Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Faking Your Age, A Partner Who Refuses to Watch & An Ex Who Won't Go Away

Starting point is 00:00:00 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm no longer horny and I'm also Brittany. Oh, that's, wow. It is amazing how much we have spoken about your sex life recently. And I'm not, I'm not mad about it. I'm thrilled for you. Well, it's because 80% of the year, I don't have a sex life. So for that tiny little smidge

Starting point is 00:00:42 of a year, and if you're new to the podcast, welcome to Life on Cart where Britt and Laura. Where we only discuss how Britt orgasms, how hard she orgasms, how much sex she has and how excited she was to see her boyfriend. That's literally the entire podcast. That's all we discuss. I don't have a relationship in the physical flesh. I have a long-distance relationship with my partner Ben who's just arrived. Brick usually calls him her husband.

Starting point is 00:01:05 Yeah, which he's definitely not. But it's called manifestation. Look it up. No, so I haven't seen him in like four and a half months and he came two days ago and came this morning too. Brick gets in the car this morning and the first thing that she said is how much she deeply appreciates. And I want to say this on your behalf because I don't want you to get away without thanking all of the lifers.

Starting point is 00:01:29 How much she appreciates how many of you are invested in her sex life. Oh, my gosh. Okay. So my DMs have been absolutely blowing up and I can't tell you how many people and I love it. So many people have written to me in the last 24 hours saying it's concerning to me how much I've been thinking about your sex life for the last 24 hours. Like I am thinking about you having sex all day. it's not not in a creepy way but apparently everyone's like oh are they doing it right now like what's happening right now waiting for the updates so I'm not going to go into detailed

Starting point is 00:01:59 updates but I love how invested you guys are in my sex life I don't know how I feel about you imagining the sex happening I'm fine with it you describe it so much that you've actually just brought this on yourself though like you talk about it but I don't I never describe it I just say it's happening it's gonna happen I can't wait I don't sit there and talk through my what happens. I'm pretty sure on last week's episode you said, he's going to be coming in me, on me, and I think that that's a joke.

Starting point is 00:02:26 It's pretty descriptive though, one might argue. I feel like I've had a lot of descriptions in my mind around it, which was whether I was voluntarily asking for them or not, like they're there. They're like imprinted in my brain now and I can't get them out. You're welcome, Laura. Thank you. You guys are both hot. You do like porn. It's fine.

Starting point is 00:02:43 I'm not as into porn as I used to be. Are you not? I'm too fucking lazy these days. Yeah. But you don't have to porn is the ultimate laziness you lay there and watch tv you just watch it i don't know that even porn feels like effort now it really does hey i have okay i came across this instagram it's real that's gone viral the other day fuck i found it so funny okay i want you to do this exercise breathe all the air out of your lungs like push it all out yeah i'm doing so no like like a big one breathe it all out and then scream

Starting point is 00:03:15 keep going all the air breathe it out push it out is that it it's so why do i have so much air in me i i know that answer yeah just hot air this is not a good audio medium thing to do laura Can you guys just try it? You actually, I feel like that has too much air left in her lungs. It's so funny. No, but I used to do breathing exercises.

Starting point is 00:03:50 Oh, you're so good at them. Unique New York. Unique New York. You just said New Yeek, New North. Laura, I don't have enough time on my hands to watch porn. Also, Laura. Hey, guys, I've been watching this reel where you breathe all your air out and you try and scream. You should try it.

Starting point is 00:04:03 Maybe you should use your time differently, Laura. Oh, God. okay so what is this is true i probably should but i don't want to i think i'm happy with where i'm at in life now i'm just not as horny as i used to be i get look at where it got me pregnant two kids tired sore back how do you think you're gonna have another kid then you know how you have to do it right you gotta put the penis in the vagina thank you for that thank you for that description what's been the best part now that ben's been here okay so this is i mean this makes me sound like a wanker but two things happened yesterday no one thing happened

Starting point is 00:04:39 yesterday with Ben on our very first day. One thing that I usually don't like, but I liked it this time. So Ben and I walked outside of our house yesterday and there were paparazzi. Like I could not actually believe it. They're there for him, not me, but maybe because we're never together that they wanted to get a photo. And I was like, so annoying. Like we just want to be, I just want to be with you and like no paparazzi or whatever. Like it's just weird. Like who wants a photo of us anyway? Makes me gross. They wanted to see you covered from head to toe in semen. yeah that's what it was but i don't have the lens for that into my room anyway so we're walking around and it was it was pretty annoying and then i saw the article come out and i frothed it i

Starting point is 00:05:18 realized the paparazzi now have had to go up a level so paparazzi have to do videos now because i guess they can't keep up with social media like they're on tiktoks and stuff now i don't have tiktok one of you guys actually sent me in a tiktok that a paparazzi had put together of ben and I of our day out and I was like oh here we go and I watched it and I loved it it was like we never get photos together because who's going to take your photo right it's just the two of you but this paparazzi had put together a reel a sizzle reel of Ben and I in Bondi getting around with Delilah and we're like laughing walking across the road there's kissing moments like at a cafe and I was like there's such an invasion of privacy but I was like we have this memory now

