Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Everything Is Vetoed

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark and your burning questions. Hey, I just had somebody yell abuse at me down the street this morning. Can I tell you what happened you deserved it it's giving remember that time what happened remember that time get a job yes remember that time i yelled at that man the bald man not because he was bald but because it because it was very distinct like from behind it looks so much like my friend i yelled at him to get a job as a joke he turned around it wasn't him it was giving that it's one of my favorite stories it's one of my favorite stories that and the one i actually both of them are about

Starting point is 00:00:51 bald men. Do you remember that accidentally unfiltered we received ages ago and it was the woman who she went swimming with her dad and her dad's bald and she was swimming laps with him and he got to the end of the pool and she like jumped and pushed him under the water and was holding him under the water while he was flailing his arms around and then she looks up only to see her dad two lanes away swimming down the pool. Do you reckon it was the same bald man that I laughed at? She was just holding a bald man under the water. Also guys we don't have anything against bald people it's just because we mistook them can you imagine being that you'd think you were being attacked of course you were being attacked well guys i was just attacked i was walking down

Starting point is 00:01:28 the street this morning to get a coffee and a car went past and yelled yelled at me nice asshole like that and then they went all 38 of them nice asshole and in case you missed it i was telling a story about my italian where i i accidentally was mistaking a word in italian and i was saying that i had 38 assholes and somebody yelled that at me down the street and for a second when they're like nice asshole i was like fuck you and then they were like oh 38 of them and i was like bravo bravo well played to be fair if you did have 38 assholes i'm sure they would be nice well done what i mean i guess my one is nice but if i've got 38 assholes that there would be a problem curious as to how you determined

Starting point is 00:02:14 I don't know. Was the asshole nice or not? I just didn't know where to take that, to be honest. You wanted to talk about your fish and the assholes. I really wanted, yeah. I got vetoed. Everyone sat here. This is how we run these episodes.

Starting point is 00:02:24 We all sat here for a couple of minutes and anyone was like, anyone got anything to say at the very start? And I was like, there's jellyfish taking over Venice and they've got disappearing assholes. So apparently that got vetoed, but we can talk about it. For my asshole, you're jellyfish. Well, I thought my asshole cannot be bumped for a jellyfish's butthole. We've got to stop saying a-hole. It's so crude.

Starting point is 00:02:42 Before we get into answering your deep, your dark, and your burning questions, I do just want to read the headline of this because it has had me in stitches and I've put it into the content group several times and I've been vetoed. It's not really a deep unpack. It was just the headline that I found quite funny. And it says this. Is this Laura's episode where she just talks about things that she got vetoed? I'm pretty sure you just vetoed all my content.

Starting point is 00:03:03 It says cannibal jellyfish with disappearing anus are terrorizing Venice. It's so funny. Go on, give us the line about where they go to. It just disappears inside. Into my 38 assholes. What's the only time that it comes out? Oh, when it's defecating. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:19 All right. It's time for vibes and unsubscribes. I am going to hit you first. It is one, if you're a lactating mother like I am, it is a maternity bra. And I have been wearing this brand of maternity bras every day since Poppy was born. I have three of them on rotate, just FYI. It is called, the brand is called Milk, which is, the irony is not lost on anyone, but it's like a bralette maternity bra.

Starting point is 00:03:41 and I see I don't like maternity bras that you have to clip down and clip back up I find them just very mumsy and a bit fuddy like I just don't think it's necessary I mean it's practical it is and it isn't though like I mean I don't understand what the modesty strip is trying to do there's like one tiny little band here and then you have to clip up the flap well I guess it's just a choice for some people yeah I prefer a bralette that I can just pull to the side right like that I don't have to worry about trying to find a clasp in my bra these milk bras they are just like a very standard bralette that feels like a normal bra you don't feel like you're wearing a maternity bra which is clunky and super mumsy the only thing that's different is like in

Starting point is 00:04:19 the same way that you have underwear that's like leak proof underwear it's the same material so you won't can't lactate on yourself so it's exactly the same as what would be in like your period underwear but they've created bras out of it the fit's great they look really nice and you don't feel like you're a super mum wearing a maternity bra that's my recommendation good one and I can't use that yet, but there are many women that can. Okay. My vibe this week is a podcast. It is from The Daily, which is the New York Times podcast. And it came out at the time of this recording three days ago. So whenever you're listening to it, it's very recent, but it is a sit down interview with Giselle Pellico. Now she's a French woman whose husband was drugging

