Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Do You Have A Work Crush?

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. Also, I just want to say a very big thank you to everyone because this is the first episode. I know we had Friday's episode come out but this is the first episode since the big news and I just want to say thank you for so many really really nice messages that I've received imagine if you didn't get nice messages though imagine if it was like fuck you having another baby in an overpopulated

Starting point is 00:00:40 world what about that one you got about twins oh someone messaged me I was like please only send me positive news stories about going from two to three because like I told you on the last episode everyone likes to tell you how insane you are and this one woman messaged and she was like yeah she's like two to three sound like a fucking great idea except now I'm 18 weeks pregnant with twins imagine going from two to four that would just mess you right up sideways one of my really good friends that you guys know Tani shout out to Tani she listens to every episode she'll froth that but she had I love Tani she's the best she had two kids she was umming and ahhing for the third they decided to she's now got four under four she had twins that's so wild like did she

Starting point is 00:01:21 just start a small business like last year you know what fuck it chilling charlie it's a pajama business it's amazing she's one of those superhero moms that's like she's an architect works full time started a business four kids under four and a half this is a real thing though i i can't remember where i read it but women who have babies and then start businesses after becoming moms more productive yeah there's this real entrepreneurship that happens and and i also we're very lucky with the current climate with like social media and the accessibility of starting small online businesses it's definitely a thing and I think it's because having your own business obviously starts as a bit of a creative idea often during maternity leave but it's something that you can manage

Starting point is 00:02:00 within your own time dependent on what it is and often it's these businesses that end up blowing the hell up I've mentioned it before Kira Crumble she has quite a few different businesses now but a lot of them were inspired off the back of motherhood and I think even for us like when we started you guys probably remember I started May and Moo with my sister which is like a crocheted blanket brand. Mind you, I haven't had the time to dedicate to it that I probably need because of the other bazillion businesses that we've got going on. But I think sometimes as a mom, you see a gap or you see something that you would have liked yourself. And that's kind of like a business opportunity. And I guess you're not sleeping anyway. I mean, you might as well be

Starting point is 00:02:37 doing emails while you're breastfeeding, right? Yeah. And I think the thing is, and I mean, maybe this is just talking to my friend Tani as well, but you do hear that mothers are more productive because the time they have less time so the time that they've got they just knuckle down like I know for her she's realized with four kids at home that she's like I want more autonomy and I want to be able to do stuff at home and I want something that's more mine yeah so I think that's really cool I also said she's an architect sorry she's an engineer I just want to rectify that we're best friends actually on that though like Laura I actually remember you teaching me about this it'd have to be over a year ago now but you gave me such a different perspective on it

Starting point is 00:03:11 in terms of employing mothers because I kind of had maybe a little bit of a really wrong and a bit of a judgmental attitude that if women were employed and they had kids they had priorities that were greater than their work and I thought well that's always going to be the case until their kids are of a certain age and you taught me if you hire mums they will work the hardest of anyone in the room because they don't have the time to fuck around they're not the ones going and getting the coffees and going and taking the extra time to chat with everybody in the office because once their work time stops, they have to parent and they will get their shit done. And it really, really shifted things for me. I was like, wow, that's a perspective I hadn't

Starting point is 00:03:50 thought about before. And it's probably a hundred percent true. And I think that heralding women in that way is a really, really good thing that you did. You shifted my mindset on it. Maybe that's what I need to do because I've got all these businesses in the back of my mind and I can't start them. Maybe I need to get pregnant and then I'll become super successful at the same time. You're already super successful, Brittany. That's the problem. You already have businesses but you're like but now I need a sunglass brand no I have these two brands and it's so annoying I have I've got business names I've paid for them I've trademarked them they're sitting there and it's really annoying because I feel like I was just taking off and then so I'm

Starting point is 00:04:23 not going to say who but somebody very very big in Australian media just launched the same business and now I know that there's room for everyone and every market's saturated but I'm like fucking oh like if i did it a year ago i would have you know but you can't be like that but now i've got to think do i still want to do it because this person i'll tell you off air i can't go up against this person this is like yeah it's different when someone else is doing it but they're doing it really really well that's the problem yeah they're just i mean their reach and their following and who they are can i guess we can beep it if it's right yeah yeah well look guys nocturne to derail this back to myself for a second i genuinely wanted to say thank you like i just feel so i

Starting point is 00:05:10 feel so loved like yeah it means so much to me how much so many of you one listen to the episode two cared message like all of the just all of the love and all of the support and i feel so lucky that this little baby gets to have two amazing sisters if you missed it we're having a girl yay which also sorry poor matt you're living with you marley lola that's mom ellie the cat that he didn't want a girl the cat he's got buster at least he's got one one other bit of testosterone buster doesn't do much he's such a good boy he just sits in the corner he doesn't contribute to the testosterone he's such a good boy no look i mean matt was always destined to be a girl dad and i guess maybe we'll have a big conversation about it later on but we've spoken about gender

Starting point is 00:05:55 disappointment before and I absolutely don't want to put Matt into the camp of having gender disappointment he is thrilled that we are having a girl but he definitely had the reaction of like oh okay I have to reassess my expectations around what I thought fatherhood would be because he always saw himself as being a dad to a boy I don't plan on having another baby after this so like this is this is he might have other ideas let's can we get that audio and hold on to it for when number four comes this is us and our family complete I think and I guess like it was like a moment of whiplash for him to get his head around and he's so so stoked that we're having another baby he's so sorry that we're having a girl and he is the best girl dad and I think for

Starting point is 00:06:40 me I am happy that it's a girl because I worry that bringing a little boy into the dynamic would change the relationship that he already has with our daughters and I say this because you know we have one nephew we have two nephews sorry but one that he spends a lot of time with which is George his sister's son and anytime we're all together and Kate has two little girls and she also has a little boy George Matt instantly beelines and they play football and they do all these things together and it's like well I would hate for you to think that they're the things you have to do if we had a boy and you don't do those things with our girls you know and the relationship he has with Marley and Lola is so incredibly special that I'm like you we were designed for

Starting point is 00:07:21 this. You were destined for this. I don't think he would change if he had a boy. I don't think he'd change the way he treats the girls in that sense. But I do think you can have the same things running concurrently. I think that you can have a level of gender disappointment and still be equally thrilled. Like you can still be equally thrilled you're getting a daughter and still have a level of like, could have been cool to dabble in something I haven't dabbled in. Yeah. Change of scenery would have been nice. Also, I don't want to make this too deep and we can cut it if you're not comfortable with it, but Matt doesn't have a relationship with his dad. And I wonder if there was a little bit of a subconscious thing where he wanted to be the dad to you know a figure

