Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - He's Scoring Our Sex Life Out Of Ten

Episode Date: July 26, 2026

Welcome back to Ask Uncut where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions! If you missed last Wednesday's episode, yes, it's true, and yes we're still crying about it. This is Keeshia’s last ask uncut and vibe so she is doing a bit of a 5 in 1 recommendation. Vibes and unsubscribes this week: Keeshia: swapping the TV for a nightly run of five dinner-table gamesWordleWorldleConnectionsQuizlCryptlBritt: Cape FearLaura: World War II With Tom Hanks Then we get into your questions! HE'S KEEPING A SCORED LOG OF OUR SEX LIFE I recently found out my partner keeps a log of our sex life - dates, locations, what we did, and a rating out of ten. He's also noted that he's not satisfied and that it's "too vanilla." Is this normal behaviour for a man in his 40s? HE TOLD ME MY KISSING STYLE ISN'T FOR HIM We've just started being intimate and he kindly let me know my kissing style isn't up his alley - apparently I move my jaw too much. I've only ever kissed one way. How do you actually kiss "differently"? MY BOYFRIEND'S CONSERVATIVE VIEWS ARE MAKING ME QUESTION EVERYTHING I'm a 28-year-old woman of colour who's found someone chivalrous, funny and affectionate except he doesn't believe in transpeople, is against workplace inclusivity, and thinks a woman's body count shouldn't exceed his. I lied about mine. Is this a dealbreaker? CAN I PULL OUT OF BEING A BRIDESMAID A MONTH OUT? My friend of 20 years is getting married in four weeks and I'm a bridesmaid, but I can't stand her fiancé and I'm starting to worry he might be controlling behind closed doors. Can I bail? Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome back + catching up after last Wednesday's big news 05:53 – Vibes  16:01 – Q1: He's keeping a scored log of our sex life 26:49 – Q2: He told me my kissing style isn't for him 34:37 – Q3: My boyfriend's conservative views are making me question everything 43:53 – Q4: Can I pull out of being a bridesmaid a month out? Keep your questions coming! Slide into the Life Uncut DMs at @lifeuncutpodcast on Instagram You can watch us on Youtube Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Keeshia Pettit Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany and this is Ask Uncut where you write in with your problems, which we love because it makes us feel more normal and we do our best to answer them. Your deep, dark and your burning questions. Well, I mean, people have some burning questions but more so. Yeah, like where's Keisha going? No, but she's here. Everyone, she's still here.

If you missed last Wednesday's episode, sorry if you found out through the Facebook group, people are a little bit angry about that, but we're revisiting. We're revisiting. If you missed last Wednesday's episode, we had some very sad news. We all cried a lot. I have had a headache for like 36 hours now because we did the recording and I cried a lot in that. And then we did, like I did the video edit and I cried in that.

And then I did the audio edit and I cried in that. And then I did the show and I was like, I can't stop crying. Sorry, I need to make it very clear, though, if you didn't listen to Wednesday's, she's not crying because we fired her. Keisha's voluntarily leaving us and we are crying because we don't want her to leave us. Keisha made a choice. So Keisha's made a terrible choice that she's going to come to regret, everyone.

I made the joke last year. She's been trying new things with her outfits. She's now trying new things with her career. And becoming a trad wife. And we share you. How dare you have ambitions? Go fuck yourself. No, but actually, it was funny.

So in the Facebook discussion group, we love you guys, right? But the episode dropped first thing in the morning. It's like 5.30 a.m. or something like that. And then, of course, there were some people that went and posted in the discussion group, like, oh, my God, Keisha's leaving. Question, question, question. Sad, sad, sad. Cry, cry, cry.

Sad, sad, sad. Cry, cry, cry. Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. Cry, cry, cry, cuddle. Cry, cry, cry some more. Who? The people that were commenting saying, oh, thanks for spoiling it because I hadn't listened to the episode yet, which is funny because this is not a 12-part docuseries that we're

about to release and we spoiled the ending. So I'm sorry we laugh. Once again, I keep referring back to last Wednesday's episode, but if you did listen to it, you would know it's how we deal with trauma. Keisha, how are you feeling now? So like, just from a timing perspective, we recorded our Wednesday episode literally yesterday. We all cried and then have continued crying. And then now we're back in studio the next day, still processing. I feel like it's a lot, you know, it's a lot of really lovely. I'm going to cry again. It's a lot of really lovely. I can't stop crying I'm like the waterworks Claire sent me a message uh was it last night or this morning this morning sorry and she asked a couple questions and one of them was like an emotional question

I only answered the other ones and she was like yep cool completely on brand avoiding all of the emotional stuff and just answering the logical and I was like yes distraction is something that I use as a technique like it's all I have the capacity for right now is to avoid work yeah I I think like it hasn't really hit me yet. It hasn't really set in. But I think this will be the last ask I'm going for maybe until I'm a guest in the future. Until you come back.

I don't know if you'll ever welcome me back. Of course. It's until you crawl back through the door and you go, I made a terrible mistake. I've come back. Okay, you shall come back. Do you know what, though, in all seriousness? Mum, Dad, can I come home?

And the door will always be half a jar. And we're never going to change your room even though we do have to employ someone else. But we're never going to change your room. We're never going to take the posters down, Keish. We're never going to change the bed. The bed sheets will be left exactly as you left them. Oh, I don't want that.

I want you to change the sheets. Have we taught you nothing about sleep hygiene? It's because the show must go on for want of another term. But Keish just went to the bathroom before and she was out of the room. And it's not like we do it intentionally, but we were like quickly trying to talk about what we're going to do when she's gone and the replacements and how we're going to move the studio around and what we're going to do. And then you came back and I was like, everyone quiet!

