Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Cheaters never win, they come third.

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

Hey lifers! Welcome to your little therapy session where we unpack some dilemmas going on in your life. First up, there's a woman who has cheated her way to the podium and it's just so funny, we must discuss!Vibes for the week:Laura: Matty J's new podcast that you can listen to hereBritt: Netflix mini series "American Manhunt: The Boston Marathon BombingThen we jump into your questions: At what point does thinking about an ex go from curious, where you look at their social media etc to see what they've been up to, to unhealthy? Is it weird to cut your toenails in the shower? My partner and I argue about this all the time! He likes to cut his toenails in the shower so the clippings go down the drain. I get a massive 'ick' from this and would much rather he cut them straight into the bin! One-on-one dinners with my long-term boyfriend are awkward. We spend a lot of our time together, so when it comes to a sit down, across from each other, I find that at times we have nothing to talk about! Does anyone else feel this way? If you have a question you'd like us to unpack, send it to us on Instagram Join the Facebook group Follow us on TiktokAnd tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer. Your deep, your dark, and your burning questions.

How are you feeling today? I'm great. Are you? Yeah, I'm living my best life. Got a little tickle in my throat. Got a little itch, got a little scratch. Do you know why? We'll edit them out, like we edit your snorts out.

Yeah, my snorts. You guys don't know this. I have really tiny, tiny nasal cavities. I've like refrained from ever getting a, what's it called when you get a, not a nose job. Obviously, you haven't had one of those. Laura wants to, she needs to get her sinuses cleared. You don't know because producer Keisha and Laura edit out the snorts. I snort all the time.

What do you reckon the intervals are, Keisha? Like 30 seconds? No, probably 30 seconds. It's not 30 seconds. It's probably like once every 10 minutes. No. The fact that she thinks that. Every 30 seconds, Laura has to do this thing.

I'm not even going. We're just talking about it. You go. Because your noise. No one wants to hear that. Because you have problems with your nose. And this has been like this from the day I met you. You're a snorter.

And we keep saying to Laura, look, you know you have a sinus problem. Let's get you booked in to go to the doctor to get them cleared out. So we keep saying that you need to go and get your sinuses. It's an operation that's minor, but you were like, well, I don't want to go because everyone's going to think I've got a nose job. And I was like, who cares? And you're like, well, actually, if I'm going to go, I want a nose job anyway.

You're like, they could give me a little ski jump at the end or a little tidy up. Just lift it. Just lift it so it doesn't dip. Do you know what, though? Like my nose. Go and ask. Take a picture of me.

Look at my ski jump. I want to look more like Brittany Hockley. no I think back in the day there was once upon a time where I was like I'm gonna go and I'm gonna get this surgery and I'm gonna fix my broken nose and then when I did The Bachelor and then obviously my life became a little bit more public I was like I can never go and get the surgery now because everyone will think I got my nose done and I don't want people to think I got my nose done so now I'm gonna live so it's like the opposite most people go into the public life and then they're like they get surgeries and I'm like I'm refraining from it for fear of people thinking I

got one but what does it matter people think you got one anyway there ain't nothing wrong with that no but i don't want to i'm all natural guys okay well that's the brand that listens to you snort constantly i would love you to have a consult in six months time i'm like hocking a free nose job hey guys really great this is my surgeon it was so good swipe up swipe up just go get your consult okay i have a question this is not an ask uncut question it's just a life question yeah do you reckon sushi is a dinner food absolutely nah it's not though is it it's like a lunch food you just asked me and i said yes and you said it's not it's like a lazy dinner food like okay we sushi you know that people the

sushi chefs train for like six years it is not a lazy food they literally train for six years to be able to do sushi yeah but you're not ordering it on uber eats for dinner are you you're not gonna be like what do i want for dinner tonight sushi that's a lunch meal i order it all the time I go to sushi all the time for dinner and I order it all the time for dinner. It is 100%. What do you mean it's not a dinner food? It is if you go to a Japanese restaurant but if you're just at home and you're – Oh, why does it change?

Because you just can't. It's okay if the food's all deconstructed. If you have rice and then teriyaki next to the rice and then cucumber next to that. But if you have it all together in a roll, that's lunch. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say. Is it? Yeah. Okay, I had an argument with Matt about this.

Well, not an argument. He wondered. Actually, we were both arguing the same point. So it wasn't an argument. We were green for once. I just got confused. It was just a really passionate conversation. We had our girlfriends come over last night and they brought dinner

and we had a great time. It was delicious. Ness and Jess, I love you so much. Thank you so much for generously bringing dinner. But then they left and we were like, oh, my God, sushi's not a dinner food. Oh, my God. You spoil a little brat.

