Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Help My Husband Finds Me Less Attractive

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. I just peeled my nail. My nail just snapped in half. I dropped, do you know what happened? I don't know if you saw how it happened. It's chaos. It's all chaos. It was like slow motion. My computer, my laptop was sliding off my lap and falling to its death and it was going to break.

Starting point is 00:00:32 And I reached out like a Jedi ninja, went to grab and save the laptop and it snapped my nailing half and flung it across the room. It's also, it's one of those nails that has like so much composite on top so it's nice and thick and like meaty. It ricocheted across the room and lodged it. So it's still there actually, Ness. If you're watching this on YouTube, please can we get a video because it is lodged into the seat that Keisha is normally sat in

Starting point is 00:00:54 except she's dying today and isn't here. We just couldn't be bothered to even get it off. We just left it. That's an indication of this morning. We're like, well, that nail lives there now. Poor Keisha. Keisha, I think she has some sort of a COVID influenza pneumonia combination.

Starting point is 00:01:08 Yeah, look, I'm not going to lie. If you've started on this episode, probably don't. But if you've been a lifer for a long time, you'll probably have some allowances for us. It's been a fucking morning and it has literally just started. When we say she just started, it should have started about three hours ago, if that's an indication. On the other end of the spectrum is the fact that I am doing this entire record with Poppy strapped to me. She screamed for 45 minutes on the hour

Starting point is 00:01:33 drive into work this morning. Like we got caught in a bit of traffic and it just kicked off and it crescendoed to purple crying where it was like, she feels like she's been abandoned. So yeah. So yeah, we're here to answer your questions. Kish is unwell. Laura's had a screaming baby and I have to do this with nine nails. So feel for me. Gosh, I hope you're okay. You know, I did have this, I had this moment this morning where I was, I don't know if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't know what is happening to me. Raging.

Starting point is 00:01:59 I had this moment where I was raging. Sometimes you just have these days where you feel like you need to scream into the void and that's okay. I feel like that. Doing that in my car. And I'm not usually this kind of a person, but this for me is just like the height of rudeness, the height of rudeness. And it's sort of on par with people that stand too close to the luggage baggage at the airport.

Starting point is 00:02:20 You know when, like, you're like, hey, guys, if you all stepped back from the luggage, we'd all be able to see our bags. And I love that it comes up every couple of months as though it's something you haven't spoken about. No, that's not what we're speaking about. But it reminds, what I'm about to tell you was on par with that. On the way to work this morning, it's peak hour, right? Like, it's busy. And I had to get petrol. My petrol light was on.

Starting point is 00:02:40 I had pushed it to the extreme. You know when you're like, oh, the light's on. I've still got 100 kilometers or whatever it is. So I pulled into the petrol station. And there's only two pumps. Both were full, so I had to wait, right? Tell me what you would do, Laura. So peak hour, busy.

Starting point is 00:02:56 Obviously, I'm waiting in the line patiently. And there was a big truck and another car. And the truck in front fills his car up. He then goes inside to the petrol station. He orders coffee and he starts to peruse the aisles of the petrol station. Now, mind you, there were 12 spots that he could have parked. Like he could have filled his car up. And then you know how you can just drive into a spot so that someone else can take it.

Starting point is 00:03:18 I'm not exaggerating. 15 minutes he was in there perusing doing like he's grocery shopping or something at the petrol station and I could see him looking at me I beeped my horn and he just looked at me you beeped your horn absolutely that's so aggressive oh I tell you what's aggressive taking up a pump when you don't need it can I just say everything about this episode is aggressive but I was like I just thought I I was like I said to Ben I was on the phone I was like I'm irrationally mad and then I said do you know what? It's actually not irrational. It's rational. It was unnecessarily ruining people's day. Yeah. Look, I agree with you, but I've also-

Starting point is 00:03:54 You're that person. I've done it before. I'd never shop, but I will go in and pick up some Allen's lollies and take a quick- That's fine. Ordering coffees. He was ordering coffees for the boys on Smoko or something. But he's got a truck and that takes a lot to park and it's tricky and- Anyone that's listening, if you're going to fill up your petrol and there's a line- What's the etiquette? What do you do here? No, it's not a question.

Starting point is 00:04:16 I'll tell you what the etiquette is. I'm not posing the question. I'm letting you know. If you find yourself in that situation, you always free the pump. Free the nip, free the pump. Free it all. 100%. Anyway, that's my PSA.

