Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Do 'Instagram' Men Give You the Ick?

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany, and this is our Ask Uncut episode where you write in your deepest, darkest, burning questions. We do our damn best to answer them. We certainly do. But first, can we just like talk about Emrata for one hot second? Emrata. I love her. hottest do you do you know why because even when i don't love her i find her interesting to watch that's why i think i like it because i disagree with so many things that she doesn't say but i

Starting point is 00:00:39 still love watching it i don't know if i disagree with things that she doesn't says i understand the complexities around a lot of the conversations that have been had when she's i don't know well let's not even get into it in terms of like her take on feminist issues but it feels very choice feminism anyway i don't care about that what i care about is a haircut i deeply care about a haircut. She has just been posting for the last six days on her TikTok around the worst haircut she's ever had. Like you would never think that someone with that much money, with that much access to like the best of the best, could possibly be subjected to like a bad haircut. It's beyond bad. It's horrific. I think we need to break this down a little bit in case people

Starting point is 00:01:16 haven't seen it. Emmerata has gone, she's doing a series of videos on TikTok about the worst haircut she's ever had. So she hasn't named the person, but she's like, I've gone to this guy that cut my hair so he's cut her bangs from that literally starts from the nape of her neck the bangs start from the back of her neck and go all the way over the front it's like and then it's like David Bowie it's terrible it's like he was cutting her fringe and then he slipped on some hair on the ground it was like and then he was like oh I better just do that to the other side and call it a choice do you reckon that it's that or do you reckon that she's kind of gone in being like I want this edgy look this is what I want and so the hairdresser's gone okay that's

Starting point is 00:01:54 what you asked for like that's what you want I'm gonna give you what you want you're paying me and then she's gone this is the worst haircut I've ever had I wonder whose fault it is did she ask for you know that particular type of haircut and it just doesn't suit her I think it is quite hard for hairdressers because often people would describe what they want but they don't use the right words like for example I just take a picture in of like Kendall Jenner and I'm like make me look like this I went in once and I was like I took a photo and I was like oh I want to get like some ashy highlights and the woman was like just so you know there's nothing ashy about that reference photo that is warm highlights and I was like cool that's my problem I've done it wrong

Starting point is 00:02:29 that's why it needs to be visual you need to take a picture instead of going in and describing what you want just please go and look at Emrata's TikTok it's like someone's cut steps into the fringe when it's like parted as a normal fringe but when it's fully forward it starts from the back of her part like it is the most aggressively long full head of fringe that I've ever seen it's amazing it's very late 2010 myspace era where like the shaggy mullet kind of look was in where it came over the front yeah but i'm sorry she's still so hot she's still a supermodel like she could do anything to her hair and she would be amazing that's what's annoying because she's like this is the worst haircut i've ever had but i'm beautiful look at me i mean she still looks hot

Starting point is 00:03:10 like imagine me with that haircut yeah i don't want to imagine that thanks love harder keisha I had a... It's you because I just pictured... Remember that time when you put my clip on fringe, which is blonde? For anyone who doesn't know, I am like almost white blonde hair. I have this clip in fringe. I actually have one in right now. I love it.

Starting point is 00:03:29 Laura put it on the front of her head. And because you have brown hair, it looked like a top deck chocolate block. I also look like David Bowie. I feel like we all have to go through that phase of life where you have a terrible haircut. I remember when I just thought that this was the coolest haircut. And I'm mortified when I see it now. I ended up with the nickname Lego Man. I cut my hair was jet black.

Starting point is 00:03:53 Like I had the darkest hair because I used to just dye it at home and it was just easier to get. It was called darkest brown, but it was basically black. And I cut a fringe that was straight and then I cut it into a straight bob. You looked like Lord Farquaad. Yes. I looked exactly. I looked like Lord Farquaad and it was terrible.

Starting point is 00:04:13 And I was like hot, edgy. fashion and everyone was like no lego man but also every single person in their younger years has had a horrifying haircut like that's just like a rite of passage I also do deeply remember the time when it was like normal for people in their like early 20s late teens to dye their hair I also went through the home dyeing era the problem with home dyes back then is that the color was so dense like the color was the just dense and heavy thickest color it just yeah it made your hair look like it was a 4d there was so much color to it but I had this one so I had really long hair that I could almost sit on when I was little. My mum was so long. My mum was so

Starting point is 00:04:50 proud about the fact that both my sister and I had this like long, beautiful hair. So mum would never let me get it cut. And I wanted a bob, like I wanted a bob so bad. And she was like, it's not happening. Anyway, she took me to the hairdresser and she got me a cut, but it was nowhere near short enough. It was only like to my bra strap. And because I had divorced parents and I could play them off against each other. I then went to my dad's house the next weekend and I said, oh, Dad, Mum said I could get my hair cut and need to get a trim. And he's like, oh, okay, yeah, no worries. Took me into Just Cuts.

Starting point is 00:05:17 And I sat in the chair at Just Cuts and my dad was like, oh, I'm going to go to the fishing shop. I'll come back in 20 minutes. And I was like, can I get really short, Bob? And the woman was like, I don't know if your dad said that's okay. And I was like, yeah, so fine. How short did you go? I had an undercut.

Starting point is 00:05:31 I went from hair that I could almost sit on to having a shaved undercut. Why? And I thought it was so cool. I was like, fuck you, Mum. Did you ask to shave? Did you ask? Did you ask for the undercut or was that an accidental shave? I asked for the bob to be so short that the only way to cut it

Starting point is 00:05:48 is to shave up to the bob. Like you have to shave up to the undercut. I remember the time where that was really cool too. It's like a 50-year-old woman's hairstyle. Maybe like a 60-year-old woman's hairstyle. I also used to when I – Or a 14-year-old boy's. Like it's one of the two.

Starting point is 00:06:02 Laura had a fade. I had a fade. Like Ben? But I was only like 15. No, I was younger than that. I was probably like 12 or 11. I also remember before I could dye my hair, I was allowed to dye my hair. Everyone was dyeing it at school.

