Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Chadfishing, parental affairs and a bridesmaid's threesomes

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

Welcome to therapy. We're here to unpack your deep, dark and burning questions.First up today, Mitch Churi and Britt didn't get married on the weekend. They've been working on a project together! We unpack a horrible new dating term/trend called chadfishing.Have you ever been chadfished before? We want to know!Today the questions we are diving into are: My best friend is about to have her first child. I am very much childfree by choice. I think she's naive in thinking that nothing will change when the baby comes. When we organise to hang out, how can I ask her not to bring the kid? I've just found out that my mum cheated on my dad years ago while they were still married. They divorced a while ago and my dad now has a new partner. I am closer with my dad than my mum. Should I tell him about my mum's affair even though it was a long time ago and they're already divorced? I was a bridesmaid at a wedding over the weekend and got pretty drunk. At the afterparty I fell into a threesome with the MC (who is the groom's brother) and his girlfriend. Somehow everyone knows. Do I need to apologise to the bride and groom? I don't regret the threesome but I do regret it happening after their wedding Can you ghost your hairdresser? I have changed hair salons but I follow my old one on instagram and she follows me. I want to post from my new salon because it's really nice and I love my new hair so I want to share it, but I'm worried I will hurt my old hair dresser's feelings.  If you have a question for ask uncut, or anything you'd like to send us, please send it over to us @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram! Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut.

It is our Thursday little therapy session where we answer your deep, your dark, your burning questions. Hi, Brittany. How funny is it that we've turned up in the exact same thing? Okay, but not only did we show up in the exact same thing, it's not like we're wearing like black or neutral. We've rocked up looking like we're at a baby boy birthday reveal. Not birthday reveal, birth reveal. Gender reveal. It's like a powder blue baby blue top and the exact same denim.

We've got the exact same hair. I think that this just means we spend too much time together. Of all the things we could have worn, of all the very minimal, colourful things that we have in both of our wardrobes. Because I'm usually very nude. Yeah, you are. Like not as in naked. Always naked.

I am naked a lot. She's always here with no clothes on. No, but I'm very neutral. Yeah, I'm very black. And we've turned up in the exact same thing. And we just did an amazing interview with Matthew Hussey. And as we walked in, like he's been on the list for so long. It's dropping next week.

We're very excited. He's an absolute legend. But Laura and I walked into each other and we're like, this is so embarrassing. It looks like we've turned up for the interview in uniform. Like we have a life-uncut uniform. We've got a pink backdrop. We've got a baby blue top.

The first thing we said to him was like, just so you know, like this isn't a uniform. Which to be fair, he did not care. Of course he didn't care, but we did. We were like, this was our big shot. I know. Anyway, yeah, we just spent too much time together and we're turning into the same person and soon I am also going

to start laughing like a kookaburra. Oh, please don't do that. But so funny you say that. I've been getting a lot of messages lately. I don't know if it's just that the podcast has been going for nearly four years. So I don't know if it's a timing thing, but so many people have been writing to me saying

that they have somehow started laughing like me. Good. They've picked up the laugh. I'm here for this. It is not good. It is good. Spread it around like the seed it is. If you can avoid picking this up, do it.

Do it. There is no antidote. There's no treatment for this. There's no cream that's going to help you. There is no treatment. There is no clinic you can go to to detox. This stays with you forever. Can I just say, when I say your kookaburra laugh,

before anybody slides into my DMs and tells me how mean I am to you, it's an in-joke. It's because somebody once wrote a review saying that Brit sounds like a kookaburra and now we all giggle about it together. Also, a kookaburra is a very treasured national animal. Isn't it? And it's also, I'll tell you a hot tip. You guys can have this one for free.

It is the world's biggest kingfisher. Is it? That's great. Thank you for bringing that, Laura. You're welcome. I know you come here to have your questions answered and let me tell you I know some stupid facts. Okay, David Attenborough, what else have you come up with?

The majestic kookapurra flies over the river. What's the only animal, just while we're on animal facts, what's the only animal with four legs that can't jump? No, that's not the fact. A wombat? No, that's not it. Good. What's the only animal?

Also good. No, I've got it. I've got it, David Attenborough. What's the only animal with four kneecaps? with four kneecaps yeah four kneecaps yeah I think it also can't jump it could be the same fact I'm thinking yeah the only animal with four kneecaps an elephant damn it wow I really am do you know what I was super into biology as a kid I don't think an animal with four kneecaps jumping is about biology yeah animals is biology Brit you learned about an elephant's kneecaps in

biology at school I would love to have been no I did biology at university yeah that was a thing So you learned about elephants at university and then you went on to work at the hearing company. Okay. And then I became a jewellery designer and now I talk about fucking sex and missionary for a living. Yeah. That is so funny.

Only missionary though. I don't talk about the other sex. Only missionary. So Keisha just had to show us her sex position, her favourite sex position, which is the lotus. Can we, okay, the reason why Keisha had to show us her favourite sex position, which was the lotus, is because we did this interview with Matthew Hussey.

It was a great interview. We had to do it by Riverside, which is kind of like a Zoom but for podcasts. We did it on Britt's computer and I took a photo of the screen and it was only after taking a photo of Matthew. Yeah, it was only after taking a photo of the screen that I realised not only did Britt have a tab open, it was bookmarked as like a saved important website, Butterfly Sex Positions. And that was like the main bookmark website that Britt has on her Chrome.

