Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - How Much Are You Meant To Spend On An Engagement Ring?

Episode Date: July 6, 2025

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your biggest dilemmas! The start of today’s ep is not safe for work… Have you heard of ‘hampstering’ or ‘the thirsty hampster’? If you’ve already listened before reading this do you wish you had never heard of it?  Vibes and Unsubscribes for the week! Britt - Unsubscribing from the movie “Drop”. Vibe - Rachel_Jane_Sculpting dog sculptures  Laura - Stakki Drink Bottle  Keeshia - Crest Motion Sensor LED Night Light  Then we jump into your questions: HOW MUCH TO SPEND ON ENGAGEMENT RING?So I have finally found THE ONE!! After a loooong and hard few years dating a bunch of bin chickens, I finally got my penguin We have talked about marriage, done the ring sizes, I’ve shown him what I would like (which he agrees would suit me) and I’m now in a pickle. He has been married before and spent a lot of money on his first wife’s ring. She was forceful, told him which one and picked the most expensive. I have said I wouldn’t expect a super expensive ring, though I also don’t want a cheap knock off one that you can find on some websites. Should it matter about how much someone spends on a ring? I feel like knowing he did pay a lot for an ex means he can at least meet halfway so I get a good quality piece I’m going to wear forever. Should I offer to pay for some of it? He has mentioned it should be about the gesture of proposing not the price. We looked up the rings he would want and they are all around a few hundred dollars. I guess this is the standard for men’s rings and I feel maybe he’s comparing that to what I should get. HOW DO I TELL BROTHERS GF SHES NOT IN THE FAMILY PHOTOSHOOTI want to organise a family photo shoot with my grandma, parents, husband, baby and my brother. My grandma is in her 90s, so I really want to get a beautiful photo of our little family while we’ve still got the chance. Now, here’s where I’m a terrible person. My brother has a partner who I honestly adore . She's gorgeous, we all get along so well, and they’re really serious. But I don’t want her in the photos. The thing is, at my wedding, his ex (who was also very serious) was in every single family photo and now I can’t display any of them without it being weird. So while I truly hope this relationship lasts forever, I just want to cover my bases this time. How do I bring this up without hurting anyone’s feelings or causing drama? Is it okay to ask? And if so, what’s the least awkward way to handle it? Help a guilty gal out! P.S we have never done a family photoshoot and probably won’t do many. SIL TOLD ME I NEVER CLEAN AT FAMILY EVENTS AND NOW I FEEL AWFULI am married and a mum of 3 kiddies who are 4.5, 2.2 yrs and almost 6 months! Life is hectic and busy, I just just graduated from my nursing degree and about to start my first job! I went out drinking with my husband, his brothers and one of their wives who I adore (she has no kids). She got very drunk and when I was leaving to say bye she basically told me that I am so incredibly lazy when we have family get together as I don't cook or clean up even though I always ask my mother in law if I can bring anything or help in any way which she says no. I generally clean up my own things but usually I'm sitting on the couch breastfeeding the baby or relaxing as I am so tired. My husband generally tells me to sit down and he will clean up for me. While on this drunk ramble, she was yelling at me and saying everyone talks about me and how I don't do anything. I feel so incredibly sad and cannot stop crying and feeling so worthless, any advice? How do I move forward and build that relationship back up? Also curious if I am in the wrong here? IS IT NORMAL NOT TO CARE WHEN MY PARTNER IS SICK?Is it normal to not care if my partner is sick or unwell? I've been with my partner for 9 years. We have a nearly 2 year old daughter. Before having her, every time he gets sick he refers to it as "man flu" and actually thinks it's a thing where men experience it worse than women. Mind you, I'm a nurse and have told him so many times man flu isn't an actual thing. It's frustrating because when I'm sick, I still do some house work around the house, maybe just the bare minimum. But when he is, the whole week is a write off for him. Now, after having our daughter, my patience and tolerance is much less when it comes to him being sick. I know he's allowed to get sick and be unwell but it's different now, we don't have the luxury to just rest and recover with an energetic toddler who we need to look after. He thinks I'm not being empathetic and cruel and maybe I am. I honestly feel like I have zero care factor when he's unwell. My priorities are different. And I know that's put a strain on our relationship. Is it just me? Will not caring affect the longevity of our relationship? You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. You've got something burning to bring today. No. You've tried to bring it every day for the last three days, and I've said save it for Ask Uncut. Why do I keep getting sidelined with this?

We had other more important things. You don't even know what it was. You don't even know how important it is. I got ninkly. All right. I have a question for you all. But I can't wait for it. I came across something.

Well, firstly, it's a sex position. I'm just going to get it out there. Have I ever tried it? No. Will I ever try it? Absolutely fucking not. But it's been talked about quite a bit on TikTok recently. And I was floored by this one.

I'm just going to tell you the name of it and then I would love some. Keisha, you already know, so you're not allowed to contribute here. You have to stay quiet and keep it inside. But when you did describe it to me, I got it very mixed up. You were very confused. Yes. We can get into that in a bit. Okay.

The sex position is called hamstering or the thirsty hamster. Okay. What do you think might entail a thirsty hamster? When I think of a thirsty hamster, I think of like a hamster that's been running for too long on a wheel and he's parched. So is it something to do with like? Have a little, just like try and think of a sex position that could be defined as a thirsty hamster. That's what I was doing.

