Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - I love you... but I'm not IN LOVE with you

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

Hey Lifers!It's Thursday which means it's time for us to jump into your dilemmas and give our 'lived in, sisterly' advice on what we think you should do!Today we're looking at:My partner has started their own business and is financially irresponsible. I've just found out that they borrowed $10k off of my dad without telling me. I'm not really sure how I can move forward.My friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid and has recently started making comments about my ACNE. Things like "you'll need to wear really thick makeup' and 'no close up photos of you' because it doesn't fit the aesthetic. Should I bring this up with her or let it slide? *note- we get pretty fucking mad in this one! My boyfriend says that he loves me but he's not in love with me. Do I end the relationship now or push through? If you have a question, please send it in on insta at lifeuncutpodcast and we would LOVE to hear your follow ups if we have answered a question in the past!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love!!xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany.

And we have producer Keish joining us today. Here she is, the myth, the woman, the legend. I don't even know if that's how it goes. No, she's real, she's not a myth. We all know about her. I mean, she's usually just here hiding in the corner on the couch, but here she is on a microphone. I'm usually in the corner patting one of the dogs,

but the dog's actually switched it up today. Usually it's Delilah, but Delilah's been away at camp, as we know. And today, Laura, you've brought Buster Boy. Well, Delilah's going to come back. She's coming back in a couple of hours. She's going to think I've been cheating on her because Buster's sent. He's just like rolling all around the carpet. She's going to be like, what has been going down?

You have sent me off to camp. This used to be his house. And also when you say he's been rolling around, more like my dog just farts around the house. Oh, he has the stinkiest, but you've never met a dog that farts more and stings more than Buster. You've also never met a better dog though. So like in terms of elite dogness. When he lacks in legs, he makes up for in personality. It's the air that keeps him propped up. If anyone who doesn't know, my dog has three legs. But

anyway, guys on today's episode, the special thing about Thursdays is that we answer all of your deep, dark and dirty questions you guys write in on the DMs we collect. Well, I shouldn't say the best questions because that's what everyone's questions are equally as good. We pick the best ones and then we do our absolute darndest to answer them. But before we get into answering the questions though, there are a couple of other things we wanted to get to first. Now, first things first, Britt and I have been working our absolute freaking asses off over the last couple of months on a brand new podcast and it is called Hooked, Hitched and Hung Up. It has been in the works for a little while we've had to keep it super secret squirrel until now but we wanted

to give you something a little bit different but stay in the realm of love and dating and relationships because we love love also in case you haven't had enough of us like you know there'll be an episode every Wednesday for the next eight weeks that's what's happening yeah so it is just it's not going to be ongoing for now this is season one is eight episodes and it's just looking at the relationships over the years over the times people that we grew up with some people that have already passed on older relationships we might know about but not know the intricacies of not know the little finer details we just go back and we rediscover them so I'm really excited to bring you something that's just a little bit different but still ties into our core values

oh that was that was deep I didn't even plan that who was your favorite episode like what type of relationships are you looking into so the ones that I liked the most and like one of the ones I found so interesting to revisit was Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton and I think the part of this that I really loved is looking at these relationships but with a 2022 lens and how deeply fucking flawed it is that Monica Lewinsky was slut shamed and that is where cancel culture kind of she was like ground zero for cancel culture and she didn't have well she wasn't able to fight it because this is before people could jump on the internet and use their Instagram profile to be like yo this is what really happened this is who I really am Monica at the time was in her early

20s and she was the target of the most powerful man in the entire world and I think when you look at it with that perspective and you think that she is at the bottom of this incredibly massive scandal that took over and I think it'll be interesting for some people especially those our age who remember it playing out and how different it is in terms of what actually happened versus what played out in the media at that time well I'm super interested in that and I think Monica Lewinsky is one of my favorite people to follow on Twitter she's really funny she's so funny yeah i'm really interested to see because i i feel like i'm a little bit too young to really have understood the story at the time so who are some of the other people that you're

looking into oh another one that i really love doing a deep dive into tiger woods if you don't know tiger woods he's one of the greatest sports stars of our time in existence he's a golfer he was a child prodigy he was absolutely incredible and he had this very public relationship with at the time every single woman in the world well no one public one and then a lot of private ones he married this beautiful woman elin nordegren she was actually a nanny at the time and they just were the most powerful beautiful loving relationship everyone looked at them like they were relationship goals and i remember just being like bloody hell what a like magnificent couple and then it slowly came out that he had he was cheating on her but with not just one two three

like over a hundred women came forward and he had full-blown relationships with these people there were car crashes there were golf clubs being smashed into cars like this unraveled over years in the public eye and I found the details of it absolutely fascinating so yeah I really loved that one too well if you guys want to go you can go look for it wherever you're listening to this podcast go search in and type hooked hitched and hung up hit follow the first episode drops next Wednesday it'll be every Wednesday for eight weeks I'm very excited I haven't listened to it like I haven't been a part of this project so I'm like gonna listen to it not from a producer which I'm excited about no we've been cheating on producer keisha in the background but the reason why we

