Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Laura's new s*x soundtrack, scrapped from the guest list and too much baggage

Starting point is 00:00:00 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. And we do our best to answer them.

Starting point is 00:00:35 You have just been saying to me this morning, you've got something funny to ask me. No, I don't have anything funny to ask you. Did I make that up? Yeah, completely. That never happened. I have something to ask you. Okay. It's not actually funny.

Starting point is 00:00:46 It was just a conundrum that I had on the plane the other day. Where did you even get that from? I feel like... We've been in a washing machine. and I don't even know how to explain it because I've never done this right I have never done mushrooms or a hallucinogenic on record I've never even tried it have you never not but I feel like this is what it feels like I don't have any concept of time I don't know what is real and what has been in my sleep and I think I think that's because like we're in the middle of our

Starting point is 00:01:13 tour around the country and we're just 100 miles an hour we've been doing international interviews which means we're doing interviews at like 10 at night we're doing them at 6 30 in the morning like to fit in with time zones i don't know what way is up right now okay let me tell you this what you're experiencing is anxiety and mushrooms are a lot more fun they are much better than this feeling but anyway so that's my 20s guys i am a mom now i don't do none of that stuff i'm well behaved that is absolutely going to end up on daily mail hang on before we get into this you know what we've all got a past everyone's done things in their past was it i mean yeah well I mean I'm a good girl too now lies fingers toes crossed what's your question no before we get

Starting point is 00:01:55 into it we keep forgetting to say this it's our tiny bit of housekeeping but the Australian podcast awards because I feel like I feel like every other year we're like can you guys please vote for us it's but again this whole magic mushroom hallucination thing means that can I just say we are not endorsing or promoting or recommending that's not what we're doing right done it I'm definitely not recommending it but I believe there's only a few days left to vote and I think that's why we went into panic mode and we're like let's talk about it right now at the start of the episode if you have two little seconds if you've ever loved a podcast episode we've ever done over the last four years it would mean a lot to us if you can just jump on the

Starting point is 00:02:34 Australian podcast awards and vote for us in the listeners choice award all you have to do is type in life uncut for listeners choice and then you just confirm that vote in your email and it genuinely Laura I know is going to offer you a puppy if you do it she does it every year from never delivers the puppies you know what Brit has a lot of puppies to give out because this is like three years now of puppies but this could be the year that it happens if you vote you might get a puppy you are breadcrumbing them to thinking that they're gonna get a puppy no but seriously it's it is the big award for our industry we only get one a year and it's the one that means the most to us and you know it helps us keep going it's the poor man Oscars

Starting point is 00:03:09 of the podcasting world is what it is you know I know we say this every year but like podcasting is such a weird little world it's this insular cool little world where we work in silos we get to like interview incredible people but we sit basically at the moment we're sitting in Britney's lounge room alone recording but it's the one time of year that everyone from our industry all comes out of their dark little audio caves and we're all together and we get to celebrate what is such a fucking incredible medium and the reason why I mean I'm gonna get sentimental here but the reason why I think podcasting is so special is because when we started Life Uncut there were and are very few opportunities in media for women especially within radio right like you can count

Starting point is 00:03:55 on one hand how many female radio hosts there are within the country so podcasting was always a platform for which women could have a voice and be able to put out content because there wasn't anywhere else to do it. That's why we have, you know, the juggernauts like Mama Mia. That's why Shameless existed. It was a place in which women could hear women speak. And then when we started it, we were talking about dating and relationships. And we started off doing this podcast at a time where there weren't really any other dating and relationship podcasts in Australia. There really weren't. Like we came in four and a half years ago at a time where that topic of conversation wasn't as prolific. And I remember, I remember everyone telling me I was crazy and not to do

Starting point is 00:04:37 a podcast. I remember when I said to people, I'm doing a podcast, especially cause I was working in a hospital. Like it's not like I was in the media world and it was like a little sidestep. This was like a climb over Mount Everest. I remember people going, don't do it. What even is that? Like no one listens to podcasts. And we were like, no, we have a dream. We believe in it. We have a passion. We want to help people. And I'm so glad we did it because four years later here we are doing live shows and still bringing you the podcast every day and we love it just as much if not more totally and the media landscape has changed you know it has changed so much in that podcasting was the stepping stone to allow us to get a job within radio and I think

Starting point is 00:05:14 that that is now shifting podcasting has been so instrumental in showing mainstream media that women's voices count and that women's stories count and that not just women want to hear women but everyone want to hear women talk so that's my little appreciation for the world of podcasting but if you guys do, if you get a second of your day, stop listening, go on to the Australian podcast. Don't stop listening. Do it simultaneously. Yeah. Just pause for one second. So you can concentrate, put in your vote for life on cut, and then you have to confirm that vote in your emails or it doesn't count. Now I didn't have a question for you, but I do have a little bit of a story for you. So I know I talk about it all the time about how much having kids has changed