I was trying to associate what a hamster does to be thirsty. It's on a wheel. So is it like something like circular 69er thing? I don't know. What else does a hamster do? It just eats lettuce. All right, guys, strap on in because you're never going to be the same person after hearing this. So the thirsty hamster, imagine if you have a car that has a sunroof,

but only not like a full sunroof like as in like you know like a lot of cars just have that little mini one square like a little peel back that you get yeah one of those okay right so the guy lays on top of the car like lays completely on top of the car you have to have a car face down yeah you have to have a car face down with a sunroof with a sunroof it's really niche it's really niche sex position it's only for the privilege not really i mean you can have a keyer but if you have a car then yes all right so i'm not saying you have to do it in a mercedes you You can do it in any car that has a small sunroof. The guy has to lay on the top of the car, undo his fly,

stick his penis through the sunroof, and then the person in the car gives him a blowjob. But why is it? What has that got to do with a hamster? Yeah, hamsters drink from the water bottles. You know the water bottle with the little spout? Oh, my God. Because it's hanging from the ceiling.

Sorry. The sounds I just made really made nurse. i mean but it is though that's actually the fucking rankest thing that's on part of people that have sex with their car exhaust no it's with a person you're not fucking the car you're not fucking the sun well there's got to be a car fetish in that that's whoever came up with that has fucked an exhaust 100 can you imagine driving down the street and like because the guy wouldn't be naked right he'd be fully clothed you have his pants on laying on the roof you don't drive You just have to open – no, no, no.

You just have to open your fly. Imagine driving down the road and there's a parked car and a dude's just laying on the top of it. Like you now know what he's doing. You know what's going on. I feel like it's like an inside thing. I think you do it in your garage. I don't think you go down the main street at the shopping center.

You're not at Bondi Junction. I disagree. I think that if someone's doing this, it's for the voyeuristic element of it. I think that they're doing it so they can get away with it because otherwise why wouldn't you just go inside and suck his dick? Why would you do it in the garage? It's a car fetish. You know, while we're talking about car fetishes,

Just don't ask me how I know so much about them. Fast and Furious? Another thing they do is they park the exhaust, but another thing they do is have sex with the car seat. So they put their penis between the, like, you know how a car, the back seat goes down if it's leather or something. It goes down around and then it comes out. So it's like a crevice and a crevice between the seats.

They have sex with where the seats join. When you say they, who are they? The hamsters. All those people are sexing cars. Not illegal, but pretty weird. But it's definitely not illegal to have sex with your partner. The reason I was so confused when Laura first told me about this is that she didn't give me the position of the people.

She just said that, you know, the person is through the sunroof and someone's getting their dick sucked. And so I don't know why. I don't know why, but I imagine that the person who was having their penis pleasured was laying in the car. And I was like, why would someone, they would have to reach the hallway. that was it was very confusing it was very confusing i did i did describe it in the same way i think you just missed the details how did you why are you looking this up i tried to blame

you for why i didn't understand so hamstring or the thirsty hamster on tiktok it's been trending and people are talking about it and here we are this is how we got here i don't know how i came across it i don't know why i came across it you did get a new car recently laura is this something you've given a whirl laura's like i know nothing but apparently people are doing it i do and it has a sunroof all right well look let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes for the weeks before we answer your questions brittany vibe or unsubscribe i'm actually gonna start with an unsubscribe my unsubscribe is a movie it is a movie that i unfortunately purchased and i want to make sure no one else ever spends their money on this movie so it's called drop it only just

came out like april 2025 but you do have to purchase it on or you know you can rent them You pay a price, $12 or buy it for $24 or whatever it is on Apple and Amazon. Why did you buy this? Because I really love the main actress, Megan Farhi. She's like hot property at the moment. She's in Sirens recently. In Sirens recently. She's in Bold Type?

Yes. I fell in love with her in Bold Type. I loved that show. That was like Stan years ago. She was in White Lotus season two and she's just having a moment. The plot sounded fun. Like they sold it to me. We all bought it.

So B, Ben, Sherry and Jay and collectively have said it is the worst thing we've ever seen and we cannot get that time back of our life. So I just want to tell people not to do it. And I know that there will be people that are looking to do it. You'll thank me. Trust me. That's my unsubscribe. But my vibe this week is just like from a lifer and it is just one of the best vibes

I think I've ever brought. So we had a lifer reach out to us online. Her name is Rachel Jane Sculpting on Instagram. Rachel underscore Jane underscore Sculpting. she's been a lifer for ages and you might have seen on life uncut instagram or on my own stories some puppy sculptures like so delilah got made into a sculpture buster got made into a sculpture yeah if you're on youtube we'll show you right now and ness's if you're a lifer you'll know that our video producer ness her puppy passed away like two weeks ago it was really sad and rachel

sculpts I cannot tell you the detail and the intricacies and the accuracy of these sculptures like I have never seen something look so much like Delilah or like bust like our dogs it's incredible and she sent them to us and I just thought this is such a it's a it's so thoughtful b it's she's so talented and c if you are like crazy animal lovers like we are it's a really beautiful thing to have like maybe you've had a dog that has passed an old dog that you want to like have a little bit more memorabilia at home. Maybe it's your animal now. I just think it's such a cute idea and that's my vibe of the week.

