Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Copy Cats, Boyfriend Sharing His Bed and Hijacked Mother’s Days

Episode Date: August 31, 2025

Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack your deep, burning questions!There’s a new dating term called ‘shrekking’ and we feel as though it’s mean but it also has us questioning if we have ever been shrekked! Vibes this week:Britt - Hostage on Netflix Laura - Tom organic maternity pads  Keeshia - 70s Easy Listening Mix on spotify Then we jump into your questions! SON NO LONGER CELEBRATES MOTHERS DAY WITH ME ON THE DAY BECAUSE OF HIS WIFEI have been a mother for 35 years and we have always celebrated Mother’s Day on the Sunday that mother’s day is … but now my daughter in law has hijacked it and now I have to meet my son and other kids on the Saturday before , because now Mothers Day is all about her. I have put up with it and haven’t said anything to my son , because I don’t want to put him in a bad position, but I’m really hurt by it. I think it’s really selfish that she doesn’t see how the situation would make me feel. We should be celebrating the day all together. Do I speak to them about it or just let it go?   NEW BF LET ANOTHER GIRL SLEEP IN HIS BED FOR 3 WEEKSI was recently dating a guy (in the very early days, 6-8 dates in) & he had a German nanny/au pair staying with him & his mates for 3 weeks to help a friend out. He has 3 female housemates, and this German girl could have stayed in any of their 3 beds, or on their massive 5 seater lounge, but instead, he let her share his Queen bed with him for the 3 weeks. He claimed it was ‘purely platonic’ and that I had nothing to worry about. I found this quite odd though, and it made me question his intentions (with both of us). When I went over to his place on our 5th or so date, he had to text her asking her not to come into his (/her) room while I was there. All of her stuff was in his ensuite & on his bedside table. I made a ‘joke’ about how weird it was. He got defensive & accused me of being insecure, saying ‘this isn’t going to work if you get jealous every time I talk to another girl.’ He also insisted that this was a normal thing to do, to allow someone to share your bed without having sex with them. I don’t think it is, but I felt almost gaslit when I questioned him. What are your thoughts? I know we were not technically in an exclusive relationship yet, but we’d established from the get go that neither of us were casual daters & that we were dating for a life partner. DOES MY FRIEND WANT TO BE ME/ALWAYS COPYING MESo I have a situation where one of my good friends keeps copying everything that I do. At first it was cute and I tried to see it as a little bit of flattery but now it’s getting to the point where it’s incredibly irritating. It started off with small things like she started doing reformer Pilates because I was doing it, she then started with the exact same nutrition coach that I am using, she purchased a Stanley cup because I have one, she joined the exact same gym that I go to even though there are multiple closer to her, she got Botox in her jaw the same day that I told her I was getting mine done and more recently has planned a trip to New Zealand three days after me telling her I was going to New Zealand. At what point is this just fucking weird and how do I stop myself from losing my shit every time I find out she’s done something identical to me? For context this is just a few examples there are way way more.   You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. I'm Laura. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, darky, burning questions. How burning are they? You can get treatment. They're pretty burning today. You can get treatment for that. Yeah, they're pretty burning today. You know, you guys go through flows. You go through flows

where you're okay and you're healthy mentally and then you go through days where you really need us. No, I almost disagree. I think that sometimes it depends on our mental state because there are some fucked up questions that come through and we're like, I don't have the capacity, the bandwidth, or the emotional intelligence to be able to answer that question. Good luck, go to therapy.

To be fair, we do, obviously, we have big conversations before we get into these points. No, but sometimes we read your questions, we read them out to each other, and sometimes we're like, that one's a bit too cooked. like that's not making the cut like that's that's too far but before we start I did want to tell you about a new dating term that I came across and I want to get your thoughts on it now it's not news to you guys but I don't froth the dating term I think we label too much stuff like every second

week there's a different label for something let us just live right I kind of love a dating term though I love a new age like because you think we would have run out of them by now right you think that every single dating term that could possibly exist has already come out and then every so often And there's a new sex position, which we all know that I can get around, not actually around the sex position, just the name and the definition. You're not doing much at the moment. Tried to have missionary on the weekend. How'd that go?

Unusual choice of style for eight months pregnant. You're like, can Matt see you over the hump? It's so weird. How does he even reach you if he's on your belly? I know, we've really taken a detour. I don't know. It just doesn't feel good to go straight, like, to like, If you're having a quickie, being like, go on the side, like it just doesn't feel very

romantic or like straight into doggy. Like it all just feels a bit extreme. But how does missionary even work when there's such a big belly? Well, I mean, how else? Of course, if you're on, wow, sorry everyone. You just have to, like, then you have to support your belly as well. No, it's kind of nice because it just hangs. It's like, you don't have to worry about it.

No back pain. No back pain. It's really good. Downward dog. Is it the downward dog or is it the cat thing? That's a yoga move. Oh no, downward dog is wrong. It's the cat.