Starting point is 00:07:53 that he never had yeah as in like I wonder if he kind of maybe wanted to parent a boy in the way that he was not raised as a boy does that make sense yeah and we've had big conversations not about not about specifically being a dad to a boy that being a dad in general and I think I wonder if other people have experienced this but like there is something incredibly healing and this is a big conversation Matt and I have had there's something incredibly healing about becoming a parent when maybe your experience of your childhood wasn't the idyllic childhood upbringing because I really feel as though you get to heal your own inner child by being the parent that you always deserve to have and I know that that's something that Matt has felt because he's just the best dad

Starting point is 00:08:38 he's the best best dad and you know he's always said I want to be the version of a dad that I didn't necessarily have yeah so yeah I'm so proud of him and also you know it took him a second and now he's so on board so look guys again thank you it's very exciting times I'm sure I'll update you on all of the gory details along the way I mean you're going to be thrilled about it but yeah oh we have so much more content now oh thank god we were running dry I'm just like I'm gonna actually talk about it because there were so many things that were going on in your personal life and you're like oh I just I can't share that yet so yeah we're gonna get the backlog of all the funny stories. I did. I genuinely loved going through all the guesses of what it was going to be on

Starting point is 00:09:15 the Instagram post. Like that was really fun. The people that thought all three of us were having babies simultaneously. That was very optimistic of you. I don't know how on the same day. I don't know how we would survive that. To be fair, that would be one situation where the podcast would really struggle. I don't, I don't know what would have happened. I don't know how we would have survived that. So it's probably as exciting as that would have been. Be grateful that we're all not having babies simultaneously. And also the second biggest guess was that Britt is now already married and she's moved to Italy.

Starting point is 00:09:43 I tell you. Those things are going to happen. Like that's probably the next big news that we have, like when we're teasing an announcement, but realistically. Well, you have just blown the big news. Thanks, Laura. I was holding on to that. Thanks.

Starting point is 00:09:55 No, it was exciting. I also did love the person that wanted Ben to come on as a co-host. I thought that was cute. I was like, wow, he really hit home with someone. And I do want to also validate a lot of people were talking about cloud, which I know that I didn't mean to bait you with the cloud. We didn't think it through. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:10:12 We're not thoughtful enough to do Easter eggs. I'm not Taylor Swift, guys. I was just looking. I was in a rush. I was also trying to get food into both kids. It was soft. It looked nice. You know what?

Starting point is 00:10:22 It was a template in Canva that we'd used a long time ago, and I was like, that'll do, pig. That'll do. We actually were all speaking in our messages being like, wow, we really didn't think that one through. Like we definitely did bait that it was something to do with cloud, but no one knew. No one knew that that's what we were baiting.

Starting point is 00:10:37 It didn't even cross our mind. And also, if you haven't listened to cloud, go and listen. It is a fantastic podcast that we created. Keisha created it. She's hosted it. She's produced it. And it is all about living with ADHD, ADHD late diagnosis. It's a fucking great podcast.

Starting point is 00:10:54 Go and get that in your ears. Well, speaking of recommendations, should we get into vibes? I thought you were going to recommend the pod. I'm just going to recommend Cloud again. Yeah, look, I'm going to kick start then with our two weeks like overseas and stuff. I mean, I watched some stuff, like the plane, 30 hours travelling. I downloaded a bunch of stuff and I just watched a whole series.

Starting point is 00:11:14 Can I say I had planned on trying to get through a couple of seasons of I just wanted to watch White Lotus. I wanted to watch it while I was on holiday. You still haven't watched it. I didn't watch a single thing, not one thing on holiday. I don't know what I did though. I guess in family stuff, which is probably better. You watched Dolphins.

Starting point is 00:11:30 You were very connected. You were grounded. That's the life you should be living. I actually don't know what I did. I can't tell you one thing. I can tell you because you would send me photos. Laura would send me photos of her at the beach. Be like, I'm so free.

Starting point is 00:11:41 I'm going to move here. And it was just like an empty beach. And I was like, okay, see you back in the city next week. I was like, what? She always does it. She goes, this is freedom. And I was like, who are you? She's got a tinfoil hat.

Starting point is 00:11:52 Literally like making sand angels. She was on the ground making angels. And she's like, I just love it here. Guys, I'm born to be in the country. I'm not born to be here. I'm not. I'm born to be on the Italian coast. On a yacht.

Starting point is 00:12:04 But we can't all have what we want. All right, recommendations. Yeah, so You. So season five of You, we all know what You is. Literally, there's five seasons. This is the final season. It came out like in the last two weeks. It's really fresh.

Starting point is 00:12:19 But I downloaded it straight away and watched the entire thing. How many episodes are we talking? I think it's eight. Ten max. Eight. but it's see what you can achieve when you're not doing sand angels no see what you can achieve when you're on a 30 hour fly so if you've seen the reviews it is getting mixed reviews and I went through each season so season one to five basically got like in terms of percentage ratings

Starting point is 00:12:42 95 93 89 like they sort of went down a little bit and I think this one's the lowest is 79 or something but I loved it I really enjoyed it what I will say is it was and I think you can feel both things at the same time I was very frustrated by the choices the characters made you know when you want to scream at a tv like you're like well what did you think was gonna happen like that's what I was saying I was like of course you're gonna get murdered like why did you do that so you get this real frustration with the characters but it wasn't enough to not make you want to watch it like you wanted to see it through did you just victim blame the characters of you. 100%. I victim blame. No, wait till you see it. Wait. You're like, you idiot. Let's be real, I won't.

Starting point is 00:13:23 Yeah. No, you have to. You have to. It has to come. It's one of those things that has to come full circle. I haven't seen anything since season one. I watched all of season one and I loved it, but I haven't seen any of the other seasons. So it's too much. I'm now overwhelmed. Well, I've put Ben onto it. Ben's going to watch all five seasons. And I think it's one of those things that if you've ever watched one or two seasons, just finish it. Just go through, watch them all. So I enjoyed it. It's definitely done. There is no room for another season and there shouldn't be. Like it's run its course.

Starting point is 00:13:50 Why do you feel as though it's receiving negative backlash this season versus the other four? I think because it's done. I think because it's like we've explored so many storylines and it's almost getting a bit unfathomable now. Like this one is a bit almost a bit fantastical. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's a bit like crazy.

