Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Meeting Up with Male Colleagues, Family Inheritance & A 4 Year Old's Makeup Kit

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

Hey Lifers! Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer all of your deep and burning questions!Britt's sister Sheri has had her juice go missing from her fridge and the culprit is not a character that you'd suspect!!Have you had a tradie do something that they weren't supposed to at your house? Vibes for the week:Laura: Laundry Apron with pouchBritt: Netflix Nobody Wants ThisKeeshia: Emily Henry Beach Read Then we jump into your questions! WHEN IS IT APPROPRIATE TO MEET UP WITH MALE COLLEAGUES?I am a single, attractive (thanks genetics) female working in sports, which entails mostly male coworkers, travel and a lot of late nights. My question is, when is or isn’t it appropriate to meet up with male coworkers, particularly one-on-one, outside of work? I try to err on the side of daytime or group activities, however, I do feel like I have genuine friendships that sometimes are hurt because of my fear of an interaction appearing inappropriate to others because of the male/female thing, or for fear of a coworker I *thought* was harmless taking things in an inappropriate direction after a few drinks (it’s happened before). Am I over thinking this or are my guidelines for myself appropriately placed? Worth noting that 99% of these men are married. DO I GIVE THE FAMILY SOME MONEY OR RESPECT MY GRANDMA'S WISHES?My grandma passed away. She had been estranged from my parents and siblings and all other family members for over 15 years. During those 15 years I’ve had a close relationship with her. She made me her enduring power of attorney (her decision maker) and also the director of her will. My parents and siblings have had hate and bitterness towards her and completely wiped her, but I never experienced anything they did so my relationship with my grandma was never affected. My grandma has left me with everything including some money. Do I respect her wishes and not give any of the family money or belongings or do I divide it because they want it and said they deserve it? CAN I GET A 4 YR OLD MAKEUP FOR CHRISTMAS?I have a four year old daughter that is obsessed with makeup and clothes. We don’t mind the clothes, she loves dresses and tutus and wears one everyday, even to bed! But I’m a little worried that she loves makeup so much. She sees me put on makeup for work everyday and I explain that everyone is beautiful without make up, sometimes we wear it to look fancy. She now wants to look fancy for daycare everyday. All she wants from Santa is a big makeup kit. I suppose my questions are: Do you think it’s okay to get a four year old a big makeup kit for Xmas? And is her obsession with makeup at 4 years old worrying or okay considering she is very young and we are careful with our messaging around not needing makeup to look beautiful. You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. I'm Laura. And it is Therapy Thursday, Ask Uncut, where you're writing your deepest, darkest, burning questions and we answer them.

We've got a couple of bangers. But before that, I have my own question for you. Is it deep, dark and burning? You can get cream for that. Well, it's pretty funny. But it sort of relates back to one of your stories a little while ago, Laura, when you were talking about the tradie that came to your house and took a dump in the toilet. Did I give you an update on him? Whoa.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wee, wow. okay this happened a couple of years back when i used to live in brit's now house we used to have this person who came and they would do maintenance on the property and this one day he was running super late and it was a saturday morning and then he arrived and he asked if he could use the toilet and he did the world's stinkiest shit in the toilet it was so unbelievably bad and it became evident to me that he'd obviously been out drinking the night before and came and okay we You don't need to know what he ate before he pooped. No, he came and did his grog bog in the bathroom.

The update on that is that he was sent the episode by lots of people and then he yelled at Matt on the phone. You've updated us with that. Yeah. No, we already know that. Okay, sorry. But you name him. Nah, but.

It's his fault. Yeah. Be accountable. Don't grog bog in people's loos. And I even tried to make him seem more obscure. I changed the trade and everything. Okay. well, is this okay or is this too far? So my sister Sherry is still living over in Scotland.

So this happened to just recently happened to her. So her and her husband, Jay, they live in an apartment in Edinburgh and they had some work done, right? They had someone come and fix some of the windows or whatever else. But Sheridan had been sick for a little while, like just really struggling to recover from a bit of a chest infection and the flu. And because she's pregnant slash had a baby, there's not a lot of drugs she can take. So she went old school. She got this like big carton of orange juice and she was just consuming all the goodness with food. That's how she was trying to get better. Yeah. She knew that she had just gone and bought this like two litre bottle of orange juice and she went to get it to have a drink and it was not there.

And she only lives, she doesn't share with anyone. It's just her and Jay and Jay's brother lives downstairs. So she went back out to Jay like raging, like hormone filled, sick, wants her juice. And she's like, I cannot believe you drunk my juice. She's like, you know, I am here struggling to stay alive. And you've, you've had the, you've drunk the one thing that I can consume. The only thing that brings me happiness and joy. And I'm trying to make breast milk. God damn it. And he was like, what, why would I do that? And she's like, well, I don't know. You tell me. Anyway, they had this argument. He's like, babe, I promise you I didn't drink the juice. And she's like, well, who would have drunk it then? Jay's brother. Jay's brother. So she was

on a raid she went and asked jay's brother and jay's brother i was like i haven't even been upstairs i've been at work and she's like one of you motherfuckers is lying to me like don't gaslight me i know i bought the juice anyway they were like who else could it have been and then they remembered that they had a tradie you can't drink a liter of juice so sheridan was like surely not so anyway they have a doorbell camera i've got the photo they've got a screenshot of the tradie leaving with the whole bottle of juice under his shoulder he just he didn't just drink it he just went to the fridge, took the juice, and he's leaving the house with this bottle of juice.

