Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Freebies from friends and age gaps

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

Happy Thursday lovely lifers and welcome to church.Today's ask uncut breaches a few new types of questions starting with:-My friend, who is a make up artist, expected me to pay $70 for her to do my make up. Is that acceptable?-I've offered to pay for a friend to cover her greys and have her hair done but she's just told me it is expected to cost $400. I feel stuck because I wanted to do a nice thing for her, but this is a lot more than I anticipated it would cost.-Are age gaps ever an issue or does it depend on the circumstances?-My partner of nearly a decade, who has cheated on me a few times, has just told me that they do not want kids. I do not know what to doIf you could be an absolute legend and take a second to vote in the Australian podcast award's listeners choice, rumour has it that Britt will get you a puppy!https://australianpodcastawards.com/voteShare the episode with someone you like, or if they're expecting too much out of you and you want to give them a hint! We love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is our down and dirty little episode. This is our Thursday episode where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany. That was quite soothing. That was a soothing intro, Laura. Once I finish podcasting, I'm going to get into sex line work, I reckon.

And then I can just, you know, hello. The voice recording. Tell me about your fantasies. Okay, well, that is not the call that I got from you earlier today. Why don't you fill the listeners in on the call that I got and what went down for you this morning? I'm talking like an hour ago. This is all very, very recent. I am not okay, everybody.

Not okay. And I also have not emotionally recovered from this yet. So this morning I woke up. This is why it's so fucking weird as well. Okay. So when I was on The Bachelor, you know how at the end The Bachelor gives you a ring? You know how at the end there's about five people who's ever made it to the end and I'm not successfully. Okay.

Well, if you had made it to the very end, Honey Badger would have given you a ring, right? I did make it to the end. I did get my ring and it's always too soon, Laura. Too soon. Too soon. Okay. So when we're on the finale, Matt gave me this beautiful diamond ring. I never wear it anymore.

It's not really my style. But he, you know, since then I've been given an engagement ring, which I wear every day. So I woke up this morning and I keep the ring that Matt gave me on the show. I keep it in a special spot in a cupboard. And I just woke up with this feeling like, oh, I know Marley has been going through that cupboard. And I was like, holy shit, I hope she hasn't moved the ring. So I run to the cupboard and I open it and I start looking for the ring.

And as I'm looking for the ring that Matt gave me on the show, I looked down at my hand and my actual engagement ring is gone. and I was like what the far is happening that moment of like sickness in the pit of your stomach it was gone and then I was like did I take it off in my sleep so then obviously I went through the bed and then I went back through photos from the day of yesterday and then I realized the ring wasn't on my hand when I was making dinner because Matt had taken photo of me as you do when you're making dinner so I went I went back through all my photos from the day and I was like holy crap I've lost my ring somewhere between three o'clock and seven o'clock and my engagement ring's gone.

And then I just hysterically cried for about four hours. So I want to do a reenactment for one second. And I mean, hysterically cry. I was crying so hard that I couldn't even look for the ring. It's actually, and I know the type of pain that you felt like I know the type of crying. So I get a call from Laura. She's supposed to be at my house, mind you for the record. And I was like, oh she must be downstairs or something I say hello this is what I get and I was like what the I was like oh my god what is I was like breathe what is wrong with you where are you anyway it ensued from that after about 15 minutes I got from her that she'd lost her ring is it at my house somewhere I've checked my vacuum I checked everything and it was a bit

of a meltdown moment it's like it's like when a toddler when something really catastrophic like for example when you break your toddler's scotch finger biscuit in half and they wanted the whole thing it was like one of those moments when they are crying so hard that they can't breathe yeah and you know what the weird thing is i mean i'm sure you've thought of this the weird thing is you were supposed to get married this weekend so imagine if thanks for reminding me britney but no imagine tomorrow actually i was supposed to be getting married tomorrow everybody but imagine if this was actually going ahead and you did lose your ring the day before the wedding this is how pathetic i was i was like matt will you still marry me if i've lost my ring he was like

could you stop we're gonna find the damn ring and he's like yeah but yeah like the wedding's off because you lost your ring he's only marrying you for the ring that he bought you anyway i would just like to confirm that my babysitter found my ring and i love her so much that i might actually marry her instead i was actually hoping i would find it because then you might like me more you'd keep it and cash it in I'd be like I definitely did not find it and you'd be like what's that new car you're driving anyway look it has been it's been a roller coaster of emotions this morning I can't say that I've it sounds so dumb I know it's just a thing it's not dumb it's your engagement ring but it is honestly the only physical tangible thing I have in life that I

actually really care about like besides your kids well no like they're not but I mean I mean I mean as in like a piece of a material material that's the thing I was trying to a materialistic item you know like anything else in my life if I lost other things would be inconvenient like my laptop my phone whatever those things I would be annoyed and probably a bit upset about but this was like this hit very differently so for anybody out there who has lost an engagement ring or lost something that's just you know maybe it's an heirloom piece from your great grandma or something like that i know exactly how you feel i was almost going to tell you i was like if we don't find it in the next hour because you went to lunch you did a bunch of things after it i was like you