Starting point is 00:05:52 my relationship in some ways, incredibly. So like it's changed my relationship for the better having kids with Matt I think overwhelmingly has shown me what a top-notch human he is but also it's made me feel more secure in my relationship in terms of like we're now doing it together yeah but the one thing that it has fundamentally changed is my sex life also it has changed desire one of the things I miss the most is like fuck I miss wanting to have sex like I used to Take their clothes off, throw them on the bed, anywhere, anytime. Like I remember my desire that I had when I was in my 20s. And I don't mean desire for a person.

Starting point is 00:06:31 I mean my desire to be sexual. My desire to have sex was like, yeah, let's do it, you know, like a horny little 20-year-old. And then you have. Literally me now. Yes. And then you have children. And because you're touched out and you're tired and you're overwhelmed

Starting point is 00:06:43 and you're overworked and you're doing 300 things at once, that literally exits your body. It just levitates up to the sky and vanishes. You dry up in the Sahara. matt and i we are trying to be a bit more consistent with our sex life great i think congratulations i love up for you thank you if i had a machine here i would slow clap you can slow clap me anyway yeah i did so it's really hard because when you know at night time we'll probably work until late and then you know there's no spontaneity to it that's the big issue

Starting point is 00:07:17 right like when it comes to your sex life there's zero spontaneity like quickly let's just do it now we're in bed before we fall asleep yeah and then it goes to like seven minutes you're already tired and then you're like i don't know if i can get the mood anyway so we were at home on the weekend and we had both the kids because that's the other thing when do you have sex because you got two children constantly with you all the time he's got to be with them and it was saturday lunchtime and i don't know why but the desire hit me it came back and we were like you know getting not frisky but we're in the bedroom the kids were downstairs and then marley's yelling out for Nutri-Grain or something else, which is just, it's not the type of distraction that's going to help

Starting point is 00:07:53 you get in the mood, put it that way. And so Matt was like, why don't we just put on something on the TV? Just like have a quickie. And I was like, cause they're wide away. Like they're literally could come up any moment. He was like, no, we'll just, we'll put on Cocomelon. That shit is crack. We'll put on Cocomelon. They'll stay down there. They won't even think about it. And I was like, okay. So, and for me, that seems really risky because our house is quite open. The kids could walk in the bedroom anytime we don't have a lock on our door so he puts on Cocomelon he puts the kids in front of the tv and he runs upstairs and he's like okay we've got a really short period of time so we do it but whilst we're in the midst of doing it all I can hear is Mr Sun Sun Mr Golden

Starting point is 00:08:33 Sun is that quick I don't know and then I hear Lola Mr Sun Sun Mr Golden Sun yelling like singing it at the top of her voice that's like let my golden sun shine down on you laura let me shine let it rain down i had this moment where it dawned on me i was like the soundtrack of my past sex life would have been like some some like nice slow music put some candles on like play some barry white anything and now i'm fucking to cocomelon at one o'clock in the day who would have thought definitely not the maker of cocomelon that cocomelon would be helping parents have sex since 2022 i think it's been around for a little bit yeah 2018 maybe it's been around for a while maybe technically or i was just a joke that's uh that is maybe here's

Starting point is 00:09:20 a thought like the creator of cocomelon was someone in a sexless marriage because they had kids and they were like fuck you know what we need to develop crack so that our kids sit in the lounge room for more than 20 minutes at a time so we can have sex maybe that's how you could pretty much do an hour-long session if you put cocomelon on those kids it's like their eyeballs just get sucked into the tv do you worry that there's like um it's melting their brain yeah like no like jonestown where it's those subliminal messages that are have you seen the episode of the simpsons where there were subliminal messages on the tv political did you have you seen that episode no what if there were because you probably don't sit for an hour watch coca melon what if like

Starting point is 00:09:55 they're brainwashing our children no no no the kids watch it i've seen everything's on it i don't think they're brainwashing their children unless it's to brush their teeth and wash their bodies properly but it's conspiracy theorist Brittany do you know what it is it's because so I mean fuck if you don't have kids this is boring chat but Cocomelon actually no it's not the reason why Cocomelon is so addictive to children is because it works off the same premise as TikTok so the content so every single frame for example the picture that's on the screen each frame changes within something like 10 to 15 seconds so the kids are constantly being re-engaged by a new image that's on screen. And obviously it retains their attention, but it works on the same algorithm