Starting point is 00:04:30 It's also similar to we've had this question a few years ago and it is very divisive. It's similar to like who owns the car park. So you know when you're desperately waiting for a car park, right, and you see somebody get in the car so you follow them around, you see them get in the car and you know they're about to leave and you can take their spot but then they get in and they just decide to take some phone calls no because okay this happened to me literally yesterday and so this is I mean great segue let me hang on or what I want to say

Starting point is 00:04:57 is I'm not having to go with that person I'm saying who owns it because how long should you be sitting in there and obviously kids are different I don't know what your story is Laura but because I'm on both sides right sometimes I will see someone wanting my spot and I I could be doing stuff but I rush and then other times I'm like I really need to to send this email or whatever it is that I was doing and I'm like hang on I own the car park I'm already in here so I'm it's like a bit divisive so yesterday I was in the junction like Bono Junction shopping center it's very busy I got stalked the second I walked out of the the like sliding doors the car stalked me right and I had a pram and I had poppy and I had a fucking bag anyway just like cut laps like

Starting point is 00:05:35 confusing no I because she just shit herself in the carrier so I had her in a carrier I was pushing an empty pram full of shopping I get to the car and they put their little indicator on and I was like I'm so I'm gonna I'm gonna be a while yeah and they're like that's fine and then I could see that they were getting eggy but I had to change her nappy in the boot it was unnecessary it put unnecessary pressure on me you don't need to wait do a lap I don't need this pressure because you need a car park I'm still here and I could be 45 minutes don't assume that I'm leaving kids and babies are different thank you like you get all the time in the world you need when you got a baby especially if you're changing it and also they probably weren't putting the pressure on you but

Starting point is 00:06:11 clearly the person who didn't feel any pressure was the guy driving the truck at the petrol station this morning oh no you know what else we locked eyes we were locking eyes he gave no fucks to be fair he owned that bowser he was there first okay so i know we're here to answer your questions but i mean i'm only on one episode a week so i'm gonna dump my load i am now for anyone who hasn't been playing along i'm five weeks postpartum or four no four in a couple of days four weeks and three days. Let's say four and a bit. Yeah. Four and a bit. Who's counting? I would like to say I'm doing really well. Like I think this has been, I would like to blow my own load. I'm fucking killing it. I will blow your load too. You are killing it. No, this has been so far the easiest

Starting point is 00:06:51 postpartum that I have had. She is truly amazing, but she wakes up all through the night. I'm still waking up four or five times a night. Like that's just standard with a newborn. That four or five times a night, cumulatively over the last four and a half weeks, as of a couple of days ago, the sleep debt hit me just like to kind of set the scene in my house like our lounge room is at the end of the hallway and at the other end of the hallway is our front door so if you're standing at our front door because we have a full glass front door I'm talking like the entire front door is glass if you walk up to our front door you can see all the way into the lounge room you've just given everyone the okay to come stalk you if you want to see Lauren this nude somewhere she's

Starting point is 00:07:29 got a long hallway so I knew that we had a delivery coming we had like a shark steam cleaner are coming anyway at the same time Poppy had had a full blowout and I don't mean a shit blowout I mean like she was just screaming she needed a breastfeed I was overwhelmed I was going through one of these moments where I was like I feel like I'm drunk because I'm so tired yeah I'm sitting on my lounge room floor and I can see through the glass door and the guy walks up and he puts the thing down and he looks a bit startled and I guess it's because he probably wasn't expecting to see like well a woman sitting on the ground so he looked at me a bit startled and I was like oh don't come in I've just gotten her calm he goes oh I need you to sign and I was like oh just okay

Starting point is 00:08:08 give me a second and then he was like no no don't worry don't worry I'll just take a photo I'll take a photo and I'll put it in the app and I was like okay thanks and he walks away and I was like that was a weird exchange I mean I could have signed for that and then I looked down and I had my entire tit out my entire tit I had been hard not even breastfeeding I'd stopped breastfeeding I just unclipped it and I hadn't even at no point in the day had I reclipped it and I had a full conversation with the shark courier man with my your own white pointer out just one just one nipple and he was so gracious about it because he wasn't making he was he got a free tissue he wasn't making eye contact thank you to him for not making me feel terrible what was he gonna say

Starting point is 00:08:48 excuse me ma'am your tits out you're making me feel uncomfortable that's one of those things where you have to pretend you don't see it because he did really well as a real thing he did really well. I'm proud of him. He's probably like, hey, don't worry. I'll take a photo to prove it just like this. And I'm in the background. He's like, this is why she didn't sign. That's so funny. All right, Britt, what is your vibe for the week? My vibe for the week, and I'm annoyed at myself that I didn't pre-plan it and actually wear it. But the last few weeks, I know, so annoying because I've worn it like every day. I'm vibing a brand. It's a brand by two mums. They're friends. Their names, I don't know them. I only know this because I went onto their website, but they're best

Starting point is 00:09:24 friends kate and laura it's called luna lane and i've been wearing the last couple of weeks you guys have probably seen that i'm in my color era i'm wearing a lot of like bright reds and bright blues and and big patterns and every time i wear them the hot pink pants that i wore every time i'm wearing them someone is messaging saying loving these colors where's it from britney did show up for lunch the other day dressed in a hawaiian shirt and i was so here for it the hawaiian shirt that was also same brand yeah i just i'm really in my era of trying i say that as I'm wearing black and white, but every other day. And it's, it's all from this same brand, Luna Lane. It's like, you know, when you discover something, I'm like this, I'm like this with food.

