Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - How 'Sentimental' Is The Gift, Really??

Episode Date: November 23, 2025

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions! How long do you have to ‘hold on’ to something you’re given? We mean like cards or things your kids have made? Lola made a very nice and very heavy burger… and Laura needs to know how long she has to keep it for! Vibes for the week: Laura - The Secret Cellular Repair Night Cream Britt - Dr Diamond Keeshia - Christian Petracca On Trac Cookbook and @on.trac5  Then we jump into your questions! CAN YOU LOOK THROUGH PARTNER’S PHONE?I’ve got a bit of a moral dilemma I’d love your thoughts on. It’s about whether it’s ever okay to look through your partner’s phone — and more specifically, does it change things if what you find actually proves they’ve been unfaithful or untruthful? I’ve never been the kind of person to snoop, but recently I found myself in a situation where my gut was telling me something wasn’t right. I didn’t want to be that person, but the curiosity and the need for reassurance were eating away at me. When I finally looked, I found that my partner had been deceitful. So now I keep wondering — if your instincts turn out to be right, does that lessen the wrongdoing, or is it still completely unjustified to look in the first place? FYI my partner was extremely upset and believes the act of snooping outweighs any wrongdoing. BEST FRIEND HAD A BABY AND EXPECTS ME TO OFFER TO TAKE THE BABY (I”M CHILDFREE)My best friend had a baby this year, and suddenly I’m Public Enemy #1 because I haven’t “offered to take the baby for a few hours.” I told her multiple times I’m happy to help- just tell me when! But apparently, she “shouldn’t have to ask.” Look, I love her, but I work full-time, I don’t want kids, and I’m not exactly out here craving baby cuddles on my day off. Am I supposed to just show up like, “Surprise! Hand me your child”? Am I a bad friend, or just child-free and confused HUSBAND SLEEP TALKED AND I THINK HE CHEATEDA few days ago I had a sore come up “down there” and I mentioned it to my husband who I’ve been with for 15 years. I just put it down to stress and didn’t think too much about it. That night he woke me up sleep talking and said “no protection! Big mistake! Big mistake!!” It’s worth noting he does sleeptalk about work a lot as he works in a high stress job. Am I absolutely nuts for worrying that this has something to do with me saying I had a sore down there and now he’s sleep talking about it because he’s done the wrong thing and cheated and now he’s worrying about it in his sleep? He has never cheated (that I know about) and we’ve never had issues in the past. But I just can’t shake this feeling. The term “no protection” in his sleep talking has really thrown me as it’s such a randomly specific thing to say after I’ve said I have a sore there… please help! Am I overthinking or is this weird? Also worth noting it’s not like a visible blister or sore lol just literally a sore spot on the labia FRIEND SHARED PRIVATE DETAILS I ASKED HER NOT TOMy brother recently went to rehab and it was very much in secret - no one knows except for his very close friends who he chose to tell. I told my two best friends in complete confidence and one of them spilled the beans to some of my other friends, despite me making it incredibly clear to them not to tell anyone. This isn’t the first time it has happened, as my same friend also let slip that I had done IVF which my husband wanted kept a secret except for 2 friends so I could have my besties to vent to. I feel my trust has now been completely broken twice - where can I even go from here?   You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Keeshia Pettit Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford Recorded on Cammeraygal Land Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep and dark and your burning questions. I have a burning question of my own and I don't want it to be specifically kid related though, because I think that this broadens out to other topics. Okay. Probably also because Britt and I wouldn't be very good at answering. But you were once upon a kid. So like once upon a time you were both children yourselves. And so I feel like we could all answer this one. How long do you have to hold on to something that you were given? This could be

like something that your child creates, or it could be like a card that you were given by maybe your partner or a husband or something that should be, or could be sentimental or meaningful. But when you receive it and after you've had the initial joy of receiving it, you go, eh, not really a sentimental card. Like a painting or something from your kids. I have always kept my grandparents' birthday cards because, you know, you just never know when it could be the last one. Oh, well, you're better than me.

But that being said, I can't remember where they are right now. So I know that they're somewhere safe, but I actually can't pinpoint where it is. My parents have kept heaps of stuff from us. They had like a box of stuff for everything, but they don't want it now. They're like, come and take your box. And I was like, but I don't want the box. Exactly. Why would you want the box?

I have a box as well. I have a box for Marley and I have a box for Lola. And one day I'll start one for Poppy. And it's full of random drawings and paintings. But there is a scale. Like Marley and Lola will sometimes give me a piece of paper that's got one single line on it. And I'm like, that ain't making the box bag. Of course not.

And that goes in the bin. No, it's got to be proper art. But something that kids feel quite passionate about is like, you know, Plaster Fun House? You know what they call it, Plaster Master or Plaster Funhouse. Did you ever do that as a kid? I spent many days at Plaster Funhouse. Keisha! No, you'd go and make like a mug or something.

Did your parents not love you? I mean, we spoke recently about how I couldn't do Halloween crafts. Yeah. No. Keisha came from a very hyper-religious family. You're also, I'm like, did your parents not love you and everyone was silent? They're like, swim faster! Because we were like, no, they didn't.

