Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - I Was Sent My Mum's Nudes

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

Hey Lifers! Welcome back to therapy Thursday where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions!Is there anything more awkward than the entire restaurant/bar singing happy birthday to you? What the heck do you do? Smile and sing along??Would you like to know that you were getting proposed to or prefer it to be a surprise? Britt and Keeshia met a couple where she definitely knew it was happening!Vibes for the week:Britt: Netflix American Murder: Laci PetersonKeeshia: House of Sculpt PilatesLaura: Couples Therapy on SBS on Demand/Paramount plus Then we jump into your questions! DO I TELL MY MUM I GOT SENT HER NUDES?Just over 2 years ago, I was getting ready for bed one night when I got a notification on messenger for a message request from someone I didn’t recognise. It said “I just thought you would like to know what your mother had been up to lately” followed by nude images of my mum and screenshots of texts exchanged between her and this person's husband. I was shocked and hoped that she hadn’t sent these to any of my other siblings. I ignored the message as much as I could until my youngest brother called me in hysterics telling me that he had just received the same message. I ended up reading the whole text exchange. There was a week where she visited him in his home town on her week off work. I looked at the dates and it all hit me again. She was meant to come visit me and my newborn interstate that week but said she had covid and had to stay where she was (his hometown). As terrible as I feel for my mum's partner, this is what shook me the most. She used me and my child as a reason to go where she was going just to “inconveniently” get covid and not be able to travel any further. She used us to cheat and it makes me sick. Ever since I found this out I haven’t been the same around her. I haven’t told her I know and I haven’t told her partner either. It’s an unspoken thing between my brother and I but we both feel the same towards her. I am also so mad at this woman for sending these explicit things to us as if we had anything to do with it. Why punish us and make us bear the weight of it all? Anyway, my questions are…My mum and her partner are still together with no bumps in sight. Do I tell my mum I know? Do I need to tell her partner? Or with it being over 2 years since do I just need a top notch therapist to deal with this myself? CAN WE HAVE SEX WHEN OUR CHILD IS ONLY METRES AWAY?My partner and I recently took our 2 year old daughter on her first family holiday. We all stayed in the same room with 2 queen beds. She slept in her own bed and I slept with my partner. My partner wanted to have sex on the holiday and would always make jokes like "what are you doing later" which were good for him shooting your shot. BUT my mindset was how can oh have sex when your child is sleeping legit no more than 1 metre away from you isn't that strange ? I guess my question is, are people having sex on holidays in the same room as their kids?? Is this a thing because it makes me cringe but he thinks it's so fine because she's asleep? DO I REFUND HERI sold a labour tens machine on facebook marketplace a few months ago for $60. I had originally purchased it as an ex hire machine but did not use it for my labour as it was too fast. I had tested it and it seemed to work fine to the best of my knowledge. Up until I sold it, it had sat in the pack it came in without the battery in it, untouched. Before I sold it to the lady I checked it again and it all seemed to work fine still. She had told me she wanted a receipt for the item as she had some trouble buying off marketplace before. I empathised with her but told her I can’t provide a receipt for it. Now a few months have passed and she has contacted me saying that it was rubbish, didn’t work as it should and is not in good working order. She also said that it impacted her birth and her experience was horrendous. I have sincerely apologised and explained my situation but I know she’s fishing for a refund. Do I refund her the money or just ignore her messages and move on? You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. I'm Flora. And it's Thursday. And it's Therapy Thursday. Our favourite day of the week.

Where we answer your deep, your dark and your burning questions. Okay, I have something I've been losing sleep over and I need to figure it out. And I mean literally losing sleep. I took a sleeping tablet last night. How do you feel? Very groggy. I need to get some non-drowsy ones.

I can't. I can't do sleeping tablets. You can't do sleeping tablets. I can't even say sleeping tablets. Maybe you feel drowsy in your mind. That's because you have small children that depend on you in the night time. You can't sleep through that. I absolutely can't.

That was very funny. Sorry. What are you losing sleep over, Brittany? Oh, shit. So it was something that happened to Keisha and I in Bali. So like I'm going to cast us back a week. It was only a week ago. Not less.

