Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Laura's unhinged and Britt's a unicorn psychopath

Episode Date: June 21, 2023

Hey lifers, Laura's unhinged (again) and Britt might need to unpack why she finds enjoyment in true crime because there's a psychologist who says that's kinda weird. Do you relax by watching true crime? Our vibes and unsubscribes for the week: Britt - Netflix's 'Arnold' Laura - Influencers who ask if their followers want to see holiday content Your ask uncuts that we unpack this week: After a night out myself, my boyfriend of 1.5 years and one of my best girl friends (who is gay) went home together and one thing led to another and we ended up having a threesome. We had never spoken about the possibility of doing this and it’s the first time it’s happened. Since it’s happened I can’t stop picturing my boyfriend having sex with my best friend as I just laid there next to them, and I feel sick. Since my best friend is gay I feel like it meant nothing to her, but he is straight and chose to have penetrative and oral sex with her. Is this something I should be concerned about? Can we move on from this? I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he’s not overly fussed about the situation and is kind of de-validating my concerns (ie saying “we’ll you were involved just as much as me”) My best friend recently matched on Bumble with a guy from America. Although he is currently living in America, they matched because he had his status set to traveling in preparation for an upcoming trip to Aus. Over the last few weeks they’ve been texting, calling and FaceTiming every day and are totally smitten. They’ve even been discussing wedding plans for this summer and choosing baby names. They’ve also talked about her moving there because he said with his job he would have to start from square one if he moved here. She said she knows it all seems crazy but she’s sure he is her penguin and that she’s never felt like this before and neither has he. He’s coming here at the end of next month and I’m just so skeptical!! Am I right to feel that way? Or should I just be supportive of her happiness? She’s just come out of a tumultuous couple of years in her personal life so I feel super protective of her. HELP! Do you flush the toilet at night time if your partner or housemate or family are asleep? What’s the etiquette? A friend of mine got married a few months ago and then asked a group of friends to plan the hens. The wedding was really small and the kicker was that none of the friends who were asked to plan the hens were invited. We all find it a bit weird that we've been asked to plan the 'fling after the ring' despite not being invited to the wedding   If you have a question, or an ask uncut aftermath, send it in to our InstagramYou can join the facebook group here and follow us on tiktokTell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I am still Laura. Nothing has changed. I genuinely am concerned that Laura drugs this morning.

Everyone's going to write, Laura's unhinged again. You have, what is it? Again. Again. That time of the month, everyone. Something's not right, Keisha, and I can't work it out. She's either stayed awake all night, like you've been partying. We all went out to dinner last night, had a lovely night,

a couple of cocktails deep, but something's not right with you today and I can't work it out. You are wired. You just threw your phone on the cement floor like across the room. It's carpeted. It's probably cement underneath. It's a thin carpet on cement. You just heard that.

I'm just testing it. Do you know why? Because influencers piss me off. I got pissed off by an influencer and I saw and then I had to react to my phone viscerally. How do you feel saying that statement though when you are an influencer? I piss myself off sometimes too. oh oh my i am concerned for your welfare right now i actually have never in my four and a half

years i've never seen you like this it looks like you've been doing pingas all night or something and i've never done a pinger i don't actually know what that is but i feel like never never never in my entire life have i tried a pinger no i hand on heart i think we had very different 20s Laura Bird? No to be fair I was pretty good pretty good not as good as you pretty damn good I look at my 20s and I'm like if my daughters were as good as I was in my 20s I mean I hope that they make better relationship choices but if they're as well behaved as I was in my 20s then I'd be happy I'd be like job well done. Here's a question how old do you have to wait for your daughters to be Lola and Miley until you let them listen to this podcast? Never they will never

listen to it. Because they're going to. Marley thinks I dance for a job. She's got no idea what I do. Like, if I ask Marley, I mean, she's only four. She doesn't know a lot. If I asked her, what does mummy do for a job? She says, go to work. But have you ever asked her what work is? Can you ask her? Yeah, she thinks I go dancing now.

She thinks you're a stripper. She's like, what she thinks. Mummy is a professional dancer. That's what I do. She has no idea. I don't think she tells everyone at school that. I think she thinks I talk. Which I do. But I don't think she knows what about. That's interesting. I'm sure she'll figure it out when she gets a bit older.

So you actually don't want her to ever know? No, I think she should listen to it. I can't wait for her to listen to the line, gave Matt a blowjob last night. She'll be like, mum, fucking gross. Like, I don't need to listen to all the ones how you're like, Matt and I were going for it and Marley's face came and stood right next to us.

Oh, there are so many stories she's going to hear about herself. No, that's the problem though, isn't it? I mean, it's one thing to share your kids on social media, but then it's the other thing to share all the stories about their life as they're growing up because, I mean, I hope that Marley will never listen to this. That's why I'm very considered about what parts of the kids' lives that we do share. I mean, I do think Marley walking in on us in the middle of going down to Hey Hey Town is really my story to tell. It's more me than hers. She's never going

to remember that she's four. She traumatized you, not the other way around. Thank you. I've been ruined from this and she's going to get over it just fine because I feel like when you're four, you don't actually commit any of that shit to memory. If it happens when she's eight, different story that's a psychology therapy session right there yeah I don't know if that's like gospel I don't know if people should take that that for doesn't what's your earliest memory I couldn't tell you I've tried to think about this but I have memories when I see a photo of being young I have memories around it but if you said right now what's the earliest no I have no idea do you know what I challenge that though when I say challenge my memory go for

it no what I mean is is when you say you see a photo and then you have memories around it I often think that especially for photos for when you're really young, I think we build memories around it. I don't actually think we remember it specifically for what it was. I think we've grown up seeing – well, I just think about this one photo of me as a little kid. I must have been three years old and me and my sister wearing matching pyjamas on the front doorstep of our house like in Newcastle.

The standard photo that you get. Yeah, my mum's just come home. But I know the story. The reason why we're wearing those pyjamas is because my mum had come home from Hong Kong. She gave them to us as a present. I don't remember any of that shit. Like really, I don't think I do, but I think I've created the memory in my head.