Cow, yeah, that's what we're doing. Moo. How does the missionary actually work when you're eight months pregnant? Not well, let me tell you. Do you moo while you're doing it? That's how I feel at the moment. Let's get back into the new dating term. Well done to Matt if he can maintain an erection through that.

He did great. Well done. Pregnancies turn people on. But mooing wouldn't. Maybe. Everyone, we've already established before. Matt's even said it on his own podcast. He has a pregnancy kink.

Yeah. I am the one that's not as into it this pregnancy because I, yeah, feel. I feel like I've been through a lot. Hey, no, back to the dating term because we did take a segue. Sorry. Shrekking. Shrekking. Now, this is the term and it's based off the franchise Shrek.

The term refers to hopeless romantics who purposely settle for someone less attractive than themselves like Princess Fiona does in Shrek. Like I think of it this way. I'm thinking like people that have just had enough, they can't find their prince for court. Oh, that made me feel sick. Their prince. They can't find their partner, soulmate, love of their life, whatever.

So they actively say, do you know what? I'm going to intentionally go and find someone that I deem less attractive than me on the attractive scale, because that way they'll feel so lucky to have me that they're just going to give me everything else I want. And I'm going to have this wonderful life. So they're choosing to, in inverted commas, date down aesthetically to find their soulmate. This is really mean. It's so mean.

It's really mean to wake up in the morning and be like, yeah, all right. Guess I'll find someone ugly. You know what? It's not working for me at this point. So I'm just going to go for someone who I deem conventionally unattractive to me. Like, who hurt you? I think it depends on the scale because I actually think that there is a good thing about being a little bit more realistic of thinking, well, you know, I've dated all of

these people that I've thought was super hot it hasn't worked out maybe I need to try something different maybe looks is a part of that yes but there's a very big difference between being like okay I'm gonna broaden my dating scope I'm gonna be stopped having so many limitations with like the type of person I think I'm attracted to because maybe they're not good for me and purposely going after someone who you deem in your mind as being unattractive that just seems it just seems weird I think there's a difference between unattractive and less attractive than what you would typically go for and i think that that's where the gray is that i'm at i actually the part of this i understand and i think that maybe if we put less emphasis on physical appearance

we might have more of a chance to find that's the difference kish it's not about putting less emphasis on it it's about people actively saying oh i'll just go for someone ugly and settle like i absolutely think that looks are not everything and they shouldn't be the number one thing that you focus on because we like cringe old saying looks are going to fade but you know your personality your humor and your morals are going to last forever it's actually so true and I it's like oh we've all heard it we have looks fade it's not it's not a new take like I think if you're that superficial that you're only looking for that and it is hard because we live in a world where we're online dating and it's based on superficiality like you're literally swiping

half the time you're not even reading their prompts you're swiping based on one picture and if you think they're hot. So it's, it's easy for us to sit here and say that, but like the idea of intentionally Shrek-ing, but this is where it takes another level because if you're Shrek-ing that opens you up to being Shrek-ed. Now being Shrek-ed, what happens is, and I'm saying this is from the study, not me. Being Shrek-ed is when you started with the Shrek-ing. So you've intentionally gone to find somebody that you think is less attractive than you so that they treat you better but then you can be shrecked which is when they then say I don't want to be with you and they break up with you you've been shrecked because you in your mind should never be dumped by someone

that you think should be treating you like a princess because you're so hot that's what people are saying yeah but I also think if you actually unpack this if anyone is doing this and the fact that this even exists let's just all realize how much of a fucking asshole that person is in the first place firstly to think that you're better than someone and secondly to think that you're too good to be dumped by them you're kind of the person who deserves to be Shrek no I felt like I've been Shrek before and not off aesthetics but like I have back in my dating times and it was never like a serious relationship but you know when you know when you date you're so desperate to find someone to be with like we've all been there I was in the depths of despair so I was

like really wanting to be with somebody so it wasn't about looks wise but people that I knew were jerks or assholes or I just let so much slide and I remember I think I would have said it to you Keish I remember then they're like hey I'm just not into it's not going anywhere I was like the audacity of that walking red flag to not want you know like I was like I treated him so well and there's a feeling of like I don't know what the feeling is but it's like wow like you've been such an asshole and you still dumped me and then that goes back to just not me feeling like I'm too good for him but I remember just being like wow I'm doomed like if I can't even lock this down I'm doomed they've just had the thought and I've said to you a couple of times

like some of the people that I have been fortunate enough to hook up with I look at them and I'm like wow you did me a favor like I don't know what was going on in their life at the time there are some of them that I am like you were objectively very attractive and I'm kind of thinking now I wonder if they were a bit like yeah you know I gave that girl a chance and also I got shrek'd like maybe they were trying to date down but at least did you then break up with them because probably not that doesn't count. You'd never shrek to them, Kish. You'd never shrek to them that doesn't count.

