Life Uncut - Ask Uncut: Is This A Date? (& He Won’t Stop Talking In Third Person)

Starting point is 00:00:09 Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Life Uncutt. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut where we answer your deep, you're dark and your burning questions. You look like you're in a good mood today, Lauren. We have something to announce everyone. It's coming. And I know you might have seen our little teasers, our little bread. Bread can fucking... Why? Sorry, I don't understand. For someone that speaks for a living, the only word you can never say is breadcrum and it's always breadcum. Because I intentionally went to say breadcum then. And And then I think I weed myself out. We have a little bread come for you all.

Starting point is 00:00:42 We have been bread coming for the last week or so. You guys may have seen it. If somehow you've missed the breading. Something is coming soon. Something we have been working on for a little while. We are so thrilled, excited to bring this to you. Yeah. And we're going to tell you on Wednesday.

Starting point is 00:00:58 So make sure you're listening to that episode. Although I do want to say, as much as I love a teaser, I kind of also don't want to like over tease at the same time. We have never teased in seven years. we've never had anything to tease. We don't. How dare you? No, we don't.

Starting point is 00:01:12 We're not teasers. We've teased stuff. One thing maybe? We had a live show once. I'm sure we teased it. The problem is the reason why we're not really the type of people who tease things. It's because we're so disorganized. We always forget.

Starting point is 00:01:25 And then we do things so last minute that there's no time to tease. We're always like, announcement. But do you know what we've done? We hired loads of people so that we don't have to forget anymore. We don't have to remember. It's their job. So then if we forget from here on, in, we can point the finger at our employees that are looking at us through the glass right now.

Starting point is 00:01:45 Anyway, we do have something very exciting. It's coming for Wednesday, and we can't wait to share it with you all. Maybe think of it as more. You know what our hint could be? More. Mrs. Trunchball? You want more? Is that really for Mrs. Trunchball? From Matilda. Yeah, with a fat kid that eats a cake. Remember the kid goes up to get more cake. Yeah, this is like the joy of having kids that are that age now. Like, Marley loves a Matilda. So I've seen it so many times as an adult. It's still a fantastic movie. Yeah. And he like gets force fed an entire cake and then he vomits everywhere and she swings him around by his ears and throws him over the fence. So that's our hint. You got us. We're opening a bakery.

Starting point is 00:02:23 You got us. Anyway, we are here to answer. You deep, you dark, you're burning questions. But first, we have some vibes and unsubscribes. Do you want to go first? Yeah, I have actually, I have a vibe and I also have an unsubscribe. Which one do you want first? Unsubscribe. I am unsubscribing from Airdrop codes. And I know that they're there for a reason so that you don't receive unsolicited dickpicks, but they're just inconvenient. And I'm going to say this. AirDrop doesn't work 90% of the time anyway. Won't send or something else has happened or it's too long or it times out. Now adding the code in, it's just another layer. And I find it annoying. And I want to opt out of the code, but it just appeared one day and I can't get rid of it. Let me look at something.

Starting point is 00:03:02 Oh, God, here she goes. Just agree. Just say, yeah, it's really annoying. And then we can move on. I was just trying to look if you can turn it off. I don't think you can. Well, I was doing my due diligence because I didn't want the people to write to us and so you fucking idiots, you can turn off. But it turns out you cannot fully turn off the airdrop one-time verification code prompt when receiving files from unknown contacts as a permanent security feature. Mind you, laws.

Starting point is 00:03:25 I don't know if it's just unknown contacts because, like, I have everyone from the team here is in my phone. Yes. And it's constantly still ask for the code. I believe since it was brought in, I could be wrong. But if it's your contact, it's like a one-time, like the first time you eardrop to that person. And then for unknown contacts, it's like just a blanket. But think of the dick picks that you guys, the porn and stuff you guys got when you're on the boat. I know.

Starting point is 00:03:47 Actually, that's wow for anyone who does it. It was a swingers boat. We're on a cruise. No. Think of that porn trip you did. The porn cruise, Laura. It would have been good for that. That was such a great cruise.

Starting point is 00:03:59 If anyone wants to go, it's Laura 20 and you can go on a porn cruise. No, it was actually terrible. That story was from many years ago. We were on a ferry and someone was. Yeah, we were just like, we're having a ferry race. Yeah, we were just like, we're having a lovely little day trip out on the Great Barrier Reef. And we're with the kids. And the kids were watching, like, Dora the Explorer on my phone and some other, like, really bad teens.

Starting point is 00:04:18 They're like naughty teenagers. And they had their parents' phone or they had their own phones, probably. And they were air dropping. And it turned out that they were like air dropping hardcore porn at the same time that my kids had the phone in the head. Okay, I take it back. Yes, it has a purpose. It's just very inconvenient. Yes.

Starting point is 00:04:33 I think that's what the purpose is for the, think of the children. I get it. Okay. All right. I'll take it back. Okay, what's your vibe. Thanks Apple for bringing safety measures. We appreciate them.

Starting point is 00:04:41 They can't win with you, Laura. They just can't. Apple cannot do anything right. My vibe for the week is a ceramicist. Her name is Rachel DeSalvo. And I might have vibed it. You think I've vived it before. But I...

Starting point is 00:04:52 You have with the letters, for sure. Okay, so we have the most beautiful handmade letters that are in, like, a house down south that have the girl's name. We put them in their, in their bedrooms. It has Mali Mae and Lola, Poppy doesn't got one yet. Just on the weekend, she released like a short range of what. are like these beautiful ring dishes. They're really in fashion at the moment.