Do you know that's like the most expensive probably takeaway they could have brought you? Oh, yeah, it was my birthday celebration. Did you enjoy it? Yeah, it was amazing. It was delicious. so what part of sushi do you not like for dinner the fact that it's in a roll i don't know it just feels like lunch food to me i'm actually i can't be you deconstruct everything

yeah and pizza i didn't unwrap the sushi no sushi is one thing i eat whole i don't unwrap it that's just you don't even cut it it's a whole log you just deep throw it okay you've actually got a hole in your shirt i'm looking at it now did you know that yeah there's like a big hole down the no that's where the thing goes through that's the little oh it's a wraparound shirt from here it looks like you've got a big moth hole do you okay we've started with me snorting we're talking about the hole in my shirt you look great brit and you've got a beautiful nose oh thank you i actually do like my nose lots of people ask if i've had a nose job because i have quite an upturned so my nickname at school i hated it was ski jump nose like now i love it

Also, our nickname's usually shorter, but Ski Jump Nose is longer than Brit. So whoever came up with that was shit. Actually, it was David Hall. I remember it. Fuck you, David Hall. David Hall, if you're listening, which you're absolutely not. But if any of my friends listening that are friends with David Hall. Isn't it funny how you always remember the person who bullies you?

Like David Hall. It's always their full name. Like Leo, full name. You never go, oh, I was bullied by Jasmine. It's always Jasmine. Why is it that you always remember them as their entire full name? Whenever you talk about the person who bullied you at school, it's always first name last name am i am i on my own with this who knows david was one of my best

friends he wasn't a bully he just thought that was a funny nickname but when you talk about anybody who you had like fights with or bullied you at school would you say their whole name or they're just their first name even like yeah because when i think about my first kiss do you remember yours mine was chad demarco whole name first name oh bradley thomas you see yeah he was also my first boyfriend kissed him behind a ute and my granddad saw oh chad was my first boyfriend and i kissed him behind the demountable at school it was like this big event so you always have to hide don't If you first kissed. Everyone came to watch.

No, we didn't hide. Everyone came to watch. It was awful. They gathered around in a circle and they counted down three, two, one. Because no one was kissing yet. It was in year six. Why were you the first one? Because I was school captain and I was cool and stuff.

But I wasn't really cool. I was fake cool. I didn't want a boyfriend. I didn't want to hold hands. I didn't want to kiss. Peer pressure. You gave in. Good.

And when I say kiss, it wasn't a tonguey. You know how when you're 12 you call it a tonguey? It wasn't that. It was just a kiss on the lips. But I'm traumatized. I can remember. every detail of this scenario when i think back to it now and i haven't thought back to it in a long time i just want to hold me no it's okay not that just you saying tonguey what did you call it

when you were like 12 not that what'd you call it not that a pash yeah kiss i think my school yeah it's so gross i think my school called it like a tonguey because there's a difference if you just either kiss with no tongue and if you had tongue of the tongue that's what happened in Coffs Harbour. Everyone was tonguing each other. Well, never been to Coffs Harbour. Grew up in Port Macquarie, but thanks. Port Macquarie, forgot. Same time. Okay. My sister is here visiting me, Sherry, and her husband, Jay. They are moving overseas in two weeks time, which is really sad for me. But I've been encouraging this move. Do you love it when everyone you love lives in another country? No, I don't. Maybe just the partner thing for a while. I am really encouraging

her to go because her and her partner are in such a unique position where they both have different jobs online they are the epitome of like you know when you on Instagram you used to look at these things pop up being like I once worked 50 hours a week in an office but then I became a digital nomad and now I'm living my best life and you're like I hate you it's fake they are literally the epitome of that they both changed their lives work online and now they get to travel and work it's amazing but I've been encouraging her to go because she's going to end up coming back having kids settling down and then I don't want to say that's it but life changes right oh yeah you're trapped forever so I said the joy leaves your life we established that on Monday you'll never be happy

again so yeah yeah get your last holiday in because once you have children it's all over you can never holiday again but zero fun so I don't want her to go because she's my best friend in the whole world and I love seeing her and but I'm also like man go live your best life because one year two years is going to fly by and you'll feel like you never went anyway long story short that had nothing to do with the story I'm telling you but so they've packed up their house everything's in storage they are ready to move their entire life overseas and they've got nowhere to live so they come with me for a couple of weeks which is great but she gets here last night and Sheridan's an amazing cook so we went grocery shopping yesterday and we were coming back and unpacking

all the food I only had one job and that was to go and get all my stuff for Delilah Sheridan goes and gets all the stuff for dinner and she was going to make this amazing dinner so we're unpacking the groceries at home and this happened at the same time I was looking over at Sherry in slow motion as she was eating so she's unpacking all the stuff and she sees this delicious bag that I got of coconut rough you know when you can go to the nut section of the chocolates and you can put it in the little plastic bag at Coles and then you scan the bag with the barcode yeah so I delightful yeah so I had gotten a bag of coconut rough so she starts to eat them thinking they're coconut roughs but they're not they're pure dog meat she's got a bag of Delilah's dog meat so she's got this

venison dog liver chopped thing that she thought was coconut rough the whole thing's gone in her mouth and she's just dry because have you smelled that shit that she's literally it's all over the ground and I mean I cannot breathe I'm like what are you doing and she just ate pure liver she She goes, I thought it was a coconut ruff. That is messed up. That is so. I feel so sorry for Sheridan. But the good thing about this is, in all honesty, Delilah only eats good food.