have producer keisha on today's episode thank you for joining us is because this week is fashion week brit and i are two very unfashionable people who get invited to fashion week we are actually the least fashionable people in the world it is an absolute treat it is the weirdest week in the world of the influencer world that there is and we thought because we get to have this like little spy on the wall and we kind of see the inner workings of what is the elusive fashion week on Instagram we thought we would chuck it out to you guys and ask you know what is it that you want to know about it that maybe it seems like it's a different thing on Instagram or how about we lift the veil a little bit so Keisha has some of the questions that you guys have written in around

what is and how does fashion week work let's just say Brit and I we've gone to one show I mean we've been to quite a few shows over the years this year so far we went to the Beckham Bridge show it was on the other night but it is a weird week I have questions like I don't know how it works and I as it turns out a lot of our Instagram friends don't know how it works either. So, I mean, to start with, we might not be the best people to answer these questions, but we can tell you what we know, but I just want to be like a fly on the wall. And that's what I kind of want the information from you guys. Do you have to get invited or can you like purchase tickets to fashion week? How does it work? Both. I didn't know that. I thought you only got invited. You can buy a ticket. There you

go. Learning stuff as we go. So, you know, okay. So you do get invited to shows and I guess it's like the biggest influencer event of the year that's what influence the jungle it is it's a jungle it's wild out there kids and people that are in the fashion world and I guess this is the difference with Laura and I is that like we like to go to like one or two shows to to have a look and be involved but then that's it but then there are other people that they plan this week they plan fashion week for months they go to multiple shows a day because fashion week starts there are shows that start at like 7 8 a.m in the day in the morning and they go all night there's still a show that's on at 9 p.m at night so it's pretty chaotic so there are people that plan multiple shows a day

multiple outfits and these are the people that you know fashion is their life so for them of course this is the biggest week for Laura and I we're like well let's get one cute dress let's put on some cute makeup and let's go and enjoy one event but you do get invited so people get tickets to different events some are more exclusive than others like there are a lot of events that Laura and I probably would never get an invitation to because we're probably not high-end fashion enough right but then you can go as a public you can buy a ticket as well and you can go to the show usually there's one show for buyers a lot of people that are in the fashion industry behind the scenes as well they want to know what new trends are coming out they want to know what

what is hot what to purchase so there are a lot of fashion buyers a lot of stylists a lot of influencers and then quite often there's another show on straight after that show that the general public can buy tickets for i don't think it's every single brand that allows you to buy tickets I think that there's selective shows that you can buy tickets to go and see for example there might be some brands that are more geared towards the influencer market where you might find that there's a whole lot of people who have come from reality tv who will be at those shows and then there's other brands that are more high-end and they're way more exclusive and a lot harder to get invited to and they're kind of your more premium design for and like let's say colors and party for example

like you're really top-end influencers who work in fashion not yet reality tv people i.e us and then also people who work alongside saying like you know your fashion designers and your industry specialists like they're the people who would be going to those sorts of shows. Okay so you get dressed up for the show that you're going to that's at like a designated time and you turn up it's at Carriageworks isn't it? That's where I see all the like location. It's at Carriageworks and one of the things that I think is the funniest thing and like the fakest thing about Fashion Week is that you don't actually have to be invited to one of the shows to go to Carriageworks and get a photo you can look like you've been at every show yeah and there are people turning up there

to take pictures for instagram that actually aren't being a part of yes yeah so there are 100 influencers who come to fashion week and there's an area where you can take photos it's kind of like it's the photo that everyone's seen it's underneath that sort of like concrete arch and the concrete's all distressed in the background that area there location yeah carriage works is an amazing spot but it is that location there anyone can access it's open to the general public there's lots of people there who are media but there's also lots of just general admin public who are taking photos so i'm not going to name names but there are definitely people who come and just take photos in their outfits but they can kind of use that to increase

their brand awareness which just once again shows instagram is fake everybody oh my gosh my mind is blown right now and the other thing I think people don't realize is too is that and like Laura and Matt and I we went if you follow our grams you'll see we had a great old time together like we had a really good time we after the show we had some drinks we had some cheese we like it was a Monday night and I got a babysitter and your mum was on amaretto sours and I was having a great time and I saw that Matt was in a turtleneck which I definitely raised my eyebrows out thinking is he safe around Brittany Hockley and her love of turtleneck I love a turtleneck he's only safe because he's Laura Spielze.

No, but we actually had a really nice, well, I did. I'm speaking on behalf of all of us. We had a really nice time just like sitting down and hanging out and talking to each other. But I think what people don't realize is you will go to Fashion Week for a show. You have to get there early.

So you're there on time. And then you have people get there early to take all their photos and content and things like that. Then sometimes you'll line up for the show for half an hour plus. So you might already be there for an hour, an hour and a half.