Starting point is 00:14:08 But I think Penn Bagley, who is the lead, is brilliant. Like he's very good and I think he was perfectly cast. He'll always be Dan from Gossip Girl. totally I saw that he went on call her daddy last week as well so yeah let's not promote the biggest podcast in the world he'll be on life on card next week Keisha what's your vibe my vibe for this week is because I traveled internationally a week and a half ago and this is something that I've had for the past I reckon maybe 11 years and it's a travel money card now mine are through the commonwealth bank because I bank with them and this is not an ad I have had these cards for as long as I can

Starting point is 00:14:41 remember, I remember not paying for them. So I'm assuming that that's because I am a ComBank member already. I don't know how much it would cost to just get one of these if you don't bank with them, but I can't imagine it being much. Basically it's a prepaid visa card and it means that you get no international transaction fees. So the way it works for me is that it just pops up as an additional bank account in my set of bank accounts. So I can transfer immediately and I can also transfer out of it immediately if I was to lose one of the cards or whatever. I load it with Australian money. Whenever I use it in no matter what country I'm in, if I haven't preloaded that particular currency, it will just take the day exchange rate for that day and it will just

Starting point is 00:15:21 transfer it on the spot. So I always put just Australian money in it. I'm sure if you were smart enough or if you were kind of checked in enough to notice when there was a really good exchange rate you can actually convert some of the money into like euro or you know British pound or whatever it might be that you need I'm not really that organized though so I just go with the day rate it's really really easy no international transaction fees so yeah I've been using them for as long as I've traveled internationally and I was just reminded about it because we went on the weekend and my boyfriend was talking about having to unlock his credit card and I was like oh no don't worry about that like we'll just use the travel cards you know it's

Starting point is 00:15:58 pretty safe you can just put a small amount of money in there and like I said if there was ever an emergency and you needed a large amount of money because I can just transfer immediately it's really convenient for me so yeah if you're traveling and you want a travel money card I really recommend the ComBank ones I'm sure that other banks would have their own versions that is to be fair my number one Achilles heel so if you go to Indonesia or you're traveling through Bali the ATMs work differently there so in Australia they give you your card back then they give you your cash that's how they work in Indonesia they give you your cash then they give you your card and you walk away without your card and then it says the problem is is it doesn't cancel the

Starting point is 00:16:37 transaction something pops up on screen which says do you want to continue with your transaction and all it takes is for someone to be behind you go and press yes so the amount of times where I and I it's actually embarrassing how many times it's happened because you would think I would learn I have lost my card and I have had lots of money deducted from my account which I then had to go through insurance for, it's been an absolute ball ache. And it's usually because I've had a few wines and I'm out of the club and I'm getting money out of it. Just tap.

Starting point is 00:17:02 Get a card that you can tap. It's also if you don't have to have the cash on you, which in Bali I usually do get some cash because some places are there and they take cash. But if you don't have to have the cash on you, you can just tap your card at restaurants and that kind of thing, which is great. So I am with ING.

Starting point is 00:17:16 ING, if you guys are with them, they're a bank that, like, doesn't have an actual physical bank. So it's, like, all online. but they don't charge transaction fees for international. So anywhere in the world that you are that you want to tap, what it does is it charges it but then puts it straight back in. So that's also like a good thing too. Okay, well, look, I have a recommendation, guys.

Starting point is 00:17:35 Over the Easter holiday, a really good friend of mine, Mel, she came and she spent Easter with us, her and her little boy and her husband, Enzo, and we had a great time as friends and she has – Thanks, so it's just not swinging or – thanks for the clarification. My recommendation is partner swap. Friends, very platonic friends hang out. You get your keys and a bowl.

Starting point is 00:17:56 Wait, Laura's renovated this house down south so she can just go have sex parties. She hasn't told us yet. Stop it. No, look, the reason why I'm recommending it is because she has an Instagram page. She's a fantastic cook, like an exceptional cook. And she has an Instagram page where she has really awesome snacks, foods that she creates. But a lot of them are great if you're a parent and you're wanting to get like healthy meals or healthy snacks for your kids.

Starting point is 00:18:18 I'm talking muffins. I'm talking like faux sweet treats that aren't actually sweet treats. They've been created in a really incredibly healthy way. The recipes are really simple. And this recipe that I want to recommend is one that she made for the kids on Easter day. It was a pancake recipe. And now I am pretty bad with cooking.

Starting point is 00:18:35 I'm like a go to the shops, get a water pancake mix that you shake up and down and pour it out. Yeah, obviously that's what I'd do. Whereas that horrified Mel. so firstly the instagram page for you to all go and follow is called pw pantry that's where she has all of her recipes the food looks absolutely insane but this specific recipe and i'm going to read it out to you guys so you can kind of like jot it down now it's two eggs one large banana oh you're gonna say the recipe it's easy there's only like six ingredients hear me out give me time

Starting point is 00:19:06 two eggs one large banana three quarter cup of oats half a teaspoon of baking soda a tiny bit of cinnamon and a few dashes of coconut milk then you add whatever vegetable you want so she added spinach to it you could add zucchini or you could add beetroot and whatever pancake yeah hear me out though whatever whatever vegetable you add is the color so if you want pink pancakes add a bit of beetroot if you want green pancakes which is what we had she added spinach blitz it all in just a Nutribullet. Like just chuck all those ingredients in, smash it in a Nutribullet and you have the most amazing, delicious, healthy pancakes for kids. Now don't stress if you didn't write Laura's recipe down and we will link it in the show notes. We will, but I specifically now have this printed

Starting point is 00:19:48 out and put in our fridge. Mel makes it like twice a week and I am following, I'm following in suit because I can't cook, but I can cook this and I'm proud of myself. So yeah, go give it a follow. PW Pantry, especially if you're a mom and you're wanting to like, or a parent, you're wanting to make better food for your kids, I recommend it so much. She's a fucking great cook. Anyways, let's get into the questions. Question number one. Five months ago, my fiance and I broke up. We have a 1.5 year old, one and a half year old boy together and are doing our best to stay civil for our child. When we broke up, my ex asked that I introduce any new partners or potential stepdads to him, my ex, before I introduced them to our son. I agreed and I

Starting point is 00:20:31 ask for the same in return. But I recently met a really nice guy who has major potential to be my future, but it has me thinking that I want to experience what he is like around and with my son before I tell my ex and I'm seeing someone. I have mixed emotions as I do understand where my ex is coming from, but I also don't want to have to tell my ex when I'm seeing someone as this could potentially just happen again and again and again. If this guy doesn't work out, please help a girl out what do you think is the best option here I'm happy to have the conversation with my ex if the situation needs to change but I genuinely don't know what to do I obviously have never been in this situation but I have pretty clear strong feelings about it and I think absolutely you need