Starting point is 00:06:16 And I was like, please, mom. And she was like, you're not dyeing your hair. I was in year six. And my older brothers were allowed to bleach their hair. Well, that's a bit of a rough. Well, they were older. They were in high school. It was different.

Starting point is 00:06:27 They have short hair. I was in year six. And I had brown hair. And I remember they had some dye at home. And I was like, I'll just dye a couple of strands. And she won't know. But I had no idea how it worked. So I got, yeah, you know how they used to, I hate the name,

Starting point is 00:06:40 but they used to be called slut strips, like slut strands. So I got these two slut strands of like a centimeter and I thought they were so thin so I like wound the bleach down them thinking that there would be such a subtle sunlit highlight. No one will notice. It was like two centimeter strips of bleach down the front of my hair and that's it. Mum was like, what the hell have you done?

Starting point is 00:07:00 And I was like, I don't know how it happened. I don't know. It was so bad. Oh, guys, I'm sure everyone has a story about their terrible hair. We've all been there. I have an update on something that I kind of accidentally discovered last Ask Uncut when you guys, I'm trying to think of the question that you were answering. I don't even remember which question it was, but I remember having this revelation where I kind of interjected and I was basically, I was like, wait, hang on a second. Are you telling me that in a long-term relationship, you guys still make out just for the purpose of making out, not needing it to go anywhere, not having it always lead to sex or like, are you regularly doing this?

Starting point is 00:07:38 Yeah, I just asked Laura. I just said, do you guys still make out in the kitchen or whatever? No, your exact words were, I can't imagine you two ever making out. And I was like, we still make out. Let's put each other on the table. Sorry, I mean without sex. I mean, like, do you still just walk around and make out, have a session and then continue on?

Starting point is 00:07:52 Well, sometimes when you've got kids, you can't have the sex right after. So you make out and then you're like, well. You're like, let's put that on both. That was nice. That's not going to lead to anything, is it? See you in 2026. We'll finish that off. It was kind of for me one of those moments where I just realised

Starting point is 00:08:06 that my reality is very different to some other people's because I could not tell you, hand on my heart, I couldn't tell you the last time I made out with my boyfriend when it didn't lead to sex. That's crazy. I don't know if it's ever happened. I don't think it's crazy. I think there's a lot of people who would share that similarity,

Starting point is 00:08:22 especially after long-term relationships. Like the make-out sessions turn into pecs and the make-out sessions turn into only when it's going to, you know, time for more fun times. And then people have sex without even kissing now. Time for more fun times. What was that? Sex.

Starting point is 00:08:35 It's okay. I'm a grown-up. I just have kids and sometimes I forget I'm allowed to speak like an adult on this podcast. So we put a poll up, as you know we love to do. There were 7,000 people who responded to the poll and 36% of people are still making out in their long-term relationship without having it lead to anything. Yes, please. Most of you guys.

Starting point is 00:08:53 Yes, they're my people. I do feel comfort in the fact that not really. It almost always leads to sexes at 64%. So at least I'm in the majority. I got a couple of messages from people and they were like, Why would I make out with my husband? That to me is the problem. That to me is the problem.

Starting point is 00:09:13 That's so funny. I also got a message from Tara O who we've had on the podcast before. You guys spoke with her about all things to do with like igniting the spark and all that kind of thing. And she was like, girlfriend, you need to be making out. And that was when I was kind of thinking like I know you gave me homework. I did give you a challenge. I know, but I didn't do it because I felt uncomfortable.

Starting point is 00:09:31 You were like because I was so frightened it would lead to sex. I didn't want to give him the wrong impression. No, that was the point. It can't lead to sex. You have to go up, have a makeout, and then walk away. Go back to work. The whole point was the challenge. Keisha, one job.

Starting point is 00:09:42 I'm sorry. I'm not making you go to a sex club. I'm just asking you to kiss your partner. It's so funny because I was the one. When you guys spoke with Jessica, who owns a sex club in Sydney, I remember at the time, this was years ago, I was the one who was like, yeah, okay, I'll go. Like, this will be fun.

Starting point is 00:09:55 This will be an experiment. And I'm calling bullshit because you won't even kiss your partner. I'm a prude. No, you're like, I'd rather go to the sex club than kiss my boyfriend. That's the problem. No, we don't want Tom Warren to hear that. He doesn't listen. It's fine.

Starting point is 00:10:06 It's fine. I still ask the question though, when does it change? Like when is that pivot in a long-term relationship where you go from, you know, having like just the passionate make-outs to going, oh, I can't be bothered. Like when does it happen? It happens for a lot of people, but I think it's a slow burn. I actually think it happens to most people at some point. Like, but I don't know if there's a specific day.

Starting point is 00:10:27 I think it's a slow fade out. It's a Tuesday. It's one fine summer day. I don't think there's a point in time or like a one year in, three years in. I think it just happens. This is why I'll never live with my partner. So I'll always make out with him. That's the point.

Starting point is 00:10:41 It's such a shame, isn't it? Keep the makeouts alive. All right. Well, let's get into vibes and unsubscribes before we answer your questions. Britt, what is your vibe? My vibe is on Apple TV. If you have Apple TV, it came out a couple of days ago and it's called Number One on the Call Sheet.