Then the show goes for like seven minutes. it's really it's really quick because if you think of how quick it is for models to walk around like you've got to have a lot of pieces in a show so the show's really quick so all of a sudden the shows are always fantastic like the music is great the clothing's great the production is great but it is there's so much that goes into it for this tiny little show one of the things that I did want to say and in terms of like the show that we did watch is that 90s is making a comeback everybody the low-rise pant no keep them buried they no sorry my left handles are not okay with this um the low-rise pant and i'm sorry to tell you the low-rise pant the cutout is not going

anywhere and also just like very very sheer silky material where if you have man if you've got nipples that actually are nipples you probably need to invest in some very good bras it's very much heading towards the christina aguilera dirty period yes the low rise the cuts the rips the boobs that it's all back no one's coming for my eyebrows okay we're not going back there no one's safe Keisha nothing is safe no but it's it's funny because I was sitting there thinking I can't do that I cannot bring a low rise jean back I am not lasered enough I remember the g-string that used to hang out on the top that's back well okay so the g-string that hangs out over the top of the low rise is actually now built into the low rise that's the look it's in the pant a lot of the low

exercises now have an additional little string strap that hangs up over the top of the over your hips and it's part of the actual look and and we were sitting there in this show and like i fucking love beck and bridge but i was sitting through this show and i was like i am too old for beck and bridge i don't want to look like a turkey you know the turkey when you get the chickens that you put in there with the ropes around them oh you don't want to look i would be such a nerd burger string at the top no too much i'd be such a nerd burger that i'd be walking down the street and if I saw someone with those pants on I'd probably go up and be like oh I just want to let you know that your g-strings out you know the people that are trying to do the favor

and she'd be like bitch these are built into my this is fashion I'd be like oh my bad that's funny well I've got a couple more questions that have come through on Instagram uh can you buy clothes there no like are they for sale negative no there's not it's not like a there's no shop or anything set up like a market no there's nothing you can I think it's more so just so you can see what's coming in in the next season and you can kind of get a gauge on what buyers can then put orders in for like that's kind of where the sales would be made but not it's not like you know if you see something that you like a lot of the times you can't even buy it that week or that month it might be coming out in the next coming season oh they kind of like breadcrumb you yeah they do

lots of questions coming in about diversity so a lot of things like asking how has it become more diverse has it become more diverse did you see more inclusivity kind of everything in that realm I think for us to be able to weigh in on that it's probably too early days like in saying we've only been to the first day of shows and was there inclusivity in the shows yes there was a variety of models was that inclusivity expanding far enough that we could call it truly diverse and inclusive no but there was a variety of different models and I think that they are doing a better job than what they have in the past is it there yet absolutely not the one thing that I think is interesting and what has happened so far is that last year in Fashion Week the First Nations

Fashion Design Show was the biggest and most attended show out of every single show in the entire Fashion Week and so what they've done this year and this isn't until the end of Fashion Week which is I think Friday the First Nations Fashion Design Show is now going to be the closing show and I think that that is a really amazing statement as to how things are changing but I also think in saying that like fashion really reflects what's happening in society and that's always been the biggest conversation around fashion and it's not just the clothes that we wear but it's the statement and the political statements that are being made and I think for as long as we're seeing this shift within society you'll see those shifts represented within Fashion Week as well. It is art, fashion is

art and it's a reflection of societal values at the time and what's kind of being spoken about in the political space. Well and we saw it last year with Denny Todorovic, they did the styling for one of the shows and the show turned into not just a fashion show but it also turned into a bit of a political statement where everybody came out wearing their pronouns Denny was wearing they them and there was somebody else wearing she her and he him and it was pretty cool to say it was a really cool statement in fashion week and that's exactly what Denny had to say and it was that fashion mirrors what is happening in the world and that fashion has always been and will always be a political statement thanks for everyone who wrote in questions about fashion week and I will

let you get into the deep dark burning questions that people have for you and also Keisha thank you for joining us thank you for joining us at the new office desk this is weirdly professional and polite thank you for making an appearance today at life unkind and please come again but also before we get into answering deep dark and burning questions there is an article that has come out on pedestrian that I want to talk about and I think that there are a few aspects of this that we should really sink our teeth into. Here is the headline. Balinese officials are deporting an influencer

for disrespecting a sacred site and good for them. Now, we've spoken a lot about influencers thus far on this podcast episode, so we thought why not add another one to the mix. There is a Russian influencer. Her name is Alina Fazliva. Say that 10 times fast. Alina Fazliva.