Starting point is 00:21:14 to stick by the agreement you've had with your ex if you have said to your ex both of you have agreed that you are going to make sure you're introducing everyone before you introduce them to the child then you stick by that and I don't even think that's something that you should have to stick by because you've said you've signed it. I think that that's something you should do anyway out of respect. Like you would want the same thing. So I think if you flip the tables, if you found out that he had his new girlfriend and she had been around your kids for months before you knew, I imagine you would flip. You would be like, I don't know who this person is that is hanging around. And I think that he would feel exactly the same. I don't think there's much

Starting point is 00:21:50 room for discussion here. And especially if you want to maintain a really civil co-parenting relationship you can't be breaking the first major and most important rule that you've set as a co-parenting couple totally look that doesn't mean that you can't reassess the rules you are absolutely allowed to have a conversation with your ex where you're like hey I want to talk about this decision that we made because I don't know if I fully agree with it have a conversation about it but you don't get to just lie and then make up a new rule because you've decided that now it doesn't suit you anymore. And I think that it's a lack of respect to your ex-partner. It's a lack of respect to your co-parenting arrangement that you have settled on. And also

Starting point is 00:22:32 if it is your priority to ensure that you maintain this really civil respect for each other and also like, you know, for how you're going to navigate this next period of life, I really think you owe it to honoring the agreements that you made. I also just like, I want to say, I understand that you're at a point where you're like, I don't want to just have to tell my ex about every single person I'm seeing and also you don't have to tell your ex about every single person you're seeing but you also don't have to introduce your kid to every single person you're seeing either I think and I know firstly I know it's really hard when you have a really young child to find the time to date and often that means that kids get introduced to new partners earlier

Starting point is 00:23:11 than maybe you might want to but also I would really recommend thinking about what works best for you but also is going to be the best thing for your kids later on because yes your boy is only 1.5 years old stop saying 1.5 I can't take you seriously yes he's only one and a half which means that he's not verbal enough to tell you know his dad that's how you're going to get away with it but there will come a time where this kid registers that mom has a lot of friends that she's introduced to and I say this and maybe I have a bit more of a bias I guess is probably the right word. Growing up, I grew up in a family with lots of divorce. My mom was divorced twice. My dad was also divorced twice. Both of them married three times. And I remember my mom dated,

Starting point is 00:23:57 you know, she always kind of had a partner or a boyfriend and a lot of them were really nice. You know, I don't have any animosity around the people that she was dating, but you do get introduced to these people that you're dating. And then all of a sudden they're no longer a part of your life and there is a weird emotional whiplash that happens and there is this blueprint that you're putting down on your kids and you're creating in your kids around what relationships look like and I if I was to ever go through that as a parent I definitely don't think I would be introducing my children to anyone until I was absolutely certain that they were worthy of meeting my kids and that's how I would approach it yeah and I think the difference here is and

Starting point is 00:24:36 I shouldn't say the difference but I understand what she's saying what she's saying is I already know that I want him to be part of my future but the way he is around my son is going to be a very telling sign and I absolutely agree with that like somebody can be amazing but you need to see the way they act around your kids as a tell but that doesn't mean you still have to break the rules like you still have to do the right thing by your son and by your relationship with this new person and by your relationship with your ex, unfortunately, I feel like this comes with the territory of having a child and being in a divorced relationship. I understand. I wouldn't want to run to my ex all the time too and have him knowing that I'm seeing someone. Oh, he knows now

Starting point is 00:25:15 it failed. Now he knows I'm seeing someone else, but it's just part and parcel. And I think it comes with the territory. It's unfortunate, but you've said, you know, what would we do in that situation? I would be doing the right thing by my ex because if you, and like, I have some people very close to me in my life where that relationship between exes has and there's kids involved has gone sour and it just sets the tone for the rest of your life 18 years yeah like until that kid no longer is part of child support you yeah absolutely ruin your ability to co-parent amicably yeah if you get each other offside early from my experience of what I've seen when your parents that have disagreed on something like when you're co-parenting you've disagreed on something people seem to hold

Starting point is 00:25:59 on to that a lot more and then they start to use it as tit for tat. So I think you need to be as amicable and honest and open as possible in every relationship because that is what your future depends on. Yeah. And I guess the only thing I want to add to that is like, you know, you've said I want to see and I want to experience what he is like around and with my son before I tell my ex that I'm seeing someone. Firstly, I probably wouldn't be just introducing someone that you're quote unquote seeing, I would be introducing someone who you've made a commitment to, and you know that there's someone that you okay. He's not seeing anyone else. I'm not seeing anyone else. We are committed to seeing if this has potential and could work. Firstly, that would be

Starting point is 00:26:42 a hundred percent has to be. And secondly, I don't think your child should be the road test for that. Like, I don't think that you test it out and see how they are with your kid before you have conversations with other people in your life, because it's, it's very possible to sit down and be like, hey, I am seeing someone. He is a great guy. At some point, I am going to introduce him to our child. But I want you to know that if that doesn't work out well, my absolute main priority is how he treats our boy. And if he doesn't live up to my expectations around that, he won't be a part of my life. That just once again proves that your priority isn't your dating life. Your priority is your kids. And I think that it's easy for us to sit here and dish out

Starting point is 00:27:23 advice. We haven't gone through divorces. We're not trying to navigate what it's like having a really little kid and also have a dating life. And that's why I wanted to say the caveat of like me having a bias. I know what it's like being a kid and having a parent who is dating and is proactively dating. And it can be really, really hard. It can be really hard. So yeah. Good luck with that one. That's, I mean, and if anyone else is doing it, I would love to know how you've managed to navigate this slide into the DMs, because I think this is a question that people are going to have really conflicting experiences and feelings about I actually don't agree with that I don't think there's going to be that much conflict with this I think most people say what

Starting point is 00:28:02 we've said if you've had an agreement with your partner you need to stick to that yes like you said at the beginning of this if you want to rehash what those rules look like in your separation and the boundaries and that that's fine but for now I think it's a pretty black and white statement to say if you've agreed on something with a partner that has a kid involved that you can't scoot around that and change it yeah absolutely okay question number two harmless crush when married is this normal i have strong feelings about this one i got married recently and absolutely adore my husband i cannot fault our relationship at all however i am a nurse at a hospital and have found myself attracted to one of the surgeons at work i've always thought he's

Starting point is 00:28:43 a massive dilf which is a dad i'd like to fuck but i found myself recently thinking about him even when I'm not at work. I would never act on these feelings at all. And I genuinely think they're just like an attraction and lust just because he's sexy. We do work together quite a bit. And I found myself getting excited when he comes in to see his patients or when I'm assisting him in theater with a surgery for one of his patients. My question is, is this normal? Is it just like a harmless little crush, sort of like a forbidden fruit or a fantasy because I know nothing will ever happen. He is also married and has kids, I should say. It also feels sort of wrong thinking about him when I'm not at work. So is this part normal? Any advice is appreciated.

