Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - I Called Off The Wedding 6 Weeks Before. Do I Keep My Dress and Ring?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. I'm Laura. And this is Ask Uncut where we answer your deep, your dark and your burning questions. And we have some crackers today. But Lorzie and Keish, I have an update. Sorry. What? We have some crackers crack it hey I do have just like a really quick update earlier in the week I said that I think I had been scammed out of my money on a language app so if you haven't listened to that go back and listen but I did think that I had been scammed out of a couple hundred bucks I would like to apologize to the company that I did not name but I have scusi me dispiace I have not been scammed I just used a different email that I wasn't aware of and I have in fact

Starting point is 00:00:56 logged myself back in and I'm back on the track to being fluent in Italian. Sorry, Brittany Hockley, you laughed at me when I suggested that that might be what was wrong. Also, we did an entire intro to the podcast episode around you thinking you've been scammed where really you just forgot an email. Wow. Look, I didn't need to rectify this. I didn't need to apologize to an unnamed company and I didn't need to tell you all that I was wrong, but I'm a big person and I'm happy to say that I was not scammed. Keisha, I didn't laugh at your suggestion at all and I said to you I think that there's a chance you're using the wrong name because when I've signed up to things through meta ads for some reason it links

Starting point is 00:01:33 back to your like iCloud email which I never use and that's how I had to get out of mine yeah well that's exactly what happened you said try a different email and I thought why would I use a different email but when it's in Instagram it's like an automatic sign up so I didn't even think of that so lucky imagine if I named and shamed a brand and I was like they scammed me well they They didn't. I'm back. You don't even know your own email. Look at me just fixing all of the world's problems. All right. Well, look, let's get into our vibes. Britt, what is your vibe for the week? My vibe is a podcast episode that then I guess led me to a whole podcast series. So Olivia Atwood, I don't know if anyone knows Olivia Atwood. She is a UK based influencer, TV star,

Starting point is 00:02:17 TV host. She does it all. Was she Love Island? She came to fame on Love Island years ago, but since then she now hosts like four or five tv shows she's like itv's main host i love her she's very unfiltered very funny very she's stunningly beautiful but her personality like to look at her personality you would think doesn't match you know those people that are just like a bag of surprises well she has a podcast called olivia's house it's pretty new but i wanted to recommend a specific episode that she recently did with the comedian katherine ryan now we've spoken about her before she's very funny but i just really enjoyed this interview you're not walking away from it any smarter it's just a really very easily funny easy listen so they just banter they talk a lot about

Starting point is 00:03:05 her life and then that led me to katherine ryan's podcast so she has her own podcast katherine ryan is Laura's vulva twin remember last year we spoke about Laura's pregnant smurf vulva her purple vagina yeah I think she's got three or four kids now I think she's got 20 kids and a smurf vulva so her podcast is called telling everybody everything and it's also brilliant she does episodes on a bunch of different things so my vibe is this particular episode on Olivia's house and then if you want more of Catherine Ryan you can go to her podcast Kishi what's yours my vibe this week is a lipstick because I have been wearing a lot of lipstick this year.

Starting point is 00:03:46 I'm not really sure why. I just feel like it's kind of become part of my personality. And we've got a lot of comments on our reels lately on the Life Uncut account being like, where's your lipstick from? Have we really had a lot of comments from people asking your lipstick? Some people have been asking me. This is not sponsored at all. I paid full price for all of these and I bought quite a lot of them.

Starting point is 00:04:05 See, what this is is Keisha trying to get a sponsorship for MAC Lipstick. I would rather sponsorship with this brand. So the one that I have been using all year, it's one of those ones that you paint on and it's meant to stay there for ages. It says 24 hours. I don't know if I'm giving it the full credit of 24 hours, but it does stay in place for quite a while. So it's the MAC Locked Kiss Ink 24-Hour Lip Color. It is $55 retail price. I've got a couple of colors.