So it's like I think there's probably nothing. She's going to have such a silky coat. Sheridan's coat is so silky this morning. You should have seen when she woke up. Her hair looks amazing. Anyway, so don't make that mistake. Don't go and eat dog food thinking that it's coconut ruff. I feel like this happens in your household a lot,

like you using dog shampoo, eating dog food. Yes, because Delilah's my entire life. She takes over my entire life. I have to move into a bigger house for Delilah because she's got my son. Anyway. Look, I wanted to talk to you about something else, an ultra runner, believe it or not, like a marathon runner. Oh, yeah.

You know I love my running. Let's go. Well, there's a woman named Dr. Josiah Zakrzewski. Now, that's probably not right. You definitely butchered that name. That's definitely not – there's a doctor and that's definitely not her name. That's definitely it. Yeah, it's not her name.

but like that I mean that's irrelevant she was running like an ultra marathon in Liverpool like Manchester and Liverpool in the UK and she came in third which is incredible yeah she's on the podium yeah amazing because you've got to train so hard she took the award she took the glory she had a moment she got the photos shook the champagne bottle she did it all because third is pretty incredible but then when they go back to look at the data because when you're a runner in these competition you wear like a gps tracker and it stores data on everything your location it stores how fast you're going like because people like to clock how fast they go per hour so yeah you think i don't know this i don't run matt he's a hardcore runner he's on strava he talks about his strava

runs all the time he talks about how many splits he does he is one kilometer minutes in well perfect this was strava yeah strava i get it every runner uses it do you know how fast he does a kilometer four minutes something so he's super fast oh okay well this woman's data when they tracked it was 1.6 kilometers every one minute and 40 seconds so she's superwoman she was at lightning speeds anyway so the sound of light i mean the speed of light so so they were like oh my god we need to speak to this woman how's she running 1.6 kilometers one minute and 40 seconds so they get all the data and they see that all of a sudden her pace picked up astronomically they also check her heartbeat and her heartbeat was not high so they're like how are you running this fast

what she did was halfway through the race a friend picked her up in the car and then she got out of the car at the end and then ran and finished and came third so she cheated and then still took the glory and when they asked her they were like how did you run so fast how are you running in a minute and your heart rate wasn't going up she's like oh you got me i got a lift she fucking cheated but she wait wait she took the medal she stood on the podium and then when she got busted she was like oh yeah yes no she took it she was going to own it and then she started to say oh i don't know how it happened i wasn't cheating i was going to finish i was pulling out of the race and i was trying to tell an adjudicator that i was pulling out of the race and all of a sudden i was at the

end i was thrusting i was running past the finish line and yeah and then a medal was in my hand it just really spiraled out of control do you know what i think is the most alarming part of this whole story well it's that she's a doctor and that's one person you don't want to cut corners absolutely that is completely accurate and then then the poor woman that came forth she was actually supposed to come third obviously and she's really upset and she literally said but what she's most upset about is that you took my moment on the podium which is fair because like they trained so hard for that but yeah part of me is like i enjoy the dedication i enjoy the fact that she was like you know what instead of pulling out of this race better finish it

feeling better now she admitted that it was a massive error in accepting the trophy and then she said quote i hold my hands up i should have handed them back and not had pictures but i was feeling unwell and spaced out and not thinking clearly yes it would have been a tough drive i'm an idiot and want to apologize to mel who came third it wasn't malicious it was a miscommunication i would never purposefully cheat and this was not a target race but i don't want to make excuses you did purposely cheat i also like that she was spaced out and feeling unwell which would make sense if she ran a marathon but also your friend picked you up like this was premeditated you got your friend to pick you up and finish the race if you were spaced out and

not able to comprehend what you were doing wouldn't your friend say hey babe you didn't actually run it probably shouldn't stand up there time to come down have you cheated in anything Yeah, I cheated once. In what? In a spelling test. Oh. Yeah. One that was significant or just like a spelling test at class?

No, it was just a spelling test in class. But it backfired because I cheated on the girl next to me. Her name was Melinda. What was her full name? Melinda Turnbull. This was in year five or six. So it was a spelling test and there was one word. I looked over at her.

