tones. She might want to come and do a chat on stage. And we were so unsure whether it was actually going to come into fruition. Like we had no idea whether she was going to even come and be there backstage and then lo and behold the night of we get there and then in the green room she's just sitting there with all of her people popping champagne and we were like okay this is happening it was the surrealist thing and you know in terms she just

did it purely because of a friendship with Mitch and then we have been so lucky to build a friendship with her as well and be having these kind of ongoing conversations and it was just like sitting down for a chat with a good friend. I think the most special thing about that and the reason that she has a friendship with Mitch is because of how badly she was treated by the media and you know people just made up stories about her because she didn't want to rebut them she didn't want to involve herself because she had some self-esteem issues and I wouldn't even say issues like they were kind of forced upon her and I think it's really beautiful she came to that live show because she met Mitch through radio loved him trusts him and then trusted you guys and I could tell from

listening to that interview I was in the room there was such an element that she felt with you and Brit was a safe space to share and with our audience as well like she received so much feedback from the live show in Melbourne that she was like oh these people get it oh yeah she said you're all a cult and I'm here for it a little laugh uncut cult but anyway go and listen to that it's out now it's yeah it was yesterday's episode and it's fucking amazing yeah um but let's get into vibes and unsubscribed? Yes. Okay. I have a vibe, full transparency. It is a brand that I'm currently working with. So I'm currently working with Target and we are across the podcast, but even more transparency when they came on board as a sponsor, it had been a long time since I had walked through

and I will get homewares from Target. I will get bits and pieces from there, but never ever had I walked through the clothing section of Target. I'll get things for the kids. I would never have looked for myself. But in this instance, there was like the recommendation that I should just go and have a look online and see what I could find myself. Let me tell you, okay, I'm wearing it right now. If you're watching YouTube, you'll see it, but if you're not, then you won't care. But they had this like skims rip off range. They have a body, like a crop top. I don't know what you call it, a boot shoe top, which I'm wearing today. They also have a body suit and it's this like very soft, buttery material. They're so cheap. And I now have them in every color that they come in

and every style that they come in the boot tube and also the full body and they are amazing they are my recommendations they are like the little gold dust that i found at the bottom of the pants so that's my recommendation if you are into or wanting like a very good bodysuit that looks great under jeans that you can style it casually amazing i can second this recommendation because i actually have the dress version and it's very soft and it's very nice and i saw it trending on tiktok as like a genuine replica of the skims one except it was i think it was less than a third of the price so with you on those my recommendation for the week i'm back on my woo woo bullshit okay well i'm here for it i'm really enjoying it i got this recommendation from the facebook group

the life uncut discussion group is where i get every recommendation from it's called a shakti mat okay oh i'm not here for it they say it's based off of the ancient wisdoms from india and it's all to do with acupressure do you remember seeing like pictures of nail beds like the wooden planks with nails yeah yeah right and people it's kind of like the og acupuncture before they knew how to make it specific these shakti mats are like a i guess they're like a plastic spiked mat and the idea is that you lay on it and you're supposed to lay on it for like 10 minutes it sounds like literal torture well this is the thing okay so they say it like increases circulation it can improve your sleep

which I'm obsessed with obviously so I was like okay I'm gonna give this a go and years and years and years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety last October I was diagnosed with ADHD I am now medicated for both of those things and I'm also trying to work on things that are just not medicinal like I'm really trying to do this from a multi-pronged approach right so I've been talking about my ice baths and Shakti Matsa may kind of fall into the same category where I'm trying to train my brain that when I'm in uncomfortable situations I can handle it I'm trying to kind of increase my mental resilience in an effort to reduce my anxiety or how I like react when I feel anxious in a normal environment right you know the idea is that if I'm in a situation that's

uncomfortable I can sit in that discomfort and I can kind of like work my way through it so this is me getting a little wooey the Shakti mat is my next edition of this so is it not a difference though between like mental discomfort and physical discomfort because I feel like a lot of people can internalize physical discomfort but mental discomfort is a completely different kettle of fish I think that I'm trying to I'm trying to merge the two because when you have something like anxiety it feels physical like it really feels like it's something that you're like my body is reacting disproportionately to my environment. So anyway, it's something that I'm like, I'm working on and I feel as though I'm really making progress. And I don't know