Starting point is 00:10:36 as say something like TikTok, where it's like this constant feed of new content keeps you engaged for longer. And it also means that their attention spans are getting smaller and smaller. And that's why it's quite problematic. Well, I was going to say to me, that sounds problematic. And we know that the reason TikTok existed, like we don't have a short attention span because of things like TikTok. TikTok exists because we have a short attention span because of this cumulative growth of social media where we do lose our attention span over the years i think it's really problematic like i think back to when i was a kid your parents would plop you in front of like a three-hour movie like fantasia or something like that remember fantasia which gave me nightmares for the rest

Starting point is 00:11:15 of my life like so good and the mickey mouse character was conducting the notion was going up and anyway anyone doesn't know what fantasia is but for anyone who does know what fantasia is you're having a real walk down memory lane right now but we would sit there for three hours and it wasn't switching frames every two seconds. Our attention span because of things like social media has completely changed. So now we're conditioning our kids' attention spans to change from Cocomelon at like two years old. Do you know what? If you haven't heard the interview we did with Johan Hari, we actually interviewed him, Keisha and I, while you were away last year, Britt. He speaks so much about this concept of stolen attention and how our

Starting point is 00:11:51 attention is being degraded and that it is not actually our fault. It's all these forces working against us which we really derailed this conversation because yes it's working against us but let me tell you for that seven minutes it was very very very useful I can't wait to have sex I am when are you you don't have sex for ages yeah it's not till Christmas it's my Christmas present yeah you're not having sex till like December also my parents are coming over for Christmas to Scotland with Ben to meet Ben's family and stuff which is amazing but it also means they're going to be in next door in the two bedroom apartment is the apartment big enough and the walls thick enough so that you can do something else that's thick enough well recently when I was

Starting point is 00:12:35 at Ben's house in Scotland my sister and her husband so Sherry and Jay they live in Scotland now so they came and stayed at Ben's house and they were next door and we thought we'd put it to the test and they definitely heard some some some squeaking coming out so I think I'm gonna have to rein it in when the parents are there I couldn't think of anything worse than having my dad accidentally hear me have sex ew yes there's nothing worse like that would be it walking in having said that my dad's coming to our podcast live show and uh the things we talk about the stories we tell at the live show are pretty questionable so i'm gonna have to give him some ear pods if you've seen the videos britney's dad gets to watch me get fisted on stage by

Starting point is 00:13:12 britney you just wow they're gonna think this is like a wild section also that is your reminder if you haven't got your tickets yet, this is coming out on Thursday morning. So we're going to be in Perth tonight. We're actually like, we're recording this episode on Wednesday at Brit's house. We fly out to Perth this evening and we'll be on stage in Perth tonight. Then we have Sunday in Sydney. And then next week we've got Gold Coast. It's still, it's wild. There's still six more shows to go. So if you haven't got your tickets, you can get them from lifeuncutpodcast.com.au as well. Anyway, let's get into vibes and unsubscribes for the week. i'm going to kick it off i don't unsubscribe from a lot of things which makes me feel like i'm a

Starting point is 00:13:53 good person like not a lot's pissing me off but that's not true though no it's an absolute like you're just faking it yeah i was an angry person yesterday anyway my vibe this week is from paramount plus now i don't know if everyone has paramount but i think i ended up downloading every single streaming surface ever over the last couple of years so now i feel like i have every single one i share them with yeah it's actually bad but anyway it's on paramount plus and it is called lioness special ops actually it's called special ops lioness now it's got Nicole Kidman in it you might have seen it they actually did a heap of PR a couple months ago I'm talking like buses all over every city had like Nicole Kidman's face on it and the lioness faces on it it's Zoe

Starting point is 00:14:32 Saldana is the other main character in it now it's like a CIA operative kind of vibe but it's all women so the idea around this is it's a special ops team and the reason it's called lionesses is because they're all lionesses. They're all women. They're all these fierce women that get put into these crazy situations and have to like save the world, basically. Go undercover.

Starting point is 00:14:54 I was really loving it. Obviously there's male characters in the show, but I love the premise that a show has been created around all these kick-ass women. It's really cool. What does Nicole Kidman do in it? Like what is her role? She's like the head of CIA of the operative team.

Starting point is 00:15:08 So she oversees Zoe Saldana, who then oversees another operative. I really like Nicole Kidman. Matt can't stand her. So I always have to try and like encourage him to watch things that she's in. Isn't that interesting? She's brilliant. I mean, she's not, if you want to get Matt to watch it,

Starting point is 00:15:23 she is, believe it or not, not the main character. She's definitely a supporting character, but she's not the be all and end all of this one, which is pretty cool. All right. Well, my vibe for the week, I have been bringing you guys some apps recently and I have one that I use all the time and I absolutely love. And it is called Feedly.