So sometimes I'm like, I don't know if I can trust the stuff I remember from my childhood. No, I think that's right. I think it's a bit of A and a bit of B. There's stuff that I'll definitely look at a photo and have nothing, feel nothing. I'll have a photo and I'll know a story because my parents have told me. And then I'll have a photo where I can picture parts of that day. There are photos of being really young picnicking. And then all of a sudden I remember a ball.

My ball got stuck. Yeah, it's random bits that you remember, isn't it? Ball got stuck out in the rapids and it was going away. It was a pink Barbie ball. I bet you it wasn't a rapid. but I bet you it was a creek and you were just three. No, it was. It was just a creek, but it was a tide.

The tide was taken away. It was a pink Barbie ball and my dad, I was beside myself and I made my dad swim out in this to get it. He cut his feet on oysters. No, it was a disaster, but to get my pink ball that was $3. And I remember he had all these cuts on his feet, but he did it for me. Well, do you know what? This validates my other theory is that you usually remember traumatic stuff

way more than the good stuff. And, I mean, if we're going to use you as an example, you lost your ball. But I don't. and your dad hurt his foot i don't know if that's my first memory i would love to actually sit on this i mean we've just sprung we didn't plan this chat so i'd love to sit and try and really think about my first memory and get back to you but it's also interesting maybe we can get someone on to talk about this kind of stuff because i'm really interested in this what part of it everything memory do we create the memories do we remember traumatic things how can you distinguish

if it's a created memory or if it's a real memory i think it's really fascinating also the validity of repressed memories i think is very interesting so obviously like a lot of people unpack repressed memories in terms of trauma but it's like for me i find it very interesting that that can be unlocked that that's still sitting there somewhere but your brain has this defensive mechanism where it can go we don't want to think about that that's not healthy for our psyche that's not we're not going to move past it if we keep on going back to these repressed memories so let's just lock it away in a box and put it in the cupboard 100 put it in the back corner of your little brain yeah okay well i mean this kind of links me into something i wanted to talk to you

about because i know that you're a psychopath brit and now i have proof unequivocal proof of that wow okay um find the box under my bed or yeah yeah i found the list i found your burn book your hit list no you have always been very vocal on this podcast in the entire time of our friendship you've been very vocal about how you love true crime how you're sick for true crime i will not argue that how you could sit there eat an ice cream and watch jeffrey dharma every night of the week because you love it so much that it you know it's something that fills you with joy i enjoy listening watching true crime yeah that's true yeah but i don't think that makes me a psychopath there's been a psychologist that's come out her name is dr thelma bryant she's a psychologist

she's an author and she was on the mel robbins podcast recently and she basically was like if you find it relaxing to listen to or watch true crime to watch other people go through really traumatic experiences there's probably a good chance that you're a bit fucked up in the head oh okay Thelma who are you to say that Thelma what degree did you no she's got a degree okay fair okay well the problem with that sentence Laura is I don't relax watching it like I don't sit there with my ice cream and masturbate and like get off to it that's not why I watch and I mean if you're masturbating to true crime you probably should do a little bit of self-work people do remember there was a girl that called up the radio and said she masturbated to Jeffrey

dharma that's really not okay so i don't know if you think do you picture me doing that no i never picture you masturbating ever i just want you to know that well now i'm offended double now you think i'm a psychopath and you don't think about me i can't win with you laura i enjoy true crime for different reasons i'm just really interested in and i think that's really normal but you have to remember that i don't think this makes me a sicko but my job as an emergency radiographer as a theater radiographer for 12, 13 years, my favorite parts, and this sounds bad, but the bloodier and the more gory it was, the more I enjoyed it. And that's not enjoying someone, that's enjoying a situation, high-end trauma, what happened to the person, trying to help the person.

You are not helping your cause right now. I know. I'm actually insane. Yeah. I'm trying to, I'm just trying to make you understand my interest in the human body, my interest in human psyche. I'm thoroughly interested in it and the why behind it and the whole idea. It's just, maybe that has come from you know 13 years of seeing some pretty crazy stuff because I saw some pretty crazy stuff in my time well I do think overall especially in terms of entertainment we have become quite desensitized like documentaries about people's disappearances about people's murders and we've talked about the Jeffrey Dahmer series before about how there's this real blur between entertainment and true story and where that sits in terms of an ethical perspective

but what I thought was really interesting about this is that this psychologist Dr Thelma Bryant she's come out and she said like if you're someone who does find true crime like if you enjoy it so much that that's your preferred medium to watch and you don't go to bed feeling anxious or scared after watching it if you can kind of listen to a true crime podcast and then go straight to bed and feel unaffected by it you should be asking yourself why is trauma relaxing to you like why is trauma something that calms you rather than makes you feel higher levels of anxiety okay here's a thought on that i and i'll be trying to figure this out myself i enjoy watching true crime in terms of i don't enjoy it like we just said you know i don't get off on it i don't froth it

i don't laugh at it i honestly half the time i struggle to watch it but i still need to see it out i'll be closing my eyes looking through my fingers looking away having to pause it i fast forward parts but i don't turn it off oh so you mean you have a soul i have a soul but the part that you just mentioned is I can very easily I live alone I can very easily watch that and listen to that and go to bed and not worry about it so I don't know if that makes me half psychopath like half unicorn kind of thing like half psychopath 50% unicorn 50% psychopath yeah I reckon that's the verdict well I feel the opposite I mean I watch it I do enjoy when I say enjoy watching it like I find it really interesting and fascinating but it affects me so deeply that I cannot sleep