Starting point is 00:04:32 These are the ones that I tend to wear the most. This one is called Teaser. This one is called Brazen. if you are also in the autumn color palette they will go quite well with you so it's just like the lipsticks that everyone's doing online where they paint it on and it stains and then you peel it off what are they no that's a lip stain I don't know why but my for some reason I watched one video through to completion and my algorithm's like oh you like people peeling their lips off we'll keep serving you videos anytime I open Instagram someone's on there peeling off their lip stain

Starting point is 00:05:02 okay I'm really in the algorithm for lip stains at the moment I get it all the time oh this is just like a liquid one all liquid ones I've actually tried quite a few different brands all of them can feel a little bit drying but it's good that you can put them on and you can drink and you can eat and they don't like transfer off but they can leave your lips feeling a little like they could be more hydrated I'm like such a one-stop shop when it comes to my makeup I'm mac teddy lipstick or I'm charlotte tilbury pillow talk and that's it there's nothing basic I am the most basic bitches I literally it's like I've had my makeup done once and I was like excuse me what do you use that a tubular mascara and I'm off to go if you walked in here any day ever with red lipstick

Starting point is 00:05:44 I'd be like what the fuck has happened to Laura Byrne like it's just not you you don't skew red lipstick it's like when you walk in with closed in shoes on I'm like something's not Laura's not okay no when I when I wear red lipstick I do feel like I'm cosplaying like I feel like I'm dressed up. My recommendation this week, if you haven't seen it, it's called The Crash on Netflix. It is documentary. It's one episode, kind of like a feature length film in length. I haven't watched the very end of it yet because it got very late last night and I was like, I'm going to bed. Now it's true crime. It starts off as a very tragic story of a young girl, 17 years old, who crashes her car and her friends or her boyfriend, her boyfriend's friend who is in the car

Starting point is 00:06:26 pass away from the accident. Now, I don't want to give everything away because it's actually what unfolds. You guys might've seen, there's been quite a few media outlets talking about it recently, but it is not a clear cut case. And the more that they go into investigating the internals of the car, investigating like what happened? Did she try and break? Did she try and swerve anything? It raises a lot more questions than what they have answers around this being a so-called accident. And it goes into the investigation around this. Now she was horrifically injured at the time as well. She obviously survived the car crash, but the two people that were in it didn't. And I just think, look, it's a very, very insane story. And

Starting point is 00:07:06 psychologically it's quite, ah, it's just really dark is what it is to think that someone who's 17 years old, also just like a very young, pretty girl could be, I guess, so twisted and dark herself. So that's all I'm going to say. It's on Netflix and it's called The Crash. I have watched it. I can double down on the vibe. It was very interesting and the twists and turns were not what I expected. So yeah, if you've got an hour and a half, strap in. Question number one. Is it a bad idea to have a one night stand with your ex partner's mate? Quick backstory. My ex and I were together for nine years. The last couple of years were pretty rough. I officially left in September of 2025, but didn't move out straight away. We briefly got

Starting point is 00:07:52 back together over December and January for about five weeks, but I knew it just wasn't right. I moved out properly in February. We have two kids together and I have them 100% of the time. Anyway, I jumped on Tinder the other night because honestly, a girl has needs. I came across one of his friends. They used to be really close, but over the last couple of years, they barely talk anymore I always thought he was attractive but obviously never acted on it we ended up matching and we've been talking and we agreed it would just be a one-night thing neither of us would ever tell my ex and I genuinely don't think he would either he's not the drama type so my question is is this a terrible idea I'll probably do it anyway because

Starting point is 00:08:36 I trust him I already know him and I find him really attractive also I haven't been with anyone else in 10 years. So I'm feeling every emotion right now. I'm so far out of the dating game and meeting other guys that I honestly don't know. I wouldn't even know what I'm doing. I struggle keeping conversations going and just feel really awkward half the time. So this feels like a better option. Any advice for getting back out there after such a long relationship and also how I should navigate what's going on at the moment? Okay. So this one came into our Facebook group and I was really interested in the responses. So my first impression when I read this, my first impression was like, okay, yes, this is a fucking bad idea. You already know that,

Starting point is 00:09:19 but I thought, why not? You deserve it. And then I went through all the comments on the Facebook group and I would say 90 to 95% of them were like, girl, absolutely not. Like, do not touch this with the 10 foot pole. This is a disaster. You guys have kids together. Like don't be shitting where you eat kind of thing. Like don't keep it in the family. I'm torn because I do agree with that. I think, okay, you could go and have sex with anyone in the world. Do you think that the right thing to do is your ex's friend? I mean, she did say I'm going to do it anyway. So I don't think it matters what we say at this point. But you know what? I think we don't have enough information. And when I say that is you have your kids 100% of the time, something's not right in

Starting point is 00:10:06 your breakup. It's obviously not that amicable. And I want to say, I mean, I don't know him, but I want to say he's not being a good dad if he doesn't see his kids, right? That's pretty obvious. If he's never looking after his own two children, something's not right in your relationship, which is what's making me think it's okay for you to go down the track of hooking up with someone that he used to know years ago.

