Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Help my boyfriend wants to have a threesome

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

Happy Thursday lovers! It's time for ASK UNCUT where we answer your deep dark and burning questions.Coming up: My boyfriend wanked himself off in the other room alone after our romantic date night, he didn't have sex with me and then sent me the video...... ummmm I'm sorry whaaaaat just happened here My best friend is dating my ex and is this breaking girl code? And our favourite question this week;My partner wants to have a threesome, but I don't want to. Should I just do it as I'm scared he's going to stray?’Keep the questions pouring in lovers and if you enjoyed please hit 5 stars and share the love, because, well, we love love. XSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is our very special episode. This is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. It could be chlamydia. We actually haven't had one chlamydia question come in. We never have, guys. But what would they ask? We never have.

What would they ask? Just so you know, the person who you're trusting to give answers to, Britt just walked in. We're recording off a little side table in my bedroom today. Here we go. Britt walked in and she squirted something into her hands thinking that it was sanitizer. No.

no it was hair oil so the funniest thing is we recorded two days ago for the other episode and i did exactly the same thing i'm sitting there talking to laura making eye contact and i'm squirting this oil into my hand and i'm like why isn't this sanitizer rubbing in the dumbest thing was that i was watching her do it and i was like why the fuck is she putting so much hair oil in her hands then i come in today and walk up do the same thing i'm really serious talking about the topic and i start squirting in my hand again and mind you this is oil this doesn't come off my hands are like slippery mcgee slippery mcgee like sliding into those dms slippery mcgee all right shall we just get into it well i do want to touch on something before

we jump into today's episode oh you're gonna ask me what it is you've taken a very serious turn i'm concerned well yes i don't know how i feel about it yeah you may or may not have heard that harry and francesca from too hot to handle have publicly broken up oh look it was a sinking ship wasn't it So, have you seen it? Harry put a big story out on his Instagram. And Francesca put a whole video up on her YouTube channel. Oh, I haven't seen that one. There you go.

There's the real meaty one. Okay, so what was Francesca saying? Well, Francesca's was very, very distracting because she obviously recorded about 700 times then stitched it together. So, every second frame, it was like when somebody stitched it and it's like, it's not this continuous conversation. It's like jilty. It was so distracting to watch.

But basically, she was saying that Harry wasn't into it the way that she thought he was. he just he was the one that wanted out really I mean I'm paraphrasing I could be totally making it up I watched it like 11 p.m but from what I have taken from the situation it was more Harry's choice and Harry's doing than Francesca's yeah Harry came out and said on his own Instagram that it was all him and he didn't feel it with her anymore and it wasn't enough and he just fell out of love which I'm what what I haven't even got to the funny part yet it's just so ridiculous I fell out of love I mean I only proposed to her with a lollipop ring two months ago but I already fell out of love times have been tough after seeing someone else on the show and her

friend for the entire time you know I got my five million followers and it's you know now I'm not in love anymore I've got to leave but the funny thing is well I mean what I think is funny is she's so hot like she's so beautiful i don't know what she's like as a person and i feel like the old harry at the beginning was like counting his lucky stars and being like i'll never be with someone like this again and now he's like man thank you next like it's just he just feels nothing you know yeah but as we all know like hotness is not indicative of how good someone is in a relationship like if they're not a nice person if they're not like hot on the inside then it doesn't amount for anything i i completely agree and i also it does make me wonder if it was ever real maybe not

intentionally from francesca's side but one of them was writing that relationship for publicity yeah and i mean if they've come out and said that harry's ended it and she's really upset by it maybe she was the one that actually was really invested because she was super invested in the show i'm very devastated for them truly well you're not my heart's bleeding give us reality TV couple's a bad rap. I do want to say one thing though. There's been this, there's this constant rumor that circulates after every single season of bachelor. And it is that there is a contract and that the couple who wins has to stay together for minimum three months or a year or whatever it is. The sources and the citing of how many months in the contract seems to change from source to

source. But there, there is this like mythical contract that exists. Guys, I can 100% hand on my heart, swear on my life, there is absolutely no contract. Nobody is being held to say that they're together when they're not. The only reason why I think sometimes couples take a bit longer to actually come out and say that they're broken up than what they really have is because they're actually trying to make it work. They actually really want to be together or they're seeing if they can make it work and they don't want to publicly say, oh, we're broken up. Oh, we're back together. Oh, we're broken up. Because as you and I and Britt and everyone knows, breakups are messy and they're hard and sometimes navigating them in the public eye when you are not

