Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Feeling DICKappointed?

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

Hey Lifers,We've spoken a lot about whether or not we're into 'nice' guys, but what about the available guys? Are we okay with the nice guy as long as they've got a bit of a chase to them?We unpack.Then we jump into your deep, dark and burning questions:-Is withholding a pregnancy deceitful? I'm up for a promotion at work that I think I deserve and will get, but it's for a 2 year contract. Should I tell my employer that I am in the early stages of pregnancy given that if I get the job, I won't be able to work the whole contract out-I met someone very special this year, however it has been a rollercoaster since we met (my dad died, I had an abortion, I moved overseas). He is also overseas now too but he has recently gone off to do his own thing. He said he loves me very much and wants me in his life but he doesn’t know to what extent right now. I love him so much and I keep coming back to this thought that he is “the one”. Is this naive? How do you know if someone is the one? I know I can be okay on my own but I want him in my life.-Is it normal to not be able to get over your ex's dick?I was in a relationship for 2 years and he had the greatest penis. Now whenever I sleep with someone I can't seem to be disappointed by theirs and I keep comparing it to my ex's.Is this normal?Can I get over this?If you have a question you'd like us to answer, send it in to lifeuncutpodcast on instagram! And you know the drill; tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.

And I'm really fucking sad. I just absolutely axed because I was rushing because I'm so late for this record. Yeah, you are. Yeah, I am. I was trying to park in that little side street around the corner from your house, and my tyre literally ate into the gutter. Like it was like... Like in a reverse, you mean?

And then I had to drive up the gutter to get... And I got out and I was like, oh, let's inspect the damage. Oh, it ain't good. It's also that weird thing when you're doing that reverse park parallel. I was looking behind. No, but when you start to scratch it, for some reason, you just really slowly keep going. No one stops.

You're always like... You're like, it'll stop in a minute and you keep doing it. Why don't we stop and go forward? Why don't we continue the scratch? because look when you're already that far deep you just got to keep going did get in your car the other day the window was smashed as well it is a bit of a the smashed window wasn't me i know my poor car honestly some people just shouldn't have nice things or anything what was the damage it's just i don't know we'll inspect it when we get out but the whole hubcap is like speaking of

cars what are we going so i got told you guys a little while ago that i had this really slow leak in my car tire like i had a nail in my tire i think it was my suck from weeks and weeks and weeks ago one of those life admin things that you just don't want to fix like you can't be bothered because it's not enough that I couldn't drive it but every two days or three days my tire went down enough that the alarm came on and I had to go in and pull into a servo and blow it up I do remember this and I do remember distinctly telling you at the time that it's super dangerous to drive around with a nail just sticking in even if it's plugging the hole well I didn't know if it was a nail I didn't even look at it I couldn't be bothered I was just like I never even looked at what was in

there I just knew it was a slow leak so every couple of days for literally I reckon five or six weeks I just pull into a service station and pump it up anyway and not once in five or six weeks did you think I might just look at that tire and see well there's no point I could look at it doesn't change the fact I wasn't going to go take it anywhere I was it wasn't going to happen right I was putting my life on hold for a little while because I was just all your life on the line if the thing exploded yeah anyway so eventually whilst I'm on radio at the moment I've asked Keisha I'm paying Keisha to be like a bit of a PA the jobs that because you know an extra five hours out of my day is gone so I'm getting Keisha producer Keisha to do some stuff so we swapped

cars one day and I was like can you please take this down the road to the tyre place for me because I'm never going to do it it has to happen and change it so she took it down the road to the tyre place and as per producer Keisha she gets chatting because she could talk to a sidewalk the girl loves a chat so she's having a chat and the guy's like you know what do you do blah blah blah and she's like oh i'm in podcasting and he goes oh this is a man he goes oh i don't know much about podcasting the only person i know or the podcast i know is brit and laura from life uncut this is a male mechanic and she's like that's what i do she's like i work for those guys i'm thinking like a middle-aged like you know 45 year old man how were they quiche oh he would

have been maybe i don't want to age him up but like i think he owned the business listening so I think he owned the business. I think he would have been like in his 40s maybe, but he said that his girlfriend listens to the podcast and absolutely loved it. Do you know what? This is a shout out to all the boyfriends of girlfriends who listen to this podcast.

