Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - I don't love him, but I want a baby

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Hey guys, First up today, things are a bit...ahhh not classy. There's a vomit tax being added to a bottomless brunch and we all lack so much dignity that we've taken doggy bags from buffets. Cozzie livs crisis, ya know? Vibes and unsubscribes for this week: Laura: The moment I realised my dad killed my mum on No Filter If you'd like to listen to our episode with Lynette's neice Renee, you can hereBritt: Netflix's "Lupin" Keeshia: Unsubscribing from Jada Pinkett Smith Vibe Fact or fiction- the Briefing episode Then we jump into your questions: I’m 31, recently found out I have a very low AMH level and endometriosis and I’m in a relationship with someone I know isn’t my soulmate. We’ve been together for 7 months (we decided early on to start trying) and so far not having any luck. I just bought my first house, and he is 37, still living in a shared house on a mattress on the floor. He already has an 8 year old from a previous relationship. Although I know our relationship is not right, I am so overcome with feelings of panic of being childless and feeling like my time is running out. I feel like I need to stay with him. I have always dreamed of having children and the thought of potentially becoming single again and not getting that opportunity sends me into a spiral of helplessness and despair -My husband and I have been married for 10 years & we have 2 kids. Our sex life, I think, is good; usually once per week on the weekend. He has asked me if I was alright with him living out one of his fantasies. He would like to go to a rub and tug place. Is this cheating? I don't really have a problem with a random person getting him off, it's not like it means anything. What do you think? -I used to love having sex but now I dread it. I loved having sex until I gave birth to my baby 2 years ago and now I never feel the desire. I just do it because I know my husband wants it. I also used to go down on him a lot & used to like masterbating but I don't really do either anymore. I know he feels rejected and I feel bad. I thought the urge would come back and I don't know what to do GET TICKETS TO OUR LIVE SHOW HERE  If you have a question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. Keisha's about to sneeze. You good there? Let it out, girlfriend.

She's not on mic. It's okay. Keep going. Just see this. Hatsu! In the background. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.

And Keisha's over there. Look, it's hay fever season. Spring is in full sprung. No, spring has sprung. It's not in full sprung. It's fully sprung. Yeah, spring has sprung. It's sprung everywhere.

It's okay. Yeah. Our friend Japani Tree at home is growing flowers. No, that's a lie. Leaves. It's got leaves, not flowers. I am never, ever going to trust anything you say again about plants, flowers, gardens. Like for me, you've done it when you pulled out all the yucca trees because they were

dead and didn't have roots, but that's how you plant a yucca. I'll just never be able to trust your gardening skills again. Well, to be fair, they were dead. So anyway. But it's not because they didn't have roots. Yeah. Anyway, do you know what? Actually, this is a random way to start.

If you didn't listen to the episode a few weeks ago, I told a story about the yuccas in my backyard. And then somebody reached out to me. How weird is this for a little roundabout life uncut life story? This woman reached out to me. She is a listener of the podcast and her husband was the landscaper who did our backyard. He gardened and did the whole backyard. And she lived in my house for two weeks whilst he was doing the garden. What a weird coincidence. It's a small world. You can't do or say anything on this podcast without it coming back full circle, can you do you know why because we've had 65 million downloads now we just that was a subtle brag yeah humble brag well when can I slide that in we're like do we put a post up saying oh we've

got 65 million downloads we really wanted to because do you remember our big celebration for our first million and then two million and then in our heads I don't think we ever thought we would go that far so we were celebrating them while they came and then we just never celebrated it again. Also, because we did this 10 million video like two years ago now, and it was so extra because we got a massive boat and we were like, it'll never get better than this. And now we don't know how to top it because we can't afford a helicopter. So like we're in this weird no man's land. The budget does not allow for a helicopter. Of 65 million downloads, but still we're making TikToks wearing jumpers as pants. Okay. Look, speaking of wild stories on the podcast,

podcast we had two listeners write in I'm just going to read this straight to you this is from one of the listeners hey girls I have a wild story for you not sure where you can put this oh we'll find a spot not sure where you can put this but here we go I have been seeing my ex boyfriend again since November 2022 genuinely thought he was my penguin we were taking it slow and seeing each other exclusively things were going smoothly and we were on the brink of making it official. I then received two Instagram messages from two random girls claiming to be his girlfriends, plural. One was from Canada and one was from Australia. It turns out he started a relationship with both of these girls in January, booked a trip to Canada in the middle of

the year, told me he was taking a holiday, but he was actually going to spend time with his other girlfriend and her family. This sounds so exhausting. I don't know how anyone has the amount of energy for this life admin. And he was texting me the entire time and his other second girlfriend, because there's three of them, saying that he misses us whilst he was in his Canadian girlfriend's bed. He told all three of us that we were the loves of his lives and that he wanted to start a family with us. He would stay one night in mine, one night at his other girlfriend's house. I immediately ended things. So did all the other girls. Now we are all friends. The reason why this is actually such a full circle and lovely story, and we thought we

would bring it to you not lovely in all matters of the context is because two of the girls are lifers which is incredible this actually gave me like ptsd i was like this was my entire relationship he would actually go on holidays with both of us this guy was like i'm going on a holiday alone to canada weird red flag but to go and spend it with a whole nother family like you're another girlfriend is that not a red flag if your partner is like i am going on a holiday to another country without you? I will never understand how anybody has the ability to do that much mental load, that much admin. Like imagine the photos that you'd have to take. Then you'd have to create separate folders. Like how do you explain that family that's in your folder or that girl that

you seem to be with all that time? All the additional bits that I cannot and will never understand. It's different if somebody like cheats once, but trying to like maintain a whole separate life that is daily mental load that I do not have the capacity for. When I found out about my ex that had this double life for two years, when I bring myself back to the moment that I cornered him, I ran into him in the street and I never thought I'd see him again. And I literally ran into him in the street. And I said to him, cause he had me and somebody else, like he had this double life with two of us. But on top of that, there were like 13 plus other women that he had things with, but they were not the girlfriends. They were just like the

side pieces of the two girlfriends. They weren't his core women. they weren't the core women and I remember saying to him in my head I thought this is my one opportunity now on the street to ask whatever I want that was my stomach rattling that was so loud that was so loud my stomach was like have a croissant we bought you a croissant I feel like we need to feed you everyone that listens to that don't edit that out Keisha everyone that listens to you thinks you're starving I don't know if that'll go through oh yeah that would go through Antarctica heard that I thought this is my one opportunity and I said to him he's like okay ask me whatever you want and I just said how I was like how

how did you have the time how did you put all together how did you create 25 lives like I remember he took that question so seriously and he's like oh Brit he's like because he thought I was being sympathetic it's like it was it was really hard he's like it was really exhausting it was a really tiring couple of years as if like I should feel sorry for him and how exhausted he was to finish the life but that's what he said he goes you know like I don't feel like I could do it again because I was so tired. Fucking hell. I mean, you have to be a narcissist to do that in the first place. So, I mean, I don't know what response you would ever expect from someone who's managed to have three separate lives, three separate girlfriends. I don't know like what