Starting point is 00:29:25 P.S. No, this is a bit that gets me. I don't want to tell my husband about this at all, because even though it's harmless, I know it will upset him and maybe cause a rift in the relationship for literally no reason. I just want your thoughts about why I keep thinking about this doctor and when i say thoughts to be clear they are mostly sexual which makes me do think it's just a weird fantasy don't tell your husband like the husband that shouldn't even be it your husband doesn't need to know that you're fantasizing about fucking the doctor well yeah you're allowed to have fantasies you know some people actually no i was about to say some people might disagree i fucking doubt it you are normal to have a fantasy allowed to have thoughts thoughts

Starting point is 00:30:08 are not real they are not based in it can be yeah but they're not based in action do you know I mean there is a very big difference between thinking oh my god that guy's hot that's a fantasy and that's where it ends like like you're allowed to have those thoughts and those feelings I would put money on the fact that your husband's probably had some of them at some point as well that is a very very different experience than going and being like I'm so attracted to them and pursuing them right that's a totally different thing don't punish yourself over having a fantasy also probably don't overanalyze it because the more that you try and tell yourself not to think about something the more you tell yourself that something is forbidden and it's naughty and oh my god like am i a bad

Starting point is 00:30:46 person for doing this the more that your brain is going to think about the thing that you're telling yourself you can't think about like if i say oranges you're not allowed to think about oranges i bet you right now everyone's thinking about an orange like it's just how the brain works i was thinking about fucking a doctor no i'm joking with an orange with an orange was he an orange doctor mine is I was a joke in case Ben was listening no but I just think like we're allowed to have fantasies you're allowed to have a crush yeah you're allowed to have someone that kind of makes you go oh when they come in at the office I don't think that that is something that you should be ashamed about or necessarily super super worried about obviously it can

Starting point is 00:31:24 err into a territory where it becomes a problem sounds like from what you've said it's not there yet. So I would say just maybe don't worry about it as much as you are and know that you absolutely don't have to tell your husband thoughts that you're having about a guy that you work with. I feel differently. Oh, you're thinking she needs to tell him. Fuck no. No, not about that. I thought I made that clear. Don't tell your husband that you've got a crush on, that you think about having sex with someone you work with every day. No, I feel differently that I don't think this is necessarily as harmless as you think. And I want to say this because I have so much skin in the game. I worked in an operating theater for 13

Starting point is 00:32:05 years. I dated doctors. I worked so closely with doctors. I know even the way she's talking about how she assists a doctor in theater. I've been there. I've done that. I've seen it. The reason I worry about this is because, and I'm not blanket statementing at all. Surgeons are naughty. A lot of surgeons cheat. People that are married with kids. I have seen it so many times. My partner, Now, many, many moons ago, I dated a surgeon. He also cheated. Also, yes, yeah, I dated a surgeon. He cheated a lot.

Starting point is 00:32:31 But also, can we just please put out, there are going to be a lot of people listening to this who are married to surgeons or who are surgeons and they don't cheat. That's why I said it's not a blanket statement. It's not a, if you're a surgeon, you're a cheater. Look, a lot of people cheat. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there are stereotypes that exist in the medical world for good reason.

Starting point is 00:32:46 Stereotypes exist in aviation. They exist in military. Do you know what I mean? There are a lot of stereotypes and there are reasons for those stereotypes. The thing with stereotypes is, and I just want to say this just as much, there are a lot of surgeons I know with families that are the best husbands and dads ever. Like I'm not saying they all do it. The reason these stereotypes in things like aviation and things like surgeons exist is because the opportunity exists. Surgeons work 24 hours a day. They're always on call. They sleep

Starting point is 00:33:11 at hospitals. It's just, it's, they're married to their job. Right. And so I'm not blanket statementing, but. And they're also potentially people that are deemed as desirable because of their occupation so like they may have more opportunities when it comes to dating or it comes to you know people being interested in them but the reason I want to say that I don't think it's necessarily completely harmless and I'm not saying this because I think that you will do anything that's not what I'm saying but I start to worry about this situation because is it normal to like have fantasies about people absolutely is it normal to imagine having sex with someone else sure like that is human nature to be attracted to other people you can appreciate a beautiful

Starting point is 00:33:49 human walking down the street or that you work with, like that's all fine. I worry about this for you because you start to get really excited when he comes into the room and you think about him outside of work sexually. That is where I'm like, okay, he's taking up too much brain space. When he walks into a room and you're with a patient or something, you're physically in contact with him and having these interactions. And it's normal to like want to flirt a little, people flirt all the time. And it's normal to have that, right? When you're going home to your husband and you'll find those intrusive thoughts coming into your personal life and it's still sexual that's when I start to worry because that's when my personal opinion is if you've just married

Starting point is 00:34:29 somebody another man that you have contact with every single day shouldn't be infiltrating your home life and your home thoughts like fantasies you can't help what you dream about and you can't help the way you feel when someone walks into a room but if you are starting to develop those feelings and let's be real unfortunately we exist in a society especially in hospitals where it could be more likely than not that you spend more time at work with this person than your husband like some people go to work for 12 14 hours you come home have dinner and you go to sleep like there's a high chance you might be interacting more on a day-to-day level with this person and maybe that's why the thoughts infiltrate more but I know you can't say I'm not going to

Starting point is 00:35:08 think about him but you can definitely control your interactions at work and the way you interact and you can definitely try and draw that line again and make it a bit more professional. I would be personally trying to do that. I guess that's my question though because there's nothing in here that she has said that implies that the way that she is behaving or they are interacting is anything but professional. There's no indication of flirting.

Starting point is 00:35:29 And if there was, she would have said that. She hasn't said that there's flirting. She hasn't said that there is anything that he is doing or she is doing to indicate a feeling of like, oh my God, he's so hot. Do you know what I mean? Of course not, but there's always a line that you can draw more in a room if you are – I am going to assume there is flirting.

Starting point is 00:35:46 That's an assumption. Totally, which if there is, then that's a line that's been crossed and, like, I'm going off what's been written in this and that is not indicating any flirting. So I'm like I don't see this as, like, a massive red flag that you need to do anything about right now. If things change, absolutely. But my kind of big take-home from this is, like, you're aware of it.