Starting point is 00:10:26 if it was still really involved and he was still having his kids two or three times a week I would say this is going to get very fucking messy very very quickly but the fact that the kids don't see him at all makes me think sure if this is what is going to get your juices flowing and you feel comfortable and it's going to be what gets you back out into the world there's a part of me that's like yeah go for it I don't know part of me wants to know whether the risk is worth it because like we don't know anything about your relationship with your ex we don't know how volatile he is we don't know what type of person he is how vindictive he is like without that information it's really hard to say whether or not yeah just go out and enjoy yourself like

Starting point is 00:11:07 what drama are you bringing into your life and I know you've said like your friend like this guy is not very drama filled and so you can't imagine it getting back to your ex but if it does get back to your ex how do you think he will behave and how do you think he will respond is he going to make co-parenting incredibly challenging for you. Well, there is no co-parenting. Yeah, but that might not be the case for forever. The kids might be really, really little and that's why they might be with her a hundred percent of the time. I'm not saying like, we just don't know the full picture to make assumptions around whether it's because he is actively not wanting to be a parent at all, or whether it's because like this has been the decision that they've made for the stage of life

Starting point is 00:11:44 that their kids are at. We don't know. I just don't think that we can say yes or no to this without you doing a really, really good risk assessment on what and how you think this is going to impact your life if he does find out. And I think you should think about this as though he will find out. I don't think you should go about this with the rose colored glasses on of he will never find out. Do you know what I mean? I just don't think that that's a safe or smart way of attacking a situation. I think it needs to be done of like, okay, I'm doing this and how will he behave when he finds this out? And if you think that that's going to be gravy and it's not something you need to worry about then I would say fucking go for gold but if that makes you really anxious

Starting point is 00:12:25 then I would not be having sex with his friend the only other consideration that I have is because of the 100% parenting I can understand why you want to go and have sex casually with someone that you already know because you don't have the time to invest to figure out whether someone's like a decent person and because you've got your children 100% of the time like you know what I mean if you totally it makes dating incredibly hard really you don't have the time to like suss men out to the point where you could be like yeah this could be a fun casual thing so that's why I'm leaning more on the side of like it's actually okay that they used to be friends because you don't have many other options other than either not having sex at all or having sex with

Starting point is 00:13:05 people who are relative strangers they're kind of your only other two options other than hooking up with this person that you feel comfortable with already so for that reason I reckon go to it I was about to say the same thing because she does say like, I work full time and I have a hundred percent care of the kids. How else am I supposed to do it? I understand. I think in other circumstances, she probably wouldn't have been eating so close to home. But the other thing that I do want to say, and I don't want to take credit for this thought, this was prompted by one of our lifers in the discussion group. And I thought, oh, I didn't think of that, but that's really good information. How far along are you in your divorce and separation process?

Starting point is 00:13:44 And evidently it's not that long because, you know, you only first separated in September 25, you got back together. So I'm assuming a divorce hasn't come through. And one of the lifers brought up, if you haven't completely separated yet and figured out your finances, if you do this and it does get back to your ex, it could make things very difficult moving forward. Because I know that if I was going through a separation, I would probably be far more amicable in the way that I was agreeing to said separation, especially financially.

Starting point is 00:14:14 more so than I would be if I found out that my ex-partner was sleeping with a friend of mine. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think that that throws a spanner in the works. I think that that is the most important thing to consider. I mean, they only separated in January because they got back together over December and January. So it's really only been a couple of months. I would be, if I was in a situation and I found out that my ex who I had kids with was having sex with my friend, I would be really hurt. And I would probably be the worst version of myself to them because I would feel as though they didn't deserve respect because they weren't giving me the respect that I would have thought I deserved. I'm not saying that they're going to

Starting point is 00:14:53 do something that's crazy, but I agree with that comment entirely. That is literally my whole point is that I think you're going to make this co-parenting situation really hard. And without the details, I don't think we can just say, go ahead and go and enjoy yourself. Yeah, that's true. It also could be happening in their house, like in the ex-partner's house. If you've got a hundred percent care of the kids you're probably not leaving the kids to go to this other guy's house you know like no they're not she's now i'm not sure no she's not bringing him home to her house with kids in it like even though she has a hundred percent care the kids are at their grandparents or something like there's no way there's no way she's doing that but the other