Six days. You got back on Sunday. No, the night was six days ago. The night of the eve of the 21st of August was Wednesday night, balmy night, Bali. We were at Rock Bar. So Keisha and I were celebrating our birthday. Very cute.

on the side of a cliff overlooking the water sunset drinks it was amazing so romantic so we hadn't told anyone it was our birthday we were like just us let's go celebrate our birthday so we're sitting on this platform and we start to hear these and it's packed we start to hear these tambourines going and four or five Balinese workers like staff there started to walk up these stairs and they started to sing happy birthday they had a plate and the tambourines were going it was a whole thing and so I'm always the person that joins in singing group happy birthday so I'm like as loud as you can so I start clapping and I'm like happy birthday get the whole restaurant involved to be fair it was like more than 50 meters away it was a long way away so we assumed

that it was also someone else's birthday we were like how cool let's clap along you were like hype up so they were walking towards us and there was only us and this other one table behind us this couple on the platform so I turn around and face my body straight to them and I'm like happy birthday anyway they keep walking towards and then they stop and they turn and they give it to Keisha and we're like what how does anyone know it's our birthday also you're like sing along it just got louder and louder and louder I actually ended up getting a video of this because there is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than when the whole whole place is looking at you and it was worse because we thought it was for someone else so we were clapping along so embarrassing we were

tambourining along to this other couple behind us and they looked confused but I was like well there's no one else here so I was like leaning into it I always find it funny that some people find that the most embarrassing thing like that's the same Matt hates it when a restaurant sings and I'm like it's quite joyful I don't know what to do everybody you can't sing to yourself but I guess along in this situation we kind of could almost get away with it because it was both of ours but I don't think the restaurant knew that because everything was booked under Brit. Yeah, it was just my birthday. Guys, it gets even funnier.

I got a video of this. So this is what it sounded like. and what was put down in front of brit was the funniest thing i have ever seen usually it will be like a cupcake or maybe a dessert or something like something sweet to celebrate a birthday date what was placed in front of brit was two thick slices of cucumber with a hole in the middle that had a candle in it two slices of cucumber i got a birthday cucumber and a red rose yeah i'm trying to think if you've ever on the podcast talked about your love of cucumbers before but i nothing's coming i i'm drawing a blank i think it was like a side accompaniment accompaniment

It was so strange. Because it was. Aside what? Say that again. Accompaniment. Accompaniment. Yeah. Yeah.

That sounds so weird. Accompaniment. It doesn't come out well, but Laura thought I made a word up. I got a drink as well, but I got a cocktail. It was a birthday cocktail with a birthday cucumber. I've never received a birthday. It wasn't in a whole cucumber. It's budget cuts.

It was a slice. Even in Bali, the economy these days. But anyway, that opened up the conversation with this table whose birthday we thought it was. So we were like, ah, ha, ha, ha. We thought it was yours. that's why we're singing ha ha ha and she goes no it's not my birthday but I am getting engaged tonight and she threw that to us I thought she meant she got engaged I was like oh my god you

got engaged congratulations she's like no I'm getting engaged and she's not whispering this girl was a vibe right her energy was high she'd obviously had a few drinks she was beautiful dressed to the nines he was like very fit working out very tanned he was very quiet she was the leader and so she was telling this big story about how they were getting engaged and he was just like he had a smirk on his face but silent and she was telling everyone and she's like no it's happening tonight i said oh you you know that like like you've you've talked about it i like the confidence of this girl yeah and so she started to tell us this whole thing she's like oh yes i've picked the ring i designed it myself it's yellow diamonds got these diamonds around the band like she

described the whole thing to us and she goes also i said maybe it won't happen tonight you know like maybe i was trying to like give her some suspense and she goes no it is we've driven a long way to get here tonight and I've seen the ring in his bag she's like this shit is going down tonight and she's saying this in front of her hopefully now fiance and so this is what I'm losing sleep about I don't know if they got engaged and I they're Australian there's got to be someone that listens to this podcast that knows the couple I'm talking about and can find them that's what I want to do I want to do that old school track them down and find who they are we were talking about this earlier and Keisha has never heard from this and it's blown my mind

do you guys remember on the train like back in the day you used to get magazines when you'd get on the train back in my day it was like a magazine that you would get maybe it was a Sydney thing but there was a column in the magazine that was like missed love opportunities and it was I saw you standing on platform two heading to Engadine station you were wearing blue pants our eyes met for one minute whatever one second then you boarded I feel like I've lost the love of my life and then you reconnect. This is this. This is this.

But you look so confused, Keisha. You've never heard of this. Like rarely. We have a couple years between us. I think I've got six years with you and seven years with you, Laura. Yeah. And usually we have the same generational things, but every now and then there's a gap.

And this is one of those gaps. What are you talking about? Now people just take photos and post it on Facebook and say, have you seen this person? Yeah, and they hunt them down. It's just the old school way. But I saw this happen a couple of years ago actually. it was like a nod to this old magazine but there was a girl that did it in Sydney but she printed

out flyers and she stuck them on to telegraph poles that's too creepy I think it's cute no that's too far the fine line between creepy and romantic no but if you think about it back to this magazine which funny that you don't remember it was a whole thing you know I don't think it was just Sydney law I think this was just you could do it to find anyone anywhere yeah I used to look at it every week hoping that someone might have put me in there no one did I just want to know i still have it i never had it you did have it you probably didn't get the train enough no i got the train every day that's why i read it yeah anyway way to rub it in britney she just writes her own column in do they ever do follow-ups do they ever kind of yes in the