Starting point is 00:36:08 you're very conscious that you're not going to act on it. You're also saying you're very conscious that he's not going to act on it. And it is just an internal thought. And so I'm kind of like, well, if it's just an internal thought, you're not going to fuck up your career or fuck up your relationship because you had a sex dream about someone and you think about them and it gets you off. Like, I don't know. I'm just kind of like. No, but it's more than that. She's not dreaming about him. She's consciously thinking about him at home. And she even says like, i'm starting to be worried it feels sort of wrong thinking about him when i'm not at work i understand why you're feeling that way because you have realized that it has crossed a line

Starting point is 00:36:44 personally for you i'm not saying you've crossed a line but like you have recognized that oh okay i've taken this home with me now that's weird to think about him sexually when you're at work though so like no it's not it's hot it's hot doctors operating and stuff trust me like when you're in there and you're seeing someone save a life you're like fucking hot like i understand and white people cheat all the time. Oh, yeah, but I don't know. I'm kind of like she thinks a guy is sexy and then when she's, I don't know, I'm like not that worried about it.

Starting point is 00:37:08 My boyfriend has scrub caps that have his name printed on the front of them. They're not hot. I disagree. I think a surgeon is so hot. Scrubs, there are crocs in there. They're saving lives. Like when you are seeing someone save a life, it is hot.

Starting point is 00:37:22 Trust me. Even if they're not hot, the situation is hot. You're like, oh, you just like literally brought that person back. That was cool. I would be interested to chat to someone who's like a sexologist about this because I think that people do need alternate stimulation. I'm sure that there are other people out there who can't just get off only thinking about their husband and from time to time would be like,

Starting point is 00:37:42 I saw that hot guy and now I have a fantasy about this. It doesn't make it real is my thing. No, but I agree with that. But that's not the same person that you see every day. It's not the fantasy that you get off it. It's not Jason Momoa once and then the next is Leonardo DiCaprio. This is a real-life person that you're in contact with. that it could happen with realistically and it's the same stimulus but that's where my worry comes

Starting point is 00:38:06 from like if Ben told me that he was getting off sometimes like he's if I asked him he's like yeah sometimes I think of Scarlett Johansson or or sometimes I think of a hot actress or something I've seen if he said that I'd be like yeah okay if he said yeah I think about the girl at work that works at reception at football and I think about her every time I'd be like what the fuck like you think about someone that you see every day that's who you're thinking about every night like that's different of course but no one's ever going to tell you their thoughts what i'm trying to say is is like i am sure there are people out there who have great relationships but they have a specific fantasy that they know they're never going to play out that would exist and it doesn't

Starting point is 00:38:45 mean that they're bad in their relationship it doesn't mean that they're not you know we'll just disagree on this one and yes it would hurt but the thing is is ben might he's never going to tell you brit he's never not about that's not it's not about the telling it's about what happens when that has infiltrated your life you do not know what will happen I know you said he's married with kids right that does not mean that he might not have issues and one day hit on you it doesn't mean that he doesn't feel the same connection it doesn't mean that in a year two years five years something's going to change like the fact you're you're saying is it normal to think about the same person sexually at home in my marriage when I see them every day I'm going to say no I'm going

Starting point is 00:39:21 to say that that one person that has become your fantasy that you connect with every day I would start to be trying to peel back from that fantasies are normal yes but it's different when it could become a reality and you spend so much time with someone that's where I'm like okay you do need to draw a bit of a line in the sand yeah and I guess like the where I sit slightly different on this is that I do believe that fantasies can live as purely fantasies and even if the opportunity presented itself to you that you are able to have enough self-preservation and also self-control that even if you had a fantasy, you'd never do it anyway because sometimes fantasies

Starting point is 00:39:58 and what actually exists in real life are very fucking different. But the husband thing is weird. Like, yeah, you definitely don't tell him. Don't tell him. Like, that's weird. Like, you just would – that would never come up in conversation. Yeah, interesting. Like I said, love to know people's thoughts on this.

Starting point is 00:40:12 I absolutely know that there will be people who feel exactly the same as you because the reality is no one would want to know that their partner is having those thoughts and feelings. The reality though on the flip side of it is I bet you a lot of people's partners are but they would never act on it and it doesn't mean that they love you less so let's not conflate thoughts with actual reality either is probably what I'm trying to say. Anyway okay question number three. Is it rude not to wish kids a happy birthday these days? Are they your own kids? Yeah that's weird. A happy birthday is still a thing. My son just turned two and I'm a little bit upset at the lack

Starting point is 00:40:47 of friends and family that took the time to message me or call to see him and say happy birthday. My partner seems to think that life just gets busy and people sometimes remember, but then forget to do anything about it. But I think that if someone really means something to you, then they have no excuse to make the effort. The over the top me makes me not want to take my son to see these people, particularly family members who can't even say a simple happy birthday to him. Obviously I would never do that, but still, I just feel sad for him and I'm not really sure why we answered something similar about the girl that was is pregnant and she was upset that not enough friends and family were like asking how she is and checking in and

Starting point is 00:41:28 I find this a similar question in my brain and again I don't have kids so I can't imagine how I'm gonna feel maybe I'll feel very differently when I have kids and if no one calls and says happy birthday but for me it does sound extreme to say I don't want to take my kid to see people that didn't call up and wish him happy birthday and maybe that's because like I have a I'm not proud of it, but I have a lot of nieces and nephews that I don't call up for their birthdays either. How old are they? At what age do you start? Because there is an age that you should start. Well, what my family has started to do, we're in like a huge family group chat because I have a lot, I have four brothers and sisters. They all have multiple kids. Like there's a lot

Starting point is 00:42:02 of kids in my family and we start to like video record messages and we put them in the family group chat and then show them. And then like the nephews and nieces will video record a message back and then they'll put it in there. So that's the way we've started to communicate. But at two years old he doesn't know which way he's up he doesn't know if anyone's calling him he's not going to be upset that like I think that that is an unnecessary stress that you are feeling and putting on yourself and creating by saying you know what fuck you I'm not going to take my kid to see anyone else but again I might feel differently when I've had a kid and if no one calls it happy birthday but for me it's not a big deal I don't care if no one calls me on my birthday

Starting point is 00:42:37 maybe not though like I don't care to be honest like I think as your kids get older you care more because you don't want your kids to be disappointed. Everyone is different. I could not care if someone doesn't text me about my kid's first or second or third birthday. Ah, third's probably like they know. But first or second birthday because that text message isn't for them. That's for me.

Starting point is 00:42:57 They can't read. They don't. I'm going to say, Aunty, Brittany sent you a text message, sweetie. She doesn't know. Have you ever passed that on? Like I don't think you ever did. I send videos. Yeah, so like if it's a video, obviously Marley and Lola now are older.