Starting point is 00:15:29 thing is it would be different if it was like his best friend or someone in his life as well it's different as well because the ex hasn't spoken to this guy in years so it was like they were old friends so as much as like it's somebody they know it's they're not woven into each other's life anymore I'm really torn I think if you can have sex with this person once and guarantee that it is not going to get back to your ex fine but let's be realistic there's no way for you to 100% guarantee that that's not going to happen the sex will never be that good it was never going to be good enough to substantiate what you were potentially bringing into your life when it comes to the drama drama's kind of exciting oh yes and realize that maybe you're attracted to

Starting point is 00:16:09 the drama like i don't know and when you've got two kids in the mix i just think the most important thing at the moment is to prioritize some sort of like you know amicable co-parenting and this is going to blow that up so monumentally i just just don't fuck your ex's friends you guys have only just split up it's a terrible terrible idea this is a terrible idea she doesn't want the drama she's so emotional about the fact that she has to go back into the dating world she hasn't done in 10 years she's scared she said she doesn't know what to do I understand her wanting to go for the comfort of somebody that's known and safe like I a hundred percent get that but you just have to consider the repercussions if it gets out but please send us this aftermath because I need

Starting point is 00:16:51 to know if you actually go through with this it's a strong no from laws yeah yeah it's a strong know me for me this is it's crazy it's gonna be terrible sex and then you're gonna have a fucking terrible fight with your ex-partner when he finds out terrible all sounds terrible okay do i keep my wedding dress and my ring okay ladies i called off my wedding in march last year with six weeks to go however my fiance and i remained together and we tried to work on the relationship i asked him to move out though in march of this year i bought my beautiful wedding dress and also selected and paid for my own ring. Now, my question is, would you keep the wedding dress so that you can wear it again one day or is the dress now tainted and is it better to just

Starting point is 00:17:35 sell and buy a new one? If I had another wedding with a different guy, of course. Also, given that I paid for the wedding ring, is it weird to wear it on a different hand, like just have it as an occasion ring or is that just too sad oh oh all of this has made me sad why did you pave your own wedding ring I know actually that's a good question because I was gonna say when I first read this question and I read the first few lines of it I was gonna say oh actually contractually you have to return a wedding ring so if you get engaged yeah so if you get proposed to and that person has purchased your partner has purchased the engagement ring you do not own the engagement ring unless you go through with the contractual obligation of marriage. An engagement ring is a

Starting point is 00:18:18 contractual exchange. You don't just get to keep the ring. So if you went to court and they asked for the ring back, you've got to give it back. Yeah. I know. Crazy, right? Keisha's face is about to fall. I did not know that. Yeah. The difference here is I thought it was weird at the start too. I was like, why did you buy your own ring? But it's actually not that weird. It's her wedding ring. So when you get to the point of buying your wedding rings, it's pretty normal for couples to just go and buy their rings out of their their money do you know what I mean like because it's the engagement's different the partner that's engaging usually goes and buys that obviously but I think when it gets to the point of your wedding rings it's pretty normal to just

Starting point is 00:18:55 go and pay for it as a couple so I don't think that bit is weird I just think if it's not making you feel sad then don't worry about it don't worry what other people think if you've bought this beautiful ring that you loved and it's got a diamond or it's gold or whatever it is and you are happy to wear it on your other hand, it doesn't make you sad to look at, it doesn't have bad memories attached to it, then I think go off. Yeah. And I guess with a wedding band, no one's going to know, like no one's going to look at it and be like, oh, that was your engagement ring, wasn't it? Loser. Like, yeah, sweetie. No one's going to think that. No, but they're not. But if it's like the whole set, just say it's the engagement ring and the wedding

Starting point is 00:19:33 band, I'd be like, maybe just remodel it. Maybe melt that shit down and put those diamonds into a different, I guess, orientation or something. I feel a couple of ways about this. I think firstly, especially with the wedding dress, you don't need to make any rash decisions, right? Like you can put that into your wardrobe. It could be five years, 10 years, two years, six months, never. Like we don't know when that's going to come about you getting married again a second time. It very, very likely will happen, but you have no concept of what the timeframe is necessarily around it. Your style might change. Your size might change like so much changes over time. and you might not even want to wear that dress when the time comes

Starting point is 00:20:10 because you might feel as though it's kind of imprinted with memories that make it feel not your dress anyway. Did you guys feel with your wedding dresses that that dress was, like, for your partner? No. Or is it more like, oh, this looks good on me? Yeah, no. I look great.

Starting point is 00:20:26 Your dress is the dress. You don't design your dress or pick your dress or choose your dress. Well, for me, with your partner in mind, it's what you feel beautifully. That's what makes your ass look best. Well, yeah, it's like, I think it's for you. And I feel the same way about the dress as I do the ring. Exactly what you said, Laura. It's highly unlikely you're going to get engaged and married in the next year.