response you thought he was going to give you. But I also, at like the end of this girl's story, they all left him. He said, they have no one now. We're all friends. That was the same as that. me and this other girl we both left him and then I flew to her city we became friends I flew to her city and we went out partying hardcore I think we went partying with his credit card he had like a black credit card I didn't have access to that because I was the second main girlfriend but she had the black credit card so we just had a wild night out and we became friends I feel like for anyone who's new to the podcast you might not know the story so like just the back I feel like I've covered it now I mean you have absolutely but the back information on that like so long ago season

one of this podcast. It was the third episode we ever did. Brit was talking about this guy she dated who had a complete double life. And I think the episode's called So I Dated a Sociopath. But anyway, that's from a very long time ago. That is from deep, deep, deep within the archives. It's probably one of the biggest nights I've had. On somebody else's credit card. On his credit card. Yeah. It's actually the only time now I think about it. I'm pretty sure it's the only time I've ever vomited. I'm not proud of it, but I've vomited in the Uber, like on the way home. Never have I done that.

That's revolting. Yeah, but not in the Uber. What I actually did, I remember in my head being like, oh, he's not going to know. I thought I was acting it really well. I put the window down and I was pretending to get fresh air. I was like, just getting some fresh air and I was vomiting out the window as we were driving.

And like the vomit was just going down the side of the car. And in my head. No, that's not okay. I was convinced I was so subtle. I was like my head was blowing out and I was just like, like just like cute vomiting out the side as if he didn't fucking know. like I'm 20 centimeters behind him barfing. All I can imagine from that is the person who's not in the car, the person who's driving another car in another lane, who's witnessing that.

Like a dog out the window. And then it's flying back onto their car. Yeah. Okay. I can put my hand on my heart and say I have never, ever, ever puked in an Uber. I have never vomited in a taxi. And I know that that makes me a superior human. Thank you. Thank you, everyone listening I'm so grateful I have vomited on a country link train uh in when I was 19 years old but this is going so deeply back in the archives did you see actually I mean I don't know why we're gonna sit on this because no one wants to hear about vomit but I know Keish that you have once accidentally vomited in an uber because you're also revolting thanks for throwing me under the bus to be fair I was in the uber but I didn't vomit on the car I vomited on my

I dribble it was like a lot what what you want what can you finish that sentence please so I was in an uber it was in Melbourne actually I was with some of my girlfriends and I just drank too much wine I was too excited I got you know the pre-game was just too hard and we were on the way out and I had this feeling where I was like oh my god I'm gonna be sick and I didn't want to miss out I have FOMO and I wanted to continue on the night out and I won't give you too many details but I tried to subtly contain it within myself you know it's bad if you're doing it on the way out exactly but I wasn't as subtle as I had attempted to be and it kind of look it ended up on me it didn't end up on the car at all and the uber driver still charged me

150 dollars and I was like mate you weren't affected by that I was severely affected I had to go and wash my shirt. To be fair, if I was an Uber driver and somebody threw up on themselves in my car, even if it didn't touch anything, I would also charge them. I would too. Also, the smell. That smell doesn't get it. It sinks into literally everything, the leather, the upholstery.

But it didn't get on the leather or the upholstery. It doesn't matter. Not of my three girlfriends who were in the car, only the one next to me knew. So the smell wasn't too bad. No, I think the Uber driver also knew. I think the Uber driver also knew. don't you sit here and throw stones out the window doesn't matter oh guys it's all disgusting did you

see that there's a restaurant actually there's a few now but there's a restaurant in san francisco that is introduced and this is also probably something for you keisha off the back of your birthday recently your bottomless brunch they've introduced a bottomless brunch vomit tax like a vomit fee because so many people are going to the bottomless brunches and getting uber excited because you can have as much as you want in the two hours and then they're all vomiting. So they've started to put a vomit tax on top of a bottomless brunch. So, hey, guys, bottomless brunch is $59.99 but then your tax

is $49.99 on top of your vomit. I think that that is inconscionable. I think if you're going to do a bottomless brunch, you need to expect that of your patrons. That's your own fault. No, I think it's amazing. I think good on you. If I was one of the people who worked in the hospitality venue

and I had to clean up someone else's vomit, I'd want an extra, I'd want more than $50 to be fair. for that additional charge do you guys get this way with the bottomless brunch i just get this like scarcity mindset that time is running out and that i need to make the most of it and i don't know why i know it's not logical because like i know that i don't need that amount of alcohol but i just feel as though the time's running out and so i have to get my money you just want to get your money's worth you need to get it in like how many more mimosas can i get into this last 15 minutes six no it's a it's a real thing and like you can't take the poor

out of the girl. I will do it every buffet breakfast or everywhere I go. Usually I probably don't even eat breakfast. I have a coffee and a croissant maybe at 11 o'clock in the morning, 12 o'clock. But if I am at a hotel that has a buffet breakfast, I have everything. I've got an eggs and I got the hot cakes and then I've got a croissant and then I've got, oh, I better have the yogurt and the berries. And I eat till I'm sick because I feel like it's free. No, see mine is different. It's not because I think it's free. It's because I don't want to miss out on anything. I want to try everything of the things because it's all there to be tried. That's so ridiculous.

So it's like a breakfast degustation is more the case. Question for you is have you ever taken a doggy bag from like a buffet? Yes. What have you put in it? When I was travelling, my partner and I, and I'm talking when I went to Europe the first time, so I was only 18, 19. We didn't have a lot of money but we were over there for a long time and we underestimated our money.

We were living in a van with no windows and it was a removalist van. a panel van that you would absolutely it was not a cool van it was a van you could move your furniture no windows and hard floor we had a blow-up mattress we were so cold we had we had to we had to go down to random caravan parks and beaches to try and find a beach shower which was also cold water this was my life staying in this weird my boyfriend at the time cool yeah there's no insulation in that floor is there that just seeps oh yeah i thought i was gonna die anyway we loved it look back on it fondly but what we used to do is go to like buffets so we can eat either breakfasts or pizza hut was one we frequented often and we used to take bags and

we used to put heaps of food in there and that would be our food for the next couple of days but you had no refrigerator no but it was so cold in the van that it just stayed cool this is something my mom does my mom is like and she still is that person she'll never change if we are at a buffet, she will bring a plastic container to put pastries in. Oh yeah. Like she doesn't just like wrap it in a napkin. She loads that woman loads up. But then to be fair, I think I'm turning into my mother. Cause when we went to Fiji, so like we went to Fiji, it was all food included, but the buffet breakfast was sick. Like it was so good. And we have kids. And so if you ate food in your hotel room, it wasn't included. Only if you ate at the restaurant, was it included? So every morning,

my sister and I would take down a plastic container and we'd fill it up with quiches and pastries. And on day five of being in Fiji, we were like, holy shit, we are our mother's daughter. It's happened. I reached it. Yeah. Kim Vakansky. I'm there at 37. Here I am. Hello. But is that her name, Vakansky? Kim Vakansky. Yeah. Oh, it sounds Polish. You should. My mom got remarried. So my stepdad was half Macedonian. Right. Macedonian.

