Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Free the Nip, Take the Dip!

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we will answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. However, there is something that I think will live rent-free in my head for the rest of my life, like my Roman Empire, I cannot and will not stop thinking about the video of Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner at the Indian Wells Open or whatever it's called,

Starting point is 00:00:38 the tennis match. If you haven't seen it, we are putting it on our social media right now. In fact, it might already be up there. I have never seen something more uncomfortable in my life. So, okay, if you haven't seen this already, it's Making the Rounds online. But Kylie Jenner, who, great, love, love their relationship,

Starting point is 00:00:54 think they're adorable she leans over to kiss him and she's trying to kiss him I think it's for a camera I think someone's taking a video because there's a camera in the corner they also they know that they're constantly on camera wherever they go every time they're in public they are constantly being watched especially at a big tennis tournament is why Timothy Chalamet needs to control his face he can't control his face he looks he looks so disinterested but it's just there's so many different mixed body language things that are going on and I just can't I don't know what's happening I have some thoughts basically if you haven't seen it Kylie's trying to kiss Timothy in the middle of this huge match with Holger Ruhn and Ugo Umbert or whatever

Starting point is 00:01:32 his name is go to at life uncut podcast because it will be on our Instagram and he Timothy doesn't look like he wants to kiss her in that moment it's very awkward but what I will say is I understand both sides she's trying to kiss him and put on this united front because there's very obviously a paparazzi or a cameraman that's right in front of them that is filming them she's seen that and she probably knows hey let's just put on like this united front because if they just sit there looking sour there'll be a story about them having a fight and hating each other so she's tried to kiss him but it's in the middle of a point you can hear that the game is still going it's not between sets and there's a forensic lip reader that has come out and said they they know

Starting point is 00:02:16 I was really invested. They know exactly what they were saying to each other. So what they were saying is, and Timothy, apparently- I love that I thought it liver and free in my head, but clearly in yours more. I love that a forensic lip reader is a job. How do you become forensic? It's really common now. Every single time there is a red carpet for anything in the world, there are forensic lip readers that are employed to see what they're saying on the carpet. What distinguishes the difference between a lip reader and a forensic lip reader. I can't be sure it's a crime.

Starting point is 00:02:44 Usually they lend themselves to important things like, you know, fighting crime. But in this case, no. It's the things we care about. Okay. So first of all, Timothy says, wait a minute, love. That's what he says to her. He says, wait a minute, love.

Starting point is 00:02:58 And because you can tell he's kissing her, right, with his lips, but his eyes are on the court, like he's not giving her any attention. He says, wait a minute, love. And then she says, eye contact. This is allegedly, sorry, eye contact. then he responded go on yum yep that's not what he said then then when he sits back and she starts to rub his tummy he says ow and she says are you okay and he says no problem I'm good don't worry about it then he says to her watch the point watch the point so he's literally just trying to say

Starting point is 00:03:34 babe like I fucking love you let's do this after the tennis I'm so invested in the tennis so it's really awkward to watch and I hate watching it I have to turn it off but I understand both sides at first because like he's super locked in right and at first I was like oh he could have just turned and gave her a quick kiss and back to tennis but then what I don't understand is when she didn't get that why did she start rubbing his tummy it's such a weird thing for someone to be sitting next to you and start rubbing their belly I cannot think of one time that I've rubbed someone's belly especially in public especially after they've just rejected my advance for like a kiss because they're doing something that is clearly important.

Starting point is 00:04:13 Also, I do like that she seems completely oblivious to it. She's just smiling and happily like waltzing through the whole thing. I wonder how she must feel today. We've all been rejected. I think she couldn't give a fuck today. She's a billionaire who's living her best life. I don't think she cares. I wonder how Timmy's tummy's going.

Starting point is 00:04:29 Maybe it's good luck. No, the tummy thing doesn't bother me. I think she's just a physical affection person. I would probably do the same to Ben. I don't think she's rubbing his tummy like get better. she's just putting her hand and being affectionate. I don't care about that part. I care about the part where he's trying not to kiss her and she's like forcing his face back to her and he's pulling away and she's pushing it back. It's very hard to watch. Well, I hope that we all enjoyed it as

Starting point is 00:04:52 much as I did because like I said, I'll be thinking about it for a very long time. Before we get into your questions though, let's do our vibes and unsubscribes of the week. My vibe this week is a new Netflix series. It's called Running Point. I don't know if you've seen it. I absolutely loved it. So it's Kate Hudson. I don't know if you've seen it advertised. It's basically about a basketball team in America. Did you guys ever watch Ted Lasso? You remember years ago I recommended Ted Lasso, which is this really feel good series, comedy series about football. This is the same kind of a thing, but about basketball. And long story short, Kate Hudson has taken over this basketball team. It's purely like a male dominated industry. It's a man's world. And it's

Starting point is 00:05:35 about the family dynamics between them, but also running of this team. I saw it advertised and I thought it was going to be really cringy. It's so good. It is so funny. It is so feel good. It's filmed really well. I feel like a lot of shows that these streamers churn out lately seem to be done really quickly with low budgets, but this felt like I was watching a movie at the cinemas.