Explain yourself. Well, I would just like to know what the problem is. bookmark my sex position it's not like I'm having much sex you're like I'm going I'm going to see Ben very shortly and need to know exactly how to do this one it was definitely podcast material for sure live show live show research it would have been live show research and I to be honest I'm not that great with technology I don't think I even know how to bookmark something well and that's why it's been there since last September because now I don't know how to get rid no I think you just exit out but Ben will love that Ben will love that he thinks I'm here researching sex

exposition can you can you tell us how the butterfly sex position goes after you try it we've been we all know i'm not doing it i know you only right you only have 180 degree movement from one side to the back to the other my range of motion my range of movement is limited that's what happens in old age guys okay i will let you know how the butterfly sex position goes thank you film it send it only fans okay fine laura made me do it no sign up now well one thing we didn't talk about on tuesday's episode because you know we kind of got lost and talked about everything and then you know it was a very deep episode but also we covered up a lot of some strange mix of things at the beginning of it i mean we do do that we did

just get into elephant territory but one thing i wanted to bring up that you were working on if you follow brit's instagram over the weekend she was in the gold coast or brisbane and i think a lot of people were confused as to why you were in a wedding dress crying with a bottle of wine and marrying Mitch Turi and I feel like people need to know what happened okay yeah so if you follow my Instagram you'll see that I was in a wedding dress drunk crying to straw on my Instagram on the weekend with Mitch it may come as no surprise that Britt did not marry Mitch it may come as a surprise Mitch and I were filming a tv pilot a rom-com but I can't I'll tell you about that in a second but so many people I shouldn't say so many there were a handful of people that

had messaged saying I'm so confused I thought you had a boyfriend I thought Mitch was gay like people that thought that we were getting married and I was like how did you miss how did you actually think I just got married also do you think that I'm crying with smudge mascara like is this an arranged marriage I've been forced into like I don't want to marry Mitch but like all my options are gone now and here we are just doing it like what about that photo shoot did anybody think that it could possibly be real that one person uh yeah that really got confused it was the funniest part for sure but no so i mean just quickly yeah we're filming a tv pilot it's a i guess it's a bit hangovery vibes that vibe but rom-com but very modern day

mitch a lot of people don't know mitch is an actor mitch went to acting school in new york well before radio he also can sing operatic and sing like the guy's like a full triple threat he's multi-talented probably can't tap dance but would give it a try i reckon you know he probably could. So he's done that. He did that all through his twenties. And I was the same before, well before The Bachelor, well before the podcast, I was at acting school all around the world, over in Scotland, NIDA here in Australia, Screenwise. We both did a lot, but we just fell into different industries. We never really did anything with it, but we always had this passion for wanting to entertain. And there's something amazing about being on a set and being

someone different. And I don't know if that was escapism. Yes. I don't know if that was like a trauma reaction. You're like, I'm trying to run away from my life. It's true. I enrolled in acting school off the back of my horrid breakup with the sociopath. And it really was, someone had suggested it. Someone had said, give it a go. It's an outlet. And it was, and I absolutely fell in love with it. So then Mitch and I met a couple of years ago, obviously. And we've, we just get along like a house on fire. He's one of the funniest people I've ever met. And we've, yeah, we've gotten to a position where we're creating something that we were having a lot of fun doing. we think it's great we're having an amazing time and we have high hopes it's a pilot so

the idea of a pilot is you know there's pilot season in different countries around the world where people literally take these ideas and they pitch it every show you've ever seen friends the biggest shows in the world they all have a pilot yeah i mean channel 10 do it they do pilot week in australia all the free to air networks do it so like you create or like different production companies create a pilot and then they will air that pilot on pilot week and a couple of them get picked up. Yeah. And so Mitch and I, we have so much chemistry and we love each other and we have a lot of fun in real life. So we felt like it was perfect to take that onto the screen and see if we can recreate it. So fingers crossed we can recreate it and fingers crossed it ends up

somewhere. I am super excited to see it. I cannot wait. I can't wait to get, you know, a premiere screening of the first episode. How many episodes have you filmed? No, we have been talking about this pilot for literally a year and a half. So if you withhold this from me, I'll be so mad. you know what's funny and I used to be like this with the podcast I don't know if you were ever like this but when I do something I don't actually want anyone I know to see it are you like that so when I like acted in the past or at the start of the podcast I didn't want anyone I know to listen or anyone I know to watch it but I wanted other people to it's so weird I will never watch myself and be like great that was great to show people never I will never ever ever ever ever do that

In fact, I'd probably make it to – probably. If I made it to Hollywood date, I will probably make – do you know what? I'm making it to Hollywood and I don't want anyone to watch my movies. What I was going to say is no because I've heard a lot of people in Hollywood, a lot of actors will say they won't watch their own movie. I reckon I would be that person. Even if I was the biggest actor in the world, I don't think I'd ever watch it.

I hate looking at myself on screen. That's so weird. I hate listening to myself too. Do you ever listen to our podcast back? I wish you did. Of course I listen to the episodes back. Sometimes – this sounds like a wank fest, but sometimes like i'll hear us and i'll laugh like it's not even us i'll be like these chicks

are whack that's what i'll think and i'm like oh hang on man that was me like i would definitely not be friends with them but moving right along there's something i did want to talk about today this is a new word that i discovered a dating terminology not a sex position not well i don't even want to put it in dating terminology because it's it's gross but it is i mean it is a new dating terminology and it's something to be very wary of yeah look it's the term i read it it's come up online it's come up on reddit it's come up on the news it's not a good thing it's called chad fishing chad as in my first ever person i kissed when i was 11 his name was chad fishing as in the sport you do where you catch fish chad fishing chad fishing not to be confused with cat