Starting point is 00:10:00 I'm like this with a TV show. I'm like it with a brand. I find something I like, and then I just like hone in on it for a long time. And so that's all I've been wearing recently. Cause I've just loved every single thing that they have. So Luna Lane, they've been around for a couple of years. I, since 2021, apparently, but I didn't discover them until like a couple of months ago. That was me with King Scylla all through pregnancy. I think I just lived in King Scylla t-shirts. So I know like when you find a brand that you're like, I love this and I kind of love everything that you do. Yeah. Makes it okay. All right. Well, look, my recommendation, I did mention this on last Ask Uncut that I have been binge watching series and TV shows on Netflix

Starting point is 00:10:36 and Stan and any other streaming service that could possibly exist. A series I watched within three days of having Poppy. So I like literally watched four or five episodes a day. It's so humorish and easy to consume. It's a thriller called Wayward, which you might've seen on Netflix. It's been trending in their top 10 recently. And I absolutely loved it. So it has Toni Collette in it as the, one of the main characters. Toni Collette, she is the leader of the school. Like she's kind of the principal of a school and it's a reform school. So kids are sent who are troublesome teenagers. They're taken from their homes and they're sent to this reform school however it's actually a cult if you're into thrillers and you're into suspenseful dramas

Starting point is 00:11:17 like it's really really good I was completely hooked on it it's given the school that Paris Hilton got sent to yeah but it's kind of a bit of a mix Tony Collette is absolutely magnificent in it and the whole thing I thought was just a really interesting concept I loved it I thought it was so easy to consume and I watched the whole thing like I said in three days it's very easy I think I watched this whole thing in two days I actually might have done in one night I think it was a big day. Maybe it was raining that day. But it's on Netflix. If you're looking for something to watch and binge watch, like go. It's fucking amazing. All right, let's get into your questions. Question number one. Do I leave my fiance? Wow. That's a lot of pressure on us guys.

Starting point is 00:11:55 I am 24 and just starting my corporate career. I have a partner of five years who proposed at the end of last year. We've always been a super solid couple and never used to fight. However, Twice this year, he has broken up with me whilst he was drunk. That's pretty shit. You can't just get drunk and keep coming and being like it's over. We always agree to work things out and we get back together. Our relationship has been reasonably stable since and we're both working on things to be better for each other.

Starting point is 00:12:23 Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when I went on a work trip and I was flirted with at the bar by a stranger. El Scandalo. Now, this is very new to me. since then I have been in a spiral of wanting to invest in myself live guilt-free and have new experiences in my 20s or do I settle with the comfortable life that me and my partner have planned and the life that I currently know I've tried everything to move past his mistakes but I have a gut feeling that I need some time to work on myself before I can be in a relationship which

Starting point is 00:12:55 is funny because you're in one you're engaged yeah but it's tricky because he's the one who kind of pulled the trigger the on-off trigger yeah and she said I just feel guilty for thinking about possibly choosing myself and going down a different path and leaving my fiance but she's in that what do you call it it's like purgatory yeah but like it's a lot of people I think get this fleeting feeling even when they've been with someone for a long time you're engaged you're happy you're getting married a lot of people have that moment of like fuck is this it yeah and I think that's really normal kind of yeah I feel a little bit differently about this one but only because he is the one who destabilized the relationship and like it's okay to have second

Starting point is 00:13:33 thoughts it's okay to have doubts it's not okay to propose to your partner who you've been with for five years and then within 12 months break up with them twice like that causes so much emotional distress and I think that you are undervaluing or devaluing just the impact that that has on your ability to feel safe stable secure in your relationship anymore and so every time he's done that it's eroded something in you it's eroded something in the relationship I firstly would want to understand like the why why does he when he gets drunk pulls this trigger of wanting to antagonize you have a fight and then break up with you like that's not normal and it's absolutely fucking not okay that he did it twice you know I think if he was to do it once you were to have a

Starting point is 00:14:17 big conversation about it in terms of like like I've been feeling overwhelmed the wedding blah blah blah we're 25 whatever you might have been able to rationalize it and forgive it but then he did it a second time and I think that there is like this lack in the security of your relationship now and I don't want to say that you going out and then flirting with this guy that that's all like totally fine you know obviously there's just he flirted with her and she enjoyed it but it to me it screams you know it screams that things would have been fine you probably would have gone ahead gotten married you wouldn't have questioned it if his behavior hadn't shifted you're saying well now it's opened up you to want to you know prioritize yourself no doubt like of

Starting point is 00:14:59 course it has it's also made you think okay well what else is out there that is a totally normal reaction to his behavior of destabilizing the relationship I say leave I don't want to say leave I do yet oh no I think absolutely I think you've answered this for yourself and I don't often say this but sometimes I truly believe you guys write to us knowing the answer and yeah you want some you want someone to say yeah I think you're right and I and like we can only know I really want to preface this we only know what you've given us right but you've said a few things here you've literally told us what you want you've said I have a gut feeling literally I have a gut feeling that I need the time to go and work on myself before I can be in a relationship