I've got the photo. What did she do? What are you going to do, call him back and say, give me the juice? Surely you text him and be like, dude, you just took a full litre of juice. Surely there's, I don't know. What is the efficacy?

Surely, like, you're allowed to go and get a drink as a tradie, but you're not allowed to just go do your shopping out of their fridge. I am absolutely shooketh. I want to make this clear because I've seen the photo and when Britt told me this story, I thought it was like some small little bottle of juice, single use. He's literally got the carton.

He had to wrap his arm around it. That's how big it is. So he's carrying all his stuff out. He's got his entire elbow engulfing the juice. So wait, wait, wait. Is this a one-off guy that they've just called in to do one maintenance? Does he work for a company or is he?

He's not coming back. I know that much. No. It was the end of it. Fuck that. She needs to contact the company and put in a complaint and send the photo of the juice. But for what?

What's the purpose? Like what, are they going to refund them like £4? I know how I felt when someone ate my lactation cookies. How? That is outrageous. Look, he's got the whole bottle of juice. He's just leaving. There's the front door.

He's got his shoes, putting his shoes on, looking out the window at the sun with his bottle of juice. He's had a great day. He's probably looking out to the other neighbours as to what groceries He's going to get a swindle on his way out. Sharon zoomed in and circled it like I couldn't see it. It's so, look, she goes, here's the evidence. She's like, what do I do?

I think you contact the company and just say, hey, just wanted to let you know, have a chat to your workers. That's so funny. But I also think you have to explain why. Like it's very, if you are postpartum, that is a very different phase of life to be stealing food from. Does that matter though? Yes.

Does it? Postpartum is ten times worse. But, like, you shouldn't be stealing juice regularly. anyway even if you don't have a baby if even if someone came to my house I don't have a baby I'm not pregnant and I would be distraught if I got home knowing that you had something in there like that you were looking forward to and then you realized the tradie just legged it out of the house I want to know if you guys whoever's listening to this there's a few of you I know have you ever had a tradie do something that they shouldn't do in your home did they steal

something I mean we can tell more poo stories if you really feel that inclined but like what did the tradie do what did the tradie do and also my whole family are tradies i don't i don't shit on tradies they're amazing but there's like these stories to me are hilarious i reckon my brother's a builder and he has a lot of people who works for him i reckon he'd fire someone for this he'd be like you can't just go into people's fridges and help yourself also nothing like i said nothing against tradies either they're currently renovating my house don't not do that but i want to know what did you do like do you just help yourself to stuff like i'm curious about the level you'd be okay with would you have been okay if he had have taken the juice and poured

himself a glass yes you reckon that's play on yeah because if you're thirsty maybe his blood sugar's low like yeah if there's someone in my house working for me if I say help yourself to a drink because that's what I would say I when I drink I have a gardener and when he comes I'm like do you want a drink and if you need something get something because I'm like you're parched you're working hard like I'm not gonna make them starve but if a tradie went and just like helped himself to my leftover nachos and started like eating out of my fridge and packing his bag with my groceries like he makes himself a little lunch bag you know what he's gonna say though right you know he's gonna say there wasn't much left in it it was only enough for a glass so he took it on

the go I reckon the best defense would be I'm so sorry usually I take a drink with me to the site and I just got confused that day and I thought it was mine Sherry doesn't have the time or the energy she's not following up the OJ thief like that's dead I just thought it was funny and I'm Like how much is too much? No, I need a follow-up. She needs to follow up. I will follow up for her. Sherry, send me the details of the company.

I will send the photo on and the email. I love writing an angry email. Something you don't know about me, guys. I love an angry letter. No, I'm just like I'm an enthusiastic reviewer, but I'm also an enthusiastic positive reviewer. Can I tell you the funniest? This is years and years ago.

I used to have a breakfast show down in Victoria. Shout out to anyone in Bendigo. we used to have a segment that yeah we used to have a segment because we basically we would speak about how whenever people complain to places they tend to get things for free right if you're like I had the worst food here they're like oh please let us you know reimburse you or whatever you get gifted if you complain we wanted to test whether you could do the opposite and still get the free stuff so we used to write to companies and be like I am so in love with your product like whatever it would be, the only people who ever wrote back and sent us a huge box of stuff was Cobb's

Popcorn. Good on you, Cobb's. Good on you. Shout out to Cobb's. But also, they're not going to send you free stuff because- Cobb's. We're the biggest, one of the biggest platforms in Australia. Send us free stuff.

I actually, you know, the sweet and sour is divine. Yeah, and now they're probably going to have to change that policy because too many people are going to write to them and tell them that they love their product. There you go. Unpacked. Let's get into our vibes. My vibe for the week is a laundry apron. Okay.

Super highbrow. Go. Hit us. So, okay, picture this. I don't want to picture you naked with a lingerie apron. No, no, no, no, no. You wear your normal clothes. You put on a thing over the top of it.

