Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Botox, strip clubs and and lemon tarts

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Welcome to your spicy little dilemma day Lifers!We call it ask uncut, where we answer all of your deep, dark and burning questions.Today we start by talking about the Olympian that has a frozen penis, AGAIN. *Not a satire article.Today we answer:1. I want to get a cosmetic procedure, but my partner is really against it. Should I get it anyway?2. We have a disagreement on whether it's okay for your partner to go to a strip club when it's not a bucks party. Which side of the fence do you sit?3. My partner says I'm his dream girl, but that he doesn't want to get old and regret not hooking up with other people. What can I do about this?4. I'm questioning how you know whether they're 'the one?" When things are good, am I just thinking that the grass is greener or is it an indication that it's just not right?"If you love the pod, we'd love if you took 2 minutes to leave us a review!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friend, tell your dog and share the love because we love love!!!xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut and I'm Laura and I'm Brittany And this is Thursday Ask Uncut, our spicy little edition where we answer your deepest, darkest, dirtiest, sometimes weirdest questions. I like that we always have to tell people what day it is just in case you've forgotten. It's Thursday. Maybe it's not. Maybe you were listening to this the day after it came out. Maybe it's Friday. Well, the episode's dropping on Thursday. God knows what day it is for you guys. But anyway, welcome to the episode. So thank you to every single person who's written in a question. As we tell you every week, we have absolutely no expertise in answering these, but we do have a lot of life experience. I thought you were just

about to say, we have no expectation that you'll write us the questions. And I was like, yes, we're expecting you to write the questions in. Well, I love it. We get such a mix. We get a lot of relationship questions, which I think just goes to show that like relationships are the number one issue in all of our lives and we should stay away from people. Yeah. We do get a lot of friend stuff coming in as well, like flatmates and problems in friendship groups, but relationships definitely trump everything else. Well, I would kind of say that friendship questions are still relationship questions. One would say that, wouldn't they? We do have a Botox question today though, which I quite liked. Yep. And we have also got a stripper question.

Some spicy ones, but you want to talk about some male anatomy first. Yeah. Look, I want to talk about the most lowbrow news article that has come to anyone's attention in the past week. We all know that the winter Olympics is happening. Have you been watching any of it? I haven't, but I don't really watch TV. But you did watch, do we call it the summer Olympics? You did watch the normal Olympics. Can you say the normal Olympics or do the winter people get offended? They'll probably get offended. No, I have not watched the winter Olympics, but for no other reason than I don't really watch TV. I haven't really been home at those times. I do think that the Olympics though is something that you make a special mention for.

Like if you're going to watch it, it's not like I don't watch TV, therefore I don't watch the olympics i feel like it's one of those things that like you either are super into it or you just not you either like it or you don't laura come here for the important stuff planes are the transport of the sky i'm never gonna live that down am i you're never gonna live and it was the public transport of the sky thank you very much you're gonna quote me get it right no but the winter olympics are on and there has been a very very unfortunate situation turns out the winter olympics are pretty damn cold so there is a finnish cross-country skier who has suffered a frozen penis in a 50 kilometer race and i wish that this was a joke but it's truly not

and i feel sorry for the man he got frostbite but i find it really unusual that out of all the body parts on a cross-country ski race that would get frostbite would be the penis like how why is that the part why isn't it fingers or why isn't it your nose or why isn't it your toes like what like you know I just I mean to be fair have you seen what this guy's wearing he looks like he's wearing a lycra like a lycra swimsuit it is of course he's got a cold penis anyone would have a cold he's got gloves on he's got boots on and he's wearing lycra it's the only appendage that's hanging low and out there in the air maybe maybe actually this speaks to the size of his penis because maybe it was like protruding further than any other body part and that's why it was