She actually did an incredible job. It's incredible. And I was confused. I was like, are these made on printers? But they're all handmade and they're all hand-painted and they're just phenomenal. I can't get over how accurate they are. Yeah, it's amazing.

I mean, like I'm looking at Busty and I'm like, that's exactly what he looks like, even down to like his little ab, his chest section because he's really strong in the chest. Delilah's marking. she's a tri uh is that what I say tri merle Aussie shepherd a real auntie would know she's yes no she's not tri she's just a merle all of the colors and all of the markings are spot on like that is exactly where the colors on her cheeks are I can't believe how accurate they are they're absolutely amazing yeah so I just think it's a really unique really cool idea so that's my vibe of the week

I also have a lifer vibe this week we've had some good strong lifers come through with the goods literally so this is a water bottle it's called the stacky or just stacky and the instagram for it is stacky store now we're really into our dog content this week but the reason why this water bottle if you're watching on youtube is amazing it has these two compartments in the bottom which is what makes it be the stacky and you unscrew them and it has a dog bowl on the bottom of the water bottle and it has two separate compartments it also which i didn't even realize i just thought it had this little circle thing that you can carry it from but i found out this morning that The circle thing is actually a magnet so you can sit your phone in it

if you're wanting to, like, rest your phone in something. Yeah. If you're a water bottle galley, Keish, looking at you, this is truly a fantastic water bottle and it's been designed by one of our amazing lifers. So stacky.store, go and check it out. She's an OG lifer. She actually sent this to us but also sent a picture

from one of our live shows, like, years ago. So we know she's a legit OG. You're a legit OG. All right, my vibe this week is for the fellow people who, like me, You may need to get up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet like three times. And I know that this could be a bit niche, but I think it's going to be one of those ones that for people

who need it, they're going to think this is the best thing ever. Keisha's like, get a bedpan. I highly recommend. I would think about it. Get the Nike shoes that light up when you walk. Oh, is it? So it is the Crest Motion Sensor LED Nightlight Set in Warm White 2-Pack for $25.

What the fuck? Just turn the light on. No. It's too bright. I got it from Woolworths and it came with all of the batteries and these are also renter's friendly because you don't need to install anything. You just pull off the sticker at the back and you can just stick it

to the wall. Okay. They are tailored for hallways, staircases and bathrooms. I also thought this could be good for kids, like when they, you know, get out of their bed to run into yours because. But then you're inviting them. You're like, hey, look how easy it is to get there now. The path is illuminated.

I've actually started closing our door. So it's like fully shut before I used to leave a gap. Now, like if they get out of their bed, they get to the door, they have to physically open it, which is like just, I know it's only a small barrier, but it is a barrier of entry. Laura cuts the electricity at 11pm every night. She puts it back on itself. These would be no good because they're battery operated.

But I find that I have to get up quite a few times throughout the night, which is very annoying. And I'm trying to work on that. I've actually seen a GP about it, but I can't seem to not need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. And you don't want to turn the lights on because then it gets you out of that sleep phase too much but i started running into things this is this is the best and i'm all for it but it's also like could be great for your kids or if you're a little old lady

like me just put your phone light on it's just a little you can but then you see what time it is and all the sleep experts say not to look at the time i hear you these ones they only illuminate when it's like dark and it's just a little bit illuminated it's perfect i got one in the hallway I couldn't do it with Delilah. It'd be on all night. She cuts laps. She's like, hey, what's going on over here now? Are you up yet?

Like my line would just be on and off. Same with a cat. Same. For $25, it's going to be the best. This is like when we spoke about that knee pillow. I get a message at least every other day asking for the link to the knee pillow because people are like, I do need that. Guys, just put a pillow between your knees.

It's not the same. You don't need to DM us. All right, let's get into these questions. question number one hey ladies so i finally found the one after a long and hard few years of dating a bunch of bin chickens i finally got my penguin she actually added an emoji of a penguin into it's very cute we have talked about marriage done all the ring sizes i've shown him what i would like which he agrees would suit me i love that okay and i'm now in a pickle he's been married before and he spent a lot of money on his first wife's ring she was forceful told him which one

she wanted and she picked the most expensive one. I have said that I don't expect a super expensive ring, though I also don't want a cheap knockoff of one that you can find on some website. I guess my question is, should it matter about how much someone spends on a ring? I feel like knowing he did pay a lot for an ex means he can at least meet halfway so I get a good quality piece of jewelry I'm going to wear forever. Should I offer to pay for some of it? He has mentioned it should be about the gesture of proposing, not the price tag. Side note, we've looked up the rings that he was suggesting and they're all around a few hundred dollars.

I guess this is the standard for men's rings and I feel maybe he's comparing that to what I should get. So sorry, what she's saying there is that they've looked at his rings and his are only a few hundred dollars and she's like, okay, does he think that that's how much he should spend on my ring? I mean, he's not wrong. But is he right?