I got served this online and I was like, that is genius. You know how annoying it is to, like, carry a washing basket to and from? You no longer need to do that. You're just going to put this apron on and it's got, like, a big pregnant belly sack that you load all of the washing into so you wear your washing. Like a kangaroo. Yes.

That is actually brilliant. It's a kangaroo sack. You can get them on Amazon. They're $10. and you can then just wear your washing the problem is though if you're real lazy you'll just wear it for a week like I'm someone who never puts washing away so you can put it into your pouch that's where Lola is Lola's just in the pouch that's brilliant because I always go especially when you're getting stuff out of the dryer and you try and pick a whole basket up in

your arms I don't put it in a basket and I try and carry it there's all the socks and undies drop all over the house it's like how you try and do like every single grocery bag in one go I try and do the same with washing but I usually I never know where the basket is kids move it's upstairs downstairs. So this is amazing. Just put on your apron, put your clothes in your apron and off you go like a kangaroo to hang out your washing. Put your clothes in, off you go. I'm going to put a link in the show notes. It's very stupid, but I think if you get on board, this could be the movement we're going to all wear. I'm about it. I think that Laura was like, I've got the dumbest vibe. I think that's actually a really great vibe. We're all going to be hopping to the clothesline.

I'm going to show you. Look at it. It's pink too. It's cute. So fetch. Show me. Oh, that is so ugly. That's actually hideous. Practical, but hideous. You can like really trad wife it up. This is like ultimate trad wife style. Not that I'm endorsing trad wives, but like, look at that. Trad husband. Matt looks so good in this. Okay. All right. I'm going to go to my vibe. My vibe this week probably isn't going to come as a surprise to anyone. Half of you have probably watched it. It's number one on Netflix. It's nobody wants this. I haven't seen it yet. Oh, it's great. It's the new rom-com. I absolutely loved it. It's Adam Brody. Do you remember Adam Brody from the OC? Yes. Like ages ago. Okay.

So what everyone is saying now, and I couldn't agree more. Everyone is just saying, how have we gone 20 years without having Adam Brody as a lead in a rom-com? Because he's brilliant. Like the chemistry, he's acting, he's so wholesome. His character is amazing as well. but long story short it's about a rabbi who is in his 30s and he's single and it's about this woman who you will love Laura because she's a podcast host her and her sister have a podcast host is a sex podcast and she's a bit chaotic and she's got all these red flags and she can't find the person and she self-sabotages and all this standard stuff and it's just a rom-com about them trying to make two different lives work and I just loved it probably the first show I've watched in

a while that actually highlights what a healthy relationship actually should be because it's not problematic there's not really any jeopardy like you would think there's the only jeopardy is the difference in their lifestyles but his character is beautiful and wholesome and and loving and caring and he's there for her and that is my vibe if you haven't seen it yet it is number one on Netflix nobody wants this I haven't seen it and I will watch it this weekend because it is on my hit list my vibe for this week is a book so it's a novel so a fiction book it's written by Emily Henry and this is it's not a hot take the book came out in 2020 but the reason that I think it's quite uh of the moment I suppose is because Emily Henry has written quite a lot of romance-based

novels and they've announced that there are going to be five of those novels adapted into films so the first one it's actually not this one the first one that they're going to do the first of five is People We Met on Vacation, which is one of her other novels. And I saw this on Jamila Jamil's Instagram because she has been cast in the film adaptation of it. So anyway, back to Beach Read. What I liked about this, this is the synopsis. It's a romance writer who no longer believes in love and a literary writer stuck in a rut engaged in a summer long challenge that may just upend everything they believe about happily ever afters. What I liked about this, and again, I'm a audiobook listener not so much a reader it was so easy to consume there were not any like massive

twists this is just for someone who do you ever get into that mood where you're like I'd really like to read again or I'd really like to listen to a novel but I don't want something that's going to be super heavy or it's going to take up too much mental space this is just a really what genre is it light and fluffy it's romance okay yeah so it's not I wouldn't say it's light and fluffy it's more just like a soft easy to read romance yeah about two characters that's such a pivot for you kish because we know you like your smart yeah i don't say that as a joke if you've listened to the podcast kisha likes smutty books yeah there's no smart in this one there are like i would say there are sex scenes but they're definitely not like hot and steamy so make love yeah if you

would like a an easy entry nice novel to read maybe you're going on a holiday or you just want something that you can read over a weekend or so. I consumed this one pretty quickly and it was just nice and enjoyable. And also I love the fact that I'm going to be one of those people who can watch a film and go, oh, the book was better. All right. Question number one. When is it appropriate to meet up with a male colleague? I am single. I'm attractive. Thanks, genetics. Yeah, go girl. I'm female and I work in sports, which entails mostly male co-workers. I travel a lot and do a lot of late nights. My question is, when is or isn't it appropriate to meet up with male co-workers, particularly one-on-one outside of work? I try to err on the side of daytime or group activities.

