Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - From Buzz Buzz to Yee Haw!

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

Hey Lifers! It's time for your therapy Thursday. First up, the health minister of Hong Kong has an...unusual request to stop people from smoking. We're all about it. Vibes and Unsubscribes for the week: Keeshia: Julia Louis Dreyfus' podcast "wiser than me" here Laura: Unsubscribing from the ATO and indexation of HECS loans Britt: Squirt and mop... yeah. That's the vibe hereThe questions we unpack today are: My partner has thousands of dollars worth of sex toys that he's collected over years and years. Can I ask him to 'start fresh' or should I be okay with using the existing toys? My partner is not pulling his weight to support our family and often doesn't want to work. I'm getting the ick from his lack of ambition. Is this understandable or am I expecting too much? Note, we have one kid and another on the way I asked my boyfriend to block his ex-girlfriend on Instagram (a boundary of mine and not sure if this is a healthy boundary or not) and I’ve just found out that he’s gone out of his way to unblock her. Am I in the wrong for having asked or is he in the wrong for blatantly disrespecting my boundary? If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I am Laura. And Laura has been singing really badly for about 10 minutes. I know.

It's the first time you've acknowledged it. Do you know why? I think you're trying to like set the mood, but in my head I'm like, shut up. I think you're like trying to have a good head. And I'm like, bro, no. The vibes were... Dancing with the stars, yes. Masking up, no.

Well, I would shake my entire nude ass in your face, but I feel like that might be stepping or crossing a line. So instead I've just been trying to bring the vibes with a bit of a I'm like a bird, I only fly away. You should totally fly away. No, it's not that bad. I mean, it was a bit bad. Can we discuss something?

What? Is this a dress or a jacket that you're wearing? It's whatever you want it to be. Corduroy. It's corduroy. I'm bringing corduroy back in. I don't think corduroy is naughty and I think it can be in, kind of like a sexy couch.

Corduroy, Corduroy. Corduroy was not in for a long time. I think it's back in now probably because of me. Okay, yeah. Yes. Setting the fashion standards over here. Could be a dress. Could be a jacket.

Could be naked underneath it. Could be wearing a two-piece suit. Who knows? I like to keep people guessing and you're guessing so it's worked. Perfect. Thank you for noticing that. It's a new dress. Yeah.

Moving right along. It's therapy Thursday. It certainly is. And this is where we answer all your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. before we get into that i want your opinion on something i don't know how to take this this is what someone said to me yesterday i don't know if it's supposed to be a compliment or offensive it's probably a backhanded compliment that actually is just what i'm trying to work that

out somebody wrote it's like this you look good for your age or do you know what my favorite one is this is what i'm getting recently what god you look good for someone who's had two kids and i'm like that's not really good is it that's because your bod's so fire but only for someone who's had two kids, not as good as someone who hasn't had kids, just as good as you could look for someone who's had two. It's like when someone starts a sentence with, hey, no offence, but you're super ugly. You're like, well, no, that's still offensive.

No offence, but I'm going to say something super offensive right now, but I've given myself a caveat so it's fine. Anyway. Well, somebody told me in my DMs that I look like Shrek's wife. what's her name fiona but the human fiona no that's nice is it though because it's the princess fiona she's sort of cute but she channels the ogre like she's still a human in inverted commas but is made to look like the ogre that's turned into a human so i'm not sure if it's a compliment or not have you watched shrek she's hot when she's a human i'd take that absolutely as a compliment

and she's very funny when she's not so look you know isn't she still ogre-ish like though isn't she supposed to be like a bit of a bit of b no did you even google her i'll show you let me google i just pictured the ogre in a dress she's hot ish yeah see now you've pulled her up you're like for an ogre she's hot for an ogre yeah okay so i would be hot if i was an ogre is that what you're saying i don't know that's what someone said and i was like okay i don't know what to do with that I'm pretty sure she just looks like Cameron Diaz, to be fair. Well, Cameron Diaz is the voice, right? All right, anyway.

Okay, anyway. That's not a hot take. We're going to move right along. Let's just say it's a compliment. Yes, semi-backhanded. Well, there was something that we spoke about on Tuesday's episode, and that was what constitutes the lowest effort that somebody could put into a date? Like how low could someone go?