fishing no similar as a starting point but very different i know that you well it's it's not actually that different it's cat fishing on steroids that's what it is it is similar to cat visioning but it involves men from the incel i-n-c-e-l now i actually didn't know what that was either involuntary celibate so now these are like people who it's kind of like they like they would like to be having sex but no one's having sex with them so they're in whatever reason because like i guess ultimately they are not as desirable these kind of incel groups that exist it's like generally men that have come together who are very very misogynistic who hate on women because they feel like women have withheld sex from them yeah and it's like this angry little petri dish of

the most toxic masculinity that's ever existed and they're called incels yeah and maybe they're involuntarily celibate too because of the way they treat people maybe it's their personality it could be their looks it could be a whole lot of things but they are not getting the sex they want but instead of them internalizing that and being like okay well what am i bringing to the table and how am i not being you know necessarily somebody that a woman would or a person would want to have sex with they internalize that as like well there's nothing wrong with me and women are fucked and they will only date hot men and they only want to have sex with good-looking guys and it's kind of creates this incredibly toxic environment where they're not self-reflective

they're blaming women and that's where the misogyny aspect of this comes in yeah so these incel communities because they are communities online they set up fake online dating profiles and they pose as a chad. Now a chad is a conventionally attractive male, very cliche. Britney's ex-boyfriend. Very my ex-boyfriend. No, but they look like a model.

They look beautiful, very mainstream people. And they set up these fake profiles of these chads in order to prey on women. That is it in a nutshell. But when we say prey on women, I guess like the thing that makes this different from catfishing and makes chadfishing more insidious, I guess not necessarily more insidious,

but like it takes it into the physical world is that these people the whole purpose that they've intentionally set this up is because they will organize dates like they will create and set a time set a place and the female who's being led on will rock up to this date and time and it's like these chad fishers get off on setting up dates and then intentionally standing up a woman who they see as being below them well it's come to light now it's resurfaced now because this one australian guy has written in a forum and he's basically shared a step-by-step guide on how he chad fishes women so he pretty much is encouraging other people to do this he's written about how he did it what he did he's put screenshots on

it's super gross and then there are so many other gross people commenting on it saying how funny it is he loves to share the screenshots of their reactions he loves to humiliate them and he's not alone and now this is the fucking culture thing there are so many communities with people all over the world that engage in this. These are some of the things he wrote. My hobby is chad fishing whores. I arrange dates and stand them up at bars. It's fun to deflate their ego and make them waste money on Ubers, fuel and parking. And the way he does it is he explained that he sets up a fake Tinder account by stealing photos. He actually stole, I just showed Laura, but he was quite good looking, looked like a little farmer, but he stole quite a well-known

American social media guy, Brett Maverick's account. And the reason that this is going the next level is because if you guys are online dating, you'll know that you have to verify your photo, which is amazing because it's saying this really is this person. I really am me. I'm not a fake. His profile was verified. Yeah. He's gone to like the additional lengths of not only just creating a fake profile, but going through the processes of tricking basically the AI system into thinking that the photo that he's provided is real. I don't know if you know this, but like if you need to verify your profile,

Facebook or Instagram sends you kind of like an action that you need to do. So you need to send them back a photo with your arms in a certain position to prove that it's you. Because if it's not you, how are you gonna send a picture with your face and your arms in a certain way?

So what he did is he got the photo of the guy, he then Photoshopped the arms in a certain way and then took a photo of the screen. So that way that the photo that he was submitting for verification didn't have any of the metadata that would have been captured if it was a photoshopped image so he really went entirely out of his way to try and deceive not only the women but also deceive Facebook and Instagram to get his profile verified this is one of the screenshots I want to show you back and forth setting up a date with the girl he's posted the girl's photo she's

27 back and forth about meeting up for a date they organize where they're going sounds great see there and then there's messages when they're on their way just so you know I'm leaving soon you know just it's like that almost confirmation like you've set your date up you're on the way to the bar you're like hey I'm leaving soon hey I'm heading out too then some time goes past and she's obviously at the bar how far away are you I'm here where are you and then he says oh I left like so he makes her wait half an hour and then he says I left and she's she's like huh he goes I met another chick instead she's like what you're so rude it's not my problem the purpose of this is to make women feel as bad as they possibly could feel they make them wait at a restaurant

alone which is always awkward when that moment where you're like oh everyone's looking at me like i'm on my own are they gonna come then they want to embarrass them to and make them feel as shit as they can like i've gone home with someone else some of these texts go on to literally the guy has then gotten a photo of a woman there's one that i saw where there is a woman bent over he's obviously taken it's of her behind as of a butt he's obviously just taking it from the internet or who knows maybe it is his i don't know nah i mean the whole thing is that he's unintentionally celibate he ain't getting a butt that's true it's from torn up or something but he sends this photo he'll literally say the women are like where are you and he sends the photo back

and say i met someone hotter i've gone home to tap it kind of thing like it's vile the dumb thing is is like that would not make me feel like i would be like you are a fucking loser if some dude sent me that whereas the other ones that i saw which were like i walked in i saw you sitting there and thought you were ugly so i walked out like that is so much crueler those ones i mean there's been there's so many versions of what these chad fishers do and i guess the reason why we wanted to talk about it was because we were like never in my mind did it occur to me that somebody would intentionally go out of their way to try and set up a fake date to stand someone up to intentionally hurt them purely because they hate women and these people actually exist yes

but it's not just the hurting this is the thing they go to the extent of saying like you know where do you live in a city so i'm just going to do sydney because i know it they'll say where do you live and they'll say i live in bondi where do you live and they'll pretend they live so far away an hour away so they'll say hey why don't we meet in the middle then they'll encourage them to i can't wait to have a drink with you let's have wine they'll encourage them to get the uber because they want them to spend a hundred dollars on an uber to waste their money because that's part of it they then go on and say haha she spent a hundred dollars on an uber as well yeah then i stood her up then i embarrassed her it's crazy to me that it's happening and it's scary now that it's verified

so that used to be what you could look at on a dating profile and say oh i feel relatively safe But I know like producer Keisha and I, when I was single last year, we used to always, you know, show each other who we're talking to or who we're dating. We used to constantly have these conversations. And I remember this one particular one that stands out in my head. It was me that was talking to this person. And I said, he's not real. He's not real.