magazine if people actually did meet oh yeah that was another column yeah where people like you know sometimes it never worked out content's really evolved hasn't it well it hasn't it's the same thing but we just do it on a different pun intended platform like it's the same thing People do that all the time on Facebook and Instagram, like as a cutesy thing, like looking for this person, how can I track them down? Like Brittany is losing sleep. Well, I just want to know if he committed to it or if because she was so certain and telling everyone, if he was like, I'm going to do a flippy 180 and make her wait a few

days. That's what I want to know. Do you guys think that, I mean, because I'm not engaged, I've never been engaged. Do you think the surprise element adds to it or do you think it doesn't really matter? Like you're still so overjoyed by the fact it's happened that you don't care whether it was a surprise or not. I got the impression she could not care less. It was happening that night.

I got the impression that if he didn't drop the knee, she probably would have. I want to be surprised first. I mean, I was surprised this happened. I'm not getting engaged again. But like I would have preferred if I had the choice to have a surprise for sure. I think it depends on the relationship. Some people hate surprises and they are more in terms of like wanting control and therefore they know when it's going to happen. They know how it's going to happen. Other people have picked

the ring. They know what's going to happen, but they don't know exactly the way the person's going to propose. Like, I don't know. I think there's many variations from it. And if it is good for that couple, then I don't really have an opinion on it. You know what I mean? Truly, I actually am a bit interested by the fact that like whether the surprise element of a proposal matters at all to some people. I think for some it would, I think it would be pretty personal, but I guess if you're the type of person who likes to kind of have your ducks in a row if you're a planner if you're a bit type a you might actually prefer to know when and how and have a little bit more control over the situation well I think on top of that if on the

flip side if you discovered the ring if you knew that your partner was going to propose did you pretend like you didn't know yes or did you or did you tell them like did you say hey like sorry to foil your plans but I should have hid that a bit better but I mean do you play along with the surprise yes you play along but if you play along do you have to be like oh i'm so shocked like how much do you play along you commit you method act the whole way and you never tell them you knew until it's like your 50th anniversary i was like i was not convinced but i was pretty sure matt was going to propose when he did on that holiday because we went to fiji i was pregnant at the time there was a tripod set up oh and well i picked up i picked a fight with him a couple of

weeks earlier over a hidden album in his phone and then I found out from his sister his sister was like he's doing something nice for you fucking stop it you were about to ruin your own surprise because I was like nagging him at at the dinner table anyway would have been deep diving his phone so then no he was showing me something and then I could see that he had hidden an album and I was like what is that anyway who's the bitch I was like who is she show me the nudes which other bachelorette contestant was it I'm really traumatized from past relationships but yeah so I was convinced it was going to happen because I was like well the only really nice thing he could be doing where he's hiding an album of things is either

he's cheating on me or he's proposing there's nothing in between and when he actually did do it I was still really surprised but that's because he just started crying and didn't actually verbalize words so I thought he was going to tell me some terrible news see he just cried he just he didn't even he just stood there looked at me and started crying and I was like are you terminally like what's happening and then the response I wanted sorry was he on one knee or not no he just stood there and started crying and I was like what the fuck is happening are you okay I was like I'm pregnant I'm hormonal and then he popped down and his knee touched the sand for half a second and he popped back up like he was doing some sort of burpee and I was so confused do you still have

the video I wish I did no I made him get down again for a second time I was like do do it with purpose that's actually something i have i know people they're actually the divorce now which is a little bit of a grim ending to this story but i found out that the next day they went back and did a pretend no that's not okay so because like he didn't set up a photographer he didn't set up a camera nothing so the next day they went back and and got the shot no that's so matt did set up a gopro i mean he loves content but i was like why did you set up a gopro to start crying gopro strapped to his chest just look straight at you that was when gopros was a fish eye only that like you would have just looked like this big oh shit anyway if there's one thing if anyone

can take away from anything from this you have to set up a camera you have to get someone to take a photo of that moment and i know it might not mean anything to you but one day you're going to want to look back on it or she's going to want to remember it so that's my advice like set up a camera not a gopro strapped to your head I don't think that my boyfriend would do that I do not think he would want play him this you're the producer I also think it's dependent some people want it and some people don't I know that it's important to you but there will definitely be women out there who could not care if they get it captured or not no I don't I disagree even if they think that they don't care in five years they'll be like I wish I had that moment that's that's

the whole point of photographs I guess you do still have the choice whether you have it you don't have to post it publicly the last funny part of this that we forgot to say was that there After she told us it was happening tonight and they were at this romantic dinner, she turned around to us and she goes, can one of you guys take a photo of us? And Keisha was closer. So Keisha was like, yeah, yeah, I'll do it. So she hands her the phone, but she's secretly put the phone on video and given it to Keisha.