somebody who's been equipped to kind of be thrown into that limelight that shit's hard well the other thing is yeah i completely can concur with laura there is no contract even when you enter it at the beginning there's nothing that says if you win you have to stay together even for a week i mean i did sign that one contract that said i'd have to have at least two kids with the guy and stay for three years and then i'd make some money but fuck like yeah you're in the homestretch one more one more kid out and then i'm out of here but no there's no contract and i think the other thing is yes they want to give it a go and if it's not working and they do want to break up it's a really really daunting time to publicly announce you've broken up they might not be ready

because once you announce it it's insane the media all over you every second article is there the paparazzi are following you like they just they're just not ready for it so sometimes i think that they're like okay this isn't working let's just ride it for a little bit longer until emotionally we can deal with publicly saying it's over totally I mean I think you totally just nailed it like it sometimes you're not emotionally ready to deal with a breakup like in and of itself let alone deal with the the publicity storm that kind of follows that and I hate it when there's this conversation which is like just admit it are you broken up are you still together and it's like well maybe they are but they're just trying to figure out their lives right now and they're just

trying to cope yeah because they're real people too where i'm a real human laura's real human everyone in reality tv are real humans anyway enough reality tv chitter chatter guys as you know this episode it is our quick it is our down and dirty app where we answer all your questions thank you to every single person who has written in questions we have chosen three three for today that's italian i don't even know if it is actually when i do it yeah that's close thank you anyway we have picked three and I am gonna kick it off oh I love that you mixing it up a little bit I never I never kick this shit off I'm here for it all right so I've recently found out that my housemate one of my best friends is chatting up one of my exes this may seem okay

to some people but to me this is ultimately breaking girl code he isn't just an ex I was infatuated with this guy and I loved him to the point that it took me a very, very long time to move on from him. She was there. She was my shoulder to cry on. She witnessed all the pain and all the hurt that he caused me. I approached them both, her in person and him over message to tell them that I'm really not very comfortable with it because it really does make me feel sick to the stomach. Am I overreacting? How do I best tell them that this is wrong? Even though they seem to not understand why I'm upset by this. I want to straight up say that I'm not on board with this and that it is breaking the girl code big time. I think there's a few little indications

here that it's wrong. The fact that she's told her friend how hurt she was and how in love she was and basically that this really, really tore her apart and she's not okay with it. And then her friend is still gone and sort of jumped on that bandwagon. I think it's really deceitful and quite hurtful um there are plenty of fish in the sea why do you have to go to your best friend's ex that tore her apart I mean I'm and this is going to be different for everyone this is definitely an individual opinion it definitely depends on your circumstances and your friendship and all of that so we can only comment on this as an outsider from what you've written and I'm going to say I don't think it's right this has happened to me before morally it's wrong technically

they're not doing anything wrong because they're not together it's just being a bit of a shitty friend if we were to take all emotion out of this and look at this like completely completely objectively there isn't anything wrong with this situation they are grown adults they're allowed to make those choices and and you know what they're not in the wrong by doing that okay now put emotion back in there because we're people and we have feelings and we have to care and nurture of the relationships that we have around us the fact that she is prioritizing her relationship with this guy over your friendship is a clear indication of where your friendship lies in her eyes you may think that she's your best friend and you may not treat her that way but that doesn't

mean that she's going to bestow the same the same kindness to you which obviously she's not and the really hard thing about this situation is you say that you don't want to break the friendship and you don't want to be in a situation where you can't continue to be best friends. If she does end up dating him and that causes you a lot of hurt, it is going to create a situation where you probably can't continue to be best friends because you have to put your own heart and your own mental health first. And if hanging out with your best friend's boyfriend, who's your ex, makes you sad, then you're not going to be able to spend time together. On the other side of this, maybe he is her penguin maybe they are going to spend the rest of their lives together