That was a joke. Anyway, Keisha's like, actually, I have a lot of trauma that I need to unpack with a therapist. Internal family system. no you used to go as kids and your parents wouldn't go with you it was like they could drop you off there and then they could go do the shopping or something and you would like the ball pit place kind of and you could make paint stuff and ceramics or different levels depending on what level you're at like I made it up to ceramic level but yeah so plastic well the ones that I know of

don't have ball pits and stuff you literally go in you pick a plaster of Paris sculpture and then you sit down at a table and you paint it yeah they're also not drop and go unfortunately anymore Oh, they used to be. So now you take your kid in, you sit with them, they paint a plaster, whatever it is. You have to sit there? You have to sit there, yeah. Sometimes I paint one too.

So I'm always trying to encourage my kids to pick a cool one, right? Like pick a Disney character or something because you know that's going up on a mantelpiece somewhere. So we went to Plaster Paris on the weekend, Plaster Master, it's called here, and Lola is very defiant. She will pick what she wants to pick. It's always something interesting. It's always something that I don't want to put on a mantelpiece.

my question is how long do i have to keep this what is this a burger cupcake burger it's a fucking cupcake burger it's really it's painted well you know what she's done well that lettuce that cheese i can tell exactly what it is yeah she did a great job and she handed it to me with such pride and i was like it's now just been kicking around the house for a week i've been moving it to different locations so that she might forget about it and eventually one of those locations can be the bin i think you need to keep it but i think you need to put it in a special room in a study or something and that's where it goes where no one goes and that's where all their artwork goes we don't have a study that no one goes our house is not that big there's something

in every room um anyway not a main room put it in a bedroom or something how long do we keep the stuff as parents how long do you keep the things that your kids have made you can i say my parents still have i painted a fish at that place but it was when i moved up to ceramic level i painted a fish and a plate and they still have them now and i'm 38 years old and my mom still has it on display on i'll send a photo of it on a bookshelf and it's a sick fish it's like a it's a sick fish but that's because it was a good one can i send this to your mom no she fucking does not want that if you're not watching this on youtube you need to be because it's it's a giant like burger cupcake it's Picasso right here Lola is so unique I actually am so obsessed with her

the little intricacies of how she's like no I don't want to paint a Disney character I don't want to paint a butterfly I want to paint a burger cupcake yeah she's she's a weird kid it's really like you never know what you're gonna get right like I like that like some kids are very predictable they like their pinks and their fairies and Lola I'm not sure like when she wanted to go to a fairies birthday party that someone had and everyone had like beautiful mermaid glitter they were doing face painting and Lola turned around and she goes, I'm going to be Batman full blackface

Not that kind of blackface, Geisha Don't try to cancel my five-year-old for God's sake. She was a fantastic Batman. She was fantastic I think keep it to the end of the year, till Christmas, then she'll forget about it when she gets Christmas toys. I thought we could put it on the shelf. She's not going on the Life Uncut show

Can you put it on the shelf next to the dogs? um actually because then she thinks it's gone okay well look last question is in this is are we keeping sentimental cards though so if you get a card for a birthday do you read the card and then just put the card in the bin because you've got the message or do you keep the card I keep I have a card box from just Ben like I don't keep everyone's cards but I will I do have a couple from my mom and dad same thing I'm like one day I'm gonna want to look back at this but Ben's I have everything he's ever sent me even if he writes like a little note I keep it that's cute yeah it's because I was deprived of love a long time so that's so cute sometimes I just pull them

out to read them he actually sent me a present the other day which was really sweet he sent me a surprise present to say congratulations on leaving this job and going to another one if you guys missed it we are leaving ARN and moving to a different network yes that will host nothing else changes no nothing's changing it's big for us yeah it will change nothing for you but it's yeah we're excited it's a big change for us and so he sent me a present saying congratulations and then I opened the card that came with the present and he was devoed it was blank they hadn't filled it out because you know when you order it online and you fill it out like a flowers or something and they actually type it they forgot to type the card it was just a blank card

that was a low point it's probably because he wrote I can't wait to wrap my octopuses around you and they were like we're not doing it if it's the other episode it's okay go back and listen that's not even on an episode you and I just talked about that no we put it at the start It was probably the funniest thing that's ever happened on this podcast ever. It wasn't even in a recording. I fucking love him. He can wrap me in these octopussies anytime he wants. Put me in your octopussy.

Anyway, also, I need to give that. That needs context too. Ben and I call each other squids. Squids have tentacles. Tentacles and octopuses. I prefer it without the context. I quite like it. No, it needs context.

Octopussy me up. That's how they dirty talk. He has eight penises. Fuck you guys. that's what it makes it sound like should we get into our vibes of the week Laura what's your vibe okay so my vibe is a skincare brand specifically a product by a company called The Secret now it's run by two female doctors from Australia it's an Australian-owned brand and I started using it when I had really really bad melasma after I was pregnant with Lola and this is not a paid

endorsement even though if you go and look it up there is like some before and after photos of me from years ago when I used this product with Lola that Daily Mail stole and slapped all over the internet, which makes it look like I'm getting paid. Have not received a dollar. Just want everyone to know that. It is super, super effective in like getting rid of pigmentation and melasma. I've started using it again since having Poppy because I had all of these spots that came up. I just get it. It literally, for me, hormonally, as soon as I get pregnant, my skin's like, oh, here we go. Let's do this again. And it's really common though to get melasma when you're pregnant yeah no absolutely most people do but it works really well for me

so it is a bit of a hectic treatment plan in terms of the product has hydroquinone in it which not everyone wants to use it's a pretty full-on ingredient that's in skincare but it's really effective in lightening your melasma and I have been using it now for four weeks since Poppy's born and my skin is like on its way it's on its way to being great again like it really is And towards the end of pregnancy, I was starting to see it all come through really dark here. And I had some really big spots that had come up as well. So your skin looks really good. It's very glowy.