Starting point is 00:05:01 her for decades and raping her and having other men come into her house to rape her. He was filming it. It was truly one of the most horrific cases that I think the world had seen in a long time. Yeah, it's unbelievable. It was absolutely shocking. And she has now written a book and she has just started to do interviews. And the reason I listened to it was because we almost interviewed her. We were very close to interviewing her, but her schedule filled up basically. And so I listened to this interview and I just cannot recommend it enough. I truly wish we got the chance to sit down with her, but hearing her speak about it it's one thing to hear about the case watching it being it being

Starting point is 00:05:41 reported on and to hear her story from go to woe and it was going on for many years before we even heard about it which I actually didn't even know that in terms of like the investigations were going on before the world heard about it and even the way she talks about it was never going to be an open court case and she was always going to be anonymous and and have her right to anonymity and it wasn't until the day the court case was starting that she decided she walked into it and the judge said every single journalist in here this is a closed court it's time to leave and she said actually no it's not I want you all to stay so I didn't realize that every journalist that ended up reporting on that case up until the minute it started they thought they had no access

Starting point is 00:06:23 and that's the way she talks about the way she talks about her daughter and the situation and where she's at in her life now and how she overcame so much she goes into quite a lot of detail about it she's such an incredible woman yeah she really is I just cannot recommend she is doing a few different interviews so you might find an interview with her somewhere else but the one I listened to was the daily the New York Times podcast what I think is so remarkable about her story and remarkable about that when she disregarded her right to be anonymous is what she said in that moment is that I have nothing to be shameful for I didn't do this to myself and the only person that should feel shame is my husband and all of the men who did this to me. And I think

Starting point is 00:07:02 that that speaks such volumes for other victims who have been through similar or different variations of sexual assault, sexual abuse, that the shame should not lie on the person who is the victim. Well, it actually, and this is why it's so interesting. It actually came from her daughter. Her daughter said to her, like, mom, you're letting them get away easily. Like you're getting them you're letting them get away scot-free in that sense by by not giving people such access and such an insight to their abhorrent behavior and she she still decided even after that conversation she still decided she didn't want to be really open about it but she said she went for a walk and she sat on it for a few days and she was like wow she's right like fuck that yeah and

Starting point is 00:07:44 it's just incredible so yeah if you guys want to have a listen can't recommend it enough she's doing the PR because her memoir is out which obviously we haven't read but I imagine that is also going to be a really incredible story. I've actually got that at home at the moment. I haven't finished. I've started and it's so far amazing, but yeah, I'll get through it. My vibe this week is a bit of a shift in gears. It is a little bit of a lifestyle vibe. I have realized that I haven't done any exercise other than walking the dog in as long as I've had the dog. I have not picked up a weight. I have not done a Pilates. And so at the moment, I'm kind of just trying to increase the amount of steps that I'm getting because it's like the only thing

Starting point is 00:08:21 that I'm doing for fitness. And the days that I'm not walking the dog, I'm realizing that my step count is so low that I'm like, oh, this is not good. So I downloaded an app called Steps app. I know that it is, sorry if this is iPhone specific, I'm assuming that if you have a Google or Samsung or whatever type of phone, you'd be able to get the equivalent, but I only know how iPhones work. So I downloaded this app, even though the health app that you have does track your steps. And I added it as a widget to the front screen of my phone, the lock screen. oh so you can constantly see if you're failing at your step count well you see how much you suck right the only issue I have with this stuff and like I love that you're trying to increase your

Starting point is 00:08:58 step count I don't always have my phone on me and so for me that's kind of a bit of a mute point especially if I put my phone in the pram it doesn't log step counts or if it's not because if you're pushing it it doesn't it doesn't track it you've got to have it on you at all times and when I realized the disparity is because Matt has a garment and so he knows his step count because it's always on his wrist and he's always walking around with it and we spent one day together where we were doing pretty much all the same things and my step count was like 7 000 less than him what yeah because I didn't have my phone I didn't have my phone on me for parts of the day whereas he always had his log so I don't know I love that it's like a reminder to do it but I

Starting point is 00:09:38 don't know how accurate it is when it's only on your phone yeah I mean it's a good point I don't know how to fix it without saying a device no I only walk with my phone though like not incidental around the building but like every walk I go with my phone is on me it would only be off by a couple hundred for me because my phone is in the bag that I take when I walk the dog you know it's usually on me if not far away um but it's just been something that I've added you you basically um you'll download this separate app which is weird I couldn't link it directly from the health app and then you hold it in and you select a widget and you just add it to your lock screen so that's how I did it and it was really easy I'm not very good with like phone

