Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - He Throws Tantrums When I Say No

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and sorry you're not going to say one word. I'm going to kickstart this with something that you hate to talk about. What? Manifestation. I'm so excited. Dear God. I didn't want to prep Laura. Give me strength. laura goes what do you want to talk about this morning i was like i'm gonna surprise you because i know that if i say the m word you'll veto it often when um that people like i'm gonna surprise

Starting point is 00:00:36 you the surprise is like a wholesome good surprise i don't don't get me wrong i don't hate manifestation i've said this before i just hate people who are like think good things and you get a ferrari i just don't understand i'm like i think good things all the time i don't have a ferrari i know we've talked about it it's because that's not how it works but this is a wholesome a manifestation story and it's a manifestation story that leans into manifestation being a real thing. So setting the scene a couple of weeks ago, I was on the Gold Coast with Sherry. Cause you guys know I've been going up every couple of weeks and we're just doing like a coastal walk, me, Sherry, Jay, baby Maya. And I love these so much when it happens, but a girl walked past,

Starting point is 00:01:16 didn't stop to say hello, didn't stop, ask for photo, didn't do anything. Just waved, turned her phone around and went, Britt, I'm listening to Life Uncut. And then I was like, oh, my God, it's amazing. And she said, like, hey, Sherry and Jay. Like, she knew the podcast. She was in the vortex. Hey, baby Maya.

Starting point is 00:01:31 She just walked away. She was like, Maya, it was your birthday. I heard you were walking. Congratulations. How's the gastro? Pretty. Good to see you, girlfriend. We laugh, but pretty much.

Starting point is 00:01:41 And then a few weeks go past, and so this being this last week, if you guys have listened to the episode, my vibe of the week was a Dr. Diamond, which is like a cleaning pen, like for your jewellery. Now, I bet you're asking yourselves, how are these two things related? Well, I got this message into my DMs and I want to read it. Hi, Brit, yelling in big capital letters. Oh, my gosh.

Starting point is 00:02:05 I just wanted to say the biggest thank you for recommending Dr Diamond on the episode. By the way, this is not sponsored. I know. Dr Diamond is getting a solid plug though. Well done. But this is amazing because she said, It meant more to us than you know.

Starting point is 00:02:18 your mention has helped us achieve our biggest day yet so she's obviously the owner a few weekends ago when i was walking along miami beach i walked past you sherry and jay i was the girl that waved and i pointed to my phone that i was listening to your podcast as i passed you during that walk and after that moment i had manifested that i hope one day i could hear you talk about our business on an episode and then so she walked past me spent the whole walk manifesting two weeks later on the pod not even two weeks might have been one week I manifested it no connection nothing she's a witch she's a witch yeah burner at the stake is that not I'm sorry I get I know you hate it I got goosebumps no I don't I don't hate it it's really nice also like we say it all the time we have the

Starting point is 00:03:01 best life but you know what's gonna happen now everyone's gonna send their products they're gonna be like which I'm not I'm not against Keisha loves a freebie send it on in no but that I'm I'm just think of the power of manifestation honestly I truly I know you guys I know you giggle but Keisha has recently called me you've recently switched there's been a few big weeks I've realized that sometimes there is strength in it you're a shoot your shot person you're an asker not a guesser I'm the opposite I'm kind of like I'd never want to impose like expectations on other people I don't want to make them uncomfortable I feel like that will change their view of me if I'm asking for something.

Starting point is 00:03:39 Is this why we don't get the guests we want? Keisha's never emailed a guest in her entire employment. I'm like, yes, guys, I've emailed the whole list. I don't want to be an imposition, so I'm just not going to ask you to come and be interviewed. I'm like, Keisha, did you message Oprah? She's like, not yet. No, I didn't email her. I did, though.

Starting point is 00:03:58 Pretty literally tried to get over on the podcast, which I respect. And I kind of have to acknowledge that, you know, for a lot of them, you shooting your show and you manifesting having these people it has come to fruition yeah anyway that's my tidbit well I am here for the manifestation I actually don't hate it as much as you think I know I really don't and every time you bring it up I'm always like brace myself and I'm like oh that's cute it's cute I love it all right well before we get into answering your questions it is time for vibes and unsubscribes and I have a really passionate unsubscribe that I just deeply need to talk to you all about. And that is when I was pregnant, just before having Poppy, I decided that because

Starting point is 00:04:35 I had a little bit more free time, I was going to be a nail galley. I was going to get my nails done. They were going to look amazing. I was going to be the head model for Tony May. God damn it. So I started getting shellac. This is my now fourth shellac experience and I am traumatized and it is the worst decision I've ever made in my entire fucking life. And I hate everyone who ever said, go get shellac, get your nails done. Can I ask you a question? I hate everything. because shellac can absolutely annihilate your nails but I feel like correct me if I'm wrong are you a where you peel it off yourself no you've never done that the woman came in with a dremel like she was sanding back a dry wall there is nothing left of my natural nail they're like

Starting point is 00:05:12 they are paper thin and I had shellac on for three days and literally every nail broke and every bit of shellac came off like it's just ruined three days is longer than what I've had like back in My day. You're lucky you got three days, lassie. I have shellac stuff at home. Like I do DIY shellac. It stays on for 24 hours. It pisses me off so much.

Starting point is 00:05:33 It's not so much. It's the Dremel. She just got in there and she took off every layer of natural nail. She was like, oh, you want these to look nice? I will. That's where you're going wrong. It was the worst decision of my life. I go for the cancer route.

Starting point is 00:05:46 I've got the nails that emit cancer particles. Apparently it's Biab. I didn't know that. Biab is now apparently banned in the UK. It's in the whole EU. I have been flooded by people in my DM saying, why did you get shellac? It's Biab, baby, which I haven't tried yet.

Starting point is 00:06:03 Biab is amazing and I'm absolutely devastated. I don't know if I should choose to ignore the cancer thing because it's great. It's supposed to be more natural. These are just my nails, but they're so strong. It's so strong on there. But if it is emitting little cancer particles, then I obviously need to stop.

Starting point is 00:06:19 I mean, what isn't though? Picky poison. Some things are going to be worse than others. Yeah, I think that there's definitely some things. I'm just drinking pesticides. Like asbestos. I wouldn't go roll in it if you don't have to. Yeah, I think there's definitely signs.

Starting point is 00:06:33 I also haven't unsubscribed this week. Sorry to be so negative. The fucking iOS 26 update. Apparently you've been able to do it for a couple of weeks. I didn't notice. Yesterday my phone basically yelled at me and jumped through the screen and was like, you have to update. It's going to be 15 gigabytes.