Keisha's like, yes, he is. Look at him. And I was like, I guarantee you, he is not real. And turns out he wasn't. We ended up calling him out saying, send us an actual photo now. He wouldn't give us an Instagram. But I guess I want to say a few things that I have worked out because I've been on online dating for like 10 years and I have had friends that have been severely catfished.

I luckily have not, but I can tell some things now to look out for. One of them is, it's a big sign. It's not the end of the world, but if someone doesn't want to give you their Instagram or share their Instagram or they haven't linked it and you've been talking for a little while or they say they don't have one, it's pretty rare these days to be in our generation and our age, not even our generation, even like our parents and things have Instagram and stuff. now. If someone's really weirdly hiding their Instagram or it's not linked, it can be a red

flag. Another thing is if their photos look like they've been cropped in a weird way. So maybe they look like they've been cropped in, or there's not a lot of headroom or that's a really big sign that the photo has been stolen. The reason they do it, the reason they crop these photos. And we did speak about this on the catfishing episode with Neve. The reason people crop a photo is because you can't reverse image search a photo when the dimensions have been changed. So they'll steal photos they change the they resize them and change them and then they upload them I didn't realize that yeah also I think like just get someone to send a verification be like hey in the next 10 minutes you need to send me a photo of you with your middle finger pointed up to the sky

if they're not going to send you their Instagram and you're going to pay a hundred bucks for an uber somewhere you need to get proof of life baby you get that finger photo you get that finger photo but I also think I mean for me the reason why I thought this was so interesting is because for anybody out there who's ever been stood up, and I'm not saying that every single person is a chadfish who's been stood up, but like, isn't it nice to kind of reflect and go, you know what? It's not me. It's you. There's a very good chance that if somebody walked into a bar, I mean, unless your dating profile is completely not photos of you and you look a hundred percent different, it's very unlikely that somebody has shown up for a date and turned

around and said, you know, oh, you're not hot enough. And then sent a message. Like most people are not that cruel and people who are that cruel usually have a whole lot of other issues that are going along with them and I think that that's a reflection of the person who is on the other end of it not the person who's being stood up and sometimes we can take that as like we're not good enough we carry that as though it's an insult that we should feel ashamed or embarrassed about but it truly is the person who does the standing up and in this day and age your safety is paramount because there's so much shit out there. Don't be embarrassed to ask for a proof of who somebody is. A FaceTime. Before I met Ben, we FaceTimed. I was not going to go and meet some random guy.

We literally jumped on the phone and had a chat. What you said, Laura, send me a photo right now. What are you doing? Verify someone. If you're going to go somewhere and meet someone, if you're going to go for a one night stand, if you're going to do anything, it doesn't hurt to send one photo. If they're that interested and they're real, they're going to send the photo back. They probably want to know that you're real too. Totally. And I think if anybody ever is like, no I can't or there's excuses or they're not able and what you're asking for is a really reasonable request as an incel then he's a fucking incel like yes or he's or there's someone who is lying to you or they're in a relationship or there's a reason you know sometimes we can

get caught up in the idea of like how hot you know their profile is and you've gotten already imagined like a little date and what your life's gonna be like but you just got married in your head yeah don't get caught up in like the potential of somebody's a dating profile if they're not proving to you kind of that they're real i think is so important totally one of the reasons why we wanted to speak about this is because i mean we've been seeing it more and more in the media but we also have had so many of our lifers over the years write in about being stood up and one of them recently one of our lifers her name's jacinta she sent this in to us hey so here i am i was going to be meeting this guy for a date at 6 30 at this restaurant

and I'm here currently it's raining and guess what the restaurant's closed and interestingly he seems super keen but then he deleted his profile last night and I wasn't quite sure I thought look I'll still turn up because he seemed really keen and I thought that at 37 that this stuff will be done, but apparently not. I'm more annoyed because I got my lip and eyebrows waxed. That was probably the most irritating thing. Anyway, I'm going to head home and watch Married at First Sight. If you are somebody who has experienced something similar, if you're somebody who has been stood up on a date, I mean, I would love, we slide into the DMs tell us like your version of story of what happened because I do think that it's something

that happens pretty frequently and I think that there is a level of embarrassment around it and people don't want to share those stories because they think well it's a reflection that they're not good enough have you ever been stood up on a date I actually haven't no I have been stood up once really yeah we all know it wasn't me it was him obviously no but I did I got stood up I got stood up at a bar I waited at a bar for an online date did you message him yeah just didn't reply just completely fucking ghosted me nothing do you think he turned up changed his mind or do you think he was a chad fish or do you think what do you think it was i mean potentially i could sit here and try and question maybe he thought i wasn't hot enough when he got there that could

happen but who fucking knows never heard from him again knows like i yeah i was at do you remember the bucket list in bondi yeah yeah i waited it was there like a month ago no it's shut down years ago they just redid it okay so i got to the bucket list on like a sunday afternoon also gave him my prime real estate of my weekend time which was so annoying so it was like three o'clock i got there he was like i'm on my way i ordered a drink i sat down and then nothing just he was on his way it was on his way yeah we were texting up until and then he i don't think he was ever coming i think it was a fake chad fish i think i was chad fish oh my god you started the chad fish you didn't even know it you're a pioneer and i was i remember being really upset at the time like i was in my

