Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Can I bone my ex besties situationship?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Lifetime Cat. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is it.

Starting point is 00:00:36 We finally finished live shows. Feels like it went really quickly but at the same time I feel like we've been talking about live shows forever. We actually have. It's been since July. No, we drip fed it. But the last month we're obviously talking about it a lot because it's happening, then we're there and then it's on Instagram and then we talk about the next day and how it

Starting point is 00:00:54 went. But it's been fucking phenomenal. It's honestly consumed every single part of our lives. every part our waking life my sleeping life my like i go to bed thinking about the live shows or unpacking like did i say this bit right could i have said this better i like rehash every show after the show yeah i don't think about it you're fucking like done that walk off stage doesn't not one thing from that night is in my head like i think about how cool it was and how much fun i had in the adrenaline i do not go through the show i do not analyze anything do not critique a thing

Starting point is 00:01:25 When people write to us after and they say, like, my cheeks are hurting. It was just such a great night out with the girls. Like, for me, that is what I thrive on. I'm like, yes. So last night, just so you guys know, we did the Brisbane show. It was our very last show. Brisbane was fucking unbelievable. Last night's crowd was amazing.

Starting point is 00:01:45 Oh, Brisbane was Liddy City. You were wild. Not Liddy City in the same way that Gold Coast was, though, because you guys were like Liddy, Liddy City. You were Drunk City. brisbane was lady city that's the difference between service paradise and brisbane though so last night for those of you who were there you would know this but for everybody else we interviewed sam frost on stage and i mean i knew that it was going to be great and i and i love

Starting point is 00:02:07 talking to sam but i honestly think the interview with her was the one out of all the interviews that we did that caught me completely by surprise was it yeah like her vulnerability her conversation around mental health her talking around what she has experienced not just recently but what she is experienced from a little child. We're going to get her on the podcast to have a proper chat with her. So Sam Frost, I mean, so many of you know her from being back on The Bachelor. You know her from her radio show, Home and Away is her most recent accolade as an actress. But then recently she's kind of turned away from the public life and she has really leaned into her mental health advocacy. And I honestly, like there were tears in my eyes. There was tears in the audience.

Starting point is 00:02:48 she spoke about how dealing with mental health has been something that has been a part of her family since she was a really little kid she also said that she grew up thinking that her parents didn't love her and I think for me when she said that I just I honestly I can't I can't believe how abandoned you would feel um growing up feeling as though your parents don't love you and that was because of the complex mental health issues that her mum had but then Sam also and it was I was not expecting her to go where she went to with the conversation but she spoke about how she had tried to end her life and it was something it took the wind out of everyone in the audience but it really was this incredible reminder and this really humbling reminder that it doesn't matter how

Starting point is 00:03:30 beautiful someone is it doesn't matter how successful someone seems it doesn't matter all the things that we think are important that would be fulfilling to someone else if you are struggling with depression if you are struggling with bad mental health then all those things don't matter and that's something that Sam really communicated on stage and it was fucking beautiful she's an incredible person yeah and I think the other thing that Sam spoke about that must be so like so frustrating and so infuriating is that she got a lot of backlash about being an anti-vaxxer and people were trying to cancel her for being an anti-vaxxer and what she did say is she's like it's frustrating because those headlines keep coming and coming and coming she goes and guess

Starting point is 00:04:08 what I am vaccinated I am immunized my son is immunized but people don't care about that people care about outrage they don't care about the truth they want to jump on a bandwagon and and drive someone to literally want to leave the public eye to move to a new city to go quiet to go off social media to need to go to a psychologist to someone that's experienced depression to make that tenfold so Sam Frost was the most controversial and I say controversial loosely because she's absolutely not at all but in terms of the response that people had when we said that we were interviewing all different people and so when we put up her post on our Instagram 90% of people were like yay love Sam Frost she's so amazing we love all the work that she's done with Believe but then there was

Starting point is 00:04:49 a small portion of people who were like oh my god I can't believe you're having the anti-vaxxer on which if you guys know the story it was a big thing that blew up during COVID and it really was taken out of context in a lot of ways and I mean it was the first time that I've heard Sam speak about it speak about what she experienced speak about it in terms of the impact that it had on her and I would love to do an episode on her but honestly as much as the live shows have been like fun fun silly silly gag gag gag it was just such a special conversation to have on stage and one that really will stay with me forever it's funny that you say Sam was the one guest that that shocked you the most um and that you're most surprised about for me it wasn't maybe that's

Starting point is 00:05:28 because I know a lot more about Sam's story like in terms of I've followed her closely over the years and I've spoken to her a lot in the DMs because we've both experienced very low points in our life and we connected over it but what shocked me the most or who shocked me the most was Tones and I for me that was the one Tones and I Tones and I doesn't really do interviews she she's not big on giving that information she doesn't love it and we sort of dug a little bit deeper into the why about that and that's what really impressed me she said people don't ask me questions about me they don't care about me they ask me questions about my music or my my top hit dance monkey and that's about it um and she said it felt different for her at our live

Starting point is 00:06:11 show with us and the audience she said I've never felt safer in an audience and I've never felt more like now is the time to share some of my life maybe tones and I will come on an episode she did say she was keen so hopefully we can lock that in but she opened up about some things in her life that she has never spoken about ever and she said that she goes I don't even know why I've got the pool for it now but you guys just feel like a safe space for me that was the moment I was like, this is really cool. Yeah. And you know, that's like such a, it's such an attribute of what you guys as the community create, because I, I mean, it's such a reminder for us. We do this podcast in silos. We sitting, I mean, right now we're sitting in a tiny room by ourselves,

