Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Dating fatigue, Making the first move, playing with fire and should you take your fiancés name?

Episode Date: February 26, 2020

ASK UNCUT is our quick down and dirty bonus ep each week. This week we answer your buring questions - Like who should make the first move? Can you meet up with a very flirty friend and should you take your fiancé's name?If you have loved this ep follow @lifeuncutpodcast to keep up to date and hit that big old subscribe button!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys, welcome back to our second episode of the week, Ask Uncut. I'm your host, Brittany. And I'm Laura. And we are so stoked to be here. We had such a good week this week. We had Girls Gotta Eat in all the way from New York. We went and saw their comedy show. We had them in the studio.

I just had a brill week. What do you reckon? That was last episode, Britt. You're living in the past. I was girl crushing. Almost to the point where it was embarrassing, actually. I'm really dressed up for the occasion. Actually, speaking of dressing up, Britt's sitting here in her scrubs today.

She looks great. She's come straight from work, all flustered, and she is dressed head to toes in scrubs with her joggers on. It's not appealing, is it? I'd still do you. Oh, yes. That was weird. I'm kicking so many goals. Take that one to the bank daily mail. Anyway, so guys, as you know, if you've listened to a few of these episodes already, this is our quick down and dirty episode of the week where we answer your burning questions.

To everyone who has written into us this week with their life dilemmas, hoping for a free therapy session from Britt and I, we have pulled together the best, I don't know if you can call someone's problems the best? No, but you know what we do try to do? We try to mix it up like a little mixed bag of lollies from the convenience store. Some are love, some are life. Whose question in this is like the shitty licorice flavored? There's a licorice one, but I'm not going to name it. I want to kick it off actually. It's an open question, but I just read this in the paper and I just think it's the best headline I've ever read. If this is not every male in the world, I don't know what is. A male baboon being transported for a vasectomy at Royal Prince

Alfred Hospital, made a late break for freedom and went on the run with his two wives yesterday, sparking a wild hunt in Sydney's inner west. What even is that? There was literally three baboons being transported, one male with his two wives to get a vasectomy and they broke out of the car and ran. Well, I like that you can't even get the words out for this. Why? I have so many questions about this what's like why were they being operated on at a human hospital is my first question okay but also secondly why were they transporting the baboon and his wives because like i'm sorry were they supposed to sit in the waiting room to wait to hear what had happened surely this is not real where did you get this no it is it's in the daily telegraph i thought you're about to say the daily

mail and i was going to say well there's your answer people no no it's in the daily it happened there's photos of these baboons running around the hospital because they escaped they're running around the hospital but my question is a you cheeky little bugger because there's wives plural like why do you have two guys different strokes for different folks maybe they're in a polygamous and completely consensual relationship in which case we're not judging well it is because they did a run it together sister wives apparently i did a little bit of digging it sounds like a day on the bachelor the reason is that they said that the two wives came with him was because it calms him apparently having his wives with him keeps him like cool calm and collected wow

there's so much to this that's just not okay i just thought that was brill and if that's not australia i don't know why are they giving a gorilla a vasectomy i mean a baboon a vasectomy i thought dating in sydney was chaotic there you go all right britney give me the number one first off the rank question for the week okay so i'm in a long-term happy committed relationship we are happy together he has every quality that i look for in a partner and we complement each other well however there's always a how out however however i have this friend that i met on tinder five plus years ago i'd call it a flirtatious friendship i'm transparent with my partner about him i don't believe it bothers him we haven't even met in real life but we are

very close as in we talk regularly i don't see him in a romantic light anymore however i have in the past i love him but only on a platonic level he does however joke about being with me etc i am wondering if we should meet in real life while i don't want to complicate things with my partner i do want to better understand my connection with this friend i am stuck because if we meet and we have a romantic spark my relationship will suffer but if we don't meet I will keep questioning what should I do dear listener I don't think this is a problem I think that you're being outrageous with this I don't think you should meet him at all and I don't think you should be texting him at all anymore that's my advice I mean I have a lot of questions