Starting point is 00:06:48 It's going to take two hours. Put it on charge. And I was like, oh, right, okay. okay stop yelling at me you can pick no so I well I updated because you know there comes a point where you basically can't even use your phone anymore if you don't update it and Keisha didn't want to be an inconvenience to the phone so she was like I better update she doesn't like to say no that's why she drinks the cancer too I did it guys I hate it so much I hate it so much everything's bubbly everything's kind of half transparent I don't know what the fuck's going on it doesn't

Starting point is 00:07:15 feel like my phone I feel like my phone and I have broken up and I feel like if I wanted it to look like a samsung i would have purchased the samsung the transparency thing so keisha sent the group chat with yelling we thought it was very important a yelling message came into our group chat whatever you do do not update your phone and we're like why what's going on and she sent a screenshot she's a vomit face and i looked at it and it was a screenshot of what she thought was bad and bubbles and whatever i actually didn't know what you're trying to say i didn't even see anything wrong with it the transparency thing doesn't bother me keisha feels personally victimized by this i'm just so surprised you can't tell the difference no when

Starting point is 00:07:48 you did say the bubbly thing I had to look and it's the bubble of the messages which I I was like it's also the keypad sorry it's like anyway I also have a vibe for the week and I actually wait before we get into the vibe can you just do you remember when like we've all accepted it now and no one's happy about it like no one's pleased but you remember when they updated the photo app and like the display of the photos and like how it's and no one can ever find the most recent thing that they've saved because it's just not. It's so annoying. Every single human on this planet who has an iPhone hates the photo app

Starting point is 00:08:21 and Apple are like, we don't care. No one likes change. We're sticking with it. Just admit that you did it wrong. Admit you got one thing wrong in your life, Apple. They're kind of like an ex who has just stopped giving a shit and is just acting worse and worse and worse and we're still so codependent that we're like, no, but I'm still in love with you

Starting point is 00:08:37 and I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to leave you. No, because we've put so much time and energy and effort. Everything we own is Apple. So we can't. I'm not swapping over now because I can't because everything I have is an Apple product. Samsung does have a brilliant camera.

Starting point is 00:08:49 I will say that. I've used the camera. It's great. But I do like what I know and I don't think I'm ready to make that kind of a change yet. This is a warning, Apple. Keep this shit up and I'll be switching over. You would never.

Starting point is 00:09:00 You hate change. Anyway, I have a really good vibe for the week. It actually could even be my vibe for the year and we spoke about this on last Wednesday's episode that we kind of drip fed that we got to speak to Elizabeth Gilbert again. Again, she has been on the podcast last November. Her book, All the Way to the River, I am an audio book gal. It is one of the most life-changing books I've ever listened to. And I don't say

Starting point is 00:09:24 that with any amount of like theatrics. I think this book will be really, really impactful for anyone who has been affected by someone with addiction of any type of addiction. But also if you're in a, you're the type of person who has been quite obsessive in relationships. So if you have kind of either monkey branch or you're codependent or you've just found yourself with these why did you look at me fuck off if you're just someone how dare you stare so pointedly into my eyes if you're someone laura if your name's laura burn i think that if you're someone who's had really big feelings about relationships like and i know that you know some people listening to this will be like all right calm down but there was so much

Starting point is 00:10:08 of the book that I didn't think I would relate to that I ended up being like oh my days I didn't realize how much I needed to listen to this and the fact it has a name and how lovely it is to read or listen from someone who is as articulate and as honest and as beautiful of a writer as Elizabeth Gilbert in this book there were so many parts of it that I was like wow that was so honest I can only imagine how much you wanted to leave that part of the story out like it is the most honest recount of the highs and the lows of being in love with someone who is an addict and having addict tendencies herself uh like yeah I just cannot recommend it anymore it was phenomenal uh if you we were about to go into like the summer period where a lot of podcasts take a break so

Starting point is 00:10:51 that's typically when I ramp up my audiobook listening so if you would like an audiobook that I think is really impactful all the way to the river is uh my recommendation it's on like audible and spotify and all those ones as well yeah it's great and if you can listen to it before the episode with elizabeth even better okay for the first time ever i had so many vibes i have listened to and watched so many good things like so many podcasts so many docos so many tv series but i finished one just last night good to know you've been working hard then oh dude i go to bed at 1am every night and i binge watch but last night was so good if you haven't watched and i'm pretty sure i vibed it last year or maybe the year before whenever it came out it's on apple tv

Starting point is 00:11:33 It's called Morning Wars Oh it's so good I haven't seen the new season But it's amazing Fucking strapping And you are a Jennifer Aniston stan If I could be anyone in this world For Jennifer Aniston

Starting point is 00:11:43 I'm just obsessed with her I've been obsessed with her forever I think she's beautiful I think she's funny I think she's down to earth I just I love her Anyway

Starting point is 00:11:49 This is not a stan to Jay To Jay-Anne So Morning Wars is Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston Produced by Reese Witherspoon's company She produces all these

Starting point is 00:11:59 Very women Dominated Women led Behind the scenes And in front of the camera And it's four seasons and I'm assuming, I hope it's not, I'm assuming this was the last season that they'll produce. But every season gets better and better.

Starting point is 00:12:12 Now, this season four was one of the best series I have watched this year. Now, that sounds like a big call. But they had one. But Brittany watches heaps of series. I watch a lot. They had one particular scene that I haven't been so moved by in a TV show in a long time. I was bawling my eyes out.

Starting point is 00:12:31 It was so well done. it was so simple and effective it was a scene on a sister dying and I don't want to spoil too much but that's what it is about and it's a big core part of the series but this one scene was so beautifully and simply done at the themes that they put in they try and like tie in a lot of political things that would might really or could be happening like they've touched on the whole COVID thing and I just can't more highly recommend it so if you obviously don't go and watch season four if you haven't watched the rest of them but if you want to sit down over the summer Apple TV, Morning Wars, Four Seasons.

Starting point is 00:13:04 Binge it. I love it. All right. Well, let's get into your questions. Okay. I'm going to come in hot with some anal. So my husband is desperate. It's a great place to start.

Starting point is 00:13:14 Usually you warm up to it, but if not, just go in first. Number one, cab off the rank, anal. Well, I don't think he warms up for it. Husband is desperate for anal sex, but I hate it. How do we compromise? My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for five, have three kids under five. That is busy. We have three kids under five.