I'm okay if Matt's at home with me but if I'm then by myself especially if I'm by myself like with the girls I'll end up having the girls in bed with me like I'll go and get Marley and Lola they want to sleep in their own beds and I'm like come and sleep with mummy and I put them both in the bed with me because I think they're going to protect me I used to when I was a teenager and this makes me sound crazy I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow because I used to be so frightened about someone breaking into the house or something happening during the night and not having control over it but I think for me that comes from my own like this psychologist was saying that if you enjoy it it could be because you're comfortable in trauma because you've

experienced trauma yourself because you're familiar with it and it's a space that you can relate to I almost feel the opposite I think I did have some parts of my childhood that were a bit traumatic and you guys if you've read the book you know about it but I think for me it put me on high alert I was like always like something bad's gonna happen and so I like Keisha was looking me like a crazy person when i said i used to sleep with a knife under my pillow no i slept with a knife on i was gonna say i slept with a knife under my protection how weird is that i wonder if anyone else does this no i only started it after i had someone break into my house and i lived in a house this is as an adult i lived in a house that had every single room had an exit to

outside every room had a door that went to a balcony or something like that so there was in my head there was a paranoia well there were so many entry points it's not like you just locked one door right every laundry multiple rooms bathrooms lounge room front door there were so many doors and I had a break-in they didn't take anything but I reckon I must have walked in while they were there and I heard them in the room and I heard them leave and from I call it so scary and from that point I put a knife under my bed and this is what I do now yeah but I okay well I mean the fact you still do it it's probably something that you should go and get some therapy about but like I understand why you would do it if you've experienced a home break-in but I do think that

there are people out there and I'm sure I'm not alone I get up and I go and check the oven multiple times before I can go to sleep I get up and I check all the windows I check the door multiple times like I still even when Matt is at home and in bed with me we could be in bed it could be midnight and I'll wake up and I'll go I can't sleep until I go check the doors again and I'll get back up and check the doors is that something that's increased post kids do you think or were you always like that no I think I've always been like it I think I'm less like it when I'm in a relationship because I feel safer having someone there who could you know quote unquote protect me but it's definitely not a fear that has gone away I still have that and it's

it's not by any means debilitating but I need to go and chronically check things I often for example need to go home and check that I've turned my hair straightener off even sometimes on days when I I haven't even used it I think I've left it on I think did I take it out and plug it in and then I intended to use it I don't trust my own memory on things that I've done that's interesting i'd love to unpack that if i had some qualifications but i don't well anyway speaking of people who don't have qualifications it is probably time to get into answering your questions i mean which you all came here for but before we do that we've got vibe and unsubscribe and i have i've gotten unsubscribed today everyone it's the thing i got

angry about that i threw my phone across the room about okay well let's just take one big breath together first you go vibe first let's go happy breathe in okay my vibe i'm gonna start my vibe is Arnold Schwarzenegger that's my vibe he has a new doco on Netflix and Ben wanted to watch it I was you know like background noise for me it's not like I saw it and I was jumping out of my skin to watch it but Ben wanted to watch it so I sat down and watched it with him so we could have some bonding time I was hooked it is brilliant he is such an incredible person and I say this before you come at me and say he cheated on his wife I'm not talking about that we know he cheated he actually talks about that and I found that part interesting too but as a human from his childhood

to he was governor he's 75 years old now he's a fascinating human and he's also around his exploitation of like drug enhancements of taking steroids and stuff during his time of being like you know an incredibly successful weightlifting champion well that's why I guess I loved it because you watch these things and you don't think these people are going to talk about the controversies in their career or the low points but he does and he addresses it and it's so simply addressed and so factual and love him or hate him it doesn't matter but his story is so inspiring and intriguing and he's a different person to the person I always thought he was and I found it very motivating I don't think you could watch it I think anyone would watch it and

you will walk away motivated to go and do something different or something more or do something that the idea that you've had for ages you will go and start it I found it very inspirational in that sense he had a very complicated childhood with his dad from memory his dad yeah his dad because you've watched other docos on him hey so the reason why I know about a bit of background on him is because when I was in my 20s and my long-term relationship my boyfriend at the time was obsessed with him and there was a documentary that came out about him then so that was like 15 years ago and there was always things about Arnold Schwarzenegger that was on only because my ex was like truly obsessed no interesting guy he does have a really complicated childhood complicated

in the sense of he was loved and he had a family home and he had the food on the table and but you get where you understand where the drive comes from in the competition he had a brother an older brother and his dad would go away to war he was in the army and he would come back and he said things like they used to have to get up as kids and earn their breakfast they'd start doing sit ups and push-ups and that was the the dad was like you know the militant yeah nothing comes for free So these were kids doing this kind of stuff and he would make them do competitions against each other, running competitions, trying to beat each other all the time. And it took the fun out of it because it always became this got to be better than the brother kind of thing. And I was hooked

and we've said this a lot in this day and age, not many things keep you on the edge of your seat anymore. We get so distracted. You want to look down at your phone or you watch something in the background while you're making dinner. There's not many things that you sit there and you're engaged the whole time, but I was engaged the entire time. And I felt like I walked away and I was like what am I gonna do with my life I'm gonna do another business I'm gonna lift some weights I'm gonna get fitter like I walked away feeling really invigorated what have you done since watching it nothing it's like watching a TED talk or like going to some sort of self-help seminar and you leave it thinking you're so inspired you're gonna change everything about

your life like today's the day you're gonna do it and then a week later you're like oh well I definitely in all honesty of course I haven't done anything I've only watched it two days ago but my brain is not stopping now I'm thinking differently about things and the one thing I will say because you might not watch it but I do want to really drive this home is he says everyone always says to me well done you're amazing you're a self-made millionaire you're a self-made the highest paid actor in the world you're self-made self-made self-made he's like I would never ever label myself as self-made and I always tell people I'm not he's like it's my most hated compliment because I'm not self-made no one is no one in the world is self-made if you've done it

if you weren't given the money as a kid or you didn't grow into money or things like that it still takes all the people around you to help you it takes the person that gave you the hand up at the start he's still really good friends with the person that gave him his first opportunity as a kid there's so many people that come along a ride to make you who you are and he drives that home and I fucking love that yeah I mean I always say this in terms of like when people say how do you manage so much and that's a big question that I personally get as a mum who runs businesses how do you do so much and it's like I don't I only do so much because Matt does so much you know you can only do the things that you do because of the amazing people you have around you i mean no you

do do a lot and you do do the work but of course there's help around you and there's people that lift you up when you need to and hold your hand when you need to it's your village yeah it's a village so i love that okay well i haven't unsubscribed i don't know if you're feeling the same i don't even know if you've noticed it but i have and it made me feel a little bit cranky this morning yeah you did come in all right all you motherfuckers are gonna europe i know it i get it we're all heading away on holidays it's mid-year it's winter everyone doesn't want to be here and we're all going away but the influencers are heading away they're heading away on holidays and you know what I hate more than an influencer on a holiday it's an influencer who baits their

audience and says hey guys I'm going to Europe let me know do you want to see my Europe photos or not because we all know that people are going to say yes and you're going to share it anyway but maybe they won't what if they say no they never do everybody always says yes that's your community of course they're going to say yes they want to see you having a beautiful time but guess what The limit is three Aperol spritz. If I see more than that, I am muting you. That's it. That's all I want to see.

