Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Get it out of your system

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Welcome to your therapy Thursday!Today producer Keeshia is stepping in for Laura, as Laura is taking a wee break to celebrate her birthday. But never fear, Britt and Keeshia are here to answer all your deep dark and burning questions!My fiance said that he thinks it is fine to hook up with someone else at his bucks party. He said it's not cheating; it's 'getting it out of your system.' Who is in the wrong hereCan you turn down being a bridesmaid without ruining a friendship?I fucked up and kissed someone else on a night out. My fiancé now isn't speaking to me and wants to call off the wedding. How can I fix this?Send your questions into @lifeuncutpodcast on the gram. Join the Facebook discussion group here - it's where all the saucy stuff goes down.Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the lovexxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. hey guys and welcome back to another episode of life on cut i'm britney and i'm keisha or producer keisha we have producer keisha stepping in today because you well if you listen to tuesday's episode you'll know that it was laura's birthday so we let her have a sneaky day off we

said, you know what? You can go away. She's gone to Byron Bay. We let her have one day off. That was my birthday present to her. So producer Keisha stepping in. So producer Keisha, welcome to Life Uncut. Thank you. Do you think it's quite funny that our gift to her is a break from us? Oh no, I think it's a great gift. She spends more time with us than she spends with her fiance. Well, I actually have a funny story about the whole producer Keisha thing for you. So I'm originally from Newcastle and I've got three girlfriends coming to visit Sydney on Friday night. Anyway, last week I was at, of course, if you've got friends coming to Bondi, where do you take them? Toddy's? Exactly, right? I went there yesterday. So for anyone not from Sydney, Toddy's

is like, it's kind of the, it's the go-to place for if you have people come and visit. It's like nice Italian food, but it's a bit of a scene. It's a nice aesthetic and it's a great restaurant that has great bread. Yes. So basically I was like, oh, look, I'll book us in somewhere for dinner and I just so happened to be going on a little date at Toddy's so when I got there I was like oh I'm just gonna try and book in dinner for next week as well like while I'm here anyway the girl who served us I said oh you know while I'm here is it okay if I try and make this reservation blah blah blah and she said oh what was the name for and I said it's for Keisha for four people she turned to me and she said to me um Keisha is that like producer Keisha

you're like the one and only at this moment where i was like you're like have i been recognized it was more so like will this help me get a reservation or will it hinder my chance unless i hate it i go there regularly i kind of laughed and i was like yeah yeah britain laura's producer yeah yeah and i said what was your name anyway shout out to you sarah thank you babe i'll be seeing you tomorrow i hope she gave you a very good table but no thank you for stepping on in today and look there's so much we could talk about if you guys unless you have stayed completely off the internet and haven't spoken to one person you would have heard about what went down with will smith and chris rock who in my head i keep saying the rock which it's not

the rock it's chris rock but the shit that went down at the oscars which is going to be memeable for the rest of our life it is so controversial it is all anyone's talking about there are fence sitters there's pro will there's pro chris that's like it is one big hot mess i also think it's one of those situations where i think more than one thing can be true at once and in my opinion i just feel like this conversation has probably happened on every form of media since the second that it occurred so we're not going to kind of rehash it or go through it all no we're not quite tired of it yeah i think at the end of the day no one was in the right here everyone was wrong in every capacity the joke the personal joke probably shouldn't have been made and I think

there was a build-up there should Will Smith have gotten on stage and assaulted him absolutely not look I think you're exactly right Brie I think that there is fault in both sides of the coin here but I also think that we can kind of look at these situations a little bit more like from a distance maybe and there was one thing that a friend of mine wrote on Instagram his name is Matt Purcell and he wrote words create worlds words can get you hired they can get you fired they can be used to bully they can instigate violence there are so many ways will smith could have spoken up about the comments chris rock made he could have stood up and questioned he could have walked on stage and interrupted with a speech of his own even though it was said as a joke that isn't always

a trump card to say whatever you want and get away with it will lost control and because of that he has lost the respect of millions of people chris has also lost respect and some people would say that it was called for if you lose control you lose respect the untrained tongue is the most dangerous weapon we all have deep well i like it i think that it is true i think that it is a reminder to all of us that we need to take responsibility and accountability for what we say and the repercussions of what may come from that words are powerful don't forget it but this has been spoken about to death i don't think any of you want to hear about it what i think you do want hear about is the 140 000 gift bags that everybody at the oscars got because no one's talking about