However, I do feel like I have genuine friendships that sometimes are hurt because of my fear of an interaction appearing inappropriate to others because of the male-female thing. Or for fear of a co-worker I thought was harmless taking things in an inappropriate direction after a few drinks. It has happened before. Am I overthinking this or are my guidelines for myself appropriately placed? Worth noting that 99% of these men are actually married. I mean, if you say it has happened before multiple times that you've gone out and they've done the wrong thing, then I would probably not be going out with them. This is a really tricky question to answer because you need to understand the dynamics of the specific people that you're meeting up with. At the end of the

day I do think that it is fine for male and female co-workers to coexist and be friends it depends on the situation if you've gone away for a work thing and there's 10 of you 10 staff that have gone away but you just go and have dinner with one person then I would say that is inappropriate and it's probably highly likely it will start some kind of a rumor or talking I'm not saying that that's okay and it shouldn't be like that but it is at the end of the day two people have sought each other out for a private dinner when there's 10 other people. But then I think if there's just two of you that have gone away for a job, you're in the same hotel, you know, you're just friends, you know, there's nothing there. And it's like a, Hey, you want to grab dinner together before we

hit the hay tonight so that we're not both just sitting in the same restaurant on opposite sides alone. I think that's okay. But at the end of the day, if you feel like something is going to be inappropriate, I would be listening to that. So if you think that someone's partner will be unhappy with that or there might be, you might be leading this person on a little bit if they've been a bit flirty, anything like that. I think it's just a too hard basket and it's not necessary to bring that into your life further. I think that it really sucks that this is something that you have to be so conscious of. And as women, I know when you say I'm attractive, thanks genetics, that definitely plays a factor in this because when you are a hot single woman and if you opt

in to go for a dinner or a drink with a guy, I think it is very easy for someone to misconstrue your niceness, your politeness, your enthusiasm around conversation as flirting. Like it is so easy for those things to be misconstrued. It is so easy for someone to, and I like, and I don't want to even say it's easy for them to get the wrong impression as though you were giving them the impression. I understand why you've been in this situation. And I think it is so shit that often some men take kindness, take engaged conversation as flirting and they misinterpret those cues. That is not on you. That is on them. And it's very, very unfortunate that it means that you're in a situation where you have to be wary around whether or not you have a one-on-one

interaction with males because of the way that they will behave. That I think is the relatable part of this. I think that there is not a woman out there who hasn't meted their behavior for fear of how someone else is going to interpret it and in particular a guy whatever you feel comfortable with is what you can do because in this situation one you're single so you're not doing the wrong thing by anyone in your part like any you know a partner anyone else you don't have anybody else putting limitations on you in terms of what you can and can't do and you know you said that maybe it's affecting your friendships and that you could be closer friends with these people you absolutely probably could be closer friends with these people is it negatively impacting your life

that you aren't though? Or is it kind of just better to safeguard and keep that separation between work and private life? It also depends what else is going on and what else your relationships involves with these colleagues. Do you text all the time? Do you email? Are there outside connections? So on the weekend, is it normal for you to be like, hey, how's your weekend been? Are you actually kind of friendly outside of work? Because I think all of these things matter. But whilst I say I don't think there's anything wrong with having relationships with the opposite sex, there is a line. And if they're all married, it's going to probably cause more harm than good for their relationship. If their wife thinks that they're out having dinners all the time,

like romantic one-on-one dinners while they're away. I'm not saying that you're doing the wrong thing, but sometimes I think you have to ask yourself, is something worth it? Put yourself in their position. Okay. If, if I was at home with the baby and my husband was going away with a hot chick for dinner, how would I feel? And I think it's not about saying that you're doing the right or the wrong thing. It's just everyone's relationship is different and everyone's situation is different. And I just wonder if it is worth bringing that into your life. Again, I think if there's just two of you on a work trip, there's nothing wrong with it. You go and have dinner, but you're not staying back at the bar having drinks. You're not going out till 2am. I think

what you're choosing to do and the activities you're choosing to engage in are what's going to be the issue. That's interesting to me because I don't think it's her responsibility to think about how someone else's wife is going to. I do. I don't. I think it's the husband's responsibility. Like for example, if Matt was away and he was working on a job and he had a female producer and they went and got dinner together, firstly, I wouldn't care, but I don't think it's her responsibility to think, oh, I am, or I'm not going to go for dinner with Matt because he has a wife. It's different if obviously there's something nefarious going on, but if she's like, we're totally just friends. I have no interest in this man. And we're having a platonic

dinner I don't think that it's her responsibility to put a limitation on it based on the wife I think it's her responsibility to put a limitation on it based on the man's behavior and the part about this that I hate and I would ask you the question Britt how many times have you been out with a friend who is a guy who you have zero interest in nothing like it's it's someone who's come through work or through some other you know way that you've met him and he has interpreted the two of you being friends as wanting more. He has thought that maybe hanging out might eventuate into something. He's tried to make a move. I would say, unfortunately, it's happened loads with me where my friends, quote unquote, turned out that they weren't actually my friends

and they wanted something more than that. It actually hasn't happened that much to me. It's probably happened one time. Surprising. Yeah. But I disagree with you, Laura. I think it is absolutely your responsibility to know the situation that you're putting yourself in. Like You need to know if it's going to be inappropriate or not. You need to know what, and I believe that because at the end of the day, there is a high chance that it's nothing, but there is a, there is a big chance that that person that's inviting you to dinner, the work colleague might be being like, oh, maybe let me see if there's something there, you know, while, while the cat's away.

