Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - expiration dating, gamers and the worst sex you've ever had

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

Welcome to your therapy Thursday where we unpack your questions and concerns, but first we need to get to the important stuff.We asked for you to describe the worst sex you've had in 6 words.A galvanising experience! We've all had one bad one but these take the cake.What the girls are vibing or unsubscribing from this week:Britt: Vibe = new season of BumpUnsubscribing = people not letting you use their binsLaura: Vibe = Big Miracles on channel 9 Today we're unpacking these questions: -I have been seeing someone that I really, really like. Problem is, he's moving back home in a few months and I have no desire at all to move overseas. My question is, should I keep spending my time with him even though I know it's not going to go anywhere?-My fiance and I want to book our wedding date (in 16 months time) on the date that his friend's fiance wants to have her bridal shower... They are planning on getting married 2 weeks after. She is telling me that I am being selfish by trying to book that day when she 'already has plans for that day,' but I think she is being unreasonable so who is in the wrong?-My husband is obsessed with gaming and I feel like it’s becoming an addiction. We’ve discussed it, but he just laughs it off or denies that it’s an issue. He will get home from work and be on his games till well after I’m asleep. I feel like it’s really starting to irritate me and he’s not listening to any of my concerns. What should I do? How can I get through to him to spend less hours playing video games?If you have a question you'd like us to answer send it to @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love!! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode of the podcast was recorded on Gadigal land of the Eora Nation. hi guys and welcome back to another episode of life uncut i'm laura i'm britney and i just found possibly the fucking funniest tiktok that i have seen all week so are you on tiktok as a scroller like a stalker you don't post do you not often i like every so often i'll pop on there just to see what's going on but i wouldn't say that i'm like deep in the tiktok world by any means although

So if you want to follow, Life Uncut has TikTok. And when I say I'm not, I mean I am. We're there all the time, guys. No, we do have a Life Uncut TikTok. I had a personal TikTok, but I just didn't TikTok. I never used it. I know that you started one and then you told everyone you didn't have one. But then when I looked you up, there you were with a couple of little posts.

You gave it a crack. Because when I say I don't have one, in my head, I still feel like I don't have one. Like I technically have one, but I don't use it. So I'm just like, don't have it. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I'm the same. I started it when it was COVID and I had a lady and a cat. I posted one video about three years ago and then I never, ever did another one.

But, okay, you know how we've been talking about Matt's beatboxing recently? It's come up, it came up on the radio show. It's come up on Batch Uncut. He has a beatboxing addiction, yes. Well, this really tickled me. It is from a guy, it's at Jordan Weir Zero. He also works with Will and Woody. If you're, you know, in the radio world, listen to Will and Woody on Drive.

Four to six. Four to six. Okay, but this is it, Britt. I wanted to share it with you and also with everybody else. Awkward dating story from the other night. I was with a lady, a lovely lady, back at mine, and we were in bed doing a couple of two-person push-ups, the horizontal tango, if you will.

And we got into a certain position where naturally a bit of air and a noise comes out. Totally fine, totally normal. And this happened. She let out a noise and a bit of air from a certain area. and rather than ignoring it or addressing it, she tried to cover it up by beatboxing and she told me that when she really gets in the mood,

she likes to beatbox. Don't know. Don't know if that's a real thing. I really feel for this girl because those moments, which, I mean, he hasn't called it what it is, it's a queef, those moments are so natural. It's literally just like air trapped somewhere that needs to come out. but the fact that most people just ignore it or laugh never in my wildest dreams have I thought

in that moment that I need to beatbox I think the queefing is more embarrassing when you're young like when you're like new to sexual experiences I remember the very first time I was like oh oh gosh you know like I'm so sorry like you're so apologetic because it just you feel like you're responsible and you're almost worried that they're gonna think it came out of a different hole I was thinking of it I'm laughing so hard now because I'm just thinking like I did the longest one just before and even now at 35 years of age it happens and you're like oh sorry there it is but I wasn't gonna go oh my god you wait until you have two kids it's just a standard now Matt's like oh that was a good one it's like a trumpet but every so often I have to be like oh no oh no