the gift bags so look i heard this wild rumor that these bags were worth more than most people's salary probably double people's salary i could not believe that this is happening so we thought this was more worthy of the story than what went down keisha talk us through trust us to find like the most talked about story in the world in some side tangent where we're like oh but this is kind of funny. Let's talk about this shit. Well, I want to know, I want to get an invite just to get the gift bag so I can sell it off and make a salary. Well, it turns out that not everyone gets the $140,000 gift bag. It does go selected, like front row only, like exclusive. If you didn't think the Oscars were exclusive enough, it's just gone up another level. How do you get,

what do you have to do to qualify for $140,000 gift bag? Is it like you have to have won an Oscar before or you have to be up and coming or is it a lucky dip? Okay. So it goes to nominees in the Best Actor and Actress, Best Supporting Actor and Actress, and the Best Director categories. Pretty exclusive. Yeah, it's just the higher end. So apparently like every year it's kind of like the year before tries to outdo themselves, right?

So for $140,000, let me guess, they probably just have one vibrator from Gwyneth Paltrow. And a vagina candle. And maybe a candle, and that's $140,000. Okay, so this year the bag contained gold-flecked posh pretzels, which I don't even know what that is. A pretzel, a food pretzel. gold flecked though so one pretzel that has gold on it can you eat gold apparently gold was a heavy

metal well that all hollywood has just been poisoned okay what else is in the bag so there's quite a few things so i'll try and list these quickly a box of products uh of skincare limited edition vodka bottles extra virgin olive oil infused with edible gold flakes manuka honey and a skin treatment worth 10 grand as a okay whatever bees were really special okay they were from the queen bees um a three-day wellness retreat and an arm sculpting procedure four night stay for two at a luxury resort but here is the one thing that has me absolutely scratching my head the people who received this gift bag got a plot of land in scotland of course they did okay so it says and i'm quoting this the present comes from highland titles and allows the recipients to

contribute to the establishment of nature reserves while also awarding them the title of laird lord or lady of glencoe oh i've spent a lot of time in glencoe actually i used to yeah i used to live there it's a lovely place that is okay so essentially what they've done is they're like look we're gonna give you some land so that really if you want you can call yourself a lord but also you have to contribute to that to maintain the environment i mean frankly it's like a back end compliment I would like to be a lady I've been watching a lot of Bridgerton seasoned I mean I feel like you don't need a title to act like a lady you could probably have that I would like to have a title remember Scott Disick he bought a piece of land over there just so that he could

be called the lord these people honestly and I say these people it's crazy that firstly no one in Hollywood would pay for two nights accommodation anyway I love that they've been given two nights accommodation they're never going to have paid for it anyone's going to say come and stay they're not going to do anything with a piece of land like what an excessive waste of money these people should be donating all of those goodie bags to charity however what do you get people that have everything nothing like that's a good point if you're going to do a goodie bag why do the richest people in the world need more do you reckon we should do you know the lolly bags you got when you were a kid when you'd go to like a party and you'd leave with your lolly bag that

was the best part of a kid's party was like you'd get your lolly bag and you'd be straight out the door and you'd walk out and you'd be like fuck yes I've got this awesome lolly bag and you'd rip it open in the car and your parents would probably hate the people who had made the lolly bag maybe they should do that for Hollywood but there was one very famous person who was quite rightly pissed off about it his name is Ricky Gervais oh yeah you may know him you might know him great comedian has hosted the Oscars a bunch of times he actually responded to some fans tweets saying that they wish that he was hosting and he said this hello i hope this show helps cheer up the ordinary people watching at home if you're unemployed for example take some comfort in the fact that even if you had

a job your salary probably wouldn't be as much as the goodie bag all the actors have just been given i'm proud to announce that this is the most diverse and progressive oscars ever looking out i see people from all walks of life every demographic under the sun except for poor people obviously fuck them oh i mean like no i mean he's saying it how it is though isn't it totally do you know that when i lived in london he used to jog past our apartment every day it would be the most exciting part whenever he would he would kind of shuffle because you can imagine how ricky gervais because he's kind of like a little nugget he's a shuffler for sure he was a shuffler and he would have a hat on and sunnies he was like trying to be as much in disguise as