Anyway, that's my unsubscribed. I guarantee when you go to Fiji on your honeymoon in a week, I'm seeing more than three apple spritzes. There's going to be an apple spritz a day. But I am not going to put up a story that says, hey, guys, going to Fiji, do you want to hear about it or not? Let me know. Hashtag cute influencer.

I'm just going to share it. And you can all stomach it or mute me. Your problem is, just to be clear, it's not the influencers and it's not holidays. It's asking if people want to see their holiday content. yes it's the fake because it's not real because like when an influencer says hey guys do you want to see my holiday content or not it's almost more insufferable because of course you know that your audience majority are going to say yes they just always do like people who follow you

are following you because they engage with you they want to support you on the content that you do they might hate follow you though yeah very few i'm sure no one's ever going to get 100 yes there's a few people in there who are going to say no but the majority people are going to say yes so I feel like it's just unnecessary to do that. Anyway, that's my thoughts. Do you want to finish it off with anything? No. I just want to let you get that out because it's –

I feel really jealous of everyone who's going to Europe. I'm wondering if there was something deeper. I was wondering if there was a bit of FOMO in there somewhere because usually there's stems. I'm not going to Europe. I'm going to Fiji. Yeah, on your honeymoon. Don't be jealous.

Yeah. I'll get over this, guys. I should hope so, Laura, because that was quite aggressive. It was scary. I thought we lost you there for a minute. No, it's because I've seen so many people do it. Just mute people. Just mute people, guys.

And I'm all for a European. Go and have the best time. Lauren, did you answer no? No, no. Do you know why I don't answer no on a poll? Because they can see it. I learnt this the hard way and then I realised they can see it. They can see it.

Yeah, your name comes up. Yeah. Actually, every time I put a poll up, I see your name. You're always like, no. Yeah, to you especially, Britt. I'm like, no one cares, Brittany. Yeah, shut up, Brittany. Get your wall gate down.

The point I'm trying to make is that people do care. Of course people want to see your content. It is more insufferable to ask. Just share it but share it mildly. Don't go over the top on your European holiday. Share a few highlights. Share a few Aperol spritz. I disagree.

Go fucking hard. You have saved up for that holiday. I want to see 100 pictures a day. If you want to put an Aperol about 5am and 7pm, go hard. I say this and I'm going to share the shit out of Fiji. It's my honeymoon. I feel like I went to Vivid because I watched your stories. I didn't go to Vivid, but I feel like I did.

But I didn't ask people if they wanted to see it or not. No, it wasn't a choice. Maybe if you gave people the choice, they would have said no. All right, well, with that out of the way, let's get into answering all your deep, your dark and your burning questions. And I wish I was going to Europe. Okay, Vivid.

All right, question number one. Now this one is a spicy one. It's spicy. And there's three people. It's a menage a trois. All right, after a night out, myself, my boyfriend of 1.5 years and one of my best girlfriends who is a lesbian went home together and one thing led to another and we ended up having a threesome.

Dun, dun, dun. I told you it was spicy. We had never spoken about the possibility of doing this and it's the first time that it's ever happened. Since it's happened, however, I can't stop picturing my boyfriend having sex with my best friend as I just lay there next to him and I feel sick. Since my best friend is gay, I feel like it didn't really mean anything to her.

But he is straight and he chose to have penetrative and oral sex with her. Is this something I should be concerned about? Can we move on from this? I've tried to talk to him about it, but he's not overly fussed about the situation and is kind of devalidating my concerns. He just says things like, well, you were there and you were involved just as much as I was. Okay, well, sounds like a fun night. And then sounds like you've had some regrets after the fact, which is okay.

So they went out, got drunk, went home. It happened. There was no plan. Now, the first thing you want to say in this is usually when you're going to go and have a threesome in a relationship, it's something that's discussed. Like you've spoken about it with your partner. You know it's going to happen. And often you'll talk about who it's going to be with.

Who's that third person going to be? Is it going to be a stranger, someone you know, someone online? You set rules. Who does what? What's acceptable? There's boundaries. It sounds like this was just very spontaneous in the moment, which is great. The fact that you feel different about it now is completely fine.

You can 100% after the fact because you don't know what you're going to feel. That's the whole point. You have an experience. You think it's going to be one thing and it's something else after. The red flag here is the boyfriend's response, to be honest. For you to go and say, I feel this way about it now and I can't stop thinking about it and for him to say, well, get over it. You were there.

You were involved. That's not cool. I wonder, okay, if you're having a threesome, why were you just lying there while he was fucking your friend were you all equally as involved because you said i was just laying next to him while he was doing these things like did you in the moment when it was all happening feel as though you were equally as brought into the experience or while it was happening did you have these moments where you were like i'm not comfortable and i don't feel like i'm getting the level of attention that i need from my partner to feel safe in this experience well i don't think

she was i mean i don't imagine it like she was laying there like a salmon but i think it was like they were doing their thing and she was I'm sure she was touching at some point and I don't know maybe she wasn't but I don't think she was planking while they got to work but this is the thing right like when you haven't had any conversations preceding a threesome you don't have any rules like there's no rules on to how to navigate it and so it's no wonder that you've come out of this experience feeling the way that you feel and I do think like it is devaluing for him to be like well you were there so therefore like you know why do you feel this way why do you have anything to say on this? I don't think you can hold it against him. I don't think you