Starting point is 00:05:57 that they put together this music backing music to it it's actually so funny I have that memory now of our first day together. Well, I mean, you already had the memory, but now you have something that you can add to the shrine. All you need is an LCD screen and you can have that playing on loop. Anyway, we're heading up north to the Gold Coast this weekend. I'm going to show Ben the Gold Coast, which is, you know, really nice because one day I hope to maybe live up there, like, you know, down the track in the future. I've got family up there. My sister Sherry's up there. So I'm trying to like show him different parts of Australia that he hasn't seen yet. And I think he'll fall in love with it up there.

Starting point is 00:06:32 The funniest part of this is that Britt and I were both heading up to Byron on the weekend and I was going first. You were. We're all going to be there at the same time because we love each other and can't get away from each other. It's very cute. I can tell you where we're going for lunch on Friday if you want to meet us there. Where are you going? I'm not going to tell everyone on the podcast.

Starting point is 00:06:48 Paparazzi. Actually, that could be cute. Byron Bay sizzle reel. Britt needs another sizzle reel. Let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes. What are you unsubscribing from? Nothing. Unsubscribing from zero. What are you vibing from? Stop it.

Starting point is 00:07:02 Sorry. My brain is in the gutter today. It'll be out tomorrow. My vibe is a TV show. It's Ben's penis. Ben's penis. My vibe is sex. My unsubscribe is celibacy.

Starting point is 00:07:16 Alright, Bumble. No, my vibe is a TV show and I am going to thank you, all of you listeners, well, people on Instagram. I was really dry of TV shows last week and I put a box up. What have you guys been loving and watching? So many responses. And there was one response that came through that didn't come through a lot, actually. I don't know why I picked it because only probably two people out of a lot wrote this show.

Starting point is 00:07:39 It's on Binge and it's called Apples Never Fall. There's only, I think, seven episodes. I watched it in one hit. It's got Sam Neill in it as the lead. Now, Sam Neill's from Jurassic Park. Brilliant, like, New Zealand actor. He did all those lamb commercials when we were growing up. Do you remember?

Starting point is 00:07:56 It was a pork, one of them. it was a red meat like get some pork on your foot i can't remember well he does wool now i think as well like he's i think he must be on the new zealand sheep farm or something anyway irrelevant sam neill brilliant jurassic park and one of the other actors you might know jake lacey who played pete miller in the office like the office was obviously huge but it's really brilliant i'm not going to go into too much detail it's bite size it's seven episodes i was hooked from the start it's uh i guess you would say a mystery drama about a family member that goes missing and then what happens within that family to find the missing person.

Starting point is 00:08:29 I actually really loved it. It's been a long time since I've sat down and been hooked to a TV series. So it's short and sweet, my vibe today, but it's apples never fall on binge. Can't recommend enough. Produce Keisha, what is your vibe? My vibe for the week, I'm kind of back in my woo-woo phase. I've had some really, really bad sleep lately. This is not a sleep recommendation though, but I have never been a meditation girly.

Starting point is 00:08:50 How about you guys? Are you meditation people? Yeah, I did. I'm looking at Laura. I already know this. I did a whole study on meditation and the effects of meditation on the white and gray matter in the brain via functional MRI scans. I was super into meditation.

Starting point is 00:09:04 I've never been able to do it. I can recognize the benefits for other people, but we have a friend actually, Britt, this guy we became friends with, yeah, Rory at the dog park years and years and years ago. I later found out that he does breath work. A couple of different things that I like about him specifically is that he has a background in science and the breathwork that he does is physiological based. So if you're after something a little bit more spiritual, this probably isn't for you. He has a free breathwork compilation kind of tracks on Spotify. They're quite new. It's called Hale. So it's H-A-L-E. There's two

Starting point is 00:09:40 types. So there's guided or there's non-guided. I've obviously been doing the guided because otherwise my brain scatters into a million pieces, but I've just been trying to do the five minute ones just before I go to bed. So I've been laying down and doing my guided breath work. He's got a beautiful Scottish accent. I find them, they're like short enough that I can get through it. So I'm starting my breath work journey. It's felt good. It's felt good to kind of just try and do five minutes at the end of the day to kind of center my brain and calm it the fuck down. And I really, really have enjoyed this one. So if you are wanting to maybe start attempting breath work, this is a really easy entry. It's free on Spotify. You can kind of

Starting point is 00:10:19 access it however you want there are also different lengths so there's one that's two minutes they go up to 10 minutes so you can pick i always find it so funny that if you're someone who doesn't meditate and you meet someone who does meditate the very first thing they say to you is how you're the exact person that needs to meditate like that's always the feedback that you get we are the people you are the person that could benefit from this i'm like well he also takes his breath work very seriously he'll do marathons with his mouth taped shut so that he can just breathe through like the power of breath he has done so much research in him like he'll do a whole marathon just breathing through his nose yeah i'm pretty sure matt met this guy and did

