Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - My BF Is Secretly Writing A Book And I’m The Villain

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm Laura. And Poppy. I'm Laura and Poppy. I come as a twofer now, just so everyone knows. No, a twofer one, not twofer now.

Starting point is 00:00:22 Twofer one. Twofer. Oh, a twofer now. Sorry, I meant a twofer one now. I was just abbreviating it because I can't be far. Like, I'm not actually going to use full sentences or full words for the rest of my life. Hi, here, podcasting. Hey, Laura, bye.

Starting point is 00:00:34 Suck, sweet. I wanted to kickstart. I hate that I'm kickstarting with this, but I've just been, like, deep in these comments the last week. If you listened to last week's episode, Laura, you weren't on it. I was with Keisha, but I know you've seen. We made it into a. Oh, I know the story. Yeah, we made it.

Starting point is 00:00:51 I know everything. We made it into a reel on Instagram. Anyway, it's gone bonkers. I'm talking about the fart video. The fart video, my friend went on a date, didn't want to follow through with it, like didn't message him back for a while. And he responded with a fart. I'm going to put the audio in here in case you've missed it.

Starting point is 00:01:08 And if you haven't missed it or you want to see it, honestly, go on to our Instagram and have a look at the reel because it's had nearly a million views. It's had 50,000 shares. Apparently someone else in the office just told us that over in the UK, unrelated, their friend had been sent the fart video didn't see this off my friend's phone in person I would have said bullshit so my friend was on the dating app she'd met this guy first date went well a week went past and they had a second date she then had to go overseas and on the first day that she had left he had messaged and just said like hey how about a third date she said I just knew at that

Starting point is 00:01:46 moment that it wasn't for me like I didn't see a future with him and no part of me wanted to go whatever she thought about it for a day or two and then she got busy with her family and friends two weeks went past and she wrote hey I'm so sorry for the delay you're a really great guy and I had a lot of fun with you and you know I just don't see a connection and I just don't see it going anywhere thanks so much like a really nice breakup message nothing he blanks her so a month has gone past she just thinks it's done and then she gets a message from him and this is what she gets back Oh, that's not real. That is not what a 40-year-old man sent.

Starting point is 00:02:37 Ten seconds of fart in response to a breakup message. He's a 40-year-old man. I need to talk about the comments, the comment section. there's like five or six hundred comments no this is the reason this is what's wrong with dating the comment section on this post is what is wrong with sorry and I don't want to say it's not all men but it's what is wrong with men and it's what is wrong with dating it absolutely is the comments are just like every single man I think I've read maybe one comment this morning from a man that was like sort of on our side that was like look she did the wrong thing but two wrongs don't make a

Starting point is 00:03:11 right I was like yes king thank you like let's let's go with that but every single guy is saying yeah she deserved it like you don't message us for two weeks you don't know what you've got like she deserved that fart video she should have got a longer one or something like that and in my head I'm like do these guys have no idea what they do to us like for example this my friend was my friend was ghosted herself by someone she was seeing longer like a month before guess what she didn't do fart to him it's not she didn't fart him back she didn't say I'll show him and let one rip It's not even about, like, who did worse. It's about the immaturity of sending a fart.

Starting point is 00:03:52 Like, if I'm almost 40 and I'm literally butthurt because someone's upset me, the last thing that occurs to my mind, like, it's never going to come up as a thought, you know what I'm going to do to get back at them? I'm going to record my fart. Like, that is a grown-ass man. Imagine having a long-term relationship with him. Imagine marrying him. Imagine having children with him.

Starting point is 00:04:10 And when he's upset, his reaction is to send you a fart. But the funniest part is in the middle of it. He wasn't that upset that that was his reaction. It was a month later. One month. Because he'd been sitting on it and stewing. Literally stewed it and sat on it. Also, I think it's a very, I mean, obviously it's not particularly,

Starting point is 00:04:32 and I don't want to say ladylike because that's not what I mean, but it's like expected that a man, it's okay for a guy to send a fart. Imagine if you, when you were upset about a breakup up or someone didn't text you back or ghosted you you sent a fart you sent a fart Matt and Matt and I were talking about this because obviously like the the social went we know the story I knew the story right but the social's gone really really like viral and Matt and I were talking about it and I was like a woman would never a woman would never well it just wouldn't even cross your mind he was like and I really want everyone to go and have a look at this because it

Starting point is 00:05:06 It was a rabbit hole that I didn't come back from for a long time last night. So there is an Instagram called Charlie Farts or Charlie's Farts. And it's... Don't mistake it for Charlie's Angels. Well, it kind of is like Charlie's. She's in bikinis. She's hot. She's blonde.

Starting point is 00:05:23 She's in a pool and she's like making my own jacuzzi farting in a pool. Or she just like, there's this one where she's on a skateboard and she just skateboards up to the camera, lifts her leg in a bikini and farts into the... I don't know why I watched so many of them, but I watched all of them. And is she huge? Like, no, like she's following? Not really. She's got like 21,000 followers.

Starting point is 00:05:42 That's pretty big though. Her engagement is really high. And I was like, imagine having the self-confidence to set up an Instagram account. You're not even getting paid for this. This is an OnlyFans. Because who's sponsoring you? You are so confident in yourself, in your capabilities, in your employment, that you can create an Instagram account where every single reel is just you farting and you

Starting point is 00:06:03 don't get monetary gain from it. Everything's a choice, Laura. I'm also confident. I'm confident in your career, in my career, and I'm not going to have a fart in Instagram, but you know what is even funnier? I mean, I don't know where the funniness ends, but the response, because in the video we make a point of being like, this is a 40 year old man. Like this is what we're dealing with because you know, maybe you'd expect that 17, 18, 19, maybe 21. I don't know. The frontal The lobe hasn't developed yet. Oh, this is a real man-hating episode. I'm really sorry to all of our male listeners.