Starting point is 00:20:47 Like there's going to be some time here. So put it away and you can reassess it at the time. But if it's not making you feel sad, I'm trying to think what I would do. I'd probably just keep the dress and probably wear it again. I chose that because I loved it. If it's not going to make you think of your partner, It all comes down to if you are going to attach the memories to your ex. But like, can we take a minute here to think about how hard it would be to break up with

Starting point is 00:21:15 your partner six weeks before your wedding? Oh yeah, terrible. But before we talk about that, what you were just about to say, Britt, what you said about you dress for yourself on your wedding day versus for your husband. Do you guys remember the very viral video that went around about two weeks ago of Olympian Noah Lyles and his reaction to his fiance who is getting married to his dress it was so mean so if you haven't seen this Noah Lyles like he's an athlete he got a first look at his bride-to-be's dress she was wearing like a beautiful one shoulder princess dress and he turns around

Starting point is 00:21:50 and instead of being like you look so beautiful he was like oh a prince a princess dress no he was like oh okay he really clearly didn't like it and he got roasted completely roasted online heart hurt for her I know for his like awful reaction it was so bad so yes I think people do choose what they want on the on the wedding day they don't think about their husbands and in this case would at least expect your husband to be good at lying I hope she breaks up with him and she can wear that dress on her next wedding and her next husband will appreciate the queen that she is but sorry going back to what you did say Britt six weeks before the wedding would take an awful amount of courage to decide that that wasn't right for you yeah I just think of the planning too and

Starting point is 00:22:33 the messaging people to cancel it and say it's not on anymore especially because you guys weren't breaking up you stayed together that's a big thing to say I still love you and want to try and work it out but it's too risky to lock into a marriage like that's a big call so bravo maybe you could change the meaning of the ring the ring could be that like you know you chose yourself in that situation rather than going and doing the thing that most people I mean we don't know what happened to cause you to break up but six weeks out I think a lot of people would just actually get married because it's too hard to like face the social pressures yeah I think a lot of people do it yeah so be proud of yourself maybe that's what the ring can mean now and then with the dress I

Starting point is 00:23:14 think just put it in a wardrobe don't think about it and maybe in time you will know as to whether it will feel weird for you if you were to wear it again because you know you can leave it there for two three years and then be like you know what actually I think if I ever was to get married again I would want something different or you might feel exactly this way in two three years time in which case just leave it in the wardrobe and make sure that you put it in a very good protective case next question over the past couple of years I've had a few close friends go through major life milestones like engagements pregnancies and the birth of a baby and the way that I found out is through Instagram at the same time as everybody else. Now I know nobody owes anyone

Starting point is 00:23:52 private access to their news, but for me personally, if I had huge life news, I'd instinctively tell my closest friends privately before posting it publicly. So now I'm wondering, is this just the new norm or is it weird? And I am justified in feeling a little hurt by it. I also never know whether it's something worth bringing up with them or whether that just makes it seem like a bigger deal than it needs to be. Would love your thoughts on if this is something that has happened to you. I wonder how old this person is. And I say that because I really had to think about this. I think it's becoming more normal with the next generation who sort of grew up in the world of everything being on social media and that's just okay. Whereas we grew up in a world where

Starting point is 00:24:36 we remember the world before the internet. We remember the world before social media and we did have those conversations with friends and family laws i'd love to know when you were pregnant like let's take the engagement ones away but like baby announcements did you message or call like everyone in the close people in your life to tell them before you announced it on the pod and socials and things like that oh this happened to me this so like remember that time that britney told our old video producer jono that she got engaged before she told us i had That's because he was part of the surprise. The video went viral, all right?

Starting point is 00:25:08 I stand by that. She didn't follow the content. Keisha, are you just sitting there with a hamburger in your hands? Keisha. She's always eating. Keisha's hungry for a little snack and she's just sitting there and chimes in with a hamburger in hand. Okay.