kind of like what I would have been like 29 I think I was so I don't think from memory that I thought he came I was like oh this was just this was just a guy being an arsehole totally I have had last minute cancellations where this is like this is different but you just make me think about it when you're like I gave you my prime time the fucking effort that a girl goes to for a date and so much more than a guy the hair the makeup the thinking of the outfit the thinking about the date the location the clearing the schedule the shaving the waxing the monobrow the lip this is why i think men should pay for the first date purely because the amount of time and energy we have to go to to get to that first date they don't need to they just have to put a shirt on and some

shorts and rock up but i wasn't upset that the date cancelled right like whatever i don't know him i was like well what am i gonna do now i can't waste this face of makeup i can't waste this hair like i need to go do something now you were fully dressed and ready to walk out the door and they cancelled yeah it would have been about half an hour before I reckon and I was just like fuck you because of the time not because I liked you that much but like this took time yeah I feel like so many people could relate to that totally all right well before we get into answering your questions it is time for vibes but no subscribes because I don't think I've yeah no unsubscribes because I don't think either of us have one again but okay I'm gonna kick it off I am recommending

this week it is basic as it is the most brain numbing nothing but it's going to fill you with so much joy go and watch season four of love is blind i do love love you got me onto it because i had never really watched the season before and now i am fucking so hooked and they just like dump enough to like get you addicted and then you have to wait it's very good i still feel like the first season was the best no you haven't watched season four but i haven't watched this one but the first season was so good because it was new i felt like they were real i felt like you know i feel like It's like maths. The first season's so good.

The Bachelor, so good, but then it changes over the years because people want it for different things. Keisha described it as the sugar in her veins that she's no longer getting from her diet. So I feel like that is the best review for absolute trash TV that there could be. It's on Netflix. Go and watch it.

Love is Blind Season 4. All right. Well, mine this week, my vibe, is a book. It is Jay Shetty's new book, Eight Rules of Love. If you've been following me on Instagram, I've been taking this book with me everywhere, to the beach, to the sauna. I read a lot in the sauna, actually, but it gets all sweaty.

yeah i know but it's like my only time that i sit down and i'm like what are the eight rules of love brit well then you wouldn't want to read the book if i told you just give me two of them hook me in one of the ones i love is just really about figuring out what you want what are your preferences so you don't go and waste your time on somebody that's not in alignment with you or that might not be good for you because i feel like a lot of us do that we try and sit in something in the hopes that it might turn into something that we hope it would be but it's take it at face value it's not in a line with you it's not what you want it's not what you're looking for but you still try but sometimes sometimes you get distracted by nice abs oh my god heaps of

shit you get distracted by but it's like eye on the prize team put your blinders on like the horse racing look straight ahead don't look out and keep focused anyway i love jay shetty i love the book so that is my vibe of this week all right let's get in to question number one i've got one that i have some mixed feelings about actually i just have some bad feelings about it here it is my best friend is about to have her first child i am very much child free by choice and she knows this i think she's being a bit naive saying that nothing will change when the baby comes when we do organize drinks or lunch or hang out how can i ask her not to bring the kid lol i understand sometimes she might have to but is there any nice way to check in and ask if it will be just the two

of us i especially don't want her to bring it to my house it's not a dog to bring it sure it to my house is this the end of our close friendship possibly yeah it's a newborn it's a baby you guys aren't going to the movies on your own you guys are not going out and getting a little city this is a newborn baby that literally needs its mom's titty to survive okay the reason i have conflicting feelings about this is because I'm like, look, yes, your friend is being naive to think that nothing will change. If she thinks that your friendship is going to be exactly the same and nothing is going to change and you guys are still going to be doing margaritas on a Tuesday night, then she is naive. But when she says nothing is going to change, I don't think that

that's what she means. I don't think she thinks that she's only going to see you baby free. I actually think that you've interpreted that the wrong way because you're going to have to see your friend and she's going to bring this baby. Because when you have a newborn baby, it's almost impossible to not have them with you for those first X amount of months and weeks and whatever. I think on one hand, like obviously we've had, we've done interviews on it. We've spoken about loads. It is so fine to be child free. It is so fine to not like kids. It's so fine to not want them in your life. But if the people that you love around you have children, then there has to be some level of acceptance and some level of compromise if you want to maintain that friendship

because this baby is going to be a fucking huge part of her life and I don't think that she's going to be able to have her friendship with you and have her child completely separate because if you love her and you accept her as your friend and you want her in your life as well you're going to have to make some allowances that make her feel like you're also kind of like her kid well things do change when your friends have babies and I say this because I obviously don't have children but I probably have only maybe two friends that don't have children like everyone in my life has kids you make adaptations like you change things you make exceptions you don't go out and get drunk anymore you meet for coffee and lunch and the baby comes the baby's going to interrupt

your conversation things are going to have to be cancelled they're going to have to go home early these are just all a part of life and if you're saying how do you approach the fact that you want to hang out with your friend child free the friendship's not gonna last like your friend will be wildly offended if you say i only want to hang out with your child free when they've just had a baby hey their hormones are through the roof i'm just trying to pull myself in their shoes here because imagine if i said that to you i have friends who are child free right i have friends who want to be child free i'm like it actually makes me feel if i knew that they never wanted my children at their house because they didn't like my kids at all and I mean I know that

some kids are harder than others I get it and I get that not everyone likes everyone's kids but if I felt like my best friend did not like my children didn't want them to be around and never wanted them to be at their house ever a part of me would feel so deeply offended a part of me would be like wow like how do you why do you hate my kids what are you also gonna do like how are you going to be so so just asking but like is Rosie going to be coming with you today yes Rosie's two weeks old she will be coming with me are you going to pay for half the babysitter like if she has to leave the kid at home every time you hang out does that mean that you're going to help pay for the babysitting of this child it's a little bit ignorant and a little bit naive to have that

