Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - My Boyfriend Drank Another Woman's Breast Milk

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

Hey Lifers,Welcome back to your weekly therapy session where we unpack your deep, burning questions! Vibes for the week:Keeshia: (follow up from last week is that if you already pay for Spotify, you can listen to a bunch of audiobooks for free!)Plus the podcast Modern Wisdom with Matthew Hussey - Why Is Love So Hard To Find In The Modern World Laura: One Day on Netflix Then we get into your questions! My husband and I have two kids. I would happily have another but he doesn't want another. I've become comfortable with this being our family unit. As such, I have broached the conversation of him having a vasectomy because I don't feel as though I should be responsible for contraception given that he is the one who has made this decision. He has completely taken the idea of a vasectomy off the table and said that he will not have one. Although I feel he should have bodily autonomy, I think it is an unfair expectation that he won't have one when I have already given birth to our two children. I was house/pet sitting while the owners were away on holidays. I just discovered an indoor camera in the kitchen / living area - after having a very hot sex with my partner pretty much right in front of it! I have also been walking around naked or just undies when it’s hot. I did ask the owners about cameras/security before agreeing to the house sit and they only informed me about a front door security camera. What do I do now?? Do I ask them about it or should I just ignore it and pray that the camera wasn’t recording, nobody saw anything and they don’t have first class porn stored somewhere on their cloud? Do you think sexual chemistry can grow? I met up with a guy from Hinge, had a great chat, lots of laughs and things in common but couldn’t picture myself kissing him. I usually rely on it from the get go but I’m trying to date guys I wouldn’t usually initially pick since the guys that I do feel instant chemistry with haven’t worked out. My boyfriend just told me that when he was at his best friend's house the other night he lost track of the odds and had to drink his bestie's baby mama's breast milk. We don’t have kids yet and I always thought mine would be the only breast milk he tried. Idk how to feel about it. I'm kinda grossed out and feel upset that he tried another woman's breast milk but don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. He also thinks it’s fine cos it’s the same as drinking female cow milk. Vote to keep Britt in the jungle! VOTE HERE You can watch us on Youtube If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. Hi, Producer Keisha, filling in for Brit while she's in the African jungle. I do want to say something. We were talking about it the other week and then we kind of forgot about it.

You call yourself Producer Keisha. There's someone in our reviews, like when you go onto Apple Podcasts and you go into like the deep reviews, sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. You take the good with the bad, you know? While we're here, it'd be really nice if you left a nice one. Yeah, guys, it's just been me and Keisha for so long. Jump on, let us know what you're thinking.

We would love, even if you left a review in the past, if you've been enjoying the episodes please go review it updates but we had one recently and I really appreciated it because I also appreciate how much the lifers have your back Keish like they love you and we love you and one of the comments was this is getting disrespectful like why are we still calling her producer Keisha surely she is just Keisha by now also they spelled Keisha wrong which you know what I was like I don't blame I don't blame anyone for that because my name is spelled in such a stupid way like what the fuck were my parents thinking I will blame them for that until the day I die there's an eye where it shouldn't be but I do want to make it

clear I'm not holding a gun to your head you can say whatever you want right now if you hate it I will stop if you just want to be kishia I will do that for you yeah of all of the like all of the versions of what I could be called I find it particularly descriptive and I mean it started And to be fair, I am the producer of this podcast or I'm one of the producers of this podcast and it doesn't bother me. When you say you're, who else is the producer? Video producer. We have video producer.

Sorry. In terms of like executive producer, that's you. Maybe I can start saying, hey guys, it's executive producer. And then you'll start receiving reviews that you're a wanker. So I mean, which one's better? No, I don't have a problem with it. It's my overarching thing. and before I worked in podcasting I worked in radio and I was called much much much worse

like what I think one of the worst ones I ever got was like Keisha just sounds like the girl that you want to shut up at the group dinner table oh that's really mean I mean it's probably fair sometimes we do have that friend though everyone has that friend you're like ask me a question now yeah don't worry I'm medicated now oh dear okay guys this is a very important episode because as of Wednesday night, so we're recording this Wednesday morning, but as of Wednesday night in the jungle, one celebrity is going home per episode. So it's like we're at the crunch time. It matters now. You need to be voting every single day. If you haven't yet, if you've been thinking about it, but you're like, Oh, I'll just do it later on because you know, now's the

time sign up to 10 play, put in your 10 votes, Brittany Hockley, queen of the jungle. We need to keep it there for as long as possible, but it's going to go really fast now. Cause I think there's only like maybe two weeks left or two and a half weeks left of the whole jungle experience and those celebrities are going to get yeeted out so fast if one's going home at night. I want to be very vocal about how proud I was of Brit for the ice bath challenge. I mean, not actually an ice bath challenge. It was some tub that was really cold. It was essentially a prolonged ice bath. She did so well. So, so, so well. But I've really been encouraging Brit to do ice baths with me. She's done two with me right now. And I think that that's the reason

I'm going to take the credit for the fact that she did a really good job. Genuinely, if you saw it, then you would know. And if you didn't, I was so incredibly proud of her. It was just a big vat of water, full of ice, full of cold water, and had to be in it for a minimum of 12 minutes. But at the same time, they had to be unlocking stars because she had a chain all around her way. She had chains around her feet and on those chains were stars.

