Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Kendall Jenner's wedding attire and can you co-parent a pooch with your ex?

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

Hey Lifers,Take your seat on the couch and we'll put the kettle on.Welcome to therapy Thursday.Today we kick off the episode by taking a look at the dress Kendall Jenner wore to her best friend's wedding; whether it's completely inappropriate or not and whether the concept of 'skinny privilege' has a part to play in these conversations.We're jumping into some big questions today like:-Can you still have a relationship with your pet that you shared with a partner after you break up? If you can, how does that look/work?-Do you need/want to know about your partner's past relationships? Does that benefit YOUR relationship?-We had a listener write in asking whether she should 'give up' on the possibility of meeting someone and have a baby by herself. They asked if that would be goodbye to any potential of romance in the future. If you have a dilemma you'd like us to unpack, slide on into our DMs on the gram @lifeuncutpodcast.The Australian podcast Listener's choice award is back and frankly, it's the one that we care about the most because it's a reflection of you guys, our incredible community, not a bunch of judges deciding whether we tell too many poop stories! If you have a spare sec, we would be ever so grateful if you could give us your vote here: https://australianpodcastawards.com/voteWe love love xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura and Brittany I want to tell you something. Is it necessary to caress your breasts while you tell me you need to tell me something i just realized sometimes i hold my boobs as like a comfort thing and as we started recording i just kind of held on do you know held on for dear life held on in case because you've never done this you've only done this 214 times so you don't know what's gonna happen do you know on that note i often wake up i'm a comfort breast holder too i don't know what it is but remember we've done records before where my hands up my shirt and i just and you're masturbating okay yeah over the record while you're in my lounge room i hold my

breasts it's like a comfort thing but I'll often wake up in the morning completely on my back very relaxed with one hand cupping my breasts it's always my left breast too because it's a bit bigger yeah I mean it's nice all you need is a handful right actually do you know what my mom used to say my mom used to say my mom has the tiniest boobs and I can remember I was like seven and I was like mom you've got no boobs and she was like no maybe I wasn't seven because this is a wildly inappropriate thing to say to a seven-year-old she was I was 27 she was like Laura more than a mouthfuls of waste i hope you were not seven let's say i was 17 okay funny that you say waking up because what i want to tell you i just want to have this discussion to anyone with anyone out

there who's a mom who's got a toddler in their life why did no one tell me how fucking terrifying it is when your toddler wakes up in the middle of the night and stands in the dark next to your bed so i wake up now and marley's just there in the blackness trying to caress my face next to the bed at what time three in the morning four in the morning out of a crib now time is irrelevant to a toddler it is petrifying it's like having chucky in the bedroom so i can't sleep anymore guys i live with imminent anxiety and fear that there is going to be another human in the bedroom so she doesn't come in and say anything she doesn't say mom i'll wake you up she just comes and stands there in the dark like a little dark shadow she comes and stands this is last night so i was

completely asleep and i'm like on the far side of the bed as well like i'm the furthest from the door so she obviously just came in and i like woke up with that like like someone's in the house and there's marley just standing there but she's just stroking the side of my face which is what i mean that's quite nice what i do to her to try and put her to sleep she can come here if she wants i need some affection my toddler just walks down the street three blocks to caress my face while i'm sleeping this is a perfect setup but it's actually it's petrifying so now like in the nighttime i hear like little footsteps coming down the hallway and you're like it's chucky or it's yeah and when you're like half asleep you're like am I getting burgled or is that my toddler to be

fair I'm probably more terrified of my toddler you know when I I think I've told you this story but I'll quickly brush over it we've spoken before about how I've seen ghosts like we've done it on a few episodes I'm not kidding we've I've done it on a few episodes where I've told you that I didn't believe in ghosts I saw my first ghost when I was like 16 and from then on I've seen probably five or six Tuesday's episode Brittany was into conspiracy theories now she's into go yeah you're probably all checking out now no but my first ghost you just reminded me of it because the first ghost I ever saw was a really small girl and she was on this side of my bed and that what you just described Marley does is exactly the way I saw my first ghost wait so were you asleep or

you were awake like you dead set sitting here saying you saw a little girl in your you weren't you didn't have like sleep paralysis or some sort of I was awake I was on the phone to my friend my friend heard the whole conversation I was like 16 or 17 it was probably like seven or eight o'clock at night my mum and dad were out at dinner I was you know when you're on the like I was on the landline because that's how old we are you don't have like a walkie phone and there was a phone next to my mum and dad's bed so that's where I used to go and sit to talk to my friends because you know that's what you do you get on the phone you talk for like two hours yeah you drag I remember back in the day you drag your phone into your bedroom or wherever you could with the

longest extension guys you for anyone listening to this who didn't grow up with a landline you didn't live you don't know what it's like for your mum to walk into your bedroom screaming get off the phone you've been on there for two hours oh I need you to dial up internet get off but I was so I was on the phone to my friend Hannah and I saw her I was on the edge of the bed looking straight ahead and in my peripheral vision and I'm talking less than half a meter probably like 50 centimeters like it was she was right next to the bed I saw her in my peripheral and I knew something was there and I was petrified and I didn't want to look and I stopped talking to my friend she's like pretty what's happening and I started to hyperventilate and I said something's