expectation and that will be a thing in your friendship it's something that you do have to accept that life does change when people have kids whether you want to accept that or not it is life and i have had friends in the exact same position i have had friends that have said to me like absolutely nothing is going to change like nothing i am going to be one of those moms where like i don't work around my baby my baby works around me and they're the first people to be like whoa i had no idea like that is not how it works i will do anything to work around my baby so that it sleeps so that it eats so it's you know living a healthy stable life and just to make your life easier because it's so fucking hard in the first few months actually it's it's too hard and i'm

three and a half years in if anything you need to maybe step up a notch maybe you need to go visit her take her a coffee take your friend some lunch because she's probably going to be run off her feet not want to leave the house for a little while i mean this is not to say that you're not going to have kid free time with your friend in four years like of course you're going to have time and you're going to have a relationship where you're able to still see your friend and have time without kids around but i think that if you are expecting that your friendship will only be able to stay as strong if it's on the conditions that she shows up in that friendship child free I think that is like the friendship is not going to work out it's you're not going to stay as close and

unfortunately your friendships are not going to weather the seasons of life if they come with that caveat because a lot of people have children and a lot of people also want to be around their kids you know they want to be able to have friendships where they can share that with their children and also have independent adult relationships and friendships where they can go out for drinks with their friends, you need to be able to do both. I think we've answered that one. I think that was silly. But I feel like it's the person who's written,

I feel like the person who's written in the question is more the problem here. Is that a mean thing to say? No, I agree with you but benefit of the doubt, maybe this person hasn't had a friend or someone close in their life that has had a kid before because the way they've written the question makes me think that they haven't been exposed to children to a large level because it's a strange question to ask.

I especially don't want her bringing it to my house. What do you think it's going to do? It's not a dog. It's not going to rip your, like, it's a baby in a carrier. That's probably going to be asleep. It's going to fucking sleep. Yeah, or on the titty. Like, it's not going to do a lot.

I understand if my friends don't want me to bring my three-year-old to their house for them to, like, draw on the walls. Oh, yes, because Marley's wild. Yeah, she'll give you an indoor collage, a little masterpiece on the wall down the hallway. A little Monet. Yeah, I mean, anyway. All right, question number two.

Okay. This one I also have strong opinions about. I've just found out that my mum cheated on my dad when I was a teenager. They divorced five years ago when I was 21 and already living out of home. I was already a bit of a daddy's girl. He's not your average blokey bloke and we were always really close when I was growing up. My mum was a bit more of the disciplinarian type and just not as warm in general. I found out about her affair from my brother who is closer with my mum.

My question is, now that I know about this, should I tell my dad? He has a new partner and he seems to be really happy and I do know that this would really crush him. I'm also super angry that I have to know this information. I would have much rather that my mum and my brother kept this shitty bit of info to themselves. This is wild. Where do we start?

Okay, I'm going to start at the end. No, don't tell your dad. I'm going to start at the end and we can work our way back. there is absolutely nothing there is nothing good that will come out of you telling your dad i think it is so unfortunate that you know this information no one you take it to the grave no one ever wants to know this shit about their parents it's so unfair because parents don't even have sex yeah ew yeah like how dare she have an affair i mean and also you don't know whether or not your dad knows like your dad may know about the affair that's why they divorce

exactly right you know he may know he may be suspicious but he may not have had those conversations with you because ultimately you're the child and even though you're so close with your dad there is still a parent-child dynamic there I myself if this was me I don't think that anything good can come from talking to your dad about this all it's going to do is strain that relationship more it's going to make him potentially quite upset and for what purpose he's not with your mum anymore they don't have a relationship it's almost like you're just wanting to tell him because you're mad and you want you want to get that off your chest so therefore you want to pass that information that burden on to him as well so that you can both be mutually mad together take

it to the grave if you if you're angry go talk to your mum about it but why the fuck do you have an affair like how'd you do that to dad tell who was he yeah have that conversation then but i don't think you need to ruin your dad's happiness for what to live in the past like just so you know dad a long time ago when you were together mum had an affair how do you feel now like he's moved on and he's happy it might be different if and I say might if your dad was like I really want to make it work with your mum I'm going to try and win it over and you know your mum had been out there doing the horizontal dance of love every Friday night you might be like well look dad I don't you know with Sven that's different but I think let him live let him be happy he's in a new relationship

you definitely are angry that your brother has put this weight on your shoulders because now you feel like you have a responsibility you feel like you're close to your dad you feel like you're keeping secrets which you are but occasionally I do believe it's better to keep a secret sometimes I agree I think sometimes we talk too much about like keeping a secret is so naughty no sometimes keeping a secret is better for everybody yeah it's called a white lie it's I mean it's probably a bit further than a white lie this one i feel like a white lie is like you know lying about how many ice creams you've had or like you don't know where the leftovers went you ate them yeah i think if you really need to have a conversation about this like if you need

to get this out of your system the person to talk to is your brother and then potentially your mom but also like i don't even think i'd talk to my mom about it i just feel like fuck people do stupid stuff i also wouldn't either because i don't want to know i mean are my parents doing that kind of Like I'm lucky my parents are happily married for 45 or six years and they definitely still have sex. Like I know that. But I'm happy for them to have sex because it means they're in a whole relationship.

But I don't want to. Do you reckon they still have sex? Absolutely. Wow. Yeah. Not all the time. Go the Hockleys, huh? Oh, yeah.