Starting point is 00:06:49 producer Keisha, the poor thing is really unwell. She's on the ground, she's sitting on the ground. But it's just the three of us. And then when we got to go and do these live shows, we saw thousands of you in the audience who've come. And it's just this incredible reminder that we have honestly the most amazing community around us you life is a fucking phenomenal and over the years so many of you are connected with different stories and that you hold space for people to tell theirs and for that we are so so grateful but honestly seven shows all around the country part of me can't believe that it's all done and that we even got to do it and then the other part of me is like when do we do the next one the only thing is this is the issue we

Starting point is 00:07:27 have now like how on earth will we ever top these live shows we can't we can't like it's we have to go out on a high no next year's gonna be different i think they're gonna be intimate chats maybe smaller venues we want to go maybe hit regional towns because we don't want to miss you guys all the time we've got to cook up some ideas but right now i'm too cooked to cook the idea give us some time we'll come up with something um but also another conversation that we had off the back of the live shows and one that's going to be dropping soon is we interviewed sam fisher now sam's story and it was another one that we kind of explored and discovered whilst we were on the road Just more as friends. We all became like family and friends and he started talking a lot about

Starting point is 00:08:00 his life and we were like, wow. Yeah. But also his relationship with his parents and how he doesn't speak to his dad at all anymore. And I always find it so interesting when there is somebody who's had the bravery and the confidence to cut contact with their parents when they reach a point in life where they decide to choose themselves over choosing that like expectation or that relationship with their parent. And especially obviously when that relationship is toxic so sam was really vulnerable it's a fucking amazing chat um but yeah we have so many good things coming in the pipeline off the back of these live shows do you have a vibe for the week laura i do have a vibe for the week okay before we get into answering your deep dark

Starting point is 00:08:38 questions my vibe is it's a podcast it's a new zealand based podcast now i'm a couple across the pond so it is called um dear jane now it is the story is from a woman named jane she's 40 years old but she's reflecting back on a relationship she had when she was 13 and this is a relationship that she had with her youth group leader like a like a pastor from her church and at the time she didn't realize how abusive this relationship was because he was in his 20s and she was only 13 years old she thought that this was the love of her life and it's her now as a 40 year old looking back and and working through all the trauma that she's lived with and the realizations that what happened to her was not something that was within her control

Starting point is 00:09:21 and that she was actually a victim in that situation. And I think the storytelling of it is such a human story. You feel so sorry for her and you hate that she experienced this, but it's a very, it's like, it's a real like understanding and self-discovery of being able to forgive yourself for the things that you might've carried from your childhood. Well, interesting. I'll add that to the list.

Starting point is 00:09:42 Well, my vibe for the week is on Disney Plus. If you guys have Disney Plus, it is the Wagatha Christie documentary. Now, I have spoken briefly, or we have, about Agatha Christie. What do you call it? It wasn't a conundrum. It was probably the funniest, but not funny, but it was the funniest fight between two women that has hit the public eye ever. So, I mean, if you guys know the Agatha Christie books,

Starting point is 00:10:12 this is a pun on that because these two women are wags, wife and girlfriend. Can you, like, set up? Because I didn't know this story until, like, about three months ago and you set it all up for me. Which is so weird. I know, I know. As someone who actually like lives in the world of media, I didn't know it.

Starting point is 00:10:25 This has taken over the world of media for many, many years. Like this has gone on for a couple of years. And it's these two wags, wives and girlfriends, of these footballers over in the UK, Rebecca Vardy and Colleen Rooney. They're the two women. So both of their husbands play for different teams, but they're very high profile. So Wayne Rooney was one of the best footballers in the UK

Starting point is 00:10:48 and his wife is Colleen. Long story short, Colleen had a private Instagram account and a public Instagram account. You know how you can do like a close friends kind of a thing? I find this so fucking interesting. So all of her, all of a sudden all these stories that were very private about her and her family, she only had like, I don't know, 500 followers or something.

Starting point is 00:11:10 They were all being leaked to huge media outlets in the UK. And she's like, how is this happening? And then she clocked that every story that was being leaked and sold to the papers was something she had in some capacity put on her private Instagram. So I don't want to give too much away, but it turns out that she gets to the bottom of who it was. It's this war of the wags because she accuses another wag of leaking it.

Starting point is 00:11:36 The other wag denies it. The other wag makes her go to a trial, a huge trial, a trial that costs £5 million in legal fees. The husbands of these footballers got dragged into it. But it's something that everyone always laughs at over the years because it's like it's so quote unquote stupid right so petty but actually it goes so much deeper into that it is problematic it's a level of online trolling and bullying it caused a lot of distress because these this woman's private life was being plastered all over the sun papers and she had no

Starting point is 00:12:05 control of it because someone in her close network was actually just like trying to sabotage her basically was betraying her yes then when she called out the person was betraying her people came for her saying you shouldn't be calling her out now you're publicly bullying it was this whole big thing but this is the first time she's sat down and spoken about it and so the documentary is from Colleen's point of view she talks you through the three-part series and she's just so normal and I I really loved looking into her life and I'm like you are not what the medium made you out to be and I just really loved it I really liked her and I liked the way it was produced and I enjoyed it it's only three parts Disney plus is this oh it's Disney plus Disney plus

Starting point is 00:12:43 Okay, right. And it's three episodes. Three parts, yeah. Easy, quick watch. All righty. It is time to answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. Question number one. My best friend and I have been besties for about seven years.