can be angry at him for it because he was just doing what he thought in the moment was okay, that you were all consenting to, especially if you seem like you were into it at the time. But as you said, Britt, it's so okay to change your mind about an experience. It's okay to experience something sexually and then go, I don't feel great about that afterwards. Like I never want to do it again. And I have feelings of jealousy or I have feelings of remorse. The thing that you want is a partner who validates that, who makes you feel like you're safe in the relationship. And he can treat this in one of two ways. And I think it's probably something you're going to have to sit down and have a really big conversation about in that the only way you're going to be able

to move forward from this and not feel jealous or insecure about this is to have him make you feel safe and say like, I love you. I don't have feelings, you know, for your best friend. And I don't want you to feel like that again. So if we ever are to have a threesome, let's make sure that we manage it in a way where you're going to feel super respected afterwards. But the fact that he's not doing that is only going to exacerbate and make these feelings worse and worse and worse. Maybe he thinks it's so fine. And I say fine in inverted commas because your friend's gay. So maybe he's like, what's the big deal? Like, it's not like she's into me. There's nothing to be jealous of. Maybe that's his point of view. Men often don't look at things the same way we do.

He might not see that maybe there is a level of discomfort for you because he was going hell for leather with your friend. Yeah. But I also think, and this is just me like kind of like breaking this down. If you were going to have a sexual experience, a threesome with your friend who is a lesbian and your boyfriend, you would think that you as the female in that experience would be at the epicenter of that threesome, right? Because your friend is a lesbian. She's not interested in men. She's not sexually. And like, obviously everyone's sexuality is fluid, but if you were going to just make that assumption, you probably would have thought that you were going to be getting the sexual attention in this. And if you were laying there not getting the sexual

attention and she's having penetrative sex with your boyfriend, there probably would have been a moment of confusion where you were like, oh, okay, maybe there is some desire or sexual attraction to men that I didn't realize that was there. And you might be sitting there going, does that mean that you're bi or whatever? As we know, it's not a stagnant thing. Like I'm sure she very much enjoyed that experience as it was happening. But I think that that is probably where the confusion has come from. Yeah, but threesomes don't mean that everybody has equal share. Often in threesomes there are people that don't hook up at all. That's what I mean. That's exactly what I'm saying. So if I was to have a threesome with a lesbian and Matt, I would think that Matt wouldn't be fucking my

lesbian friend. I would think that they would both be having sex with me. That's why I would be confused by this. I wouldn't, that's me because I wouldn't, I guess, want to be hooking up with my best friend in that situation. But maybe there's the voyeurism there where you like to watch your partner do it with someone else. So it could be that as well. Look, it could be a multitude of things. We can sit here and speculate as long as we want. At the end of the day, your partner didn't do anything wrong in the situation because everyone was consenting in that time. What he is doing wrong now is not listening to your feelings and not validating in this moment. You have a problem with it and I can tell you 100% if you two don't have a conversation about it soon, your ick is

going to escalate to the point that there'll be no return. If you already feel uncomfortable by it and you said you feel sick thinking about it. If the only thing that's being put on top of that is that your partner won't listen to you and won't help you get over that, I don't see a way coming back from that. Yeah, I totally agree. I think that you can get past this because I know there's loads of people who open up their relationships, they don't enjoy it and then they close their relationships again. This is not something that is terrain that's never ever happened before. There's loads of people who have had threesomes and then decided, you know what it's not for us we want to keep our relationship closed but you both have to

have the respect for each other and it feels like he does not have that for you in this moment or he's not able to I mean maybe he's worried that by validating your feelings that he's then sort of admitting fault that he's sort of saying oh well I did the wrong thing but it's not about blaming it's not about like saying well you did something that I wasn't comfortable with it's just about getting that validation that it's okay for you to have the feelings that you feel with aren't congruent with how you felt on the night. Just make sure you double down on making sure he understands how you feel because maybe you've brought it up once and he sort of threw it away like it's fine what are you talking about so maybe really sit down saying I want you to really

understand because it's all I'm thinking about at the moment it bothers me I want to talk about it really and if he still doesn't if you've been clear as day that this is an issue for you and you would like to discuss it and he still doesn't there's the problem. Okay but what about on the flip side to this what about the relationship with the friend like how do you approach that conversation and do you think that a conversation needs to happen there as well well I mean that depends if do you have a problem with your friend I mean if you know she's gay and there's no interest is there a problem or is she bi and there could be an interest and you thought there was too much going on there that's where the problem lies and we don't really know obviously if you have

feelings for both sides if you have uncomfortable feelings around your friend as well I'd definitely have a chat to her as well, but it doesn't have to be this really big thing. It doesn't have to be this really big, serious breakup. It doesn't have to be like, I need you to come over and sit down, but you do need to talk about how you feel because no relationships survive without communication. Totally. And I do think, I mean, maybe it is good to sit down and have that sort of like understanding around, did it go the way that you had planned? Was it what you expected? And was it just the aftermath of regret or was it completely not what you expected? And in that moment you were feeling like it anyway but just didn't have the ability to or the agency or the

confidence to say hey guys I'm feeling really uncomfortable by this because they're two very different things you shouldn't be in any sexual situation with anyone let alone your friend and your partner and not be able to voice that you're not comfortable so I'm hoping that this was just a situation where it was more regret yeah hindsight and regret and then not realizing how those feelings were going to bubble to the surface rather than allowing something to happen right in front of your eyes that was actually making you feel hugely uncomfortable and was damaging your relationship. I just pictured her inviting a friend for coffee, like going out to a cafe and be like, so that threesome pretty crazy, right? You know, when you try and start the conversation,

you're like, yeah, that was pretty wild. So did you love that? Or also like, how do you have the conversation? They say, you're like, well, things got out of hand, didn't they? Like, do you wake up do you go home like how does that go down like imagine if we had okay what i keep thinking is if you were a lesbian me yeah you you because well i'm bringing you home with me and matt no you come home with me and ben okay if i'm a lesbian if i'm a lesbian and i'm your best friend and you brought me home i would think if i was you that it was to have sex with you not to have sex with ben do you know i mean i can't do it i would think that you would be the main one i know like i would never look back at you i could never look at you the same if you would be in between my