Because it's like, you don't want to, it's almost like you don't want to talk about it. No, you can talk about that. I have suggestions. But in all seriousness, I, yesterday as well, like, cause we all cried so much. It's been a long time since I've cried that much. Like if I cry, it's usually just a little bit here and there. I went home and felt like I had been hit by a bus. Like the emotional whiplash that you feel, because we went from crying to like hysterics

in about 10 minutes. It's cause we're all a little bit dead inside, I think. Yeah, but we were before. Obviously jokes aside. And I think we had a bit more of like a, if you're listening to this and you haven't listened to last week you might kind of feel like it's a bit weird that you know I'm not being sentimental and I'm this podcast means everything to me Ask Uncut particularly has been like it's been such an enjoyable insight into other people's lives and minds and like we might not always have

the best advice we might not always have the best perspectives but I feel like I have learned so much about myself as well from like understanding other people's lives and it's been like a real I'm gonna cry again it's been like a real honor and and it's so cool that we have had access to your lives and access to like some of the things that you feel are shameful or some of the things that you don't even want to talk about with your friend group like that's a massive privilege and I'm very grateful for it so I'm gonna stop crying and we can leave the sentimental stuff to last Wednesday and now vibes let's talk about what we've been watching okay vibes and unsubscribes kish you can go first what's your vibe so i am no pressure yeah i thought about this last night

and i was like i can't just do a tv show that doesn't seem big enough it needs to be something to do with sleep it's not to do with sleep shame so disappointment all around a little bit of a part two of one i vibed a couple weeks ago it was worldle that i vibed essentially my whole vibe to see me out is that my partner and i have replaced what we do at dinner time and we have started doing this set of five games together a life also messaged me a sixth one that has kind of been added to the mix but I'm just going to go through quickly list the five we have replaced like we used to kind of sit down for dinner and we would maybe put a show on or have something on in the background and and now we don't turn the tv on at all we just do these games together and

it has been it's been so much fun I look forward to it so much now so we start every night like it's the same order of all the games so the first one is world all that all of you would have heard about because it's very, very popular. It's the New York Times one, Wordle. Then we do Worldle, which is the geography map one, which is actually a separate app or website. I have played that with Keisha and her partner and I must admit, I probably need to play it more. I was like terrible. Couldn't get one point. I do think it's getting, like I'm getting better at it. So there's been improvement. Then we play Connections on the New York Times app again. So that's the same as the Worldle one. then we all go onto a website that is called Quizzle and it's just five trivia questions

for the day. And then the last one that we do is on that same Quizzle and it's called Cryptle. Do you just do this in a consecutive sequence? Like do you sit down and you're like, let's punch out all the games. No, literally we sit down, put the dinner plates down and we go time for our games. And then we do it in the same five, like the same order. Is it a game that you play together or is it a game you play individually and you tell each other your score? Sometimes we race so wordle we race world all we play together connections we attack together because otherwise i think that we would lose every time and then quizle we do together and crypto we race that's cute you know one thing that i will say that i love that i might try and bring one of

those in i like the trivia one but i grew up we were never ever like not one time of my entire life growing up did we eat dinner with the tv on not in the background not watching it ever our family had to sit down. It's actually like where suck and sweet came from, from the podcast. My family had to sit down every night, the six of us. And we would say our suck and sweet of the day around the dinner table and we'd talk. We were never allowed TV. And I've brought that into mine and Ben's relationship because Ben, he would sit in front of the TV and eat his dinner every night. At the start, it drove him crazy that I used to make him turn the TV off and we would sit and eat. But now it's really nice. I want to listen to my wife. Exactly. He's like, if I can

talk to you all the time but it makes such a difference to your relationship yeah even if you don't even realize it's just like that little change I think also because it's not like we're sitting down and because sometimes you can have a really big day and like he has a really stressful job so some days are harder than others and you know when you get home and you're like wanting to have dinner but you're like I actually just have no capacity left I don't want to have an in-depth conversation like a you know this is a really easy access point it's something that we both look forward to and yeah it's just been so good we've been doing a couple of months now and if you would like a little something fun I don't know maybe some people will look at this

and be like that isn't the nerdiest vibe that you could ever imagine going out on but I love it and we are leaning in and it's been great so I'll list all five apps or websites in the show notes so that you can click on them if you are interested I'm not going to go through and explain what each at the bar because we don't have the entire episode but also like i love that it's still you know when you finish like you said you finish work and all you want to do is like be on your phone you're still ticking the box you're still on your phone your screen time's still going on it's just you're actually learning something which is important yeah i'm so smart i'm the last thing i'll say on it i must admit i understand why you play it because when i went over there like hey

you want to play this game i was like okay it's because you're both so good at it i was like this isn't fun for me guys because i can't answer anything but you get better okay i'll keep okay well my my vibe this week is a tv show i think it's 10 episodes the final episode isn't out yet so it's being released now we're up to episode eight or nine it is on amazon prime and it's called cape fear now cape fear i have discovered they've made it like recreated it maybe three or four times over the last 20 or 30 years but this is insane it's a psychological thriller which I love I don't like scary movies but I love a thriller so it's produced by Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese which is also he's also known for his adaptations they're like two

big hitters they're huge it's amazing and the two leads are Amy Adams in a way that you have never seen her before and Javier Bardem and it is about a murderer that comes back and he like is sort of harassing and stalking this family and it's what happens to the family and it's so it's so intertwined but you can't put your finger on who is doing what and why and I know the ending is going to be so good like I'm one week away and Ben and I because we're watching it together we cannot wait like we keep checking when it's going to come out but it's it's just filmed like nothing I have ever seen before and that's because it's Spielberg but it has you hooked and scared and guessing and everything that you would want from a TV show