Starting point is 00:05:11 They're like a jewelry tray that have like these beautiful cutouts where you can keep your rings, like little sectioned out. Instead of a jewelry box, it's this beautiful presentation jewelry tray. And I bought three of them to use for photo shoots for Tony May. I absolutely love them. But it was the first time they'd look through some of the new stuff

Starting point is 00:05:27 that she's been creating and she has the most beautiful handmade vases and like these beautiful pots and objects. And I just think her work is incredible. I love discovering new Australian. an artist who are doing beautiful work. It's like one of my favorite things is having original artworks in the house and these are completely studying. So that's my recommendation. It's Rachel DeSalvo. She has an Instagram that you can go and follow and it is Rachel DeSalvo. Just her name. There you go. Easy.

Starting point is 00:05:55 It's, uh, turns out it's a Rachel DeSalvo. I actually do know her. I follow her as well. She's incredible. And you have vibe during the past, but we can vibe twice. Well, I'm back for the second. I don't think I have. You're 100% her. I don't believe it. Prove it. You don't have to believe me for it to be true. Prove it. My vibe this week, a bunch of you probably watched season one of it a couple of years ago on Netflix, beef.

Starting point is 00:06:19 Remember beef? You're going to say the gentleman and I was like, I'm fucking, I'm in. Well, that's the other one. We can do that if we want. We can switch. So, oh, there's two vibes. Do you want the gentleman or beef? Which one do you want?

Starting point is 00:06:29 I can't talk to beef, but I can talk to the gentleman. Did you end up watching it? I'm watching season one now because everyone has been saying that I would love season two. And I'm like, well, I really got to start at the start. It is one of those seasons you have to start from one, the gentleman. If you guys haven't seen it, go watch it. But season two, if you love season one, season two is 10 times better. Well, I'm catching up slowly.

Starting point is 00:06:47 And the main guy's so hot. It's enjoyable to watch. And it's pretty badass. Okay, tell me about beef. Did you watch season one of beef? I haven't seen any of beef, no. Beef was probably one of the most. I think it was like a number one Netflix here a couple of years ago.

Starting point is 00:07:00 The lead was Ali Wong, the comedian. The story is about conflict. So it's about beef. Like having beef with somebody. Oh, wait. Do you remember? Yeah, she was driving and then they had like road rage. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Starting point is 00:07:10 I only got through the first episode. I wasn't about it. Yeah, well, it was a really big show at the time. And I saw that, I watched it. I enjoyed it. It wasn't my number one show, but season two just came out. And it's got Carrie Mulligan in it. You do not have to have watched season one to watch season two.

Starting point is 00:07:24 They are completely unrelated. It gives white, like a different kind of version of White Lotus, how you can't quite follow the storyline. You don't really know what's happening and you're trying to figure out who done it. And you know there's like, this big moment that's going to be unveiled, but you cannot figure out which way it's going to go. The whole season is like that. So from when you start, you do not know what you're watching, which sounds crazy. The acting is brilliant.

Starting point is 00:07:49 The storyline is unusual. But the whole season, you're like, where is this going? And then it takes this other twist and turn. It explores generational wealth, the evolution of relationships and conflicts that can happen within them. But it's about beef. So it's about all these people that have beef with each other and they're trying to figure it out and they all interconnect.

Starting point is 00:08:06 Do you think that season two is better than season one? I do, yeah. Hands down. Season one didn't do it for me. I literally chimed out after the first step. Yeah, season one didn't really do it for Ben either, but season two, we were both pretty hooked. It's unusual.

Starting point is 00:08:19 Like, it's a, it's a strange show with a strange ending, but I really loved it. Like, we binge watched it. We watched the entire thing. Phones down. So that's my RECO. Beef, Season 2, Netflix. All right, let's get into answering your questions. Question number one. My friend is super lazy at work and people talk about her behind her back.

Starting point is 00:08:40 Oh no. Do I tell her? So I've been working with my colleague in the medical field for seven plus years now. And because we have been working together for so long, we have become very close friends. The problem is she has always been super lazy at work. I'm talking avoiding all tasks by looking busy, hiding away when there is more difficult things to do, talking about her social life in kids when it's super busy, etc, etc. The list goes on. But Laley, it's become way worse. And I found out literally every other colleague is speaking about her lazy behind her back and not wanting to be paired with her at work. My question is this. My husband says I should tell her, seeing that she is a good friend of mine. But I also hate conflict. Should I just leave it and allow people to continue to talk about her behind her back? As she's eventually going to find out herself anyway, help. You're in the medical field.

Starting point is 00:09:27 I wonder what you do. I can actually picture this because I put myself in my medical environment where there's loads of people, there's patients. Every work has this person. Like every work has a person that you know, avoids the work. Referrals will come into a box. Just for me, for example, x-ray, ultrasound, MRI, CT, whatever it is, fluoroscopy. And you would go to the box and you'd pick the referral out. And you couldn't avoid it. If you, you know when you'd finish a patient, then you could see there's

Starting point is 00:09:54 someone in the next one. But there's always that person that like, oh, I've just got to file this quickly before because I don't want to go get the next patient, right? And you all know those people, inherently lazy people that just don't want to do anything. This is super hard because I don't think it's just a medical environment. It's any environment, right? If it's your friend, the question here is take out the environment. The question is, if it's your friend and you know people talking about them, do you have the responsibility to tell them, even though that's a really hard conversation? Because it is. But you're like, well, is that going to better that person? Is it going to make her life better if she knows what people are really saying? Or is it going to make her

Starting point is 00:10:29 more upset? Is there a way I can let her know without saying people are talking about you? Because once you open that can of worms, it can start maybe something unraveling that's pretty upsetting to somebody. Like when you hear that the whole work environment has been talking about you, it's pretty bad. But you also don't want people to continue to talk about her. I don't know how I would approach it. I think laziness is a really hard thing to approach with someone to be like, hey, you've got to start fucking pulling your weight. Like even if it's your friend, it's a hard conversation to go up and have in that environment.