Starting point is 00:05:58 Like it's really high quality. If you ever watched New Girl, which I loved, was a series, a very long running series in America. One of the main actors from that is in it too. And I haven't seen him in a while, but it's, it's just brilliant. I loved it. Kate Hudson was brilliant. Her comedic timing is amazing. I'm interested to hear this because I saw some chatter about this online and it was getting really bad commentary. Like I loved it. Interesting. Cause Mindy Kaling was one of the creators. She is the creator and producer. Yeah. Which I thought was interesting with the timing of the whole Megan show, you know, like get Mindy on Megan show. Cause she's also got this other

Starting point is 00:06:31 Netflix you know everyone's in the Netflix family and well Mindy even came out and said like anything that she does that involves Megan obviously and understandably absolutely blows up so she's like if she wants to do cross promotion it makes sense yeah yeah I loved it I loved it so it's called Running Point it's just a very easy watch you're not going to learn anything you but like it's not a docuseries it's just a lot of fun right up my alley my vibe this week did you guys ever get on the matcha train yes did you yeah and then I got off it real quick okay because I've never been able to get into it. I'm told it's got all these health benefits and it's all good for you because it's all like green tea extract. But for me, it's just always tasted too much like lawnmower

Starting point is 00:07:07 clippings. Oh, it's not for me either. Yeah. Keisha, you ordered it on the weekend when we went to lunch. Yeah, no, but I didn't like that one. And this is actually quite interesting that you say that because I've been trying to get myself into it and I found this product from T2. It is salted matcha milkshake powder. So basically it's a matcha powder, I guess, that they have added a bit of this salted caramel toffee flavouring too. So it's not matcha. Well, it is matcha, but it's got kind of like a little addition to it that takes away a little bit of that bitterness.

Starting point is 00:07:40 And it doesn't make it sweet. Like the overall flavour is definitely not sweet. But for me, it makes it palatable instead of it being really, really grassy because we went to lunch last week and I was like, oh, I'm new on this matcha train. But why do you keep trying to drink something that you don't actually like? Because it's got good stuff in it for you. It's like really high in antioxidants and all that kind of thing.

Starting point is 00:07:58 Yeah, but you could also just get like a green super powder that you can put in anything that tastes delicious. You don't have to force yourself to have the matcha if you don't want it, Gish. Like if you don't like it, you don't have to add salted caramel to it too. Well, I like this one. So I have actually been having this for the past two weeks every morning and it's palatable to me. So it's not –

Starting point is 00:08:17 It's palatable. It's not even good. It's just palatable. You can force yourself to drink healthy things you don't want as well. Yeah, if you want to just get it down. people who are drinking that what is it it's like a sea something like a sea kelp thing in the morning i don't know i've been watching seaweed thing there's like a few influencers who like drink their sea kelp and they literally look like they're about to gag and vomit every time they do

Starting point is 00:08:41 it and i'm like it's okay it's okay to not drink every health thing out there if it tastes awful you don't have to do it on the weekend they're just doing cocaine and putting all these other stuff into their body but they're like i have to have my seaweed yeah so take them as plants anyway well anyway if you want to try and get yourself on the matcha train but like me you haven't quite been able to make the jump because it's too grassy i recommend this one it is from t2 it's not the cheapest the smallest tin is 38 so like it's not a massive outlay but yeah salted matcha milkshake flavoured green tea powder. I'm currently enjoying it. I'm currently sort of enjoying it. Keisha is finding palatable. I have a recommendation for anyone who owns

Starting point is 00:09:25 their own business and is looking to scale their business or is like actually very much working on the trajectory of getting more people onto their websites, growing their organic growth and also growing their paid growth. So we use a website and I was thinking about this last night because we use it all the time. And I was like, oh, this is actually a great vibe for anyone who is either a small business or an established business. So it's called SimilarWeb. Now, anyone can go on and use SimilarWeb. You could just use it because you're curious, but it's particularly great if you're trying to do market research based on other brands or like brands to the brand that you have. And basically what you do is you go on there, you type in,

Starting point is 00:10:05 so for example, I can type in Tony May and then I can type in by Charlotte. I can type in Temple of the sun. I can type in Francesca and I can compare traffic flow to my website based on all the traffic flow to all my competitor websites. I know how long people are spending on their pages, how many pages they've seen, how many hundreds of thousands of people have been to the website in a month's time. So you can tell how many people are going to your website versus like a competitor's website. Absolutely. So because basically anytime you visit a website, your IP address is tracked. And that's how like all that information is public information. So it's really great if you want to look at, for example, you might have really high click through and really

Starting point is 00:10:46 high product engagement, but you might not have very good organic growth, for example. So you can compare where you sit to other brands. So it gives you a really clear understanding of the pillars that you need to work on in order to like better improve your traffic flow to your website. It also gives you a really good understanding of where you sit in the market against your competitors, because you might think, oh, they're doing so much better than me and look online and they have 50,000 less people to their website per month than what you have. So it's, it really is such a great gauge for figuring out where you sit in the market and the areas that you need to put some focus into and work better on. In terms of subscriptions and stuff for it. So like you