even though it's really unusually filmed. So it's called Cape Fear on Amazon Prime. If you feel like just that tiny little bit of being scared without being horrified. Like suspense, not gore. And maybe if you suffer from anxiety, don't watch it because like it's one of those films where the music plays such a huge, the background music plays such a huge part in creating the feeling

of what's going to happen next. I know something's about to happen and then sometimes it doesn't happen. but it's like that the whole time so yeah cape fear all right well look i have one and this is kind of unless you're really into history and world war two docos in particular this might not be up your alley but that's okay i feel like we've covered some very different themes on these vibes i live with matt's mom that may not come as a surprise to anyone i thought you're about to say i live with matt i know i live with him too ellie loves war anything like she's got some niche interest doesn't she she's a bit of a royalist and she fucking loves war i mean the venn diagram

there is a crossover yeah britain has a lot to account for i'm talking like any war documentary world war one world war two like she's so interested in it there is a new documentary it's come out it's on sbs it came out this year it's narrated by tom hanks not only narrated by it but like he is in the documentary he kind of is like doing a piece to camera as each episode opens. There is 20 episodes in this. You really got to love World War II and really be interested in the history of it, but covers from fascism all the way through to the atomic bomb, like the reasons why it started, how it started, the conversations that were happening between countries, like literally every part of the war is broken down. And a lot of the different

conflicts that happen in different countries are broken down and isolated. It is the most comprehensive world war ii and i've watched watched a lot of world war ii stuff in the last couple of years since living with ellie it's the most comprehensive but because it's narrated by tom hanks and it's been done with a real not i don't want to say it's got the hollywood effect because it certainly doesn't have that more palatable maybe it's just it's done in a way that i find is not too dry and it's very very interesting i am not a history person i am not someone who would normally sit through that much world war content and i have found it thoroughly like it's been for me it's probably the first time where i've actually watched that type of

history content and been like i have thoroughly enjoyed this and i don't know if war content is something you can say you thoroughly enjoy and i love tom hanks so i was like i fucking love him sounds like it would make me better at my trivia game it truly was one of those ones where i was like oh he could talk about anything box of chocolates of world war ii i'll watch it all can you dislike tom hanks i don't reckon you can't i don't think you can i think it's illegal actually in some countries but anyway it's on SBS like I said it's 20 parts so you've got to really want to watch it but it's truly fascinating so that's my recommendation it is called World War II with Tom Hanks easy to find that's not funny but it is because you're like it's about

World War II Tom Hanks and you're like what's that name World War II with Tom Hanks this is like not a lol but I was actually talking to my grandma who is 89 yeah 89 I was talking to her only a week ago and she remembers she is British my mum was born there like you know a lot of my family that moved to Australia they still have their accents and she remembers basically having to hide in her cellar it's kind of how she explained it she's a different word I can't remember what it was but they had to hide in there when there were bombs being dropped in the town and it's really fascinating when you think about how I mean I know it sounds like such a benign thing to say but how recently it all was and like the shift from the 1920s and 1930s the

political shifts in views like all of that's covered all the way up into this threat and this looming like decision making around do we don't we drop an atomic bomb which obviously changed the course of Nagasaki forever and for Japan and I think if you don't know a lot about it or if you've ever kind of been like I should learn more about that but I haven't Tom Hanks is your man yeah he's done it for us he made it simple and palatable all right it is time to get into your questions and let me tell you the discussion group was giving this week I'm sorry to purple links who wrote this in but here we go i recently found out that my partner keeps a log of our sex life dated locations and what we did he also scores it like okay enjoyed it

okay when i came across this log i thought that it was a porn log because the language was just so out of control it includes logging when he has also jerked off he also noted that he is not satisfied with our sex life in the log. He's written it's too vanilla for him. It's apparently what I want, not what he wants. I want to add that he has expressed that he's not always been happy with our sex life in the past, but when I asked him to initiate or to tell me more about what he wants, he simply doesn't. I'm happy to try new things. I'm also not a mind reader. Now, I'm not sure what to do from here. The logging and the scoring of our sex life has made me feel a bit sick if i'm honest should i be upset about this is this normal behavior for a man in his 40s

and she goes on to say i'm actually not sure what i'm looking for is it advice or is it even just a safe space to vent this was a real lifer in the discussion group who sent this in for everyone to share their thoughts and feelings not just us i want to start by saying a blanket statement i don't think it's normal for a 40 year old to do a really detailed log of not only when you're having sex but when you're jacking off and then rating it and then saying if it's okay medium great normal exciting sorry can i just i need to know does he rate his own jerk off like does he does he masturbate and then rate himself could have gone faster three or is he only rating you it's fucking weird and i would like to know how he rates his jerk off against the sex jokes aside

Ed, so am I understanding that he doesn't know she's found this? He doesn't know. Oh, well, he has to know. You have to tell him. You absolutely have to tell him. I would probably just like next time you have sex say, what would you give that one? It's so passive, but it's kind of cool.

It's kind of a flick. I agree. I think the next time you have sex, I think you say to him, what would you rate that one? And then see what he says. And then be like, you know, for your log, was it fair? Was it okay? Was it hot?

I need to know because I can't wait to find out how you're going to write about it. Also, I don't want you to think we're laughing at you. We're not laughing at you. I do think it is a funny, I've never ever heard or come across someone that keeps a detailed log of their sex life in all capacity. And I'm being serious when I say that because this is obviously something that is a problem in your relationship. You do need to let him know you found it and it's made you feel uncomfortable.

And this is something, if you guys are in your forties and you've been together for however long, I don't know. But if he has these feelings that he can write down and he hasn't conveyed them to you, that is a huge problem. Like if it's a big enough problem for him to be making these notes on, okay, I'm not happy with our sex life. I don't like this. I don't like that. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But he hasn't told you that. And he's not giving you the ability to work on it. Of course, that's going to make you feel gross. Of course, that's going to push you away. Like for multitude of reasons. Sorry. Yeah. I agree with everything that you've said, But I also want to add the audacity of this man, the audacity of him.

