Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Dirty talk, where is the line?

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

It's Therapy Thursday Lifers!But first, we are talking about that bong photo! Grace Tame has made headlines for a photo of herself at 19 years olds where she's holding a bong... and well, we've all been there.On todays menu Help, my bestie and I like the same girls name. How do we navigate this? Where is the line when it comes to dirty talk? My friends with benefit neighbour wants to start dating other people, but keep having casual sex... should I try asking him out on a date? I put up a bikini mirror selfie, and my boyfriend says I crossed the line. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love!! x xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and this is our Thursday episode. It is our down and dirty little episode where we answer all of your deep, dark, and burning questions. How's your week been, Laura? Well, I feel like I've seen you every single day since I got back from holidays. I was asking you not for me, but for the people. It was a rhetorical question. My week has been gastro-free, finally.

Everybody is recovered. Well, I think you might have given it to me. You know when you get nauseous, you get that nauseous feeling, and always, I feel like in every woman, they're like, okay, this could be one of two things. I've either eaten something really bad slash gastro, or I am pregnant. I'm pregnant. So do you know, because I'm so wildly fertile, I just have like a 24 pack of them sitting in

the bathroom. It's just like we bought them on bulk from Costco. 24 pack of condoms, which is probably what you should start buying instead of the pregnancy test, Laura. Maybe you can take some of my expired ones. Well, before we get into answering all of your questions, and we have like a good variety today. I'm loving today's questions. Britt, let's just chat for a moment about the old bong photo. Oh, Grace Tame, 2021 Australian of the Year. The poor thing, she cannot be out of the media for a hot second. I swear to God, she farts and she's in the media. But also like, not that everyone has a bong photo because most people don't take photos with them, but everybody has tried something when they were 20. I think you need to set up what the bong photo

is. Okay. If you haven't seen the news in the last 24 hours, basically there is a photo that has come out yesterday of Grace Tame. It's back from 2014. So she was only 20 years old at the time when the photo was taken. And she's sitting on a couch with a great big bong and she's not smoking it at the time. She's just sitting, she looks like she may have had a puff. She's looking pretty happy. She's just sitting there in the photo, like next to the bong. And this is a photo, mind you, this was in plain daylight. This was in plain sight. It wasn't a photo that was deep in the archives of the interwebs. Like this was just on her Instagram. It wasn't on like a friend of a friend of a friend's page. No, it wasn't like, yeah, no one had to go into the deep webs

to stalk it. She just had it on her Instagram because she clearly wasn't embarrassed by it. It wasn't something that she probably had even thought about, nor did she think that anyone was going to go back seven years ago and try and drag up these photos. But look, there's been some real mixed feelings around this photo. Obviously people who sit on the more conservative side or who are not supporters of Grace Tame have been, you know, very, this is something that we should take really seriously. It's a 20 year old smoking a bong, but also everybody that's in support of just sees it for what it is. And it's such an unfair, and I think this is such a huge example of the media and of conservative media wanting to undermine a woman for something that they've

done seven years ago that has absolutely no impact on who they are as a person now and what they stand for and the amazing things that they're doing. Which is crazy. It's crazy that someone, someone out there has taken the time to think, I want to bring this girl down. I want to bring last year's Australian of the Year Down. So I'm going to troll back as far as I can go on the interweb to find a photo of a 19-year-old that is sitting in the same room as someone who possibly smoked a bong and then say Australian of the Year question mark. It's absolutely ridiculous that anybody can say that somebody like this shouldn't be in any sort of position of influence or power. When you look at what is happening in the world, this is literally someone that wants

to take down a young woman for speaking her mind. And I am actually disgusted by it. The reason why it's so disappointing is because it's the trying to draw a correlation, right? It's trying to say, like, look at this photo that we found. This is the person that you're all looking up to. This is the person that we've put in a position of Australian of the Year. They're not worthy of this. And it's like the undermining of what she's achieved and trying to draw that correlation between something that she did seven years ago versus where she is at now. And like, I mean, we've seen it so much in the media, like throughout Grace Tame's tenure as Australian of the Year, she has been abrasive in that there are people who have hugely supported