Starting point is 00:10:51 some like stuff with him yeah he also does stuff with like sydney swans and like he's really in with athletes he's an ultra marathon runner so he practices what he preaches i can say that much this is when matt got really into swimming underwater and he was like dedicated to swimming that's why you're going back to byron isn't it so we can do the elements pool every time it's his favorite thing is to try and see how many laps he can do so he wanted to get to doing 50 meters. And then like, it just became this obsession. And yeah, I'm pretty sure he got into the mouth taping, sleeping and stuff. Interesting. I'll send him hail on Spotify so we can get practicing before you go to Byron. I think that men who like to do underwater swimming

Starting point is 00:11:28 for as far as possible, that's like the equivalent of a female houseplant obsession. Like that's, you guys know that that's where I'm at in my middle agedom and Matt's at the swimming laps underwater part of his middle agedom. That's where we're at. Different goals. Yeah. Different strokes. It manifests in different ways. Okay. So my, speaking of houseplants, that leads me into my vibe perfectly we spoke about this a couple of months back keisha that's because you guys for my birthday got me a whole heap of we the wild oh yeah brit you owe me for that oh yeah so we the wild it's a brand of plant it's been my it's been my vibe on here before oh yeah i got you guys onto it you guys forget that i was the og plant person and then you guys knocked me and now

Starting point is 00:12:09 it's come full circle and now you're frothing it it's so funny that the og plant person actually really sucks at keeping plants alive and your go-to for keeping plants alive is to just put them outside and let nature do its work but that's the thing i don't suck at it they're thriving because they're outside no they're not in your house it's because this is not sponsored it's because of we the wild okay so we the wild they have several products they have they have a fertilizer it's a liquid fertilizer you just add it to your water which is great because it's that i mean it does if you were to so i use the reusable pack so it's like a liter that you can pour into another bottle. If you cut that open, yeah, it smells because it's made from

Starting point is 00:12:45 worm decomposting stuff. Anyway, you don't smell it though, because you pour it into a small container and it has a sealed lid on it. So it really doesn't smell, but it's this fertilizer concentrate, but that's actually not what I was going to recommend, even though that is fantastic. I'm recommending their neem oil. So if you are a little plant galley, or you love your house plants and you want to know how to make the leaves really shiny and to protect them from like all of the pests and stuff that do get into your house if you don't keep them outside like Britt does. Get neem oil. It's amazing. You can spray the leaves. You can wipe them down. And mine, since I started doing that, have absolutely, it's gone up a fucking notch. My house is a forest.

Starting point is 00:13:22 My fiddle leaf, which is inside, and it's the same one now. So the leaves, sometimes if you have a fiddle leaf, you'll see sometimes the leaves start to grow a little bit down. Like they're not up and happy. I literally got one of these products from We The Wild. It's in a spray bottle. Sprayed the leaves because I saw it online and I was like, bullshit. There's no way that happens in 24 hours sprayed every leaf under and on the top overnight and then because they were all facing down came out in the morning and you would think it was a different plant yeah like to the sky its leaves were up to the sky it was thriving and i was like oh my god you just need that extra little something something to love just a little bit of juice

Starting point is 00:13:56 laura you taught me that i had to wipe my fiddle leaf because they were getting dusty yeah i will admit good tip it has helped yeah guys love my plants i'm here for any plant tips you need slide into my DMs. I love that you already do. But also if you have a fiddle fig or a fucking Monstera, wipe its leaves. God damn it. The poor thing can't photosynthesize. That's why it's dying. Now let's get into the questions. All right. Question number one. I match with a guy on a dating app and we met up for lunch yesterday. I made a comment about how he and I were of similar age and generation, me being 38 and well, him being 40. To which he said, oh no, sorry, I'm actually 45. This is not the first, second or third time that this has happened to me.

Starting point is 00:14:38 I have had this happen an innumerable amount of times. And there is always that excuse of like, oh, the app wouldn't let me change it. To which my thought is, well, if you were honest in the first place, you wouldn't need to change anything. My question is, one, do women put an incorrect age in the dating app too? My experience is with dating men and I'm curious about whether it's something everyone does or not number two he was otherwise lovely so is it better to just brush this aside and accept that it was a mistake go on another date or do I take this as being insincere and potentially an amber flag I like that she's not calling it a red flag an amber flag that the guy could be a jerk no it's fine everyone lies on dating apps I'm not saying it's I'm not saying

