Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Insecurities, Ultimatums and Mum Guilt

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. Are we going to be fired by our own staff? I think so. We've got a new employee, Lockie, who's side-eyeing us through the window now because we've taken 45 minutes to start. 45? We've taken an hour and 20. I'm like, you're too new, Lockie. You can't do it yet. You know what? Hi, Brittany. I know you didn't introduce yourself, but I'll do it for you. People know who you are. I know who I am. I'm Brittany. That's Keisha. I mean, that's Keisha. That's Laura. Do you know what though? Sometimes, some days, you just take a little while to warm up. That's

Starting point is 00:00:39 what it is. It doesn't matter what it is that you're doing, but like you can't always just get to work and hit the ground running. Sometimes you have to stand around the fridge and chat for a little bit. We don't have a fridge, but I also would like to say that I don't think once ever we have come in and hit the ground running. It's just not our forte. We are absolutely not at risk of that, but that's okay. We're warmed up now and we're ready to answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. And the run sheet is formatted how Laura would like it.

Starting point is 00:01:05 Yeah, I was having a mental breakdown about the formatting. Like I have had not a lot of sleep. Poppy woke up seven times last night. That's hectic. So looking at a run sheet which has no formatting and everything is everywhere, I was like, I actually can't read this. My brain is not operating at its full potential right now. I feel very gaslit.

Starting point is 00:01:23 I can't wait to answer your questions in this current state. Well, she won't be able to find the question. I won't know what we're talking about. I'm going home at that point. Anyway, okay, vibes non-subscribers, what's your vibe? Okay, my vibe this week, I'm assuming, well, I hope everyone is across the Epstein files and what is being dropped the last, I mean, it's been dropped for the last year, but recently in the last week or so, there's been 3 million Epstein files dropped.

Starting point is 00:01:47 They were supposed to drop 6 million. The other 3 million are on their way. But there are so many conversations coming off the back of that online and a lot of misinformation as well. I am. I mean, I would say that I probably know like a 10%. Like I'm a scratch the surface kind of person when it comes to this conversation, maybe because it's been going on for so long

Starting point is 00:02:06 and because there's been so much conflicting information. But so much of the files have been redacted. Like a lot of that's to protect victims though. Yeah, and potentially Trump. Yeah, and people who are in power. No, and this is what I want to get. I don't want to get into it. There's so much to get into, but that's actually incorrect. The victims haven't been redacted. So many victims have been released in the last week and the people in power have been redacted. And it's a really

Starting point is 00:02:29 big conversation. Like victims, photos, names, addresses, phone numbers have been released, whereas the Donald Trumps have been redacted. So this is the problem, right? Because they said the reason why there's going to be redacted information from the files is to protect the victims, obviously to protect what would have been child victims at the time. And if that hasn't been the case it's like what is the point of releasing these files then what's the point in releasing documents that have like multiple pages just blacked out like i because they're and this is what i this is my vibe right the epstein files are so confusing and there's no rule of law that's being followed they're supposed to be but they're not the doj

Starting point is 00:03:09 which is the justice department is breaking a lot of laws by not releasing things not redacting and redacting different things. There's a lot of pressure applied from the Trump administration because Trump is featured throughout the Epstein Files multiple times. Trump's having a meltdown online, but it's so big right now online. If it's not in your feed yet, it will be very soon because it's all anyone is talking about and it's going to be going on for quite a while. But there is a person that I am vibing. Now he has 6 million, 7 million followers across all his social media. This is an Instagram page, but just type in his name, you can find him on TikTok. He has a sub he is the most followed news reporter on Substack as well this is in Instagram that I consume my

Starting point is 00:03:52 information from but like if you just search his name whatever medium you like to consume from you can consume from there his name is Aaron Parnas we will link his details in our show notes but he's an independent reporter and an attorney and he's Forbes 30 under 30 for his contribution to the media industry but he is basically like multiple times a day as the Epstein files are being released he's reporting on them and so they're just reel after reel after reel and it's just a minute and a half breaking we have news and then he summarizes it he shows it and it's just a really good way to gain information but he's also on it to the point that he is taking screenshots of the files as they're released because the second they're released they're all

Starting point is 00:04:34 of a sudden disappearing so the Trump administration is then going in and they're gone but he's like too late we've got screenshots there are a lot of people doing that a lot of people are taking receipts as soon as they're released but I have found him such a valuable piece of information to stay up to date with what's happening and it's not just the Epstein files he he does all media but that's what's consuming him at the moment that sounds so interesting and also oh he's brilliant it's so hard to I mean three million files right and that's just what the second release or there's more to come. Like it's, there's so much to consume and so many people involved that I find it really hard to kind of weed through. I've become obsessed. Well,

Starting point is 00:05:10 funny you say that because my vibe is also Epstein related. So it's a podcast. You guys have heard me recommend the rest is kind of, it's like a family of podcasts. It's done by a goal hanger. The first one was the rest is history. I have vibed the rest is entertainment and the rest is politics US. This one is my third of the rest is it's called the rest is classified. So the podcast description says, enter the secretive world of spies, espionage, and covert operations. Hosted by former CIA analyst turned spy novelist, David McCloskey, and veteran security correspondent, Gordon Correa. So they basically talk about spy stories, intelligent secrets, and some of the behind the scenes of agencies like CIA, MI6, and Mossad.