catching the wind more. And when you're very cold, blood does like move away from your extremities to keep the core, to keep your heart and your brain warm because that's the most important stuff. Clearly not your penis. He didn't win. He probably blames his penis. He came 28th. So that is very unfortunate, but he did say the most painful part. And I've, I mean, I've been close to frostbite before. My sister has had frostbite when we were in Norway. It is so painful. We thought she was going to lose her toe. Actually, we went camping in negative 30, but that's a whole another story he said the most painful part about it whilst it was painful cross-country skiing it was more painful when it defrosts and that's what happens with frostbite is when you have to start

to warm the appendage up when you have the cold frozen penis you have to warm it up very gradually and very slowly and if you don't do it correctly it can be excruciating now i have never had a frozen penis i would love to know the correct technique to warming up a penis i think we can use our imagination. I can't wait to learn that technique in university. Anyway, another part of this story, which you might not know, Britt, is actually this is the second time that it's happened to this man. He's had a frozen penis twice. Okay. Well, he needs to start to wrap it in something before he goes cross country skiing. There is nothing, there is no sport. And this is why he's an Olympian and I'm not. There is nothing that would make me keep going. I get a stitch and

I stop jogging. Like imagine a body part of yours freezing and you just keep going 50 kilometers. I'm going to do this. I'm going to make it. That's some real determination. Well, it was so cold that the competition, the Olympics had to shave 20 kilometers off the race because they're like, we're actually worried people are going to get hypothermia and die out there. It was so cold. I'm like, maybe you shouldn't run the race. Maybe if people are going to lose their penises, you shouldn't run the race. We're really redefining the word stiffy here. But anyway, let's get into the question. Question number one. Thank you to everyone who's written in questions for today. And I'm going to start with some Botox. I want Botox, but my

boyfriend won't let me get any. So I have a huge wrinkle on my forehead, which I've noticed getting worse. I really want Botox, but my boyfriend couldn't be more against it. He thinks it is a gateway drug into getting a whole shebang of other things, you know, fillers, Botox, whatever. I came home the other day with my mind made up and he started crying. He said he doesn't want me to change my face and he loves everything about it and that I'm perfect. Cute. Help. What do I do the wrinkle really gets to me this is okay there's two sides half of this is cute like you obviously have a partner that absolutely loves you how you are he's very upset by the fact that you might change your face this is cute the other half of this is cute no how he just says he's very

supportive and he doesn't want to change a thing I think that is really really beautiful he's like you are perfect to me please don't change anything that's a really great sentiment the sentiment of saying I have enough control over you to say that you can't do something to your body that's not so cute. That's the other side of this. So at the end of the day, it's your body. If you want to change something and you want to do something, I think it's great that you speak to your partner about it and you voice that, but ultimately you get the final decision on what you do, what goes into your body and how you feel about it. So if you really want to do something and get rid of this one little wrinkle, firstly, I don't reckon he'll even notice. I think he could

go and do it and he wouldn't even know. Men have this really weird thing about thinking that Botox and fillers and things like that, but particularly Botox, they think that Botox, they don't understand it. They think it changes the way you look, like the shape of your face, or they think it might be a bit more like filler, which you know, does change the shape of your face a little bit. And if done incorrectly, it can look terrible. Of course. So I think that at the end of the day, I think his heart's in the right place. I think he's very sweet and very supportive of you, but he doesn't get the last say. If you want to get rid of that wrinkle girl, you go get rid of that wrinkle? Yeah. I mean, look, Botox has become very commonplace. I think more people

get it that we would be, you'd be surprised, you know, like there are so many people who get it, who don't talk about it. So many people who are celebrities or think they're celebrities or people on Instagram, your friends, it's become extremely common and acceptable to get Botox. I think fillers are becoming more and more acceptable, but the thing with fillers is that they truly can and do change your face. And fillers are something where, you know, if not done correctly, like I said, can look awful. And I think that that's where a lot of the fear comes from. But like you said, Britt, Botox doesn't really change your face. It just kind of relaxes your muscles and gets rid of a few wrinkles. I understand why he is worried. And I think it's very funny that he's