should put on your instagram and you should just say i have lost this this is a photo can someone look for it i'm going to tell you a quick story of something that happened really recently in the tennis world andy murray everybody knows andy murray he's one of the best tennis players in the world he always takes his wedding ring off now this only happened about a month ago he always he takes his wedding ring off when he plays because it's just inconvenient but he wants to wear it on his body so he tied it to his shoelace that's a stupid place to put your ring while he plays double knot it's never he's done it his whole career there's never been a problem but he was training his shoes and he always wears this one pair of shoes because they're made for him by

sponsors they got really wet and muddy they stunk that when his car he was like oh i need to air these out this is the night before the tournament oh so it hurts my soul he just forgot that his ring was still attached to the shoelace he put his shoe underneath his car in the car park of the hotel like I don't even know how anyone saw them they were underneath because he's like there's nowhere else to put them outside so they were hidden he has this moment of panic the next morning where he's like oh my god my ring was on my shoe but he's like it's fine they're going to be under the car he goes back out and someone has stolen his shoes so that without knowing that his wedding rings on it he was in an absolute panic he put something out on his gram and he's got

he's got a few million people but long story short about three days later whether it was the thief that took the shoes somebody returned the ring he got his wedding ring back and that was just in it was just like a manic story I was like you know when you hear things like this I'm like god sometimes we can use social media for the power of good honestly but imagine being a thief with that like that little bit of heart still like oh I'll take the shoes but I'll give the expensive wedding ring yeah they're like when you hear those horrible stories about somebody stealing a car and then there's a kid in the back and they're like fuck I just wanted to steal a car I don't want your kid it's not kid happy this escalated really quickly anyway guys I'm happy to confirm that I

have my ring I'm sad to also confirm I'm still not getting married so who knows when that's gonna happen but I wanted to tell you about a little news article that I read this week because it gave me a really good chuckle now I hope that some of you most of you our young listeners may not know this but back in our day when we were kids there was a lovely dinosaur named Barney I reckon there'll be so many people that are like who's who's Barney Barney the purple dinosaur you know who Barney is Barney was an absolute staple in our life in our generation's life growing up it was a cartoon it was a dinosaur everyone watched him and he would dance and I don't know I think he sung he he was in a costume he looked like a football mascot but he was just a big purple

dinosaur with a green belly it's like the equivalent of the kids today having Peppa Pig like it was that kind of or bluey like it was a big staple in our life except it was a grown man inside a costume dancing around it was kind of more like like the wiggles yes exactly exactly anyway I feel like we've described it this enough for everybody who knows who Barney is they're like get to the fucking point I was reliving my childhood okay what happened with Barney what has he done here it is guys the man who played Barney the dinosaur now runs tantric sex business after playing Barney the dinosaur from 1991 to 2001 David Joyner decided that he wanted to retire as a dinosaur and he would set up his very own tantric sex business what a normal progression

hey absolutely what a segue what else would you do when you were once a dinosaur when you've once been a giant dinosaur I just like to read this quote for you because it's it's a bit weird makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to be honest speaking to Vice back in 2018 he said the energy I brought up while in costume is based on the foundation of tantra which is love everything stems grows and evolves from love even when you have emotionally blocked energy the best way to remove it is to remove it with love and then replace it with god's divine love love heals and allows you to continue to grow now i think that's a beautiful quote however not in relation to being a children's performer absolutely it's like who would have thought that barney was such a tripper i think

that's a beautiful quote also like I think the world is full of love and I think things should be dealt with love and I think there's nothing wrong with sex and and okay there is when it's from a child yes this is this is my point there's nothing wrong with sex and tantric sex and all of the above but it's a little bit worrying when you've spent 20 years as a children performer on a stage and a dinosaur and that you have those feelings like I just think those two need to be separate yeah I think you made a good point look I think it's absolutely fine to have seasons in a lifetime like you can go from being a child performer and that career and then go to doing whatever else you want to do it's absolutely those two things can be completely unrelated

careers and occupations I think the issue comes with making reference to your child performing days and saying that you are exuding that energy that is where I'm like wow I feel very differently about watching you as a seven-year-old now how many live shows did you know don't say that okay well i love that headline it has been a little while since we've had a random headline my favorite is still the woman that married the dolphin but i love that you brought that today laura i'm coming in hot with an update today actually i don't often have updates you guys don't actually update us often but this is an update from a listener now if you listen to last week's ask uncut we answered a question about a man and a woman a boyfriend and girlfriend that

had gone to uni together they had the same degrees they were out in the workforce at the same time he was really unmotivated he wasn't earning any money he was sleeping till midday she was very motivated had a really great job and he asked her basically to pay more rent so they could have a nicer place just on this as well if you didn't listen to the episode basically she said that he was pursuing a more entrepreneurial career however he wasn't really hustling at that career he was sleeping until midday he was being pretty lazy but he was still expecting her to pay majority share she just wrote us an update and i wanted to read it out just because i really love when these updates come through and if you guys have if we've ever answered a question for you and you want to