her. And then there are also people who have been quite against her and the way that she has gone about advocating for change. No one can deny though, that she is a fierce advocate for victims of sexual assault. And I really, really liked what Lisa Wilkinson said around this, because this whole question, this whole, you know, resurfacing of this image of her with a bong from her 20s really calls into question media and the way that media portrays women. Lisa Wilkinson said, this is designed to say to any woman striving for change, if you step out of line or if you question the status quo, we are coming for you. I think the most interesting thing about this is we are seeing a really big shift. Well, I think we're seeing a really big shift in what

is happening when the media are trying to bring women down. There is a real pushback now. There is a kickback and men are jumping on board. So I don't think this article, from what I've seen and what I've read, I don't think this article has as much impact as they hoped it would. There's been a lot of people in public office that have actually come out in support of Grace Tame. One of them is federal MP Dave Sharma. Dave Sharma tweeted and he said, I'm sure there is a photo of me like that. I don't think this stuff is remotely in the public interest that has had thousands of likes. People are coming out saying what the actual fuck, like what are you guys trying to do here? What are you trying to do by proving that when Grace Tame was 19 years old, she sat in the

room with a bong? And also let's all remember in this conversation that like when Grace Tame was groomed for sexual assault, when she was sexually assaulted by the person who was supposed to be her teacher, somebody who's supposed to be in a position of power and protection over her, she was 15. Like four years later, there's a photo of her smoking a bong. Like who's smoking? But she's not even smoking it. She's not. Well, she's sitting, totally. She's sitting there holding it, which would like imply. And that's what it was trying to imply. Originally when the photo came out, Grace Tame's instant reaction was she went back through her Instagram and she deleted the picture, you know,

and I think you would do that. You would be like, oh, like how are people going to perceive me, delete the evidence. And then the public surrounding it has come forward and said like, this is not okay. The majority, like you said, the majority kickback has been actually who cares that there's a photo of her holding a bong. It is irrelevant, completely irrelevant to what she has achieved and what she's advocating for now. And I think with that support, she's turned around and she's actually reposted the photo. So the photo that she originally deleted, she's reposted it. She put it up on Twitter with the caption. All right. I confess we were doing a cover of April's son in Cuba on the oboe as a fucking dig at Scott Morrison and his 60 minute interview.

She's so good. Like such a good play from Grace Tame. It's just like a complete fuck you to everyone but while we're talking about some of the other responses that people in the public office came out with deputy mayor of port philip tim baxter he tweeted oh no grace tame once smoked a bong i'm the deputy mayor and i smoked bongs as a teenager and i have still never been as cool as grace tame i just think i just love these people malcolm turnbull's son came out alex turnbull he came out in force as well saying going after grace tame for drug use is extremely risky for any LNP member under 40, especially some people in the House and Senate. I'm just going to leave it at that. Don't start stuff you can't finish. So this has completely backfired on them

and I'm just here to watch it go down. Anyway, I love watching this go down. I love watching Grace Haynes' response. I'm so here for it. And there's a reason that Australia is falling in love with her and that is it. Totally. Because she also just doesn't play by the rules. She smokes bongs. All right, let's get into the questions for today. I recently discovered that one of my best friends and I had the same name picked out for our baby girl. We're in our early thirties and neither of us are pregnant yet, but what happens when the time comes? Is it a first in best dress scenario? Or would it be weird if we both name our daughter the same name? I don't want to hurt her feelings down the track just in case. And I also don't know if I should bring the

conversation back up. She's a really nice person and she's also a people pleaser. So I feel like she would probably just give me the name. Also, I do understand that there is a chance that maybe neither of us will end up having a girl. How do you suggest I play this one out? Lol. Firstly, this is funny on so many levels because- Neither of you are pregnant or having a baby yet. I don't even know if you're in a relationship. None of you are pregnant. I think it's normal to talk about baby names and things like that. But this is definitely a case of first in best stress. So you can't, because one of you, you can't say bags, shotgun, shotgun, Mary,

and then never have a baby girl. And then what if your friend goes and has babies and she's like, oh, I don't, I won't call my kid my dream name in case one day you do. And then you never do. I also think it's funny that you're like, we probably won't even have a girl. You don't know that you might have a girl. One of you is going to have a girl. You might have 20 girls. I hope that would be a lot of girls. I really hope for you. You don't have 20 girls. But no, this is just a case of like, if you love a name and you're pregnant before your friend and you have a baby girl and you want to call it that name you call it that name if she then has a baby later and she really wants to call that name she can also call it that name and I don't think you