But is he right? it's murky uh no he's look I have different feelings he's not wrong it is about the gesture of proposing it is about love and about spending your life together a hundred percent it isn't about the price of a ring like I will die on that hill the price technically shouldn't matter but I understand why you don't want to ring for a couple of hundred dollars because that usually goes back to the quality of the ring and you know you want to ring forever is hard knowing also that he has done the whole shebang in the past and now he's saying that didn't work so I'm not doing it again is he expecting this you know this marriage not to

work as well but I also understand why some people can't spend like ludicrous amounts of money on a ring so I don't know what your financial situation is this is what I want to say if you know you are financially comfortable enough to get a ring for a few thousand dollars that you are happy with and you love then I think that you can have that conversation and explain to him that you really want the quality, you can get the most beautiful rings like lab-grown diamonds and white gold and gold for not that expensive. It doesn't have to be a big giant $20,000 ring. But yes, I would not want a ring for $300 personally, but I don't need a ring for $10,000 either. I don't know if I'm answering it right. He's right with what he's saying, but I understand

why you're uncomfortable by it because it just feels like you're getting the short end of the deal I think you're answering it perfectly but I also think that even maybe the numbers that you've thrown out are like ludicrously like I don't know anyone who spends twenty thousand or ten thousand dollars on a ring like I know those rings exist I know that there are people out there who have them but even as someone who works in jewelry I would say that like on average the budgets that people come to us with at Tony May are like high end is like five thousand dollars people are people are pretty conservative these days and especially because there are a lot of options and when I say five thousand dollars is kind of like the upper end of what people say they want to spend

in their budgets there's some people that have two thousand three thousand and like obviously sometimes people come with unrealistic expectations like there's definitely times where people are like hey I really want this ring but for this money and this is how much money I have and I'm like cool so you've sent me a nineteen thousand dollar ring I cannot make that for three and a a thousand dollars it's not a possibility so let's go back to the drawing board what I think in this situation is is obviously money we can all say it's superficial it's not about the money to me I think the thing that's upsetting you though is that it's not about the effort or the money it's about the fact that he's been like well I've done it before as you said Britt I've done it

before for a wedding I've spent a lot of money I gave her what she wanted and it didn't work out so you're getting kind of punished because he's already walked that road for you this might be his second wedding but it's your first wedding so it should still feel special for you and you shouldn't be penalized because his first one didn't work out yeah and but i don't think her issue is just that like she definitely wants a unique and decent ring she said i just don't want another ring that you can get on a website and i don't know what you mean by that either like do you want something unique that's made for you because there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting it off a website with buying a ring that is made and beautiful and like it's hard to get

a ring that someone else doesn't have even my ring it's a plain gold band with a oval in it like an oval diamond that's there'd be a million people with that ring it doesn't take away from the specialness for me and yes Ben did make it but there's still a bunch of rings that look exactly the same so I think you're getting caught up in a bit of both I think you're a bit put off from the fact that it seems like you're getting the shorter end of the stick and like he's done it before and are you not important enough or does he not think there's longevity in your relationship there's that side but there's also a side I think where you're putting a real monetary value on it yeah and i guess the other thing is is like of course if you're getting a custom made ring it

doesn't matter who's making it or where it's being made it will come with a much higher price tag that's just the reality than if you were to buy something that is off the shelf and i think there are so many incredible options for pieces that are off the shelf yeah there are incredible options on etsy like etsy is such a great place for finding like handmade beautiful jewelry because it doesn't come with the high price tag because they don't have all the additional business expenses that a lot of big businesses have so like there is a lot of great jewelry on there you could go through a smaller jeweler there's other options I think you guys need to probably mutually agree on what is around about a budget that you want to spend but also it's interesting

to me because it sounds like you guys don't have any combined finances by the sounds of things when you say should I be offering to pay for a bit or you know xyz I guess like do you have an understanding of what is his financial situation what he's able to afford because those are all factors that have to come into it. But I guess, and I would love to know what most people's opinions are. I don't think it's about how much money you spend on an engagement ring. I definitely think you need something that's quality, that's going to last, that's made well and built to last, but I don't think it's about the price tag. So for me, I wouldn't be ruling things off purely because it has a monetary value next to it. Yeah. And I don't know how to verbalize

it properly because it's not about the money and it's not about the price tag, but it also can be because if you know your finances are fine, if he's spending a lot of money going out, just in general, I have no idea of your situation. Totally, totally. If he's dropping money on his car hobby or whatever it is and then he says to you, I'll give you a ring for $300, I'd be fucking off that.

Totally, yeah. But if you know that it's like I want to spend my life with you and I love you, you know things are tight, like can this do for now or it depends on how he's saying it. So whilst the monetary value doesn't matter, I understand that in some situations it absolutely does. yeah I was just thinking then that whole time I was like imagine if Matt was like I'm gonna go and spend two thousand dollars on spearfishing equipment hey honey I know I know that I want

to propose to you but I only want to spend two hundred to three hundred dollars on a ring because that's all I think is worth it for you just in case you leave and I lose that money I mean good luck having that conversation though because that's fucking having said that I don't think you necessarily this is the other aspect right you said should I contribute to it some people do Some people, if they collectively come to an agreement that their finances say five grand is the ring and you want one for seven, if you're happy to go and spend that extra two, then that is so fine. But I don't think in a normal situation that the woman should contribute to that moment. Yeah. What I would love to know about the only thing I don't have in this question,