Starting point is 00:05:52 So this particular two episodes that I'm recommending are the Epstein Files declassified. Now, the first one is all about the potential conspiracy theory, but there's a lot of talk about the fact, was Epstein a spy? So the first episode is about his connections and his proximity. And they also unpack, well, if he wasn't actually a spy, could he potentially have been an asset for a type of organization that fed information or that potentially connected people? And now with the amount of people that have been linked that are people of power and money in the Epstein files, it's starting to look as though like, oh, this doesn't actually seem like

Starting point is 00:06:32 a tinfoil hat suspicion. There is a very good chance that this could have at least been partly true. It's funny because Laura's, if you watch video, Laura's face was just like when Keisha just said he's a spy. But what I'll say is it's crazy. I listened to them. I've listened to them because I'm obsessed. When I first read the description and it started, I was like, this is going to be a load of rubbish. By the end of it, I was like, was Epstein a spy? It makes so much sense. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:58 And then the second episode, and for me, the second one was actually more interesting. Did aliens build the pyramid? You say that, Laws. You need to listen. Did the world end in 2000 and we're living in sci-fi land? I don't know. The second episode is called, so Epstein Files Declassified,

Starting point is 00:07:14 Mossad, Israel, and Ghislaine Maxwell. So Ghislaine Maxwell's father, Robert Maxwell, had all of these connections to Israeli intelligence agencies like Mossad, the second episode was actually more interesting for me and I was just blown away by how deep these connections ran. There are a lot of Israeli and Russian connections and once you unpack them, it's not that far-fetched. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:40 So that is just two parts. You know, the podcast does multiple episodes per week. It's called The Rest is Classified, but these two particular episodes I found really, really interesting. I could not have a vibe that is further from the two of you, which is potentially a good thing considering that everything is Epstein right now. As much as I was like, what the hell are you talking about? It does sound fascinating. And I also think maybe I speak for a population of people who on one hand, I'm interested in it. But on the other hand, it has felt like it's so big and there is so much information to kind of trudge through on this. And I'm like, I don't have time for that. It's like sitting down to watch a series. I was like, I don't have time for that just now. so I haven't consumed as much about it as what I think the two of you have that's why this yeah my reco is so good for that because it stops you having to source multiple places and having to confuse yourself you'll go on if you go onto his Aaron's page and you just you could spend 10

Starting point is 00:08:33 minutes a day or an hour and it puts it in a timeline because he's dropping it as it's coming here's the thought maybe we need to get him on as an interview I would be deceased I would love that well there you go I also just hope that with all of this information coming out that the people who are responsible for these crimes actually have to face accountability. They won't. I think a lot of the talk at the moment is like, oh, this is so crazy and insane that it happened

Starting point is 00:08:56 right under our eyes. And I'm like, yeah, these are predators. Like, let's not forget the fact that people were so, so harmed in this situation. That's why I actually want to keep the conversation going. The first person being brought to a criminal justification right now from the Epstein files is a UK diplomat. So not even anyone in the States, UK.

Starting point is 00:09:16 Like the people in the United States are going to get off scot-free, I think, because there's too many people in power. Trump's one of them. He's the most powerful person in the world. Everyone that is connected in the Epstein Files is connected with him and he sets the rules. What are you going to do? All right, guys.

Starting point is 00:09:31 My very, very, very different vibe for the week is only going to be applicable to if you have a newborn or you're pregnant or you're having babies and you're wanting to breastfeed. I have always been, I know Keisha's laughing because it's so, it could not be more othering. I have now, as you guys know, like three kids. I've never ever, ever, well, I think so. I've never wanted to express before.

Starting point is 00:09:55 Like I tried expressing when Marley was little with a, like a breast pump and I fucking hated it and I gave up really quickly and it just wasn't for me. And I think it's because I just didn't find a pump that I actually enjoyed using. Or that was like easy. Yeah, that was easy or that worked for me. Like I just didn't get enough out. It wasn't, it was cumbersome and I hated having to, it was too big to lug around and I didn't want to have to be stuck in the house doing it at home. So I tried a new one this time and it's

Starting point is 00:10:19 called Lecevo. It is not paid. It is not sponsored. I got it from a shop. I went in and kind of chatted to the woman who worked there and she was like, this is the one. And it's brilliant. It is such a great, small, compact breast pump. I posted on my Instagram yesterday that I have zero shame in like pumping anywhere that I am because it is super, super discreet. And it has, I mean, it has great horsepower you're gonna get a lot of milk out of those boobs i've heard it it goes it's amazing and it's kind of like now i feel like i'm one of those mums on tiktok that are like look at the supply i created with just one pump um but placebo it's a great breast pump if you're wanting something portable small and pumping hasn't necessarily worked for you in the past

Starting point is 00:11:03 because i would have written it off this time if i hadn't tried this what i will say is as an observer it is like so small and compact that sometimes you'll be here pumping under your shirt and i can't see it like it's not it's not like it's tiny but it's almost it's not like they used to be like this huge big contraption like it's quite discreet in a way yeah you can still i mean like it's still noticeable yeah but it's not like it does make a noise which is like so it it kind of sounds like a vibrate yeah it sounds like a vibrator on long buzz anyway let's get into your question let's get into your question she's not breastfeeding she's just masturbating all right question one my partner and i have been in a relationship for six years