There are also a lot of ex-boyfriends, as in the girlfriend got them onto it and now they've broken up and they still listen. Well, we call them the boyfriends of Life Uncut. Life of boyfies. Anyway, I said to Keisha, oh, that's awesome. He loves it. Did he give it to me for free?

She's like, nah, he charged her. we're still shouting him out okay well do you know I have something I want to ask you before we get into answering all your deep dark and your burning questions this is the dumbest thing I think I'll ever ask you but it came up as a debate between Matt and I actually it wasn't even a debate so Matt gets out of the shower last night and I thought that this was a parody I thought that this was just something like that was like satirically said that men do he gets out of the shower he gets his towel and he slings it between his legs and like rubs between his legs like almost like he's flossing his ball sack yeah like when you try and pretend to do a sexy dance

no but this is like what this was just to dry what is that not how you sexy dance this was literally just to dry himself is this something that men actually do because I don't think so no I don't think any I think people just put the towel I don't think you sling it between there and go back and forth like a shimmy yeah like you're literally flossing no no I think you just use the towel in your hand like you normally would and dry your balls but maybe men do that maybe that's the thing that guys do matt was trying to convince me that like yeah girls don't do it because it would be uncomfortable but it's something that men do and i was like really i've never seen a man do that in my life and you have seen a lot of men well single 10 years yeah i've

seen a lot of men i have never seen anyone do that i don't think that's a thing i think that's just a maddie j thing do you know what else is not a thing men who stand up to wipe their butts but they do it there's a lot of men again man jay he's a theme here there's a common denominator okay i have this is a bit of research for you all if you're in a relationship or if you're a man you can just take note of yourself do you because girls don't do it we don't need to but do you stand up as a man to wipe your backside why does he have to stand up to why he's why he told me that men do but why why when you say girls don't have to but men do what's the difference i don't know i think in the same position yeah but they've got a bit of junk in the front makes it a bit more

We have our own junk too. Yeah, but I don't know. He just said that men stand up to wipe their bums. But if you stand up, your butt cheeks actually close. Think about it. No, no, no. You're not standing upright like completely in a full vertical position. You're like you're crouched.

You're just crouched up over the toilet. So he hunches up and leans forward. Yeah. At a 45 degree angle. He's like squatting over the toilet. He's making his way out of it. He just reach around and wipe your butt. Okay.

Well, something else I wanted to talk to you about, which is a little bit more important and also interesting thank fuck is it's an article that was written we had janna hocking on the podcast on tuesday to talk about childless by choice which was the topic that we kind of did a deep dive on but janna did she did an article she wrote an article recently and this was in news.com and i wanted to get your opinion on this brick because i kind of find this concept interesting the title of the article is the real reason women are never happy with a nice guy. And it's got nothing to do with being nice. Now the sentiment is that, you know, there's this old trope that like women don't like nice guys and that the poor nice guys

always finish last. However, Janet in this article is presenting the idea that it's not so much that we don't like nice guys, but we don't like guys who are constantly available, like who are there and who are, you know, which is kind of shit, right? Like guys who are eager guys who are, you know hey what do you want to do on Saturday night Sunday night well I'm free on Monday night it's like we are conditioned to want the chase and the chase is what makes the relationship desirable yeah but I don't think that's just us I think that that works in reverse I think so you think men are the same men don't want women to be available they want to think that they've got a chase they want to think that they've got to work for it it's exactly the

same and I know this because I've had friends tell me but I think that that's gendered though right like I definitely think that it's kind of known that men like the chase that's the argument that's been as old as all this time but that's what I'm saying it's well known that men like the chase that's what we have been like socially conditioned to believe but I actually think women a lot of women like the chase equally as much oh yeah I wouldn't argue that point I think absolutely human nature this is what we want we want what we can't have we want what we think is a challenge and what we have to work for I 100% am on board with that I think every time you think something's not available to you you're like oh but I really wanted that and then you're like but did you it's

almost like with a job opportunity or something like even if you don't really want it but then you don't get it it makes you be like well but why don't you give it to me yeah and you're like did you want it you're like well no no but I wanted them to want me but now I want it I know exactly I was listening to Matthew Hussey literally talk about this yesterday in bed I roll over sometimes if I'm in the mood I put a bit of Matthew Hussey on I'm a big fan if you guys don't know who Matthew Hussey is give him a little google but he's a relationship specialist mate we've been trying to get him on this podcast for three years now the guy wants doesn't want a bar so I was with my friend two days ago who's brought him up in conversation was like I've got a message