Basically, she posted a picture of herself. She calls herself a yogi. She posted a photo, completely nude, pushed up against this beautiful big sacred tree now the question is that maybe she didn't understand the sacredness of this tree it's a hindu site it has very very sentimental special meaning to the people of bali what's a 700 year old banyan tree well i think that this whole and the reason why we thought we would come with this conversation is because in australia we know that on social media there is this real sexual wellness push that is happening there is a real liberation

of the human body especially of the female body being naked free the nips like we are all for it and it is happening unparalleled literally unparalleled speed on Instagram every day you see some sort of post around like accepting your body cellulite bits and bobs and wobbly bits and all right fantastic we love to see it that movement is so important in normalizing the human body and in normalizing especially female sexuality I think is like the biggest take-home message for this but where do we draw the line in terms of this conversation when it comes to actually being in a different culture being culturally sensitive and enjoying another country I guess this this one is interesting because this isn't just about cultural sensitivity which 100%

you need when you go to a place like Bali you have to have that cultural sensitivity they do have a lot of traditions in place but specifically for this she was nude at a sacred site that's one thing but Bali also has pretty strict laws around pornography and nudity spreading pornography it's it's illegal. They view this, they view this nudity in public and sharing it online as a form of, I guess, pornography. That is exactly what this influencer could be facing. So it is a $97,000 fine for spreading pornography. And also there is the potential of six years imprisonment. And now that is obviously the more higher end of this sort of offense. And the lesser end is that she will be deported for this. I just think that in some ways, maybe Instagram has taken it too far.

And as much as we can embrace the different conversations that are happening around female sexuality, there really has to be, especially when you're in another country, a sense of what is respectful and also what are the traditions and customs of that country, especially in a place like Bali and Indonesia, you can get away with so much. Like, I mean, everybody knows you can kind of ride a scooter there without a helmet on or you can speed or you can do different things where the rules of Australia that we have here around like don't park on the fucking street and like you get fined for riding a push bike without a helmet totally those rules don't apply so sometimes you go to places like Bali and you

think that the rules are far more lax however it's just that the rules are very different and I think that we can be so accustomed and so groomed by social media to think that like everything goes we're so liberated we're so free and actually by having that viewpoint it becomes incredibly disrespectful at the same time. Do you know that 200 people last year were deported from Bali for violating either COVID-19 or the country's traditions and customs? So this isn't a one-off thing. It's just that this case has gone viral, but 200 people last year for this kind of a thing have been deported. Well, I think that this kind of thing has gone viral because like we see influencers as being, or that they perceive themselves as being above other people or that

they're above the rules they're above being reprimanded and that there are special considerations i mean this is what happens in australia there are special considerations and special rules that seem to apply for the elite people of society weirdly influences fall into that but at the end of the day there are no different set of standards and i do want to say i think like i think one of the bigger crimes here is obviously this is huge but i think it's just a huge level of ignorance I don't think any part of her knew what she was doing and how offensive she was being and I really I'm not saying it's okay but I really do believe that I don't think she was like I'm going to go and break these customs but I don't know what she thought rubbing herself naked up

against a tree was but she did come out and say I apologize to all Balinese and Indonesian people I regret my actions I am so embarrassed I didn't mean to offend you in any way absolutely no knowledge of this place I just prayed under a tree I went straight to the police station to explain this incident and to apologize that apology I think has just brought me to what is probably the most important part of this entire conversation and it is that claiming ignorance is no longer a valid excuse it no longer absolves you of the wrongdoing or absolves you of the offense that you have created and I think that can't be under emphasized in this situation one more thing to add to this is how far will some people go for good content and why is capturing

content so important to us in this day and age and where do we draw the fucking line I think we draw it at naked sacred tree well I think we draw it at being deported anyway let's get in to the questions that you guys have asked I am going to kick it off with question number one all righty I need some major truths I've been with a guy for two years now we've lived together for over a year and a half and a year ago he started his own business landscaping and since then he hasn't budgeted for rent or tax or his child support to his seven-year-old daughter who is a delight however I've paid for all of the rent for the last five months I recently found out that he owes my dad ten thousand dollars which he has no real way of paying it off he has accumulated so much debt

that it is painful to see when I found out about the debt to my dad I threw him out and since then he's been hanging around and acting like everything is just completely peachy despite me saying to the contrary I need a reality check and you are the women to help me here what do I do this is really tough in one in one sense because obviously something's going on I'm confused about the asking your dad for ten thousand dollars behind your back because I would assume if you're in a relationship for two years and you are if he's starting a business essentially I guess you're trying to start it together because you're you live together you're involved in each other's life if he's starting a business you would think that you would know where the

money's coming from was it a business loan have you used your savings but to secretly borrow money from your dad and obviously make a conscious effort to be like can we keep this between us and not tell you that doesn't sit well with me because I'm thinking why I please never ever go to my family behind my back to ask for money that's what I would think I'd be like you always come to me first I think that this is okay if you don't want to be in this relationship anymore if you are in a relationship for this long and you feel like there are secrets you feel like he's not pulling his weight or he doesn't want to make an effort then don't feel bad if you want to check out of the relationship no I agree with that I think like if you've come to a point where you

where you're saying you need the reality check and if that's the reality check that that is like what is required here if it if you need to walk away from this then like you absolutely you don't ever need someone to tell you that it's okay to walk away from a relationship that's not serving you anymore. We don't need to be those people to do that. However, if you are wanting to make this work and you're wanting to kind of get to the bottom of this, I guess my only sort of like allowances and the empathy I have for him here is that starting a new business is a fucking expensive thing to do. And maybe he feels ashamed that he isn't, the business isn't bringing in money yet or that there is all this debt that has been accumulated because I think money is a very