next to me she's like what do you what she's like what do you mean and I and I was too scared to turn my head because I could see it and she's like what is going on she thought something was break some break into my house she's like panicking and I slowly looked next to me and within less than an arm's reach was a little girl she's had plaits down her side of her head she was black and white see-through like she was see-through she wasn't whole she just stared directly at me and then probably for about two seconds and then she just went she was gone and I was in hysterics but I could I was too petrified I was stunned I was frozen I was too petrified to move and I said to Hannah she's like what is going on do I need to call the police or something and I

said I've just seen a ghost she's like what and I was like I got I was like there's someone there's a girl in my room and I couldn't move I was staring straight ahead and at the end of my parents bed was the ensuite like you could you could lay in the bed look straight ahead and you could see yourself in the reflection of the mirror that's just the way the bedroom was set up and I was like I'm too scared to move and I was hyperventilating and then after about five six seconds she appeared at the end of my bed so she moved from the side of my bed to the end of my bed and she was directly in front of me staring straight back at me now I could see through her to the ensuite to the mirror and there was nothing there except me in a reflection I no word of a

i am not making this up it was the first ghost i saw the most petrifying moment but she didn't she didn't do anything she didn't say anything and in that house for the following few years and i know it was her after i saw her my cd player started to turn on all the time she played so fresh all the time she was like yeah so fresh was her favorite cd and i used it got to the point where i used to say and i'm not i sound crazy but you do the cd player would turn on in my room and it got to the point where I was like, would you stop? I would be like, stop it. I couldn't see her again, but I knew she was there because you could see the button click. I shared a room with Sherry. So Sherry is witness to this. She's like one, she never saw her, but she saw all the freaky

things that happened. And I was a non-believer guys. I'm not a weirdo. I was a strict non-ghost believer until I saw one. And now I just can't dispute it. I am wondering how often you did magic mushrooms i knew you were gonna say that because i think i saw a few ghosts too but for very different reasons i've never done mushrooms never touched them oh unless my parents were like slowly putting it in my food yeah they were like micro dosing you so they could go out i feel like maybe you watched the sixth sense a bit too often no i promise you i you can't explain it until it's happened to you and i know that there'll be people out there listening that have had these experiences and until it happens you just don't understand i'll be honest i feel like

even when it does happen to you you still can't explain it because somebody who's never seen it or witnessed it is like oh this is the moment that i found out that britney's crazy again you guys are checking out today's the day that i've come to understand that my co-host is cooked it's been a good two years no i can guarantee you oh look i'm gonna put a poll up i'm gonna pull a poll up has anyone seen a ghost or thinks they've seen a ghost because i think that there'll be way more people than you realize. No I'm taking I'm I'm taking the piss. I'm taking the piss I am. Well if there's any ghosts out there listening please go and show yourself to Laura because I would love her to experience it. Okay haunt me. All right that was a weird intro. You know what

today's episode is? It's Therapy Thursday. It is Ask Uncut. You write in your deep dark dirty secrets and questions and we do our best to answer them. We've got some killer questions today but before that Laura a week or two ago we had a question on Ask Uncut that was related to weddings now it was about a girl that was wearing a dress to a wedding that one of her friends thought well that the bride thought was too revealing we had a discussion about what we thought about revealing dresses now Kendall Jenner has provided us with an absolutely perfect segue for this question well it's the gift that keeps on giving so many of you slid into our dms this week with a picture of the dress that kendall wore to her best friend lauren perez's wedding

now the dress was two thousand dollars it was a diamond cut out two-piece maxi dress which doesn't go far in explaining what it actually was it was that she wore like a handkerchief basically there was two maybe three handkerchiefs tied together yeah it was three handkerchiefs okay there was no fabric in this she was it covered just like a tiny bit of her boobs like the nipples the nipples were covered but every other part of her torso until her navel was completely exposed which don't get me wrong I'm here for it's a beautiful dress she looked absolutely fire is it wedding appropriate definitely not if I looked like Kendall Jenner I would probably turn up to a wedding naked to be fair but in all honesty the thing that gets me about this is like do I think that this dress

for a wedding is appropriate absolutely not it is 100% not appropriate if somebody turned up to my wedding and somebody that looks like Kendall Jenner turned up to my wedding wearing that I would be pretty shattered especially if it was my best friend but the thing that really gets me in this is she was a bridesmaid so there are some beautiful photos of her walking down the aisle with like the man that she was walking down the aisle with she had a beautiful blue dress on like a strapless number she looked stunning the dress was lovely it was actually a custom beck and bridge dress there you go Australian labels huge for them so my sort of issue with this is she was in a beautiful dress. She was obviously already a big part of the wedding. Why would you then go and get

changed into something? I mean, getting changed is one thing, but getting changed into something that she got changed into. I just feel like when you know, like you literally know you were the highest paid, most beautiful woman in the world. Like that is your role. You are the highest paid model. You look like you do, you know, you're a Victoria's Secret model. I just think it's a little bit of a kick in the face to your best friend to go and change into that on her wedding day and I know she wouldn't have meant any ill harm by it but it it just for me it's a no it's like a big fat no yeah I mean like look to be fair it is pretty much the equivalent of wearing a bikini to a wedding like it is extremely revealing do we have anything against revealing clothes