Matt and I was like who and he's like you know Matthew Hussey and I was like what I want him on the podcast let's make this happen anyway I'm working on it bear with me watch this space 2023 here we come Matthew Hussey yeah I'm gonna manifest it but he was saying exactly that right he's like the second that somebody pulls away from you whether you like them or not is when you want them and he goes into it's almost like a whole ted talk but he makes a lot of sense and he speaks very very clearly about it but it is like that it's food it's jobs it's opportunities it's people it's love when we think we're not allowed to have it anymore we want it more i am so bad that you look at everything in my life right i am a classic example of when i can't

have something i want it more that's why i always date people that aren't here because i want them so much more because i'm like physically in the country if you're not physically available emotionally available like my panties are off i'm like damn that is so fucking not good brit but it's true it is very bad yeah yeah but what am i supposed to do about it seek some inner help speak to matthew hussey like if he came on the podcast seek some soul searching self-development help speak to a psychiatrist I don't know no and guys we do joke about this I do actually like the people that I date that are not that are not here like I'm joking it basically won't be with me no I'm very I am obviously seriously interested in them but it is something I think that we need

to consider a lot more as okay as an example of reverse so I was seeing this guy like six months ago you know who I'm talking about I really liked him and he at the time really liked me but because I liked him more like I was giving him a lot of my time because I was like I would date this person I think like I think I like this person I gave him so much of my time that he started to pull away he was like oh I'm just not ready then I was like I don't have the energy for it I'm done I'm you know I'm looking for a relationship so I pulled away then all of a sudden he came back the second I left he was like you're everything to me and I was like what the chase is so exhausting though isn't it but because I could see it because I'm so

emotionally mature and we've researched so much. I was like, you don't like me actually. And he's like, no, I do. I really, can we make this work? And I just called him on his bluff. I was like, I'm doing you a favor. I'm doing me a favor. You are not interested in me. We know this because we tried it. You just want me because now I don't want you. And I don't know if that's true. Maybe he does really like me, but that's what I think. That's how I genuinely feel. I find it's a really interesting one because I hate that this is how we're socially conditioned because all we're doing is robbing ourselves of potentially really great partners who are not only available and interested but are also reliable and stable and a constant and I know that that's

like not the sexiest thing because we all want like the fireworks and the drama at the start but there's something to be said about someone who is genuinely interested in you and is making you aware that they want to be with you like valuing your time and it's it's so shit that we often discard that person and we'll pursue someone who makes our life so hard just because there's more reward in the chase the one thing I do want to say you know it's interesting for me though in terms of like my relationship with Matt Matt is I mean he's got a bit of sass to him I wouldn't say he's like such a nice guy that he's got no personality but when it comes down to being a nice guy like he is a nice person like he treats me well he is a very very nice person I would

agree. I would never have dated him had I not met him on The Bachelor. No, because he was too nice to you. And I would have been like, oh my God, this guy likes me too much. He's boring. He wouldn't have fought with you on anything. He wouldn't have argued. He wouldn't have debated. He would have been like, yes, my beautiful angel. And you would be like, ew. Yeah. But also because he would have been so available to me. But the thing about The Bachelor is that even though we didn't have the drama in terms of like his personality, like there was no drama in his affection for me or in the time that we spent together, but there was a hell of a lot of fucking drama at the start of relationship like the drama was all in the fact that I didn't know whether he wanted to be with

me and I had to compete against 24 other women like yeah that's why you were hooked it's 100% like obviously it wasn't a good looks the abs in there and a really nice guy but obviously I love the guy but like on the flip side to that I can fully look back on that time and go oh it was loaded with a lot of drama well there's a reason there's a book called why men love bitches and it is a best-selling book right but it's not about women being bitches but there's a difference it's about women being able to call bullshit knowing their self-worth knowing when to walk away from something or they've had enough or you knowing their boundaries so it's this idea of saying you know what you're not for me i don't like the way you're acting and walking away that's when men are