Starting point is 00:13:30 Yeah. Yeah, all right, got ya. Yeah, we're both running businesses, so it's very chaotic at times. This year, my husband has been obsessed with getting me to have anal sex to spice things up. Now, I have always been a firm no, but have recently caved a few times to try it. This is after a lot of hassling and trying to keep the peace

Starting point is 00:13:50 with my husband. But I honestly fucking hate it. It hurts. It is not pleasurable, and it grosses me out. He loved it. my question is how do we compromise on this i am now fearful of it if he brings it up because i say no and he will just throw a temper tantrum oh god what it sounds like you've got four kids under five i have tried to have an honest conversation with him about the fact that it

Starting point is 00:14:15 really hurts me however he feels it's just something that i will get used to i honestly feel like this is a him problem he needs to suck it up and accept the fact that i've had three kids And hey, maybe I'm not as tight as it once was, but is there another side that I'm not seeing where I should try and consider his pleasure in this? No, there's not. No. Unfortunately, there's not. Yuck.

Starting point is 00:14:37 I just have the biggest, I'm so sorry because I know that you'll hear this, but I have the biggest ick for your husband. The fact that he chucks a temper tantrum because you- He doesn't get anal? Because you won't have anal sex with him and you've told him that it hurts you and he doesn't care and says that you will get used to it. It's revolting. He is revolting.

Starting point is 00:14:53 Do you know what I do? He needs to grow the fuck up. and well I would say to him I'll fuck you in the butt yes let me fuck you in the ass and don't worry honey you'll get used to it that's what I would say every time you want to fuck me in the ass I will fuck you in the ass first and then maybe I'll think about it that is exactly what I would say and come home with a massive dildo yep like oversight coke just get a coke can yeah we'll do it at home baby save some dollars full of barbecue sauce just say let's go for it don't know why that came to mind that was weirdly specific sorry the last time I got fucked in

Starting point is 00:15:25 the ass barbecue sauce is good because one end is the lube and then you turn it around tell me your hemorrhoids you've had three kids your hemorrhoids hurt too much you've done it you've done it all babe you've already done it you've done so much hard labor in the downstairs region you don't have to do anything else no first you owe him nothing first question what is the compromise the answer is there is no compromise the compromise is you've said no and no is a full sentence and a complete sentence. Secondly, I joke about it, but that is what I would say to him. If he's having a temper tantrum, I would say, you know what? Fine. We'll do it, but I'm going to do it to you first. And then when you get used to it, I can start trying to get used to it.

Starting point is 00:16:01 I can guarantee you the guy's not going to do it. He's not going to do it. We are equals in our buttholes. Buttholes are equal. You have a butthole and I have a butthole. A woman's isn't the only butthole that should be used in a relationship between a man and a woman to receive to risk that's what i mean to receive like it is totally okay for you to say hey i'm into it so you can say to him hey i'm really into like doing it to you let's swap let's but you want to spice things up i will put some hot chili sauce in there but it gives me i'm all for spicing things up i'm all for trying new things and if he said baby i really want to try anal and you were like yeah let's give it a go. And you liked it. Great. If you said, Hey, I'll give it a go. It wasn't for

Starting point is 00:16:41 me. And he was like, no worries. Great. It is so gross to try to manipulate you and pressure you into doing something that you've said no to. Not only have you said no, cause you don't want to do it, which is enough. You've said no, cause you're in physical pain and he's saying it's cool. You'll get used to it. Like, I mean, we make jokes because obviously it's outrageously ridiculous, but it's something that you're dealing with every day and you also probably feel or have this sense of like well if I don't do it what's the repercussions to this also knowing that you've already had a conversation with him you've tried to have a level and honest conversation around the reasons why which you don't have to provide if you don't want to do it you don't have to do it

Starting point is 00:17:20 she's also tried the anal yeah I know I know you know the issue here isn't anything to do with you it is a 100% him issue and the issue goes beyond the fact of like a mismatch in what you guys are wanting the issue is that you have explained to him that it hurts you and you don't want to do it and he doesn't care he doesn't care that it is uncomfortable for you he doesn't care that it's something that you feel as though it is just it's not for you and he's making you feel guilty and he's making you feel as though the sex isn't good enough and even the fact that you've said I feel like I'm maybe I'm not as tight down there but like he just has to be okay with that like that's not even something you should have to think about or be worried about you know I mean

Starting point is 00:17:59 the fact that he's made you feel as though that you're not good enough to have sex with now in a way that is like pleasurable for both of you because you're worried about whether or not you're tight enough like he's behaving like a fucking flog and there is nothing less sexy and there is nothing less desirable in a relationship than when you feel pressured into badgered into or in any way forced to do something that you don't want to do all that's going to make you do is shut down more is not want to have sex with your husband and pull away from him with any intimacy he is the problem but also i tell him that i know you said play this to him i know you said i know when we're joking i'm not joking when when i say say to him i'll do it to

Starting point is 00:18:40 you you do it to me that's not a joke because my normal answer would be you know you need to really sit down and explain this to him and make him understand but you've done that and you've said that when you do that he throws the tantrum so so that's gone that you know your any chance of having an adult civil conversation about this you've tried and he's reacted like a child I would I'm not joking that's what I would say I would say let me do it to you first and we'll see how long it takes you to get used to it because he's not going to do it and sometimes somebody has to experience something and I say that for I don't say that for like experience the pain of anal but I'm saying it in anything in life sometimes you have to walk in somebody else's shoes for a minute

Starting point is 00:19:19 to actually understand what it is so it's very easy for him to say you'll get used to it without having any idea what it's like. Yeah but even that like a partner who really cares about you and loves you and cares about your well-being isn't like oh I can see that this has caused new pain and you don't enjoy it but I prioritize my pleasure over yours I'm more important and that's what this says like it's so deeply entrenched with so many issues this whole conversation. Can I just say you have three kids under five you're both running businesses if you're having sex you want it to be quick and easy you are wanting two minutes of roll around in the hay for two minutes and you're done.

Starting point is 00:19:55 You are not wanting to the prep that comes with anal sex. If Matt even raised anal with me, I think I would laugh in his face. I would hysterically – and then I'd tell his mum. Tell his mum. Tell this guy's mum. Ellie, Matt wants anal again. Matt has asked me for anal and then made me – like he's made me feel guilty I won't have anal sex with him.

Starting point is 00:20:13 Can you go and speak to your son? You would not tell her. Because he's behaving – I would. I would tell her. Would you? Yeah. If he was badgering me for anal sex, I'd tell his mother. Yep.

Starting point is 00:20:21 100%. I love his mum. Well, if he doesn't want to be fucked in the butt, call his mom. You're a sicko, man. Go to the next question. All right. This is a tricky little one. My new receptionist has slept with my partner years ago and neither of them told me.