Starting point is 00:06:32 It's not because the thing about the video is and the response, when I heard the fart for the first time in real life, I was in hysterics. I thought it was so funny, but funny that like, wow, this is the world we're living in. I didn't go and hate on the men. I don't hate men. I love men. But that's just not the response.

Starting point is 00:06:50 But in the comments, there were so many people, so many men that were saying this has nothing to do with 40 we'll be doing these two since we're to a 70 and I was like what it's fucking tough times out there okay I do want to tell you something else I was talking about somebody asked me yesterday that one of my friends how accidentally unfiltered started and I won't go back and tell you the whole story but the summary of it was six years ago I was seeing a guy that I liked I simultaneously was messaging him and my sister and I went to send a really ugly photo of myself to my sister it's what we used to do. I don't know why we just did it all day. And I accidentally sent it to him. And that

Starting point is 00:07:28 was an embarrassing story that I spoke about on the podcast. And my sister was like, Oh my God, it was in the era of where everything was filtered to the shithouse. And so my sister was like, Oh my God, you accidentally sent an ugly unfiltered photo. And that's how accidentally unfiltered started. Anyway, my friend just told me the funniest story that literally just happened to her about sending the wrong thing to somebody. So she was talking to this guy, same kind of thing, right messaging two people at once and she talked to this guy that she really liked and she's English and he's Aussie she was going away for a work trip with another friend who she was meeting there so she was messaging the friend and she was messaging this guy at the same time anyway so she

Starting point is 00:08:05 gets on the plane has her trip gets off to meet her friend and she's texting him she's texting the friend and she goes oh no fitties on the plane and what the fuck does no fitties mean well it's an English thing right no fitties on the plane and her friend who is Aussie as well was like fitty what do you mean and she's like no fitties there were no fitties what a shame and the friend's like 50 people no 50 year old man like I don't understand people yes and she's like no fit people there's no hot people like there were no hot people on the plane and then she just she was like well that was weird anyway she left it and later on when they were hanging out at this work event that they're at they started to she's like how have you never heard of Fitty and the friend

Starting point is 00:08:51 was like what are you talking about and she's like the message is Fitty and then she had this realization that she'd messaged the guy that she was seeing and she wrote she'd sent the text to the guy that she was seeing saying hey just letting you know no one knows no one hold on the plane he was the one they went back and forth without her knowing imagine you were dating somebody and he's like sorry what do you mean and she's like god there's no hot people on the plane that could be like as a fair warning like don't worry you've got nothing to worry about there's no hot people here that's what it is it's like hey just making you feel really secure you're fine you've made it through another day but i do want to know is please send in if you have done this everyone

Starting point is 00:09:34 does it like you always send something ridiculous stupid or embarrassing oh no but usually it's you're bitching about someone and you send the person that you're bitching about to them like I did it about my mum. Did you recently? I sent it to, I thought I was messaging my sister, but I messaged my mum directly. She was like, the fuck, Laura? And I was like, sorry. You haven't told me.

Starting point is 00:09:55 Yeah, that's not for a non-podcast episode. She doesn't need to know about that. We don't need to air that out. Tell me after the break. After the break. Tell me after the break. Okay, well, look, speaking of after the break, we are actually here to answer your Ask Uncut questions.

Starting point is 00:10:07 But before we get into that, I just really wanted to read out something because I got a little parcel from a lifer who she didn't leave anything she didn't leave her instagram she left no way of me getting in contact with her her name is hayley just a good date just sent a little parcel to work and it's this hold on if you're watching this on youtube it's this little jumper and i think she embroidered the p on it herself i would assume that she embroidered like she embroidered a little p for poppy on this very cute little jumper but it was the car that absolutely sent me into orbit. I'm very hormonal. I cry easily. Yes. And that's the standard. You're riding the hormone wave. I'm riding the hormones. And you know, we, I mean, we always say we feel

Starting point is 00:10:47 so lucky to do this and to like have such an incredible community around us to have you guys. It is just such a privilege that we get to do this and we get to connect in so many ways, and that you guys make me gifts. It's such a privilege to receive gifts and not have to send anything back because you didn't leave a return address. Thank you for the gifts. It says this. This is something that I would do for any friend who had a baby. Even though we have never met, you ladies have been my friends on both my best and my worst days. Your voices, and I'm going to cry.

Starting point is 00:11:15 Your voices have never failed to bring a smile to my face. So thank you for everything that you do. And congratulations on gorgeous Poppy. Love, Hayley. Is that not the cutest thing ever? Look at my goosebumps. Look at my arms. Guys, we fucking love you.

Starting point is 00:11:28 Thank you. Did she put anything in there for me? No, you didn't get nothing. I'm joking. You don't get nothing. that is actually so sweet and the fact hayley we love you there is no instagram return address way to contact her like that usually there's like a brand instagram tag and they're like if you want to share this on socials laura 20 i've created you a discount code no we're joking we have that

Starting point is 00:11:51 is really very very thoughtful i know did you i sent you an embroidered jumper i made too did you not get that that's what was that's really i couldn't tell if it was a p or a penis i wasn't on what you embroidered on it. I embroidered a cock and sent it to Poppy. This is how you were created. All right, let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. Okay, my vibe this week is on Stan. It is an Australian show.

Starting point is 00:12:16 It is called Watching You. So I don't know if you've seen it pop up. I don't know if you're a Stan-er, Laws. I love Stan, yes. It's really good. Matt's a Stan ambassador. This one is amazing. It's Aisha D.