Watch it on YouTube, everyone. The secret, it's the night cream. So it's the night repair cream, I think it's called. That's the one specifically that has hydroquinone in it. You've got to go really slow. I think I use it like once every three days for the first week. Then I go to once every two days. Then I kind of build up.

But unless you have very sensitive skin, I think it's amazing. Also, it needs to be prescribed. So you go online, you put in all your details, you put in like how sensitive your skin is, how reactive your skin is. And the compound of that cream is created specifically for your skin. So it's not just like a one size fits all. It's created dependent on what you have and it has to be prescribed. So yeah, that's my recommendation.

The secret, if you have melasma and you're looking for a way of getting rid of it, super effective. Great. Well, my vibe is a product. It is called Dr. Diamond. It's $40, $39.99. you just get it online and it is a it looks like a pen or like a the length of like an eyeliner I guess pens the same thing it does look like a pen it's like a pen and it's just literally clips

off and it is just that a diamond cleaner not just diamonds but jewelry it has the product in it that you just paint on to whatever jewelry you want to give it like a shine you sit on there for a couple of minutes then you wash it off it's so simple and it actually genuinely really works So for me, I obviously have just gotten engaged. I mean, married. I've obviously just gotten married. I got a very nice diamond ring, but I never take it off and it gets filthy, like makeup and moisturizers.

Mine has the most disgusting film underneath it. Just this, even like sun creams, like just that grease that goes on there. It's like, but you don't, the thing is you don't know your jewelry's dirty until you've cleaned it. And then you're like, oh, wow. It's like your car. You don't realize until you're like, oh, wow.

No, I realize. Yeah, my car looks like there's a small family living in there. I'm really dying for someone to come and clean my car for me. I can't bring myself to do it. But anyway, so that's it. It's Dr. Diamond. I just have my new, I think it's in my bag right now, my handbag. I just carry it around with me because it's so small and it's something you don't really think about, but you buy it one off for 40 bucks. It lasts so long. Okay. My vibe this week is actually a cookbook slash an Instagram account. It is by Christian Petrarca. Now I am an NRL Bogan, but I am told I like the AFL and I'm told he is a very good AFL player. So he played for Melbourne. He's moving up to the Gold Coast, but he has an Instagram

account called On Track, but track doesn't have a K. So it's like T-R-A-C and it's got like 550,000 followers, but he actually released a cookbook quite recently. And what I really like about his meals are that they're quite healthy, but they're also really easy. So there's this one section of the cookbook this is the exact same thing as when I vibed Nagi's cookbook it's called one pot and I love the one pot recipes because you just put everything into the one pot so there's like really minimal cleanup which I'm all about one pot like I'm all about the minimal cleanup I think that the one pot recipes have so much flavor and they're really really good so they're the best yeah I think they're fantastic the cookbook's only $29 you can get it from like Kmart, Amazon,

Target I'm sure you could get it through you know the links on his Instagram I've actually been following his Instagram account for like quite a while now and I've been using a lot of the recipes from that and that's why I ended up just getting the cookbook because sometimes it's just easier to have the physical copy in front of you and I really like it it's got like some health stuff towards the front which I obviously just skipped straight past I went to the to the one pot but he's Italian so a lot of them are like Italian based foods if you're into that style. Amazing I love that record. Yeah so it's On Track by Christian Petrarca and as always the links for our vibes will be in the show notes of the episode and also on our website all right

let's get into the question okay all right question number one can you look through your partner's phone now now wait i know this sounds basic but hear me out okay hear the question out i've got a bit of a moral dilemma and i'd love to know your thoughts on this it's about whether it is ever okay to look through your partner's phone and more specifically does it change things if what you find actually proves that they've been unfaithful or untruthful amen yes it does no now i've never been the kind of person to snoop but recently i found myself in a situation where my gut was screaming at me that something just wasn't right i didn't want to be that person but the curiosity and the need for reassurance were eating away at me when i finally looked i found

that my partner had been deceitful so now i keep wondering if your instincts turn out to be right does that lessen the wrongdoing or is it still just completely unjustified to look in the first place fyi my partner was extremely upset and believes the act of snooping outweighs any wrongdoing oh the classic gaslight and deflect it does does depend on what the wrongdoing was like i mean did he cheat or did he like you know lie about going and getting ice cream on a friday afternoon like you've got to know what the because everyone has a right to a level of privacy yeah but her gut instinct being correct isn't I knew he got that ice cream. That's not what it is.

We don't know. We don't know. Well, let's make an assumption for this question that he's done the wrong thing and she's seen something that's not right. Emotional cheating, cheating, whatever. That's the assumption. Let's assume he is a piece of shit. No, not a piece of shit, but, yeah, it's not ice cream.