like you're creating a problem here that doesn't need to exist if you're gonna say that you love your boyfriend and and you're happy in your relationship and everything is great why are you playing with fire? Put that shit down and walk away. I just wonder five years. Okay. So she said she's been with him for five years. They've never met, but she loves him and has feelings for him. So he, you could actually be being catfished. There's no way that you love him. You don't know him. You've never actually met him. Having conversing over text messaging, people can be their absolute best versions of themselves over text message because there's no commitment in that. So you don't know him. You only know the fantasy of what he's sharing with

you of the person that he is. And if you're saying that, you know, it's kind of a flirty friendship, just cut that shit out. You shouldn't be having those text messages. And it's also really deceitful to your partner who you're saying you do love and does care about you and does treat you properly. I just think this is so black and white that surely when this listener wrote this message out they were even like oh oh i'm being a little bit crazy right now maybe i should not meet this guy i on this weird level there's a tiny like the tiniest part of me that can semi low-key relate i remember because you like attention britney no i don't actually yes you do we all do from guys yeah you know you get that little like oh they've texted me they like me

and i reckon that's what this is here for this girl like she's getting attention and that drip feed no i met a guy on tinder when we first joined tinder like six years ago whenever tinder came out i remember meeting a guy but i actually met him i met him and we hung out for like four days and he was in he lived in america if he was living here i 100 know that we would have had a relationship like some people you meet that set your soul on fire and it works to this day six years ago he's i almost classify him as one of my closest friends because we just never stopped getting to know each other calling each other skype he's been in a relationship for years but we still just have a friendship and we've met again over the years like we've met up as friends i get that like that

sort of a thing can happen but this girl has never you have never met him and i know people i have good friends that have actually been catfished and they said the same thing they're like i'm in love with this person like they're perfect for me but they'd never met and that's because like you just said laura they can be anyone they want to be when you haven't met them you don't know the ups and the downs you don't even know if you've never actually met them you don't even know what they look like they could look like anything but also like just to kind of jump on your story like okay this guy that you're still in contact with who you met years and years and years ago who you had a great connection with is he flirting with you when he's got a girlfriend oh no no we just became we

just knew that we were going to be in each other's life as friends like some people you just meet and you hit it off but it's not flirting his girlfriend knows all about like he and I are just friends absolutely well then I think that that's like such a clear differentiation between your relationship and this girl's relationship because if she's saying like oh it's it's pretty flirty then it's already inappropriate that friendship whatever that is I like I don't flirt with my friends um my best friend is a guy we don't flirt of course because we're mates and I treat him in the exact same way as I treat you actually I said maybe not because I just said I'd hook up with you but I definitely wouldn't hook up with him do you know what I mean and I wouldn't ever even

and if he started being flirty with me it would be the weird it'd be like my brother being flirty with me for sure so i think that if you're entertaining those flirtatious relationships or friendships when you're in a committed relationship you're already doing the wrong thing and i think that if you're then going to go and meet up and even potentially entertain the idea that you need to figure out your feelings no but it's one or the other to me it's so black and white i can't even i can't even sit on this and like brainstorm another option because i'm so down the line with this one i think that you need to cut it off as well um of course you're gonna have feelings for someone that you've never met and you flirted with for five years it's also

a fantasy like you're you're in love with a fantasy you're you're like flirting over a fantasy all of these things that you're thinking about you're like oh my god i get so excited when he messages me like it's not real it's like me true yeah it's like me and channing tatum like we never text you though we have a thing you don't he does in my mind i would just like to sit in your mind for one day no you wouldn't volcano no i think you're doing the wrong thing to be honest i think you need to cut off with this guy if you have respect for your current boyfriend because i'm a big fan of like put yourself in someone else's position imagine if your boyfriend had been doing this for five years and secretly wanted to go and meet to see if there's anything there you might