Starting point is 00:10:15 stuff. So yeah, now I can see I've only done 4,197 today, guys. So we need to wrap this shit up so I can get my other 5,000 in. Keisha, the health queen. I did think you were, I thought you were recommending another thing that kept you grounded, but maybe that's for next week. Let's save that. I need to test it. Yeah, you can't recommend it till you try it. Stay tuned, guys. Next week's five. We're back. No, do you know what I love? Keisha is back on her health recommendations and she has some doozies coming for you all. But anyway, let's get into your questions. Question number one. I got married young and about 11 years in, my husband came out to me as bi. Totally fine. Not the biggest surprise to be honest. And at the time he said

Starting point is 00:10:56 he didn't feel the need to act on it. Now cut to 12 months later, we had moved cities and we're trying to establish our new circle and our new life. One Saturday, he asked me to bring up the weekend newspaper quiz on his phone. So I opened up and happened to see an app where he had been chatting to other men now he confessed to masturbating with them live online and that he did in fact now feel the need to act on it so cut to six months later he told me he wasn't bi he was gay and that we were getting a divorce oh god that is full-on funnily enough this isn't actually the crux of my question truthfully we were on the rocks for a long time there was no intimacy shocking I know and I had been very unhappy that actually must be hard because if deep down he knew he was

Starting point is 00:11:42 gay, like, of course that is going to, you're going to struggle in your relationship, right? Like he's obviously coming to terms with that. Anyway. So after we separated officially with some intense tears saying goodbye to a version of my life that I thought was it, I jumped on the apps for the very first time in a long time. After a few non-starters, I met a wonderful guy. He's caring. He's smart. He treats me like I am what he has been waiting for his whole life. The intimacy is amazing. And we have been together for nearly a year now. So here it is. This just all feels too good to be true and is it all too soon I mean what are the chances of finding the one so soon after this experience oh I think don't overthink it is all I have to say it sounds like

Starting point is 00:12:24 you've had a really really challenging time and I mean I appreciate the context in terms of the reasonings why your past relationship broke down but I also think that the context of your relationship breakdown is not necessary to the actual question like the question of like can you meet the one very soon after the person you thought was the one? Yeah, sure. You absolutely can. Could he not be the one? Sure. Absolutely. That's also a possibility. But I think unless you explore it and you give time to it and you give it the time to grow, you're never going to know. What I do think you are doing though, is you're overanalyzing and trying to get to the end result. Like you're thinking, could this be the person I'm going to be with for forever?

Starting point is 00:13:04 You don't need to be there already. Just enjoy time with them and figure out whether they're actually someone who you want to get to know more and you actually are going to have a good relationship with. It's also hard because we often say, if something seems too good to be true, it is, you know, or chances are it is. And a lot of the time that is true. A lot of the time it's not true. Sometimes things are just really great. And I feel like it's more inclined to be really great when you've lived life a little bit, like when people have had their experiences and they know what they want more and they've been through it and they've come out the other side. things get great quicker that's what I believe and that's not for all cases but I think like

Starting point is 00:13:42 dating in your 20s and early 30s is different to dating in your late 30s and early 40s I do think things move quicker and you're saying like you know it's been a year it's moved quickly it moved quickly after your breakup but it's probably because you knew what you wanted like you'd been through it and I do wonder it's hard to know right like maybe there's someone else out there that you would also have this feeling with because I think there's more than one soulmate for us in life but if this is going so well don't self-sabotage it if it's intimacy is great and he's great he's caring it's been a year and you've got no complaints then sit in that yeah I agree the only thing I mean and I question it Brie I wonder what your take is on this because it's a

Starting point is 00:14:25 little bit in opposition to what you just said I don't I don't want to hear it then no yeah I don't know if age is necessarily an indicator of getting to a place where things just move quicker. I think you have to have done the work. I think you have to, because of the experience and because of the things that you've been exposed to, you've got to realize like what it is that you do or don't want. A lot of people do the opposite. There are a lot of people who are in their fifties and sixties who have just repeated

Starting point is 00:14:52 the same types of relationships over and over and over and over and never really gotten into a place of being like, oh, I found what it is that I wanted because they never did the work to get there. I just think, I mean, of course, there's always going to be people like that for sure. There's people like that until you're 80 or 90 years old. Yeah. But I think more people are just self-aware of boundaries, what isn't okay, what they want to put up with.

Starting point is 00:15:14 Most people by that age have children already, like if you're 11 years out of a relationship. So you cut the shit quicker and I don't think you put up with as much as you do when you're more unattached in your 20s. when you're in your 20s and you don't have kids and you're still figuring out what you want I think you put up with a lot more and I think you've got more time and energy and desire to feel something out yeah I'll sit with this for a while it'll get better five years I'll sit with this but when you're out the other side of something like this like you've been with him for 11 years he has come out and said he's gay and he's going into a relationship with a man

Starting point is 00:15:48 there'll be a multitude of things I imagine that would rock you it's not just a relationship breakdown but then you're questioning all of the intimacy was it always a lie when did he decide was it something i did i think there'd be a lot of questions for you personally but i think when you come out of that you're like cool there's a level of me that definitely knows what i want and doesn't want to waste your time and energy anymore because we don't have as much time and energy we're old now we don't have what we had now 20 there was um an interesting research study that came out recently i do not remember where it came from so i will butcher the stats but no I remember the crux of it. Basically it was analyzing like deep connected romantic love.