Starting point is 00:12:26 If you don't know who Aisha D is, she is an Australian actress. She was in The Bold Type. Remember? I think I actually vibed to the bold type like three years ago. She's a really good actress. Anyway, it's like a thriller, I guess you would say, but it doesn't start that way. When you watch it, you don't realize how much it's going to escalate, but I found it really, really good. It's not a really long series, very easy to watch. I was hooked from the beginning, very brilliantly filmed for an Australian TV show. And interestingly, this has nothing to do with it, but in the very last episode that a scene started and I realized I could start reciting

Starting point is 00:13:00 the lines I'd auditioned for the role and I didn't even know I could say the whole scene and I was like this is my audition scene but they when you're like but I didn't get it oh this girl was so much better I would have got canned if I was in it if I was this role but um yeah I because when you audition for stuff you often don't know what you're auditioning for or like they'll just give you the scene and they change names or whatever so it wasn't until the very end that I realized and I she was so much better than me anyway that's my story but that's my that's my vibe it's just about these cameras that have been found by a couple in a rental and so like hidden cameras like an event and stuff like that and they've recorded them doing things and they end

Starting point is 00:13:38 up using it things that could really happen I guess ends up using it against them to like try and ruin their lives and it turns into this whole big thing that I didn't even see it going the direction it went I just really loved it and I love supporting Australian television specifically because I'm trying to make it. So if I do make a TV show here, you guys can support me. You heard it here first, Dan. The budget won't be big, but we'll do it. Okay.

Starting point is 00:14:00 Well, look, I have a recommendation for anyone who's about to have a baby. This is something I didn't know existed. I don't think it existed when I had Marley and Lola, and it is a fucking game changer. I bet you it did exist. I don't know. So, like, you know when you have a newborn baby and then they're in their capsule car seat in the back,

Starting point is 00:14:15 you can't see them. You have that dicky little mirror that you hang over the back chair so that you can kind of – but it's so dangerous. And then every time you want to check if the baby's breathing, you've got to turn around. So you're not watching the road. You're looking at a mirror because you can't actually look. It's just too many mirrors. You can't see the baby properly.

Starting point is 00:14:30 It's useless. So Matt put out a story and he was like, guys, we've got to get a mirror. What's one that actually, you know, is like decent enough size that you can see and is safe enough for the car, blah, blah, blah. And so many people wrote back that now it's not about mirrors. It's about monitors. So you can get a car in-store monitor. They're not expensive.

Starting point is 00:14:48 They're like $54. the one we have is doe honest baby car camera it clips onto the back car seat and then you plug the monitor into your cigarette lighter outlet in your car and it's completely all plugged up it generates off the car and when you're driving it's like the whole monitor's there the baby you can see everything it's black and white if you're driving at night time if you're driving the daytime it's full color so if your child is purple screaming in the car you can see everything you You can feel that trauma. You can see every vein pulsating on their forehead in real time.

Starting point is 00:15:22 I'm going to say that that existed for sure. No, I don't think it did. Yeah, we went to the moon like 80 years ago. But did we? But did we go to the moon? No, the thing is they would have been really expensive and at the time they wouldn't have, like, this is such a good piece of equipment.

Starting point is 00:15:39 That's a good idea. And even Nessa was talking to her and Nessa's our video editor, she's got two babies and her youngest, Harlow, is still a baby. And I was like, did you know about these monitors? And she was like, no, not until I got into your car. Why haven't you vibed? I bet you haven't even used it. I bought Laura a.

Starting point is 00:15:54 Oh, the rocker. Yes. No, I used it recently. It's amazing. So there's this thing. I knew it would take you a while to use. Yeah. Because you'd be like, I can go in the corner.

Starting point is 00:16:01 Anything that requires setup and Matt hasn't done for me, it doesn't actually get used. Yeah. So Britt bought me this contraption that you click onto the pram and it automatically rocks the pram so you can abandon your child. It's so good. It like shakes them to sleep. Not shakes them to sleep.

Starting point is 00:16:16 but like it's yeah so i wanted to get you something that was actually going to be practical yeah and you would use and i asked sherry and she was like oh this has been amazing and i've seen them use it they also take it it just hooks off your pram it's literally called a rocker i think we can link that as well we'll double vibe fuck it i should save this for next week i know i was like why are you blowing your load blew it i've got nothing else to vibe now shit tony may hashtag But you can actually take it off and put it on, for example, a cot or something like that if your baby likes, you know, because snooze and stuff.

Starting point is 00:16:50 Why can't you just clip it onto the baby's leg? Shame. It might cut off their blood circulation. It's probably a bit rough. It just rocks the baby. Just clip it onto its nappy. Yeah, but it's really good. So you put it on your pram even as you're walking.

Starting point is 00:17:01 It's not for when you stop. So even when you're walking and it just gives it that little vibration and it lulls the baby into a false sense of security and puts them to sleep. we make a lot of jokes but guys my entire life is just revolved around baby stuff and i i do i am a big believer that you don't need a lot of things when you have a baby like you don't need a lot of gadgets but this is coming from someone that didn't have a bed and her baby slept in the hallway yeah and you look at her lola is thriving i think i haven't seen her in three days no comment

Starting point is 00:17:26 i don't know where she is all right let's get into the questions okay question number one i'm not in his hypothetical future I loved this question we haven't had this before I feel many things okay one of them is tired one's hormones hey guys I just want your opinion on whether I'm reading too much into this I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now we met on hinge we're in our early 30s he is two years younger than me but we are both committed and in a serious relationship I've noticed that whenever he talks about future hypotheticals he doesn't include me in them and often references a hypothetical woman in his future. Sorry, this is so funny. For example, we were talking about my friend's upcoming wedding and he says, I think I would enjoy

Starting point is 00:18:11 planning my wedding. I like being able to decide things. Now I would have thought he would say something like, I would like to plan our wedding and use an inclusive term since it would sound a lot sweeter. Another example, we were talking about whether we wanted children and he says, I like the idea of kids but hypothetically if I found out my future wife is unable to have kids then I wouldn't be upset by it as I would choose her over my desire for kids but also nice nice that's a nice comment it's just a shame it's not about you I mean yeah but it's about his future hypothetical wife now meanwhile I'm thinking okay cool so I'm not your future wife I'm worried that he doesn't see long-term potential with me and hence doesn't