whether it's the medication. I don't know whether it's the more like alternative practices. I don't know if it's a combination of all of them, but I've been laying on my Shakti mat. I will admit it's pretty fucking uncomfortable to begin with. They do have beginners versions, but they're relatively expensive. I know you can get cheaper versions from like Ali and all these other places, but I just went for the the real branded one it hurts like you lay on it and it really takes that mental resilience I guess and I'm trying to do 10 minutes every night and I'm getting to the point where like I'm achieving it I'm not finding it as difficult as what I previously was so that's how I feel about Pilates every time I'm on a Pilates reformer machine I'm like why am I doing

this and I'm wishing every minute away I think it's one of the Pilates is one of those taboo things that you're not allowed to say that you hate. Like I don't enjoy it, but I do it because I know it's good for me. That sounds like a Shakti mat. It kind of, I mean, the idea is that you're meant to be a little bit uncomfortable and then you're meant to push through the discomfort. So not for everyone, absolutely get that. But if you would like to, I don't know, torture yourself, they reckon it helps with sleep. I don't know if it does or not. So if that's the type of thing that you want to challenge yourself with at the moment, I recommend the Shakti mat. Let's get into answering your questions. All right. Question number one,

My boyfriend is 31 and I'm 28 years old and we started dating in June last year. We made it official at the end of July. Since the very beginning, we've been really happy. We both are super committed to our relationship and each other. We communicate really well and he shows me every day how much he loves me. I truly thought I had found my penguin. So just so you guys don't have to do the maths, they've been together now for nine months. however I have just found out he cheated on me two times just when our relationship started

he cheated on me with a girl he met back in June she was away in Europe for a bit so when we started our relationship she wasn't around but they were still texting when she was back they met up two times and had sex this was one week and two months after we made it official so actually when I read this I'm actually going to backtrack a bit so they started dating in June which was when she left so she must have been away for a while so this has obviously happened sort of around like I mean I would say they've been together for maybe six months since he cheated right if we're going to do the maths working backwards month math yeah it's been about six months since the cheating happened but they've known each other for nine months total all of

this came out because the girl reached out to me to tell me everything I confronted him and he felt really guilty and owned his mistakes. He said it absolutely didn't mean anything to him. He was lost and scared and he said he could never do that to me now because we're in such a different stage of our relationship. I can see how our relationship has changed in the past four months. He says he has changed and did the inner work after cheating. My question is how bad are the red flags? I know you can recover from cheating but can you when you started the relationship and fell in love when the person was cheating on you I think I really want to make this work and give him another chance that's a lot there is a lot to unpack here okay the first thing I want to say is when you say

he's changed a lot in four months four months is not a long period of time none of this has happened over a long period of time firstly yeah I mean there's the obvious things to point out of the fact that he cheated on you and he thought he'd get away with it and so him you know changing in the past four months you weren't really aware of why he changed you weren't aware of why he became more committed to you but it's obviously because he was living with a bit of guilt about what had happened I always I actually do question this a lot of the time in these scenarios like would you rather know or would you rather have never found this information out because this has fundamentally changed your relationship now like moving forward from here you can't go

back you have said that you want to make this work and give him another chance and I think that's why I, when I was initially listening to you read this question, I was like, oh man, this guy's like, you know, he's done you dirty and you've built a relationship off of a foundation that doesn't actually exist. It's not real. Your realities are different because he's done this thing that's broken the trust down. But you are right. People can move on from cheating.

And if you want to really make this work and give him another chance, I have to respect your decision to do that. I think you need to make a decision. you need to kind of work out whether you are going to be able to get over this there will very obviously be things that you need to address in the relationship because the trust has been broken retroactively but if this is the type of thing that you think you are not going to be able to completely get over and it is going to plant such a seed of doubt in every single thing that he does from now on and you're going to feel the need to go through his phone you're going to

feel the need to be with him when he's out rather than him being able to go out and do his own thing and be independent if you're not going to be able to get over those things I don't think that you're going to be able to move forward in the relationship yeah I mean it's a really tricky one answering this firstly I think do people cheat in the early stages of relationships and can the relationship then evolve and you be in a completely different place yes that's a possibility right it is a possibility that he kind of made a commitment to you you guys had the conversation he was like, yep, I'm all locked in. This girl came back. It was like, you know, you guys have only been dating for a couple of months. And he was like, well, I'm not actually as committed as

maybe I verbally said I was. And he cheated on you. And now he actually does feel more in love with you and more committed in the relationship. Those things are possibilities. My question though is, is you say how much of a red flag is this? I would still say it's a very big red flag. I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with somebody who had made a commitment to me. and yet that entire time was still texting another girl who was overseas and then when she came back decided he wanted to try it out and fuck her. Like that's what happened here. He was texting her the whole time.