So the video was running. So Keisha's like – The cauchasol rose so quickly in my body because I was like, okay, we've just had the information of the fact that she thinks she's getting engaged tonight. She knows it's happening. She's told us all about the ring. He's kind of laughing.

she's just handed me a phone on record I was shitting bricks I was like oh my god I have to get this right I have to get it right and make sure it's recording make sure it's recording make sure it's a good angle make sure the lighting's okay so I'm standing there filming the two of them expecting that he's about to propose and I was like wow what an honor I'm filming these people's proposals because they start to kiss and she's she's prepped her hair and like you know she's she's peacocking she's ready for it yeah it just didn't happen so how long did you record 45 seconds until I was like I didn't know whether to keep going I didn't know whether I just I was like do you know what Keisha she probably actually meant to give it to you on

photo and now she's just got no photos she's got a minute long video of them possibly but I think she was prepping that in case it happened anyway I just didn't know when to I didn't know when to stop and so I was kind of just awkwardly standing there for longer than what I would deem to be a normal amount of time that you would record another couple imagine the fight that those two would have had when they got back to the hotel if he didn't propose imagine the kickoff yeah so at least she's got you know enough content to make a reel out of it 100 someone find her please tell me all right let's get into vibes and unsubscribes Brittany Harkley what is your vibe my vibe this week is a Netflix doco you guys know I love a true crime documentary you've probably

seen it because it's it pops up every time you go onto Netflix you know how it's like suggested obviously they're really pushing it but it's the american murder lacey peterson and if you remember it was very very big news but she was like heavily pregnant with her baby their first baby when she went missing and her husband was on the search with them there were you know all these candlelight ceremonies and that was searching all over the state and he was doing all of these talks to the media like begging for her to come home and whatever else like that and it was very heart wrenching. And then it turned out that Scott, the husband was the person that murdered her. He was having this affair. And that's not a spoiler. Like the documentary sort of owns the

fact and everyone knows the story, but it's a story that most people know really well. And it was, I mean, I don't want to say, I don't know what the word is. I was going to say it was nice to watch it play out in a documentary. Nice isn't the word, but to see it be brought to life in a way and get that insider look. I mean, I always vibe true crime stuff to you guys. You know, I love it but that's my vibe so it's easy to watch it's three episodes and it's on Netflix I also watched this and I thought it was really nice apparently it was one of the first times that Lacey's mum has spoken to the media and interestingly he has always said that he's innocent so he was on death row and I think it was in 2020 the docuseries said yeah that he was

taken off of that and now he's just got like an extended life sentence or something I don't really the ins and outs of the whys. But it was kind of weird to see just how like emotionless he was, you know, because they had all this documentary style filming from the news and all that kind of thing of him. He did all these interviews. It almost seemed a little bit like Gone Girl, but just the first half, you know, and it was weird to see how he could have done something so, so unthinkable and so horrific and then face up to the cameras and act as though he was a victim it was creepy but that's also normal for sociopaths those kinds of people aren't like they're not their emotions aren't regulated you know i don't usually like true crime for me it's

a little bit like just too full-on but this one's a home i i find it fascinating but also it really does make you question like humanity my vibe for this week is it's actually an online pilates platform so i am thinking of this because it was brought up in the facebook group someone posted through the week that they were looking for something that they could do at home some exercise they could do at home that was like easy entry and I myself have gone through this period in the last couple months I have just been so not motivated to exercise I don't know what's going on but it's that thing you know in your head when you're like I know I should be doing this but god I cannot be bothered right now that's been me for five years I feel you so this particular one

is called House of Sculpt Nicole and Sasha who own it they're both ex-ballerinas and they've done TED Talks about toxic fitness culture that preys on our insecurities. And so the morals behind this business are really, really good. And it's very much in line with being strong. It's not about changing your body for the way it looks. It's about changing yourself so that you feel better about yourself. And all of their workouts are created around that. We've got all these different types of Pilates. They start from like 20 minute sessions to 50 minute. It changes every day. They've also got yoga. The yoga instructor they have is French and really, really hot. Bonus. Smart marketing move. Yeah. Yeah. And so they've actually got like a physical studio

that they do classes, but they do the online as well. And they have a week free trial. I've just checked out on their website, their memberships start from $35 per month. So that's like $8.75 per week. So I think it's really affordable, very easy access. You just, you don't really need anything, you just need a mat at home. So yeah, House of Sculpt is my recco for the week. Sign on up, Laura. Well, I'll find some excuses as to why I shouldn't, but you know, great for everyone else. My recommendation is something that is going very viral on TikTok at the moment. I hadn't heard of this series, but it was the first release. The very first season of it is from