update us whether it's a good update or bad one however it worked out just slide back into the dms hey girls you answered my question this week and i was absolutely stoked i loved your answers and i agree with everything so much i realized it was really not about feminism i think the main point is the problem of transferring a uni relationship to the real world it's tough as Fuck. I made it clear to my boyfriend that I am not willing to put that amount of money into rent and he said he understands. I think it is a big problem in our relationship that he is still clinging to his uni rhythm. It's like he doesn't want to grow up and accept that uni is over. He said that he'll give himself six months to follow his entrepreneurial ideas and after that

he will get back into the real world. I think getting up earlier would be helpful or even give him the opportunity to have a small side job but it's his life in the end and I can't make him. let's see what happens in six months but thank you for your answers I think it's great they've had the conversation she's like I'm not going to pay the extra rent he said totally fine give me six months but he's still sleeping in he's still not willing to get up and I think that I think the problem in this relationship is and she highlighted the problem is uni relationships and teenage relationships and those really young relationships we do unfortunately sometimes grow in different directions and I think some relationships can be very situational and and points of our life and

she's obviously realized that she's still willing to give it a go and work at it but there's a part in the back of her head that's like you know what maybe we both finished university and we're ready for different things and that's definitely a consideration but they've given each other six months so I hope hopefully she writes us in six months and he's either making a million bucks as an entrepreneur or he's got a real job or they're not together anymore but I'd love to know what happens in the end of that. Yeah. Like Britt said, we absolutely love it when we have answered an ask uncut question and we get the outcome, like whether you've taken on the advice, whether you disagree with the advice, whether you love the advice. And I really would love for us to be able

to do an update episode, like a bonus episode in the next coming weeks, where we kind of just rehash some of our ask uncut questions that we have done in the past. So if you are somebody who's listening, who has had an ask uncut answered, please slide into our DMs and answer that. the only other thing I want to say on this and just to expand on what you just said Britt is like absolutely relationships can be situational and when something fundamentally changes i.e. finishing uni and everything in your life shifts it can really highlight the huge differences that you guys have or the huge differences in personality that maybe were masked because you were both doing the same thing and enjoying the same lifestyle so like you said you know

relationships have and it's just like all relationships the same as friendships some of for a reason a season or a lifetime and there's this moment like think back I don't know what your situation was Laura when you finish university but there is this moment in time when you finish uni and there's this realization of some people have okay I finally can go and earn money and I can be a professional and I can do all these things I've wanted to do because money is going to allow me to do this and this and this and they're really excited to knuckle down and progress their career but then there's this moment of like this could be the last moment of my entire life that I don't have this freedom and this this youth and this stress-free life in

a way there's a moment that some people don't transition as easily so maybe he's just having some trouble accepting that that stage of his life is over and he's got a whole bunch more responsibility now and you can't sleep in the second he goes and gets a real job those sleep in till 12 o'clock are gone totally and you know what neither of these things are right or wrong like neither of these things are better or worse it's just that it's the same for like coming out school coming out of university coming out of like big career changes it's like any one of these huge shifts in life some people adapt to change really quickly and easily and some people don't and some people will take on extra courses at uni because they're not ready to leave that lifestyle

yet or to figure out what the hell they're going to do all of it is absolutely okay and the whole spectrum of it is like there's nothing wrong with it as long as it works for both of you 100 100%. Okay, let's get into today's questions. We've got a different kind of question to kickstart today. Well, that's good. And I've actually got two questions that tie into the same sort of vibe. We haven't answered something like this before.

Girls, one of my best friends does makeup on the side as a little side hustle. This weekend, we have a wedding coming up with a big group of our friends. I asked her if she could do my makeup for it, but we didn't discuss a cost. silly me assumed she would do it for free as we are best friends and I wouldn't charge a best friend for that as a maximum I would charge someone for the products I would expect this as of course the products cost money I was very taken aback when she asked me to bring $70 cash when I come I think I was so taken aback because I wouldn't have asked a friend for money to do their makeup I tried to say I don't want lashes hoping it would be a little bit cheaper but she

said nope she usually charges $90 and that she can't do it for free as the products cost money I totally understand this but I just wasn't expecting to be stung $70 am I being stingy or is this a bit steep to be doing a friend's makeup I ended up very awkwardly cancelling as I'd rather spend the money to get my makeup done for a bigger event what are your thoughts okay I have some feelings I think and like this is probably going to come off as a bit harsh but I think it is very unreasonable to ask your friend to do something with the expectation that they're going to do it for free regardless of whether they're a best friend or not if that's their job if you're asking them to work for free I think like it's a side hustle yeah well I mean it's

still their job right it's still how they make income I think yes it would be nice if they did and obviously it's nice that she offered a discount which she has offered a discount but you can't ask for something with the expectation that it's free, regardless of who the person is, regardless of whether it's your best friend or not. I agree. I think this is a tricky one. And you said it yourself. You can't always expect people to have the same ideas as you and opinions and you and behave like you do. That's unrealistic. I agree with Laura. I think you can never have an expectation from anyone that you know, friends or strangers, that somebody is going to do something for free so even with my friends I've been in situations like that before I always and I've