You would have like clung onto them like a koala. I was like, please be with me. That happened more times than I can even count on my fingers. Hey, if you're banging that many great people. Look, I mean, yes, and thank you for those people. Thank you for the charity work. Thank you for the charity. Not all heroes work out.

You know what? I think that for me the way that I read this, and maybe I've misinterpreted it, I read it more as like a bit of a whole experience of a person like you know whether you've got your shit together like there were times where I was clinging for life to try and get a job and like you know I couldn't couldn't really find anywhere to live and I was depressed and I was sad from a breakup and I'm kind of thinking about those times where I'm like well I just really didn't have my shit together my experience of this is when I was devastated that the man who didn't have a mattress and basically

So he slept on clothes. Still dumpy. Broke up with me. Yes. I was devastated. That's what I mean. That's why I read this Shrek-ing thing as like it's not so much about looks and maybe I am misinterpreting it but I think about the man that you dated

who had a mattress on the floor and I'm like. I joke. He had a mattress but he had no sheets or doonas or anything. And you got Shrek'd. And he broke up with me and I was so sad. All I take away from this is that we are also the problem in this equation. Anyway, let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. My vibe this week is, now I haven't let you down,

I recommended a Netflix that was called The Rookie. I call it Rookie Cop. I've never had so many people ever write to me about something that I've said on the podcast. Like you guys are frothing it. You do have good series vibes. Well, this one came out about 10 minutes ago. Oh, dear.

It came out really recently. So this is currently the number one watched show series in Australia right now on Netflix. It's called Hostage. Oh, I've seen this and I've been wondering whether I should watch it. It's so good. And I know I'm going off piste here because usually I say, oh, it's 28 seasons. I love it.

Like I love to be able to watch something for years. This is five episodes. It is like. It's such a little tease. It's well, no, it's the whole series. It's not coming out more. Oh, that's it. It's just a mini series, I guess.

Five eps. So it's so consumable. Limited edition. No, but see, I like this because I can't, I get overwhelmed when someone recommends a series and there's like six seasons. I will never, ever, ever start that because it's humanly impossible for me to get through six seasons. But if it's just five eps and that's the investment, I'm all about it.

Yeah, it's five eps. And Laura's looking for a casual fling. Yeah, I don't want anything serious. Well, I haven't even told you guys what it is yet. Sorry. It's about the British prime minister and the French president. And it's evidently a hostage situation and it's how the two countries work together. But the two leads, like the prime minister and the president are both women and it's

very women-based. like a lot of people in the leadership positions. I just loved it. I loved seeing it something a little bit different, but it was, it had me hooked from the start. It was quick and easy. It was five episodes. So it's just called Hostage on Netflix. Amazing. I love that. I have a very specific niche one to people who are pregnant and are going into having a baby. If that's you, this will apply to you. If not, fast forward a minute. I have now tried literally every single type of maternity pad that there is like that postpartum phase is fucking hectic and like you have to wear a pad because you bleed a lot postpartum especially if you have a vaginal birth and you have to wear

liners you have to wear pads and you get the big hospital ones which are super effective because they're enormous there's like a hundred thread count inside your underwear but then once you leave the hospital and like your supply of that is gone you have to then fend for yourself and I have tried every single brand and when I had Lola a really close friend of mine who has kids was like oh my god you have to try this one they are amazing it's Tom's organic maternity pads they don't have wings on them they're all cotton but also the thing I don't like about most pads and I don't know if other people have this experience I feel that they feel plasticky I can feel them and they don't feel like underwear whereas this has the texture of and feels like you've just got

cotton underwear on but it is a pad and it is as effective as a pad can you wear like the period undies the heavy period undies or are you bleeding too much that there's like more than that you absolutely can and there are maternity versions of it i don't enjoy them at that peak time of like when it's like too wet it's just there's just too much yeah there's too much capping down there like you really need some extra support and neither do they so that yeah and the reason why i'm recommending this i just did like a massive stock up on the weekend i was like oh my god if this is going to hit me anytime soon i need to have them in my in my drawers so i just went and bought a whole heap of them but tom organics maternity pads they are like sitting

on a cloud they are amazing so that is my recommendation why do i have maybe you can answer this because i moved into your house why maternity pad no but i have can i have them i have loads of nappies in my house and i for the life of me do not know where they came from they would have come from maya and from sherry oh delilah they came from when delilah went into heat and i bought her nappies because i had her at the time i think i had to live at your house because My landlord was, you know, grumpy. And I bought her nappies, but she hated them. So I only used two.

Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, got it. It absolutely isn't me because I cleaned that house from top to bottom before you moved in. Except for the 50 huntsmen. That's three years ago. You can donate those nappies now. Well, I keep saving them for someone.