What's that? The mouse will play. The mouse will play. And I'm not saying that's right, but I do think it's your, your responsibility. It's not your, like if he's trying to cheat and do the wrong thing, worst case, he's trying to cheat of course that has nothing to do with you if you did accept a dinner invitation but it's still your responsibility to know the situations that you are putting yourself in and I think if you get that gut feeling of I don't think this is going to end well I would listen

to that and we say that all the time and you did say that you get those gut feelings sometimes you're like sometimes I don't think it's right then I think that listen to that can I just add it's something that I think really sucks about this situation and I've actually been in this situation specifically myself what really sucks is that when you're in a position especially working in sport and that kind of thing networking is really important and a lot of the time the jobs that you get is who you know not what you know so if you're in a situation and you have the ability to get to know someone within your work or within maybe a different sports organization or you have the ability to go for dinner with them while you're away and you can't take it because you're

too worried about what people are going to say about that interaction totally that really sucks because it's very gendered it would only happen because you're a young woman working in sport and you're hot like I don't think it has anything to do with sport Keish I think this is any industry that's what I mean though like it really sucks that as the single woman in this situation you have to potentially limit your ability to network and create stronger connections within your work environment because you're too worried about what either the partners of the people that you're with going to say or the people that you work with or, you know, people talk. They love to gossip about this kind of shit. They like to make up that things are happening when they're not because

they enjoy the rumors. It sucks that you don't have the ability to form those deeper relationships on a personal level that could impact your career in a positive way. But do you need to have a romantic dinner away? And I say romantic because if it's one-on-one, do you need to go and have a dinner away to have that connection and that networking with a colleague? I don't think you do I have been in situations where I was working away in radio quite a few of these actually and quite a few times I went for dinner with the content director because they may have been also away because they looked after multiple radio networks and we would go and grab a bite and at the time I didn't really think anything of it and it wasn't until years and years later that I'd been

out with a different colleague and rumors started to start about our interactions back at our workplace and I was like hang on a second I've been doing this for a long time and those dinners absolutely made my connection with that content director better yeah you know we got to know each other and he got to know what I was about he got to know what my career ambitions were and I have no idea whether people were talking about whether we could have been potentially you know interacting in an inappropriate way I do agree with that and I think it's really challenging because like even as you said like a romantic dinner like you're putting your perception on that just because it's a one-on-one, right? So if two people have gone out as work colleagues to go and do something

outside of work, whether it's a lunch or it's a dinner, and obviously it depends on the situation, et cetera, et cetera. But there is a very big difference between something being like entirely platonic and having like an outside of work meetup. And I guess that's where the big question is. It is unfortunate that as a woman, you have to have your guard up because it is very possible that that other person will interpret the way in which you are behaving as something that you do not intend. And that is just, it's very biased and it's very gendered and it's incredibly unfair. But this is my whole point. This is why you have to take responsibility for the situation you're putting yourself in. I'm not saying it's right, but exactly what Keisha

just said, you cannot have any control over what anyone else thinks of you or thinks of the situation or talks about that situation. It sucks and it's unfortunate, but that's a byproduct of putting yourself in a situation where you're with somebody one-on-one. It could have been the most, you could have been talking about dog shit the entire night. You could have been sitting there saying to each other, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you a hundred times. But if any other one else walks past, they don't see that. They say to people that are alone away on a weekend talking to each other and it sucks and it's not your fault and you haven't done anything wrong necessarily but you can't control other people's bias or other people's opinions of you it's just a part of the

world we live in so I just think you need to take these things into consideration when you're making the decision where are you who are you with are there any other circumstances that may lead to people thinking other things and then make your decision do you think that they're actually hitting on you do you think there's something more there do you think they've asked you because they think I'm going to shoot my shot then don't put yourself in the situation yeah and I also think it depends on who the person is and how do they interact with other people in the office for example there are and i think about it from like a radio perspective right there are men who work in the radio office who i would have no issue going for dinner with like i not one iota of me would be

like oh matt would find that inappropriate you guys would find that weird not a single person there are people in the office who if i was like i'm just gonna pop out for dinner with X, Y, Z, you'd be like, what the fuck? Why? Yeah. You'd be like, you banging? Like, I definitely think that there are different people who would create more of a perception around that. But yeah, I mean, ultimately, and I know I've said it a few times and I'll come back to it one last time. This is something that only women need to worry about, I think, because I don't think it is very, you know, maybe it might happen from time to time, but this fear that someone else is going to get the wrong impression around something that is completely platonic and

is centered around work is such a shit situation to be in. I don't think it's just women. I think men would equally get that. If the man and a woman are having dinner and people will pass and they know the man from a distance, they look in through the window, they know him, they know he's got a wife, they're immediately going to think he's doing this lie. I don't think that's just women face more gender bias, 100% and probably more. Overt advances potentially.