absolutely not honestly wear whatever the hell you want to the majority of occasions but obviously for some events there is a dress code now twitter had an absolute field day with this dress erupted and I am fucking here for it so I'm just going to read out a couple of the tweets that have been going around I'd rather have Kendall Jenner wear a wedding dress to my wedding than that dress that's the best one if anyone showed up to my wedding in that dress that Kendall Jenner wore I would personally hire a security guard and have them escorted out the audacity to do that to a bride and groom and somebody else right I'm sorry but the dress Kendall Jenner wore to a wedding is just not appropriate at all you don't show up to someone's wedding pretty much naked the attention

is supposed to be about the bride and the groom now look even though we're here to say that we very much sit on the side of thinking that this is an inappropriate dress to wear I think from everything that I saw it I did a deep it's weird to do a deep dive on somebody else's wedding and what the guests wore but I did it I don't think it's that weird these days I think we all live for it just here for pop culture so we we did a deep dive and I'm going to say that the internet was pretty split like there were some people who were like wow this is outrageous the media was very much like wow this is outrageous but a lot of people looked at the photos and were like let a girl live she looks amazing she can do whatever she wants Kendall has the most smoking

body so she can wear whatever she wants to whatever she wants to wear it to and I think that there is a bigger conversation here around skinny privilege oh god are we going we're going deep on this I'm I'm giving a nuanced analysis of this I just always laugh at a handkerchief I just think because she looks the way she does because she has this unattainably incredible body she is held to a slightly different of course there's people who think it's inappropriate but she's held to a different standard to what other people are held to we're like oh you know what because she is she's Kendall Jenner she can kind of get away with doing whatever the hell she wants to but I think if she was in a bigger body we would feel very differently about her wearing

that outfit we would be like holy shit she looks naked why is she wearing that that's so so inappropriate so you think there's still a real you think there's even more biased because she's just a skinny supermodel well I think the only reason why she can get away with it is because she's a skinny supermodel I think if she was a bigger girl the conversation around this would be very different I also think it's just because she's I mean I know we call her Kendall Jenner but it's just because she's a Kardashian I feel like the Kardashians are untouchable they can do what they want there are no rules for them I really do believe that they are 100% in a league of their own and guys again we want to reiterate I love Kendall Jenner I think she's so hot in this

outfit if you haven't seen it google it if you wore that anywhere else I would be like yes you are a 10 you're a queen I love you you look beautiful it's our problem here and my problem here is just the fact that she wore it to a best friend's wedding that is purely the issue yeah totally and I think maybe there's some room here for us to have a bigger conversation maybe on a Tuesday episode around the concept of skinny privilege around fat phobia in society because I do think that it's very very prevalent and it's very nuanced in the media it's infiltrated our perception just like we talked about diet culture with Sherry how we've all been conditioned to think that skinny looks better and therefore because she is very small she can wear whatever

she wants I just think there's a different set of standards I think that there's something bigger here to unpack I really think we're seeing the shift in society now as well with what we've traditionally said is beautiful and what we've traditionally said is perfect because it has always been we've spoken about it in the past but it's always been that heroine chic that really skinny where you look unwell was what we idolized in the media it's what got the covers it's what the models looks like but we've even seen that shift we spoke about a few months ago with Victoria's Secrets all of those traditional models are out more inclusive models now are being used all over the place and that is absolutely what we love to see but Laura there definitely is a

deeper conversation about the way the media sees beauty models people fat phobia skinny privilege there is a huge conversation for that is it for ask uncut right now probably not it's probably tuesday let's save that for a tuesday episode maybe a tuesday episode all right let's get into question number one i'm going to paraphrase this one but we're talking about dogs i love that dog birthday are you throwing a birthday for buster no we've already talked dog birthdays i'm talking about dog fostering actually that sounds weird because I'm not talking about fostering a dog I'm talking about when you break up with a partner and you own a pet together what becomes the parental rights of that dog so basically our listener has written in her now boyfriend was in

a relationship for five years with somebody else they were together they were living together they owned a dog together and this dog is something that they're both really attached to now her and her boyfriend have been together for three years and the ex-girlfriend still regularly wants to see the dog she often messages her now boyfriend and says when can I come pick the dog up there's been more to this than it just being like a clear-cut relationship I think there's still some animosity between the boyfriend and the ex there's definitely some tension there between the three of them all together but I want to unpack on like as like a bit of a broader conversation can you still have visitation rights to the dog that you had from an ex-relationship but on top

of that there's another part of this question that came in that's really important to touch on so the ex-girlfriend will often post photos of the dog with captions like no matter who you're with no matter where you go you will always be my dog how there's like a little bit of passive aggressiveness there i think or a little bit of like pissing on your turf your ownership so what do you think brit do you think you can stay and have visitation rights to a dog that you shared with your ex this is so interesting to me and especially that last bit the instagram comments this is so interesting to me because i was in this exact situation so i was my first partner who my first love uh i haven't spoken about him for a long time but i was with him for eight years