Yeah. Perfect. All right, Keish, what's your vibe? My vibe this week is actually a music playlist. And the way that I stumbled upon this was actually quite funny. So my mum's partner and her came to visit, it would have to be like nearly six months ago now. And we were sitting in the lounge room and I was like, hey, Charlie, what would you like

to listen to? You know, what type of music would you like me to put on? And he turned to me and he said, there's this playlist that I've really been enjoying. It's called 70s Easy Listening Mix. And I thought you were going to say K-pop Demon Hunters. And I was like, yes, same babe, same. Welcome to my household. So, I mean, he's in his 70s, but it's music from the 70s.

ever since we started playing this it is exclusively the only music playlist that we seem to play in the house it just has really good music in it it's got three and a half hours 50 songs i'm pretty sure that they do change them but it's got people like fleetwood mac elton john eric clapton billy joel like oh i love this yeah good classics that i don't think are overplayed too much yeah so it's a really it's one of those playlists that i think it doesn't really matter at the age of the people that are there, everyone's going to enjoy it and I find it quite hard to find a – you know when people are coming over and I've always felt this like little bit of pressure to be like,

what type of music do I think they're into? I never play music when people come over. Really? No. Britt's like, I don't really have people come over. She's like, sorry. All right, mate. I'm going to cut a girl when she's down.

That's because you don't have friends. But, yeah, it's a playlist that's on Spotify. it is called 70s easy listing mix I'm pretty sure that they actually have them for each decade because we've also listened to the 80s one and the 90s one but the 70s is where it's at okay I love this I love a new playlist all right let's get into the questions question number one hi guys I would love some advice on the situation I find myself in I have been a mother for 35 years and we have always celebrated Mother's Day on the Sunday that Mother's Day falls on but now my daughter-in-law has hijacked it and I know that's a pretty big word my daughter-in-law has hijacked

it and now I have to meet my son and other kids on the Saturday before because now Mother's Day is all about her I have put up with it and haven't said anything to my son because I don't want to put him in a bad position but I'm really hurt by it I think it's really selfish that she doesn't see how the situation would make me feel we should be celebrating the day all together do I speak to them about it or do i just let it go oh uh okay firstly i and i want to come to this with a lot of sensitivity because obviously this is something that's very hard for you i think in the way in which the question has been worded it is unfair that you are blaming your daughter-in-law for this because she hasn't hijacked it she's not stopping her husband from seeing you they are

I mean, we don't know that. That's the thing. We just don't know what the actual intricacies are. But also, I mean, your husband is also his own person and they can have conversations. I think it's unfair to assume that just because your daughter-in-law has become the mum in that equation that she has hijacked Mother's Day from you. I also understand why it's become a really important thing for them to celebrate as a family because she's a new mum and probably does a lot and he wants to make sure that

she feels super appreciated on a day. That's really, really important to her as well. My question is a couple of things. Does she have a mom? Are they selling mother's day with her mom as well? Like, is there a reason why her mom is not in this equation? Does she have a fractured relationship with her mom? What's that relationship like? Because it would be a whole different situation if he was like, Oh, I hang out with my wife and we go and see her mom on mother's day. Like that's really, really hurtful. But if it's that they have made time specifically for you the week before and then they have time on the day for themselves. Part of me is like, okay, this is going to sound really harsh. Part of me is like, I understand that it's hurtful, but they've

made decisions for their nuclear family that work for them. And I think it's not necessarily about the wife being the evil person in this equation. I kind of think it's a mutual thing that they've come to. I disagree. I think, I mean, not disagree with that. It's the wife's fault. Like you don't know that they're in a relationship your son is his own person as well I agree with that I think absolutely you for Mother's Day if you guys are all in the same place which you obviously are if you're all hanging out the week before I think you should be doing something all together as well you're a mum she's a mum the other brothers and siblings are mums like if everyone is a mum why can't you all just go and hang out and have lunch together and all celebrate so no

one feels left out I feel very differently about it and maybe that's because I look at the way my family does it and that's how my family does it my brothers and sisters get together and their kids come and then we go with my mum and dad and then we go get my nana there's like four generations of mums there because Mother's Day doesn't just stop when somebody becomes a new mum like everyone if you are have your mum on this planet I think if you are around the corner that you should be making a bit of an effort to all be together of course you can do whatever you want in your family But also, but I think it's complex because there's multiple mums in this equation. There's her family.