Starting point is 00:43:10 We sent a video for this last birthday. for them yeah they understand guilty I'm like they understand now it's different but I think like when your kids are really really little unless like you're actually seeing them or it's a phone call I kind of think a text is a bit of a it's a bit of a lack of effort a text doesn't do anything do you think it depends on the proximity as in like if it's your niece your nephew if it's your best friend do you know what I mean like is it just a friend or does it depend on how close they are to the kid also I came to their birthday party totally and to be fair it was Tasman my niece's birthday like a week and a half ago and I'd seen her in the days in the lead up but then

Starting point is 00:43:46 I didn't actually see her on her birthday and I was like I saw her two days ago she knows I wish happy birthday yeah which obviously if my sister cared she would probably be pissed at me because you know technically I probably wasn't a very good auntie but like I mean she's four and she knows I love her actually how old is she yeah she's four and she knows I love her she's something under five she's she does the best cartwheels but I don't know I think that the offense that you're taking is probably more for yourself than it is for your child. And I understand that as kids get older, you absolutely do not want your children to be disappointed. And, and, you know, for example, if Nana or an auntie or uncle forgot when it was like their actual birthday and they

Starting point is 00:44:25 were old enough to know and to be disappointed by it, I'd feel very differently about it. But at the age two, I personally don't care. Other people will. And I think that you're going to have really close relationships with some people who are really excited about a second birthday or a first birthday and then there's some people who just genuinely birthdays are not a big on their radar and so it's not something that they think about you know I understand why you might want your friends to call or a FaceTime or send a video message but a text message about a second birthday or a first birthday does absolutely nothing for the child whose birthday it is all that is is an acknowledgement that two years ago you birthed a child so that's a congratulations to you and that

Starting point is 00:45:07 is absolutely fair you'll have some friends who will do that but I definitely don't expect that of my friends I don't care if they message me to say well done for surviving another year you poor poor person I think the exception to this would be the grandparents I think if I had a kid and my mum or dad didn't call their own grandchild on hundreds the kid's birthday regardless of age I think I'd be pissed I agree but also I'd be pissed if the grandparent just sent a text message like if a grandparent didn't show enough initiative to call my kids to even have like a minute conversation with them or show their face then I would be like okay that's a lack of care but I think like I'm saying I think a text message is the lowest form of effort for a child because

Starting point is 00:45:49 it's not for them do you know what you just said that's interesting you just said oh you know I don't care if someone doesn't call me and say congratulations like you've survived another year a kid's birthday that doesn't even clock to me that it's you surviving another year like don't even think about it to me a kid's birthday has nothing to do with the fact that you've kept it alive for another year a kid's birthday to me is like oh they're they're celebrating and their special day we all get a special day a year I don't associate that with like oh the mum's also getting a congratulation for keeping it alive well it's really funny because like when Marley had her first birthday we had a big birthday party for Marley like you know it was for you

Starting point is 00:46:23 being like well yeah we had a big birthday and I was pregnant with Lola and I remember having this moment where i was like marley is never going to remember a single bit of this this is not about marley this is about us doing one year of parenting like this is and you know it was all our friends she's one she had no friends so it's not there was no kids what a loner loser get some friends yeah her cousins came over but they were also one forced to be there through family connections so like she just didn't get it so then when it came to lola's first birthday party we were like we're not gonna have one because like she doesn't remember so now we only do birthday parties that of like actual birthday parties from about three years old because like i don't know i'm kind of

Starting point is 00:47:01 like what's the it's expensive and what's the point but yes i think first birthdays that's not a celebration of i mean it is it's a celebration of reaching one but it's also a celebration of reaching a whole year of parenting and surviving yeah what just happened to you yeah yeah okay if you guys don't celebrate in one year people are gonna come for us for that for sure people gonna be like fucking britney's the worst aren't you maybe me too i mean i'm look yeah you didn't even throw your own kid a birthday you're worse i didn't even tell my kid it was their birthday. You also lied to them. That's smart. That's financially savvy. No, I know. I told her eventually, but I was at work. So I didn't want her to like, I didn't want to be

Starting point is 00:47:33 like, happy birthday. Mom's going to work. So I just told her on the weekend that it was her birthday. And then she got to have the whole day. I changed the day. That's brilliant. Yeah. I think if your kid's two, you can change the day. They don't know. Lola thinks she's two, not four. She doesn't know how old she is. She doesn't know what way it's up. Okay. Last question. My husband and I have been together for five years. When we first started dating, we had super great sex. Over time, I have found that my sex drive has lowered while his is still extremely high. He thinks we have to have sex every single day and complains if we miss a day or two. He'll say he just can't remember the last time we did it. That was in quotations. You're like, hey, 24 hours ago. Then he wants to

Starting point is 00:48:11 play catch up and have it multiple times the next day. Oh my God. So it evens out to being once a day. That is crazy, which isn't often given it's hard to let a day go by without it. I have tried to tell him it's completely normal to only have sex a few times a week or at least not every day but he won't have a bar of it. He says I should feel lucky to have a husband who finds me so attractive. He gets hard every time we're in bed together. I mean flattering but all I want sometimes is just to have a cuddle and watch tv without him getting his thing out and the expectation of what is to follow. I don't know how to raise this with him because I don't want sex every day. I try jokingly saying it. I try to tell him I'm too tired. I try to get out of it

Starting point is 00:48:57 when he starts to initiate it. But at the end of the day, I don't want to hurt his feelings and reject him. I do find him attractive and I want to have sex, but not as often as he does. To be honest, it's just exhausting. That's insane. This is such a hard question to answer. Not as hard as him. Look, it's a really hard question to answer because I understand the way that you feel in terms of like that duality between like I don't want to disappoint but also I don't want to do something I don't want to do and at the end of the day the main and most important message is like if you don't want to have sex you should not feel pressured into having sex with anyone it doesn't matter if it's your husband it doesn't matter if he feels this though

Starting point is 00:49:37 like you know it's this high sex drive and he's you know you should be flattered or or grateful I don't want to create a bigger problem for you in terms of the language I use around this But there's something to me that is like really, makes me really uncomfortable that he can't accept that there are days where you don't want to have sex with him and he either guilt trips you into it or pressures you into doing it anyway. And I know that like you've said, like you find him attractive and you obviously love your husband and I'm sure he's great in every other way, but there is something about that that gives me a massive ick towards his behavior around sex and his feelings of entitlement