No, she actually does say if you find what actually proves they've been unfaithful or untruthful. It's octopussies. Yeah, he's getting the octopussy elsewhere. it okay on your day-to-day no you shouldn't be just going through your partner's phone trying to find things and trying to catch them out that's what I truly believe but I do believe and maybe because this is what Ben and I do we have access to each other's phone I've not once ever gone through it and he lives in another country for someone that could cheat it's Ben

like he's an athlete in another country I see him every couple of months he is like living the perfect life for it and I still have never even thought about going through his phone because I just don't get those feelings and I trust him I know he wouldn't do it but I could if I wanted we know each other's passcodes whatever but I do think it's okay to go through your partner's phone if your body is saying something is not right I think you're cheating I think it's okay especially if you find out they are cheating the only reason that he's making you feel bad is because you fucking called him out that's it he's like you shouldn't have been going through my phone this is on you you never would have known I was cheating if you didn't go through my phone

fuck off the reason why I quite like this question is because it is spicy like a lot of people will disagree with you Brit a lot of people will say yeah they're wrong you a lot of people will say you should never go through your partner's phone and you know the one thing I've heard a lot of times people say if you have the feelings that you need to go through your partner's phone then you should leave the relationship that's what a lot of people say, right? Like, well, if you think that you need to have a look in their phone, you should leave. I don't believe that. I don't not believe it. I think it's too simple. I think that we can't simplify things down that much. That's great. If you're like early stages dating,

that's great. If you've been in a, you know, a medium to short-term relationship, if you've been married for 15 years, all of a sudden your partner started acting weird, putting his phone down at the table, being secretive. You've got three kids like, and you were saying, Hey, you've something's changed. And they're like, no, I'm just tired. Just got to work long hours at the office. That's a really hard thing to turn around and say to someone who's in their 50s and has had a long-term relationship. Hey, if you have those feelings that you want to look in your partner's phone, you should leave the relationship because that's a you problem. The reason I don't think it's so black and white too is because sure, it's a you problem, but that doesn't mean you need to

leave. Often if you're feeling the need to go through someone's phone and there's no problem, that's because you're still trying to work out your trust issues. That could be something that you have brought in from another relationship it doesn't necessarily mean that you've you've gone oh I'm gonna go through and see if something's wrong oh fuck you need to leave that relationship like I don't think it's so black and white either I think people can oversimplify and then demonize the person that wants to go through the phone right I don't think that it's clear-cut I think there is a lot of gray with this and I think in one instance if you don't find anything then you're the asshole for going through the phone and if you find something then you're right and I would say

that there's a lot of people listening to this who have been in the instance where their intuition was saying something is not right the way they're behaving doesn't make sense but they're lying to me and telling me that they're faithful and everything's fine and you know you've tried to go through the normal avenues of having a conversation and looking through their phone was last resort for validation on something I know myself I have been through exes phones I have found the thing I needed to find to make me feel or realize that actually all of those feelings that I was having that were making me feel absolutely insane were completely valid because they were cheating on me and they were texting that person and all of those things were

true. And so I don't want to say that it necessarily lessens the blow because, or it makes it less of a problem going through someone's phone. I do think that every single person is entitled to privacy and going through someone's phone is like a last resort. But if you do find something and it validates all of those things that you've been lied to about, and then you take that to your partner and you sit down and say, Hey, I looked through your phone and I found all of this. I don't think the issue then should be turned around and the issue should be, Oh, well, you went through my phone. The issue should be the things that have been lied about. That's what needs to be addressed. It's gaslighting, but that's what everyone does when they get caught

out they put the blame on the other person there's a first port of call the first stop that every single motherfucker that does that does they make you feel like you are the guilty person that you have done the wrong thing this is only blowing up because of you but don't you think it depends on what the unfaithful infidelity was like don't you know i don't i think it does someone this is what i think right i absolutely do not condone going through phones we've said that for six years like i don't think anybody should be doing it but if you and it's not your first stop if you think your partner's cheating, that's not the first thing that you do. You sit down and talk to them, just ask them. But if you get to the point where it is impeding on your life and it's all you're

thinking about, it's making you feel sick, you deep down know something's not right. If the difference in you finding out if your partner's unfaithful is you going through the phone or not, then I would say, yes, you can go through it. If that is going to help you figure out that your partner has been unfaithful, then I think, yes, that's completely okay. but if you go through it and you don't find anything then you need to stop because it's not something that can just rule your life and it can't become a habit because it's a slippery slope I know people that have said once they started looking they almost can't stop like once it becomes habit and it's like oh I'm just going to do my weekly check-in because you know their

logins you've got their like it becomes it's just a really really toxic slippery slope you know what though that was probably me in the one relationship I was referring to when I said I found something but it wasn't because it was a slippery slope and I necessarily became addicted to checking their phone it was because I always found things that reinforced that there was something I never found something big enough to be like hey fuck you because he was very good at deleting stuff turns out just breadcrumbing but there was a lot of like very flirty conversations with girls it was there was enough in there that it made me so insecure that I was like oh I need to check in on this like I had to keep tabs on it and when you're being gaslit like that that's the reassurance and

the evidence that you're so, you want the proof because you're like, I just feel like I'm going crazy and I'm making this up. Yeah. And I want to be really careful with this because I don't want people to think that this is normal or okay behavior. You shouldn't be going through your partner's phone. And I do think that allowing someone to self-determine when it is or isn't okay to go through someone's phone can be super problematic. So for example, at the moment, Britt, our conversation is like, well, if you have those feelings and you think you're being lied to, then what other choice do you have I want to flip that though because what if you're in a relationship with someone who's actually just quite controlling and they have totally manifested

shit that is like as in like they're thinking oh maybe they're cheating or they're doing this or they're doing that and absolutely there's nothing going on they're just fucking paranoid but that's why I said if you get to the point where you've gone through the phone there's nothing there you need to move on and accept it you can't make yourself be doing weekly check-ins like I'm giving you like a one time only pass. Yeah. My situation was more so that like I would find the flirty messages. I would find things that kind of gave me 50% of what it was that I thought was going on, but I just didn't believe it. He was always able to like explain away. And then he would say, don't worry, like my phone, you can look through it. And he kind of was really open