Starting point is 00:10:56 It's about the acting industry. It's about Hollywood, but it's a two-part docuseries. but it's specifically on black actors in Hollywood. Episode one is just based around leading Hollywood black men. So I'm talking The Rock, Eddie Murphy, Kevin Hart, Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx, Will Smith, all of the people that you would associate being with the top leading men in Hollywood. The second episode is exactly the same thing, but leading black women. So like the Halle Berry, Viola Davis, Whoopi Goldberg, Cynthia and Revo, Angela Bassett you get the gist so they've basically gone through and found people that

Starting point is 00:11:34 are absolutely killing it in the acting industry in Hollywood and they interviewed them and they interviewed them on all of their individual stories about how they got to where they did but also the challenges they faced being black in the industry what they had to do to fight for a seat at the table to be looked at to be a leading person so number one on the call sheet what that actually means is if you are number one on your acting call sheet it means you are the highest paid actor it means you are the leading person so some people don't know but you get ranked so there are there are you know some of these actors have come out saying I was always number 12 or 13 sometimes I didn't even get a name it was like you know this man whatever and it not only goes

Starting point is 00:12:15 through how hard it was it also some of them found it really easy so I think it was Eddie Murphy was saying I'm in the minority I had one audition my entire life because he always just got cast for Saturday Night Live and then it was just the easiest thing for him from there but other people are talking about the struggles and what and how far we've got to come but they also speak a lot about their personal life too so The Rock is really honest about why his first marriage deteriorated Will Smith talks a lot about where he went wrong with his daughter Willow Smith interesting that they've got so many like high-flying celebrities to be a part of it every single leading black person basically so Apple TV number one on the call sheet I personally

Starting point is 00:12:54 loved it. It's just two docu-series. My Vibe this week is one of, I'm actually going to say it, it's one of the best podcast episodes I have ever listened to in my entire life. It is the recent episode of Diary of a CEO with Logan Urie, who is the behavioral scientist from Hinge. She's been on the podcast a bunch of times. Very coincidentally, her episode of Cloud came out on dating and ADHD last Thursday. Which was equally the best episode Keisha's ever listened to. And so is episodes of she was on chloe kardashian's podcast the week before diary of a ceo and so i was like wow logan you're really big guns clouds the third one you know the big one leading the world we had a first we've spoken to logan quite a few times what makes this the best episode it was with

Starting point is 00:13:37 prof g so scott galloway you guys have heard me recommend his podcast a couple of times as well he's the guy who i i spoke about his podcast because i was like he's a easy entry for me to the world of finance and I just love the way that the two of them discuss this the episode is called masculinity debate are dating apps creating incels lonely men are more dangerous than ever this episode is really long it's nearly two and a half hours it is basically a debate between Logan and Scott however they agree on most things but they have so many incredible statistics to back it up. And like listening to the episode, yes, it is a little bit alarming about what is going on in our world at the moment. This is obviously quite topical because

Starting point is 00:14:23 there was recently this report published called Lost Boys. And it was basically all about what's going wrong with the generation of men that are coming through now and with the boys who are growing up and adolescence has obviously been the number one TV show in the world. So this is a particularly interesting thing I think for a lot of people to try and examine the reasons that you know men are failing in society and the things that are causing for them to feel like they don't have a sense of purpose and why are they finding these internet people to align with why can't they find dates why can't they have sex with people and and there was this really interesting part where Scott was talking about you know if a man doesn't live with a partner or have a long-term

Starting point is 00:15:02 relationship by the time they're 30 there is a one in three chance that that person will experience substance abuse issues and Logan's rebuttal to that was okay that might be a statistic but like it's also not a woman's role to have to emotionally raise men so like how do we intervene and I just found it one of the most interesting and brilliant conversations they are both so incredibly intelligent and I think that this is an episode not only did I feel as though I was like wow I'm so glad I now know these things but if I was a parent of a boy this is a must it is an absolute must for you to listen to this but also the interesting thing about that as well in terms of like men being more inclined if they've reached 30 and not had a relationship with a woman I'd be

Starting point is 00:15:48 interested to know what the return statistics are that are for women who reach 30 and haven't had a significant relationship with a man it's like the patriarchy affects everyone you know negatively but also I guess it's like almost that there should be this expectation of not pity but like taking care of responsibility for and that just seems so misplaced yeah it's interesting because like there are obviously a lot of problems that are happening with the rise of feminism and the the rights that women have gained a lot of men feel as though they don't have a purpose in the world anymore you know they go through a lot of statistics about when women earn more when they're more educated and like everything is on the up and up and Scott is the first person to say

Starting point is 00:16:28 that is brilliant we are not saying that this needs to change but we need to adapt other parts of society how are we creating connection for men how are we creating men's groups how are we creating a sense of purpose how are we redefining what masculinity means how are we going to fix this problem because we've got all of these really massive issues at the moment and he's not saying, how are women going to fix it? He's the first person to say, how are men going to fix this? But it's something that I think we all kind of need to be aware of so that we can work out ways that we are contributing to it. You know, there were so many statistics about dating and relationships in this where 80% of women will set their filters on dating apps to be six foot and

Starting point is 00:17:09 above, but that's only 14% of adult men. And so they were talking about, you know, the top 10% of men on dating apps are getting 90% of the people swiping right on them or swiping yes you know it was just it was absolutely fascinating I mean that's the stat that's said in adolescence itself he was like you know only 20% of the I can't remember exactly what it was but something around the lines of like only 20% of the men get like 80% of the women or something like that you know which is just I don't know I think that that's the same on the other side I don't know how I feel about the stats because we were talking about how to mediocre men have these ludicrously high standards and get these amazing women like we had this whole conversation about it not on

Starting point is 00:17:47 the podcast so don't go back and look for that episode it was just a conversation between friends off the back of a sub stack yeah it was off the back of a sub stack it was it was an interesting conversation to have and maybe it's something that we do need to unpack more I want to listen to that episode and then maybe we can all unpack it because it sounds fascinating but from what you've said like I feel like I have a strong visceral reaction to some of the things you've said yeah I think maybe something that we could potentially unpack on a future episode is this idea of red pill men it's a kind of a term that's being thrown around a bit in the culture and it was thrown around in this episode and that's why I ended up going and googling it because I didn't

Starting point is 00:18:20 completely understand but I think we would all find it quite fascinating and yeah like I said it's a really long one it's on YouTube it's on wherever you get your podcasts it's the episode of Diary of a CEO masculinity debate with Prof G Scott Galloway and Logan Urie and I cannot recommend it more awesome I have an unsubscribe which comes very infrequently and it's something that we've been discussing here. I am unsubscribing from April Fool's jokes. And the reason why I'm unsubscribing this year is because I feel like maybe it's just me, maybe it was my algorithm, but the increase in influencers and people working in media

Starting point is 00:18:57 who have jumped on the April Fool's bandwagon, and I just find it a little bit lame. I hate it. Sorry to anyone who works in media that was not pointed at any specific person. I just saw a few of them and I was like, oh. I mean, your husband did do one. I mean, I've pointed at him as well. I was like, I'm unsubscribing my husband. Do you know why I don't like it?