Starting point is 00:15:39 Now that's F-E-E-D-L-Y. Sounds like a delivery food service. No, it's not. It's a news feed. It's an aggregator. Now there's two reasons why you would use Feedly. One is if you feel quite overwhelmed by the news cycle and you don't want to constantly be dipping into, like if there's specific things that you want to find and you don't want to have to constantly be trudging through the news cycle, which is just honestly at the moment, it is very devastating with what's happening in Israel. And if you need to have a little bit of respite from that, what it lets you do is it lets you curate your news

Starting point is 00:16:12 feed. So I actually use it as someone who is a quote unquote small business owner and someone who's very interested in marketing and advertising and how to develop and grow business. What I do is I use Feedly. You create a folder in there and you can say, okay, I want all the articles from say the New York Times, from the Guardian or whatever other subscriptions you might have. There's also free news outlets as well that you can pick and choose. And you go, I want every article that has to do with marketing to put into this folder. I want every article that has to do with retail to go into this folder. So it means instead of having to go online and trudge through all of the news that's out there in the world to find very specific sources, you just click into

Starting point is 00:16:53 your Feedly app and then it's all there with your specific news that you want to read. This is absolutely not sponsored. It's just something that I find very, very, very useful if I want to stay up to date on a specific topic or a specific type of content and i don't want to have to read every single fucking thing that's coming out in the world um so it's really this time and eight like this day and age with what's happening in the world we've done episodes on this before where it can be so overwhelming when you see some of the the news that's happening especially right now it is absolutely flooding our feeds totally and so for example like if you're like obsessed with taylor swift you could just have a folder that says taylor swift it'll give you all the taylor swift news

Starting point is 00:17:27 articles you know it's kind of like having google alerts but you can set those up in it as well but at the same time, it's just a really, really smart and efficient aggregator. And it also means that if you do work in a business where people have similar interests and you want to share similar news articles, you can actually share those folders with them. So you're all across the same content. Sounds good. I really recommend it. It is brilliant. Question number one. Long story short, I received a save the date for a friend's wedding a year ago. The wedding is at the end of October so very soon and I haven't yet received a formal invite it is the beginning of October even though I know other people going to the wedding have received theirs I have drifted from

Starting point is 00:18:10 this friend a little bit over the past year and I would not be upset if I was no longer invited as I am currently planning my own wedding and I'm having a very hard time with my own guest list my question is do I say anything about this do I get my other friends to ask on my behalf do I just leave it do I turn up to the wedding basically she got to save the date but then never got the actual invite what did you just go I'm dying you're not invited no you're not invited yeah you're not invited are you there's been a change of there's been a like flip and switch yeah I did this happened to me this happened to me I did this to someone at my wedding oh fucked yeah but I ended up messaging them and telling them but it was probably a bit too close to the actual wedding

Starting point is 00:18:49 If you have not received an actual physical invitation and no correspondence, no website link, no like RSVP, no prompts or nothing, you are not invited to that wedding. And it could be that maybe they sent out the save the dates. And then, you know, a year later they had to cut a couple people because you got the cut. Or maybe it's because like you said, you guys have started to lose touch a little bit. And the bride's like, well, I've barely heard from her since I sent this. I sent you a save the date and you've not even contacted me once since then.

Starting point is 00:19:17 so the bride might be thinking well you're not really as committed to this friendship as what you know I thought you were whatever her reasons are they're in the same group though so other friends it's awkward like you're in the same it's like you getting invited to Keisha's wedding and not me and I'm like oh she told me to book that date out do I no I think the thing that's different here is that the friendship has started to erode like you're not as close to them anymore and you haven't seen them for a long time is it okay for you to send a message and ask absolutely I think though the way to frame this message is like hey so and so I do not want you to think that it's a problem it is absolutely so fine I just wanted to let you know that in case I was supposed to

Starting point is 00:19:57 receive an invitation I haven't but I also totally understand that numbers may have changed and you've maybe made a different decision absolutely no hard feelings I just would hate to have missed it if you were sending it that's all I just think don't say anything nah I think it's nothing she hasn't invited you I don't think you have to say just confirming the uninvite I can confirm that I will not be coming to the invitation you didn't send I don't think you need to do that I think you haven't been invited don't go okay what if what if the very unlikely thing happens and that is that she just didn't get the invitation what if it got lost in the mail because you need to confirm numbers for a wedding you've got sit down meals you've got seating you've got you have to confirm

Starting point is 00:20:40 who's coming so she would have said sorry I haven't got your confirmation yet I just need to finalize the numbers because are you coming are you coming you're not going you're not going you're not going the only other thing you can do is say like um it's just messaging be like I'm so sorry I'm not able to make the wedding I'm actually gonna be away with my grandma whatever I'm actually gonna be away have the best time because then she thinks oh she thinks she's invited but she can't make it that saves me from any awkwardness it saves you from awkwardness or fucking just don't say anything I don't know if she but you're gonna see her she's in your friend group I don't know if it would save you from any awkwardness I think if anything I would realize that that person was