had friends that would do a lot for me for free and I do a lot for them for free but I always go into that with the expectation that it's not for free I always go in and say let me know the cost of this how much what can we sort out and they'll either say the cost or they'll say oh don't worry about it like you've done this for me or it's on me or whatever but you should never go in with that expectation and that's I mean ultimately in tough times like today as well like with COVID and people have been so out of work for so long. I think that these are things that, you know, this is an income for her. You don't know that that might be going towards her rent this week

or whatever it is like that. So also $70 just as like an added bonus is pretty good for your makeup. Yeah, it's super cheap for makeup. So I think she's doing her a really good price. Like I think genuinely $70 is very, very cheap to get your makeup done. There's a couple of layers to this. One, I think it's the expectation that's gotten you into this uncomfortable, awkward situation,

situation. Like totally all could have been avoided by making an offer or payment, or just by asking, Hey, if you were to do my makeup, how much would you charge me? That would have given your friend the opportunity to say nothing or to say $70. So the expectation is what's caused the awkward situation. But the second part of this, and I think this is a really important thing to dissect is how undervalued creative industries are and how undervalued the services that creative people provide are and I think when I used to be a graphic designer back in the day that was my so I studied graphic design in uni that was my first degree and my first job out of uni I did that for 10 years pretty much alongside doing Tony May I cannot tell you the amount of people who asked

me if I could do business cards or websites or logos or create letterheads for them or just can you just make my resume look nicer all of my friends asked me to do that and it's the constant asking that creates that sort of like exasperation. It makes you feel like, well, okay, everybody asked me for free. So I'm just going to have to charge everyone a slightly reduced rate. Who are my friends? Because you just don't have that many hours in the day. It creates burnout. And it also makes you feel like what you are able to do is completely undervalued by the people who care about you. So I'm very passionate about people who work in creative industries being paid for the jobs that they do. And it's okay that you can't, if that's what it is, like if you were

tight for money and you can't afford the $70 for the makeup like that's okay as well but I think what you need to do going forward in any situation and that's anyone that's listening is ask the question to start with hey are you doing makeups for the wedding like what are you charging basically I'm just trying to work out what I want to do for it totally she'll give you the fee and then that's it and if you feel awkward with her now you could you could always be honest with her and you say look I just had to reassess my finances and I just didn't have the 70 spare that week but I appreciate you saying you would do it takes any awkwardness away because I feel like when you said you awkwardly cancelled it doesn't have to be awkward I think honesty is the key I

think you just say hey like I was just too I overexerted myself this week and I just didn't have that 70 spirit but I appreciate you offering to do it I guess you know maybe think about it from like a different industry perspective if your friend was a PT trainer would you expect to still pay them for PT training but at a reduced cost if your friend was an accountant would you still expect to pay your friend who's an accountant if they were doing a tack I don't want to like harp on about the whole creative industries aspect of this but I do think it plays a huge role in our perception around the value of a service and I really just think regardless of how close of friends you are with someone yes it's always nice for someone to say oh don't worry about it I'll

give this one to you for free but the expectation causes so many issues even from owning a jewelry business perspective the amount of times where friends have been like oh I really want this ring and I'm like cool buy it yeah or I'll give you a discount code to buy it and I don't mean to any of my friends I fucking love you do not take this as a personal offense if you're listening but it's like I really value my girlfriends who go online and buy pieces from me or who in the past maybe I've given them something but then they've also bought something from me because it makes me feel like what I create and what my business is as a small business is valued to them but for the people who just ask for things and say oh I really want this ring but have never bought anything and

kind of just expect it. What I do in those situations is I don't give it to them. I wait until it's their birthday or it's Christmas until it's like a special occasion. And then I give it to them because everything costs money. Your time costs money. Your products cost money. All of that needs to be valued at the end of the day. All right. Question number two. Now, question number two actually comes from producer Keisha. She just happens to be here. She's sitting right here in the room lurking around. Keisha, take the microphone. Give us question numero due. Okay, well, this is a synopsis of the question because it may or may not be attached to someone that I know. I have a friend, a friend of a friend, and she very generously has offered

another friend of hers whose birthday is coming up. The backstory of this is that she has what they call virgin hair, so non-coloured hair. Nobody's ever had sex with her hair before. So my friend very generously, in my opinion, offered that for her birthday, she would pay for her to get her hair done they don't live in sydney so what i'm trying to say by this is that the price of getting it done in regional areas i have found in my experience is a little bit less than what it is in you know your metropolitan cities which is like if you're going to get a color in sydney it's like 500 that's why i literally cut my own hair in the bathroom sink it's a week's rent for sure okay so my friend has now gotten back to us and said i've just received

a message. She's booked in at this salon and it is a particularly luxe salon. She's expecting it to cost between $350 and $400. She said, I was a bit taken back by this because the reason that I initially offered was because she was kind of down in the dumps saying, look, I've got these grays and I'm feeling really self-conscious about it. And I would just want to get the grays covered. So I anticipated that it would just be like one color overall, maybe a blow dry, maybe looking at $200 now that it's going to cost double that I'm a bit shocked and I kind of feel as though like am I the arsehole what do I do here is that too much to expect what do you think okay I think easily $400 is way too much to expect for a present so is it a birthday present just remind