Starting point is 00:15:22 it's okay to lie I'm not saying it's okay to lie but when I say it's fine it's fine because he hasn't lied to your face like on the app it's incorrect but he told you straight away i think the problem would be here if he had lied to you for however long you'd hooked up you were sleeping together whatever and then he was like psych you know i'm 10 years old or whatever i think that's the problem but i know a lot of people and again i'm not saying it's okay i know a lot of people lie about their age on dating apps and some people it's unintentional sometimes your age goes in incorrectly for whatever reason maybe you lied about it 10 years ago. Some apps won't let you change it because they think you put it in honestly at the start

Starting point is 00:16:02 and now you're trying to change it to lie. So some apps only give you like two date changes. So if someone fucked around on an app with their age 10 years ago, the app's going to be like, ain't let you change it. I don't know. Part of me is like, okay, I agree with you. I don't think it's a big deal. It's like what, five years? And he told you. Whether he's 40 or 45, like I'm still going to date the guy if the guy is a great guy, right? I don't think I, I'm not going to care about that level of an age gap. The only thing that makes me go be like, oh, yuck, is the fact that it's normally men, I would say, and they usually age themselves down. And the reason for that is because they want to date younger women, right? So they don't want to age themselves out

Starting point is 00:16:38 of a younger woman's age category. And that's why they've put a younger age in the first place, which is part of me is just like, oh, you're fucking grubby. But I know also, I don't know, the fact that he didn't lie about you on the first date, like you've got there, you can make up your own mind. I think if there's honesty there, then I would feel less deceived that if you've gone on several dates with someone, they have lied on their dating app about their age, and then they wait until you're invested in them to tell you their age. I think that that's really shit. This happened to me once and I actually felt really gross. I remember, and I feel gross thinking back to that time now. I was in my twenties and late twenties. I matched with this

Starting point is 00:17:15 guy online and we vibed. He was really nice. Like we got along really well. He definitely looked older than his age but I didn't hold that against him because I still knew his age right he told me his age I must have been 28 or something and he was mid-dirties so I was like fine like you're like okay I could do 10 years but he looked older but I was like okay he was a surfer I was like you're weathered you spent some time in the sun like whatever the Australian ozone layer is rough and it didn't bother me because I was going off how I felt we went on a couple of dates we were seeing each other for a couple of weeks did you have sex with him we had sex because we were I probably saw him maybe for five six weeks we had sex and then after that amount of time he had said

Starting point is 00:17:55 something and I don't remember what he had said but he said something where I realized the timeline and the age didn't add up and I was like oh but I thought you had done this by that age I thought you were over here you know you said it that it and he was like oh oh like so almost like you got me he's like oh I'm actually my age is incorrect on the dating app and I was like oh but was it incorrect when you told me your actual age as well exactly and I verbalized it yeah and it wasn't a couple of years he was in his late 40s yeah and it was probably a 12 year lie which I know a lot of you thinking now which is 20 22 years difference well I know you're thinking now like how did I not see it but I just didn't because a I trusted him but he looked in my head

Starting point is 00:18:38 I was like you do look a bit older but he didn't having said that he didn't look as old as his age once I knew he's late 40s I was like oh you don't look that old but you looked older than what I thought yeah and I just immediately felt so gross I was like I just felt ill I was like I like I just so deceptive like I slept with you and you probably know I wouldn't have if you had have told me the truth so that is fucked but in this situation I think five years he told you immediately on your very first date at lunch and if you think he's a great guy I don't think it's a red flag necessarily yeah funnily Joanne McNally who we've had on the podcast before she's the Irish comedian I was listening to her talk about something very similar last week and she she's back on the dating

Starting point is 00:19:20 app she broke up with a partner she's back on the dating apps and she was making a joke about the fact that she wants to lie about her age because she's just clicked over 40 she's like a couple years ago on the apps I was killing it she's like now I'm not I'm not getting the matches and I've realized why. Because once you click over, she's like, I think I've clicked over into the 40 brackets. So people's age brackets, they're not finding me. She's like, but I look younger than 40 and I act younger than 40 and I want to be younger than 40. She's like, so I wanted to change. She wanted to take a year or two off on the app. Just to stay in the 30 bracket. To match, just to match with people. But it wouldn't let her because it said she's already

Starting point is 00:19:54 changed it twice, which I think is really funny. But when the way she said it, I understood it. I was like, I get that because you don't feel like a 41 or 42 year old. And a lot of people have cut you off at the age of 40 because that's what we put in our age bracket. And you're like, hey, just give me a chance. I'm still cool. I'm still young. I'm hip.