How low can you go? And we don't mean the limbo. No, we don't mean the limbo. We mean what's the bare minimum? and we were talking about a guy who he matched with a chick on hinge or who knows who knows what the dating site was irrelevant but basically he asked a girl out on an ice cream date and her response to that was that she was very unimpressed that it was such a bare minimum date she's like fuck you ice cream man fucking hate ice cream and fun and we kind of disagree we thought that that

wasn't necessarily a bare minimum date and then i reflected on the fact uh over the last couple of days about how i dated a man whose bed was on the floor he had no bed base he just had a mattress and no sheets. So when we think about bare minimums, I've been there, but we did the call out to you guys and we asked what is a date that you've been on that was truly the most unbelievable bare bones of a date, the bare minimum. And you guys came through with the goods. Okay. He invited me over for coffee, said he was really good at making it. He used a Nescafe blend, 43 instant. Delicious. This guy that I had been vibing for quite a while picked me up and took me out for a nice lunch we went through maca's drive-thru i drove 1.5 hours and he made me bathe

his sphinx cat i don't think that's a code word for penis either imagine if it was though um okay so he said he would make a nice dinner for the two of us and chuck two muscle meals in the microwave imagine going over also you might have been crossfitting the next day if you're going over to someone's house and they're making you dinner and they don't put any effort into the dinner They're just trying to get straight to the sexy times. Like if you're getting a microwave meal, you know where you stand in the grand scheme of things. We went for a one-hour drive around the suburbs.

No food, no walking. We just drove. He paid for his own drinks on his company card but then asked me to pay for mine. He didn't even pay for anything. To be fair, you can't claim that much alcohol on work expenses. Maybe he was just trying to do the right thing by the taxman. He booked a massage for himself.

I had to wait. i wonder if you got a happy ending imagine just being like can you just sit here for an hour while i get a massage but then does he return the favor does he go out and do like spend his life also completely defeats the purpose of spending time together on a date he took me to a mexican restaurant he worked at so he could use his staff discount that's actually pretty smart there's still a restaurant you may as well just get a discount he took me to burger king after we had walked around london for a literal hour trying to find the place he knew is this place that i've seen you might have heard of it there's this awesome place i've been there

before i mean it's on this street somewhere like let's find it here it is and it's burger king this is the ultimate he made me split the bill which is usually fine but we had a coffee fucking hell who is asking for two dollars fifty actually these days soy milk three dollars who is asking for three dollars for half a coffee look times are tough inflation rent crisis would you pay it if your date said it's three dollars each would you just laugh of course no i would pay it absolutely and then i would unmatch him on every platform i would pay and block pay block leave to be fair no when i reflect back on my past relationships i probably would have given him a second date the bar was fucking low you would have fucked him

I paid him three bucks for a coffee and then had sex with him. This is probably my favorite one. My friend went on a date where the guy asked if they could go to Woolworths because he needed to buy a belt, which is so funny because not only did he take you on a shopping date to go and get his groceries, he went to a shop that doesn't even sell belts, which makes me think that he's never actually bought his own groceries before. Or belts. Or belts.

Okay. This is not one that was written in. This was a friend and this happened on the weekend. And we'll talk about it at a later date, I'm sure. my friend went on a date to Kmart a first date that's not a date they met at Kmart that's what you do on a Sunday when you need to occupy your children and they walked around and they bought something each and that was the date did they see each other again like did they have enough chemistry that they were like okay let's maybe go out for dinner not yet no right but then they

went home and texted each other and were like great date I don't know I don't get the next generation. One of my staff, so like, I mean, I feel so far out of the dating game now, but one of my staff, she's in her early, early twenties. And she went on a date with a guy who works in marketing recently. And he, um, he said to her, uh, I went through your social media. It doesn't really have good flow. I could help you get better flow with your Instagram. I was like, on the date, on the date. It's grim out there, guys. If you're in the trenches of dating, we hear you send us your horrible dating stories because we feel it we understand the pool is small i went and there are not a lot of fish in that sea i just remember i went to a day i went on a

date in london and like some people might froth this like ross from friends would froth this i went to like a dinosaur friends also has about one fucking brain cell between his ears he's the one right no he's a paleontologist wrong one so but he loves he gets off on dinosaurs you don't know friends no is that joey i was about to say zoe oh oh my god you've just you have just crushed my soul that you don't even know their names i don't i don't watch friends continue sorry yeah no that was it we just went to a dinosaur museum that was my day i went to look at a dinosaur in a picture no it was a pop-up it wasn't even the natural history museum producer keisha it was a pop up and i had to go across the city of london because he loved dinosaurs and i was like you know