And also she had a set of keys, like janitor, what do they call it? Like janitor keys. I mean anyone who's done an ice bath knows like the first thing that goes is your extremities your toes your fingers like it's so hard to use them and do anything that requires any level of dexterity a normal ice bath for someone I mean it ranges because of the temperature but you're not recommended to do them for much more than five minutes like three minutes is kind of the norm for if you're used to it so 12 minutes in that was that's really really really long yeah and also the difference is is normally you just sit in it it's up to your chest like it was deeper than her

height so she had to be treading water the whole time she also had to go under the water in order to unlock them but she unlocked all of her stars and then Candice Warner who was really at that time she was really struggling with the challenge then went and unlocked her stars as well so she was such a good team player but also just they fucking smashed it they unlocked 12 stars between the two of them all of them I couldn't have been more proud of her it was like it was like a proud mom moment I was on the edge of my seat yelling at the tv Matt was like that's me when I watch football. But honestly, I was so, so, so stoked for her. So please go and vote. Like I said, this is our obligatory. Every single episode we will remind you, but yeah, we would appreciate

it so much. Reviews and vote. That's our call out for today. Can I also just say, so Candice Warner has a condition called Raynard syndrome. I have a couple of friends that have this and essentially it's just really, really poor circulation, particularly in your fingers and your toes. And one of my best friends has this and I was like, how do you treat it? Like, what do you do? is it medicine like blood thinners maybe who knows and she said she's like the only recommendation that your doctor will give you and online is stay warm stay warm wear mittens what keep your feet covered but also like what an amazing person that she put herself in a situation that she knew was going to be incredibly hard for because you can opt if you have a medical reason as to why you

don't want to do one of the challenges you can write down and opt out of those challenges but they knew yeah he brought it up that they passed like she disclosed that to them before she went into the jungle i'm like that was cruel you're putting the person with reynards in an ice bath challenge but also like what a testament to her and her like want to be involved and her resilience like the fact that she was like you know what i'm not going to rule myself out of anything and i'm going to do my best no matter what the situation is and she stayed in that for 12 minutes as well. The both of them between them were incredible. So yes, go vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote. Also, I just wanted to say something off the back of that episode on Tuesday, because

if you listen to Tuesday's episode, you would know we unpacked something that was a little bit more controversial for us. And I don't want to get into the whole thing again, but there was a feminist conference that happened with the Inspired Unemployed and it was surrounding Clementine Ford, Antoinette Latouffe and Yumi Steins. Now the conversation off the back of was all around accountability culture online. And we, Keisha and I really, we had a few phone calls before that chat because we really were like, look, is this the right thing? Because as soon as you talk about accountability and you talk about call out culture and you talk about the viciousness of the online world, often that can come back and it can be directed at you. You can

literally be aiming the gun back at yourself. And we thought about it a lot and really kind of collected our opinions on it and I just wanted to say firstly if you haven't listened to it I really recommend the episode I really enjoyed it myself I enjoyed unpacking it but also the responses that we have received from it have been so incredible from you guys and we're so so grateful for the community that we have and also to be able to have potentially a slightly different conversation around accountability culture and call out culture online and and how that has its positives but also can have its negatives as well very much so we've appreciated so much the enormous amount of dms we've had off the back of that do you want to get into vibes and

unsubscribes yes I need to do a follow-up on my vibe last week essentially I vibed Trevor Noah in general last week and which was it's a weird shout to vibe an entire human but like I was here for it I still haven't googled who he is so I can't tell you that I was like deeply do it now I want to see if you know his face I think you will but uh I said that I was going to read his book and we got some messages I've seen him on Instagram yeah okay well they said hey instead of reading his book, you should listen to it because his voice is so beautiful. It's available for free on Spotify if you have a premium account. Okay, now I feel very, very behind with this. I don't know if this is the type of thing that everyone knows and I just didn't. So I pay for

Spotify. There is a whole section of audio books for free if you already pay for Spotify. And there are some really, really good books on there. Mark Manson, Trevor Noah's book is on there. Stephen Bartlett's book is on there there are heaps and heaps and heaps of them on there so I've cancelled my Audible subscribes sorry if Audible is ever a sponsor again I would pay for both

so I've got this whole catalogue of books to listen to I don't know if everyone knows this and I'm just in the bus behind but if you didn't there you go, if you already pay for Spotify it's already available for you wait, is your recommendation Trevor Noah twice in a row? no, that was just a follow up

because I wanted everyone to know that if they are already paying for spotify they can get that access to that so my actual vibe for the week is a podcast the podcast is called modern wisdom and it's by a guy named chris williamson i actually know this he was originally on the first season of love island which is a very i guess stereotypically a very big contrast to the type of content that he does because he does mindful content similar to mark manson kind of essence he did an episode with matthew hussey who has joined the podcast before. We love Matthew Hussey. Yeah, he's wonderful. And Matthew Hussey is, I'd say, probably the number one or most known dating coach worldwide. They both have 1.7 million