Starting point is 00:11:27 can pay but it's quite expensive whereas they have a free user so I don't pay for it at all and that's still that gives you loads of accessibility so even if you don't pay for it it's very very very worthwhile tool yeah sounds great let's get into the questions question number one I want to do a nudie swim but my boyfriend's against it hear me out I live in Hobart and every year there is a really big nudie swim to celebrate the winter solstice You have to register. There's no photography allowed. You all wear robes and swim caps. You drop them, then run into the water really quickly. Of course, there's a lot of nudity. That's the whole point. But it's absolutely freezing. So it's not like everyone is hanging

Starting point is 00:12:08 around stark naked looking at each other. I told my partner that I want to participate in the swim this year and it did not go down well. He believes that it's a perverse event. Just full of perverts. He doesn't really understand why it has to be nude. Like, why can't you just go and do a swim to celebrate which I sort of also get like you could just go and do a normal swim he doesn't understand why I would quote put myself in a situation with pervs and to parade myself like meat in front of lions that was wow it's a bit dramatic isn't it I find this language incredibly shaming I'm sorry I'm only laughing because the quote I just can't imagine a man saying that like why would you put yourself as meat in front of lions like it's just

Starting point is 00:12:48 a swim i find it incredibly shaming it furthers the sexualization of females bodies in a negative way am i the arsehole for going ahead and doing it regardless of his feelings and his attitude nah you're not an arsehole like i mean if you want to go for a nudie swim because you think it's liberating you don't have to ask for your partner's permission you're not doing anything wrong in that case like by any means i mean i think it depends on the circumstance you will have to like deal yeah i mean if you're going for a nudie swim with some random dude you met in a nightclub. At Bondi Beach. Do you know what I mean? At midnight, sure. But if it's like an organized event, there's like 70 year old women out there doing it. I don't, you know, I think

Starting point is 00:13:25 he's sexualizing an event that's not a sexual event. That's like a him problem. But I also think if you can explain to him the reasons why you want to do it, maybe you think it's liberating, whatever it is, like it's something that like puts you outside your comfort zone that you want to be involved in. But his version of it, like what he has presumed it is in his head seems to be a bit of a twisted kind of reality based on what actually is. I'm in two minds about it because I agree with everything that you just said, Laura, absolutely. But I've always said that it is something where you need to take partner's feelings into consideration. Now that doesn't mean you have to do what they say, but it means you need to have a conversation where you say, Hey, I totally

Starting point is 00:14:04 understand what you're saying, why it makes you uncomfortable, but this is why it's important to me, or this is why I want to do it. Like, I think it's the conversation. I do think it's important. like if Ben came to me and said he wanted to go and do something nude, I would say, okay, cool. What is it? Why do you want to do it? And in all honesty, of course, this isn't a perverted event. It's an event that everyone does every year. Having said that, if I was a pervert, I would be looking up these events and that's where I'd go. If I wanted to be a perv, I would go to a nude event. That's what I'd do. So I don't want to say there's not going to be a perv there. Maybe there is like it checks out, but obviously that's not what the event is. I don't imagine there's

Starting point is 00:14:42 going to be that many people lingering around nude, having a cup of tea after. I think it's going to be so quick. You'd barely see it. The robes are off, you're freezing, you run into the water, you're underwater, you run out, you put your robe on. I think go for it, but you do have to take your partner's feelings at least into consideration a little bit. I don't know. I mean, I question, I think the perv to normal people ratio is going to be pretty slim. It is. The ratio is going to be slim. Do you know what I mean? There's more pervs just out of the beach anyway. Yeah. But if you were a perv laws, you're going to go to the nude events, right? You're to look up nude events everyone in the room knows it's true look I mean I don't I think maybe because

Starting point is 00:15:15 I don't think it's a big deal and I think it's weird to have such adverse reactions around it like to me there's like this kind of like sense of ownership and insecurity and I think that that's kind of what you're getting to when you say that it further sexualizes yeah female bodies in a negative way am I the arsehole for going ahead you don't need permission yeah to do things that you want to do that have you know an R about your body if it's going to upset him you can have a conversation with him. And then if you're willing to, and you want to, you have to deal with that upset, ask for forgiveness. You don't have to ask for permission. You know, like not everyone approaches their relationship that way, but I don't know if that's the best way to approach

Starting point is 00:15:51 relationship. But sometimes, sometimes I guess what I'm saying is like, obviously don't do it with things that like deeply impact your relationship. But when it's things like this, I think that he's being a little bit controlling to say that. And his reaction to this, the way he's using words like put yourself in a situation with pervs and parade yourself like meat in front of lions he is creating something that this isn't like the shame comes in him saying it's you parading yourself you're behaving in a way that's like not conducive to being faithful within the relationship like there's a lot of accusatory tone in that without him even realizing that he's being accusatory and that's because his perception of this is not the reality so I just think it's a