what he actually seems really cool and it could be cool and look i learned something i saw some pictures but it wasn't the whole natural history museum it was just a dinosaur pop-up i think i'd be okay with that i reckon i would go i think i paid for entry i think i'd pay for entry i'd go and see a bit of a t-rex and then i probably would have had sex with him yeah but i didn't see his t-rex i just saw a boned t-rex all right that was the only fossil you got that day all right well look before we get into answering your questions there was something very very funny that we came across and we wanted to bring it to light because we thought that this could be live as opposed to no bring it to light we thought we're bringing it to your life no we're bringing it to light

because we thought this could be a really great tool for you to exercise the next time you are in a situation that you're unhappy with that is unfavorable and that when you really want to tell someone but you're extremely conflict avoidant so i've got a new tip for you yeah Now, the Territory's Health Minister, Professor Lo Chung Mao, he has come out and said that they would like Hong Kong to be a tobacco and smoke-free place. They would like for the lovely citizens of Hong Kong to stop smoking. And the way to go about that...

It's not to ban it. Oh, no, don't ban it. No, definitely not. Don't put fines in place. No laws. Don't police it. No. Just if you see someone light up a cigarette and you don't like it,

you should all stand around them and stare at them disapprovingly. And I think one, yes, it's fucking hilarious to think about a group of grown people just staring at one single individual in public disapprovingly. But I think we could all exercise this in our normal day-to-day lives. He literally says, this is the health minister, suggests just to stare at them disapprovingly and don't stop staring. You continue to stare until they drop that cigarette out of their mouth. He also says the more people that stare, the better. Because if it's just one starer, like if there's just one tobacco starer, it doesn't have the same impact as 20 tobacco their stares now there is something in this have you ever been in a position where you've done

something or or you're in a situation where you're feeling people look at you it makes you just want to stop doing what you're doing at that exact moment yeah but I don't think I've ever been doing something that's been like socially incorrect and then had an entire group of complete strangers stare at me oh when I was climbing that telegraph pole naked and everyone was looking I wanted to stop immediately no but you know what you know what I mean like the feeling of if one person looks at you disapprovingly on something it's okay because you're like okay bro like you're one person but if there's 30 people around you like the hunger game staring down at you you want to stop what you're doing i just think this is the most i mean considering

that this comes from the health minister of hong kong it feels like the most juvenile piece of advice that you could give in order to police something that you want to like enact cultural change on the whole thing is that they want to culturally change the ethos around smoking within hong kong it's also so passive aggressive but he makes a very good point he goes on to say that there are so many things that we do culturally without even thinking about it. Like the rules that are not necessarily prohibited, you know, you're not going to get fined for it, but we do it because it's socially acceptable. For example, like standing in line to get on the bus or doing things in an orderly way so that there's not just social anarchy and chaos, but nobody's made us or

told us that we have to do things in this specific way. And he was like, this is how we create social regulation. And it's by being disapproving of the person who's behaving outside of that. so he's like just stand and stare and make them feel uncomfortable almost like a citizen's arrest kind of thing because he's like if you're in the no smoking area because they have no smoking areas if you're in a no smoking area and you can see someone lighting up if the police can't get there in time take matters into your own hands and stare them down that's literally what he's saying i would love to see if this works when the members of the public see people smoking in non-smoking areas even if no law enforcement officers show up immediately we can stare at the smokers

Could you imagine how that would go down in Australia? If you were staring at someone smoking, they'd literally be like, what the fuck are you looking at? Yeah. Like it would not land. I think people are a little bit more orderly in Hong Kong. They're a little bit more pleasant than what they are here. We have to be rogue assholes.

Okay, the thing though is I think we could exercise this in all other areas. People eating with their mouth open, stare at them. If you're at the dog park or something and a big dog does a big shit and they don't pick it up. Stare at them. Stare at them. Circle around them and stare at them. that's when it would work but also like people that walk around on loudspeaker on their phone

but with no headphones you know how they hold their phone and i'm saying this looking at laura because laura's been doing it for about two years also people who play loud music at the beach on they bring their own ue boom to the beach and they play music in the park stare at them that's a real big like city beach thing i think it's not really i don't think rural beaches are having that problem i think it's those like bondi there's a boom box every two meters there's a boom box more per capita than anywhere else in the world maybe rural places are having it if they go to the local park though you never know when people are out and what should be in a public area don't bring your own boombox it's rude but then don't play your ariana grande no one wants to hear it

i love ariana grande don't go and attack her she's done nothing in this situation no she's fine anyway we just think that you guys could implement this in so many other ways in your life if there's something that you're not happy about that's happening in your life don't address it don't use communication do what hong kong does just stare them down yeah disapprovingly so stupid All right, let's get into Vibe and Unsubscribe. Keisha has been putting her hand up in the corner. She really wants to give a vibe. So I don't know if you guys know Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

