Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Icks, d*cks and dints

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Hey Lifers,Question for ya, how do you get a good friends with benefits? Asking for a friend... **cough cough** Britt.Then we are jumping into your dark and dirty questions!1. I went on a date with a guy and things got pretty handsy at the end of it. He wasn't very good at pleasuring me, and he has a really small package. He has a good personality. I'm not sure if I want to go on another date with him. What do I do?2. My work friend is a terrible parker and the other day she scraped one of our colleague's cars. She has asked me not to tell them. Now there's been a big all office email go out and the person is absolutely livid that no one is owning up to it. Should I out her or just stay out of it?3. For some reason I have gotten the sudden 'ick' for my partner. Everything went from being really healthy, with a good sex life and now for the past 6 months, I've lost my attraction, drive and desire for them. I don't want to think I'm a shallow person, and I'm not sure why this has happened. Please help!If you have a question you'd love answered, send it on in to lifeuncutpodcast on instagram and tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog and tell your friends & share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany. You're in a rush to start there, Laura. The microphone wasn't even in front of me yet. I was like, girl, give me a second.

I have to get out of here. I've got to go get my kids from daycare soon. Oh, I'd hate to keep you. Well, I think that, yeah, they'd probably hate that as well. anyway this is Ask Uncut. I know that. Our down and dirty spicy little sexy saucy number where we do our absolute best to answer all your deep dark and burning questions. We've got some crackers today but before we get into that you know we always talk about something going on in the world. Well actually no no no what I want to talk about first before we get into that is what you just said five minutes ago. Oh god what did I just say? I've said so many questionable things

in the last five minutes I was asking Brit how her dating life is going where it's at you know what's been happening okay have you gotten off the lounge Brittany in the last week have you gone on a date um because you know that I live my single life vicariously through Brit and I said she doesn't want to date she just needs a friends with benefits I said I somehow I said how do people this was actually it I said question how do people find like a good solid friends with benefits like a good solid long hard friendship friends with benefits no too fast yeah because like I mean there's a multitude of friends with benefits that you can have but I was like where do these people get because I've got friends that have had like long-term solid respectable loving

friends with benefits like they really have a connection okay but it's always it's always tricky because someone usually catches the feels well I can't even get to the point to catch the feelings like where do you find the person and then lay down the groundwork at the start and say you know that I like you I respect you you're never going to be the person that I end up marrying or being with for the rest of my life, but I want to be with you for the rest of now. Until you're done. It's a genuine question. I did. If anybody else has the answers, please slide into the DMs. Cause yeah, look, Brittany's searching. Oh, do you know where it came from? So we get so many questions come in that are related to

friends with benefits and the problems that they've had and how long they've been friends with benefits for. And I'm like, holy smokes, where are all these people getting these long-term amazing friends with benefits like one girl wrote in a friend with benefits was like her friends with benefits she'll come over and he's run her a bath he's made her dinner he gives her back massages like it's extreme it is like a beautiful relationship without the strings attached okay but then my question is is there a possibility in that situation that he's just more invested than she is like he probably hasn't been able to verbalize that he has feelings so he just treats her amazingly hoping that she's going to one day turn around and be like hey I have

feelings too not just never know we will never know the answer to that I like just going back on my memories of uh of my friends with benefits the best friends with benefits I ever had is a guy who I dated many years ago I'm about to say his name I was not gonna say his name but okay okay firstly here's some no I'm not gonna leave clues because people will figure it out leave clues okay okay bendy up he was on the bachelor but not on my season what you haven't ever told me this yes i have i dated a guy who was on the bachelor or bachelorette obviously he wasn't a bachelor he was on the bachelorette i am genuinely trying to i've obviously blocked that out from trauma that was obviously not mad and what season you have to give us another hint well i'm not giving

you a fucking season Brittany and I used to call him my Wednesday night guy because I would on a Wednesday night it wasn't it was never a weekend relationship it was never good enough to be a Friday night or a Saturday night we both just knew on a Wednesday we'd go and get sushi we'd have some great sex we had a great time I would have a sleepover I'd get up in the morning I'd go to work and things were great I am shooketh to the core for like six months okay just tell me this who was his bachelorette that is the same as the season anyway let's get into the next thing we don't just this is like the sex with the leg thing you don't just drop these bombs and then carry off look it was it was oh god i think i actually started to get a bit of feelings after