attracted to them because they're like think they're gonna lose someone so it's not the idea of being a horrible and a bad boy or a bad woman or a bitch or whatever it is but it's i guess it's just knowing what you want and your worth but it's interesting that we still do it we still even you and I we've done so much research on this like four years we've been talking about these things we know we know it we've spoken to the experts but I can still see it sometimes slipping into my own life I am aware but it's funny because you have to really check yourself on it because we do want the nice guy at the end of the day like we do want someone that treats us well we want someone available we want someone nice emotionally mature yeah and you want someone

who like I don't know I mean like it's obviously everyone wants someone who's nice to them but like but then pulls your hair in the bedroom yeah but also but like who is genuinely available like who is available with their time with their priorities with their love with their affection like all that stuff is so fucking important the other thing I think don't do this this is not what I'm suggesting but I'm like curious do you think it could be used as a tactic to get someone to like you more Like if, for example, if you're in the early stages of dating and you're like caught up in the buzz of like, oh my God, I want to spend every second of my day, like, you know, talking to this person and being with this person.

Cause I'm just like so infatuated. Is it a tactic to kind of go, Hey, do you know what? Like, let's just see each other once this week, instead of like, you know, three times this week or whatever it is that you would want to do because you want to see them whenever they're available. Is that a way of like, you know, one pacing the relationship a little bit better. So that way you can't be love bombed, but also kind of like creating this chase in a healthy way without it becoming like this big, dramatic, unavailable, toxic bullshit.

I mean, yes, I think people do 100% use that as a tactic. Hats off to you. No, I'm joking. If you've got self-control. If you've got the self-control, you're a better woman than I am. All right, let's get into answering all your deep, your dark and your burning questions. Question one. is withholding a pregnancy deceitful from who this is where I put in music like is it from

your partner that's the question no so there's more okay I've been working pretty hard going above and beyond in my current role as there is a promotion coming up with my name all over it I work in a team of 20 guys and I am constantly taking on their work the new job will be a lot of work but I'm passionate about my project and it's only two years then I'd go back to my current job. The letter of offer has been held up for months but is likely to be here before Christmas to start in January. However, I have just found out I am pregnant and I am due in July. Do I owe it to my boss to tell him before I sign my contract? Can I withhold this as it is so early in the pregnancy? Do I just take it and just do six months of the contract possibly to return for

a bit after maternity leave? I'm worried if I let the opportunity go and stay in my current job which I do also love, I will just be handing a very rare senior opportunity to one of the guys in my team who have all been just cruising all year. Do I need the stress of a new job whilst navigating pregnancy? Do I really want to tell my boss about an early pregnancy in case it falls through? I don't want to be deceitful, but this role was created for me and I certainly bloody deserve it.

Help. Oh, this is spicy. So just to summarize, she's early pregnancy. The promotion is coming up. She knows she deserves it. she knows she wants it if she takes it she'll only get six months then you have to go on mat leave because it's a two-year position okay so I think the only issue with this and like my very first reaction as somebody who has had kids and who has also been in a situation where my manager

like okay I'll just tell you the backstory for it when I used to work in graphic design and I used to work in pharma this is long before the batchy days basically I sat just below the marketing manager and I got hired into this pharmaceutical company and I had done my trial period three month trial period and then as soon as my three month trial period was over my boss told me that she was pregnant she was going on maternity leave so she'd known pretty much the whole time that she was pregnant they had hired me so that I could cover for her but they basically did it so that I could take over the marketing manager's position without being paid to be a marketing manager so there was someone to pick up the work and I felt really deceived by it but also I was like well

she doesn't have to tell me anything right like she doesn't have to tell me that she's pregnant before she's ready and willing to tell me that she's pregnant but also you should be paid because you're doing a new job yeah and that's a whole other kettle of fish but just coming back to the whole pregnancy conversation like you can't be annoyed as an employer that your employee didn't tell you about their early pregnancy especially because a lot of women want to get to that three month mark before they feel comfortable even talking about pregnancy that's a very personal thing yeah and also who's to say that you know you're pregnant yet a lot of people take some bit of time to confirm a pregnancy she knows she's pregnant that's the way the question exists