me yes okay yes it's too much I'm just trying to think Laura I don't know if we even gave each other oh yeah I gave you a massage once I was trying to think I haven't used it and you haven't you said it's like two years ago I got you two massages and you haven't used them everything's been closed it's been COVID cute good excuse you've probably lost them like you're engaged too soon so okay this is a tricky situation you've done a really nice thing and you said hey I will help you with your gray hair you can get your roots done I would be absolutely gobsmacked this is a super tricky situation because you've tried to do something nice and in all honesty and I'm going to be a bit like I'm a bit against the friend here that's actually getting the grays

the expectation that your friend that's kindly offered you a hair color the expectation that they will pay four hundred dollars I would never ever ever ask or expect a friend of mine to pay that much money the tricky situation here is you've offered it you feel awkward I think what you need to do is say, hey, super stoked you found a salon you love. I've heard really good things about them. In all honesty, $400 is probably too much for me this week or at the moment, $400 is too much forever until I'm dead. $400 is too much, but here is a voucher. Maybe it's for half or whatever you are comfortable with and whatever in your head you thought that was going to cost you, you can say here is the voucher. Alternatively, I can really recommend

my hairdresser she's absolutely amazing and I know that it's half the price like I can really recommend her that's what you do I again with with money I don't think there needs to be an embarrassment I think people need to be really honest with each other because if you go to her and say I don't have four hundred dollars for your hair I'm so sorry I don't have four hundred dollars for my own hair she's going to be mortified she's going to be absolutely of course like let's you know no expectations pay a hundred dollars or whatever I just feel awkward money causes so many problems in relation because the problems in like romantic relationships and it can cause problems in friendships especially like i mean we've all had that one friend who never pays

enough for dinner or doesn't buy drinks or always seems to like conveniently leave when it's their turn to buy around i'm like the opposite i get so awkward i would be the person at the table that would be like oh i'll get every once here's five thousand dollars for the bill like i'm so awkward with money when someone's to split it i'll be like don't worry i'll just get it okay what i was gonna say is i'm just i'm gonna be on the girl who's getting her hair done side for a second here you're saying she has virgin hair she's never had her hair done before maybe she genuinely doesn't know how much hair costs and to get a hair coloring costs and just booked into somewhere that she knows is nice, books into somewhere that she's had a haircut before, asked for a service and they

gave her a quote. And she was like, cool, maybe fully thinking that that's what her friend expected to pay. Fully thinking that that is what a normal hair coloring costs. And she's never, ever had it done before. I just think a very honest conversation in these sorts of situations. I know that money can be uncomfortable, but saying like, oh, hey, but that's actually super expensive in comparison to a lot of other hairdressers in the city I don't know if you're aware but this place is really great and they do it for this price if you have an amount that you're happy with like that's probably the best way to tackle it or say I'll buy you a voucher to contribute exactly like you said Brit but I genuinely don't think that this person is intentionally trying to take her friend for a ride

I don't think anybody's intentionally trying to like be like yeah fuck it my friends are going to pay so I'm going to go to the most expensive salon in Australia like I just think it comes with a bit of naivety more than anything yeah and look i'm like no one's to blame here this isn't a thing and i love that you're a devil's advocate on that one but i am going to disagree with something even if you don't know how much like relatively another salon would cost four hundred dollars should still ring some alarm bells when you're asking for a friend to dye your hair like that's what i think i don't think she's still intentionally being malicious or taking for right i don't think that at all but i think it's just turning into an awkward situation that it

absolutely doesn't have to be. And if I, if this was me, I would just go back to my friend and be like, whoa, there is, that is so much more than I've ever paid. I would say it like that. I'd be like, whoa, $400. My hairdresser only costs me this much. I would say something like that. Like my hairdresser only cost me $200 for that. Um, do you want to look at my hairdresser or yeah, I'll give you a voucher for it. I would say that because again, Laura, maybe she doesn't know that you can get it cheaper elsewhere. If she does think that's standard, just tell her, Just say, hey, like my hairdresser does an amazing job for half of that price. Absolutely.

And that's what I mean. That's why I think it's like a bit of naivety that comes into it. Education, communication. It's the answer to all your problems. Can I tell you something funny? My mom's going to hate me. Also, I'm like worried that the person who wrote that question in, who didn't even write it in,

whose friends of Keisha probably listens to the podcast. Fuck. I know. Sorry. But again, like really highlighting, no one's in the wrong. It's just money's an awkward situation. I want to tell you something that happened on the weekend. I went up to see my parents in Port Macquarie.

and we were both going to buy some air fryers, right? I had told them about the air fryer. Nothing like having a family trip to buy multiple air fryers. I told you guys how much I love the air fryer. I've been using quiches. This episode is brought to you by air fryers. Talking about like how awkward, like how I said I'd rather just pay for stuff, I obviously get that from my mum.