She was in Seinfeld. She's like one of the OGs of female comedy. So she brought out a podcast a couple months ago. I think it was in like April. It's called Wiser Than Me. And so the concept of the podcast is that she interviews people who are usually older than her. I think everyone on there is older than her.

the very first episode was with Jane Fonda I'm such a huge fan of Jane Fonda I kind of love everything that she acts in and that she does in her personal life she's this massive climate activist and she's really fearless with it but on this particular episode I really liked how transparent she was with things that she regretted in her life like she gets on there and she says that she was a bad mum but she's a good grandma and she kind of acknowledges where she went wrong with her children and how she's changed that to be a better grandma to her grandchildren. Like she learnt the lessons through parenting with the hindsight

of parenting and how she wished she wanted to do it differently and then being a grandma was like second time over. I feel like that's probably really common. Yeah. I mean I wonder, I think from anecdotally and subjectively from friends that I've spoken to who maybe had a challenging relationship with their mum growing up, their mums or dads have stepped up to the plate in terms of grandparenting.

I think that that's something that might be more common than what we realise. she also speaks about how she regretted getting uh quite a lot of the work done to her face like the whole episode the actually the whole podcast i've listened to a couple of episodes on there but this was my particular favorite one and it was the first one so if you're going to listen to it i would recommend going from the start but i just loved how transparent she was about all of these things you know i think a lot of the time we talk about authenticity in interviews and conversations and i think that most of the time even when we think we're getting a very vulnerable

conversation we're probably getting 90 because people like to keep things to themselves for the multitude of reasons which is completely fair this to me felt so open she was just like mate i'm old i've got nothing left to lose totally true because you don't care as much yeah and i didn't actually know that her dad was an actor and like i i kind of didn't know about that previous baby one of the ogs but it was just such an interesting conversation so yeah that's my vibe for the week wiser than me by julia louis dreyfus who you would know as elaine from seinfeld on wherever you listen to your podcasts i put out a vibe and unsubscribe in the podcast group like in our facebook group life uncut discussion group if you're not a part of it and the overwhelming

unsubscribe this week was people unsubscribing from the ato so i just want to say i feel you i see you i hear you unfortunately we can't unsubscribe from it well you can well you just get fined yeah yeah but tax evasion i also we don't recommend it we're not vibing or unsubscribing well yeah we're not unsubscribing but we are feeling you because it fucking sucks this time of year and i feel like more people are disappointed usually tax return time people are like and this year it feels like everyone's like well it's affecting a lot of the younger people that have hex debts that's where it's really affecting because they're paying more tax than they've ever had to pay because of the changes that are coming in so i'm seeing a lot of the young people is

going off on TikTok at the moment a lot of young people that are getting tax bills because of the hex debt changes because I fell into this category I thought that hex debts were interest-free because that's kind of how it's preached to you the lowest interest you'll ever have yeah yeah they're like they're interest-free but they have this thing called indexation on them so mine was going up like a thousand dollars a year I didn't notice because I've worked for myself for two and a half years so I hadn't actually paid it off my accountant was like hey this is a huge issue you gotta pay it i just looked at the whole summation of the amount that i owed and it just kept on increasing and i was like what the fuck okay this is a whole other discussion for another

day but like education shouldn't have fucking inflation on it i'm sorry this is wild anyway i'm sorry that's my unsubscribe okay fuck you ato well my you guys are gonna think i'm boring as fuck and it's really showing my age but i'm fritz like my vibe is metamucil my vibe is shitting because i get constipated no my vibe and taking iron supplements it's water free mop free floor mop have you ever used that guys i'm you guys laugh at me i'm the only one that brings practical vibes you literally just put it all over the floor and you don't it doesn't have to be like a water rinse water rinse thing it's like straight to the floor you don't put in a bucket of water straight from the thing and then you just quickly do the mop it's the quickest easiest thing you've

ever done i'm still so unbelievably obsessed with my electronic vacuum mop thing like my robo it's not a robo mop i don't know what brand it is but it's so expensive they they are expensive but if you can spend money on a vibrator you can spend money on this robo vac thing because how expensive your vibrators are they are very different price if i could i would do both they both vibrate sit on the vacuum i was gonna say i would have sex with this thing every single night if i could i would abstain from sex for the rest of my life if I never have to wash or vacuum a floor again she sits on the robo vacuum and she just scoots around the house on the vacuum she's cleaning she's masturbating at the same time only when Matt's not home have you seen the videos on