Starting point is 00:16:28 Now that's not to say whether it was healthy or toxic or anything. It's like, you know, those really, really big loves that you have in your life. Like maybe you married them, maybe you didn't, maybe they got away, whatever it looks like. On average, we have two to 2.5 of them in our lifetime. Where's the 0.5 come into it? Well, I guess it's like some people have had more, so it's a half, you know, it's like 0.5, like it's great love for you, but not the other person. Yeah. It's like when they say like the average is two and a half kids, like no one's giving birth to half a kid. I'm like, what is that? Did that person know you loved them or were you just hanging outside their house? It's true when you think about it. And obviously, you know,

Starting point is 00:17:02 some people will have two marriages or three marriages, or some person might have like a long-term relationship and then a marriage. Like everyone's going to have a different volume of, or a different number of like these really intense loves. And when we also say, or always say, because I believe it as well. I don't think that there is just one person for everyone. I think the idea of having one only soulmate is a bit ridiculous. And then the reason why I think that's ridiculous is because if you have decided that then someone is your soulmate, if you decide that actually you're going to pour all your energy and time into one person and that there couldn't possibly be anyone else out there for you, you will allow so much bad behavior and you will like

Starting point is 00:17:40 try so hard to make something work that maybe potentially shouldn't. So I think that sometimes we're a bad gauge of that it's very possible that this is just your other person this is your other two or 2.5 he might have come along early so like we said don't overthink it enjoy it for what it is and either it's going to work out or it's not going to work out it'll be a lesson or it'll be you know a big love and I think that either of those options is okay yeah just don't self-sabotage it like you're like I feel like it's too good to be true go with that until it's not go go with that until he shows you otherwise that's what I would say and if he does show you otherwise then get the fuck out there there's another soulmate down the road all right question number two my

Starting point is 00:18:16 friend just told me that she is six months pregnant after multiple rounds of IVF which she never told me about she said only people who asked her directly were let in on the secret and that they've all been very supportive through this time am I entitled to be annoyed with her because she didn't share this with me is she entitled to be annoyed with me because I didn't ask I'm happy that she's pregnant but I'm kind of annoyed that I haven't been part of her journey up until this last minute this one's hard I feel like we need a little bit more information based off what you've said it feels pointed well yeah it feels pointed but also did you know she was doing IVF because you can't really ask about it if you never knew she was going through it and I imagine if you

Starting point is 00:18:58 knew she was going through it you would have asked so I let's just go off what you've said right you've said she's pregnant from IVF and I had no idea she's angry that I didn't ask if you didn't know she was going through it I'm a bit confused at how you were to ask because you don't just go around to people saying like are you doing IVF are you doing IVF yet do you know what I think has happened here and this is obviously me reading between the lines I think that she has probably been going through fertility issues and the friend knew that there was some fertility issues or there was a wish for a pregnancy or whatever that looked like and that that conversation's probably been brought up multiple times because it's not like you never speak about your wants or desires to

Starting point is 00:19:33 have children with your friend like I'm sure that she has said that they were finding it challenging and potentially she is upset that maybe you didn't take as much interest in it as what she expected you to as a friend so therefore she didn't confine I'm like I said I'm drawing parallels and I'm trying to come to conclusions well it's just hard because she does say like she's done multiple rounds of IVF which she never told me about totally that's like that's hard I agree I agree and it feels a little bit like entrapment at this point but maybe she thinks you've not taken enough interest in her lack of pregnancies or her infertility or whatever it is that she's given you in terms of information thus far and because of your lack of interest she didn't give you the

Starting point is 00:20:14 information around IVF which I think is just like there's been a huge communication breakdown at some point because it seems a bit snarky to say well I only let people in on it who asked me and they have been supportive they've been great this yeah this to me there's a communication breakdown there's a mismatch in the friendship and I think a conversation needs to be had where either there is acknowledgement that maybe your friend hasn't felt supported or there's a conversation from you where you're like have I done something that made you think that I don't care about this or that I wouldn't support you because there is no way that we can solve this for you unless you had that conversation with your friend and this is what I would be saying