Yeah. Interesting. She kept it because she didn't want my brother to have a different last name in the family. can i go back to the containers you don't want to talk about my macedonian mom yeah we can i love your mom she's not macedonian do you get caught with the container what are the rules are you allowed to bring a container because you can take a doggy bag home from a restaurant i mean it's somewhat frowned upon but i do it all the time because you just take an esky and you're like i've got my esky can you load me up what size container can you get away with without raising

an eyebrow from one of the stuff just a normal plastic takeaway container i would say and i would also say that most staff are too embarrassed to tell you not to do it so you know there's not a you're not allowed to take anything I mean you can take a punt that no one who is working in that restaurant cares so much about the buffet that they're gonna stop you no 20 year old who's getting paid $17.50 an hour cares enough to take up that fucking wall it's funny I even still now I don't get a container but I'll always and I've done it with you before Laura as well we've both done it I always just get even if I'm not hungry one napkin and I'll put like one thing in it like a croissant or something and I'll wrap it up and put in my bag in case I get stranded on an island

and I don't have any food later and I'm like I don't know why I did yeah it is but why do people do it that's normal because we like free things and I understand it yeah yeah that I have no issue with it's when you go in there with the mentality of I'm gonna stockpile the pastry okay Kim it is time for our vibes and unsubscribes before we get into answering all your deep dark and burning questions my vibe for this week it's a no filter episode by mia friedman if you followed the teacher's pet which is the i mean absolutely monumental podcast which was all around chris dawson he murdered his wife lynn dawson it resulted in a new inquiry and him actually being convicted for her murder. It is such an interesting story that I think so many of you

have already followed along with, but this interview and the reason why I'm recommending it is because Mia is interviewing Chanel Dawson, which is Lynn and Chris's daughter. And the name of this episode is The Teacher's Pet, The Moment I Realized My Dad Murdered My Mom. It's so unbelievably harrowing to think that this woman grew up still living with her father, being manipulated to think that her father was innocent. And it's all around the moment where she realized actually her father was the person who had taken the woman who she loved more than anything, her mother away from her. We've interviewed in the past Renee Sims, who was Lynn's niece. And I just think if you've been in this story, if you have followed along,

you will get so much out of this. And I think it's the continuation of where Lynette's family is at now. I'm so interested to listen to this. It's been on my like, need to listen to this when I get time. As soon as I saw it, I was like, damn it. I would want to speak to her myself. Well, I remember Renee, when she joined you guys and had that interview, it was about Lynn's law, about conviction of murder without a body. It was quite in depth. And I loved that episode that you guys did. But I remember her talking about, I don't know if conflict is the right word, but they

had two daughters and one believed Chris was innocent and one believed that he wasn't. And I just find that such a hard, different side of the fence to sit on. And so I'm really interested to listen to it actually come from her about something so catastrophic changed in her mind. Yeah, and how it's absolutely ripped their family apart. Yeah. I have not heard that episode yet, but you've just hooked me, so I'm going to go listen to it.

I'm sold. My vibe for this week is a Netflix series, three seasons it is called, and I'm going to butcher it because it's French, Arsène Lupin. It's called Lupin. I watch it dubbed because it's French and when I watch TV, I want to be able to look away and not have to concentrate the whole time. So I don't want to just read subtitles listening in French. some people can't stand listening to something because it's always the and it is it is bad

it's a bad accent but for me the story is so good that I'm so hooked I was recommended to watch it the first episode and I can't I have not been able to turn it off for the last couple of weeks and I'm almost finished it it's set in France and it's set on these fictional novels about quote unquote a gentleman thief it's about a young kid whose black father has been accused of theft and he's put into jail and I'm not going to say too much but basically he's avenging his father but he's avenging it in a good way so you know those people that are doing the wrong things but you love them yes he's a Robin Hood because he doesn't kill people he steals things that it doesn't hurt anyone and it's about him trying to unravel the story behind why his father was

accused of theft and put into prison and later resulted in death and it's actually just such a gripping amazing story and i can't recommend it enough lupin every week you come with another netflix series and i'm like how the fuck do you have the time dude it's so bad i stay up until 1am i can't because i'm always like one more episode like one more episode anyway it's great i love it on netflix all right also the guy's so hot the main character's really that always helps like he's he's a beautiful man i haven't unsubscribed first this week and it's jada Pinkett Smith yeah I'm done across the world we're all unsubscribed also just to be okay I was flicking through podcasts this week she's done everything every she's done like Dax Shepard she's

done the Diary of a Seer I cannot tell you how many it's like her PR team just went this is the week we're gonna make an impact but it's too much that's the problem she did like a Harry Prince Harry thing right you just do one big interview it's gonna get picked up and put everywhere anyway when you do so many interviews people like ah you're pr scrounging it's just over saturation and she's got a memoir coming out that's why she's doing all this it's like revelation after revelation and i'm like i'm just i mean this with kindness i don't give a fuck i don't care about your stories in tupac it's too old i'm just i'm anyway i'm unsubscribing no but you would have cared if she did one interview and that was it and there was a little bit of information out in

the world and it left you wanting more but no one needs more because she's oversaturated can i tell you this i've not listened to a single one of the interviews yet i know more about jada pinkett smith than i have ever cared to know and i wish against your will i it's all against my will and i want that little bit of my brain space back i don't have enough room in there to put that information that i don't need to give away i love will smith's response though have you seen it no what's no i'm so tired of him as well no i wouldn't know his response is brilliant it's just a picture of him on a yacht on a boat in the middle of the ocean it just said notifications off and i was like fuck it i kind of feel sorry for the guy now i mean i know i shouldn't and it's

probably doesn't come down to that but i do think there does come a point where when you're telling your story your version of a story it's still actually your story that involves someone else it's still their story as well and so now what is the situation does he have the right of reply is he supposed to defend his version of the story and then are we gonna hear fucking will smith's memoir now like i've had enough it does make you wonder right like why are you doing this because a lot of people are going to be put off by this and it's going to be detrimental to a lot of people like even chris rock has come out and he's like people were forgetting you know we'd gotten to a point where we were about to move on and my life was about to that was going to be in

the past and now it's fucking everywhere again it's in every headline again now it's in a book again now you're doing every interview again so it does come down to like is it a little bit of a selfish thing for her to have done everyone's entitled to a memoir right but it's like when you're bringing other people in and their collateral damage, it's questionable. Anyway, I also have a vibe for this week and I was listening to this this morning. So we record this on a Wednesday. It is an episode of The Briefing and it is called Fact or Fiction, the fake Israel-Gaza war posts going viral online. Hugely, we have had conversations about the complexity of the situation unfolding between Hamas and Israel. This episode of The