but that situation that might work out great for them but it's going to have the same impact on your friendship like she's not prioritizing your friendship and that is a clear indication of where you stand i think yeah i completely agree and i i wanted to add um on to the back end of that but you did it at the end anyway this is different if if she just wants to hook up with him and she knows that they've got nothing in common she doesn't even want to date him it's not going to go anywhere that's really really really low and really really shit and really uncalled for if and this does happen if they're meant to be together and they are just soulmates and they're penguins and they were literally destined to meet this way maybe they were meant to meet through you

that sucks balls but good for them if that's their path and that's the way they got there it's really really sucky for you but you've got to let that happen and you will have to extract yourself from the situation unless you can find it in you to get over it completely and move on and not let it affect you but your mental health comes first I don't think I'd be able to sit there and look at my ex that I loved forever with my best friend I it's messed up but I know there are couples that do that there are loads of couples I think just to try and like look at this as well from a different perspective instead of just being like your friends in the wrong and and you can't be friends anymore something to keep in mind as well is are you over him like

before they started hooking up, would you have said that you're over him and is your ego coming into play here? Because we don't have control over other people. We don't have ownership over other people. And so if there is an ego element to this, which there probably is, then I think that there are calls for you to kind of step away from that a little bit and allow somebody else to be happy. Like that's really important too. If it's too fresh because it's too soon and you are genuinely hurt by it, that's a different story. But if this happened, you broke up several years ago, you've dated other people, you've had time to move on and it's just an ego thing, then I think that you don't really have a right to be as angry as what you are. Secondly, is that time heals

everything. If your friendship is super important to you and they do end up start dating, you will not have these feelings for him forever. You will get over it. It's going to take a lot of working through, but there is a possibility that you can maintain a friendship if they decide to date. you just have to put some parameters in place to to safeguard you and one of those might be that you can't live together because it's going to be very difficult having your ex-boyfriend come on come over to your house that's going to keep bringing it into your face but I think there are ways around this situation where you don't have to constantly be hurt by it yeah okay if you want to have sex with any of my ex-boyfriends you're completely welcome to them Brittany they

are all stories you tell me about your exes I'm not going near any of them with a 10-foot pole i will free to good home i think most of them are still single thank you next okay question number two okay hi ladies my partner and i went out for a dinner date tonight we both had a really good night we came home and my partner went to hang out in his man cave he does this every night so while i'm in the lounge room watching tv he sends me a cock video jerking off in the clothes he's literally just worn to our dinner so i go downstairs thinking it was a bit of an invite and gonna get lucky when i get there he says that he finished himself off an hour ago i felt really awkward thinking that while hanging out by myself he was jerking off down here by himself i literally

ran back upstairs is it wrong of me to feel that this is really awkward and i don't feel great about the situation no it's not weird for you to feel that that's awkward no because this is weird this is like straight up legit weird okay but firstly before the cock video and the and the everything or like let's just wind it back a second you've just gone out for a really cute date together you've just spent some quality time together why are you coming home and the first thing that he does is to go and isolate himself from you like that is your opportunity to go to the bedroom to get on to hanky panky town you're you're missing an opportunity to spend more time together and I think if he does this every single night the issue isn't so much

that he's masturbating on his own that's a whole entirely different issue the issue is is why why is he spending that time to be away from you why can't you be a part of that time well why isn't he prioritizing sex with you over wanking himself off there's lots of questions here the way i see this is like you just said people masturbate if he wants to masturbate on his own that's fine but the fact that it was right after you'd been out is in this he wants you to know it's live because in the same clothes but to me if someone sent a video like that in that situation that's hands down an invite. That's come down. I just think your boyfriend's lazy. Like I actually think he's lazy. Oh, I think there's more to it. I don't think that's laziness. Well, I mean,

maybe there are other layers to it, but I think that we all know it's easier to just go masturbate, especially for a guy. It's easier to masturbate. There's less effort. There's less time. You get straight to the end goal. Like I think that there's a level of laziness that comes into play here. I personally would have had a different reaction. I wouldn't have run away. I think I would have just said WTAF what the actual fuck and then run away no I just would have called him on it I would be like babe like what what was that because you're entitled to say that I don't think you need to run away and feel awkward and embarrassed there is absolutely absolutely cause here to sit down and have a conversation and say this kind of was surprising behavior to me