Starting point is 00:11:00 But then you don't want to just leave her to get thrown under the bus. I genuinely feel really uncomfortable thinking about this situation. I don't feel that uncomfortable. I think the problem is though, and the way I would approach this, is you've known her for seven years. This to me is an attitude issue. Like this is how she approaches work. So you can have a conversation with her, but I think it's very hard to actually change

Starting point is 00:11:24 someone's attitude about how they approach work. So you can sit down and be like, hey, I've noticed that, you know, you don't do anything. Yeah, not even don't do. and that you can say, look, I want to be really honest with you. You know I love you. You know that we're really good friends. I have heard a couple of people express some frustrations with your level of work at the moment and that, you know, maybe you haven't been as much of a team player as what they need, whatever, however you want to cushion it. You can have that conversation with her. She will probably want to know who said it. She's going to probably get a bit defensive,

Starting point is 00:11:56 all of those things. But the big question is ultimately, do you think having that actual conversation with her is going to change her attitude to work when you know very well that she's had this attitude for seven plus years that you've worked with her. It's not that she's just started to slip at work. She's just always innately taken a bit of a coasting back seat. I think the problem with this is the fact that everyone's talking about it in a workplace and what should be happening is that there should be better management because like why is the management not doing anything? If everyone's talking about someone who's not pulling their way, if everyone's discussing it, why isn't her boss coming to her and saying, hey, I want to have a chat with you because I want to

Starting point is 00:12:33 correct this behaviour rather than just letting it fester within the workplace? And that would be my thing that I would do. The next time I heard people talking about this, I'd be like, hey, if you have a real issue with this, you need to address it with her. Like, you need to go and speak to her because it's not something that you should be taking on in the workplace because it's, I don't know, I feel like you're going to get, it's like a shoot the messenger type situation. Yeah, but people don't like to do that. They don't. People are more than happy to talk about people behind the back because there is a shared joint connection when you sit down and you both agree with someone that such and such is not doing a good job. I'm not saying that gossip is right, but that's what

Starting point is 00:13:08 people do. That's why they sit there and slam people because they want other people to agree with them. They feel included and they get on with the day. Well, also there may be a very genuine shared frustration that everyone's working really, really hard and this is the person who's just coasting along in the group project, getting a fucking A plus mark without doing any work. Yeah, it sounds very valid. Absolutely. I think you probably should say something to your friend. If I knew that everyone here was talking about me about something, I think that I would want to know. I think I would want to know that so that I could be like, fuck, because as much as everyone else thinks she's lazy, maybe she does it. Maybe she thinks she's the vibe bringer. Or maybe she thinks that

Starting point is 00:13:45 whilst she avoids the manual labour, she's picking it up on the filing and whatever else she's doing or pretending to do, she might not actually think she's lazy. Yeah, but that's the problem is often, and like, look, it's really, really hard. And I say this is someone who has managed bigger teams. Like everyone here, we have a small team at Life Uncutt. It is very evident if someone is not pulling their weight. Like, it will absolutely stand out because everyone works hard. You know what everyone's doing. There's jobs that have deadlines. And they work their butts off. But in some industries, you can hide. You can hide behind other people's work. You can hide behind meetings and schedules. There are a lot of people that are even listening to this, who if you honestly

Starting point is 00:14:23 thought about your work day in your work environment. There's someone. There's someone who's listening to this being like, yeah, fuck, I am a coaster and I get away with it. Oh, sleepy Sally. But the problem is, is that often other people in your work environment notice that and they will talk between themselves. And like, as someone who manages other teams, there have definitely been instances where I

Starting point is 00:14:45 have had employees that I know are coasting, that I absolutely know are doing, fuck all, sweet fuck all. And like you do have to kind of like approach that delicately because every time I've had a conversation with those individuals around their productivity, it has always been met with defensiveness. It has always been met with here's how much I'm doing. Here's the proof of what I'm bringing to the table. There's never an acknowledgement of the, I guess, like deadlines missed or things that haven't been done or all of the, you know, XYZ. That's why I say it's usually an attitude problem. It's really hard to change that in someone who doesn't want to change.

Starting point is 00:15:21 Yes, but I do think you need to give them the option. to change. I agree. Yeah, so you need to present that to them. They can do what they will with that information. And if after that, if you've sat down and you said there's an issue, people are saying this, I want you to know because I don't want this to happen to you and I want to give you the chance to rectify it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If nothing changes, then it is an inherent attitude problem and you've done your part. But I do think it's important that people are given the chance to rectify a mistake. Yeah, but it's also why I think like, I feel as though it's unfortunate that in your industry or in your workplace that this

Starting point is 00:15:52 guidance isn't coming from management. It shouldn't be colleague to colleague. You shouldn't have to manage your friend and tell them how they shouldn't behave in their role. I think that that puts a unfair strain on your friendship. And I guess what I want to say is like validating how you feel, I understand why you don't want to have this conversation with your friend because it puts you in a situation where it could be shoot the messenger and make her feel as though everyone's talking about her behind her back, which they are. I do think there is a way that you can approach it that is coming from a loving place of support for your friend. And in though like you're trying to just look out for her and look out for her well-being,

Starting point is 00:16:30 but make her aware that there's been a few instances where people have felt like she's dropped the ball on things. I also wonder, and I wish you said what kind of medical industry you were in because... She's a doctor. She's a surgeon. Yeah, she's don't do anything. She's like, I'm coming bothered to put that last stitch in. Well, the reason I say that is because I'm thinking back over to the decade that I worked in

Starting point is 00:16:49 that industry, there are the people that would avoid work the most. most were the people that weren't confident in what they were doing. And the avoidance didn't come in my line of work. The avoidance didn't come from being lazy. The avoidance came from not being confident to go and do that procedure. And so you would look through and be like, if someone picks this one up that I'm not confident in, I know the next one is something I can do.