Starting point is 00:16:35 lot of conversations around it but also ultimately if you want to go and do it and it's something that you think is fun and wild and whatever like go and do it go and do it and then deal with the consequences of his weird ass reactions afterwards I don't agree I don't think go and do it and deal with it later I still think you need to have the conversation and I I want to give him the benefit of the doubt I don't think he realizes come watch you can be the perv yeah come with me yeah stay fully clothed and watch me run down and jump in a creek and get out like who cares I think when it comes to normally i completely agree but i think when it comes to full nudity in a situation i don't want to say that that's not a conversation to have with your partner because i absolutely

Starting point is 00:17:14 do think it is people get funny about their partners being nude in front of other people like i think it'd be remiss of us to say it's normal go and do it it's absolutely not and if i went and did a nude swim completely starkers in broad daylight with people that could look at me take photos and i hadn't told ben ben would also be like wow was that not something like you should told me you were doing not a control thing but I think when we're talking about being completely naked it is something that you need to talk to your partner and be like hey I really want to do this this is why I don't think the right thing is to say sucked in I did it and I'll ask for forgiveness later I don't know okay I have a question for you do you think you need to ask

Starting point is 00:17:51 for permission to sunbake topless at the beach no but this isn't about permission I don't think she needs to ask permission I just think it's the conversation that you have first not asking for forgiveness I know but she's already asked him she's already told him that she wants to do it and he's made it very clear yeah but he doesn't so it's it is essentially asking for permission now she's at a point now where she needs him to say it's okay so it's like okay if you went to the beach and you sunbaked topless and your boyfriend turned around and said why would you put yourself in a situation where you're flaunting yourself in front of pervs parading yourself around like I would have a real issue with that language I'd be like I'm not laying at

Starting point is 00:18:25 the beach oh so I don't sunbake so like that's not what I'm saying but like I would be angry at them for trying to imply a sexualization of it, of that I was doing it to be and to do something that's like untrustworthy. Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah. I don't think she needs to ask for permission. That's not what I'm saying. I do not believe it is an ask for forgiveness later thing. I think out of respect for your partner, you need to make him understand the language that he used and why it's not right and make him understand why you want to do it because it is okay for a partner to have insecurities about their partner being naked with other people in daylight. Like I don't want to take that away and say that that's normal.

Starting point is 00:19:02 It's also not normal, but it's okay as long as the communication's there. That's what I'm trying to get at. I think what you're getting at is that there is a difference in the intention of whether he's being controlling about your body and the sexualization of your body or whether he's trying to be protective of you. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think the intention behind why he has a problem with it is important in this case, but I don't know what the intention is because of some of the words that he's

Starting point is 00:19:29 used that's what i mean it's a little bit controlling it's i agree with what you're saying and i know that that's what we're landing on but the use of why would you want to parade yourself around implies that she's doing something that is wrong and that she's seeking attention that's what i have issue with if he was like hey you know i just i'm so worried about your safety because there's people out there who are just gross that's a super different conversation but he is the one that has imbued shame into this and that's why she's sitting there going okay this is really odd I would also question does your partner have super conservative views is he a very conservative person in which case maybe there is things that you're not aligned on in terms of how

Starting point is 00:20:11 conservative you are versus him does he have like specific ideas around like how a woman should behave in a relationship like is that something that has ever come up before maybe not maybe it's not a big deal maybe this is an isolated incidence but I do think that there's other little bits that you can unpack in this. And I also think there's just like, I really want to break this down a little bit. We're all for the fact that women's bodies shouldn't be sexualized. So when you said it furthers the sexualization of female bodies, it absolutely does. But that's because he's a male and he knows how men think. He knows that women's bodies are sexualized. That doesn't mean it's okay. And that doesn't mean it should be. We know it shouldn't be, but we still live

Starting point is 00:20:49 in a world where it is. So he's still hyper aware of knowing that if you are naked as a young female in public in daylight he knows that there'll be people that are going to sexualize you he knows that there could be people with cameras he knows that people will look at you so I just think these are all things to take into consideration he hasn't communicated it in the right way and I think that's the issue I'm not convinced this is about being controlling it doesn't sound that way I think what you said was interesting was I think it actually does depend on how you view nudity like even between my relationship I will walk from my bedroom down to the bathroom and there are multiple windows and I couldn't give a shit.

Starting point is 00:21:25 Me too. I'm like, if someone sees me naked, like, lucky you. Ben's always like, people would pay for that. It's like, babe, your neighbours are like literally looking at you right now on the phone to me naked. And I'm like, it's cool. Like, whatever. You know, if they don't want to see it, they can turn away to an extent.

Starting point is 00:21:38 I'm in my own house. So I think some people just view nudity differently. You know, some people are like, I could never even imagine ever being comfortable doing that around a big group of people. Like, it's just not anything I would ever want to do. And so maybe he falls into that category and, like you said, he is a bit more conservative and didn't grow up in like a naked household.