To give you a four. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck him. No, the audacity of him to write down the date, the time, and to score you on your performance. This is not, you're not a triathlete. You're not running a race.

This is not a sprint. It's not a marathon. You are not trying to get a PB. This is your intimate relationship with your partner. this is your way in which you feel connected and your way in which you you know have shared intimacy and so to think that he comes out of that and the the one thing that he is rating his enjoyment off is the score of which he thinks that either you've performed or the sex has performed or whatever it is it just takes all the intimacy out of it it takes the connection out of

it it makes it an incredibly transactional thing that you're now doing and every time you have sex with him. What I feel horrible for you about when I read this is that every time you have sex with your partner now, you are thinking, what is he going to score me? That is going to be an impossible thing for you to get out of your head. How is he going to score this sex? I think that this has, and will be so damaging to the psychology of your sex life that I actually, I think that there's going to have to be, when I say that you guys are going to have to talk about it, you're going to have to work through it. This is a very big thing that you're going to have to work through because it feels like a bit of a betrayal it feels as though you know we can all think about sex life

and be unhappy with certain things but it's one thing to voice I'm unhappy with my sex life to your partner and then give them none of the tools to fix it well that's that's my point right it's like look at the end of the day did he ever think you would find it and I'm not making excuses probably not and I imagine he might be mortified to know that you've seen these scores I would hope he's mortified because if he's not, that's a problem in itself. People are allowed to have a diary. People are allowed to write their feelings down. In fact, I would go so far as to say it's important, especially for men, if they are feeling a certain way to voice their feelings, to write it down. There's nothing wrong with that. Where this becomes a real issue is the scoring and the

fact that you have found it. And I can not imagine how you would feel when you opened that book and you started flicking through pages and seeing your partner say you're a and we I'm just pulling numbers out right just saying you're a two three four five maybe you scored a few tens I hope you did but seeing that knowing that he's unsatisfied I'm assuming the numbers are not amazing because he says he's unsatisfied what that does to you to your self-esteem and your confidence and the way you feel about your relationship and how you go into it and exactly what you said Laura if you're going into that moving forward being like oh god he's gonna score me bad i need to do something all of a sudden you're not having normal intimate sex you're performing and you're thinking that you

have to put on this hectic performance to try and get a 10 it's so wildly unhealthy that he is doing this and has left it in a place that you can find you definitely need to speak to him and maybe it's not passive-aggressive like we joked at the start like how do you score me on that you just need to sit down and say babe i found your diary or whatever you want to call it your sex scores your sex log it's giving you know how you have to fill out the kilometers when you're driving and where you drove and the dates for your accountant that's what it's giving like the date the distance you went so that you can tax deduct your car against your your average your yearly income one thing i want to add on this is that there was some interesting like this was going off in the

comment section on facebook obviously a lot of people had different things to say there was one comment that i think it is worth us unpacking and questioning because someone wrote maybe he's neurodivergent and that it's his neurodivergence that makes him need to keep track and score and log and everything else which is a possibility of course maybe maybe but i don't know if i love and maybe i'm going to get into trouble for saying this sorry if this offends anyone happy for positive or kind criticism and feedback i don't constructive criticism yeah i don't like how we our very first thought is to always jump to neurodivergence like i don't like and you know it's important to have some allowances and some forethought of like maybe that's a possibility

but it is also a possibility that that is not the case and I'm sure that if she's in a relationship with this person she would know if he is neurodivergent or she would know that that's part of his personality that hasn't been expressed so I think it's you know it's I guess a bit of a sidestep for us to jump to the conclusion that neurodivergence equates to sex scoring like because this news is me. I've not seen that one play out before. I agree with you. But I just think this is a conversation. I'm sorry you feel it. You just have to tell him. Yeah. And tell him how it makes you feel. And also say, if you're not happy with something, a normal thing to do is to tell me. I'm not a mind reader. How are we supposed to know? And you know what? Maybe you're

not happy either. And maybe you have some pointers you can give him as well. But a relationship is a collaborative process. It's not two people living separate lives and hoping to God the other person can work out who they are and what they want keeping a sex list is something that you do when you're not in a relationship when you're like 20 and also not 40 yeah like when you're young and you start having sex you keep like a bit of a log I remember going back when I was like in my 20s did you actually know I was 30 I was 30 I was in my 30s and I was trying to write down I was trying to remember the list god damn it so I was like going back through my mental file of facts and I was like okay there was the police guy there was the when he arrested me and I had

to get myself out of prison. There was the guy from Tinder who had a high-pitched voice. There was like, but I didn't remember any of their names. I could pull their faces, but I couldn't remember names. The guy from Tinder with a high-pitched voice. So it ended up, there was like PT guy, there was lawyer guy. So it ended up just kind of looking like some sort of vague career.

CB. It's my CB. It's my experience. But it was horrifying to me how inaccurate my list became. And so then I stopped. I stopped. I've never been a lister. Or I'd wake up in the middle of the night.

It was like three days after starting the list and I'd be like, That's right. The guy at the restaurant drank from the bank. How could I forget? Best ten minutes of my life. I haven't spoke to him since I was 22. Give him a three. He did have a deep voice.