Starting point is 00:20:14 I agree with you. I think that the variance of a couple of years is not a big deal. And the transparency early on in dating, it makes it fine. Your situation, though, Britt, is fucked. And that to me is very predatory. That is the man who is like well above a certain age bracket who is prying on younger girls and knows that if he puts his truthful age bracket in, he won't get swiped right too. Like that is clear deception. Whereas this I feel a little bit differently about. I don't know. I

Starting point is 00:20:40 think I personally think it is weird that people lie on dating apps about this sort of stuff, because then you have to have that uncomfortable conversation on a first date anyway. That's so awkward to me. But I also do understand why people don't feel as though they have to be truthful because they also feel like they don't owe you anything yet. They're like, I don't know that person like what does it matter to anyone if I say xyz about myself that is or isn't true so I kind of there's part of me that has a little bit of an allowance for it but only to a certain point and only to a certain point in terms of what's their objective what are they trying to achieve out of it and yeah there's definitely a line that was crossed in your instance sorry I couldn't

Starting point is 00:21:16 hold that in i just sneezed my headphones off i just sneezed so hard all right well i feel like we wrapped on that question anyway question number two wow that was hectic i could have just saw my orgasm okay question number two well wouldn't be the first time today i'm actually dizzy that was a really hard sneeze my i've got a head spin my partner of two years he is wonderful definitely my penguin we own a house together but currently doing long distance due to work has let me know that his ex now they were together for eight years separated amicably his ex has been in contact with him sending lots of one-way messages asking to catch up and he hasn't replied to any of these but she has also been in

Starting point is 00:22:05 contact with his family and grandparents and has organized to meet up with them in the next few weeks. She's also asked to see him and his mom. He told me straight away and has said that it is completely up to me whether he goes to see her or not. I trust him completely, so it's not like I'm concerned anything's going to happen, but the situation has made me feel really uneasy. I know that eight years is a long time to be in a relationship and that you can get pretty close to family, but to continue to be in contact after two plus years of being separated and continue to organized catch-ups does make me feel unsure about the situation also where do i stand with his family because we've always gotten along swimmingly for context i live in a different

Starting point is 00:22:44 state to him and his family what should i do i feel like i really can't be the one to say that she shouldn't be in contact with him and his family anymore because then i'll be the bad guy and am i just being insecure about the fact that the ex and my partner's family have a close relationship. Please help. Wonderful life uncut wisdom. I want to put that in. Okay. I think it is very important around the context of the messages. Okay. Fuck. Wait, firstly, no, it is kind of weird. It's weird. It's weird. I think it's common. I think it is common, but I also think that it's okay for you to feel a level of insecurity. I do think that when you start a new relationship with someone, or you guys have been together for a long period

Starting point is 00:23:24 of time now. Unfortunately for a lot of people, and I know it's not for everyone, when you go through a breakup, you're not just breaking up with that person. You're also breaking up with their family. And I say this because like, I've also had six year relationships. I'm still friends with them on Facebook, but I'm not dropping in to hang out with his mom to have morning tea. I think that that would be disrespectful to Matt. So there is sort of an onus to moving on. My question is, is if she's sending one way messages, if she's constantly doing the outreach and your boyfriend is not writing back to her, why is she doing it? Because clearly they don't have a friendship. Clearly that friendship is not amicable. It's not as though she's been a

Starting point is 00:24:01 constant figure in your life throughout the whole time that you've been in a relationship. And now you're at a point where you're like, I don't want him to be friends with her. This is just spontaneously started happening and it makes you feel uncomfortable. And that is absolutely okay. You are not a bad guy for verbalizing that. And I think it is odd that after two years of your relationship. She's just spontaneously wanted to come back into the family and come back into everyone's life. So I don't think it's spontaneous. I actually think it's just like, it just says sending lots of one-way messages. I reckon she's always around there. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I would be having a conversation. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it makes you feel

Starting point is 00:24:34 uncomfortable. It would probably make me feel that way too. I would have a conversation with my partner. And especially if those messages are one way and he's not writing back, I would want to know what's the context of them. Like, is she just writing again, being like, Hey, just me again, just checking just outside in the hedge I'm still waiting for you to come outside yeah like how do you write a one-way how do you have constant one-way conversations with people who aren't writing back to you I don't know do I think that he needs to send like a stern hey please stop contacting me message probably not but at the same time I would kind of want to sit down and have a bit more of an unpack with him around the why is she doing that and what is the context of

Starting point is 00:25:09 the messages so that I felt more at ease but I will say this and this is just a personal little anecdote when I first started dating Matt one of his ex-girlfriends started messaging and I was like it's cool I trust you whatever it's fine if you want to contact her like I was like nothing untoward is happening here but I was like if you want to be in contact with her that's okay with me and that's because I was wanting to play cool girl vibes right I didn't want to you're like DTF yeah but I mean I was DTF but that was I'm cool do what you want like totally I was like I'm I'm not overbearing yeah I don't get jealous but give me her address and I'm gonna sit outside her house yeah we all know those vibes totally I was like it's so fun I was like if you want

Starting point is 00:25:58 to message her back because he showed me the messages and he was like oh you know this is happening and I was like oh okay cool like if you want to message her back and like you do you like I trust you it's fine I remember I went to bed that night and I was like so in my head I was like this is far I was so not cool I was so far from being cool I was so far from being cool and it really like kept me up all night and the reason is is because like that is exactly the sort of shit that would happen in my past relationships and then it led to me of being a place of being insecure and I was like okay I feel like I need to communicate this with him and either stamp this out or have a bit more clarity around it. So in the morning I woke up and I was like, Matt,