Starting point is 00:21:56 Yeah, I get that. I mean I do come back to this idea and it reinforces what you just said, Britt, that some men do sexualise women's bodies and I don't think it's a protection thing. I think he sexualises women's bodies. That's the problem. I think he is of that mentality. Yeah, probably.

Starting point is 00:22:13 So his viewpoint of this is the issue and that's what I have taken a stance against in terms of like just do it anyway and ask for forgiveness because his opinion of this is not the correct one. Oh, yeah. That's my thought. I'd be doing it. Go for the swim.

Starting point is 00:22:25 Free the nip, take the dip. Yeah. Free the nip and take the dip. Free the nip, free the clit, take the dip. Too far. No, because it's complete nudity. She doesn't need to get a clit out. She is.

Starting point is 00:22:36 It's nudity. It's out. How is her clit out? Was she pulling it out? No, I mean out as in no undies on. Don't take it so literally. She's not going to run down with pulling a vagina apart. Okay, next question.

Starting point is 00:22:47 my partner and I have been together for five years engaged very much in love and happy in our relationship we have an open phone policy meaning having no issues with being on each other's phones or for whatever reason on road trips which have been frequent lately my service cuts out regularly and I love a doom scroll through reels and also Instagram just to pass the time he's happy for me to do this on his phone while mine is out of service every single time I open his Instagram, his For You page is just flooded with women who hold OnlyFans accounts, posting pics of their enormous, wonderful body. I say good for them in that regard. And I have no shame on women who choose to do this. I have tried to joke slash banter with him about this

Starting point is 00:23:30 in the past. And he mentioned that it's simply because his algorithm is based around him being an average 30-year-old male. When I look at my For You page, my algorithm is formed by stupid reels memes and animals that I engage with daily my question is does Instagram form an algorithm based on your age and gender or for what you show interest and consume in most frequently I have no issue with him watching porn however just for some reason the idea that my partner may be frequently scrolling through or searching for posts related to only fans or women with body types that are polar opposite to my own leaves this unsettling feeling in my stomach and perhaps shatters my ego slightly i mean he's full of bullshit to be honest the start the instagram

Starting point is 00:24:14 doesn't say oh you are a 37 year old male i will feed you only fans models i will feed you specifically wonderful full-bodied women who have only fans that is not how it works let's open our instagram quickly and have a look at our for you pages i don't know if i want to share a little line will be mine is okay I've got multiple weddings I've got pregnancies and I've got a hen's party um mine's weird I have pimple popping which I don't really watch much of those I've got a girl with lopsided boobs and she's posting about it literally says lopsided breasts like and save I have a snake being caught in a water bottle and I have a person picking hair out of silicone I don't know why I have lots of like human picking things I'm I mean I'm not

Starting point is 00:25:03 against it we're just proving that these are actually specific mine's all hair stuff because I got my head on last week so I was searching that last week hair stuff a bit of fashion and ADHD content that's my whole for you page yeah mine's literally one of on like supplements I use in menstrual follicular ovulation and luteal phases for pregnancies mine's very like I am not being fed typical things I'm being fed things that are very specific to me now and what I search and probably what I'm talking about a lot because your phone listens I mean I look at my for you page and I don't look at that and think that that is a perfect representation of the stuff that I google or where I'm at in life like sometimes I'm on my for you page that doesn't surprise me it's

Starting point is 00:25:45 recommended me me how many times have you googled Brittany Hockley though I don't that's what I'm saying but it's obviously just thought hey here's someone that's your age that's like putting content out there that's also on radio. I'm like, that is me. Okay. I would say that most people are pretty aware that generally a for you page is catered to the things that you have interest in. Yeah. Obviously it doesn't always get it right. There's going to be times when it's fed something because you know, it's picked up on something that you've searched or you've potentially liked or whatever. And you will find yourself in an algorithm that wasn't meant for you. We've all been there. It's all happened to us. And you kind of wonder how the fuck did I end up in this corner

Starting point is 00:26:22 of the internet however the consistency of the type of content that he's receiving would indicate that the reason why he's receiving it is because he's engaging with it but I don't know if that's the question as much as is it a bad thing like if he's very honest with his phone if he has no qualms with you going through his Instagram and I mean like he's cool with you sitting there scrolling next to him he sounds like he's incredibly trustworthy with what he's doing on his phone if he hovers a bit too long on a woman who he finds interesting is that that triggering like is that to you something that you would start to feel insecurities around your own sense of ego like you've said or sense of that it leaves this unsettling feeling in your stomach I think that

Starting point is 00:27:05 sometimes we worry too much about things that don't necessarily indicate a big problem and you could create a problem that shouldn't exist yeah the number one thing here for me is like your open phone policy the guy doesn't have anything to hide yeah and he doesn't think that he's done anything wrong we also in terms of what we can control our partner looking at you can't like you can't tell your partner you can never look at a hot female on instagram like that's impossible and that comes down to being controlling where that boundary is crossed is when someone is engaging in porn or actually communicating with only fans models like where they've subscribed and totally but when we're talking about what pops up on your instagram it's like you've just