need to reconsider what is actually going on in your relationship to sort of allow you the thought of going in and exploring something else you know absolutely all right let's let's wrap this one i'm i'm i'm on the black and white train let's go to question number two this is a different one and i like this um just wanted to discuss the topic of whether women should take on their partner's last name when they get married personally i think it's pretty unfair that society expects women to change their last name which is a huge part of our identity then comes another unfair assumption that your child will also have to take on the father's last name i think that women should be the ones that pass their name on since they're the ones that have given birth what are your

thoughts on this it's a different one i like this question i like this question i mean i to be fair though i'm not super passionate about it like i am if matt whenever matt and i actually ever get married. Who knows when that's going to be? 2030. Yeah. We'll have like 17 kids by then. So I will take Matt's name and I was quite happy for Molly to take Matt's name and not have my name. Um, growing up in my family, my family was pretty broken family and my mom was remarried and divorced a couple of times. And so my half brother, who's, you know, we have different dads, but the same mom, he has a different last name to me. I have my dad's last name. And then my mom's maiden name is Philippi. So for me, I guess last names never had the really strong bond and ties

that some people have that, that real strong identity that some people have to their last names. So it doesn't feel like a big deal. Me taking on Johnson. I also like love his family as much as I love my family. And I love that I'm going to be a part of it. I think it's totally personal. I think every single person is unique in their experiences and in their connections. we live in a day and age where you can have that decision now. You're not expected to take on your partner's name. I think most modern relationships, you can have that conversation with your partner and make that decision together. I'm pretty open to this too, actually. I think it's very situational. Like you said, you sort of feel like you didn't have a strong tie to any name,

so you were happy to go with the flow. I think it works in reverse too. If for some reason, the woman maybe, I have friends that have actually done this, but maybe there's no one else that's going to pass that name down and the man that's marrying into the family doesn't have a strong connection to his side so he doesn't really care if he carries his name on in the situation i know he was like cool if you feel passionately about keeping your name i don't care much for mine i will i will do that for you so i think it's situational didn't um pia mullenberg didn't she do that like so she recently got married i think last year i'm like throwing out just random facts here because i don't even know her partner's name off the top of my head for

those that don't know she's a sydney um she's an influencer she's got like a massive crazy crazy ass huge following and i'm pretty certain that her partner took on her last name because pia mullenberg like her name had much more significance to her and to her career and to her life and she wanted to keep her last name i see it a lot in the industry i'm into a lot of doctors and people that feel like they have worked really hard to sort of get their title and they're really proud of it and they want to carry that on. And I totally get that. I'm here for that. Absolutely. There's also other occupations where having a last name is a bigger deal. Like for example, being a school teacher, it's actually quite difficult to change your name when you're a school teacher. It's a

whole process of like trying to re-educate the kids. I got married or I got divorced. So I do think depending on your situation and depending on how strongly attached you are to your last name, I think that, you know, it's completely personal. But I also think on the flip side that there are people who are really excited about taking their partner's name. And there are people who really embrace that new identity. I mean, I definitely think that yes, it is a bit sexist that the onus is on the woman to change their name, but I think it's incredible that we live in a time and we live in a day and age where the choice is ours now. And that is changed significantly in the past 10 years. Yeah. So for my family, I don't know, I actually haven't told you this, what I'm about

to tell you sure my my my middle name is quite funny but what is your middle name my middle name let me just set the scene my middle name is a name that's carried on through my family my mom's side so one child in each generation has to have it through my mom's side so my mom was one of four and she got it and i'm one of four and i got it which means i have to go and procreate my middle name is i can't even say it my middle name is mayo like the condiment like mayonnaise like mayo just like m-a-y-o disclaimer that was laura that snorted snorted into the microphone that is a first guys it's straight up mayo yeah what was the attachment to mayo can i ask oh apparently it has something to