She was always the smartest in the class. She was very, very good at everything and especially writing. And the word was people. I'll never forget people and I looked over at her because I wasn't sure and she had written p-o-p-p-l-e two p's and so I copied it and then I nearly got every question right but I got people wrong Melinda must have known I used to cheat off her you're like Melinda's a genius so it must be double p no I think she knew that I was cheating so she must have thrown spanner in the works written the wrong word so I copied it and then put the right one crossed it out when I didn't

see it says me right it was a big deal to me like okay I'm sorry I'm sorry oh yeah well why don't we talk about what you cheated on I cheated on my HSC exactly way better than a year four spelling test way worse I feel like if you're gonna go like if you're gonna do it go hard go for the full hog because I don't cheat when it matters I cheated on my HSC I'll admit it because you know what it's been long enough now and imagine if they came and took it back from you and you lost your whole who cares I spent so much money at university I don't use any of it so I don't really care I mean I'm not gonna sit here and tell people to do it but like I don't feel guilt for it but how did you do it because I mean my school was pretty strict on like making sure

you didn't cheat I cheated in maths so you know how I don't know what it's like anymore I think it's called the ATAR now but back in my day you know a full generation ago I was in standard maths which you know it was the most basic maths that you could do and you still need it because I am so bad at maths it was an elective I don't know why I had chosen to do it I think I just assumed that maths was something that was so important i've gotten through my entire not really i've gone through my entire adult life without really using maths we had to change the clock remember at the live show because you couldn't read the clock yeah but that's because i really struggle with numbers i can't just like a digital you needed it to say like 10 40 yeah i well i know

i can read a normal clock i can read an analog clock but it just takes me a lot longer to read it i have to sort of sit there and go okay what does that say it's not instantaneous for me which i know it is for a lot of people cool numbers is just not my thing never has been anyway standard math so when you went in to do your math exam you couldn't take any of the formulas with you so you know how you had to kind of know that i honestly couldn't tell you one single math formula now but you had to know all mc squared whatever yeah pythagoras x over y equals z you had to know those in order to be able to do the sums so you had to have memorized all of the theories yeah No.

My brain was like, sorry, we're not committing any of that to memory. I couldn't remember a single one. You couldn't take them in with you. You didn't have that paper. So what I did is you were allowed to take blank paper or lined paper into your exam. So I got a pad and on the inside page I scored, like I wrote it really heavy and then I ripped off the top page

so underneath was all of the formulas scored into the paper. That's actually so smart. And it worked so well I did it for all my life. All three exams. You just wrote whole essays? You've taken whole essays in? Did you? Not all of them.

It explains a lot. The fact that you actually didn't pass your HSC. No, I got in the 90s, guys. I did really well in my HSC. I got in the top band. Don't tell anyone. Yeah. Anyway, that's going to end up in a daily mail.

You just told the whole nation. Yeah, look. But if you're going to do something, do it right. If you're going to cheat on an exam, cheat on the big one. No, you cheat on people in year four. You don't cheat on people. You don't cheat on people ever. No, people is the word I cheated on.

P-E-O-P-P-L-E in year four. You don't cheat. You idiot. I came up with a story, woman. Four years of advice where I'm like, don't cheat. And I'm like, no, you cheat on people. Yeah, my ex was listening to this and he was like, see, Brittany says it's okay to cheat on people.

It was fine. Okay, well, let's do our vibe on subscribe. Do you have a vibe for the week? Yes, I have a vibe. i have the possibly the biggest vibe i've had all year is it a vibrato no i don't have actually i have two of those now once again very grateful for the gifting but no my vibe is that matthew johnson love of my life father of my children the most doting of dads has just started a podcast with a guy named ash wicks who is like quite a famous tiktoker weirdly i've not met him yet and

they've become best friends and now they do stuff together and they like love each other and they go to comedy nights and things oh they're like it's a new friend yeah they're like best friends and it's super cute and i only just met instant adult best friends no they've been friends for a while they've been doing content together oh he's the one in his in his videos he's the other guy in the dad video he always wears like a t-tail on his head and imitates his wife that's what he does he wears a t-tail to pretend that he's got long hair like his wife and he imitates april okay anyway he does very very funny instagrams ash is his name but the thing i'm recommending is that Matt and Ash just brought out their very first episode of Two Doting Dads and I have heard it

and it is fucking hilarious. So if you have listened to Matt on Batch Uncut and you've ever thought, God, I'd like a little bit more of him in my life, go and have a listen to the episode. Is it a parenting podcast? If it's Two Doting Dads, like I'm using my powers of deduction. Okay. I feel like it's not a parenting podcast in terms of good parenting advice is probably, it's not, you're not going to go to it to find out like, what's the sleep schedule for my child but you would go to it to find friends who are also fumbling around the world of parenting you know it's kind of like a daddy's group except but comedy just for daddies obviously because they're both comedians yeah it's the relatability of

parenting so maybe it's the idea of like maybe there's a dad going for a walk when he's got his dilf he's got his baby strapped to him and he's like i want to feel like i'm a part of something i'm going to listen to this like to feel like you're less alone in the journey and i think the mums could listen to it too like i listened to it and found it really funny And obviously the two doting dads headline came from the Daily Mail. Matty J being the world's most doting of dads. Oh, my God. But you've actually just done an ode to the Daily Mail.