Starting point is 00:17:13 And so I don't know. I wonder what industry you're in and I wonder if there's something to do with that, with the confidence or the education or experience. I don't know. I do think that in some way, however you feel comfortable, you do need to bring that up with it as a friend. Can I, the only other thing I want to add to this, because I know we've pretty much wrapped it, this is just validation for all the people who are working in an environment with someone who they know is lazy, right? There is nothing more infuriating when you're working towards a goal or you're really passionate about your job and you like really want a great outcome.

Starting point is 00:17:45 And there is someone in your team who is not collaborative and is not pulling their weight and is just fucking getting away with doing the bare minimum, it is so frustrating. So I do understand why people feel the way that they feel. I know what that's like and I know how like enraging it is when you're like, I'm working my ass off because I care about this and you just go for long coffee breaks. It is like a real feeling of resentment that grows there in a workplace. That's why Laura canceled coffee breaks at life. Yeah, no one's allowed to have coffee. No one can go to the toilet. So when you go to the toilet, you have to tell me, remember? That's exactly it. Yeah, it's a great culture we have here. Okay. Perfect.

Starting point is 00:18:20 This next one I think is one of the funniest questions we've had in ages. He won't stop talking in third person. Hi girls. I've started talking to a guy again that I've known for a few years, but I haven't spoken to him in ages and we are set to have our very first date in a month's time. We live in different states, so we're catching up wearing the same one, which is why it's a month in advance. We have been talking on the phone a lot and texting a lot and so far everything is going great. We really seem aligned.

Starting point is 00:18:48 However, he refers to himself. help often in the third person. No. For example. Andrew's hungry. I can't even say it. Andrew's got to go to the toilet now. So they're on the phone.

Starting point is 00:19:01 Andrew's horny. He says, oh, Steve got a little too drunk last night. Oh, Steve was really busy today. This is easy to fix. And it's giving me the ick hard. It gives me the ick. How do I tell him it's giving me reverse fanny flutters without hurting his feelings? I've known him for years, so I know it's not a new thing, but now that I'm interested in dating him, it has become a serious problem for me.

Starting point is 00:19:30 Am I just being too nitpicky, or is this actually gross? And how do I tell him, how do I ask him to stop if it's an okay to think to even do? You can ask him to stop. You can say, Brittany doesn't like that. Brittany wants you to stop. Brittany wants Steve to stop. Brittany, no like like Steve. Brittany got the ick from Steve talking in third person.

Starting point is 00:19:57 Oh, it actually gives me the ick so hard. I've referred to myself in third person before and you, I've never been shut down so hard. Did it? Yeah, it was ages ago. I remember, I was like, I think I said it in like, I was being, in third person. I was being sarcastic. And even in the, in the jest of sarcasm, you were like, what is that?

Starting point is 00:20:20 No, it gives me. The solid in. Laura was being funny, okay? Laura wasn't being funny. I think you can put an end to this. You just got to say, do you know that you talk in third person a lot? And he'll say, what? Steve what?

Starting point is 00:20:37 Steve didn't realize. Steve doesn't know. Steve's shocked. I fucking hate it. Actually, I've got goosebumps. Look at my arms. It's not that bad. For me, it is, I will not ever, or could not, if Ben started talking the third person, I'd have to divorce the guy.

Starting point is 00:20:51 There's guys out there living double lives and cheating on people. Third person's not that bad. I'd take the double life. I would take it over Steve telling me what Steve did in the day. Okay, what do you do, though? I think you can tell him that you find it. You can't say you've got an ick from it. You haven't even been on a date with the guy.

Starting point is 00:21:08 I would tell him straight up. I'd be like, Steve, you've got to stop talking third person. I'd just say that. Imagine how he's going to talk in third person, like, after you do the deed. Steve's satisfied. Steve come. Steve came. Steve coming.

Starting point is 00:21:21 I can't. If you're talking about yourself in third person all day, you probably would talk in those moments like that. I feel unwell. Steve's coming. Like what is the guy doing? What is he doing? No, it's a habit. He's just like formed a habit.

Starting point is 00:21:38 That's all it is. That's worse. It means he's been doing it for a long time for a lot of people. It sounds like he has been. And maybe it's part of the reason why he's still single because I understand why you have the ick. Maybe just make him aware of it. Because like I think if you make him aware of it, you don't have to criticize him. You don't have to tell him to stop, but if you make him aware that you're aware,

Starting point is 00:21:57 he might become a little bit more, I don't know, aware. Fuck, I'm sorry. Awareness would be nice in all of this. Just put yourself his position for a minute. I have. You talk to Matt. You talk to Matt. And Matt's like, Matt had a big day today, Laura.

Starting point is 00:22:10 Sorry, as if you wouldn't say, what the fuck. Okay, hang on. Producer Sophie's saying, come on in. Oh, wait, producer Sophie's got her, she's experienced this. Sophie's lived it because I feel viscerally, like my body is, responding with goosebumps. I feel viscerally unwell. I don't know if this is going to make it better or worse for you, Brooke, but I have experienced this in real time. And unlike the girl in this situation, I didn't ask for help. I just never saw him again. I didn't ask for help. You're not

Starting point is 00:22:39 under duress. Didn't call for a hotline. I wish I could have asked for help in this situation. Picture this. You've had a great date with this guy. Like, things are getting a little bit steamy. You're having a little cuddle in bed and stuff. And then you just, let's call him Steve. We'll go along with this. It was the same guy. It probably was. You're lying in bed and then you just hear, Steve's turn for the little spoon? Oh.

Starting point is 00:23:02 Steve's turn for the little spoon. Steve's turn for the little spoon? This man is six foot five. We're lying in bed. I think I would have liked it back in the day. No. Yeah, but Laura took anything. I'd be like cute. That's cute. He's vulnerable.