2019. It's called Couples Therapy. And in the last couple of weeks, I have seen so much of on TikTok. That's because season four has just come out. But also Call Her Daddy interviewed the therapist. Her name is Orna Golarnik recently, and that's also why it's kind of been thrown into the stratosphere. But if you're interested in watching it, it is on SBS On Demand. All the seasons are there. Obviously, it's free to watch it there as well, but it is absolutely fascinating. So it is a reality TV show where real couples sit down in a therapy room and discuss their issues with this couples therapist. And I think in a time where we see so much contrived drama through reality TV, it's really refreshing, but also almost unbelievable that these couples would

come and be so vulnerable in a format where they know it's going to end up being created for entertainment, but like really publicly airing your dirty laundry. Totally. And I got super interested in it because of the TikTok short. They are so obviously real issues that these couples are unpacking. They are very emotional. I don't know how to describe it, but quite intense clips that are on TikTok, which is what made me go and check out the season. And I would love for us to unpack it more thoroughly because even though I'm finding it fascinating, I don't know how I feel about this voyeurism into people's relationships. The only thing I can compare it to is Esther Perel has a podcast where she interviews people and she does a one-on-one therapy session

with them. But the thing about those therapy sessions is that they're anonymous. So you have the insight into their relationships, but you don't know who the person is. Whereas in this, they're not anonymous, but they're still talking so deeply and intimately about their relationships. Fascinating. SBS On Demand, it's called Couples Therapy, and there's four seasons of it. The episodes are only around 27 minutes long, so it's very easy to consume. It's so interesting talking about that type of environment because the desire to fix whatever's wrong in your relationship must be so great that you're willing to have the world know you're like truthfully I don't think you could torture that out of me their desire to fix their relationship

must be the most important thing to them that they don't care about anonymity or alternatively they both think they're so right yeah they both think that they're so in the right that they don't feel ashamed or worried about going and having these conversations because they are like well I'm the one who's in the right. So this is just going to be bad for my partner. I don't know. Every single issue is different and every single couple is different. So there's not really like a one mold fits all kind of situation here, but it's fucking fascinating. I think as people, we love seeing inside other people's relationships. Yeah. I think people also like don't underestimate the fact that people also like to be on reality TV. Like there'll be couples that would just want

to be on TV and be like, this could be a show we could do as well. Yeah. That's the, um, it's, it's wild. Hasn't missed a meter. Anyway, my recommendation for the week. Let's get into the questions. Okay. Question one, just over two years ago, I was getting ready for bed one night when I got a notification on messenger for a message request from someone I did not recognize. I decided to open the message and it said, I just thought you would like to know what your mother has been up to lately, followed by a nude image of my mom and a screenshot of her text exchange between her and this person's husband. I was shocked and hoped that she hadn't sent these to any other of my siblings, as this is what would break me the most. I ignored the messages as much

as I could until my youngest brother called me in hysterics, telling me what he had just received, the same message that I had. When I had consoled my brother enough and was able to collect my own emotions, I decided to really read the text that had been exchanged. There was a week where she visited him in his hometown on her week off. I looked at the dates and it all hit me again. She was meant to come visit me that week and my newborn interstate, but said that she had COVID and had to stay where she was, his hometown. As terrible as I feel for my mum's partner, this is what shook me the most. She used me and my child as a reason to go where she was going, just to inconveniently get COVID and not be able to travel any further. She used us to cheat and

it makes me feel sick. Ever since I found this out, I haven't been able to be the same around her. I haven't told her how I feel or how I know. I haven't told her partner either. It's all been an unspoken thing between me and my brother, but I feel as though we can't be the same towards her. I am also so mad at this woman for sending me these explicit things as if it was payback to my mom. Why punish us and make us bear the weight of it all? Anyway, my question here is my mom and her partner are still together now they haven't had no bumps in sight do I tell my mum that I know do I tell her partner or with it being over two years ago since this all happened do I just go to a top-notch therapist to deal with it myself this is so fucked so the messages that she received

were from the husband's wife I'm guessing that were having the affair so all right so there's been an affair the wife's found out and sent the nudes to the daughter and that is children that is so wrong like to involve somebody's child or children that you do not know is i want to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that she was obviously so deep in like the depths of despair to do that but that's i mean that's giving her a lot of credit no i think people do awful things when when they've found out that they've been cheated on and they are absolutely beside themselves and they want to enact revenge, I don't think she's thinking about how this would impact.

Also, when you say child, she's clearly an adult. She's got kids herself. She was clearly just trying to make as much damage as what she feels is being caused to her relationship. Yeah, but youngest brother sounds young. Yeah, I think youngest brother doesn't necessarily mean it still has to be a child. Do you know what I mean?