I've never been a lister. I just don't have it in me. I don't believe it. I believe that everyone at some point tried to write a list. I've never. I've tried to remember before but not for my – I don't wake up at night and be like, oh, I'm going to go through my list. Whenever my friends or a conversation like this has come up

where people have said try to remember, I will go back and try and remember and I am the same thing. The people in my head that I'm remembering were Amazon guy or something. Columbia man. I would love for – look, you've all got nicknames in the Facebook group anyway so it doesn't matter anymore. I would love to start a thread where people anonymously under your nicknames you don't have to do it with your real name their best sex name copy your list put your list in the discussion

group or send us your list no not your whole list just your best name like the name the names I want I want your list if your list has unhinged names we can't ask 100,000 people to go put their whole list because I want to I want to know what you have written down if you had a list what are the names that made you remember the person Laura wants to know how many other people had sex with tinder high-pitched voice guy that's what she really wants to know okay hey let us know how that one goes though in all honesty because that's a real aftermath that I would want to be a part of not I don't want to be part of the list sorry scrap it podcast girl okay next question ladies this is actually also from the discussion group you guys have been really turning up and providing

in there. It's red hot in there, guys. We're going to put a link. If you're not part of the discussion group, go. Ladies and gents, I need help. I've been dating this guy for a couple of weeks now and we have just recently started being intimate. I think it's been great, but he let me know in a really kind way, so please don't come for him, that my kissing style isn't up his alley. I'm totally on board to try new ways, but it occurred to me that I've only ever kissed this way and I just can't wrap my head around how I would kiss differently. Essentially, he said that i move my jaw too much like i'm chewing constantly opening and closing i guess my question is do people really just put their lips together and not move their jaw how does that work anyone that's

received positive feedback from kisses please help you go out this is i think you're opening your mouth too much i think it's too much opening well i firstly i want to say these are the kind of questions that i really love that people feel comfortable enough to put in the discussion group because a lot of people don't feel comfortable going to a friend or someone and saying, like, hey, I've been told I'm a shit kisser. How do you kiss? But the fact that you can go and post this and people are genuinely trying to help you, I really, really love.

And we are your friends and we will help. And Brittany will do a demonstration. I wonder. No. Well, I mean, from what you have said, look. Do you move your jaw? I'm just trying to think. Well, you do.

We're not doing. Please don't. Oh, my. Hey, if you guys want to go back and watch any of our seasons of The Bachelor, you'll see us making out on TV. Oh, to be fair, there's one video of me. Fuck, I move my jaw too much. Dear God, I look like I'm about to eat Matt's face off.

Like a praying mantis. Like rah, rah, rah. I think that you open your jaw if it's like a really aggressive kiss, right? Like a fucking hot Stevie kiss. But not everyone wants to be kissed like that all the time in all moments. Sometimes a kiss is a little bit more just like. Well, I think I know what she's doing. Chewing.

No, I think she's just doing the same movement, which is great. I know the movement, like when you open the drawer and you go in for a kiss, like you're like, hmm, whatever. But that's just, you just do it once. Yeah, but you do it once or twice and then you change the pace. So you might do little kisses in between or take a breath or whatever. I get the impression that you're going in and just opening and closing with nothing in between and so.

You're doing the hot move, but you're doing the hot move constantly and no other small moves in between. Yeah, and when hot is too much, it burns out. It's too much hot. It's too much hot. I agree. I think that that's exactly what's happening here. I think it's the hung.

Like, you know it. And it's over and over and over. And there's no in-between, just like nice small amounts of tongue. When it comes to kissing, there's a couple of rules. One is. What's the worst kiss you've ever had? It was probably someone who kept sticking their tongue so far into my mouth. Tickled your chonsels?

It just seemed unnecessary. I'm not like an over-tongue person, like a little bit of tongue, but not like, I don't want your whole tongue in my mouth. I don't need it in my mouth. You don't need it. No one needs it. You've got your own tongue. Give your tongue to yourself.

Stop sharing your tongue with me. Fuck. Put it back. So, like, I think, like, a medium to small amount of tongue is enough tongue for me. And this one guy. I'm really in this. He was probably PT trainer from Colombia. I don't fucking know what he is in my list.

But he just had too, he was trying to share too much tongue. And it wasn't about it. Do you know, what I will say is. And pointy tongues, also not nice. I think kissing can also become geographical. Bear with me. Different ethnicities in different countries kiss differently. Some are more passionate by nature, some are more reserved, and that has nothing to do

with what we're talking about. I just thought about it when we said Columbia. I actually don't know if it was from Columbia. I can't remember. I don't think you've been to Columbia. That doesn't mean he didn't come here, Britt. Colombians travel to Australia as well. I thought you meant when you were in Columbia.

I was like... No, look, it sounds like he's been really nice. You literally said he was really nice. He was letting me know, which is absolutely fine. And going back to the first question, very important that he wasn't logging your kiss without telling you and just complaining. He did everything right. he was lovely and kind and said like we're on different like motions here which is amazing

just ask him say oh okay how do you like it show me like just ask him to kiss you how he likes it and just relax and let him lead and I think you can do that like you definitely can let someone lead you in a kiss if it's hard to explain but just follow what he does like follow his kiss And it's really hard and it would be awkward if it wasn't such an open conversation with you guys. But he seems like he's made it not awkward because he's just told you up front, which I really appreciate. I was interested by people's replies, though, because, you know, I think our very first

thing when we receive criticism and feedback, especially when it's of something that is sensitive, like everyone wants to be told that they're a good kisser or that they're good at intimacy or whatever it is. Everyone wants that positive feedback. And if it's anything less than positive feedback, we feel it and we take it as criticism. and there were some people in the comment section which were like actually I think this is so rude like how dare he say this to you and to that I say I understand why you might interpret it as criticizing right but how else is he expected or supposed to achieve or reach a destination in a

place where you're both kissing in a way that makes each other feel good about it no imagine if you imagine if you meet a guy you like him so much you like everything about him you love the conversation you love spending time with them but every time they kiss you you feel as though they're trying to eat your face off you would hope that you would be able to say to them I like you so much but can you just maybe not kiss me quite that intensely and for them to be able to take that feedback and not be so offended that they break up with you right because like if that's where we're drawing the line then potentially we're never going to get to a place where we're going to end up finding someone who's actually a great match because you're never going to be