Instagram followers. So this was a collaboration of the two of them. It's called Why Is Love So Hard To Find In The Modern World? Because so many men are assholes, I could tell you. I dated them all. What I really like about it is that Matthew was very self-reflective of struggles of his own dating life he also spoke about how it's quite difficult when you're perceived as being this dating guru to go and date because people assume you're not gonna fuck up and he's like I had so many problems like it's a different thing to give advice and help people understand relationships to what it is to actually live them he was really open about his vulnerabilities so yeah I think it would be good for anyone who's feeling really exhausted from dating and it it was the type of

episode that might make you look at where you're going wrong within yourself okay i have a recommendation now i don't know if this is a hot take or i'm a little bit behind the eight ball and if i am i apologize but if you're someone who's been on netflix recently and you've seen this show and you thought maybe i will maybe i won't give it a go i am the person who had for so long been thinking no that won't be for me and then i watched it and i saw the first episode and I was like, not that hooked yet. And then I watched the entire series in one single night. That is like seven hours of TV if anyone wants to go back and really check it through. So it's called One Day. Netflix has been punching it quite a bit. It's often in the recommendation

list, but it's based on the book by David Nichols. So the book itself has been around for a while and I had read the book a really long time ago and it is beautiful and tragic. And I guess I just didn't think that the series would do the book justice. And so I'd been giving it a bit of a wide berth. Now, just to give you an understanding of how it's so consumable and why you'll just keep on watching like show after show after show is because the episodes themselves only go from 19 minutes to about 29, 30 minutes. Like they're really short little episodes. And so it's really easy to kind of just like get to the cliffhanger of the next one and then want to know what happens. But a really brief overview, because I don't want to give anything away, but it has

Leo Woodle, who is the, he was like the hot bad guy from the second White Lotus. So he's like the young, really hot English guy that starts dating the younger anyway. And he's like part of the group of gay men. Do you remember this? I don't know if I'm describing him well, but he is beautiful in this. And then his co-star is MB Kamod. And basically between them, they meet at university and then it spans their friendship of 20 years. But it's this push and pull of a love story of like are they ever going to get together and it is just a really really beautiful insight into relationships by the end of it could not stop thinking about it it is so so well done it is such a beautiful story you will all need therapy when you finish it but I think if you're into

something that's a little bit sugary and easy to consume I so deeply recommend it and this is coming from someone who was avoiding it like the plague it's such a beautiful watch so it is my recommendation, go and watch Seven Hours of One Day this weekend. Let's get into the questions. Now, this is a question that came in, which I'm just going to summarize it because it goes into a little bit too much detail that I think is not necessary, but I do think it's a very important question. All right. So me and my beautiful husband of 10 years have two incredible children. I love them wholeheartedly and I love my little family. I, however, would consider having another child if the opportunity presented itself. My husband is completely against having another

baby. This sounds very familiar to me. My husband is completely against having another baby and so I guess I have come to the resolution that this is what our family unit will be. As such, I have broached the conversation with him around having a vasectomy because I don't feel as though I should be responsible for birth control now that he is the one making the decision that he doesn't want have any more children. He has completely taken the idea of vasectomy off the table and says he will not have one. And I think that although he should have body autonomy, I think it is an unfair expectation that he won't do it when I have already given birth to our two children. What are your thoughts on this? I actually think this extends beyond the vasectomy conversation. And for me,

it broaches into the whole onus of contraception. And it's something that I get a little bit fired up about and it's I mean I've got skin in this game I've got PCOS which is a hormonal condition and so I have found myself leaning away from hormonal contraceptive pull-out methods not very effective let me tell you that two times baby sorry for the too much information into my own life but we've resulted in using condoms because I right now don't want to be on a hormonal contraceptive yeah and I just get really frustrated by the expectation that the onus of contraception seems to always fall on women so whether that's IUD whether it's you know a copper one or whether it's a hormonal one whether it's the contraceptive pill there are other options

I'm not as familiar with them whereas in your particular circumstance you're quite open to having another child and he's the one who has decided that he doesn't want to have any more children and yet he doesn't want to change anything about his own body. And I'm not trying to take away from the fact that a vasectomy is a surgical procedure. The procedure is actually very simple. It's a 15 minute procedure that happens under anesthetic and researchers show that there are no adverse effects long term. The doctors who do them do about 20 a day. And I don't want to downplay that because I know it's a big decision to have something surgically changed within your body. If I was to compare that to what I think women go through, particularly in terms of

contraception or in terms of childbirth, as you've done twice. It's non-comparable. It's just not. I also think, I think men need to talk about vasectomies more. Like I know so many men who have had vasectomies. Some of them have been voluntarily. I mean, actually they've all been no one's been held down. I'm going to snip you. They've all been voluntarily and consensually, but I mean, some of the dads, some of the husbands were like, I'm going to go and get a vasectomy because I don't want to be in a situation of us having an unplanned pregnancy. And some of them were at the request of their partners who said, well, if this is where we're at, please go and have a vasectomy. And Matt and I have spoken about it a lot because I have a lot of similarities in

this question because we have two children. I would like to have another one. Matt doesn't. We've spoken about that on the podcast. That's not news, but he won't go and get a vasectomy yet. And so he's acknowledged that his not wanting to go and get a vasectomy yet means the door isn't shut. He's not saying I'm not going to get a vasectomy, but don't get pregnant. He's not putting that on me. He's like, I'm not getting one because like, I'm just not sure. Like he's not completely sure. I guess I assumed in your situation, the woman who's written in that your husband is expecting you to take care of contraception and you haven't specifically said that. So sorry if that's not the case. I think it's just a societal thing that I feel exists in