about the phone situation. So that gave me some reassurance. But then at the same time, I knew he was deleting stuff. So I was like, well, what have you deleted? Anyway, it turns out he was a complete narcissist and had cheated on me with so many women and was lying to my face literally every day of our relationship. So like, I do think that when you are in those relationships or when something is going on, often it's your intuition that tells you, but when you're in a really safe, secure, stable, normal relationship, it is very unusual to want to go through your partner's phone. I have never gone through Matt's phone. And I think if you are at the point of your relationship where you're wanting to go through their phone it doesn't mean you need to leave

but it means there's something that's not right in the relationship for sure and whether that's something you've brought in yourself or something your partner's making you feel it's something it needs addressing because it's not normal to be like hey I'm just going to do a check when he's not here and he doesn't know yeah not normal so whilst yeah just to summarize it absolutely I don't encourage it I don't think it's right I think if you're in a long-term relationship I think it's normal to have access to your partner's phone maybe that's not everyone everyone has different things in their relationship obviously the access isn't like free reign it's just in case you need something or it's there if you need it but it doesn't mean you pick it up as a sport

and just like scroll through their phone but yeah I think in this case he is gaslighting you he's upset and he's telling you your snooping outweighs his infidelity it absolutely does not your snooping does not outweigh what he has done because if he didn't do it you wouldn't have felt the need to do what you've done so it's a cause and effect you are not in the wrong what you do with that information now and how you feel is is up to you because we don't know the level of what's gone down but yeah I'd be having a really good think about that relationship yeah I know and the reality is is that if you're in a long-term happy committed stable relationship there shouldn't be anything in their phone that sparks alarm bells like I know you shouldn't have to pick up their phone but if

you did there never should be this issue of like oh you stumbled across something you shouldn't because there shouldn't be anything to stumble across. Matt can go through my phone any day of the week. I could not care less. He can read every single message in my phone. I mean, it would be weird if he felt like he needed to, and I do think I'm entitled to privacy. But if he did, I would be like, hey,

let's talk about why you're feeling so insecure, rather than being like, how dare you go through my phone. That would be my reaction. So I do think, I agree with you, Britt, the gaslighting is the issue here. All right, next question. Question two. my best friend had a baby and expects me to offer to take the baby when i'm child free

i wrote this did you you probably did my best friend had a baby this year and suddenly i'm public enemy number one because i haven't quote offered to take the baby for a few hours i have told her multiple times i'm happy to help just tell me when but apparently she shouldn't have to ask look i love her but i work full time i don't want kids and i'm not exactly out here craving baby cuddles on my day off am I supposed to just show up and be like hey surprise hand me your child am I a bad friend or am I just child-free and confused your friend sounds like a punish I mean I don't want to actually I shouldn't say that that's probably a bit harsh she might be going through something she might be having postpartum depression she might be really

struggling that is not normal to expect that your friends are going to just show up and take your baby yeah also not everyone wants their friends to show up and take their baby like some especially unannounced. That would give some people anxiety. I do not think you have done anything wrong. I think it is an unfair expectation that she just expects you to show up without asking to take her baby. And if this is not her normal behavior, I would question whether she's not okay at the moment, because I think that that's pretty unfair and unrealistic. Yeah. And I mean, that's good coming from you, Laura, because you have kids. So it's, I don't have kids. It's hard. Brittany, Why don't you show up at my house and just take my baby?

You would be like, fucking what are you doing here? I'd be like, why are you here? What are you doing here? I actually think you've done everything right because you said you've offered to take the baby for a few hours, which I don't think that's an empty offer. I think you've genuinely been like, hey, just let me know when and how and what and I'll come and help. Are you going to do that every day on your day off?

Of course you're not going to. Like it's not your child. You haven't had a baby. Your friend has had a baby. I think it's important you be there for it, but I genuinely think that this is on your friend. you've done the right things. You said multiple times you're happy to help. The shouldn't having to ask part and she should just turn up is a bit strange for me because most people wouldn't want

someone to turn up at their house and just say, surprise, I'm here. Not when you're in the depths of it. I mean, maybe some people do, I don't know, but I think more people would want it planned, planned around feeds, planned around sleep so that you can actually optimize the time that you're going to be away from the baby. Look, I get it. I think that we have this romanticized version of friendship in terms of like maybe she did really think I'm going to have that sort of village around me where my friends are just going to pop in and like take the baby and I'm going to be able to go and have a shower and like I don't know have some self-care or go for a walk or whatever like some people do have that in their lives and that works really really well for them

but I don't think it should just be assumed that that's what your friends are going to do and that if they haven't stepped up in all of those ways that they're then a bad friend and that they should be enemy number one. I think it's really important to support your friends when they've had a baby in different ways, you know, in checking in on them, but you don't have to support them in terms of like going to their house unannounced and taking the baby. I think that that is expecting a lot of the village. And unless you've verbalized that that's what you need and really communicated with your friends that that's what you need. I think that that's an unfair and really high level expectation, which is why it makes me think maybe she's having a hard

time mentally and she's struggling because it seems a bit irrational and when you're really fucking sleep deprived and you're super overstimulated and you're just exhausted you do lash out in ways where you go you haven't helped me you haven't done anything and it's like oh well you need a nap so maybe that is where she is at the moment in her motherhood journey maybe she's really having a hard time my question about this is like you're talking about the village and showing up for people like in the expectations when someone has a child or a little bit you know personal they can change based on each person but I kind of ask like we've spoken about this in an episode a couple of months ago and there was this quote that was like you can't have a village