And I don't know. I totally know when they've done it too because like. They're glowing. Well, they come out in the morning. Like if I'm up visiting, they're all like cutesies and they'd be cutesies and mum's like, Tony, don't do that. And it's all cute. But I'm like, I actually love it, you know,

because i'd rather that i'd rather know that they're happy but it's yeah it's not like they get it off okay i come from the complete opposite end of the spectrum like my parents got divorced when i was three and a half like part of me is like maybe someone did you i don't know i i mean i'm speculating but like but if i found out that somebody cheated like that if my mom cheated on my dad or my dad cheated on my mom i would not be touching that with a 10-foot pole i would be like no do you know what you fucked it up you guys are clearly not together it was a terrible match it worked out the way it worked out and everyone's happier for it let's just let it be in the past isn't it funny because i'm not talking about affairs just talk about sex

i think in 20 years right in 20 years do you think you'll be having sex with matt you guys will be 50 that's not old that's young you will still be having sex your daughters are going to be in their 20s being like ew mom and dad don't have sex that's disgusting but it's not yet it's a normal person you're a normal adult we always think that it's like they're so our parents are so old and like so old but they're not like guys most of you listening if your parents are here they're probably getting jiggy with it even if it's not with your dad it's probably with someone yeah the milkman or sin all right question number three this one is a fucking doozy oh it's a doozy although like i'm still not even sure how i would answer this so this is for you

i love that that's why you're throwing it to me so you can think about your answer i was a bridesmaid at a wedding over the weekend and i definitely drank too much and have had quite a few blackout moments throughout the evening which is bad if you're a bridesmaid however i have been told i wasn't the only one at the after party i found myself falling into bed just fell into bed with the mc which was the groom's brother and his girlfriend and we ended up having a threesome a menage a trois yeah scandalous i like how when she said she blacked out and then she fell into bed i thought she meant she fell into bed and passed out but no she fell into a threesome she fell into the dick she fell into a penis and also a vagina

how did i get here somehow a lot of people seem to know about this including the bride and the groom who were also at the after party and hired the accommodation for the bridal party that we had sex at. They handed it to you on a platter. As a bridesmaid, was this inappropriate? Yes. Do I need to apologise to the bride and groom? Debatable.

And I did ask the other bridesmaids and they told me that it seemed like it was fine. But my question is, is it? I don't necessarily regret the threesome, but I do regret it happening on the night of their wedding. I actually don't think there's anything wrong with this. in all honesty unless you did it on the dance floor in the middle of the wedding you were it sounds like you're three consenting adults that had a great night at a wedding went back to an

after party continued to have a great night and then had your own after after party like i think it's not like you cheated right it's not like he had a partner the mc and you did the dirty and she didn't know about it you there were three adults that were like let's have some fun it was scandalous yeah i don't think there's a problem with it okay i'm the only reason why i'm like maybe you should bring it up with the bride. The only reason why I'm like have a conversation, clear the air, it might make you feel better, is because she paid for the accommodation for the bridal party and were you all supposed

to be there fucking? Like is that going to in some way? But does it matter? Same bed? I don't know. The accommodation on one bed. I'm just thinking about my own wedding and then going back because like maybe she had an idea for what that was going to be like.

Maybe she thought you were all going to hang out and have drinks together, not that next door there was going to be three of you having a threesome surely she thinks it's funny maybe but some people don't people get very hung up about how their wedding is supposed to play out do you know i mean and maybe because you were blacking out during the night maybe you were inappropriately drunk maybe the drunkness was the thing that you might need to approach with her like that's different because you had an important role to play you were a bridesmaid and were you yeah were you so sloppy that you were an embarrassment throughout the night that's the conversation i think broach first

and then if she was like no you're completely fine then maybe the bro chart are you annoyed with me for fucking the mc and his girlfriend yes i completely agree if you were causing havoc at the wedding like if you were just a pain in the ass because you were so inappropriately drunk 100 you need to have that conversation and apologize because our wedding is a very special day you don't want to be a loose cannon at the wedding i think do what you want afterwards the only reason I can see that like she might have a problem with you guys getting jiggy is that maybe it's all anyone's talking about maybe no one's talking about your wedding maybe imagine that trumping like that's the thing everyone talks about after the amazing day

you know there was a threesome absolutely although would I I'm just trying to put myself in these shoes imagine I had a threesome at your wedding yeah and it made the daily mail like that would be pretty give us content just take one for the team I would wish you did and then you talked about it that would have been yeah i would have been all for it i'm trying to put myself in these shoes if i paid for the airbnb like if i paid for the accommodation and i'd invited people back to like enjoy themselves well they did enjoy themselves laura it's money well spent would i be annoyed would i be annoyed about people having a threesome at the airbnb i paid for only you can answer that maybe i'm a killjoy maybe i don't like people

having fun maybe i don't like threesomes probably more likely but this is the point right it can't be that either because you have paid for the accommodation for the bridal party so that was her bed whether she's one person in the bed or whether she's three people in the bed it hasn't cost you in the bed and the little one said roll out of me go down okay i don't know look i think if you regret it i mean no point asking us whether you should regret it or not i think the big litmus for that is if you feel like you did something wrong if you feel embarrassed for it If you're worried about what the bride or groom think, go and have a conversation with them.

You were their bridesmaid. You're clearly one of their very close friends. I just imagined a scene out of like a hangover scene where they walk in like, so, pretty big wedding, hey? Like when you're trying to broach the subject, you know, and you're like, things got pretty crazy. But I think just go and have a conversation and then you'll get a very good gauge as to whether they're annoyed.

Do the opener that I just gave you. Okay, next question. This is so hard for me. I am so torn. It's really serious. Oh, God, can we take a moment? Yeah, if we had sound effects, I'd put something on. But I've been hesitating.