difficult thing that some people struggle to talk about and also for men lack of success can be a very difficult thing to talk about so him asking for money may have come from shame and I'm saying this not because I'm trying to make an excuse for him but I'm saying before I jump in and say throw away your relationship sometimes I think it's really important to unpack the why behind at first if he acknowledges that he has problems with money and that there is an issue there then that's something that you can work on together if you want to but if he doesn't think that there is a problem then there isn't anything that you can work on and that's the really big and important thing to me I think if he's going to pretend that everything's peachy and that there isn't

these financial issues and he can't see things from the perspective and see how this is affecting your relationship then I think that that is the bigger problem it's the disrespect that goes with the lying yeah but if you're a i mean like there are some very very baseline basic things that as an adult and a parent you budget for and you take into consideration with any life decision and child support unfortunately is one of those so whatever decision you need to go and make that has to be factored in and she has said that he doesn't even factor in his child support let alone taxes so like taxes and child support are two things that we cannot escape as any human whether you're a parent or not like these are I mean if you're not a parent you can escape child support

but you can't escape your tax so these are like this should be the foundation of what is budgeted into whatever life decision you're making totally but I think it's almost too simple to say like you absolutely have to do this like of course you do but he's obviously not I mean it's one thing to just be like he should do this and he's not so therefore leave the relationship I feel like that's like almost like a too easy answer to kind of throw that out into the court and I think that they are you know you've been together for two years there are potentially ways that you can work around this if you want to but you can't be the one pushing this up a hill he has to be the one that says like okay this is where my money's been going to this is where I've taken risks and

this is why I'm going to start budgeting because you know obviously not just tax but like you know my child's welfare is important to me and our relationship is important to me and paying rent is important to me but at the end of the day if you are the one that is bankrolling this relationship entirely and he's just getting this smooth sailing there's not really any initiative for him to change anything so I think like you have to become very strong in where your boundaries lie in terms of what you're willing to pay for as well I had some friends once now this is going back a couple of years but they'd probably been together the same amount as you a couple of years and he really wanted to start his own business. I think it was a clothing label from memory. He wanted to go and

try something new, which was very different from what he was doing. He had a degree in something different. And she had a good job as well. So she, because she loved him, she was encouraging him. She's like, okay, cool. Let's do this, but let's give it one year. She's like, because I will, obviously I'm going to be the breadwinner for the year. Let's give it a year. You have to work your butt off and have business plans and do whatever you can. And I will help you and support you and be there for the year and then if it is not going anywhere or we're going backwards or whatever let's revisit that and then we have to make a decision because at the end of the day one person can't just for how long do you do that the other thing here that I just think is a bit of

the red flag is that you are going to him and saying that this is not okay and you want things to change and he's ignoring that and he's acting peachy like nothing is the problem so the real underlying problem here is he's not even listening to what you're saying and he's not trying to meet you halfway so I think you just need to have one more conversation and if you really want to make this relationship work and you don't want to throw it away maybe you need to sit down and say what my friends had said maybe you say look let's give it a couple more months let's put some things into place to grow this business and if it's not going in the right way you're gonna have to go back and get another job because at the end of the day sometimes you do have to do something you don't

want to do for a while to get back on track to pay bills to pay child support totally like basic human function that's the big difference is like when you're young and you don't have any responsibilities in terms of like dependence or you can be a bit more frivolous with your money you can be like you know spend it on what you want and you don't need to have a savings plan or a budget in place but when you're responsible for other people when you're in a committed relationship when you have kids there is a level of responsibility that you can't just jerk off because you want to go and can you say jerk off you can't just get rid of because you want to go and start a business like there are other things that also have to be placed into that plan and

into that priority but I think as Britt said like a really vulnerable conversation around where you stand in your relationship because he may not realize yes he may have his head in the sand but he also may not realize that you're at the bloody end point and you're about to walk out the door and I think making that really fucking clear is kind of where this situation is so that when you do turn around and say I'm leaving he's not like I didn't know you were this unhappy you didn't tell me and it's all come down to money and I think the big thing is like money is one of the biggest stresses in a relationship it is one of the biggest factors that people break up over and it is that's a fact we researched that yes it is a fact people fight about money once they've

been in long-term relationships more than they fight about sex put it that way so I really do think that like you are one of many people who have money as a stress point in their relationship and it's not like you don't have to break up as soon as this is happening but I think like you absolutely have to fix this or you will break up well you have to see the changes you have to see that people are actually putting in the effort and that's what I think your problem is and what you're not seeing question number two all right question number two now I do have really really strong feelings about this and I know that everyone involved is going to hi girls I feel really embarrassed to ask this or that I even have to ask this question but I need your help