Starting point is 00:20:36 I've got a sticky situation, which I need to unpack. I've been with my partner for the last four years. We have a great relationship and we have just bought our first home together. I work in the medical field and I have a new receptionist that started working with us four months ago. we've been getting along really well and it wasn't until today that we had a long conversation making connections about people we knew in town until she then dropped the bomb that she slept with my partner five or six years ago now i've been talking about my partner drop that at the

Starting point is 00:21:07 front desk it's like you're booking you in also who's telling their boss that like keep that until you die you're never telling your boss that now i've been talking about my partner like she didn't know him. And I've also been talking about my new receptionist to my partner for the past few months and he never mentioned it. I was initially shocked and I kind of laughed about it. She said she wanted to say something in case someone else ever said anything. When I asked my partner about it, I was laughing the whole time, low key because I'm not good at having tricky conversations. And we both just felt weird at the end. He said he wasn't ever going to say anything because it didn't mean anything, which I totally get, but I kind of just now feel really

Starting point is 00:21:45 dumb about being the only one who didn't know anything about this. I'm after advice on how I should feel because I don't know if I'm being dramatic in this situation. I would be so dirty if I had gone through the hiring process and my husband or partner hadn't just said, hey, I know she might be a great hire. I just want you to know that this happened a long time ago in case that impacts how you feel because you have to work with her every day. No, I get the impression. I don't think he had anything to do with the hiring. I think she's just been hired and then he didn't know he's been like this is our new receptionist blah blah blah blah look can you be dirty with your receptionist no that's a really tricky spot for her to be in

Starting point is 00:22:26 she's just a new employee that probably was like oh fuck I fucked up with my boss's partner and I think that's what she's done maybe you guys have spent four months building a kind of relationship where she feels more comfortable and then she can say in case this comes out I want to tell you but you absolutely can be dirty and should be dirty with your partner. If I was going home to Ben and being like, hey, we hired this new girl at Life Uncut. This is her. She's great.

Starting point is 00:22:54 Like I think she's really going to fit in. And he had slept with her and he did not tell me. And then it came out incidentally four months later. I would be so off it. Yeah, I really do think you should have a, I mean, the tricky thing is what do you do now? But like I think you should have a conversation with him about, hey, I know that we felt weird and we left this in a weird spot I know that I made light of it because

Starting point is 00:23:16 I felt so uncomfortable but I want you to know that I am not okay with the fact that you never mentioned it and it came from my employee like how embarrassing for me how embarrassing the position that you put me in that I was talking about you and I was you know discussing my relationship you know or like even just talking about you fondly in some capacity and this chick is sitting in front of me thinking the whole time oh I fucked her husband or partner in my workplace a place that should be like very sacred and very separate to all of this drama that's now being brought into my workplace. I would be furious at my partner. And it's actually not his position to decide whether or not it ever comes up because he should have been the one

Starting point is 00:23:54 to bring it up because that was on him. I'm not saying he did anything wrong. Obviously happened five, six years ago. You can't be annoyed at someone with who they slept with, you know, in the past, but there's two different things that have happened here. Either he did know who you were hiring and he just didn't want to rock the boat. So that is like a really, really, really big problem because now you've hired her and now it makes it more challenging for you to manage their situation. Or it was an incidental thing where you'd already hired her and then you found out one of them is worse than the other.

Starting point is 00:24:24 We don't know which one happened. So I would say, firstly, update us. I want to know what was the cause and effect of this. But the big question is, what do you do now? Now that you have the information. You don't do anything. You're not breaking up with your partner at four years and you bought a house and you're not firing the receptionist.

Starting point is 00:24:41 Can you legally fire someone for that? Yeah, you can because she'd still probably be on probation, isn't she? Four months, you're not firing her. You could. You can't. You absolutely can't. What would you guys do if you found out right now?

Starting point is 00:24:52 I'd fire you. I'd fire you. Matt and I actually hooked up just before you guys met. That's different. And I've never said anything. Because you've been here for years now and it's her husband. That's a fucking, you're a psychopath. yeah if you if you hadn't fucked Matt seven years ago I forget how long we've been together because

Starting point is 00:25:08 when I said seven years I was like actually we would have been together then like nine years ten years ago right imagine how dirty I'd be though if the reason that it's a bit different because you're public with your relationship but if I didn't know and I wanted to go for a job with you and the only reason I didn't get it is because I fucked the person that you're now with I mean I'd be devastated yeah she could be missing out on her dream job also this girl let's like here benefit of the doubt this girl that's gone and gotten a job as a receptionist it's highly likely she just didn't even know that yeah this is her i don't we actually don't even know if it's her boss but it's somebody else that works there we don't know it's a boss we're assuming but it's just

Starting point is 00:25:43 someone that works at the same place the same clinic or whatever it is she might not have known a who this woman was and b who a partner was because it sounds like they just started talking about mutual people then it's probably come up that this is my partner and she's probably gone oh my god i probably should tell you that i've hooked up with him many many years like we don't know what the point of discovery is what yeah and the reality is we're getting into the semantics around like the workplace situation but the reality is is that your partner the moment he found out that you're in a work capacity with someone who he had something with regardless of whether it meant nothing or not because it's a work capacity where you have to see her every day

Starting point is 00:26:23 you have to speak to her every day i think that the kind and considerate thing for him to have done would have been, hey, I hope that this isn't super awkward and doesn't change anything for you. But years and years ago, it meant absolutely nothing. Something happened between us or like, you know, we were seeing each other, whatever it is. I think that that makes it not a big deal, but it's the secrecy and feeling like, well, everyone knew and I'm an idiot that makes it the big deal.

Starting point is 00:26:47 You just made me think of a story that feels so wild to me. I don't know if I ever told it on here. I think I actually didn't because at the time it was too close, but I'll tell you now. So Jordan, my ex, he only ever had like one like really main relationship. They were long-term and serious. They like basically lived together. So like the main, if you're in a new relationship, you know, that's the main person of that person's past.

Starting point is 00:27:11 And then I remember when I was over in America with Jordan, we were over there, I got stuck there in COVID for five months and I knew who this person was in terms of we'd spoken about it, but I'm not, and I've said it and this is how much I mean it. I am not the kind of person that goes and stalks exes. I don't need to, I don't care about them. I don't want to go through and look at every photo of that person. It doesn't bother me, right? I like to know about them, but I don't look at them.

Starting point is 00:27:34 And we went for lunch one day and it was me and Jordan and one other person was sitting at this little table in a cafe and there was a table that was literally half a meter from us with two people on it. We were there living our normal best life for like hour and a half, two hours. And you know, if you know how loud I am, you know, the kind of person that I am. So then when we leave, the other guy that we were with said, was that weird for you? And I was like, what do you mean was that weird for me?