Starting point is 00:12:57 A couple of months ago, we both went traveling separately. I went with my boyfriend and she went on her own because she had just broken up with her partner. So she went overseas to find herself. Now, she met a guy while she was over there who she's now living with. So it has happened very quickly. i never saw an issue with it it didn't raise that many red flags until she ran into some trouble and needed help from me her mom and her ex-boyfriend back home now i'm guessing that's

Starting point is 00:13:23 money trouble this is when it all unraveled for her it turns out she never broke up with her boyfriend from home has been lying and cheating on him for a couple of months she'd ghosted him back here i was the one that had to fill him in i was the one that told him she was cheating on him told him that she'd had another relationship overseas, that she was living with him amongst many other horrible things. She lied to everyone about breaking up and going overseas so we didn't think it was weird that she was leaving. I broke her boyfriend's heart. My question is how can I go back to being friends with her after she's lied, manipulated me and put me in a very uncomfortable position with her boyfriend? How can I trust her again? Plus this is the second time in our

Starting point is 00:14:10 friendship i have been in a similar situation oh what a dog so basically she was in a long-term relationship i don't know my imagination's gone to the point of like i reckon she's met someone online somehow overseas oh okay you're filling in some blanks oh no i am this is how i see this going right i reckon because it's a pretty big thing if you're in a long-term relationship to say to your boyfriend i'm going overseas completely alone i guess that it happens but i reckon she's met someone online she's gone moved quickly with him and then probably falling in love with him not knowing how to deal with it so just ghosted him and stayed over there which is cool I see I think that I'm filling in different blanks I reckon the question wasn't fill in the blanks

Starting point is 00:14:53 but we're doing it color by numbers I get the feeling with this sort of messiness is that when she left her current boyfriend or her boyfriend that was in the country that she's from boyfriend one the boyfriend of origin I would say that she left with things being not good like she had obviously said oh maybe we'll stay together like we'll work through it but I feel like there might have been some sort of jeopardy there right so in her mind she's like oh we're kind of together we're not together she's not being clear she's been very ambiguous because she's clearly someone who cannot be completely on her own so she's like half broken up but not really broken up just done enough to like create a bit of distance but also keep him there for when she wants him

Starting point is 00:15:33 there and then she's gone overseas and she's had this whole other relationship she's told her friends that they've broken up but she hasn't actually broken up with him she's just done a bit of the groundwork of like you know I don't know how I feel I need to go and find myself and no she broke up with him in her mind but that doesn't count if you don't tell the person you're breaking up with them totally she hasn't said we're not together but I think she's done enough to kind of be like things are not good but the problem here is regardless of what she's done in her relationships regardless of like where she's at in life because it sounds like she's a bit of a mess she doesn't know what she wants she sounds like she is a hot mess but that's now impacting

Starting point is 00:16:08 your friendship and your relationship and your ability to trust her and to trust the things that she's saying because even if she was doing all this but she was at least being honest with you and you knew about it you wouldn't feel so betrayed and feel like you don't know who she is as a person the problem is is that she's living these lives that are not true and she's telling the people in her life what she needs to to try and appease them because she obviously doesn't want you to think badly of her she doesn't want the guilt of having to like be honest and own up to the stuff that she's done or said or how she's treating these different men in different countries but ultimately I would be questioning more why is this a relationship that you want to salvage why

Starting point is 00:16:45 is this a friendship that you want to hold on to if you so deeply don't agree with the person that she is and how she's behaving because if you don't trust her just like trust is important in a romantic relationship it's important in a friendship as well and so she's not showing up to your friendship as the person that she says she is why do you want to keep being friends with her so to be clear it was written here as well boyfriend of origin one uh he was actually waiting for her return so like he didn't think they were on the rocks he wasn't unsure about the situation he thought she was doing her thing alone you know obviously when you're in a long-term relationship we've spoken about this on the podcast before like

Starting point is 00:17:24 i have always said i don't think it's the strangest thing in the world if you do want some time alone in a long-term relationship going overseas on your own i mean i'm not against it but i know that if i said to matt hey honey i need to go overseas and find myself he'd be like what the fuck is wrong with you it's different now you're married with kids if you were like bye yeah alarm but if you've been together from a young age for many years and you're like you know what i want to just do a trip on my own i think that's great but i don't think that's quite what's happening here i think well it is i think she has said that to him and he obviously loves her and trusts her and he's like yeah go do your thing see in a month

Starting point is 00:17:59 see in six weeks whatever but in her mind which doesn't count she's broken up with him in her mind now everything you just said I agree with like that position I don't envy the position she's put you in because it's not cool and we all do have a level of grace for our friends to make mistakes because we do love them and they are our best friends you've been best friends with her for nearly a decade and also like you know if your friend has been in an affair or they've cheated on someone they might not tell you because they're ashamed and they're worried about what you're going to think of them well i don't think she i mean i'm filling in the blanks again i think it was more she just didn't want it to come out right i don't think she was ashamed i think she was like

Starting point is 00:18:36 they're all too close back home and i'm not ready for it to come out for whatever reason but the situation she put you in is really shitty but we do have to have a level of grace for our friends i don't think they make one mistake and cut them and you're like fuck off like you know the problem here is you said it's not the first time she's done it but i think what you need to do is is talked to her about it and be really blunt how could you have put me in this position like I get that you're living your life but you need to understand what you did to him is really really hurtful and wrong and what you've done to your friends and family me included is also really wrong let's talk about why again I say this a lot but somebody's response to a situation