like, it's a gateway drug. Yeah, that's funny. Which like maybe it is for some people. Maybe some people get it. They love the way they look when they don't have any wrinkles. And then they think, oh, maybe I need a bit of lip filler or maybe I need this. And I think if it comes from a place of being insecure about yourself or the way you look, then yeah, it can be a bit of a gateway drug. And I think maybe we lean too far into like feeling like we have to get cosmetic procedures to look beautiful or to look better. Like it's definitely not a necessity, but I totally agree with you. If this is something that you want, your partner shouldn't fucking guilt you like crying because you want to get some Botox is a really extreme form of guilting you to stop

you from doing something that you want. Well, that's sort of the alarm for me that really makes me think that he doesn't understand what Botox is. The fact that he's that upset and crying, he definitely doesn't understand what it is and what it's going to do to you because he thinks very obviously that it's going to change your whole face. The only other thing that I want to say in terms of when you mentioned that it's a gateway, he thinks it's a gateway drug. It for sure can be. And that's because it's obviously not an addiction. It just works so well. Like, yeah, it's not like a cocaine addiction or something like that.

For some people, they want more and more and more and they lose a bit of reality and they don't see what's happening. But the other part of that is if you're not going to a good clinician, and I had this exact conversation with a makeup artist the other day, we were on a photo shoot and we were chatting about it. She said she went for a consult to get Botox. She said she'd never had it. She said, I left that consult feeling so shit about myself because that person said to her,

oh you could probably actually get some threading done here and we could do some fillers here and you've got droopy eyes so why don't we look at doing that she's like I left feeling horrible I just wanted to go I just thought I had a wrinkle to get rid of I think that's something you've got to be really careful of if you're going to go and do this you do need to go to someone that's really well respected maybe someone's come recommended to you and someone that is not going to try and add on and change your face so that's the other thing I want to throw into this chat because you should never be made feel bad or to be upsold things when you've gone to a cosmetic place for one procedure like Botox. Yeah. And I think that that is something, I mean,

that's part of the issue with the fact that Botox is so readily available at beauticians. It's available at laser clinics. It's available everywhere. And that because it's a business for them, they are into upselling. And I do think that they pry on people's insecurities. Like, I mean, years ago, we spoke about this, about going in and getting Botox ourselves and being told, oh, you can get this done or you can get that done. I think everybody who's, or a lot of people have experienced this when they have gone to get some other cosmetic procedure. Maybe even if you've gone to go and get a facial, you've been upsold on Botox. Like it happens so much. And I think it's really inconscionable how some people in the industry do leverage off people's insecurities.

But I guess one thing I want to add to this is like, I have had lip filler before and I had it maybe about two years ago. I didn't tell Matt I was getting it, which is, trust me guys, you can tell if you've had lip filler so i went to i went to a place you're like no i am exactly the same person yeah you are not okay but part of it is i am the same person so it shouldn't really matter if i've gone and gotten 0.5 of a mil in my lips like i would hope to think that my partner isn't going to judge me so much either way and the accepting of my face i mean in terms of you trying to sneak it in like nothing happened like you you look different and you're fucking swollen as well so i didn't tell him basically that exact thing happened to me i went in to go get botox

I was upsold on lip filler. I didn't fully understand how much it was going to blow my lips up and make them swollen for two weeks. And I went home that day and Matt was like, holy shit, you got your lips done. And I was like, yeah, and I'm regretting it. So please don't say anything negative because I already feel really bad about myself and I hate it. And he was like, yeah, I'm going to be honest. He's like, I would really prefer it if you would never do that again. And I was like, okay, like I appreciate, I appreciate your honesty. He didn't say you can't do it. He's never said, don't you dare go and do these things, but he's definitely voiced that his preference is more natural. And I appreciate that he, one, if I chose to go and do

it, he's not going to punish me for it. And he's not going to cry. And he's not going to cry and guilt me about it, but he's definitely like makes me feel beautiful and makes me feel accepted for exactly the way I look as it is. I think that that's what you want. You want a partner who loves you the way you are, but if you truly feel like you want to go and do something, not that they're going to support it but they're not going to guilt you for it you know I think that that's where the fine line is so at the end of the day go book your appointment but does she have to tell him can she do it behind his back or is that like a bit deceitful then look I know a lot of people I'm not about and I don't encourage lying in a relationship or deceitfulness I think