Starting point is 00:11:47 and he was a smoker when we met he used to smoke maybe two to three cigarettes a day but i even said to him on our first date that i never wanted to marry someone who smoked it's always been a no-go for me very scared of the consequences and what might happen him if he continued to always smoke. Anyways, fast forward at the time, and it was very early days of dating. He told me that he would quit one day and definitely didn't want to always be a smoker. In fact, he said he would quit before we got engaged. And he did. He quit over three years ago for a period of about a year until one day he had a falling out with his dad and was suddenly just smoking again. He hasn't stopped since. And we've had conversations as I have been seriously

Starting point is 00:12:27 disappointed by this and he said fuck that promise i smoke either get over it or leave me i'm six years in now mate i wish it was that simple he clearly has no plans of quitting and i don't want to break up with him so what do i do by the way we are not engaged yet but we've been planning our long-term future forever and he is my person but this habit is soul destroying for me I wish that he would choose to change because I know I can't make him. His response is almost worse than the fact that he's still smoking. The response of fuck off, I smoke. Sorry, fuck that promise, I smoke.

Starting point is 00:13:06 Get over it or leave me. Like that to me is almost worse than the fact he's still smoking. This is sort of tricky. I don't think you can really do anything. Like he's sort of right. If he doesn't want to give up, he doesn't have to. like if he doesn't want to give up for himself and for you a promise he made for you you can't physically pull a cigarette out of his mouth every time he smokes I detest smoking I hate it I hate

Starting point is 00:13:29 the smell I hate the look I hate the feel I grew up with my parents smoking so I grew up around a lot of smoke and it just it just I just hate it I would never be with a smoker I also think maybe that's everyone's different right but I feel the same way like my mum and dad were both smokers when I was kids neither of them smoke now and I remember like I would go and sneak into my mum's cupboard and I'd get the cigarettes and I'd put them in the toilet like I'd throw them out and I'd get into so much trouble I did it once and never again because I I used to beg them to stop and I remember once I put it in a pot plant to hide it from them and I didn't know that in the pot plant there was water in there and so I told them that I didn't know where it was and I got in

Starting point is 00:14:06 so much trouble I eventually went to the pot plant to get it and the whole packet was wet I'll never forget the feeling of like it was like i'd murdered the cat dude but okay do you not think and maybe i'm being too critical this is such fucking boomer parenting sorry to sorry sorry tony i know my dad sorry to all the boomer parents out there but like maybe we're softer maybe it's because we've done the therapy but if i was smoking and my kids were like please mom stop like beg me to stop something i wouldn't be like i'll do what i fucking want to like i'm sure that there are some parents out there that do still do that but i just that i can't even fathom it like the fact that no the fact that we would tip those cigarettes down the dunny and our parents were

Starting point is 00:14:46 like how dare you because they used to i don't know i have asthma still i still have asthma so does my sister i just had to take a puffer this morning and my mom was like i don't care do you know it's not it's not that parents have every right to say no to a kid that begs them to not do something and if you think it's different now because we we absolutely unequivocally know how bad smoking is back then you were smoking in labor in the hospital like you could literally smoke in a hospital no one it was encouraged i think at one point they were saying smoking's good for you yeah but then i you know by the time we were in our early teens that narrative had changed like that boat had sailed but look okay back on track i agree with what you said brit it's not possible

Starting point is 00:15:27 to make someone do something you are between a rock and a hard place but I want to focus in on what he said fuck that promise I smoke or you can leave me yeah it's cooked and I know that you say we've been together for six years you've got too much invested absolutely you need to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you or not but the thing that would be a deal breaker for me is how dismissive he is of our relationship and how he would prefer to choose two to three cigarettes a day over the relationship over something he knows yeah so he's saying fuck you I would prefer to smoke over being in a relationship with you so if you're gonna give me that ultimatum go imagine his wedding vows it's like for better or worse or a cigarette like that's what he's saying he's

Starting point is 00:16:13 saying I would rather choose ciggies for the rest of my life than our relationship and I think that that's the conversation you can have with him I don't think that you can make him do anything he doesn't want to do I don't think you can force him into it but I do think you can tell him how hurtful what he is saying is when he says that and what that actually looks like for you and then you just have to decide is this a deal breaker you could reverse script he said take it or leave it you could say leave it or take it take it well you could also say to him like but you can't this isn't real but you could also be like exactly that lean in and say you really if it comes down to that you would really choose because sometimes you need to break it down for

Starting point is 00:16:52 them you know men aren't men aren't on the same level as we are you would really rather choose sorry to all of our mad listeners you would rather choose this cigarette than your wife and future partner and children like make it as simple as possible and just say yes or no it's a yes or no question would you rather choose it we know giving up smoking is hard it's an addiction no one is taking that away from anybody and i have seen my parents for many years and my brothers and so many people in my life try to fight that smoking addiction but he has to want to try and you have to think am I really that disposable that he would rather not put in any effort and try and take a cigarette over me because if that is what my partner said to me that says a lot about what

Starting point is 00:17:35 your future is going to look like and I don't want to say leave but you need to take that into consideration if he if he said that in the throes of an argument or he was highly emotional and you don't actually think he meant it if it was just in the middle of a like fuck that take it or leave it but if it was a genuine statement where he's saying it's look it's never going to happen so you either get on board or you leave i would be taking that as a pretty clear indication of what your future is going to look like i feel kind of different you would you love it does i don't i've never smoked cigarette in my life you're a vape though love a vape i used to quite like a vape if i'm honest yeah but your boyfriend gave you an ultimatum and you quit he didn't give me an