So we were at this store. They were getting this expensive air fryer. They were going to get a really good one. I didn't want to get the really, really expensive one. We had been talking. My mum wanted to know, and my dad, they wanted to know every question about the air fryer. so there was the man it was like the good guys or something the man that works there he's paid

to work there his job is to work there but obviously i think they scan tickets when they sell something and if they get a commission they get a commission eventually so mine was asking every question about the airfryer that you could know we'd probably talk to him for about 40 minutes to be fair i called my sister sherry at the last minute just to check which one she had because she uses it all the time i called her to check and i told her i was like hey we're just about to buy this for mum and dad is this what you got and she's like oh she's like am I on loud speaker and I said no why she's like I just bought them one for Christmas she's like I've already got them their air fryer a really good one and I was like fuck I was like we're gonna they're about to

purchase one an expensive one we're just gonna have to tell them she's like fine just tell them so I tell mum and dad like mum dad like we don't worry about the air fryer Sharon's got you one for Christmas surprise is over but there's no point paying a $500 air fryer now I said to the man, I'm so sorry. We laugh. I was like, sure. My sister's already bought the one. I thank you so much for your time. And he's like, no worries. That's fine. My mom was beside herself. She's like, I am so sorry that I have used all of your time. And I was like, mom, it's fine. And in front of the man, I'm like, mom, he's paid. It's fine. Like he's just doing his job. He's talking about it. She felt so bad that she went and bought another $150 product that she doesn't need

so that he could get his commission. I was like, mom, put the product down. She's like, I could probably use it anyway I'm like I'm not even certain that they make commission like that's I'm not even certain that that's the way retail works neither but she just was beside and I she's like don't argue with your mother and I was like whatever you want to do but she was that awkward and I was like he's literally paid to be here and you're gonna buy something you don't need purely for that point and he's gonna make absolutely no extra money and still get paid the $25 an hour. Yeah. All right. Let's get into question number three. All right. Question number three. Hi guys. I was wondering what you think about age gaps. My friend is 22 and has developed

feelings for her male coworker who is 40. So that is an 18 year age gap. They both work in the same position at a restaurant and apparently get on really well and flirt a lot. He's asked her to grab a drink a couple of times and she asked me for advice on whether or not to say yes my overwhelming instinct was to discourage her from pursuing anything but the more i thought about it i didn't really have any justifiable reasons as to why am i unfairly prejudiced against age gaps am i an ageist do you guys think an age gap like this can be okay for casual dating in this case she is leaving the country in six months so not looking for anything long term yes i think i mean we know which way yeah yes yes to everything I mean we all know I don't mind an age gap I've

only got an age gap of seven years and I'm the older one so it's this is a very different situation but in this situation 18 years yes it is a significant amount of time but she is 22 she is an adult he is 40 you can still be if you can still be very aligned at 40 to 22 like it's such an individual thing age doesn't mean anything for where someone is at what point of life they're in the same job so they obviously have similar interests in that regard the only thing that I would have said is a big alarm bell is if he was her boss or if he was in a position of power or something like that but it seems like they're working on an even platform if this was going to be something serious like if you're like oh I think I like him and want a relationship with him

there'll be so many other things you need to consider so many aspects because you're gonna in different points of life one of you might want kids one of you's not ready one of you wants to go travel one of you's already done that it opens up a whole nother kettle of fish but I think for this very specific situation she's 22 she's going overseas soon she's not looking for anything serious he's not in a position of power he's an equal he's a colleague they have an attraction it seems like they flirt and get along I don't think there is any harm in going on a date that is my situation and I think if the only thing that is bothering you and your friend is literally the number then I don't think it can hurt to go on a date if there's more to it and she feels a

little bit uncomfortable then of course don't do it like there's absolutely no need to do it no skin off your back also like I mean going for a drink doesn't mean that you have to pursue anything sexual or beyond just going for a drink but okay I agree with you completely Brit I think that the fact that you're going overseas in six months your friends going overseas in six months and something that's casual means that it's even less of an issue like I think an age gap can be an issue I think it would be silly of us to say it's always fine age gaps don't matter age gaps can matter but they also cannot matter like I mean it's both ends of the spectrum in this respect so with the whole travel thing playing a huge part I don't think it is a big deal but Brit what is

the biggest age gap you've ever had seven years is the youngest like Jordan's the youngest I've dated oh actually no there was one younger there's like a couple younger young pop what was his name what do we call him young pop we call no yes we did no no no it was oh meat raffle meat wait oh my god guys if you've been with the pod since the day one meat raffle yeah that was we forget that we don't talk about that i have ptsd yeah we've got suppressed suppressed memories about meat raffle he was one year younger than jordan but i didn't actually date him properly so that doesn't count i remember when you told me meat raffles age though and i was shook i was like he's you can't too young it was the start of my unraveling and i don't know why i don't know

why my my reaction was so like I guess because I had this mentality of like younger guys being like seven or eight years younger in their early 20s wouldn't align with the things that you wanted in your mid-30s I was like gosh that seems I was early 30s let's not age me up okay yeah sorry I'm just aging you to where I am I thought that there would be too much of a disparity but maybe that's an unfair assumption as well I'm sure that there's people who listen to this who have a big age gap in the opposite direction where the guy's younger than the female and they want same things it all comes down to where you're at in your life and whether your life goals align well the oldest I dated I was about 27 and he was 42 that's pretty big but I didn't know that that wasn't by choice