100% on every level on all things. I know. And imagine, I couldn't agree more. I actually don't like when people are saying how rude of him. It's not rude. You're communicating with someone you really like to get on the same page. And he's done it politely and respectfully. Imagine if he broke up with her because he said, he's like, hey, I can't do this anymore. Like, I can't stand the way you kiss. We would all say, you didn't give her a chance. Why didn't you tell her? And now he's done that. And then there are people saying like, you shouldn't be saying that of course he's allowed to say that it's not to say that it still doesn't make you feel a little bit crappy and I get it like if someone said to me hey I really don't like the

way you kiss I'd feel like oh my god I'm so mortified but that's not a them problem that's a me problem that's my feeling mortified not the way I kiss but the my feeling mortified is something that I can work through with my own feelings and if they're not trying to make me feel bad or like if they're not trying to like you know they're only saying it as a way to try and get us to a place of it being better then I think like good on him for doing it I would love to see and hear how this goes I think it's something that you guys can work on together because not all kissing styles are compatible and maybe you'll get to a place where you're like actually we found our groove and things are really good and now we are awesome or maybe you won't but

I'd love to know well I think it's really important to note that him saying that your style of kissing is not for him does not mean you're a bad kisser somebody else might think that is fantastic and it might be their vibe everybody in the world has preferences and likes different things maybe you're amazing for someone else and it's not up his alley and he might not be up your alley and and someone else might be but there's nothing wrong with trying to work on something especially if you guys know you really like each other and everything else you're not gonna throw a potential a potentially amazing partner in the bin because you can't work out how to kiss like I just don't believe that and I know you've got this thank you for that pep talk

I am 28 years old and I feel like I've met someone I can finally see a future with. He is chivalrous, funny, and very affectionate. Love that. However, I'm a person of color. I'm a woman working in commercial real estate where I work predominantly alongside men. I have recently had discussions with my new boyfriend about his conservative views, which I wasn't aware of prior to us being a label, quote unquote, boyfriend and girlfriend. Some of his views are that he does not believe in transgender people.

He believes that discrimination and inclusivity in workplaces shouldn't exist, that a woman's body count should not be more than a male's body count, as he wouldn't want his future wife to have slept with any more men than he has slept with women. I lied and I said that I have been with only five men, where in actual fact I have been with over 25, as I thought it shouldn't really matter. However, now I cannot shake the feeling of his conservative views as I am quite progressive. Is this a deal breaker? He treats me incredible in every other way and it hasn't seeped into our relationship.

It only was brought up via a conversation. I worry that I'm going to begin to change my views to appease him. Help. You already are changing your views to appease him. Just FYI. This is for me, for me, this is a deal breaker. absolutely the fact that you were already bending to conform to something that you think he needs you to be just to have a relationship and disregard your views on something that you really truly

believe in strongly is insane to me and the body count I mean every single aspect of this gets my gears going but the body count thing is a conversation we've had so many times and it really fucking pisses me off I can guarantee you he has slept with however many people and he's been honest it's also irrelevant yeah i know but of course it's irrelevant but the fact that it's not like he's also entering this as a virgin and he's like i just wanted to it's not a religious thing you know it's just saying oh you're like a used part now and the more people you've been with the less i want you fuck that that's gross but the fact that like that's one thing the fact that you are saying i worry i'm going to lose these really important moral values

that I have to appease this man I would never and I don't know you but I know enough to know you're better than that and you're better than having to sacrifice something you truly believe in for the attention and love of a man that doesn't agree with you or support you in those things my question to you is and I do believe that people can have relationships when they have slightly different beliefs I don't think that you can have a great relationship with someone where your baseline values are very different if you have someone who's progressive and conservative I don't think that those two things can co-align very easily I might be incorrect but I do think that it poses a lot of problems I think it depends on what the aspects are yeah the one thing that

you can't do in the relationship though is lie about your truths in order to conform to the things that they want because what I would ask is you say he treats you so kind in every other way is so wonderful. Of course he does. He thinks you're someone else. He thinks your body count is lower. He thinks you have conservative values. He thinks you are the ideal person that he's looking for. How will he treat you when he knows actually you've slept with 25 men? Because it doesn't matter. He should treat you absolutely no differently. And I guess what I'm asking is if you think he would treat you differently, if he knew the truth, you cannot be with this person Because you cannot be in a relationship where you minimize yourself, you lie about the things

that are important to you, you hide parts of yourself in order to appease them. There is no relationship where there is going to be a benefit to doing that. You know what it is? It's a really slippery slope. Like I'm not convinced at the moment that you are completely lying and he thinks you're conservative. I think you've probably had those discussions. He's let you know how he feels and you have minimized yourself and made yourself smaller.

it is such a slippery slope that once you start to bend one boundary which at the start it's like oh I'll give a little of that or I won't tell him that to keep the relationship it's all downhill from there and it snowballs it's another thing another thing and all of a sudden you're a different person to who you truly are I think the best thing to do and I understand that you probably love him and it's really hard when every other aspect of a relationship is great like when you feel safe with someone and they respect you and they make you feel good and in every other aspect it's really hard when there's just one glaringly obvious standout red flag because it's easier to say well there's more good than bad you know what else is out there what I would tell you to do is

stop hiding who you are and just put it out there put your opinions out there put your fuck I hate the term body count next time it comes up or ask you just tell him like just say it and put exactly who you are at your core on the table and his reaction to that is going to tell you everything you need to know and I think it'll be easier for you to say okay as much as I love you love is not always enough and I don't think we are aligned for our future but also a grown-ass man asking anyone or a grown-ass woman asking what is your body count is fucking weird dude it's actually so common now because of the Andrew Tate's of the world it is so then run in the opposite direction it is the weirdest question to ask someone it is relevant it is such an irrelevant question whether