I'm all about honesty but having said that I know a lot of people I have a lot of friends and a lot people in industry that go and get things done, Botox or fillers, and they don't tell their partner and their partners genuinely don't know. They do not know that they've done it. They cannot tell, but they're still beside themselves with a thought that, oh, I don't want you to go and do it because it's going to change your face. And these women want to be like, lol, joke's on you because I've already got it and you don't know. But they're like, it's just easier. It's easier for them not to know. I actually know other people that are like, I don't tell my partner because I don't want him to know what I spend on it. So there's a multitude of reasons.

Yeah, but don't you also think that there are some guys who are like, oh, I like my girls completely natural. And then when it actually comes to what that natural is, it's like, no, you like them having their fucking underarms lasered, their legs lasered. You like them when they're fake tanned. You like them when they have fake eyelashes on. like what they don't know what natural is anymore. And I think like there are some guys who very much think they like a girl with no makeup. And what they mean is, oh, I just like a girl with not loads of makeup on. Like they don't even necessarily, and I guess like it's unfair that we're just saying guys, but like, I do think that women have a lot of pressure to look a certain way, but for it to look natural. What I think to answer this question, to sum it up, I think you have another conversation with your partner. This is what I'm going to suggest. You have another conversation with your partner. You say, look, I don't think you want, maybe you explain it more.

Maybe you show a picture of what it does before and after on the internet, but find like a good one to say, I don't think you understand what it's going to do. It's nothing's going to change. My face doesn't change. Just like this one wrinkle will not be here anymore. Explain it, explain why you want to get it done. Just say, this is really important to me. I really feel strongly about it. I'm going to get it. So you've been upfront. If he's still carrying on about it, go get it anyway. You've done the right thing. You've told him, you've explained it, but you're not going to change your mind. If he's still crying and putting pressure on you, do you have to say, I'm physically going tomorrow, I booked my appointment? No. You've let him know

that it's on your mind, you've let him know it's important to you, then you can go and do what you want after that. Let's get into question number two. Question number two, I feel like you're going to have an answer for this pretty quick. My boyfriend who I've been with for two years went out the other night and was messaging me on his way home. He hasn't gone out in a while and mentioned how different it was going out now that he's in a relationship compared to when he was single he said I just feel bad because you're the perfect woman but I miss pulling the ladies like I used to because I did it so well and even though I love you forever maybe I just want a lemon tart now instead of a caramel tart end quote he said he wants to be with me forever and that

I'm his perfect woman and he's happy with our sex life etc but he worries in 40 years he'll be sad about missing out on boning all these lemon tarts now okay can you just stop calling women tarts for star like that's like that in itself is already making me giving me the ick on this guy well yeah so I and then she's she finishes by saying I'm not sure what to do now to not in his defense at all but I think he's not saying a tart in terms of it's a really weird analogy he was just trying to say like you're a great caramel tart and he wants a lemon tart I mean the guy's dick I don't like metal I'm sorry but like there is there is a big difference between honesty and having a conversation where you say you know look I'm struggling with monogamy that's a sit down

conversation. That's not a, I'm walking home from the club, texting my girlfriend conversation, but also all this is doing is instilling so much fear that your partner is going to be unfaithful. And it's going to create so many different barriers for trust. When he does go out, you're going to feel like you need to check his phone because he's already said to you that he is wildly tempted. And like I said, like this is a conversation that if he truly is feeling this, then it is good that he wants to have that conversation with you. But are you okay with being in a relationship with someone who is telling you that they can't or don't want to commit to you. That is on you to make that decision. I would be out of there. For me,