So is she then expected to like her mum to come and do Mother's Day with the husband? I don't know. I haven't said anything about it, which is makes me think maybe that her mum, maybe they live in a different town. I don't know. But the fact that you said, oh, we all catch up the weekend before. But having said that, if you've never said anything, you can't be upset if maybe they are not coming to the party.

and what I mean by that is I think it's okay for next year maybe you bring something up and say hey it'd be really nice if we could all have lunch together on Mother's Day what do you think and once you've said it if they then say no we've got plans it's very hurtful but there's nothing you can really do but I do think don't quite blame the daughter-in-law yeah I don't know but it's okay to say it it's okay to say hey I'd really love to see you guys and celebrate Mother's Day together this year do you think we can all have lunch I think that's fine and I don't want to say they disagree I don't disagree I think there's multiple ways that you can do this I would feel very differently if they weren't making time for you I would feel very differently if they hadn't

allocated a day where you guys all agreed where they made you feel special if they were like you know what we're doing Mother's Day and all he did was give you a call or something but the fact that the weekend beforehand is all about you and it's all about your Mother's Day to me I kind of go well I do feel like they're making sure that you are included in a way and that you are have a day that's special to you. I understand that it's not on the actual Mother's Day, but there could be complex reasons as to why. And I know I keep coming back to like, well, what is happening with her mom? Like why is her mom not there? But it is a big part of the equation. We don't know what that looks like. Maybe her mom's died and she like, you know, wants to just spend it with

her husband. I don't know what the reasons are. Maybe she has a really complex relationship with her mom. Maybe her mom can't be there, whatever it is. Or maybe her mom also is there, but she doesn't want to come and have Mother's Day with you. And so then therefore it's like, well, then she has to choose which mum she's going to do Mother's Day with. I don't know. I just don't think this is that deep of a question. You don't have to spend the whole day together. You can have brunch with one mum, lunch with another,

dinner with another, afternoon tea, high tea. Okay, but this is where I disagree with that. The reason why that is annoying is because it is her day. It's very few days. But it's the mum's day too. They're all mums. But she doesn't have to on the day that's important to her to be able to spend either with her kids or by herself

or with her husband, whatever it is. she also doesn't have to then be carted around to spend dinner with his mom and spend dinner with breakfast with her mom it then no longer becomes about her day as well so it's like that's why it's tricky because if you're trying to make everyone happy on mother's day especially when there's complex relationships you don't end up having the day that you want so that's why i'm like i think it's okay to have these alternate days that you do things on for some people really hard to strike the right balance and what does that balance look like and I understand what you're saying Laura and of course it's this is so dependent to your family dynamic whether you're

close to them whether they're together whether they live away like are they in your life all year like of course there's a hundred different things that weigh into this conversation I can only base my answer based off what you've written in and what you've written in makes it sound like you're all literally in the same town hey I want to do what I want on the day so we're going to do it the weekend before with all the other kids of course that's also fine and it's beautiful that you're all catching up but like at the end of the day I don't know for me it's just our mums are not always going to be here and I just think if you can spend an hour like with your mum or with your son and it's not of course you don't want to put out their whole day you would have to go to them

if they've got little kids like you can't I think that there's a part where it's like as the grandparent the grandmother are you expecting for the mother to do more work on her own Mother's Day as well are you expecting for her to like get all her kids ready and dressed and make food and contribute to you know what I mean like yeah I mean we're not going to agree on this one I think there's no reason that you cannot say to your mum I mean sorry if I'm talking to the daughter-in-law and the son now right like you cannot say to your mum hey come over for Mother's Day pop in we'll have coffee like you know as a person that's written this in that it sounds like your life is more malleable right so there's I don't believe unless you have a super complex relationship if

you are a quote-unquote normal family with normal relationships there should not be a reason that you cannot say like hey I'm going to pop in on Mother's Day I can bring some coffee and cake have an hour together I don't know I just think we're putting too much emphasis on the new mum being more important than your parent I think we forget our parents a lot as we get older I think that we don't realize the way that things hurt people and this is a really good example of that like the listener that's written in she's been a mother for 35 years so you know she's I can imagine is a little bit older and she still has really hurt feelings about her kids not wanting to spend Mother's Day with her you don't ever not become a mum just because your kids aren't

little anymore and I just think sometimes we forget those feelings that's all all right question number two my boyfriend let another girl sleep in his bed for three weeks oh that needs context i know it does but also i feel like the red flags are already screaming at us i was recently dating a guy in the very early days we'd only been on six to eight dates at this time and he had a german nanny slash au pair staying with him and his mates for three weeks to help a friend out he has three female housemates and this german girl could have stayed in any of their beds or on their massive five-seater lounge but instead he let her share his queen bed with him for three weeks I found out he claimed it was purely platonic and that I had nothing to worry about I found this

really strange though and it made me question his intentions with both of us when I went over to his place on our fifth or so date he had to text her asking her not to come into his room while I was there all of her stuff was in his ensuite and on his bedside table I made a joke about how weird it was. He got super defensive and accused me of being insecure saying, this isn't going to work if you get jealous every time I talk to another girl. What a fucking gaslighter. What a dick. He also insisted that this was a normal thing to do to allow someone to share your bed without having sex with them. I don't think it is, but I felt almost gaslit when I questioned him. That's because you were. What are your thoughts? I know we were not technically in an exclusive relationship

yet, but we'd established from the get-go that neither of us were casually dating anyone else or seeing anyone and that we were going to be dating and looking for our life partner, quote unquote. Okay, the question in this is kind of like what is she supposed to do with this knowledge knowing that like she knows that they shared a bed for three weeks whilst they were dating. They weren't exclusive, but it's more the gaslighting about him telling her that this is a very normal situation.