which I would love to know is what does she think is an acceptable amount to spend? Because like, if she's going to say it's $8,000, $9,000, I'd be like, girlfriend, that's too high. come down like I want to know and maybe this is a question for you guys like what do you think would be an appropriate amount to spend do you care or don't you care and I think like let's garner that information from like a poll perspective because I really do think that everyone has such a different benchmark for what's an appropriate amount to spend on an engagement ring I remember and this is going back like a while ago there used to be that notion of like it's supposed to be three months salary I think about that now and I'm like that's fucking

insane like I don't know if the cost of living was just more reasonable back then but I cannot imagine spending three months worth of a salary on a ring now and also I mean this is something that's pretty niche to the jewelry industry but gold and silver and white gold have gone up astronomically like it is actually kind of frightening as someone who runs a jewelry business how much the price of gold and precious stones and everything has gone up and the reason for that obviously inflation everything else but it's had the highest jumps on the asx and the the thing is is like it's really hard for us to price jewelry at the moment because it's you know you set a price for something and then six months later there's zero profit in making

that piece because the price of gold and silver have gone up so much i listened to prof g two weeks ago and the price of gold had doubled since 2022 yeah yeah you told me that it'd gone up but i didn't realize it had literally doubled because they were talking about in terms of like an investment. So yeah, I was really surprised by how much it had increased. Everybody go out and buy your gold bullion. That's all I can say. Buy your gold coins, your gold bullion, and we'll buy it off you and melt it down, make some rings. I had this conversation with someone the other day and I found it really interesting. And so I did some like research, but apparently now just over 50% of people, so 52% of people from surveys are choosing lab grown diamonds now instead of real

diamonds so yeah it is shifting drastically and I was having a conversation with someone the other day who was waiting to get engaged and I said that mine's lab grown I made Ben get me a lab grown diamond like there is no way I will ever let him spend that amount of money on something on my hand when it could go to a house deposit because that's like crazy amounts yeah it's also more ethical it's more ethical and it doesn't mean anything to me like my ring looks stunning it is exactly the same as a diamond if you guys don't know lab grown and chemically engineered to be identical to a diamond they're just ethically sourced and they're so much cheaper and this conversation with this girl was like no i'd be off it if it wasn't a real one and i just couldn't

understand why status i think it's also perception and a lot of people aren't educated about lab grown diamonds even recently kate my sister-in-law she lost a diamond from her ring and she has three diamonds in her engagement ring and she took it back to the jewelers who made it and they were like well it will be this price for a real diamond or it'll be this price for a lab-grown diamond and she went with the lab-grown and Ellie was like but it's your engagement ring I think people don't have a perception that actually to the naked eye they look identical I think people think they're like cubic zirconias yeah and it's the same composition and everything but I just looked it up the average amount that an Australian spends on their engagement ring is six thousand dollars

which I still think is quite high like that to me seems really high but that was a 2023 survey yeah six thousand dollars there you go okay question number two I think is very relatable I want to organize a family photo shoot with my grandma parents husband baby and my brother my grandma is in her 90s so I really want to get a beautiful photo of our little family while we've still got the chance now here's where I am a terrible person my brother has a partner who I honestly adore she's gorgeous we all get along so well and they're very serious but I don't want her in the photos the thing is sorry at my at my wedding his ex who he was also very serious with was in every single family photo and now I feel like I can't display any of them without it being

weird so while I truly hope this relationship lasts forever I just want to cover my bases this time how do I bring this up without hurting anyone's feelings or causing a big family drama is it okay to ask her to not be in the photo and if so what's the least awkward way to handle it help a guilty girl out. P.S. We have never done a family photo shoot and probably won't do many after this. I can help you out with this because I have done many and I have been in them and I've been out of them. So Matt's family, when we were in Byron Bay one year, we did like all the family shoot, right? Like it was lovely. We had a professional photographer and it was for Ellie's 70th, I think it was. She wanted to have like a really nice family photo. And if you're getting

a professional photographer, which it sounds like this, that's why it's a planned thing that you, you know you've got someone coming to take a big photo of your family they don't just take one photo they take multiple versions of the photo so if there's like you and your brother and like other siblings and your mom your dad whatever it looks like you're gonna get a family photo you're gonna get photos of just the siblings you're gonna get photos of just the aunts whatever is the combination and I think the easiest way to go about it is you have one big group family photo with the girlfriend in it she's included she can be invited and then you also say okay we're just having a photo with the Johnsons now and that's all you don't have to point out to the one person

tell them they're not in it it was very you should figure it out it was very evident my last name is not Johnson I wasn't in the Johnson photo so like they just had the siblings and Ellie and it was just Ellie and the boys and Kate and I wasn't in that I don't expect to be in that Bill didn't expect to be in that either the kids weren't in that it was just their cool little family I don't think it's weird at all I think it's fine yeah my thing is is if you make a big deal about it now and tell her she's not invited then it becomes a thing whereas you can absolutely get a couple of different versions of family orientations at a photo shoot and then you just use the one you want what happens if she's the only person who's not like doesn't matter family

relation but that's fine because you're still gonna have a photo with your siblings and then you still have like i'll get a photo with mom and dad you get a photo with mom and dad okay let's just get one of the kids and mom and dad like it doesn't have to be a big deal i don't think this is so normal to me good solution yeah this wasn't even when i read this i was like oh this is such an easy answer exactly what you just said you just say hey immediate family only now if she's offended by that which i would be shocked it's so normal it's like at a wedding where you're like everyone in partners in kids in all right kids out everyone else out now just the parents now just the parents and siblings and now partners like that's so normal to do 100 different photos