Well, yeah, but even like the discrimination and the rumors would swirl in a more derogatory way. Like, oh, if she was trying to break up the family, as opposed to him being like, oh, you're a sly dog. Do you know what I mean? But I think if anyone looked in there, it would be equal that the man and the woman are possibly doing the wrong thing. Well, you know what it is? It's that as a female, I think that there are more social ramifications within a workplace if those rumors circulate. 100%. That's what I was trying to find words for and I couldn't get it out. Exactly. I think that a guy doesn't stand as much reputation damage as what a female does.

And that is probably the biggest type of damage that can be done to a woman is reputational damage. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Question number two. My grandma passed away. She had been estranged from my parents and siblings and all other family members for

over 15 years. During those 15 years, I had a close relationship with her. She made me her enduring power of attorney, which basically means her decision maker. Also the director of her will. my parents and siblings have had hate and bitterness towards her and completely wiped her but i never experienced anything that they did so my relationship with my grandma was never affected now my grandma has left me with everything including money do i respect her wishes and not give any of the family money or belongings or do i divide it because they now want it and

said that they deserve it death and money are two things that can absolutely rip a family apart and I think there is no one listening to this maybe maybe you will be the chosen child but very few people listening to this will not have a story from their family tree where money and inheritance ruined a relationship somewhere in their family tree I think it is pretty relevant and it is pretty prolific. I think that this is such a hard one to answer. And the reason for that is, is because my initial response is no, they had no relationship with your grandmother for 15 years. You had obviously an incredibly close relationship. They don't deserve anything. That's a really simple way of answering this question. I think a more complex way of answering

this question is to ask what is their grievance with your grandmother? And the reason why I say that is because you, for example, maybe the youngest grandchild, you may not have experienced the abuse, the treatment, the mistreatment that they experienced. And therefore relationship with your grandma may be very, very different. There may be some animosity that you, even though you know what their grievances are, that you maintained a relationship with her when everyone else had to cut her off basically. And so I would question whether keeping all of this inheritance is worth damaging your relationship with your existing family who you also love and want to be in contact with and I say this because I have a little bit of skin in the game with this

not when it comes to inheritance by any means but from having a different relationship with someone my example is so my stepdad my first stepdad who is my brother's dad not Neil who I've talked about also confusing for everyone but my first stepdad he was very very abusive and he was a heroin addict. He was in our life for nine years. And the best thing that came out of that nine years was the fact that I had my little brother, Matt, who is quite a bit younger than me, but he, when my brother was born, that's when his father left. So my brother growing up never had a relationship with his dad. And it wasn't until Matt was, Matt's my brother's name, until he was more of an adult that he became aware of all the stories around what Alex did

and the reason why he wasn't a part of the family. And so it was really challenging for me when Matt as an adult wanted to have some relationship with him because I felt this level of betrayal. I was like, well, you know, all of these things, you know, how he treated me, you know, how he treated your sister, you know, how he treated mom. Why would you want to know this man? And I understand that like relationships are complex and there's many reasons why people want the things that they want from sense of identity and everything else. So I question, did your family have a very unique relationship with your grandma? Was there a reason why they cut her off? And so is this inheritance money just feeling like this really dirty wedge in your relationship? That would be my big question.

And without those answers, it's really, really hard to answer this. But what I would think is that if you do choose to keep all of this money and all of this inheritance, and there is a really great reason as to why they had to cut her out of their relationship in the first place you will damage your relationship with your now existing family and what's more important to you it's so hard that you've been putting this situation it's fucking terrible it's so hard because nothing affects your grandma now right she's dead so she's done it you you're gonna totally you're the one that has to deal with ramifications do i think that your grandma is going to know what you do personally i don't believe that i don't believe that she's up there watching your decision so

whatever you do I don't think you need to it doesn't need to be laden with guilt there has to have been something that went down off the back of what you're saying Laura because otherwise an entire family doesn't turn their back on someone but you don't know which way it went you don't know if the grandma has done something that's upsetting to the family or if the family up something something upsetting that the grandma's wanted to pull away you don't know which way it is I think I'd be getting to the bottom of that but at the end of the day this decision won't affect your grandma but it will affect you for the rest of your life like your connection with every one of your family members do I think it's worth the repercussions

if you keep it all I'm just trying to think of my family no I don't think it is because like you only get well not everyone I was going to say you only get one family but that's not true you can have multiple families Laura is a prime example but like that's that's your family right so if you if something happens now and money is so divisive if you keep every part of that your family seems like you're going to hold a really big grudge I don't know if you can divide it in a way where maybe you keep one asset to yourself whether that is like some sort of property or whatever she's left maybe you can keep one aspect and then you divide all the rest or you divide the cash or I don't know if there's a way you can work around that maybe that's like the

happy medium like you're like look grandma was adamant but I'm still gonna give it to you anyway like grandma was adamant she was like do not let my family touch my money yeah but I'd be getting to the bottom of it I don't think it's worth keeping the whole thing you might have money but you will be unhappy with the fact that you've lost that relationship with your family I honestly there is no way of navigating this that is easy money inheritance family are so so challenging and that is why you have to have these conversations with people when they're alive like it is it is a horrible place that you have been put in that you are responsible to pass down your grandma's wishes with the rest of your family because nobody had this conversation when