I would have thought that we were going to have sex tonight and that that was an opportunity for us to spend time together. And instead you went and masturbated without me. Like, I think also there's a little bit of rejection loaded into that as well, because if you get, did you get loaded into that? Um, I was staring at you blankly, actually that went over my head because if, if you have just gone on a beautiful date together and then instead of going home and having sex together, he's chosen to go off and do it on his own. There is rejection that kind of ties into that. And I think that this really warrants a serious conversation saying this hurts your feelings and you want to be included in this. All she's actually asked us is, is it okay to feel

weird? And like, yes, that is okay. But I do think you need to take another step into this situation and figure out what was behind it. It might be innocent. He might literally say, babe, I was just lazy. I was just a whim, whatever, but there might be more to it. And I think you need to find out and you need to tell him how it made you feel 100%. You need to be like, look, I, it did make me feel really weird because I thought it was an invite like we just had this amazing dinner and then I come down for you to sort of throw it in my face and be like oh I'm long done like you're not needed type thing so definitely have the conversation because especially if this is not the first time we don't know but if this is a recurring theme you need to address it

stat or it's going to cause resentment in your relationship I also don't want you to think that when we say like that this is a bit weird and a bit strange that like there's judgment loaded into this people masturbate that is a very normal thing like yeah no judgment absolutely not and guys will masturbate when their girlfriends are home just because they can't be bothered to have sex like girls will masturbate when their partners are home because they can't be bothered to have sex I mean it's very normal it's very human we all do it and it feels great I think the issue is here is that there is a part of this where you feel left out and I think that after a date night it's a really special time to be able to continue to spend time together you don't have to come home

and go your separate ways and so I think that there's a conversation about that and then about the masturbating but don't think that we're saying that masturbating is weird also maybe maybe he that's his sense of humor maybe he just thought it was funny maybe he just was like I'll just send my girlfriend a dick pic that might have just been what it was maybe not that maybe there's not that much to it you know we could all be overthinking it because every chick wants a dick pic that's exactly what after a date night from your long-term partner romance ah the romance is alive and well all righty well question number three that was such a weird question to answer I was really hard because I haven't been in that situation you've never been sent a masturbating

video from a long-term partner whilst I'm in the house after dinner no oh well they probably never lived number question number three my boyfriend wants to have a threesome but I don't really want to do it I'm not really into it but he says it's something he really really wants to try do I just suck it up and do it I'm worried he may stray if I don't oh this is so easy for me absolutely not you do not have a threesome because you think your partner will leave you if your partner is going to leave you because you said you don't want to engage with sexual activity with him and someone else then your partner's a douche how's that heard it here people. I'm with Britt. I think that this is a very, very black and white situation.

The one thing that I will elaborate on with this is that it's really important in every relationship that you have standards for yourself. And there's standards that you live by so that you don't get treated in a way that compromises what you want in your life. And you start to get into a really slippery slope when you start moving the goalposts because you're worried that someone's going to leave you so you start to drop your standards because you're worried that they're going to leave you what happens is that you'll get into a point in your life where you'll have no standards at all and so don't compromise you're laying but don't what no standards so you'll be oh my god i'm making a really poignant point here i don't know but that's what we do that was

fucking terrible continue you never want to get to a point in your relationship where you're doing things that you're not comfortable with that compromise your moral compass because you're scared of being alone at the end of the day he is not the right person for you if he wants things that are fundamentally different to what you want he if he loves you and he wants to be with you then he will make compromises as well i.e not fucking another chick while you're together pretty easy compromise i think i would like to add something to the conversation come on in I do know couples before that have been through things that are quite similar to this and I have done a little bit of research on it as well not for me but for the podcast there are things that

you can do to maybe satisfy his urges so maybe he does just want to experiment with different things so you need to ask him a why why he wants to do it is it specifically this thing that he wants to do or is he a bit like bored um just wants to try something new so figure out why but there are things so I knew a couple for example that they weren't happy to go and have a threesome but they agreed to do different things like a go to a sex club so they went and had sex at a sex club in front of strangers but no one else joined in no one touched them they couldn't see the people but it was just enough to do something new to try something different put some excitement back in and then they just got on with their life it's like nothing happened but I think the key with