Starting point is 00:20:53 because fertility is a really tricky conversation and it looks different for everybody some people want you to be asking about it and they want to talk about it they want to unpack it they want the support other people don't want you to ask about it because it's not going well and that brings up a lot of emotions and a lot of feelings like when somebody says how's your fertility going if you've just lost a baby or if your IVF hasn't worked or some people don't want to talk about it some people do people want different things I would sit down with her and just say hey I apologize that I haven't been there for you or asking about it I genuinely had no idea and it's not the kind of question that you just want to ask I thought I was doing the right thing and I'm really sorry

Starting point is 00:21:32 if that wasn't what you needed I'm so happy for you I would love to be there from you for now and sorry we misread the conversation basically because at the end of the day I'm not on anyone's side here I don't think there's a right or wrong I think it's just a miscommunication because if I didn't tell you Laura that I was going through IVF I can't come to you six months later and be like you never you didn't ask me it's like you know but i do think that sometimes as people we like to avoid difficult conversations and we put it down to oh i didn't know if it was going to upset them and obviously ivf and pregnancy is one thing but i actually think more about grief with this example i think about when someone's died often when someone dies like say as someone

Starting point is 00:22:16 goes through the huge trauma of like losing their mom or losing their dad or losing a partner or losing someone that's really important to them. We as people have not been conditioned to be comfortable with the discomfort of somebody else's trauma and grief. And so often we think, oh, I don't want to ask the question because I don't want to upset them, or I don't want them to think about it, or I don't want them to then think about it if they're not already thinking about it or overstep my place. So instead of asking anything or showing any support, we ask nothing, which feels even more isolating. And what I would say to that is if you were ever in a situation where you're unsure whether or not you should ask, you could say, hey, I know your mom

Starting point is 00:22:56 passed away. If you ever want to talk about it, I just want you to know that I'm here. Or I know that you're going through struggles with your fertility. You don't have to talk about it with me, but if you ever want to, I want you to know that I'm here. What you're doing then is you're not creating a situation where they feel as though they have to talk about it, but you're letting them know that they have your support if they need it. And I think that we can too easily be like oh I I did my bit I brought it up once or I did my bit I I you know I didn't want to or didn't know how to negotiate or navigate it so I just left it I also think sometimes guys are really bad with this like there's been times where I've been with Matt and something awful's happened in

Starting point is 00:23:35 one of his to his friend or in a friendship group and I'm like oh did you speak to him about that and he's like oh no the conversation didn't come up and I'm like bring it up it didn't come up you ask you have to ask the question even if asking the question is uncomfortable yeah I was just Sorry, I went silent then because I was also thinking about something similar that happened with Ben and one of his friends recently, and it was the same kind of thing. And it's, I don't know, that's a whole nother ballpark with the way that men unpack things. But for this, there's nowhere to go other than like, I'm sorry if there was a miscommunication. I absolutely didn't mean anything about it.

Starting point is 00:24:03 I care about you so much. I'm here for you. I'm so happy for you. I'm here if you need anything. I agree. I do think though that something like this can fester if you don't actually discuss it because you're going to feel, you're going to feel upset that you weren't brought in on this secret and she probably feels upset that you didn't show an interest at the same time so

Starting point is 00:24:21 there's just a misreading okay do I shoot my shot I feel like I don't even need to read this and I'd probably say yes you guys know I'm a shot shooter do I shoot my shot at the gym or risk things getting awkward for a reference I go to quite a small gym about 35 people a session is that small 35 so quite a lot of people well I guess she's not just going to the gym she's going to a group class it's a class this is different yeah so there's 35 people per session I've been going for a few months now and ever since I've started I've noticed this one guy who always goes to the same sessions as me I am single not having any luck on dating apps and I'm wondering how I could potentially get to know this guy without making things awkward I don't know if

Starting point is 00:25:00 he's single or not but I have seen him arrive with another girl on a few occasions I don't even know how to go about initiating a conversation with him as it's usually quite segregated with girls that are on one side and guys go to the other side so my question is would you guys shoot your shot and try to get to know him more or is it better to keep things as they are and not make it uncomfortable seeing as though we go to all the same classes and we see each other most days and as a small group yada yada I'm more interested if he's rocking up with a girl are you sure that's not his girlfriend well like how are they interacting yeah but I mean not everyone is like very like if you go to the gym you might just go to the gym do your workout and then leave

Starting point is 00:25:39 together like you might not actually be particularly romantic-esque at the gym like you could misread that I think are they coming to the gym together as in like you're just seeing them walk in the front door or are they getting out of a car together and walking in the front door because they're two different things right like I don't know okay I'm picturing my gym this is what I'm doing I'm picturing my gym and I wouldn't know who's fucking who because everyone is so friendly and close so like if I I would have no idea if I was interested in someone there which I'm not because I'm married but if I was I would have no idea how to know if they're single or not because it's a very friendly gym yeah right but if you've said that like you see them arrive together