possible he would run to Hampstead Heath and every time he would be out the front if one person in the apartment there were four of us saw him everyone would just like shout and be like Ricky's out the front and you are the problem and we'd run to the window and be like hey Ricky and he'd kind of do the little two fingers up like keeping his head down still shuffling on and you are the people that are making his life hell I thought he's great I mean we encouraged him along his runs and good for him still jogging it well he would have been like 56 or something like that at the time i don't think he's that old is he he's 60 now it was a while ago well you also come in hot you've told you've got a recommendation for us today you're coming with

a lot of segments today i like that you're like yes i've come completely prepared for this episode it's almost like i sit in the corner most episodes quietly you've been watching a lot of netflix i have been i've actually been doing a lot of dates home netflix days sorry what was that yes is it maybe too early to be bringing that to the podcast possibly uh yes I have been binging as a lot I think half the world has season two of Bridgerton hang on is Bridgerton your recommendation it's fine I lean into being a basic bitch and if you are also into Bridgerton I've really liked season two I do have a little bit more of an obscure recommendation though before you mock me for being too much of a basic bitch um I found this girl on Instagram the other day

I don't even know it just like came up in the algorithm and I think she's really really bloody cool and super talented I could be mispronouncing this so I apologize if I am it's Millicent Sarr so it's like Millicent S-A-R-R-E anyway she is from what I can gather kind of a mix between a cabaret artist and a stand-up comedian I thought she was bloody great and I really really liked her so that was that's my more obscure well she's doing the Adelaide Fringe Festival and by the way I do not know her from a bar of soap I just saw her Instagram video and I was like wow you're like really cool and I like supporting up-and-coming young females you had better give everybody her Instagram handle Keisha because you can't just come with your recommendation and not actually

recommend the person okay her Instagram is Millie so M-I-L-L-I-C-E-N-T like cent you know cents dollars and cents S-A-R-R-E I've got a pretty random recommendation actually super super left field but I have been watching on binge Tiger as in Tiger Woods documentary now you don't need to be into golf to get into this episode I mean it's only two it's a three hours total there's only two they're an hour and a half each somebody else had recommended it to me and I just got hooked it's just it's there's a whole nother world to it and he's about his golfing career or more about everything personal life and from when he was two years old and I think it's just amazing to see he was a freak man he was a freak of nature at what he did at golf he nearly had

like a fatal car accident last year and they were wondering whether he would ever walk again and does it go into that or is that a crazy story yeah it covers everything so left field totally but i mean it's no bridgeton season two wait tiger woods is pretty hot he in his in his day he was probably a lot of women thought so at the time many hundreds of thousands of women yes but that's my recommendation and i am waiting very very patiently for dynasty dynasty dynasty yeah i've been waiting very patiently for dynasty season three i think it is to come out i think there's on two seasons no they've done five seasons actually i think there's four seasons i'm waiting for the fifth season whatever season we're up to i've been waiting so i check it like

every second day i'm like is it out yet and then i'll binge watch it in one day 100 i think the streaming services tell me if this is a personal opinion but i feel as though they go through periods where like Netflix is just absolutely firing and then it finishes and you're like there's nothing new on here and then you move over to Stan and then like Stan's firing and then it's Amazon or like whatever it is. And you get like 25 services. Yeah and I feel as though right now it's like the Netflix era of the year where I'm just like obsessed with stuff on Netflix so I also can't wait for Dynasty but should we get into some questions? Yes we should. Question to number one. I'm actually really interested to get your opinion on this Keish because

I think it's controversial and I think there'll be a lot of fence sitters on this one side or the other. Okay. I know I know how I feel but we'll get your opinion. Ladies please please help I'm so embarrassed and I really have nowhere to turn. On Saturday night I was out with my fiance and friends and I kissed a girl. I had a lapse in judgment and I made a mistake. Now I have kissed girls before, but my fiance has always been involved. We have had conversations about having threesomes in the past. This wasn't a threesome situation though. It was just me being caught up in the moment. And yeah, I kissed a girl. My fiance is now not talking to me. He's sleeping in a separate bedroom. The only thing he has said to me in the past week is that he doesn't trust me.