Starting point is 00:18:55 include me in these weird future scenarios, but am I overthinking this? No, you're not overthinking it. You're actually not. Okay. So firstly, what I want to say on this is why didn't you ask the question to him? Is it because you're so frightened of the answer? It's also 10 months. It's early, but not early. They've been together for 10 months. So it's like, I'm just wondering if maybe he's also testing the waters and doesn't want to come on too strong by saying, hey, when we have kids, if you haven't had that convo. I don't know. Cause she says that they're in a committed and serious relationship yeah but you can be committed and serious and be together one week do you know what I mean like committed and true so I'm thinking 10 months is early it is early but

Starting point is 00:19:31 you could say but it's also in their 30s so it's early but you know what you want you could say do you think you see those things with me I think at 10 months if you've been serious and it's moving in the right direction I think you could say like do you see the potential of those things with me and I don't know why it tickles me so much do you know maybe after 10 months it's not that big a red flag it's a red flag if you've been together for six years if ben and i now if ben's like hypothetically no because obviously like ben's obviously showed all of the indicators that he's into the relationship i'm more talking about the fact and i know i bring him up from time to time god this ex-boyfriend lives rent free in my mind to the poor thing he's getting a lot of air time

Starting point is 00:20:08 he fucking does doesn't he so six years we were together and i remember we would be it was like no laura he fucked your knee he fucked my knee six years the back of my knee thank you not the front and we were at the six-year mark and he said I just don't know and this is like in casual conversation totally cash didn't think it would offend me he said yeah I just don't know if you're the girl I'm gonna marry and I was like sorry what and he was like I just you know he's like like maybe but maybe not that's an internal thought like that's what he also told me that he would break up with me if I got pregnant and I kept it so yeah cool bro you're still playing child support he was literally like if you didn't get an abortion and you kept the baby I would

Starting point is 00:20:50 break up with you he was a cat and he said I would still be in the baby's life but I'd want nothing to do with you because you didn't respect my wishes honestly some of the shit that came out of that man's mouth when we were in a relationship and you were like hot panties off I was like I will make you love me guys do as I say not as I did in my 20s what I wanted to say about that though is like that is so indicative of a red flag like if you've been with someone for a long time and they still can't include you in their quote unquote hypothetical future, I think 10 months is a bit of a gray area, but I'm not saying that it's not a red flag. And I do think you could raise with him, hey, sometimes when you talk about the future, you talk about it as though it's not with

Starting point is 00:21:29 me. And I know like, maybe it's because we've been together not for very long, but it's kind of weird. It's weird when we're so serious about each other. Do you see a potential of those things with me and just do it in a way that's not confrontational and kind of light and see what he has to say about it. I like the idea of kids, but if hypothetically I find out my future wife is unable to have them, well, I wouldn't be upset because I chose her. I, I, I don't think it's a red flag yet. And I'm saying that purely because it's 10 months in and the fact that he's having those conversations with you, the fact that he's making that statement, I think he's testing the waters. I think he sees that person as you, but doesn't want to come on too strong. Like if you

Starting point is 00:22:13 haven't had kids in a wedding chat yet, right? Like you can be in a committed relationship and not have, you evidently haven't had the chat. Otherwise he wouldn't be phrasing it like that. So that might be his way of trying to bring up the conversation and see how you feel. And I'm not saying it's the right way to do it, but there's a lot of things that men don't quite get right. He didn't send you a fart. He didn't send you a fart. Yeah. So you're doing well at this point. Okay. Two things. You can meet him on his level and throw back a hypothetical for your future husband. Just throw it out there. See how he feels. Oh, that is very immature. So if you don't want to do that, I would just ask him next time he says it, or you can bring it up. You say,

Starting point is 00:22:52 Hey, something I've been thinking about something the other day, you were talking about your future wife. Do you not see that this is going to go anywhere? Or are you, you know, like, do you see a future with me? Cause that just made me, I thought we were like working towards the same thing it made me feel a bit like oh is it not me that you see like I think that in your 30s 10 months deep not even in your 30s fuck you can have the conversation whenever you want I think it's okay to ask for that clarification but I do think he's testing the waters for just to see how you respond and he has said the right thing like maybe that's his way of saying hey like if it if you're not able to have kids that's cool as well like he's the messaging is right I think it's a tricky

Starting point is 00:23:30 one though because hear me out if you've only been together for 10 months you don't have to know for sure whether you want to marry that person yet right you don't have to that is a really really fast ramped up relationship speed you're literally talking to me that knew it after I know but the problem is is like you then put him in a rock and a hard place if you're like hey we were talking about this hypothetical marriage in the future and you didn't include me in it and he might be like yeah because I really really love spending time with you I love the you know I've made the commitment to get to know you and to see where this goes, but I'm not yet a hundred percent sure whether you're the person I want to marry. I kind of feel like you then put him in

Starting point is 00:24:07 this box where he has to make a decision as to whether he's going to marry you or not at 10 months. That might be too much pressure, but you could ask like, do you think, or do you see some potential? I don't want you to say, yes, you want to marry me or don't want to marry me, but do you see potential in this for something that is long-term? That he could answer without feeling as though he's been trapped or like feeling like he's been trapped or tricked into it. I'm trying to, I always try and put myself in the position and tell you exactly how I would respond. And I think what I would do in this is I would make a bit of a joke about it.

Starting point is 00:24:40 I would make a bit of a joke about it. I would next time, for example, if he said my future wife, you know, the wedding, whatever else, if he's saying my future wife, I would say future wife, hey, I was like, what's she like? What does she look like? I would make a joke like that. And maybe that hope that he would describe me, then I'd probably write him and try and lock it down.