It's not normal. It's not normal. Also, can we just circle on back to the fact that there were three female housemates in that house that either she could have shared their bed totally the girls could have shared a bed like two of the housemates could have shared a bed together and she went into that that she could have slept on the lounge you could have got her a mattress you could like a blow-up mattress from kmart it's not expensive he is gaslighting the shit out of you a no it's not normal if he's telling you that it's normal to

share another bed with a woman for three weeks just because lie secondly it's not a normal thing to do it doesn't make it okay just because they don't have sex and you're not going to know if they had sex and i'm not saying that to like scare you but at the end of the day like who knows what going on in there but it still doesn't make it okay because they're not having sex it's not like their childhood friends have been best friends for 20 years and she's come to stay and they could think of nothing worse and they're putting a pillow fort between them this is just like probably a hot young nanny that's just come to a new country there's no way i would be letting her share a bed with my partner like it's the whole thing is absolutely ludicrous it's okay firstly there's a

couple of things I want to unpack from this did he already agree to this prior to you guys dating because obviously like you've only been on it's very early days six to eight dates like was this already pre-arranged or something probably agreed for her to come and stay at the house not in my bed sorry I already told her she was in my bed with me I know but like I'm questioning like you know where did the friendship come from like is everyone in that house did every single person in that house know that this au pair was coming in terms of like they all are friends with this friend it was they were all doing a favor or was it you like the guy that you just started seeing who was doing a favor for someone else and had already said to his housemates oh hey

this au pair needs somewhere to stay do you mind if she stays in my bed and was that already pre-arranged because there's a few parts to this that like yes it's fucking weird we all know that but maybe there's nothing i'm saying this there's no potentially they're not necessarily hooking up is what i'm saying there's no reason she needs to be in his bed with him there's a five-seater lounge he could be on the lounge and let her sleep yes yes that's the lounge situation absolutely there is room it's not like hey I pre-said that this woman could stay in my bed with me I couldn't possibly take myself out of this situation but for example you can't just make the assumption that she would sleep in bed with someone else but the other thing I want to say is do you know for

sure like do you know for absolute sure that he messaged her and said oh don't come home because that to me if you know for sure that message was sent then yeah okay she knew that you existed there's not really like a you know a dynamic going on between them that's potentially sexual because you know that would just cause a whole heap of more problems he might have just told you that he messaged her that to make you feel as though that relationship was way more platonic than it was she could have been out with girlfriends or something that night who fucking knows right so it could have been sexual we just don't know but the end result of this is and where I want to leave it is it is not normal behavior and him telling you that it's normal and telling you that

you are overreacting for having an opinion on this is gaslighting. No, this is the part that really sends me over the edge. This isn't going to work if you get jealous every time I talk to another girl. Sorry, you've had a girl living in your room, in your bed and in your en suite for three weeks. The gaslighting here is next level. Like this isn't, you didn't catch me speaking to someone when I was getting a drink at the bar and I stood with too long before I brought the drink back to you the deflection and making this your fault like you are overreacting you are insecure you are jealous like if you're gonna do this I can't be with you I'm not convinced you should be with him you're eight dates deep and he's sleeping with another girl in bed for three weeks

and making you feel and making you feel bad for having some sort of reaction to that for feeling like is this normal like I'd be eight dates in and then I'd be eight dates out I'm out I'd be tapping out I'll be like you do you you if you think it's okay because if he I can't remember the quote but I'm sure it was Esther Perel but it's the idea of like when you're everything's Esther Perel but when you start dating early right you're setting your boundaries as to what's okay yes so if you are eight dates in eight dates in could be eight weeks could be a couple months could be a couple of weeks we don't know how quickly the dates were but like two weeks but eight dates are eight dates right like I fell in love after three dates if you're setting the tone

and the boundaries that it is acceptable for him to do this and he's convinced you that it has to be okay to go forward like he's saying that like this is normal and if you're gonna get jealous we can't go forward if you do go forward that boundary's then been set totally he's allowed to have chicks sleep in his bed whenever because they're platonic he's not fucking them exactly and if you think that that's an issue that's your problem you've got an issue you've got the issue he's not letting you sleep in there so you know they're not fucking like who knows look it might be platonic it might not they might have been hooking up at the end of the day it's not relevant to me because of the relevance here for me is the gaslighting the way he's treating you and making