because it was a long time it was like six months i think i actually started to get feelings but in retrospect i didn't get feelings i just had nothing else going on in my life fake phantom feelings i call them fff yeah no fake but phonetically phonetically it's fff yeah fpf yeah so i didn't really like him when i actually unpacked it i mean i do he's a great guy i like him as a person but i didn't actually have romantic feelings for him but the romantic feelings started to come when i started to realize he didn't have romantic feelings for me either so i was like well why don't you like me like what's wrong with me now that is so standard and then it went to a bit of as soon as they don't like you you want to be with them not you i mean

like everyone generally speaking we always want what we can't have and then the other thing that then happened was my car broke down at his house and he lived quite a fair way away so then i just left my car there for ages and couldn't be bothered to go and get it because it was broken down and it stayed there for like a month and eventually i went and picked my car up and then i hadn't seen him for a month and then we both just agreed it was kind of done is he in sydney now yes do you run into him no I genuinely don't think we've had this conversation because I am I'm really shook and I cannot for the life of me think of who it could be and I don't know how I feel about the fact that you've obviously made a conscious decision to keep this from me even though you

just assume you've told me in the past yeah no I've told you before no no no not Jimmy I'm pretty sure I matched with him on tinder once but yeah we both did remember okay all right let's get into what the actual conversation is about we I want to talk to you about another woman who's been on tinder she was very creative there is a woman in uk now her name is fanny blom she's 19 years old and her name really fanny fanny blom i love it's going to be a dating story and her name's fanny that's very immature of me that is really fucking immature of you but that's okay i'm here for it so fanny blom was on t on tinder and she decided that she would invite all of her tinder matches five tinder matches out to the same nightclub at the same time for the purpose of online speed

dating yes she created her own mini speed dating but what she did is she told them all that it was her birthday and that she was going to be there with a group of friends so then they when they arrived they didn't think it was weird that she was spending time with other people so she rocked up to the nightclub with a fucking balloon and a party hat it wasn't even her birthday this is brilliant it wasn't her birthday so she says this is what fanny had to say about the whole thing it was easy for them to find me because i had a birthday hat on and it was easy to get free drinks with the birthday hat on too. Yes Fanny live your best life. I think in total there was only five of them who showed up because I had literally invited so many different tinder matches

I couldn't be sure because then I had to go back and find their tinder pictures to try and figure out who was who but I met five really nice guys that night. One of them was really attractive and I think we're going to go out on a second date. None of them knew that they were there on a multiple date situation i have so many questions okay this is what i do think about put yourself in that position not when you've invited every single online dating match to a dinner but if i've gone to a party if i've gone to someone's birthday and i don't know anyone else there which is what's going to happen with these guys they've turned up don't you start to talk to people and say hey how do you how do you know fanny well she literally said this throughout the night fanny

would excuse herself from the group so that she could go and flick through tinder messages so that she could liaise with other dates who had shown up at the nightclub. So I think she kind of said, like, it's not a date. It's not a one-on-one. I think she was like, hey, I'm at this club with some friends for my birthday. Come to the club. So she made it sound a lot more casual.

But really she was there by herself just going on multiple Tinder dates. She's a time-efficient woman. And she said, I don't think anyone realised. And, Britt, this is what I think we need to do for you. Let's set up a speed dating situation at the Royal Hotel just for you. Well, just tell everybody that's my birthday. Give me your hinge. give me your give me your phone actually speaking of that I uh I downloaded a different dating app

because now she's on every single one well you're like not funny too soon it's always too soon yep I'm just really getting out there really spreading my wings but how many dating apps are there and are you on in all honesty I'm not on every single one I'm now on three okay I feel like if you're on three that you're covering all bases of anyone who is single in this area well I always thought that there'd be different people on different apps that's what well no there sort of are so i ran out of one so i went so i went on i was like i better download another one and there've been different people so far so and the thing is when if you guys are online dating you'll know if you're not i'm gonna tell you when you when you join up to a dating app when you're a new profile or a new

customer or new whatever i think the algorithm shows you to more people and it puts you out there more so when you're new it goes bonkers right you get you get love hearts and compliments left right and center and I say compliments because that's a new thing online now you can send a compliment which is I haven't seen that before until I downloaded it this weekend and also we all know how uncomfortable compliments make you I'm an awkward person anyway but I have been getting some compliments Laura which is this is pretty shocking I've been getting a lot of compliments that are about the podcast so coming from male listeners that are writing things like I also love love or you yeah but like no my point's not about that my point's like