no no wrong angle then I have to like you're gonna say wrong hole no no no like wrong angle like I need him to like stop to then make sure that it's all out because otherwise it'll just be like queef queef queef queef what every pump until it all comes oh my god he could beat box to your this is disgusting and great chat why did you bring that because it's so natural and if you're someone who queefs good for you be loud be proud baby you're someone that queefs don't beat box you don't need to beat box you just say yeah you because it's not your fault it's not i didn't do it. He trapped air in me. It's Matt's fault. If anything, he should be apologizing for what he just did. He queefed in me. Apologize for what you just put in me. It's your fault. Okay. There

is something else that is absolutely going to get a giggle out of you. There was an article that was published on Vice recently, and they asked their readers to describe in six words or less the worst sex that they've ever had. Now there were some very, very funny ones, but also they'd only asked women so we wanted to throw this out and do the very same thing but ask all you listeners what is the worst sex that you've ever had in six words or less now brit to kick this off i want to know what is what is yours like what is your six word summation okay i've got it it's really hard to get it just the six words but i threw in seven because one of the words is and yeah fine i'll allow that stood up and immediately pissed in backpack what not me him he stood up and he went and

pissed in a backpack in the corner of the room stood up walked three steps started to wean a backpack yeah that's it yeah i can't my mouth is wide open how have we never how in three and a half years of podcasting did that never come up in new zealand many many moons ago when i was sherry and i were there on a you know little snow trip and we met we met this guy on the slopes it was very very like rom-com ish met him on the slopes we were hanging out we went to the pub he was litty city like peeing backpack litty city and then he immediately the sex was terrible obviously he then just stood up and i was like oh where's he off to and i didn't even have time to comprehend because he took three steps across the room and just peed in a backpack wow and i was

like what are you doing and it was just like and he was like going to the toilet what do you reckon And that's it. It was wild. That's awful. What's yours? Mine's Jackhammer for two hours didn't come. Is that a thing? I feel like that's standard.

I feel like everyone's like, yep. Jackhammer, two hours, didn't come. I just remember it being- You didn't? He didn't? Or no one did? No, no one did. No one.

It was the most pointless two hours of both of our lives. You're like, I've just got a heap of chafe now. Nothing to show for it. 100%. I couldn't walk for two days. It was almost like he just had like three Viagras and then gone to town, but like couldn't actually finish no one is ever going to finish from pure jackhammering well i think he might normally anyway i really like the guy i thought it was going somewhere and then we

had that sex and i was like this is terrible this is truly terrible you know when someone's doing the jackhammer or something that you don't like and you're instead of telling them you're trying to show them yes with your body so he's jackhammering and you're trying to like get i'm trying to slow him down but then but then it doesn't work at all because you're doing the wave and he's jackhammering on the wave it's a whole thing but also like okay so this is a guy who i'd been on a few nice dates with we had like really started to form a bit of a connection and i thought it was going somewhere and then i went to his house for dinner i was staying over the night and then we had sex and it was so bad so bad that i never saw him again like it was and i left first

thing in the morning like 5 a.m before he was even awake so he must have oh my god you smoke bombed him well i told him i was leaving i was like oh i'm so sorry i've got to do my washing and brush my hair gotta go okay so you told him all right okay you kickstart this brit missed my tits got my eye starfish position handcuffed dad walked in that's funny uh finished himself in my bathroom oh he finished himself off if you're having sex why would you go and say excuse me while i finish myself alone in the bathroom maybe he wasn't that into it that's a terrible one he forgot my name Okay, that's fine. Is it?