Starting point is 00:15:44 that's huge and like you're in the relationship so like you're in it you're not looking for one unfortunately you've done this back to front yeah and I I like when I say at the start that like those feelings are normal to be like whoa is this it I truly believe that I do think so many people feel that thought of like fuck I'm locking this down for like 50 years but it's here for two seconds it's a wave and it goes but like you are sitting in it and I cannot imagine how I would feel if I was so on edge all the time that my partner was going to come home and say fuck it's over you know what I mean and like the emotional toll that that takes on you and it's a manipulation and it's almost without saying it it's like you better be careful like I can leave this if I want

Starting point is 00:16:26 and I'm coming back to it I'm choosing to come back to it and it's like that feeling of the one thing you should really feel in a relationship is stable and secure and that is absolutely not what he's providing you and don't feel guilty that the repercussions of that that you're like wow maybe this actually isn't for me like it's better that you've realized this or are having these realizations now before you are married it gets a lot messier when you're married but like you're not there yet yeah and you know what it does because I I've had this I obviously he didn't proposed to me surprise surprise but I had this with my first long-term relationship that I was in for six years he would break up with me and then come back and then break up with me and come

Starting point is 00:17:05 back it makes you hyper vigilant so on edge that anything you do that is wrong or that you you might behave in a way that might upset them you become so paranoid that you no longer behave like yourself because you don't want them to break up with you and you also don't want to voice any concerns you have because you're like I don't want to make them angry or piss them off or I don't want to start a fight because he'll just leave the thing that might be different about this situation though is that because he's coming home drunk and doing it you might be able to kind of be like actually he's the one who's behaving like a loser like you might have recognized that which I hope you have and that's great the only other thing though in all of this is I understand that

Starting point is 00:17:42 some people get cold feet I don't want to discourage like I don't want to say like well if you have cold feet you shouldn't marry them you should be 100% because I think that there will be some people who have those feelings going into what is a huge commitment it means that you're taking that commitment seriously however if that is unending if you have prolonged and consistent cold feet where you are unsure and you are really kind of grappling with these these two polar opposites between like living your life and settling down with what's comfortable and you're less excited about the settling down with what's comfortable part of me says that maybe you're just not ready to marry that person. And if you are consistently unsure, do not forge headfirst into

Starting point is 00:18:23 getting married because I would love to know, and maybe it's worth us doing a poll of people who were divorced. If you're listening to this podcast and you've been divorced in the past, did you have those reservations before getting married? Because I know that we can say, oh, it's really normal for people to have these feelings, but I would be really curious to know how many people had those feelings and their marriage ended in divorce in the long run anyway. That's my question. pull that shit. I have a few other things I want to add into this because I think that this is a question that a lot of people can relate to in a way. Did you have any cold feet going into marrying Ben? No, I didn't. No, I had none at all. Yeah, neither. This is what I want to talk about.

Starting point is 00:19:03 I hate bringing age into it, but I'm going to because I think sometimes it does matter. But what I do want to say is you are only 24 and you have been with him for five years and you are having these feelings now of like what else is out there. I can tell you there is a lot out there And I'm not saying that in terms of people, like there's someone better for you. I'm just saying every little decision you make, and sometimes I go down these rabbit holes of life, like every decision you make changes the course of your life forever, where you live, what job you get, what relationship you're in. Do you have kids with that person?

Starting point is 00:19:35 Like every single thing. And I go back to thinking, wow, if I never moved to Italy at this age, I wouldn't have done this. I wouldn't have done this. Wouldn't have got that job. And all the way to like, that wouldn't have put me on The Bachelor and then whatever. I just think 24 is young if you're having those feelings if you are 24 and you are obsessed with your partner and you're so like I can't wait to marry you then that's different but you're 24 and

Starting point is 00:19:55 you are saying I want to know what's out there in the world and I want to live for myself and you even say I want to be like selfish and prioritize myself and work on myself that is your body screaming at you that this might not be right for you and maybe this person is right for you but not right now and maybe he needs to get his shit together because the other thing that I think shouldn't be a sentence you're saying in your relationship is we have been relatively solid since then. When you're marrying someone, maybe my standards are too high. I don't want relatively, I don't want to feel relatively stable when I'm going into that relationship. I want to pour a slab down. Like I want that cement to be thick. And so I think there's some

Starting point is 00:20:34 things in there that I want you to like break down and think of it. Cause you wrote these words. And I think deep down, you probably know that if anything, you need some space to work it out. and maybe you do want to come back to him, but you might fucking go and flourish. Okay. Question number two. This one I think is going to be a little bit divisive, but let's try it. Recently, I told my husband of 17 years that I wanted to get another tattoo. He expressed in the past that he doesn't really like my tattoos, but I love them and I have quite a few. So YOLO. I told him I was going to get another one on my forearm, something that I have been thinking about for a while. He said, while of course he won't stop me, he thinks that he will

Starting point is 00:21:13 find it and me less attractive if I was to get it. Fast forward and I went ahead and got the tattoo anyway. It's been two months. I absolutely love it. I know it's my body and also my choice. And he said exactly the same thing. However, just recently he told me that he now finds me less attractive I feel that this is more of a punishment just because I went ahead and did it I don't actually think that it's impacted the way I look that much I'm really hurt by what he has said as he can't take this back where are we supposed to go from here now that he's telling me that he finds me less attractive simply because I have a tattoo should it really matter that much you can't tell your partner that you're not attracted to them unless you're ready to leave like you can't because