briefing. It was actually about the misinformation and the disinformation that has been shared by people online who are not at all involved in it. And I just thought this episode was particularly interesting. At the time that we live in right now, we've seen things like Justin Bieber shared a photo in support of one side of this conflict. And it turns out the photo was actually the other side of the conflict, a picture of that location that had been bombed. there is a news organization called News Guard and it's basically about authenticating the truth behind certain online presences right and that's what this episode was with it was with someone who works for that particular organization and I just found it very interesting how they go about

sourcing the information and deciphering the certain types of information that I'm taking on at the moment so I really recommend it it only goes for like 20 minutes maybe not even that it's on the briefing and as always for our vibes and unsubscribes, I will link everything in the show notes. Question number one, I'm 31. Recently I found out that I have a very low AMH level and endometriosis and I'm in a relationship with someone who I know isn't my soulmate. We've been together for seven months and we decided early on to start trying and so far we haven't had any luck. He already has an eight-year-old son and I have very irrational feelings of jealousy towards his ex. I just bought my first house and he is 37 still living in a shared house on a

mattress on the floor. He doesn't even own a mattress and guessing he's borrowing one. Although I know our relationship is not right. I am so overcome with feelings of panic of being childless and potentially having to do IVF and feeling like my time is running out to find another partner because of my diagnosis. I feel like I need to stay with him. I have always dreamed of having children and the thought of potentially becoming single again and not getting that opportunity sends me into a spiral of helplessness and despair. I don't know what to do. Every pregnancy announcement makes me feel sick and I burst into tears even though I am surrounded by it constantly. I feel completely lost. Any advice is appreciated. This is a complex one. This is really sad. It

makes me feel really sad reading this. It's really tough. What I want to start by saying is that this is a really common misconception but you having a low AMH has nothing to do with infertility and it does not mean you will not fall pregnant. There are other things that lead towards infertility obviously endometriosis can make it hard but a lot of people think they get this AMH number and it's low and it means they're not going to fall pregnant which is just completely untrue. So first of all I recommend everyone doing a little google on that so you can fully understand it because it is complex and I think it's one of these things it's like one of those myths that goes around right women start talking about low amh in relation to their fertility journey and

everyone links the two and thinks that it's a direct correlation but it's not my initial thought on this is that i do not think starting a family with someone in this position is the right thing to do for you i agree and i say that for a multitude of reasons one you know he's not your person which means it's highly likely you're not going to stay together for the long run as a family unit. If you know that now and you're having a baby for the wrong reason, thinking that that's going to be the glue or longevity, it's not. Secondly, this is a complete assumption of your information. It doesn't sound like he's in the position to have a family with you. If he's living at 37 at someone else's house and he doesn't even own a mattress, he's on the floor

in someone else's mattress, that's not really conducive to a family unit or someone that can financially support. And at the end of the day, kids are bloody expensive and that's never going to end. That expense will only increase for the rest of your life. So you have to really understand if you want to go and have a baby in this situation, you have to look at the future and what that's going to look like. It's not just this immediate, it's not the immediate conceiving. And then I think you're opening yourself up to a lot. I think this is so devastating. And the reason why I say that is not because the situation is devastating, but because the mindset feels devastating. I am so sorry that you were in a place in life where you feel insane jealousy

over his ex because they have a baby or a child together who's eight. I feel sorry that you think your only option is to be with someone who you know you don't want to be with because you want to have a baby that bad. And I think firstly, the fact that you can recognize these things in yourself says to me that you should probably go and have a conversation with someone who is a professional, go and speak to a therapist, a counselor, and work through where the fear is coming from. Speak to a fertility specialist as well around these fears and not just around your fertility, but around the fear that you have around your fertility so that they can give you more information that may actually make you feel better, or it may arm you in a way that you have

more understanding around it. But I totally agree with you, Britt, so much in that, like, you're looking at this as from a very short period of time. You're like, okay, I want a baby. So I'm going to do anything I can do to get that baby. But then what does life look like for you once you have it? What does life look like for you as a family unit once it's here with someone who you don't want to be with, with someone who you're not actually in love with, and with someone who probably can't even really take care of themselves at the moment, let alone you as well, because you will end up being a single mom. And there is no problem with being a single mom. But if that's very much a life that you're not ready for, that you're not determined to have. What sacrifices

are you going to have to make by being in that situation? And I think that you probably need to go into it with that mindset. The other thing I don't like about this, and I guess you're very much thinking about yourself and what you want for yourself in life. And I understand why, but this person that you're with, that you're trying to have a baby with, does he think you are his soulmate? Have you given him the belief that you want to have a family unit with him? is he doing the things that he needs to do to try and make that happen I don't know where things are obviously you've mentioned that his life isn't conducive to having a kid right now because he's sleeping on a mattress in a shared house but in the same instance is he working towards the two

of you being together for the long term in which case it's kind of not fair to manipulate someone into being a sperm repository because you want to get yourself pregnant and I think that that is a really unfair place to put him in because then he's going to have two children to two different women and not necessarily have the family unit that he wants in his life either because you haven't been transparent with him around what you're wanting what you're expecting I think this is so fucking hard and I know that everyone's going to have really polarizing opinions on this but I think you're 31 years old you have endometriosis which I know can create complications when it comes to pregnancy and can make things harder but give yourself a little bit of grace

and a little bit of space to maybe grieve the expectation around what you thought you would have in your life right now. And the other thing is, is if you don't make space, so if you stay in this relationship with someone who is not your soulmate and you go down the path of having a baby with him, if you don't make space, you're never going to meet someone who could be your soulmate, who could give you the family unit that you, I'm sure you absolutely desire. And I know that there is a risk there, but I wonder whether the risk of having all of those things outweighs the immediacy of having a baby right now and in this situation. My advice would probably be, and again, it's so hard because you're going to do what you want to do at the end of the day.