I think that they are all adults. She hasn't sent a nude to a child is my impression, but I'm not saying that it's the right thing, but I'm saying like she was obviously in a very fucking sad place where she felt like this was the only way that she could kind of, you know, balance the score a little bit. Yeah. But I'm not sure it matters how old you are. You never want to receive a nude of your mom. It doesn't matter if you're 20, 30, 40, 50, 60. It's also illegal. It's still a type of revenge porn sending that on. A hundred percent. I would be having the conversation with my mom

because all that's going to happen, there's obviously a divide. It's been two years, like you said, but you are nonstop thinking about it. You can't be completely comfortable around your mom. You can't trust her. This is just going to keep pushing you apart more and more. All that happens is you fester. So you may as well sit down and have that conversation any way you want. I would suggest very calmly, but I would just say, hey, this has been really bothering me. And I think you deserve to know, A, you also deserve to know that your nudes are out there. God knows where else she sent them. I would say if she sent them to you, she absolutely also sent them to your mom and probably said to your mom, I'm sending these to your kids. How are they going to respond

to this there is a good chance that your mum already has lived in fear that you have received these and was just hopeful that you didn't because I would think that if this woman was trying to go for mass impact and mass damage if she sent them to you she absolutely sent them to your mum like that is well known I guess my thing is is like I always I'm always shocked and I shouldn't be but I'm always shocked it doesn't matter how old you are people still continue to make absolutely terrible decisions in their relationships and just because they're our parents doesn't mean that they have it all figured out they behave in ways that may shock us when it comes to how they navigate their own relationships does it change the person that they are does it change the quality of the

person that we thought they were no it just means that like everyone is fundamentally fucked up in many many ways and parents can do things that as children we would never expect because you know they've always they've always presented themselves to be one version to us and as parents you only see that version of them you don't see all of the fractures that actually make them human because the parent's job is to make you feel as a child like they have their shit figured out that's why they never do they're just humans they're just just people but the people with kids yeah and look I think the person in this who is definitely it's the worst situation for is your mum's partner I would not be going and speaking to your mum's partner it's not your place to if your mum wants

to that's her place I would be speaking to my mum though because I think at the moment your relationship is so fractured by this whole thing that's happened it's changed the way that you feel about your mum you sitting down and having an honest conversation with her her reaction to that her explaining maybe what was going on in her relationship at the time who knows I'm not saying that she will have an excuse that will be of value to you but it is an opportunity for you to repair the relationship, explaining to her that you know and how you feel about it. And it just means that she has time to process that and to talk to you about it. She may have been living the past two years with this fear that you know, and you didn't say anything. That's also a very real possibility

as well. And I'm not in defense of anybody here, but there's always two to three sides to a story. So you don't know the, we don't know exactly what was happening in your parents' relationship and you don't know what her reasons were. I don't think it's her dad. I think it's, she says partner quite a bit in this question so like I think it's not her parents relationship I think it's her mom and boyfriend yes yeah but I just think there's always multiple sides and you shouldn't be making I mean you shouldn't be having these feelings in the judgment until you know the whole story and then once you have all the information you can make an educated decision on how you feel and where you should go from there but it's also your mom like you should be able to sit down and have

that conversation is it going to be awkward as fuck yeah like mom I saw you nude but like also think how horrible your mom would be feeling. I am defending her actually. I'm not defending what she did, but it's a horrible feeling to think that somebody has sent your nudes around to God knows who and that for whatever reason, you know, like that is a, that is a horrific, humiliating feeling. And it doesn't matter if you're 20 or 50, the feeling is the same. So. I know that like cheating is so insidious. It hurts everybody. That's the problem. And this may be something that her partner has no idea that it ever happened, he may be aware. I understand though that this part of it that's probably more hurtful is the fact that you had plans to see your mom that week.

Like she had every intention to come and visit you, but then used you as a scapegoat and she lied to you about it. That's like a whole other part here because not only did her cheating affect her partner, but it also directly affected you. She lied to you. And I just think that your opinions of your mom will never be fixed like you will never get to a place where you wholeheartedly trust her or are able to have the same love and respect for her if you don't have a conversation about this you know who knows that this may have and will affect your relationship for a long time or it may be something that you guys can work through but you won't know unless you talk to her that's so shit it's so shit what would you do what would you do if some my mom and dad just

would never do that what would you do if someone was like hey look at what nikki's been up to and all of a sudden you received a nude of your mum? I'd be like, on fire, mum. No, I would have that conversation with my mum for sure. But my first, and this is when you just put that to me, that situation to me, my first thought was not about the affair but to protect my mum that her nudes were going around. That was my immediate first thought was like, fuck,

my mum's having nudes sent around and then I would deal with the rest later. But, I mean, everyone's going to react differently. I think my first thought would be like what's happened, mum? Like what's going on? You know, like this is not right. This doesn't seem like behavior that I would expect from you. Like what is happening?