most relationships. I would say once you're in a committed relationship, majority of contraception falls on the female. I would say that, and this is anecdotal, I don't have like, I've not gone around and surveyed individual couples, but I would say you using condoms within your committed relationship, Keisha, is probably more the minority. I would say most people have got a marina, they're on birth control or whatever that looks like. I think it's so interesting because you guys might remember quite a while ago, there was a male contraceptive pill that was being tested and it was going to go to market. So it was a hormonal pill that men could take that would reduce their sperm count for a period of time. It actually reduced their sperm motility,

which was very interesting because a lot of men were like, I don't want to feel like less of a man. I don't want to feel less of an ejaculation. And the scientists were like, you will not feel a difference. It's just that your sperm will not swim fast enough. Well, they did this big study that was across multiple countries, had multiple male participants. But the reason why that pill doesn't exist. So this was 2012, I think, at the time. The reason why that pill doesn't exist is because too many men were dropping out of the trial studies on the basis of side effects. Now, I'd love to read to you some of the side effects that were experienced by men. The most common side effect was acne. And sometimes that acne was pretty severe. Some men also developed mood

swings. And in some cases, those mood swings got pretty bad. One man developed severe depression. One thing that they did also note is that every single one of the side effects that were experienced by men who dropped out of the study are also experienced by women who go on to hormonal birth control. And so the big question is, is why do men have the luxury of opting out of the consideration of birth control? And we don't. And then it's because it affects our body. We're the ones who have to carry a child. We're the ones who are dealing with the consequences of what happens if birth control doesn't work. That's the reality of it. It is our issue to deal with, even though it shouldn't just be ours. I guess the place I get stuck on this is, you know, we preach body

autonomy. We talk about how it's your body, you need to be all consenting. But I do feel that there is a gray area when it comes to vasectomies. And the reason why I say that is because I think, well, if your partner is refusing to get a vasectomy, that is okay. They are allowed to completely have body autonomy, but they need to wear a condom every time you have sex. I think then the responsibility of birth control falls on them. And you might go, oh, I don't like, you know, I don't really want to use condoms. Condoms are great these days. Like they are so much better than the condoms that I was using back in my twenties in terms of like how much you notice them. But I guess at the end of the day, it's like, if you don't want to take

responsibility for it and he's the one who's putting down the benchmark of how many children you are or aren't having, then it has to be something that he takes responsibility for in some way. And I can understand why you feel frustrated that he's not coming to the table. And I guess the way in which you could approach this is understanding why, asking him why he doesn't want to have a vasectomy. Because, you know, if I hadn't spoken to Matt and really understood the why, I would be angry as well. I'd be like, you've said no kids and that's off the table.

Why won't you do this? Do you feel comfortable sharing his reasons? Yeah, it's because he hasn't closed the door. Okay, right. So his reasons weren't, it's not around like, I don't want to feel less of a man. I don't want anyone to tamper with my body, blah, blah, blah. His reasons were, I know I say I don't want to have another kid, but then when I think about the idea of that option being completely off the table he's like something in me feels weird

by that something in me feels as though maybe we need to keep the door ajar just in case and I appreciate that you know because I think that the conversation is forever on the table for us and we're still evolving as our kids get older and as our workloads change etc etc and I think that there's still a place of understanding and conversation for us it doesn't sound like that exists for this couple necessarily so I think it's really important to understand the why and also maybe to get your partner to go and speak to a doctor or speak to someone about it so at least they've explored what that looks like because he's assuming he knows everything there is to know about it he's assuming he knows how it's going to impact him what you know long-term impacts it's

going to have maybe he thinks it's going to change his his like manliness or I think it's important for him to have a deep understanding of what that looks like to then make an informed decision so that you guys can both feel comfortable about it but I do think it's a tricky one because I don't think you can tell him he has to have a vasectomy, but I think it's wrong of him to completely rule it out without exploring it when he's the one who's setting such severe boundaries within the relationship. And I do think there has been a lot of misinformation around vasectomies for quite some time. And I wonder how much of that is kind of used as an excuse rather than how people actually feel. But I also, I don't know, I don't know if I'm being a little bit too hectic about

this. A part of me feels frustrated that you are the one who has to like tell him to go and seek the information because we are always expected to seek information about our own contraceptive options totally you know what in a heterosexual relationship very few men have a thorough understanding of female contraception and i just i get a little bit frustrated that the onus again seems to be on you suggesting that he go and research vasectomies or you know like they should be doing this shit themselves like if they've made the decision that they don't want to have any more children be proactive about it find out what your options are so that you have a lifestyle that you choose you know like I just I get a little bit annoyed by that and I know that

it exists for so many women and also vasectomies are reversible well I don't think I would use that as a benchmark though because it's not reversible for everyone and there can be complications so I think if you're having a vasectomy you're having it because your intention is is that no more kids yeah you've come to a place of complete resolution yeah I actually do know a couple who he has children from a previous relationship he had a vasectomy they've decided that they do want to have a child and instead of them reversing the vasectomy they're using an IVF procedure that can withdraw sperm in a different way it's really interesting so again it's not always closed doors I understand that you know there are concerns about quality and whatnot