Instagram though where those things have gone wrong like if they've rolled over a dog the dog shit goes all over the house the best I did get into a deep dark web when I very first got my robo vac thing it's not the robo vac just so you guys know it's got some other brand i can't remember but i did go into the deep dark webs of people's houses being covered in dog shit there is that one video that went viral of the guy that came home remember he had a puppy that did the shit the robo vac could put it it was like on the walls because it sprayed it was on the floor it was in the carpet like this shit went everywhere laura's still masturbating in the corner just waiting for it to clean up the shit she gets off on it more because she's like yeah get that dirt

so dirty all right let's get into answering your questions i think there's gonna be a lot of people i'm gonna summarize this because it's long but i think there's gonna be a lot of people that can relate to this my current partner has an entire drawer under his bed of sex toys he's super into them he's super kinky he's been collecting them for quite some time he's a collector all the weird and wonderful you can imagine like she wrote a big long list there's everything you could imagine from like swings whips to toys to vibrators to handcuffs like the whole kit from buzz buzz to yeehaw there's sex books there's all these different lubes and flavors and everything okay it's literally everything which from the description

of this list we would say it would be like thousands of dollars worth of oh she said that she said it's thousands she said to be fair it's thousands now this isn't the problem she's happy to try everything the problem is she feels like it's a bit of an ick thinking about how many years he's collected these over meaning how many people he's used these on and how many things he's done with them the sex swings and the whips and like you know whips doesn't go in you but it goes on someone well it's all associated with someone else it could go yes laura that's right it could but it's the fact that it's been associated with this other person or other people can she ask him to get rid of them and start a new collection for her knowing how much money they're worth

think of the landfill it's not like you can take him to salvo pretty sure in this moment she's not thinking of the landfill laura she's not getting whipped being like well guys we're just coming out of a heat wave in the middle of winter so we someone needs to be thinking of the landfill and the global warming how the hell have you gone to landfill in this situation is what i'm wondering would you have an issue with your like if you went to ben's house and he was like hey he's a vibrator okay guys this is ben this is ben it's my question no how would you feel i don't think i would care but I think the reason why it's become such a big thing is because it's very obvious that he's collected this over a long period of time so he's proud of the collection he doesn't want to

get rid of the collection but she can't think of anything else when they have sex except for the fact that he's used it on everyone else okay controversially for me I know there is nothing wrong hygienically with using toys that have been used over time because we know you can wash them you can put them in the dishwasher these days unless he's been collecting these since 1990 before you could throw these things in the dishwasher hygienically it's okay it's like when you put a disposable container and it shrinks real little because it's one of the ones you can't put into the dishwasher oh you're like fuck it's a tiny little vibrator that's how the rabbit came about someone put it in by accident well this is the thing right for me personally and it's just

me there's I know there's nothing wrong with it but I would probably want to bring my own sex toys new sex toys into that situation so I'm wondering if you can itemize let's like let's take the sexy out of this sit down with him and itemize the things and maybe the things that are a bit much for you like butt plugs like something that's been in someone else's butt I'm sorry it's not coming in my butt it is not coming in my butt it's not come it's non-negotiable for me but that's just me so maybe itemize the list and the things that are a bit too much for you can go and you can replace them and maybe the things like the whips and the handcuffs that aren't like necessarily going into a butt unless you're handcuffing the bowel in the butt which no one's doing

maybe you can do it that way so it's like just a few pieces and you might have to contribute financially like if you're telling him to get rid of stuff maybe you bring your own vibrator in yeah you need to replace them one in one out method what do you reckon um there's a new website this was this was trending a couple weeks back there's a new website where you can actually buy secondhand sex toys yeah um which i think is wild in and of itself obviously they're well disinfected because some sex toys they're expensive to buy and they are you know they're like any other piece of equipment. We should all be sex liberal. Okay. I feel, I want to sit here and say that I have no issue with it, that I would be fine with using a secondhand sex toy, but it's only because I

think I wouldn't have really thought about it. I don't think I would have looked at that sex drawer and just seen a plethora of other women or men or whoever is using it on. I would have just been like, yeah, let's get down to kinky town. If I'd had the thought, oh my God, he's using it with all the other women before me. It may make me get a bit of the egg and feel a bit insecure but i'm sure and i say this because i'm sure i've used sex toys with people in the past and i don't think they were new no he got just off the bedside table like it was there from the night before which with also how do you trust that he's cleaned them all you don't do you go in and you give them a good scrub a dub dub i think you should 100 because some people don't some people

just rinse them off and chuck them back under the bed i reckon most people rinse them off i don't reckon a lot of people put them in the dishwasher and disinfect no and you know what the other thing is and it probably shouldn't matter and i don't know which one i would prefer actually has he just come out of a relationship with someone for 10 years like have these toys been with that one person for 10 years and they've created all these different moments with a person or is it better if it was like one person is worse many people is fine see i don't know i would actually yeah yeah i would rather him have no intimate and emotional attachment because he's used it with every person then just like this is specifically the toy that sarah really liked let's use it on you and see if