He thinks I'm a liar and he doesn't want to get married anymore. This is huge. I feel like my world is spinning out of control. I feel so physically sick, so embarrassed. I don't want to talk to my friends or family, which is why I'm writing to you. I know this is a long, deep message, but any advice would be great. I am crying my eye out. Oh, I am so broken for this girl. See, I'm just going to say first things first. I'm so sorry that the one that you came to this episode is me, not Laura, because I feel like Laura would have a lot better advice on this situation. I mean, at the end of the day, irrespective of what gender, you cheated.

so I think that there's kind of two parts to this conversation because I think a lot of people would be like you remember when we were in high school I don't know if this happened when you were in high school too but it was definitely like a thing that a lot of girls would kind of be like oh it's like let's make out like it'll be super hot for the guys it was definitely a thing in high school and all the boys were like kiss totally so I think I never did kind of carry through to our adult lives where a lot of people in relationships in heterosexual relationships a lot of guys wouldn't necessarily consider that to be cheating when the reality is, is that it is, you know, especially if they haven't kind of been a part of the conversation or at least by the sounds of it, this

guy sounds as though it is cheating to him. What can you do about it from here? Do I think this is an irreparable fuck up? Possibly not. I mean, I think there's a massive difference between being out, but it sounds like you might've been out on a night with your friends and there's likely alcohol involved and you've kissed someone. I think there is a huge difference between kind of like an accidental, oh shit, this happened kiss and like going home and sleeping with someone. Do you know what I mean? Cause it can kind of just happen in the moment. It doesn't necessarily have to have much prior thinking. And it sounds as though you are remorseful of what you've done. My heart really is breaking for you right now, because even though you obviously

know, and we all know this thing that you've done something that your partner deems as wrong, even though you've been in the wrong in this situation I feel your pain when you say you're in your room and you're beside yourself crying I'm sure when you kiss this girl it never ran through your mind that this would be the end of your relationship or you wouldn't have done it I have no doubt you're obviously getting married because you're in love with the person you're in love with your fiance you would not have thought that a kiss would lead to this or you wouldn't have done it so I feel your pain and I know what you must be feeling right now when you said you feel so sick and I mean heartbreak whether you're in the wrong or not is horrific

that the physical illness that you feel from it so anyway I want to start by saying that secondly this sort of a thing whether it's deemed as cheating or not cheating infidelity or not this is very subjective to the individual and to a relationship this is different for everybody there I know plenty of people that wouldn't consider it cheating I know plenty of people that would be like, I don't care who you're with. To me, man, woman, non-binary. For some people, it doesn't matter. You're locking lips with someone else. You're having an emotional connection with someone else. You're sleeping with someone else. It's cheating. Your fiance evidently thinks that you going out on your own and being with someone is cheating, even though

he thinks it would be okay if you ordered it together, because that's a conversation you're having as a couple in a safe space that wants to explore something together. And I guess you have to put yourself in his situation. What if he went out and just hooked up with someone else and came back and said, I was drunk and I'm sorry. And it didn't mean anything. I'm probably, I'm going to guess, go out on a limb and say, you'd think it was cheating. So yes, I'm not, I don't want to make you feel any worse, but it's evident that you have done something wrong in this situation. What is there that you can do? Firstly, I think it's really important that you obviously give him some space because he wants space. He said, I want to be in another room. He doesn't want to

talk to you. So it's important to actually be reciprocal of what our partners are telling us. that they need at that time. And you probably want to throw yourself on him. You want to probably pin him down, beg, scream, cry for forgiveness, make things better. First and foremost, give him a little bit of space. Now, does that mean you can't tell him how you feel? No, you definitely can. You can, you can apologize and you can tell your story and you can try to explain your situation. You can try and make it better. But then if he says, I need space, you have to give him that. I think you should always try and have this conversation in person. It's, I think it's something that you owe each other to have in person now whether you just say can I just have

two minutes of your time and whether you just say I want you to know that this is the most regretful thing I have ever done you are my whole life I didn't realize it was going to go down this track I really want to make this work is there anything I can do ever say everything that you want to say and then say I recognize that you want some space to think about this but please let's not make decisions like calling off a wedding whilst emotions are high I have so much I want to say to you and I want to make this better but I realize that you're going to have to tell me when you're ready so I would make him feel like he's very loved and like you're very very apologetic and you want to make it work tell him everything you want to say but then don't sit