Starting point is 00:27:46 got to accept that they're going to look at things as much as you're going to look at things and unless they are messaging them and engaging with them I think you need to sort of I don't want to say you need to be okay with it but you probably can't be not okay with it in a way you need to tell yourself hey he loves me he is with me yeah we are creating a life together we trust each other because we have this open phone policy is it the end of the world if he looks at something online like we're all human beings we're all going to look at stuff even the way we've been joking the past couple of weeks about fake Channing Tatum 2.0 like we joke about him we say he's hot we say whatever are we joking sorry totally joking Ben but like but in terms of that's such a normal part

Starting point is 00:28:25 of human nature is to look at other people be interested be curious be attracted like you can't help being attracted to someone you see online how often we see someone where you're like wow she's beautiful wow he's a smoke show yeah it's an interesting one because I think sometimes when we answer these questions it's very obvious that we're like oh you know he's doing the dirty or he's not doing the dirty, but like if he's engaging exactly like you said, that's a whole different story. I think the for you page, yes, it's an indication of content that someone might be pausing on to look at, but just because they're pausing on to look at it doesn't mean that they're going deep on it. You know what I mean? And like the algorithm is weird. It is not a 100%

Starting point is 00:29:02 foolproof situation where every single thing you're fed is because it's exactly the person or the type of content that you engage with in terms of like comment, share, follow. I don't think it's a perfect recipe. And also, you know, just because he stops and he looks like Instagram is now flooded with women who have OnlyFans accounts and I stop and look, you know, it's not because I'm sexually wanting to, you know, do anything or think anything, but sometimes I'm like, wow, that's, that's a great photo. I can't take a photo like that, you know, like, and I'll stop and look then the for you page might start suggesting it's not because it's content that I'm necessarily like deeply engaged with I'm sure he is more engaged with it than I am however I just

Starting point is 00:29:44 don't think that it's worth the argument at this point if that's the only red flag that you've got in your relationship I'm like let the guy fucking look at Instagram every so often and see a hot chick and also it's really hard because the end of this is and I think every woman will relate to this the end of this is like it shatters my ego that they look a certain way and I'm never going to look like that and I get that and that's every woman gets that actually probably most men get that too like comparison is the thief of joy very deep quote and it's almost impossible it's so easy to sit here and say like you're beautiful know your worth we understand that that's one thing to say it's another thing to really do it takes a pretty big person to have done a lot of work

Starting point is 00:30:26 to never feel a sense of insecurity or wish that they could change something about them even the most confident people will always have that feeling so I don't want to come here and say like that's silly don't feel like that as much as it is silly don't feel like that you're in this loving secure relationship I do want to validate you saying hey I do it makes me feel pretty shitty and a little bit crushed but again I think that comes down to literally the basic of saying to him I feel really shit when I say I don't feel good when I see this because that conversation might be exactly what you need where he's like babe you are perfect to me yeah but my response to that is how often do you check ben's for you page i don't think i've ever checked matt's for you page

Starting point is 00:31:08 stop checking it no i'm just talking i'm not talking about that i'm just talking about like validating feeling the ego and totally yeah but i think the thing is is take some self initiative in this if you're looking at his for you page and it's making you feel sad but you also know he hasn't done anything wrong I think we need to have some self-control and stop looking at things that make us feel negative because it's like you can't project that on him and make that his problem when we don't have a clear cut and defined way that the algorithm spits out every single piece of content that's fed to you I would just say like I've never looked at Matt's for you page I'm so interested I'm going to go home and look at it now I think we should all go and ask for

Starting point is 00:31:46 screenshots of our I'm gonna I'm gonna look at this for you page I'm gonna report back on next episode. But the thing is, is even if there are hot chicks in bikinis and girls who look so incredible and who comparatively are way hotter than me, I'm not going to look at that and then be angry at him that he found that attractive. Do you know what I mean? I'm not going to be angry at him that he paused and looked at that. I would be angry at him if he was paying a subscription on her OnlyFans and messaging him. Yeah, that's a whole different conversation, but that's not what this is. So I think if something's triggering you, you also got to be responsible for the trigger stop going and scrolling his instagram just because you don't have service like he's

Starting point is 00:32:21 being honest and open with you don't punish him for that honesty question number three this is for you probably laura because you are in this position sure is a surname that important if you are megan markle yes it's megan sussex sorry i think she's told you that if you're megan sussex yes i've been with my partner did megan write this in it is actually oh my god it is it's from megan it says it's from the duchess of cambridge anonymous guys sorry megan sorry sorry sorry i've been with my partner for six years and we have two beautiful children it's megan he's the last one in his family to get married and he's just decided to leave the royal family so weird no he's the last person in his family to get married and i always said to him that i would like to at

Starting point is 00:33:08 least have the same surname as my children before my eldest goes to school now our eldest is enrolled to start school next year and I don't see us getting married this year. It makes me sad that we don't all have the same surname because that's always been something that I have wanted coming from a divorced family. Is it too much to put an ultimatum on him? Am I overthinking this? Does a surname really matter? I know how many women want to keep their maiden names however I personally do not have a solid relationship with my dad so I've never really wanted his surname anyway. A surname to me solidifies the family unit. I also don't really want a big wedding.