Totally. He really played that into the sunset, didn't he? They probably trademarked it. He probably has to pay them now. Two doting dads. There you go. Okay, there you go. Everywhere you can get your podcast, I assume.

Yes. And now what is your recommendation, Britt? It's been out for a few weeks. It's, I guess, a docuseries, but it's the marathon bomber. so you guys remember most of you remember some that are young might not i don't know the boston marathon bombing so this is a real life event and the reason i'm recommending it is because i found it really really interesting but there was a lot i didn't know about it and i think it might be an age thing laura i don't know if you remember the details of that but in

our heads we were like oh a bomb went off at a race i don't think i knew anything about it exactly and when you watch it it's wild how they find who it was the events that unraveled in the capturing of the bombers it was really fascinating and to get a lot of opinions from the people that were there that were involved there were things that were happening that I was like I did not know that is this a one episode kind of documentary is it a series what network is it on we need more information here it's Netflix you could watch in one day if you want to do it's three eps it was interesting too to see the conflict on how an investigation should be run so you know there's a nationwide manhunt for these people that did the bombing and the conflict between the FBI and

the police on what should be released and how they should find them because as a citizen you don't realize how important it is the information that's released because it can cause copycats or it can cause people to run and hide and never find them you can give too much information you can give not enough and something else could happen you don't think of the intricacies that go into an investigation and what there was conflict between the FBI and the police yeah on what to be released and they have some footage from street sort of cams of the bombing and they show the man that ended up being the bomber they capture him on camera so he walks up to the side of the street where he's watching the marathon runners and there's people around and the reason they know

it's him he's got a white cap on but he walks up and stands there everything looks normal he has a backpack in his hand you hear one bomb go off just down the road that's not on camera but you hear it and then you see people start to panic not knowing what's happening but as soon as the bomb goes off so everyone looks towards the bomb he looks the other way and he's very calm and that's the first part where you're like whoever that man was knew that was about to happen and then he walks the opposite direction really calmly he doesn't look like he has a backpack in his hand anymore and then as the viewer it's really confronting because you think oh my god any second that bag's gonna go off and it does so he walks away and you see that you don't actually see what happens after it

but capturing these last moments of a real life event is very, I don't know what the right word, humbling. It makes you grateful for your life. I'm getting emotional talking about it when I'm thinking of it, but I just think it's one of those things that I think everybody should probably watch. Netflix. Get on it. Yeah, not sponsored. All right, let's get into these questions. Question number one. At what point does thinking about an ex go from curious, you know, you might look them up on socials, see what they're up to, to completely unhealthy. How do you break the thought pattern by way of background i was with my ex for nearly 10 years and we were so in love he was my first real relationship and we got married which was such a beautiful time for us

unfortunately our marriage didn't last long less than two years later partly because after the wedding he wanted to move away and find himself what you got married and then you want to go find yourself yeah you do that shit before alone he went through what i can only describe as a 30 year old midlife crisis he moved on before i did which was initially really hard for me but i also found a beautiful man who i love so much we recently got married and we had our first baby however i have a hidden secret i often still think about my ex not that i still love him necessarily but i ruminate on our breakup and what his life is like now the kicker is is that he also got married and he also now has a baby to a woman who is from our hometown someone who he

was friends with when we were together i also look at socials not his as we don't follow each other but mutual friends who have pictures of him i feel like i do this often and i do find it intrusive i just wish i could forget about it and move on don't beat yourself up there is a level of this being very normal i think but there's also a level that you have to if you think it's too much chances are it's too much i think there's always a curiosity in life of every now and again you're like oh I wonder what they're up to but it should just be like a pretty base level low level curiosity very very sporadic curiosity it shouldn't be a daily check-in or what oh my god they've gone to coffee today I mean yeah it shouldn't be a daily check-in to see how they're

going it is interesting because people write these questions all the time but they never actually say the frequency they're never like look I check it 17 times a day well all she has said is that it's She thinks it's too much, but she hasn't said how often. I think it is normal to check in on an ex every so often. I think it is normal because I do think that we are curious creatures and we just kind of want to be like, hmm, you know, they're a huge part of your life. You married this guy.

You thought you were going to have kids with this man. He was the person you thought your life was going to be with forever. It's only natural that you sometimes have a curiosity as to where his life is at and like what has happened and how that's progressing because all of a sudden his life no longer has you in it at all and I think it takes a long time for us to kind of accept that new identity shift especially if you both moved on quickly you both got into relationships quickly and both had children with other people quickly well you can also move on from a relationship like you can move on in your life and still not be past what happened to you

so you can do both simultaneously you can be with someone else you've married someone you've had a baby. So you've created another life, but that doesn't mean you've necessarily closed the door in the past. And I'm going to say that you haven't closed the door in the past because you literally say, I ruminate on it. I think about it all the time. The kicker here is that you did get married to someone you thought you'd spend your life with. That's why we marry someone. And all of a sudden he said, it's not the life I want. I need to move away. I need to find who I am. But he ended up actually moving back to his home state and having a baby and getting married. So he had the life that you guys had but you weren't the one in it and there's there's a part of that that's really