Starting point is 00:18:13 ultimatum he just judged me he just said you're a disgusting vaping whore he would not stay with you I don't know I actually don't think he would he wouldn't yeah but he wouldn't be with me there's a health consequence and he sees things from like a health perspective where he's like how could you damage yourself this guy started smoking again after having a falling out with his dad he has a pain point right now that cigarette is curing something it's very temporary it's true so it's therapy like this is the case for a lot of people who take substances of any kind cigarettes are so addictive you're just trying to not feel something for a small amount of time so my my thoughts around this is if that you go to someone who has fallen back into smoking because they've like had

Starting point is 00:18:53 this big falling out with their parent and there's probably other things going on as well and you're like fuck that it's the cigarettes or me like you're kind of adding to another pain point I think that a more productive and potentially solution focused way to be would be like let's get to the bottom of you know why you're feeling like you want this escape and why you actually have gone back to this bad behavior that you were able to quit at one point I think there's a little bit more psychology to this and I think that people need a little bit more understanding as to like okay so before you feel like you need to have a cigarette what's going on like let's unpack that let's get you a different hobby let's get you a different habit I think that's babying him too

Starting point is 00:19:31 much no look I appreciate the alternate perspective and I do think it has merit you don't want to leave your partner you've been together for years but the way he said that imagine if you if your partner sometimes we say stupid shit no i'm not giving him i'm not giving the whole pass on what he said though like i understand that cigarettes are addictive he's proven he can quit but if he's saying i have zero interest in trying to quit you can't solve someone else's problems for them like it is not her responsibility and it's not even responsible she cannot if he does not want to quit she cannot solve the problem that he is experiencing whether it's psychological emotional physical whatever that is and I don't want to put the burden on her of saying you can make him do

Starting point is 00:20:13 this you can't the only thing you can assess though and maybe it's a greater conversation you are at the moment saying like I want you to do this for me or for your health or for other reasons what's it going to look like when you have kids because like having a partner it's hard yeah but like having a partner who smokes when you have children that's another level of like the kids are then around the smoke there's a huge increased risk of SIDS in the home when one or both partners smoke in the house. Like there are other things that are bigger and greater responsibilities beyond yourself when you have children. And I think we know the impact and the health risks that are associated. So if as a parent, you're like, whatever, smoking is more

Starting point is 00:20:50 important to me. Like that's probably going to come across as a huge judgment on anyone who listens and smokes and has kids. But the only person getting anything out of it is the person smoking. It's impactful and negative for every other person, you know, that's around them or with them so it's not just that too it's if if that's the indication even if he does say okay I'll stop again fine is he just going to start every time something is hard or stressful because that's life life is constantly stressful if he's saying oh this has set me over the edge I'm smoking like what's going to happen when you have kids what's going to happen when you lose a job what's going to happen when work gets stressful like are you just going to go back to the default

Starting point is 00:21:23 but again I want to circle back to it not just being about smoking but more about his response that's what I would be really really upset with the fact that he doesn't want to try he's almost giving you an ultimatum I think that speaks more than the actual smoking itself because I don't judge somebody for relapsing into smoking again it is an addiction as we said but I do judge you for the way you act off the back of it and treat your long-term partner all right great collective okay next question am I capable of love I've been thinking about this a lot lately I've been with my husband for 8.5 years and married for three we have two kids aged four and two he's not my first long-term relationship I did have one for five years and I've had a few shorter ones back when

Starting point is 00:22:07 I was in my teens god there's no love like a teen love is there you know yes there is no your first no it hits different your first teen love is like you think the world is over when you break up I disagree I look back on it and I'm like wow I really thought it was the everything and it's No, that's what I mean. I'm not reminiscing now and say, oh, this, I'll never find a love like my teenage love. I mean, when you take yourself back to those teen years and it just feels like nothing will ever compare to this. Anyway, I'm just reminiscing about my first boyfriend. It's because we're old and jaded now. That's why. You speak yourself. So I did have my shorter teen loves. I'm just not sure if I've ever

Starting point is 00:22:43 actually been in love. Like any parent, I love my kids with my entire being. I love my family and I love my friends and while my husband is a great guy and I'm very fond of him lol I'm not sure I've ever been in love. My goal was to always have kids and I told him that on our very first date. My mum always said to pick a guy who would be a really good dad. My own is definitely meh and that's a whole other story to unpack but I knew my husband was going to be a fantastic dad and he really is and I think that's a big part of why I committed to him. Am I awful? Our home life is nice we have fun and everything but would I be a better person if I set him free and let him go and find the love he deserves help everyone experiences love differently everyone's version of love like

Starting point is 00:23:33 maybe you've been watching way too many rom-coms like maybe you've been I guess like consuming or thinking that love should feel differently to the way that it feels I guess my reason for thinking this though is because it's not like you've had one single relationship you've never experienced anything else you've dated other people you've had other experiences like is this not the most I guess like satisfying fulfilling does it not give you companionship does it not make you feel grounded and I don't know what you're looking for when you say in love is kind of I guess where my head goes to I'm like what do you mean by I don't know whether I'm able to feel in love and the thing is is maybe you aren't able to feel the version that it is that you're chasing but that