Starting point is 00:33:45 I would be very happy to just go and sign a piece of paper. What are your thoughts? This is a really tricky one because I also think, and like, look, surnames are not important to me. I've kept my last name. I grew up in a household that had heaps of last names. So for me, it was three separate last names at one point. To me, a last name doesn't signify family, but I know that other people feel differently.

Starting point is 00:34:08 and the difference in this question is that you communicated that early on with your husband sorry with your partner that a last name was important and when your children were born you forfeited the opportunity for your children to have your last name yeah because that that's a decision you could have made had you thought that your partner was never going to actually marry you and that you were never going to have his last name right because when you give birth you make a decision whose last name you put on that birth certificate so I'm guessing that you've made this clear throughout this entire part of your relationship that this is something that means a lot to you so I understand why you're now at a point where you're like hey this sucks like

Starting point is 00:34:47 I wanted this I gave our children your last name you have a family unit in terms of like the recognition of that with them and you have not given me the same respect I guess I would have a very honest and I know it comes down to a conversation but I would have a very honest conversation with him around that point maybe it is and I don't know if it's even legally possible can you change your last name to someone's last name without being married you can is that weird no you can change your name you can literally go and change any part of your name without getting married you just have to file a change of name so you can go and do it but I don't think you can just go and surprise him and be like change my name without the wedding no but I mean you can

Starting point is 00:35:24 have a conversation with him and be like hey I know we've spoken about marriage I know it's on the cards at some point in the future I don't want to force you into that prematurely 10 years and two kids it's not prematurely no six years six years and two kids but also like you know if he said I'm gonna do it before school then didn't do it like I think you can if you wanted to take that into your own hands and be like hey it's really important to me that we all have the same last name I've communicated this many times you've always been on board with it and now we're at this point where it just feels like laziness more than it feels like it's actually a stance against you not knowing what you want. You know, it's not like, I don't know, I read that and I

Starting point is 00:36:00 don't think that he's turned around and been like, oh, I'm not sure whether I want to marry her or not. I think that some people are just complacent and lazy. I think he can't be bothered. That's all it is. You know, he's got his beautiful family. He's got two kids. Everyone's happy. Organizing a wedding is a pain in the ass. And he's like, oh, just I'll do it when I do it. Even though that's not like a good enough reason, I do think that that can sometimes be the outcome. But I understand. I want to validate you that I understand why this is important to you. Yeah, totally. And that's the thing here. If it's not important to you, it's not important. If it is, it is. That's what it comes down to. Every single person is different. And for you, it's

Starting point is 00:36:31 something that really matters. It's literally what you're thinking about. You've written into us about it. To me, this just screams, it's not a priority. You together, you've been together a long time. The kids are going to school. It's not a priority for him evidently. So I think you need to double down on how important it is to you. And also just let him know that, hey, can we literally just go and sign the registry get married together it doesn't have to be a big thing it doesn't have to be expensive we can go in clothes we've already got however basic you need to make that for him if you're happy with it but if of course if you actually want a wedding then I don't want you to sacrifice that moment either to get the surname yeah but I think you do need

Starting point is 00:37:10 to tell him how important it is to you alternatively as we did say I do know people that have just changed their names without marriage you do have to just go and file it but then if the marriage part is equally as important as the changing of the surname you're also sacrificing that I think if you present this into him in a way where you're like hey we can literally elope let's do it I would find it hard for him to not be on board with that from the information you've given us I don't know it's really tricky my only thing though is you've said is it too much to put an ultimatum on him yes yeah what's the ultimatum like what are you gonna say marry me or I'm leaving like do you want that? Like, is it that important to you? I mean, an ultimatum always has to come with a

Starting point is 00:37:51 consequence. That's the point of an ultimatum. And I just don't know what the consequence would be in a situation apart from you leaving your relationship, which sounds probably to me a little bit crazy when you've said that you've been with your partner, you have a beautiful relationship and you've got two kids together and you're very happy. That seems extremely like reactional. If it's not a wedding or if it's not marriage yet, maybe he's not ready. maybe he's not and that's a very real possibility we can't force the guy into marrying you if he's not but maybe there is a situation where you could change your name or use the same last name even if it's not legally binding use the same last name when it comes to you know discussions at school

Starting point is 00:38:28 and everything else so that the kids feel as though it's a unity in terms of a last name however the only thing I want to end this on is that a last name is only important because it's important to you and it's really like kids understand family units beyond what a last name looks like yeah but you made a really good point too we were talking about this the other day like believe it or not as friends off mic but laurie you were saying you know it is as much as you didn't care about it you're like wow it is does make things harder all of a sudden there are different names for passports you got to be able to prove that you're not kidnapping a child and like oh yeah there's a lot that comes with it logistically as well that will make your life