hard to move on from because there's a part of you that's like well why why not me literally had and you've got an identical life as the one we had but i wasn't good enough or i wasn't the person that filled that space yeah it really changes the tune when you think oh he had to go out there and find himself but he found exactly what he had it was just me he didn't want that's such a fucking hard thing to get over exactly it's not like he ended up living in antarctica and he's gay and you're like oh I get it now I wasn't enough because he wanted this whole different life but he just picked it out of the same life and it's not you and that is really hard to move on from and when you don't have the say in a breakup when there's no part of you that wants something it can take

fucking years and years and a lot of work to accept and move on from the first thing you need to do is probably work on that and it sounds like you've admitted there's a problem first step is like okay maybe I haven't closed the door on that my suggestion would genuinely be and I have done this is go to therapy speak to a therapist and try and work through why it doesn't mean you don't love your partner now it absolutely doesn't mean that it just means there's this little chapter in your heart it needs to close yeah i think this is so interesting i do believe that like for so many people and time plays a huge factor we have and can hold on to i've described it as like the ping before but you have this little bit of you that still is attached to it's not attached to

your ex so much it's not necessarily attached to that person but it's attached to the life it's attached to where your life could have gone what your life could have been and it's that fork in the road and then every so often when they you know you go look at their instagram or they come up on social media or someone mentions them you get that little ping of like oh that's right that was my life was heading there and now it's here and i think it's so important like you do say in this and what you said brit like you do love your partner now that you have you do love your life you do love being a mum to your child you're not wanting your life to be in a different place but it doesn't mean that you don't still experience that ping that ping gets less and less as time

goes on I would say in five years time you're not going to be feeling the way that you're feeling right now I don't think people hold on to it with the same intensity I know that that's cliche like time heals all wounds blah blah blah but we can move on quickly with our life and with life events i.e. getting married quickly afterwards finding a new partner having children it doesn't mean that emotionally we move on just because we physically move on it doesn't mean that you've emotionally healed all those parts of you and I really think giving yourself a little bit of grace that like it's okay that sometimes you think about or you reminisce but understanding if it is a massive issue that you have to change some things because you can't be five years down the track still

looking at your ex's profile daily or even weekly you know I would say if you're looking at it more than like monthly can you go can you check once a month no I would say like a check-in twice a year once every six months I wonder what they've been up to that is like you shouldn't be doing it more than that because you shouldn't care really and it is normal human nature to be inquisitive and curious where somebody that was in your life ended up I sometimes do it to old friends okay what would you say now so like obviously I'm going to say in comparison to your ex but for anyone if you've been out of a relationship for two years what's an acceptable number of times to look at your ex's profile if you don't follow each other and you're not friends and you're not in each other's

life I'm really good with this I don't look at my ex's profiles not because I'm not interested but I know what it does to me and it would affect me because that person meant something I mean we're obviously going to talk about my recent ex and that relationship and him meant a lot to me and we all know that that's not breaking news but I know to look at that would set me back it would affect me I would probably get upset not because I necessarily want to be with him but just because it was someone that was close to you and you've got to remember it's the same as smells but visuals photos memories they incite things and feelings inside of you they're very powerful but what I will sporadically do and I'm happy to admit this is I will sporadically look up Jordan's tennis

matches just to see how he's traveling like if there's a big competition that I know if it's a grand slam or something but that's purely because I love tennis now like I genuinely still watch tennis I know a lot of the players and I just love watching it but it's such a big thing that I'm like I wonder how he went I know that tournament must have meant something to him and I wonder how he went so I'll just google it I don't go onto his page or anything but I'll just google the scores who he beat who he lost to whatever but you don't look at his social media I could not I could not it would still probably affect me in some way I'm happy to say that but this is why it's so okay because I also think in this instance like actions reinforce to you so like the more you do it the

more you want to the more that you go down the rabbit hole of looking yeah the more that you go down the rabbit hole of looking at or trying to figure out what his life is like and put the pieces of the puzzle together, the more that you then want to do it. Part of this, you know, it's great for us to say, go see a therapist, go and do this. You also have to just exercise some self-control for a while. And it's like anything, imagine quitting smoking, imagine quitting drinking, imagine starting exercise for 30 days. You have to treat this for a period as though it's something that you're going to quit. Actively tell yourself, I am absolutely not going to look at any single thing that has anything to do with my ex.