Starting point is 00:24:16 doesn't mean you're begrudging your partner of anything, especially if you're in a great relationship. I do wonder if, and I think it's really important when we're looking for a partner, maybe you leaned too heavily into it. The partner that you choose to spend your life with is the most, if not one of the most important decisions you will ever make. This is the person you are choosing to show up to and with every single day for the rest of your life. This is the person you are choosing to guide your children, to be there and support your children, to be there for you financially it is single-handedly the most important decision I think that you can make and you obviously took that into account when you met him a lot of people don't and they end up with

Starting point is 00:24:55 the wrong person that they have kids with and have a life with and it crumbles because they don't think of these long-term commitments you have definitely said I know I want someone that's going to be a fantastic husband and father I have no doubt you love him are you in love with him maybe not we don't know but there's no way you could have had this long with him and this beautiful of a life like you said he's fantastic and you love your life if there wasn't love there the interesting part to this is it doesn't sound like you're writing to us asking us should I leave to go and find real love it doesn't sound like you're concerned for yourself at all you're just concerned for him you're saying should I let him go and be free that sounds like love to me and just

Starting point is 00:25:33 might look in a different way but unless you're like a horrendous partner and mother and you're not showing up for him at all he sounds like he's pretty happy yeah I'm like don't blow up this man's life because you think that he wants to look for something that you think is missing for him. Like, I don't know, when I read this, my very first reaction was like, you are really overthinking the responsibility that you have to provide something for him. And I think sometimes, like I said, like the versions of love that we experience are always going to be different. And just because you might feel like this overwhelming in love feeling for someone doesn't mean that they're good for you doesn't mean that they have any sort of stability or

Starting point is 00:26:13 long-term companionship I've had that overwhelming like I'm so in love with this person and it was a fucking horseshit relationship it's a dumpster fire it is not the benchmark of what we should be I think holding for our long-term relationships and I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel in love with your partner of course I want you to feel in love just to whatever capacity but it is not the only metric for what is important in long-term relationships you also just have to one love your partner not just in love but love them love their stability love what they provide love the fact that you know that you can rely on them they're your best friend you know what would your life be like if he wasn't in it would you be happy would you be sad how would you feel if he

Starting point is 00:26:55 just you were parenting on your own and he was with someone else like are you completely nonchalant about that do you not care like there's more questions here to ask yourself because there's the difference between saying I'm in love or I love my partner versus being completely ambivalent to them. You know, like if you don't care about him, if you don't care about if he walks in the door or doesn't walk in the door at the end of the day, that's a totally different thing to unpack. I think it sounds like you do love your partner and you should be in this relationship. Do not fucking blow your life up. No, but the only other thing I want to say is plenty of people leave their relationships. They love their partner and they still leave because it's not right. Like

Starting point is 00:27:31 you can still love your partner and something is not right and maybe I'm playing devil's advocate and try and present both sides but that absolutely can be true I remember when I left my partner of eight years I loved him so much I wasn't in love with him I loved him so much but and he was a wonderful person but I just knew it wasn't the right thing for the rest of my life it's definitely more difficult when you've got kids absolutely but the only thing that is slightly worrying here is the sentence where you said, I am fond of him. That's not worrying. I don't think that's worrying. Well, if you're saying, I don't know if I've ever had love, I mean, I'm fond of my husband. Fond is great if it's accompanied with some other like more intentional emotions,

Starting point is 00:28:13 but fond on its own is for sure worrying. Like if you have no emotional connection to him anymore and you just look at him as like, you're a bloody good human who is good to our kids and there's nothing else there's no intimacy there's there's nothing else then sure you've got some deeper questions to ask but if you are just overthinking if you know you're obsessed with him and and you love him and you're just saying but am I in love I think you're overthinking that one it's so tricky no it's really hard because we just don't have enough information right we don't have enough information we live in a society that prioritizes chemistry over the importance of foundation in relationships and, and we live in a society where we see so much of just like

Starting point is 00:28:56 the romanticized version of what love can be. And I genuinely think that we've been sold a lie for a really long time. And sometimes love feels differently to the way in which we think or expect it to. The only thing I come back to on this is that if you're not doing it for yourself, if you're solely thinking these things for him, stop thinking for him. He is his own person. He's making his own decisions. You are not begrudging him of anything. He is in a, what I would say he probably thinks is a great and fond relationship that he's happy with and loves the stability of. I would dare say if you turned around and said to him, I want to set you free so you can go and love someone else. Like he's a salmon that you just caught from the river. Because I don't know

Starting point is 00:29:35 if I'm in love with you. I think that would be incredibly and deeply hurtful to the guy. I don't think that you'd be setting him free. I think you'd be setting him free to some fucking therapy. where he would go. But realistically, it's okay to fall out of love with someone. It's okay to get to a point where you realize actually you're co-parenting and you're not really in love with them anymore and you want more for yourself. But I don't think you should make that decision for them. If you're happy, if you are in a stable relationship and you are not seeking more, then I think that you're okay and you're overthinking it. Maybe not. Fingers crossed, go to therapy love wins that's hard all right next question my husband works 40 hours per week

Starting point is 00:30:19 in a job that he doesn't particularly like but he has to ride it out a little bit longer i work the regular 37.5 hours in a job that i love should i be doing approximately 2.5 hours more housework than he is not that i would actually count it more just the principle he has never suggested this thank god because that would be weird and is simply the best guy but i find myself sometimes a little bit resentful that he is not on the ball with the house things as much as i am and doesn't do quite as much as i do mostly because i beat him to it he is not good at remembering all those little things like coffee machine deep cleans they must have a lot of coffee then the other day it occurred to me well should i be doing more because he works more again he has never mentioned this