He stayed in contact with her. He committed to you because you were the best thing that was available here and then when she came back he still tested the waters there. And then passing it off as being I was scared and confused and unsure. Scared of what? Was he in the dark? Like what was he scared about? Like I think sometimes we can try and explain and reason away

and justify cheating when really it was just a very, and like, I know that this kind of contradicts some of the things that when we've had psychologists on board and, and they've said that there's always a root cause of cheating. I think there is always a root cause of cheating in long-term relationships, but in new relationships, there's not a root cause. That is a condition of the relationship. It's usually a condition of selfishness. It's a condition of lack of investment or lack of commitment. But I think if you verbally made that commitment then you owe it to the person to treat them in the way that you would in a committed relationship like it doesn't matter if you're at the one month mark the six month mark

or the one year mark you've made that commitment to put your energy and effort into the person that you're dating and that you're exclusive with otherwise what the fuck was the point of having that conversation around exclusivity if he was still in that time messaging a girl who was overseas well I think it's because he was scared of losing the person who's written the question this is such a clear case of he wanted to have his cake and eat it too 100 and he did have his cake and eat it too and he got away with it but the only reason why he didn't get away with it was because this person who obviously felt cheated as well she obviously felt hard done by she obviously felt like she had been lied to was overseas traveling was in contact with this guy

this whole time came back reignited something and then realized that he was living these two alternate lives that suited him while there was a girl that was overseas and he could get away with it for me the bigger thing here is that I think that this is an indication of a character it's an indication of a the type of person that he is that he could so easily switch between the two does that mean that he's not going to move forward in a relationship and ever be monogamous or committed no of course it doesn't he very much could you know now that he's made his decision and now that you guys are nine months into your relationship it may be different and I think the bigger question it's what you posed Keish but coming back to it is can you get over it because

they're two very different things right if you can get over the lying and the lack of commitment all those sorts of things and and the mismatch then yeah sure you guys can forge forward in this relationship but if it's going to be something that is going to rear its head constantly that's going to make you feel as though you can't trust him then unfortunately that's going to do a lot of damage here. But the two questions that you've posed is, is this a red flag? And for me, absolutely. I'm not saying that you need to throw your relationship away and you've made it really, really clear. You know, I think I really want to make this work and give him another chance. So I don't want to sit here and say, well, you should break up. Like, you know, this guy's a

flog. I think he treated you badly. And I think you can have someone say to you that they're very sorry. They've done the work and that, you know, they were scared and it was a hard time, whatever the fucking bullshit they want to say you can listen to that and you can have empathy for them because you're a good person and you want to believe the things that are being said to you and I understand why but I also think don't lack critical thinking around the way that you were treated I think that actually brings up another question of whether you believe people can fundamentally change and that's a really personal thing you know there's a saying once a cheater always a cheater and a lot of people do feel that way yeah but I don't know if I do I don't know if

i agree with that i mean i've cheated in past relationships and i would never ever ever would cheat on matt like never in my wildest dreams it wouldn't matter what happened in our life or in our scenario i would never ever cheat on him difference there though this girl is in the same relationship yes so like is it once a cheater in that relationship always a cheater in that relationship or is it a character trait that spreads across all relationships totally is it only that you cheated in a previous relationship and you wouldn't cheat in another relationship because you have more respect for the person or you have a deeper level of commitment to the person. Totally. Or I justified the reasons why it was okay for me to do so, which obviously