Starting point is 00:19:14 Because I just feel like it's in a way, I don't want to say lost its meaning because that's not right. It still has its meaning. I just don't like that yesterday, by the end of the day, I was so pissed off that every single thing I saw on every single platform, whether it was mainstream news, huge brands, small people, influencers, every single thing I saw, there was nothing that I saw that was real, but I thought it was. And by the end of the day, I was just angry.

Starting point is 00:19:39 I was like, I'm just sick of the internet today. See, I felt kind of different because I had seen so many and I instantly knew so many of them were April Fool's jokes. And maybe because we'd spoken about it in the morning. So I was very conscious it was April Fool's. I just stopped engaging with social media that day because I was like, I'm not going to believe anything. Anything that seemed like slightly exceptional or was like an announcement or was a breakup

Starting point is 00:19:59 post or most of them are harmless and I don't have like any strong feelings. They're just kind of a bit annoying. I'm like, ah, here we go again. Another one. but there were a couple that I saw one in particular she is a influencer but also an incredible entrepreneur who I follow online based out of America and she is I don't want to give the handle away because I don't want to like start more of a pile on because it's already happening but basically she's a real advocate in this space for being childless by choice her and her husband

Starting point is 00:20:26 talk about it all the time that they've made really considered decisions around not wanting to have kids she's very vocal in that space and then posted about how her and her husband were having a baby and a few people in the comments were obviously like is this April Fool's a lot of people were congratulating and then I'd seen it and thought if that's an April Fool's joke that's a really bad one like that's like one thing or one of many things you just don't joke about and she posted a photo of herself with the caption saying I fucked up and it said it on the picture as well and she was like look you know for so many years I've been asked around whether I am or I'm not going to have children people have so publicly inquired into my life and my choices

Starting point is 00:21:02 around having kids and I just never thought that the alternate was that there are so many women who want children and can't have them and so making a joke out of this would be tone deaf. And I was just kind of in my, like when I saw this, I was like, okay, appreciate the responsibility. Like it's so great that people acknowledge that sometimes April Fool's jokes are not funny because they're not punching across,

Starting point is 00:21:23 they're just punching down on people. I was like, aren't we past the point where things like this could even be thought of as being a good idea for an April Fool's joke? It does seem weird in 2025 that we're still doing the pregnancy jokes. Like maybe it's just been the algorithms that we've watched over the years. There's been many people the last five, six years that have made the mistake of doing that April Fool's joke, have learned their lesson.

Starting point is 00:21:45 And I felt like that was really public. I felt like by the time, how open we are with the pregnancy discussions or the infertility discussions, and I don't say we as in us, I say we as in a society and online, you'd think people would have learned by now that there are like a few no-go zones for April falls and that is absolutely like up there with the top of them. Yeah. Obviously brands are all jumping on board. It's definitely a big influencer thing at the moment. People who have social media profiles. I saw the increase this year than last year and years in the past. And I think that, you know, next year it's going to be something that we see more and more of. I just don't find

Starting point is 00:22:17 them particularly amusing and maybe I'm on my own on that. I'm happy to be a Grinch, but I just kind of was like, I'm bored by this. I completely agree. And I think that as technology advances with AI and the ability to create something that looks super real, they're going to get more and more extreme and they're going to look more and more real. And like, I know that I'm probably taking this a little bit too seriously, but for me looking at social media yesterday and how believable some of the things were, it was that reminder to myself that I'm like, wow, we actually can be fed so much bullshit and not know. Some brands did it and the jokes were funny. You know, I saw Showpo created a glow in the dark dress for your friend that you always lose in the club so

Starting point is 00:22:55 that you'll be able to find them. That's funny. It's also in line with what they do. It doesn't hurt anybody, like you said. And it's very much, like you said, I think the big part of that is it's in line with the brand. It's when people do things that's really rogue and outside of like what their core values are.

Starting point is 00:23:08 Or believable, like really believable in the wrong way. Yeah, and then turn around and go, psych, that's not us anyway. It's like, but why? For what point? I like that one because I think it's very much in line. But, yeah, I'm just not an April Fool's person. The end. All right, well, let's get into the questions.

Starting point is 00:23:23 Question number one. I've freshly started dating again, but after being treated pretty poorly in my last relationship, I'm unfortunately a bit scared and always preemptively looking for reasons why a relationship won't work out, sometimes before we even have a first date. That, my friend, is called self-sabotage. One thing I find really strange is men who have quite public profiles on social media and are very into creating and curating photos and content. It's weird because the traits I am attracted to, which is like motivated, inspired, outgoing,

Starting point is 00:23:55 active, tend to be the kind who post a lot on social media. So it does feel like something I might need to get over. But I wonder how Laura found navigating her relationship in the public eye at first. And if she ever felt the ick from any of Matt's posts when they originally started dating. Basically, she's saying she's got the ick from men that she's dating that are like influencers. They're like, hey, can you take this photo of me here? And I'm going to do this and I'm going to look away. and, like, the very curated Instagram influencer photos

Starting point is 00:24:24 is what's giving her the it. Yeah, I guess, like, well, firstly, I don't think Matt's Instagram is particularly curated. Like, he's not really the type of person that's posting hot photos. If anything, it's, like, dumb, funny content. But he's had a real transition in his content because when we first started dating, he was more of your traditional influencer, I guess.