Starting point is 00:21:19 sending it as like a fuck you like hey so sorry I can't come to your wedding and then the person who wedding it is is like oh you weren't invited I've changed my mind you've got to I just I just went back and ruminated you have to say something this is the most confusing advice no it's funny me it's awkward you have to say something the reason is because even if the something is have the best wedding I'm wishing you all the love and happiness in the world because you are still friends right you might not be the closest of friends but you're gonna see her again you're in the same group and at the end of the day it's not like there's hard feelings it's the awkwardness of just you didn't know if you were going but like you said you don't care so it's not like

Starting point is 00:21:54 you're hating on the girl she's not hating on you weddings are really hard to like pin down numbers expensive so I think I think just a message of hey I have the best weekend I'm wishing you all the love I can't wait to see the pictures I can't wait to catch up with you in the future and hear all about it it's just something really nice that you actually genuinely would say anyway then she doesn't feel awkward she'll write back thank you so much can't wait to see you whatever and I think it just takes away from a little bit but don't don't say am I still invited so what you're saying is be the bigger person but I don't think it nah I don't think it's about being a bigger person like at the end of the day you know you're not that close to friends anymore and I'm being really

Starting point is 00:22:30 serious here you know you're not that close to friends anymore but that doesn't mean you're actually not an acquaintance or a friend and you share a lot of similarities in life obviously I think the nice thing to do is just wish them luck like I have been in that position before where like I've been friendly enough with someone that I see them all the time but I didn't go to their wedding and that's what I did I just messaged and said have the best fucking time ever like because I mean it I'm like every you want anyone you know to have the best day of their life on wedding yeah but there is a little bit of like fuck you you sent me to save the date okay here's my reverse question can you do it if you send someone a save the date and then you just say

Starting point is 00:23:05 you sent them a year ago and then since you sent that save the date you've barely heard from them they've barely checked in they've shown no interest in the wedding they've shown no interest in your life can you simply when it comes to sending out your invitations just not send it to them because I think this would happen way more than what we expect yes you can she did it yeah but like is the bride in the wrong for doing that or is it like do you know what no I don't think so because a year is a long time shit changes shit changes shit goes down shit goes up shit goes sideways there is a lot that can happen in a year period and this probably is the best way to go about it because what are your options right your options are if you're the bride you just don't follow up

Starting point is 00:23:44 with the actual invitation or you have to confront the person and say hey I'm so sorry we had to cut numbers and you've been on the chopping block like they're your options so I think that I think she took the safer smoother less confronting option of just like I just won't follow through with the invite it's like I'm sorry but out of the 100 people that I had invited you are the one person who can't make it you you were at the very periphery of the friendship group that's where you sit in terms of priorities no look I think people can do it I do think it makes things awkward but weddings make things awkward anyway like there's always going to be something or someone who's got a little bee in their bonnet when it comes to organizing weddings do you think I should elope

Starting point is 00:24:22 no you'll never elope you'll have a wedding we spoke I've spoken about eloping you have spoken about eloping but you've also spoken about having bloody Lewis Capaldi play at your wedding I would elope with Lewis Capaldi Laura put two and two together I could not imagine you eloping I think and also do you know what I always thought I would elope and then looking back I no you could of low absolutely but I think looking back on how much fun it is to stand in front of your family and your friends it really was a very different experience to what I thought it would be it was so special and I'm such a wedding cynic like I'm the person who couldn't care less about weddings never really got all goo goo gaga at them and then when I actually got to be there with all

Starting point is 00:25:04 the people I love and do it with the man I love it was just fucking it was amazing it was best day of life live stream it to everyone just who everyone's listening talk about one extreme to other i'll either elope alone with our live stream all right let's get into question number two all right question number two i'm an expat living in a country and a city town where dating is a complete pile of shit i'd love to know where you are it's like what every city ever basic no there's places that are better than others she goes on to say that she reckons 90 of the people who are in the town are either expats who are traveling themselves most of the people that she's been on dates with don't have values that align with her and she's really looking for her penguin she wants to be

Starting point is 00:25:42 with someone long-term. Now she hasn't planned on moving home yet. She was going to stay traveling and working for quite a bit longer, but this is the dilemma. I'm turning 30 this year and I know it shouldn't matter and is stupid, but it weighs heavily on my mind. I keep thinking about my biological clock. I was going to go home in a few years anyway, but my dilemma is this. Should I go home early now with the intention to meet someone? I love my life here at the moment. And although I'd be happy at home moving right now would be purely for that reason the only reason I would be moving back would be with the intention of trying to meet a long-term partner for context I've always enjoyed dating in my home city is it silly to base such a huge decision on finding love