Starting point is 00:24:58 The last part's unnecessary, but if you want to follow that, go for gold. And the only thing I want to add to this, which is probably more relative to people who have been in longer term relationships and like, you know, like we said, 10 months, it doesn't necessarily mean it's a red flag, but if it is at the point where he should be including you in those conversations, like if you're at the sixth year mark and you're in the situation that I was, something that we... Something has gone wrong. Well, yeah, but like a conversation we had when we spoke to Matthew Hussey, it was such

Starting point is 00:25:23 a great interview. We can link it in the show notes, go back and have a listen to it. he's a relationship expert and he described that you should always believe what someone is saying to you like what a guy says to you if it's an inconvenience to him then it's the truth so men will often say and i don't want to just say men because i'm sure women behave the same way but men will often say what they need to say to get their way like you know oh you're so beautiful you're so amazing i want to be with you blah blah blah have sex and then you never hear from them again but when you can believe the things that they're saying is when it's an inconvenience to

Starting point is 00:25:54 them or it jeopardizes the relationship or what they want. So for example, if you've been together for two years and they go, Oh, I'm just not ready to commit. Believe that. Believe that they're not ready to commit because it's an inconvenience to them to say that. It also means it could threaten the relationship. Like he might say, Oh, I'm not ready to commit, but maybe in the future. And then it drags you along and you stay because of those breadcrumbs hoping that their mind's going to change, but they're literally telling you what they think and what they want. So I guess I keep an eye out for those situations and that to me was like a real I mean it's so obvious but it's definitely not something I have followed in my past relationships. But I genuinely

Starting point is 00:26:30 I agree I just don't think this one's that deep. No I don't either. Laura's unpacking her past rumors. She's like well when I sat with my therapist about when I was five. All right this one is hold on to your panties because it's a real doozy. I was looking on my boyfriend's laptop recently for some old photos and I saw a file titled novel I was curious so I obviously looked we have been together for years and aren't overly protective of our devices so this didn't seem like a big deal gotcha what I found has really confused and deeply upset me it is a book that he is writing now I know he likes to write but I didn't even know that he was writing a book is it a book for her wait the clincher is it is basically a detailed account of our relationship

Starting point is 00:27:13 but with some added drama and a lot of fiction he has made me the villain what the actual fuck i am portrayed as a manipulative narcissistic bitch while his character is the amazing hero i feel i feel weird and betrayed do i have a right to say something to be angry or is this just a creative outlet and creative freedom doesn't mean anything help how do we know if this is fiction or not maybe you are the crazy you are a crazy manipulative nasty person no I'm joking but I don't know what's no I doubt it this is so funny to me this is really funny when you were saying he was writing a novel I thought it was going to skew 50 shades of gray because I'd be down for that like if I found out my partner was writing a

Starting point is 00:28:00 like bullshit fuck off sexy book about me and him I'd be like that's hot no when to find out that he's the hero and you're like this horrible person when when you said he was writing a book and you didn't know about it I thought that when I first started reading this question I thought it was going to be that you were upset he hadn't discussed something so like that he had this like ambition this dream and you'd been left behind and he hadn't told you about this really cool project that he's working on you felt like a bit disconnected but this was just like a layer that I wasn't expecting I um I have multiple feelings maybe he's a ghost writer maybe he's got heaps of novels out and he just you just don't know because he writes you know how people

Starting point is 00:28:37 write under another name he just like lives a double life as a writer but you know about okay I have lots of feelings about this obviously you have a right to be angry yes you can bring it up with him I also want to know how much of this novel did you read because like it takes time to read a novel she's gone away for a week yeah like did you transfer it to yourself and then read the entire thing because I would say most people don't read a novel in a day how much has he written of the book maybe your character has real character development and it gets better like maybe start out as a bitch maybe they're just titled different things she just went to the chapter like villain yeah like maybe your character gets better maybe she has a redeeming

Starting point is 00:29:12 arc the other thing though is it could be it could be a way that he uses like a creative outlet that he uses when he feels frustrated from arguments so like which is not okay I'm not saying it's okay but like you know we all have arguments with our partner and then we might be angry at the way that they've behaved whatever and we write a novel it's the only response so the clear and obvious decision is to write a novel where you get to play out the version of it that you think happened in your head but didn't really happen at all just you wait it's not a novel it's like a six-part series I don't know okay if this was me absolutely I'd feel betrayed I definitely think you need to talk to him about it but I don't know what he's gonna say I where do you go I don't

Starting point is 00:29:55 think I feel betrayed I think I would be in hysterics I find this hilarious especially is no I would feel betrayed I find it hilarious because I guess I would feel differently if it's his like I think what you just said Laura could be true I can't imagine he's writing this to publish it it could just be something he enjoys it could be therapeutic it could be off the back of an argument but also it could just be completely make-believe and he's utterly obsessed in love with you and he's like I'm just going to use our relationship as inspiration like books don't have to mean anything and just because you're an inspiration of something it might the relationship might be the inspiration of it you said it's like based on your relationship so he might be using

Starting point is 00:30:35 the how you met or such situations but he's just decided to maybe your relationship is so perfect it's boring so he's decided to sprinkle it on but also imagine being the inspiration for a narcissistic bitch like thanks sweetie thank you darling I'm so glad that that was the springboard that you used me for my first thought wouldn't be anger about the fact that he's written me like that but I would want to know I don't think you can not talk to him about it and I think because you made the point of saying we are not protective of each other's devices I would say hey funny story speaking of stories funny story I went to find some photos on your computer and I saw novel and I just didn't even think and didn't know what it was and I clicked into it and read the entire

Starting point is 00:31:17 thing and I and I read that's a great 5,000 pages I would not go straight down the attack of like why the fuck did you write me like that I would go down the babe I didn't even know you were writing a novel like talk to me like and just just talk to me about as a partner like that's amazing can I read it if I haven't already I would go down there like hey that's I saw you wrote a book like you didn't tell me why didn't you tell me and like because I think when you're in a relationship like that it's a pretty big thing to have not told your long-term partner like if I found out Ben was a secret author I'd be like sorry what I want to know more though I want to know you say you've been storyline no I want to know more about your relationship you say you've

Starting point is 00:31:53 been together for years you said that you know you're not protective of your devices like have you had an on-off relationship have you had drama in your relationship are you totally solid do you guys fight a lot like do you gaslight him I are your bitch I don't know I need to know more about the type of relationship you're in to really understand like where this is coming from but if you objectively if you were to tell me that your relationship is amazing you rarely fight you're super supportive of each other like you're really supportive of him his ambitions of his hobbies and then he's written your character to be a crazy horrible person there would be a part of me that would be feeling really really sad about it I do understand what you're saying