without being a villager and so how did that person show up for the other people in their life when they had babies you know like what I'm trying to imply is like she's seemingly got all these pretty massive expectations on you but does she show up for you well she's well but yeah obviously can't be with a kid but like is she the type of person who really shows up for you when you need it and sometimes even when you don't ask for it and they still show up then I would say that you probably do need to show up for that person a little bit more and I know I've said it a few times but I just want to reiterate it I would approach this and make sure that she's okay first before you kind of lash out and be like she's being crazy I think more so checking in

them being like are you okay because like if this seems like her behavior is very different to how she normally behaves she very well may not be okay and may not even really realize that she's struggling so much because yeah like I would I mean and everyone's different I would never expect someone to just show up and take my kids take all three of them do you know I don't want to it actually depends like I'm thinking about it a bit more and this is extreme situational but it depends if like did she enter this your friend enter this motherhood journey with a stable family and a stable partner and security did he decide to fuck off and leave at the last minute was there a breakdown that she didn't expect has she been really lumped on her own is she going through

something else has she had family members that have passed away or going through something it depends what's like in her life at that time as well I think that really matters but yeah just to you haven't done the wrong thing but I would just be doing exactly what you're doing reiterating it just checking in that she's okay. My husband sleep talked and now I think he has cheated on me. A few days ago, I had a sore come up down there and I mentioned it to my husband who I've been with for 15 years. I put it down to stress and didn't think too much about it. That night, he woke me up, sleep talking, saying, no protection, big mistake, big mistake. It's worth noting he does sleep talk about work a lot as he works in this really high stress job. Am I

absolutely nuts for worrying that this has something to do with me saying I had a sore down there and now he's sleep talking about it because he's done the wrong thing and cheated and now he's worrying about it in his sleep. He has never cheated on me before that I know about and we've never had issues in the past, but I just can't shake this feeling. The term no protection in his sleep talking has really thrown me as it is such a randomly specific thing to say, especially after I have told him that I have a sore down there. Please help. Am I overthinking this?

Is it weird? Also worth noting, it's not like a visible blister or sore, just a really sore spot on the labia. I need to know the husband's job. Does he work in construction? I was going to say, is he like a construction worker and someone's just like, no protection? Is he a scientist?

No, he might have been insurance. He might be insurance. And he's like, what? We don't have a protection. Yeah, no protection. I reckon a Bunsen burner exploded in his eyes. and he's like, no protection, big mistake. For a very few scientists, he's bunts and burners

outside of year 10 science. I also think that even if he was screaming out another woman's name in your sleep, it doesn't mean anything. I have hooked up with so many people in my sleep, people that I don't know, people I've been disgusted by, people. You've hooked up with me in your sleep. No, I didn't. Yeah, you taught me that once.

You said you had a weird dream then you were like disgusted. This was years ago. No, but we didn't hook up. Stop trying to take it away from me. I think you were trying to hit on me or something. You weren't hitting on me. You're the one trying to fucking stretch and sweep me, Brit. Yeah, also a joke.

Also trying to up my skills. I don't think anyone believes I really want to stretch and sweep you. I'll bring a bunsen burner to you. Fucking hell. No, but genuinely, like, sleep talking doesn't mean anything because what happens in your dreams, it's not real life. It's not controllable, yeah. And like I said, I've not cheated in my life,

but in my dreams I have. It's not controllable and sometimes it's with women, sometimes it's with men, people I don't know, people I know. I wake up disgusted. So even if I was yelling someone's name out, like whatever he's sleep talking about, I don't think you can say he's cheating because of that. Now the spot on your labia, let's talk about that. Yeah. That's a whole nother kettle of fish. That could be nothing. That could be something. I think either way you should go to a doctor to figure out what it is because he'll be able to tell you

pretty quickly if it's an STI. If it's an STI, then surprise, he's cheating on you. But it very well could be a skin condition a rash eczema psoriasis it could be an ingrown hair it could be have rubbed on your g-string too much it could be like it could be a multitude of things if it's just a sore spot and we don't we can only go off what you've said because you've said it's not an open wound it's just a sore spot depending on what that means like that is very subjective and that's open to interpretation but your first stop shouldn't be like you sleep talked you're cheating on me it should be hey I'm gonna go to a doctor and actually check out what this is because it'll tell you definitively pretty quickly if it's an STI you know where it's come from yeah I would

say that sleep talking is not the definitive factor in cheating the STI is yeah and that would be a pretty clear indication you can always have a conversation with him about this it's not weird to say hey last night you said some pretty weirdly specific things in your sleep and it's I know it's made me feel a bit insecure it's made me feel a bit worried like you can say that you can talk to about it but I do agree with you Britt I think that it's not enough information for you to clarify or validate whether he has or hasn't do you know what it is though it's the it's two things no protection is very very specific I would agree but maybe yeah but also it doesn't mean anything it doesn't mean anything I think specific but it doesn't mean anything the two things here are

you've said a few days I had a sore come up down there the way you've said it and and the fact that you've written it in means you don't really know what it is it probably hasn't happened before you're a bit unsure otherwise you wouldn't have written it like that and you wouldn't have written in and the second thing you've said is I just can't shake this feeling which means there's something else inside of you that is telling you that hey something might not be right here and we go back to the first question we answered in this chat when your intuition is raging it doesn't mean it doesn't mean it's right your intuition is not always right but it means it's your body telling you from a multitude of things that have happened in your life hey something doesn't feel right let