Starting point is 00:50:11 to sex because he doesn't have that entitlement to you and he doesn't have that entitlement to your body and he should not feel as though sex is something that he has the right to every single day. I think it's important to note here that it is in fact not normal to have sex every day in a long-term relationship. You are the minority if you are having sex every day and it is amazing if you are having sex every day and both of you want that. But I think setting the precedent of saying that it's normal in a long-term relationship is actually not. Ben and I don't even have sex every day when we see each other and that's after months of of not seeing each other like yeah but there's no also I agree but there's also no compromise in this this expectation that if

Starting point is 00:50:50 you haven't had sex every day that you have to catch up like this has become an obligation for you and the more that sex becomes an obligation the less that you're going to enjoy it it's not surprising to me that your sex drive is decreasing and his hasn't changed but there's a real imbalance that's happening here and you've tried the you know being nice and having like a funny chat I actually think you need to have a little bit more of a direct conversation you can cater to his feelings I'm not saying you don't have to do that but saying just because I don't want to have sex one night you shouldn't take that to offense you shouldn't take that as though that's a personal hit to you and sometimes I am tired or I have a headache or whatever it is but I shouldn't then

Starting point is 00:51:30 be in debt to you to make that up that's an unfair expectation on me yeah sex debt's not a thing it's not a thing it doesn't exist and thank you yeah the more I think about it the bigger the ick is that I have. To me, I can't stress enough that if you are in this position that you've chosen this life partner, you are married and you do not want to have sex. That doesn't have to be a conversation where you have to joke around or you don't know how to navigate it. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, but it's a conversation that you should feel comfortable having. You should be able to say, hey, do you know what? I really don't want sex every single day. It's not that I don't want sex with you. Our sex drives are different. Can we meet in the middle? Can

Starting point is 00:52:09 we do it a few days a week. If you continue to make me feel like I have to do it, I can tell you what is going to happen. Well, I'm going to want it less. And I think communicating these issues, it's normal to have different sex drives. And I would maybe have a different opinion. If you were saying, I want to have sex once every four months, I don't have a sex drive. What do we do? But you are still wanting to have it multiple times a week. And to me, that is like a completely normal compromise have the conversation with him really honestly because it's going to push you away further you will resent him you will get the ick you will want it less so just say hey i love you i'm i'm so attracted to you i don't have sometimes the energy

Starting point is 00:52:52 or mental capacity to do it every single day my sex drive is obviously a little bit smaller than yours masturbate if he really needs to do it every day and i masturbate i completely agree and this idea of like you don't want to hurt someone's feelings or you don't want them to feel rejected I understand why you feel that way but you are not responsible for his reaction to you saying that you don't want to have sex with him on one or two occasions it's different if you were rejecting every single advance and he was like I'm trying here and you don't want to you also can do that like I'm you know there are people in relationships and that happens and like you don't have to have sex at any point that you don't want to but I also don't want him to turn around and I know

Starting point is 00:53:31 you haven't said this, but this does happen in relationships. People use rejection and they use their feelings of hurt as a manipulation tool to get you to still do the thing that they want you to do. That's fucked. Like you should be able to say, I'm not in the mood tonight without fear of them playing the rejected card or playing the feelings hurt card. And I think a lot of people would have been in that situation. I've absolutely been in the situation where I've been then guilt tripped into feeling as though I've hurt their feelings and so then I found myself having sex with them anyway and I didn't really want to do it because we especially as women we worry so much about hurting people's feelings and we often deprioritize what we want because we don't want

Starting point is 00:54:13 to upset someone and I can think about oh fuck it makes me actually feel sick thinking about it I have absolutely had sex with people that I didn't want to have sex with because I didn't want to upset them you don't want to do that with your husband and that's okay can I just add a layer to this laws that I think exists so much and I know I am talking stereotypically I think a lot of the time in these types of conversations the next layer becomes well it's a need for me I need to have sex every day there are actually a lot of studies on this biologically not true people do not need to have sex every day regardless of gender regardless of sex drive it is not a need and I think a lot of the time when they start to turn really toxic that type of communication of

Starting point is 00:54:54 well I want to have sex more if you're not going to give it to me I'll have to find it somewhere else and I think that that can almost be a little bit of like you said a manipulation technique and a threat of like well if you're not going to put out for me I will find it in some other way yeah and I don't want to imply that that's what this person is going to do like I don't want to that I've jumped to there but like he can masturbate totally you know like I just think that so many times and I have friends that are in this position and I've heard of conversations that they have had with their partner where it's like, well, you know, I'm wanting it from you so that's a good thing.

Starting point is 00:55:27 I'm not, you know what I mean? It's really great. Very, very disgusting language. But I think it's more common than what many people may realize. He knows it is not normal to have sex every day. Every single man knows that it is not normal in a long-term relationship to have sex every day. So all he has to do is go and ask any one of his friends in a group,

Starting point is 00:55:46 how many times a week do you guys have sex? How often are you having sex? He's using that against you 100%. And I'm not saying this to say he's a bad person. We don't even know him. My angle is not here to go and say he's a bad person. My angle here is to say it is okay for you to stand your ground and it's not offensive to say to your husband, I don't want to have sex today.

Starting point is 00:56:03 Again, if you were not wanting to have sex for a year, I would say, yeah, that's something that you should go and work on together and sort out because there are levels of different people having needs, like maybe see a sex counselor or work out the problem. But this is like, you're still doing it four times a week, five times a week. just tell him just be like this is not cool for me i'm not enjoying it as much and i think the big take home from this is like sex is not an obligation no and he is not entitled to it and you do not have to play catch up like and the fact that you feel as though you do speaks about the way that he approaches sex because he has made you feel like you owe him these things or he's

Starting point is 00:56:41 gonna be butthurt and feel rejected that says a lot about his emotional you know his eq not about and the state of how he views sex rather than actually what's going on in this relationship. And, you know, I really want to reiterate we're not saying that you have a bad relationship. We're not saying that your husband's a fucking bad guy. Like, yes, of course, it is great that he wants to have sex with you and you guys have a relatively matched libido normally,

Starting point is 00:57:06 but don't feel as though you owe something to him when you don't want to do it. All right, guys, well, that's it from us. Let's get out of here. We are. If you have any questions for us, send them in to our DMs at Life Uncut Podcast. Send us your accidentally unfiltered stories,

Starting point is 00:57:20 your confessionals, any little tidbits you want to update us on. We love it. And also, if you want to watch on YouTube, leave reviews. It's just all the good stuff. You know. Yeah, you know what to do. You know what to do by now. Don't forget, to mum, to dad, to dog, to friends,

Starting point is 00:57:31 and share the love because we love love.

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