do with um way down the track the mayo clinic maybe but i love that you don't even know the significance but yet you guys have held on to this name so do you know what i was thinking like maybe one day if i become a famous actor or something and go to hollywood i was thinking of doing like a rebel wilson like rebel wilson's name is stacy but she called herself rebel i might just go by mayo mayonnaise mayo hockley i think that's like it's different there's no other mayo do you know this is totally off piece now but i'm going to tell you this anyway so you know my name so my name everyone my name is laura i'm dead so my middle name is ann laura ann burn but my mom wanted to call me laura ashley that was the name that had been like decided upon and it was it was

locked loaded and ready to go and anyway at the hospital my dad had said to my mom well why why do you want to call her Laura Ashley like where like where did that come from even though he was already totally on board my mom was like because they were the sheets that she was conceived on oh she didn't but also um a bit sentimental it's so gross actually my sister Sheridan it could be Sheridan sheets. Maybe my parents have done it too. Probably eating mayo on Sheridan sheets. Ew, ew. Oh my God. But the point of that whole story was, I guess that is something you can do too. I do think that there is this traditional patriarchy around the female taking the man's name. There are still men out there who are very, very passionate and very black and white with

the fact that they think that their partner needs to take their name. I actually have a friend who we had this conversation when she was engaged and her partner was very, very black. He was like, I won't marry you unless you take my name, which I think is crazy. I would never have said it to him at the time because it wasn't my place. But I think that that's a really unfair expectation, but it's a very, very traditional expectation. I think as time progresses and as more women either keep their last name, hyphenate their last name, or as other men take the woman's last name, i do think that that will progressively change but but i think we do have a long way to go with it as well also i guess it depends on now that i'm just really thinking about it i guess it depends

on your name and his name who you're marrying like if your name for example is honey and his last name is badger you can't marry him and take his name because you can't be honey badger for example why not it worked for some people i mean i don't know who exactly i don't know who we're alluding to no but that was a bad it just popped into my head the more people that do it like laura said there's like the less stigma there will be around it absolutely all right let's go number three okay so this one is how do you stay optimistic about dating and finding the right person after multiple previous relationships and flings have failed i have briefly dated three guys in the past few years but when it got to a few months in none of them could commit to officially

dating me maybe i'm picking the wrong guys but the problem is all three of these guys were very different to each other in terms of their age career stage of life ability to express emotions etc so i'm just not sure i read the article about britney in the sydney morning herald and totally agree with the peter pan thing so if all the single guys in sydney are peter pans how do you stay positive about dating and not get jaded and cynical oh good question it actually is a good i like this question do you know what i actually can answer this question i know that you say that it's aimed more at Brittany, but I had a failed relationship after failed relationship after failed relationship until I had this one. So I think that that makes me equipped for this too,

God damn it. Oh, bloody oath. I mean, you have to have failed until you have success, don't you? Like everyone's been through that failed relationship and you had to have had some form of optimism. Yeah, look, it can be pretty disheartening when you feel like you've gone from one failed relationship to another failed relationship. But one of the things I always tell my girlfriends is that you're only single until you're not single. You're only had so wise. I am so deep like a puddle guys. No, but, but you know what? You might be single for three years. You might be single for six years. You might be single for 10 years, and then you might meet someone who is your person and then you won't be single anymore. So you have to really be able to try

and enjoy the time that you have being single because that time is really limited. And I think that you have to get good with the relationship that you have with yourself you have to get good with with you know being comfortable and being alone and being happy so that when the right person does come along you you can really be open to accepting a new relationship into your life you're not trying to just say yes to someone because you're lonely I go through waves and I completely understand how you can get a bit down and out about it a bit pessimistic about the whole thing like I cannot tell you how many times I have actually said out loud sometimes to myself sometimes to others i'm over it i'm done i can't be bothered single forever i'm gonna get five dogs