no the boss you could get the promotion and then a month later be like oh my god I've just found out I'm pregnant they don't know when you found out and yes there is a level of deceitfulness because you know when you're choosing to withhold it but it's not I don't think anyone should be forced to talk about something personal when they don't want to or they're not ready for whatever reason and on top of that unfortunately it's the way of life women carry the baby so in your relationship you're carrying the baby that shouldn't stop you from going for a promotion because that's when the times cross even if you do unless you're planning on taking two years maternity leave which is the entire promotional contract I'd probably say don't go for it well

you're not physically going to be here you're not going to do the job so there's no point but if you're just going to take a normal maternity leave you can still do six months at the start take your leave you can still come back I would probably still go for the promotion because you know you deserve it you work hard and it's not fair for you to not go for a job you want but it does put the employee in a tricky position too because in six months time they still have to hire someone else someone still is going to have to cover your position that's a fact yeah and I think that that's like this is the big one for me the reason why this has got a gray area for me is because it's not a full-time long-term employment opportunity it's not 10 years no it's not it's

not just an ongoing employment opportunity which in which case I would say no get your raise get your new positioning and then take your time off if you know you want to go back to work after having babies then like that shouldn't be the thing that prohibits you from advancing your career but the fact that this is only a contract job and you are physically unable to do the contract and you know you're unable to do the contract there is a part of me that's like for your own sake for your own sense of self is it worth it and I'm not thinking about it from a company perspective I'm thinking about it from what does your maternity leave look like to you like do you want to take six months do you want to take three months do you want to take a year if you want to

take a full year maternity leave and you're only able to do really eight months of the whole contract then is it worth it to do that like I would probably say in that case like don't bother with it because it's an added amount of stress and there may be pressure on you to come back earlier from your maternity leave if you're not ready to because it is a senior position and you know of course it's not meant to be like that but a lot of work and employers put pressure on people to come back earlier from maternity leave especially in high senior roles so that would be my only consideration I'm like is it worth you taking on this job but if you really really want it and you think that it's something that you can still add value to the company and

it can add value to you then then go for it this is what I would do I would keep it a fucking secret until people are like yeah Sarah what's going on we're from home for nine months no I would go for the promotion not say anything I would just go for the promotion based on just you and your skill and what you want hopefully you get it which you feel like you will then when you feel comfortable one month two months however long in you can notify everyone that you're pregnant you have to tell the truth then that's when you can have a discussion with your employer at least that way minimum even if you decide to pass the job over to someone else like what you know because you don't have an option right at least you get six months of the promotion no one's ever going

to hold that against you that you fell pregnant in that time so for you for a cv even if it's just the six months it's going to look good you're going to feel good you'll be able to prove a lot in the six months time and just unfortunate timing that you did fall pregnant within the promotion the only thing that they might hold against you though is i mean you're already it's apparently like eight weeks or so like you're eight weeks pregnant so if you tell them like just say this contract doesn't come through until right at the end of the year and you are literally at the three month mark they're gonna know or they're going to be very very suspicious that you weren't transparent with them and i think we don't know how pregnant she is i think she said that she's like the math

there sounds about eight weeks ish yeah so I guess like that's the only thing like if you think that and I know it shouldn't be the case but it's more so just from like how you sit with your employer if your employer feels like you kept that a secret in order to get a promotion but then you weren't able to do the job like physically can't do the job because you're not going to be there for the contract term that might leave a really bad taste in their mouth and I'm not saying that that's the right thing all I'm saying is is that if it was a different position as in like a long-term position I think I would feel a bit different about it because it's a contract. Yeah, but I'm still going to tell her to go for it.

That's what I'm doing. Always say yes to every opportunity. Well, that is me. I'm a big opportunity taker. I think if the opportunity is there, you've worked hard for it, you want it, I would go for it and deal with it after. You can have a conversation with your boss in six months' time. If you think you can just hand it over to one of these other guys anyway,

they'll do that in six months. Like in six months' time, that same guy is going to get the job. At least you proved yourself for six months. Yeah, and you know what? it is such a shit thing that like it's obviously part and parcel of wanting to have kids but like as women we cop the brunt of it as women we're the ones who have our careers delayed like there is a sense of and I guess this is something that I experienced there is this feeling when you first have children of like oh I can just I'll just do it all you know like it's fine I'll juggle it all