legs i couldn't do it i couldn't guys you've had it here first if i ever go down on brit the podcast is over i love you a lot we're never gonna get over this platonically so stop dreaming about it it'd be like having sex with my sister also i couldn't do it with you and matt like i would just be hysterics it wouldn't none of it would turn me on i would just be laughing at the whole situation go for 14 minutes yeah all right question number two question number two this is an unusual one because i think it's um oh look i'm just gonna read you because that's what we do here and ask oh something different you're gonna attack this question differently i'm gonna do something different here and read it uh okay my best friend recently matched on bumble with a guy

from america now although he's currently living in america they match because he has his status set to traveling in preparation for an upcoming trip to australia over the last few weeks they've been texting calling and facetiming every day and are totally smitten they've even been discussing their wedding plans for this summer then she's put a few red flags as she's talking they've been choosing baby names too some more red flags they've also talked about her moving over to america because he said with his job he would have to start from square one if he moved here to australia she said she knows it all seems crazy but she's sure that he is her penguin and that she's never felt like this before and neither has he he's coming here at the end of next month and i'm just

skeptical am i right to feel that way or should i just be supportive of her happiness i want to make a note she has just come out of a tumultuous couple of years in her personal life so i just feel super protective of her i mean we always like to be the exception to the rule don't we We always want to be the one who's going to have the really amazing meet cute and it's all going to work out perfect and they're going to live this happy, beautiful life. Of course you want to be happy for your friends, but this is a walking red flag.

But is this the meet cute you want that you've never met the person and you marry them? Like is this the meet cute? I don't think it is. Well, I think this is a meet cute. If this like, okay, I think it's a meet cute. It's a very modern meet cute meeting online. But if you were to meet someone who from across the world you'd never met

in real life and then you felt all this connection with, you start FaceTiming all the time. They come from overseas. There's so much pressure around it. I mean, you know what it's like in terms of like doing a long distance relationship, like the excitement that you have, that you're going to meet them, that you're going to see them. This is that, but tenfold. I guess my feelings around this without knowing much more about the story is like, I think you would be naive to just be happy for your friend. I think it is our job to be protective of our friends. It's our job to hold a mirror up to things that don't always seem like it's too good to be true because sometimes it is too good to be true and like when you're

being love bombed and you've been sucked into that love vortex it's really hard to see the forest through the trees and so I think it's actually really great that she has someone in her life who's like I love you and I'll support you and I can't wait to meet him but I just don't want you to get carried away with yourself at the moment because you don't know what this is look I'm the first person to say I am an avid online dater I have always done online dating and I have done pretty much only long distance so like to be clear this is my jam what i want to add to that is i think this is a red flag too there are a lot of things about this that are i think are alarming can you fall in love with someone in three weeks sure is it mixed with is it mixed

with lust and is it that real love where you know every part of them no it is not possible to know every part of somebody in three weeks. On top of that, you've never seen him. You don't have the connection physically. You don't know what someone's like. You've never lived with him. You haven't experienced anything. I think to be talking about getting married after three weeks to someone you've never met, to be talking about baby names, it's easy to get swept up in that. And we've all been there, swept up in that fantasy of feeling the attention and feeling loved and wanted and plan in the future like that's a that's a feeling that is inexplainable it's a wonderful feeling to be like this is what my future could be this feels so safe i feel like i found my person and it's a

literal technique which we all know which is called love bombing but i mean just going back to what you said brit like you can't fall in love in three weeks i know that there will be people listening to this who met their person who within three weeks knew that their person was the right one for them who fell in love and who have lived incredible happy lives i have no doubt that those stories exist. But the thing that you have to keep in mind is you fell into chemistry and then you got really fucking lucky that that person actually was the person that they said they were. And they showed up in the way that they were communicating with and you matched on all the levels that you matched on. There are more stories than not where people feel the chemistry and then it doesn't work

out because you literally don't know someone after three weeks. And I say this as someone who has had that experience twice in my life. I thought I met the person I was going to marry. I fell head over heels in love. I would have told, I told everyone in my life that they were the person I was going to marry. And then the relationship unravels and you go from having this incredible intense chemistry to all of a sudden the wheels are falling off the wagon and you don't know why things are not where they should be and you feel misunderstood. And it's the toxicity that can come from that. And I think the fact that you are already seeing this as a red flag means that you can keep your friend kind of accountable, but you also don't want to be so negative to

your friend or so shitting on their relationship and their happiness that they're scared to tell you stuff. Like you're just flooded with all these happy chemicals, which become like a drug. You want more of them and you're getting more of them because you're in contact with this person who's love bombing and who's giving you all the bits and pieces that you need along the way to keep you invested in the relationship or invested in what it could potentially be or what could potentially come of it my only worry is when we have friends who when we can see from the outset that our friends are moving into a relationship that's not healthy or it could be toxic or you know there's red flag red flag red flag is that sometimes we go too hard in telling them that we

don't support the relationship and like your friends if you experience this telling someone what to do especially when they think they're in love with someone never ever works they're always gonna choose that person that they think that they're in love with until that person proves them wrong so you don't want to create a situation where they are so fearful of your negativity that they don't want to tell you all the exciting things that they think the relationship could be or what's going to happen it's like you need to be supportive enough but also be wary enough that you want them to be happy but you also want them to keep their eyes open to what's going on around them tell us some horror stories don't you think no you think you can you can push your

friends away like you can make it so that they keep stuff from you because they don't want you to think they're crazy. Yeah. And the other part of this is she's off the back of a few years of tumultuous situations. That's what you've said. So she's found, I want to say a safety net. She's found someone she feels like a purpose. She wakes up every day and she has someone to speak to and someone to call and someone thinking about her, someone to connect with. You can't underestimate what that feeling does to somebody, especially someone that's coming out the other side of whatever tumultuous situation she had. I would, if it was me, like if you came to me or Keisha she came to me and said that this situation I would say this sounds pretty intense maybe just

wait till you meet him and see what happens I was like because you never ever know really who someone is or what they're about and the fact that it is her life that's going to have to change like he's already said you would have to come to me moving country is not a small thing packing up and leaving all of your family all of your friends to move to another country even with your long-term partner is a scary thing but to go for someone that you don't even know like you haven't even met them that really actually worries me the more I talk about this out loud the more it worries me and look this could be fucking amazing he could come here and it's incredible and they're penguins and you know go and live your life I'm all about that I would just be entering with caution and