we had a house together we had two dogs together we had two beautiful dogs together that i was obsessed with like the love of my life and we had them for many years before we broke up it's not like we just got them for six months when we broke up i was the one that had to move out not had to I was one that chose to move out of our home that we bought and I went back to my parents house while I sorted out what was going to happen in that time of the initial breakup I was just so obsessed with my dogs and that was such a comfort that I used to go and get them most days at some point and that was absolutely fine with him he never ever had a problem with it because he knew how much I loved them and we didn't really know where we were going we didn't know if it was going

to be a break we're gonna get back together time was going past eventually it got to a year and we were not getting back together I was still going to see the dogs all the time and that meant I was seeing him all the time. Even if it was in passing, I would just go over and knock on the door and I'd be like, do you mind if I quickly grab them? It was always organized. I would never turn up. Sometimes he was home. Sometimes we'd have a chat. Sometimes I wasn't. He would just say, hey, just get them from the backyard, put them back. After about a year, and I remember going over one day, he got a new girlfriend and I went in because he was like, you can always just go in the backyard. I went in to get the dogs and she was in there, in the house, in my house,

but it wasn't my house anymore but I got this real shock I was like this woman is in my house with my dogs with my ex-partner like she's taken my life she's me I was like it was in that moment where I just I really all of a sudden felt like I was intruding on someone else's life and I realized that this wasn't my life anymore it took me a long time and I had to really reassess what was going to happen now I had to make a really hard decision to not see the dogs anymore and that was super super tough because I thought he's trying to get on with his life this poor girl has come into this situation and she was really great about it I said to him look I know that this is the right thing and I was bawling my eyes out I was crying it was like losing a child you know

and anyone that loves their dogs that much they know she ended up being really good and she would she accepted it and she still said you can see them obviously but she started to just periodically send me photos on Instagram of them like little updates which is really nice and often I wouldn't even write back I'd just double tap it and we'd had this like unspoken agreement that she's like I will look after your dogs and it was like I could cry right now thinking about it I'm not gonna cry because it was like such a hard moment and I feel really I'm actually crying she's crying like she's legit crying because it was just like it's a really tough thing and I think in this situation for you I'm sorry I just told you my whole life story I think in this

situation for you unfortunately you can't really say anything to the ex-girlfriend what she's doing isn't really right. It's obviously not like she has standard visitation rights. It's not like every Thursday at three o'clock, we know that she comes in and gets the dog. It sounds like she just comes every couple of weeks when she feels like it, when she has some spare time. The posting on the Instagram is definitely like, that is not for the dog. That is for you to know that you will never replace her. I'm not on board with that. I don't think that's cool. All you can really do in this situation is speak to your partner and tell him how uncomfortable it's making you feel three years into a relationship for this behavior to still be going on on her end it's not cool and

it's probably not compatible with a healthy relationship for you and your partner because you are evidently very uncomfortable about it so just short of speaking to your partner and being really honest about what it does for you I think you're in a stuck between a rock and a hard place yeah I think that this is I mean this is complex and I don't think that there is one like right or wrong answer I think people can navigate breakups very differently if the breakup was tumultuous if there was like you know if she was the one that was broken up with if she was heartbroken if she's not over the relationship and the dog is actually just like a a conduit to continue to see your now current boyfriend then that's the big issue like we have no issue with being friends

with exes we have no issue with being like in contact or having some relationship with exes but it's it has to be a completely platonic relationship like for example matt and i we went to one of his exes weddings i would have absolutely no problem if they co-parented a dog she's moved on she's got a husband, she's got kids. But I think that sometimes animals can be that one link that allows you to keep your claws in. Even though I have a dog, I know how important Buster is to me and how much he's like my third child. But at the same time, I do think that relationships with animals with exes have to be viewed slightly differently to relationships with actual children. And the reason for that is because when you have like a, obviously a relationship with

your children, when you have an ex, like when you break up and you have a kid together, that is a human who has complex emotional needs that child needs now we dogs do have emotional needs too we want people to know that but they can ask questions they can sit there and say like why isn't my mum or dad a more proactive part in my life like there is huge differences between being a parent to your child a visible active parent and co-parenting a human than what there is co-parenting a dog like absolutely a dog knows when you are or aren't around but the dog's probably not sitting there if the dog's being really cared for by your ex going hey where's my mom like you know why does my mom not want to be a part of my life anymore and I just think like it's more for the person than it

is for the animal and if the animal is being well taken care of if they're in a safe environment that they're being showered in love by you know your ex then I do think there probably comes a point where it's actually too hard and creates too much drama to continue to like have a relationship with the dog and your ex yeah an animal is definitely a way to keep a relationship or keep two people tethered maybe you need to find out or maybe you have a gut feeling if you think there's more to this tethering from her and if she hasn't moved on if she wants him back if she's still in love with him but ultimately you have to think a dog can live for like 15 to 18 years totally is she really going to want to do this for 15 to 18 years or is she