she's not going to be offended if you're doing an immediate family photo with your grandma yeah the thing is though is it sounds like it's something that makes you awkward so you're not good at delegating what is coming up you know when you say that at your wedding you now have photos of your brother with his ex-girlfriend in every single photo it sounds to me like you didn't kind of go okay well we're just going to get one of immediate family now which would infer that she's not supposed to be in that one or other solution is you put them on the end so you can photoshop them out if something goes wrong no just do it right on the end let her come don't even say anything advance and then when you're doing the photos be like hey can we grab an immediate family photo now

two seconds that's it easy I agree although I do also resonate with like how difficult it is when you do have these like beautiful photos and then there's one person who's no longer in your life in them so like my mum's wedding to my stepdad Neil my ex-boyfriend came and he's in every fucking photo and that's my fault because I wanted him in the photos because at the time I was like this is forever and so I was the one that was like keeping him in the photos and no one no one sort of said oh let's just get one of you know just us I wish they had but no one did and so now he's like and he's so tall and he's in the center of all of them and so I just don't have any photos you could photoshop him out now I probably could I'm gonna stick it in the Facebook

group can someone photoshop my Dan photoshop request can someone please photoshop my ex boyfriend out of my photo. I'll blur his face out and then can someone take his body out of the photos from my mom's wedding? We can send people to space. Katy Perry in space. You can Photoshop your ex-boyfriend out of a photo. All right. All right. Question number three. I am married and I am a mom of three kids who are four and a half, two and a half and an almost six month baby. Life is very hectic and very busy. I just graduated from my nursing degree and I'm about to start my first job. Wow. That's impressive. Yeah. I went out drinking with my husband and his brothers and one of their wives who I absolutely adore. She has no kids. She got

very drunk. And when I was leaving to say bye, she basically told me that I am so incredibly lazy when we have family get togethers as I don't cook or clean up. And even though I always ask my mother-in-law if I can bring anything or help in any way, which she always says no to. I generally clean up my own things, but usually I'm sitting on the couch breastfeeding the baby or just relaxing because I'm so tired. My husband generally tells me to sit down and he will clean up for me. While on this drunk ramble, she was yelling at me and saying everyone talks about me and how I don't do anything. I feel so incredibly sad and cannot stop crying and feeling so worthless. Any advice? How do I move forward and build that relationship back up?

also curious if i am in the wrong here that's so mean yes that is so the way i mean we can't use being drunk as an excuse i understand she was drunk and yelling abuse at you but that fucking doesn't take away from the fact that she shouldn't have done that that's incredibly awkward that now you you know that they're unhappy with you i don't have kids but every one of my siblings does and all my friends do. I think it is unfair for them to expect you to be breastfeeding and looking after a small child that, you know, unless the child is asleep peacefully, I think it's unfair for them to be saying, you know, you need to breastfeed and then come wash up. If your husband is completely capable, he's capable. Like you don't need 50 of you in the kitchen. But having said that, you do

need to like pull your weight a little bit and maybe that's just bringing something. Like maybe, I don't know, she's made it sound like you do nothing. I'd be shocked if you do nothing. but there are ways around trying to act like you're contributing in a way which is you know bringing something or taking a plate away or whatever but you're not an asshole for breastfeeding your child and not fucking doing the washing up for your entire partner's family a hundred I feel conflicted by this because one I'm like it reads as though you do nothing except breastfeed your kid and sit on the couch and have drinks with your husband and the brothers that's what it reads like yeah is that the reality probably not just because someone says no don't bring anything doesn't mean

that you always show up not doing anything or bring anything I would say that like it's usually a throwaway comment well not even if it's a throwaway comment even if it's meant like don't bring anything or don't do anything I would still say that for the majority you should do something if you're in someone else's house even if you have kids the reason why I say this is because often yes you might have three kids and it's busy and like fuck I feel you like I've got two kids and I take them to people's houses but clean up after your kids because if you're not doing anything I would dare say your kids are also contributing to a huge mess in that house is it just then everyone else's responsibility to clean up after your children when you're there I think that

that's something to be very aware of but also it's not your place just because you're the woman in the equation to do the cleaning what are all the brothers doing if your husband is happy to do it and he is taking the weight for both of you and doing the lion's share while you're doing the kids then I would say that there's parity in that I also think the way that this is how she's gone about this has been deeply damaging to your friendship and the relationship, rambling and yelling at you and then saying everyone talks about you behind your back is the fucking nastiest way of communicating.