Starting point is 00:24:40 We were both trying to figure out, like, what was Instagram to us as people who had never used it before but now had a social media following. And I think it's an interesting one because I feel like social media, we are very gendered with it. And it's exactly, I think that this is point in case and affirmation of that. We're okay with women doing it, but we don't like men doing it. We're okay with women being influencers. We find it weird when men are influencers. We don't quite understand. And I don't mean this just as in like women having that

Starting point is 00:25:07 perspective of men who post. Men also have that perspective of other men who post. And I honestly couldn't tell you the amount of times where like we've left a party or a dinner or Matt meeting new people and he's been like it's so hard for me to explain to people what I do for a job and so I always just fall back on the podcast and say oh I have a podcast got two dating dads you know he doesn't make his majority income through the podcast he makes his majority income as a content creator working alongside brands but most people especially other men don't understand they cannot wrap their head around a man doing that for an income and I think it's because traditionally the world of social media has been very much reserved for women and how we use it did he give

Starting point is 00:25:49 me the ick no he doesn't give me the ick at all I actually think it's incredibly creative how he's able to use it he doesn't care about like what people say and and if anything he has very funny comebacks and witty responses to things when people write stuff that's quite mean Matt never retaliates in a way that has venom he always retaliates in a way that's very very self-deprecating and really joking and I think that that's such a beautiful quality because sometimes I react in a way that's like, hey, screw you. How dare you say that? But I think that this is something that you should get over. I mean, obviously there's a limit to it. There's some people that post every single part of their lives and they post things that are just incredibly

Starting point is 00:26:27 cringe. We've all seen the person who's hogged the sunset. Maybe you've been on holidays. Hogged the sunset. No, I mean this. I remember being on holidays in Bali, sitting in a nice restaurant and this one couple just took 400 photos of themselves, literally blocking everybody else's beautiful view of the sunset because they were taking social media content. And I was like, that is, I mean, it's so annoying. That is annoying. I want to take away from that. That would give me the ick. Yeah. Taking away from the fact, firstly, that the ick that you're getting is content creation. An ick is an ick. Whatever it is, if you get an ick from something, it's pretty hard

Starting point is 00:27:02 to get over. So your ick is a guy that creates too much content. Firstly, if you can get over that, great if you can't don't date someone that is in content creation yes that's what I want to say but that I do feel you in a way so I and I say that because sometimes you can't help it but I remember and I know that you guys remember I was dating this guy a couple of years ago very briefly yeah but his content was cringe but it was like hang on are we even talking about the same person but he was great but he was very he definitely had this life on social media that he was trying to present himself a certain way which is I don't have a problem with it but I had the problem with how much it meant to him but when I say how much it meant to him it's because it was things like

Starting point is 00:27:45 I remember he would do really nice lovely things for me which was great and he was a really nice person but then and I'll use the example of like he sent me this beautiful big bunch of flowers and it was lovely and then he came over and he was like do you love them and I was like I love them thank you so much they are stunning it was something like a hundred like it was a hundred roses or something it was huge it would have cost him a lot we hung out for a couple of hours and then he was like are you gonna post that and that was the moment literally and I don't even know if he remembers it but that was the moment in me where I was like oh your life isn't real like you didn't actually want to give me those because you wanted to give me them you wanted to make a

Starting point is 00:28:24 moment that you could post on social media yeah and that was the moment where I was like okay cool we have very different ideas around our lives and our private lives and you're like and I'm also not ready to go public with you so no and I was like and I was like yeah I was like yeah I might post them yeah do you know what this reminds me though of that really good quote there's a big difference between doing things in your life and posting on social media versus doing things in your life so that you can post it on social media yeah yeah really really different intention and I think that's why you were like oh the intention here is really different I think it comes down to authenticity though right like if you meet a guy and he's super outgoing and he's you know motivated

Starting point is 00:29:02 inspired active all these things that you've you've mentioned that you like in someone and he posts on social media if he's his authentic version I hate that word but it's true if he's authentically himself on social media and also is the same person in real life then I don't think you'll get the ick because I think that you'll be like oh it's so congruent with the person he is that it's kind of just like an extension of his personality but if he's posting things and you look at it and you're like oh my god you're a fucking try hard like that's a very different perception my only thing I do want to say is is like it's so obvious that you're trying to pick apart and look for things that you don't like in someone you even said unfortunately I'm a bit

Starting point is 00:29:39 scared and always preemptively looking for reasons why a relationship won't work out even before the first date I do think that that's something that you probably have to recognize in yourself and if you're getting the ick too easily yes it's easy for us to say well when you got the ick you got the ick but you can't get the ick about everything and you do have to work on that if that's the case and power through it, I think. Totally, but I also think it comes down to in these situations, like how much does it take over their life? Are you going somewhere and he's like, hey,

Starting point is 00:30:07 this looks like it'll be a great post. Can you get a picture of me there? You get the picture and it's done. You get a picture of the food and it's done. Or is he the 400 person at the sunset photo? Is he the person that like – The sunset hog. I would get the ick 100% if my partner was like,

Starting point is 00:30:20 can you take some photos of me here? And then came over and was like, ew, take them better. Goes back, goes back. If this was going on for 45 minutes, I'd be like, this isn't the life I want to live but if he's happy to get his content and be like this is this would be cool let's make a great post let's do this and then it's done and then he doesn't sit there and look at his phone and edit his photos and edit the videos over dinner and if it's not consuming his whole life then yeah get over it but if it is it's interesting isn't it

Starting point is 00:30:42 though because like that's what a lot of women do like a lot of women do that for their social media profiles hundred percent but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with that woman either so if you're both two content creators that want to go take your photos and videos and then sit down at dinner and edit together there's nothing wrong with that but you both have to just be on board with it I think I'm a hypocrite with this because my boyfriend hasn't posted on Instagram since like 2021 or something that's hot and I've but this is what whenever I say that to people that like to other women to other girls they're like oh that's such a green flag and I agree and yet I'm here being like post post post post post post my outfits post everything and I realize that it's

Starting point is 00:31:20 hypocritical because I have different standards for what I want in a partner to what I actually put out but I will admit it really was something that made me attracted to him because I was like cool you don't care about that you don't feel the need to get validation through people on Instagram like must be nice yeah I mean you did ask one more question and this is does having an Instagram slash TikTok presence imply anything about someone that I should avoid I don't think so no I think a lot of people use social media now for many many reasons I think what we've established is that That's how they engage with their social media. I don't think that someone having, you know, a following or posting what they're doing