I think it's a little bit selfish yeah I do think that if you're in a relationship with someone they've chosen not to have any more children they have the opportunity to take some responsibility for contraception especially when you as a woman have provided them with two children you have birthed two children you have grown two children your body has made so many sacrifices for your relationship you have up until the point of having kids controlled the birth control aspect then you got pregnant did everything that you had to do birthed out two kids maybe breastfed them if you could or couldn't like you know your body's done the work you've done everything they just have to go into a doctor and have a 15 minute procedure on their lunch break like I know that

we we need to respect body autonomy but come the fuck on so I do part of me think I agree with her but I think approach it with a bit more empathy because you'll get a better outcome and try and get him to go and seek out a bit more understanding around what it actually requires question number two I don't know how to answer this one and I think that this one's more subjective than what it is having a black and white clear cut answer. Sometimes I house sit and look after people's animals in their homes when they go away on holidays. I'm at a house right now and I just discovered that there is an indoor camera in the kitchen slash living area after having a very hot sex session with my partner pretty much right in front of it. This sounds like an accidentally

unfiltered. I have also been walking around completely butt ass naked or just in my undies when it's hot. I did ask the owners about cameras and security before agreeing to house sit and they only informed me about one at the front door. What do I do now? Do I ask them about it or should I just ignore it and pray that camera wasn't recording or that nobody saw anything and they don't have first class porn stored somewhere on their iCloud? Do not ever acknowledge it. I feel so awkward for you but also good for you first class porn. You're confident in your abilities I do slightly question and not in a shameful way but you're bold to be having sex in someone else's kitchen in their kitchen I don't think that okay or who's in the wrong here

firstly they're in the wrong for not telling you about the indoor camera yeah although that kind of accidentally happened at Brit's house when Mitch stayed there because he chose to get down and dirty on her lounge which was unexpected and she has a camera there for when Delilah's home yeah and that i would say that wasn't brit's fault like no it should not have been fucking on brit's couch like he should not have been wedging his boyfriend between those cushions that should not have happened can i tell you how that came out because i think this girl will enjoy this story i was on the phone to mitch and he was telling me about this hot interaction and he's like oh you know what happened on the lounge and i went mitch did you turn the dog camera off

and immediately i just had a facetime and he was like what the fuck are you talking about and i was like there's a camera there for the dog i know exactly where it's like could not be pointing more at the couch could not be more in this situation it wasn't turned on the power wasn't on so he wasn't secretly filmed but yeah like viscerally awkward and so uncomfortable for you i don't like the fact that they lied about it what would i do in this situation i would do two things first i would check if it's the type of camera that has a memory card in it because then i would take the memory card out and i would clear the fuck out delete delete secondly i would not bring it up because i think if they don't know and you alert them of it although it's weird

and wrong i think human nature like curiosity that killed the cat could come into play here and they would maybe more inclined to look at it. Oh yeah. I feel two things. Firstly, I think it is an invasion of your privacy. And I just want to get that out of the way because I don't want to like brush over that. But if you have agreed to house sit someone's house and you've asked specifically about cameras and they have not been forthcoming with it, that is a gross invasion of your privacy. And I wouldn't be house sitting their house again. And I can understand why you want to bring it up with them almost in a way that would feel accusatory. Like, have you been watching me in your, anyway, I just think it's pretty gross. But secondly to that, I think we

could also play devil's advocate. There's a very good chance that it's not turned on. They don't use it. Like we had a Google cam, like a dog cam in our house. It was just set up. It was never plugged in. It was never actually never even, it was plugged in. We never were organized enough to download the software to actually set it up. So that's a very real possibility as well. And I think you could probably go and look at it and figure out, can you see from a Google cam, whether where it's got a light on or anything i have no idea see i never turned it on i don't know okay but like let's get that part of it aside because you all know the seriousness of invading someone's privacy but now you're in a situation where you just simply don't know if they do or

don't have footage firstly i would say it's a big shout to be fucking in someone's kitchen who you're house sitting like if i had someone house sitting my house i would be surprised to find out that they had like gone for it on all hard surfaces i would be like okay cool like didn't really think that that would be happening but you know please use some windex and some some spray and wine do they have the right to tell you how you're allowed to live inside their house though if they're paying you yeah i think that there needs to be it's you're employed if you're being employed to dog sit you're not being employed to have sex in their house like i would say that that's kind of and maybe i'm being too much of a prude with this but i don't think that you can

treat their house as though it's completely your house if you're being paid to dogs if you're doing it out of the generosity of your own home and also because you have a bit of an away kink and go for gold but I do also think like you are an employee of that person if they're paying you so potentially not cool but I would go down the route that you have suggested Keisha do not bring more attention to something that could just fly under the radar because the reality is they're not sitting on their laptop 24 7 watching that google cam they're simply not they're probably only watching that Google cam for when something has gone wrong. You know, we have Google cams at Tony May. I have never ever, and we can see our staff, we can see customers coming and going.