this is not about his feelings. It's about the way he's portrayed it. So like you just said, Laura, it's one thing to be a bit unsure in a relationship and be worried about the future. And am I with the one or do we want the same things? You definitely have that conversation with your partner in a really respectful way. And you do that after you've really considered that yourself. You really want to think that through and know that you want to bring that up because that is going to cause something in your relationship. So if he's worried about what the future looks like, and if he still wants to be with you, and if you're on the same path, then you need to have a very adult, very sober in-person conversation. You don't say to your partner, hey, just so you

know, I've been out. It is so tempting. And I don't know, I feel like I might want to bone these people like you're great, but there's a lot of good people out here. There are a lot of sugary tarts out here. Do you know what my, this like sends so many alarm bells through my body. And what it makes me think is, and unlike PTSD, massive PTSD, but also what it makes me think is, and I don't want to say this verbatim because obviously all we have is like the question that's come up, but I would be questioning whether he already has done it. I would be like, if that is what you're sending me on your way home, is that a conversation that's coming from guilt? Like, are you saying this because you did act on this instead of like saying it outright it's your way

of absolving yourself of a little bit of the guilt that you're carrying around that you just cheated on me like my alarm bells and my inner intuition would be like why do you want to text me that unless that is like the very dulled down version of actually what happened tonight because that's a big and weird thing to text your partner hey I've been super tempted tonight well how tempted how tempted were you really but also the conflicting message I want to be with you forever you're perfect but then followed by but I worry I'm missing out on hooking up with all these ladies because I was so good at I did it well I would be having a conversation with him I'd be saying look this isn't cool if you want to be with other people and you think you want

to be with other people you need to tell me and again this is what I would be doing in this situation I would not want to be with a partner that I knew was thinking about other people and that I had to worry about every time he went out because he wants to revisit his single life and hook up with people because he was so good at it. I'm really sorry that you've got that message because we've all been in that place where we've received a message similar to that. That's just made you feel so sick and worried and anxious and not good enough. And no one should feel like that, especially not in a relationship. So I think you need to have a really serious conversation with him. Yeah. See, I don't think like when you say we've all received a message like that, like

this is not normal behavior. No, a message that makes you feel sick and anxiety inducing. No one should feel those feelings, especially in a relationship. But I think like we said in the beginning, this all comes down to a conversation around trust and conversations like this that aren't delivered in the right way will absolutely rock your trust foundation that you have in your relationship. Like Britt said, when he goes out, you won't trust him. When he's around new people, you won't trust him. When he's talking to a girl that you don't know, you won't trust him because he's already made it very clear that he kind of doesn't trust himself. If I was in your situation, I'd be really reassessing. Are we on the same page? Are we heading in the right direction

together? And is he the person that I want to spend my life with? Yeah. And the question is, what do I do? I think to start with, you have the conversation with him. You just find out exactly what he's thinking and what he wants in life. And you decide what you're thinking and what you want in life and you work out if it's compatible, but that is 100% your start right now in this situation. All right. Moving on to strip clubs. Is it okay for your boyfriend to go to strip clubs with his friends even when it's not a bachelor party. We've spoken about this before and we think that bachelor parties are a bit of a get out of jail free card. We've got a bit of a different standard for them. But the rest of the question is, my partner and I have been together

for three years and him and his friends were talking about going to a strip club because his friend goes to them every now and again. When they were having this conversation, I really didn't feel comfortable about it. I just don't like the idea that he voluntarily wants to go and get turned on by another naked woman. I just feel like it means that I am not enough for him. I do not understand that if it was not under the label of a strip club and he voluntarily went to some random party or something with the intention of looking at a naked woman,