Starting point is 00:19:11 I think is everything and is what will make or break the relationship whether that is in a romantic relationship or a friendship or family like when you've gone to someone you said this is how I feel this is how it's affected me their response to that is really telltale accountability totally so see what she says about that I don't think you need to diss the friendship straight away but having said that friendships I hate that saying what is that really corny saying for a season or reason or a lifetime whatever like I think or a grievance in this case yeah we get to the sunk cost fallacy like we get to this point in relationships with friendships and stuff where we're like oh but we've been friends for 10 years like we should always be friends yeah like I don't

Starting point is 00:19:49 you know i don't want to throw that away and but sometimes that is what happens with friendships like i have had friends and people in the past where i'm like this is my soulmate friends like we are our connection is so insane we're going to be best friends forever and then like a year later i've never seen him again because it's like you don't know at the time but it becomes situational or life changes and yeah that's totally fine so i think at the end of the day you don't have to stay friends with her because you've been friends with her for seven years if you genuinely don't agree with her morals and who she is the positions she's put you in multiple times it's okay to walk away and you actually don't need that much of an explanation I also think there comes a point in

Starting point is 00:20:24 life when you say what she's got her own boyfriend I also think when you've been in a situation she said that she this has happened twice now that there's been two separate times where her friend has cheated and put her into an awkward situation because she's not being honest and I mean I don't know what her friend expected to get out of trying to live these double lives and lie to everyone but there does come a point where you have to assess your friendships and you have to weigh up what am I getting out of this person and what drama are they bringing into my life? Because if the constant is that you're just getting drama, that you're always being thrown into these situations that make you uncomfortable, that are very taxing and tiring on your mental

Starting point is 00:21:00 health, on your other relationships, that you're responsible for the cleanup and the aftermath of your friend's ex or now, you know, current boyfriend, whatever that mess is that you have to explain to them what's been going on. I would be really considering what are the benefits that I'm getting from that friendship? Because, you know, at the end of the day, you only have X amount of time in your life to dedicate it to the things that are important to you. And so if you're constantly dedicating it to relationships that are bringing in drama, that are creating toxicity, that are putting you in situations that are completely lacking in any sort of respect, I would be saying that life's too short and you don't need to have friends like this. But

Starting point is 00:21:35 I understand why it can be really hard to leave and to walk away from a seven-year friendship especially when the things that they've done aren't directly involving you but in this instance it has involved you and it has made your life hell and it's really brought to the surface is this the type of person that you want to be friends with and I think a lot of that comes back to what you said Brit accountability how has she reacted to this what is her response and what is she doing to show that she isn't someone who feels like people's feelings are just completely flippant and she doesn't care about them yeah the end okay bear with me here I've just decided did you feel some more blanks in no this is the next question but I've decided to keep the best friend theme

Starting point is 00:22:15 I'm gonna roll with it okay cool yeah for the entire episode you know what we got a lot of best friend questions and I understand this because we answer so many questions on relationships but I think we undervalue how important friendship relationships are and how they can be just as tricky to navigate well listen to this one oh I'm ready my supposed best friend next my supposed best friend organized my 21st birthday present people paid her for it because it was a group present but it's been a year now and I still haven't got it it's like the next birthday she's like uh I've asked her multiple times if she can drop it off or I could pick it up but she always has an excuse on why I can't get it. It's a present I really want. I know this because she

Starting point is 00:22:59 told me what it is, but I'm also stressed that she didn't actually buy it and she just kept the money. She's organized presents for people in the past and they've always got them on the day of the party. I don't know what to do because it's something I really want. It's so fucking stupid. This is so, how did you think that this is just going to go away? I don't know. Everyone's giving you a hundred bucks. Who knows how much? Is this a thousand dollars? Is this 200? I don't know. it's irrelevant but like the bitch stole your present okay I think that you text the other friends first and you say like hey Cindy Sarah and Jemima I don't know if you guys that my little pony I don't know but like I don't know if you guys know this but I haven't got my present yet

Starting point is 00:23:36 do you mind saying something to Stephanie about it I feel like you you use that you use that little in first you go and text all the other friends who contributed money but then if that fails your next bet is next time that you're driving around you're doing something and you know your friend is home like you know she's at home you say oh my god I'm in the area I'm gonna come by right now right this second well she's stopping by yeah she doesn't have the present like spoiler she doesn't have it she's she's definitely spent the money a hundred percent what I would do I would text the other friends as well because you've tried texting her multiple times and she's made an excuse I'd text the other friends but I'd probably say genuinely this is what I'd say

Starting point is 00:24:15 hey question I know this was ages ago and I actually don't care but I just want to make no I do care I would say I don't care but I just would hate to think you guys passed on money that never made it anywhere I never got that present from Jemima but I know that you guys said you threw in so I just wanted to make sure that like did you actually put that money in or not I would say that I would put it in like look it's not for me I don't care about the present even though you really want it you're more like taking the route of I want to make sure my friends didn't throw their money away so what she can go out party for a night I like this be a little bit passive aggressive I don't even care but like you do care no it's just like it's not about me it's about you

Starting point is 00:24:49 like it's about you I care about your my friends your money I want to make sure that you didn't throw your money away I would take that angle otherwise I would just be really direct with the girl I'd be like yo look I'm getting the impression you didn't actually buy the present let's talk about this but also that's no that's so awkward that like having like hey I know you said you bought me this thing but i haven't got it yet you need to get it for me like that's fucking awkward you're never gonna do that it was a year on and she stole money from a friend totally totally but also let's give this other girl benefit of the doubt for a second no yeah i'm gonna do it no i'm going there she bought cocaine she probably did i'm joking she probably