Starting point is 00:31:56 in their day, so long as it doesn't consume their life, is a big deal. The only time when I would disagree with that is when it is their job. So like for Matt, it is his job. He spends a lot of time creating content for social media, but he gets paid to do so. And so at the same way that a lot of people spend time at their physical work, working a nine to five he has allocated time for writing content coming up with skits filming skits like he has designated work hours that he does that for and so i can't turn around and be like oh god he spends so much time on social media i'm like it's his job but it also doesn't imply anything

Starting point is 00:32:31 having an instagram and a tiktok that's literally every single person it's almost a red flag if someone doesn't you're like what are you hiding oh i don't know what do you what do you got but like having someone that has social media is absolutely not a red flag because it's every person. You're a minority if you don't have it. Yeah, I agree. I agree. All right. Question two. I've been with my husband for three years. A couple of years ago, he opened up to me about enjoying prostate stimulation and told me he'd never told anyone or done it with any partner before. He said he wasn't comfortable doing it with me at the time. Now, a little while later, he told me he decided that he was ready to give it a crack. Crack? Wrong word. He was ready for

Starting point is 00:33:10 me to put it up the crack i was really happy that he felt comfortable and was really open to doing anything that made sex even better for him he said he'd like to go to a sex shop to buy a toy but i didn't push that last night when we were having sex he suddenly brought out quite a large dildo i'm talking like six inches and a replica of a penis and balls i was quite taken aback as there wasn't much warning but i was still okay with him to use it while we had sex afterwards he told me He went by himself to buy it a couple of weeks ago because he felt more comfortable going into a sex shop without me and he was open about trying it out a couple of times by himself first.

Starting point is 00:33:50 There is a lot I'd like to ask him about. Like why would he select a dildo that is really phallic as opposed to like an anal plug or just a plain dildo? But even asking him about when he bought it made him really shy and I don't want to undo any of the progress he's made to do something that I imagine would have been difficult for him. what would you do in this situation? I don't think this situation has to be a big deal at all obviously he's quite shy and reserved but he's come out to you saying like hey I want to try

Starting point is 00:34:20 something new which I think is great he has been open about the fact that he felt more comfortable buying it on his own he's tried it out on his own I also think that is okay like it's okay for people to masturbate and do what they want in private and maybe he wanted to make sure he liked it before he introduced it to you and had further conversations. Would I personally find it strange if my partner not wanted to try butt stuff? That's fine. But if my partner wanted to try it with a replica of a penis, as opposed like a big six inch, as opposed to starting with the butt plugs and smaller things, would I have questions? Absolutely. But it doesn't have to be negative questions and it doesn't have to be like accusatory. It's just a conversation. And you

Starting point is 00:35:00 said you're curious. He's your husband. You can have those conversations. I'd just be saying, Why did you go for this? Have you ever tried butt plugs first? Have you, are there other things you want to try in this situation? Even if he's shy, that's not a reason to not have a conversation. You're married to the guy that has gone out and bought a six inch dick with balls. It's okay to ask. Like, it's okay.

Starting point is 00:35:22 I don't think it's like. I fully agree. I also think it's not an indicator of something to be worried about because like, I think a lot of people listening or like the reading between the lines is like, oh, like, does indicate that maybe he's bisexual or that he likes, you know, that he's maybe wanting to do other things. I think he just likes butt play and he probably, I mean, who knows, maybe it's a fetish. Maybe it's something that he finds super attractive. Obviously he does. I think it's okay to ask questions. I think it's okay to be like, Hey, it does feel a little bit like we went from

Starting point is 00:35:51 zero to a hundred. Is there any sort of like, you know, one, what do you like? What don't you like? Is there a specific reason why this is more preferred for you or feels better for you? I think you can have those conversations because like if he's been comfortable enough to bring it to you if he's been comfortable enough to try it and talk about trying it it does sound like he's been pretty damn open with you and so as much as like you don't want to make him shy there probably are questions that you feel a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask as well because it does sound like he is being really open and honest and I keep coming back to it is that is this like fear that she must be feeling around like where did this come from and I guess like maybe ask yourself yes

Starting point is 00:36:30 you might have curiosities around some of the questions that you want to ask, but what are you going to do with the answers or the outcome? Like if he's like, oh yeah, I've been using butt plugs for the last five years. What difference is that going to make to you? Like, is that going to make you upset? Is that going to make you feel validated? Like what will that do? Because I mean, even if he has or he hasn't been, I feel like now, you know, that that's something he wants to incorporate into his sex life. Like, is it a big deal for you? And I guess like only you can answer that question. I don't think it has to be a big deal. I think it's just important to know if three years in the relationship he's secretly been pleasuring himself in a way that you had no

Starting point is 00:37:03 idea about it's just information information is knowledge and power and for me he he has told you that he enjoys it it's not abnormal for a man to enjoy the prostate stimulation like that's that is very enjoyable for me yeah and i don't think it's that i think that it's the reaction to the object he's chosen i think that it's like yeah i think it's like okay of all the things that you could choose if you're into butt play there is something that probably for her feels a bit intimidating by it being a replica of a penis and there is far more implications in that that probably makes her be like okay is this a conversation we need to have and that's where I feel like this question is circling. Do you think it also could be that because it does seem like

Starting point is 00:37:46 quite a jump I think naturally you would have a bit of a question of like okay well I didn't I didn't know about any of the steps that kind of happened in between here. So is there other things that I don't know about? Totally. And I don't think you've been at all judgmental. I don't think that having that as a natural curiosity is a particularly judgmental thing. I think it's just quite a normal feeling to be like, oh, I've just found out this thing that I feel like is quite far down the line in terms of this compared to where I thought

Starting point is 00:38:17 things were. Maybe there's other things I don't know about. So maybe asking those questions actually will validate you in a sense where it's just like, okay, now I feel a little bit more like there's less question marks around other things. And I'm not implying that he's been doing anything dodgy. It's just, I can understand why you would feel a little bit confronted. I also think that if we flipped this and let's say like a lot of women like to incorporate vibrators into the bedroom, but if you had said in a while, I would like to incorporate