doing this because she's bored is she going to move on and get her own dog and forget about him because I can guarantee you she's not going to do it for the rest of her life when she has another family and kids or a dog. She's not going to do it. I really do think the big part of this that kind of sets the question apart is like what you said, Britt, in regards to the Instagram post. So posting photos, which are a passive aggressive way of asserting her dominance or asserting herself into your relationship by saying like, no matter where this dog goes, I'm always the number one. Like I'm still here. Don't you forget it? Don't you forget it? Because that's being posted for you to see that's a passive aggressive dig at you as the now current girlfriend no dog

is reading instagram no dogs on there being like oh my mom still loves me repost totally and i think that the person who holds the key to this conversation is your boyfriend you know he's the one who has to turn around and say hey do you know what like it's actually not working for us anymore you having these visitation rights or just like dropping in to take the dog whenever you want i really think like maybe enough's enough or maybe he doesn't have to do it in such a pointed way but maybe the next couple of times when she asks he's like actually it's not convenient for us and just it's a bit more of a slow fade out it's a slow ghost it's a slow ghost but I just think at some point if this is creating tension in your relationship if this is going

to be an ongoing thing then I think it's probably really important to have some conversations around it and to put some boundaries in place in addition there's a big chance we know how blind men are sometimes we know how they don't get they don't see and realize I mean that's a bit of a stereotype but yes well that's why I said sometimes let me explain that statement they won't sometimes see things the way women see things so he might look at that post from his ex-girlfriend and think nothing of it being like oh cute she loves the dog she's supportive of the dog whereas we know as women that there was just this one underlying little cut down there he might just not know how that's making you feel he might not be seeing and receiving it quite how you are and again that's

why communication is why we you say this is literally how it's making me feel don't attack him don't get aggressive don't make him my way or the highway it's just a conversation and i know a lot of people there are people out there that have and do successfully co-parent their pets and it's whatever works for you that's 100 we are on board with that but this isn't working for you and that is why you need to have the conversation or maybe get your own dog together well i mean then that two dogs yeah but cute but then you're like that's too much it's too much hassle you can't take one dog without the other yeah but then it also doesn't it doesn't solve the problem of the other dog getting taken every week well yeah because then she can't take it okay that's it

buy five dogs that's your answer there's one more thing and i think we can move on to question two what your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is doing is not necessarily a reflection of your boyfriend so i think it's sometimes it's easy to take our frustration about the way that somebody else is acting out on our loved one because we're like well I feel like this and obviously you can't lash out at her so you're probably going to lash out at him about what she's doing he doesn't have control over that yes he has control over whether or not she sees the dog but that's probably it feels quite dramatic to him so he's probably just trying to be like oh keep everyone happy keep the peace if you have a strong foundation in your relationship if you trust your partner then I

don't think that her having some relationship with the dog is necessarily a threat to your relationship but I still understand why there needs to be some conversations because you don't want to be going at the three-year mark in your relationship still being fucking worried about your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Question number two. That's enough. I'm 28 years old and I've never been in a relationship or had sex. I've dated a few times but it's never gone further than date number two and that is not always by my choice. I have some solid core beliefs that I'm unlovable and to be honest I'm okay with that now. I want to have kids and I'm looking into using a sperm donor to do this as my desire to have kids is stronger than my desire to have a

husband. My question is am I completely naive and robbing myself of possible romantic sexual experiences if I do this? I just cannot be bothered to date anymore and I feel quite content being on my own. My heart breaks at this question. I don't think you should give up on dating or looking for somebody to spend your life with because you feel like you're not deserving of that. I think it's totally fine to not be in a relationship, single by choice, amen, all for it. But single because you don't think that you are lovable. I just think, yes, if that's the reason why you don't want to continue to pursue a relationship or a connection with someone, then I do think you're robbing yourself of so much happiness. But if it's because you've tried and you've decided that

genuinely you're happy on your own and if you came to that decision I would understand my heart really does break for you when you say that you are unlovable no one and I repeat no one is unlovable but I want to say that I can relate I have been in that situation where I have felt unlovable and that comes from exactly what you've said that comes from years of dating years of been on your own years of failed dates rejection I think there's a point in everyone's life where we get those feelings of what's wrong with me well totally why won't why can't I find anyone why don't they like me you know like I feel like I'm putting myself out there I relate to that and I know that feeling and I'm very lucky that I didn't sit in that feeling for very long like

my friends managed to pull me out I managed to get myself out of it but I know where you are and I know there are a lot of people listening right now that are like fuck that's me no one loves me I've said to Laura before maybe no one's going to love me maybe it's not for me I remember saying that I remember when we did this podcast like maybe a year ago and we were talking it was towards Christmas and I mean if you've been listening to podcasts for a while like you know Brit was single for 10 years so like stoked that you found someone who you're happy with but there was a long time there where like you brought the single dating stories and we all laughed at the single dating stories and we collectively were like fuck yeah and myself included I lived vicariously

my single life again through you but also I think so many of our listeners who are single were like her girlfriend I'm right there with you and it was all fun and funny but then there were definitely times where you were like it makes me sad that my inability to find someone is what is funny on this podcast like there are definitely times where I feel like I am never going to meet someone and I'm unlovable and there's something wrong with me and I remember you know I remember the tears there was it was both sides of that coin you know and I remember you saying I just never really thought of it like that because my stories were always ridiculous and they were always funny and I was always happy because I did love being on my own as well you can love to be on your own and