And I know she liked it like this and when I do it like this and when I lift it here, like that's definitely better. You'd probably rather a butt plug that would have been in 25 butts. But I'm with you, Britt. Yuck. I think that you have to itemise and you go through what are the tools that we can use that seem a bit more reusable than items that maybe are a bit more single-person use.

He's obviously kinky. Great. He's not going to care if you bring some new toys into the bedroom. He'll froth that. He's going to be like, fuck yeah, and then just slowly wean the other ones out. And then you have a one-in, one-out sort of policy is what I think. One in the butt, one out of the vagina, one in the vagina, one out of the butt.

Yeah, you always take it there. My partner and I have been together for almost seven years. We have a three-year-old and a one on the way. I was about to say one-year-old on the way. Nope, a newborn. And I don't feel secure in our relationship. The reason I say I don't feel secure has nothing to do with love or affection or trust or loyalty. He's emotionally mature in that department.

But when it comes to working, he is very, very complacent. in the past he has taken literally weeks off work for simply being a bit run down and now he has his own business and he keeps taking time off work because he just keeps getting viruses i've told him to wear a mask to protect his immunity but he chooses to ignore me and then we go on to the next virus and the cycle continues i'm in the process of establishing my own business however my income isn't as great as his and this worries me as he is our main source of income mind you i will be on maternity leave soon with our mortgage and i just don't feel secure that my partner can do it alone. We're engaged to be married and I want to be proud of

the man who I end up marrying but at the moment I feel embarrassed. I have tried to help him by seeking out some doctors in case there is an underlying issue but he just doesn't seem like he's interested in helping himself. My question to you is am I in the wrong to be having these icks and frustrations over something like this? In my mind it is the foundation of our future and worries me that with his work ethic we won't be able to achieve our goals in life to build or buy a house or to travel i think this is completely valid i think you're this woman's feelings are completely warranted that she's getting the ick yeah that she's getting the ick and that it's something that's playing on her mind i would be shocked if there was anybody out there listening

to this right now that doesn't think about money worries or money i don't know this is a big call maybe once a day. And the reason for that is we live in a really expensive world now. Inflation has gone up. People's salaries haven't gone up. Doing the bare minimum of life right now is way more expensive than it ever used to be. You've got kids, so you have other dependents now. You've got more costs than people like myself that don't have children. I constantly think about money in the future. What am I going to do? I think of retirement now, not retiring early, but making sure I have enough when i'm 65 or 70 and that's because of the cost of living it just sounds like he's lazy to be honest and i i know this sounds mean but if he has the ability to work full time and he's

choosing to just do a few days here and there knowing that he has a family to support to me i'd probably get the ick too because a big part of building a relationship is contributing evenly and like you've got kids you've got your own business and he's saying i feel run down we all feel run down. Life makes me feel burnt out. I don't think people feel 95% run down and 5% they feel good. I think that that's the balance we live in life at the moment. These feelings are completely warranted. I mean, is that a healthy balance? Absolutely not. Is it kind of how everybody feels? Sure it is. Just before I jump on the bandwagon and say like he's lazy and that it's all kind of make-believe, I do think it's probably important to sit down with him and

have a conversation about these recurrent illnesses. Because if he is recurrently getting sick and having viruses and being quote unquote very run down to run down to actually do his job that's a real conversation that you guys need to have and I mean what is he doing to try and get his health back in order what tests is he going to have done is he getting his bloods checked has he gone to go and see the doctors that you've organized I think if he's proactive and also concerned about the fact that he's unwell then that's a very different situation I think that you can have a little bit more empathy for your partner being back-to-back sick than if he's like I don't feel well does nothing about it takes ample time off work and seems to just be really

milking it because it also leans into this idea of weaponized incompetence you know if you've got a partner who's like I've got the cold I can't do anything and then it also means that not just the income but the housework falls on you the taking care of the kids falls on you it's a way of him getting out of responsibilities that he has that he doesn't have to do because he knows that you're going to pick up the slack because you're there and the question is is what would he do if you weren't there would he go to work would he have to do the things that you're feeling that gap for or would he simply be so sick that he would be able to take this time off for me I think you like don't be so hard on yourself when you say you know am I in the wrong for having the ick