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for a close friend which I said yes to and I was very very honored to say yes to mind you but as the wedding gets closer she has started to make more and more comments about my acne I have struggled with my acne for years as I have PCOS I've seen naturopaths dermatologists you name it I have tried it she's starting to make comments about how thick I'd be happy to have my makeup to cover the acne she even went so far to ask me if I would be offended if she didn't take close-up pictures of me in the wedding party shots or if I'd be offended if my acne was edited out in the photos as it quote didn't fit the aesthetics of her wedding your friend is fucked oh just wondering if i should let this slide or say something that is hurting

my feelings now we have very strong feelings about this one we read this and we were mad i had to pick my drop off the ground but i did it up i actually do want to invite producer keisha back onto the microphone because she's just sitting on the lounge watching us she was like what me I'm not prepared for this can I say when you have acne and I had bacne as a kid I didn't get acne I got it all over my back and I was a swimmer and so it wasn't like I could just cover it I was swimming training every single day and my back was covered in acne like nobody is more embarrassed than what you feel and every time you have a conversation with someone you're thinking they're not looking at my face they're looking at my skin or they're looking at my back and you've

you feel that at your fucking core but producer Keisha actually I mean she has recently been diagnosed with PCOS and she has been battling her skin for a little while yeah and I think when we spoke about this question just before like I know this sounds a little bit dramatic but I actually like nearly teared up for this person so did I when I was reading I think it's because there are so many levels to this and if you listen to Tuesday's episode we spoke about PCOS I have recently been diagnosed one of the side effects of that is that you get adult acne and I have been on Roaccutane now for like maybe two months or something like that. And your skin is looking really great right now. Thank you. But this is something that I think there's even an additional

layer because I had not great skin as a teenager, but there is something even worse and even more embarrassing when you're an adult going through it because the majority of people around you are not going through it. Whereas when you're a teenager, everyone has bad skin and they have that, you know, hormonal change skin, hearing this person and just like the pain of someone that you're supposed to be so close to that they've invited you to be a part of their bridal party. Like, you know, that's them saying, I want you to spend the most special day of my life with me and be there for me and help me to have these comments come from someone who's supposed to love you is horrible. I actually, I can't even imagine how you sat through that without breaking down

into tears because it's something that I think you know like you said Laura you are the most aware when you have bad skin you are the most aware person in the room and I think you have a lot of anxiety about the fact that people are looking at it and they're thinking about it even if maybe they're not well I I think one thing I want to add to this and I think it's like the real issue in this is oh there's just one little issue well I mean apart from the friendship side of things it's the societal expectation to have clear skin why are we so like I mean we're so accepting of everything we're so body confident we're so body embracing which we talk about everything on social media now in terms of like how to embrace your cellulite but there are still rules there are

still rules around what we do and don't accept and I think that skin is one of the things that we're completely adverse to the conversation hasn't shifted there like why are we not more accepting of people who have acne why do we make them feel like maybe they're not eating well enough or they're not taking good enough care of their skin because people who really struggle with cystic acne there's no amount of healthy eating or cleaning or they do all that stuff and they still feel like what they're doing is not good enough I completely agree with that to the point where I had so many people be like have you cut out dairy have you cut out this and now having this diagnosis of PCOS which this person also has there's fucking nothing you can

do about it it's your hormones literally fighting against you and I think also with acne I don't know if it's because acne is caused by in a lot of cases by bacteria so we view it as being dirty but there's definitely an element of like shame about it as if you're not hygienic as if you're not looking after yourself but you're not doing the right thing by yourself and it sounds like this person this bride is almost like shaming you kind of making out that your acne is your own fault well the thing that gets me here and i think we know why we're like laura you just said why are we still doing this why are we not accepting we know why it's the fakeness of social media the comparison theory what we're seeing in stealing magazines and on tv and all the models we don't

see a model walk down a catwalk with acne do we it's just what what the media is still presenting to us is perfection and i'm putting perfection in quotation marks because social media is so edited and filtered and the fact that this girl's this bride's terminology used the word aesthetic is the red flag for me that like this is what it is she's like you're not gonna oh my god the pictures are not gonna be perfect now like everyone else is perfect on social media so fuck that to be honest well this also brings me back to the conversation we had earlier in this episode around inclusivity and when we talked about inclusivity at fashion week and i'm like i guess the big thing i felt when i was there is like there is inclusivity but only if you fit in

specific categories of being inclusive only if you're the specific type of inclusivity that we want. Only if you're the specific type of person of color, only if you're the specific type of plus size model, there are no people in fashion week who have acne. Like you won't see that sort of diversity. And that's what I mean by like inclusivity in these sorts of events are still selective. And that's the issue we have when it comes to skin, because we know that society tells us that skin has to look a certain way. We know that we preference age and beauty. That is just something that we're geared towards. But what we don't expect is that our friends do that to us. You know, we can expect it of society, but we expect our friends to be kinder and more

loving and accept us for exactly the way that we are, not say that they need to change who we are to be able to fit the role that they've given us in their wedding. And I think in this instance, and to answer this question, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who made me feel so shit about myself. And I certainly wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid at their wedding. And I 100% would be saying something to them. Well, yeah, the question is, can I say something? Can I tell her it's hurting my feelings?