are there male do we genuinely have a bunch of male 30 year old listeners in the eastern beaches of Sydney or do you think that they're sitting at home with their flatmates that are women that are like oh I know that podcast say this so do you think these people are genuine listeners these men or do you reckon I mean considering all the things we talk about period chat going down on your girlfriend I would I would think no no it's coming from the flat and also not only do I think this subjectively but because I can actually see the data and see how many men and women listen to this podcast two percent of our listeners are men well they're all on bumble then none of those are real listeners but let's get in though answering your questions

guys you have sent in some crackers we have picked three for today's episode there is one in particular that I I read it and I had feelings and then I felt something else and then it was a lot going on but I were they phantom fake feelings fff no phantom feelings fpf they were real feelings and I think that we need to talk about this but from not from the perspective of the question that's been asked here we go just made that really confusing I'm so yeah let's hit let's hear it I went on a date with a guy and things ended up getting a little bit steamy in the car park all was going good. We ended up going down on each other. However, he ejaculated pretty early on. He also wasn't good at pleasuring me. Now, my big problem is that his penis is small.

Should I continue talking to him even though I know that I won't be satisfied in the bedroom? Or should I just overlook the fact that he couldn't make me orgasm that time as he has a small penis? Thanks in advance for your help. Additional note, he is a really sweet, caring guy and has the personality of what I am looking for. So did they have sex in the car? Because it makes it sound like she just said they just went down on each other. I think they had sex. Oh, well, I think they tried to have sex and he prematurely ejaculated.

Right. Okay. So the question is... But also I think she was turned off by the size of his penis. So maybe she didn't even really give it a crack. She's just assuming that she won't be sexually satisfied because she doesn't find his penis to the aesthetic that she likes. okay so my first initial thought is look let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt you don't

have a lot of room to move in a car in the back of the car you cannot use you cannot use your tricks you cannot do your usual maneuvers that you might do whether you have an adequate amount of space and time it's like it's actually a terrible place to have sex yeah it's not like the movies movies may always make it look great i think you need to give this guy the benefit of the doubt there is no way of knowing by the size of his penis what he is actually like in the bedroom I am a pretty big advocate of size does not equate to pleasure if this guy has all these other things going for him and he's amazing and you think he's awesome that's go for it give it another whirl but if for whatever reason inside you feel turned off by something then it is hard

to recover from that and that could be that could be anything anything could turn you off about someone the way they treat the waiter whatever if there's something inside that doesn't feel right I think it's hard to get over that but if you are just basing this on the fact that he prematurely ejaculated I mean girl first of all let's take that as a compliment you're obviously smoking hot he got very excited there's only one way to take that and that is like well you know my job's done look how hot I am I'm spicy I am fire yeah take that I think you need to give me another one he was super turned on I think you need to give him another whirl what do you reckon I had a lot of feelings about this and I think I kind of want to go down a different path firstly and then come

back I agree with everything you've said I do think that if you're turned off by something you can't force yourself or willy yourself to have that sexual chemistry or connection willy yourself or willy yourself it's not there okay but my thing is and then what I really wanted to unpack with this question is I think that society has told us that it's okay to judge men on their penis size like society has told us that only men with big penises can make us satisfied and a man with a big penis is what every woman wants you know and and we have been consciously and subconsciously conditioned to think that a big penis is better and a small penis is not worth your time if a man was to talk about a woman's vulva and vagina in the way that we talk about

men's penises we would be fucking outraged if a guy was to say oh i'm not going to date that girl because her labia was so long or her labia was uneven or she'd had two kids. So like her vagina was looser. We would be disgusted and repulsed at him. We would be up in arms. We would be furious, you know, but I think that there is for some reason, it's more acceptable for women to criticize the size of men's penises. And because so much of a man's manhood is literally tied to their penis. It's such an emasculating conversation, but also what you said, Britt, and I fully wholeheartedly agree with you penis size is not synonymous with pleasure I have dated guys with huge penises and they were terrible in bed and I have dated guys with very small penises and they

were very good in bed and it's because sometimes the guys with the small penises have had to work harder they do have to and they've got more tricks and more things up their sleeve you're upside down you're inside out you're hanging from the ceiling but I mean that you know I just think like you're gonna write someone off from a sexual experience that you had in a car that probably didn't go to planned by the sounds of things you've been out in a day maybe you'd had a few drinks as well there's lots of limiting factors in this situation that would make me think he hasn't performed to his best regardless of penis size well I just think that exactly that Laura but maybe you just don't like him that much because if you were that infatuated and I guess it's early stages so if you