I have never logged in and watched anyone ever except for one time. And that was because, well, some staffs were doing some very naughty things. And so I was able to log in and go, okay, the story I'm getting doesn't match up to what's happening. And I was able to see the footage, but that was a very isolated incident. I would think that most people are not using Google cam just as a day-to-day surveillance maybe that is naive to say that but I I would think people have better things to do with their time yeah the only other part I want to add to this is that let's say you didn't know these people uh personally and you were employed through like a an external website or app you know that you can get people to come and dog sit or house it I would probably

contact the company and just let them know that they had lied about having cameras in the house because it actually really fucked and I don't want to dismiss how problematic that is to lie to someone who's going to be in your home about the fact that they've got an indoor camera because of the exact – like this is not just about having sex. Like I've dog sat for my family and for my friends and I have walked from the shower to whatever room I want completely naked because that's what I wanted to do at the time

and that didn't feel inappropriate or uncomfortable and if I had found out after the fact that they had a camera I would have felt very violated but I do think that there is a big difference between having a camera in a kitchen which probably is an entry point to the house versus having a camera in a bedroom you know I feel very different about the location of the camera I think it depends on where the bathroom is yes totally but I would say that by the sounds of things the place in where the camera has been set up is not because they're trying to catch you out for doing the wrong thing it's a security one and so maybe when they said oh there's just one near the front door maybe that is near the front door maybe that is the one they were talking about maybe you interpreted front

door is like at the front door but in their mind they're like no that just captures people coming and going from the front of the house I don't know I'm deeply playing devil's advocate here but I would say what good is going to come from having that conversation with them directly apart from pointing them to the footage that you don't want them to see that's the only outcome that's going to happen. So I would say nothing and never ever take care of Fido again and just fucking leave and have hot sex in your own house. Alrighty, question number three. Do you think sexual chemistry can grow? I met up with a guy from Hinge, had a great chat, lots of laughs and things in common, but couldn't picture myself kissing him. I usually rely on it from the get

go, but I'm trying to date guys I wouldn't usually initially pick since the guys that I do feel instant chemistry with haven't worked out? Relatable. Yeah, I look, yes, I think chemistry can grow, especially if you know you're the problem. If you know you have like you're attracted to naughty, naughty boys that treat you badly, then yes, I think explore the possibility of dating someone else. But I think that there has to be a time frame of pushing a thing up a hill that doesn't exist. Because if there's no chemistry at all and you don't want to have any sort of intimacy with them, that is a friend. That is not a potential sexual partner. Do you know what I mean? You never want to be in a situation where you're forcing yourself to be

intimate with someone in the hope that intimacy will grow. But I do think it's very, very important to be self-aware as to whether you are the problem and you are prioritizing chemistry way too much over a more comfortable, safe, deeper, more meaningful connection with someone. And I know that I have definitely been the person in the past that would only ever prioritise chemistry. And that did not get me very far. It got me cheated on. So you had to go on a show and abstain from anything sexual for three months. You know, it's funny. I was actually talking about this with a friend on the weekend and we ended up speaking about Esther Perel's book, very famous book, Mating in Captivity.

and what I took away from that book was that we can't expect this lust and this mystery and this deep deep chemistry of like that desire in the same person that we expect stability reliability and comfortability with and for most people I think they try to find a place on the scale between those two extremes where they feel comfortable see I think that that more pertains to long-term relationships. Because I think it is very possible to have really deep chemistry with someone who does end up being a great person that provides you with all those things. But I think it's very dangerous to only care about chemistry. That's where I had gone wrong in the past. So I think I, without knowing it and without actually

really examining my own behavior, I had chased that lust and that mystery to such an extreme that it left me in a position where I kept on wondering like why does this not work out with anyone you know like why can't I find these good qualities in the same person that I have this deep chemistry for and for me I kind of saw it a little bit more black and white I needed to realize what I was going to prioritize more was I in a phase of my life where I wanted a great relationship that had comfortability had reliability or was I in a phase where I wanted this lustrous mystery and I kind of dated accordingly and I ended up in a really good relationship. So I think there is an amount of self-awareness, like you said, Lois, where you may need to examine what you're used to

might be very far on the end of that scale. And perhaps you need to kind of pull back your expectations of what chemistry looks like for you. But I do think be careful because I think sometimes, you know, you can read all the self-help books, you can hear, okay, don't prioritize chemistry, prioritize a really good guy and then, you know, build a relationship off that, but you can overcorrect. And there has to be some sort of something, like I'm talking something that goes beyond just the nice feelings of a friendship in order to build a sexual chemistry and sexual relationship with that person. I don't think that you can spark that match from nothing just because you want to. Yeah, that's very true. It's a very hard thing

to force. And another kind of light bulb moment that I had when I was, you know, really diving deep, I'm sorry to be talking about myself, but I think it will be quite relatable from what you've said because I felt very similar I learned about different types of attraction and I know that most people will be aware of most of these but for me a real light bulb went off when I learned the difference between physical romantic and sexual attraction so physical being like you want to be touched by the person emotional being you you know like the way that they think you like their personality romantic attraction is a type of attraction where people desire a romantic relationship with someone. And different to that is sexual attraction. So that's your desire to

have sex with them. So many times for me, I was dating guys that I could, I thought were really good people. So emotional attraction, yes. Physical attraction, I liked being touched by them. I liked them holding my hand. I could also acknowledge that they were physically, objectively attractive people. I thought they would be awesome in a relationship, but for some reason, I just didn't want to have sex with them and I was so confused I was like why like all of the boxes are being ticked I like being touched I like you know you're like they're not being mean enough to me it may well have been that but I realized that I didn't have that sexual attraction for them and figuring out those different categories made it a lot easier for me to identify and you're