looking back, I don't agree with it, but in that moment at that age, at that level of like lack of understanding about relationships. Yeah. I absolutely justified it away. When I think of this, I mean, you're 28, he's 31. And I don't want to like relate your situation back to me because I mean I'm going to that might be frustrating for you but this is more so because of the way in which I struggle to get over cheating so I was in a long-term relationship and he was brilliant we had a great relationship he was a really really really great guy we'd been together for a year and a half we lived together all things were stacking up for us to have a you know be together long term and I found out maybe a year into our relationship that at the start of it he was still

sleeping with his ex-girlfriend and that he was still on and off with her and things were I thought that things were completely over they were obviously way messier than he ever let on for me and that that had continued for a couple of months and I wanted to stay because we lived together we own stuff together and I was like we're a year deep now in this relationship and I was like I don't want what happened three months in to define where we are now the issue I had is that the resentment was so great I had so much resentment for the lying and also because I was so insecure about this ex-girlfriend like I had so much retroactive jealousy for her and it was because I knew I knew in my core I was being lied to so I had so much resentment for him that this had

happened and that the lying had continued for the year of our relationship that I was never able to get over it but it eroded something in me that I wasn't able to get over and I think that that's really such a defining thing when cheating happens if you're able to mentally move past it and genuinely move past it as a team but if you say you're going to move past it but you hold on to all that like hatred and resentment and all of those feelings it makes it like an impossible thing to move forward with. Do you know what I also think it can do though? It can taint your memories. So you can be in a situation where, you know, let's say you went on a holiday together three months into your relationship for this girl. So this is two weeks after the rounds of cheating

happened. And you thought you had this amazing time. You thought you were, you know, newly in love and like connecting so well. It makes you question like, was that a reality for both of us? So were you just like, were you just pretending because you felt so guilty about something you'd done a week ago? Like you'd slept with this other person. Or were you on that holiday texting another girl the whole time? 100%. And I think that it can really taint your memories and that has the ability to kind

of gaslight you over your own reality. So the only advice that I think I would have for you, like if you were my friend coming to me and saying this, I would say, let's keep talking about this because so often in these situations, I think we can feel a little bit embarrassed, you know, that this person has deceived us for so long and that we had no idea that this was going on and we can be tempted to not want to talk about it with our friends because we think it makes us lose a little bit of dignity I really hope you don't feel that way I hope that you have a friend that you can talk to about this because he actually needs to be accountable to someone outside of you as well

you are the one with the rose-colored glasses because you have the emotions and the feelings for him I feel as though in these situations our friends can be really good because they're a little bit more impartial totally have your back and so if this type of thing starts to eat away at you they will be able to keep you in check you don't know someone at the six month mark of a relationship you don't even know someone completely necessarily at the nine month mark because you've not gone through all the big stages of a relationship that shows you how someone is and who they're going to be and he may be amazing and this might have been a big mistake he might be super narcissistic and someone who has no issue with lying and being able to bend the truth in

ways you won't know this until more of his personality and more of who he is comes to light but I would say if you are committed and you really desperately want to give this another chance I'm not going to sit here and tell you not to but those rose-colored glasses are off now all right question number two I've been seeing a guy for a month so far so good convos good hobbies align values align and watching him work out was a beautiful sight but he's going away in two weeks for a two-month trip with a mate. Usually it would be way too soon to define the relationship but with him going away my question is do I ask are we not sleeping with other people during this time? I feel like it's usually too soon to ask but I also think that if he likes me he shouldn't want

two. He has also told me that he's deleted all the apps, which is how we met. Do I have the conversation? Where is he going on his two week trip? Like, is he going to Mexico? Is he going to Cancun? Like, is he going to Vegas? Is he going to the Vatican? Like it's very, I think that that's an important part of what might make you be like, Hmm, what is happening? Like what type of trip is he going on? I don't know. You can hook up with people on any type of trip. Not in a Mormon community though maybe he's going to do like you know he could be going on a bible trip I don't know Keisha have I ever told you that the first time I saw the coliseum was like on a walk of shame you saw the coliseum on a walk of shame yeah were you like this is a beautiful moment

in life that I'll one day talk about on a podcast I absolutely was not I was like wow that's not how I thought this would go this is beautiful at 7am in the morning I mean brilliant look I when it comes to anything like this and yes I know you're like okay it might be too soon you've only been dating for a month he obviously had this trip planned way before you met so it's just unfortunate the timing I would say ask the question I guess my worry for you is like what would be the outcome what's the worst case scenario here the worst case scenario is he says look I'm not ready to be exclusive yet in which case he's telling you I'm going overseas and I'm want to you know get it on with other people I'm open to the opportunity yeah I'm gonna potentially