Starting point is 00:25:26 did okay let's say she had like 300 bucks or something let's say she had 350 and she spent it on something on a night out i think she has the intention of still getting you the present do you know what I mean no I do I do next birthday's come around she hasn't got the next birthday's present no the reason I think that she's like it's something that in her mind she's like oh I've got to do that thing and then she just keeps forgetting to do it and then you'll send a message and she'll be like fuck fuck okay I'll organize it for next time she's not going to get away with saying that she doesn't have it for like the next five years because that's just going to be awkward if she knows you're going to stop asking after five years no you're never going to

Starting point is 00:26:00 stop asking and that's your job never stop asking keep making it awkward she's eventually going to go and get the present but she hasn't got it yet I think that it's one of those things where she's like oh my god so much time is gone and now it's awkward I do think you need to text the friends and I think you can send a really honest message and be like hey Jemima Big Ted here I would really love you know these names I don't know hey it's Big Ted I've been watching too much play school like hey hey Jemima I know I know you said you picked up XYZ I know the girls have put in for it I don't want it to be a big deal but I really really want it I've been so excited about it so if there's a time that I can come this week or in the next two days to pick it up I would really

Starting point is 00:26:39 love that send her a shared google calendar request yeah let me know when totally let me know when suits you because I'm going to come and pick it up this week and then that way you've given her a couple more days that if she hasn't got it she can go and organize it she can go and get it sorted or give it to her like open it up and say like you know if this is a problem let me know why and then at least she can explain because it shouldn't be about situational oh i can't come get it or you know i'm busy or blah blah blah she can put it in the fucking post right just say send me the money back then just say send me a voucher then if you don't have it yeah but you took my friend's money at the end of the day like we're laughing but you took a bunch of people's money

Starting point is 00:27:15 it's there do you know what this is reminding me i actually owe my girlfriend a present which i organized i didn't take anyone's money but my best friend kaya sorry kaya she's still waiting on her dinner plates which are for her birthday which are coming is she listening yeah but they just didn't have the green ones maybe in 2027 you'll get your presents this guy is good she doesn't yeah kai wrote in but she's like change the name kaya they didn't have the green ones available just so you know and so i was waiting on the stock to come in but it's arrived now and i just forgot about this so now i'll organize them it's awkward it's awkward but i i don't know i feel like that is no yes it's so awkward i agree but i feel like that this doesn't have

Starting point is 00:27:49 to be an awkward thing but i think you need to go through the friends well it's always awkward it's not all awkward asking for something the awkwardness comes when you've asked for something four times yeah that's when it gets awkward because you're like I don't know how else to say it the awkwardness isn't like oh my god do you have my present the first time that's easy hey babe sorry I know you forgot but let's get that present this week I'm so pumped for it but a year later and five six seven times of asking it starts to be like I don't know how to do it and that's probably what she's banking on but I also think if your friend has managed to go this long without out getting it for you and you've brought it up one like I think that she doesn't think it's as

Starting point is 00:28:26 awkward as you do you think you've brought it up enough you think you've mentioned it enough times she obviously is just fucking cruising like for her it's not really registered as an awkward thing yet so I think you need to make it more awkward you need to send more messages you need to be more direct because maybe you're someone here it is maybe you're someone who's really indirect like you're not an asker so you've been like oh hey hun can I come pick blah blah blah up and that's been as forceful as you've been about this whereas your friend is someone who needs you to be more direct hey I'm coming to get that present on Tuesday if that's not good let me know a day this week that I can come I think you need to be more direct and then it will be a little kick up her ass and

Starting point is 00:29:03 she'll go oh shit like she's serious she wants this present I would also love to know two things one what was the present yeah just let us know writing what were the present ones just out of curiosity how much was it two does said friend listen to the podcast because that's brilliant if she does so if you're listening right now give your friend her present yeah if you're listening right now and you've been holding on to your friend's money for the last year and haven't bought your best friend her birthday gift stop being an asshole and go and get it okay is that helpful yeah okay question number three i have my ring oh yeah fuck i also have brit's ring brit are you sure you didn't write this in fire and i have teamed up to get our presents britney gave me back

Starting point is 00:29:41 her her tony may ring to be polished and that was two months ago it's just sitting on my desk yeah it's standard also I bought Laura a present this is like not that similar I bought Laura $300 worth of massage vouchers because because I was like she's so stressed all the time I'm gonna buy a massage vouchers and then I was like two years ago that was no I think it was three years ago it was when we first it was my first birthday after we became friends and then it came out that she hates if you've been to the live show you'll know Laura hates nothing more than a massage so I'm like well it was great to know that that money went down the gurgle you should have given it back to me so I could spend my own money on my massages I gave them to Matt well I'm

Starting point is 00:30:20 glad I bought $300 worth of massages to be fair I went and had one of them and then Matt had two of them which he enjoyed and then that brings me joy so in turn your present was well joyed okay I'm glad well joyed well joyed heaps of joy all around question number three staying on the friendship train oh more friendship questions yeah I thought we may as well stay with the theme we got so many friendship questions this week it's crazy can we throw in the question that we answered at the live show i was having a few glasses of wine on saturday night scrolling through tinder when i came across my ex besties ex situation ship my ex besties ex situation she had a best friend yeah had a situation ship the situation ship ended the best friend ship ended around the same time well who

Starting point is 00:31:06 knows but yes okay well we don't we i got it we're not privy you're not friends with her anymore and she once upon a time was dating this guy great situation shipping not dating i mean loosely dating who knows situationships can be more to one person than they are to the other okay well let me finish the rest of the sentence she has always said it was just purely sex and she didn't really like him that much so proper situation share i swipe him we like we match he messages me very flirtily asking am i still living with my ex bestie so they were best friends and flatmates so it's like a double whammy wait so when they were living together she was fucking this guy yeah yeah yeah yeah oh so she would have been here in them in the room next door and stuff