I'll do it all but you physically can't do it all at the same time so it is really challenging to keep on progressing your career and also have kids simultaneously and that's a big conversation to have with your partner around like how do you guys navigate what work looks like for you in the future and who's going to do the lion's share of the parenting so that the other person can progress their career and then when do you swap like who like what does that look like then in five years time but that's all kind of like down the road and bigger picture stuff question number two rock and all right question number two i met someone very special this year however it has been a roller coaster since we met my dad died i then had an abortion and i moved overseas

yeah we have remained through each other's lives throughout this as he's also overseas now too but he has recently gone off to figure out his life and do his own thing because he said that he needs space he said he loves me very much and wants me in his life but he doesn't know to what extent right now I love him so much and I keep coming back to this thought that he is the one and we're meant to be together is this naive how do you know if someone is the one and how can I get over this heartbreak I currently feel and the fear that we won't end up together I know I can be okay on my own but I want him in my life and I feel helpless help please this is interesting I was talking about this I mean we went to Esther Perel last week and this was one of the questions

from the audience members to Esther on stage and was how do you know you're the one how do you know someone's the one and then we had a conversation often I've been speaking to a lot of people about it but my parents been married for 45 years they're in love and I remember I've asked them multiple times I'm like what was it like there has to have been something because they met and got engaged and married very quickly right what is it and it was always just you just know like there's no magic recipe there's no formula it's just a feeling but the thing is it's a reciprocal feeling if somebody doesn't feel it back for you they're not the one they're physically not the one they don't want to be in the relationship that's always a really bitter hard pill to

swallow when there is a love that is not reciprocated in this situation it's tricky because you're saying that he's saying the right things he's telling you you're very important he wants you in his life but not yet and he doesn't know how and he needs to go and do his thing and have his space there is not a lot you can do other than let him go and have his space it's what he wants he's right now choosing not to have you in his life for whatever reason that is we don't know what he's going through but right now he's making a conscious choice of wanting to do life on his own the really important thing here is that you don't put your life on hold for this you can still have these feelings and think about him and but don't let these little breadcrumbs be enough to

stop you from living and that is something that a lot of people do I have done it very much so it's very easy to hold on to something when you think someone is the one if you are he will come back to you and if it's right you will be available ready free but don't don't wait and waste not waste but don't put your life on hold that's the really big drive home here I think just on what you said, Britt, the whole idea of like, I just knew that they were the one. It's just a very simplified way of describing your relationship, right? Like, because I'm sure your dad and your mom weren't just like, Hey, I just thought that they were the one. And so therefore they were the one. I reckon your dad and your mom both consistently showed up to that relationship.

They were loving to each other. They were kind to each other. They complimented each other. They proved that each other were the support person. Like there's so many other factors there that are the indicators of the reason why you felt that that person was the one and purely going off feelings alone you can be wrong okay I thought other people were the one and they weren't the one of course but that's because you weren't the one for them no but they also weren't the one for me because they treated me like shit but I still thought that they were the one I don't think that that feelings are a good indication of a relationship I think the way people show up in the relationship are a good indication of a relationship of course but let me just add in

my parents met one day then broke up with their partners and knew they were the one after one meeting that was it and it was physically my mom just said I do not know what it was five hours they knew each other that's beautifully romantic but I think it's not realistic yeah it gives people this unrealistic because it could have not worked out you know I mean it could have not been the case and there's also a lot of luck that goes into that that's when chemistry meets luck and it's just two really good people who got together but I think totally when we oversimplify it we then lean into this idea of soulmates and then by doing that it means that people hold on to things thinking well it has to be this person and we can be very very wrong is all I'm trying to say

and you know I feel like Matt and I have this like beautiful meet cute and I feel like we're soulmates but then I think back on past relationships and I'm like man I was convinced convinced that my ex-boyfriend was the man I was going to marry you know I was with him for six years and I told everyone like he's the person I was going to spend my life with and I was wrong and I'm so glad I was wrong but it takes a lot of time from that relationship and it takes a lot of distance to actually get to a point in your life when you have other amazing things that happen where you go god it's so good being wrong sometimes well this is why I'm saying you have to accept what he's telling you at the moment he's telling you he's choosing not to have you in his life and you can't