get down to hanky-panky town which you have to decide that at this point of four weeks of dating are you okay with that like will you I mean going back to what we just said will you hold on to resentment for that if he hooks up with 10 chicks while he's away are you gonna be like successive in two weeks I mean it is but it could happen are you going to hate him for that will he come back from this trip and you're going to have massive ick because that's a very big possibility but I think the worst alternate is not asking him and hoping that he doesn't and then finding out that he does and being really really hurt because you were sitting around waiting for him I think it's so easy to just ask a question of like I know that this is seems premature but I just want to

kind of know where we're at before you go on this trip it might be obvious to you but just so I'm not in the dark on this are you hooking up with other people while you're away or do you have the intention of of you know keeping your options open while you're away firstly I think the better question to ask is are we hooking up with other people because you've always got to plant the fact that you could possibly be doing it too yeah that may change the answer but I think also you need to have a think about how you view sex because for some people it can be something that really makes you feel emotionally connected to someone and for other people it can just simply be a physical act that is euphoric particularly when you're traveling like you know it's just

kind of a part of the fun is that you look at people in my own experiences both of those things have occurred so I've hooked up with people while I've been traveling where it was just a one and done like that was so much fun really enjoyed the experience but didn't think that it changed anything emotionally for me and didn't change anything for me at home it's kind of like this weird experience that is out of body. It means nothing. It did mean something to me. It meant fun and it meant a really good experience. But it means nothing from an emotional connection. And people can 100% disassociate themselves in terms of like sex and feelings. Absolutely. Like it feels good and it's fun. Like that was the extent of it. I don't have any connection or

like even want to see that person again. But regardless of that, it doesn't change the fact it still hurts it still hurts if someone you really like goes and just has fun with someone else and sticks their dick inside them like that still hurts still makes you not feel still makes you feel really unfun when you're on the other side of it I mean really because it makes you think like oh they're off having these euphoric experiences and here I am at home I'm just the normal one at home whose life isn't changing for two weeks which is why I think it's important you say are we even if you're not going to be hooking up with other people I think you just need to evaluate how you're going to feel if he was to say look yeah I probably am going to hook up with

people and you need to decide whether that is going to fundamentally change things for you or whether you don't really care because if you don't really care I don't know how much knowing that information is actually going to help you I think she cares I don't think she would be asking the question if she didn't care I think if she didn't care she would be like whatever let's just you go acknowledging the fact that it's probably highly likely and not wanting clarity on it. I think the very reason that she's asking it would indicate that she cares. Yeah. But do you care from an ego perspective? Like, do you care only because you're like, well, you're going off having these fun times and I'm at home not doing that? Or do you care because you think it shifts the

relationship that you've started? I think at this point, you know, at the four week mark of dating someone, especially when it's the four week mark of dating someone, knowing full well that they're going on a two-week boys trip from the start it's not like he just dropped this on you if you've known this since the beginning of your dating and he hasn't brought up exclusivity and he hasn't said look I'm going on this trip but I'm not going to be seeing anyone else even though he said I've deleted the apps I would make the assumption that he's not ready to make a commitment pre-trip very good chance he's going to come home from this trip especially because he's already seeded enough of it of like you know I've deleted the apps but I'm going to download them when I'm in you know

whatever the Vatican but I would say that he probably will keep his options open whilst he's overseas to not limit his fun and experiences and all of those things and maybe if I was you especially with it only being at the four-week mark if you really like the guy I would be putting a mental pause on things and like especially right now trying not to get too invested knowing knowing that there is this like handbrake that's being pulled for two weeks and just kind of you you keep seeing other people you keep doing other things because I don't like the idea of him saying I've deleted all the apps implying exclusivity if it doesn't exist because that's where you're going to get yourself into a situation where you feel as though you were hard done by or you were