he lied to me he told me he was like 37 or something which in my head I was like that age gap was too big I remember thinking that and then when I found out after a few dates that he had lied I didn't see him anymore because I couldn't it wasn't the age thing if I really really liked him it wouldn't have mattered but I was like how did you start this with this huge lie like this he age fished you he age fished me and I didn't know that was a thing but he age fished me and I was I felt really disgusted after I was like I bet that for no reason other than just I was with someone that blatantly lied to date me do you know what I think can sometimes be a problem with huge age gaps as well yes you might be aligned with the person like maybe you guys are on the same

page with where you're at in life there's plenty of men out there who have mass peter pan syndrome and aren't ready to settle down at 40. But I guess my thing that I sometimes think could be an issue is will you align with their friends? You know, will you be able to sit at a dinner party with other 40-year-olds and feel like you have anything in common with them? Will you be able to sit there and smoke a pipe after dinner? Smoke a pipe?

Like a grandpa. Have a glass of port? You know how grandpas like smoke pipes after dinner? No, but like you'll be going to 40, if you guys were actually to date and to be in a committed relationship, you'd be going to 40th birthday parties, you'd be going to baby showers you'd be going to big life events and and to be fully embedded in that person's life means that you're also having relationships with the people who they love and so it could be that then your couple friends are all aged up as well so that may cause some feelings

of like oh do I fit in here in this friendship group it may not but it's always something to think about my to wrap it up my advice is if you really get along and you really like him and you have the attraction to him there's no reason you can't just go on a date and like Laura said you can go for coffee you can go for lunch there's no expectations there's no pressure you might finish it and be like wow I really like him let's go for a dinner date or you might say wow we're just really good friends and that's it either way if your only issue is that there's 18 years difference but you want to explore it I think that that's okay I do think though one of the bigger issues here regardless of it being age I think it's like shitting where you eat like I don't think I would

want to date someone from work. Oh, I've done it so many times. I don't think it's necessarily a good recipe though. Like if you date and things do go badly and there is this like awkward sexual tension, that's like, oh, or it's problematic or he likes you more than you like him, whatever the situation can be, it makes your working life really complicated. And I think there is a greater chance that there will be some misalignments, like that you guys won't be on the same page because of the age gap, which then could cause more problems in your work environment. if there is anyone out there that has a big age gap and I'm talking like 20 years and it's successful or you've got kids or you got married or and that's either men or women older whatever

if any of you are like that I'd love to hear from you slide into the DMs I'd just love to hear how it went and what problems you face and just about how the relationship functions I love a call out I love a call out jump on into the DMs okay last but not least I have been with my partner for nine years our relationship hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows I have taken him back after multiple cheating situations and for the last two years we have been in an incredible place however he has just hit me with a massive bombshell and said he doesn't think he wants to have kids and definitely not in the next five years i'm 25 and i've only ever pictured being with him and having kids with him i've always been incredibly maternal and i'm really confused here

i've sacrificed a lot for him over nine years and i really don't know if i leave or stay oh man kids is like the biggest one isn't it like being aligned on your big life events if you really want to have children and your partner is saying to you, I don't want to have kids, I think there has to be some very honest, open conversations around this. It's very likely that he could change his mind. It's also very likely that he won't. But I do think that after nine years of giving up your life for someone, you sure as shit want to be on the same page. Otherwise you're making too many sacrifices. What jumps out at me here is, and it's not the end of the world but you said he's cheated on you multiple times over the years you've always taken

him back you've always kept working towards it I will be the first person to say that cheating doesn't have to be the end of a relationship and I don't want people to jump down my throat at that often it is and that is absolutely fine but we've spoken to a lot of relationship therapists that have said some relationships marriages whatever it is depending on the situation some of them can come back stronger than ever after infidelity that's not for everyone obviously you are happy to take him back and work towards it you've forgiven him and that's that's great for your relationship the thing that worries me with this is you said he's cheated on me multiple times but I've never basically pictured a life without him and I haven't pictured kids without him like

I just that is what I pictured and I think something that we get stuck in as people and in relationships and especially when we're younger is this idea of but this is how I saw it this is how I pictured it. This is the fairy tale. This is my ending. And quite often when a situation or a relationship doesn't work out, we mourn the loss of what could have been and what we thought was going to happen more than we mourn the loss of the actual relationship. So I think you need to ask yourself, are you only staying with him because you feel like you're too far gone to start again, or you don't have the energy to start again, or you've never been with anyone else because you're only 25 and you've been with him for nine years. So I'm going to take a guess that

you haven't had any other very serious long-term relationship because you just would have been too young you really need to figure out are you only staying with him because you're too scared of the alternative which is started again being on your own trying to find someone else or are you genuinely happy to be with somebody that doesn't want what you want in terms of kids and has cheated on you multiple times in the past if have you still got the trust there there are so many things that only you can ask yourself in this situation i think you're so right and you just hit something like for me as you're saying that I was like oh I've been there with my first it wasn't my first relationship but my my first big relationship six years I've spoken about him on the pod before