Starting point is 00:31:06 and is such a golden retriever, beautiful, kind man. For context, he is very clean and generally amazing to live with. We don't have kids or a dog, just the two of us. We will start having kids next year, hopefully. Is that the end? Yeah. You are splitting hairs. I think at this point, this question would have so much validity

Starting point is 00:31:30 and I think more legs if one of you was working 50 or 60 hours and the other person was working 20 hours and there was a real disparity between your workload and who's doing and bringing what and stress the difference with 2.5 hours is negligible I think in this situation especially when you said he's actually like a really clean good guy if he was an absolute slob and not doing anything maybe I don't see personally the relevance between him not liking his job and you loving yours like I know that that might be hard if he comes home and he's like fuck I just had a hard day you know the only reason why I do think that that's relevant is because it is harder to come home and be motivated

Starting point is 00:32:06 if you fucking hated your day. So you need more downtime. Yeah, but not being motivated doesn't wash the floors. Like you still have to show up to your life. Like not many people, unfortunately, and it sucks, not many people go to work and just fucking froth their job and love their job and come home at the end of the day on a high. And if you do.

Starting point is 00:32:24 Yeah, you're telling me. Like Kish fucking complains nonstop. She hasn't deep cleaned her coffee machine in a year. Yeah, but this is the thing. you do need to find the motivation to do those things exactly and i don't hate your job it is going to be harder to find that motivation yeah tough fucking titties you've got a house to run if you come home i'm sorry if you're going to marry someone and have kids with someone that says sorry don't love my job not picking the kids up from school not doing the washing i don't

Starting point is 00:32:51 love my job you love your job so you do more mate no i'm not buying it i'm just not but the thing is he's not doing that she's literally said he's so good he does so much he's mostly super clean he just doesn't deep clean the coffee machine this to me screams you don't have a problem and you're making one sometimes when everything is fine in the relationship sometimes and i do this with matt okay i'm not pointing fingers i am also the problem you can point fingers at yourself things are great our relationship's great there's nothing to be angry about sometimes i want to find something to be angry about because like I just want to be angry because I still sometimes want to hate my husband because it's just what we do is that because you hate your job too you're hoping

Starting point is 00:33:36 you're like I need to also vent no I guess like the thing is is your issues are relatable to the relationship that you're in right so like back in the day my issues used to be being cheated on they were the things that used to make me upset now I get upset if Matt doesn't take the recycling out like it's a really different and non-comparable issue but they're not taking the recycling out is the biggest issue I have at the moment so I'm still going to say something still going to pick a fight over it sometimes I need to step back from myself and be like Laura Laura you stayed with a man who cheated on you with 10 different women yeah and you're gonna get angry at the guy because he didn't take the recycling out have some fucking perspective but it's relative because

Starting point is 00:34:11 you also have three kids now and work a lot and and to be fair he always takes the recycling out I was just trying to find an example of something he does but you know what I mean it's it's relative he forgets shit I tell him and it drives me crazy but I don't want to take away from this woman's issues but I do think it's more simple I think you're overthinking it you do not need to do an extra 2.5 hours cleaning to meet but it just has to still be fair in a way and if you do think he's dropping his slack in the tiniest way if you feel so inclined you can bring it up with him however don't you think that some people have slightly different standards for which they want to keep the house and how they live like I've dated someone before who has been an ridiculously

Starting point is 00:34:50 clean freak like a ridiculously clean freak I would love that and liked everything folded and put in drawers in specific ways they would not love living with you that's the problem worse it's great it's great if you match on those things but i was like i am never going to be the level of organized that you want from me i don't have it in me i'm not going to come home from work and spend an hour and a half organizing my fucking underwear drawer if that brings and sparks joy for you go for gold but you can't hold it against me that i don't want to put in as many hours as you do into that side of organizing our life just last night I ordered a drawer organizer you'll never use it I've seen your house no but I want to be better and so I went on I went online

Starting point is 00:35:31 and I was like I'm doing it I'm ordering an organizer I can't wait to see how disorganized all the shit in that organizer is you are me have I not shown you no I'm what I had you are I've got to send you the organization I've done on my cupboards no you and me though we go through these moments of spontaneous outburst and we get excited and everything's perfect and then a week later you're like what the fuck happened we are the same person it sucks the counterpoint to this though is and i've lived with um a lot of housemates over the years and i actually do notice a very distinct difference and i also see it sometimes in my partner i find stereotypically a lot of men don't see the things that women see in terms of like not the everyday like wiping of

Starting point is 00:36:14 a bench it's the things like she said with the whole coffee deep clean i'm like oh what you're referring to are the things that don't need to be done every week but they need to be done overall it's the cleaning of the blinds it's the it's the more deep clean cleaning the skirting boards like it's the washing the floors it's the cleaning the mold yes it's getting personal Keisha she's like it's the pressure cleaning I did pressure clean on the weekend I want to borrow that actually yeah actually yeah it should be a vibe this is a terrible terrible stereotype but it is the truth yeah men who are usually good at cleaning are good at tidying they're not actually good at cleaning they don't clean they tidy and it's almost to the point where like I've had this