it's one whether it's a hundred it is irrelevant also secondary to that and I know that it's like you've listed off just a few things here you say he's conservative you're progressive so he doesn't believe in transgender people like that might not affect you on your every day-to-day life but like when you do have conversations or when things come up politically you are going to butt heads massively if you're someone who's progressive and he's just outwardly saying things that are bigoted or homophobic or insane you know ultimately you are trying to choose someone to have a life with them think about do you want kids in your future if you have kids in your future how are you going to have kids with someone who doesn't believe the transgender people exist because

you're then raising your children in a certain way to have certain belief systems is that what I know that these things not even that what if your child's transgender 100% like but like that all starts with the not knowing right it all starts with acceptance and and openness and inclusivity and treating everyone with kindness and respect and and I guess like it's very easy like you said, Britt, to compartmentalize when you think you really like someone or you have feelings for them, things that you don't like about them. Would you give those same allowances to a friend? Would you give those same allowances to a family member who has these thoughts and feelings? I don't think this relationship has longevity. And I think if you are the person

that you've said you are in this question, and he is the person that you've described, and I very rarely, it is so rare that I say, I don't think a relationship is going to work out. and I think there's better out there for you. There is a better suited partner who you are aligned with in your morals and your values than what this man is. And it's probably just not that clear to you yet because you both haven't laid out who you truly are. The second that you do that, it will become crystal clear.

Yeah, he will be a different person. He will treat you differently because you're not the person he wants you to be. Right now you're performing a role of being the person he wants you to be because you've minimized who you are and your beliefs. Anyway, good luck with that one. Give us an update.

Good fucking luck. No, it's clearer to us but not necessarily clear to this girl. I know. And I think it will become more clear the more honest you are about who you are as a person. Yeah, absolutely. Next question. I had a really big issue with one of my exes because he,

I just thought about it, it was so stupid. Do you remember that show, Puppetry of the Penis? yeah it was a kind of famous show i don't know you know it's still around yeah it was doing on cruises and stuff they pull out the dicks and make hand watches it's called puppetry the penis like a cuckoo clocks and shit i mean when i went this was 10 12 12 12 years ago yeah you go to a theater it was a it's a full stage show like i went to a theater i bought i paid dickers and it's a penis show like there's naked men and there's puppetry and they do shadows and stuff and it's very, I think they're very talented.

I do too. What an art form. It was like a whole puppet show with dicks. It was incredible. And I remember my partner at the time who turned out to be the psychopath with a double life, if you knew here, long story, but it made more sense once all that came out. But I remember the shame that he put on me for wanting to go

and actually I laughed because it's a comedy show, right, the shame that I would lower myself to looking at a penis on a stage And just the shame that he brought around that. I remember just thinking, oh, I don't think you're for me. I obviously stayed with him for two more years. But I was like, I don't think you're for me. But that was just such a small part, like a small thing that we disagreed on. He was acting like I cheated on him.

If there are these big divides in the way you truly see a relationship or you see boundaries or whatever, it's just never going to work. I agree. I completely agree. So buy the fucking ticket. Go to Puppetry of the Penis. Okay, last question. My dilemma is that in about a month, my friend is getting married and I am a bridesmaid.

For context, we have been friends for about 20 years. I honestly don't consider us that close. I hope she doesn't listen to this. We catch up about three times a year. I was surprised when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. The issue is that I absolutely cannot stand her fiancé. They came to my birthday last year and all my friends were asking me, hey, what's with that guy?

He gives massive incel vibes. His personality is one thing, but what frustrates me is the way that he treats my friend. He constantly makes jokes punching down on her, focuses on her negative traits, speaks for her when I ask her a question and makes everything about him. My boyfriend and I picked up on it and when we noticed him doing it, we tried to light heartedly stick up for her and I don't think he likes me much for this reason. It's at a point where I feel like he could be quite controlling with her behind closed doors.

the issue is that I am finding it really challenging to be a bridesmaid and stand up there with them as they get married when everything he does makes me cringe and frustrated this friend has found herself in controlling relationships before but she truly believes he's different can I bail on being a bridesmaid I have a lot of questions around proximity in terms of like sorry not proximity but time like when is the wedding in a month oh no no you can't bail yeah my dilemma is that in about a month my friend is getting married I think yes of course you can bail of course you can you can do whatever you want we have free agency and free will and we can exercise it however we want to I think it would be pretty devastating to your friend for

you to one month in before her wedding when you had all this time you've had so much time to have this conversation but four weeks out you turn around and say I don't want to be a bridesmaid and I don't want to come to the wedding the part where I the reason why I'm a little bit hung up on this is because at the start you say we only catch up three times a year we're actually not that close friends I know we've been friends for 20 years we don't know each other that well I feel like you front-loaded the question with that because like you're not as connected to her and the relationship as what I guess you feel as though you should be to be a bridesmaid so you're like is it really that bad like you maybe are even okay with losing the friendship potentially

well you'd have to be because you would lose the friendship you've maybe come to a bit of a place of peace where you're like you know what if I lose the friendship I lose the friendship what I think you should do here is step aside from yourself like move away from like what is the right thing for you and have a little think about what is the best thing for your friend in this instance she is going to get married you haven't given enough reasons for her to walk away from this wedding. Yes, you may have feelings that he is this person. She clearly doesn't think so. She is getting married in four weeks. You pulling out as a bridesmaid four weeks before her wedding means she doesn't have time to fill that place and it's going to ruin parts of her