can get mad at her and I know that is a bit of like a fine line I know there's a like you can't call your kid what okay this is my question would it be weird now if you were like hey I'm gonna call my first kid Molly yes it is weird that is very weird but also at the end of the day if I'm like it's my grandma's name and it's a dream name and I really want to call it that you're gonna to have to suck it up. Not ideal at all, but also one of those things that's like, you know, sometimes life's not ideal and you have to deal with it. I would try to avoid calling my child a name that any of my good friends had used. Like that is not something I want to do unless it was a very, very meaningful name in my family and a family name I wanted to pass on. I would avoid it.

But for this case, girl, first thing, best dress, go get preggers. 100%. I'm like, I've had these conversations with my friends and I've always had the stance of like, it is 100% first in best dress. But also on that, I think if you've had the conversation with your friend early, especially when you guys are not pregnant, if you've talked about names that you like, and you're both aware that you like the same name, if you choose to both call the kid the same name, no one can be angry. Do you know what I mean? Like you've already had the conversation. Even if she does it first or you do it first, if the other person still chooses to call their kid that name, you can't be annoyed by it. I actually had this situation happen to a friend of mine, except that at the time when they

were discussing names that they liked, her friend was pregnant. So she was like, oh, what girl's names do you like? And my friend was like, I really like the name Sophie. Like Sophie is a name that I love. And at the time her friend was pregnant. Her friend hadn't really considered the name Sophie. Then she took it. And then she took it. That's a no go. But my friend wasn't pregnant. she hasn't had a baby girl yet and her friend now has a two-year-old named Sophie. Totally and this is the thing like maybe you're not going to stay friends with that person for the rest of your life so maybe in five years time you don't even know them so it's okay to have a Sophie. Totally. It would land a little bit different with me if you and I Laura let's use us if you and I had a

conversation right and I was like I love the name Isabel you're like oh my god that's on my list as well that's different first in best dress but if I said to you I love the name Isabel you weren't pregnant then you went and got pregnant and you're like oh I've never thought of that and then you were like hey just so you know I'm going to use Isabel I'd be like okay like okay cool like it's still okay but it would hit differently for me knowing that you literally just stole my name yeah but I still think it's a first in best dress situation because you may never have a kid right and I also think in that like it still lands different it's still like yeah you thieved my name bitch a little bit but I I do think that we become weirdly territorial about names and I don't

know where that's come from. I don't know what the societal implication of that is, why we're so like adverse to anybody else having the same name. Well, I don't know if you saw this, but this is something that's making me think of it. It's just happened in the last few days. So Kylie Jenner just had a baby, a baby boy, and she called him Wolf. Tammy Hembrough, who is an Australian influencer, she's like the fitness influencer. I think maybe once or twice she has met the Kardashians because she did a job for Good American with Khloe Kardashian. I'm pretty sure Tammy Hembrough actually passed out face down at a Kardashian party and got taken out on a stretcher. That is said Tammy Hembrough. Yeah, there we go. So she is, Tammy has a son

that is maybe he's five or six. Like he's not young, young, he's a bit older, but regardless, his name is Wolf, but she calls him Wolfie. And so apparently, and this is all, this is all allegedly, but apparently Tammy's had a bit of a dig about Kylie thieving her name. And I just thought you're in a different country and you've met the girl twice and there's years and years apart. I don't think you're allowed to do that. I don't reckon she's going to be like, I don't think she was inspired by like, Oh, I'm going to name my kid after the girl who passed out at my party and got taken to hospital. I'll name it her kid's name. But anyway, guys, like I genuinely think to wrap this one up, I think that maybe we can have a little bit too much protection over

names that we choose, especially when we haven't like, especially if you haven't got kids yet or whatever, like you can feel a bit of sense of ownership that is not really entitled that you're Secondly to that though, the only time when it's an exception is if it's a name that actually has like family, real sentimental meaning to you. If it's a name that like for you means something to your family, it's part of your heritage, you have a really strong tie to it, then I understand why you would be more upset. But if it's just a name that you like. Suck it up. Suck it up. It's first in best dressed. Okay. Question number two. Alrighty. Question number two. I really like this one. I met a guy at a party and I went back to his. When we were in his bed, we were pretty