the ick comes because it's a reaction to somebody else's behavior it's a reaction to what somebody else is doing and I think in this instance getting the ick is pretty understandable because I think having similar motivational drives as our partners is really important. It's something that some of us find really sexy. And if you're matched with somebody who has no drive, who has no ambition, that can be a massive turnoff to somebody who is ambitious and sees their life in a certain place and has goals that they're working towards. I think financial security too is even independently, not just in a relationship, but both. It's one of the things we strive for and probably put at the top of our list as individuals because it is literally how we survive in this

life. If you don't feel like you're financially secure and you don't feel like you're moving together and working together for a future, it's going to become a really big problem in your relationship. Setting a budget and setting some sort of ideal goals that you can both work towards is helpful if you're both ambitious. It's helpful if you both want the same thing. It's very easy to say, I want something, but not have any of the drive or any of the motivation or do any of the steps to get there and a lot of people do that a lot of people say I want this in x amount of years but they don't do the things that are required to get them to x because the actual doing is way harder than the saying that I want something and I think that they're the

bigger conversations that you need to have it's like well I know that we talk about this future that we want but what are you proactively doing to get us there and I feel like you're not being a participant I feel like you're not stepping up to the plate and at the moment I think you're kind of taking the cruisy easy road and this is not going to equal to what we are saying that we combined want for our lives I probably personally would not be getting married until I had had this conversation and you were working towards the same future and that I wasn't embarrassed by my partner the embarrassment's a really big thing I that to me is such a huge factor like it's a huge statement saying that you want to be married to someone who you're proud of not someone who

embarrasses you I mean that's so damning in and of itself also it's so and this is not an you know criticism of you but it's so belittling of him like to be in a relationship where your partner's embarrassed of you is truly humiliating and if that's the place that you've gotten to in your relationship because of his lack of drive his lack of ambition his lack of effort I think that there's some really massive things that you have to unpack finances are one of the biggest issues in a relationship it's one of the biggest reasons like the second reason that people divorce fidelity number one yeah so what you're i just want to say that what you're feeling is valid but you 100% needs to go and have these conversations before you go and get married i think that's what i would

be doing because you feel very strongly about it and i think it's okay i agree all right question number two and he sounds like a lazy fucker i asked my boyfriend to block his ex-girlfriend on instagram this is a boundary of mine i'm not sure if this is a healthy boundary or not and i've just found out that he's gone out of his way to unblock her am i in the wrong for having asked or is he in the wrong for blatantly disrespecting my boundary i loved this question especially because no this is why i loved it because you guys all got spicy on the instagram when we put up our little boundary post the other day and there was a lot like I was surprised by how much debate there was around what constitutes good and bad boundaries

and a lot of people were saying well Jonah Hill he said he had boundaries and she didn't want to abide by them so therefore you know he was just asking for what he wanted I think this is great to unpack this because in my understanding of this one and I know the other argument that was coming up was like well if this was reversed if it was a female asking for those things we would say oh it's so empowered you know yes you're asking what you want you know get it queen but because it's a guy, we're shitting on him. I want to make it very clear, just going back to that conversation about Jonah Hill, it would be irrelevant what gender those sort of boundaries came from. And how do I feel about this one? Is it okay to ask your current boyfriend to block

his ex-girlfriend on Instagram and to remain no contact? The question I ask is why does he need to block his ex-girlfriend? Is there a reason? Is there something that they've done? Is there some sort of insecurity that it creates in you? Is there a why to it? Because I think it is unfair to simply expect your partner to erase their past relationships and to completely remove someone from their life in all capacity if they've done absolutely nothing that's disrespectful and they have a platonic or, you know, mutually fine relationship with them. I think it's quite insecure and it's quite controlling to say you have to block them. That's my boundary. Never speak to them again. My question would be, why do you feel so strongly about it? I think that's a

good thing to unpack before you simply give your partners rules about how they should and shouldn't interact with their exes. The second part of this, I think is probably where it gets a bit problematic is the fact that he agreed to it, to your face, but then unblocked behind your back. And I think it's almost like he was doing it to keep the peace, but he obviously doesn't want to completely block his ex and doesn't want to remove his ex from his life entirely. And I think that the issue there comes with saying one thing and doing another but I personally think the biggest part of this the biggest issue is saying you have to do this and that's my boundary you can't answer this question without knowing the why the whole question depends on the why the relationship he