exactly right laws you can't force it if you do not have any sexual attraction for them at all forcing yourself into that situation is probably just going to make you feel a bit resentful and get the ick but I do I mean it's okay to give a little bit of a chance for that to grow I think you might not feel it on the first date you might go on a second date and you're like oh my god they're amazing like let's just see go on a third date and I would hope that you do it slowly in a way so that you are able to be perceptive over whether you're feeling attracted to them or not because if you go on a third date and then you feel that there's this expectation to sleep with them because you've done like a three date rule like you know you don't want to be in a situation

where you feels uncomfortable and it doesn't feel great to kind of build that intimacy but I think it is a good idea especially when you know that you have been attracted to the wrong things in the past and you're trying to rewrite a pattern because you're saying like I do this pattern things in my relationships I've read the self-help books and I want to rewrite a pattern and I'm being I'm acknowledging that this is an issue for me give these opportunities give these people that you're dating who are great people who you don't feel that like oh for a chance and maybe that's three dates, maybe that's, you know, a couple of weeks of investing time and energy and see if it grows. But if it hasn't, then that's okay. That just wasn't the person because I do think it's

important to acknowledge that you can have an element of both. You're not supposed to completely sacrifice chemistry and sexual attraction for a stable relationship. And if you've ever heard that that's the case, you've been lied to. You can have both of those things, but they just live on different scales. And I think it's dangerous when you only prioritize chemistry because chemistry sometimes can be so strong so undeniable that it leaves you thinking how can this not possibly work how can we not possibly be meant to be together and the issue with that is that you end up lowering your standards because they'll do something that is wrong that normally you would walk away from but because the chemistry is there you go I'll give it another chance and then slowly

that erodes your sense of self-worth so I think you're going into this relationship with your blinkers not on and so it's a really safe and great place to be yeah I think for me chemistry poisoned me like chemistry made me blind to so much bad behavior exactly like you said of I just kept thinking oh but it's so good we're meant to be when it's really really like the highs are so high how can this not be something that I'm supposed to be in and that was me craving dopamine and chasing dopamine so I yeah I very much agree with every single thing that you've said I think it could be good for you to try and look at this as a whole picture and not just focus on the chemistry like do also try and think about the other things you like do you like holding their

hand do you like do you like other elements of physical touch and just work out what it is from this person that you're not feeling this really intense desire you said you have you couldn't picture yourself kissing him which is a bit concerning that's very concerning maybe just you know what maybe just kiss him and see if you like it I feel like that's not putting too much of yourself you know locking lips with someone on the big scale not that large I kissed so many people I didn't want to it's fine so many frogs so many fucking frogs might surprise you you might kiss him and be like that was better than what I thought and if you kiss him and it's not you know you've got no sexual attraction there this question is so weird and I love it all right

My boyfriend just told me that when he was at his best friend's house the other night, he lost a game. And part of that was that he had to drink his bestie's baby mama's breast milk. We don't have kids yet. So he had to drink his best friend's partner's breast milk. We don't have kids yet. And I always thought mine would be the only breast milk that he would try. I don't know how I feel about all this. I'm kind of grossed out and feel upset that he tried another woman's breast milk.

but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. He also thinks it's fine because it's just the same thing as drinking female cow milk. No, it's not. No, it's not. This is a betrayal. It's not the same as your full cream cappuccino. Guys, this is a betrayal I never thought we would unpack on the podcast

but here we are and I'm glad we are. I'm a little curious. Firstly, I don't think you're overreacting but I'm curious as to why you care this much. Do you care because it's weird, which I think is fair, or do you care because you're jealous, which I do not think is fair? I don't know. I think that it is okay.

Maybe I'm going to be in the minority on this and that's okay. I haven't experienced it. You've got more skin in this game. But I just don't think it's that weird. I think we make a lot of it. I think we make a very big deal about breast milk being that it's weird, that, you know, oh, you want to try it? Oh, look, it came out of you.

guys it's fucking weird that someone one day walked into a paddock and decided to milk a cow that's weird like that we milk goats that we eat chicken eggs like all of that is weird i guess for me there is zero sexual connotation to breastfeeding and to breast milk so i don't get the jealousy factor of it and i guess kind of like i think maybe it's because breast milk has some stigma and it is something that's very otherly unless you've produced it yourself i don't know i don't feel anything about it if matt wanted to try it he's tried it if matt's friend wanted to try my breast milk i'd be like here try if you wanted to try my breast milk do you want to try my breast milk no but i guess i think it is weird and maybe i'm in a mind like i said maybe i'm in a minority

there might be other mums listening to this who are like laura you're cooked and you are on your own but i think it is weirder to you because you haven't been around it yet you haven't maybe produced it you haven't had a baby and so like in your mind this is this thing that you're going to share with your partner but like having your partner try your breast milk isn't really a super special moment might be for some people it certainly wasn't for me I guess it depends on how they try it did he get it from the source maybe that's why she's jealous that would be a very understandable reason to be jealous but if he's just having a nip out of the fridge fine weird but fine i think it's very unusual i think breast milk is a very personalized thing