Starting point is 00:23:18 In what world is that cute or vulnerable? I like a man that can be massed. and they're not masculine at the same time. Nothing wrong with a little spoon. Yes. But third person little spoon is little spoon on steroids. And just imagine, close your eyes, right? Guys, get in the picture with me.

Starting point is 00:23:32 And you just hear a whisper in your ear from this very big man going, Steve's turn for a little spoon. It's just, it's awful. So what did you do? He rolled over and you little spooned him, didn't you? You have to. You had to. And then just never saw him again.

Starting point is 00:23:48 For me, it's just such a weird, because you don't hear about it often. Like, it's not often you mean. people that talk about themselves in third person. It's not a normal thing. How has he gotten this far in his life? Or I wonder if it's only romantic relationships. Like I wonder if he thinks it's like this cute connection kind of thing. I don't know. Does he do it as just like a like, Steve had a big night last night. Is it a bit of a throwaway comment? Like, you know, we're putting. It doesn't matter how you say it. Like, oh, Steve, it's going to come. It doesn't matter how what voice you put on is it doesn't change the context. It's definitely things that are worse than other

Starting point is 00:24:20 things. Like if you did it in third person during sex, way creepier than just like Steve had a big night last night. Like is he doing this in the boardroom? Is he managing a meeting with Steve? Steve had a brilliant idea. Like, bring in guys, Steve's had a good idea. Like, I think he's just like doing it off the cuff. It doesn't, it doesn't change it. It doesn't change what he's doing. Yeah. Okay. Well, look, you've got the ick. I do think that you can voice it, but you haven't been on a date yet. So I think it's very early days for you to be criticizing a core personality trait of is. But she won't go on. I think she's at risk of being too turned off to even go on the date. If it continues for another month, they've got four more weeks of talking online and messages.

Starting point is 00:25:01 Guys, I just want to remind you all, the fucking dating pool is small. Okay. If we're getting icks over third person, I think we got to, I'm not saying that you need to settle, but we need to at least take some, some, like, no, no, you're worth. You're worth the present. You are worth present. You are We all have to make sacrifices in life, okay? First person. You deserve a first person conversation. I agree. The dating pool is small and it is tough.

Starting point is 00:25:28 But put your boundaries in place. For me, my boundaries would be somebody talking in a third person all the time. That's a personal thing for me. It just is. I think I would be okay with it. Like, I would have a giggle, but I'd just be like that's one of those weird quirks of his. There's no way people are having a conversation with someone in third person for the rest of existence. Let's poll it.

Starting point is 00:25:45 We're going to put a poll up. All right. We can put a pot up. I don't think we gave you any advice. I'm really sorry. Genuine advice, because we do have to give you advice. It would be eternal for me. I think we've gathered that.

Starting point is 00:25:55 But I think I would be okay to say something. Even if you say, why do you always talk about yourself in the third person? It's not like, you're not coming out any aggressively. It's a question. Like, do you realize how much you refer to yourself in the third person? And he might be like, oh, I actually didn't even realize. You're like, you do. It's gross.

Starting point is 00:26:09 Don't say it's gross. If you think this is a really great guy and you're at risk of not wanting to date him because it's turning you off so much, then I think it's okay to say it. And if he's like, yeah, I love talking a third person. Well, then you know it's not going to change. Just don't tell him you're getting reverse fanny flutters. I think that that'll really make it dead in the water before it's really kicked off.

Starting point is 00:26:31 I need an update on this because if you go out on a date and like things do get hot and heavy and he's still talking about himself in third person, like fuck, I need all the details. I need to know how far he goes. How far does Steve go? Question number three. Here it comes. strap on in. I'm a happily married teacher and I have had a new colleague join our school. I hadn't spoken to him much but just got this email from him. Hi, I hope you're well. Just wanted to

Starting point is 00:26:57 ask if you would like to go out for coffee or something sometime. How should I respond to this? Is he asking me out on a date or is this just like a networking message? For context, I am a teacher and networking usually happens just in the conferences, not within the school. Also more context. I don't usually wear my wedding ring as I don't wear jewelry on the daily as I play sports. So I'm constantly taking it off and on. Yeah, he's asking for a date. That's a date. That's not networking.

Starting point is 00:27:22 No, it's a date for sure. So I guess the question is, is this a text from a colleague, a date or is it networking? It's a date. He's showing interest. He's obviously either new to the area or new to the school, regardless, doesn't know many people. You never say to somebody, do you want to get a coffee sometime outside of work unless there is some kind of interest.

Starting point is 00:27:43 if it was about the school or the way things are run, you would say that. You'd like, hey, do you want to catch up? I'd love to get the lay of the land for the school. It would be different. He's asked you out 100%. And if you're married, you can't do that. You can't go. You cannot risk it possibly being about networking at school.

Starting point is 00:28:03 I would just flat out say, hey, love, sorry, I'm actually married, but I'm happy to chat to you in school about anything work-related. That's what I would say. because you don't want to be awkward forever that he hasn't done anything wrong. If you haven't got a wedding ring on, you might have been nice to him at the start because he's a new colleague. So he's probably like, hey, this is a hot chick that doesn't appear to be married. I'm going to ask her out.

Starting point is 00:28:25 So I think you need to nip that in the bud. Yeah, I agree. The problem is, though, in a context like this, like it's your work situation, I understand why she's unsure and she's like, am I making over assumptions about something? Like, am I assuming his intention by writing back, oh, I'm married? And I understand why she's like, I don't want to look like an idiot being like, hey, sorry, I'm married. And he'd be like, whoa, you got the wrong impression. Do you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:28:49 And so. No, because you don't ask a married person out for coffee. If you know they're married, you don't ask them out for coffee on the weekend to talk work. Yeah. You talk at work. I agree. And I want to validate you. He may reply being like, oh, wow, I didn't mean that.