she was still alive like that is a hideous place to be in I do think regardless of the relationship right like regardless of how broken down it was regardless of who did what if you have not been a part of someone's life for 15 years you do not have the right to ask for anything and even if that's because that person has done wrong by you and there is hatred there and I guess that that's where this is so challenging for you to reconcile because you're like well they made the decision regardless of the situation they made the decision to leave and I stayed and dedicated my life to my grandma. Did you do that because you wanted this inheritance or is the inheritance just a by-product of it? I don't know. There's so many ways that you can split this, but I think you've

got to make decisions for yourself and also for your long-term and what's going to be the best thing for you in terms of financially, but also in terms of how you're going to maintain relationships with your family. Also, wills don't really mean anything. The family can just go and challenge that anyway and say, look, we're the family. I'm actually the daughter. I am the son. she wasn't in her right state of mind when she did the wheel there are so many ways to challenge a wheel and you definitely don't want to have to go down that track as well sounds like your family probably would go down that track because they want to so i think this one you might have to say sorry nan and then do what's best for you now oh god this is i reckon we will get so many messages

from people who have had tricky inheritance situations with their families because it is so fucking common as we said okay i think this is the last question i have a four-year-old daughter that is obsessed with makeup and clothes we don't mind the clothes part she loves dresses and tutus and wears one every day even to bed cute but i'm a little worried that she loves makeup too much she sees me put on makeup for work every day and i explain that everyone is beautiful without makeup and sometimes we just wear it to look fancy she now wants to look fancy for daycare every day bless all she wants from sansa this year is a big makeup kit i suppose my questions are do you think it's okay to get a four-year-old a big makeup kit for Christmas? And is her obsession with makeup

at four years old worrying? Or is it okay considering she is very young and we are very careful with our messaging around not needing makeup to look beautiful? I think it's more annoying that if you get your kid makeup, that's going to be 100% in your carpet. And I know this from experience. On the walls. That makeup. Four-year-olds cannot do their fucking makeup and that makeup will be embedded in your rug. That's where it's going to be. I recommend not doing it not from like an altruistic oh I'm gonna be the best mom ever like you know my child's gonna grow up thinking they're beautiful and everyone's beautiful blah blah blah no it's annoying and you will have it in your carpet take that from me pretend they have floorboards should she get her

four-year-old makeup we got Marley and Lola makeup because they loved it like they absolutely love it and we try and treat it like it's a creative thing like Lola will go into the bathroom and she puts pink eyeshadow on most days and then off she trots before daycare fire doesn't matter where we're going but I think this is an interesting one to unpack and where I find it interesting is you've said the exact same thing I say to my girls you said she sees me put on makeup for work every day and I explained to her that everyone is beautiful without makeup sometimes we wear it to look fancy absolutely you are not convincing anyone though that's the problem right and I realize this myself I am telling Molly you're so beautiful without makeup but mommy needs to put

it on because I look tired. It's really conflicting messaging for kids because kids want to emulate what we do as adults. And if we're putting on makeup every day and that's what they see that we're doing, they want to do it too. I don't have a perfect answer for this because I'm not a perfect mom and I also want to wear makeup. Makes me feel good about myself. It covers the things that I look at myself in the mirror and think are imperfections. But it's really hard to share that messaging around. You don't need it to look beautiful, but mommy does. You know, like how does that work? I think it's fine. I think kids love to explore that kind of things. It's like paint. They don't look at it like I can't go to daycare without my face on. That's not what they're

thinking. It's creative. It's creative. It's art. It's like, I remember growing up with it. I loved makeup. I loved putting it on. I used to, Sherry and I used to sit my dad down and we used to do my dad's makeup. Like we used to put hair bands in his hair and, and he would just let us do it because it wasn't about putting on a woman to look different or better. It was just fun and creative and you like the look of a before and after like oh my god look how funny dad looks whatever whether you do it at home or not it's everywhere now so they're going to see it they're going to see it on tv they're going to see it when they go to school they're going to see every other parent every other tiktok social media like this idea of makeup and beauty and before and

afters it is everywhere i think as long as your messaging at home is like i just choose to do this sometimes and sometimes i don't do this like as long as you're not putting it on every second of the day and you still and like you don't Laura you always don't have makeup on you nailed it Britt you nailed it in I think we as adults as parents we over complicate things for kids yeah kids do not understand that we are putting on makeup to fix imperfections they think we're doing it to be creative as well they think we're doing it as part of our morning routine my kids don't know that I put on vitamin c cream because I'm trying to get rid of melasma they don't know they just know mommy puts on creams like they don't know the reasons why and I think

that we can shield them from that for a really long time and that's kind of something that I realized about how I was speaking to my girls about it because I would say like Molly you don't need makeup because you're so beautiful like you're so beautiful without it she didn't think she wasn't beautiful without it and now she wonders why you said it and now she says mommy I need makeup because I want to be beautiful and I'm like oh I conditioned you to think that I'm the one who planted that seed had I talked about makeup as a way of it being creative as it being fun as it being playful it would have had a different meaning to her and so I kind of learned that lesson with her and I'm trying to retrain it with Lola because we never I never speak about makeup or about