gonna move to bali get some cats as well they're good i hate cats oh i think that you need to have it if you're gonna be single lady forever i'm gonna be comes with the territory crazy dog lady though but i think that like we've all had those moments but that's just like a normal low moment when something hasn't worked out the way you've wanted it to and it's not just dating it's like in anything in life when you have a letdown you have a moment where you're like i give up i don't want to do it anymore. But that's just going to be immediate failure, isn't it? If you don't try something, you're never going to win. You're never going to get success. The answer is always going to be no. If you don't go out and do it, you're not going to be single forever. The day is going

to come where you're going to fall in love and you're going to be with someone. And then you're going to be like, why didn't I go on all those dates? Why didn't I have fun? Why did I overthink it? That's what I mean. Like you're only single until you're not single. And like you can sit in that timeframe and like however long you're single for, you can sit in that timeframe being sad about it. But like being single is not purgatory. It's like, you need to really enjoy that time as well. So many opportunities in life. I can't stress this enough. Come from saying yes. Not just, I'm not, I mean, dating. I mean, anything. When an opportunity comes to you, what's the worst that can happen? Say yes. And it's going to open up so many more doors. Also, I just think, you

know what? He might not be my penguin, but I'm going to go and have fun. I'm going to meet somebody you. I'm going to have a good time. I'm going to de-stress. I just think you have to stay in this mindset of what it could bring. You can't go into every single date being like, oh my God, he's not the one. I hate my life. But I think you need to take the seriousness out of it and enjoy what it is. My difference is I want someone, but I don't need them. I don't need them to fill anything in my life. I don't need them to contribute anything to me. I'm just ready for them to add to my life I'm happy on my own going to Bali this weekend on my own all that is fine and I think if you need to get you need to get to that point on your own first before you can

go and meet like no one's going to enter your life until you're there until you get to that point just one more thing to add to this which I I think is important as well is like it's quite possible to get dating burnout like if you're going on date after date after date and you're meeting guy after guy after guy, sometimes you just need to stop and go, whoa, because dating can be so taxing. So sometimes you just need to take some time out and go, okay, I'm not going to go on any dates for a couple of weeks. I'm just going to reset mentally. I'm going to, you know, get back to loving myself, doing some things I want to do, hang out with my girlfriends, just really like enjoy yourself and your time and then ease back into it. I do think that sometimes,

you know, some people go sort of gung ho with it and they fill every other night out with meeting people and it's almost like it's just too much it's just you know you need to kind of strip back the time a little bit to be able to really invest in one or two people when you're getting to know them and and don't date so seriously exactly like britney said have fun with it it doesn't have to be this like big laborious heavy oh my god why haven't i met the one yet process it should be fun yeah you're single you're a single lady have fun god damn it you're not having fun you're doing something wrong. All right. Let's go for question number four. Okay. Last one, guys. I met a guy at my summer job last year. We hit it off instantly. He's the first guy I've had genuine feelings for

in a long time and they came on very quickly. However, we didn't share contact details and I didn't see him in the year afterwards. He was at the same job again this year, but we were different sections. So we didn't see each other. We didn't talk. We have a mutual friend and we live in the same area. So I would be able to reach out and contact him, but I don't want to seem weird. Can I reach out? Is it weird? What do I do? P.S. I'm 22. Okay. So I think just send the guy a text or call him. I think if you want something in life, if you want someone in life, if you're attracted to someone, if you think you've got chemistry with someone, then you need to be proactive and you need to go out there and get your man because otherwise you're just, you're

just accepting what comes into your life you're being a reactional dater you need to be a proactive dater girlfriend love that proactive dating yeah not not being reactional because reactional people and last I don't know if that's the saying but I think when it comes to dating if you're only reactional to the people who approach you then you're never choosing you're never choosing the right person to you you're only being given this small pool of men that are accessible I think as women like we really need to like fucking take it by the balls and go and approach the men that we want to be dating that's the only thing that's going to open you up to dating a guy that you really really want to be with otherwise you're just leaving it to chance and luck i'm so big