there and pressure him don't sit there crying and locking him in the the room so he can't get out until he talks to you he'll know how you feel and then then you need to step away for a minute so he can think about it and come back to you I mean I don't know you guys but there's a part of me that's like fuck I would be very shocked if he didn't want to come back and talk about this if he walked out the door and never spoke to you again and cancelled a wedding over this without having a conversation. For me, I don't feel like it's very adult. I think he is going to come back and speak to you. He's not just going to walk out and you're never going to see him again. It just, who knows how much this has hurt him. It might not be the answer you want,

but I don't think it is irreparable. And we've spoken to a lot of relationship therapists and counsellors that have said, you know, we are taught from a young age that infidelity is the worst thing in the world and you can't come back from it. But they say from experience that a lot of couples get through it not only get through it but they can come back stronger than ever so that's not for everyone but you've literally like at the end of the day in his eyes you fucked up you've cheated on him even if you didn't think you did that's how he feels that's what's important now you need to say what you want to say give him the space and hopefully you guys can work it out I really do hope you can because you do sound like you didn't realize you were making such a grave

error I also think and this is not to excuse it but I also think that if you were to anonymously survey the population of Australia or the world like the adult population in relationships and ask how many of them have slipped up and accidentally kissed someone when they shouldn't have I think it would be a lot higher than what you think it would I think that this would be a lot more of a common occurrence than what it sounds as though you are really really putting yourself through the ringer in terms of guilt and blame which I mean maybe you should feel you know it sounds like you feel guilty definitely I mean for me personally just to give you like a difference in perspective in relationships. When I was with Jordan, we just had a conversation one day.

I think we were talking about, actually, I think I asked him about an ass gun car as someone that had cheated. And it was, we're talking about each other's opinions. And for me, I said, I don't think cheating has to be the end of the world. Obviously it's very situational depending on what, why, when, how, all the levels. But overarchingly, I always said, look, it's not necessarily the be all and end all. I think that a lot of people can work through it by talking about how and why and, you know, getting the help. But he was like, I don't care what you do or who it's with or for what reason.

He's like, you cheat on me with anyone at any level, like even a kiss. And he's like, I'm out the door. Wow. Yeah. And we sort of laughed about it because I was like, you would – Maybe our bar is too low, babe. Because it was – yeah.

Maybe we're just like, I've been a seeker for like quite a while. Maybe that's not the worst thing that's ever happened. Well, this is what I was thinking. I was like, am I so ruined from how many people have horrifically cheated on me in the past and now I'm making excuses for it? but I don't think I am because I know that it's what I'm saying is it's dependent, but this is the thing. And this sounds like it's what's your part.

Your partner sounds like where Jordan was at. And he's like, I don't think there's anything to talk about because for me, trust is broken. Trust is broken. And I, you have to respect that whilst I don't get it. I was like, I can't believe you'd, I was like, look, I'm not saying I'd cheat on you, but hypothetically, if I did, I can't believe you'd walk away from me.

Hypothetically, if the guy from Outlander walked into a bar. I was like, what if it was Sam Hewitt? No, but it's, it's so true. It's like, it is what it is. it's dependent on the person which is why it's really hard to answer but the question here is how do you navigate it which we've just mentioned also talk about this with your friends you said you're too embarrassed we have all fucked up and i think you need to know like you need to have those people around you to support you right now because you're going through a lot and it's a

really hard time for you and i think that even though you do feel guilt and embarrassment about it keeping that to yourself is only going to make it worse like you know what do they say a problem talked about is a problem halved or some shit like that i don't know some therapist said there's something deep like that something gandy just don't go playing any katie perry songs anytime soon i understand what you're saying though i understand you saying you feel the embarrassment you don't want anyone to know i've been in that exact situation not because i've done anything wrong i remember when my ex i found out he had a double life i was embarrassed by that i don't want to tell anyone so i remember that it's a feeling of judgment as a whole i get that like

he said probably don't go tell everyone you probably don't need to post it on twitter but you need someone starts posting deep quotes yeah you probably don't need to post on twitter but you need at least somebody to help you and support you because you can't go through that shit alone. Like this is a really, really big deal and you'll probably be surprised. I'm sure you've got a best friend, someone that you can confide in. I'm glad that you came to ask. But like a professional or best friend, somebody to help you.

But, oh, good luck. People do make mistakes at the end of the day and it might be a really, really hard lesson for you to learn. Do you know what Mark Groves would say though? Sorry to interrupt you. Do you know what he would say? What an opportunity for growth. This could be an opportunity.