Abso-fucking-lutely. yes you can 100% and I think a good way to say it is Keisha this is something you just said to us before and we were discussing this earlier when you know that you might have a breakout you have pimples on your face and you're talking to someone it might even be your friend you're having a conversation the whole time all you can think about is they're looking at my skin they're thinking how bad my skin is oh my god their eyes darted down they're thinking how gross and dirty like it's all you're thinking about so if you're I mean yeah have anxiety if that wasn't clear but I'm sure that you're if your acne is this bad too I'm sure you're thinking this way as well I

think that that's what you can say because that was when you said that to me I it was very powerful and I think when I get one pimple on my face I think that but I think that that's what you can say to your friend when you bring it up I think you can say I don't think you realize that this is all I ever think about like what is on my face I think that everyone's looking at it all the time and you have just made that 10 times worse for me because you felt like I can't even turn up as who I am to your wedding you've made me feel so much worse about this situation so I don't I think if you want to change the way I look then maybe I shouldn't be a part of your bridal party because I don't think you need to be like fuck you and you can be very powerful in terms of

having an adult conversation with them whilst I would want to say a lot of swear words and you'd probably want to be really angry I think you just have the conversation and say she might not actually understand how fucked you feel I actually think this is one of the rare cases that I think a text message is fine I don't think that you have to have this conversation in person because I think you could probably get quite upset about it I'm putting myself in that situation and I think I would get really upset in that scenario I think exactly what you said making her aware of the fact that this is something that you are very aware of and her comments have just been so hurtful and made you feel even worse about yourself than what you

already probably do like yeah it's it's totally not I actually I almost don't have words for how like out of line this is it's almost hard to believe it's not out of a movie right Keisha if this was you and as somebody who has you know battled with acne at different points in your adult life how would you respond to this what with the text I think so that to me would be the least confrontational way that I would be able to let them know how what they had said had made me feel without me putting myself in a position where I could get really upset that is probably how I would deal with I don't know if I would go as far as to say I don't want to be a part of your bridal party anymore I think the first step in this would be to just let them know that their comments have

really deeply offended you and been very hurtful I think that that's the first step I just want to say one more thing on I guess our perspective on this is like we very much had this conversation around you know when we have struggled with acne we've obviously been quite upset by it like it's really affected us that's not necessarily the case for everyone there are people who have different issues with their skin and are so fucking fine with it and have gotten to a place of acceptance and they're not sure they'll have times where they might have cystic acne it's painful but they're not like ashamed of the fact that they have acne anymore they don't think about it it doesn't bother them on the day-to-day and i'm sure that that's a probably a rarer thing but

there are people who are very very accepting of their skin for what it is power to you yeah totally i wish i was more like that but what this friend is saying to that person is well you should be ashamed and that's where the issue comes from regardless of how she feels about her own skin she's being told by her friend that she should be ashamed of it and that is fucked also I think it's kind of weird I don't you guys have been bridesmaids I've been a bridesmaid I can't remember one photo that was close enough of my face that it would worry like what what are you even talking about I find it interesting this is the only place I still disagree with you Keisha is that you said you probably wouldn't say I don't want to be a bridesmaid I think I would if my friend said to

me that that they have to change either my body shape or my skin or my face or photoshop me out to look better for their photos I would be like wow like you either love me as I am or you don't because being in a bridal party is if asking to be a bridesmaid is literally saying you are one of the most important people in my life that is the underlying message I get four people to be there on my biggest day, you're one of them. That's like a fucking wow moment. I think if they were like, I really want you to be there, but not like you, you.

Just like the version of you that could be a little bit better. I'd be like, fucking Photoshop me out completely. Don't Photoshop my face. Just do that removal thing and take me out. I fully agree with you, Britt. I think I would feel exactly the same. I think we've answered that question as best as we possibly can. Should we do one more?

It's a long air, but sure. I'm going to jump out for this. I'll be on the lounge. too. Keisha's actually in the midst of editing all the other interviews that we've done. And so that's what she's like, come back in. I had my name in my ears when I was like, well, I think that this is something that does need to like, we can, of course we can sit here and give our opinion, but for someone that's literally living this day to day Keisha, I think it's important to like to have someone's opinion on her. And your skin looks amazing right now. All right. Last

question. I am 27 and I have been dating my boyfriend for six months now. He is the first person I've ever genuinely been in love with and I can't picture a future without him. He has told me I'm his soulmate and that I check every box he has. He said that he loves everything about me but, and this is a pretty big but, he has also said that he isn't in love with me and he doesn't know if he ever will be. He said he would have expected that feeling to have come by now and he can't understand why it hasn't. What do I do? Do we keep going as we are or do I just hold on to hope that something is going to change for him or do i call it quits now and get the heartbreak over and done with oh that isn't that funny when he's like i love everything about you and you're

my soulmate but for me i could be crazy i think the word soulmate to that i think the word soulmate should be going hand in hand with love like that's what i think if you want to spend your life with if you can say i want to spend my life with you generally speaking i would hope that that person loved me but love is different for everybody so for your partner I think it's okay for it to take longer for him to fall in love it might take him a year to fall in love it might take him 18 months some people fall in love after four weeks it's it's absolutely different for everyone and I think if you are having a great relationship in terms of everything else is great and you're enjoying each other and you seem to be moving in the same directions and you want the same things