Starting point is 00:21:57 you can't take that back i don't even know what you do with that laura you and i have spoken about this in the past and we've always joked about it it's always a bit of funny funny like was like can you tell your partner what to do with their hair can you tell them what tattoos to get because ben has a lot of tattoos got russell crowe's face next to his dick that sounds some worse than it is ben has a giant if you don't know like his favorite movie is gladiator he doesn't have a crush on russell crowe but he got a theme down his whole thigh of a gladiator scene but what it means is Russell Crowe's head is in the vicinity. I honestly, when I first saw this, and especially when Brit doesn't have any tattoos and you're

Starting point is 00:22:34 not someone who likes them, I was shocked to my core. He has an entire movie scene tattooed on his thigh of Russell Crowe's face. I just imagine, what did you think the first time you took his pants off? Were you like, dude, what the fuck is that? No, I didn't even notice it. He's a specimen. I didn't notice the tattoo. Okay, hold on.

Starting point is 00:22:53 what if he had no tattoos and he went and got that tattoo now yes this is where it's different because he already had them it was just who he is right and like you can't see his tattoo when he's clothed it's if he's got shorts on or whatever you don't see it it's it's a masterpiece it's a masterpiece in his defense the tattoo is very well done it he went to one of the best and it it looks like russell crowe the detail is amazing anyway you'd be so sad if your partner had a tattoo of russell crowe but it was one of those rule like botched jobs and it just like kind of look like russell crowe but melting off his thigh my what i'm getting at here is ben quite likes tattoos he's got a few but he's not covered but he would love to get so many more and so ben

Starting point is 00:23:30 wants to get all these other pieces like big chest pieces and whatever and i have said to him really honestly what this guy said i was like like because he'll ask my opinion what do you think of this i will say complete honesty i don't like it can i say can i say and i will love you less if you do I will leave you. I will leave. The relationship's over. I'll never have sex with you again because your body's my body. Yeah, your body's not your choice.

Starting point is 00:23:57 We're joking. Yeah, obviously. He always knows he can get what he wants, right? I'm not going to love him less. But I think loving and attractiveness superficially, like we are obviously talking superficial, physical. I am not attracted to big tattoos like that. But it's not going to make me love him less.

Starting point is 00:24:14 And I would never tell him after the fact. But I have been honest with him before and I said, hey i don't like that tattoo i would prefer you didn't get it can we look at something else i'm not stopping him from getting a tattoo or i'm like what other options are there that you would like because i know that if he was covered in all of these big things that i don't like would i look at it and fucking get wet probably not but it's not gonna make me love him any less but this is where this guy went wrong i think he did the right thing by being honest and saying hey not for me but he fucked up when he said like i am less i'm not attracted to anymore like you absolutely cannot

Starting point is 00:24:47 won't say that to me it's super emotionally manipulative and this question screams of i didn't get my way so i'm gonna punish you i said all the right things it's your body your choice i don't like it but you do whatever's right for you yeah and then when you did what's right for you you turn around the person turns around and says i don't find you attractive anymore that's punishment that's what that is what tattoo has a woman gone and gotten on her forearm that has made him be like whoa that's what I mean and that's why I think it's emotionally manipulative because at the end of the day he might not find that tattoo attractive and I say this because like you can easily find a tattoo not attractive it doesn't mean you don't find your partner

Starting point is 00:25:27 attractive and obviously things like the placement of it come into effect like maybe you're someone who doesn't want like a full face tattoo on your partner that's okay I get that that's like really aggressive really aggressive right that's a lot it's a lot to process but at the same time I think you know by the sounds of things if it's on your forearm it's relatively you know it's on a non I'm going to say it's like on a non-important body part but your forearm is relatively important but you know what I mean like it's not somewhere where he has to look at it all the time every day well your forearm is you do you see your forearm like you see that a fair bit that's I wouldn't say that that's hidden constantly like most of the year you would probably see that I don't I think

Starting point is 00:26:06 I think it's an emotionally manipulative thing to say and I think that there is no way there is nowhere to go after you tell your partner that you no longer find them attractive I think it's not only punishment but it's really cruel and unless you actually don't find them attractive you don't want to have sex with them anymore and you are ready to deal with the repercussions that that is going to have on your relationship then I think that it is just it's relationship sabotage like you are ripping a fucking grenade and throwing it into your relationship and you're like well let's see how that goes down because you can never take that back it does sound like he's butthurt. He's butthurt that like he didn't get his way. I mean, obviously everyone's so

Starting point is 00:26:43 different. Like Matt is covered in tattoos. He's got loads of different tattoos. One in particular, do I find it really attractive? No. Is that the turtle one? He's got a fucking turtle on his thigh. So he, Matt last year. Sorry, would you rather Russell Crowe or a turtle on your thigh? So it's a turtle that kind of looks like a lizard. Last year he lost a bet. The bet was if he beat brother-in-law in a race, whoever was the loser would get this like turtle tattooed on them. and Matt didn't win the race and he got a turtle and it's not small it's like the size of my hand tattooed on his on his calf do I love the tattoo I don't care for it I'm like completely like non-phased either way do I find him less attractive because he's got a turtle tattoo

Starting point is 00:27:23 no I couldn't care less when you've been in a relationship for 17 years your scope for what is attractive on that person is far wider than what you might find attractive on someone else I just don't know, and I don't quite know what the question is because I don't know what you do with it. I think it's like where do you go from with this? And also should it be such a big deal? Should getting a tattoo cause this much distress in the relationship? And the answer is no.