tricked or you know he implied commitment and then you found out actually he did xyz while he was traveling I don't think it is too soon to ask the question at all and I really really love the way that you phrased it Keisha because I was only coming to it from are you going to be doing this while you're away but I think by asking are we going to be doing this while you're away you no longer come across as clingy you no longer come across as like oh don't go and have sex with other people you're like I'm clarifying this for myself because I don't want to hurt you either so let's just check because i probably a fucking lie but it works because i have such a long list of men who are waiting to fuck me whilst you're gone so as soon as you leave harry he's out of here got

two week window of having fun times you know i mean like i think making it such an open thing and making it about the both of you and about how you're both going to engage in things while he's away it really shifts the almost like accusation of it or it shifts the intensity of it and from being about like what he's doing while he's on holidays the only other thing I do want to say is that I think if you do end up deciding not to have the conversation I don't think you should ask him when he gets back absolutely not because I think you know a lot of us curiosity killed the cat and curiosity could kill your relationship if you decide to not ask him what their kind of boundaries are before he goes away but then you ask him after the fact and you find out that

things you hook up with someone else like yeah things you don't like I don't think it's fair to kind of apply that exclusivity even though you didn't have the chat yeah but that's so hard the thing that's so hard about that is when you've had four weeks of dating someone and four weeks of being intimate with them it's a very short period of time but I understand that like a lot of intensity can be achieved especially if you're someone who's like all in on a relationship you're in that like oh oh my god this guy's amazing phase you don't want to say or do anything that's gonna screw it up right but then they go away for two weeks and then they come back you don't know if they've had sex with other people and then it's the feeling of like oh well had they had an STI

check like did they go and get a sex so I'm gonna ask to protect myself right I'm gonna be like so did you sleep with anyone else while you're overseas because I want to know from uh am I going to be safe which is such an interesting mindset because I know that that's where some people will go to but do you get into a new relationship every single time you first date someone and have sex with them go when was the last time you had your sexual health check have you slept with anyone since your last sexual health check do you know me am i in the outer here because i definitely have asked that question many times do you ask them as soon as you start dating i think you should before we have any type of unprotected sex good yeah i but you know what

i have done i've asked the question in the past under the premise of it being for my safety when really i was just trying to find out whether they had slept with someone else or not do you know what i mean like it definitely it was something that was absolutely on my mind but i've asked it for more than one reason yeah i think the happy medium of this is like you want to have the conversation like you said laura she does care just pose it as a habit what are we doing you know like i i'm just i'm just surveying the landscape rather than it kind of being a little bit of a like are you gonna be hooking up with other people like it's less accusatory you know and I think it will give you a better progression

in your potential relationship. So good luck. This one is very spicy and I have very strong feelings about it. Blowjob etiquette. I was in a 17-year relationship, married with two kids. It was a tough time when we separated and I gave myself a year before I started dating again. I hadn't dated a lot before I got married

and I have just started dating a bit now. It has been fun and hard and an emotional rollercoaster. No pun intended. but my question is what is the etiquette when giving a blow job should he ask you or tell you before he comes in your mouth I went out with a guy on a few dates and the first time we were intimate together I was quite surprised when I went down on him and a short time later he just came in my mouth without saying anything until after he came he said good girl I felt degraded and a bit used to be honest i usually don't mind this happening but previous guys have

always asked or warned me so i can make a choice what do you think i hate this man what a flog good girl did he pat you on the head and give you a treat you're not a dog i actually it makes me feel like i've wanted to vomit i feel physically sick that wow okay my feelings my strong feelings around this are having someone a guy come in your mouth is an opt-in situation and if they don't ask you that if you're okay with that they are doing something that is without your consent you can give a blow job up to the point of them coming but if they have not explicitly gotten permission to do so they have absolutely crossed a line and that is how I feel about this because it is there is such a big difference between giving a blow job and

having someone actually come in your mouth they are two completely different things I couldn't agree with you more so I'm not going to reiterate I'm like it makes me feel angry that he thinks that this is okay and that then in such a like uh oh it's like so infantizing like good girl that's actually where the bigger problem for me happened let's say hypothetically he came without much warning and for some reason he didn't have enough time to indicate to you this is about to happen i need you i don't believe it i still don't believe it it's not common but let's just say it for this sake of argument that that is what occurred he would say sorry he should apologize and say sorry that i didn't check with you whether that was okay or not his reaction is the most