We're not you, we're not in your situation. We can only say what we would do if we were in that situation. Totally. It's so hard. My advice would be when you're a certain age, and I say this, this has happened to me multiple times in my 20s, late 20s, when I hit 30, 33, I'm 36 now, I always feel like when I'm at that age that I'm really old and my time is running out. And then a few years go past and you realize it wasn't at that time, but you don't realize it at the time. Love and security and commitment and family is such a beautiful thing. And if you don't feel like you are ever going to have that, I would keep looking for it, but simultaneously take your fertility into your own hands. And we know I'm a big advocate for that,

but there's no reason that you can't go and start the egg freezing process if you're really worried so that that is there in the future when you decide. If you then decide you want to be a single mom, go for it. If you decide you're in a relationship later on that you want kids and it's a bit harder because of some other problems, maybe it's his sperm, maybe it's your endometriosis, you have those eggs on ice as a backup. I think it's really important. and another thing that people might not want to hear and this might come across savage but it's the truth for people that say I can't afford to freeze my eggs if you can't afford to freeze your eggs so that you can have a baby you can't afford the baby because the amount it

costs you to freeze your eggs I mean they have amazing things now you can pay it off over time it's it doesn't have to be a big lump sum without the IVF I don't know say between five grand 10 and 11 grand depending on where you are and what you have to have. But if you cannot afford to take the precautions to have a child, you can't afford the child. I don't think you should feel the rush right now. I think keep going and looking for that person that you can do your life with. And if a few years goes past and you find yourself overwhelmingly wanting to become a mum, you can for sure go and do it on your own. But this just doesn't sound like the right situation. No, it really doesn't, does it? And like, I mean, that does sound brutal, Britt, when you say it

like that. When you say, if you can't afford it for a reason, you can't afford to have a child. And obviously there are many people who do not have, they're not financially comfortable and they have children, but that's just it. If you're not financially comfortable and you have a child, it makes life even more hard. And that's not to say that it can't be done. It can be done. There are many ways in which people bring children into the world. And if there's love, there's love, right. But you know, and basic needs are met. The only other thing I want to say in this is, and I think it's a really big question to sit and ask yourself, would you go and use a sperm bank and have a baby on your own? Because that is an option. You have the

option of doing that. A single mom can go or a woman can go and get a sperm donation and they have the opportunity to become a single mom. Would you say yes to that? And the reason why I say this is because if you can honestly say that, yes, that would be your answer, then go and do that process. I think it is unfair when you can say so, so matter of factly that you know that this person isn't your soulmate they're not the person that you want to be in a relationship with but you want their sperm because you there's something you want out of them I think that that is and I don't want to say selfish because I don't want to make you feel any worse than you already feel because I know that this is such a hard time to be in but it is looking at it only from your lens and only

from what you are experiencing and if you don't want to be a single mom if you're like I want to have kids but I want to have it in this way with this person because it'll give me the support structures, I guarantee you this relationship will not work out. You will not be together if you are not going into that relationship feeling as though it has the stable foundation for a family because having kids makes relationships a hundred times fucking harder. It does not make it easier. So if you're not already a hundred percent happy, amplify that by having a child in the mix. So I guess what I'm saying is, is that if you're going to do this, I would be going into it thinking that you're going to be doing it on your own anyway. So then would you not consider

of the idea of having a sperm donation this is such a serious and big question and it really is yeah there's so many ways in which people are going to feel because this is such a personal journey but I think the way in which you're approaching it now the fact that you're 31 years old the fact that this is not the person you necessarily even want to be with I just think you have to really reassess and go and speak to someone who's a professional who can help you work through these feelings of jealousy these feelings of anxiety and franticness that come when you think you're missing out on something. Just in addition to that, not even go and speak to someone to help you work through the anxiety like a therapist. But my advice would be to go and

speak to a fertility specialist to help with that anxiety and to better understand where you're at. Because at the moment you've said like, I'm really panicking at potentially having to do IVF. So you're getting yourself right now into a flurry when it sounds like you're not actually sure if you will have to go down that track. So I'm pretty big on like, okay, the world can get very overwhelming. And when you have a hundred different things weighing on all your shoulders, because I'm sure the rest of your life has stress as well, but the stress of fertility is huge. I understand that. And most women will understand that pressure, whether it's that you actually have a condition or just a biological clock. It is astounding how much pressure you have on your

shoulders without you even noticing, but you sounds like you don't actually know if you're going to do IVF. I would just go and take that step, go and speak to your GP and say, hey, look, I'm this age. This was my AMH. What can I do to further understand how this is going to be for me? Or if there's an urgency for me to look at egg freezing or having a child or just start to better understand the situation so you can manage it internally. Because there's no point getting yourself worked up when you don't actually know. 31 is still very young and you still do have time. So don't feel like it's a now or never thing because it really isn't. but having a baby with someone who you don't want to have a baby with because he's a bit of a flog

is a forever decision. Yeah. Forever. Tough. All right. Question number two. This one is a little bit saucier and also, I don't know how you'll answer it. All right. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we have two little kids. Our sex life, I think, is good. We have sex usually once a week, not usually during the week days, because I'm too tired and we have kids, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyways, on the weekends, I'm having sex. Anyway, it was very descriptive around when and how. Okay. Anyways, he asked me recently if I was all right with him living out one of his fantasies. He would like to go to a rub and tug place. Is this cheating? I actually kind of appreciate his honesty and kind of feel like I shouldn't

stop him from living out one of his fantasies. I don't know if I mind that much if a random chick he will never see again jerks him off, as long as that's all that happens. She seems very cool about it. She's like, as long as that's all that happens, it's not like it means anything, question mark. What do you think, question mark. Is this cheating, question mark. Cheating is going behind someone's back, right, question mark. What am I doing and what is this situation that I'm in? Basically, to me, what this sounds like with all the question marks after statements is so her partner has obviously come to her and asked if he can go and do this but because of his transparency in asking and because he has asked for permission to do so part of me would

think that she's obviously not comfortable with it she doesn't want him to do it like she's not thrilled by the fact that he wants to go and live out a fantasy but she also feels like she can't say no to him because he's been transparent and asked no i disagree i don't think she's actually got a problem with it she literally said i don't really mind if he gets a rub and tug if it doesn't mean anything, right? What I think you're asking for this woman, I think you're asking for a bit of validation that this might not be the end of the world, but cheating looks different in every relationship and for every person. So cheating is what you two have discussed in your boundaries as cheating. Some people think a text message is cheating, looking at OnlyFans, subscribing to porn,

other people, it has to be physical. Some people it's emotional. It's whatever you feel like is crossing those boundaries that you two have both agreed to. We all know that what works for one relationship doesn't work for another. So one couple could be into threesomes. They could be open. They could be doing orgies. They could be going to sex clubs. They could have a hall pass once a year. There are so many different ways and different colors of a relationship now. If you genuinely don't think you care if he does it, then that's up to you. I don't think you need to feel bad for that and I'm getting the impression that you're writing to us because you're like for some reason I don't feel as bad as maybe I think I should. Yeah I did get that but I do

think that there's part of her that is questioning whether she should be questioning it more because the way it's phrased is I kind of appreciate the honesty and why should I stop someone from living out a fantasy we only live once with a question mark and then she said I sort of don't really care if a random chick he will never see again jerks him off as long as that's all that happens? Dot, dot, dot. It's not like it means anything, question mark. And what I gauge from that, maybe it's just the ill placement of question marks, but I think she's asking like, should she care? And does it mean something? Is she missing the point that maybe it should mean more and maybe she should care more? I mean, I think she's genuinely,

this isn't as shocking to her as she thinks it maybe should be. So she's just saying, am I my own in this? Is there something wrong with me? No, I think, do you know what? If you actually don't have a problem with it but you have to make sure you genuinely believe that, not just that you're doing it for him because everyone deserves a fantasy because people can have fantasies without living them out. That's what a fantasy is, right?