do anything other than respect that and know that if it is right you're both still putting the work you can still stay in contact I don't know if he said I don't want any contact with you maybe you still want to chat the only drive home for me is if you want to do that and have that contact that's so fine but don't put every other opportunity and option and person you could meet don't put that aside because you've got tunnel vision for this one person that you've convinced yourself is the one for you he could be you guys could get together and have the best life but he also might worst case he might never come back he might go away he could meet someone I know that's horrible but all I'm saying is when two things are supposed to happen I do think they'll happen obviously you

put the work in you still keep the communication but you both got to want it the same amount because it's really really hard to make relationships work do you think it's easy though in terms of like when you say like if you still want to talk to them you can keep in communication keep in contact do you think it's really hard when you're physically so in love with someone and they don't want to be with you I think it's really quite challenging to stay in contact and then still be open to other opportunities because how do you get over something when you still hold on to hope yeah and that's a question I guess the thing is here he's not saying I don't want to be with you let's be friends that's not what it is so it's really hard I imagine for you

to move on because he said I want to be with you but not now so that's even worse that's like I want to be with you but like I'm gonna fuck you around for a couple of years I think that that is like the worst option a kind of thing to do would be hey i don't know what i want right now but i know it's not you so i need to go and find myself and then like i think it's really cruel when people leave an open-ended opportunity for themselves in someone else's life very selfish and that's why people do it they keep you there as a as a backup oh if things don't work out you know maybe i can go back there because i've left those few little breadcrumbs and i know she was pretty great i know they were pretty great so they wouldn't be the worst backup and i'm not saying

that's what this is but people consciously and subconsciously do do this and also they're like well I'm gonna go out there and see what else is better and if I can't find anything better I'll be back yeah 100% remember that guy from New York that I've told you guys about him over the years right if any of these OJ listeners there was this happened to that guy didn't he come back in the scenes for a little yeah he came back so this again he's this guy he's literally like the ghost of Christmas past he was always like that I always sort of said to him you know the one that got away kind of thing that's how I felt right because at the time this has gone on over a decade I'm not kidding 10 years this has been on and off on and off he was like you're everything

want to marry then he's like nah psych don't really want it change my mind we're flying all over the world to see each other it was like all this on and off on and off this guy Brittany flew to New York this is many years ago she flew to New York to be with him after he was like only from England though you're my soulmate and then she got there and he was like oh I think I made a mistake well you know what he said he was crying and he he said on paper he said this on paper you're everything he's like but I just feel like something's missing and I can't work it out and then on paper you're everything but in real life it's just yes so just tell me I'm not it just like horrible you don't like burn the paper in my face anyway he was crying when he

was saying it he definitely had feelings for me right this has a point this story so then I was not upset anymore because by this point it had been going on for six or seven years so I left him that day and I said it is done we are done leave me alone move on I was like move on because he was the one that kept coming back to me not me move on he has come back again now as in like the last few months this is 10 years on and he was like I'm ready now yeah yes no I'm not kidding he said it's always been you like and but I called him on it and I said that do you know what I said I said it's not me Ben that's not his name I just couldn't think of a name I was like Frank I was like it's not me Frank I was like what has happened he's it is I've had years to think

about it I said no you've had years to find someone else you haven't and you realize that I'm probably good enough so you've come back and and he's like that's not true we had an argument but now again because I'm so emotionally mature I could see right through it and that's what people do so that's what I want this girl to be careful of or is it because he's making himself so available to you now that you're like nah not interested because he still lives overseas all right question number three question number three is wild oh god strap yourselves in yeah put on your undies literally no take them off i got out of a two-year relationship a few months ago where we had amazing sex every day that's nice amazing sex every day he had a really big girthy

fat dick i started dating again now and every time i sleep with someone i can't help but feel a bit disappointed in their size i know this sounds really superficial but my ex has just ruined me is this a thing i recently connected with someone and left it a couple of dates to sleep with him and the exact same thing happened that always happens the sex was actually really great he was a very generous lover and i came multiple times but i couldn't help thinking about my ex's dick she's been dickmatized wait would you say that she was dick appointed yeah and dickmatized combined sorry to write you this question i'm not sure if it's too much it's not but i want to know if you have ever experienced this kind of a thing and if i will just end up moving past this eventually