Starting point is 00:25:24 So this happened to me when I announced or when we announced that we were having Marley. I had a friend who, to be honest, this is why I think it's a tricky one. I did tell people that I was super close to like all of my really close friends and my very immediate family I told right Matt told his immediate family and he told really really close friends but I'm talking like close close friends like people that I speak to all the time like my best of best friends I told and I had a friend contact me who I hadn't spoken to in six months and and to be fair the reason why I don't feel like it's a bad thing to tell this story now is

Starting point is 00:25:57 because I've not seen her in years like we barely speak now and I do think that it was a representation of where the relationship and friendship was going and I realized myself that like the reason why she didn't come to front of mind was because we hadn't been as close as what we'd been over the past couple of years so I didn't think to call her and tell her what did her message say oh she just said I would have loved to have known that you're pregnant before before finding out on Instagram and I was like wow that's a really way to center yourself in someone else that's exactly how I felt I was really taken aback by it then the second message was like you know I hope you're doing well and congratulations and I was like that is why that

Starting point is 00:26:36 is why and I know that obviously you're hurt in this instance but I was like it takes it's a very unusual thing to prioritize your feeling of hurt over someone else's moment of joy and it really upset me in that moment that I was like oh am I such a bad friend that I didn't personally call her and tell her like am I such a terrible person and it was Matt who was kind of like what are you talking about you've barely seen this person you've barely spoken to them in ages they've not contacted you and then their very first reaction to you saying that you're having a baby is to tell you how that made them feel shit because you didn't tell them he's like that's a weird reaction Laura like even if you feel that yes you can bring it up later you can have a conversation about it later

Starting point is 00:27:16 it's all of those points are warranted I'm not saying that they're not warranted feelings or warranted thoughts but the fact that those thoughts and feelings became the primary thing to communicate in that moment it was not handled well I don't think I think it's a fine thing to feel but I don't think it's a fine thing to send no and I know a lot of people who have felt this yeah and I agree like I do think that we kind of at the moment we live in a world where we do announce things on Instagram simply because it is a very efficient and I guess like easy way of being like everyone I'm engaged or everyone we're having a baby and that's because like people have and it's tricky to say but people have such varying connections in their lives it's not like

Starting point is 00:27:56 we have one friendship group anymore yeah I'm trying to think how I would feel most people in my life like friends and family that have like a baby announcement have told me like they've messaged me and that's great but I don't think I would be that offended if they didn't I really don't I don't think unless it was like my sister or like I have probably like two best friends that I've been best friends with for 30 years but I still wouldn't be upset I'd be like oh that's weird but I wouldn't be upset and I wouldn't be upset enough to write to them and say why didn't you tell me like this is it's not a reflection on how they feel about you I think it's a reflection of where we are at in society and exactly as you just said laws it's just easier like no one has

Starting point is 00:28:40 the time anymore to go through their phone book and say, okay, who should I and shouldn't I message now or call to tell? Who's going to be offended? That shouldn't be an extra layer that somebody needs to think about. I want to validate your feelings of feeling upset, but I don't think it's a direct reflection of where you sit in that person's life. And I don't think it's a direct reflection of how they think about you. Some people just don't think about that stuff and it's not that big of a deal. They're like, cool, I'm pregnant. Amazing. Let's tell the world and move on. I don't think they're thinking, oh, who's going to be upset if I don't tell them first personally. I do think it's the way the world's going as well. Instagram is just an

Starting point is 00:29:15 extension of people's everyday life. And it's really normal to just air, I mean, some people post seven or eight stories a day on just their life. Like it's very normal to air your, your life on Instagram. I don't know. I just think, I understand why you're upset, but I would hate for you to think it's a reflection of the way your friend thinks about you. Yeah, I know. And I guess like there is merit and truth to all of it, but I do question the level of closeness of the friendship. And I know that that sounds like it's a harsh thing to say. And I'm not saying that as in like, you're not close friends, you're not this, but I think that there are, there are levels of friendship, right? There is levels of closeness. And so I would be surprised if my best friend didn't tell me she was getting engaged and I found out on social media, I'd be like, what the fuck? Like I would have this reaction to that.

Starting point is 00:30:05 But if one of my quote unquote close friends didn't, I probably wouldn't have that same reaction. It depends on the level of closeness or the perceived closeness. I actually do think that that's an important part of it. And it's not to say that you're not a close friend, blah, blah, blah. but it is to say like they obviously have it in their mind as to like how close is close in terms of who they're calling because I'm sure they didn't announce it to their mom on Instagram that they were getting married or having a baby I'm sure they didn't announce to their sister

Starting point is 00:30:31 I'm sure they did tell one or two friends but there is a metric and I don't know what that metric is around perceived closeness but there are people who get told in real life and then there's everyone else that gets told on social media and I guess like everyone's everyone's barometer for who is included in those categories is different I also think the thing that can be different though is that if like some people are more sentimental than others 100% I'm not a particularly sentimental person and so if I were to do something like that I wouldn't be texting that many people as awful as that like that really sounds horrible but I'm just not yeah that type you know and some people really are some people really value that like I have this amazing news to share

Starting point is 00:31:13 with you and this is a special moment between us the moment that I tell you that I got engaged I have some friends who uh we had a friend uh for years and years and years and there was like a group of us that were all friends and we were quite close with her and at one point she got engaged and we didn't know until it was on Instagram but what then went on Instagram was a video of her facetiming quite a lot of people in her life oh that's uh and they weren't facetimed And I have some friends that were really upset by that. I wasn't personally upset. I was the same as you, Britt.