All that needed to be said at any point in time by literally anyone in that situation was, hey, Sarah, do you mind giving us help with the dishes? And I say this because like we host, for example, we host Christmas at our house every year for the extended family. Last couple of years, Matt's brothers come down, my sister her family Matt's sister her family like it's a lot of people in our house and everyone brings something not everyone contributes to the cleaning a lot of time and you notice a lot of

time people are sitting on their butts and like and you know there is definitely a gender split like Matt's mom and sister and my sister are always the ones in the kitchen doing cleaning and cooking and whatnot and that does just seem to be the stereotype I would say across the board for a lot of people it's not I don't want to say that the boys don't do anything of course they do Of course they do. But sometimes I think we expect less of men in those equations. We allow them to be like, oh, it's their time to have a beer, sit down and relax now while all the women are running around doing stuff. I'm guessing that the sister-in-law, the wife, and also the mum probably are doing the heavy load of the cooking and cleaning. I'm pretty sure that she's got no

kids. I bet you she's in the kitchen and she's doing all the cleaning with the mum in that situation. And she's fucking resentful. And it's a shame that she's taking it out on you and she's not taking it out on her husband, but I think that a bigger conversation needs to be had here, probably one with your husband firstly saying, you know, okay, like firstly, are we as a couple contributing enough and doing enough? Are you picking up the slack of what I'm not able to do because I'm with the kids and figure that out first. And if you think that there's a deficit there, then absolutely you need to be doing more as a team and as a couple, but it's not your job just because you're the female in that equation to do more than everyone else.

Yeah. But I also think, I think you need to just judge if you're being lazy or not, because you have three kids under five. One's a baby that's breastfeeding. One's two and a half toddler running around like a maniac. And she has no kids. You can't argue the fact that you are different in the level of responsibility and how busy you are in that moment. Like if you finish dinner and you have to change a two-year-old, stop them from pulling something over, breastfeed your baby, your four-year-old is running manic and she has nothing to do, then of course it makes sense for you to try and wrangle the kids and she cleans up but if you know that there's opportunities and you are just being lazy then that's on you like you you do need to

contribute something or I just wouldn't make a big deal of it now when you say how do I make amends I probably wouldn't bring it up again to be honest if she was drunk I would just start to see where you can contribute and try and contribute more I have a question for you though Britt if your sister-in-law had three children and their children were contributing to the mess obviously using plates, using cutlery, using dishes, fucking throwing shit on floors. Like, I mean, they're very little. I'm guessing that they make a big mess. That's what kids that age do. Pulling toys out, pulling books out. And their parents of those kids were so busy or so tired because of the parenting, but they weren't doing any of the cleaning. And you yourself found that

every nighttime you were not only cleaning your own stuff, but you're also cleaning up after children. Would you not feel the same? Would you not feel like, Hey, okay, if you don't check out in your own home, don't check out in this home. No, I read this as in she's not cleaning the food and the dishes and the kitchen. I assume she's still cleaning up after her kids. And the reason she's not doing the kitchen stuff is because she's looking up after the kids. Of course you have to look after your kids. But I read this as in like, I've got three manic kids that I've with. I can't do that part now. But if you're not cleaning up after your kids mess in the house, of course you need to do that. But I didn't read that like that. I also read this. I generally clean up after my

own things. I think cleaning up after your own things is the bare minimum. Yeah. You can't say I generally clean up after my own thing. No, you do clean up. It doesn't matter how busy you are in a group setting. You clean up after yourself. And I think everyone pitches in, in a communal way. Yeah. So maybe, I mean, maybe you do need to pull your weight a little bit more. I don't know. We can't answer that. We don't know what you do. Do you just lay down and have a nap after dinner? It sounds like it. It sounds like she breastfeeds and then she has a nap. All right. Too tired. last question is it normal not to care when my partner is sick feels is it normal not to care when my partner is sick or unwell i've been with my partner for nine years we have a nearly two

year old daughter before having her every time he gets sick he refers to it as man flu and actually thinks it's a thing where men experience it worse than women that's so dumb mind you i'm a nurse and have told him so many times man flu isn't an actual thing it's frustrating because when i'm sick i still do some of the housework around the house. Sometimes it's just the bare minimum but I'm still doing it. But when he is sick the whole week is a write-off for him. Now after having our daughter my patience and tolerance is much less when it comes to him being sick. I know he's allowed to get sick blah blah blah but it's different now. We don't have the luxury to just rest and recover with an energetic toddler who we need to look after. He thinks I'm not being empathetic and

I'm being cruel and hey maybe I am. I honestly feel like I have zero care factor when he's done well. My priorities are just different. And I know that's put a strain on our relationship. Is it just me? Will not caring about his man flu affect the longevity of our relationship? How often is he sick that it puts a strain on your relationship? Sounds like a lot. How often has this guy got man flu? Do you know what Matt said recently? It drove me into orbit. I was in outer space. So he did this test with Ash on his podcast, Two Dirty Dads where they got a TENS machine and it's meant to simulate the feelings of labor.

Which is not accurate. Yeah. So he was showing me the video and he was like, fuck, it was so hectic. And I was like, that doesn't even come close to labor. Like that doesn't even touch the size of labor. It doesn't come close to period pain, not even labor. And he was adamant how parallel it was to labor. And I was like, pal, I was vomiting with every contraction and couldn't walk or speak I was like you're laughing it's not the same men I don't know it's definitely not it's not all men but there's definitely some men who do not deal with any sort of like pain threshold or sickness and it takes them completely

out for the count and I think that there's a lot of I don't want to say it's weaponizing competence because it's not quite that but it's like weaponizing your sickness or whatever because men often have the luxury of going I've got the flu so I need to be in bed but as women we don't have that luxury and we just have to fucking get on with it when we have kids and I don't think that the sympathy is paralleled I understand why you feel a little bit resentful in this way I also understand that it's probably amplified because you're a nurse and you actually deal with sick people every day and so you coming home to a husband who's got a head cold calling at the man flu and he can't get out of bed or do anything is just monumentally frustrating and so