Yeah, it could just be a one-nighter. I don't know. Nah, that's fine. I wouldn't care about that. If the sex was good, I wouldn't care. If somebody, you wouldn't care, you would not care if you were having sex, if they were inside your body and halfway through they forgot your name. They didn't know who they were having sex with.

You would not care. Who is it that's inside me? Because that's a crucial bit of information. Mid-sex whispers, you have nice ears, then sucked them. licked his palm then wiped my vagina not not for lubricant like wiped it clean wiped it like a covid thing he said fuck i'm the hulk as he came what he said fuck i'm the hulk as he was coming tongue fucked my ear hole twice came in 10 seconds asked if it was good

shook my hand after said thank you and left timed it on his apple watch although it would get your step counts up it does it's really calorie burning yeah great sexercise marvel themed doona cover to be fair i had a harry potter doona cover when i was in my 20s did you yeah after a breakup i I didn't think you were that into Harry Potter. I wasn't. So what happened was is I went through a breakup. My mum had to bring up the single bed that was from my brother's bedroom

because I'd moved out and the tiny room I was in only fit a single bed. So my mum brought this bed up and then the only doona cover I could get at the time was Harry Potter. Imagine bringing boys home to that. How is that the only doona you could get? To a wardrobe with a Harry Potter doona. Come inside. Laura, if one of your exes used to bring you home and used to sleep

on a pile of clothes on his floor, I think you're like the Hilton. I mean, Harry Potter bed covers like the Hilton. Every position imaginable in three minutes. Like Bruce Lee. Okay, the last one and the most common one, lost the condom, had to dig it out. Now, this one came in so frequently. I don't know how these things are slipping off you guys. I don't think that's ever happened to me.

It's never, ever come off. No. Akeesha here said it's come off three times. I reckon her vagina's ripping on for dear life. Yeah, one a week. I wish I had that pelvic floor. it's like yeah that was a lot and porky's just sitting in the corner just shaking her head yeah maybe it's the angles of some people's vaginas as well maybe it's the size of the

penises maybe the condoms are too big for the penises for the peanut oh wait no no sorry i have another one i know you said that was the last one but i have to finish on this one woke up beside a human shit oh okay we have a different sense of humor you sicko that's disgusting but whose was it woke up whose was it was it hers who knows who knows the mystery was it the dog well because it's a human shit so no brit it wasn't the dog before we getting to answering your questions you guys frothed froth city'd so much the recommendations last week so many of you messaged saying you're listening now to the podcast the lady vanishes that i i said and i'm

sorry that you're hooked on that it's going to take another year to get through come back to us when you're finished but it's made us think we're going to start doing this we're going to do a well we've we've come up with a name actually haven't we we're going to call it vibe or unsubscribe and it's what we it's basically what we're vibing that week and maybe occasionally if something's really pissed us off what we're going to unsubscribe i don't have anything to unsubscribe from this week it's been a good week maybe maths i've gotten annoyed at maths okay well i'm gonna go first my vibe is the new season of bump which is the australian tv series bump is on uh i think it's on stan i don't know it's not a sponsored thing guys it's just just find it it's bump

it's this it's the australian season and i think there's three seasons now it's really a full of so much character development now i don't know if you guys have ever watched a bump but it's a really young australian girl that falls pregnant she doesn't know she's pregnant till she's having the baby at school she has it at school it's really really great and it ties in what their parents' relationship is, her relationship with her brother, her relationship with her partner, all this family dynamic, it's really good. But the third season has, I'm not going to say anything because it's a spoiler,

but it has a lot of growth and it covers a lot of topics that I think a lot of other TV shows probably haven't all covered in one and I just really enjoyed it. Wow. Okay, I haven't seen the third. I saw the first series, haven't seen the second or third, but, yeah, that was a good one. Okay, my unsubscribe, which we're not going to have one each week,

but I have one. Oh, yeah. There's these houses near the park that I go to. Look, I get it, but it's annoying. You know, if you're walking and we've had this conversation, this is going to be so polarising. We've had this conversation before many moons ago about is it okay if you pick up your dog's poop, put it in the bag,