Starting point is 00:32:34 like sometimes things are just like a springboard for like situations places not for the actual character like the essence of the character is being made up but as an author myself I mean Published author. Bestseller. But nothing in my book was real. I think you can have a conversation. You have to have a conversation with him about it. You can't pretend like you haven't read that. But don't make it an attacking big deal. And the reason why you can't pretend like you haven't read it is because you are drawing conclusions. Often we make conclusions without knowing, like if you don't know the reasons, if you don't know the explanation, you will come up with a reason and you will come up with an

Starting point is 00:33:11 explanation. And normally it's a lot worse than what the actual truth is behind it. So have an honest conversation with him. He will probably give you some sort of explanation that will feel way more valid and reasonable. And if he doesn't, then I think right back with the aftermath so we know what the fuck is going on. This one I think is relevant to a lot of people. You know, I'm interested to hear your take, Laura. Okay. This is a rather small and petty. Ask uncut. Ask uncut. Ask uncumquat. This is a really small cumquat. This is a small and petty. Ask uncut. But I want your input because my partner and I cannot agree. We are in a family Christmas draw. Now, Kris Kringles are normal, right? Sorry. What do you

Starting point is 00:33:57 think, Poppy? Christmas draws like these Kris Kringles are really normal. You go pick a name out and you get a price and you buy a present right so this is all with their extended family the budget is $100 now I always try and spend as close to the $100 as possible a few dollars over or a few dollars under depending on what you find but like she tries to hit the budget I think everyone should be if you're not hitting the budget then you're pocketing the change I think that's theft my question is if you purchase something on sale so for example it's Black friday do you pocket the savings or do you then buy something else to make up the difference i think if i bought the person something that is originally 100 but it's on sale for 80 that i

Starting point is 00:34:40 would then go and buy something else for 20 to go with it so even though the value of the present would have been 120 she still only spent 100 nah you pocket the 20 i have two the partner thinks that you pocket the 20 but she wants us to put this to bed nah you pocket the 20 if you're okay if you need to buy something in Chris Kindle, Chris Kindle, Chris Crindle, what is it? It's Chris Kringle. Oh, I got it wrong in both ways. Yeah. It's nothing that you said was right. Okay. Is it Wendell Crickle? Is it Crickle? Ask Uncomquot. Can we start calling them Ask Comquot? I think people will just be confused and we'll sound as deranged as we are. Look, I think if you have a benchmark for the price, if it's a hundred dollars and you get something in a Black

Starting point is 00:35:24 Friday sale discount. Ah, bargains coming soon. Then I think that you just pocket the $20. No, Laura, think of people that would be shopping on your website. They're going to get a discount. Black Friday's coming, everyone. You're going to want them to spend the extra $20. No, no, no. Hear me out. Hear me out. So I think if you know that that thing's normally $100, you buy it for $80, whatever. I don't think you need to do a top up of $20. But what I would be doing is I would be looking at the sales to try and get something for $100. It's usually $150 or 140 like I think that that's a better use of a sale rather than being like well that thing's

Starting point is 00:35:55 normally 100 but I got it for 60 I think I would be trying to get something still spend 100 but get a better present for that price surely that's like the kind of more generous thing to do maybe this is controversial I don't know I say that you spend the hundred dollars you spend whatever your price is cost of living guys if you get yeah but you've all you should have agreed on it of course cost of living right if you can't afford it fake it till you make it but I would and I have done this in the past if you can get something on sale it's still about all of you spending an equal amount of money so it's not about just like the value of the gift they're never gonna know but they might what if you leave the sales sticker on I've done that before remember I left actually I

Starting point is 00:36:38 left my name on it that's a whole nother story I just think spend the money but if things are really tight for you then yeah get the value of the present right pocket the 20 but for me i'm always spending as close to in fact i usually spend over because i i usually for some reason i feel bad and i'm like i need to get them more i don't know why i am i is it it's chris crindle right no chris cringle fuck come what i am i hate i hate chris cringle it's because you don't know how to say it no i hate chris cringle because i feel like there's always someone that does a shit present like some people are always lazy and you always get that person who like gets a candle or some incense sorry to anyone who has a candle and incense business but like given to someone

Starting point is 00:37:18 who doesn't need it do you know i mean like it's just like there's always a thoughtless gift that hasn't been like considered or for the person and i just think it's kind of i hate it i don't think it's candles are thoughtless i love a candle i think it depends on who it's for it depends some people love a candle know them know who that is seven-year-old nephew don't get him a candle he doesn't like sandalwood look candles are an easy gift they're the gift that you give when you don't know what to give or you don't know the person i think yes like if i gave you a candle for your birthday you'd be like thanks i'd love it have you seen how many candles are in my house exactly that's why you'd be like thanks because you have like a cupboard full of free candles

Starting point is 00:37:54 that you've been given i buy them i just spend money spend money if you can if you can afford it i would try and hit your chris kringle mark i'm glad that we took that so seriously it is because christmas is coming it's coming it's only a few weeks away what's it called black friday is coming soon everyone what's it called chris kindle chris kringle stupid name all right look let's get into more important deeper and far more serious questions reappearing exes okay my ex and i broke up 18 months ago it was pretty rough i was pretty blindsided we were literally looking at rentals the day before he ended it that's pretty cray-cray you can't be like moving in one day and then be like yeah but that's obviously he went to the rental and had a really overwhelming feeling of

Starting point is 00:38:40 like i can't be in this relationship so poor man poor guy he's like this is too much for me it's too much for poppy we had no contact for over a year both dated other people and i genuinely thought we would never speak or see each other again then about six weeks ago so this is a year later six weeks ago he reappeared the classic instagram follow request and since then we've been chatting here and there then we slept together three times well that escalated we've all been there it sounds like a fire emoji with a water thing and an eggplant the familiarity of it we've all been there yeah so we've slept together three times and we've both said we don't want a relationship but we kind of just slipped into a rhythm of seeing each other i think