you can be independent and you can still have a feeling of what's wrong with me like that is normal what I won't really want to get through to you and anyone listening that's in this situation is it's really important that you can get to a place where you love yourself and you see your worth and you see a value because the way you think of yourself, the way you speak to yourself, the words you use, which you've written those to us, I have no doubt you say those words to yourself every day. The way you speak to yourself is so important because it creates the energy that you take out into the world. So if you are going on to a date, like you said, it often doesn't get past the second date. If you're going on those dates saying you're unlovable, this is not going

to work. I've never gotten past date two. They're not going to like me. I have beliefs that are different to theirs. You don't know these people yet. You are 100% taking that energy in. You are telling that person inadvertently that you don't think you're worthy. The first thing that you need to do and you need to change in this situation is to realize your worth, to realize your value, to realize that you are lovable and to know that this isn't personal. I can tell you that. I had years and years and years and years and years and years of failed dates of people saying, oh, you're cool, but I don't want to date you. Like, I don't feel it. There's something missing. that's not personal there are billions of people in the world you just haven't met your person yet

and that takes me into the next part that i want to talk about in this which is if you have said you've got some really strong beliefs about certain things and you haven't met the right match are you putting yourself in the position and the situations to meet someone that is also on your wavelength saying that you can't meet somebody and this is something i learned from the dating coaches we've spoken to relationship therapists you've got to be in it to win it but you a you've got to be in it to win it but you've got to be in it in the right capacity you've got to be putting yourself in the right situations and the right environments that are people that are similar on similar wavelengths are you putting yourself in a situation where you're meeting

like-minded people we have spoken to so many relationship therapists but the number one rule is when you're trying to meet someone is to put yourself in an environment where people have similar interests so are you really interested in rock climbing have you gone to any rock climbing events have you googled such a weird i know climbing i was just looking at something in my house that looked like a rock and made me think of rock climbing. My point is, are you doing things that you're passionate about? Because then you're going to meet other people that are passionate about the same things. You're going to meet their circle of friends. And that's how you organically meet people. Not even organically. Are you on dating sites? Like Laura just said, you have to

be in it to win it. Please don't give up on trying to meet someone. To meet someone and to kind of form a new relationship. So many of the opportunities when it comes to dating come from our loose connections. So, you know, if you're someone who's an introvert and you have your close tight group of friends. You do the same thing. You don't really like online dating. The potential of you meeting someone is pretty slim. You know, the whole like meet cute of bumping into a guy at the grocery store. It rarely, rarely fucking happens. You meet connections, you meet new people via your loose network. So I mean like friends of a friend, if you're going and doing new activities and you're making new groups of friends, that's where you're going to meet more people. And that's

where you can potentially find someone who might be suitable, have similar interests, all that sort stuff. It's from our loose connections that we have the best opportunity to meet someone who's like-minded in dating. The other part of this, which I think we can't just gloss over and we need to touch on is this conversation around, should I just have kids instead of trying to find a partner? You can do whatever the hell you want. If you want to go down the fertility journey by yourself, if you get to an age where you're biologically like, okay, cool. I really need to think about this. I really need to think, are children a priority for me that I want to have them regardless of whether I'm in a relationship then I 100% think safeguard yourself give yourself

the option to make those choices it's so important because then you can be empowered you're not going to miss out on the things that you want in life and you can still be a mom modern technology is incredible that you can be able to make that choice for yourself do you need to do it at 28 I don't think you need to do it at 28 I think that if you tap out of finding or looking for a relationship, if that's what you want at 28, then I do think you're robbing yourself of potentially a very happy future with someone. The other thing that I just want to make sure that you've considered is that just because you have kids on your own doesn't mean that you're not going to find someone in the future. Like life doesn't end when you're a single mom.

Life can be frigging great when you're a single mom. And there are still plenty of great men out there who will want to date someone who has kids. You will meet a whole new world of people. So if you reach your mid-30s and you still haven't met someone and you're like you know what I want to go through this journey and have children by myself that doesn't mean that life ends there life is very very long don't think that where you are at 28 years old is where your life is going to stay yeah the end of this question does have two more segments in it the number one that you just covered Laura am I not robbing myself of possible sexual relationships and romantic relationships the short answer is yes for a time period you are you're going to be going through fertility

you so you're not going to be dating or having sexual relationships you're going to be pregnant then you're going to have a newborn baby you're doing it on your own it would be naive of us it would be ignorant of us to say that you're going to go out dating you're going to go out dating you're going to have heaps of sex you're not you yes you 100 will be robbing yourself for a period of time but like laura said it's a period of time your life will come back but it's definitely something to consider the last part of this section is you saying i just can't be bothered to date anymore. Guess what? Dating fatigue is real and dating fatigue is 100% normal. We all go through these highs and lows. I can't tell you how many times I deleted every app on my phone