I think it's okay that he doesn't love you yet the only thing that um that I'm like oh I don't know about is when he said I'm not sure if I ever will love you like that's a for me I'm like okay so you're you're there's some doubt there the fact that he's voiced that I'm not sure if I will ever get there this that's putting some doubt in my mind I'm so glad you said what you said because I'm like I'm like yes we're on the same page okay I think do not break up with him there is not this expiration date or an end goal it's not like oh well after four months we're going to be in love with each other and if we're not then the relationship is fucking over people view love very differently depending on his personality type whatever it is that he thinks being in love

is maybe he's never felt that thing maybe the thing he feels for you is that thing and he just doesn't know it because he's never fucking felt it before and he expects it to be this like all-encompassing all-consuming and like fireworks to come over the sky when he says it like what what is he expecting what does he think being in love is that's the big question here I think that sometimes especially if he's never ever actually been in love before maybe he's expecting something that doesn't exist for him or maybe his ability to feel that doesn't exist I don't think you should be running out and throwing away a relationship and getting the heartbreak over with you've only been together for six months and that there is so much more time for your

relationship to grow and to blossom and for things to change and for your deep connection to grow and the more time that you spend with each other the more that you build your relationship the more that in time maybe he will say I don't feel that hugely in love with you feeling but he'll have everything else and he'll recognize that that is what being in love is. Ultimately there is the possibility that in a year and a half's time he turns around and says look I never got there I'm not in love with you but you're never going to know that unless you keep seeing where this relationship goes and if it makes you happy if he treats you with respect if he isn't using that, like, oh, I don't know if I'm in love with you as like a threat or a punishment,

if it, if it came up because you were pressing him for more like explanation on his feelings, then I think it's fine. If he's using it as a way to gaslight you or to be mean to you, or to kind of like, you know, keep you on your toes, then I think fucking run in the opposite direction. But if everything else is great and healthy and it's going in a great direction, it's going well, don't throw the relationship away. Yeah. And it's all subjective and it's, It's specific to each individual in each relationship, how much time you're spending together. Is it all equal?

You're doing the same amount of things for each other. You're putting in the same effort. You want the same things in life. But I think if I was dating somebody properly, seriously, full-time for a year. Full-time? If we were full-time, not part-time, not casual, not whatever else it is.

It's complicated. Yeah, if we were in a proper relationship, hardcore for a year and I loved him and he didn't love me back and we hit the year mark, for me I think that that's the point I'd be like I'm not gonna I don't want to invest any more time with someone that's not gonna love me back because if I've given you my best version of me for a whole year and we have been inshallah we've been together we've been like obsessing with each other and you're still not there that's when I'd be like okay I need love in a relationship because I do I

want a relationship filled with so much love so that's when I would start to question if it's going in the same direction and if we want the same thing but I guess my with this question why find it so interesting is because he said that you're his soulmate he says that he loves you he just has said that he's not sure if he's in love with you and I mean like that is the fucking cruelest statement that there is right like I love you but I'm not in love with you but I still want to be with you what a head fuck like that's a head fuck like we're up we're down we're in we're out but I agree with you Britt I think there does come a point where if you want to be in a relationship with someone who is in love with you and I think that's like you know

pretty much 100% of us when we want to be in relationships it's not because we want someone to be lukewarm to us well sometimes we want the good sex but sometimes we're in love but totally but if you're if you're in love with him and there will come a point where that hurts too much where if he's still saying you know I love you you're great but I'm not in love with you it's a real backhanded compliment so you'll know when the time's right but I don't think that just throwing it away yet I think that you can get there and it's okay that he's not there after six months absolutely don't run for the hills just yet because every other aspect you've said is fine yes it could be coming who knows just around the corner but anyway guys that is it from us this

was a long one today because uh we had some interesting things we wanted to nut out but thank you for tuning in to nut out Patricia's laughing because I said nut it's like you're a 12 year old boy does not mean to masturbate no I think it's just that we use the word not I said jerk off and you said to nut out okay we're anyways we're gonna really rub one out on this episode and get going please give your questions coming into life on cup podcast and also your follow-up questions we're going to have another follow-up life uncut aftermath episode drop pretty soon and also your accidentally unfiltered confessionals anything you think funny send them into instagram life uncut podcast and don't forget to go and have a listen to the

new podcast we dropped hooked hitched and hung up literally right now stop what you're doing there's nothing more exciting coming on this episode press stop go and press hooked hitched and hung up in the search little bar and follow it and the next the very first episode will be coming out on Wednesday and that is it from us guys don't forget to tell your mum tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love Laura can't get to a high octave now because she's lost a voice she's like I've literally I'm a different person now this is who I am I love it We'll be right back.