Starting point is 00:39:05 So like to give you guys a bit of insight, like obviously flying to Africa recently with my two children. So I was flying with them solo. Matt was already overseas, but I don't have the same legal last name as my kids. My last name is Byrne. Their last name is, you know, Johnson on their passports and also on their birth certificates, which means that anytime I travel internationally to somewhere that is part of the Geneva convention, I have to have all of the documents that are signed by Matt, I have to have copies of his passport to prove that I'm able to travel with my children without their father. So it's a lot of preparation that I need to go through in order to travel with them solo. It's to protect children from child trafficking, evidently. It's a very

Starting point is 00:39:46 important thing that exists, but for me, it just, it adds an extra layer of complications because we have separate last names. So would you think about changing your name, not publicly, but just for that purpose, just like for the documentation? What? Because once every five years I might travel somewhere without Matt no no I can't be bothered I think it's more than that too I think it's like tying a sense of family like growing up I don't know for me I totally understand wanting to have the same name but I also understand how hard it is I'm in this discussion at the moment with Ben what name do we take and obviously we don't have kids yet but we plan on it but like do I take Seagrass do we do Hockley Seagrass does Ben take Hockley my interpretation of this is that

Starting point is 00:40:25 when you say a tying of a sense of family, that sense of family and that sense of tying is totally your own personal interpretation of it. It's not for your kids. I don't think kids grow up questioning what family looks like to them based on a last name. Oh, sorry. I might've said that wrong. I mean, more as in like, and this isn't the right word, but like ownership, that's not the right word. I mean, like when teachers are in a class reading a roll call, it's like putting which families are with which, and I don't know how to explain that, But I don't mean like you belong to a family because you have the name in terms of your sense of belonging.

Starting point is 00:40:59 I mean, more outwardly facing to like when you're checking into a plane, when you're doing a roll calling class. I mean, that kind of thing. There's a lot of ease that would come from everyone in the family having the last name, but it does not signify what a family unit is. Yeah, I agree. And what I find the most interesting though, and I would say that there are a lot of women who have been in the same boat as what I was.

Starting point is 00:41:21 it was interesting to me that even though I knew I wasn't going to take Matt's last name that I didn't consider what last name our children would have I just assumed that my children would have the last name Johnson and that that assumption comes from so many years of like gender stereotyping in relationships and when I think about it now I mean there's no part of me that regrets it obviously like it makes no difference to me but I do think like why didn't I consider burn? Like why was Johnson so obviously and immediately more important than my last name when I had every intention to keep my last name and Matt would never change his last name to burn in a million years. So it's like, why is it that his last name was the more important

Starting point is 00:42:00 one in terms of our family unit than mine? I have a friend, Sam Blacker, he was a radio friend and he has a baby who's one now. We were talking about this just last week. They gave the baby his wife's name because he was like she birthed the baby you know he kind of made a joke that he was like there's so much misogyny in this world if this is the one thing I can do to try and combat it in my own family I'm gonna give my kid my wife's last name it's yeah it's a fascinating thing and unfortunately for a lot of women because they do give their children a different last name to their own they give that up you know what I mean like they give that up forever and if the relationship doesn't work out if they do never get married like potentially and I'm not saying

Starting point is 00:42:39 that that's what's going to happen in this instance but potentially you then forever never have the same last name as your children because you didn't even consider that as an option when they were born that's why i was thinking of hyphenating them so if anything happens i can just drop one yeah like if i split i'll be like sorry not hyphenating anymore the airport though being the one who grew the baby and still having to have documentation like that would actually annoy me it's for me it didn't annoy me at all i was like thank god we have systems in place that protect our kids yeah that's a better place to be yeah that make it so hard to take she's like all right well look guys that is it from us if you have any questions for ask uncut slide into

Starting point is 00:43:19 the dms at life uncut podcast send us your dilemmas and we would do our best to answer them and like also with that last question i would love to hear from anyone who have different dynamics in terms of like how they chose to name their children and whether you kept your last name whether your husband changed their last name to yours like how do you navigate those situations Well, the only other thing that I did want to say, but that we didn't say, but I'm going to say now is that it's so dependent on your individual situation. So many aspects in terms of do you have a particular connection with your last name? Do you have zero connection with your last name? Does your partner have zero connection to the last name?

Starting point is 00:43:53 Like if my partner hated their family, hated their dad, hated the name, hated the connection, and I was close to mine and they still wanted to keep their name, I wouldn't understand that. So I think that it's really individual to every situation. Some people are more attached to it than others. maybe the family name's not going to be passed on. Like if I have two brothers that have like 28,000 kids between them, Hockley is being passed on. Yeah, you're no way. I mean, Byrne is rife, so no one cares about that name.

Starting point is 00:44:19 Every second street in Ireland is Byrne. But if it was just Sherry and I, we're only females, then I probably would feel more of a connection to want to keep my name and pass on the heritage. So I think it's dependent on every situation. Anyway, I'll shut up now. See you later, guys. Don't forget, two mums, two dads, two dogs, two friends,

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