you feel like it's your fault like for me I'd be out of there you know what I would say I would say that having a person of the opposite sex if you're in a heterosexual relationship or vice versa sleeping in your bed is not normal if you're like having a platonic male friend sleeping in your bed is actually not the norm I remember when I was in a relationship very long time ago we'd been together for a really long time we were doing long distance and he had one of his friends sleep in his bed. She'd come home from a night out. She slept in his bed. I think she slept in his bed two nights. I was so fucking angry. I was so angry because I was like, hey, that's a boundary that you crossed and you didn't check that with me. And he's like, but she's just my mate. And I was

like, cool. Why didn't you sleep on the couch? Why did she sleep in your bed? She's also mates with everyone else in that house. You're the only one that has a girlfriend. So why your bed? And I never, well, to be fair, I think I always had some trust issues with him because I don't think he was always transparent with me but it really for me I was like there is not ever a reason why she needs to sleep in your bed you could have been inconvenienced for a night and slept on the couch and so I think it's this like we keep coming back to this gaslighting around what isn't isn't normal I mean I do have one counter story to this I've had straight guys even ones that I've hooked up with in the past that you know many many many moons beforehand sleep in my bed and it'd be a

completely platonic situation nothing sexual happened blah blah blah the difference is I would never do that if I was dating someone or in a relationship with someone exactly it's so disrespectful to that person totally like I've slept in a bed next to a guy that's been platonic even but for me it was even with someone that I had previously dated and had previously slept with but we it was years and years beforehand and we still good friends but we weren't romantic and we weren't going to be and we were completely fine to sleep in the same bed but I wasn't dating someone at the same time that I was like hiding that from you know I think that's the biggest issue yeah there's no girl that is sleeping in Ben's bed like they're just not except Becky

his sister but that's it I'll let that slide um okay next question does my friend want to be me I have a situation where one of my good friends keeps copying everything that I do at first it was cute and I tried to see it as a little bit of flattery but now it's getting to the point where it's incredibly irritating. It started off with small things like she started doing reformer Pilates because it's so stupid. Like you're not the only person that does reformer Pilates. Sorry. She started doing reformer Pilates because I did it. She started with the exact same nutrition coach that I'm using. She purchased a Stanley cup because I have one. She joined the exact same gym that I go to, even though there are multiple gyms closer to her. She got Botox in her jaw the same

day that I told her I was getting mine done. And more recently has planned a trip to New Zealand three days after me telling her I was going to New Zealand. At what point is this just fucking weird and how do I stop myself from losing my shit every time I find out she's done something identical to me? For context, this is just a few examples. There are way more. I don't know how I feel about this.

I know how I feel about it. Keisha's sitting there like, fuck off. Keisha can't talk about it because she's a mini-me. Did you write this question in by any chance? Keisha is a mini-me. I know how I feel about it. She's not copying you, but she might be inspired by, no, sorry, Keisha, she's not copying her.

Keisha's like, I'm not inspired by you. Starting Pilates, starting Pilates, everyone does Pilates, getting Botox, sorry, everyone gets Botox. She might not have known. I mean, that's not true. It is true. Someone's telling you it's not, yeah. She might not have known that a jaw-slimming Botox was a thing.

You've told her and she's like, far out. I would love to get that. New Zealand, not a hot take. Not many places to go internationally from Australia that's close. I get it. I think each thing in isolation sounds silly, but it's the accumulation of all of them that you're like, this is getting exhausting.

That would be a bit of identity. That would be you with me if we're going to do that. And I'm not saying, but it's not. That's why I revel in whenever you copy me. It's a very few percentage of the time. I don't think this is, it's different if you've gone to buy some clothes and then she's turning up the next day. I mean, Keisha's done that too.

I've also done that to Keisha, but that's different, right? if like she's turning up as a clone of you but the things that you have said like a nutrition coach right maybe she also needs one people want recommendations for that people like hey who do you use the number of times that I would only use someone that's come recommended like I'm going to go and ask my friends hey who's that person that you use for this do you recommend them great I'll use it too like to me this question is wild the fact that you think that this is copying you i would be taking it as a bit of inspiration and flattery if she starts turning up in like if she's like following you around and looks like a clone of you and like i don't know there are

obviously levels of this for sure that would become uncomfortable but the things you have listed she goes to my gym because i go to it she bought a stanley cup every second person has a stanley yeah i okay i mean i read this and i was like i think it's okay that your friends get enthusiastic about the things that you like and if you're like sharing something or you have something your friends like oh my god I love that oh my god I love that like she obviously really likes your style she potentially struggles with her own style and so and I'm not saying she struggles with her own sense of identity but I think sometimes you see something on someone you're like oh my god I love that like me with your shoes maybe yeah like very similar to be