i know that we sexualize it because it comes from women's boobs i get that there's probably levels of feminism here that i'm defying but it's strange and i just to me it was a game and i guess he kind of had to do it as a you know he lost a bet yeah but i also don't think it's the same as drinking cow milk so I understand the shades of gray in this where you feel uncomfortable I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable because you're jealous of the fact that it was another woman well it's the line here for me that I guess I'm kind of like look it's happened and I feel like you guys just have to move past it and you have to get over it but when you say we don't have kids yet and I always thought mine would be the only breast milk he tried to me that comes

from a place of jealousy that comes from a place of feeling as though you've missed out on something that you thought you were supposed to share with your partner which oh yeah part of me understands that part of me is like okay like I understand you know everyone has different things that they think that they will be the only one to experience with their partner so maybe you feel like that's a missed opportunity which you can explain to him why you feel like maybe a little bit of the you know the milestones that no matter how weird they might be to some people the milestones that often couples share when you have a baby one of them is for some guys they're like let me try and see what that tastes like or partners say let me try let's see what that tastes like so I understand

that that might be the thing that's making you feel uncomfortable but at the same time I guess like it is also kind of cool in some ways that your partner is so not grossed out by breast milk because it would be nice if as a society we were able to see it as like something that is a little bit more normal and not quite so like ill and foreign and people got so weirded out by it I guess that's kind of the way I'm approaching this how would I feel if Matt went to a party and drank someone else's breast milk for me it's probably more a case that the fact that this was a repercussion of losing a bet makes it really juvenile it makes it really childish and I would have the ick that my partner who I don't have kids with yet but like was so childish when he

was hanging out with his mates that that's like that's a punishment for losing something I'd be like you fucking grow the fuck up that's how I don't demonize them that much because I think it's just it's in society drinking someone else's breast milk is perceived as something that you don't want to do so like i i don't know i don't feel as strongly about the punishment being it's not it's not that it's no no i don't mean that i more mean that like this is what he's doing on his boys nights that they're like doing dumb games and then drinking each other's breast milk at the end of it it's like are you 19 in which case for sure like live a life a little bit more but is this a 35 year old man who's going to his mate's house and drinking breast milk as a punishment

Like that to me is like it's weird that that's where their sense of humour is at, I guess. That's probably the thing that would trigger me more so. If Matt came home and he was like, hey, honey, I drank Josh's wife's breast milk on Saturday because I lost a bet, my question would be why? Like who are you? Grow up.

I feel less mature. Keisha's like, I'll do it. No, I would not want to drink the breast milk. That's why I would be so incentivized to do whatever it was to not lose the game. And I get that there are layers to this and that, you know, the sexualization of it and all that jazz. I understand why you think it's a bit strange. She also didn't know that he was going to be drinking the breast milk.

There are moments in relationships that you feel you are going to be the only person to share that with your partner. But to that, I would say, is this the hill you want to die on? Because you're going to have a baby with him. That's going to be really monumental. the breast milk part is not that big a deal it really isn't and I think ultimately you don't have a lot of choices here he's done it he told you about it he didn't think it was a problem hence why he came and was so open and that's a testament to your relationship you can be annoyed

and frustrated but the only thing that you're able to do now is to express to him ha ha pun is express to him that it's made you feel something you didn't expect to feel and you feel a bit upset that that's what happened and then move past it because you don't have any other choices you're not going to break up with him because on a dumb boy's night he drank some other woman's breast milk maybe you will but I think that that would be a disappointing end to a relationship if that was the benchmark if that's where you draw your line but you know everyone's different so I think that you just unfortunately have to kind of move past it and explain to him that you're not okay with it and so then if he does it again then that's a whole other question

that's a whole other conversation about him not respecting your boundaries or him not respecting the things that make you feel a certain way guys what would you do i want to know i don't even know if we can poll this but i would love to know how this would make you feel if your husband if your grown-ass husband came home was like drinks here is breast milk on saturday lost a bit like what would you feel in your soul maybe you'll have to switch to like nut milk alternatives at home how do you milk a nut? They ain't got titties. Get rid of the cow milk in your house. All right, guys. Well, look, that is it from us. If you have a question for Ask Uncut, please slide into the DMs. Also, I just want to give you guys a reminder. Yesterday's episode

with Diana Nyad, it was so great. It's a short listen. It's only 40 minutes, but it was honestly one of my favorite interviews. And I know that I'm biased because I was talking about how much I wanted to get her on the podcast, but she is just incredible. And I think we can often fear aging so much and we fear the limitations that aging can impose on us. And she contradicts every single one of those limitations. She's in her seventies now, but she was 64 when she swam from Cuba to Florida. The chat's amazing. And we covered so much, we covered so much of her life in such a short period of time. And I think anyone who listens to it will leave that interview feeling inspired and I mean it might also leave you feeling as though you're questioning what

are you doing with your life but really it'll leave you feeling inspired and empowered to do more. I completely agree with you. You can join us on Instagram at Life Uncut Podcast. We've got the Facebook discussion group which I spend an unhealthy amount of time in. It's called Life Uncut Discussion Group. All the links will be in our show notes and you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love! We'll be right back.