if you can walk down and you see someone's bin out, are you allowed to put it in there? I always was like, yes, I would rather someone use my bin with a poop that's wrapped up than leave it on the ground. I know exactly what you're going to say because I used to do that same walk with my dog. You know, don't you? There's this house, the bin's always out and it's tied,

it's locked, it's bin. They've got a lock on it. it's a lock bin there's three three locks on it do you know why because it is on the way to the dog park and that poor person's bin was just full of shit 24 7 that they were so over it they had to get a padlock and lock their own bin oh i get it i know i understand i understand why they did it i know why they're doing it just every day i'm like damn it it's really annoying which makes you realize that every single person that is the bin that people would have put their shit into exactly but also they don't have to have it where they have it like they have a side of the house but

They leave it on the street 24-7. Someone should just steal it. It's very obnoxious. It is, isn't it? It's like, here's my bin, don't use it, ha ha. Yeah, do they even use it or is it a prop? I don't know. Okay, I'm vibing this week.

It is a series that has just started on Channel 9 and my beautiful friend Courtney and Woody are on it. It's called Big Miracles and it's all about people's fertility journey. If anybody is going through IVF, thinking about going through IVF, struggling with fertility, I watched the first episode.

It's airing after maths and I was in complete tears and not just because I know Courtney and I know Woody and I know their story and I love them both so much but this is a documentary that follows several couples fertility journey so from when they very first went to the fertility specialist to talk about either infertility or the issues that they're having it goes through every single step of the process for some of those people they will end up having babies and for some of those people they don't and the rawness of it it's the truth of it it's the reality of it that you know for some people it's not just the case of having sex and then having a baby. I think it is really beautifully done.

And yeah, I was so blown away watching it. I just, it was very, very humbling to watch. So Big Miracles, Channel 9, that's my recommendation. Now let's get in to answering all your deep, your dark and your burning questions. I wanted to keep this off because I had, a question came in literally five minutes ago. I saw it as I was in the car getting out to come to this record. And I was like, oh, we haven't touched on this for a while. And I have some feelings. Dating when there is an expiry date. Hey, Britt and Laura, I've recently started dating a great guy. We share the same sense of humor, have awesome chemistry. He's sweet. He's considerate. He's funny. He's a good communicator. However, he just got offered his dream job overseas,

which would start later this year. Neither of us want to do long distance and I'm very settled in my life here and in my career. My question is, should I stop seeing him knowing it's going to eventually end and save myself the heartbreak or do i make the most of the time we have left we have such a special connection and it seems like a waste not to explore that but i know i do not want to do long distance you're looking at me with eyes that are drilling into my soul do you know why because i know what you're gonna say and i know we have opposite opinions on this one you don't know what i'm gonna say i do i might queef into the microphone you don't know what's coming out of me I hope you do I really hope I know you think I'm going to say explore

your feelings I know you know that I know that you know I know you know I'm gonna say that I'm about long distance it's not I think if somebody's the one long distance isn't something that stands in your way so what I'm gonna say to you right now is he's obviously not the one because you don't even want to try you know you don't even want to try to move you know you don't even want to try long distance so I think that obviously the chemistry is there and you really like him I would only say keep seeing him and having fun and enjoying it until he goes if you absolutely know you'll enjoy your time and not get attached if you think you could fall head over heels in love with this person but you 100% from the depths of your soul know you're never going to move

overseas and he's never going to move to you I wouldn't do it I would just be thankful for what you had for meeting him maybe you can stay in contact as a friend but we develop feelings so quickly and so intensely when you do meet someone that you have a chemistry with maybe they're not the one but the feelings come and the attachments come and the obsession yeah and also i think the added part of that is that the fact that you know you can't have him will probably make you want him more yeah i mean like that desire of the like the thing that almost got away the big love that like what if that we love to romanticize the what ifs in our mind and the tricky thing is though this is something you gotta be careful of even though I've said if you think you can just hang