Starting point is 00:28:04 It was like that Jordan's ex was next to us that whole time at lunch. And I was like, what? I was like, what do you mean? Jordan was at lunch with me. And I was like, what do you mean? So Jordan wasn't the one to mention that at all. No one. No one mentioned it.

Starting point is 00:28:15 And I had this big falling out with Jordan being like, did you not think that if your ex was 30 centimetres away from me, you would have at least given me a heads up of like, hey, that's the person I was with for years right next to you because I think of the things that you say and do unfiltered if you die I feel differently about that than this situation because that is a temporary you're never gonna see them again but you would still say something yeah yes and no like I mean oh okay I have we have Matt and I have been in social situations where I've introduced him to someone who's our friend but was not our friend once upon a time I'm not like hey Matt here's

Starting point is 00:28:52 this gorgeous man and then I don't walk away and be like guess what I fucked him 10 years I'm not gonna do that no why would I do that this situation doesn't need to know this is different imagine if you went down if you imagine if you sat down with Matt and his main main main ex-girlfriend oh I'm crazy I would know I'd be like hey Matt there's your ex-girlfriend I've looked at every single social media that she has anyway that was her trip to Dubai she looked like yeah she's looking great I like that her hair is blonde now but you also know what I was you know what I was most upset about I was like oh I would have been cooler if I knew that's what I said like I would have been cooler or hotter it's probably good you didn't know Brit genuinely though the reason why this

Starting point is 00:29:29 is different is purely because it's a work capacity and you see her every day I'm not saying it's similar I was just taking you on a segue of my journey it really was a journey it really just reminded me of a moment it took me there and I wanted to take you guys with me I agree with the work thing because if it was just someone walking past on the street god I couldn't walk through Bondi I say that to Ben if we walk down the street and I see someone I'd be like you still got with him are you serious yeah it's what's the wrong with that it's there's nothing wrong with it it's just unnecessary like if we're walking down the street and we see a hot chick and matt stops to say hi to her and they have a chat i don't need to continue walking and then for him

Starting point is 00:30:00 to be like burned her like why why are you telling me get a grip you loser like why not sorry i'm the opposite i don't want to tell them because it just makes it it's just unnecessary info i wouldn't do it if it's a one like if it was just a one-off thing but if I had a loose but if I seen someone I saw them a lot of times then I would absolutely make him know yeah 100% if I was 100% I don't think that's weird at all depends how hot they are I only do it if they're hot okay next question okay my friend keeps lying to me about her plastic surgery so I have a girlfriend who I've been friends with since uni days for context we've been friends for almost 15 years now I know her very, very well. They also know very well what she looks like. Over the last few years,

Starting point is 00:30:45 she's been getting quite a few cosmetic procedures, which is great. She looks amazing. Problem is, is that she always seems to lie about it. Most recently, we went out for dinner together and it was very, very evident that she had had her lips done. Now we're sitting at dinner and I said, oh my gosh, you got your lips done. They look great. To be fair, they actually didn't look that great just yet because they were still swollen, which is what I mean by the fact that it was very, very evident. As she has responded to every single other question I've ever had around whether or not she's had plastic surgery, she said, no, I didn't, in almost an offended tone. Now, I don't care at all. I'm actually like all for it if she wants to get whatever

Starting point is 00:31:22 done. I've also had my boobs done myself, but it's just surprising to me that she feels the need to continuously lie about it. Is it something I should bring up with her or just let it go? Hear me out. Maybe she was having an allergic reaction. maybe she didn't have her lips done maybe she's got a shellfish allergy this is an interesting one because i don't think anyone owes anyone anything if you have plastic surgery and you decide to keep that to yourself i think that that's okay and i understand that the person has written this in feels like it's weird because you're like i so obviously know you're lying and

Starting point is 00:31:59 it makes it sorry why are you gatekeeping tell me and tell me who the surgeon was it looks great It's also definitely funny if she's gone from, like, an A cup to a D cup and she's like, there's nothing to see here. I had an extra chicken this year, all the proteins. I get that it feels weird because in your head you're like, well, I know that you know that I know that you've had it. You're not fooling anyone. But you could have said you haven't.

Starting point is 00:32:21 But at the end of the day, she doesn't owe you anything. And for whatever reason, she wants to keep it private. She's uncomfortable. She might feel some kind of sense of shame around doing it or embarrassment. she might not want to promote cosmetic surgery to other people, even though she believes in it. There are so many reasons, but at the end of the day, if somebody doesn't want to tell you that they've had something done, I think it's okay. I agree. My only thing though, is if you're best friends with this person, you've been friends with them for 15 years and you see them often,

Starting point is 00:32:50 and then they lie about something that is so obvious. I think a part of me would be a little bit like, but we're such good friends. Why don't you want to tell? Like, I tell you everything, you know, about my hemorrhoids. Just tell me about your lips. Like what's going on? What's going on girlfriend what's happening like I feel as though weird but she still doesn't just because you feel weird she doesn't owe you anything she doesn't have to tell you but I do think that it would make me consider how much I want to share with them I would it would make me consider and be like okay why do you feel the need to lie to me about this I wouldn't bring that up with them I wouldn't then sit down and have an intervention I would just accept that I'm obviously not the

Starting point is 00:33:25 friend that she feels comfortable sharing it with but I also would acknowledge that maybe she hasn't told anyone and just wants everyone to believe that there has been some immense glow up that's happened without anyone knowing I don't know but maybe she feels a lot of shame around it and she's embarrassed and so that's why she doesn't want to tell people and she wants people to think it's a natural enhancement to be fair I went through a phase of like being really inspired by Kylie Jenner I was like over lining my lips and I still sometimes do it like I don't like the cupid's bow and I'll do like a big round lined lip and every time I do it someone goes have you had your lips done and I haven't I've just made it look like that because I learned from Kylie Jenner

Starting point is 00:34:03 maybe small maybe maybe she actually hasn't had them done maybe I don't know the only person I'm lying to about that stuff is my partner because I don't want him to know the cost of it and I don't want him to know that I'm not a natural beauty no no no no no no I did not I didn't spend six hundred dollars over the weekend I've just been devil's advocate like at the end of the day like she looks like a completely different person she might not have had it or maybe when you say things like she's had other things like nose jobs or whatever you can have nose jobs quote unquote that are non-surgical so you can get the filler nose jobs so maybe she's like skirting around the truth saying like well technically it's not surgery yeah but even so you've done something

Starting point is 00:34:45 if someone's like hey your nose looks different like no it doesn't same one i've always had it's so weird to me i feel like the only thing you can do is turn up with a side-by-side image of what she used to look like she does now and be like you're not telling me the truth you know why i think we think it's more weird than a lot of other people we think it's more weird because of our position i think in media we are very open we're very attuned to it it's more in our algorithms i think the average sort of person that's in their friend group in their small town it's people are way more private but we forget what privacy is we don't have secrets what do you mean you won't tell me and record it on my phone so i can use it

Starting point is 00:35:27 on the podcast how dare you totally how do you have secrets the only thing that i'd be angry any self-respect but i think it's i think we've lost a sense of reality with like what's private and stuff yeah i feel like if the person was a judgmental person i can understand keeping it from them but that person they said in the question that they've also had a procedure done Like they're obviously not the type of person who's going to be like, I can't believe you did that. How could you think that that's okay? Like I'm not going to judge.