Yes, which you don't want to hear right now. No, I mean, like it could be an opportunity for the two of you to really realise where your boundaries are and hopefully come out the other side stronger and better than what you previously were because you've identified exactly where the line is. Good luck. All right, Keisha, bring question number two.

And I hope it's a bit – that was heavy to start with. It was a bit heavy. I know. All right. Just let me get a bit more comfortable. I didn't realise I'd be sweating filling in for Laura. Usually Laura's the one sweating. I'm really just feeling the role. Okay. Question number two, can you turn down being a bridesmaid?

I've got a friend who is engaged and she has dropped small hints that indicate that she will be asking me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, but I really don't want to. We are close friends, but we're certainly not best friends. We've known each other for about two years and are at the level where we would catch up semi regularly, regularly, regularly. Say that three times quickly. Can I turn it down without ruining the friendship? I think you can do whatever the hell you want. You probably ruin the friendship. This is tough. I mean, yeah, of course you can say no to, no one has to do anything. Have you been a bridesmaid? Yeah. Are you like always the bridesmaid? Like 27 dresses? Always the bride, never the bride. I'm the one before the one. We all know that.

Yeah. Do you know what was actually funny? One time I was a bridesmaid was when I was in The Bachelor. I didn't even have a choice to turn it down. I was in the mansion and one of my friends who has been a good friend for a long time um but I wasn't in her bridal party which you know so fine I was always going to go to the wedding I came out of the bachelor because in that time it was her wedding was the week I got out of the bachelor right in another state so you've been filming for what three months three a bit over three months and I got out and my sister's like Sheridan had organized it all with her she's like okay so your bride's made at the wedding I've got the dress sorted for you I've got the shoes these are your details this is

what you've got to do this is your partner you can't have your phone in there you can't have any contact so this you know you came out you were like surprise brides yeah this girl called sherry and she was like this is my bride one of my bridesmaids had to pull out from an international from another country would brit want to sharon's like yeah i'll set everything up so she like i just walked out and was like surprise bridesmaid which was great but like yeah of course no one has to do anything in life but this is a really tricky one because it's going to have repercussions every decision in life has a repercussion science i think it's an einstein quote he was more serious than that can i confess something i have been a bridesmaid very much enjoyed that experience

for the times that i have done it i never want to do it again and my close friends know that it causes me so much fucking stress why is that to me i'm not a details person i'm not an organized person if you ask me what i'm doing in three weekends time i would look at you blankly and be like I don't fucking know like I don't like the pressure of little things like that if you ask me what I'm doing tonight I don't know but you and I are similar in this way so I actually think that you'll kind of understand what I'm talking about that's why it's taken us five hours to do this episode well you get a coffee do you want a coffee do you want to have something to eat so I mean aside from the fact that firstly it's super expensive particularly if you have to factor

in like when I was a bridesmaid once I was a maid of honor and absolutely adore her couldn't think more highly of her and would happily do it again for her. But I had to travel interstate. So it was super expensive for me because it was like multiple sets of flights. If you've got to pay for accommodation, like you talk shoes, hair, makeup, all that kind of stuff. It adds up a lot. So it's a big financial commitment. It's also a mental commitment and you're supposed to help them do stuff. So that's why I don't want to do it. I'm like, can I just emcee your wedding instead? so that's actually going to be my suggestion to this person she's probably already got an mc she's the answer to the bridesmaid but maybe you could drop a little hint maybe you could like

steer this away it could be a little bit obvious i don't know but maybe you could steer it away and kind of be like oh you know the last few times i was a bridesmaid it was just it was a really stressful experience for me i just didn't really enjoy it you know what like your wedding's coming up soon do you need someone to like help the flower girl or i don't know maybe you could offer to do something else. I'm going to give you my honest advice here. There is, if I'm putting myself in the situation, I don't really feel like there is, you can't just say, no, I don't want to be a bridesmaid because it's stressful or I'm not an organized person. If my friend said that to me, I'd be like, get fucked. I was like, it's one day of the year. In my eyes, you just help me out and

you be there because not even help me out but like if somebody asks you I mean most of the time obviously there'll be exceptions to the rule if someone asks you to be a bridesmaid it's because they want you there on their special day they want you at the end they want the memories with you and it means that you are really important to them obviously there's a level of like yes you're going to have some responsibilities most of that should fall on the maid of honor what it does mean that usually you can't get out of is it's the cost there is like Keisha just said this financial costs. You do have to usually buy your dress or some of it and your accommodation, your travel, everything adds up. The only reason, I mean, if my friend said, look, I really don't want to be a