fair Brit ran out and bought the same shoes as me I know hard to believe I've got multiple colors but it's true like I think that there is maybe like a little bit of inspiration is kind of the probably rather than it's not adoration she's not trying to be you but there is like she sees something that you're doing or you've talked about something with enthusiasm and she's like oh my god that sounds amazing I would love to go there I don't understand why this is so annoying and I say that because I'm not experiencing it so like maybe it's easy to say when you're not on the receiving end of it. But I think it's quite superficial. I'm going to, I'm worried about how I put this because I also don't want to be offensive to you, but I think it's quite

superficial to be super hung up on things that aren't really problematic. Like if she's just bought a Stanley cup and she's gone to New Zealand and she liked a jumper that you wore once and she bought the same one, like, does that take away from what you share in terms of the quality of your friendship and what she brings to the table in terms of supporting you, showing up in your friendship being enthusiastic for you like I don't know I would say weigh it up is it because she's annoying you now like do you not get those other things from the friendship and so there's like a real spotlight on the fact that she's just copying and kind of mirroring but not actually providing anything of value that's different Keisha and I are at the point where we need to message each

other before catching up to make sure we're not wearing the same thing like we have so many of the the same type copied me with the swim shorts I absolutely I absolutely did but because I saw them and I was like they're so cute that's literally how the world works like that's for me I think it's crazy like I genuinely read this and I know that this isn't the answer that you want because it's obviously really bothering you and like your uncomfortable bite for some reason but like we're here to give you the truth my truth for this is that like I don't see the proper minute like I've been to New Zealand loads of times right Keisha went to New Zealand she went to these cute cafes I was like so cute where was that I went to New Zealand tracked down that cafe

went to the cafe like I don't understand why you're upset that she's also going to go on a holiday to a place that 80% of Australians go to but for me if it is that much of a big issue for you don't tell her you're going to get Botox if you if you're getting something that you don't want to copy don't tell her if you're that I don't know I think like if you have to get to a point where you're moderating and keeping things from your friend because you don't want them to copy I just actually think that maybe your friendship isn't based on anything that's of real quality in value because if it was if you shared all those other aspects that like made you really excited to be around your friend I don't think you would care that she does some of the similar

things to you I think you would also be like yes girl that jumper looks fucking sick on you but the fact that you don't have that reaction the fact that you just have the reaction of annoyance to me makes me think that that's where your friendship is at like your friend annoys you like I don't know I think that there's more going on here because it's to me it's so superficial all as a copycat weirdly I'm actually gonna defend her in this I can see how it would be annoying it's kind of like but my point being is that if it did annoy you and you turned around and said to me Keisha I need you to stop copying my shit because we're turning up to these places we're doing with the same we're becoming the same person and I want a bit of identity I would have to be like that's

probably fair enough. I will take that feedback on board. And I would maybe try and seek out a couple of things that are a bit more individual. Like, I don't know, maybe these things kind of create a sense of identity for the person who's written the question in. She feels as though like there's nothing she can do that is just hers and that everything she does gets copied by this person. And she's like, go and get your own thing. Okay. It's giving older sibling vibe to me. Yeah, I get that. I'm just laughing when I think about it. Keisha rolls up, she bought the same car as me she rolls up a car identical i drove british this is great identical make and model do you know the funniest bit i was tossing up between that one and that's car then you walk into keisha's

house it's my house it's my lounge room my same furniture not mine that she's taken like she's been so inspired by the furniture she's bought the same coffee tables and the same she got the same lounge and no it was your lounge yeah but that's how much of a coffee cutter i actually am but there's just no part of that that's not what our friendship is based on there's no part of that that bothers me I don't know I just wonder if there's something else that's annoying you in the friendship that's what I think there is that's what I mean I think that you've reached a destination in your friendship where you're not getting all the other qualities I could not care less there is not one iota of my being that cares if my friends were to buy the same things

as me you know and like obviously if we were going out and we both rocked out wearing the same things constantly I'd be like oh dude like come on like at least let me let me wear something that we're not dressed the same as like that's a different thing we know we're never going to turn in the same shoes we know we're fine but the thing is is like if it's just experiences or it's Botox or it's going to Pilates like why does that offend you so much I think is the bigger question because that to me is really really odd maybe it's like I would understand more if you'd got this really something more unique right like you've got a tattoo that's really unique and then she's gone and got the same tattoo that to me if you wrote that to me I'd be like yeah okay a little

bit weird but these things are so generic like she started doing Pilates she got Botox she bought a water bottle she could be copying the girl from work that also does polities and has a water bottle you know like any other I don't know I just find it really unusual that it's bothering you so much and I think you're probably being annoyed by a lot of other things in the friendship so that's our hot take we think that probably you need to let it go a little bit start copying her back well she can't because it's just like she'd be just copying herself well that is it for today guys please keep your questions coming in to life uncut podcast put ask uncut at the top you'll always stay anonymous you can ask us anything you want and also you're accidentally unfiltered

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