Starting point is 00:36:51 argument with my partner and that's where I think I landed on this where I'm like oh you don't see it I get angry about the fact that things can be dirty and you don't clean it but you don't even see it so to in your mind it's not a problem and so like because there was this point where I was like oh you need to actually get in and do the and I'm like I feel like I'm parenting you and you know he's like what are you talking about what's wrong with it and I'm like this is what's wrong with it you know it needs all of these additional cleaning things and I have noticed if I'm comparing my female housemates to my male housemates over the many years that I lived with other people guys just sometimes they don't know that's not an excuse it is

Starting point is 00:37:30 patriarchy and it is their parents no no it's not the excuse it's the opposite they haven't been conditioned to see those things and they need to pick up the slack yeah just a second to shit on our partners for a second so what what Ben does it drives me up the wall and like I might not be a clean freak but i'm still clean he will sit on the lounge and eat i love you ben he listens to every episode he will eat his food his dinner breakfast whatever he's got a really big l-shaped lounge leather lounge then he'll just put his plates and stuff down on the end of the lounge and that's it it doesn't move the next day he'll have his next meal and he'll put that there but he lives on his own most of the time yeah how does he not have coffee how does it get to the

Starting point is 00:38:08 dishwasher he will do it but it's he won't like i will see him get i'll see him putting his plates down after dinner he'll get up to walk to the kitchen to get a drink but walk past the plates and I'm like I'm like baby you're going there so you're going there anyway so just pick the plate up and take it is it because he's cooked the meal that he's like Brittany fucking clean up no because he doesn't he doesn't he just doesn't it doesn't bother him and it won't be like that for days I'm probably exaggerating but the next morning he could go to bed and come out knowing that was there whereas I could not go to bed if I knew that that was there like I just could not sleep with that knowing it was out there anyway moving along I think why are we not all lesbians

Starting point is 00:38:44 why are we not lesbians I'm sorry I'm not gay every day my friend Nat and I talk about living in a commune with our two gay mates more often than you'd think I do mean this I honestly mean this like I love Matt more than anything in my life but if we separated and he left me for a younger model or something happened and it made me question everything if he left me or we broke up or something happened i will not date again i will you will no i won't i have no interest i will happily raise my children and live in a women-only commune with my and go nudie swimming i don't believe it's in my bones you got those cock rings laying around the house you're gonna have to that's all i need i'll hold a cock ring i'll put on my own wrist like i'm not i'm just

Starting point is 00:39:24 not everyone says that and then they do and become a lesbian i'll become a late life lesbian well not with me no i know not with you you wouldn't want to anyway i could i could i could do it with me no not with you next question this one's for laura i have a question i'd love to hear laura talk about as she has little kids but obviously get brit's idea on it too because she's amazing i didn't write that i'm a working mom as if you didn't add that i didn't add that oh why does the type look different? Like it's been inserted afterwards. Why isn't it a different kind of font? It's bold. Why does it say Brittany edited? Why does it say last edited by Brittany? Two minutes ago. No, it's a screenshot. I'm a working mum. I work as a lawyer and I've always worked

Starting point is 00:40:12 full time. I had my first baby. He's now four months old and I'm thinking about when I go back to work, probably when he's 10 months old. I'm going to put him in daycare, but I'm feeling a lot of mum guilt about this. So I would love to hear your thoughts on being a working mum and will my baby be okay and still thrive if in daycare oh darling that is so hard look there is a lot of really scary shit that's been coming out recently about daycares in Australia there's also great stuff coming from daycares yeah but overarchingly I would say the news in the last 12 months has been particularly frightening when you look at the daycare situation in some areas of australia firstly it's really hard to get your kids into daycare so i would say do your research

Starting point is 00:40:57 now well don't you have to put them on a waiting list it depends on the area it depends on the area it depends on lots of things so i mean marley and lola both went to daycare from really young like i sent lola to daycare from six months and i think marley went from day to daycare she started two days a week when she was five months and that is really young like super super young but i would also kind of co like maybe two days they'll go to daycare and then they would come to work with me at tony may the other days and then as they got older we increased the days of daycare because we didn't have any other options or any other support and i had to go back to work when you run your own business you don't have the family or the luxury of of taking maternity leave

Starting point is 00:41:38 yeah and you're but you're you are lucky you're a particular case because you have these two businesses that are yours so you can bring them here if you need to and you can bring them to tony may yeah which doesn't make work easy but it's doable but if you're a lawyer you're not taking your child into the office and into your meetings and like you just can't totally and no it is only up until a certain point it's only doable up until that's why they went to daycare from five months i can't bring poppy in now like she was strapped to me for the first couple of months and i could do the records and she'd sleep through it there was no chance that she'd sleep through your cackle now britney she's would be like what was that i couldn't work through her

Starting point is 00:42:13 cackle so take that poppy no but there's no way you know they get to a certain age and that's not a feasible solution either how did you feel at the time though like did you feel mom guilt so much guilt so much guilt the thing that made me feel better is we did a lot of research we went to a lot of daycares like we went and did the open visits we really kind of like did our due diligence we were really happy with the daycare that we got to be fair actually the first daycare we went to with Marley not so much but we didn't have any comparisons but once we'd moved them to a new daycare both girls we were really really happy with where they were and they thrived and we became close with their daycare workers I would say my biggest advice is really do your research

Starting point is 00:42:56 and find a daycare where the people working there have been there for a long time a lot of daycares have high turnover of staff it's really hard to have continuity when the turnover is really fast And I know I prefaced and started this conversation by saying there's a lot of really scary thing that's coming out in the news, but actually the really important thing I want to say is that there are incredible childcare workers out there. There are incredible daycares out there where you can feel really confident and really okay with the fact that your child is being well taken care of. I know it's a risk and I know that there is fear involved in it and guilt and everything else, but it is a reality for a lot of parents and it was a reality for us. and we have taken a slightly different approach with Poppy and that's just because we're in a different financial situation now and it's actually more affordable for us to have someone come