anything to do with cosmetics to do with beauty now I just talk about it in terms of like I like the feel of it I like how it feels on mummy so Molly asked why do I shave my underarms and I say because they get spiky for mummy and it's uncomfy for mummy well i think no thought about it yeah i think it's okay to also just say like this is something that adults do like i think it's okay to say that there's kid things and there's adult things yeah kids play at the park and adults don't adults put makeup on and kids don't like i think it's okay to say like this is something that just isn't is an adult thing when i have a problem with it is when it gets into the beauty pageants and when there are kids that are like dressed to the nines with fake lashes fake tans lipsticks

and they're parading around. Like I think that's different because that is conditioning them that this is a beauty pageant. You need this to enter to be beautiful to win. Did you ever do fizzy as a kid? No, I hated fizzy as a kid. I never did fizzy either, but you always knew the fizzy kid because they would come in looking a bit orange

because they'd been spray painted from the eyeballs to the toes. And hairs like ripped back in the buns. But like fizzy, what a weird, I mean, I don't know if it's still around. I don't know. It's around. It's huge. And obviously if your kids do fizzy, I'm not coming for you, But like it's an odd thing that you need to fake tan your child

so that they can do fizzy. But I think we're just going back again to what we said, but I just do think that we overcomplicate things for kids. I think sometimes you just have to let kids be kids and at the end of the day they're putting on glitter eye shadow because it's glitter, not because they think it makes their eyes have a cat eye effect or makes them bluer or makes them rounder. Like they just fucking like the glitter.

But also this is – and as a parent you often feel like you can't do anything right And I think we are such a generation of parents who are so highly aware of the many ways in which we can fuck up our kids, right? Matt and I say it all the time. We're always like, oh God, how are we going to mess our children up? Like, we'll be paying for their therapy one day. But we are really, really conscious of it as a generation of parents. And I think sometimes we overcorrect.

We're like holding space for their feelings and we're trying to mediate in a way that is very thoughtful and considerate and calm. And it's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure to be like, okay, well, my child wants to use makeup. So what's the right wording to use so that I don't mess her up? And then it's like I don't ever think my parents had to think about it that much. Like we just did. And also –

I'm not saying that that's the better way either, but I think there's a lot of ways in which you can try and navigate parenting and whether you're doing it the right way or the wrong way. But I was watching something online just yesterday and I was like, come on. And it was this video of these parents being like, my husband and I made a conscious decision to never interrupt our child when they're trying to figure something out. And it was their kid trying to- Who has the time? That's my point. They showed this kid trying, it was like, she's two, right?

She's trying to do the button up on her cardigan. 20 minutes, they sat there and watched it. And then she smiled at the end because she did it. Then they were like, this is how she learns. And I'm like, bitch, got to get to work. Like, there's no way that people can parent in that way. And I understand it's beautiful and wholesome. But this comparison culture constantly makes other parents feel like shit because they

dress their kid because they don't have time to let the kid figure out how to do a button up. It's very romanticized parenting, isn't it? There's this other, I'll see if I can find it, but it was served to me recently. It was a satirical reel and this mom had created it and she was like millennial parenting. I've seen it. She's running down the grocery aisle and she's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Are your emotions big?

How big are they? One, two, stop me when your emotions. and she's like three oh these are big emotions five six let's I'm gonna hold space for you I'm holding space talk to me about how you're feeling shut up get in the trolley and get in the car and then she's like whoa I can see we're gonna sit here we're gonna breathe we're gonna breathe through it count to three with mommy one two three and it was really funny because obviously like that's a very extreme version of it but it ends with her being like I'm just gonna ground you and mommy mommy and you're gonna ground each other and then it's like a long shot of the husband

holding the mom in an embrace and the mom holding the baby and they're all just swaying. And I was like, it's true. I don't, obviously it is not that far in the future, but like, I do think that sometimes we are trying so hard to be the perfect version of a parent so that we don't mess our children up because we're all so fearful of doing it. And I think 99.9% of us are doing a really, really good job. And if your kid wants to play with makeup as a four-year-old, let them be creative let them be expressive they might end up being an incredible makeup artist one day or someone who works in creative arts because they've had the opportunity to explore and discover textures and discover colors and and make a mess and do all the things that are tactile that we

were able to do as kids I don't think it has to be about beauty and don't put adult labels onto something that a child is just wanting to enjoy if it's harmless the last and only thing I want to say to be conscious of when I say like it's easy just go let them play it's your terminology once they've put the makeup on instead of saying look how beautiful you look you look like oh that looks awesome like look how fun that is like that's all you need to say instead of like oh my god look how beautiful you look now like you look cute you look wonderful because if people are only getting kids are only getting that kind of terminology once they've put the makeup on that's what they're going to attach that to 100 just let them live all right guys that's it from

ask keep your questions coming in to life uncut podcast instagram just put ask uncut you can also email them as well we absolutely love getting them and you're accidentally unfiltered too don't forget we've got youtube now which is very fun to watch we've got the episodes on there we've got short clips on there you can see me trying to stuff banana bread into my mouth in between conversations as i have done on this and i have been looking at it the whole time i cannot wait i know it's cold now i don't care i'm sorry i'm sorry don't forget tell your mom tell your dad Thai dog Thai friends and share the love because we love love