I was desperately in love with him our relationship was really rocky he was struggling with depression at the time but he also was pretty unfaithful in the early years and then he also would he would say to me point this is really for anyone who this could be a bit triggering but it was a very like profound thing that kept occurring in our relationship. He would say to me, if you ever got pregnant, I expect you to get an abortion. And that was what he would say to me. And I, and he said, I don't know if I want to have kids with you. I don't know if I want to marry you. And we'd been together for six years and I just kept thinking, and I, and because I had created in my head, I was like, this is the man I'm going to marry. This is the man I'm going to spend my

life with that. I was so convinced he was going to change his mind. I was so convinced that we were working towards a goal. And six years later, we just weren't, we weren't working towards that goal. You know, he fundamentally wanted different things to me and we're not together. And now I have all the things that I always wanted with him, but I have them with somebody else. And I have never been more happy than what I am in my life and in my relationships. And I've never been in a safer, more secure relationship, but sometimes to be able to find that and to find someone who's fully aligned, you have to start again. And I'm not saying that this is 100% what you're going to have to do. But I do think that you will have to have some very honest conversations around

whether or not you want to have kids. And you're only 25. There is plenty of time. But if it's fundamentally something that you want and your partner is telling you, I don't want this, maybe you need to give yourself a timeframe for how long you will make that sacrifice. At what age do you want to be having kids? When do you want to be working towards that with your partner? And just put everything on the table. And then if he is the one that comes to the table and says I want this this this and this and you know it doesn't align with what you want then there are some very big decisions you have to make don't just stick your head in the sand because time goes so quickly yeah and having kids or not having kids that is probably one of the biggest

deal breakers in a relationship like it's one of the biggest factors of a relationship breakdown and obviously there are a lot of other things infidelity different place you want to be in different places you're not in alignment but literally you can love somebody so much and you can want to every part of you can want to be with them and every part of them can want to be with you but if you want a child and they don't that is the cause of a relationship breakdown because someone in this situation is going to have to compromise you're either going to have to say cool I'm happy not to have a child for five years and wait and hope that it happens then hope that he changes his mind because there's no guarantee or he has to compromise and say fine I'll have a

child in the next five years but then is he going to resent that is he going to resent the child is he going to resent you because it's a big life change so one of you here is making a compromise you need to decide who you need to decide what the result of that is going to be and if you want that not only is he gonna be resentful because he's had children when he doesn't want to have them is he gonna be a shit dad is he gonna be a shit father to these children because it's not what he wanted in the first place and I think that's why these conversations are so important because you might foresee a future that you want with someone but is that person that person that you foresee this future with this person that you're holding on to are they going to be able to give you all

of the compartments of that life all of the bits and pieces that will actually make you happy in the long run or you're trying to fit a triangle into a square i feel like we've answered that question yeah like i mean it's a hard one because you know we never want to say break up because i don't think that that's necessarily the solution all the time but very big life-changing conversations need to be had and sometimes it's really scary to have them because you're scared of the answer i just want to add one more thing if in addition but i just want to say that if this comes to the point where you guys aren't in alignment and the relationship ends i don't want you to feel like it's the end of the world of course you're going to be very very upset and it's a whole everything's

going to change for you a life is going to start that you haven't had before but that doesn't have to be scary and it doesn't have to be the end of the world of course you can mourn the relationship but then you can be excited for what's to come and i'm only saying if it goes down that track because chances are you haven't had a relationship breakdown like that before. And that's going to be really scary for you. And you know what? It will be scary. And those emotions are normal and it will feel absolutely fucking shit. And those emotions are normal. You know, I think saying like it doesn't have to be, I think it will be, but I think it's okay that it is. Totally. And that's it. Anyways, that's it from us guys. We have a little bit of news for you though,

just in housekeeping yes batch uncut is not going to be coming out tomorrow on friday batch uncut is actually going to be coming out on saturday this week i know that we missed last week's episode i know you guys like i hate you you are unreliable but guess what we've got two kids and we're supposed to be getting married tomorrow so we don't want to spend our day recording an episode we would like to maybe go and have dinner and pretend like we they want to have sex they want to have sex it is no they were supposed to be getting married so they're like let's pretend we're still having a really romantic getaway let's still pretend we're there together let's have some down and dirty sex for about 2.2 minutes we're gonna have some really hot steamy

momentary two minute sex it's gonna be great but no honestly two minute noodles and then we'll go to bed honestly we like we love doing batch on cart we actually can't wait to do the episode yeah we're prepped we're ready we're pumped we're coming back this week we've got a roadcaster it'll just be a day late because you know what sometimes you've got to put some effort into your own relationship love that guys keep sliding into the dms with your confessionals you're accidentally unfiltered any funny stories you've got can't believe they said that any updates on your ask on cuts any updates on your ask on cuts that is life on cut podcast on the instagram and jump in and join the facebook discussion group if you haven't there's like 60 000 people

in there like-minded people that have the best conversations so many people have made friends there's meetup groups so jump on that on the facebook group that's also life on cut podcast and Laura has something she wants to say. She's got her hand up. I was like, and you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. Thank you.