Starting point is 00:31:44 I was like, oh, she's engaged, you know, great for her. And I sent her a text. I wasn't personally offended because I'm not a very sentimental person, but my friends who are very sentimental people were quite hurt by it. They never brought it up with us. No, I understand why they're hurt by it because that's clearly – she's literally – her announcement was I have close friends and they're not close friends.

Starting point is 00:32:02 You're not it. You didn't make the FaceTime call so you all get – you know what I mean? And, like, that to me feels, like, really, really poignant and kind of, like, almost more pointed and pointing the gun of, like, who is my best friend, who is not. That's, like, when MySpace used to have, like, your closest friend, your top five. Also, remember when you found out that you weren't friends anymore

Starting point is 00:32:23 because you got bumped from the top five? Like, you'd go online that day and you're like, what? And that's how you'd find out you're not friends. It was actually so brutal. The only other thing I was going to say is imagine like you guys laughed that I didn't tell you guys got engaged and I told Jono first imagine like me trying to hide my pregnancy announcement and I'm like what's the best way to tell them and I just don't ever tell you until I bring a baby in like I'm just like this is great content I'm like here's

Starting point is 00:32:51 my child surprise maybe that's what I'll do you start filming from only the boobs up yeah like Brit what's going on we would know because there'd be no bikini photos on Instagram no I've got a stock load i'll just back post them yeah she's been thanking those all right last question ladies i have an unusual one for you for context i was with my partner for a little over a year when we broke up now i recently slept with him after eight months of no contact and to be honest it was incredible but then something weird happened he cried immediately after i don't because he misses you and he's sad well the question is I don't actually know what this means and I'm too scared to ask it has been 10 days now since the crying sex what do I do

Starting point is 00:33:38 you just ask him you got a golden vagina baby you just do you know what it actually depends on what you want like if you don't want anything you know the sex might have been great but you actually don't want anything from him you don't want to see him again you don't want to be in a relationship with him. If you're just doing it because you want to check in on him, then I would say don't do anything. You don't need to know why he cried. That's not for you to know. If it was just a rendezvous moment for you and it means nothing, don't show him more care because he will misconstrue that as you wanting to repair things potentially. I would say it's been 10 days, just leave it. However, if you are thinking about it because you're still in love with him

Starting point is 00:34:21 and you actually want to give it a go and you think maybe he thinks something. I would say that, yeah, there's a good chance that if he's crying after sex, he probably feels as though he misses you or he's sad or there's some sort of emotional connection there potentially. Then ask the question. But definitely don't just ask because you're curious. Unless it was crying from self-loathing. He may have been crying because it's a disaster.

Starting point is 00:34:42 He's like, what the fuck am I here? Why did I do this again? I've hit rock bottom. I don't want to be here anymore. but you also you also don't want to know if that was the saddest orgasm he's ever had you don't want to know just let it be I get the impression that she's interested in finding out if there's more so they can get back together because otherwise why would you care right unless you really just can't get over the crying and you want to know if it's normal I think if you want

Starting point is 00:35:10 to get back with him for sure you need to bring up the conversation but I don't think you I don't think as you want to get back with him you say hey why did you cry what does that mean if you want to get back with him ask him to see him again you know don't just slide into the dms and be like hey talk to me about those tears that's not the angle but i think don't lead with the crying orgasm no don't go back and be like hey like yeah just you don't want to make that a big deal just send a crying emoji with a question mark no the eggplant the spray and then the cry yeah i don't know i think that it's not overly i would say in my experience and maybe this is a reflection of me But I've never made a man cry in sex.

Starting point is 00:35:48 I would love him to. I have. I would love him to. Yeah, but you also had, it was the same guy that fucked your knee, wasn't it? I've had everything. Like, I just don't think that there's anything that you could say where I'd be like, no, I don't know what that's like. Yes.

Starting point is 00:36:01 No, I've had multiple men cry. Multiple? You're doing something wrong, Lord. Yeah, I know. That's what I said for all different reasons. I had so many overly dramatic relationships that they were so fucking unnecessarily dramatic. I look back now and I know I was dramatic, they were dramatic, we were dramatic together.