hot and heavy kissing and we were about to progress things. I was teasing a little bit and I was delaying things, you know, just normal shit. I was trying to like build the suspense before I serviced him. When he said, just put it in your mouth, you fucking bitch. I was immediately taken back. I didn't know this bloke from a bar of soap. I was extremely offended because I felt like he had crossed a line and it was an extremely misogynistic and demeaning thing to say. I literally got up, put my clothes on and left the bloke with his dick in the wind. He switched straight away into apology mode, but I had already gotten the ick as I felt like his tone had deeply misogynistic values there. My question is, what are your thoughts on dirty

talk? When is an appropriate time to begin down that path? And if someone crosses your boundary in a one night stand, what do you do? Oh, there are a lot of questions in that. Let's just start with when it's appropriate. Well, I think for this situation, I completely get where you were coming from. I get why you're offended and I get why you were like, you know what, I'm out of here. This isn't appropriate because it doesn't sound like it was appropriate. It sounds like it came a hundred miles an hour when there was not, nothing else was going on to let him know that you were okay with that. So I feel like that is definitely a time and a place that it wasn't acceptable. There are a lot of people out there that love the dirty talk. There are a lot of

people in that situation that would have rolled with it and would have been okay with it and that's completely okay because it's up to personal preference but I think there needs to be a level of ease into it there has to be a really slow build-up and you know there is also a level of consent there is a level of well I don't know I don't know if you have to sit and actually say can I dirty talk to you I think it's something that starts with like do you like this or there's got to be like a real ease into that so absolutely there is nothing you have done wrong from feeling uncomfortable and get up and leaving, firstly, do not feel like that. It's just, this is a very, very personal thing. There'll be some girls that would be like, I'd fucking jump on that. I would

love that. And there are other girls that are like, that's not cool. It's completely personal. I think you've done the right thing for the situation. And I also, I mean, I agree with you. I would find it so demeaning. If it's someone that you don't have an emotional connection with, if it's someone who doesn't know where your boundaries lie, it is incredibly assuming of them to think that you would be okay with that level of dirty talk. And I think also like, yeah, sure. There are definitely some people out there who are okay with it, but someone calling you a bitch and saying, just put it in your mouth. Like that is so steeped in misogyny and steeped in the thought that like every girl would be okay with that. I think that there are

very few girls who straight off the bat wouldn't feel a little bit of like, Oh, that sits uncomfortably with me. Like I don't feel respected in this moment. For me, that chat, I don't, I don't mind that chat. If it came down the track with someone I had been dating for a long time and that I was comfortable with that knew my boundaries that I love, but I would not be down for that with someone I've just met. Totally. And I think that's the difference. Like, yeah, sure. You might be okay with that from someone who, you know, cares about you and has your best interests at heart and doesn't actually think the things that they're saying. Exactly. Exactly. And that's the difference. That's where the line with dirty talk is blurred. Like if you think he actually thinks you're a

bitch, if he actually has that little respect for you, dirty talk's not fun anymore. It's just degrading. But when dirty talk is sexy, it's when like you're kind of playing in that it's a bit naughty, but you also had that respect for each other. You're not doing it to demean or degrade who that person is. Look, I would absolutely have gotten up and walked out in that situation as well. How do you do that? How do you get up and leave is the next question of this. I understand that for some people, once you're at that point in sex, it can feel like, oh, it's a big statement. it's intimidating to be like, cool, I'm not vibing this. I'm going to go. And I know that there are girls and probably guys who have been in situations where the sex is already too far

gone that they don't feel comfortable in saying no. So they just do it anyway, even though they're not really enjoying it. Which we are not encouraging of. No. And what I'm going to say is I hope that if you get anything out of every podcast episode that you ever listened to, it's this. There is never a time during sex where it has gone too far, where you can't just get up, get off and get the fuck out of there. Consent is a continual thing that you can give to someone. And if you were fully into it and vibing it and it was great, and then something changes in you for whatever reason, you can always get up and leave. I don't ever want someone to think like, oh, I'm just going to do it. Let's just get it over with. Just get it over with. Cause I'm here now, you know,