Starting point is 00:39:21 something else slipped in i don't love him like i used to but i'm self-aware enough to know this could be a slippery slope as i was so deeply in love with him at one point oh i enjoy the comfort and familiarity but i keep asking myself is this emotional maturity or just a disaster waiting to happen i've had to hide it from my friends because they were there through the breakup and they would be so upset if i ever spoke to him again that's tricky because you know when you've like someone's done bad by you and you've shat on them so much and your friends have seen you through the hurt then they come back it's hard like once you've totally put your partner your ex in that category I did tell one friend and she said she was really disappointed and that she would never do something

Starting point is 00:40:02 like this if she were single that really hurt especially with me being the only single one left in my group they've all got partners to go home to I go home alone and sometimes I'm lonely since that breakup I've done a lot of work on myself I see a therapist weekly and I have spent real-time understanding my patterns my boundaries and emotional triggers i'm not sleeping with him to get back with him although i'll never say never to what life brings she say she says look i'm not obsessed i'm not waiting by my phone i don't double text him he's the one driving an hour and a half to see me each time the ball feels as though it's already in my court this time which feels strangely healing so my question is a how do i approach this with my friends without feeling

Starting point is 00:40:44 shamed and judged for making my own decisions? B, am I naive to think that I can handle this consciously and casually, or is it okay to embrace something familiar for now? I am still dating and meeting other people, but I do worry that by spending all this time with my ex, I might subconsciously put less effort into finding someone new and slip back into it. You will put less effort into finding someone new. Honey, honey, honey, honey. There's lots of ways that we can approach this and I think many people have done this where you go back to what's familiar no matter how much they hurt you no matter how betrayed you felt at the time and it's familiar it's so comforting even if you don't have the intensity of the love anymore because they've

Starting point is 00:41:25 hurt you so much and the relationship's so damaged there is still something about feeling wanted and not having to go through the fucking rigmarole that you have to when you're dating someone new of like oh so like what do you like and where do you come from and how many siblings do you have and all that sort of shit I get it I think it's a really big red flag when you have to lie to your friends though and I think if your friends are the ones that are saying hey here is the mirror this isn't great for you I do think that you should listen to those feelings and you should give that some air time because they know you the best they know everything that you went through we only know a couple of paragraphs it sounds like it was truly fucking horrible and they picked you

Starting point is 00:42:02 up off the floor I wonder whether it's worth putting yourself into a situation where you say I think I have it this time I've done all the work but is it a slippery slope to me I think you're answering your own questions I think it's a slippery slope and even if it's not a slippery slope in terms of like you getting to a place where you're like oh my god I'm so in love with him fuck you broke my heart again all that sort of stuff I just think it feels like a step backwards at the moment using him for sex I think you can get that elsewhere I don't think you need to get that comfort and that sex and that familiarity from an ex-boyfriend I think that you can you can feel your cup other ways I feel two ways one going back to an ex no matter what the

Starting point is 00:42:38 situation is is it slippery yes it is like in the summertime when you're a kid and you put a top down outside you put the hose on it and you put the dishwashing liquid on it that's how slippery it is like once you start running you're in it I slip and slide you are slipping sliding down yeah that's usually a good time exactly that's a shame this is my point and you know what you do then you extend the top and it keeps sliding or you come off and you end up on the grass and going through the gravel with grass burns yeah there you go yes what a great analogy that people are confused by thank you and that's that's the end of my question that's it for us uh so i think there's two things here right i don't think there is anything wrong with going back to an ex if it's

Starting point is 00:43:15 right plenty of people do it plenty of people break up because they're working things out and they go back together and have a really long life like that to me it's not a red flag to be like never go back to an ex but it depends on the way they treated you why you broke up what they're doing now to get you back? Like all of these things come into play. Will you stop putting effort in outside of that? Absolutely. Even if you think you're not, you will, because you just said like, Hey, he's filling my cup a bit. I do go home and I'm lonely sometimes. Well, all of a sudden you're not lonely anymore and you don't need to put as much effort in. I think that that is a hundred percent guarantee that you're going to do that. Even if you say, you said you're still

Starting point is 00:43:50 texting people and dating, that's great, but you've got a safety net now. You've got something that's comfortable, familiar, and something to fall back to. Again, if you guys want to work that out, there is nothing wrong with it, but I would be setting those boundaries now. I would be saying, Hey, why are you here? Like, why have you come back into my life? Why are you driving an hour and a half to see me? Like, because I don't want to, I don't want to say this and hurt your feelings. Right. But if you don't have that conversation, it's nice. This is going to sound really rude. There is a good chance you're an easy fuck and I'm not saying you're easy, but for him, he's gone back to something he knows lonely yeah he could also be lonely and it's and I'm not saying

Starting point is 00:44:29 he's using you because you guys loved each other it's not that he's using you and doesn't respect you but if he doesn't want a relationship you are just something that is easy for him to go and hang out with it's not a pressure you're not going back to the start of when you're dating someone it's like you've just fallen back into something I think that's dangerous for you to go back to if he doesn't want a future so yeah so I'd be having that convo as for your friends you don't need to tell them every single thing. If you think you're going to get shamed by them or it's going to make it harder, I'd be working it out in your own head first before you go to them. But if there is one that you can talk to about it, I would say that. And if they come to you and say, I wouldn't

Starting point is 00:45:04 do that, be like, cool, that's not helping. Like, I just need you to listen and be there for me as a friend. I think that that's a really tricky one though, in terms of like with your friends, because our friends do, I mean, they, they want to, they want the best for us, right? Like they really do. And if you're in a situation now where you're having to lie to them because you're so afraid of the judgment and you're afraid of their opinions around your relationship I think that that's a pretty precarious place to be and I would want to have a conversation with him exactly like you said Britt like why are you here why are we doing this because if it is just sex how are you going to feel if he you find out or he tells you that he's dating and has sex with someone else