Starting point is 00:35:54 They've had something done themselves. You could also think of it this way, right? And I truly believe this. We've spoken about it before. Like no one's keeping a secret. This person, sure, she might be happy to tell her friend, but she might not want the world to know or the rest of the friend group to know. And it ends up coming out when you confirm something.

Starting point is 00:36:09 So then maybe next time they're like, hey, Laura's looking good. She's like, yeah, did you know she's had her nose and her lips done? There's loads of people that lie about it. Like, I mean, I've got a girlfriend who had her nose done. She went to Thailand a million years ago. Actually, I have a couple of friends who have gotten their nose done. But this one specifically that I'm thinking of, she didn't tell anyone that she was going. She went over.

Starting point is 00:36:27 She had her nose done. She came back. And for a long time, she lied about it. But it was really obvious. Like, it was like she, like, stole someone else's nose. It wasn't her nose anymore. So it did get to the point where everyone was like, but you got your nose done. Like, it's very evident.

Starting point is 00:36:42 You can say you didn't. But, I mean, you had a nose transplant. It's half your nose is gone. What happened? But it looks great. And then eventually she was like, yeah, I went to Thailand and I got my nose done. She was like, I was just, you know, she was embarrassed.

Starting point is 00:36:55 Exactly. And it was at a time when it wasn't as common. Plastic surgery now, depending on what circle you're in and where you live and blah, blah, blah, it's so much more common. But, you know, 20 years ago it wasn't. It's just viewed differently. It used to be shrouded in shame. And if you think of the difference even in, let's just say, Hollywood.

Starting point is 00:37:13 Yeah, celebrities used to lie about it all the time. But they would never, ever tell you. And now the trend is so different. It's like the Jenners, Kardashians, with literally 300, 400 million followers are putting everything that they've had on. I mean, I still think it's a bit of a stretch, but like they're linking their surgeons. They're putting before and afters. It's a different world. There used to be a lot of shame around it.

Starting point is 00:37:34 So people didn't want to be like, yeah, hey, I didn't like the way I look. So I went and paid for someone to change my face. Do you not remember when Kylie Jenner literally came out looking like her entire face had been transplanted and her lips were 17 times the size and she was like, never. No, Chloe was the big one. No, she was like, never have I had my lips done. And then brings out a lip gloss range and says, this is what I've been using. I was like, not only is that lying, that is very naughty.

Starting point is 00:37:58 That is the thing that kills me. When they're financially profiting from the lie and manipulating people's perception. we've spoken about this before how people who like have gym programs for a butt but they've got a bbl or like i don't care if you get these things done i just don't like the fact that you're profiting financially off of a lie and manipulating people's perception of what you had to do to get there but i think that the take-home for this is is that if celebrities have been lying for forever then i think that that also like you said brit does set the tone that you know there are going to be just a normal people everyday people who get things done who don't want to talk about it so

Starting point is 00:38:31 I don't necessarily think the lying is a reflection of where your friendship's at. I think it's a reflection of how they feel about getting the plastic surgery. I don't think it's because they think you're untrustworthy. I don't think it's because they're less of a friend. I just think that some people view this stuff very differently. And maybe even though she's quite proactive in getting things done, she is not as self-accepting in talking about it. And that's okay. I don't think that we have to read into it too much. I'm not going to tell you when to get a facelift but there will be signs the signs will not be on your face because you ask me i'll probably say nope it's because i will look half my age it's because we still have to work

Starting point is 00:39:09 when you'll be having downtime with stitches and half your face you're like no i didn't i was in a car accident the other day laura said laura said hey like when the time comes should we take a life on cut trip or just go get facelifts and then we come back and we all just look better but no one knows. We just all look snatched. It's a tax deduction. We've gone to Thailand. A tax deduction?

Starting point is 00:39:27 It's fucking not a tax deduction. It is. I think I can tax deduct it if we all do it together. I tax deduct a lot of questionable things. We'll get audited together and all go to jail with our fresh faces. Yeah, you just have to – firstly, you just have to do a podcast over there. It doesn't have to be on the face. Wait, why don't we do a podcast on the process of getting facelifts

Starting point is 00:39:46 and then it's a tax deduction. Every single time we talk about plastic surgery, there is always someone who comments or sends us a message being like the way you guys talk about it is far too normalized and I genuinely get it but sometimes and I have actually questioned do we live in a bubble which I know that we do we all live in echo chambers but I'm quite surprised because of the amount of media about it's not just within our friendship circles I really do think and I've lived in nine different cities some of them like a lot of them are regional cities within Australia and when people say to us like no one talks as transparently as you guys it's so

Starting point is 00:40:21 normalized in your world I would say that these conversations I've been having these exact same conversations in Bendigo in Orange in Dubbo in Griffith like in all of these small towns as well I don't think it's actually as taboo as what some people think it is if you've never stood in front of the mirror and just done this a few times you're not 39 but guys it's also not that deep It's called a joke. We're just having a laugh. Like we haven't actually booked in a group trip. How have we?

Starting point is 00:40:49 I also, I mean, I know I've had some filler. I had filler once and I've had Botox. You had sperm. No, I haven't had sperm. I want the sperm. You didn't have salmon sperm. I've had a heap of sperm. No, I've never had salmon.