through my phone in the ocean. And I was like, I'm never dating again. How many times did Laura, I was like, I'd see it. I am never going on a date again. Brittany would be like on a Monday, I'm off dating apps. And then by Wednesday I was like, give me your phone. I'm getting on Tinder. Like honestly, she was on and off, like it's hot and cold, but everyone does it. It's normal. it's 100 normal so if you're feeling like that that's okay take a break you know try something different just go out with friends more go find more interest but there are so many sections to this but 100 if you want to go down and have kids on your own and you want to do the fertility journey we are so here for that that is so empowering you've obviously thought about it

and it's obviously important to you you just need to know and consider if this is the right timing and the repercussions of that what is going to happen for that you're also on board with because there will be a definitely a period of time where 150 of your time and energy is kids is kids there will be no room especially because you're alone they'll be known for anything else and we just don't want to gloss over that because that is something that you you cannot get mixed up in your head oh yeah kids will take everything you won't even know who you are after you've had them they're gonna take your titties they'll definitely take they'll take your body they'll take all of your energy your free time your sleep one thing that i think just before we wrap this one up is

if you're somebody who is struggling with feelings of low self-esteem, if you feel like you are unlovable, if you genuinely can look at yourself and say, I have very little self-worth, I cannot stress how valuable words of affirmation to yourself can be. And I know that it sounds a bit cliche and can sound a bit woo-woo and dumb because it sounded like that to me before I kind of did it, I guess. And it's not something I do every day. I don't need to stand in the mirror and tell myself that I love myself. But there was definitely a time in my life where words of affirmation

and doing daily words of affirmation really helped me get out of a mental rut. The thing is, is even if somebody else doesn't see your value, it doesn't decrease your value. You need to be able to love yourself. So I think do some research on words of affirmation. You know, even if it's just standing in front of the mirror

and telling yourself you are worthy, you are an awesome human, whatever it is that is your insecurity, reminding yourself that you have value the more that you do that the more that you actually start to believe it and it really truly does grow from there so I can't recommend just researching a little bit more around affirmations because I think it can be incredibly helpful for rewiring your self-worth question number three good luck with whatever you choose question number three I would really appreciate your thoughts on this when I'm in a relationship I love to be super

open with my partner and no topic is off limits, ex-relationships included. I feel like in a marriage, you should be able to talk about absolutely anything and the more that you know each other, the closer it brings you together. You better understand each other. My husband, on the other hand, doesn't like to talk about his ex-relationships and says I don't need to know and that the past is the past and I should respect his wishes that he doesn't want to talk about it. I know that some of his past relationships have not ended well from a few comments that he's made passing but that's all i really know apart from their names we love each other and this is one of the only things we have diametrically opposing views on should i just let it go i should note

that this is pretty much the only thing that he won't open up about you know what look i agree with you i do think that talking about your exes or talking about what went wrong in your past relationships can be incredibly galvanizing it can make you feel really close to your partner. It can make you be like, oh yeah, I'm nothing like his ex. No wonder he loves me. I do think that there are some benefits to it. It's a very vulnerable experience to talk about why your past relationships didn't work out. However, at the end of the day, if your partner is completely adverse to it, you are married. You've obviously got so many other incredible parts to your relationship. Is it an essential? I don't think so. And I don't think

it's necessarily healthy to push someone to talk about or do something that they don't feel comfortable and I know that a lot of people for many reasons don't like talking about their exes and one of those reasons and it's not because they're still hung up on their exes but it could be because they're ashamed or they're guilty of the way they behaved in their past relationships and I think embarrassment can often play a big part in not wanting to share maybe and I genuinely think if you've cheated in a past relationship you should have those conversations I think that it's unfair to get into a new relationship where the reason that your past relationship broke down was because of a cheating scandal I think that you kind of owe your new relationships that

transparency because not disclosing things like cheating can create fear and anxiety that the past is going to repeat itself I do think with this topic we're talking about your exes it's a really fine line and it's a balancing act because you can certainly talk about past relationships too much you can go into too much detail which can actually be detrimental to the current relationship rather than creating closeness maybe he's worried that you will be jealous maybe he's worried that you will react in a way that will make a bigger problem about this situation and I think maybe there's some self-reflection there have you ever reacted badly to anything he said about ex-partners or ex-relationships in the past if not and it is genuinely just coming from him

and it's something he's not okay with I do think there has to be some level of acceptance unfortunately but it sucks because I'm I'm someone who likes talking about my ex-relationships clearly I started a podcast about them I was about to say everything you just said like I second every single thing you just said I'm exactly the same obviously we have no problem talking about our past relationships I'm in the exact same situation with Jordan Jordan doesn't like to talk about ex-relationships at all he doesn't want to know about it he doesn't want to talk about his for no other reason than he says it doesn't matter to me I don't think about who you've been with in the past and I want to think about the moments you guys had together

the things you shared I just want to focus on us now it just doesn't matter to him it's not important and at the start I was exactly like you I'm like I want to tell you everything this is why my last relationship didn't work out this is and you know and I felt like saying to him and he will listen if he will if I say it's really really important he will listen but he will say I want you to know that I actually no part of me wants to know because I don't want to think about you or picture you with someone else I want to create our new memories it is what it is so there are parts the important parts I've told him like the parts that have really created who I am in my past relationships that have been horrific that all you guys know about he knows all of the important