You have to be sure that you're happy for him to do that. And the only thing that I would worry about if I was in that situation is that once the floodgates open, will it be a one-off or is then there going to be an expectation, maybe not with that same person at that same place or is there going to be an expectation that this is something that he revisits more often? Like she's cool with it. Well, yeah, because then it just becomes a thing. But it's genuinely a conversation that only you

two can have and only you can know if you're going to be okay with it. But also relationships change over time, right? They're fluid. So what might have been a hard no for you 10 years ago when you got into the relationship might not be a hard no now. And that is also okay because things change, you change, you both change, you grow, different things become okay and not okay. And maybe that's what's happened in your relationship, but you have to know that you're doing it for you just as much as him. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how I would feel if Matt came to me and said, Hey babe, I have a fantasy and I want to go and have a rub and tug. I think it would catch me a bit off guard, but different strokes for different folks. And I really appreciate what you say,

Britt, that it's like, we know cheating is not black and white. I know some people don't agree with that. I get it. There are many people out there who listen to this podcast who do think that cheating is black and white, but you think cheating is black and white because you are interpreting that as your version of what constitutes cheating. And the thing is, is everybody's version of what constitutes cheating is very, very different, right? Now, my only thought in this is just because he's being very open with you and communicating what he wants. And maybe you have interpreted that as like, okay, well, maybe I shouldn't be worried about this because he is being very honest with me. And so therefore I should, I should validate that. And I

should be grateful that he's not gone behind my back. He's been honest to me. You don't have to, if it isn't how you feel, if it is causing you anxiety, if it is making you feel unsettled in the relationship, if it is making you question things, if it has made you in any way feel as though it's something you're not comfortable with, it is okay for you to verbalize that because it's not your job to allow for your husband's or partner's fantasies to all come true. Some things like you said, Britt, can just remain fantasies. We don't have to like act on all our fantasies. And there's two people within this relationship and two people's boundaries have to not be compromised by something that your husband wants to go out and do. Maybe you could do a role play

as like a happy medium. Like, you know how you pretend you don't know each other. So you're at a different, you're at a hotel or whatever. And he turns up like you don't know. And you're pretending that you're a masseuse that's going to do the rub and tug. And like you fully role play that you don't know each other. Maybe you could float that idea before you just go hell for leather and let him go and get tugged off. And also it's hard because like you might think you're going to feel a certain way and then you may feel differently, even with all the conversations around it, even with everything put out there on the table, you might feel different. You might be completely cool with it and it might have absolutely no impact on

your relationship. That would be awesome. Or you might afterwards start to feel really jealous and really icky. And then you might feel resentful because it's something you can't undo and you can't take back. So there are so many conversations that have to happen prior. I do think it's pretty cool that you have an open enough relationship where he feels comfortable to ask and isn't doing things behind your back. And I know that he shouldn't be rewarded for that because that's the expectation when you're in a relationship, but it's absolutely not always the norm. And the fact that he respects you and that he wants to have those conversations with you because he wants your permission, I think is really important and should be acknowledged.

well yeah then you gotta have the discussion on like the why really i know he said it's a fantasy but you really need to nut down the nut down that was the wrong terminology rub it out the why you need to figure out the why but then you also need to have a discussion on what it's going to look like after and what i mean by that is do you then want him to come back and tell you every bit about it like do you want that honesty and transparency completely how he felt about it how it went down, the details? Cause some people want that. Or are you then going to ruminate on that for a very long time? Or is it like, cool, I'm going to give you one whole pass, go do your thing, but let's never talk about it again. I don't want to know about it. Don't want to know

how it went down. Don't know if you enjoyed it. You can't do it again. You're not asking me again, like set your rules out. I don't know. Because I think like, if you go and have that once, and I mean, I know everyone's different. So I never want to say something with such certainty, but if like, you've said that it's okay. And then they've gone and done it once and then they've enjoyed it why are they going to not do it a second time or a third time or like whenever you know like why is it that one times is the permission slip but like the second time in their mind is it going to be as bad or is it then like well it's okay this is the thing we do now we have sex on a weekend and then on a weekday on a wednesday i get my rub and tug i feel like a lot

of people have these things where they want to try something at least once before they die so i'm giving the guy the benefit of the doubt that he's he's bucket list before he dies is a rub and tug Yeah, some people say it's like parachuting. It's going to fuck you. Yeah, they both explode. Ew. Like the parachute. It opened up.

Okay, okay, okay. It shot out of the pack. Okay, let's hypothetical here. If this was you and Matt and you had said yes, okay, go have your one rub and tug, would you want to know the detail? No, but it's a hypothetical. That means it's not real. No.

Would you want to know the details or would you want to say you've got your one shot literally physically and then don't know about it? I don't want to fucking know anything. I don't want to know because I don't want him to do it would make me too jealous this is the reason why I'm not a good person to answer this question is because for me I don't think I could handle it I think it would seed a lot of doubt in me and I would feel jealous which is why I do think it's cool that you ask this question in a way where you're like should I be worried like because society tells you that you should be worried monogamy tells you you should be worried right

because we do live in these very conditioned social structures around what constitutes a happy relationship. You know, we've been told our whole life that monogamy is the only way to do it. It's the only thing that will make you happy. And then when you're put in a situation where your partner's asking for something and you don't have the visceral reaction that society's been telling you you should have, that you don't feel totally betrayed and you're not like completely alarmed, then you're kind of questioning, oh, shouldn't I be more upset by this? Like what's wrong with me in this moment? I would love to look into this further. I don't know if something's wrong with me, or if this is like a flow on effect from my previous relationships, but like

the reverse effect, not what you'd think, but I'm not a jealous person, nothing. Like I do not, I cannot tell you the last time I got jealous. And I don't know if that is just a personality trait or if it's a repercussion of, or like a protection of the traumatic relationships that I was in and the jealousy that might've been in that relationship that now I'm like, cool, do what you want I don't care like if you do that that's on you that's the route I look at things now I'm like oh if you do that that's on you but you know you made that decision doesn't bother me and I don't have that jealous feeling so I don't know if that's bad or not no I don't think it's so much is a bad thing and I think it's important to unpack if you're going to use that as a blanket

statement for your own relationships for as long as I've known you you have not been in relationships where people that you're dating have done things that would intentionally make you jealous like Ben is very reassuring Jordan was very reassuring even though they've been in on the other sides of the world and they could potentially be doing whatever the fuck they want to they are very very reassuring in their every day and when you have been with them they don't do anything that makes you feel self-conscious so I think that it's probably a hard thing to say oh I'm just not jealous at all whereas like I would say I'm not jealous because I never get jealous with Matt but Matt never ever does anything that makes me feel jealous so I've never had those feelings