Starting point is 00:36:22 It was just all fucking dramatic and everyone was crying about something. Yeah, I've had three separate men cry and I've cried probably in all my relationships. I've had a guy cry. I've had like post, you know when you know you're breaking up and you have that final sex, you know when you're like it's final goodbye sex. I've had a guy cry then but that was not from the sex.

Starting point is 00:36:43 That was more because it was, we were breaking up and there was emotions. It was the last time, but like, this is like post-coital. This is like sex induced crying. Well, this is what I mean by when it's like an overly dramatic relationship. Like one was because it was like on again, off again. And like he cheated and then we kind of got back together, but then I broke up with him because he'd cheated. And so then he was like, I'm a piece of shit.

Starting point is 00:37:05 And so then we had sex and he cried. And you were like, yeah, you were. Yeah. It's like, take that. Yeah. You cheated on me. Fuck. Let's fuck.

Starting point is 00:37:12 actually wow there's a really really common thread another one who actually had a fucking girlfriend he also cheated but I didn't realize at the time that he was crying because he fucked his life up so that was good for him and like there's just been a few and all of the relationships were so dramatic so dramatic I hate that for me but anyway I'm so glad that I can look back in my ripe old age of 40 and be like wow that 20s was a shit show everyone was crying plenty of orgasms though great for everyone it's such a common denominator here you're like yeah I've made heaps guys cry oh hang on they all cheated and felt bad and then I had sex with them because they cheated there's definitely a actually no one of them one of them didn't cheat one of them

Starting point is 00:37:52 didn't cheat we just broke up it was it was literally this we broke up and then we came back together and had sex and then he cried and then I cried and then everyone was crying and then I think we had sex a few more times and then didn't get back together our listener didn't say whether she cried i'm guessing she didn't she didn't cry she seems pretty she seems pretty pretty sound of mind actually she's pretty stable she's just she's just curious you know what it's sounding like you've got the power in the relationship and what i'm taking from this is that i'm really not the person to ask because i've been in your situation with no answers so good luck i would say play on play on you're not going back there let's be real you don't need to

Starting point is 00:38:30 know why he cried if it ever comes up in the future and you do get back together you can ask him say, Hey, remember that time we had sex and you cried? What was that about? But you're not leading with that. No, I know. But I do think that sometimes, especially because you have history there and you obviously that's not normal behavior for him. So you kind of like feel as though because you have a closeness that's never going to go away or it's going to take a long time to go away. You feel as though, well, I can ask him what's going on. But I think knowing that you guys have broken up, if he is upset or he is feeling as though he wants to get back together or whatever those feelings are unless you have the same feelings you're not able to be the person to

Starting point is 00:39:07 comfort him like you can't be both you can't be the person that causes the heartbreak and be the person that gives the comfort and I think that's something that we try and do a lot during breakups like we know we're hurting someone and so we want to try and make them feel better but unless you're gonna go back and be in the relationship like you can't do the hurting and also do the comforting at the same time those two things just don't work I think we're also assuming that like he's crying because he's like devastated that he's lost you and that kind of thing he also might have just been like really emotional in himself to the self-loathing he just might have been like quite emotional and you know going back to an ex like that especially one that you were with for quite

Starting point is 00:39:46 a while it can be a really emotional thing it doesn't necessarily mean that he like wants to get back together and I think we're putting a lot of like assumptions into it he might have just been overcome with emotions and overcome with come but I do think you missed the opportunity like the time to ask is when he's breaking down crying in your bed like hey baby like what's wrong like talk to me about it like that's a time not like two weeks later getting the call up 10 days later from like imagine this put yourself in that position 10 days later your ex calls you and says hey you know I know we haven't spoken since we had sex but why did you cry talk me through that I just want to check in and make sure you're okay

Starting point is 00:40:24 because you were a bit emotional last time. A bit of oge. Anyway, terrible idea. That's it from us, guys. If you have any questions for Ask Uncut for next week. That you want to grade advice on. I know. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:40:35 Sorry. I think we got there in the end. We gave advice. The first person certainly should not fuck her ex's friend. But she's going to. That's a terrible idea. Laura made that clear. But you're going to do it anyway, so good luck.

Starting point is 00:40:46 And if you have any questions for us, slide on to the DMs or you can go on to our Facebook group, Life Uncut discussion group, and you can send all your juicy questions there. And you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends, and share the love because we love love.

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