because like you don't owe anybody that ever. I do like, and let's just like have a look at the other side for a second. I do like and appreciate that it sounds like when this guy realized he'd stepped over the mark that he did apologize and say, look, I am sorry. But the thing is in that moment, you'll never get back to that. I want to have sex with you moment when you have been turned off so much like that. And you will never look at him the same. So like he was never recovering from that. And we don't know, we're not in the situation, but I just want to say like, at least he turned around and said, well, I'm sorry. I definitely overstepped the mark. That was too much. We don't know what his intentions were behind the apology, but I'm just trying to look

at this from all sides. Look, I think dirty talk is one of those things that there is a very big spectrum around what is and isn't acceptable. But I do genuinely think that there has to be some warming up to it. You can't just expect when it comes to anything in a sexual relationship that the other person is just totally fine with it, especially if it's a new sexual partner. Question number three. I've been sleeping with my neighbor who's four years older than me for about three months now. He's just said that he wants to go into the dating world again, but continue to sleep with me. Of course he has. I don't have any feeling for him, but the sexual chemistry is there. If I make the bold move by asking him on a date,

is this going to ruin the friends with benefits situation? Or should I just stay quiet and let him go and do his thing? Well, I mean like, okay. Part of me is like, why do you want to ask him on a date, if it's just sexual connection and you don't have any feelings for him after hooking up with him for four months, I feel like you would kind of know whether there was something more there. Is there a reason? She actually says like, I don't have any feelings for him. Yeah. I don't think that you need to go on a date with him. I feel like the only reason why you're wanting to go on a date with him is because there may be some ego or territory that's kind of like crept up on you. You know, I think it's, it's never nice when someone who is a friends with benefits person,

when they say, oh, you know, like I'm wanting to go on a date with this other person. Cause you feel like, well, why aren't I good enough to date? But I think sometimes you have to step back and look at it and you're like, do I even actually want to date this person? Is this somebody who I could see myself in a relationship with, or do we just have great sexual chemistry? And it is absolutely okay to have awesome chemistry with someone and not see anything more beyond that. Well, this is what I find interesting about this, because I think you do need to take a step back. And I'm wondering if maybe you thought you didn't have feelings for him, but you do, which is very, very understandable. You've been sleeping with him for three months and it's

really, really good. Maybe you have put yourself in a situation where you're like, oh, he's just a guy I'm sleeping with. Like, I don't like him. He's then told you that I'm going to go and meet someone else and something inside of you has gone, well, hang on a minute. Maybe I need to ask you out. Maybe you need to think about how the feelings actually developed there. Maybe you want to go on this date to trial it. Maybe you're like, well, we haven't actually ever dated. We've just started hooking up. It is what it is. Maybe he thinks you don't want it anymore. Maybe you think he doesn't want it anymore. Maybe it's the fact that you have a conversation. So I think if there is something playing in your mind that you should speak up about it. I don't know if you have to say,

do you want to go on an official date with me? But maybe you say it without saying it. Maybe next time you're going to hook up, you say, hey, do you want to go for dinner first? Or do you want to grab a drink first? I'll change the scene a little bit because maybe you guys aren't looking at each other in that light because you're never in that light. Maybe you late night go over to each other's house, you have sex, you leave, you might not even stay. Who knows? Yeah. I guess my only thing with this though is like, just because you might feel a little bit of like, oh, a pain or like a bit of jealousy or something when he says he's going to start dating. Does that mean that you should date him? Probably not. Like, I think it's normal to feel something. Also,

sometimes like we can confuse our ego and being in competition for someone and like feel like, well, why don't they like me? Without actually sitting down and unpacking, is this someone who I want to date? Is this someone who I would want to be my boyfriend? Or do I just want to be wanted? Totally. And the reason I say this is I had some friends that were exactly this situation. They were friends with benefits because they met, they lived in the same apartment building. So it was just such an easy hookup all the time. They were young. He, exactly this, he was like, okay, I'm going to date other people. I'm going to see other people. And she was like, whoa, hold on a minute. it. Anyway, fast forward, probably seven years, they've just had a baby because they realized