Starting point is 00:31:46 bang bang but he said yeah are you still living with the ex besties i'd love to come over and see you we moved things to snapchat i don't know why people do snapchat we move things to snapchat fuck we're old aren't we i know and things i deleted snapchat last night and things got hot i no longer talk to my ex bestie and it seems she is in a very happy one year relationship from what I can see online should I feel bad for wanting to have sex with her ex-situationship because I don't actually think I feel that much shame he's very cute and I'm very tempted to text him right now to come over but I won't until you answer my question I know it's going to lead to sex what should I do I need girly advice if you happen to read this please keep it private of course we're

Starting point is 00:32:30 Okay, I have a question. Bang him. Nah. Bang him. Oh, Brittany, let's unpack this a little bit more. I think only you can answer this question, but I think you need to ask yourself a very important one. Why did your friendship end?

Starting point is 00:32:44 Why? Because she banged him. No, why are you no longer friends with your ex bestie? Did you do something that ruined that friendship? Did she do something that ruined that friendship? Did it just naturally come to the end of its life cycle? Which is weird because friendships don't usually just, best friend friendships don't usually just peter out there's usually a reason yeah like why

Starting point is 00:33:02 something happens don't get the present at the road yeah you didn't get the present and so you broke up with your friend no I think that's a really important question because if you were and that might take some honest self-reflection if you were the reason that that friendship decayed then I think it's a real see you next Tuesday move to go and also sleep with her X situation ship. But also she's probably one never going to know, especially if it doesn't turn into anything that's important. So like you can go and live your best dreams and do whatever you want to really, but will you feel guilty about it? Should you feel any remorse for it? I don't know. I think that only you can kind of come up with that answer. It's like, just go bang

Starting point is 00:33:43 him. Yeah. I reckon bang him, bang him, bang him, bang him, get him over right now and get him on WhatsApp, send him a disappearing photo, get him there. The reason I say that is it would be different for me if they were in a relationship and the friend had feelings for him like the ex friend if they had a proper relationship where she loved him or yeah I really felt something but she has said I don't even like him it's just sex I think he's hot he thinks I'm hot we bang I think that's fine I think you don't speak to her anymore she is also in a relationship for a year so she's happy and if she's been in a relationship for a year this situation ship had to be a year plus right so 18 months two years we don't know but it's longer than a year but the question is

Starting point is 00:34:22 do you want to ever restore? Okay. It also comes down to the friendship, right? Do you want to ever restore the friendship? Do you, have you just had to have some time out from each other? You miss the friendship. You want to spend time with her again. You want to rekindle that at some point down the track. I think if you want to still be friends with her, then I would be prioritizing the friendship over the hangs and bangs with this one guy. But if you don't care about the friendship, if you don't feel like it's going to be something that you are going to resurrect in the future, if both of you have come to a point where you're like, our life is way easier not being in each other's lives, then I think do whatever the hell you want to do. And if you

Starting point is 00:34:57 don't feel guilty about it, if you don't feel shameful about it, then that's okay. Like you're allowed to do what you want to do. I get it that we have kind of been almost like conditioned to think that if one person has had some sort of intimate relationship with a person of like their interest that they're then completely out of bounds to all of their friends. But the reality is, is like, we don't own people. We don't have dibs on people, especially when it comes to loose dating connections. So if you're happy to sleep with someone who your ex has slept with, your ex best friend, fuck that got confusing. If you're happy to sleep with someone who your best friend, who is no longer your best friend, once upon a time was sleeping with, then I think you

Starting point is 00:35:38 can do whatever the hell you want to. You're not breaking any rules. Would it upset her? Would she be mad if she found out maybe but the reality is you're not really friends with her anymore so do you care also the other thing is we live in a world where everyone has this loose connection right like social media now means people are if you have met someone out once in a group at a party and you follow each other on instagram all of a sudden you quote unquote know them right or you have a connection to them so there's so many loose connections in terms of oh my god do you think i can hook up with this guy knowing that like sally's best friend who i'm friends with on Instagram hooked up with him like I mean that's nice in theory but I feel like this connection is

Starting point is 00:36:14 not that loose like he's been inside her and been inside her old apartment totally but I don't it that's a tight connection it doesn't we hope so it doesn't ring alarm bells for me and I really don't think it is because it's been a long time and it meant nothing and you feel something now and you want to do it so I do think it's okay if you were still friends with this girl I really want to reiterate this would be different if you were still friends with your friend you would have to sit down and have a conversation with her before you went there and i think you would have to respect what she said so if you were like hey i know you were having sex with freddie for a year i'm kind of vibing him now would that be weird for you if she said yes then you have to respect that

Starting point is 00:36:56 but this is you're not friends with her anymore you don't talk to her she's moved on she's happy you want to bang a guy that you've matched with a year two years later fine have some fun i have a question for you how would you feel if i was single and i we're trying to bang ben that would be very wrong yuck no if i was single and i was trying to bang someone who you had slept with in the past even though you're happily in a relationship like jordan uh also no um or like the situations you before my stomach is growling yeah like the situation yeah yeah the one i'd let you do that but would you think it's weird also we'd all have to hang out together i'm fully thinking about it but I mean it like if I was like hey I match with him on tinder I match with