Starting point is 00:26:35 I just want to talk to you about the messages and about what I said last night. Cause I know I said I was okay with it, but I, I'm not, not okay with it, but it does make me feel insecure. And his response was, well, thank fuck for that. Because I thought you were an absolute weirdo. He was like, I was so confused that you were so cool with it that it made me think you didn't care. He's like, it was weird to me that you were fine with this and I was like ah okay you're like cool because I'm not okay I was like oh so now I can show my crazy yeah I was like this no I was like I'm so far from being okay with this I'm so sorry and he wrote back to her and was like hey you know what like we're done I have a relationship now and like out of respect like let's just you know put some

Starting point is 00:27:21 distance here yeah and he handled it perfectly look I uh I think this happens a lot because I think you do get really close to a family when you're with them for eight years like that is a really really long time and I understand the wanting to keep those connections so I still have a relationship with my ex of eight years with his sister because we actually get along we're friends we would still hang out we still will talk yeah it's different though it's different to going around having a cup of tea with the mom is it though it's still a family member it's actually she's closer to him than the mom in all honesty but what I say is we're not besties we don't hang out all the time and we hang out as a friendship I don't hang out and try and get

Starting point is 00:28:00 information from her and I don't say tell him I said hi like I'm not infiltrating his life there's a high chance he probably doesn't even know how often we would catch up and I think that's okay I also think it's probably okay if she wants to maintain this relationship with his family but I think she doesn't need to maintain a relationship with your partner with her ex like it's okay to want to check in on a family that you were close to for nearly a decade because you care about those people I feel like there's more to it just from the fact that you said she's constantly sending these messages and he's not responding it makes me feel like she hasn't maybe quite let go and this is I'm stretch out of stretch I've got no information here but why

Starting point is 00:28:37 else are you consistently sending messages to catch up with your ex when he's not responding what I would do genuinely is I don't think it's fair for your partner to put the decision on you you tell me if I can meet her or not and I'll do it because I just think that never works the time will come where it'll be used in a conversation or like, you never let me do that, or you control me, or I did this for you. Like, I just feel like that stuff shouldn't be your decision. I would tell him how it makes you feel and then let him make the decision. So I would, once he knows, then that's on him. You say, look, I get that she wants to spend time with your family, like a decade's a long time. I understand that, that they have a love for each

Starting point is 00:29:16 other. It makes me feel a bit uneasy, you meeting up with her, if I'm being honest, because I feel like we've got our own life now and I don't see what you've got to gain from it. I've been thinking about this and it doesn't sit right with me, but I'm never want to tell you what to do. So I want you to do whatever you feel like knowing that information. And that's what I would do. I agree. I mean, it's tricky because, you know, we often say it is possible to still be friends with an ex. That is possible. However, it's not possible if it makes your partner feel completely uncomfortable. If it's a situation where it feels like the text messaging that's coming in they're like requesting to meet up that is overbearing or it infiltrates your relationship

Starting point is 00:29:54 like you have to be totally fine with it and I think also the only way to actually be totally fine with it would be if you had also met the ex if you had been brought into this relationship but the reason why you feel so shit is because you're still triangulated she's like hey I want to catch up with you and hey I want to see your family but she's not like oh my god it would be so nice to meet your new girlfriend you're not friends do you know what I mean and that's the thing that's kind of weird and it would make you feel insecure but there's also the fact that like you're in a different state so cool you're in a different state alone while your partner his ex his entire family are all hanging out together like of course it's not going to sit right with you and also I

Starting point is 00:30:31 think if you take anything from my story it's okay to not always be the cool girl it's okay to say that something makes you feel uncomfortable and I know we'd never want to seem like we're being irrational or we're being overbearing or we're telling our partners what to do but it is absolutely fine to communicate something that doesn't make you feel okay. And if I was in your situation, this would make me feel uncomfortable as well. It has all the ingredients to breed insecurity in you. And so even though he has been totally honest, it does come down to the way he manages it and not putting it on you to make decisions for him, but him being like, you know what, that was part of my past. And as much as I respect her, I want to make sure that my new

Starting point is 00:31:11 relationship feels totally safe and appreciated and valued and all those things. And so I would absolutely be having this conversation with him. And you know what? He might turn around and be like, yeah, I just wanted you to have that. I wanted that validity from you as well. I'm going to tell her, actually, it's not appropriate. The end. Welcome to my TED talk. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Okay. Question three. The most recent podcast about pregnancy and childbirth got my boyfriend and I talking about what we're going to do when we're in that situation. He just told me that he doesn't know if he'll be able to watch me give birth. Is that a normal reaction for men?

Starting point is 00:31:44 I'm so offended that he wouldn't want to watch me. But I also think when he's actually in that situation, it could be different. Thoughts, feelings? Shut the fuck up. Me? No, him. Shut up. Shut up.