it would definitely be considered as cheating. But how come when it's a strip club, it's supposed to be acceptable? I told him and his friend that I wouldn't feel comfortable with him going and they didn't really understand why. So I think they're still going to go. Bow, bow, bow. I know that we have different opinions on this Laura but I am completely on par with the listener that's written this in I have no problem with my partner going to a strip club or if it's for a

party with their friends for you know to go and have a good time and it's almost like and again this is just personal opinion but it's almost like a pretty standard gateway into marriage these days it's like yeah we have a box we go to strippers whatever but it is it's like it's just what you do when you get married and it's like not everyone but it's it is pretty standard let's be real and it has historically been standard for a long time but weird that that is our standard like it is like let's not just brush past the fact that it is fucking weird that we are okay with guys going out and like rubbing uglies up against another naked girl for the sake of it being a bucks party that that's totally acceptable okay but that's a great point you and i just had

a conversation where you said you're happy with your partner he's like oh it's not a big deal if goes to a strip club, but why is it weird for a box party to do it? And, but it's not weird for your partner to do it on a weekend. No, the whole thing is weird. Don't get me wrong. I think strip clubs in general are weird, but obviously they've been around for a zillion years. Like the sex industry is a very profitable industry. I think the reason why I don't, I'm not as offended by this is because like, there is for me, there's no fear of emotional connection, you know? And that's where I kind of like that for me, that's like the more stressful thing. And when I think about cheating, I think of more like the emotional connection. I also think of like any connection

going and watching a naked girl at a strip club for me. That's not, there's no true connection there. It's just a voyeuristic looking in. Do I want him to get a lap dance? No. Would I prefer him not to go? Yes. Is it a break upable offense? I'm not going to break up with my boyfriend if he ended up at a strip club on a Saturday night and told me about it. Because I also think the transparency that comes with the conversation of saying, Hey, I'm going to go do this makes me feel not so threatened. Yeah. See, my problem is I, okay. All for the bucks party. That's fine. Like this listener has written in. My problem is that I wouldn't want my partner to be going on a weekend for shits and giggles with his friends to a strip club when he could be with

me or just doing other things with his friends, going to a pub. I do not want my partner going to watch naked women for fun on the weekend for no reason other than he wants to go and watch naked women. That's literally what it is. If it's not for an event and it's not for anything else, you're not going to say, I'm just going to catch up with my friends. Bullshit. I'm calling bullshit. But my real problem here is that she has voiced, she has said, I am not comfortable with you going to a strip club for fun. I've told your friend as well. I'm not comfortable with you taking my partner to a strip club for fun. And they ignore that and they're doing it anyway. That to me is a breakupable offense. If I said to my partner, and I don't know how many times

this has happened. I'm going to assume once, but if I had said a few times, I'm really uncomfortable with you doing this and they do it anyway for me, I'm out. That's just like, cool. You, you would rather disregard me and disrespect me and go and do something with a naked woman that you know is making me uncomfortable. I am out. But again, that's just me. Our personal opinions on strip clubs and strippers is totally irrelevant to this question. It doesn't matter if I'm okay with the strip club and you're not. The question here is, is why is her problem not being validated? Like she has a problem with it that's the most important thing I mean obviously you voiced it we're not here to say whether strip clubs are good or bad because every single person has a different opinion on

strip clubs and every single person is going to have a different opinion based on why their partner's there or what are they doing there you know I think like some guys go and it's a funny thing some guys go because it's like more of a really sexual voyeuristic thing people have different intentions around strip clubs as well the issue the issue is the lack of validation around something that you have said upsets you and that I'm going to do it anyway. It's the disregarding of your feelings. And when you voiced a concern, it's the lack of validation. That's the true issue here. And I mean, I'm not saying run and break up with him, but I do think it warrants like a real sit down conversation and communication is key, as we always say. But explaining why this