Starting point is 00:27:48 Well, no, I don't necessarily agree with that, Lois. I think, and not just tattoos, I'm taking it outside of tattoos, right? If something bothers you, it bothers you. If something's going to bother one person in a relationship that's not going to bother another, and that could be the way somebody lives their life like are they a slob are they messy do they drink too much do they play video games do they get tattoos like we can't tell you what should and shouldn't bother you I think it's okay that he is bothered by something he told you personally

Starting point is 00:28:18 he doesn't like it but his behavior and response is not okay and the two can be different and should be different I would absolutely want my partner at that point in my relationship to be being honest with me you're 20 years deep if you can't be honest then when are you going to be honest but he should have reiterated where he went wrong is saying of course i'm gonna love you regardless like he didn't give any security to the situation he was honest and said it's not for me but that shouldn't what he's doing now is doesn't come with punishment what he's doing now is pretty gross and it's definitely sounds more like there's no way he's looking at a forearm tattoo and being like oh i can't have sex with you it's definitely coming down to the fact that he tried to push

Starting point is 00:28:52 you to go in a direction and you chose otherwise and now he's butthurt it's one thing to preach body autonomy. It's one thing to say all the right things. It's your body, your choice. You do what's right for you. But if you're saying that laced with, I'm going to have a real issue with this after the fact, then you actually don't believe in body autonomy at all. Now, hear me out. I need to get my IUD replaced. And I suggested to my boyfriend of two years that we split the cost. I live in the US and my insurance doesn't cover it. Now, insurance in the US, there's like a care plan that most of the time covers this kind of stuff. She doesn't have it. And I did look into it. Well, it can be up to 1800 US dollars. So I'm pretty sure that's like

Starting point is 00:29:34 maybe two and a half grand if you like convert that to the Aussie dollar, something. Regardless, it's a lot of money. He is flat out refusing and he's acting shocked like it is so bizarre that I would even ask. I just think that we both need to be equally responsible for birth control. And since I have to undergo the whole thing and deal with any side effects, I think it's only fair that he helps with something. He even said, well, it's your choice. So if you want to do it, then do it. What a fucktard.

Starting point is 00:30:01 Where the fuck are we finding these men? Where did you find him? In the US. He probably supports Trump. No, it's a no. Okay. So he said, well, it's your choice. If you want to do it, then do it.

Starting point is 00:30:10 But believe me, the man would kick up a fuss if I insisted he always use condoms. For context, we both earn exactly the same salary and split almost everything in our relationship. Am I being unreasonable? Break out with him. He is usually an understanding person, but somehow about this he's not getting my point. Break out with him.

Starting point is 00:30:29 Don't break out with him. Also, I just want to say if anyone can hear, it's because Poppy's strapped to me and she's breathing really heavily. It's her small sinus. Yeah, she has tiny sinuses, goddammit. This is wild. part of me would okay i know i said break up with him and that might sound extreme but i actually don't know if it's that extreme hear me out i feel like this is very deeply

Starting point is 00:30:52 misogynistic and he doesn't take things that are important to you or things that affect the both of you like he is saying that the entire responsibility of birth control of birthing of you know anything to do with fertility is your responsibility which is inequivably not okay and is incorrect when you're in a relationship that is something that you share responsibility for and to me that is a massive fucking red flag him not seeing something that every day he benefits from as part of his responsibility knowing full well that this is going to cost you potentially two thousand dollars to me is utterly insane not only does it show that he's incredibly selfish but it shows that he's deeply misogynistic when it comes to anything that pertains to women's

Starting point is 00:31:37 health care how's he going to react if you do get pregnant and you decide that you want an abortion Is that for you to manage? Is that for you to take care of? How is he going to react if you get pregnant and you are the one having to have front hospital bills or everything else? For me, there has to be a bigger conversation in this. And if he is unable to see how he benefits from this, then I would be firstly saying I'm not paying for it on my own.