and bang and enjoy it for the rest of the year even though you're going in with that motive it changes oh it'll get you the endorphins the hormones the connection the comfort of having that person there and growing closer and starting to rely on them even if you go and be like I'm not going to have any feelings I can almost guarantee you you're going to and it's going to be very very hard when the time comes okay well you surprised me a little bit because I thought you were going to say something more along the lines of like if you have feelings like you know you never know what's gonna happen just I do agree with that though yeah I was just trying to be a bit harder yeah good I'm glad I think we need to give a bit of tough love on this one okay

my thought though is one thing that you did say which I'm like I just want to disagree with you today brit no i don't but um one thing i just want to fight you i'm combative i woke up and i woke up and i was like who can i fight today it'll be brit no you said that if you know he's obviously not the one otherwise you would want to do long distance i do think that there are just some people who because like the one to me is the one that you choose right it's the one that you decide to put your energy into it's the one that you you focus your love your affection you work on the relationship you choose someone because they have all the same values for you even though it might be hard totally there is somebody else who is the one and I think we like to over romanticize

who that is especially in the beginning you know so I think if you're someone who's really clear on the fact that you don't want to do long distance you don't want to live in another country he wants to live in another country it's not so much just being like well if he was the one you would make sacrifices for him I think it is he's not the one and there will be someone else who is the one and you won't have to make those sacrifices because your lives will align in a different way or you might meet someone else that also lives overseas but you're like oh my god I want to make it work with you like you might have a different feeling because it's a different time and a different person and a different situation I'm going to give you two examples here well no

that's what I'm I'm saying that I don't know if that will necessarily happen because I think that you can love someone so much you can want to be with them so bad and the circumstances of your life can say well no we're not going to be together do you know I mean love doesn't conquer all it's not this like we love each other so much that no matter what we're going to be together because if that was the case I'd still be with my ex-boyfriend do you know totally so I think like that's a really important thing to keep in mind I I'm going to give you two examples like long-distance relationship examples one is a girlfriend of mine who was in a long-distance relationship and she knew she wanted to live in Australia and the part he was living overseas in

Europe and he always said he was not going to live in Australia right there was always this thing but they had this connection exactly what they're saying and he never wanted to move from Europe and she was sort of like yeah I know but like when you're in love for that long like I think there'll be compromises so she moved to Europe and it's been six years and then they love each other so much but now she's like oh it's a time to come back to Australia and he's like well no I like I always told you and I think I don't know if they're gonna work because she wants to come back he wants to stay there and that's the point you can have feelings for someone but if you know deep down now, you never want to move, then you have to be really clear about that. And it's easy

to cut your ties now. But then in relation to what you said, Laura, when I met Ben, which was only three months ago, when I met him, he was adamant. He didn't want a long distance relationship. He doesn't ever want to do a long distance relationship. And we were just like, cool, let's just hook up then. Four days later, he was like, I can't believe I'm going to say this. I think I want a long distance relationship. And that's because even though in the depths of him, he's like I know I don't want to do this relationship but he met someone that changed that so I think it's I think it's so individual and so situational and totally I guess that's my point is you might meet someone in the future where that changes this person right now you

don't even have an interest in trying which means you get along really well you want to hang out you have great sex and chemistry so if you can explore that knowing that there is an end I say go for it But I also only say explore it if you're not closing off other options because there's no point for the next year putting all your eggs in one basket when you know you don't want to go anywhere with it and stopping any other eggs from coming in. Yeah, I think you have to be so careful because I think you have to keep yourself very open and then there has to be a very transparent conversation at the beginning, which is like we can keep hanging out, but I am absolutely dating other people.