Starting point is 00:29:02 Sorry. Like, you've gotten the wrong impression. But I think that anyone in your position would have interpreted that email in the way that we are all interpreting it. And I think what you said, Britt, is just the easiest way of being like, thanks so much. You know, I hope that you've settled into the school well. I'm not sure whether or not, I don't know, whether you write, like, whether or what the intention was, but I'm married. And if it's, oh, it feels so awkward to even say that.

Starting point is 00:29:26 I don't know. It's like, I don't think, I think this was an email that was one line. Hi, I hope you're well. Just want to ask if you'd like to go for a coffee or something sometime. He's asking you out. If it was anything other than that, he would have said. If it had anything to do with work, it would be like, hey, do you want to catch up at lunch? I'd love to go through some stuff, like at work, in the work environment.

Starting point is 00:29:47 The number one thing you say to somebody when you're interested in them, the number of times I would throw that out to somebody when I was interested over the years, hey, do you want to grab a coffee sometimes? Yeah, because it's non-threatening. But like... Yeah, and it's just wide open. Then when they say no, you're like, totally, whatever, didn't even care. That's your response.

Starting point is 00:30:02 But I think he's asking you out, and I think that's okay. He's shooting his shot with somebody he thinks he's single. You just have to let him know, but I don't think you need to be uncomfortable by it. I know it's just awkward if it is actually not what he meant. That's all when you're like, sorry. So maybe you say that. I have a husband and he's like, yeah, great. Do you want to get a coffee?

Starting point is 00:30:19 Because I don't want to bring your husband. I don't care. Like, I'm just looking for friends. That's the thing. He's not because you don't become friends with somebody that's married of the opposite sex. You don't meet somebody. You become friends at work, but you don't start, if you know someone's married, you don't start asking that person alone to hang out in their downtime.

Starting point is 00:30:38 It's just that unspoken thing. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, so I do think there's nothing wrong. Even if you want to cover all bases and say, hey, hope you're well too. Sorry, not sure of the intention here. I don't expect you to know, but I do have a husband. So I probably can't have a coffee on the weekend. But if you wanted to catch up at school or anything to go through stuff, we can.

Starting point is 00:30:56 Because then you're sort of like covering all bases. Yeah, I think that that's probably a nice way of writing it without it coming across that you're assuming. And also, you obviously have to work together. You want to keep things as amicable and nice as it possibly is. And also, you don't want to, one, look stupid for assuming, but you always. also don't want the guy to look stupid for asking. So it's like, it's not a big deal.

Starting point is 00:31:13 I think it's ballsy though. It's really ballsy for him to be a new employee in a school to have asked a colleague out on a obviously date or some sort of like whatever it is outside of work without asking other teachers in the area. You know, oh, like, is Sarah married or? I guess you don't want people to know. That's just gossip. The school yard is a gossip heavy place.

Starting point is 00:31:35 Do you know what I see? They're not students. They're teachers. It's just as bad. Do you reckon? Yeah, I know loads of teachers. They love it. Surely there'd be a way of, like, sussing out if someone's married. Maybe because you just don't wear your ring, he's just assumed a single.

Starting point is 00:31:46 I used to say, when I would shoot that line out, when shoot my shop with people, I used to say, hey, I don't know if you're seeing anyone. If not, do you want to grab a drink sometimes? So then if they write back, oh my God, that's, and it happened. I remember one time in particular, I swear to God, this guy was, I thought he was single, and I wrote that. And he was, he was so nice. He was like, oh, I'm absolutely so flattered.

Starting point is 00:32:08 I am seeing somebody, sorry, so I can't, but like, I appreciate that. And I was like, no worries. And then it was fine. I had to see him at work all the time. Yeah, but I think that the reason why he's left this intentionally ambiguous, like, hey, you want to get a coffee sometime is so that if it is interpreted of like, oh, sorry, I'm married. He can be like, oh, yeah, no, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant as friends. I'm new to the area. Do you know what I mean? I actually think it's quite intentionally ambiguous, his message, because it can be read in any way. And it is one of those situations where you're like, if you went, and caught up with him and had a coffee with him outside of work and you were single, you would spend the entire time sitting on that little coffee date thinking to yourself, is this a date? I'm sure a lot of people can relate to it, where you've gone out and you're meeting with someone and you're not 100% sure am I on a fucking date right now. Like, are we, is this, is this a romantic date? Are we going to be friends? Like, what the fuck is this? I cannot tell you the amount of times where I sat there just confused as to whether I was like, is there where, oh, I can't tell if I've been friend zoned. I don't know what this is.

Starting point is 00:33:07 I remember the guy that I was seen a couple of years ago that became like really obsessed with me and like was sending me the flowers. Can you blame him? No, I would have spoken about on the podcast. That's what happened with that. He asked me out and I thought it was a business meeting because we've been told. He had some business. Well, we've been talking about a collaboration with something that he did for work.

Starting point is 00:33:24 And then he said, do you want to meet up? And I thought he wanted to meet up for business. And I was under that impression for hours until he tried to kiss me. And I was like, oh my God. I was like, sorry, have we been on a date? I was like, yeah. I thought this was business. So you had no clue until you lent in for the kiss.

Starting point is 00:33:41 None. And then what'd you do? Kissed him back. What I was like? I was like, fuck, I'm here now. I love at no point during that entire time were you like, oh, this could be a doubt. I'm interested in this guy. But then as soon as he showed you interest, you were like, all right, I'll give it a go.

Starting point is 00:33:55 Yeah, it was grim time. All right. It was a bit of drought. A bit of drought. Anyway, I do think that this is one that needs to be managed delicately, but you're not doing anything wrong by telling him that you have a husband, especially if you're rocking up to school without a wedding ring on. Confusing. He's so confused. Help him. Okay. Well, this is a great one. I think Laura has experience with this one. I fucking can't wait to answer this one.