that when they thought there was something that they weren't, there were more feelings there than they thought. When they tried to pull away and do their own thing, they realized that, well, like I actually don't really want to be with anyone else. And I'm looking at you in a different way. And yeah, they went and got married and had a baby. And I think that that is just something that you need to figure out on your own. I would just suggest you try and see him in a different light, like a different scenario physically, like put yourself in an environment that is different. Take it away from, because if you just want sex with someone, then yeah, you don't need to go out to dinner. You don't need to hang out in the day and go and do fun things. You have sex. If you

want to see someone else or try something different, then you physically have to remove yourself from the environment and do it. So maybe you go surfing together. Maybe you do a day thing that has no sex. Maybe hang out just one time and don't have sex. Go to dinner. So if I were you in this situation just to figure it out. I would, I would ask to have dinner or a drink or something. Sure. You can go and have sex after if you want, but just like actually talk to each other and hang out and figure out if there are feelings there. Okay. The last thing I want to say on this whole conversation is, I mean, I love that he's been honest about it. I love that he's told you that he's going to go date and that he's like, well, you know, we can keep sleeping together, but I'm

going to go and keep my options open. I love that there was some honesty around that and he just didn't do it, but maybe sit with it and see how you actually feel about it. Because like sometimes the friends with benefits thing can make you feel a bit crazy when actually they go out and they start dating other people. And you know, also the whole like being safe, finding out like what are the rules around who you can and can't have sex with? Do you tell each other? Like what does that look like and how does that play out so that you know that you're going to be comfortable each step of the way and not go absolutely fucking crazy from this situation. Also, it's totally okay for and not want to friends with benefits anymore, knowing that he's with other people. Like every

situation changes and evolves and your feelings towards that change and evolve too. So if you're not happy knowing that he's going and hooking up with someone else, pull the pin. Cause essentially he wants his cake and eat it too. He's like, Hey, just so you know, like I want to properly date people and look for feelings, but I want to fuck you until I find that. So like that's what he's saying. I'm looking for a girlfriend, but you're not going to be it is what he's saying right now. But all right, let's get into the very last question. I also freaking love this question. I think that this one, maybe we'll, I feel like this one's going to bring up a few feelings in a lot of people. There'll be people that will agree and disagree. I put up a bikini mirror

selfie. I've been working really hard on my fitness and I'm super proud of myself. And I feel really great about my body at the moment. And I was like, fuck it. I'm allowed to be happy with my body. Anyway, my boyfriend wasn't so happy and said he didn't like that I posted the photo and none of his friends, girlfriends would post something like that. Should I feel guilty about doing this. Did I do anything wrong? Like I was so proud of myself and the way my body looked. And now I just feel like crap. No, you did not do anything wrong. That is what my very first initial top surface thought is. Absolutely. It is your body. You've worked hard. It is your Instagram. It's your page. You haven't done anything wrong by doing that. If you want to

put up a fire little selfie, you go for it, girlfriend. Who doesn't love a fire selfie? I also love watching other women support their friends and stuff when they do that. They're like, fire I always write like fire flames to like my friends that do it because I think good on you like we're young we're proud we're fit we're healthy you at the end of the day you did it for you that's what it was for and you have said that you've said I was proud of my body you didn't do it because you're trying to find someone else to hook up with that's not what it's about so no you haven't done anything wrong now there is a part of this that we do need to try to talk about and it is a difficult thing to navigate,

but there does have to be a level of conversation and respect with your partner. If they say something, not just this, but anything in a relationship, if they say something's making them feel really uncomfortable or they're not happy with it, you definitely need to hear your partner out and talk about it and find a way around it.

So I think that you need to have a conversation with your partner, explain why you did it and what it meant, and then ask him why he isn't happy with it. And maybe you guys can come to an agreement, but there definitely has to be these conversations. Like if he has expressed some level of discomfort, you have to give him two seconds to listen and talk about it. This is what I think. Yeah. And I guess like with this, obviously nobody has a right to tell you what you can

and can't do. Like we know that we have autonomy over our own body, but also when you're in a relationship and there's mutual respect for each other, you do listen to where each other's hurt has come from. Obviously one, we don't know what the selfie was. Like, is it a selfie where you just look hot and you're standing in a bikini in a mirror is it a hyper sexualized photo have you linked your only fans yeah like is it is it a super super sexy photo that maybe gives off the impression that you're single or that you're seeking validation from elsewhere this isn't not so much about you or even really about what the photo is to be honest it's more about his level of insecurity or security and there's something about that picture that's made him