Not that. Can you ghost your hairdresser? What is that sound? It's like the buzzer. I feel like it was off Hey Hey It's Saturday. Can you ghost your hairdresser? I've been going to a hairdresser for the past two years. we follow each other on the gram and I have enjoyed getting my hair done there but I wanted

a change I recently tried a new hairdresser it is slightly more upmarket and I feel more relaxed I'm usually at the hairdresser every four to five hours each time so relaxation and comfort are something I'm willing to pay for I want to share something on my stories from my new hair place but then I stopped as I felt too nervous about what the other hairdresser might think even though I'll probably never see them outside of a salon environment. Is this just me? No, this is not just you. This is one of life's biggest conundrums.

So I think this is how you have to play this out, okay? You just never go back to the other hairdresser, but you need to leave some space. You can't just like instantly, it can't be like your six-week appointment that you would normally go to your regular hairdresser and then you start posting from another hairdresser because do you post every time you're at the hairdresser? I don't know.

Leave some space. Go to the new hairdresser for a while. Really cement yourself there. Really be sure that that's your place and your purpose and where you want to be. And then in the future, when old hairdresser has almost forgotten about you, she's like, what happened to that girl who used to come? Then you post.

But you don't need to have a conversation with your old hairdresser to tell them. Unfollow her though first. Don't be following and then block her. No, don't unfollow because she has nothing wrong. But you don't have a conversation with your hairdresser and say, I'm going somewhere else. You just book and then go.

But I guess the question is why do you have to post? Like you know you're going to hurt your old hairdresser's feelings. That's what I'm saying. Don't post now. Post in like six months' time. Hold that shit in for a while. There's no need. Because it's not about that.

You don't have to post a hairdresser. Next time you put a photo up, your hairdresser's going to be like, oh, she had black hair and now it's blonde. Like just on your normal Instagram. We share too much. Maybe. Just delete your Instagram. maybe you go really OTT you put your photo up and you're like so thankful that I won this hair

so thankful that my friends surprised me with a voucher for the hairdresser I'm giving it a whirl maybe so that the hairdresser she sees it the old hairdresser she's not upset because she's like oh she won a voucher what do you think I don't think you need to go I think we're overthinking it I think look it's nice that you're empathetic it's great that you care I don't think you owe your old hairdresser that much I think just you just owe them a bit of space in between the posting but you do develop like a relationship with your hairdresser because you're there for five hours you talk it's too long I have a few hairdressers right because I go for different reasons for different things and if I really need something and one's booked I'll go to the other one but I

make that very clear that I go and I love them all I'm very lucky I set that groundwork early where I was like these are my hairdressers for different things and they all know so I'm not having any affairs like i'm not having i like how hard you're going with this now just so that any of the hairdressers are listening they all know that they're all loved they all know you're all equally loved except for that one i never went back to you no you know who you are yeah you spend five hours with them you talk to them about a lot you really get to know them like i knew that my hairdresser was pregnant before anyone even knew like i got really inside a goss so i think you know you do have to treat it more carefully than not but i mean we're all

joking about saying don't post until your Instagram you don't have you don't owe them anything it's just more out of awkwardness but I know Mitch Turi like our radio co-host he had to break up with his hairdresser because he wanted to go to a new hairdresser but that's because she moved far away so that was her own fault she moved to a new clinic and it was too far but he didn't break up with her he just went somewhere else and she saw and then she messaged him and then it was this really awkward moment I do think it comes down to how close the relationship is like it's kind of like going to a new PT trainer or I don't know like there's so many variations of this that this could be applied to it depends on how close the relationship is are you only ever going to

see this person or speak to this person if you step foot in their salon in which case I think there's less of a responsibility to their feelings yeah if you're actually never going to see or speak to them again but if they have your number and you like you make your bookings because you text them and like you know there's a bit of back and forth every so often then I think that there's more of an explanation or not even an explanation but just like just don't post for a while when you go to a new hairdresser we do not need to post everything that we do it is okay you can leave some space she'll understand that you've started going somewhere else and then down the track you can post a photo from the hairdresser if you want to she probably won't even notice she probably

will all right i can't make them feel better don't lie to the audience they're gonna know they're gonna know let's put a poll up let's put a poll up i love a poll and i think a lot of people have gone through this where they've had to break up with a hairdresser. Have you had to break up with a hairdresser? Do you? And then did you tell them or did you ghost them? So I think there's two poles there. Just ghost them.

I think it's fine. Okay. The more I think about it, I'm fine with it. Yeah. Don't ghost someone that you've had inside you, but you can ghost your hairdresser. Well, you could still ghost someone inside you if you're under the right circumstance, not while they're in there.

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It's everywhere. So many places to listen. So little time. Keep your Ask Uncut coming into Life Uncut podcast on Instagram. I was going to say Accidentally Unfiltered. I feel like we've not. No, let me finish. End your Accidentally Unfiltered, end your confessionals,

and any other story you think we need to know about because we want to hear about it. The reason why I'm, like, jumping in and I'm getting excited about Accidentally Unfiltered is because we haven't received many of them recently. We took a little break but I think it's time to bring it back. Yeah, we did. We went down a different channel for a little while because we wanted

to try some new stuff. Yeah, but I've missed them. I've missed them a lot. We can bring them back. Tell me, what is the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you? When did you shit yourself or, like, have an orgasm when walking down the street or whatever crazy thing? That's not embarrassing.

If you can do that, let us know how. Let's what? Don't write it because you're embarrassed. Tell us what your secret is. If you can get off walking down the street, we need to know. You live your best life. All right, and that is it from us. You guys know the drill.

Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. We'll be right back.