Starting point is 00:34:17 My housemate is hiding food and cleaning products if we even use a morsel. It's a great word. For context, my partner and I didn't know our housemate before they moved in as we decided living with friends was a bit too risky. Before they moved, they had told us they were full-time students and would both be looking for a job once uni started. Eight months in and neither of them gotten jobs, so they're pretty much just always home. No dinner's out, no going for coffees on the weekend, no hanging with friends, no going to the family's house, just always there. My partner and I both work full-time jobs in an office and love to be social. So we're away on the weekends, we're doing date nights during the week, as well as trying to fit in the gym, walking the dog twice

Starting point is 00:34:56 a day, and we keep on top of life admin. This will be relevant very soon. We're hanging in there. Sounds like you've got a great life. For added context, all the furniture, crockery, TV, subscriptions, everything in the house is ours and we pay almost $150 more per week in rent for the master bedroom and to have a car park. Anyway, is this normal to have your own of everything in a sharehouse or are some of the items fair play to just borrow when you need? I feel like it's an injustice because we basically have bought everything that they use on a daily basis, but for some reason we can't even use their pepper without it being hidden away the next day. I'd also like to mention I'm fully aware they hide the items because I can see them stashed in their

Starting point is 00:35:40 bathroom or bedroom when the doors are open. Lull. Imagine hiding pepper. Okay, I have a few feelings about this. Firstly, you don't want to share stuff with people who are always home anyway because it means they're using it at a way faster rate than you are. So if they're wanting to like... They're a pepper in this shit out of every meal.

Starting point is 00:35:58 If they're wanting to like keep the pepper in the toilet or like stash it in a drawer and they're like hiding the wind decks, whatever. ever, let them go. It's weird. Yes, 100% it's weird. But if they're home all the time, they are using those items way more frequently than you are. So if you were splitting it anyway on communal items, it probably means that like you're unfairly splitting things. People are weird when it comes to sharehouses. People are weird when it comes to like their things that they will and won't share. When I've lived in lots of different sharehouses, I've lived with so many different people. Some people approach like you've got some communal items like spices, peppers.

Starting point is 00:36:33 sold. Cleaning products. Toilip paper. Cleaning products is usually communal, like some washing detergents. But the problem is that not everyone uses like for like and not everyone replaces like with like. I used to live with this couple and it would infuriate me to no end because they would help themselves to my things. I would buy like connoisseur ice cream and they would help themselves to my ice cream and I would get there to go and have it. And because they were a couple, they would have eaten like the entire fucking bucket of ice cream.

Starting point is 00:37:00 That's annoying. And then I'd be like, hey, can you replace it? my ice cream that you ate and then they would replace it with like a home brand version, which would infuriate me because I'm like, you just ate mine and then you replaced it with the cheap one that I don't want to eat. So I think like, I actually think that this is a blessing in disguise, as weird as it is, I wouldn't be getting hung up on it. And what I would be doing is just making sure that I'm not using the things of theirs because clearly they don't like it. But there should be some allowance. Like if you're using someone's pepper and then the next day

Starting point is 00:37:29 they're hiding it, like that's really passag. And I understand why you don't feel super comfortable in your own home. It's also, I think, in this situation, is the principal involved. You're paying for subscriptions. You're paying for all the big things in the house. All the furniture is yours. There is this tiny part of you that would be furious where it's like, wow, I give you all this shit and you can't even let me use your paper. I think it's a principle more than how much it actually impacts your life to buy your own pepper, which I get. Like, that would piss me right off. I think that that's something you can raise, though. If you're living in a sharehouse, you're paying for all the subscriptions and then you can't use a single thing.

Starting point is 00:38:03 I think you can say, hey, look, I noticed this and you can say what you know. I noticed that you were hiding the pepper in your bedroom. I just wanted to check if there was an issue. I know I used it the night before. There are some things that like, you know, if we've run out, we might use or whatever. In the same instance, I just wanted to remind you and make you aware of the things that are mine that you're using so that it feels like it's a more open space. I always thought there were like general rules.

Starting point is 00:38:27 So I obviously lived in some sharehouses when I was younger. People are weird. I thought the generalized rules were in every house I've been and it's like you buy your own food. Like we had a shelf on the fridge. We had a pantry shelf and like that was your core food because you don't all eat as a family. You're different people with different lives. But the things like spices, flour, all that really basic stuff was shared. That was always sort of my kind of rules and toilet papers were always shared.

Starting point is 00:38:55 Things that like affect everyone. Everyone needs to clean. Everyone needs to shit. Like everyone needs to wipe their bath. I don't know. Some people are just like way more stingy than others. And also the fact that they don't have a job, they're counting every single thing that they have. And I know this because I have lived with this version of a person.

Starting point is 00:39:11 Ness and I, so Ness is our video editor. We have been friends for over a decade. We lived together. It's, you know, if you knew here and you don't know the story, it's how I met Matt. She signed me up for the bachelor. We lived together for a while. And we lived with another housemate for a period there who moved in with us. We didn't know them before they moved in.

Starting point is 00:39:28 but we had quite an interesting time with them. They were a student. They weren't working at the time. And they were so fucking tight. I was always like, you know, if I've made food, I'd cook dinner for everyone. I was always very like whatever is in the fridge. Unless I've made myself a meal, don't eat my specific meal. But like, you know, things come, things go, just replace it if you need to.

Starting point is 00:39:50 It's just not the ice cream. But I would, no, I even like the ice cream, if they just had a bowl, I wouldn't care. They ate my entire unopened, my whole tub of ice cream. And then when I went to have it, it was gone. No, so I would often cook dinner. And I remember this one day where I asked him if I could have a banana. I didn't have one. And I was like, hey, can I have one of your bananas?