for an extra bit of background we ended on mutual terms we just had different life paths i genuinely knew that we were not good for each other but i can't stop thinking about his dick oh that's a shame you have been digmatized it's a real thing but you can't take that into your future oh look i mean i think it's fine you've only do you know why i think it's fine you've only recently broken up like it's all recent in a few months time that dick will be long gone in the past you'll find a big you'll find a new dick that's fantastic but like i think that this is okay because you all not only not only does it sound like he had a particularly lovely penis but you also become very fond of how good sex is with someone right like you become fond of the fact that like

they know you completely like it's not that it's your penis but it's like the penis that you own your own is painted but you've become very familiar with it you know and then all of a sudden there's someone else's foreign genitalia in your face and it's like oh god is that one case well wherever I'm sure it's all around her yeah I think that this is probably more common than what we think but Britt like in terms of you for example like the first time you see another penis after having one for a very long time how do you feel are you just like oh that's oh god what am I gonna do with that well I remember this isn't to do with the penis but it's something similar that I remembered I wasn't with anyone for so long after Jordan as you guys know like almost

until the end of the year like it was a long time right I kissed the first time I kissed someone this year I told you guys I got out of the car and I was like I didn't like it it was weird I didn't recognize the lips it's foreign there was no facial hair obviously Jordan had a big mustache it was foreign and it was different and I didn't like it and I didn't want it because I was obviously not over the relationship at the time and I think that's what it is so maybe what Laura is saying is right it's very soon for you you said it's only just been a couple months so maybe you haven't actually moved on yet well I mean also now she's just got a foreign phallic that she has to deal with I mean girl what's the problem you said she came three times yeah I understand what she's

saying okay I also do think that we put a bit too much emphasis on the aesthetics of penises right like coming back to this idea that like a guy needs to have a really big penis to get you up does not matter it doesn't matter and we all know that and obviously like you just said and obviously like i said in the question you know he made you come three times i think that at the moment you don't have an emotional connection right like you've not really met anyone that you've felt that like intense spark with which is why the penis seems to be so important and such a point of like oh god is this is this leveling up i think once you meet someone who you actually have that connection with who you have that spark with you're gonna fall in love with their penis just

as much you're gonna love all of them equally i know you can't underestimate what an emotional connection can do for the rest of your life like for your sex life and that's a good point laura right now she has no i mean i'm assuming you have no other connection to these people other than it being purely physical so you don't have anything else to go off you don't have anything else that's intensifying the sex other than the sex and also right now if you're going out and having one night stands or you're just meeting people there's no uh familiarity there's no knowing what people like but I genuinely believe I'm not just saying this I genuinely believe size doesn't matter and it's different for everyone everyone wants and needs different things I think if you're both being

generous lovers and you're passionate then the rest will come and I think when you do meet somebody that you have that connection with again your ex will completely fade and you'll move on wholeheartedly and embrace the new penis yeah and it takes time right like embrace the penis I was about to say embrace the penis okay the last thing I want to say on this as well and it's just off what you know you just said Brit but like in terms of this connection and chemistry and everything else that grows when you actually have something deeper with someone right you can't compare anybody and I don't just mean penis I mean personality connection penis you can't compare to somebody who you've had a two-year relation with shit with it's like no new person is ever

going to level up to what you have formed over a two-year period and you also you set yourself a disservice like because what happens and we do this for all different reasons right like we have a relationship maybe you've been with someone for five years two years whatever it is you then go on a date and you compare that person who you've only known for a couple of hours to the person who you've had years of connection with nobody is ever going to level up their penis isn't going to level up their personality isn't going to level up the connection you have with them isn't going to level up and it's like you're never going to get there in terms of like enjoyment or having that with a new person if you're always comparing to your ex so I think

you need a bit of space and also who's to say you're not going to find better better connection better love better penis better sex better everything like you don't know that so leave the comparisons at the door that's what we say here in life on cut as of now all right that is it guys if you love the episode jump on and leave us a review share it with your friends if you've got other people have any if you've got people in your life who are dealing with similar predicaments and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends tell your penis and share the love because imagine if somebody looked down at their penis and was like hey penis why don't we listen to this episode of life uncut yeah because uncut maybe they're

not so concerned okay because we love love that was wild We'll be right back.