I kind of go maybe you've taken it a little bit too far maybe there's gonna be like some level of empathy but you don't have to pander to his every man flu whim because he can just grow the fuck up I think it's valid I think your feelings are valid men don't get more sick than women we all get equally as sick we totally to be honest it's worse for women a week of every month we are like flawed with a period, flawed with hormonal headaches, flawed with everything else. On top of that, we're also working on top of that. Chances are they're doing 80% of that running of the household at home with the kids and you've got toddlers. And I just think it's bullshit when men are like, I'm out of action. You can be out of action. You can get so sick that you can't get

out of bed. And I think if that's happening, of course, you're going to look after your partner. The thing is you're smart enough to know the difference. And that's why it's put you off because you know he's pulling your leg and having a bit of a laugh he's taking the piss you're a nurse if you know that he's absolutely so sick of course you're going to look after him and understand it but you know it's the same thing that we all get every single month of our life like it's really hard to know that you are like going through the trenches and looking after everything when you're feeling the same way just because he's saying man flu like man flu is if you had the flu he'd be in hospital flu kills people the flu's like he's got a cold he's got a runny

nose tell him to get the fuck out of bed i understand why it puts you off as well and causes problems in the relationship because it's not just that it's more than that it's you having the responsibility then of the whole household and all the cleaning and all the child caring and of course that's going to put a divide between you and your partner like that's going to build so much resentment there's actually i mean this is very interesting i just did a little google the most often cited evidence of the existence of man flu is a 2017 british medical journal review by men that found is by men that found a number of studies suggesting men have a weaker immune response to viral respiratory infections resulting in longer lasting illnesses and symptoms but your

immune response is what makes you feel bad in the first place it's what makes your throat ache or your nose run or a stronger immune system could arguably make you feel worse short term basically it's saying that like there are some studies to suggest laura what a load of rubbish who's side are you on there are some studies no hear me out there are some studies that suggest that men may feel the flu worse than women however the end result of this is that in the end there was a little overall difference between the sexes in self-reported symptoms assessed using 22 look the reality is is i think like you said brit if you're having to take on the full mental load of everything and one person is allowed to entirely check out to get better but when it's reversed

you don't have that same luxury of course you're going to feel resentful that is not your fault that is also something that you go okay look i can have sympathy for this now and i will i will carry the load but you need to know that when i am comparatively sick i'm doing fuck all like i am not getting out of bed i am going to do nothing and when our daughter comes in whinging and crying you are 100 responsible for her and if i have to get out of bed to take care of her i'll be filthy at you because you don't afford me the same luxuries when you're sick it just won't work though no it won't never does that tip for tat just causes like more problems oh point scoring in a relationship is not good no shame it's not no i thought that that was the way to really heal

your relationship wounds make sure you keep a tally of every time you've won an argument that's also really good on a whiteboard in the kitchen like a rewards chart you give yourself a sticker I won that argument you did well today yeah you clean today uh yeah look I don't know I mean I think that this is way more common than what we probably realize I know that even Keisha sometimes is like I have no sympathy when there's sickness in our household and vice versa but I was having a conversation with a girlfriend who was going through something similar and it is so much more exacerbated when you have children in the mix yeah I mean people are gonna think I'm awful for this but sometimes I do get the ick when I'm like oh just suck it up like it is dependent on how sick

and yada yada but in my experiences not just with my current partner but in ones in the past I've definitely been like I would get on with that you know I would just get and I think it's exactly what you said Britt we're just so used to having to navigate pain having to navigate discomfort because of various hormonal systems but having said that Keisha there's been a number of times you have said the same thing to me about Toblerone where you're like he could give me a little bit of sympathy when I'm sick. So it's like, you're like, I don't want to give it to him, but he needs to give me more. I get sick so rarely that when I am sick and I'm like, no, I'm properly sick. It's real. It's very real. And I think, I mean, he does deal with people who are literally

in life or death situations. So similar to this woman, I understand why if you're in healthcare, your tolerance for it, I guess, would be reduced because you see people literally in the worst states of their lives but I fully I'm so on your side about this even though I experience it in reverse as well so it's so frustrating to me that he doesn't have sympathy for me because he expects heaps of sympathy when he's he's also a doctor so he actually sees real sick people and he's like this is nothing get out of bed go to work that's what I say to him get up and work god damn it no one wants to work anymore all right well look guys that is it from us if you want to weigh in on any of these questions we're gonna put some polls up on instagram like we always do but also

slide into the dms because slide on in slide on in i did we just say the same thing we spent too much time together way too much time slide into the dms at life uncut podcast you can watch it on youtube if you haven't already go and subscribe to the youtube channels and send in your ask uncuts for next week we need some saucy ones i want some like hamster wheeling or whatever just have you ever hamster wheeled have you let us know have you ever done the thirsty hamster send photos don't send photos you're sick i just let us know anonymously you know i was just thinking i forgot to mention that i really hope people who do that have tinted windows like me on holiday make sure you check it out i'm googling thirsty hamster sunroof

photos i wonder if anyone's ever put it on let's see oh my god there's so many tiktoks on this there's just so many but then there's also a lot of tiktoks of just hamsters drinking out of water bottle that are legit really thirsty I'd rather watch that alright guys that's it from us

you know the drill tell your mum tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love

woo