Starting point is 00:40:58 Give me the salmon sperm. I've had, it's called Redurant. I've had salmon sperm. Actually, my Irish friend messaged me. Blue's mum. I shouldn't have said that because people want to. my irish friend messaged me a friend messaged me yesterday leave it all in and she's like hey have you had the salmon sperm i want to get something done i

Starting point is 00:41:20 want to know if it's worth it and i very well could have lied and said no my skin hasn't had no sperm but i was like my skin's had a lot of sperm week i was like yeah i've done salmon multiple times i've never had never had plastic surgery cosmetic surgery in my face ever but I have a lot you guys know I do a lot of stuff on my face like Britney's always going through downtime but I don't want to say you could benefit from it you look great but it's good if you want to try something that rejuvenates without it being a filler oh no I want the sperm I want it all I don't want my husband's I want the salmon's it could be all of the salmon sperm just so that we're not accused of promoting it I don't I don't think it's worth it it only lasts six months I

Starting point is 00:41:54 don't think six months that's half a year hear me out I've had filler once and I didn't like it and then it's that was like literally eight years ago and I've had Botox that's it obviously I've had nothing because I have been pregnant so the last year we look better than ever the last year everything is mobile lots of expressions do you know what fucking irks me though and I know we've gotten really off track is every so often so like I'll post a photo or whatever there was an article recently in Daily Mail and someone wrote the comment and she was like look at that filler under her eyes it's really migrated she really needs to stop and I was like bitch they got eye And I have had none under my eyes ever.

Starting point is 00:42:29 Look at the migraine. You're like, I haven't fucking slept. I was like, they are wrinkles and we just, in my family, it's just like the tiny sinuses, okay? We have wrinkly under eyes, goddammit. Even Marley has them and she's six. No, she doesn't. No, we have like that fat pad under our eyes that's like.

Starting point is 00:42:47 I think it's just an eye. Well, anyway, to whoever, Donna2691, I read that comment. Go fuck yourself. What you can't see now is under my makeup right now. It's all the sperm. It's heaps of jizz. We've just got a salmon farm now. No, I got a CO2 laser yesterday and so under my makeup right now,

Starting point is 00:43:09 my face is very, very red. But I'm always doing stuff. And you can call me superficial if you want. I am. I'm like, I want it whilst I have a disposable income with no children. Am I going to spend on my face? probably like let's call a spade a spade but I think it's okay I don't think there's anything wrong with it all right the end I think we did great let's go that took a real segue that

Starting point is 00:43:34 I enjoyed it yeah what was the question I booked him for a tit job I don't even know what we were talking about Laura checked out but she's going to Thailand next week I'm going to Thailand to get my tits done all right last question okay last question ladies what do I do about losing attraction I have recently realized I have lost attraction slash desire towards my partner in particular he doesn't put any effort into grooming so his beard is always scraggly and he doesn't shave his neck so that's a very specific thing the neck shaving isn't it in addition to hairy neck I like a hairy neck though yeah it seems like weird I prefer uniform hairy. I don't like a shaved neck and then hairy face. That to me, I'm like, it's giving like

Starting point is 00:44:18 werewolf. Yeah. In addition, he doesn't dress well. He doesn't care about his clothes. So he often wears clothes that just have holes in them from having them from so long and just keeping them in his wardrobe. That's probably moth holes. He also likes to wear things that just don't look good on him. Now I love him so much. We get along so well. We have the same interests, the same goals, and he makes me laugh. We've been together for four years and we have a house and a dog together. When we first got together, these traits were the same. So nothing has changed other than I think at the start, I let it not get to me because I was just so happy to have met someone who ticked all the boxes and ticked everything I'd ever wanted. So I didn't want

Starting point is 00:44:54 to be superficial. Now, however, I have lost my sex drive, which did used to be high. We barely have sex like maybe once a month. And I truly think it's because I've lost my desire towards him. How do I bring this up with my partner without sounding like an asshole? Because I do really love him so much I just wish he put more effort into the way he looked it's a really hard one because when you say you love him and he makes you laugh and like you have a house together and a dog together and everything else is amazing like you are in this then you have to weigh up like well how important is attraction in a relationship right because we all know attraction wanes anyway you could be dating or married to an absolute Adonis but after many many years you will probably

Starting point is 00:45:37 find them less attractive than what you did when you very first started dating like that's you know attraction wanes chemistry wanes we know that and there needs to be this kind of like push and pull between some novelty in the relationship something that feels like it's not just this safe stable and constant consistent thing for you to have desire still so I would say it's probably not just the fact that he doesn't take care of himself it's probably the fact that you have all those other boxes ticked but desire is still important like you still want to want to have sex with your partner not just doing it every six weeks obligatory because you're like well I guess we got to that time again all right I'll have take you off your holy shirt and go and give

Starting point is 00:46:17 it a scrub like you don't want to do that either so I do think that there is probably a kind and gentle way that you can have this conversation but I don't know I mean I'm interested to hear where you think it starts, Britt, because I think you have to go in very carefully with this. No. I just don't think because he's always been like this, I don't think that you can be like I have an issue with the fact that you don't shave your neck and you have holes in your shirt.

Starting point is 00:46:41 Exactly. I think it's all in the way you deliver something. It's like anything. So you don't say I have an issue with the way that you dress. You say, oh, nothing turns me on, like, and I'm going to use an example for me, nothing turns me on like when you have this beautiful manicured beard and you wear a turtleneck.

Starting point is 00:46:56 But he never, ever has a manicure, a beard, or a turtleneck. He never does it. But that's my point. It's like anything. It's like a fantasy. It's like dress up. It's like whatever it is that turns you on. You tell your partner what turns you on.

Starting point is 00:47:06 I think Ben is the most beautiful human. I'm so attracted to him, but I'm way more attracted to him when he wears something that gets me going. Like personally, it's just like you guys know turtlenecks do it for me. Ben in a turtleneck, Ben normally is hot. Ben in a turtleneck is like it's done. If he wants to get lucky, put a turtleneck on. But I think it's okay to say to your partner, like, I know it seems like, it seems counterintuitive.

Starting point is 00:47:31 He's like a metaphor. He's like taking his clothes off. I'm like, put that turtleneck back on. I just nodded. I don't think this is about look. So I think it's about effort. Remember last week we spoke about those different types of labor. And I said that I didn't know about the thing called self-suppression labor.

Starting point is 00:47:45 There was another one. I've just got it up because I thought it was related to this. It's called appearance and presentation labor. It's feeling responsible for how the couple or the family looks. investing more in effort in grooming dressing well decorating the home and potentially looking after the children so I think it's about like the presentation and I know that all of us want to think that our partner will be attracted to us regardless and they should be attracted to us regardless of what we look like when we wake up in the morning and all those kinds of things but

Starting point is 00:48:14 I think that it's silly to assume that in a long-term relationship you don't still have to put in effort to look nice for your partner and I know that like it's hard to walk this line because you could be getting into like tried wife misogyny territory by being like you should dress up for your husband or your husband should dress up for you and make sure that he looks good when you get home from work I'm calling bullshit on that it's just wearing clothes and shaving your face which she's not asking for much putting an effort I don't actually think it's got that much to do with appearance that's about they're the same thing I've done something to make sure that I'm presentable and I'm looking nice for you but it's the same thing it's exactly the same thing putting

Starting point is 00:48:48 effort into the way you look is your appearance so like him putting effort into shaving his face is to look different and to look better there I think that they're exactly the same thing I think we're splitting hairs on it no I think it's important what Keisha said though because I do think it treads a very fine line between like putting an expectation and there has and for a very long time there has been this sort of like social ideology around the fact that like women should greet their husbands and be like you know look beautiful and wear makeup and all this stuff And so like, if we want that dial to shift and we want the pendulum to swing, we can't then be saying, but we want our husbands to do X, Y, Z.