are lusting that much I don't think that would matter to you that much this is what I think so I think maybe there's more going on if you can be like yeah you know it's not for me and maybe it's not for you and that's cool as well but I think definitely give this guy another go go on another really nice date because you said he's great you said it's so nice and loving go on another and don't go into the date thinking about it and worrying about it and wondering about it just go and have a really nice time have a nice dinner have some wines and then if you feel that way inclined and you want to sleep together at the end of the date do it experience it for what it is and then after that I think you can make another decision whether you want to keep seeing

someone but I just just don't purely make it on the size of their penis yeah and I like what you said there about like not putting so many expectations on it like regardless of whether you end up together or you don't end up together like it's too early days to make those sort of assessments truly like it's it's way too early in a relationship and if you do feel inclined to give it another go then go for it but I think this kind of goes for everybody and I've been guilty of this in the past as well it's okay to have a preference it's okay to have a particular penis that you think is aesthetically pleasing you know we've all seen penises where we've been like that is a beautiful penis and then we've seen penises where we're like that's just not the it's not my jam

it's not what i would normally like but i think completely judging someone as being a potential partner off their penis is pretty like one dimensional way of looking at a person and i think like their penis size and what their penis looks like in totality is not who that person is and it's not what they can provide you sexually i think like they're as we all know people have got mouths and hands and all these other parts of their body that they can do wonderful things with yeah it's such a small part of what matters i don't mean small that was a choice of a better word that was a slip of a tongue obviously it is a small part but it's it is such a small part of what matters in a relationship and let me tell you as someone that has dated all walks of life

it is really the bottom of the list for what you look for in a partner that's what i think all right let's get into question number two okay question number two my work friend is an absolutely terrible parker the other day she scraped one of our colleagues cars when she was pulling out of the car park i saw her do this she saw me see her do this convoluted yeah she messaged me later on and said please don't say anything i know you saw what i accidentally did now there's been a big all office email go out to every person and the person's who car it was is absolutely livid and devastated that this has happened and no one left a note no one's owning up to it obviously should i tell her or do i just stay out of it and pretend i saw

nothing i have a level of guilt this is tricky oh i don't know how to answer this all i know how to come to my podcast i don't know how to answer your fucking question this is a tricky one no i think this is super tricky because at the end of the day like it's not your responsibility to make your friend do what's morally and ethically right but you have been dragged into this you have been like like you're an accomplice to her crime based like literally not even basically like literally you're an accomplice to her crime because you've seen it go down but but yeah you've seen it go down and then you're not being honest I think it's worth going and speaking to your friend who hit the car who knows that you saw them hit the car and say this has gotten out of hand like this is

actually blown up into a much bigger thing than what you or I thought it was going to be I feel like you've put me in an incredibly uncomfortable position and I really think that you need to take ownership for this that's where I think you should start I wouldn't be going and just like telling the other person and because my issue is and this is kind of how I approach a lot of stuff in life and maybe it's not, maybe it's not the best way all the time, but it works for me. I don't like to get involved in drama and in things unless I don't have a choice and unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't really like making my life more dramatic or stressful than what it needs to be. And that whole situation seems very, very stressful. You're going to create a lot of

conflict in the workplace. Not, not, you're not creating it. It's not your fault, but you're going to be pulled down into it and I think that so if you're okay with that then sure go and be the bigger person go and tell everyone and be that person who's taking the right and moral high ground but I don't know if I would have the confidence to do that okay so Laura if you saw if you guys left the office today and you saw producer Keisha accidentally hit my car scrape it and then she drove off and you saw it what would you do would you tell me or would you go to her or picture it like that do you know what I would have done I would have strayed away when someone said hey you need to keep this secret I would have said it's not keeping your secret is not

my responsibility and I think that that's where you've gone wrong by almost saying yes I will keep this secret and then going a couple of weeks and waiting for it to get out of hand that's why the situation has exploded do you know I mean like so I guess maybe this is like this is my advice for the future if somebody tells you that you need to keep a secret that makes you uncomfortable say no because they don't have a right to make you keep a secret and I really hate it when people say oh I'll tell you this but you can't tell anyone and then they tell you something and keeping that secret completely goes against your morals or against how you feel about something so I think that yeah you're like just don't tell me don't fucking tell me like it's