on this i have always messaged people that i'm interested in whether that's um i find them on instagram whether it is online dating whether it's at a bar i will go and speak i'm like because but it's so hot and ready to slide into a man's dms i have and actually how successful has that been for you pretty damn successful from all the stories you've told me it has actually been pretty successful like um actually yeah yeah i'm actually thinking of some story yeah i told you i just think you've got to go get it and we spoke about it before if it doesn't go to plan or he says hey i've actually got a girlfriend or i don't see like that, that's so okay. Like that's not a personal thing. That's just that this other 7.5 billion

people out there, you might be perfect for them just for this one little tiny sardine in the sea. Okay. I always relate it back to say, for example, doing something at work. That's really hard. Like for me, the hardest thing I've ever had to do was to fire someone that for me, it was, I felt sick for days before actually having the conversation with them. And they had done something really wrong. Like so wrong. The grounds for dismissal was, was just like blaringly obvious, but you don't like to hurt people's feelings. And so I felt horrible about doing it anyway, since then I've had to, I've had to fire other people and doing something that's hard gets less and less hard. The more times you do it. I'm not saying I love doing it now. I'm not like, bitch, you fired.

So I think with anything in life, anything that's difficult, the more that you do it, the less difficult it becomes so maybe the first time you have to reach out to a guy and say like hey what i don't know whatever you want to say like hey you know i loved meeting you and it would if you keen let's grab a drink someday the first time you do that you're going to be like throw the phone into the ocean and then the next 400 times you do it you're going to be like hey sup want to get a drink boy yeah that's sexy were you turned on that with that i was not i love the head flick you're doing it when you do it hey all right we can continue um i she's she has said she's only 22 so this is why i want to say this for me every year i've gotten older

it's gotten easier and the more comfortable you are with yourself and the more you don't care as soon as i've stopped caring about stuff and i don't mean stop caring about like like life i just mean like i don't care what the reaction is because i've done i believe in what i've done or i know what i'm doing is my truth whatever and also you just have the self-confidence to know that if a guy rejects you, it doesn't mean anything about you. Like you don't know what's going on in his life. You don't know what, if he's dating someone, if he's happy, sad, if he's busy with work, if he, whatever, don't take it to offense so much because somebody not accepting you or somebody not liking you is not a reflection on how great you are at

all. For sure. So I think that you and anyone else listening, if you want to message someone and you're thinking about it right now, cause I know there are heaps of you listening right now that have been on the fence, if you should message that guy, do it. And then actually let me know if you did it and how it went. Can you send us all of your screenshots of all the dates you guys are going to be getting now after this episode? But I am so on board with this with you, Britt. I think if you like someone and they haven't made the move,

then I think the only way to get what you want in life is to ask for it. And so go out there and ask the guy if he wants to go for a drink one day. Guys, you know that these are short, sharp, and sexy, and that's it. Is that how your sex goes? Is it short and sharp? Oh, I could see in your eyes you had something you wanted to say. Well, I was like, that is such a weird way. It's short, sharp, and sexy.

Well, don't you think that explains it? No, that is not how I have sex, no. It's how I have sex now anyway. Guys, thank you so much to everybody who has messaged in with their questions for this episode. We love answering these questions for you. we love giving you our advice. This is a judgment-free zone, guys. You can ask us anything that you want. And you know what? The weirder, the wilder, the crazier it is, the better it is for us, to be honest. So if you have any questions that you might want us to put into the pool for

next week, then send us a DM, slide on in at Life Uncut Podcast. And you know what? We will go through them all this week and pick out some absolute doozies for you next week. You guys, if you're new, if you're not an OG, we do an accidentally unfiltered section where you guys just writing your life bloopers essentially that thing where you've you've sent the message and you've gone oh my god it's to the wrong person and that is my boob yeah it's literally like just the most embarrassing shit that happens to you throughout the week pretty much send us your embarrassing stories and we can add that to our accidentally unfiltered section for the week if you love this content then please hit subscribe because that helps us grow it also helps us get

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