wedding because the whole day she's going to be thinking, my bridesmaid fucking ditched me four weeks before my wedding, rather than being able to just be happy about her wedding. So I just don't think you do it. I just don't think you make this about yourself now. I think you go through with what you said you were going to do. Yeah. I think you absolutely can't pull out at this point. Some things you do in life, not for you, you do for your friend and you're her bridesmaid for her. I understand you don't like him, but that's not what it's about. You're there to support her in her moment on her day. And it's tricky because you're, well, I didn't think we're that close. Well, she obviously does. Yeah, exactly. And you've accepted, she's asked you and you've

accepted. So whether you think it or not, she thinks it, she's asked you, you've said yes, one month out unless something huge happens between them you cannot pull out the only caveat i have to that is you've said you think he's quite controlling behind closed doors my only caveat is if you think it's not just that you don't love the relationship dynamic if you think it's more than that and she could be in some kind of an abusive relationship that obviously changes things but that's not a you pulling out that you having a conversation with her as a friend because you need to be showing up and saying hey I know you've been in this in the past not necessarily abusive but like quite controlling I know there's been things in the past I just want

to check everything's cool how like let's talk about I've seen a few things and I'm here to support you and just be a friend because if I truly thought my friend was in a potentially abusive relationship I wouldn't be pulling out of the wedding because I thought he was a dickhead I would be making sure every part of me knows that she's actually okay that is why I don't think it's about that that's why when because the start of the question was front-loaded with the whole like you know distance and like you know we don't see each other that much we're actually not that close and then it was like and also I think maybe she's in a controlling relationship that was like the last part of the question the framing of the question is what makes me think that these are

just other bits and pieces that you're using to try and justify your decision making that you've come to and what I would say is is that if you honestly believe that your friend's in an abusive relationship exactly like you said Brit you don't pull away you move closer you check in you be that support person you make sure they know that you are there you make sure they know that they have someone else to turn to if they need it or they need help or whatever else you know like the last thing you do is go I'm done with this relationship and I'm done with this friendship and I'm gonna fuck it all up and blow it up four weeks before the wedding I just don't think at this point in time you make this about you you said yes I'm sure you said yes probably a year ago when she

was planning bridesmaids you've had all this time to say no you didn't it would be incredibly selfish four weeks out from a wedding to turn around and say to your friend of 20 years that you don't want to be a bridesmaid anymore you're making it about yourself I have said to friends before that I don't like the way their partner had spoken to them and I don't think it's okay and then started a conversation that way I've been pretty upfront before and that's not to say you don't necessarily go in and say hey I think your partner's an incel and and I hate him but you if there is a moment that you all witnessed which it sounds like there has been many of those moments that's your opportunity and opening to have that conversation with her hey I just want

to check in I didn't really love how he spoke to you before is everything all right are you all right is that common like how do you feel about that because what I said to my friend is I said I want you to know that that's not normal. Like the way that he communicated with you, that's not normal. And they ended up being fine working through it. And she said, yeah, I'm realizing that. And they had a big conversation and worked through it. But that's what a friend does.

And it's hard to hear because you don't want anyone to think your partner is not the best person on earth. So yeah, my advice is to have a chat to her, but you can't fucking pull it out. No, it's funny, isn't it? Because sometimes I think often our advice is like, you're allowed to do whatever you want to do. like you know you're allowed to make decisions for yourself you're allowed to put boundaries in place like often that is the advice that we come to and then every so often there's a question where

from the outset I think oh yeah like I would answer it one way and then when I actually hear the details of it I'm like you know what it's actually not about you this moment in time is not about you and sometimes we have to show up to the responsibilities and the things that we agree to simply because it's the right thing to do for other people and of course like the answer is you don't no one has to do anything in life like you get to choose of course you cannot go i just don't think you should do that like i just that's just the wrong choice just that i just feel like in my core it's the wrong thing to do for your friend and you'd never fucking if my friend pulled out of my wedding a month before because they didn't like my fiancee no matter how much

you try to work through that friendship it's over it's over it's just done and it's not coming back and to be fair i would the reason why it would be done is simply because i would not believe that them pulling out was done because they cared about what was best for me they were not saying i don't support this wedding and so therefore i'm not going to be you saying that and you doing that the reason is actually not because what you care most about is what is best for me and my well-being because in my experience with my relationships and all the shitty like as in in my experience with my friendships and all the shitty relationships I've been through the people who cared the most are the ones who stood by me regardless of anything you know like I yeah I'm still here

you've been with Matt nine years that's an angel but I think about I think about you know my my long term well it wasn't like two years was a two-year relationship it was very volatile it was very full-on any one of my friends could see that I was in a bad relationship he was bad to me and it was just all fucking bad and I had one friend who had been a really good friend for a really long time who was like I can't deal with this you and this relationship so I'm out and she left and I had other friends who were like hey you need to realize that this relationship is really bad but they didn't abandon me they didn't desert me they didn't like that friendship where it ended we've never resurrected the friendship we were friends for 15 years whereas like my other friends

now that relationship ended and now I've been friends with them for 13 years you know because like we moved past it and I guess like that's the big thing when your friends go through these periods in life you stand by them you help them through it if you care about the friendship also my best friend of god how old am I 20 30 but how old am I 23 no I'm trying to think of how long we've been friends for my best friend of 34 years she was a bridesmaid at my wedding I probably see her three times a year and I know you've said you only see him three times a year but that's also growing up like that's also becoming an adult and having families and different lives so i don't know maybe you only see her three times a year i don't think that's

enough of a reason to say we're not even that close we only see each other three times a year maybe there's something else in it i don't know but it's irrelevant she's asked you and you accept it and it's four weeks away so yeah all right guys well that is it from us if you have any questions for ask uncut you can slide into the dms on instagram you can also send them on in it through the lap and cut discussion group and you know the drill to mom to dad to dog to friends and share the love because we love love