me investigate it you don't just make up those feelings like if something is happening something he's doing or saying or his actions to make you feel a little bit off then if I got if I was feeling that then I got a surprise sore in my labia I would feel the same way and I'd be like something mate the math ain't math in here like it's a really tricky one isn't it because like we talk about intuition and like some people are intuitive and are correct and other people are just paranoid and it's like how do you know the difference between what the two are because I think it's just a feeling that's worth listening to it doesn't mean you have to do anything with it but it means you take a moment to sit back and be like hey let's unpack this intuition why do I

feel like this what's making me feel like this what I want to do with it it doesn't mean you like get this feeling and you like pack up shop and leave you know yeah or accuse someone of doing something that they haven't necessarily done as a sleep talker I live with constant fear okay a lot of the shit that I've been told that I've said in my sleep you wake up when people tell you fuck it's the most embarrassing thing in the world because most of the time you're like firstly I don't think that I've never thought about that it doesn't mean anything to me and I also don't know what you're referring to like if if I was to be woken up and told you said this weird thing about no protection I'd be like oh fucking no like I was clearly having a weird dream like you often

don't remember where I'm a sleep talker too and I remember like for example my brother Mitch is the most placid gentleman and I woke up walked out to mom dad and I was like hey if Mitch shoots me can I shoot him back why would I say that and they were like well no Brittany they knew I was asleep no Brit two-year-olds don't make a right I'm like are you sure and they were like yes went back to bed it means nothing it's like you cannot control what goes on in your subconscious if Mitch gets shot I would say look for Brittany Hockley first if Mitch shoots me can I shoot him back they're probably like you'd probably be dead my only point of saying the sleep talking thing is that if you do question him about it and he acts confused and like he doesn't know he's not

necessarily gaslighting he could be though he could be but it's not necessarily the case if he's like I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about because often like I was a real sleepwalker particularly when I was a kid and a sleep talker now that I'm an adult I used to play my piano in the night like my parents used to come out and be like get up and play yeah I was really really bad for sleepwalking and sleep talking and kind of having these unconscious conscious experiences and you don't remember you know like you have no recollection of what's happened so if he's someone who constantly sleep talks he likely will be similar to me and like I'm told all the time that I talk shit and talk gibberish you can't even get me when I'm asleep it's like

I keep talking shit but yeah so if if that is the case I just want to say that it doesn't necessarily mean he's lying to you. Yeah all right last question my friend shared private details that I asked her not to share my brother recently went to rehab and it was very much in secret. No one knows except for his close friends who he chose to tell. I told my two best friends in complete confidence and one of them spilled the beans to some of my other friends. Despite me making it incredibly clear, absolutely you cannot tell anyone. This isn't the first time it has happened as my same friend also let slip that I had done IVF with my husband. Now my husband and I had decided to keep that a secret. He wanted to keep that private but he said I could

tell my two friends so that I would have someone to vent to and talk to about the process. I feel my trust has now been completely broken twice. Where do I go from here? Stop telling that friend things. Stop telling her secrets and stop telling her other people's secrets. Yeah, also like you were the one, sorry, I know that someone's done the wrong thing by you, but your brother also asked you not to tell him you've told two people.

If you didn't tell those people, they couldn't have told their friends. Yeah, I find the whole concept of secrets quite an interesting thing to unpack. Secrets do not exist. They don't exist. There's no such thing as a secret. They might be a sleep talker. yeah they might tell them in their sleep and the reason why I say this is because like if you have been told a secret and then you told one person and you're like but don't tell anyone

it's out you have to believe that that one person no matter how trustworthy they are how much you love them whatever else they will probably tell one person in the same way that you did and especially when it's not your secret to tell like this wasn't your story this was something that happened to your brother it didn't happen to you I understand you're very close to your brother, I understand it probably impacted you in a lot of ways, but it's still not your thing to share with other people. And so you've then told one or two people and then they have passed on as well. It's just like secrets just move like dominoes and spread like wildfire. They really do, don't they? And I don't know. I mean, it's a shame because you probably want to feel as though

you have people in your life that you can absolutely trust and that you can go to with this information. And I'm sure you do have those people, but it's not to say that like, you know, people don't just say. Unfortunately, it is very common that when you tell someone a secret, it ends up being told to one or two additional people. It just does. The problem is secrets weigh very heavily on people. That's why they don't stay within one person. And people like to have human connection and shared experiences. This wasn't your secret to tell, but it's an experience that you're going through. Someone very close to you is in rehab. Like that is something that you also might want to be able to talk to a friend about because it's

still something you're dealing with yeah and no doubt what your brother has gone through that has ended him in rehab has affected you and your family in many many ways yeah so I understand why you want to go and have those conversations with your friends and I understand why you feel betrayed that they have gone and told people as well because they have for them it's like hey my friend's brother went to rehab like it doesn't gossip it becomes more gossip more than like leaning on somebody so I understand the betrayal all I would say is yes you can be disappointed in them I just stopped telling them stuff that really can't get out and that's a shame because you obviously feel like you want to talk to somebody but they're probably not the people they don't