it's actually unfair to expect someone to keep a secret that fundamentally glows against your own personal morals so I just think in this situation you have to figure out what you think what you think is morally right and also what you can live with and I think every single person in this situation will probably behave differently there'll be so many people who will say no go tell her and there will also be people who say oh I don't want to get involved uh yeah I agree with everything you said I would probably be just because of my conscience I wouldn't go run to her and tell her but I would go to the person that hit the car and I would just say I really think you need to tell her like think of if this was you how shitty this is that you have to front

up all this money that you might not have because someone didn't have the guts to leave you a note and I think what you could do in this situation and what you could tell her she could do maybe she feels bad now like it's too I can't come forward now it's been weeks you know or it's been a week I've lied about it I can't come forward now maybe you can go down the route where you encourage her to just say look I'm so embarrassed by what I did but I didn't have insurance at the time and I panicked but I've gone and got insurance now and if you are happy to this is so illegal so but if you're happy to like pretend this but if you're happy to pretend this has happened now like I would love to do that maybe you can say that because it is hard when

you've when you haven't come forward with something yeah also if you're from GAO please don't leave a one-star review I mean like not that I've ever done that but I'm just trying to like get this poor girl to admit to something and get her out of a tricky situation I agree with what you're saying as well Brit like I think that because it's gone on for so long and it's turned into such a bigger situation it's humiliating to admit that you did the wrong thing like not only is it embarrassing because you you had the accident but it's humiliating to say hey I'm sorry that I didn't come forward that was wrong of me like that would take such a big person to not only admit fault for having an accident but to actually admit fault that they didn't share it you know that they were

trying to be deceitful at the start and the onus isn't on you as the person who saw it happen the onus is on the person who rang into the car the person who was parking but it's completely up to you and if you do decide that you want to tell that person if you do decide that you want to share the information that you know you are not a bad person for doing that and it is not your fault that somebody else decided to act badly and to keep it a secret yeah and i have had someone hit my car in the past and not leave i've had people leave note brilliant i've had people that hit it and run and it's it's so upsetting because it's like now i have to front up all this money all this time all this effort to get it fixed because someone just didn't have the guts to own

up to the right thing so it's it is a shitty situation and i'm sorry you're in it but like hopefully it resolves itself and i'm not sure if we were any help at all but we'll keep on trying no it's just an interesting one isn't it it's more about a discussion that one and it's a very deep moral discussion well because there is a right and wrong but at the end of the day the person who's written the question in is not in the right or the wrong like they haven't done anything wrong yeah that's the big thing all right okay the last question here is about the ick and I fucking love the ick. Well, I don't love it. We don't love the ick, but I do love conversations around it. All right. I have heard you guys mentioned the ick or the sudden ick

towards a partner on the podcast before. It's a feeling that I was not familiar with until six months ago. I was happily in a relationship with my boyfriend for a whole year. We lived together. I guess you would say that we were relatively normal. We had a healthy sex life. We'd have sex a few times a week spontaneously. You know, you get me. We were in a really good place. please do not think I'm a shallow person and I do not mean to sound shallow or rude but for some reason in the past six months I have just had the serious ick towards my boyfriend nothing has changed he has done nothing wrong I just cannot bring myself to have sex with him when he would try and have sex with me I just don't want to do it I no longer feel the need the attraction or the

drive I expressed my feelings towards him and he was understanding however it got to a point where we were having sex maybe once every couple of weeks. I still don't enjoy it. We are now 1.5 years into our relationship and I still have this immense feeling of the ick. What do I do? Does this mean that I don't want him as my boyfriend? Pretty much in every other facet of my life, he is perfect. He gets along with my family. I have three brothers and he gets along with all of them. They're all great friends. He's attractive. He has a big friendship group. He's a tradie and he's local to my area. I think she wrote, and he's local. Anyway. It's very important that you're born.

He lives locally, so it's all working out. Basically, she's gotten the ick and she's had the ick for what sounds like a year because she was dating him for six months, everything was fine, and then bam, got the ick. Yep. I'm diagnosing you. You definitely have a case of the ick. You have chronic ick, girlfriend.