It's so hard because cheating is like the one thing that every time we answer it, people have such divided opinions and some people cannot forgive like the act of cheating and some people can. So it's very, it's not black and white. It's very gray and people have very fucking strong opinions on it. Question number two. My partner and I recently took our two-year-old daughter on her first family holiday. we all stayed in the same room with two queen beds she slept in her own bed and i slept with

my partner my partner wanted to have sex on the holiday and would always make jokes like what are you doing later which is basically just him shooting his shot but my mindset was how can you have sex when your child is sleeping legitimately no more than one meter away from you in the same room don't you think that's strange i guess my question is are people having sex on holidays in the same room as their kids is this a thing because it makes me cringe but is it also fine if she's asleep and doesn't know i think it's an age thing like what's the age at two i'm not having sex in front of my kids at two absolutely not well she's two yeah i i and when i say that i mean like obviously they're asleep no one's wow it's this is this is gonna get some

people angry. When kids are newborns and they're in a bassinet next to your bed and they're six months old and we all know they're never going to retain a memory and they're asleep, I don't have an issue with that. If they are walking, talking, can recite what they've seen, have memories, that is too old. For me, I'm sorry, I think it's too old because you're hoping that they don't wake up, but they might wake up. And everyone's kids are different, but my kids are always getting in bed with us so I also kids pretend to be asleep a lot like oh yeah I just I wouldn't be risking that situation with a two-year-old or two and a half year old or whatever it is and we've been in this situation loads we've got two kids we often go on holidays and both of

them are sleeping in the same room so do you have sex on holidays no we never book a one-bedroom place anymore we always book a two-bedroom place or we book a place that has a living area so that way we can transfer the kids into a different area so that we can still have adult time which i know is annoying adult time instead of sex we can have adult cuddles but well for two reasons one because there's nothing more annoying than being a parent on a holiday where at 7 p.m at night all the lights have to go off and you gotta sit in the dark you go on a holiday shocked i'm shocked i just don't know how to parent you spend all this money to go there and then if you're all staying in the one room when the kid goes to sleep at seven o'clock you sit in the fucking dark can't

you put an eye mask on them like a silk eye mask for hours you just sit in the dark together on your phones and then that's your night over it's horrible so that's why i recommend always get two rooms or like a room that has like a little lounge room area so yeah i'm shocked that you guys had a tiny room which i understand like everyone's different also you know people go camping there's all different types of things do I have sex when my kids are a meter away from me no I think no just no I think we said it at the start if you're old enough if your kid is old enough to remember and recite what they've seen then it's probably too old or to ask questions well yeah like what's that why why are you doing it like a dog imagine if they woke up and they're like

too far too far and we've had people writing before dead set we have had people writing before with questions around this, like their kid has seen them having sex, their toddler or something. And the question was, there's one specifically that I'm recalling. The question was like, my daughter said she heard daddy hurting me last night because obviously she was moaning in ecstasy, but it was sex. But she, the daughter is like, I saw something and I heard that it was pain and why is daddy doing that? And I'm just like, you were just opening a can of worms that you don't need. Like surely you can keep it in your pants until you get home to a private room. I wonder how other mums would feel about this because I would love to know because I'm only

answering this question off my own personal experience. I would say like under one is okay, like they're a baby, they're asleep, like one-year-olds sleep hard, like they are asleep. But for me, two seems too old. So I would be so interested to know what other people think. I know I've said this a couple of times recently, but if you're a child therapist, if you have your perception, I really need a child therapist right now, slide into my DMs. I would love to know like what you think is or isn't acceptable in your relationships because I do think that people would have a slightly different opinion on this. It's a really tricky one. And I guess for me, it's just, it's unnecessary because we're able to do it other

times or in other places or have a quickie in the shower when the kid's having her day nap. Like just don't do it when they're asleep next to you. The only other thing I have like for us in our relationship, we used to always sleep naked, right? Matt and I will never sleep naked anymore. He always sleeps with underwear on he always sleeps with pants on and that's because our kids get into our bed every night and I think it is quite unusual and I don't like it if parents sleep naked and then their kids get into bed with them I'm like that to me is weird but you know everyone does things differently so not casting the judgment or maybe I am I don't know I'm just trying to get myself cancelled by all the mums out there fucking mums are judged enough so it's

such a hard one well there's no right and wrong for everyone too there's nothing there is when it comes to some of this shit though yeah but not this like everyone's different and everyone's gonna have a different opinion if it's one 18 months or two like at the end of the day so it's not for us to shit on anyone it's what you want to do is what you want to do it might not be right for someone else but there's always people that are and like you said laura i this is my opinion because i'm a mom i don't have any experience in this like this is just my thought you wouldn't even know what a two-year-old looks like you'd be like i think it's four i think it's 18 maybe it's 12 months that is not accurate how old are my children five and three good job I know