And the moment that you stop dating other people, however, you haven't had a conversation around the end goal changing, like if it still seems as though you're both very set on never moving, not doing long distance, blah, blah, blah, not being in a real relationship, I think that there comes a point where we do actually have to be really responsible for the choices that we make and the impact that has on our happiness and our ability to be in healthy relationships because we don't just have to be a byproduct to our feelings. Your feelings aren't necessarily the thing that point you in the direction of how your life is going to pan out. It's the choices that you make that points you in the direction of how your life is going

to pan out. I think the other part of this as well is that we love to over romanticize this idea of the one that got away because we all do. We all have that one person that gives you the ping or the one person where their relationship didn't plan out the way that you thought it was going to. And you think, well, what if things had gone differently? Right. But we only over romanticize the best case scenario.

The fish that got away is always, it's always like, well, what if, and the option of that is always the best case. The reality is that it probably would have gone nowhere. I think that we put ourselves into a position where it's hard to say no to something when you know it's going to make yourself unhappy in the long run if you're always thinking, but what if? But at the end of the day, tread very carefully.

I would probably keep trying to hang out and see each other sporadically but make it very clear that you're both doing your own thing as well. And be actively dating. Yeah, don't close off other options because that's probably the worst thing you can do. Okay, question number two. I like this one. I got engaged last month and I've been with my boyfriend for six years now it seems to be

wedding season though as my fiance's friend not the best friend just a friend is also getting married but got engaged two months earlier they have picked their wedding date for next year and we are in the middle of picking ours now my fiance's friend's fiance so the future bride right so their friend's bride wait so his friend's bride so they're getting married right and their friends are getting married so the other bride yeah okay right i'm with you i'm strapped in the other bride has booked out the entire month before her wedding with different activities knowing very well that we wanted to get married that same month we found a venue that we really love it's available two weeks before their wedding it's the same weekend that she wants her bridal

shower she was so brutal when she found out that we were considering that weekend and she absolutely lost it now my question is is it wrong of us to go ahead with our wedding two weeks before their wedding and make her move her bridal shower which by the way is not even booked yet and it's over 16 months away keeping in mind that our friendship group only shares two mutual friends so even if I did get married on that weekend it'd only be two guests that would be potentially missing her bridal shower I also feel weddings take priority over other events but I could be totally up my own ass here she thinks I'm being selfish but I think she's being selfish help oh and the only reason we want this month is for daylight savings and because it's a special month for us I'm leaning

towards letting her have that weekend just to avoid the drama but at the same time she wants to work together so we're both happy but yet she's made it very clear she will not be changing her date of her bridal shower therefore she would miss my wedding wow do you need me to surmise that No, I got it. I'm strapped in. Okay. But I feel like my answer is so very easy. Book your fucking wedding, book your wedding, book your wedding, send a nice message that says, Hey, I'm really sorry. As you know, dates have been very hard to come by. Places are booked out. This is the only date that works for me and my partner. We would love to have you at the wedding. I would obviously love to go to your bridal shower if you're able to have it on another day, since the venue of

booking that would be much easier. But unfortunately, you know, this is, this is how it is and leave it that I truly believe the only selfish person here is the other bride saying in 16 months I maybe want to have my bridal shower on that day but I haven't booked it yet also I mean here's okay here's a question is it like a cult is there a cultural reason why it needs to be two weeks out from the wedding is there maybe there is there another reason that we're not figuring out no I just think she's a bridezilla she can move her bridal shower a week forward two weeks forward like three weeks forward whatever you have it you're gonna have it six months forward you don't have to have it two weeks before the wedding also sounds like it's not the big biggest deal if she doesn't come

to your wedding but oh such a shame we can't come you have a bridal shower but like I think the wedding is always going to take precedence it's 16 months away and it is way easier to find a venue to have a bridal shower which is just like really a get-together totally than it is to have a wedding venue so I also think as well like I mean she says she won't come to the wedding but the thing is the two people that have to choose between your wedding and her bridal shower will more than likely choose to come to your wedding because it is the bigger event, obviously. And also her partner will probably just end up saying like, let's do it on another date because he's going to want to go to your wedding. So unless he's going to go to the wedding by himself and she's