Starting point is 00:26:17 sometimes so not all the times which you know maybe they could be coming from different workplaces but if they come in and men are on one side women on the other I think it's pretty easy to suss out the way they're interacting like there's not a lot of cross-pollination with the people whereas my gym you wouldn't know which way he's up right okay my thing here is you have to get a vibe you've got to get a vibe yeah smile at the guy flirt with him give him some eyes you cannot go not you have to figure out the girlfriend first you can't be giving making eyes across the room if his girlfriend's next to you but you cannot just go in cold and be like should I shoot my shot no don't shoot your shot without a vibe like we there has to be some vibe check has he been

Starting point is 00:26:57 looking at you have you gotten any inkling at all that maybe there might be some interest I would say that by now if he's been going to the same class as you for weeks there would have been some some looks exchanged or smiles or something that would let you maybe potentially think that he might be interested in you yeah there's actually nothing there's nothing you say I have no clue if he's single or not I have nothing like you don't have much luck okay Brittany is the shoot your shot person I shoot so many shots I've got no shots left to shoot I'm a shot shooter if there's ever shoot at a shot I'm not I need to know that there is a vibe I am not going up to some dude point blank in a fucking gym session and being like hey we should get a drink sometime I'm not

Starting point is 00:27:36 doing that that's never gonna happen that's not how I shoot my shot I don't go up and be like you I fuck them no I just I just find out how everybody puts out an energy and everyone puts out if a guy everyone puts out if that's a full sentence if a guy particularly and I don't want say all men and I say that because I ran this question past Ben so last night I read this question to Ben and I hadn't even finished yet and he says well I know what you'd do and I said what he's like you'd shoot your shot and I said I know what you'd do he said what and I said you'd never speak to me like you wouldn't and he did say he's like I wouldn't because he's quite he's like I'm too shy I would never in that situation would shoot my shot he's like but

Starting point is 00:28:17 I would make eyes at you like I would he's not too shy to not lock eyes like there would be something but he's never going up to ask me out right but if he gave me enough eyes you would do it I would be the person that does it and I think in this situation it's the girlfriend Therese Rios this potential girlfriend Therese Rios banner in the works you need to figure that out but what I would do this is how I would start now don't take this the wrong way I would just figure out who he is and find him on Instagram everyone has an Instagram and if he has a girlfriend okay he's private locked account well then you go to her instagram it's not private it's her instagram's not private definitely oh you never know these days i'm calling it 80 not private is that a bit

Starting point is 00:28:58 stalker vibes no instagram everyone no it is not stalker vibes for you to look someone up on instagram it is like the first stop for everything i am not going on a date with someone from online if i didn't look at their instagram it's just like part and parcel with where we are as a generation today can you stalk his linkedin yeah you can do anything you want now but just remember they can see that's what I learned they can see who just don't be logged in so I would peel it back and start at basics I would go and try and find Instagram either her name or his name or whatever and just try and see if they're posted on each other's pages you'll get a vibe for it if it's an all clear that's when I'd start making the eyes and things like that or it's just

Starting point is 00:29:38 initiating conversation so you've said how do I do it when you're leaving the class try and walk out at the same time as him and make a comment. Be like, thank God that's over. See you tomorrow. You just have to start a communication. Nice text. You look hot. Just be like, you look fucking hot.

Starting point is 00:29:54 Take your shirt off. Just something subtle. No, but just starting some rapport and a conversation is going to build some level of communication and friendship and you can go from there. Yeah, it also will then allow you to figure out whether there's a vibe or not. The only question I have for you though, Britt, is to answer this and I wonder how everyone else feels listening. do you shit where you eat if this is i have heaps of time delicious i've i'm sure i've

Starting point is 00:30:20 shot a lot of places a lot of restaurants no but okay if you uh if you like the guy if you're not getting a vibe if you read the room wrong you've asked him out on a date or you've asked him whatever and he's not interested he's got a girlfriend it's now a bit awkward does that impede your ability to continue to go and do these gym sessions or do you just suck it up and be like you know what who fucking cares rejection is not that embarrassing you're going to live through it you're going to be fine I asked a guy out I shot my shot and it went limp pretty quickly I shot my shot with somebody when I was working in the hospital we're working in an I used to work in the operating theaters he worked in the operating theaters and not just the theaters