concerning part for me yes i firstly i think it absolutely should be an agreed upon situation as to what is happening with that product if it's not by accident i can't stop shivering because i feel viscerally sick and i have no issue with doing it it's just like i have an issue with it being some random guy that didn't ask if i was okay with it because it is it is so invasive the good girl bullshit like sorry it's so premeditated as well i don't think anything in that situation could make me feel more sick i don't think anything would make me like want to get out and also just so you know that's not normal i'm not a virgin mary there has never been a circumstance where someone has done that without asking me and then said good girl to me and patted me on the head

like this guy is in the minority i'm not saying okay if you're into like being called a good little girl like that could be a kink for you that's fine but for me it's the not knowing that you're okay with that right that's a different it's if you're okay with being told that you're a good little girl and getting spanked like that's fine but that's something that you have to he has to know that you enjoy otherwise it is degrading otherwise it is an assumption that he is belittling you it is infantizing like it is the way that you felt I think is overarchingly a normal reaction that most women would feel and he absolutely went beyond blowjob etiquette like he does not either he doesn't know what is and isn't okay or he's purposely done this and both of those things are

not all right right like it's not okay to not know and not to be conscious enough around like what constitutes consent when it comes to sex like we're old enough and silly enough now that and there's been there's enough educational material out there that there is no excuse to not know and secondly if he's doing it on purpose he's an absolute effing flog because he's prioritizing his sexual gratification over your comfort and your what where your boundaries lie usually there is some indicate whether they've asked you whether it's okay or not okay there's some indication that they're about to do it they'll say I'm about to come they'll say something that allows you to make up your mind as to whether you want that to be in your mouth or

not there's but if he like purposely made no indication of that it's almost more like he was trying to kind of get one past the goalkeeper to say I'm just trying to think of a time where I haven't known that someone was going to come and it's like I've always known because there's always been some indication which makes me think for him to be able to just do it without you realizing he would have had to have suppressed all of the telltale signs that it was about to happen in order to get away with doing it so that he could get it past you without giving you the choice it's there's many levels of gross here i so unanimously agree with you like i i don't think there's ever been a question where we have felt this opinionated but been on the same

side of the fence i think and i'm giving way too much benefit of the doubt when i said like you know maybe it happened by accident but it is possible and for the chance of possibility for me it's the reaction to this that is the bigger issue it's the fact that there wasn't an apology there was he didn't it was an expectation good girl yes yes he didn't he actually has not at all checked the consent box here with you because he just did something and assumed that it was absolutely fine to do and I think if I were in that situation I would probably be just as shocked as you so I think it's even worse and it's not that he thought it was absolutely fine to do he didn't care whether it was fine or not that's the thing yeah it goes

beyond him thinking it's okay he didn't care if it was okay and that's the thing I have a problem with yeah chuck this guy in the bin please don't go out with him again like don't even reply to him this is it's really gross behavior and it's also indicative of what a relationship with him may be like because if he's not checking for consent on something like that what else is he not going to check with you on you know like to me that is it is it is one of the biggest red flags i would say you can have a conversation about it because like he he may have in that instance gotten signs from you that you were okay with it and he may have so deeply like i'm giving the benefit of the doubt at the very end yeah he may have so deeply misinterpreted that situation which says a lot

and he shouldn't have but if you say to him hey actually that kind of made me feel gross and I didn't like that and you know in future can you please like you know at least ask if I'm okay with it or give me some sort of warning sign so that I have the opportunity to choose it's his reaction to that conversation which is really going to be the nail in the coffin for me if he's like oh my god i'm so sorry i thought that fucking hell i misread that so deeply that is a whole different reaction than like what do you mean you know we're all enjoying ourselves yeah to me it just like it is on the side of being too like forgiving of something that should be such a fundamental understanding of respect for someone that i'm kind of a bit like is that diminishing

but if he if he turns around to you to that conversation and says bad girl get the fuck out of there like oh throw him in the bin bad little girl if you have a question for ask uncut you can slide into the dms at life uncut podcast on instagram also everything's on the tiktok we've got the youtube channels the whole the things are firing so go subscribe you can watch it and listen to it wherever you want to also a reminder of the tones and i episode because it's just so amazing. We really, really, really would love you to go and listen to that. You know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love!