Starting point is 00:26:24 or is it realistic and worth it to make that decision for love I feel as if all my friends back home are getting engaged and coupled up and I'm missing the boat would love your perspective on this I actually don't think this is a silly question and well this girl that wrote this in this paragraph's a lot right she gave us a lot of backgrounds that we sort of cut through but I do not think that this is a silly question there are definitely cities around the world and towns around the world that are going to be easier to date and meet people or harder to date and meet people and that might fall under many categories like you can be in a big city for example I'm going to say New York and I'm going to say New York because I know people that lived

Starting point is 00:27:00 in New York who said dating is actually really hard places like New York is a huge city the population is there but a lot of people in New York don't want to settle down and now this is just a real blanket statement but people are there because it's a city that never sleeps and they're there for the excitement and to churn through dates to meet new people to have fun to party and the same goes with a small town you might go to a small town they're not there to party but the pool is smaller I've definitely moved towns before for that reason even my hometown of Port Macquarie I lived there my whole life it's a really small town and I knew everyone I wanted bigger things for work and career but also I wanted to meet new people so that was a huge part

Starting point is 00:27:40 of the reason that I moved my advice here for you is I don't necessarily think you should run home to your hometown because you did say you're still enjoying being away and working and traveling but you want to find love and that's not going to happen there my suggestion would be maybe move to a new city so you're still away you're still traveling you're still living at a home you're not going back home to your hometown to settle down and getting to that I want to say monotony because that is what will happen once you go back home well it's not just it's not necessarily monotony but it is like the it's reliable you know it's like you know exactly the outcome well actually you don't necessarily but you have a good idea of what that outcome will be absolutely so

Starting point is 00:28:20 my advice would be why don't you try a new city somewhere else maybe it's someone you've never been maybe you don't know anyone maybe there's you have a friend in a city that you do know it's one friend one person but why don't you try that a new environment with new people new people on dating apps new work environment and then see how that goes before you just rush home to settle down and hope to meet someone back in your own town that's I think that's what I would do in that position yeah I totally agree with you but I also think for me this whole conversation comes down to two things the first one is that it's priorities what is the biggest priority for you if you're saying that you're thinking about your biological clock all the

Starting point is 00:28:53 time you're thinking about wanting to be in a relationship that that's something that really is front and center of your mind are you able to enjoy your time where you are in a town where you say that dating is absolutely like just abominable that you don't think you'd ever be able to meet someone there and if that's the case if that's impacting your ability to enjoy your time there then yeah I think it is probably time to move on I totally agree that it doesn't necessarily mean that that needs to be back home to comfort and to routine and to whatever town it is where you think dating is safer and has been better for you. I think that there are other options to explore first. But the other thing I think that you have to be careful of when you're making

Starting point is 00:29:31 these decisions is nothing is guaranteed. You might move home and you might think that that's where you're going to find someone and settle down. And it might take you years to find someone in that town. You know, it's not that black and white and it's not necessarily as, oh, I'm just going to go back to this place and then I'll find a husband and I'll do X, Y, Z because yeah, you might end up getting into a relationship that person could be an absolute flog as well I think sometimes when we prioritize the want and the absolute need and we fret over our biological clock too much what happens is that we then run the risk of settling we run the risk of dating someone and they're good enough because we are comparing ourselves to people who are getting

Starting point is 00:30:10 married we're comparing ourselves to people who are having babies and we're worried about missing out on that that we're not necessarily choosing the right person who's going to give us the things that we need and require in a relationship we're choosing the relationship because it's the time of life that we want it in so that's something that I think you have to be really really mindful of but I would say I know and I don't want to dismiss anyone's fears around turning 30 because we've had many conversations about how age is something that women have to consider and also how once you feel like your biological clock is ticking and it's yelling at you there's not much else that you know it's really hard to break out of the head noise around it but when you're 30

Starting point is 00:30:48 years old, you still have other options around you as well. Go and get your fertility check too. We've spoken about that heaps with you, Britt. Find out where that sits for you. Do you have great fertility? Do you want to freeze your eggs? And if so, where would you do that? Are there other options before completely removing yourself from this exhilarating time of life where you get to experience and be in this completely new place and meet new people to go home and be in a place that's safe and routine driven? I think explore those opportunities first before you put all your eggs into the one basket of like I'm going home to find myself a husband yeah and I do think you can do all things simultaneously I don't think you have to be like this is my priority now so