Starting point is 00:43:44 to the home to take care of her. So we've kind of approached it a little bit differently but when Poppy's two, she'll also go to daycare as well. So it's not like she's never going to go to daycare or anything like that. Look, I don't have kids but you did specifically say you wanted my opinion so here it is. Firstly, the mum guilt from what I can experience or all of my friends and family is normal. But secondly, you are absolutely blessed if financially you can afford

Starting point is 00:44:09 to not be going back to work in your family, in the society, the economical society that we live in today. Not many people get to do that. They are forced to go back to work. My sister Sherry, so Maya, my niece is maybe nearly one and a half in between. And she didn't go to daycare until about eight months old. And Sherry was the same. She's like, I feel really guilty, but I have to get some work done. So she put her in one day a week because she was worried about what it would be like. She's now in four days a week because she thrives in it. And the development that she's had, like she was a preemie baby, but the development she's had been around other kids and engaging and social and trying to speak and all of those kinds of things has been incredible

Starting point is 00:44:49 to see. So, I mean, from that experience, she goes now four full days. My sister can work as much as she needs to get done and Maya is learning and thriving. So I think it's exactly what you just said Laura I'm sure it feels scary like a really big weight on your shoulders especially because it's your first child and correct me if I'm wrong did you feel like it got easier with every child Laura like it becomes more of a like oh it's okay and it's almost like a right not a rite of passage but like no it never gets easier and I think every child is different but the thing is the thing that made me feel really secure is is like when you choose a daycare to start with obviously you've got to do your research and everything else right that's important but once

Starting point is 00:45:29 your child starts going you can opt in to be as involved or as little involved as possible you can drop and go and have nothing to do with the teachers or you can spend time getting to know the teachers knowing their name knowing where they come from knowing how long they've worked there and actually build a relationship and a rapport with them and you know our girls were at one daycare for pretty much their entire childhood Lola just had one year at a different daycare and we spent a lot of time getting to know the other families the other kids like that is really important in building community and in making you feel as though your children are safe and they're thriving also like now a lot of daycares have like whatsapp groups for the parents so the parents are all

Starting point is 00:46:08 sharing like what's happening in the daycare there is so much that's happening online where you can check in and see in the little like daily updates it's really important to just do your research and if something doesn't feel right trust your gut all of those things but i don't think that you can punish yourself or hold onto this guilt. If you have to rely on daycare, so many moms and dads have to, so many parents have to like, it's just a necessity. And also the fact that you're a lawyer and you have a great job will mean that you're able to afford a daycare that hopefully is the daycare that you choose, not just a daycare. That's the one that you have to send them to, you know, there's opportunity of choice there. At the end of the day, you are

Starting point is 00:46:49 always going to feel some level of mom guilt. I don't know any mom who has sent their kids to daycare and just walked out and high-fived each other you know there is every time that I have sent my kids to daycare to start with like I have also been the one in tears I do worry that I don't feel that though because part of me that's like if I have a kid I'll be like so yeah but I I think ultimately you have to make the choice I'm just you'll feel differently when you have kids you will I know you make these jokes that I know I do make these jokes protective mechanism defense mechanism move on you're gonna have I really I can't wait to have these conversations with you in time to come when you get to this point.

Starting point is 00:47:24 You'll be like, oh, God. I know. Maybe we'll do an episode if it happens where we flash back to all the things I was worried about and then flashes back to where I am now where I'm like a helicopter parent that doesn't let my kid go everywhere. And you're like talking about surrogacy and only wanting to have a surrogate and you're only wanting to send them away

Starting point is 00:47:38 and get them back when they're three. Yeah, would I get cancelled if I had a surrogate? Probably. It depends. It depends on if you say it's for health reasons or not. It is for health reasons. Is it health or vanity? Mental health reasons.

Starting point is 00:47:49 Because of my vanity. Vanity. No. No, but, like, do you genuinely think? Because I do think this. If I can't fall pregnant, because Ben and I talk about this, right? Like, I haven't been able to fall pregnant. If I got a surrogate, if I had to, I feel like people would cancel me

Starting point is 00:48:04 and I'm like, let me just have a baby. No, if you do it because you tried. Well, you'll never know. Yeah, that's the hell. You heard it here first. Anyway, guys, that's it from us. Maybe Brittany for the last time. If you haven't listened to or watched any of our Life Uncut episodes on YouTube, get on there.

Starting point is 00:48:26 What are you doing? Stream it to your TV. That can be, yeah, that can be your new way of watching Life Uncut podcast. Also great to like share and like listen to the Ask Uncut questions with your partner and get their hot take on how they would answer the question or they would approach it. We also have, and I don't know if you guys missed it, but Saturdays we have a brand new episode and it's had such amazing reviews and it is called Off Cuts

Starting point is 00:48:50 and it is all the things that we wanted to talk about in the week but we didn't have a place for them so now it sits in that episode so if you missed that that's the last episode that came out Off Cuts it's great

Starting point is 00:48:59 highly recommend there's two of them now go back and binge listen remember tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love Thank you.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Insecurities, Ultimatums and Mum Guilt

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