makes you feel upset, explaining why this makes you feel insecure and that it's not about the fact that he's going to a strip club. It's now also about the fact that he's not validating the way that you feel yeah I've got no problems with strip clubs like I've been to a strip club like they can be great fun I have a problem with my partner going when I've told him that I'm uncomfortable with it that's what exactly what this is totally so again you and I guess there's a feeling here like you've been with him for a few years so it's not like it's just a brand new thing you said at the end I think they're still gonna go you should when you're in a relationship like that it shouldn't be a think like you should know if he's gonna go I think that it's something that

he shouldn't be sneaking behind your back. So I think you need to ask him again, do you actually plan on doing this after I've told you I'm really uncomfortable with it? Because I am really uncomfortable with it. Have the conversation and then only you can decide what you do with that information. But also I do think when it comes to strip clubs, like there can be some other conversations. It doesn't just have to be like, you can't go to a strip club. It can be around what are the boundaries at the strip club? Are you not allowed to have a lap dance? Are you not allowed to give her money? Are you just going to sit there and watch? Like what are the other conditions if he was to go. Do you know what I mean? Like there are some other ways that this

can be approached as well. Yes. But if you're uncomfortable with him going, I don't think you're going to sit at home and trust that he's going to follow through with the rules. He said, sure, sure. I won't get a lap dance. If his friends put some money and say, and buy him a lap dance, he's going to have a lap dance. So if you're at the end of the day, you're not comfortable with something. That's what it is. It's not, it's irrelevant what it's about. You're not comfortable with something. You've voiced it. You need to have that conversation with him again. and then only you can decide what you want to do. All right, let's get into the next one.

I'm 22 and I've been with my boyfriend for three years now. He was my first time for basically everything. We started as long distance and then moved in together and have been living together for over a year. He is incredible, thoughtful and loving and I wish I didn't feel like something was missing, but I do. I listened to your how to know if they're the one podcast

and I could answer yes to literally every question. He always does such sweet things to me like leaves me notes, buys me flowers and cares so much for me. The issue is that for about a year now, I have been having doubts about whether he is the right person for me. I don't find myself laughing and really enjoying the time that we have together. I don't crave to be with him when I've been away from him. The sex isn't amazing for me, but because I have only been with him, I have nothing to compare it to. I keep imagining what it would be like to be single or to go on dates and everything else. My question is,

am I just thinking the grass is greener because I have only ever been with him? I've been there. I've been exactly in your position and I've been on the receiving end of that as well. And I think most people go through life and are probably in a position where they're on both receiving and giving end of this exact situation. Sometimes something on paper can be absolutely perfect. You can tick every single box in a partner that still something's not right and you can't work it out. Sometimes you'll never put your finger on it. It's just a feeling, a very, very deep seated feeling that you have that something's missing and that's okay. People on paper can be perfect and sometimes that doesn't translate. That's okay. You also,

and I'm not saying that this is a really, really big factor, but it is something to consider. At the end of the day, you have just said you've never been in a relationship with anyone else. You've never been with anyone else because he's your first for everything. So for you, you unfortunately don't have anything to compare it to so you that's a normal thought process for you to say well what if there's something better what else is out there of course you're going to wonder that because you've never ever had that experience that doesn't mean that the first person you are with can't be the one of course they can but they're the one because you intrinsically feel like everything is right for you you're in love it's your first love there is

nothing like your first love and your first relationship it's always something you remember and something that you hold onto. And it's always something really, really special. I think for you, the reason you are wondering what else is out there is because at the end of the day, there is something missing from your relationship. And you have said that there is something missing. So I never want to be the person here, unless someone's an absolute asshole to say, break up and go and explore. But you really need to consider if it is something you want to do, if there is some part of you that wants to go and see what else is out there. Yeah. I mean, I think this is the reason why I say it's easy to answer, but it's also now it's

hard to answer in the same time. It's like, we do not want to be responsible for good people breaking up. That is not what this podcast is about. But the only reason why I say, if you have been feeling like this for a year, a year is a very long time to sit in those feelings of not being satisfied in a relationship. And not every single breakup happens because someone's done something wrong or because the other person's a bad person. People break up with really great people because that X factor is missing. Does that mean that in a couple of years time, maybe you date a whole lot of dickheads and then you think, fuck, my first boyfriend was really, really amazing. That's a possibility. That is absolutely a possibility. If you did go and