Starting point is 00:31:26 I'll sacrifice everything else in my life totally my priority is love relationships and commitment so I'm going to move away from everything else that makes me happy you can find a happy medium where you can do all the things at once I mean I feel like I have found that it's not easy because my happy medium is on the other side of the world but I still found love and I still get to live in the city that I love right now and I'm still doing a job I love I just to reiterate what Laura said I think I have changed my opinion a little bit over the years like 30 is just a number yes 30 is so young yes I think of Laura and I went on The Bachelor at 30 like we had this conversation without I was 31 yeah we had this conversation the other day with our co-host Mitch Turi on the radio

Starting point is 00:32:07 a private conversation about you know how he he also wants to meet someone he's gone through a breakup and he feel you know he made the thing of you know I'm nearly 28 almost like he was not keeping up to the societal timeline and then we sort of said that to him we were like well hang on think of how much Laura and I have done and gone through we started the bachelor at 30 and 31 like we we just started this journey and you guys have been along the podcast journey with us for four and a half years you know how much we've both been through in that time so we're in we're 36 now it is just a number but I want to reiterate that now as someone that's going through the fertility journey and it's not easy and I've realized it's going to be a struggle it is important to check

Starting point is 00:32:46 it and it's a number but the biological clock exists it fucking sucks it exists there's nothing we can do about it as women other than make sure we take it into our control so go get your fertility checked live in a city you like date like crazy try and do it all at the same time and I really do think if you are enjoying where you are and what you're doing the right thing will come along my only worry is the immense disappointment you will feel if you move back home with the sole purpose of meeting someone and you don't meet someone because then you've just sacrificed being somewhere and living life and just fucking living your thirties and your twenties, which is literally the time for it. You know, like you're just, you're in the prime time for you to be able

Starting point is 00:33:26 to be selfish, to make decisions that only revolve around you, to like experience what the world has to offer you so to cut that short because you've got this real strict idea about where you're going to meet someone I think that that really limits what your life could be all right question number three taking a little bit of a turn in the vibe here but I think this is a really important one I'm a 33 year old female whose brother was diagnosed with late stage cancer a couple of years ago I'm heavily involved in treatment and support and I've put my life on the back burner to focus on him and support my family over the last couple of years I've put dating on the back burner and I have a real desire to meet someone and have that relationship for myself but I carry

Starting point is 00:34:07 with me a very heavy life and responsibilities which a lot of people aren't looking for especially on the dating apps where you often see things like I want someone who doesn't take life too seriously I just don't know how to navigate dating when my life has been consumed by sadness and hospitals the last few years how do I approach that with people on a date any advice is so appreciated this makes me sad because firstly I'm so sorry about your brother and I can't imagine the life that you have been through the last couple of years but it makes me sad because you deserve both and I don't think it has to be one or the other and I can't imagine how much this has consumed you the last couple of years but you wanting to date the right person is not

Starting point is 00:34:49 going to be put off by some hardships that you've gone through in your personal life in the last couple of years and I imagine that's a really hard thing to talk about with somebody new but I don't think that has to be something you talk about on a first date I don't agree yeah I think you can go on a date and just be you like try to separate those two parts of you because you still are you you don't have to just be defined by something else that is huge and monumental going on in your life even if that's for a small time go on a date meet people just talk about who you are and what you enjoy doing and when your aspirations in life have some fun have some banter and then see where that goes rather than feeling like you have the responsibility to sit

Starting point is 00:35:29 down on a date and say hey I need you to know that the last couple of years has looked like this I also think like you're entitled to have levity and joy and fun in your life as well like you do not have to be your trauma and what I mean by that I don't want anyone to think that that's me being insensitive but like you will live side by side it you will encompass it and embody it when you need to but you're also if you're able to allowed to step outside it and also have a life and also have the things in your life that bring you joy and have support from people who love and understand you I think sometimes we get so down in the trenches about how fucking shit dating can be which I also want to be careful about because people often surprise you as well you might think

Starting point is 00:36:14 that, oh my God, nobody ever is going to want to take this burden on, but to somebody who is caring and empathetic and, you know, has a real love for you as a person, which, you know, you're only ever going to discover that through dating and through getting to know people, some men and some women and some people just show up in ways that you would never, ever expect them to. And I mean, for example, I think a really incredible example of this is Lottie Bowser. So we interviewed Lottie recently she spoke about her husband who had passed away from cancer in his brain it was harrowing her story around COVID and she went for a trip this is shortly after his passing she went for a trip to Portugal and she met someone and now you know a year and a half on she's in a

Starting point is 00:37:01 relationship with that man and he took on everything that she was the baggage the trauma because he obviously fell in love with who she was as a person as well and and I just think that there are so many people out there who will surprise you as much as there are so many people who are shit the people who are shit are just not going to be your people right the people who this is too much for they're not going to go on a third fourth fifth sixth date but there will come a point where you meet someone and they're going to think you're an amazing person and also they're going to understand that your brother is going through something that's so significant and it impacts your entire family also it's interesting the way you look at this because I'm looking at