Starting point is 00:37:36 him knowing full well that you guys dated but now I'm gonna sleep with him how do you feel about it I would be fine and I genuinely say that honestly because I didn't have the love for that person like that was a bit of a situationship like we were dating and he definitely felt a lot for me but for me if I had have loved flex spirit no it was just and I I wasn't over my ex you guys know that so it was like it hit different for me but i think that it's okay because i have moved on and i didn't i wasn't like head over heels in love with the person i'd be like you know what yeah he's actually a great guy it just wasn't for me well you guys probably i mean if you're new to the podcast we've spoken about it many years ago but you probably don't know about it

Starting point is 00:38:17 if you're new we brit and i at the same time tried to fuck the same person okay so i make that sound so much worse not at the same time so i matched with this guy prior to obviously being on the bachelor meeting matt all that i matched with this guy on tinder i liked him he was great we hung out quite a for a couple of i would say like a couple of months nothing serious it didn't really go anywhere by the time we got to know each other we realized that we weren't really each other's person by any means but like we were sexually attracted to each other so whatever yeah because he's a smoke because he is he's so hot like he is really nice he's Mare Mountain so yeah climbed that Mare Mountain anyway Brit and I became friends we started the

Starting point is 00:39:00 podcast and then Brit one day was like oh my god Laura I've matched with the hottest guy on tinder and I've gone on a couple of dates with him and then I didn't like I didn't see photos of him straight away I was just like yes get it girl we chatted about it but we we were talking about not specifics but loose loosely like sort of a nickname and like what we've been doing and how been hanging out and that he was super hot what he looked like yes and then brit one day says something about him doing a specific job and having a specific dog and i was like i'm sorry you want to show me a photo of this guy um that you're currently banging and she was like sure and she showed me a photo and i was like wow okay i think we need no you hadn't banged him yet

Starting point is 00:39:43 i didn't bang him oh okay well you didn't all right sorry i went too far well i couldn't then you ruined it for me I was probably gonna bang you that night and then I was like great now I've got an abort mission I can't bang my business partner's ex bang okay so she showed me a photo and I was like wow this is too close to home but anyway did not care one single bit I was like you that is all yours he's a beautiful man I hope you have a better time than I did and you didn't care because you'd had Matt you're in love totally later so like it was years later I was in love and the relationship itself meant nothing to me and I can also appreciate that he is a great person and would be a great person for someone else.

Starting point is 00:40:18 I still couldn't do it. I'm sorry. You ruined my life from the day we met. You could be with him. That was a big call. If anything, I set you up for bigger and better things. No, I know, but I didn't even get to like – Climb him.

Starting point is 00:40:30 Yeah. I didn't even get to climb that mountain of a man. We didn't even go that far. I was like, oh, now we're just going to have to be friends. And we are friends. And now he has a really hot girlfriend too. Like ten times hotter than I have ever had. She's super hot.

Starting point is 00:40:41 Yeah, yeah. She is. He did good. He did really good. but he's not sad at all. Anyway. Okay. I have one more question for you guys. This is a question that we answered at the Gold Coast live show and it was saucy. And I want to know how you all feel about it because I mean, we all agreed. We all had similar feelings. Producer Keisha, Brittany and I were on stage talking about it. Basically the summary of this

Starting point is 00:41:03 was this girl has started dating a guy they've been dating for five weeks. She's really into him. It's going really well. It's heading in the right direction and she can see it being that they're exclusive. Now he has told her just casually one day, cause he wanted to be honest. He said, Hey, I want to let you know that a couple of months ago, I slept with my housemate. It happened twice on two separate occasions. We were really drunk. She was into me. I'm not into her at all. It meant absolutely nothing to me. And it's never happened since. Now the question that she posed was when is it appropriate for me to bring up with him? How uncomfortable it makes me that they live together and also is this a situation that I should be worried about and

Starting point is 00:41:46 she was really sort of talking about how she has this real anxiety now around the fact that he lives with this girl that he's had sex with even though he says it means nothing and even though he says that he would never do it again how would you feel do you think she has the right to say anything and lastly what should she do I think this is an unfortunate situation in terms of you've met a guy you like and he happened to have banged his flatmate you've been with him five weeks it's very early i do not think that you can go into this relationship if you are not okay with it and i say that because it's too early to put those limitations on someone it's too early to say hey i'm not comfortable with you living with her so you're gonna have to move out because what's

Starting point is 00:42:29 the what what happens right i'm not comfortable with you living her there's two options she moves out or he moves out you're five weeks deep you cannot have that conversation you have the knowledge now of what the situation is you can decide if you're okay with that to enter the relationship or if you have too much wild anxiety you gotta try and lock your craze down you gotta lock your craze down but of course it's warranted for you to have those feelings like let's not take that away from you you like somebody that literally spends all his spare time at home with somebody that he has banked right he might be coming home drunk you're gonna know she's there she might come home drunk you're gonna know she's there you're not gonna spend every day with him

Starting point is 00:43:12 you're gonna know that they live in the same house it's something that you just need to get your head around and accept and if you don't think you're going to be okay with it i wouldn't probably pursue the relationship but you can have that convo with him you can be honest because he's been honest with you hey I've done this in the past it means nothing you can be honest back and say look I really like you but I don't think I'm gonna be happy going forward knowing not knowing what you're doing not and it's not a trust thing with you but it's gonna be something in the back of my head you can say that he might not like it he might reassure you and make you feel great but I think you have to have that conversation if you actually feel that unstable by their current