going to have a party separately, Britt and I could not be more on the same page. I just think that this is really selfish behavior. And you know, like weddings are important. Weddings are a very special time and I know that you feel like the world revolves around you a little bit but the thing is it doesn't you know and you can't take multiple weekends of the one month and expect everyone to drop everything that they're going to do to revolve their time around you. Yeah so go down the track of saying to her okay cool let's try and work together on it because I'd love to have you as you know how hard it is to book a wedding in these days because it's so booked out this is the only day we can really have this venue and it's pretty special to us is there any chance

you could put your bridal shower a week before. That's such a diplomatic, kind, caring way to say it. And if she still says no, just say, well, we're really going to miss you at the wedding. Absolutely. Yeah. End of story. Oh, spicy. Tell us how it goes though. Okay. All right. This one is a tricky one. And I feel like a lot of people are going to relate to this. My husband is obsessed with gaming and I feel like it's becoming an addiction. We've discussed it, but he just laughs it off or denies that it's an issue. He gets home from work and we'll get on his games until well after I'm asleep. I feel like this is really starting to irritate me and he's not listening to any of my concerns. What do I do? How can I get through to him to less hours of playing video

games? Pour water on the Game Boy or too much, too soon? I mean, you don't want to parent your husband though. The thing is you don't want to like, you know, have to say, oh, well, I'm going to put the game, whatever it is, the game, the gaming machine. I was like, what do they call it? I'm going to put the Game Boy. Thank God Matt doesn't game. But you know, I have friends in my life whose partners are big gamers and the problem with gaming is that it is so isolating like you are so not in tune with your partner because they're in a whole other world they're in a whole other room it's not that they're doing not not doing anything that's productive but they are choosing to be engaged in a completely different environment to where you are in your

home most relationships uh don't work together right most couples some couples do and they see each other in the day most don't you go to work you have your day separately you don't talk because you're working you don't probably don't message or call you get home and that's the time you want to spend with your partner that's the time you want to catch up on the day you want to bond a little bit have sex cook dinner whatever it is I would be very upset if I was coming home after a day and my partner didn't want to talk to me and played literally I went to bed alone because they were still gaming for me that is not a viable relationship that for me that relationship wouldn't survive because I want to have that connection and what you said Laura is so true

they're literally choosing that over you and the crazy thing is and I know this because I have a gaming friend a lot of gaming now is with other people oh yeah he's choosing to spend it with other people yeah they're online they're talking to each other in their headphones and they're playing with each other so he's making that choice which for sure that's okay to do sometimes like everyone has to have their hobbies so maybe you have a conversation where you're like I miss you I want to speak to you. I want to bond with you. It's like really important to me.

I'm feeling like this. So tell him how you're feeling. Do you think we can maybe do, you know, the gamings an hour before dinner, after work, before dinner, whatever it is, that's the hour. And then after that is your time together. So I think you need to be a compromise. You can't ask your partner to never do it because it's what they enjoy and it's a hobby.

And they also want to do things they enjoy after work. So I think it's really important to have a compromise, but there has to be a compromise. You cannot be not seeing your partner all day, all night, and then going to bed alone because they're still gaming the big part of this as well is for gamers because they're at home it's not like they're going to the pub it's not like they're not they're physically present in the house and so sometimes they'll use that as an excuse of like well you know i'm i'm not it's not like i'm not here i'm just in the bedroom or i'm just you know

on the tv or whatever it is but having someone physically in a house and being completely mentally not present is not a relationship either it's not helpful it's actually a hindrance having another body in the house who's not engaging with you or giving you anything back and you mentioned here that you know you think he might have a bit of an addiction this sounds like it's actually gone past that it sounds like he has a fully fledged addiction that has to be you know you he may need help with it or it may need be something that requires more than just like the conversation of hey this is how it's making me feel because I assume you've already tried that I assume you've already sat down with him and said and maybe you've even tried to put parameters in