Starting point is 00:37:36 this from a different lens to you obviously are because you're in the trenches you're looking at this like why would anybody want me when I'm going through this but fuck you are obviously an incredible person and the qualities you're exhibiting here are extreme generosity and kindness and caring and they are amazing qualities to go into a relationship with someone is going to not look at you like oh I can't believe you live a life where you look after so many other people someone is going to say what an amazing woman giving up her everything to look after those people she cares about that is a really rare and beautiful quality and I think you're underestimating the value of that and and how much somebody would absolutely love to be in a relationship

Starting point is 00:38:18 with someone like that the value of yourself even I absolutely I so agree with that and I also think like just to extend on that but it's like this idea of worthiness like you think that you're not worthy of being in a relationship because nobody will want to take on baggage your life baggage everybody has baggage everybody has all different kinds of baggage you know I know single mums often find it really challenging to get back into dating because they feel like they have baggage who's going to want to date them you experiencing this because your brother has cancer people who have chronic illness feel this way because they think well who's going to want to date me because I have chronic illness and they're not going to understand it's an education piece

Starting point is 00:38:56 for people as much as it is a process and that's not to say that it's not going to come without limitations it's not going to be more challenging for you there will be and could be some people who don't want to take that on and that's okay because they're not your person but you're never going to find someone who will be willing to take on those things who will stand beside you and love you and be supportive of you and hold you through your grief and your trauma and all of those things and enjoy the amazing wonderful fucking exciting beautiful times as well unless you wade through that and unless you actually put yourself out there to do it that it's the only way to find that person. Finally, I don't know your family, obviously, personally, but I

Starting point is 00:39:33 have no doubt they're going to want you to be happy. They don't want you to just be spending every second of your life looking after them and then going home alone and sad and wanting another life. If you ask them, I bet you they'd be like, yeah, it's probably go get laid sis. Like go have fun. You don't have to take it seriously. So definitely start dating, put yourself out there. You don't have to lay it all on the table on the very first day. Just enjoy yourself a little bit because you absolutely deserve it. It is time for our suck and our sweet, our highlight and low light for the week. And this week we are going to be doing sweets only. And the reason for that is I think everyone, I even feel emotional about to say it. I think everyone's

Starting point is 00:40:09 feeling the same sort of way about what's happening in the world right now. And we have just decided that this is not the week for a suck. Yeah. I mean, if anything, I think it's the week to be grateful for all of the amazing things that we have in our life. When you see what's been playing out online and trying to keep up with the news cycle of what's happening and the division between israelis and palestinians regardless of what side of the war and the fence and the commentary that you sit on i think everybody can agree that the absolute atrocities and how hideous some of the footage and the crimes are being committed against innocent people and civilians over there and children and women it is fucking devastating so we our hearts are

Starting point is 00:40:49 with every single innocent person yeah child elderly anyone that is caught up in this whole thing that is innocent it's it truly breaks our heart like i know it's breaking everybody's heart yeah we are all thinking of you our sweets for the week now look my sweet for the week is and has to be the live shows i don't think that either of us can get away from saying anything else yeah but my sweet for the week is also like making new friends i think when we were in so cute well in adelaide like emily weir came with us kelly finlayson came with us uh sam fisher he was also there now I've met Emily and know Emily and have met Kelly and know Kelly as well but like being able to go and do these little live show tours together has really just kind of bonded

Starting point is 00:41:29 those friendships and I think it was such a beautiful thing as an adult when you get to go and spend some really quality time with amazing humans it really reminded me just how much those like friendships are so important and I had such a fucking amazing time with everyone and that was my highlight I mean I can't even add anything that my highlight was exactly the same thing Going down into the little bubbles that we are with the people that we are and meeting all you guys was the highlight. Nothing else will trump that this week. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:41:53 Actually, do you know what else was a highlight? The two girls who came to our Adelaide show who had made shirts that said, we love love. Hand-sewn them. You hand-sewed your own T-shirts with glitter and sequins. And love hearts. And it was fucking amazing. Okay, that is also a highlight.

Starting point is 00:42:07 And lastly, you know, I know we're talking a lot about the live shows, but meeting you guys and your incredible stories, like every single person had an incredible story as to why they connected with the podcast and for us it's just such a privilege as much it is to share ours with you to hear your stories back was my absolute mind-blowing incredible this week i love you guys and that's it tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because it's weird we love you and i got it right We'll be right back.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Laura's new s*x soundtrack, scrapped from the guest list and too much baggage

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