Yeah, and the ick is a tricky one. I don't know many people that recover from the ick successfully. Could you do it? For sure. Could it just be a phase? Yes. but is that common? Not so much. Usually the ick is a pretty big switch in the way you feel internally, generally speaking. Usually there's something that has started it. Like there is

something that ignites that feeling in you. I don't know what it is for you. It's hard to say, does this mean he's not the one for you? For me personally, I want to have an attraction. I think that if you can't think about kissing your partner or touching them or being romantic with them, that's a really big thing for me I'm definitely a physical touch person so I think if you if there's something that is like repulsing you in your relationship that's a pretty big red flag and you did say it's hard there's so many other great things he gets along with my family and my brothers that's brilliant but unfortunately that's not reason enough to stay in a relationship because you'll meet someone else as well if it comes to that point that is friends with your

family but you need to get to the bottom of what is causing your ick yeah I want to say I don't normally get on this podcast and answer these questions with the answer I don't think you guys should be together anymore that's a very very rare answer I think if anything Britt and I usually avoid giving the answer of breakup because well you want to be on both sides you want to present two sides yeah and I don't want to be responsible for a perfectly healthy couple breaking up like that's not, we love love. We love love. We're not here for the breakups. We're here for the makeups. Okay. But you cannot be in a relationship where for an entire year, an entire year, the thought of being sexually intimate with your partner discuss you and you force yourself to do

it anyway. Repeat that for me. Like nobody, I mean, there are definitely going to be times where you're not feeling it, where you kind of, you know, you know that when you actually get into doing it you're going to enjoy it but you can't be bothered because you're tired whatever plenty of those moments are going to happen throughout relationships but a consistent feeling of repulsion towards being intimate with your partner for an entire year is not healthy and I'm not going to sit here and say that that's something that you should keep on working out or keep trying to resolve because it sounds like you have been working at it and you have tried to resolve it the other part of this and I think it's something that we often especially when we're

dating someone who on paper they're everything that we're supposed to want it's okay to not be with someone who ticks every single box it's okay to walk away from a relationship where you think fuck they're perfect but I just wish I felt differently do you know what I mean it's okay because sometimes there is a reasons or there's something that we can't tangibly put into words or we can't grasp that there's one specific reason why we feel the way that we feel but if you have this overwhelming feeling that your relationship isn't right you've felt that for over a year nothing that you do I think is going to change that and you can't just then go and grasp at straws and tiny little reasons to hold on to for why the relationship could work so like you know

the family thing and if the time comes and you meet someone else I'm sure they're going to get along with your family too what the most important thing is is what's happening with you two privately at home inside and I don't mean inside the home I mean inside of you how you feel about your partner and it's so normal to like be in long-term relationships and you want to have sex less that's normal because you know you get tired you get busy you get used to each other that all-consuming sexual chemistry that sometimes happens at the start of the relationship it's normal for that to taper but what's not normal is to have a level of repulsion and revulsion totally for your partner and i think also with the ick like something that i mean

brit and i have done a lot of research into the ick more so than what any normal person should ever do into a dating phenomena, right? But the ick is something that is very much based on our intuition. It's based on our internal feelings. And sometimes those feelings are very guttural and you can't necessarily pinpoint why, but your intuition is essentially your internal warning system telling you that there's something about the situation that you don't like. And I'm not saying that in any way that there's something wrong with him as a person, but that internal warning system could just be, this isn't the person for you. You know, like maybe they do something which is makes you feel like maybe he doesn't have great personal hygiene maybe there's

something about the way he lives his life that on a very day-to-day level you're like oh it's like yuck you know there's something else there but you just can't quite put it into words or figure out what that is there's so many reasons why the ick happens but when it does happen it is possible to get over it but not if it's made a place in your relationship for over a year like if it is stuck around and you have had the ick for longer than you didn't, I think that's when you really need to unpack why you're staying. Can you get over the ick and move past it? Yes, you can. You 100% can. If it hasn't gone on for too long and if you can pinpoint what it is and then if you can have an open discussion about it and move forward. Like Laura just said, maybe it's a hygiene thing.