I'm not going to go looking for it because you need to stop those neural pathways in your brain that you keep reinforcing every time you go looking and that it makes you want to do it more. Well, out of sight, out of mind, there's a reason that's a saying because you're going to keep thinking about them if you keep looking at them because it's the last thing, if you look at it before you go to bed, you're going to wake up in the morning and that's going to be in your mind. And I mean, I personally would do this if I break up with Ben now, I'd do the same thing

with Ben. I wouldn't go and look at his page either because that would affect me you've got to realize what it's doing to yourself and understand that it's not healthy but I think that one of the big things to work out is why you're doing it as well why do you care what he's doing so much and once you get to the the bottom of why you can really work on how to fix it but I think the why in this is feeling like he's had the life that she wanted with someone else you know it's the fixation of not being the one not being the chosen one yeah but don't be so hard on yourself because it's very normal and like I know Laura you'll sporadically go and look at someone from your past as well

oh yeah I love a bit of self-torture go and look at them every so often it was pretty bad for it like we really worked on Keisha unfollowing and blocking people from her past because it was a curiosity she would go back and then she would get upset okay why are we going back and looking at it because you know when you do it you get upset so you've got to be strong enough within yourself to be like it's not serving me at all because 99.99% chances are it's not serving you but 100 all right well i have one that's very look this might be very divisive let's see how you feel about it brit is it weird to cut your toenails in the shower my partner and i argue about this we do answer the big stuff we argue about this all the time he likes to cut his

toenails in the shower as he says well it all gets washed down the drain anyway i however have got a massive ick that he does this i would rather he cut his toenails outside in the garden or straight into the bin i love him very much and we've been together for years but is it just me or is it weird to cut your toenails in the shower i do you know what i love about this question i love that she had to put in here i love him very much and we've been together for years as though the recommendation we're going to give is that you should leave him yeah oh it's over it's never gonna work out i love that these are the questions i think these are the caliber cut your toenails in the shower if this is the biggest problem in your relationship you guys are doing really well also it's the

shower it's not like he's cutting his toenails on the couch i think it's weird he cuts his toenails in the shower like i don't want to be doing that in the shower because i want to just be enjoying the hot water and washing my hair and stuff but if you want to cut your toenails in the shower fine it's true it does go straight down the drain because if you cut them anywhere else they fling off you'll find them in the rug in the carpet or you're stuck in a lounge you know where you can't cut your toenails are you going to tell me at home not in bed of course you can't cut if you're dating someone who cuts their toenails in bed dump them i actually don't want to ever see my partner cut their nails cut them in prior yeah you know what cut them in the shower unless you're having

a shower together and it's a sexy shower let him cut his toenails yeah you don't want someone rimming you from behind and then you cut your toenails yeah you don't want to bend them over and then cut your toenails actually two birds one stone if you're time poor do it to be fair matt he goes outside he cuts his toenails outside or he does it into the bin he's the perfect toe cutting person even if you go outside it's still just on the ground and your kids go play there It's actually probably better in the shower. He cuts them and flicks them straight into the garden. See, that's rank to me.

I don't know why. No, it's fine. The idea of just throwing a toenail away anywhere is a bit weird. Okay, toenails are weird in general, but the fact is that he's trying to do it somewhere which is like remotely thoughtful. Totally. The one thing I would like to say is I can't stand when people floss their teeth but they floss it like sitting on the couch,

like flossing your teeth at night time, then sucking their teeth, flossing their teeth. What do you mean sucking their teeth? Well, like when you floss, you're like, well, I don't. I feel like people do. I take two seconds to floss. It's like you and Matt in the bedroom. I floss my teeth like you have sex.

No, I dated a guy once who used to brush his teeth and he'd floss them sitting on the couch next to me. That gave me the biggest ick. Yeah, it's not a wind down routine. You don't sit there and have a Netflix chill and floss. Yeah, it's because he wanted to spend all of his time with me. Didn't want to waste any time whilst flossing. Anyway, I feel like I've answered that.

It's fine. let your partner cut his toenails in the shower all right next question one-on-one dinners with my long-term boyfriend are awkward oh so I have a dilemma that has been brewing for a few years now that I just don't know how to approach I've been with my boyfriend for just over four years and I am so head over heels in love we are best friends and I truly see us spending our lives together while 99.9% of our time together is so easy and fun I just struggle with this one part this one part that happens every day of our life. When we have a sit-down couples dinner at a restaurant, for me, it's always mildly uncomfortable. I think this stems from us not having much to discuss

anymore as we live together, gym together, and spend generally most of our lives together. This usually leads to us having a more serious conversation, which are never fun, let's be real, or to rehash things we've already discussed. Is this normal for couples to experience? I feel like there is so much pressure when we are seated opposite to one another. i don't think i'm gonna say this i reckon there's gonna be other people who completely relate to this i reckon more people than not will relate to this and no one talks about this shit no one talks about like the pressure for it to be so easy and simple you can't have like uninterrupted spontaneous interesting new conversations with your partner every single moment you're with them

especially if you spend a lot of time with them and you live together you already know them so and you've been together for four years does he find it awkward probably not you could even have a conversation with him do you ever find it awkward when we sit down to have dinner together because like we have nothing to talk about or you could do it laura din she used to write down prompts conversation prompts that was never like when i was in a committed relationship that was always at the beginning because i wanted to seem like i was interesting fuck when man no i go out for dinner sometimes we sit there and we're like see anything fun on tiktok today this it look the thing is is this normal absolutely like the time is going to come where you like you just said you