Starting point is 00:40:09 And he turned around and was like, so long as you replace it. And I thought he was joking. I fully thought he was like, because the night before I'd cook dinner. And he was dead pan serious. He wanted me to go to the grocery store and buy him a fucking banana and replace the banana. And I was like, oh, we have very different attitudes in this household. And that's what I made me. Are you replacing the beef strogan off from last time?

Starting point is 00:40:28 I was like, but it's like some people just don't see what they're given. They only see what they have been taken away. And that's a mentality that I don't think that you can course correct. I think you just have to manage it. Find the easiest way to manage the relationship in the household without it becoming a drama. Or get them to move out. And they also just don't have money. So they're going to be tired.

Starting point is 00:40:47 They don't have jobs. That's what it comes down. It's all it comes down to. So I think, unfortunately, just buy some pepper. Deal with it. But it's fucking weird to like store that shit in your bedroom and like hide it from people. There's nothing worse than when you were in a sharehouse and somebody didn't work or have a life outside of somebody that's just always home. There was nothing worse because everyone in a sharehouse wants that moment to themselves.

Starting point is 00:41:08 Like you know each other's schedule. You know when you get that hour of peace. It just sounds like you never get that. Like they're always there. I try and find a new housemate. But it's quite hard to get rid of people once they've moved in. Like what do you say, hey, sorry, I need you to move out in 21 days. Like bye.

Starting point is 00:41:22 Yeah, I think you can. I think you can give them a notice. You just say, hey, I've got some friends that are moving back. I'm so sorry, I'm going to give you plenty of notice. I wouldn't ever leave them high and dry if you were really, really want a new housemates. Of course you can. But just keep in mind, it's like there's a cost of living crisis and a rental problem and they might not be able to find somewhere else.

Starting point is 00:41:39 It's always an interesting thing when you are sharing a home because I know what you said at the very start where you were like, we didn't want to move in with friends because we thought it could be complicated. Absolutely. It can be just as complicated living with a stranger because you have no reference for who they are as people or how they manage those sort of like communal things. things. And you very quickly realize that something that seems so obvious to you might be approached in a completely different way by someone else. And that's just how they function in a sharehouse

Starting point is 00:42:07 environment. Like it's really hard sometimes to totally get on the same page. So maybe it's worth having these discussions before saying yes to having someone move in. I remember I moved in with this girl when I first moved to Sydney, so I was 25 and I didn't know her and it was a house on the beach. There were three of us. Me, another girl that I knew and the girl that was already in the house. fucking headcase. She was like, oh my gosh, she was a psychopath. Anyway, my friend and I went away for the weekend, and when we came back, it was so obvious that she'd had a party. People had slept in my bed, people were slept in my friend's bed. There were beer bottles in my room. There were sand in my bed. And so I asked her, I was like, mate, you can't have people in my room when I'm here.

Starting point is 00:42:47 She's like, I haven't. I was like, you have. Like, I was like, it's beer bottles. And anyway, so she tried to kick me out. She tried to be like, you can't leave her anymore. I'm getting new flat maze and I just said no I was like no I'm not leaving she's like you have to leave and then we had the most awkward like six months where I was like I'm because there was nowhere for me to go oh you just refused to move I said she tried to get me to leave and I said no and then it was just like a standoff between the three of us and eventually she was crazy that we had to leave were you were you on the lease oh that's why okay so she can't just get rid of you because you're on the leave no but then she just made my life a living hell to the point that I had to leave I was like

Starting point is 00:43:21 fearing for my life it's also like good tactic if you really want someone to move out and you're their housemate and they refuse to. Just be fucking nuts. Just be unlivable. I'm just going to tell you this now because I'm remembering. There was a guy I was seeing New York guy. If you're a long-term life, I'll remember New York guy. I was in a situation ship with him on and off for like five years.

Starting point is 00:43:41 And she knew him because he'd been to the house a couple of times. And he's, he called me one day. And he's like, mate, your fucking housemate just tried to glass me. No. I'm like, what? He's like, yeah, she just walked up to me out of nowhere at a bar in the day and tried to like she was unwell. And that was when I was like, oh, I need to go.

Starting point is 00:43:57 We also can't even laugh at that. That's not even, sorry. No, that's not the funny. No one's laughing. Sorry. I told you. I thought you were telling me a funny story. Sorry, no.

Starting point is 00:44:05 I was really unprepared for it to turn so dark. This is also what happens. Unfortunately, like you're on two sides, right? You can move in with a friend and hope it goes well because you know them. Because it's always hard working and living with friends or you can move in with a stranger, but you have no idea who that person is. Ours was just such a tight-d-ass. Look, I actually love this for a call out because,

Starting point is 00:44:24 because I would love to revisit this next week. What are your fucking horror flatmate stories? Did I want if she listens? Great. I hope she does. No, because she would track me down. It's hard to do. But honestly, I would love to know your horror housemate stories.

Starting point is 00:44:37 We've all had them. Some things are like so trivial and stupid. Some of them are actually really, really hard to manage when you're living in a sheer house environment. I want to know, like, what's the unhinged, deranged thing that your housemates did to you? What did you do? How did you get over it? Send me all the stories.

Starting point is 00:44:51 We'll revisit it next week. And that's it from us, everybody. Just a little reminder, Wednesday. It's coming. There's a bread come. Please, you don't want to miss the episode. We're really excited. We've been working really hard on something,

Starting point is 00:45:05 and we can't wait to show it with you on Wednesday. What I will say is, you asked, we delivered. Okay, leave you with that. You asked, we delivered. Dun, dun, do, down. And remember, tea mom, to you, dog, two, friends and share the love because we love love.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut: Is This A Date? (& He Won’t Stop Talking In Third Person)

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