Starting point is 00:45:41 because it's all fine now where everything is like you're like I'm still dating I'm still doing things but have you had the conversation about him is he still dating also it's worse laws than that one up on that is like how are you going to feel if you said you're dating other people he probably is too but how are you going to feel when he says hey i can't see you anymore because i'm in a relationship yeah like you were just the filler until he found what he was looking for so i i really think you need to get clear and like is is it a fact that you actually want to be back together if you're like no i do not want to be with him absolutely don't i have no feelings romantic feelings for him anymore and you can be that clear with yourself then i would say okay

Starting point is 00:46:15 it's not so much a slippery slope sometimes it's easy just to have that person and you both are in agreeance i'm not going to say it's always a negative and a bad thing but if you're like asking the question if it's a slippery slope if you're saying oh never say never i think you would be deeply hurt if you found out that he was simultaneously having sex with someone else i think it would affect you more than you think it would and i just don't i personally don't think it is worth taking the risk so i would say put some distance and put some boundaries in place have a genuine conversation with him about around like why did you reappear and what is this and if he says oh i just you know i missed you and i was wanted to see you and i was lonely like that to me

Starting point is 00:46:53 is not quite enough because that puts you in a situation where you could be obliterated again and then your friends have to be there to pick up the pieces and it sucks i remember you'll remember this laura but i remember so jordan and i had been broken up for a year and same thing right we were on like donkey kong you know talking about houses and whatever else and then it was over and I was heartbroken for a year. That's not news to anybody. And after pretty much a year, he had popped back into my life exactly like this and wanted to meet up again.

Starting point is 00:47:24 And now I knew, he was like, hey, let's catch up, you know, like I'm back. And I knew that it would end up in sex and probably hooking up. But he didn't want a relationship. Well, he hadn't said that. Yeah. But that was implied. Like I wasn't expecting him to want a relationship.

Starting point is 00:47:38 I knew what it would be. He was still living on the other side of the world doing what he was doing and I knew that it was going to, we were going to say, let's catch up as friends. We probably would have hooked up. Maybe it would have turned into like a summer. I don't know what it was, but that was the intention. And I remember saying to you and a few people like, Hey, I'm going to catch up with him. And everyone was like, that's a bad idea. But I was convincing myself that it would be a great idea. I was like, yeah, like I'm over it, whatever. Like it'll just be fun. And there's someone from my past. And anyway, a week I didn't, but we were still

Starting point is 00:48:08 planning on it but a week later I met Ben and I can guarantee you if I had have gone back to Jordan a week or two earlier I wouldn't have had any interest in Ben even though I was still looking for someone and it's not because it's Ben but I guess my point of what I'm saying is you a hundred percent will close off other opportunities if you go back and revisit whether you say it or not like you just do because if Ben had popped up in my life I would have been like oh I'm busy anyway with like I'm putting my focus over here for now and and I would have missed that opportunity and I would have missed the love of my actual life by revisiting something that I probably shouldn't have and I'm not saying you shouldn't revisit it but I just want to double down you said it in your

Starting point is 00:48:47 question I worry that I'm not going to put as much effort in outside of it you won't I want to ask you one question that Brit what do you think of the friend judgment in this situation though because I think it I think there's a level to it I think that there is a level which comes from it comes from like a deep concern for your friend and not wanting to see them hurt again. But then I also think that as a friend, like I'm talking about her, you know, her friends, you do have to have a, there is a place where it's like, well, it's not my life. If you want to do this, of course, I love you. I think it's a terrible idea, but it is not my life. And, and I don't think that you can guilt your friends into not seeing their ex-boyfriends. I don't think that you can shame

Starting point is 00:49:25 them for it. I think that there has to be some level of like understanding as to why these feelings are super complex yeah it's really hard because I have friends that when I have these conversations with I'm far more harsh with but that's because they've been in a cycle for 10 years yeah like it's the same thing I'm frustrated with them because I'm like you just don't realize how much you're stopping yourself from having happiness and you deserve happiness like those friends I'm a bit more like this has to end like I can't be okay with you doing this again because I've seen what it's done to you and it's not me frustrated at them but I'm harsher in my delivery because I'm like you deserve the world and you need to get outside of this box so you can see it

Starting point is 00:50:03 yeah I agree but with something like this like so I think it's I think you have to really know your friends in a situation with something like this your friends and if you're a friend in this situation you definitely need to put your friend first they're going through something huge they've been broken up for a year it was the love of their life it's not clean cut it's not a matter of like you're a loser for going back there like that's on you especially if this friend is the only single one in her group yeah is going home alone every night like I've been there it's lonely sometimes you I guys remember the headline Britney goes and pays for massages so she can be touched sometimes you're you feel lonely and you want some affection and you'll get it any way you can get it

Starting point is 00:50:41 yeah and I mean on the flip side to that in my experiences like I've lost friends because I went back to an ex because my friends were like you know I can't believe you're doing that he's so bad for you and and you also villainize your part like when you go through a breakup and someone treats you really badly you villainize them to your friends because you know you need your friends to hate them as much as you hate them and so like it's this awful cycle that gets created i don't know i think that in this situation there needs to be a little bit more grace but i absolutely and i just want to say i know that you think that you have all these boundaries in place and you're going to be fine why take the risk unless it's for something that's important if it's just the

Starting point is 00:51:19 hangs and bangs get them elsewhere yeah anywhere yeah absolutely all right guys well that is it If you have any Ask Uncut, slide on into the DMs at Life Uncut Podcast. You can join the discussion in our discussion group on Facebook, which is where all the juicy stuff goes down. YouTube, go and watch it, please. Hit subscribe, leave a comment, send it to a friend. And you know the drill. Tell your mum, dad, dog, friends you share the love because we love love.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - My BF Is Secretly Writing A Book And I’m The Villain

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.