Sometimes, and when it happened to me, I didn't have a reason. I couldn't pinpoint it. It was just a whole feeling that I got and I didn't know why. And for that reason, I was never going to get past it, but some people can. But generally speaking, psychologists say that if you have been experiencing the ick for quite a significant amount of time, then it is probably better that you break up because that is not something healthy to have in a relationship. There is a relationship psychologist named Haviz who says this, and I found this quote really interesting on the ick. And she said, the ick is a gut reaction and you should always trust your gut. You can know you want to have a relationship. You can know that you like their qualities, but you can also accept

that you just don't feel that way about them it depends on whether the behaviors that irate you or that you feel disgusted by are negotiable and whether they can change in them so like for example whether you can get over the fact that you're disgusted whenever you try to have sex with them it's better to accept sooner rather than later that the relationship will not work in order to move on and I think that that kind of sums it all up like if sex and being sexually compatible with your partner is important to you it's important to so many people if it's something that's really important to you and having sex is something great sex where you feel connected and loved and into it and passionate and all of those things that you feel when you have good sex with

someone who you are deeply in love with and don't have the ick for if that's important to you then I think that that is your answer if it's not important to you and sex is not something that you care about and you're quite happy to park it and not have sex then I think yeah sure there's plenty of ways that you could work on this relationship but at the end of the day well having said that Laura before you go on a year no but having said that it has to also not be important for your partner it just can't be important it can't not just be important for you and you're like well it's not important for me so I'll get through it if your partner if it's really important to them and they want to be having sex all the time and they want to be

passionately kissing you and you can't bring yourself to do it then it's also not going to work I 100% agree it's because it's so common in you and sometimes you just can't put your finger on why and that's why it's so intriguing there is a great thread if you're part of the Facebook group well if you're not go and join life uncut discussion group but if you are part of the facebook group go and search for the ick in the discussion group there is an awesome thread from a couple of weeks back now i won't tell you why but i was doing my research on the ick because we have a very special little project coming out someday soon and i put my feelers out there and so many of you there was hundreds and hundreds of women and men who wrote on that thread saying the

different things that had given them the ick in their relationships some of them are fucking hilarious and some of them are absolutely humiliating so it's the full spectrum well that's the thing it doesn't even have to be a huge thing i remember once okay i can give you one example of something that set the ick off for me in a relationship a very very long time ago he farted that was all it was he was a constant father it wasn't his one-off like he had a gas problem he would never be able to date maddie j i'm so glad he wasn't your battle i mean i hope you're glad for more reasons than that laura could you imagine if we had been on the same season and we were competing for the same guy i reckon we would still be friends yeah but who would have

ended up with him i would invite you to our wedding and i would have been like haha i made out with your husband yeah i'm joking no but oh my god we're so cool well i reckon we would have been friends because we're actually both not that competitive in that sense but you're lazy we would have been like no you have pick someone else maddie j we've got each other but um no i think that for this it was like he kept farting he had really bad gas but it was constant and it was the smell it wasn't a normal fart the smell was so bad and I remember one day he just did it to the point where I were in a king single bed that was I remember it we were staying somewhere that didn't even have a double bed

so it was I couldn't even roll to the other side of the bed and that was it the set that is set it off and then I just couldn't even touch him I couldn't look him the same and I was like this is over I was like I can't help it and like I know you guys are out there thinking now probably like i can't let me break up with someone over that i didn't break up over that but that was the start of the ick and then once you feel the ick everything else that they do gives you the ick and that's why the ick is such a dangerous thing because it's not usually one thing it starts as one thing and it snowballs down the hill like a big giant snowball in the middle of winter like a big icky snowball anyway that's it guys keep your questions coming in for ask uncut if you

guys have a question for next week's ask uncut or for the one that we do on the radio just keep it's slightly more pg or g rated for radio for little ears you can write in just slide into our dms at life uncut podcast to instagram just write ask uncut at the top send us your juicy saucy sexy question and you will go in the mix for next week it's the same with your accidentally unfiltered and your confessionals or anything else that has happened to you that you think we should know about and if you haven't had enough of us by listening to tuesday's episode and this episode this week we do also have another entirely different podcast it is called hooked hitched and hung up, and every Wednesday we are dropping new episodes on that

where we are revisiting some of the spiciest, most wild, outrageous love relationships of the past. Just intriguing relationships too. Just those relationships that captured you over the time and you're not really sure where they went down, but you want to know, that's what this is. Well, I mean, it's kind of celebrity relationships, but it's kind of not celebrity because it's people like Bill Clinton

and Monica Lewinsky who are, like, very famous, but not really celebrities. Infamous. Infamous, that's the word I was looking for. Great, glad that I had you here. but anyway guys that is it from us and you know the drill don't forget to tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love why did you hesitate then i forgot we were doing it together

We'll be right back.