Starting point is 00:30:57 in like you go to a hospital sometimes and there's 12 14 18 theaters so you could miss them right like you could be in rostered in one theater and they're in another but generally speaking when you're in an operating theatre there might be seven of you in there like it's pretty intimate there's usually an anaesthetist and a surgeon and a scrub nurse and a radiographer and two other people floating around that are backups but there's it's they're intimate yeah and I asked this guy out I read the room wrong I definitely read it wrong and he said no and I proceeded to have to see him in those intimate rooms for a very long time I'm talking like you survived it's character building resilience yeah I was like jokes didn't it wasn't it wasn't real didn't really no but um I was desperate at

Starting point is 00:31:40 the time I remember actually saying the way that you respond in those situation is really telling and setting the tone for how it goes on I remember he didn't just say no he said like I'm sorry oh he's like oh I'm actually seeing someone sorry and there was a moment where I was like fuck I read that wrong and I just made a joke I said of course you are not whatever I was like of course you are no worries and I just pretended it didn't touch the sides it did I was the Titanic sinking inside but you just get on with it no one cares but if you if you get weird about it yeah if you put that weird energy out he's gonna feel that weird energy they're gonna feel that weird energy then it's weird for everyone but it is different when it's like an intimate situation it's like

Starting point is 00:32:18 when there's 35 of you and you see each other every day you don't shoot your shot as easily as you would if you were just in a bar one night and you didn't think you were going to see them again it's delicate it's really delicate and you know what there's always other gyms You can always go to a different Pilates class. Once you get your gym, it's so good. I once shot my shot. Shoot my shot. I once shot it.

Starting point is 00:32:37 I once shot it with a guy who was in my water polo team and he shot me down and then I had to play water polo with him. And don't you have to like climb on them and be like... No, we're on the same team. So actually we didn't have to climb on each other. But unfortunately for me, I never climbed on him and... In any capacity. In any capacity.

Starting point is 00:32:52 But I did have to play water polo with him for three years. Water polos are also not hard. You have to rock up with like your nose thing in your head. Like a mouth guard And your ear muffs And your cat with your little hard ear muffs I was more just embarrassed I was embarrassed that he knew that I liked him

Starting point is 00:33:09 And he didn't like me But by year three I got over it So it was fine Hang on year three is in like year eight No it was university so third year of uni I was like how old are you I knew you started young By the time I got out of kindy into year three

Starting point is 00:33:23 I didn't care anymore I mean it was Wollongong we all start young back there Hang on but tell us what you do Please tell us what you find out on Instagram and if you shoot your shot because, like, I want to know the aftermath of this. I also really want to know, I know everyone does it, but is it a bit stalky? Are we a bit okay with, like, nah?

Starting point is 00:33:42 It's stalky if you follow him home. Yeah, that's too much. But, like, just checking out his Instagram. I'm going to let that slide. Okay, I have one here which is, Britt, you're going to think this is the fucking dumbest question that I'm going to ask you anyway. If it's about a jellyfish, it's not solid.

Starting point is 00:33:56 I don't hear it. I'm fucking beat already. If a jellyfish's arsehole disappears. Where's it gone? Where is the arsehole? Riddle me that. The arsehole's in Venice. That's where it is.

Starting point is 00:34:09 Okay, it's an arse gone cut. Of course it is. I would love your opinion on this. I have a friend who gave me some hand-me-down clothes for my youngest son, to which I am forever grateful for as I am a single mum of two. yeah however I've just received a message from the friend saying hey next time you do a wardrobe cleaner can you just put away whatever I gave you because I want to take it back I'm starting to collect stuff to give to my brother-in-law because they're going to start trying next year

Starting point is 00:34:38 now the problem is I've given away most of the baby clothes I never expected to see them again nor did I ever expect that I was going to have to return them to her so am I right in thinking that this is a really weird request. Wow, I can't speak. A request. A request. What is she requesting? This is a weird request.

Starting point is 00:34:56 This is a skilly wascle. One of those willy wascles giving all these requests. Am I right in thinking that this is such a weird request? Some of the clothes I have donated away, some of them I've given to other people, I really didn't realise that she would need them back. Do I tell her that I've donated them? How am I meant to navigate this? And also, am I the one in the wrong here?

Starting point is 00:35:17 Yes, you tell her you donated them. You can't pull them out of your butthole. They're gone. This is so uncomfortable to me but also weird. No, there is an etiquette and I'm not sure what it is because when you have children, baby clothes, baby items. There is one but I don't know what it is. No, there is.

Starting point is 00:35:34 There is. I don't know. No, that's what you said. There is. I can't tell you what. I can't tell you. The thing is you give things to your friends when they're having babies and then some of it comes back and some of it doesn't.