with him. But prior to my relationship with him in my past relationships, I felt jealous because I was being cheated on, which made me feel jealous. Who would have thought? I don't know. I think with this, to answer this question and to kind of get to an end point, if you are okay with it, it is okay. And I think that that goes for anything in anyone's relationship. If other people think it's weird, that's on them. They're not in the relationship and that's okay. They're allowed to have their own judgments, their own thoughts around what is and isn't fine for them in their relationships, but don't let that impact you. And so long as you have had enough conversations with your husband, you feel completely at ease and reassured and secure in every other way. If

you're still okay with it, then yeah, you guys can do and navigate whatever it is that you want to do and navigate. But if there is any part of it that makes you feel insecure, you do not owe it to him to live out a fantasy. You don't owe it to him to allow him to explore something that he's been thinking about just because he was honest with you. That's also okay and that can be your boundary in a relationship. Do you have any fantasies? Like the things that you'd want to tick off your list before you die? Sleeping. I would love to fucking sleep. Missionary sex and then I want to go to sleep. I don't know. What about you? Do you think, okay, you asked me the question, but if Ben came to you and said, hey, I want to spend my life with you, but I also really want to go and have

rub and tugs every so often would you care or would you feel very fucking weird about it I was trying to put myself in that position and it's easier like you said because I know he would never do that totally but hypothetically I actually think if I had been with him for 10 years and he said I like I want to be with you for the rest of my life I'm obsessed with you but I've got this one thing I've always wanted to try one off I'd probably let him I'm not just saying that I'd probably say cool if you feel that this is something really passionate and it's not gonna you don't think it's going to change anything of course there's a risk it changes something but conversely there's a risk that they think about that for the rest of their life and then they

want to go and do it anyway so there's a part of me that's like well okay I wouldn't want him to come back and tell me the details but I'd be like cool tick it off I would be so for me knowing you I would be I know you think that that's how you would react but I would be so shooketh I think you would think that you'd be cool with it and the minute he came home from it you'd be like Like you'd be so fucking short and pass-ag with him, you'd be so mad. I genuinely think I'd be okay with it. But if he did it, if I found out he did it

and we had never had an open discussion, that's a different story because it changes everything. All of a sudden that is flat-out cheating. It's different if you guys have had an adult conversation. You've talked about it. You've talked about the why. You've talked about the boundaries. You've talked about how it's not going to change anything

and it doesn't mean any less for you. And I think that that's a whole different story to like you finding a receipt for a rubber tug. Totally. it. And then you just answered the last part of your question. What you asked to our dear listener was, is this cheating? No. The answer is, is that if he's not transparent with you or if you say you don't want it or if it's a boundary in your relationship that's been broken, that's what constitutes cheating. If you give permission, if you are okay with it, if it's something that is

fine within the parameters of your relationship, then it's not cheating. And I think that that is why cheating is not black and white. And that's why it's so gray. And that's why we have to define it within our own relationships because it's different for everyone. I'm going to have this conversation with Ben tonight out of curiosity because I think conversely he would never let me do it. Even in 10 years' time he'd be like, no fucking chance, Brittany, are you getting a – what do they call ours? You're going to get finger banged.

Done. Done. Go and have a massage and get finger banged. I guarantee that if this ever happens in your life in a decade's time, we need to reconvene because you would not be chill. I'm pretty cool. You're fucking not chill. But I would love an ask and cut aftermath because this is one I would really love you to tell me how

it went. Specifically, I would love to know the technique. No, but I would love to know if you felt okay with it going in. If you give him the permission, I would love to know if that feeling changed once it was done. Genuinely, I'm really interested in that. I think this doesn't just have to go out to the person who's experiencing and writing this in. If you've been in this experience, if you've given permission to your partner to do something sexual with somebody else within your relationships. It wasn't constituted as cheating because it was not crossing a boundary. How did you feel after it? I think whether that was going and having a threesome, whether it was having a rub and tug, whether it was, I don't know, making out with someone,

whatever it was, we would love to know how it impacted your relationship and whether it had any negative flow on effects or whether you were able to just continue on as though it never, ever happened and you never spoke about it or how you addressed it. Question number three. Hi, guys. I used to love having sex. Didn't we all? But now I dread it.

I've loved having sex before I gave birth to my baby two years ago and now I barely do it. I don't ever want to do it with my husband or the poor guy. I just do it because I know my partner wants it. Sometimes when I know we're going to have sex, I even have to have a drink before, which I know is really messed up. I also used to go down on him a lot and I used to like masturbating, but I don't really do either anymore because I just don't feel it. I know he feels rejected because of the lack of sex.

I still love him so much and I feel bad, but the urge just isn't there. I did think it would come back. It hasn't. And I don't know what to do. Am I broken? Is this not normal? This makes me really sad because you're definitely not broken. So many women experience this. I was literally talking to one of my girlfriends the other day she has a two-year-old I also have a two-year-old as you guys know I mean I even said on the podcast she said to me and it was a conversation that we were having and she said you know what the thing I miss most about before I had kids actually wanting to have sex and I said it on the podcast last week the thing I miss the most is I used to have desire I used to want to have sex like that used to you know I'd see Matt and he'd be all

sexy and I'd be like I want to have sex with you and then you have children and that like for a lot of people, not for everyone. It really changes. It's such a unique experience, but it is not uncommon for that desire to fucking levitate out of your body and not come back for a really long time. I think you need to be really like, just be really kind to yourself because the fact is, is like, you think that it's going to come back within two years, right? Like two years, you're like, oh, you know, maybe within one year after having a kid, I'll get my, I'll get my mojo back when Stella got a groove back. But the thing is, is having a two-year-old still requires so much energy, so much time. You're still so touched out. You're still constantly needed by another

little human, you know, and just because you're not breastfeeding anymore, well, maybe some people are, but for the majority of people who have stopped breastfeeding, you're still doing all of the other tactile things that you do with a baby when they're two years old. You've got to feed them every meal. You've got to carry them from here to there. You're so touched out. You're so tired that sometimes there isn't enough left in the cup to want to have sex. You still want to be intimate with your partner. You still want to love them. But just the thought of having sex is so hard to do because there's no buildup to desire because there's nothing that's happened in your day that's desirable. And it brings me back to this conversation we had with Esther

Perel. I was going to say the same thing. Yeah. So Esther Perel said, you know, when did your foreplay start? Right. Because it starts in the morning. It starts with the nice messages. It starts with like the intimacy. It starts with the little things that your partner has done that's made you feel desirable towards them. It's not getting to the end of the day and then going, oh, it's time to fuck now. And then trying to kick your body into gear to have sex, right? Which is what so many of us do. So many of us get to the end of the day. We know we've got to have sex because it's been too long since we've done it. We want to keep our partners happy. And you kind of have that moment where you're like, oh God, I know I'm going to enjoy it once I'm in it.