has with the ex-girlfriend 100 it's almost impossible to answer without knowing all right well let's just imagine that nothing there is no reason why like he has not done anything with his ex he has a completely platonic relationship with his ex yeah then you cannot ask your partner to block an ex for zero reason unfollowing maybe is one thing muting them maybe is one thing i would think they're not completely finished and when i say this i'm saying maybe emotionally maybe they they just think of each other if he's gone out of his way to unblock her i would be asking him why he's gone to unblock her do they still keep in communication are they still catching up as friends are they one of those really weird exes that you know check in on each other sometimes

were they together for 15 years and have a kid like there are so many variables in this conversation but if they just dated for a year and then they split up and he's moved on you can't go and ask your ex to block them you can have a conversation and say look it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that she pops up on your feed and I think it's really important the way you have that conversation the way you explain it to him if you tell him how it makes you feel and why and then he still doesn't respect that i think there's a bigger issue there but i reckon he's i think he's like rebelling against the fact that you've come in and said do this fucking block her now do this he's obviously done it to keep the peace in that moment but i think he's rebelling

he probably feels like you're trying to exert some level of control and i think the key issue here is he probably doesn't understand why you're trying to exert that control it's a weird one isn't it because on one hand you think well if there's nothing going on if you have absolutely no relationship if you don't care about your ex why can't you just block them like I understand why people can have that sort of thought well if it means nothing to you then just block them and then when someone says no you're like well obviously it means something more to you but I think for some people blocking seems like it's an insignificant thing right you know we talk about oh they blocked us it's pretty brutal but it actually you know the way that we interact

on a digital platform is now also the way that we act in real life you know it's a real in terms of like, it doesn't not mean anything. It's a real life statement just done on a digital platform. And I think if they have an amicable relationship, if they're friendly, but there's nothing going on, if there's no issue, doing a hard block with zero explanation actually creates an issue. It creates a bigger problem that she's going to then contact him and be like, Hey, why did you block me? He's going to have to say, Oh, my girlfriend told me I had to block you. It makes you sound crazy I just think there's quite a few levels of this that if he's not in the wrong if your partner hasn't done anything that has made you feel a certain way about their fidelity in

your relationship making them block someone because of your own insecurities that are not based in anything actually makes you seem crazy and it makes your boundaries seem unreasonable totally and I've made well I haven't made I have asked and it has happened in the past I have asked an ex to block their ex oh yeah but the reason of that was details i actually wouldn't say it because she's a psycho um the reason for that was she was crazy and she was harassing him constantly then she started to harass me and was a really big thing and we tried to navigate it without doing any like just to write and say you know like i've moved on and i'm happy kind of a thing and it just didn't work so I was like fucking block her just like cut her yeah but even that it makes me think

like every time I hear someone say like she was crazy my instant thought is well what did he do to make her be crazy no I saw it she was crazy she was crazy okay there's usually a reason behind people's crazy it is a pretty savage thing like if you've ever been blocked by someone on social media it's pretty savage like you feel you feel pretty shit you're like what the fuck because what it's saying is, I don't want one aspect of your life ever to cross into my life. I don't want to see you, hear you, smell you, whatever it is. They just don't want any part of you in their life. It's a pretty big slap in the face. So I would just be finding out why you want to make him do that and why he doesn't want to do it. Have you ever had an ex-boyfriend block you?

Keisha's nodding yes. I don't think I have, but all my breakups. Keisha's had heaps. Yeah, everyone blocks Keisha. The crazier the relationship, the more likely it is that they'll block you I have not had anyone block me that I know of but you know what I probably don't know because I'm really really good at drawing a line so when I go through a breakup or end something I'm not one of those people and I've spoken about on the podcast I don't go back and constantly look at their profiles I never do that because it's not good for me so I probably wouldn't know if they've blocked me because I don't go to their page to see I'm the opposite I fucking love it I know you stalk it I don't stalk I just talk to you when you're 12 you're

boyfriend you're like what's he doing now i do i love a sticky beak i'm not there's no romantic interest there's not even one iota of like you know the longing or the thinking of what could have been i'm just purely interested i'm so interested that this man who was inside me for fucking x amount of years now has a whole different life and i just go i wonder what he's doing now and then i'm like oh my god he's had kids that's crazy and i love a little sticky beak never could not care less i'm blocked by one x that's it blocked hard was that the one that he typed his new girlfriend into your facebook start or something because that's fair do love a fucking stalk love a little love a little check-in anyway guys that is it from us today if you've loved the

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