bridesmaid, I'd be like, well, I'm never going to make you. But also there's definitely gonna be a level of resentment there. If my friend came to me and said, I would love to be a bridesmaid, but in complete transparency, like I am strapped for cash. I don't know how I'm going to find this money. And of course, quite often there's a whole lot more that comes with that. There's the hen's party that's always a big event you always pay for that so the bride doesn't pay for anything like there's there is a lot of build-up for somebody's wedding then there's a present then there's it's a really big deal so if my friend came to me and said I just can't afford it if I was in a position to I would pay for everything if I really wanted them there if

I'm not in a position to I would 100% be okay with that I was like I totally get that if my friend came to me and said I'm not organized can't be fucked I'll be like fuck you I it's such a hard on because like no one has to do anything i don't want to do just know that if you do pull out or you do decline it has to be like a pretty good reason or there are going to be repercussions and some ripple effects in your friendship and it's just something you've got to weigh up what's important to you is it do you feel like you're not even that close to the bride and you're like oh why is she even asking me if because i mean like it sounds like that yeah so i think just weigh up the effects of what's going to happen if you say no because that's not going to go down well you

I would love you to be my bridesmaid. She's like, no, thanks. Oh my God. I feel so anxious for you. I'm just putting, I'm getting my anxiety rash all up my neck. Cause I'm just putting myself in this situation being like, I would be so overwhelmingly uncomfortable doing this. That's why I would plant the seed now before it's too late. Britt thinks it's terrible advice. I think it's wonderful. No, if you haven't already been asked yet, like sure you could plant the seed. You could be like, Hey, I'd love to MC your wedding if you want, if there's been no conversation, but if it's, if there's like an unspoken expectation that you're the bridesmaid, you can't start planning those things how about both you're like fuck i just got another job

i'd love to know if anyone's declined a bridesmaid offer i would love to hear that and if you did why and what was the effect of that yeah how did you do it maybe we could post your response as advice for this person yeah all right well good luck let's go on to question number three question number three is absolutely cooked like it's so cooked and i have a feeling that our opinion is going to be unanimous i think our answer is absolutely unanimous i think majority of you it's going to be unanimous i would love ready to like slammed out a hundred percent okay girls not sure if i'm overreacting or not yep can tell you already you are i need some advice my boyfriend of seven years said to me yesterday that he believes it's acceptable to sleep with

someone else on your bucks slash hens night what wait he asked me if I would be upset even if it was quote just a stripper and when I said I don't agree with that he was very offended with the fact that I wouldn't even consider it we ended up having an argument about the fact that I wouldn't even hear him out note we aren't engaged yet but I was so shocked that he thinks it's fine to sleep with someone else on his Bucks night. Am I overreacting or is it acceptable to cheat? He thinks it's fine because he would be, quote, getting it out of his system one last time before committing to me

for the rest of his life. Is this bloke having a laugh? Help, I'm caught off guard because he's really making me feel like I'm the crazy one. Surely he's taking the piss. No, he is not. And straight up, there is a term for this. it is called gaslighting there's another term it is called cheating this is in my eyes and what I

would think the majority of people would feel the same this is unacceptable if my partner said to me I just want to quickly sneak a little fuck in before I marry you for the rest of my life because I'll be tied to you like it's something bad I would say get the hell out there is no way I'm letting my partner just sneak one in one last time the terminology of just getting it out of my system makes my skin crawl and like also another layer to this the fact that he's like even if it was just a stripper for starters bro no stripper wants to sleep with you they're there doing their job that's their job they do well at it they don't want to hook up with you they don't even want to have a conversation with your mate but also like strippers that the assumption that

a stripper would sleep with you they're entertainers and that is absolutely it it doesn't come hand in hand so the audacity of this man that just thinks he can go and do what he wants with whomever he wants when he wants blows my mind so I just like I am I wish you could see me right now I'm not often lost for words but I just think this is insane I hate the fact that he's making you feel like you're crazy and making you feel guilty for the fact that you won't even consider it you won't even think about it that is to me a pretty high level of disrespect in a relationship so I think maybe there has to be a bit of a deeper conversation with the two of you about why he thinks this is acceptable maybe you even need to say to him hey I don't think this is acceptable as you think like