things it's more just like the day-to-day things and there's no point going back and reflecting for him and I completely understand that and I've asked the questions that I really want to know about him and he's told me but then that's it we no longer that was at the start of the relationship we no longer discuss it and it doesn't bother me at all because he has a really good point of just wanting to live in the present. This is your husband. You're married to him. Does it matter who he dated 10, 15 years ago, really? Or is it just more bothering you that there's one thing he won't tell you about? There's obviously a reason he doesn't feel comfortable telling you. And I think, hey, at the end of the day, you won him. You got him. You guys are in a happy

relationship. And you said it's the only thing. I think you need to let it go that there is something in the relationship you're not going to talk about. Yeah. And I do think that sometimes we want to know everything about our partner like and of course we do you know we want to feel like we have that real soulmate connection but there are some parts of our life that we don't have to share like we don't have to share every single thing about who we are with our partner and I think if there's things that we're ashamed about I've done things in past relationships that I'm ashamed about I'm not that person anymore would I go into deep detail to tell Matt those things probably not I'd probably just give him a very surmised version of it that doesn't paint me

as the piece of shit I was in that relationship. You know, I cheated in a past relationship. I wasn't a good person. I was 22. Is it relevant to the relationship I'm in now? Not really. Like I would never ever be that person. I'm more than a decade older than that now.

So I do think that it has to come with some relevance. Well, I think ask yourself, sorry to interject there, Laura. I think ask yourself, what is it going to add? What value is having that knowledge going to add to your relationship now? If anything, it's giving you one more piece of information to think about him in the past totally and the last thing I was going to say on this before you

really interrupted me Brittany was sorry you just really you really inspired that train of thought and I'm here for it I've also been in relationships in the past where my partner was too honest about his ex-relationships and it created deep insecurities in me my very long-term boyfriend of six years he told me every nuanced thing that he had done before he was with me and it made me incredibly insecure in our relationship because I felt like I didn't live up to his wild past and expectations and my my past was very very subdued at that time so I I kind of thought like maybe that I'm not good enough I compared myself to his exes it created more problems in our relationship than was worthwhile and that came down to my levels of insecurity and jealousy so I do think

that sometimes talking about exes can create issues so just like you don't need to know everything I remember dating when I was living in London uh I met this guy and I really really liked him like he was it was going so well we're dating for about three months we really liked each other he was great to me I know the story it's a good one do you know yeah the model the ex yeah yeah um he was great and he was the one that turned out to be a billionaire without me knowing he was a secret billionaire I found that out later when he took me to a tennis match and put like hundreds of thousand dollars on a bet but I didn't know that time that's another story three months in and we were going so well and we never spoke about our past relationships and I was like this

is it I'm gonna get myself a boyfriend like and I asked him about his exes and he's like there's no point talking about it he's like why do we like not hiding anything but he was like no point anyway I was like something is suspicious here so I went into psycho stalker deep diver and I don't know how I found it obviously through the gram but I found his ex relationship the last two ex relationships from like you know seven years oh my god my I had to pick my jaw up off the ground when I saw her she was amazing she was the most beautiful mermaid creature I had ever seen like she was a she was a model he had never said that she was a model she was beautiful she was so tall she seemed really nice like on the gram I was like holy shit she's catch and then I completely

changed I couldn't it got into my head and I was like what he's not gonna he doesn't like me he he could never like me how could I possibly stand up to that and I literally talked myself out of the relationship even though he liked me he's like I really like you like I'm telling you I'm not with her anymore and I'm here but because of that piece of information I completely had so much self-doubt and I sabotaged the relationship and I probably did on purpose let's be real I was commitment foam but I ruined it because of an insecurity and a jealousy that was completely fabricated in my head. 100% made up. Totally. So I look, I mean, let's, we can, I reckon we can conclude on this one. I do agree with you. I do think that talking about ex-relationships can be incredibly,

incredibly galvanizing and can create so much vulnerability and closeness, but it can also be a double-edged sword. And I think if your partner is very unwilling to share any more details than what he already has, it's kind of a non-essential, especially if you're already married and you're already deep into your relationship if it was like early days and you were dating and your boyfriend's like I absolutely don't want to talk about it like what'd you do motherfucker yeah and it's really secretive then I would be like hey do you have a closet girlfriend that you're not telling me about I think that in early days extreme secrecy around exes is a bit weird and that's something bigger to unpack but in this instance where you're already married just leave

the past in the past yeah accept defeat on this one yeah anyway guys that is it from us we love our Ask Uncut episodes. Thank you to everybody who has written in, asked questions. I really enjoyed today's questions and send us your questions for next week. I am going to take over that wrap up. Guys, we love when you write your questions in, please keep them coming right into a Life Uncut podcast on the Instagram. Just make sure you put Ask Uncut at the heading and also keep your funny stories. You're accidentally unfiltered. You can't believe I said that. Your confessionals. We've got so many little funny sub segments now. Anything shit that happens to you that you're like the girls would have a lull about this we want to hear it send them in i know we

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