place where you've said let's do one hour and he just seems to go beyond and go past it if this is something that is happening all the time if it is affecting your ability to have a relationship with your partner if they are not listening to you and you are saying over and over this is what I need and you're not getting it back then I do think it comes a point where you have to be like this is a problem that is far bigger than what you're allowing or comprehending right now I need to go and stay with a girlfriend for a couple of days. I want to go and speak to a therapist. I think that he clearly has no idea how big of a problem this is for you and how much of an impact this is having on your relationship. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is that if this continues

for six months or a year, or when you have children, will you still be in a relationship with this man? And if the answer is no, then you have to do something about it now. Food for thought. What if it's just the fact that he wants to go and be doing something like that, wants to be doing some sort of a competition, doesn't want to be just sitting at home talking, hanging around so maybe you guys can do something else together to replace that maybe you go have a game of tennis like you go and do something active together where he feels like he's not just sitting at home doing nothing he's still engaging he's talking there's a bit of competition it might be the fact that you just reframe your time together and and do something fun and exciting just food

for thought you could have that conversation with him as well yeah I think gaming is such a it's such a beast unto its own because I know one of the other excuses that comes up as well is that well, you can't leave a game. So because you're playing with other partners and there's different phases of the game, it's like, well, I can't leave until I finish this thing because otherwise you are letting the other people in the game down or you're losing ground or whatever it is. Well, you're letting me down, bitch. Exactly. The thing is, is like every hour additional that he spends where he's prioritizing getting to the next part in the game so he doesn't let these strangers down, he's letting you down

in that relationship. And I really think that with this, this is something that can be as problematic as someone who has alcohol abuse problems not necessarily in terms of like the fallout or the abuse that can happen but I mean so much and so of the damage it can do to your relationship because he's not addiction yeah and he's not present he's not present I remember seeing a video I don't don't quote me I don't know where it is I don't know if it was Instagram TikTok the interwebs I don't know but I remember it was two years ago but I remember seeing a video of a couple and the girl had filmed it and her partner was a hectic gamer like gamed all day all night so there are people that don't sleep there are people that game for like 30 hours

straight it's it is an addiction anyway she put on really sexy lingerie and was filming she walked around in front of him she was like bending over doing the cleaning like making it very obvious and he was the video was literally him like when she walked in front of the tv in the like and she was hot he was like looking trying to like look around her to get her out of the way and he didn't even clock that she was in this sexy underwear because he was just a million miles away if that's your relationship that is so problematic totally because you and you just feel so unimportant you know like I've never had to deal thankfully with gaming in my relationships like I said I have people who I love who deal with it and I know a lot of people who you would think you know

you think it seems so strange to have like you know 30 40 year old men who are still into gaming but it's way more prolific than what people may realize I think like the one thing you said Brit as well is this idea of like going and doing activity or doing something together a lot of people who game who really are into gaming may feel socially like they don't have a good friendship group or they may socially feel they may use it to check out of life or they may use it because they don't feel connected to life they may not feel like they had that support structure around them so there's many many reasons why people game for the reasons that they game because they like it or because they use it to build community and build friendships and I think that that's an

important part of understanding why your partner is getting so much out of it is it for the actual game or is it for the communities that he's forming online i mean mario kart rainbow road is pretty addictive i have spent some hours on that in my childhood all right that is it from us today if you guys have a question for ask uncut slide on into the dms and tell us uh yeah tell us your conundrum your little pickle one might say and if you haven't yet subscribed to the podcast jump on hit the subscribe button uh wherever you listen to your podcast and that will mean that every single episode as soon as it drops it'll be sitting in your library waiting for you don't Don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love.

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