Starting point is 00:49:21 But I do think that there is a general level of effort that everyone, regardless of gender or anything, should put in, in order to, I guess, like show that they care enough about their presentation. The problem with this is though, is that he's never done any different. What she wants and her expectations over four years have shifted and changed. And I guess the thing is, is, and I'm sure other people have experienced it before, something thing that you were able to turn a blind eye to at the start of the relationship because all of those other things that were amazing actually can become bigger problems the longer the relationship

Starting point is 00:49:52 goes on like maybe your partner's super disorganized and at the start you're like oh it's fine I don't really mind that but then as the relationship progresses you're like no that disorganization is actually affecting me and it's frustrating to be around I think the importance of what I do wish to clarify like the actual splitting of the hair is because I think often when we talk about appearance if you're to say to someone like I don't find you attractive because of your appearance that to me implies that they're like an ugly person and if you were to be told that it would be really really hurtful whereas if you were to be told by your partner I'm struggling with my attraction because I don't feel as though you're putting in effort that's something they can

Starting point is 00:50:27 change and can change quite easily yeah do you know what I mean that is the difference for me don't get me wrong it will be a level of offensive I think most people would would struggle with that if Matt said to me hey I'm not as attracted to you anymore because I don't think you're putting in effort. The problem is, is it's all about self-perception. He might think that that's effort. He might not view himself as someone who doesn't put in effort. He might quite like that version of himself. So I'm not going to say that this doesn't come without some risks. It does come with risks. You don't go to your partner and say, I'm not attracted to you. You don't put in enough effort, dress better. You don't do that. I think that's the wrong way to go about it. If he's not

Starting point is 00:51:01 getting the hints when you're like, I think it's so sexy when you've got a beard, like a manicured bit I think it's so sexy when you wear this I think I love looking at you in linen like let's go out to a nice dinner if you're saying it turns me on I find it so sexy and attractive he's going to read between the lines and want to get laid like you would hope and if he doesn't and if he's not taking these subtle hints then you are going to have to up the conversation a bit and maybe it is like hey do you think we should like start putting some more efforts into date night and stuff like that like maybe we should start going out again and trying to revive the relationship but like absolutely off straight off the bat you can't go to your partner

Starting point is 00:51:38 and be like I'm not attracted to you anymore because you dress like that or you know and I totally I totally agree with you the reason why I think that potentially in this instance that might be a tricky route is because if he's never put in the effort in the first place if he's never had a manicured beard if he's always wearing shirts that have holes if he's always underdressed it's hard to say oh when you do this I find it really attractive because it's like you don't have the benchmark to refer to do you know i mean there are those people that are just inherently underdresses like he might go to a wedding and be the guy that has to be told don't fucking wear thongs to the wedding do you know what i mean like he might be that person i used to live with a guy

Starting point is 00:52:15 who was this person i don't think i ever saw him dressed up or wearing anything but a metallica t-shirt in the entire time we lived together like ever ever do you know i mean and so it's really hard i would imagine to say that person oh my god you look so nice when you're wearing linen the guys never worn anything but a Metallica t-shirt and sometimes I have to be like please wash that t-shirt because it stinks so like I do and that was my housemate not someone I had to have sex with so like I can understand I think like the big thing though here is is the question around desire and how important is it to you in your relationship and do you think that this is something that you can overcome because if you can't overcome it if this is going to be something

Starting point is 00:52:54 that is going to increase in as a problem then there isn't an option even though it is potentially going to be received poorly or however you're going to have to take a risk and have a conversation with him about it desire is so important like so important it'd be remiss of us to pretend it's not at any point of a relationship a start or long term like you always need desire it's just the longer you're together the harder you have to work for it the less easily it comes and that's a relationship as a whole like a relationship one year four years 10 years 20 years is very different it's always ever evolving and if you're four years deep with your husband you can absolutely tell him that you guys method to put in some effort like that it's not just

Starting point is 00:53:33 he's not going to be offended if you say can you wear a shirt that doesn't have fucking holes in it and i want to be really careful with this i think that you know that the point you're making keish is this is very different you guys don't have kids he's always been like this i don't think that it's the same and for any guy who might listen to this and be like oh if a dude did that imagine how the response would be. It's very different. Like it's not a mom who's running around after three kids and a husband turning around saying, hey, you need to put more effort into your appearance. Do you know what I mean? Like that I would then have an issue with. I'd be like, hey, how about you be more supportive? Whereas in this instance, you've been dating for

Starting point is 00:54:07 four years. He's always kind of not put in any effort and now it's become an issue. And I think that you can have a conversation. It's not a lack for lack comparison here. The one thing I do want to add to this is I had a bit of a realization maybe only a fortnight ago that I actually put in a lot more effort to do things with other people slash work for me because we're on camera a lot than what I did around my partner. And I kind of realised that every single time I had been around him probably all year had been the tracky dacks, had been the T-shirts and the shorts, like to walk the dog.

Starting point is 00:54:38 And I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually put on make-up and tried to make myself look presentable for something that I was going out to with him. To be fair, I can't remember the last time Matt put on make-up for our date nights either. Exactly. Like I did have that realisation of like, oh, I'm putting in effort for others and for work for me. And, and so maybe I actually just

Starting point is 00:54:59 once in a blue moon, you know, maybe I, I probably do need to uptick that a little bit and put in a bit of effort to look nice when I'm going out with you or when we're going out to do something together. So perhaps like, I don't know what he's like in his work life or, I mean, the grooming thing is obvious, but maybe he actually dresses more nicely to go to work or to go to things with other people to go play golf like I don't know what he does maybe he wears nicer clothes to go to the pub with his mates I'm not sure but maybe you could kind of pinpoint the fact that you feel as though he puts in effort in other ways but not with you I think we're just beating around the bush too much in his feelings it's time to shave his neck and put a shirt on fuck let's get out of

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Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - He Throws Tantrums When I Say No

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