Starting point is 00:32:00 And you can wear a condom. I don't care if you kick up a fuss. You can wear a condom every single time we have sex. And if you are not okay with that, then we're not having sex. That's it. yeah this is the biggest red flag for me like this is wild that he's like fuck your body you do it if you want it's not even just the money right people and maybe i don't want to say men don't know they fucking should know they should know but they don't but that's not an excuse they don't because

Starting point is 00:32:26 they can't care they should do they have any idea what it does to a woman's body it's not just like you're not just taking a pill or you're not just putting something inside you it is complete control and manipulations of what should be natural hormone production for your body. Like it was one of those things that we got told we had to do as a woman. Oh, you go to the doctor when you're 16 and you get the pill, you go and put an iodine and you don't ask questions. It was what women did. It was just, just a part of it. It fucks your body so much. And I'm not saying don't take it. There is something for everyone. I was on it for like 16 years, but I don't think he has any understanding of what it does to your body. But it's interesting that he says that you

Starting point is 00:33:05 say he would kick up a fuss over condoms. Sorry. Condoms are the easiest thing you can do. It's not going to cost you $1,800. It's not going to change his body. It's not going to send you guys crazy. It's not putting a foreign object inside of your body. Here are the options. We either don't have sex. We have a kid, which you know, but you just say that because he won't do it. We don't have sex. You have a kid or you wear a condom. What's it going to be? The part of this question though, Brit, where she says, you know, he said, you know, it's my choice. Like I'm making this decision or whatever it is. I can't remember the exact words that we use, but he's like, it's your choice. You've made that choice. He says, I will read it to you. He said,

Starting point is 00:33:41 quote, well, it's your choice. So if you want to do it, then do it. What he probably means by that, and I'm not, this is not me playing devil's advocate, but what he probably means by that is, oh, well, you've chose the most expensive option. Like you've chose the IUD option, which is probably more expensive than being on the pill. You have made the decision that is right for your body. And we all know as women, it takes so long to figure out what works for you. Unfortunately, the IUD where you are is the most expensive option. You haven't chosen it because it's the gold class or the Rolls Royce. You've chosen it because it works for you. It doesn't work for everyone. Some people have IUDs and they have like hellish

Starting point is 00:34:15 reactions to it and hellish outcomes. So like, I think having that, it's not your job to have to explain this shit to him. Unfortunately, when you are in a relationship with someone who has chosen to be fucking ignorant, it means that either you leave them or you do have to explain it to them. That's the only two options you have. So in this instance, you can explain those things to him. You can do exactly what you've said, Britt. And it's like, well, here are your options, either this, this or this, or we have a baby. Yeah. Like it is my body, my choice. And I don't want to choose that. So let's talk about the other options. Totally. It is your body, your choice, but he benefits every single day from the choice that you make. And ultimately he should

Starting point is 00:34:54 financially contribute to that benefit and that's how I think we feel about it's how most people normal people would feel about it if he continues to think that he shouldn't have to pay for something that he directly benefits from that is the biggest fucking red flag it also shows how he's going to behave in future like in other conversations around things that might not feel or seem equitable from the outset and I would say I'd you know look maybe don't leave him straight away but I would definitely be considering what type of person he is and why he feels so strongly that he shouldn't have to contribute to this like why is this the hill that he's going to die on and if it was so important to my partner regardless of whether I agreed or disagreed

Starting point is 00:35:35 if something was so important to my partner I would contribute financially because I benefit from it and I love them but like I would give money to my partner whether it was for something benefiting both of us or if they just got stuck and needed money for anything I don't have to benefit from it because that's a choice in a partnership is you're supposed to be there to help each other out totally but the fact that he has dug his heels in so deeply on this specific topic shows how misogynistic it is it shows his true colors about these types of topics and I would try and dig a little deeper to understand what is his because like I mean I know you've been together for two years and I know you share and are equitable on a lot of other

Starting point is 00:36:12 things but this is something that I think his true colors are showing and so I would want to gauge more about who he is as a person when it comes to these topics. These are things you need to discuss because this to me is the tip of an iceberg that's a really fucking ugly iceberg. All right, next question. Last question is a financial question. Four months ago, me and my friend bought tickets, $75 each, to a live show where we are sitting together.

Starting point is 00:36:38 This is purely to hang out because we're super busy and never get to catch up. So I think she's saying that as in it's more about us spending time together than the actual show that we're going to. She just found out that she has a wedding to attend on the night and she can no longer go. I would not have booked these tickets to this show if it wasn't to spend time with her. What do you think her responsibility is now as the one that pulled out? Should she pay for my ticket and we just both don't go? Does she give me her ticket so that I can go with someone else?

Starting point is 00:37:08 Or is she free to give the ticket to anyone that she wants to give it to because she was the original ticket owner? Okay, I think I can answer this one really quickly. she doesn't have to pay for your ticket because I think that's expecting too much I think it is a pretty fucking rogue and unkind thing just to be like hey so I'm not going anymore I'm gonna sell these tickets on Gumtree and you can go with a complete stranger like I feel like that is a pretty unfair thing to do or she could give you the ticket you can go with someone I personally would give the ticket to my friend and be like hey I can't go take my ticket take whoever you

Starting point is 00:37:41 want to. However, there is another option here that you haven't explored. If you don't want to go, if you were like, I actually didn't want to go to this concert. I was only going because we were going to hang out together. I would say to my friend, Hey, I know you've pulled out. I'm kind of bummed about it. The only reason why I was going was because I wanted to spend time with you. I actually don't really want to go to the concert without you. Why don't you both sell the tickets? Because someone is going to be way more inclined to buy two tickets together than what they are to buy a single random road ticket just both sell your tickets sell them to someone else and then like you know you might maybe you sell them for 20 bucks less or whatever it is you