Starting point is 00:38:43 a vibrator or something like that. And then all of a sudden you turned up however far in the future and you had a 12 inch vibrating huge phallic object that would probably be intimidating to the other partner you know like I think that it's it's also based off of the type of toy and I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that if that's what you want to do that's fine and we wouldn't judge the fact that maybe you'd use smaller vibrators on yourself but I think that we have to be reasonable about how do we go from a to z yeah and like what we're expecting the partner to react you know like I would find that a bit of like a oh okay I just feel like I've gone from being you know in year

Starting point is 00:39:20 one to being in year 12. I've gone from year one to pegging him like a queen. Do you know what I mean? Like I think the advancement of it is what would probably put me on the back foot a little bit like, wow, okay, this kind of came out of nowhere. Yeah. It's definitely the size and the phallicness when there were other choices. That's the thing that's taken her by the surprise. She's known for years, three years that he likes butt play. He's always said that, but he never wanted to bring it in. So I think she probably assumed butt play was a butt plug or something smaller. So when a big giant penis came out she was like just wasn't expecting it so I think it is 100% okay for you to be like hey just wasn't expecting it let's chat about it like that's that's so fine but

Starting point is 00:39:54 let us know the aftermath I need to fucking know I need to know okay next question I need to know is this the biggest of his toys that he whipped out first imagine if there's more imagine if that's him starting smaller if you started from the bottom he was like I did he's like I did start little that's my smallest one all right how much should I take into account my partner's parents in my relationship. I love my partner and I feel like he is the one, but I'm concerned about his father, who he's very close with and we see often. My partner's father is a misogynist, constantly making derogatory comments about women. He supports Trump. He says things about being homophobic and he comments on people's bodies and weight quite a lot. This is particularly

Starting point is 00:40:32 triggering for me as I have struggled with an eating disorder in the past. My partner doesn't make these comments, but when his dad says these things, he also doesn't respond and that's what bothers me. He never brings it up with me afterwards either. So I'm worried my partner might have similar views deep down because that's how he's been raised, but I'm scared to bring it up because he is so close to his dad. They're a big Greek family. I don't want to be offensive. Am I overthinking it? What should I do? What would you do? This is a tricky one because I mean, obviously you don't want to just rule out your boyfriend because his parent is problematic, but I think it's important to have conversations with your boyfriend to figure out if his views

Starting point is 00:41:10 are the same because then that will be a really key sign and a key indicator. I think there are a lot of people that are close to their parents but they don't necessarily agree with their parents or agree with the things and the political views or the perspectives of their parents even though they can love them and have a good relationship with them. So for me if I was in this situation I think the very first thing I would do would be to have conversations with him to really drill down okay well what is it that you think of women? What is it that you think of racism? What is it like where do our values align? And it sounds like you actually aren't sure yet whether your values and your boyfriend's values are aligned. I don't know how long you've been dating for. It may be

Starting point is 00:41:47 an early relationship and he might still be on best behavior with you because he might be trying to present himself as a version of himself that you will like. So that's why it's so important to have these conversations, especially after his dad has done things and said things and shown a version that you just don't like and don't accept. Definitely don't think that you should rule out being in a relationship with someone just because their parents sucks, you know, because we're not always a direct reflection of our parents. I think you're overthinking. You've said I'm overthinking. You're absolutely overthinking whether you can have this chat to him about it. That's the number one thing you should chat about.

Starting point is 00:42:22 If his dad says something horrific or derogatory or homophobic at the dinner table, you go home and you say, hey, what did you think when your dad said this? What do you think about that? That is an absolutely baseline normal discussion for me. And I think if you're worried about being offensive, which you have said, then that's not the relationship for you. Because I wouldn't be in a relationship if my partner's family were making racist, homophobic jokes constantly and my partner agreed with those. You don't have to have a partner that goes up against his family.

Starting point is 00:42:53 That is fine. But you need to know where he stands. Like you don't want to cause a rift where he has to sit there and fight them at the dinner table. it might be something he's been battling for a long time he knows he's going to disagree with them so they just let it slide that's fine but you have to make sure that you align on those views or the relationship isn't going to go anywhere you've said you think he's the one you can't know he's the one if you haven't had the conversation if your morals align yet I truly

Starting point is 00:43:16 believe that yeah and I also think I know you say you don't want to make anything uncomfortable I actually would question and maybe it would be good to like have a little think about it I question whether it's about making things uncomfortable or whether you're worried about getting an answer you don't like, because that's a very different response, right? So are you scared to bring this up in case your partner says, oh, you're overreacting. Dad's great. Like there's nothing, what he said is fine. Because that means you have to do something. That means you have to actually consider that maybe your values don't align. So that's going to be real uncomfortable for everyone because you'll have to take action. I really, and this is like,

Starting point is 00:43:52 not just for this question this is for everyone like don't avoid hard conversations that are going to get you to your end destination faster because it's either going to mean your relationship is rock solid and you know that they're the one you don't just think that they're the one or it's going to show you that actually your values are not aligned and you're wasting time with someone who in five years six years time you're going to realize is misogynistic supports people that you don't support thinks it's okay to make jokes about people's bodies and weights when that's something that's really struggled and has been like really triggering for you like there's so many parts of this that I think like finding out sooner rather than later is really

Starting point is 00:44:28 important the other thing though is if your partner knows that eating disorders and conversations around weight is something that is triggering for you if you've had that conversation with him then I do think that that is something he probably should stand up to his dad about and not not in front of you but just say hey dad like this is a really tricky thing for if you can be a bit more sensitive about weight because it's something that's been like a really really hard thing in her life that is a considered response of a partner who cares about your feelings and I think you know don't write off the relationship until you know but don't be fearful of asking the questions that will allow you to really understand and get closer to your partner I think it's really