Starting point is 00:31:58 If Matt was like, I'm sorry, I don't want to watch you give birth. Well, actually, no, that's so funny because Matt didn't want to cut the umbilical cord. It wigged him out. I was like, you think I wanted to push that out of my vagina? If I can push that out of my vagina, you can cut the cord. That is your job. And he was like, cutting the cord. I can't be sure if this means he doesn't want to be in the room at all

Starting point is 00:32:19 or he doesn't want to be down the vagina action end because I think it's okay if he wants to be in the room and be at the head end. Not everyone can stomach it. 100%. I'm interpreting this as though he doesn't want to be in the vicinity of the birth because it's too much for him. I'm just going to be at the pub.

Starting point is 00:32:33 Call me when it's done. So, yeah. So like, I mean, it's okay to stay up the party end and not be at the business end. That's fine. I don't have a problem with that, but I do have a problem with being like, oh, this is too much for me because guess what, pal? We don't get to opt out of the childbirth part. It's too much for my vagina to be ripped open too. 100%. The pushing it out vaginally, the being, whatever way it's coming out of my body. And that's a bit too much for me. It's traumatic. So you are going, oh, it doesn't, no, it's not traumatic. I don't want to say it's traumatic

Starting point is 00:33:00 because it's definitely not for everyone. No, but it's, no, I, sorry. I mean, any way that a baby comes out is trauma to a woman's body whether it is a c-section whether it's natural whether you have drugs your body is going to go through a level of trauma totally totally and i think it's so important when we're talking about it and i just say this because i know it can be triggering for people it's trauma to your body but it's not traumatic no trauma to your body like physically totally yeah so i and i'm sorry if that was like too harsh but when i read this I was like I hate that some partners feel as though they are allowed to unsubscribe from something that we cannot unsubscribe from yeah when Matt very briefly was like oh I don't

Starting point is 00:33:38 want to cut the umbilical cord after I had just had an episiotomy with no pain relief and I was in shock I was like you know what pal you don't get that option right now he looked at me and was like, okay. He did such a bad job of cutting it. He cut it with his teeth. He cut it like 30 centimeters. It was like 30 centimeters long, like still dangling off the baby. The doctor had to come, come back around and cut it closer to mine. He did it with his eyes closed. But at least he did it. But look, I understand why some people don't want to be down the business end. It can be too overwhelming. You know, then maybe they are a bit squirmish to blood and guts and everything else not for everyone I totally get that and I respect that and I'm not saying that someone has

Starting point is 00:34:20 to be down there at the coalface but it is childish to me to have a conversation with someone who says oh I just can't do it you can do it and you will do it and you will suck it up and you will love it I think the expectation has changed a lot in terms of the role that partners play in that room and their job to be a support person and not to be someone who complains yeah oh I've had a lot of feelings sorry I just came out no I feel the same way I will say as someone that worked you know I worked in an operating theater for a decade and I saw some very gruesome stuff. I've also seen people come in and I love that stuff. I've seen students come in and watch that faint and can't watch it. Watching this kind of stuff isn't for everyone. So I a hundred percent understand if

Starting point is 00:34:59 someone's like, cause you're going to be no help to anyone. If you're on the floor, if you're watching that and you've passed out and you're going to take the doctor's attention, I totally get that. But that doesn't mean you can't be in the room. It doesn't mean you can't be holding the hand, giving water, helping support network. Like you can still be up there and not in it. Totally. Also, like, I mean, people react differently to how they think they're going to react. Like I have so many male friends who are like, oh, no, not for me. And then as soon as they get in it, they're like, this is the most incredible thing I've ever seen. And they're like down there helping to pull the baby out. You know, I think you never know how you're going to be in

Starting point is 00:35:32 that situation. There's probably people who think that they can handle it and then they end up fainting. You know, you genuinely don't know. But I think for me, the thing that would be the most frustrating about this conversation is how he's blanketing something one that he's never experienced before and how juvenile it feels to have someone who doesn't have to do any work who doesn't have to do anything tell you that it's too much for them so yeah so sorry if I sorry if I got a bit too heated on that one but um I think you are right she said look when he's actually there it'll be different it probably will be it probably it probably will be but interestingly I remember when I when I gave birth to Marley and this whole situation around the umbilical cord like Matt was

Starting point is 00:36:12 incredible. He was a great birthing partner. He absolutely stepped up to the plate. I don't want anyone to think that he wasn't all of those things, but he was very squeamish around the business end. Totally different second pregnancy actually, which is weird. But I remember we were talking to the midwife at the time and Matt had done this stupid skip video when I was in labor around the things that you shouldn't, shouldn't say in labor. And the midwife was like, you would not believe the amount of things that birthing partners have said and how infuriated it's made me over the years she's like I have kicked a husband out of the room for making jokes about having husband stitch so you know that there's that whole adage that if you give birth vaginally

Starting point is 00:36:52 and then they have to sew you up like oh make it tighter give a few extra stitches for you know the husband's pleasure and the midwife I was speaking to at the time it was like she's like you know back in the day we would all just kind of be like and just like let it slide she's like But now if someone makes that type of joke, unless I can see that their relationship is obviously quite jovial with each other and they take the piss out of each other, she's like, some men will make that comment and I'll tell them to get out of the room. So you're like, is now the wrong time to also request a labiectomy? She's like, ask him for a friend.