Starting point is 00:38:18 know we usually sell them for more you scalpel them well it depends depends on whether it's sold out right i wonder who it is you can like try that and if that doesn't work then yeah she should just be kind enough to give you the ticket and you can take someone else you shouldn't be out of pocket because she can't go it does make me i want to know what the friend has said she wants to do because like for you to write this in means she hasn't offered you the ticket it means she's doing something rogue otherwise you wouldn't have written in so fucking weird man's like hey i can't come so i've given it to john from work he'll be going with you it's like that's a weird flex you've got two options exactly that she either needs to give you the ticket you can

Starting point is 00:38:51 fucking take whoever you want any friend you want or if you want to give them away whatever you can or you literally put them both together on marketplace and you sell them together to me there's like this is two options in a box like you don't do anything else i think that there's a bigger question here that actually has nothing to do with tickets should these conversations be uncomfortable with your friend like should you be able to talk this level with your friends because it seems as though when we get these types of like hey my friend did this and i don't know what the right way or thing to do is it's like of course there's an etiquette to it but also there's like a transparency and kind of like what is an okay conversation to have with your friend are

Starting point is 00:39:29 Are you being overbearing? Are you expecting too much? I think it's so fine for you to be like, I don't want to go to the concert with a fucking random stranger. What's the solution? What's the solution? I don't want to go with Frank. Don't make me go with Frank.

Starting point is 00:39:40 I'm not going with Frank. But I think that some people are really conflict avoidant and so that feels like conflict but it shouldn't. That is not conflict. It's not conflict. No. It's just like not and also we're all so time poor. No one wants to go and do an activity that isn't the activity

Starting point is 00:39:56 that they want to do. So, like, unless you're absolutely fucking, like, stoked. Taylor Swift. Yeah, I'd go there with anyone. I'd go there with Frank. I'd go with Frank. Do you know what I mean? I'd go with Frank's dad.

Starting point is 00:40:06 I think it's fine. I think you can have this conversation. You shouldn't feel weird about it. And also, yes, I think that a non-arshole friend would either just give you the ticket or sell them together. But also, please let us know, A, what did she want to do with it? And, B, who were you going to see? Like, that's what I want to know. Anyway, let's get out of here.

Starting point is 00:40:23 hey guys please um keep your ask uncut coming in you can write into instagram which is life uncut podcast ask uncut you're always anonymous or if you want to take that anonymity to a whole another level you can email us at hello at life uncut you make a burner account dude we get those a lot of people send them from burner accounts to our emails because they really really don't want to do you ever think that potentially if someone's done that it's someone that we know like it could be someone within a friendship circle or it's like they name it they're never They're going to know. They're going to know.

Starting point is 00:40:53 I don't think it's ever people we know. I think sometimes they're the more salacious ones or ones that maybe they know someone else listens to the podcast and they just want no. They want zero chance of it ever getting out. But I can tell you we don't even look at your profiles. Like you're so anonymous. We don't. We don't.

Starting point is 00:41:08 I mean we don't do any research. I have before. Sometimes with the like getting pregnant by the cousin, I looked at that one. Did you? I just wanted to see. They're private. I couldn't see anything.

Starting point is 00:41:16 Okay. I also want to apologize if you've been, well, I mean, if you've listened to this, if you've watched it on YouTube, you would actually get it. I have had Poppy strapped to me the entire time. So if there's been weird peeps or weird meh, meh, meh, that is because she's been making noise. And also I'm just going to apologize because I'm super sleep deprived

Starting point is 00:41:31 and I'm doing my best, guys. I'm holding on for dear life. There's nothing to apologize for sleep deprivation. You're great. It's just the pterodactyl sounds. Yeah. No, it's not that. I find it more challenging to collect my thoughts.

Starting point is 00:41:41 Yeah, but we edit those out. You're doing great, sweetie. You sound great on it. We edit it out. Also, guys, YouTube, go hit subscribe, watch. There's heaps of shorts, all the long form, all of our interviews. It's really, really cool. You can get some Poppy up there. You can see Poppy's top of her head. Yeah. And also a lot of people are finding a really good way to bond with

Starting point is 00:41:59 their partners at home. They put the Ask Uncuts on the big screen, on the TV via YouTube, play the question, chat it out with their partner or their flatmates or whoever it is before they play our response. But it's a really good conversation starter for someone in your life. And if you think it's going to relate to something and you want your partner, it's a good way to try and get them on board if you're trying to like if you're disagreeing with something or no it's also just a really nice way of finding out your partner's morals and their moral compass whether they agree with something or don't agree with it i mean like for example that contraception question play that to your partner and have a conversation about it because it's non-accusatory it's an open

Starting point is 00:42:36 question and you can really gauge like what is the type of person that your partner is and how would they navigate these types of situations then we have a mass exodus and then everyone can break up with their partners anyway guys that is it from us and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Help My Husband Finds Me Less Attractive

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.