Starting point is 00:35:46 No, it's a timeframe thing. it can only come back to you if you give something to your friend that's having a baby right and then five years later you've decided to have another one they're not gonna have the baby stuff still like they are not gonna have it but I would say I don't have kids evidently but I would say that if someone's giving me baby clothes I would think that's under the assumption that they're not going back I think if you're like hearing my hand-me-downs like enjoy for the kids there's no part of me that would think oh I better keep these in good condition because when the kids grow out I'm going to give them back I would think then they get passed on again I don't know I think

Starting point is 00:36:23 that that I would give those to a friend that I don't know there is one rule that I think omits all of this and that is if you have told your friend that you're wanting to have more children so if your friend no if you've been like here have all these baby clothes but they are very acutely aware that you are trying or you're wanting to have more kids then I do think that it's almost like expected that some of it will come back because it's it's baby clothes is like a rotating rotisserie chick no and it also depends on the price of it so like the reason why i say this is because they're not wearing gucci no no no i don't mean clothes necessarily because usually onesies and stuff are pretty affordable i'm talking about yeah high chairs items yeah like

Starting point is 00:37:02 i have i have an artipope carrier which is like a baby carrier and they're really really expensive I know. It's a bougie baby carrier. Okay. And I had it for Marley and then I gave it to a girlfriend. She then gave it to one of her friends to use someone who I don't know. And I had to say to her, Hey, I just, I just want you to know that I'm planning on having another baby. And I do want that back. So when that comes around, I want that item back. That's where I think the difference is you told her. Exactly. And I communicated it and I learned my lesson in that instance. I learned my lesson that Unless you ask or you tell someone this is a loan while your kids are little and I want

Starting point is 00:37:38 this back, it often doesn't come back as a boomerang. So I don't think that you're necessarily in the minority. I think it's a weird request, but I think that, like I said, there's an etiquette and not everyone knows what the etiquette is, but I'm going to say it here. If you're loaning clothes, just make it aware that it's a loan and that you expect them back. That way everything is absolutely clear. No one feels weird when you've asked for something that they've donated to the Vinnies.

Starting point is 00:38:03 it's also hard here and okay hindsight's a wonderful thing let's talk about what you should do first then let's talk about what you can do what you should do is absolutely if you're giving clothes to somebody or an item just say when they're done with the grown out of it can you let us know because we we might want them back or we might want to give them to somebody else in our life whatever it is but you have to be clear with that having said that if someone's giving you something and your child is not using it anymore growing out of it ask them hey do you want that back or should I donate it to a friend? Just check both ways. I agree. Maybe it is the reverse check because I think it's both. Yeah. It was tricky for us when we had Poppy because we'd given

Starting point is 00:38:42 everything away. I'm talking like bassinet, stroller, like we had nothing for babies anymore because it's been five years. Yeah. And everyone just expected that we weren't having, even though we'd said like it's a possibility and a lot of stuff came back because actually Vanessa, who's our video editor, I'd given it to her. She's one of my closest friends and she'd had it for her two babies but apart from what I gave to Ness nothing else came back like I'm talking like baby wraps and like high chairs and change tables and start again yeah we had to start again and some of it it would have been nice if that had just been reversed like as it would have been nice if that person had just asked before they'd gotten rid of it if we wanted it or on the flip side if it had

Starting point is 00:39:23 been too damaged just saying hey I just want to let you know I know you gave me that thing but it got fucking totaled by my kids I don't think you want it back but I'm just checking you're sort of saving grace in this and I do just think you need to own it and be honest you're saving grace is that they're not having a baby and they're not asking for it back they're just saying hey I want it back I do want to give it to somebody else I think you just need to be really honest and say I'm I'm mortified like I am just own it be like I am actually mortified I'm so sorry i gave that to charity because i didn't realize you wanted it back and and she doesn't want it back for her right like maybe that is your out is that and just apologize there's nothing you

Starting point is 00:40:02 can do i'm gonna hope she's not angry it doesn't sound like you gave away what are those like fancy prams a bugaboo bugaboo it doesn't sound like you gave that away just sounds like it was some clothes and i know clothes are expensive but also yeah i don't know it's tricky you've got nowhere to go other than own up to it you can't go and rebuy things and give them back i'm sure she's not going to ask you to do that just apologize and say fuck it that was my bad i do want to pull this though what is the etiquette what is it communicate it's the core of every question it's just fucking checking in if everyone communicated well we'd have no podcast episodes so like stop doing it yeah don't talk to each other and just go and talk to the guy at the gym quick

Starting point is 00:40:39 tell us your problems no i reckon we should pull this one i would love to know what the etiquette is are baby items supposed to be boomerangs or once they've been gifted do you keep them forever Anyway, guys, look, that's it from us. Real hard-hitting questions today. If you have Ask Uncuts for us, if there is something going on in your life, a dilemma, a pickle-dickle, haven't said that in a while, have I? Thank God. A problem.

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