that is that both of them were willing participants in it and and the thing that worries me about this question is like I'm not against threesomes go for it whatever whatever makes you happy so long as you're both consensually wanting that in your relationship what worries me about this question is the dropping of standards in order to try and keep someone so I'm all for what you just said Britt I think like really experiment try different things you might find something that you didn't know that you like as well but I do think that opening yourself up to an open relationship which is essentially what this will become like that's not for everyone and you know whether or not you're okay with that. He hasn't said that he's going to leave her. She just said, I'm worried

that he will. So maybe you're insecure for other reasons in the relationship. Maybe he's made you feel shitty for other reasons or there's been trust issues or whatever. Maybe you'll say no and he'll be completely okay with that. You're not going to know until you do it. But if it is an issue or an area of contention, look at other things that might work. It might even be as simple as just watching three some porn together something like that just something I think you just need to chat it out but like Laura said and I cannot agree enough if he makes you feel like he's going to leave you because of this then you should be the one that leaves him it's as simple as that you don't want to do something and in no relationship long-term newly dating one night

stands anything do you ever have to do something that you don't want to do it's it's as simple as that don't be embarrassed to say no don't be pressured into saying yes and don't feel bad to say no I think that sometimes there's like a bit of a bad rap like people especially when people have been cheated on before they kind of think like all guys can all guys are cheaters all guys want this adventurous kind of like experimenting or open relationships if they can have it they don't like there are so many guys out there that are very happy in monogamous relationships that aren't going to you know make you feel insecure that if you don't satisfy them and open yourself up to other people that they're going to leave you this is not like this guy is

not the only guy for you and if you guys are so misaligned on something that's very fundamental to your relationship he's not your penguin no i agree there you go i love it when we agree well that was a really good range of questions tonight actually like some of them were quite deep and serious and some of them were just like a lol fest who would have thought that we actually go through them and hand choose them to make sure that there's diversity and difference mate get off your high horse i do that every week all right brick goes through them and i'm just like yeah yeah those ones sound good perfect let's go with it guys thanks for tuning in it was short and sharp we've loved having you today if you haven't already joined up on the facebook

group we have a really awesome little facebook community it is life uncut podcast you can throw up your crazy dating stories your questions about sex toys i don't know literally you can ask whatever the hell you want to on there we don't really moderate it we just let you guys run free in the forest i do want to make one comment too i get it a few times in the dms but i did get one today that made me really want to reiterate this to you guys somebody started their ask uncut with please please please please please keep this anonymous it's so important you keep this anonymous guys we will never ever ever say anyone's name or tell anyone a story to be honest Laura doesn't know half of these she doesn't see them I copy and paste it I don't even screenshot

it I don't even look at your profiles half the time because I don't want to know who's behind it we're all one big family I don't want to see and delve into your life like that we just want to help you as an individual but you will always and I promise you we will always always be kept anonymous so I just really wanted to stress that to you and I did have one other thing I wanted to say oh while you're on a roll Brittany keep it going I just couldn't stop laughing and I'm just so gobsmacked at how many people don't know how many holes a woman has we put the poll on instagram lauren put the poll up and it was just gobsmacking i don't even have words the thing was is like we didn't even plan for that section of the last episode that wasn't even a conversation we had

had prior it just came up and then matt coming onto the podcast was totally rogue as well we'd not planned it he was just conveniently in the other room he was conveniently listening at the door with a glass. He really was. And then the craziest thing is that I am, I mean, I'm surprised, but I'm also not surprised at all. I received hundreds of messages from people whose partners do not know how many holes the female anatomy has between their legs. And that is crazy and hilarious. But also the number of women that didn't know how many holes they had. There were loads of women that wrote in just saying, I'm going to be honest. I thought we had to. And I'm like where have you been all your life under a rock one woman who was actually so uh fucking

funny she wrote in saying that it was only when she gave birth that she realized that we had two holes because she could still pee when she was 10 centimeters dilated i was like that is crazy wild times to learn new things about your body so guys if you have another question for ask uncut for next week send it on into our instagram or you can send it in via facebook and if you haven't accidentally unfiltered for our tuesday episode which is just your most embarrassing stories we love them we need them send them on in as well and in the meantime if you love this ep then hit five stars leave a review and share the love because we love love We'll be right back.