Laura what are their names uh Lilo Lilo Milo and Otis okay last question I sold a tens machine you know those labor machines on marketplace a few months ago for $60 do you know what they are yeah yeah I use one oh did you yeah I used it when I was in labor I had originally purchased it as an ex-hire machine, but did not use it for my labor as it was too fast. I had tested it and it seemed to work fine to the best of my knowledge. Up until I sold it, it had just sat in the pack, it came in with a battery in it, untouched, completely good to use. Before I sold it to the lady, I checked it again and it seemed to work fine still. From what I knew, I was selling a secondhand item that was in good working condition just as I had purchased it. She had

told me she wanted a receipt for the item as she had some trouble buying off Marketplace before. I totally empathized with her, but I told her I can't provide a receipt for it. Now, a few months have passed and she has contacted me saying that it was rubbish, it didn't work as it should, and is not in good working order. It impacted her birth and her experience was horrendous. That was just birth. That wasn't a TENS machine. I have sincerely apologized and explained my situation, but I know she's fishing for a refund. Do I refund her the money now that it's months later or do I just ignore her messages and move on? Ignore her messages and move on. Ignore them. How funny was she messaging? She's like,

my labor was horrific. Also, you bought a TENS machine. You test it when you buy it. You don't just test it during labor. You test and make sure that the thing, the item that you have purchased that is supposed to support you during labor actually functions. And if you've waited months until after you had the baby then that's on you if it didn't work in a way that you enjoyed it or you know i mean i used a tens machine during my labor and i did fuck all but i'm not asking for a refund for it you know what i mean so i would say politely respond and say unfortunately it has been months you had quite a long time to test the machine if you weren't happy with it i would have happily given you a refund but i'm not going to refund you after the time of which

you required it which is your labor so the 10 and then block and block and go i don't have to block her if i can block that bitch cut her off at the knees please don't she's just had a baby and she's just obviously very emotional she's thinking about how shit the labor was two months ago and she's like i know where to blame the tens machine laura so everyone knows and myself it is supposed to like take pain away from the area and like refocus it yeah so i mean vush have one period but they have a period pain one. The TENS machine one I use was specifically for pregnancy. It has different gauges. It's an electro current thing. You put little pads on you. I put them on my back and it sends little electric current. So it shocks your body and it gives you a different type of

sensation to focus on. The shocking, I can go up to like level six or something, and it can be very, very strong. Like for example, when I had it on during some of my contractions, the TENS machine hurt more than the actual labor signs. But I was like, this is so fucking dumb. Now I'm just in pain in my back and in my urethra. And it was so distracting for me. But for a lot of people, they really enjoy it. My sister used it during her labors and she loved it. I tried it during my labor. I hated it. So everyone's experience of labor is different. Everyone's going to respond to a TENS machine different. I would just say that her expectations of probably what that TENS machine was going to provide her

was not on par with what it was able to provide. And if you tested it and it was functioning well before you gave it to her, she also would have tested it. No one is buying a TENS machine online. And going in blind. And not trying it at all and waiting until the day of labour to try it. No one's doing that. I would probably do that.

That is what I would do. But then that's on her, especially when she said, oh, I've bought things off Marketplace before and I've been stung. That means she's checking that shit. So I would just say that maybe her experience or her expectations of it didn't match what she thought, but she paid a reduced rate for something. Secondhand.

Secondhand, off-marketplace. You kind of, unfortunately, some of it is you just get what you get, I think. I mean, I bought a Thai Monstera off-marketplace. No. What is it? You bought a plant. I don't know if you can compare a plant to a flavor.

No, you can. It was a really expensive one. I bought an Albo Monstera. It's like one of the ones that's got white and green in it. I bought it a year and a half ago and it's never given me a leaf. I'm convinced it's plastic. I'm convinced. It costs so much money because it's like a rare plant.

Anyway. But has it grown anywhere? Nothing. Well, then it's not alive. It's identical to the day I picked it up. Are you sure? A year and a half. I'll send you a photo.

Four fucking leaves. The same thing. Boop. But are you sure it wasn't when you bought it, it wasn't a fake? I'm pretty sure it's not fake but it's absolutely a fucking dwarf I'm not calling up that woman who I spent way too much money on a marketplace and being like your plant's not growing I want a refund I'm not gonna do it like that's on me you know I bought a shit plant on marketplace I don't know I think I think she tested it for sure I think you're right she definitely tested it but

she went in there and she's been like fuck this it has done nothing for my labor I am being torn from my vagina and my anus I'm gonna go and blame this $60 tens machine that I bought second hand on Facebook Marketplace. Also, Marketplace is one of those, you win some, you lose some situations, unfortunately. And I know it kind of sucks because like this is surrounding something that's really important to her, her birth. You obviously feel probably a little bit more responsible, but just unfortunately, sometimes Marketplace, it comes through with the goods. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it comes with a plastic plant. You could take the good with the bad. Okay. Let's get out of here. Please keep your questions coming in. Ask Uncut. Just send

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