maybe you should speak to your friends about this I would be very shook if all of his friends said yes that's what you do he is in the wrong crowd he's hanging out with the wrong crowd of people absolutely like it's just it's laced in a shitload of misogyny it's pretty gross but your first question was do you think I'm overreacting babe I think you're underreacting totally and like 99.9% of people this would light a fire underneath I could I wouldn't even want to imagine what would happen if I had this conversation with my partner but we just touched on this in the first question when we spoke about is it cheating if you cheat with the same sex in a relationship so the you know this girl went out and kissed another girl her partner deems that as cheating for me cheating

is cheating so it doesn't matter if they have a specific occupation that's still classified as cheating so it's not like oh but i just had sex with a waitress oh but they were just an accountant that you know like it's just an occupation what does that have to do taking away from the fact that you had sexual relations like okay bill clinton we used to download stuff online it'd be like i did not have sexual relations with that woman you had sexual relations with another human uh yeah i feel really bad for you in this sense but please know that you're not overreacting and in my personal opinion there might be some people out there that think it's okay to slip it in one last time for me it's absolutely not okay and i would never ever sit well with me

so please don't feel like you're overreacting if you want to sit down and have a chat to him about why maybe explain why maybe even just play this episode to him i'm more than happy for you to play you can tell him that he can slide into my dms and that's the only place he's sliding peace of my mind i mean i know we are assuming that you're in a monogamous like exclusive relationship well the assumption is because she said she's not okay with it so yes i think that assumption is warranted i actually think that the only way you can have this conversation is in quite a condescending way no don't be where you're just like okay let me lay some things out for you the only other thing like there's only one option left and that is an instagram poll

you know tag him tag him directly and be like this is what our friends and family think of your comments yeah when in doubt we instagram poll out that is our motto here at life my gosh hey guys that is it from us today we hope you had a fun little episode with us there are some pretty big problems that i really hope you all work out today the questions today were all pretty problematic. Like they're not really cut and dry today. And I don't know what's going to happen with all these people. And lucky for all of y'all, your gal Laura will be back for Ask Uncut next week. Actually, in the meantime, you'll hear her on the radio. And then you'll also hear her on next Tuesday's episode, which is going to be a banger. It'll be a laugh and a half, as I like

to say. We've got so many bangers coming up. Please keep your questions coming in to Life Uncut podcast on the Instagram, accidentally unfiltered, funny stories, fucked up stories, embarrassing stories. We want to hear every single thing that makes your life a little bit worse. So our life seems a little bit better. Can I just jump in as the person who does check a lot of our social media or one of the people who takes a lot of our social media, something I would really love to do is like an ask uncut resolved. And I know you guys have put the call out before and we've tried to let us know what you think, but I'm probably going to post something on our Instagram and just kind of say, if we have answered your question, because before I started

working with you guys, I used to be like, Oh, and they get hundreds of messages. Like everyone says that no like it literally happens there are hundreds of messages so if your question is chosen like it's been really considered usually by yourself and laura and i would love to know like what happened after you know the aftermath i don't know what we're going to call it we need to come up with like a spicy name i think we just call that what ask uncut aftermath life after ask like some traumatic experience you guys have to go through therapy life after ask uncut um yeah what do you reckon i mean is this something that you guys would like to hear as well i reckon I mean I've been trying for two years no one writes to us the response and either our advice

isn't good or it doesn't work out we very occasionally have gotten proper follow-up questions but yeah if you guys if we have ever answered your question if you feel like it we would love to do like a little follow-up and a lot of people write in asking for follow-ups too you just have to make sure you write you say what your question was at the top so maybe if you do maybe you can say ask uncut follow-up as the heavy write down the question that you initially had and then write down what happened the resolve how it worked out even if it was good or bad funny anything but like yeah if you feel like doing that we would froth that do you think we should do it like next week we should do a whole episode of like the aftermath well i mean it's

easy to say let's do it we people gotta write in first guys i need to help you like i'm doing the heavy lifting you need to calm down you guys if you have it right in if in the following weeks If we get enough responses for sure, we'll throw out a little bonus episode. But until then, keep everything else coming in and join the Life Uncut discussion group on Facebook. Can I try it? Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friend, tell your dog and share the love.

Did I get it? No. Damn it. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. It's like no one can do it except me. We'll see you next time.