spend a lot of time together you talk about a lot of stuff the time's going to come we've all been there where you sit down at dinner and you're like oh I actually don't know what to say but having said that there is always something to say or something to discuss and what I mean by that is if you are uncomfortable by this there is absolutely no reason you cannot discuss something that's happening in the world right now look up current events of the day if it's actually an issue it's so funny do your research before you have a date night with your no but say what do you think about this like there should always be a discovery in a relationship you should always be because you are both changing as people over the years you're not the same person you were last

year three years ago four years ago ten years ago and the world is ever evolving he will have an opinion on something and you will have an opinion on something have a look at what's happening it doesn't have to be serious it can be funny but if you're that uncomfortable there's i mean like it sounds funny but i'm being serious there's no reason you can't look at what's happening in the world today then when you get to dinner say oh my god you see what happened in new york today what do you think about that you have to save your conversation sometimes we'll be in the car on the way to dinner and i'll be like to matt save for dinner oh my god conversations now people will be looking at us at dinner we need to look like but there's no reason you can't be

asking questions about each other having discussions about something that's happening in the world like if something has just happened that day or the day before you don't know their thought on it do you don't know the answer yeah but the thing is is if they live together just say they both work from home maybe they are having those discussions as it comes up so just don't ask about new york at home say for dinner but also do you know what other things like it's okay it is okay to sit in silence sometimes you don't have to have a running constant stream of conversation with your partner it's not necessary it's okay to sometimes just be like comfortable and silent in your partner's company that doesn't have to be awkward i understand it is for some people but

I think that that is a whole other level of being in a relationship when you can be comfortably silent with them. Or if you really don't want to be comfortably silent when you're sitting at dinner because you're worried about conversation. I think in this instance, you don't want to be getting into super deep chats that you don't actually feel passionate about. You're just doing it because it's the thing to rehash, you know, like it's the thing that comes up because you're stuck in this one-on-one sitting across from each other situation.

what you could do there's loads of places where you can buy cards from which are like that you know the conversation starter cards and I don't mean that in like a corny way going out to a sit down dinner and taking your conversation starter cards out look at the cards first but like there's like sex ones there's ones that you can do that are like really funny or insightful they're not like you know what's your fucking favorite color or something I don't mean in the most basic way I just mean like there are definitely little activities you could do that are fun and spontaneous that kind of reignite that but also I think question why is it that you feel it's so awkward when you don't have something to say to your partner especially if you're saying 99.9%

of the time everything else is great everything is comfortable why does silence make you so uncomfortable I get it silence doesn't make her uncomfortable silence out at a public dinner sitting opposite each other makes her uncomfortable and I understand that like I understand there's a difference between being comfortably silent at home on the lounge doing your own thing coexisting there's definitely something different about then going out to dinner and sitting down in a packed restaurant and not talking to each other because you're sort of like cool why do we come I understand that completely like a hundred percent and also you know that you know and you shouldn't care but you know people looking at you've been like oh my god they're not talking

are they looking no one's looking yeah I always do I always nobody is looking in a restaurant I look at everyone and I'm like they haven't spoken for ages so that's probably what you're talking to your partner about hey Ben look at that couple over there they're not talking to each other yeah maybe do you know well you know another thing you can do and i do this mainly because it's the podcast but ask your boyfriend one of the questions we've discussed on the podcast here and say what do you think about this this person did this they cheated they you know do you think you should take it back ask their opinion i ask ben these all the time always out of curiosity not to use his opinion but just because i genuinely want to know a male's opinion and it's often really interesting

it has to do with relationships chances are one of their friends have done something similar or they know someone it's a whole nother conversation starter and also then we might get another life uncut listener i always think sex ones are great because you really can get into a tangent talking about yourself intimately but you haven't come up with the question do you mean like it's like you know when you watch maths and they have the honesty box it's like doing an honesty box with your partner at dinner and i think like then new conversations can kind of just like monkey branch from that into something else anyway good luck no you're not alone if you do sit there in silence 99% of the couples are probably doing it but yeah let's think outside the box here let's

start a conversations definitely ask something sexy like Laura said because guys love talking about sex they love sex do they they're not all of them 100% no maybe that'll make him awkward no it will not they've been together four years if she brings up sex his ears are gonna prick up best question what is one fantasy that you have always had that we've never done there you go there's a question to ask you next time you sit down at dinner perfect well that's it from us Guys, if you've got questions, keep them coming in to Life Uncut Podcast on Instagram. Just put Ask Uncut at the top and also confessionals, accidentally unfilters, everything. Send them into the pod.

And if you feel so inclined, go and jump onto Apple Podcasts, leave us a review, and that is it from us, guys. You know the drill. Don't forget to tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends, and share the love because we love love! We'll be right back.