Starting point is 00:43:51 situation you have the conversation but decide do not you can't go into it and say you need to move out you can't go into a say she needs to move out it's not your place it's just far far too soon this is why you don't shit where you eat just don't fuck your housemates no you can't unless you're in love with them don't fuck them because it never ends well if you can't just like have like casual hangs and bangs because then even if it doesn't yeah but then even if it doesn't cause an issue between you and the housemate it causes issues between you and anyone else you want to date in the future who was your husband i i lived with someone overseas um in scotland i when i first moved over there i moved in with somebody just as a flat yeah but he was in love with you

Starting point is 00:44:31 no but not at the start we just lived together for ages and then one night we banged and then we started dating and then we split up and then i had to move out yes exactly but the problem is is you weren't bringing home other people after you banged no that's why i moved out exactly because i couldn't break me boy but that's what i mean right i think that it's he has created such a shitty situation for himself now because he couldn't abstain and you know he didn't need to because he was single and he can do whatever the fuck he wants to he shouldn't be reprimanded for that but the problem is i don't think that there is a single person out there in the world who would not feel a little bit anxious about the fact that the new person that they're dating

Starting point is 00:45:09 has fucked their housemate i don't think that there is and it's okay and you are absolutely validated in feeling insecure about this. When I first heard this question, there was part of me that was like, I just wouldn't want to know. I would never want him to tell me that. But then you would be so angry. You would feel so betrayed if he didn't tell you and you found out another way. So I guess like essentially he's done the right thing by being honest. He knows that this is not an ideal situation, which is why he's told you early on to be transparent. Now you're never going to be able to find out through other means. And he's given you all the tools, exactly like you said, Britt, he's given you all the tools to make a decision that is right for yourself. And I think

Starting point is 00:45:50 in these moments, sometimes we have to be really honest with ourself around what's going to inflame our crazy, what's going to make us feel insecure and mad. And like, we can't trust the other person. And if you know that you're someone who is jealous, is insecure, and this is going to absolutely inflame those feelings then this might not be the relationship for you and five weeks in you're not so invested that you have to continue to pursue it however if you are someone who's like okay this isn't ideal but let's see where this relationship is going before I express to him how uncomfortable it makes me then I think you can kind of like take your time and feel it out and you don't have to make a decision either way but definitely at five weeks it's too soon for you

Starting point is 00:46:32 to say I think you need to move out so that we can date no it's something that the conversation can happen six months eight months a year in like when you guys are more serious I think that's when you say okay like let's let's take this to the next level and be a bit more serious do you want to move in together or like now that we are at this level I don't know if I feel comfortable with you being in the same house as her I don't know if you have to wait six months I was more thinking like when you do make it to a point of being quote-unquote exclusive you know and you have those kinds of conversations around the fact that you want to actually dedicate your time and everything to each other I think you can say look I really want to be exclusive with you I really

Starting point is 00:47:05 want to see where this goes but I have to be honest with you this living situation makes me really uncomfortable and I just want to make you aware of that so that you know that this is something I'm going to really struggle with if we are in a committed relationship that gives him then the opportunity to make the decision because he might move out he might go okay well I want to be with you if this is going to be fucked for you I'll move out yeah I still don't think it's something that's going to land with with that person if it happens too soon it's not he's going to feel like it's a level of control or a lack of trust the last thing that I want to say is and people might not agree with this if you don't trust the person you're about to go into

Starting point is 00:47:45 a relationship with don't go into the relationship with them because you have to have complete trust in a relationship so if you are going to get into this relationship and think that he's going to cheat on you with his flatmate again don't go into the relationship totally why would you do it it's the same as people that say to me like why would you do long distance when someone he could cheat on you all the time of course he could but if I thought he was going to cheat on me all the time I wouldn't be in the relationship I have complete trust that he wouldn't and I think trust is the basis and the foundation of any relationship so if you if you are actually worried like I don't know if I can date him because he's probably going to fuck her one night cool don't date him then do

Starting point is 00:48:19 you know what though it may not be that she doesn't trust it may not be that she doesn't think he's going to do it again it could just be that it makes her uncomfortable that she can't she doesn't feel like she can be herself in the house because she feels like there's this girl who's in love with her boyfriend who lives with him because that's what she said he said you know that she was really into him he wasn't into her it's this like weird power play walking into a space that's not her home it's his home and it's the home of a girl who's got the hots for her boyfriend yeah but you won totally you did win at the end of the day but it is this like a very unique and uncomfortable power play that happens in the home then and you're not going to feel comfortable and you're

Starting point is 00:48:58 not going to feel like it's a space where you can just be yourself and be with your boyfriend and relax so I understand why you feel on edge by it but I do think that you can have this conversation with him in a non-controlling non-accusatory non-demanding way and still air the fact that it makes you uncomfortable because I think anybody in your position would be uncomfortable by it also guys I would love some aftermath I know we've said that but a lot of these questions today I genuinely am going to lose sleep over unless I know what happened like I need to know if you had the conversation do you have the conversation with your boyfriend how does it go does he want to keep dating you did you find out what the present was did they give it back like please

Starting point is 00:49:33 right in the aftermath so we can sleep easy slide into the dms at life uncut podcast also if you just want to join our cute little sweet community of lifers who are absolutely the best people in the entire fucking world you can join that at life uncut discussion group which is on facebook and you know what that is it from us thanks to everyone who came to the live shows we're still on cloud nine can't believe it's all over absolutely i know until next year though maybe we're gonna do some regional towns next year i think so but like i'm absolutely cooked so let's not lock that in yet yeah regional we're coming for you next week we'll be there see you soon orange and don't forget tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell

Starting point is 00:50:10 your friends who share the love because we love love We'll be right back.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Can I bone my ex besties situationship?

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