all you can do like Laura said is you can't go in too hard with your friend you just can't you've just got to be I hey can I meet him when he comes and then you can gauge your opinion too you can see what they like together and i mean this opinion comes from two people who brit like even your sister sherry she met her fiance from another country online they spoke for weeks and then she went to scotland and now her and jay are married and live a beautiful happy life you met ben online dating had a one-night stand then did long distance on facetime and now you're happily in a relationship i did meet him physically that night though yeah but i mean regardless of whether you meet someone physically or not think people can be on their best behavior for one night two nights whatever

like I think he could come here this guy could come here and he could be incredible that doesn't mean it's not still good to be true it doesn't mean that it might end in disaster I just think the big thing is is that you're never going to be able to tell your friend what they should and shouldn't do in relationships all you can do is make them aware of the things that you feel could be red flags and then support them through it and be there for them which allows them to come to you if things are not matching up so that way you know where they're at in their relationship because he's gonna come here they're gonna meet and then she's at the end of the day gonna be the one to make the decision all you can do is create as much safety around her and try and make her aware of

what you think and how you feel and if you do think once you've met this guy that there is fucking red flags going off left right and center like then that's the next step to try and navigate that well it's not all you could do you could also hire a private investigator you could have you look into his life suss him out yeah but don't you think it's hard giving this advice especially when you're like you're someone who's met someone online your sister's done the same thing and those relationships worked out well yeah but we were both skeptical for a long time I mean Ben and I were seeing each other for a couple of months before we decided to a be an official couple give it a go and and you know announce it to everybody and there was a

lot of thought that went in that and the difference is well one difference we were seeing each other physically like we were spending time with each other and you definitely do get to know someone more when you were in their presence two we were not talking about marriage and kids and we were like oh my god are we actually going to be official like we were so base level we were talking about what that would look like it's cross country there's a lot to consider so the thing that alarms me about this it's not that it's long distance it's the love bombing that's the red flag here and how quickly it's moving without knowing a person absolutely yeah you could have a wife and four kids you don't know yeah or he could be talking to six other people

in australia telling them all the same thing and that's very pessimistic of us but we love love we love love all right question number three this one is a quickie but i would love to get your opinion on this because that's what we do here at life yeah all right do you flush the toilet at night time if your partner or housemate or family are asleep what's the etiquette yep flush it it not if it's brown flush it down if it's yellow it can stay there till the morning yeah if it's brown flush it down if it's yellow let it mellow yeah i think then that's fine for a night time i don't want matt getting up in the middle of the night doing a wee and then flushing it and waking me up.

I can handle a pee in the toilet. I do think that, but I also think get up first thing and flush it because no one wants to go and look at stale urine that's been all night in the toilet. Yeah, well, if you're going to serve up a log, please flush that down. I will wake up to you flushing a poo in the middle of the night. No, flush your log. Who's waking up in the middle of the night doing a poo? Heaps of people.

Really? Excuse me, I sneeze. I don't know if you're going to leave that in or not. I think he's people who poops in the night. Really? Nah, I'm morning after coffee. Bro, you are not morning. your morning, midday, night, then your snack, lunch, then your brunch. You poop a lot. I have

a quick system. Straight in, straight out. Straight in, straight out. Always flush. Always flush. Yeah. I think it's fine. Like if you had to ask me. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. I've got another thing. It depends on how far away the toilet is from people's bedrooms. If the toilet's at the other end of the house, just flush it, babe. It's fine. If it's in their en suite, then maybe wait till the morning, but get up first and then do it. And I love that someone needed to write that in as a question. I know. Is it really troublesome in your relationship? Keisha, what do you do? You're in a new relationship. You've just started dating. When you stay at their house, would you flush in the middle of the night? Always. Keisha said always. I guess the question

you need to ask yourself is, suss it out yourself. If you're looking at it and it smells and it's yellow and it's stale, no one else is going to want to look at it or smell it either. I reckon that this is a question that you could use your own personal discretion. If you're grossed out by your own pee or poo flush it down i mean i always flush i would even a wee i flush yeah everyone does during the day but no i'm saying at night if it's a wee i would flush it you live by yourself bro i still am in a relationship i still have people stay with me i'm not don't live on an island alone i'm on solitary confinement i would be and delilah listens as well i would be annoyed being woken up at four in the morning to a flushing toilet if it was just a wee i would

rather see a wee in the morning a dehydrated stale drink some water that's no it's too late it's already in there all right okay look i feel like we've answered this and by not answering it all questions all right last question okay last question this is a doozy a friend of mine got married a few months ago and just asked her friends to plan the hens but the wedding was small and none of her friends were invited lol kano i really feel like i should say something we all feel a bit weird about it and we honestly don't know what to do do we plan her hens because she asked after the wedding when we weren't invited no no yeah but then you have to no okay yes it's not it's not okay that she asked you also you don't ask people to plan your hens

your friends your friends just like come to that realization because they're your friends and they came to your wedding i'm more perplexed by the fact that the hens is after the wedding a post wedding hens what is that a thing that i don't know about is that because i live in solitary confinement on an island no it's because it's the fling after the ring it's a thing but it's only fling after the ring is a thing but only if there's a reason why you couldn't have it pre i think the thing is nobody organized her hands because no one got invited to the wedding so they were like well why would we organize her hands maybe they're not that close to friends and i guess she's realized that she missed out on something she really wanted to have but you

can't then give that job to someone if you really want a hen's party and no one's organized it for you you've got to organize it yourself because it's shit's expensive i don't feel good about any of this how would okay how would you approach this though i have my hands before the wedding yes i realize that you're not going to have this situation but imagine if one of your friends came to you she'd already had a wedding you were not invited and she said hey can you please organize my hands i'd do it because i don't like confrontation exactly would you ever say something to her I'd probably have to move to Alaska no I I would have to do it but that's because of who I am and I often find that kind of thing very awkward but what I might say is I'm really bad at

organizing stuff so you're probably better off to give that job someone else I think it's I find this wildly uncomfortable the expectation of like you said you can't go to someone and say plan this for me like you can't and then they weren't invited to the wedding it's crazy because they've all got to pay for it well the thing is is that normally a hen's party falls on whoever you nominate to be your bridesmaids that's the job it's like in order to be a bridesmaid you just know that you're going to be organizing a hen's party and it kind of sucks but it's you know it's a job that that's what they get stuck with you cannot ask someone which obviously this person knows that's why she's written in you cannot ask someone to organize a hen's retrospectively

if you didn't give those people even the privilege or the satisfaction of being invited to the wedding. I think you are well within your right to say something. What do you say? Pretend it's me. I think you just say like, it's so awkward. Hey, Laura, I'm so sorry you couldn't make it to the wedding. And by make it, I mean I'm sorry I didn't ask you.