Starting point is 00:45:04 important okay next question how soon is too soon I came out of a six-year relationship with my ex we ended on good terms as it was a mutually agreed thing and things weren't working out he is definitely more upset about it than I am though. I've known for over a year that we should end it but was holding on hope that things would improve. Now one month on from our breakup I met someone who I've instantly clicked with and I get the feeling he is the one but is it too soon? Should I take more time to heal and move on? I was not expecting to find someone so soon and I met this guy completely by accident. I had no intention of seeing anyone so soon. No one ever felt so perfect for me though but I'm really worried it's happening so fast after my breakup it's way too soon you

Starting point is 00:45:49 never know bullshit it's you know what I say it is not too soon to date no that's fine you can date the week after especially like when you've checked out of this relationship earlier but after six years with someone you've just met someone and one month in you're saying that they're the one that is too soon and now it is someone that has fallen in love with someone over a weekend I will say that. I didn't say he was, but I didn't say he was the one after a week and I didn't come out of a six year relationship. There are definitely some feelings that you may not have processed after a six year relationship. And quite often we can hold onto something very quickly when it feels amazing. This would feel amazing. It's something new after being with someone for six

Starting point is 00:46:30 years. It's something new. It's so early. There's chemistry, there's attraction, there's things that going to feel I imagine your last relationship the last few years probably felt a little bit dead dry and boring you checked out it was long term totally this is going to feel amazing people on their best behavior on the first month definitely the honeymoon stage chemistry can lie we know that go forth date this person if you want to but don't go and date them with the intention that they're going to be the one that's what I would say and I would just not lock yourself into something too soon. I definitely would try and hook up with some other people in the interim just to like get some stuff out of your system in case this person is the one and then you're locked down

Starting point is 00:47:11 for the rest of your life. I just think slow down. You said, is it moving too fast? Yes. Pump the brakes, pump the brakes. You're in control of the speed of this. You can go on one day a week or one day to fortnight or, you know, I think it's very easy when you spent six years with someone and then not be alone at all to instantly replace them with someone else. Like it's almost the definition of monkey branching just straight into the next exciting big thing that comes along is it common I mean a lot of people know a lot of people monkey branch and in my experience it doesn't work out well it's very exciting for a short period of time and then you know you haven't resolved or fixed the things that you wanted to fix or the you know even necessarily figured out

Starting point is 00:47:49 what's the right type of person for you and you've just done six years in a relationship with someone who ended up not being the right person for you that's a really long time and it's been four weeks yeah that's 28 days yeah i was 28 yeah i would say and you've only been broken up for four weeks which means you didn't meet him you haven't even known him for four weeks i would say if you're having feelings of like this person could be the one to me that's an alarm bell and that's a red flag that's not an indicator that this is necessarily a good idea i'm not saying don't explore it it's really hard to like deny those excitement and the butterflies and everything else when you met someone new, absolutely explore it, but explore it with your eyes wide open to

Starting point is 00:48:32 what it could be. And also just slow it down. You don't need to go straight into a full-time relationship, which is something that we can often be guilty of doing when we've come out of a full on relationship, because we only know how to operate in full monogamy and commitment. That's not how you have to be now. You don't know this person. You don't owe them anything. You can just calm it. Bring it down to the dating level, not to the instant relationship level. The one level. Yeah. So the one level. Yeah. I also think if you have said, quote, should I take more time to move on? That means

Starting point is 00:49:05 that you haven't moved on yet. So the answer is yes. You don't need to be fully moved on and heal to date. Not just to go out and enjoy it, to hook up, have sex, have situationships. You can, I believe you can do that simultaneously. Sometimes it helps you to move on. But I think trying to get into a relationship with someone a couple of weeks after that you think is the one if you haven't healed and moved on that is a recipe for disaster I do think you need to be ready for a proper relationship with somebody that you think is going to be your person forever don't get me wrong I know that there are people who have gotten out of a relationship met someone really soon and then they're with them for forever like I mean to be fair my I think my sister is

Starting point is 00:49:44 kind of a version of that of course it happens and it happens and this could be the case but it's going to be the case regardless of speed. Like it'll be the case even if you slow things down or don't slow things down. I just think like give yourself some buffer so that you're not going head first into something and then getting so deep and so caught up in the emotion of it that you can't make sensible decisions. And also it's not like you owe your ex-partner anything. I know that you guys are obviously separated. You can do whatever you want, but like do it with some kindness. You know like I don't know I do think that there is a kind way of navigating post breakup and then there's a really selfish and hurtful way of navigating post breakup and I think like flaunting

Starting point is 00:50:25 a new relationship four weeks after a six-year long-term committed relationship would be incredibly hurtful and so I would say do it all with kindness you don't have to do that for forever but like this is you're in like the red hot zone post breakup you can't have been within more than two or three weeks because it's only been a month since you broke up then you met him unless he was the reason that the breakup actually kicked into gear she said i wasn't expecting to find someone so soon after i met him completely by accident okay you just to say no one ever felt so perfect for me you truly i just don't care what anyone says it is impossible to know someone wholeheartedly after two weeks you they're just not their honest version of themselves that's not to say he is not

Starting point is 00:51:09 the most incredible person but you haven't gone through the process yet you haven't seen how they argue you haven't seen how they are with their family you probably haven't got the bottom of to their morals or seen how they treat other people in their life there are so many things that you don't know about a person you can know enough to know the feeling is good and you're like oh there could definitely be something here but I do reckon that you need to slow it down continue to date him for sure like the feeling is there that is absolutely fine but just do it Without the pressure and the expectation of him being the one. Just go forth with caution, everybody.

Starting point is 00:51:40 And that's it from us, guys. That's Ask Uncut. If you have any questions for Ask Uncut for next week, slide on into the DMs at Life Uncut Podcast on our Instagram. Go and follow the Instagram page as well. And also you can join the discussion group on Facebook. And also I'm going to Italy to see Ben in two days' time. Woo!

Starting point is 00:51:55 How excited are you? Yep. So next time you hear from me, guys, I'm going to be OS. I can't wait for the updates. Brittany in Italy is coming to you next week. Anyway, guys, that's it from us. tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because

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Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Do 'Instagram' Men Give You the Ick?

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