Starting point is 00:37:25 But I think I agree. Conversations around pregnancy have changed a lot over the years and the role in which partners play in that room has changed a lot. Because back in the day, men didn't even come into the room. It was a woman's place. They used to just wait for the call that the baby had been born. And now it's like, sorry, I don't get to get out of doing this and neither do you.

Starting point is 00:37:42 And then they get to go and wet the baby's head, quote unquote, where it's like the woman goes home and she's gone through the trauma and the man's like, I'm going to the pub with my friends to celebrate. Bro, you're going back home and you're going to look after your new baby and you're going to look after your partner. I mean, they're divorced now. I have friends. I don't know if you call them friends.

Starting point is 00:38:00 They're acquaintances. This many years ago they got divorced. But I remember she had just given birth to their first baby. and the baby was like two weeks old and I'd gone to visit her and they were in all sorts as in like they had been having quite a few fights. And the thing that had kicked off these fights was that not even 24 hours after her giving birth, I think it was like she'd just had the baby

Starting point is 00:38:19 and nine hours after having a baby he was at the pub with his friends celebrating going and doing like the head wedding. Like what sort of culture do we have if men specifically, because it doesn't happen in same-sex relationships in the same way, If men think it's okay to boycott parenting responsibilities when a woman is the most tired they've ever been, the most sore they've ever been, they are solely responsible. Yeah. You're having that massive hormone dump.

Starting point is 00:38:44 They're solely responsible for taking care of this baby now. And you leave to celebrate when you've done nothing. Which involves getting drunk. Oh my God. It's so fucking wild. But it's so common. I know so many people that still do it. I think it's a lot less common than what it used to be.

Starting point is 00:38:59 I don't know anyone apart from this couple. I know heaps of people. It's really common. And I guess they use it as an excuse. Like it's wetting the head. It's a thing that everyone does. But it's an escapism. You want to go and have a beer.

Starting point is 00:39:11 Call it what it is. Like you don't want to be at home for that hot second. You want to go to the pub. Yeah. I mean, look, each their own and every relationship is different. And I'm sure there's a lot of people whose partners have done it and they were cool with it. Cool girl vibes.

Starting point is 00:39:22 Not me. I'm okay, babe. You go to the Bahamas for a couple of weeks. We'll be friends. Well, that is it from us, guys. Now, if you have your Ask Uncut, please keep them rolling into Instagram, Life Uncut Podcast. If you have your accent in filters, anything you want to send, please send in there. That's where we check them the most.

Starting point is 00:39:37 And please don't forget we have a YouTube channel now. So you get to watch all of these episodes. If you want to sit back on a weekend or at night, you can put it on the big screen. You can literally watch us, listen to us as you go about your day. The big screen. The big screen. I think it's just a TV. Get your popcorn.

Starting point is 00:39:52 Get your popcorn. Sit back on the big screen at home. Watch Life Uncut. But we do have a really incredible episode for you to watch, Bianca Unwin, a really important message surrounding domestic violence, which I know is something that everyone is talking about right now. But the reason everyone is talking about it right now is because we need to make a change and we need to continue those conversations.

Starting point is 00:40:13 Yeah, I mean, this is a crazy one. This conversation that we had with Bianca Unwin, you might remember her. We spoke to her two years ago around her sister, Katie. It is horrific, the story. she was brutally murdered by her partner at the time. The details around it are absolutely horrifying. And the reason why we're catching up with Bianca as well on this episode, again, is because there's been a lot of conversation around this legislation that exists in the Victorian government. And basically what it means is that when a prison is not operating properly,

Starting point is 00:40:42 prisoners are able to request days reduction in their sentencing. So for every one day that a prison doesn't operate in the way that it's supposed to, a prisoner can request four days reduction called an emd an emergency management day yeah which i mean it makes sense in theory but there is a massive loophole that's being exploited because of covid so think about how many days prisons were not able to operate properly in the same way that we as people were not able to operate properly during this time these prisoners are being able to request four days for every one day during that covid period so they are having literal years taken off their sentencing it is huge reduction yeah and look bianca she is advocating for change and

Starting point is 00:41:21 reformed to this law and for these sort of incredible circumstances surrounding this to be revised. It's a really important episode. It's also one that we would love you to get behind in terms of the petition that's being currently held. And all that is available on the pod. Go and have a listen. And don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love them! Thank you for watching.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Faking Your Age, A Partner Who Refuses to Watch & An Ex Who Won't Go Away

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