break up, you may in a couple of years time think, wow, like, you know, I really had something special then. But what that in itself is as well is also a lesson for you to appreciate what you have, because right now, whether there's something missing or you don't appreciate it, you still aren't there. So like maybe take a little bit more time, see how you feel in a couple more months. but if this deep feeling and this like unnerving unsettling feeling that something's missing and you cannot shake it then I think that like that speaks volumes it's not like you've just made this decision on a whim a year is a long time to be unsatisfied in a relationship yeah the other thing to do and what Laura and I just said is like we never want to be responsible for a breakup but

what we want to do is inspire thought and inspire thought processes what I want you to think about here is and also talk about frozen penises and talk about frozen dirks no but what I want you to think about here is you've been together for two years, but you've spent one year of that thinking that something's not right. So you've spent 50% of your relationship feeling like something is missing and something's not right. So when you look at it, when you take a step back and you look at it like that, you're like, wow, I've literally spent equal parts of this relationship wondering if it's right to equal parts thinking that he's amazing. So if something's missing, that's just going to fester. That feeling for you is going to fester and you're going to

not stop thinking about it. So definitely you need to remove yourself a little bit and really work out what you want. And you can't stay in a relationship because someone's a good person. There are a lot of good people out there that are going to treat you well. You still have to have that feeling because forever is a fucking long time. I agree with you. The only thing I don't agree with is I don't think that you need to make any drastic decisions right now. Like I do think that if it is something that like, if you've felt like this for a year, I do think that that feeling will grow. I mean, either it's going to dissipate or it's going to grow. But like right now, while you're a bit unsure, don't rush and do anything drastic. Take some time. Think about how

you're feeling. Weigh up your options. Consider like, you know, how would you feel if you were single? How would you feel if you were dating? What would your life be like without him in it? Because of course there's a chance that it is the grass is greener. You have nothing to compare it to. But I think take a little bit more time. And if it does get to a point where your feelings of something missing where it feels like you're unsatisfied in your relationship outweighs the length of time that you've been happy in your relationship then I think that that's something that you really need to take action on and some of the hardest breakups I genuinely think is when nothing wrong happens like when there's no confirm yeah when there's not a reason but in this instance

there's no reason there is a reason she doesn't feel it so I mean when we say reason sorry we mean like people are cheating or people are horrible or people are toxic when two people still love each other and they can't really find a reason between them that's when it's really hard and that's what this girl's going through she's like we love each other and he's great she just feels like it's missing so you're in a really really tough spot a hundred percent and whatever decision you make and I feel like I know the decision that you're going to make eventually whatever decision you're going to make it's not going to be easy and it's going to be really really hard transition if it does come to that. Well, that was a bit of a downer for the end of

the episode. That is such a common question though. I'm not a common question, but a common situation. I think so many people go through that, especially because this happens with a lot of people with their first love, not even their first love. Loads of relationships. So it's very relatable. And I think that you're in a position that a lot of people right now are resonating with being like, fuck, like good luck girl. Cause I've been there. Totally. Feelings can wane. Feelings change over time. Feelings like you'll have times of really intense love for your partner. You'll have times where you feel a bit mediocre towards your partner, but it's the consistency that it's where you've got to come back to. Like if you're consistently

feeling that way for a year, that's when I would go, okay, that's an alarm bell. If it's like a fluctuating feeling, then I'm kind of like, yeah, ride the waves of being in a relationship, baby. That's what it is. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. If you have a question for us for next week for the ask uncut podcast or if you want to jump on our radio show which is on every saturday morning we also take ask uncuts for that as well you can slide into the dms at life uncut podcast and if you want to be part of the discussion group jump onto facebook as well it's life uncut discussion group tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love

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