seem like the kind of people and it is upsetting but I would think anything that I tell somebody even if I say don't tell anyone there's a part of me that knows they probably will you just hope they don't tell the people it affects or like or or that it gets that it gets into the wrong hands in a way and i don't i'm not even using any i don't have an example of information but like there's always something that you're like hey please don't tell anyone this but you sort of deep down know that they're going to they're going to at least tell their partner because that's what people in relationships do we've had that conversation a few weeks ago yeah and like you know there's been situations in the past with work stuff like and whether it's been tony may or

it's been life uncut where it's like this information cannot be known so i'm not going to tell assault I didn't even tell Matt some stuff because I was like yeah I know that if I tell Matt he might tell Ash or he might tell someone that's like directly close to him when we have a risk of being sued we're really good with our secrets we keep those in when there's money uh I keep that to myself no I also just I know that it's very easy and quick to we can be quick to villainize your friend for sharing the secret and being like she did the wrong thing she betrayed you and make her like enemy number one for sharing a secret because we've all done it and yes it would mean that maybe she is not the most trustworthy person to tell your innermost

secrets to that you don't want anyone to know. But at the same time, it may not have been done in a way that was as malicious and vindictive as what I think it may sound when you just read the question. For example, you going through IVF, she may have had someone else who's super close to her who's going through a really hard time. And she used you as an example of like, hey, you know, actually my friend Sarah is also going through a similar thing. Like we don't know the context. is she doing it because she's just a total gossip and loves to like revel in other people's information and misfortune or did she do it because it was something that she actually thought might have been helpful to someone else we don't know that information regardless the

end result is you felt betrayed and the only outcome of this is choose the friends that are valuable for the for different reasons she is obviously a great time you obviously love her for so many other things she's your best friend stop telling me secrets so like you can have that friendship and then reserve some of those really important things that you want to keep to yourself to the other person who you know isn't telling anyone like I think you can have friends that have and serve different purposes I don't think you need to cut her out of your life because she's done these two things that have really upset you and we all have those friends like we all have those friends where you know that they're the gossip you know that they're the

one that you can't actually you like if you want something kept you don't tell that person like everyone has that person in their life that you won't tell them until it's allowed to be out Yeah, but I do understand why if that's your best, best friend, that might make you question is that someone who you actually want to have a long term friendship with? And what I would say as advice to that is I just I do think that friends serve different purposes. You don't get everything you want out of that one person. And so if you get so many other great things out of a great conversation, really great time, like they're always there for you, then I would say that's fine. like have that person for all of those experiences and if you need someone to confide into the utmost degree where they're going to keep a secret and like absolutely you know it's not going to go to anyone else it's a therapist it's a therapist yeah I just yeah I would stop telling her telling her secrets you know what though on the other side like I recently was told a secret that I was told you know this is top info I don't want to give away any information

That was a test. And I had people asking about certain, this is hard to not give any details, but for the reason of keeping the secret, the position I was in is that there were people asking me for information about something that I did know information about. And the thing that I ended up realizing is that I just said to them, hey, I'm not going to talk about this until a certain time, or I'm not going to share that information with you. And I was so, so firm about that and it made me feel a massive sense of relief because I knew that if ever something did come out or something was you know the secret got out somehow I knew that my conscience was clear totally and so it really taught me a lesson of being like I don't have to skirt around it I don't

have to pretend like I don't know and say oh I have no idea this is all I know I just have to say hey I can't talk about that and it's easy and I would agree with that if you're putting boundaries in place but there are some people who would be the one to bring it up at the dinner table like they know oh hey oh my god did you no one knows this but I want to be careful with this because I am sure that everyone listening to this does have someone in their life who they can absolutely confide in and is a rock and they feel is super solid so they're probably listening to this being like no actually there are some people who can keep secrets and maybe we poll it poll it I would love to know if someone tells you a secret are you keeping it to the grave or do you have like

one person that you tell oh everyone's challenged someone at some point no one's taking anything to the grave i mean a quick a quick example of this is like i have one person in my life who i can tell things to and i know it won't go anywhere she won't even tell her husband right like i know that for a fact it's a sore point in her husband and her relationship that she doesn't tell him things i've got that one person too so it's really nice i think why the fuck aren't all three of us these people for each other that's the question we we're like i know this one person so do i hello It's not me. What is this?

This obviously isn't a trust triangle. We work. Do you know what? The reason why is because we are the fucking, we're talkers. We're talkers. And that's it. I just don't know of anything that you and me are saying. I trust you guys.

Also, I trust you guys. I'd tell Ben. But yeah, that's what I mean. Okay. That's why you're not the person. That's what I mean. I'm joking. No, because I asked.

Or you would tell Keisha. I asked Keisha the other day if I could tell Ben something and she said no. And I absolutely, I promised her I wouldn't. And I told him. And then I found out later on FaceTime. No, and I absolutely won't because I care about Keisha and she said don't. But, like, if I didn't have that conversation,

I didn't check in with her, I probably would have. Do you know what I mean? I think the thing is with us is, and, I mean, this is probably something for us to reserve for off mic, is that we come as, like, a trio. So, like, if I'm telling Keisha something, you're going to find out. If you're telling me something, you know, like, it goes, it does this. It's like sisters.

Yeah, do you know what? That's what it is. We have an unhealthy work relationship. family all right it's time for us to go go hit youtube hit subscribe follow along leave comments please we want your accidentally unfiltered we need a fresh bunch of some really solid embarrassing moments so make sure you send those into instagram and of course your ask uncuts all to life uncut podcast on instagram if you're not following instagram please go and hit follow and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because

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