feel insecure probably because you look so hot he's probably like damn everyone's gonna be everyone's at how hot she is. Totally. And he probably is like, well, why is she seeking validation from other people? For example, if you have your profile on public and you're posting a photo that's, you know, really beautiful photo of yourself where it's like quite sexualized, he's probably thinking, why does she need validation around her body from people who she doesn't know and who aren't me? And like, that's his own insecurities creeping through. And maybe there is more to it than like the seeking of validation. You know, you've done it for yourself. But I do think that there is some part of this where I don't just want to

shit on him for feeling the way he's felt. Because I think, for example, Britt, like if Jordan posted a photo of him in his underwear with a raging boner, would you be a bit like, why are you doing, like, why did you post that? I'd be like, damn, you look hot. But that's different because that is so sexualized. Like if he posted a photo, if he had posted a topless photo with his abs out and all oiled up, I would have been like, that's hot. What if it was a selfie from like above, he was like oiled up to the max. So he was like fake tanned, oiled up. So all of his abs were like rippled, like a real Tinder photo. You know, like when guys are just so, it's such an obviously single photo and you're doing it as a thirst trap. Would there be a

little bit of you, which is especially because he's never done it before. So it's very different behavior. So let's say you've been in a relationship for six years. Your partner's never, ever posted a photo like that. And all of a sudden they do. Would there be a little bit of you that's like, oh, why did you feel the need to post that? Definitely. If it's out of the blue, for sure. But I also don't like those photos anyway. So if I met Jordan and I went on, like I met him online and I went and looked at his profile, if his profile was full of those photos, I probably wouldn't have dated him. And I know that is super, really superficial, but that's the truth. For me, I don't like that, but I would have, yeah, I wouldn't be happy if

out of the blue, he started posting really sexualized photos. But if you just post hot topless photos at the beach when he looks ripped, I would have been like, damn, you look hot. I think that's absolutely fine, especially when you're in a relationship where you trust each other. But that's, again, this is personal opinion. There are a lot of people out there that aren't happy with seeing their partners do that. It just has to come down to a conversation. You just have to say why it's important to you and why it's actually okay. It's you, your body, and you've worked really hard for it. Yeah. And I think like the big part of this is like without seeing, without the photo evidence, without knowing exactly what that photo entails, like there can be the

assumptions that it's sexual or sexualized, but in reality, it could just very well be like, you know, you standing in a bikini in front of the mirror. What I don't like about this is I don't like the comparison to other girlfriends. I don't like him saying, oh, my friend's other girlfriends wouldn't do that. Well, that's why you're not dating them. Yeah. And I think that that's a really unfair way of framing it because all that's doing is trying to make you feel guilty and shameful. And that's not a healthy or constructive place to come from with this conversation. Like you shouldn't feel shameful, but you do have to listen to his reasons as to why and come to a place where you both mutually agree. But him shaming you around this and making

you feel like crap, it's not constructive and it's not helping the situation at all either. And I just think to end this, you both really need to not be coming at each other. And if you guys are in this situation, it's not about, he said, she said, you did this, I did this, you're wrong, I'm wrong. This is what I think. This is what you think. It's not about that. it's just about a really adult conversation about your feelings and what it does to you. That's, that's literally all you need to do. You need to have a discussion, not a screaming match, not get angry at each other, not bitch about each other behind each other's backs to each other's friends. It's just an adult conversation about feeling and about validation. I reckon.

Yeah. A hundred percent. But anyway, I'm glad you look hot. I'm glad you work for it. I'm glad you're happy. Totally. And if you want to take a fire selfie, you are more than welcome to send it to him. Maybe first. Yes. Send it to him first and then maybe do something. And then put it on social media. But anyway, guys, that is it from us. If you have a question for next week's Ask Uncut, you can slide on into the DMs at Life Uncut Podcast. Ask us your questions.

Send us your accidentally unfiltered stories. Send us your confessionals. Whatever happens to you this week, we want to know about it. And tell your mum to your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. Thanks for watching!