But I'd love it if you threw me a hens probably next Saturday. Is that cool if you do that? Well, no, the thing is she's already asked for that. And I mean that the person has to tell the bride that they don't want to organise her hens. No, you tell me now. That was the role play. Okay. I think it's a case of we love you and we would have loved to have been at your wedding

to celebrate, but hens cost quite a bit of money. We're happy to organize something, but you would have to pitch in. Like you would have to pay. For the whole thing. Look at how uncomfortable you feel. Your eyes are so wide. That I think that, no, like you can't expect them to all pay for you. And that's what happens usually on a hens, right? Yeah. Fuck. I don't know. It's super tricky because I'm sure you want to maintain a friendship with her. I'm

sure she had a reason that you weren't invited to the wedding. Like I hope she has a reason. Yeah, the wedding was just that it was really small. Yeah, but small why? Because she didn't invite you? That's what makes it small. Or small because the venue only held 20 people. Yeah, or was it small because she was trying to save money, which at the same time if she's trying to save money

and she doesn't want to invite all these people to her wedding, then it's okay for you to say, I'm trying to save money so I don't want to go to a hen's right now. Oh, yeah, spicy. I think that we need to take this as a PSA. If you don't invite your friends to your wedding, please don't ask them to plan your fucking hen's. Do you know what?

I don't think I've ever been so Switzerland in my life. I've never been so on the fence with an answer because I know what I want to do but also there's a part of me that's like, oh, there's probably a reason. You're a friend in some capacity, just do it. But then I'm like, no, you shouldn't have to do it. Okay, look, I think we've answered this question without answering it. That's what I'm saying. The answer is if you were a good enough friend,

if she was that high up on your friendship list, you would do it regardless and you would want to do it. But the fact that you don't want to do it, I think, is more a symbol and it's more an indication that she's not as good of friends with you as what you may be to her. And then, therefore, I think you can say, look, I don't have the money or the capacity at the moment in terms of my work schedule and everything else to organise her hands.

Here's a thought starter. Oh, God, here we go. Well, why doesn't she ask someone that was there? It's a small wedding, but she still had friends there. You just didn't make the cut. So why don't the friends that make the cut do it? Well, I think it was just her family. Nah, bullshit.

There was a friend there. There was a friend there. There has to have been one friend. One. What if she just like eloped and it was just like her mum and dad? It wasn't. Well, there you go, guys. You heard it here first.

Anyway, if you would like some absolutely terrible advice like that was, it's a really hard one. I don't know what I would say. I want to know what the listeners think for that one because it's super tricky and I wonder if anyone else has been in this situation. That is it from us. I feel like we have answered enough today. laura needs to go to bed i was like no i'm feeling good this is the best i've ever felt

i think i'm the most that's what's concerning i think i i've had two coffees today and i think i am the most awake and on it and feeling it and i'm good and i'm vibing and we're coming into holidays do you think it's because we went out last night and you had a couple of drinks and you socialized with matt too so it was like you were together it was with your friends you just felt i don't know when you say we had a couple of drinks we literally had two drinks it wasn't like a couple of drinks we had a yolo good time i had i said a couple i didn't lie i had half a glass of rose because matt had half and i had one lychee martini yeah yeah that's a couple a couple's two i know but like usually people say a couple and they mean like five like lady city i don't

know what has changed but very recently and it actually has just been since doing dancing the stars so like since i started that training what it was like eight weeks ago now i am so off alcohol i am a two drink limit even at my friend's wedding the other weekend i had one single drink and i was like not enjoying it and I used to love a rosé in the afternoon guys like oh come 3 30 p.m I was like rosé is my time of day every night that we recorded this podcast for the first two years because it was at home Laura would bring a bottle of wine over and would would have wine every single night not a bottle we would have a glass also when we say every single night that we would record the podcast we didn't record the podcast every single night it was twice a week yeah but we used to love

a wine when we record it yeah and I used to really attribute having a glass of wine with my wine down from the day, like my relaxing time. And I think because I've had so much time off it because of training so much. Now you're somber to wind down in the kitchen. Yeah. I'm just having a real off alcohol to period. I'm drinking it and I'm having a glass and I'm not enjoying the taste and I'm not enjoying the sensation. I do not drink and I never have. I do not drink to get drunk ever. I haven't ever been that person. I actually enjoy one or two glasses and that's it. I could very easily go out for a whole night on two glasses. And my friends know that too. Keisha, even Keisha, she's like I think I've seen you intoxicated once I think I've seen you once too yeah but that's it

and think of how much you know me totally it's just not my jam I just I genuinely love to I will go out partying with a glass of wine I'll be in the club and I'll have my glass of wine it's I'm a weirdo well aren't you better than everyone that's not what I'm saying but yeah yeah I guess I am all right anyway guys thanks for listening to the app if you loved it you know the drill go leave us a review on apple podcast we will I mean we're on holidays now as you're listening to this i'm sure i'm posting photos of fiji i'm going on bakey but you can also join us on instagram at hola bay on life on cup podcast you can join us on tiktok because we are tiktokers yeah and you can also join the life and cut discussion group if you

want to talk to us more the end that's not the end tell your mom tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love but we hate it when influencers bait you and ask if they want to see your No, we don't. You do.