So then you psych yourself up and it's after five minutes that you're like, oh yeah, that's right. I do actually like this. But you haven't done it initially because you're excited about it. You did it because it kind of felt like the thing you have to do. Yeah. And I think that that's, I mean, Esther Perel is so great when she speaks about this, about the fact that foreplay should start the second that your sex stops. Like you should never not be doing forms of foreplay. That might be verbal. It might be sending messages. Touching, cuddling. It might be doing things. It might be, yeah, there's so many different things. And I think you need to take it back to the why. firstly you're not broken of course you're not and it's not just people with little kids

women and men to be fair at all stages of life go through this phase of a low libido it's completely normal these ups and downs these troughs people that are in their 20s with no kids go through this feeling and then it comes back but wind it back a little bit you're not broken and think why do you think you don't feel like this is it an attraction to your partner is it there's something that they're doing or not doing throughout the day that maybe turns you off? Are they not contributing to household chores? Which that sounds laughable, but if your partner is not meeting you halfway in a lot of things, subconsciously you start to build up a resentment and of course you're not going to have that desire. Is he not being as tactile with you?

Do you not feel like you're getting enough love and affection from him? These are things you need to work out yourself and have a conversation with him because it might be that you guys can get this back together this desire because it sounds like the desire is what's gone I'm gonna make an assumption that he's probably just as busy and tired too and whilst he still wants the sex he's probably not putting the effort in in the day to make you feel desirable either so that's conversation you two need to have together to work towards it but it is normal and you can go to a couple's counselor or a sex therapist you could try something new outside the box you could maybe try like a sexy weekend away if you can get a babysitter oh my god but that sounds so when

When you're already not in the mood, the thought of like having a sexy weekend away, you're like, oh my God, I'm just going to have to do the thing I can't be bothered to do right now. Like that, even that just sounds daunting, you know? I know, but also relationships do take work and you can't ever, and if you're going to be with someone for better or for worse, for life, like another 40, 50, 60 years, it's going to take work sometimes. And sometimes you're going to have to show up to the relationship when maybe you don't

have the energy to, but you might be surprised by what happens. I think it's so important to talk about this stuff because I think not every woman, but so many women who have had children go through this for many reasons. Some of them I already said, some other reasons are things like hormones as well. You could have an imbalance in hormones, which might be a reason why you have a severely low libido that you can go get checked. But also I remember reading something a while ago because I was, you know, this is something I've experienced and yes, Matt and I, we've maintained, this is too much information, but we've maintained our sex life. absolutely we still have sex I know I used to joke about it all the time but we still have sex but my

feelings of excitement around it have kind of gone through ups and downs and roller coasters you know like sometimes it's a box to tick and sometimes you want it and sometimes I want it yeah you know obviously you want to want to want it right it's like you want I want to want you to want me to want it I want to want to want it right because the Spice Girls song I want it I want it I want it. But it's true. You want it to come easily. You want it to be this like, oh, I want to rip your clothes off and have this desire that the feelings that you have, a lot of people have in their twenties. And then somewhere along the line, you're tired and you're touched down all those things. But something else that I read, which I thought was so interesting is like, so when you're

in a relationship and it's just you and your partner, the only place that you get your cup filled from is your partner, right? Like, yes, you have your family, you have your friends and all those sorts of things. But when it comes to like real adoration, real love, like deep affection, like that sort of intimate relationship, most people get the high volume of their cup filled by their romantic partners. It satiates that need for us. When you have children, a big part of that cup gets filled by your kids. And that's often why partners can feel neglected, especially in those first year or two after having children, because they aren't getting as much from you for many, many reasons. And some of them are because of the tiredness and all those other

things. But there is also another part is because you get that cup filled by these incredible little creatures who fucking love you, who fill you with so much love as well. So it is also being conscious of that too. And sometimes, you know, you think I don't need to have sex because my love bucket is full and I am tired and I am going to go to bed. But then you think, okay, well, is my partner's love bucket full? Like have they had all the things that they need to also feel as though that they are desired and loved and, and that we have this relationship that's a bond. And I love what you said, Britt, about sometimes how it is work. And that is because sometimes you think it's going to be your thoughts and then you're going to go into action, right?

But sometimes actions precede thoughts. And what I mean by that is, is sometimes when you are actually being intimate with your partner, when you're doing the things that you just can't be bothered to do, then you get in the mood, then the desire, you know, sparks up and you're not just going through the motions you're doing it because you actually enjoy it but you really had to kind of kick start yourself to actually get yourself there and then you're like oh that's right that's right it actually feels pretty good really hot and I like it when you do those things to me no but this is a it is I mean it is a really serious thing if you actually have to have a drink before you're intimate with your partner like there are I mean like we can we've

given you our honest advice and we've joked as well but that is a really serious thing and no one should feel like they have to ever do anything to the point that they have to self-medicate with some alcohol. Yeah. That's like a really shit place to be in, isn't it? Yeah. So you definitely have to have the conversation and it's okay to have it. Also, we don't know your age and I say age because age does tie into hormones and different highs and lows within your life. So that is something else to consider, but speak to your doctor as well. Like it's not a problem. You're not broken. You don't have to just go to a counselor and a therapist or a sex therapist. Like there are actually supplements, there are things, there are other things that your doctor

can help you with as well. But the main underlying thing here is you're not broken and there's nothing wrong with you. It could be premenopausal. Totally. We don't, that's what I mean. We don't know an age. So yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry. And I just want you to know that is something that so many women deal with. And we, I mean, it's stuff you talk about with your friends, but we should talk about it more because then people won't feel so absolutely useless and like they're failing their partners because I think so many moms go through it. It's not funny. Anyway, guys. Today, I think, correct me if I'm wrong, Laura, this is the last day you can vote at the Australian Podcast Awards

for Life Uncut for the listeners' choice. That's it. Okay, so it's the 18th. If you're listening to this on Thursday and you got in quick, it is the very last day. Go. I'm going to put in the show notes. Go.

Click Australian Podcast Awards. Sling us your vote. And what you have to do is you type in Life Uncut and then you enter it and then you've got to go to your emails and you've got to authenticate the vote. It's the last day we're asking. We'll never ask you again until next year when Brittany will bring you some more puppies.

I promise. Stop it. Four years you've been doing this to me. Okay. Don't forget. Wait, no, no, no. I've got one more thing to say. Also tomorrow night, which is Friday night,

we're going to be in Melbourne, the Palace or the Palais Theatre. We don't know how it's said. But tomorrow is our Melbourne live show. So go vote in the Australian Podcast Awards and get your tickets to the Life Uncut live show in Melbourne tomorrow night. Believe it or not, Melbourne is the biggest show for capacity. Have you seen that? It's humongous.

It's also a massive fucking room. I'm so scared. It's going to be so exciting. So, yeah, guys, that's it from us. Don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love them.